2
Hey, love bug.
You ready?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, guess what, Mom?
What?
I figured out where
wasps come from.
Oh, yeah? Where?
Well, I think
it must be,
if you flick water into the air
just right, it'll turn into a wasp.
Hey!
Yep.
That's cool.
So, how was your day
at school?
Fine.
I had a good meeting with Miss Butler this time.
I kind of liked her.
What'd she say?
Well, she said that you weren't
turning in your homework assignments.
And I told her,
"I know he does them,
"'cause I check them
every night."
She said she found
a big chunk of them
crumpled up at the bottom
of your backpack.
She didn't ask for 'em.
Baby, she doesn't have to. You're
just supposed to turn them in.
And she said you're still
staring out the window all day.
Not all day.
And she said that you destroyed
her pencil sharpener.
Not on purpose!
Wait! She said that you crammed
a bunch of rocks in it.
I thought if we could
sharpen pencils,
maybe we could
sharpen rocks.
Well, what were you gonna do
with a bunch of sharpened rocks?
I was trying to make arrowheads
for my rock collection.
Mm.
Dude, my turn!
Hold on.
Mason!
Samantha!
Oh!
Tommy! ls Mason down there?
Yeah.
Well, tell him he has to
come home to dinner.
Okay.
Hey-
Hey, sweetie.
Why aren't you ready?
Hey, Mason.
Hey,Ted.
Come on, hurry up.
Let's go.
What time is it? It's 9:00.
Let's go, let's go!
Okay, I meant to call you,
'cause Janice flaked out.
I don't have a sitter.
Why didn't you
call somebody else?
I can't get a babysitter now.
It's 9:00.
But you're welcome to
hang out with us.
Well, no!
I mean, we have plans.
The guys are expecting me.
Well, you can go.
All right.
I'll come back in
a couple of hours.
Is that okay?
Yeah. Yes, it's okay.
All right.
"'Turn back! Turn back! I don't
wanna talk to Moaning Myrtle.'
"'Who?' said Harry,
as they backtracked quickly.
"'She haunts
one of the toilets
"in the girls' bathroom on the
first floor,' said Hermione.
"'She haunts a toilet?'
'Yes, it's been
out of order all year,
"'because she keeps having
tantrums and flooding the place!'
"'l never went in there
anyway, if I could avoid it.'
"'It's awful trying to have a
pee with her wailing at you."'
Why can't you
just say that?
I'm sorry.
You're sorry, that's bullshit!
That's right. I wanna
stay here with my kids.
That's what I'd rather do.
Would you stop using
your kids as an excuse?
I know you have to stay here with your kids!
You're acting...
You have this immature life.
You have no responsibility!
I have
an immature life!
I have responsibility.
I have an immature life.
You don't know what
it's like to be a parent.
No, I don't!
And why am I responsible
for your mistakes in life?
Don't call my kids mistakes!
Don't!
I didn't call your kids...
You said, "Your mistakes in your
life," pointing at my kids.
I know what I said, you know. And
immediately you use your kids again.
This is the reality.
I'm a parent!
- That means responsibility.
- I know you're a parent.
I would love to
have some time to myself!
I would love to just
go to a fuckin' movie!
You don't think
I'd like that?
Go have some dinner,
go to a bar!
I don't even know
what that's like!
I was someone's daughter, then I
was somebody's fuckin' mother!
Okay? I don't know
what that's like!
Stop!
Quit it!
Quit it!
Mom!
What the hell is
going on in here?
Do you guys
know what time it is?
He's throwing
things at me.
Mason! Do not throw
things at your sister!
She's faking,
she hit me first!
Listen, both of you!
I'm going back to bed.
I don't wanna hear another
peep out of here for an hour.
Go to sleep.
- Faker!
- Guys!
Awesome!
Look what I found
in the street.
Dude!
I know, right?
Look at those.
Ooh! Look at those!
Awesome!
So listen, guys, I wanna
talk to you about something.
And you might not like
this idea at first,
but we're moving
to Houston.
When?
Well, soon.
We should be out
by the first,
so we don't have to pay
two rents next month.
No, Mother, we're not moving.
Nope,nope.
Sorry, Mom. Nope.Nope.
Samantha, I have to
go back to college,
so I can make us
a better living.
With this job, I can't take
care of us the way I'd like to.
I can't keep
going this way.
And Grandma said
she'd help us out,
and it would be nice
to be near her.
Fine, Mother.
You can do
whatever you want,
but we're not moving.
And what about
our friends?
Oh, baby, we can
email them or write.
We can come back to visit.
And guess what?
This place that
Grandma found us,
you'll each have
your own room. Right?
And there's a pool.
Mom, do you
still love Dad?
I still love your father,
but that doesn't mean it was
healthy for us to stay together.
What if after we move he's
trying to find us and he can't?
Oh, that won't be a problem.
He can call Grandma
and she'll tell him,
or he can call Information.
We won't be hard to find.
Is he still in Alaska?
Well, that's what your uncle says.
Probably taming
polar bears or something.
Yeah. Well, I hope they're taming him.
Here, wanna help me out?
Sure.
Okay. Take this paint
very carefully
and paint any little
smudge or mark or anything
on the baseboard there,
behind the door and all around
the doorways on the inside.
She says
we're gonna come visit
and I'm gonna write
and call you.
Oh, wait, hold on a second.
I'm getting another call.
Hello?
Sorry, Tommy.
Mason can't come over today.
We're moving.
And I'm on the other line.
Bye.
Althea?
I'm gonna be sending
Sailor Scout instructions.
Email and write back telling me
how the other scouts are doing.
Well,because
you're the leader now.
Okay, let's go, 'cause I wanna
get there before it gets dark.
Goodbye, yard. Goodbye, crape myrtle.
Goodbye, mailbox.
Goodbye, box of stuff Mommy
won't let us take with us,
but we don't wanna
throw away.
Goodbye, house.
I'll never like Mommy as
much for making us move!
Samantha!
Why don't you say goodbye to that
little horseshit attitude, okay?
'Cause we're not taking
that in the car.
Goodbye, old lady who listens
to rock music and rides a motorcycle.
OLIVIA; Hey!
What's happening back there?
Stop, put the barrier up.
Hey! Put the pillow
between you.
Make a barrier,
come on. Stop.
We're gonna play a game
called The Game of Silence.
Whoever can stay quiet for the
longest period of time wins.
You guys think
you can do that?
Okay, go.
The bus will be here
in 10 minutes.
Put that homework
in your backpack.
Go eat!
Baby, go eat.
I am!
Speak English!
Shut up! Mom!
She's speaking that
stupid language again!
Samantha!
I was speaking perfectly
clear English, Mother.
He's a little slow
in the head.
He did officially
flunk first grade.
Sit your butt down!
Yes, sir, Mother, sir!
All right, listen up, guys. Grandma's
gonna pick you up after school.
Your dad's in town
for the day.
So you're gonna spend
the afternoon with him.
Oh.
Is he moving back?
I don't know.
We haven't seen him
in about 80 years.
Like a year and a half.
Ha-ha!
Oh, please.
Can we please eat here?
The bus is coming.
Who wants syrup?
All right,
nice cursive.
Okay, Mason, when I check the
mobiles, am I gonna find yours?
No.
And why not?
'Cause I didn't
finish it.
Well, it's time
to finish it.
Just a minute.
No, let's do...
Apple Quit.
Time to finish your work, Mason.
"Apple Quit."
- So this is my history test.
Mmm-hmm.
"A+", very good.
And that's
another history test.
Mmm-hmm.
And another
Yeah, it doesn't have
a plus, but, oh, well.
And then, um, that's
my report on lizards.
Oh. Let me see
your pictures.
Oh, yeah.
These are my pictures.
What is that?
Well, that's called
a dewlap.
A dewlap, okay.
Oh, yeah,
this is a math test.
CATHERINE; Oh, "A" again.
Mase, that's the last
candy,okay?
Okay-
We need to put this stuff up.
That's him.
Daddy!
Oh, my God! Look at
you, you're so big!
Hey, NU.
What's happenin', buddy?
Huh? You guys ready
to have some fun?
Yeah!
Yeah! All right.
Hey, Catherine, how are you?
Mase, I'm good.
Mmm, good to see you.
Yeah.
What time should
I have these rascals back?
Oh, I don't know,
around 7:30, I guess.
I gotta get them
home by 8:00.
Oh, you know what, why don't I
take 'em over to their mom's?
No, that's okay.
She's expecting me.
No, that's all right. You guys
know where it is, don't you?
Oh, yeah. All right. I'll do it.
It's no problem.
I don't think
that's such a good idea.
Look, it's no problem.
All right?
You guys ready to go? Let's do it, go!
Go? Wait a minute.
You gotta get your stuff.
You got backpack,
your purse,
homework,
go to the bathroom.
Can't believe how big they are.
Yeah. Time's going by.
Must be nice for you,
having 'em here in Houston.
I love it, yeah. I'm
volunteering at their school.
Yeah? What you doing
over there?
I'm in the library. You know,
reading to the little ones.
Oh, great.
So, Alaska, huh?
Yeah.
Are you back?
We'll see.
How's Liv?
She's a busy girl.
She's back in school.
But she's working
and single parenting.
A lot to juggle.
- You guys got everything?
- Yeah.
All right, say goodbye
to your grandmother.
Bye, Grandma.
All right, let's roll.
Uh, no, wait a second.
You're not the type of kids
who like presents, are you?
Yes!
No, you don't.
Of course we do. Presents?
Really? Let's do it!
Yay!
I call front seat!
I wanted
the front seat, though.
All right. Well, Mason
gets it on the way there
and Samantha gets it
on the way back.
- Hop in there.
- Seat belts!
Seat belts.
All right. Seat belts.
Don't forget
your seat belts.
It's not like this car
has any seat belts.
Mmm...
Nice. Nice. Nice!
Come here, come here, yes!
Oh, that was awesome!
Get up there, Mason! Get up there!
It was so good!
Come on.
Let 'em know
who you are, buddy.
Let 'em know
who you are.
Mwah!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
All right. All right,
don't worry about it.
Wish we could
use the bumpers.
Bumpers are for kids!
What are you,
two years old?
You don't want the bumpers.
Life doesn't
give you bumpers.
There we, there we go. There we go!
We got something there!
We got something!
We got something!
Oh!
Last time I went bowling, we had
bumpers and it was a lot more fun!
You don't want the bumpers,
all right?
You bowl a strike
with the bumpers
and it doesn't
mean anything.
Trust me.
Just lay it out
on the lane.
One, two, three and...
Let's hear it
for the father!
Boom!
- Get up there!
- Great shot!
Get out there, girl!
Four Blackwater
operatives have been viciously attacked
in their cars in Fallujah.
The bodies and cars were set on
fire after insurgents started...
Look at this!
It's a disaster.
Let me tell you what's
happening in Iraq, all right?
Exactly what every thinking
person in the world
knew was gonna happen
before they got started.
But Bush and his little numb-nut
fanatics he's got around him,
they don't give
a rat's ass.
That's a quarter.
What's a quarter?
You said A-S-S.
Oh, sorry. My bad.
And my teacher says
it's a good war,
because it's better
to be safe than sorry.
That's what they're
teaching you in school?
All right. Listen to me.
Listen to your father, okay?
That is the lie.
That's the big lie.
Iraq had nothing to do with what
happened at the World Trade Center.
You know that, right?
I guess.
Who you gonna vote
for next fall, MJ?
I don't know.
He can't vote.
He's not 18.
