- OK. Let's do some business.
- Welcome to Washington, Harry.
Ed. I hate this town.
You know my sister's kid, JJ?
- Pleasure to see you...
- Don't give him a speech!
Talk to me. You set up the hotel?
Everything is in order. Here's some
stuff by that reporter I told you about.
Are you still going to make me
do that interview?
Look over this New Republic article
he wrote on the EEC.
He's not some do-gooder
with an axe to grind on my neck, is he?
You don't want a pushover, Harry.
If Paul gives you the thumbs-up,
it's a big deal in this town.
Think he knows anything?
God, no! That's why it's good for you
to meet him up front.
It shows you have nothing to hide.
Uncle Harry.
Jesus Christ! Hey!
- Billie!
- What?
When a door opens on a plane,
you get out!
Move it!
They've arrived.
Welcome to the Willard, Mr Brock.
I hope you had a pleasant journey.
Here he is. Remember, treat him nicely,
don't try to con him. Just be yourself.
- Paul! Good to see you again.
- Hello, Ed. How are you?
No more hardnosed
investigative stuff, huh?
Your man doesn't have
a problem with that, does he?
No! You're just
interviewing businessmen now.
You know what they say, Ed.
The business of America is business.
Harry Brock, this is Paul Verrall.
The writer. I know. I liked that thing
you did for the New Republic on the EEC.
Well...
Thank you.
The suite is newly remodelled,
the marble is Italian
and this wonderful glass
comes from the South of France.
We're specially proud
of these atria,
which give this suite
a lovely, open quality.
- I hope Mrs Brock is satisfied?
- She's not Mrs Brock.
- That's fine.
- You bet it's fine.
There's only one Mrs Brock
and she's my mother. And she's dead.
I'm sorry...
Listen. Anybody that works in this room,
tell them to do it good,
do it fast, nobody gets hurt.
I don't like a lot of people around,
and I don't like waiting.
Of course, Mr Brock.
- Like to save my life?
- With soda or plain water?
- Plain.
- Coming right up.
- Paul, would you like a drink?
- I'm fine, Ed, thanks.
- If there's anything I can do...
- There is.
Go into Billie's room and see
she gets everything she wants.
She asks for somethin', I'm asking.
What about those white flowers?
The gardenias? All taken care of.
Did you get that other stuff?
Diet cream soda, the bean dip,
tweezers and cucumber masks?
- All taken care of.
- All right. JJ! Handle him.
Chauncy! Over here.
Billie!
What?
- Well?
- What?
- Not bad, huh?
- Not bad.
Not bad? You know
what this is costing me a night?
$6,500, you already told me.
- So?
- So, I don't like new towns.
You have to learn
all new channels.
It took me almost a minute
to find my soap!
So, what's this gonna be, pal?
A plug or a pan?
I like to know these things. Then I know
how to talk if I know your angle.
No angle. Just the facts.
A pan. Listen, I gotta do my stairs
and stuff. Are you OK with that?
Sure.
Good! JJ, get a barber up here
for when I get back.
Grab my sweats, we're outta here.
I'm talking to you cos Ed told me to.
I pay him a couple of hundred grand
a year for advice.
I'd be a fool not to take it.
Excuse me, mind if I...?
Anyway, go ahead.
Give me your best shot.
How much money have you got?
- What am I, an accountant?
- You don't know?
Not exactly.
Fifty million?
Honest to God, I don't know.
- Ten million?
- Maybe.
- One million?
- More!
- How much more?
- How much you got?
I've saved a little.
You don't save money, bud,
you make it!
This is the worst time of day, after the
soaps but before Entertainment Tonight.
I have some papers
for you to sign.
What happened to all that stuff
I signed yesterday?
The back page of each set.
By the Xs.
It seems like I signed
about 10,000 of these.
That's what you get for being
a multiple corporate officer!
Is that what I am?
No wonder I'm having so much fun.
Is it true you spent 400 million
on your new complex?
Brock Village.
Finest thing ever built.
2,000 condos, 175 shops...
...and two-count 'em-two
golf courses. My masterpiece.
- Did you have to take on a lot of debt?
- You gotta spend it to make it, pal.
Not too vigorous, honey.
I get 'em done every day.
Just buff 'em up real nice.
How's the interview going?
Oh, great!
I found out he has parents.
I still don't know
why he came to Washington.
Just a little tax business.
I didn't believe him either.
So far, I've been nice to you.
What are you pumping me for?
That's a reporter's work, Mr Brock.
Who, what, when, where, how...
...and why.
- Sounds like a law firm to me.
- You know how much I hate lawyers.
- I can vouch for that!
Are you ever afraid
that you're gonna lose all this?
Never. I want it all too much.
What about things that are
beyond your control, like... fate?
You show me a businessman
believes in fate,
I'll show you the first businessman
who ever went broke.
I started with a wagon,
selling somebody's junk.
And I got here in a silk suit,
talking to a college know-it-all like you.
If I lose it,
I'll meet you right back here in this room,
in a new silk suit.
Why would you lose it all, Mr Brock?
Hey, wait a minute!
Where do you think
you're going with that?
- My room.
- Put it back.
- I just wanted...
- Put it back.
We have a party to go to.
I don't see why I can't...
Because I say you can't, that's why!
Put it back!
Do what I'm tellin' you!
What'll you take to cut his throat,
barber?
Harry, don't get so upset...
Don't tell me what to do.
You don't have to be so formal
around me, Harry!
- Relax, be yourself.
- Excuse me.
Uncle Harry, we gotta be
at the Duffees' at seven o'clock.
Is that Alex Duffee,
the Secretary of the Navy?
- JJ, would you get my briefcase?
- Sure, Ed.
Sorry about the blow-up.
Short fuse.
But I like talking to you.
You make me laugh.
Finally, a purpose in life.
- How about you working for me?
- Harry, I don't think...
Did I ask you?
- Let the man answer.
- What would I do?
What do you care?
We'll find something for you.
I don't think so, Mr Brock.
Thanks for the offer.
- See you around, pal.
- Sure.
Not a bad guy for an egghead.
Send him a gift, a pen or something.
You pissed at me?
No.
You don't look right.
Want an aspirin?
No, Harry, I'm fine.
Considering I've been dead for 12 years,
I feel great.
Now with your abdominals
contracted, buttocks tight,
you're going to be lifting the leg,
starting with the contraction.