All right,
who would you vote for?
Kerry?
Anybody but Bush! Okay?
Are you gonna move back?
Uh, I'm planning on it.
You know, I gotta find a job.
Are you and Mom
gonna get back together?
I don't know.
That's not, uh, entirely
up to me, you know?
I remember
when I was six,
you and Mom
were fighting like mad.
You were yelling so loud
and she was crying.
That's what
you remember, huh?
Yep-
You don't remember
the trips to Galveston,
camping in Big Bend,
all the fun we had?
Nope.
You ever get mad
at your mother?
Yeah.
You ever get mad at your brother?
Yeah.
Yeah. You ever yell at him?
Oh, yeah.
Doesn't mean you
don't love him, right?
Mmm...
Look, the same thing happens
when you're grown up, all right?
You know,
you get mad at people.
You know,
it's not a big deal.
What'd you do in Alaska?
I worked on a boat
for a while. Um...
I tried to write some music.
Did you see
any polar bears?
No.
But I saw a Kodiak bear.
It was fuckin' huge!
Dad! That's 50 cents
for the F-word!
I'm sorry.
Here, take a dollar, all right?
Keep the change.
You guys are gonna be seeing
a lot more of me. Okay?
I missed you two real bad while I was
gone, okay, I want you to know that.
I just needed to take some
time, you know, to...
Just
Your mom and me, okay...
Well, your mother, okay,
is a piece of work, all right.
I think you know that
by now, all right?
And I'm just...
I'm so happy to be
with the two of you, okay?
And I'm sorry about
that bumper business.
I'm gonna get better
at stuff like that, okay?
I got that one
at Dripping Springs,
and, um, my friend Rodney
gave me that one.
- Yeah?
- And I bought that one.
You bought this one?
Yeah.
You found this at Dripping Springs?
Uh-huh.
Wow.
What else do you got?
Well, um,
these are snake vertebrae.
Snake vertebrae? That's disgusting.
Huh?
Mason, I don't want you collecting
snake vertebrae anymore.
Is this the feather
l sent you?
Yeah! Yeah, yeah,
yeah, it is.
Oh, Dad! Um, l forgot to show you,
um, these basketball pictures.
You're on a basketball team?
Yeah.
Wow! Check you out!
These are beaver claws.
Beaver claws?
That's me.
Yeah. No. MASON
What, you hunting beaver?
You see, that's McKinney,
that's Meg and that's Gem.
Those are my friends.
Uh-huh.
What position
do you play?
Um, guard.
This is dried Canadian grass.
Uh-huh.
Wait, have you
scored any points?
Well, about eight
or 10 a game.
Eight or 10 a game?
That is awesome!
Once, she didn't score any
and she cried!
You cried?
Well, only a little bit.
Aw...
Hello!
Pomegranate.
Oh, Mason, Mom's home!
Mom's home!
Mom's home.
Mom! Hi! Look at this owl
Daddy gave me!
Isn't it cool?
See, its head spins!
And look at this bracelet. It
was made by Indians in Alaska.
And Daddy made this cool hand-carved
grizzly bear and this tiki.
- It's a totem.
- And guess what else?
We went bowling and I made four strikes!
Yeah, and we got to ride
around in Dad's car! Wow.
Hey, Liv.
Hey.
I know you wanted me to drop
them off at your mom's.
I just thought it'd be easier
if I brought 'em over here.
Well, it really
screwed up my plans.
Well, we just wanted
to show him our rooms.
Yeah.
Did you guys eat anything?
Well, we had some French
fries at the bowling alley.
Did you do your homework?
No.
Not yet.
Okay. Can I talk to you
outside for a second?
Yeah. Sure.
They had more
than French fries.
Do you think he's gonna
spend the night?
Doesn't look like it.
Okay.
An unconditioned stimulus,
something that produces
an unlearned,
involuntary,
unconditioned response.
Now, in Pavlov's experiment,
what was the stimulus
that he used?
Come on now, people! Tough weekend?
What's the deal here?
Meat, right? Meat.
Meat powder, actually.
Whatever meat powder is,
it worked on this dog.
Okay, he put
the meat powder in there
and it produced an unconditioned
response in the dog, which was?
Salivation! All right?
Now, who can give me
another example
of an unconditioned
stimulus response pair
that happens
to you every day?
It's probably happening
to some of you right now.
How about sex?
Sure, you know,
you see an attractive member
of the opposite gender,
you have
an automatic response.
You don't have
to think about it.
Mick Jagger wrote
a song about it.
"Oh, when
they call your name,
"I salivate like
a Pavlov dog."
Thank you very much.
Class dismissed.
Doctor Welbrock.
This is my son Mason.
Oh...
Mason, this is
Dr. Welbrock.
Your son.
Now see, I thought
this was a boy genius
who was taking my college course.
He wasn't feeling well today,so l
thought I'd bring him with me.
Uh...
No fever.
It's a con job.
I can tell because I have a nine-year-old
son, he pulls this all the time.
Same kind of deal.
Hey, you play soccer?
No.
Neither does my boy. He hates soccer.
He likes computers.
My 11-year-old daughter
loves soccer!
Who can figure?
Maybe we can get all you
guys together sometime, huh?
Maybe, yeah.
Well, you ready to go?
Yeah.
Nice to meet you, Mason.
Nice to meet you, too.
And thanks for
coming to my class.
Olivia.
Nice kid.
Thanks.
So, you think, uh, Grandma might be
available for a little babysitting?
Maybe.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
WELBROCK Well, great.
Dead man, dead man, wake up!
One, two, three, four,
five, you're alive!
My turn.
Kids, they're here!
- They're home, they're home!
- Come on!
Hurry, hurry.
Hi!
Hi!
Oh! We're here!
How was it? How was it?
Hey! We've returned!
Honey, it's so good
to see you.
Hi, Dad!
Samantha, Mason. Hello.
Thank you.
That's very nice.
Hey, Mom.
How are you?
Oh! Mom, Mom!
They give you trouble?
Look at the sign we made.
- Samantha and I made it all ourselves.
- Yeah.
I know the boys helped
you with that a lot.
No, not at all!
Okay.
There you go.
Pass out the goodies.
This is for the girls.
Don't worry, we got you some absinthe.
It's in the...
Let's pour.
You take this
big elevator up,
and when we got
to the top,
we flew
a paper airplane off.
- And what happened?
- It flew!
It flew away,
it went for miles.
Went under the Arc de Triomphe, you know.
Oh, did you guys kiss
under the Bridge of Sighs?
Yes.
Yes, we did.
Mom, can we see
your wedding ring?
Oh, sure.
WOW.
Technically,
that's a fancy step cut
surrounded by
miniature brilliant.
I wish we could've
gone to Europe.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll go as
a family next time.
But you didn't
miss much, really.
We just stayed
in the hotel room
the whole time
playing video games.
Really?
And the hotels are really
small and really old.
Squeaky.
Can I get
you anything else?
Would you like to see
a dessert menu?
Listen, I told you
to put that away.
Would you put that
in your purse, please?
Computer games at the table. Yes,
uh, please, another bottle of wine.
- Um, Coke.
- Um, you know what?
Mason, you're okay
with water.
No more Cokes.
Thank you.
And how about you? Did
you finish your science project?
Not quite yet.
Well, did you work on it? Did you
build anything or plan anything or...
A little. Did he work
on it at all, Mindy?
No.
Did he sit around playing video
games with Mason the whole time?
- Yeah.
- Mmm.
You were supposed to finish
that by the time I got back.
Remember?
Hey-
Grievous is the best, man.
Yoda!
No, Yoda is, man!
Yoda! Yoda, man.
He has four arms.
Yoda, represent!
I hate Miss Burnsby. Everybody's
been saying she's lesbian.
She is. She hit on Stacey.
Man, that's gross.
Think it's true?
She's always walking
in the locker room.
I think I still have
a couple of those...
Hey, Paul, tell us a joke.
Damn. Fuck.
Go to hell. Ass.
Oh! Blew you up.
Heck, man.
That was not fair.
No, actually it was.
That's, like,
the fairest thing ever.
Where are you?
Ooh, once again,
I take you down.
MASON'. The Mask?
Uh...
Three Musketeers?
First word.
- Chicken. Bird.
- Chicken. Bird.
Second word.
Hood. Big hair. Robin Hood! Ah!
Brilliant child!
Second word.
MINDY; Blanket?
Hey,
you can't use props!
Hey,hey,hey!
Cut it out. Judges speak.
No props. No props.
Can't use props. You can do it without that.
Think, think, think.
- Um, folding.
- Bunch!
The Gathered? Folded.
Is it like... Um...
lt's just messing around
with a blanket. Wrinkling it...
A Wrinkle In Time!
Wrinkle.
Whoo!
What are the guards of Azkaban?
Dementors.
Ah...
Front of the line,
are you ready?
Count down with me, ladies
and gentlemen. Ten!
Nine! Eight! Seven!
Six! Five! Four!
Three! Two! One!
Let's go!
Whoo!
Thank you.
Thanks.
All righty. Here we go.
No, no, no. Back up and take a
practice swing first, remember?
Nice and easy. Sweep the floor.
Sweep the floor.
That's good.
Don't swing
too hard, Randy.
He always
swings too hard.
Hey! All right!
Very good!
Back your feet up a little bit.
Yeah, like that.
Now you're gonna hit
it straighter. Okay.
All right, go up
and hit it. That's good.
Nice slow swing is
gonna be better for you.
All right!
I don't know, man,
you must've been...
See, your feet
are too open, Randy.
Nice and natural.
Yes! Go! All right!
Give me five! Good
putt, son, good putt.
Did you see that, Randy?
That's the way to do it!
All right.
Birdie putt.
God damn it.
Son of a bitch.
Get my clubs, would you?
Get the ball.
This is just in case we
have guests this weekend.
He always says that,
but we never have guests.
Samantha, I think
I heard your dad pull up.
All right.
You guys finish
your chores?
Not quite.
Just about.
How about
the dusting, Sam?
I haven't done that yet.
Well, I saw you working
on your art project.
You had time to finish
your little art project,
but you didn't have time
to finish your chores?
I thought we talked
about that.
Dad, it's fine,
I can finish the dusting.
No, it's not fine, Mindy.
You have your own chores to
do and Sam has hers to do.
Huh? It's simple.
Poor choice there, Sam.
And hurry up.
Mason!
Your dad's here.
You guys aren't setting
any speed records, are you?
What'd you do, get about half done?
Hey, hey, hey.
So, did you finish?
No.
Is the job complete?
So, what are you
gonna be doing tomorrow?
Same thing, right?
Yeah.
Okay. Go.
Bye, Mom.
Bye,babe,
I love you.
Bye, Mama.
Bye, honey.
Have fun with your dad.
Just a minute, Mason.
The boys didn't
finish raking leaves.
Samantha did not
finish dusting.
So tomorrow,
when they come home,
instead of swimming
and all the other
little stuff that
they want to do,
they're going to do
their chores. Right?
Right.
Okay, guys,
you had this conversation,
you understand?
Tomorrow?
Okay-
Thank you. I just wanted
you to back me up on that
so I'm not the only one
yelling at them all the time.
Okay, I back you up.
You guys got that?
We all agree, everybody agrees, right?
Tomorrow, chores?
They don't hear it. Goes in
one ear and out the other.
But, Dad, I mean,
dusting is pointless.
It's not pointless,
you just don't like to do it.
But, I mean,
who dusts anymore?
You do when we ask you to!
And don't... Olivia, don't
let her back talk me
in front of the other kids,
please. Thank you.
Samantha, please.
Whatever!
Bye-bye.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Sam...
Okay. Bye, guys. Love you.
I'm sorry, but I thought
we talked about it.
You have to draw a line,
you have to back it up.
Okay. It's just you have
so many lines, Bill.
Everything's a line.
Hey, Randy!
Hey.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, you two.
How you doing?
Shotgun.
Ooh!
Here, let me get
these bags here.
You doing okay,
darling?
Yeah.
Yeah?
What about you, cowboy?
Pretty good.
Yeah?
All right. Let's roll!
You guys ready
for the big game?
Yeah.
Sam, who are the Astros
playing tonight?
I don't know.
The Milwaukee Brewers,
all right?
Get to know 'em,
get to hate 'em.
Mason. How you been? Huh?
How was your week?
Pretty good.
Yeah? What you been up to?
Not much.
No?
You still hanging
with that kid Joe?
Yeah. And he's still
your best friend?
Yeah, I guess.
Okay-
How about you?
How was your week?
Fine.
What you been up to?
Nothing, really.
You, um, still working on
that sculpture project?
Yeah. Almost finished.
Yeah?
What's it of?
Nothing.
All right, no, no, no.
No, that is not how we are going
to talk to one another. All right?
No, I will not be that guy. You cannot
put me in that category, all right?
"The biological father that l
spend every other week with,
"and I make
polite conversation
"while he drives me places
and buys me shit."
No! Talk to me.
Samantha, how was your week?
"Uh, I don't know, Dad,
it was kinda tough.
"Billy and Ellen broke up,
and Ellen's kinda mad at me,
"'cause she saw me talking
to Billy in the cafeteria.
"And you remember that
sculpture I was working on,
"well, it was a unicorn,
"and the horn broke off,
so now it's a zebra," okay?
"But I still think I'm
gonna get an right?
Mason, uh,
how was your week?
"Well, Dad, you know
it was kinda tough.
"Joey's kind of a jerk,
actually.
"He stole some cigarettes from his
mom and he wanted me to smoke 'em,
"but I said no
because I knew
"what a hard time you had
quitting smoking, Dad."
How 'bout that?
Is that so hard?
Dad, these questions
are kind of hard to answer.
What is so hard to answer about
what sculpture are you making?
It's abstract.
Okay. Okay, that's good.
See, I didn't know that.
I didn't know you were even
interested in abstract art.
I'm not.
They make us do it.
But, Dad,
why is it all on us, though?
What about you?
How was your week?
Who do you hang out with?
Do you have a girlfriend?
What have you been up to?
I see your point.
So we should just let it
happen more natural, right?
That's what you're saying?
Okay, that's what we'll do.
Starting now.
Check this out.
That would be a...
That would be a Magnificent Owl.
Caligo atreus.
- What's that one? Look at this.
- Whoa!
What kind is that?
That looks like a Zebra Longwing.
All right.
Cool.
This one's incredible.
That's the owl one, right?
Yeah.
Magnificent Owl.
I think he went
pee-pee on you, bud.
One, two, three,
four, five.
Get away from me!
Get away from me!
Yo, Mase, look at me here. Make a
diamond with your hands, all right?
Fingers and thumbs.
Keep your hands soft.
Sam. Very nice.
That's how you want to
catch it, just like that.
Even when you're running,
that's what you're thinking
about, that diamond.
That diamond
and soft hands.
There it is.
No,no,no.
No!
Yes!
Don't let her get...
No, no, no!
Let's go, Roger!
That's it, Roger!
Yeah!
Guy's incredible.
He's unhittable this year.
Now, just so you know, what
we're watching here is history.
Now, you see
this guy out here?
This dude is
like 43 years old,
and he's striking out
guys half his age.
This guy's ERA is 1.47, all right?
Can you believe that?
Now, if the Astros could just get a
few runs, maybe we'd win a game.
Dad, do you
have a job?
Why would you
ask me that?
I don't know.
Morn wanted to know,
and I didn't know what the answer was.
Morn wanted to know.
All right.
Well, you can tell Mom
that I just happen
to have passed
my second actuarial exam,
all right?
So, tell her that.
How's she doing?
Is she finishing school?
Yep, all A's.
All A's, huh? Like mother,
like daughter, right?
He got that!
That's out...
Oh! Oh!
Yeah! Look at that!
Yeah!
Mason! Yes!
MASON SR; Whoo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
MASON SR; Whoo!
- Hey, Jimmy.
- Hey, Samantha!
Hey. What's up, Jimmy?
What's going on,
Mason, man?
Astros won.
You went to the game?
What, I'm the only one
with any arms around here?
Nobody else can
carry anything? Huh?
Help their old man out?
What you watching?
Oh, come on, Jimmy, man! You knew
the kids were coming this weekend.
Can't you just help
me out a little bit?
I'm sorry, muffin.
Yeah, don't
"muffin" me, all right?
Don't put me
in that position.
I'm not your fuckin'
Tony Randall.
Dad, it's always a mess.
It was not a mess
this morning. Okay?
I mowed the lawn.
Oh, yeah? Great.
Oh, come on, man!
Turn this shit off.
Come on,
give me that thing.
Did you watch the game?
No.
Lane won it
with a three-run homer.
It was beautiful,
wasn't it?
Sam lost her mind.
She's a huge Astros fan.
Sure.
Saturday night
was a lunar eclipse
I sang 'em a song
Went something like this
Well, go to sleep,
my weary babies
Let the sounds roll on by
Tonight we're safe
here in Houston
With this,
your daddy's lullaby
Your mother's got
a new husband now
He seems all right
I wonder if he's
reading them stories
And kissing them good night
Well, babysitters say
they miss me
I know
I shouldn't hope it's true
Teacher says my son
paints pictures of a family
All in blue
She says she caught him
whispering to the window
Will Daddy please come home?
I know I could call him up
But what if his mother
answers the phone?
You brush your teeth?
What?
Did you brush
your teeth?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You gonna fall asleep with
those things in your head?
Maybe.
Yeah, well, try not to, all right?
Okay.
Want me to turn off the light?
Okay. Sure.
Good night, Sam.
Night, Dad.
Good night, Jimmy.
Hey. That was
a fun day, right?
Yeah, it was. Sorry.
Why? That Mason had to
be there, you know.
Good night.
Good night.
Dad?
There's no, like, real
magic in the world, right?
What do you mean?
You know,
like elves and stuff.
People just made that up.
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, what makes you think
that elves are any more magical
than something
like a whale?
You know what I mean? What
if I told you a story about
how underneath the ocean,
there was this
giant sea mammal
that used sonar
and sang songs
and it was so big that its
heart was the size of a car
and you could crawl
through the arteries?
I mean, you'd think that
was pretty magical, right?
Yeah.
But, like,
right this second,
there's, like, no elves
in the world, right?
No. Technically,
no elves.
Love you, guys. All right.
Be well. See you, Dad.
Have a great week. Sam,
I'll see you next weekend?
All right. Oh, yeah, that's right.
What?
Suzy has a birthday party
next Saturday.
A sleepover?
Yeah.
All right. I'll talk
to your mom about it.
Bye,Dad.
Don't worry about it, okay?
Have a great week. Okay.
Had a great time.
Oh, man.
How do you guys not know how to do this?
I'll make you some bookmarks.
Just a second. Pictures...
Ooh. She looks nice.
Randy, Mason, Dad wants
you guys downstairs.
Why?
You're getting haircuts.
This is gonna
look so much better.
You're gonna look like a man,
instead of like a little girl.
You're taking the eyebrows
off next, right, Byron?
Mason, we're leaving.
You're not sick.
- Bye, guys.
- Bye, Mom.
Where's Mason?
He doesn't feel too good. I don't
think he's going to school.
He's totally faking it.
Bye.
Mason, what's going on?
I don't feel good.
Yeah, well,
your head feels fine.
So get your ass
out of bed.
I'm gonna drive
you to school.
You got five minutes,
and don't make me late.
I mean, he didn't even ask!
He just cut it.
It's my hair!
Well, no wonder you were angry.
I'd be angry, too.
I look like a Martian now.
Honey, you know what? I'm gonna
talk to him about it later. Okay?
Yeah, I tried to call you, but
you didn't answer your phone.
I'm so sorry. I've been
so busy with school.
For what it's worth, it's
hair and it will grow back.
And now I can see your pretty
eyes and your foxy face.
Why did you even marry him?
He's such a jerk!
Well, Bill has
his good qualities.
You know, nobody's perfect.
And now we have a family.
We already had a family.
I pledge allegiance
to the flag
of the United States
of America...
...and to the
Republic for which it stands,
one nation, under God,
indivisible, with liberty
and justice for all.
Please join me
in the Texas Pledge.
Honor the Texas flag.
I pledge allegiance to thee,
Texas one and indivisible.
Thank you.
You may be seated.
All right.
All right, class,
as you know,
we've been working on
our mythology projects,
and you're going to be writing
papers about gods and goddesses.
We've listed those gods and
goddesses here on the board.
We added a couple
of monsters
for some of you who might
be interested in that.
And you're going to write your
essay about your god and goddess,
and to make sure that
you cover everything,
let's make sure that we do all
of these things right here.
First of all, you need to name
your god or goddess,
and you need to include who,
what, when, where, why and how.
So make sure that
you cover all those things
when you're writing
your essay.
There's a bump
right there.
I'll see you later, guys.
Yeah.
- Mom, are you okay?
- What happened?
No.
Go in the house! Go! Go in the house!
Go in the house!
Your mother
had a little accident.
Now she's being dramatic.
Get off the fucking floor, Olivia.
For Christ's sake!
I'm having a drink
with my dinner.
Anybody else have
a problem with that?
Hmm?
Samantha?
No.
Mindy?
No.
I didn't think So.
You don't like me
much, do you, Mason?
That's okay. I don't like me either.
You think
that's funny? Huh?
You think that's fuckin' funny?
What's the matter, you
feeling a little left out?
Clean it up, God damn it!
Clean it up.
Bill! Clean it up, God damn it!
I hate squash!
Pearl.
I'm gonna pay you.
I'm working
three jobs right now.
How many times can
you watch that, Mason?
It's funny.
I'm driving a cab.
I'm inside with my buddy right
now just going over my rsum.
Okay, you know what?
You need to relax.
Look, why do you need your
money so fast? Come on.
- Has he ever gotten this bad before?
- No.
But he's yelled a lot.
Yeah, but he hasn't
thrown and broken stuff.
Yeah.
You're drunk. I knew it.
You're already drunk.
Give me
your cell phones.
So nobody talked
to her, huh?
Mason?
No.
Mindy?
No.
I believe you.
Samantha?
No.
I didn't talk to her.
She left a message.
What'd she say?
Nothing much.
What did she say?
She said
she'd be back later.
And that's all,
"I'll be back later," click?
She said, "Stay in your rooms.
I'll be back later."
I'll be back later, stay in your rooms.
And that's all? Hmm?
Yeah.
Where is she?
I don't know.
Where is she?
She didn't say!
All right. Everybody,
get in the car.
Hurry up!
Get in the car!
It's still not working.
WELBROCK Oh, bullshit.
She took it all.
All right, Randy,
go cash this.
Tell them I'm not feeling well or something.
I don't know.
Mason, go with him.
Here. There's my ID.
Hi, good afternoon, fellas.
What can I do for you today?
Now what's this?
Can't read this.
Hey!
This isn't you!
Who is this?
It's our dad.
He's not feeling well.
Oh! Hey! Yeah, I know him.