Here you go. And... contract.
And lift it. CP, OK?
CL, contract and lift.
Contract and lift...
Hey!
- Tomorrow, we meet the lobbyists.
- I want congressmen... Billie!
What?
Hurry up. We're going down.
Meet you in the car.
JJ'll wait.
I can't just phone Congress...
I leveraged my ass
to build Brock Village.
If that base closes, I'm looking at
four million square feet of squat
and I'm signing Chapter Eleven papers.
Relax. That's the beauty of putting
the companies in Billie's name.
They can't be taken to settle any debts.
Technically, they're not your companies.
If I lose Brock Village, what's to say
I can't lose everything else?
This is your fault! I want names.
- Tomorrow, I've got lunch scheduled...
- Tonight, tonight!
Tonight, you'll see Senator Hedges,
head of Appropriations.
He's behind in his fundraising
and his race is very tight.
- That's what I wanna hear.
- But Harry...!
He's not a construction foreman.
The machinations required...
Don't Harvard talk me. I didn't make
my money by being an idiot.
Where the hell's Billie?
Calm yourself, I'm here.
- Does she look OK to you?
- What's the matter with how I look?
- That's what I wanna know.
- What do you know?
You open beer cans with your teeth!
- You look beautiful, Billie.
- Thank you, Ed.
Are you sure?
I don't wanna start off on no left foot.
- I'm sure, I'm sure.
- That's OK. That's beautiful!
JJ, you stay here.
- Good evening, Alex!
- Hi, Ed. How are you?
- May I introduce my friend...
- Harry Brock, nice to meet you.
And Miss Billie Dawn.
What a beautiful name!
This is my wife, Beatrice.
Hello, how are you?
Charmed!
Hi, nice to meet you.
Hello, Bea.
Senator Dorn and his wife Lilly...
Senator, Harry Brock,
pleasure to meet you. Hi.
And Senator and Mrs Hedges.
Senator, good to see you.
Billie, this is Senator Hedges.
Yeah, that's what he said.
- What brings you to town?
- Sightseeing, taking it easy.
Oh, that'll be the day!
I'm a little dry.
Care to join me for a drink?
Excuse us, ladies. Alex.
- It's so screwed up I can't do...
- Mr Brock! Good to see you again.
What a coincidence, hey, Sherlock?
- How's it going?
- I'm off duty. My meter ain't running.
- Billie's here from Chicago.
- Really?
I got my doctorate from
the University of Chicago.
I just interviewed your mayor.
I have a radio show.
What are you planning to see
while you're here?
I don't really know.
Since I've never been here before,
I don't know what there is to see.
What kinds of things are you interested in?
- Maybe something with the Kennedys.
- You could go to the Kennedy Center.
No, I'd like to see their house, go
on one of them tours, like Graceland.
You learn a lot about a person
when you see their home.
Did you know
that Elvis had over 40 TVs?
I mean, when I saw that,
I knew that Elvis must have been
a really lonely man.
They say it on the tour,
about the 40 TVs,
like it was a big thing,
like you should be jealous of Elvis.
But it just made me really sad.
Everybody in the world
worshipped Elvis,
and it was like he couldn't be
in a room alone. You know?
- I mean, that's sad, don't you think?
- Well...
Kennedy lived in the White House.
Oh, yeah, well, that would be great
if I could see right in there.
If you do decide to take a tour,
my husband can help.
- He's the Under-Secretary of Commerce.
- Is that like a receptionist?
Isn't a receptionist
under a secretary?
Well, he certainly feels that way
sometimes!
I think I need to freshen this up.
Is everyone else all right?
I could use another one.
- What about you, Billie?
- No, thank you.
Something I said was wrong, wasn't it?
It's no big deal.
Mind if I ask you something?
Sure.
Is there something wrong
with my earrings or something,
because everybody
keeps staring at 'em.
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe they're a little... big.
I thought big
was the whole idea with jewels.
You don't need to wear jewels.
You're pretty enough.
Oh, sweet talk.
It's my favourite!
That's what the IMF is for!
No, this is NATO's responsibility.
NATO's not a factor any more.
The UN is the answer.
If there's trouble,
and there's going to be trouble,
UN troops should jump in and keep peace,
so those markets can grow.
It's incredible!
She's got boyfriends...
And what d'you think, Miss Dawn?
What is our responsibility
now that the Eastern Bloc has collapsed?
I don't know.
How many people were hurt?
What do you mean?
When the block collapsed, were people
hurt or was it just property damaged?
We're talking about
the Eastern Bloc in Europe.
I don't think we should worry about them.
We got enough problems
with our own streets
before we start fixing the ones in Europe.
Geeks!
- What?
- I said they're geeks!
- Who the hell are you to say?
- Billie Dawn, that's who.
Nobody asked ya, so shut up!
Pardon me if I'm taking up
too much space on your planet!
- Hello, JJ.
- Hey, Ed.
- Harry, could we go over a few things?
- Take her upstairs.
Take me upstairs.
So, you having fun?
No. Are you?
No. Seems like
we've been gone a month already.
Tell me about it!
Billie is a liability. She doesn't know
what people are talking about.
People don't talk to Billie
to know things.
She makes them forget about
all the crap in the world.
Every time she opens her mouth,
she says something stupid.
That's going to make her stand out
in Washington!
People were laughing at her.
- Oh... They were?
- Yeah.
Well, they got to know her like I do.
There's no reason for her to be here.
How about she owns more of me
than I do? One of your bright ideas!
It is a good idea.
Luckily, she doesn't know about it.
Any papers she needs to sign,
I can send to her at home.
No! No! OK?
There's another reason.
I'm crazy about her, OK?
I'm crazy when she's not around.
I know what you mean
about those people being geeks.
They sure know
how to be stuffy, don't they?
I know you weren't so hot
to come on this trip, so...
Thanks, Harry.
Yeah.
Harry?
You know how when somebody dies,
it's OK to feel sad,
but then at other times, when you're
supposed to be happy and you feel sad,
it's worse than the times when
you're allowed to be sad?
What the hell are you talking about?
Never mind.
Hey! I know where there's this club.
Let's go show these geeks
how to dance!
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Now?
Come out here on the floor
Let's rock some more
Come out here on the floor
Honey, let's rock some more, yeah!