Okay, here we go.
Five hundred bucks.
One, two, three, four...
Five hundred bucks.
All right?
Don't forget your dad's ID.
Now take care of your dad now, son.
You only got the one.
WELBROCK Damn it.
Get outta the way.
Jesus Christ.
God...
Calm down!
Samantha! Mason!
Samantha!
Where the hell
have you been?
I'm leaving you, Bill.
We're moving out.
I doubt that.
Samantha, Mason!
Come down!
No, mmm-mmm, don't think so.
Oh, who's this?
- I'm not here for you!
- Oh, really?
Oh, I know, you're here
to protect my wife from me.
Well, thank you so much, you two.
Okay, stay back!
Why don't you come inside here?
Huh? Come inside here.
Where the hell
are you going?
Get your ass upstairs!
You're not going anywhere.
Stop! Come on!
Where the hell do you think you're going?
Get upstairs!
What the hell... Nobody's
going anywhere, God damn it!
No, God damn it!
Stop it.
Don't touch my kids!
All right, take 'em.
Go on, go on.
- Don't touch them!
- Take 'em.
Take 'em then, just take 'em!
Get in the car.
Go!
Get upstairs! Olivia!
Seat belts! Put your seat belts on.
Where are we going?
We're going to stay with Carol
and her family for a while.
Don't look back.
It's gonna be okay.
And we see that
We're all in this together
And it shows
When we stand hand in hand
Hey, Lee and Mason.
Guys, when you want
to take a break,
here's a snack.
...going on...
Wildcats in the house
Everybody say it loud
Wildcats everywhere
Wave your hands
up in the air
Abby, why don't you
come and help me with this?
Why couldn't Randy
and Mindy come with us?
I'm not their
legal guardian, honey.
That would be kidnapping.
I can't just...
What's gonna happen
to them?
What happens when their legal
guardian is dangerous and abusive?
I don't know, honey.
I called their mom. I called
the Child Protective Services.
I have you and your brother.
We are in
a dangerous situation.
You're my responsibility.
Are we ever gonna
see them again?
I don't know.
I hope so.
How much longer
are we gonna be here?
Not long. We're...
I don't...
I don't know. I don't
have the answer, baby.
Listen.
We are happy to have you
here as long as you want.
As long as you need.
This is fun for us, isn't it?
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, it's like
having a big sister?
Like having a brother.
We're gonna
help out, right?
You're not even gonna
know we're here.
Okay.
Mom, this is awful.
You're dumping me in some
parking lot of this school
where I don't
even know anyone!
I'm leaving all my friends, and I
didn't even get to say goodbye!
I don't know where to go!
Samantha, you go
right through that door.
The office is right there.
They're expecting you.
They're gonna give you
your schedule.
Here's your lunch money.
I will pick you up
right here at 3:30.
I'm wearing dirty clothes because you
wouldn't even let us get our stuff!
We don't even have
a place to live!
This sucks!
Samantha, I'm doing
the best I can!
And you're right,
it sucks!
But it doesn't suck half as
much as having a drunk fool
slam your head
against a wall!
So cut your
horseshit attitude!
Put your seat belt on!
You know, if you need anything,
I'm in Room 112, right?
Okay-
This is Mrs. Darby's room.
Oh, honey,
it's gonna be okay.
Mom.
Dude,
did you see that?
That concert was awful.
Hook, I mean, when he smashed that
board against that microphone...
Are you Mason?
Yeah.
Hi, I'm Mrs. Darby.
I'm glad to meet you.
Why don't you sit here?
Kenny! Off.
Yes, ma'am.
Kenny, this is Mason,
and I want you to show
him around today,okay?
Got it.
Hey, dude.
Welcome to the suck.
Everybody, listen up!
We have a new student
joining us today.
His name is Mason,
he's sitting in the back row.
Kenny's going to be his buddy,
but I want each one of you
to take the time today
to introduce yourselves
and welcome him
to school. Okay?
All right?
Let's get started.
What?
Oh, hi.
Can I put an Obama sign
in your yard?
Do I look like a Barack
Hussein Obama supporter?
No.
This is private property.
Get off.
I could shoot you!
What a dick.
He had a Confederate flag
on his house.
I love it.
Young Obama supporters out
on the trail, this is great!
Are you doing this
through your school?
Um, our dad's
a big supporter.
Oh, that's great.
I mean, we have just got to pull
together to get this win, right?
Yeah.
Ah, I just
love him so much!
I have these dreams
where I'm just kissing him,
'cause I just
love him so much!
He's so cute, isn't he?
Yeah.
You know, I made these
T-shirts for my kids.
"My Mama's For Obama."
Do you like it?
Yeah.
- It's good, right?
- Yeah.
- Thanks for the sign!
- No problem.
All right! Looks good!
How many
you got left, two?
All right, all right, we're done.
Let's get out of here.
Come on, Sam.
Go get that McCain sign,
would you?
What? Get the McCain sign.
Go rip it up, come on.
Get it, get it, get it,
90.90,90!
Good job, good job.
Proud of you, son.
You guys
are gonna get us arrested.
Look,
I'm a patriot, all right?
And sometimes in this life
you gotta fight.
And what is it that you do
at these parties?
I don't know. Talk,
dance, listen to music.
Uh-huh. And that's more fun
to you than going camping
with your brother and
your father who love you.
Yes. Sorry.
Wow. ls there gonna
be alcohol there?
Probably not.
- Maybe some of the seniors.
Mmm-hmm.
I know what this party is.
The parents are
out of town, right?
Somebody's scored
a keg, right?
You guys are gonna have a good
time, trash the whole house.
Right? Am I right?
No.
No, Dad.
Amy's really responsible.
Mmm-hmm.
Who's gonna be there?
Marie, Christine, Amy.
Everyone.
Is that guy on your Facebook
page, is he gonna be there?
Who?
Come on, the guy that's got
his arm wrapped around you,
with his hair
over his eyes.
Garret?
Garret. Is that his name?
All right.
Is Garret gonna be there?
Probably.
Probably. Uh-huh.
You see?
I learn more about her
from her Facebook page
than I do from our
scintillating conversation.
Is he your boyfriend?
Kind of.
Have you met him? Has he
been around the house?
Sometimes.
Sometimes? Zzz?
You have a boyfriend!
Wow.
Have you heard
of Sarah Palin?
Yes.
What's the one thing
you know about
Sarah Palin's
17-year-old daughter?
She's pregnant?
That's right.
And what is the one thing
that you are not going to be
in a couple of years
when you turn 17?
Pregnant?
That's right!
All right, now,
what are the two ways
that you can achieve
that goal?
First is
not have any sex, okay?
That's the first way, okay?
Just not engage in that.
That did not work out very
well for your mother and me.
And what's the second way?
Where you going?
Bathroom.
You don't have to go
to the bathroom.
Sit down, Mason,
just sit down.
What's the second way?
Huh?
Has your mother talked to
you guys about this stuff?
No,Dad!
No, come on, has she
talked to you about
contraception?
Huh?
What, has she...
Condoms?
She talked about that?
No, Dad, please, stop.
What?
Does Garret have a condom?
Oh, God!
Dad! What? Come on.
Sam, we have to be able to
talk about this, all right?
Come on, we do. We can
do it, we can do it.
Just stay with me here,
all right?
It's as hard for me as it is for you.
But seriously, all right?
I read an article in the paper
the other day that said
that although US teenagers are
not the most sexually active,
we have the highest rate
of teenage pregnancy, okay?
Hey-
Oh, hey, Tammy, how you doing?
What's going on?
Nice to see you.
Oh, yeah, good to see you. Yeah.
Um, Tammy, this is my
daughter Samantha. Hey.
And this is, uh,
Mason Junior right here.
- Mason Junior.
- Tammy.
Say hi.
Hi.
Hi, Mason, nice to meet you.
Heard a lot about you guys.
What're you doing here?
I'm just here
with some friends.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
What are you guys up to?
Um, we're going camping.
Well, no, this one
is not going camping.
This one is going
to a party.
Oh, fun.
But we, the men,
are going camping.
The boys are going camping.
All right, very nice.
Well, uh, we still on for tomorrow?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I'll drop him off at 7:00
and then I'll just call you.
Okay.
Right?
Great. It was really
nice meeting you both.
Take care.
Talk to you soon. Bye. I'll see you.
I'll see you.
Don't look at me
like that, all right?
Look, just to finish
the point, okay?
I was 23 when your mom had you, all right?
So was she.
All right, and we didn't
put ourselves
in the best position
to be great parents.
And I wish that...
I wish I were a better parent
to you guys, all right?
And I hope that you
can learn from my mistakes, okay?
All right. So wear a condom, okay?
Oh!
Or get Garret to...
I don't know,
whatever.
Listen to this song,
all right?
I try to stay busy
Just straight-up...
The lyrics in this,
straight-up
old-school country song.
I do the dishes
I mow the lawn
Listen to
the production of this.
Production's like
Abbey Road or something.
Even though I know
You're not coming home
You know,
his old woman's gone.
Straight-up.
Nothing fancy.
I try to keep
the house nice and neat
Make my bed
I change the sheets
I even learned how to use
the washing machine
Keeping things clean
Doesn't change anything
Yeah, I think she's about
to get her master's degree.
Well, then she's gonna start
applying for teaching jobs?
I think she already has.
Really? Where?
All over.
All over Texas?
Yeah.
Well, if you gotta move, you gotta
move, you know? It's no big deal.
We can handle that. I'll still
come get you every other weekend.
I mean, unless she moves
500 miles away or something,
it'll just be a little bit
more car time.
No big deal.
I'm just kind of
sick of moving.
Well, I bet you are.
But, you know,
you never know.
I might have
to move. Right?
I'm working for this
insurance company now.
These places get bought
and sold all the time.
You know,
we'll just roll with it.
I thought you were
a musician.
I am,
but life is expensive,
you know?
Guy's got to
be responsible.
What do you think?
Hey! Hey!
Oh. you!
Punk kid!
You got no respect!
You know that redhead
at the bowling alley?
Sure.
What about her?
Do you
know her well?
Uh, you know,
we've hung out a little bit.
Is she your girlfriend?
How do you mean?
Like, have you kissed her?
Um...
Yeah. Yeah,
I've kissed her.
What about you?
Have you got a girlfriend?
Sort of.
Really?
Have you, uh,
kissed her?
Not really.
Yeah? What have you done?
Well,
we talked on the phone.
0h. yeah!
How did that go?
Pretty terrible.
Why?
Well, when we're at school,
we got plenty to talk about,
but when we're alone
or on the phone,
it's like we have
nothing in common.
Nothing?
She's not interested in
music or video games or...
Three best movies this summer.
Right.
Tropic Thunder, Dark Knight
and Pineapple Express.
Yeah, what about 'em?
She said they all sucked.
Okay, what's she
interested in?
I don't know.
Going to the mall with her
stupid friends?
Well, is she cute?
Watch your step there.
Yeah.
Yeah? All right.
Well, here's what
you do, all right?
First off, you gotta
ask her a lot of questions.
Then you have to listen to
the answers, all right?
Actually be interested
in her, all right?
If you can
do those things,
you're gonna be light years
ahead of all the other guys.
Okay. This is the best s'more I
ever made in my life, all right?
This is absolute peak. Look at this.
Yeah. Yeah.
Honey brown, no burn.
Look at that, huh?
Sell that in the store.
Mmm.
That's like advertisement worthy.
Mmm-hmm.
Advertisement quality.
Yeah.
Mmm.