Now when you get out here
Don't you have no fear
Put your hands on your hip
And let your backbone slip
And work out!
Ohh, my momma, move up
Party move back
Shuffle to the left
Wobble to the right
Now it's plain to see
You put a hurtin' on me
But it's a natural fact
I like it like that
So work out!
Yeah, baby work out!
Baby, work out!
Shout and turn the joint out!
Work out, work out
Work all night long...
Hello?
Billie Dawn, please.
This is Billie.
Marvellous! Cynthia Schreiber here.
We met last night at Duffees' sock- hop?
And I do a show for NPR. You know NPR?
They're the gun people, right?
During fundraising, they are! But usually
they're just National Public Radio.
Anyway...
I'd like you to be on my show.
- Me, on the radio? Are you kidding?
- Of course not. I know this is last- minute,
but my little dream
is that you'd come at around eleven.
Well... I mean, I don't know nothing
about Washington, or nothing.
I don't know if Harry would like that.
- You could promote what he's doing in DC.
- I could tell about Brock Village?
Absolutely.
OK.
Great!
- Yeah?
- Mr Devery, it's JJ.
Harry, it's for you.
- Brock.
- Hello, Uncle Harry?
It's JJ. Get a radio. Billie's on!
- She's on 89.3
- Why? What'd she do?
She's being interviewed.
Holy Christ!
Turn the radio on, 89.3.
Now, you are here as the companion
of multi- millionaire Harry Brock.
How did you two meet?
- In Las Vegas. I was in a show.
- So, you dance and sing?
Yeah, I wasn't only in the chorus,
I was a thespian.
I had lines. Five, to be exact.
Do you wanna hear them?
No!
- Abs... yes. Of course.
- OK, here goes.
Yes, I am.
He was here, but he's not here now.
Oh, just a friend.
I never drink with men I don't know.
Beat it, buster!
I coulda been a star
if I woulda stuck with it.
But Harry didn't like me being in shows.
He likes to go to bed early.
Does Mr Brock do a lot of business
in Las Vegas?
What business?
He came to gamble and meet girls!
He doesn't do that any more.
Now, he just works.
And works and works.
What is Mr Brock doing in Washington?
Is he a strong party man?
Is he! He can throw down a drink
faster than you can unzip your pants.
Boy, can he dance!
We won a limbo contest.
And we got a medal.
She remembered the medal!
You wanna see it?
Yes.
OK. See?
And... looks like first prize.
It has been said
that the love of wealth
is at the heart of all Americans.
Do you think that's true?
- I don't know. Who said it?
- Tocqueville.
He wrote Democracy In America,
possibly one of the most perceptive books
ever written about our system.
It's a book?
No wonder I never heard of it.
In future, I think it would be best to
limit Billie's exposure to the media,
given her limited understanding of...
well, everything.
Couldn't we do something?
Smarten her up a bit?
She didn't know how to play gin rummy
till I taught her.
Now she beats my brains out.
Isn't there some kinda school?
A long time would pass
before school had an impact on Billie.
I think we should send her back.
All she needs is someone to pound
some smarts into her, one on one.
I got an idea.
The four most terrifying words
in the English language.
- Ed tells me you teach at Georgetown.
- That's right.
How much you make?
- What am I, an accountant?
I love this guy!
Listen, Paulie, the reason I ask...
I got this friend.
Maybe you've seen her - Billie?
Billie. Right.
She's a nice kid,
but she's a little on the stupid side.
Not her fault. I found her in Vegas
and for Vegas, she's smart enough.
But Washington?
I'm just scared
she's going to be unhappy.
She's not used to these kind of people.
I figure maybe you could help her.
And me. You know what I mean?
No, I don't.
Show her the ropes, the low-down,
explain to her what goes on.
Really mean a lot to me.
I'd give you 200 bucks a day.
I'm sorry, Harry,
but that's not what I do.
No. You see, money isn't the issue.
- I told you, Harry.
- Shut up!
- OK, I'll do it.
- You see?
As soon as he said money wasn't
the issue, I had him. I love this guy!
You know, Billie, we're in the big time
now. This ain't Chicago.
You're telling me!
You gotta be very careful
of everything you do.
You understand my meaning?
Yeah.
Gin.
Twenty-eight.
Twenty-ei...?
Twenty-eight!
This old man, he played two
He played knick- knack on my shoe
With a knick- knack paddywhack
Give a dog a bone
This old man came rolling home
Do you mind?
No.
Gin.
See?
Thirty-four.
Thirty-four?
Thirty-four! Three, four!
So, anyway, I met a guy.
He's got a lotta time on his hands.
Since he knows this city pretty good,
it might be nice for you
to have someone to do things with.
- What's going on?
- Nothin'!
It's just... he's a smart guy.
It wouldn't hurt you
to learn... some things.
Since when have you been interested
in my brain?
Since you started exposing it
on the radio!
What did I do? I was trying to help you.
Honey, it's not your fault.
People don't know you like I do.
You just...
You could use a little education
yourself, if you ask me.
- Who asked ya?
- Nobody.
So shut up.
Hold on a second. That will be...
225 dollars and ten cents.
- I gotta get the door.
- You always make me pay.
Ten cents.
- Sore loser!
- I'll get it.
- Now, you be nice to him.
- That's him at the door?
I don't want some stuffy old tutor!
- Be nice to him or I'll crack you one.
- It's a free country.
That's what you think!
This is Paul Verrall.
Very pleased to have you here.
I got some business to take care of,
so why don't you two
go someplace nice and talk?
- You wouldn't mind, would you?
- No way, I would love to.
Thanks.
So, what are you?
Some kind of gigolo?
No, I just...
- Well, Harry wants me to...
- He wants you to smarten me up?
No, I'm sure you're...
I think he just wants me to...
Smarten me up.
Yeah.
So, what's he paying you?
Five hundred bucks a day.
Sucker.
You coulda gotten twice that.
He's got a lot of it, you know.
I'd have done it for nothing.
Even if I am stupid,
it hasn't hurt me none.
- What do you mean?
- I've got everything that I want.
I got lots of jewels, big like I like.
Mink coat.
A TV that fits in my purse.
I want something, I ask for it.
If he don't give me what I want,
I don't give him what he wants.
If you get my drift?
And you're happy with this setup?
So long as I know how to get what I want,
that's all I want to know.
Makes sense.