You think they ever will
make another Star Wars?
I don't know. I think if they
were gonna make another one,
that the period
where this game is set
is where
it would have to be,
'cause there's
nothing after, really.
Yeah. No, Return of the Jedi, it's over.
There's nothing...
Yeah, there's nothing else
to do there.
You gonna turn Han Solo into a Sith Lord?
Yeah. What are you gonna do?
Right.
Good morning.
Morning.
You gotta pee?
Sure.
Mmm-hmm.
Hit the campfire.
Ancient Native
American custom.
You're gonna give back to the
Earth what you take from it,
and you don't burn
the forest down.
Okay, guys,
have a good day!
Mason, don't forget,
I have to teach late today.
Sam's gonna pick you up.
Right, Sam? Yeah.
All right.
Okay. Bye, guys.
See you.
Hey.
That's what I was
talking to you about.
Yeah. Good luck with that.
See you, man.
Don't bump into me!
Little bitch!
I didn't!
You calling me a liar?
No.
Don't act like you're
tough shit, motherfucker.
I don't think pretty boy's
hair's good enough.
Don't touch me, faggot!
You're a fuckin' asshole.
Hey, Mason!
MASON'. Hey, Jill.
So, where're you going?
Over to the college.
What's going on there?
My mom's a teacher.
Oh, cool.
What does she teach?
Psychology, I think.
What're you up to?
Oh, my mom
owns Needleworks.
The arts and crafts
store over there.
So I'm just
kinda hangin' out.
But I'm supposed to be going
to the hospital soon.
How come?
You know Courtney?
Girl with the dyed black hair
and the nose ring?
Wears Hot Topic
every day?
I think so.
We used to be
best friends growing up,
but we've kind of
grown apart.
She sorta got all emo,
she thinks I'm a prep,
but I still consider
her a friend.
Anyway, she cut
one of her wrists.
I don't know how bad, but I
think I should go visit.
So what're you reading?
Uh, it's Breakfast of Champions.
Kurt Vonnegut.
I think my older brother
likes him.
I'm reading To Kill a
Mockingbird for the third time.
My friends
make fun of me.
I think I'm the only girl
in the whole school
who doesn't like
the Twilight books.
Have you read 'em?
Sure haven't.
I tried,
but it was so cheesy!
So, how do you
like San Marcos?
I like it all right.
It's a lot smaller than Houston,
but it seems pretty cool.
Have you always
lived here?
Yeah.
If you want
the big city around here,
you have to drive
to San Antonio or Austin.
Have you been there yet?
I went to San Antonio
for a day,
but I haven't been
to Austin yet.
That's where all
the high school kids go
on weekends
for shows and stuff.
That's what I've heard.
So, are you going to
Shauna's party next weekend?
Um, I think I heard about it.
I'm not really sure, though.
Well, you should!
Why's that?
Well, LeeAnne has
a big crush on you,
and I know she was
hoping you would go.
You don't have
a girlfriend, do you?
Not currently.
Well then,
you should come.
I'll tell Chase to
make sure you're there.
Okay-
But don't tell LeeAnne I told you that.
She'd kill me.
I won't.
Well, I better get going.
See you later.
Bye.
His cognitive theories,
his interviews with orphans,
ethology theorists' work,
and then he in turn
was supported strongly by Harry
Harlow's rhesus monkey study.
Now, you guys,
you gotta think,
this is the 1950s,
this was radical!
This flew in the face of
traditional learning theory,
of B.F. Skinner's classical
and instrumental conditioning.
Now, Bowlby's
gonna argue that
human survival depends
on us falling in love.
It depends on me falling
in love with my mother
and my mother
falling in love with me.
And if that doesn't happen,
we're pretty much doomed.
Now think about it.
A tiger chases her tribe
out of a cave
Now, an ideal mother goes,
"My baby! I love you,
I'll protect you!"
Or, "Well, you, why am I gonna pick you up?
You're gonna slow me down.
"You are
tiger kibble!"
So, next week,
we are gonna get into
Bowlby's four stages
of attachment.
Oh, oh... Uh, Professor
Douglas and I...
Some of you might
have classes with Elena.
She and I are hosting a little
pre-Thanksgiving get-together at my place,
so if anyone wants to come,
please stop by.
I'm not the greatest cook.
Thanks.
Samantha!
Why the hell didn't you pick up your
brother like you said you would?
Okay. Mom... Morn, I know
what you're gonna say.
She was running late
and we couldn't turn around.
No, no! No excuses!
The bottom line is you didn't do
what you said you were gonna do!
You stranded your brother!
It's embarrassing to ask
my friend to turn around
and go get some kid
at the middle school.
What do you mean "some kid"?
He's your brother!
And you know what? We've
helped Janey out before.
She lives right around the corner.
It's no big deal.
Sorry.
You know what, Samantha?
You need to start thinking long
and hard about who you wanna be.
Do you wanna be
a cooperative person
who's compassionate and
helps people out...
...or do you wanna be
a self-centered narcissist?
You know what? You're right.
lam this horrible person.
But, honestly,
he's not a baby anymore.
You don't have to
treat him like one.
He's in eighth grade, and he can
find his way home if he wants to.
You know what?
When Gabi leaves, you and
me are gonna have a chat.
Awkward.
Dude, that sucks.
Hey, man, what's up?
Hey. We're going
camping tonight.
You in?
Uh. Who's going?
My brother, one of his
friends, and Tony maybe.
Yeah, let me check
with my mom.
Mom, can I go camping
with Chase tonight?
Camping? Where?
Uh, at that house that his family's building.
It's pretty much finished.
Well, will any adults
be there?
His brother's a senior.
You have your cell phone?
Yeah.
Is it charged?
Mmm-hmm.
Okay, do me a favor.
Leave his parents' number and
the address on the counter.
Okay-
Yeah! What
I'm talking about!
That's it.
You ready?
Check this shit out.
That was all right, but
this is gonna be badass.
All right, let me see.
Let me see what you can do.
All right.
This is your face.
I'm about to break
his face, right here.
All right, man. All right, now check this out.
You might want to move.
Ow, that'd be painful.
In the kidneys, right?
The stomach? Something.
Oh!
Check this out, man.
Pancreas.
That shit's lethal.
Yeah,
that would be painful.
Man, have a beer, man.
That was awesome. Here.
It's beer 30, children.
Nice.
Uh, no, thanks.
Come on, man.
What are you?
A pussy?
I just don't feel like
drinking a beer right now.
Man, if you're too chickenshit
to even have a beer,
I know for a fact that you
have never gotten any pussy.
Like you guys have.
Sure have.
When?
Last summer.
- With who?
- It was awesome.
Chase went down easy street
and fucked this whore Nancy.
At least,
that's what he said.
I did. Would I lie?
Bullshit. Quick,
where were you?
At Taber's house.
And she fucked
a couple other guys, too.
Oh, man, his first piece
of ass was sloppy seconds.
What about you, Mason?
You ever got any?
Yeah, you ever made her, uh,
howl into the night?
A few times.
Really?
Yeah, right, what was her name?
Lucky?
No.Jennfien
She doesn't live here, though.
She's back in Houston.
You're fucking lying.
I don't care if you assholes
believe me or not.
Let me guess, you were pulling
all kinds of ass back home,
but once you got
down here, lefty.
Hey, fuck you.
I would, but none of
the girls here want to.
Dude, it's not what they want,
man, it's what you want.
True dat.
You know what you
should do, join a band.
That's all it takes, man.
Oh,yeah?
Fuck,yeah,dude.
You don't even have
to play that well.
You start playing
your instrument,
and they line up
to give you blowjobs.
Except for you.
It doesn't impress
the ladies so much
when you play flute
for the marching band.
I'm not in the
fucking marching band.
Oh, dude, you sure? I heard
you play the skin flute.
All right, I got
a question for you guys.
If you think
you're so cool,
why you hanging out with a bunch
of 8th graders on a Friday night?
Hey. Fuck you,
you little penis wrinkle.
You're lucky
to even be here.
This is our camp-out.
The only reason you little
cum gums are here
is because fucking
Charlie's mom made him
bring his little
asshole brother
and then he drags along
you little dice danglers.
Fucking fuzz nut,
talking shit!
It's all good, man.
These little fuzz nuts are going
to get their chance soon enough.
We got some whores
coming by later.
- Yeah?
- Hell yeah!
Now, I know Chase
will fuck anything.
I mean, I've seen this kid
mount boulders before.
But what about you guys?
You in?
- Whatever.
- All right.
Good man.
All right.
What about you, Peter Puffer?
I don't know. Maybe.
Dude, it's okay to be gay.
We understand.
Just, you know,
sleep over there.
I'm not gay-
Give it some time, man.
You'll realize.
Fuck y'all.
See, that's exactly
my point, man.
Nah, but we don't have
whores coming over.
We were just fucking with
you to see what you'd say.
And you just earned
your vag badge.
Put it next
to your bitch card.
Yeah, 'cause, you know,
you're a bitch.
Now hold this like
the bitch you are, bitch.
All right, this shit is
called the death punch.
Whoa, Jesus!
Hey-
You guys made it! Good.
Oh.
There you are.
Oh, wow.
And here you go, hostess.
Oh, thank you.
Can I get you a bite?
Oh, that's cool.
Thanks.
You did that?
Yeah.
Wow.
How long have you
been doing that for?
Not very long. Um...
I went to this camp thing
just this past summer.
They have a camp
for graffiti?
Well, they call it
"urban art." Oh.
So it sounds, you know,
less illegal
but it was really just a way
to get free spray paint.
Cool. So is this your tag?
Is that...
Do they still call it...
Yeah, but you know, it's just
letters that I'm good at writing.
It's a
E.
"E-Z-J-O."
Kez Jo.
That's cool.
It doesn't really
mean anything, though.
Is that your dad?
Yeah.
Where's he live?
In Houston.
Get to see him much?
Yeah. Some weekends
and over the summer.
Cool.
So, you're a student
of my mom's, right?
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah,
I got one class with her.
Yeah, she's cool.
How's she doing? You know, is she
a good teacher and everything?
Yeah, she's great!
She's super-smart
and she cares, you know.
She makes it interesting.
She's probably even
my favorite teacher.
So, anyway, we figured
out a way to rig up our iPods
to the external speakers
on the ASB.
So every time
we come rolling into town,
you knew
the 4-56 was there
'cause we were bumping
House of Pain.
It was like,
"Jump around, jump around."
And the whole family's
coming outside,
you got the kids and,
uh, the mom and the dad
and they're all
bouncing up and down,
we're throwing out
candies for the kids
and soccer balls and Beanie
Babies and Frisbees, uh,
smokes for the adults,
and, uh, they loved, they
absolutely loved Gatorade.
But for some reason, you know,
they hated the lemon-lime flavor.
I don't know what it was.
Yeah.
Couldn't give it away.
How long were you
over there?
Uh, I did two tours in Iraq
and one in Bosnia.
Wow.
Did you enlist?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah, I was, um,
Army National Guard,
and, you know, coming
straight out of high school,
needed money
for college.
Seemed like
a decent paying job.
And, uh, did my tour.
And whenever I got done
I told them,
if there's a world-changing
event, I'll come back.
And, uh, three months later 9/11
happened, and I was back 9/12.
And I'm proud to say the 4-56,
the whole time we were there,
we never lost a guy,
not one casualty.
But is that odd?
Is that unusual?
Yeah. Uh...
Almost impossible.
Like, the guys that came along
after us and replaced us,
they didn't listen
to any of our advice.