So long as you know
what it is you want.
Exactly.
What?
Well, I mean, if you don't know a lot,
how do you know that a mink coat
is the best thing to have?
Because I used to have
a rabbit coat.
I love this song.
Let's dance.
Oh, I don't... I can't dance.
I can.
Harry and me won a medal once.
Well, this isn't a dancing place.
It is if you're dancing. Come on.
We'll start with the ABC of it
Then we'll roll down
to the XYZ of it
Relax.
Help me solve the mystery of it...
OK, so, we should make a list
of things you would like to do and...
...and, er...
And if a shooting star rolls by
I'll use that star to write "I love you"
A thousand times, across the sky
One thing isn't very clear, my love
Should the teacher
stand so near, my love?
Graduation's almost here, my love
Oh, yeah, yeah, teach me tonight
Maybe I could teach you something.
... a blackboard high above you
And if an astronaut zooms by
I'll reach and grab him real fast
Then write "I love you"...
Well, OK...
Good night, Miss Dawn.
And... thanks! That was fun.
Aren't you gonna
escort me to my room?
- Yeah... Sure, of course.
- You can call me Billie.
Billie.
It's funny, you don't look like a Billie.
No?
Do I look like an Emma?
- Emma?
- Yeah. That's my real name.
I took Billie for Vegas.
No. You don't look like...
I mean, you don't look like an Emma either!
What do I look like?
To me?
Yeah, to you.
Like an angel.
Sweet talk, again!
Well...
OK! Good night, Billie.
Paul, are you a talker or would you
be interested in a little action?
- Excuse me?
- I got the hots for you right off.
Well... do you get many?
Now and then.
- What do you do about them?
- Stick around and you'll find out!
What about...?
Don't worry about him.
He's too busy being a big man.
This isn't what I expected!
We're just teaching each other
what we know.
Yes, well, about that...
Just read these papers and circle
anything you don't understand.
I don't know about that.
My eyes are kind of weak.
Really?
Well, maybe you oughta try some glasses.
And look like a geek?
I'm sorry.
Th-that's OK.
Course, they're not so bad on men.
No?
How're you guys making out?
Oh, fine.
Paul just... taught me a little French!
Is that right, pal? What's the matter?
Was she rude to you?
She's got a mouth on her.
Yes, I know that!
Well, I'm gonna say good night.
Good night!
Wait a minute, buddy.
What's the matter with you?
Where's your manners?
Say thank you to the guy.
Oh... yeah.
Au revoir.
Good night, Billie.
Night.
That guy could do you a lotta good.
I agree.
How'd you know it was me?
Lucky guess.
- Hi. Are you having lunch?
- Just a cappuccino, thanks.
This is ridiculous. It looks like
the paper has the chicken pox.
It would have been easier if you'd told me
to circle things I knew.
I'm never gonna be able
to talk to anybody in this town.
I brought something along
that may help you.
Somebody who's really smart
and looks just like me?
You want to be able to talk to people
in this town?
In Washington, everybody says
exactly the same things at every party.
You just have to know
the right responses.
If you learn these eight sentences,
you'll be a hit at every party.
- You're kidding me!
- Nope.
Those eight sentences cover just about
everything anybody talks about.
It's the Washington art
of sounding like you know what you're
talking about when you don't know zip.
- Go ahead. Read the first.
- OK.
"Here's what I'd like to know; who
elected the Washington Post president?"
That one applies
about 80 per cent of the time.
Number two. "We can't be
the policemen of the world,
but until we get another cop on the
block, we have to support our friends."
That one comes up a lot.
Number three.
"Being a superpower has a price."
Use that with number two
and number four. Read number four.
"It's still a dangerous world."
I'm just gonna say these things
and I'm gonna be a hit?
Yeah, but you have to say them
at the right time.
Read number five.
"That's about as likely
as a Democrat being elected president."
That one shows
you have a sense of humour.
That was funny?
Number six.
"It makes you wonder if a par...
parli..."
Parliamentary.
"...system isn't better."
Yeah, the whole thing makes me wonder!
Number seven.
"I don't think Abe Lincoln himself
would know what to do about that."
You say that one
when you don't know what to say.
Oh, good! Then I'll just say that one.
Number eight is when you're trapped
and you want to shut someone up.
"If only the UN would take out the
Verner Amendment to Resolution 165,
we'd have the power
to do what needs to be done."
I don't understand one word of that.
No-one will.
There is no Verner Amendment.
But the only time anyone in Washington
admits they don't know something
is when they're being indicted.
But how am I going to know
when to say which one?
We'll work out a code. OK?
Try not to talk to anyone. This guy's
only been working on you for a day.
She can talk to anybody, Harry,
and make you proud.
It's working backwards!
Instead of making her smart,
she's making you stupid.
Good evening.
The Middle East is a money drain!
Lt'll always be the same.
We ought to spend that money at home.
So just ignore the region?
Miss Dawn, is there a chance
for peace in the Middle East?
The chances are as good as getting
a Democrat back in the White House.
After all the problems
the President's had recently,
he doesn't have much clout anyway.
It makes you wonder
if a parliamentary system isn't better.
But I think we should keep a strong
presence over there, don't you?
Well, here's what I have to say.
Who elected the Washington Post
king of the universe?
- Excuse me.
- I'm sorry, what did you say?
Do you think we should keep
an active presence over there?
Forgive me! I thought you said...
Anyway, active presence, yeah...
Well...
I know we can't be
the policemen of the world,
but until we get another cop, we have
an obligation to support our friends.
After all,
being a superpower has its price.
She's right.
It's still a dangerous world.
But what about the Palestinians?
- Yes, what about the Palestinians?
- Yeah, what about the Palestinians?
I don't think even Abe Lincoln himself
could solve that one.
- But let's say you're president.
- Yeah, let's say you was president.
What would you do?
It's simple. If the UN would remove the
Verner Amendment from Resolution 165,
we'd have the authority
to do what needs to be done.
Can I get anyone anything?
I'd love a drink.
Excuse us.
Isn't she terrific?
Hell, I'm knocked out.
- She's right about the Verner Amendment.
- Absolutely.
Is it the economy of the state
that worries you, Harry, or your own?
Both. If I go under,
I take a lot of people with me.
Harry, I'm getting tired.
I got business.
Do me a favour, pal, take her home?
With pleasure.
You did a helluva job.
No kiddin', pal. A helluva job.
Senator, we cannot do a thing until
the UN removes the Verner Amendment.
- Yeah, 165!
- Without question.
You were great!
Everybody loved you.
What's the matter?
Don't you think you were great?
Oh, yeah, we really tricked 'em,
didn't we?
What do you mean?
If you saw a good ventriloquist, who
would you compliment? The dummy?
You're not a dummy.
Harry's right.
You're the one who did it.
I still don't know anything,
only now nobody can tell.
But Paul, there was one time,
right in the middle,
when I was saying something
and everybody was looking at me,
like I knew what I was talking about!
And I liked it so much!
Did you teach me to cheat
cos you think I can't learn?
Oh, God, Billie, no!
I... I just didn't think
you were so serious about it.
I'm kind of surprised myself.
I've been thinking a lot
about something my dad used to say.
"Without knowledge,
you are less than everybody."
And I don't want to be less.
I don't want be better than anybody
neither,
and I don't want to go above myself.
I just want...
I want to not be less.
Well, I'm afraid
it's too late for that.
Cos you're already
more than most people.
Well, here we are.
See you tomorrow?
So, how are we gonna smarten me up?
Well, we aren't gonna do it.
You're gonna do it.
It's your battle.
It's up to you.
Good night.
G'night.
What are you reading?
Democracy In America by...
...Pocahontas.
Yeah, she's good.
What's anachronistic?
Dictionary.
It's a dictionary?
No, look it up... in the dictionary.
Jeez, that's a book?
It's bigger than my first apartment.
Billie, what are you doing?
I don't like this!
I don't like this at all!
Every word in there, I don't understand!
I had to go to the dictionary
so many times,
people must have thought I was foreign!
This whole thing is making me
feel dumber, not smarter!
I've been reading this for a week
and I'm on page 13!
Well, that's not so bad.
Not if the book's 14 pages, it's not!
It's not supposed to go fast,
it's supposed to make you think.
Yeah, it makes you think how great
it would be to sit around and watch TV!
I don't want to do this any more. I quit!
Billie! Wait a minute.
Being smart isn't just about books.
It's about asking questions.
It's about finding out
why things are the way they are.
Don't stop reading.
But you picked
a kind of a big book to begin with.
How about starting with
something a little smaller?
Like what? A fortune cookie?
- This just came for you.
- Thanks.
Did you say
I've got a lot to learn?
But don't think
I'm trying not to learn
Since this is
a perfect spot to learn
Come on, teach me tonight
Starting with the ABC of it
Right down to the XYZ of it
Help me solve
the mystery of it, yeah
I wanna be taught tonight
The cold sky's a blackboard
High above me
If a shooting star goes by
I'll use that star
To write "I love you"
A thousand times across the sky...
Hi.
Still trying to read this book?
What?
... Come on, teach me tonight
My baby, baby, baby, yeah
Come on, teach me tonight, yeah
I want to learn
Teach me, hey
Teach me
Teach me, teach me, teach me...
Hello, JJ.
Billie called me. Is she here?
Yeah, she is.
- You want to let her know I'm here?
- Yeah.
I don't see the problem.
There are competing
economic considerations...
Boys, don't jerk me around.
If you're gonna help me out,
I need to know and I need to know now.
Harry's blunt about it,
but a lot is riding on this.
He's the principal employer in the area.
- Sorry, I was looking for Billie.
- She's not...
Senator Hedges, hi! Paul Verrall.
I interviewed you.
- I loved what you did.
- Thanks.
Here she is. I think you two
would be more comfortable...
Billie,
would you make this poor man a drink?
Nice to see you again, Paul.
Nice to see you, gentlemen.
Good to see you again.
- Harry.
- Hey, kid.
- What did he mean, he interviewed you?
- He's a reporter.
He's doing a puff piece on Harry.
Not now he's seen him
alone in a room with all of us.
Thanks for coming so quick.
- Quickly.
- Quickly.
Billie, Harry's got six senators in there.
So? He's had 'em before.
Senators don't usually make house calls.
Harry gets people to do things
they don't usually do.
Want to know the trick I came up with
to remember the amendments
to the Constitution?
- Billie?
- What?
You've worked really hard
to make yourself smart.
But?
A smart person
knows who she's living with.
Gentlemen, I really don't want you
to worry about this...
That's beautiful.
OK.
I think you'll enjoy David Copperfield.
Anything by Dickens is wonderful.
What is this crap?
It's Haydn, Op. 111.
- It's a classical piece, Harry.
- Classic piece of shit if you ask me.
I like it.
It's good before bed.
So, the Fifth Amendment
to the Constitution
says that you can't testify
against yourself.
How would that even work?
It seems physically impossible.
- You're teaching her about the Fifth?
- Well, the Constitution. I thought...
It's not your job to think.
Get her to think.
- Harry!
- It's OK, Billie.
First of all, she knows how to think.
And second, she...
I need her so she can talk at parties,
not pass some ancient history test.
You think the Constitution
is ancient history?
- Work on her, not me.
- No extra charge.
I don't need nothing you could tell me.
- There's a lot he could tell you.
- I'll bet!
Who's Tom Paine, for instance?
What do I care? If he's not buying
from me, why should I care?
You're so smart,
who's Dave Righetti?
Left-handed pitcher for the Giants,
pitched a no-hitter for the Yanks in '83.
So what are you, some kind of genius?
- No.
- I fire geniuses every day.
- Clearly.
- The more I see you, the less I like you.
Is that the way you talk
to your senator friends, too, Harry?
I'm gonna tell you this once.
Don't push your luck.
Stay out of my business.
Keep your eye on
what I pay you to keep it on,
or I'll tear it out of your head.
I got to go, Billie.
Just remember, four-eyes.
Any time I want,
I can knock your block off.
See you later, Billie.
Bye.
- Ed said not to forget these.
- That guy's starting to bug me.
Here, doll, sign these papers.
What exactly are you doing
in Washington, Harry?
Telling you to sign those papers,
and you're going to sign them.
I don't want to do anything
that's against the law.
I am the law.
It seems to me by signing these,
it makes me some kind of a partner.
A silent partner.
- So?
- So shut up!
You know what your problem is, Harry?
You're not just rude, you're...
...flagrant about it.
You've been reading de Tocqueville.