They did, basically, the polar
opposite of what we did,
and they lost seven guys
in the first month.
WOW.
What did you guys
do differently?
I like to think it's just a matter
of mutual respect, you know.
All the time we spent over
there building trust,
these guys basically
destroyed it in three days.
So, what did the locals think
about why we're there?
- Oil, plain and simple.
- Mmm.
Hey, Mason.
One last hit.
Hey-
Mickey Mouse Club.
Get the fuck out of my car.
Just crawl out the back
window or something, man.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'll see you
on Sunday night.
All right. You better text me.
Mmm...
Do you have any gum?
Um...
Yeah, I do, actually.
Here you go.
Thanks. See ya.
And they're buying this party line
that they're supposed to feel bad
and trade off
their own pension,
as if that's what's been
corrupting this nation.
Yeah, because
those who heart Fox,
in my opinion,
are being lied to.
Yeah,
thank God for Wisconsin.
We have to follow
that example.
You're right.
Hey, Mason,
what time is it?
Uh, like 12315.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday!
Mason.
It's your birthday?
Just now, I guess.
Yeah, how old are you?
Fifteen.
Fifteen. Give me a hug.
Happy birthday.
Oh, my goodness!
Have you been drinking?
Have you?
Yeah, a little.
Have you?
A little bit.
Have you been...
A little bit.
on.
Oh...
I'm gonna go to sleep.
Talk in the morning, huh?
Hey,Dad.
Hey! How you doing? Mmm... Good.
Whose car is that?
That's our car.
Hop on in there.
Hey.
Hi, sweetie.
Oh...
Hey, Cooper.
Hey! How's it going?
Hello, little brother.
He's so cute.
Can we just replace
that part of the pipe?
No, is no good.
Everything is no good.
Everything. Yes, mira.
This one is...
Stronger.
Yes. This is better,
yes,yes,yes.
Hey, listen, thanks for
that camera you got Mason.
Oh, yeah, Mason's all into the photography.
He's loving that thing.
Yeah, I know.
He's actually talking about turning
his, uh, closet into a darkroom.
Like the red light and the
developing, the whole nine...
You all right with that?
I probably won't see him for a week.
Oh, yeah. Right.
But he's having
a good time.
At least he's focused on something.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's what I like.
Yeah, he's all about it.
Okay, let's go grande.
It's good? It's better, yes.
It's good.
You know, you're smart.
You should be in school.
Oh, I like
school, I need school,
but it's hard,
I working all day.
Go to night school at community college.
It's pretty affordable.
You're doing a nice job with the house.
It's looking great.
Oh, thanks.
Really great.
Yeah, you know, some
fix-its here and there.
We got a good deal on a foreclosure,
so now I'm finding out why.
Yeah, really. Hey,bud! Hey.
Happy birthday, huh?
What's that?
What's that? That's our new car.
Get in it.
All right.
Have a good weekend.
How you doing?
Good to see you.
You, too.
Hey!
Hey, how are you?
Ooh...
You look great. Ooh!
Thanks.
Look at him!
Aw, he's got Mason's nose.
- Yeah, isn't he cute?
- Yeah.
- All right!
- Love you guys.
We got a big drive ahead of us.
Bye, Sam.
You guys drive safe.
All right. Well,
we'll be back tomorrow night.
Bye, honey.
I'm so glad you were born!
So, this is like Annie's car
and you drive the GTO?
I guess you can't really put
a baby seat in that thing.
Yeah, no. But I had
to sell that anyway.
You what?
Yeah, I had to sell that.
So it's gone?
Yeah, some sucker
collector from California
paid 22 grand for it,
which is great
'cause I basically got
to pay for this in cash.
I only paid $8,500 for
that thing way back when.
Cars are generally a terrible
investment, you know.
Soon as you drive
them off the lot,
you got a used car
on your hands,
and the value's only
dropping from there.
But if you take care
of it, you know,
and you get lucky
and it's a classic,
the value starts
going up again.
Shit, you got guys paying
hundreds of thousands of dollars
for some Shelby Cobra.
What?
You don't remember?
Remember what?
Really?
You said that was going to
be my car when I turned 16.
What? No,
I didn't. I never said that.
I remember.
I was in third grade
and you were taking me over to Anthony
Nadar's house for his birthday,
and we were there early, so we
gave him a ride around the block,
and he was talking about how
much he loved your car,
and so you were all like, "Oh, this is
gonna be Mason's when he turns 16."
All right, first off, I have
no memory of that, all right?
Second of all, I would
never say that. Never
Oh, you did, though.
What?
Mason.
Come on,
what about your sister?
I'm just gonna
forget about her?
Come on,
how's that fair? Huh?
Anthony Nagar. What...
Are you...
Oh, come on!
I mean, you're not...
Look, you can sit there like there's
a death in the family, all right,
but bottom line is, that was my car.
All right?
I paid for it,
I took care of it,
and I can do whatever
I want with it. All right?
I'm sorry if you had other ideas
about it, but when you get older,
you can save up
and buy a car of your own.
Be cool like I used to be.
Or you can get a minivan.
Does your mom actually
let you watch this?
Yeah. She likes it, too.
Oh, my God.
Okay, well, have you ever
seen her in concert?
No, but she's coming
to Houston in April.
She's coming to Houston?
Mmm-hmm.
Your dad and I could get you tickets
and you could stay with us.
That'd be great!
Yeah.
- Hey, Annie?
- Yup.
Will you get me the little
birthday present for Mason?
Here, babe.
All right.
This one needs
a little explanation, okay?
Open it up.
I call that
the Beatles Black Album.
What it is, is the best of
John, Paul, George and Ringo,
solo, post-breakup.
Thanks.
Basically, I put the band back
together for you.
Whenever you listen
to too much of the solo stuff,
it kind of becomes a drag,
you know?
But you put them next
to each other, right,
and they start
to elevate each other,
and then you can hear it.
It's The Beatles,
you know?
I don't know. I think I always
just liked Paul the best.
It doesn't matter, you know,
you're missing the point.
There is no favorite Beatle!
That's what I'm saying.
It's in the balance.
That's what made them
the greatest fucking rock band
in the world, okay?
And there's this decade
of music out there
that's been scattered,
all right,
and now it has been carefully
found, arranged and ordered for you
by your loving father.
Very arranged
and very organized,
over and over again
by your loving father.
Yes, yes, yes.
So, I mean,
look at that, look at that.
Uh, top of volume ll,
first four tracks,
you've got Band on the Run
into My Sweet Lord
into Jealous Guy
into Photograph. Come on!
It's like the perfect segue.
You got Paul,
who takes you to the party,
George who talks
to you about God,
John is just, "No,
it's about love and pain,"
and then Ringo
who just says,
"Hey. Can't we enjoy what
we have while we have it?"
It's a good record.
I shit you not.
Cool.
Hey, there, Cliff.
Hey, how you doing?
Good. How you doing?
Hi, birthday boy!
It's good to see you.
Ah, it's great to see you. Yeah.
You made it
all right, huh?
Yeah, we sure did.
We sure did.
How are you, darling?
Let's just get this one...
All right, we ready?
Yeah.
Wait.
Hey, Sam.
Wait, wait, wait.
Come on.
Hey, still sleeping here?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, buddy.
Oh!
Make a wish,
make a wish.
Real good! Presents! Wait, wait, wait.
Here, sweetie.
Sam, would you get us
a knife so we can cut this up?
All right.
I hope you like it. I
heard you didn't have one, so.
It's a Bible. This is your first Bible.
Look,
there's your name.
Wow. In gold. And
wait, wait, wait.
Look at this.
It's a red-letter edition,
and that means that everything
that Jesus said is in red.
Thank you. You like it?
All right.
I love you, sweetie.
Happy birthday.
And this
one's from us.
Oh, yeah, here.
It's not going to make all
your dreams come true here.
Just keep
your expectations low.
No, you need it.
It's...
Come on, right? You gotta have it.
You need this.
You got life ahead of you.
And the shirt is blue.
You got dances
and job interviews.
Here, I'm going to get
it all wrinkled here.
Mason? Come here, son.
Uh-oh.
SIGHING)
Pull that Off.
There's a 20-gauge shotgun.
Wow.
My dad gave it to me when I was
a little younger than you,
and his dad gave it to him.
Well, you're 15 and I'd like
for you to have it, all right?
Here, you hold it.
Yeah?
Thank you.
Congratulations, son.
I'll teach you
how to clean it,
teach you how to fire it.
I'll teach
you a little bit of safety.
Now cock it.
All right, there you go.
Now, what you want to do is line up
the front sight with the back sight.
Here, you see this little V right here?
Mmm-hmm.
Now which one
you aiming at?
Uh, the middle can.
The middle can? All right.
Mmm-hmm.
Now fire at will,
all right?
Ho! Whoa!
Yeah!
All right, watch out, watch out.
Whoa. Be careful. All right.
Ready?
Pull!
Oh, you hit a little low.
Wait till it gets up high,
then shoot, all right?
'Cause then it's a better
aim coming down.
Remember, second trigger.
Mmm-hmm.
Ready?
Mmm-hmm.
Pull!
Look what you did! Well,
you nailed it, didn't you?
How did that feel?
Felt good.
Yeah, it felt good. Good.
Well, I want for
us to be together forever
But to wander
wherever I may
I want you to be
easy and casual
But still demand I stay
I want for you
to know me completely
But still remain
mysterious
Consider
everything deeply
But still remain fearless
Climb to the top
Look over the ledge
Dance barefoot
on a razor's edge
Reach for the stars
Grab a tiger by the tail
If I don't try,
I'll never fail
If you go
home You're rolling the dice
Can't step
in the same river twice
You love too much
It'll turn to hate
You never leave home
You'll never be late
You eat too much
You're gonna get fat
If you buy a dog
You'll piss off your cat
So take a deep breath
and enjoy the ride
'Cause arrivals and departures
Run side by side
Oh!
You're our first
audience, you know?
Mason demanded we work
on it the whole time.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
It's a work in progress.
A week later,
we don't know why
Thomas wasn't there
the first time, uh,
but a week later,
Thomas comes back
and joins
the other disciples.
They say, "The Lord's
alive, we saw him!"
"I won't believe it until I
put my finger into his side,
"and I wanna see those
nail prints in his hands."
About
that time, here comes Jesus
standing right
next to him, okay?
And he turns to Thomas. Don't you
know, Thomas felt some shame.
He turns to Thomas
and says,
"Thomas, here, stick
your finger in my side.
"Look at these nail prints.
It's me."
And Thomas says, "My Lord
and my God, I believe."
And Jesus said,
"Well, that's good,
"but blessed are those who
can believe without seeing."
It's a lot easier when you
can see and feel and touch,
but like us, we haven't
seen him in the flesh,
we haven't felt him
in the flesh,
but we have experienced
him in the spirit.
At least, I have,
and I hope y'all have, too.
The pond's right up here.
Ooh, it's low.
Yeah.
You know, my dad could
take you fishing
next time you're here
if you want.
Thanks.
Hi, baby.
What's goin' on?
No, I think we're just gonna
hang here for a minute.
You want me
to stay with you?
No, it's okay.
You sure?
Yeah. Thanks.
Mason, why are you
such a stick-in-the-mud?
What are you
even talking about?
You guys don't mind coming
back here on the 20th, do you,
for Cooper's baptism?
No, that's fine.
Sam?
I appreciate it.
It means a lot to Annie
and her folks, you know.
Were we baptized?
I wasn't the least bit concerned
with the state of your soul.