Well, yeah!
After we talked on your show,
I figured it was pretty bad that
I hadn't read such an important book.
So I read it.
What was your favourite part?
Well, I'm not sure it's a book
where you can have a favourite part.
Yes, you can. I did.
I liked when he said,
"What is not yet done is only what
we have not yet attempted to do."
It made me feel good.
So, what part did you like?
- May I be honest?
- Yeah.
I haven't read it.
But you said it was the one book
on democracy worth reading.
That's what everybody says.
That's all anybody knows
about de Tocqueville. Except you.
Well, it's not so bad
once you stop falling asleep.
Hi! I couldn't wait
to see how it went.
So, she's stupid.
Well, all I mean is,
I didn't feel stupid myself.
She hadn't never read the book.
- You're kidding!
- No.
People always pretend
to be smarter than they are.
I don't.
I know, Billie.
You're an honest one.
When I just said, "She hadn't
never read it," that wasn't right.
It was a double negative but...
Come on! You told me you'd tell me
when I made a mistake.
A person who reads de Tocqueville should
know not to do no double negatives.
Yes, ma'am!
Smells good in here, doesn't it?
If I'd known art smelled this good,
I would have come a long time ago!
God, it's so small but it's like
it's bigger than the whole room.
Van Gogh painted this
near the end of his life.
What a shame that he was never
recognised while he was still living.
Don't you think?
My mother died
when I was little and...
...my dad raised me and my brothers.
And he loved us so much, but...
I never knew a world like that.
Why didn't you ever kiss me again?
Well, it's complicated.
What's complicated? Either you kiss me
or you don't, and you didn't.
Billie, I'm working for Harry.
And I'm writing a story about him,
and you're living with him.
Then why did you kiss me the first time?
I made a mistake.
Gee, sorry.
Billie. Billie, it's not about you.
It's about ethics.
If I get involved with you,
I'm no different than Harry.
I don't want to use you like Harry
uses senators to get what he wants.
You're crazy about me, aren't you?
Yes.
That's why you get so mad at Harry.
I don't hate Harry.
I hate his kind of life.
What he does, what he stands for.
He's never thought about
anybody else in the world but himself.
Who does?
Oh, God, Billie, millions of people do.
The whole damn history of the world
is the story of the fight
between the selfish and the unselfish.
Where do I fit in?
I honestly don't know.
You still think I'm the kind of person
that goes with Harry?
You're still with him, aren't you?
Billie, come on, now.
Be fair.
You told me
that all you wanted out of life
was a mink coat
and a TV that fit in your purse.
Yeah, but that's why I did
all this learning. To change!
And it didn't make a difference.
- You don't think you're different?
- I do, sure.
But you don't.
You still see me the same as I was.
In that way,
you're no different from Harry.
How can you say that?
He still thinks I'm a bimbo from Vegas
and so do you.
No, I don't.
I've never gone through
anything like this for anybody.
Last night, I started thinking and
I couldn't fall asleep for ten minutes.
Billie, wait.
How come I feel
like I don't fit in any more?
Tell me why am I so unhappy
with everything that I used to want.
Let me tell you something, Paul.
I don't know about
all this book stuff and ethics.
But I do know
it only takes you so far.
And after that, you have to go on
what you feel, not on what you know.
But I know one thing.
There's a time between a guy and a girl
when it either comes off or it doesn't.
And if it doesn't then, it never does.
- Maybe we haven't gotten to our time.
- No, we did.
You just dropped the ball.
For all our griping, we're a lucky group.
We got food, a roof, friends around us.
Watching the tube the other day, I saw
how many homeless are veterans.
They ought to tack this
on the Constitution.
If you risk your life for your country,
you ought to have a home.
The Sixth Amendment to the Constitution
says you can't be deprived of property
without compensation.
It's too bad they didn't offer
that protection to veterans.
That's in the Fifth Amendment.
No, no, I think it's the Sixth.
- Don't pay any attention to her.
- Actually, you're both wrong.
Property compensation
is the Seventh.
- It's the Fifth.
- Billie!
The Fifth is where you don't
incriminate yourself. Jesus!
Actually, both senators are wrong.
Billie's right.
Thanks.
There's a bunch of clauses in the Fifth.
One of them is property compensation.
The Sixth
is the right to a speedy trial.
You put us to shame.
Are you a constitutional lawyer?
No. I'm a student, I guess.
I have a hard time keeping them
straight so I make up little tricks.
Like a... mnemonic device?
I didn't buy anything for it,
if that's what you mean.
- Like I was saying...
- What's your trick?
Really?
You'll probably think I'm nuts,
but I use
The Twelve Days Of Christmas.
Well, why don't you teach it to us?
- Really?
- Sure, yeah!
- This'll be fun!
- Billie!
Stop it. That's enough!
We got business to do here.
We were under the impression
that this was a social occasion.
Please.
Thanks. Does anybody have a pen?
Sure.
Thank you.
And now,
the Senate Family Singers,
...with The Twelve Interesting
Amendments, Op Number One.
Hit it.
The First Amendment
to the Constitution says
Freedom of religion,
speech and press
The second part
of the First Amendment says
Peaceful assembly
And just say
any crazy thing you like
The Second Amendment
to the Constitution says
Right to bear arms
Peaceful assembly
And just say
any crazy thing you like
Good! The Fourth Amendment
to the Constitution says
No search and seizure
Here is my gun. Freeze
Assemble and be nice!
And just say
any crazy thing you like!
The Fifth Amendment
to the Constitution says
Don't rat on yourself
Where's your warrant, please?
Here is my gun, freeze
Assemble and be nice
And just say
any crazy thing you like
Very good! The Sixth Amendment
to the Constitution says
Right to a quick trial
Don't rat on yourself
Where's your warrant, please?
- Here's my gun, freeze
- Assemble and be nice
And just say
any crazy thing you like!
The Thirteenth Amendment
to the Constitution says
Slavery is invalid
Right to a quick trial
Don't rat on yourself
Where's your warrant, please?
- Here is my gun, freeze
- Assemble and be nice
And just say
any crazy thing you like
Good. The Fifteenth Amendment
to the Constitution says
- All races get the ballot
- Slavery is invalid
Right to a quick trial
Don't rat on yourself
Where's your warrant, please?
- Here is my gun, freeze
- Assemble and be nice!
And just say
any crazy thing you like!
The Sixteenth Amendment
to the Constitution says
Congress can take taxes
- All races get the ballot
- Slavery is invalid
Right to a quick trial
Don't rat on yourself
Where's your warrant, please?
- Here is my gun, freeze
- Assemble and be nice!
And just say
any crazy thing you like!
The Eighteenth Amendment
to the Constitution says
- Alcohol will kill you!
- Uncle Sam will bill you
- All races get the ballot
- Slavery is invalid
- Right to a quick trial
- Don't rat on yourself
- Where's your warrant, please?
- Here is my gun, freeze
Assemble and be nice!
And just say
any crazy thing you like!
The Nineteenth Amendment
to the Constitution says
Women vote like men do!
- Alcohol will kill you!
- Uncle Sam will bill you
- All races get the ballot
- Slavery is invalid
- Right to a quick trial
- Don't rat yourself out!
- Where's your warrant, please?
- Here is my gun, freeze!
Assemble and be nice!
And just say
any crazy thing you like!
Don't tell me what I have to do.
You're not coming across.
I want that base open!
I am not an employee of yours, Harry.
No? You think I bought 40,000 copies
of your book cos I kept misplacing it?
I am not a lackey in one of your malls!
I will decide if I help you
and how much I help you.
You're making a mistake,
treating me this way!
You are not a charity.
You are an investment.
If you don't want to wind up as
secretary to YMCA, you do what I tell you!
Harry! Harry, for God's sake...
- Let me get him back here.
- I think he was clear enough!
Go on!
Hi.
I don't think that Harry should talk
to you like that. You're a senator.
Well, the operation of government
is... complex.
I don't think anybody
should talk to a senator like that.
- A senator's a wonderful thing.
- Thank you.
It seems to me
that if Harry pushes you around,
he's pushing around
the millions who voted for you.
Well, not quite that many.
How many, then?
Eight hundred and sixty-three thousand,
four hundred and thirty-four.
That's a lot of people
to push around.
Why do you let him?
Who voted for him?
At least he believes
in what he's doing.
Maybe that's why
he's such a hard man to say no to.
It's getting easier.
Let me know your secret. Goodbye.
Bye.
Hello, Billie.
- What is this?
- Same old stuff.
I like having things explained.
I found that out.
Let me explain this.
Don't start up with him.
They're legit.
Why can't I read them, then?
There must be something wrong...
They're all right!
I'm sorry.
It's OK, I understand.
You don't want to be doing
his dirty work.
You know you're better than him.
That's enough, Billie, please.
I'm not so sure.
Maybe you're worse.
"Pursuant."
Good word.
What's the matter?
Ed.
What'd he do to you?
It's what he's done to himself.
Do you know, he used to be
attorney general of a whole state?
Do you know, he wrote a book?
It was called The Roots of Freedom.
I read it. It was beautiful.
Don't tie up your new brain with Ed.
You're not as big as I used to think.
All through history,
there's been bigger men and better.
Name somebody bigger.
My father.
Minimum wage!
So what? At least he spent time with me.
- I work every day. Even Sundays.
- For what, for who...? For whom?
For money!
What do you think?
So go rob a bank! That's work!
I have never in my whole life...
...robbed a bank!
You're still not big.
You don't care about anything big.
Don't get nervous
just cos you read a book.
You're still as dumb as you ever were.
But I don't mind,
cos you're still the hottest little...
Come here!
I've never seen you like this.
What's the matter with you?
My life is what's the matter with me.
Maybe I am dumb, but I know
there's a better life than this!
I want to be like those Van Gogh people,
where people care about each other!
Harry...!
You got money, Harry,
but you got a cheap life.
I don't own nothin' cheap
except you.
There's a little law about that.
Nobody can own anybody.
Yeah? Well, what I say is law.
So shut up!
Sign the papers.
Business is all you care about.
Business bought you that outfit, and
just about everything else you own.
So cut the crap! Sign the papers!
All right.
What are you waiting for?
- I want to read 'em first.
- Just do it.
Listen, you big ox,
if I'm putting my name
on something, I want to know what it says.
That's it. You sign the papers
and I'm sending you back to Chicago.
- No.
- Sign the papers!
I want to read them first!
No! Harry!
No, Harry!
Did you do it?
Yeah.
Get out.
Serves you right,
you big... anarchist!
Don't you ever lay a hand on me again!
Things aren't working out between us,
but don't make me hate you.
- Do me a favour, Harry.
- What?
Drop dead!
I think he's done something illegal,
and now I've signed these papers,
maybe I have, too.
- Have you read them?
- No. Him and Ed wouldn't let me.
He and Ed. Nominative case.
Oh, yeah. See how upset I am?
- I'll just check and see...
- Yeah, I'll wait here.
Is Mr Brock upstairs?
No, he went out a while ago.
- Do you know where he keeps the papers?
- Yeah, but we have to hurry.
Who knows when
he's going to come back?
- He keeps everything on this stand.
- This one?
Yeah.
C'mon, Paul...
- Was it in a brown folder?
- Hurry! Let's just take everything!
- Is this it?
- Yes.
Oh, no, it's him! Hurry!
Oh, no!
Thank you.
- This one.
- Here?
He's put all of his companies
in your name.
They're all called Billie?
No. I-I mean, you own them.
These papers don't give him
control over you.
It gives you control over him.
You're Harry's boss!
- I am?
- Yeah!
What?
Of course!
What?
These are photostat copies of cheques
that Harry's written to the senators.
He's been bribing the senators
to keep that base open.
What does he care if the base closes?
Oh! All his customers.
- Exactly!
- Poor Harry.
Poor bribe-giving, law-breaking Harry!
I'm going to take this stuff to the paper.
I knew it! Now all I got to do is write it.
Just a minute.
I can't let you do that.
A necklace
or are you going to try something else?
- May I help you, sir?
- The biggest wedding ring you got.
- What?
- I'm marrying her.
- You're kidding!
- She's been jumpy.
It's been eight years.
What do you think she's worrying about?
I was rough on her. She needs
to know I want her around whatever.
I'll take this to the paper.
You pack and I'll come back for you, OK?
Paul, I don't think
that I'll see you again.
Wait a minute, wait a minute! Why?
Because of this?
No, I just wonder sometimes if it's
good to find out so much so quick.
Quickly.
So quickly.