We can do it now,
though, if you want.
No, I think
I'm all right.
You and Cooper together,
you know.
Dunk your heads.
You're not becoming one of those
God people, are you, Dad?
And what's that
supposed to mean, huh?
I can hear you!
Oh, wow.
I think that shotgun should
live at my house, huh?
I don't think your mom would love that.
Look out, Sam.
Let me show you
how it's done.
Nice, Dad.
Still got the goods, hmm?
How long you been
in here, Mason?
I'm not sure.
I'm sure.
All class.
Did you complete
your image diary?
Not yet.
Completed your, uh,
digital contact sheet?
Not quite, but it's
not gonna take me long.
Not yet. Not quite.
Dark room time
is extra-curricular.
I mean, technically, you don't ever
have to be in here these days,
and certainly not until you've
completed your assignments.
That's the deal.
Sorry.
I'm worried about
you, Mason.
Why is that?
I'll tell you why.
The images you're turning
in, they're cool.
You're looking at things
in a really unique way.
Got a lot of natural talent.
Thanks.
Yeah, but that
and 50 cents
will just get you a cup of
coffee in this old world.
I've met a lot of talented
people over the years.
How many of them
made it professionally
without discipline,
commitment
and a really good
work ethic?
I can tell you. I can
count it on two fingers.
Zero.
It's not gonna happen
for you, Mason.
The world is too competitive.
There are too many talented people
who are willing to work hard,
and a butt load of morons
who are untalented
who are more than
willing to surpass you.
As a matter of fact, a lot of them
are sitting in that classroom
out there right now, hmm?
You know what they're doing?
They're doing
their assignments.
Which is what you're supposed
to be doing, but you're not.
You're in here.
Now why is that?
You special, Mason?
No, but the things
you're talking about,
like work ethic
or whatever,
I feel like I do
work pretty hard.
I spend the whole weekend
taking pictures a lot of times.
You like football, Mason?
Not really.
Yeah, I know you don't.
That's why
I've just assigned you
to shoot the football
game tonight. Okay?
It starts at 7:30, I want
you to get there early,
I want you to shoot a full card, 300
images, I want them downloaded,
I want them sorted, and I want to
see them very first thing Monday.
You want to know
why I'm doing this?
I guess.
Who do you want
to be, Mason?
What do you want to do?
I want to take pictures.
Make art.
Any dipshit can
take pictures, Mason.
Art, that's special.
What can you bring to it
that nobody else can?
That's what
I'm trying to find out.
Try harder.
Maybe in 20 years you can call old
Mr. Turlington and you can say,
"Thank you, sir,
"for that terrific darkroom
chat we had that day."
Get back to class
and do your work.
Hey, man, you're walkin'
a little funny.
Fuck you.
I'm just saying, you guys were
in there for a long time.
Just hope he bought
you dinner first.
Mason! Honey,
come down for dinner.
Samantha! You didn't post these
pictures and their descriptions?
Come on. This auction is
gonna end on Sunday, honey.
You've gotta get
those posted.
Why are we even doing this?
It's like an online
junk shop.
I thought you had
a good job.
I do. We're what
you call house poor.
Everyone's got
to do their part.
Your brother took
the pictures.
You have to help.
Who even buys this shit?
Hey. Sam, watch your mouth,
all right?
Don't disrespect
your mother.
You like a roof over
your head, don't you?
Yeah, and you like
having electricity
so that you can charge
your cell phone?
I'm not even gonna
be here next year.
I'm a senior.
I should be having fun.
Nice nails.
Yeah, some girl did
that in sixth period.
You planning
on keeping them?
Until it comes off,
l guess.
Last summer it was the
earrings, and now the nails.
You got a purse
to go with all that?
A lot of guys do that.
He's just trying to be cool.
When I was in high school,
having a job,
being responsible, being able
to afford a car, that was cool.
Mason, honey,
why don't you get you and
your sister some water.
Hey, man, Turlington says to cut
the artsy crap and shoot the game.
So take your lens
and point it that way.
Jesus Christ.
Also, we got a ride.
McCormick's gonna
take us to the party.
We're gonna head out
after the game.
You're goin', okay?
Okay-
Shoot the game.
First one! What was that?
What was that? What is up?
Hey, what's up?
Hey.
How's it goin'?
Pretty good.
How long have
you been here?
I don't know.
Awhile, I guess.
Awhile?
I just feel like there are so
many things that I could be doing
and probably want to be
doing that I'm just not.
Why aren't you?
I mean, I guess it's just being
afraid of what people would think.
You know, judgment.
Yeah.
I guess it's really easy
to say like,
"I don't care
what anyone else thinks,"
but everyone does, you know?
Exactly.
Deep down.
I find myself so furious at all these
people that I'm in contact with
just for controlling me
or whatever,
but, you know, they're not
even aware they're doing it.
Yeah.
So, in this perfect world, where
no one's controlling you,
what's different?
What changes?
Everything.
I mean, I just wanna be
able to do anything I want,
because it makes me
feel alive.
As opposed to giving me
the appearance of normality.
Whatever that means.
I don't think
it means much.
You're kinda weird, you know that?
Yeah?
Is that a compliment?
I don't know.
Do you wanna be weird?
I mean, I don't want to like scare kids
at the park, or anything like that.
I really like
talking with you.
I don't usually even try
to vocalize my thoughts
or feelings
or anything.
I don't know, it never sounds right.
Words are stupid.
So, why are you
trying with me?
I don't know.
I guess I feel comfortable.
I'm glad.
Hey, Jim.
I'm sorry I'm so late.
What time are you
supposed to be home?
I don't know.
A while ago.
While ago like, 30 minutes
ago, an hour ago?
'Cause truthfully
nobody even knew
where you were
until your sister told us.
She's been home
for a while.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, been hearin'
a lot of that lately.
See,but you
don't actually care.
You just kinda come
and go as you please,
and you don't care
if your mom's upset,
or what time
you gotta be home.
Is that what's up?
I don't know
what to tell you.
Stop mumbling!
You know, speak up!
I can't understand a word
comin' out of your mouth.
It's just like...
And I ask you questions
and you just...
Can I just have one day where
everyone isn't all over my ass?
I'm up your ass?
This is my house.
All right?
If you wanna live
in my house,
then you get home when you
say you're gonna be home.
You know, Jim,
you're not my dad.
No, I'm not your dad.
You know how I know that?
'Cause I'm actually here.
I'm the guy with the job,
payin' the bills,
takin' care of you, your
mom, your sister, huh? Huh?
I'm that guy!
Morning.
Morning.
Hey. Which one of you guys used the
downstairs bathroom last night?
I don't know.
I didn't.
That tall guy,
what's his name?
Phillip?
Yeah, Phillip. He did it.
Can Phillip read?
You know, there's
a big sign on the door.
It says, "Do not use this
bathroom, it's broken."
I mean,
how difficult is that?
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I think I'm gonna put the
house on the market.
Why?
This house is too big for us.
You're going to
school eventually.
It's too expensive.
I'm done.
Why did you even buy it
in the first place then?
Because I really enjoy
making poor life decisions,
keeping us on
the brink of poverty.
I've spent the first half of my
life acquiring all this crap,
and now I'm gonna spend
the second half of my life
getting rid
of all this stuff.
Really? Like what?
Well, I got rid of
a couple husbands,
now I'm gonna get rid
of a mortgage,
some maintenance,
the tchotchskes,
the homeowner's insurance, the
property tax, the plumbing.
You know what?
From now on,
lam gonna be Mommy Monk.
Simple. Celibate.
Don't be gross, Mom.
Fine.
I'll be a poor whore
with a big house.
Is that better? Hmm?
Okay.
Mason, please, don't leave
me that dirty dish to wash.
I do dishes all day.
Oh, great! Honey,
then you're a professional.
Come on, you could do one or two
more for your poor old mom.
Okay-
Thank you.
You want one?
on, God!
She didn't even
touch them, seriously.
I watched her
the whole time.
I bet you did watch her,
you little pervert.
It's like
we're on a date.
Cheers.
It's a night of romance.
Yeah, except
I'm not gonna kiss you.
I will blow you, though.
Mason! We are in
the weeds out here!
I'm goin' as fast
as I can.
Oh, then I must be
confused then,
'cause I just saw you
chattin' it up with April,
when I got a salad bar
that needs a refill,
I got a six-top,
two four-tops I can't use
because they
haven't been bussed!
Enrique is not here.
I'm tryin'.
Well, while you're tryin',
we're dyin'!
What am I supposed
to tell my customers?
"Oh, I'm sorry that your table's
got dirty plates on it,
"but Mason's trying.
"At least that's
what he told me.
"After he was flirtin' with April
and eatin' your leftover shrimp."
Now it is a challenge
out there today, I know,
but I wanna share
something with you.
I got you pegged
for fry cook this summer,
and that's a lot
more responsibility.
It's also more money.
How's that sound?
Good.
I know you can
handle that money,
but can you take
the responsibility?
I think you can,
because I believe in you.
But I need you on the floor.
Now leave the dishes.
Giddy up.
All right, come on!
Don't let me down!
Well, so it's runnin' okay? That
alternator's not messin' up anymore?
No, it's fine.
It's up for the trip.
Good.
Are you gonna see your sister
when you guys are in Austin?
Yeah, she said I can stay
at her dorm, which is cool.
And I guess her roommate's out
of town, so it's no big deal.
All right.
Did you apply there yet?
Did you get that
application in to UT?
Not yet, but Sheena's
pretty much in, though.
Right. Well, if you know
that's where you wanna go,
you should probably do that early
acceptance thing, you know?
Seriously, let 'em know you're
a man who knows what he wants.
Yeah.
A little bit of decisiveness goes a
long way in this life, all right?
Yeah.
Great.
And what about work?
How's that goin'?
Uh, I don't know.
It's all right.
Today kind of sucked.
This guy didn't show up.
But it's definitely an interesting
perspective on the world.
People are slobs.
Well, when people ask me
about you, I say to them,
"Mason, he's doing great.
"He's got a job,
he's really cleanin' up."
AH right, say hi to Annie
and Cooper, will you?
Say hi to your big brother.
"Hey, big brother."
Hey, Annie.
Hey, kiddo.
Can you say bye-bye?
Bye-bye!
We'll see you soon.
All right. Well, be careful
when you're driving, all right?
Don't be texting, don't be doing any of that.
All right, just...
You're Obi-Wan. You're
centered, patient. Right?
You watch three cars ahead,
two behind.
Takes two bad drivers
to have an accident, okay?
Okay-
Listen, tell your sister to pick up her
phone or call me back or something.
Okay.
All right, buddy.
You have a good one.
Bye,Dad.
Hey, honey, take this
to your sister.
Throw it in the truck, okay?
Okay, I will.
So where
is Sheena staying?
At her friend Emily's.
Is Emily a real person?
Yeah.
Yeah, she's a sophomore.
She has an apartment.
Okay, this is in case
of emergency.
Don't spend it,
I want it back.
Okay. Thanks.
Did you do
your homework?
Most of it, but I can
finish tomorrow night.
Honey, 11th grade is really important
for college. Don't blow it.
I know, I know. I mean, we're
going to UT and everything.
Oh, don't you want
me to come?
"Come on, Sheena, road trip
with Mom!" I'll pay for gas.
Fine.
Just kidding. I have work.
Call me when
you get there.
I will.
Have fun!
That sounds to
me like just another
extreme Mason
view of everything.
Not at all!
I finally figured it out.
It's like when they realized
it was gonna be too expensive
to actually build
cyborgs and robots.