I think I'll just go away for a while.
Where?
I thought maybe I'd go see my dad.
I got a better idea.
Let's get married.
Are you crazy?
I have been.
But I love you.
I can't think about this now.
Who says you got to think
about everything all the time?
Billie!
Billie!
There.
Billie, marry me?
Give me those papers.
I can't.
Go, quick. He'll kill you!
Oh, hello. I didn't hear you.
- Where have you been?
- What's the matter? Did you miss me?
I had an idea. You know me,
I hate waiting when I got an idea.
I don't blame you for being mad.
I was thinking about
why you're so on edge.
And then I realised that you don't know
what you mean to me.
I can feel how much I mean to you,
Harry.
Hey, I've done a lot
of good things, too.
Don't forget about those
just cos of one mistake. Here...
Maybe this'll help.
Da!
- Boy, when it rains, it pours!
- Yeah!
Just name the date.
I'm thinking of the thirteenth.
What month?
It's not a day, it's the Thirteenth
Amendment. No more slavery.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- I can't marry you, Harry.
You're too dumb.
You think dumb people
make this much money?
I think only a dumb person
would think money makes him smart.
I got a different kind of life in mind.
Is this something
your little teacher taught you?
He's what needs to be different
around here.
- I don't want you seeing him no more.
- I won't.
- That's more like it.
- It's not because of you!
Look, you're upset about the hit,
I know.
- I'm sorry.
- Let me tell you about that hit.
Everything I've been reading about and
Paul's been telling me, it mixed me up.
But when you hit me, everything
fell together and made sense.
Some people are always giving it
and some are always taking it.
I'm not taking it any more!
Why don't we go to my room
and I'll calm you down?
Marry me or you'll be sorry!
I'm already sorry. That's why I'm leaving!
Billie, I'm offering to make you
a real partner.
Partner in here.
I want you to be my wife.
Men are unbelievable.
I give and give and give
and it's like wallpaper to you.
You just walk right past it.
Then you make one effort
and you think we're equal.
It only looks like a big effort
because you never made one before.
No!
Fine.
We'll see how you get along without me.
You don't look like you did
five years ago.
You look like shit!
Yeah? Well, as far as I'm concerned,
vice versa!
I'd forgotten how great this really is.
She's leaving me.
Let's make sure everything's in order.
Got to get these companies
back in my name.
Looking for the stuff
I'm always signing?
Yes.
Like that file?
Yes.
- In the blue cover?
- Yes! Yes!
- Paul has it.
- What?
You gave it to him? Why?
So he could take 'em to the paper.
- Are you selling me out?
- Hello? Anybody home?
JJ, lock the doors.
Get in here and sit down.
Why, thank you, I'd love a seat!
My feet are killing me.
Hello!
- How have you been?
- Very good, thank you. And you?
Pretty good. Busy.
Can the tea party crap!
Is she tellin' the truth?
- Did you take that stuff to the papers?
- Billie always tells the truth.
All right, pal.
You bring those papers back here.
Or I will make you very sorry.
Tell him I'm not bluffing.
He's not bluffing.
This would be good for the article.
Six years ago, there was a strike at...
Shut up! You don't know nothin' about that!
I know that was a double negative!
You stupid, goddamn...
I also happen to know
you've been paying people off,
so that they won't shut down that base.
What?
I forgot, you're not a book reader
like us. You bribed 'em!
No, no, Billie.
Bribe is a strong word.
They got $150,000 each.
What would you call that? A tip?
You had no right
to take those papers.
You had no right to do what you did.
But you did it. And now that you've done
it, the people have a right to know.
- What people?
- The people.
- Never heard of 'em.
- You will.
12 of them are going to be deciding
where you're going to live.
- Who are you, the government?
- As a matter of fact, I am.
Since when?
Since 1776.
Exactly.
All right.
What'll it take, Paul?
What do you mean?
I think he's trying to tip you.
What'll you take?
I'll take a beer.
A light one, if you've got it.
Get back here. Don't try to get funny.
I ain't never met a guy yet
that didn't have his price.
I'm ready to talk big numbers.
You and your big numbers! You'll be
wearing big numbers across your chest.
There are some things
more important than money.
Like what? Your career?
Nope.
Like doing the right thing.
Come on, Billie. Let's go.
Stop it! Stop, Harry!
- You could've killed him!
- What do you care?!
I'm gonna marry him, that's what I care!
- You what?
- You what?
I'm gonna marry him,
cos he finally smartened up.
I need a drink.
Let me get it for you, Mr Devery.
Am I in the room?
Hello! Am I in the room?
You been cheatin' on me with this guy?
No, we never did anything.
I wanted to, but he wouldn't let me.
Let's just drop the whole thing.
You get her, and you don't have to
worry about what I'm doing.
Oh, but I do worry, Harry.
See, we got this beautiful
piece of machinery...
I don't have to listen to you.
You talk more than a senator.
You wanna screw
Brock Village? Go ahead!
I got plenty other businesses!
So get out!
I'm sick of the sight of both of you!
Your other businesses belong to me.
Oh, Christ!
Remember how you used to say we'd
go away, buy a house on the beach?
Why didn't we ever do that?
I couldn't do that. I had to work.
But why? You had five companies
when I met you.
When was it going to be enough
so we could we enjoy it?
One thing I have had enough of
is you and Professor Windbag!
That will be corrected shortly,
when I leave.
I'll give the companies back to you,
but only one at a time.
- What?
- And only one a year.
- What?
- Oh, my God!
You're calling those senators
and getting that money back.
Then you're getting out of town
or Paul will write that story.
If I take their money back,
they close the base, I lose the mall!
What am I supposed to do?
- Maybe take a watercolour class?
- Very funny.
Also, you should walk the beach.
- I don't live near a beach.
- I'm rich for a little bit.
I'll buy you a beach
and I'll pay for your watercolour class.
And I'll get you a ticket to the museum,
so you can see that Van Gogh.
Are you nuts?
Why should I do all this stuff?
- You have to ask why?
- Yeah!
That's why! So you'll know
what all that stuff is for!
Then maybe you'll find a little bit
of what I've found.
Trust me, Harry.
This will make you happy.
How would you know?
Do you think I was born yesterday?
God, I love this woman.
Bye, JJ.
Bye.
You ready?
Absolutely.
You do what I'm tellin' ya!