I mean, the costs
of that were impossible.
They decided to
just let humans
turn themselves
into robots.
That's what's
going on right now.
Oh, right now?
Yeah! I mean, why not?
They're billions of us just laying
around, not really doing anything.
We don't cost anything.
We're even pretty good at self-maintenance
and reproducing constantly.
And as it turns out, we're
already biologically programmed
for our little
cyborg upgrades.
How?
Seriously.
I read this thing
the other day about how...
When you hear
that ding on your inbox,
you get like a dopamine
rush in your brain.
It's like we're being
chemically rewarded
for allowing ourselves
to be brainwashed.
How evil is that?
We're fucked.
So you deleting your Facebook
page is gonna change all that?
Remember when Trevor deleted
his Facebook page last year
and everyone just hated him?
You made more fun
of him than anyone.
I still make fun
of Trevor though.
It was like he was so pathetically
desperate for attention.
Or to be different,
or something.
That's just 'cause they did that lame
story about it in the school paper.
And then he had to make
a big announcement about it
when he came back
a month later.
That's the thing, though, I'm
not doing it for attention.
I just wanna try and not live
my life through a screen.
I want some kind of
actual interaction.
A real person, not just
the profile they put up.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you saying something?
Yeah, okay,
I know you're joking.
But, I mean,
it's kind of true.
You have been, you know, checking
your phone this whole time,
so, what're you
really doing?
You don't care what your friends
are up to on a Saturday afternoon,
but you're also obviously not fully
experiencing my profound bitching.
So, yeah, it's like everyone's just
stuck in like an in-between state.
Not really
experiencing anything.
It's not an experience,
it's just information.
Look. For example,
I just got the address of the club
where we're meeting them later,
so we won't be wandering the streets
of Austin lost for an hour tonight.
Thank you
very much, Facebook.
And then I just texted
my mom back.
Oh, that's groundbreaking.
She hasn't seen you in,
like, 55 minutes?
Oh...
Oh, my God,
most importantly,
Meg's family just got
a miniature pet pig.
Okay, you're right. That is
a really cute, tiny pig.
Our lives can go on.
I want one.
Nice shot.
Yeah, just give the
lady at the front y'all's IDs
and,uh,
she should let you in.
It's Room 206, right?
Awesome. Mmm.
It's not weird that
we're staying there, is it?
No, it's fine. Have fun.
Thank you.
How long have you
guys been dating?
About three months.
Yeah, we met at a party
and it's been chill.
Yeah, he seems cool.
Yeah, he is.
- Does he go to UT, too?
- Yeah.
What does he study?
He's studying history and Italian,
I think, his minor, yeah.
Does he wanna
teach Italian?
I think he's still
figuring stuff out.
Yeah.
He'll figure it out.
He's smart.
Smart, yeah.
So, where are you thinking about
living when you come here?
Um, I'm not really sure yet.
We're gonna look
at apartments tomorrow.
Um...
But I know my parents sort of were
expecting me to live in a dorm.
But I'm paying
my way through college,
so it doesn't
really matter that much.
You don't have to listen to
your parents after you turn 18.
Especially if they're not
helping you financially.
That's what I figured.
But living in a dorm isn't so bad.
Yeah?
I mean, especially
if it's a coed dorm.
Yeah.
I mean, I've never been around
so many cute guys at once.
Like, college is really fun.
I'm excited.
It's great, yeah.
Oh.
The last death at the Hoover
Dam construction site
was his son,
Patrick Tierney,
who died on
December 20th, 1935,
exactly 13 years to the day.
See those
sorority girls over there?
I've just decided,
if you delete your Facebook
page, I'm pledging.
Yeah, in just
a few years that's you,
and that's gonna be me.
...Inlaid into the terrazzo
floors was a star map,
a celestial map of heavenly
bodies so accurately displayed
that one could chart the
procession of the pole star
14,000 years into the future, such
that future generations upon...
I wonder
what his deal is.
I mean, he obviously
has money to eat here.
He just said. He's a U professor, tenure and everything.
Look at all these people.
What're they even doing here
at 3:00 in the morning?
What are we even doing here
at 3:00 in the morning?
We know what
we're doing here.
Queso. We have a purpose.
Hell, yeah.
You know, by next summer,
this'll just be our lives.
Mmm.
Staying out all night, going
to shows, whatever we want.
We ever gonna go to class?
Sometimes.
When it feels right.
When the inspiration hits.
Only then.
Anything else?
Uh, more queso?
Yeah.
Jesus.
What?
I don't know, doesn't it all
seem a little overwhelming?
I mean, college?
I mean, I like the idea
of being away from home
and gaining skills and getting
better at photography.
I just...
I don't know,
I'm not counting on it
being some big,
transformative experience.
I don't think
it's that transformative.
I just see it
as the next step.
But it's like
a preordained slot
that's already got
your name and number on it.
I don't think
it's the key to my future.
'Cause, I mean,
look at my mom.
She got her degree
and got a pretty good job.
She can pay her bills.
I like your mom.
I like my mom, too.
I just mean...
Basically she's still just
as fuckin' confused as I am.
Thank you.
Thanks.
- Hello?
- Hey.
Um...
Did Sam tell you
we were gonna stay here?
No.
Sorry. Um...
She said you were out of
town for the weekend.
Yeah, I was.
I just got back.
Are you her brother?
Yeah, I'm Mason.
Um, this is Sheena.
Hello. Uh, great.
All right. I'm gonna leave
my stuff here, if it's okay,
and get something to eat.
I'll just come back
in a little bit?
Yeah, yeah, we have to
get out of here soon anyway.
All right.
It's nice meeting you.
- Yeah. You, too.
- Sorry!
- That was so awkward.
Mmm-hmm.
Mason,
silver-medal winner.
Congratulations!
Thank you.
Heard you got a scholarship.
Yeah.
Yeah, every little
bit helps, you know.
Yeah. When you gonna
go out there?
End of the summer, I think.
Work some more before then, try
to save up some money, at least.
Yeah, before you have to
fend for yourself. Yeah.
Yeah, that's the idea.
Well, how are you
feeling about it?
Excited, you know.
But kind of half-excited,
half-terrified.
Yeah, kind of that
voluptuous panic.
Yeah. Exactly.
Well, it's gonna be good.
It's gonna be crazy good.
I liked college a lot
better than high school.
You kinda find your people
in college, you know?
Exactly.
You'll be fine.
You got a good heart, just
follow your heart. Yeah?
Thanks.
Good luck.
Don't forget to floss.
I just don't get why you're
being so fucking childish.
I'm not being childish!
You're the one who made it into
this big thing by telling everyone!
I haven't told anyone.
So Cynthia just
magically knows
you're going to the prom
with this loser,
even though you're not
dating him anymore?
She's my best friend.
Well, your best friend
has a big fucking mouth.
Take it up with her, then.
Why don't you just
tell Miss Fuckin' Rubber Jaw
she can keep on talking,
as long as she
includes the truth,
which is that we wouldn't
be having this conversation
if your college boyfriend weren't
out of town this weekend.
You had already
bought the tickets.
It's just prom,
it's not like it matters.
I'm just trying to
be friends with you.
It's just humiliating.
I can't do that.
Mister I-Don't-Care-
What-Anyone-Else- Thinks-Of-Me.
Fuck anyone else!
I care what I think of me,
which isn't much right now.
King of the Pity Prom.
Fine. We're not going.
Great.
Why are we even...
I mean, we both knew
this was coming.
I'm just the one
who did something about it.
Yeah, fucking
some college guy.
Oh, fuck you!
I don't regret anything.
Of course you don't.
You know, it's actually
kind of a relief
not to have to be around someone
who's so gloomy all the time.
The world's not so horrible.
Not everything's some big
conspiracy against humanity.
It's great that
you can think that way.
You know, I'm sure dating a jock
really helps to clear the mind.
He's not a jock, okay? He just
happens to be on the lacrosse team.
We're all going to other
schools next year anyway.
It's not some
super-serious relationship.
Oh, great. I feel
so much better now.
We're just having fun.
I bet he's having fun.
Grow up, Mason.
It's not like I haven't
been with anyone else.
Who?
What do you care?
Who?
Does it matter?
You're the one
who brought it up.
This is pointless.
Now you're just trying
to be an asshole.
Holy crap, I would rather
have my balls clawed off
than ever sit through
anything like that ever again.
Well, you never,
ever have to.
Oh, my God, thank you.
Give me that.
Dude, it's all you.
Drink up.
So you coming out
with me tonight, brother?
Should be some pretty
awesome stuff happening.
Naw, dude, I'm going to this
show with my dad in Austin.
His friend's playing.
Have fun with that, I guess.
Fuck, there are so many cars here.
I don't wanna go in there!
Dude, you will have
so much fun.
Your family loves you!
Have a swell time.
Fuck you.
You're coming in with me.
Oh, no. Shit, no.
Yes.
Yes, you are. My mom loves you.
You have to say hi.
Do you want to hurt her feelings?
Mmm-mmm.
Well, then,
let's go get 'em!
Just for a second. Just a
second, seriously.
You know, you're in sort
of enemy territory here.
We're aware.
Look who's here!
Hey!
Get a job!
Congratulations!
No, no, no! Wait.
We're gonna take pictures.
Put it back on.
Can you get a camera?
Congratulations, baby.
I don't know you, but congratulations!
All right, look here.
Smile.
Here we go.
Oh, that's a good one.
And good. Got it.
We need...
Sam, where are you?
- Samantha!
- Sam.
And where's
Mason Senior?
I'm feeling generous.
Come here.
Great.
And beautiful!
I'll email these
to everyone.
Don't even start.
Don't start, don't start.
Can't believe you guys came all this way.
It means a lot to me.
Mmm...
We wouldn't have
missed it for anything!
I'm so proud of you.
Congratulations.
I'm really sorry that Lee couldn't be here.
He's on his senior trip.
No, tell him I said hi.
I will.
Abby, I didn't even recognize you.
How old are you now?
I'm 13.
Wow.
All right,
let's top her off.
You want some, doll?
Um, sure,
whatever. Yeah.
I got you something.
What is it?
That is a savings bond.
That is worth something.
It's better than money.
You'd just spend that.
God, is that your mom?
Yeah. Yeah. That's her. Wow.
Three-second rule.
Put it on your plate.
Such a good dad.
Really.
I know.
I'm trying to help.
Come here, you guys. I want to
make a little toast to Mason.
Now, Mason, I know you didn't
really want to have a party today,
but We did.
And you only graduate high
school once in your life.
So I want to celebrate you
and this next phase.
And you're gonna learn
so much in college,
you're gonna have
so much fun.
You're gonna have
inspiring teachers,
you're gonna learn more
about your art.
I love you, babe.
So proud of you.
- To Mason.
- To Mason!
- To Mason.
- Here, here!
All right,
you're up, kid.
Oh, uh...
All right, uh... Well, Mason,
I'll make a toast to the future.
To your future.
You know, it's been
a little sketchy
this end of
the school year here,
trying to figure out
what school to go to.
Mason told me
that he wanted
to get as far away
from home as possible,
but still honor our agreement
that we pay in-state tuition,
which I do appreciate.
He's a prudent man and, uh,
he's gonna have a great future.
So here's to you, buddy.
To the future!
Congratulations!
Mason Junior! High school
graduate, 18 and straight!
Just ignore him. My brother
needs to learn to pace himself.
I've not known you
as long as everybody here,
but since I have known you, you've
grown a lot and I'm proud of you.
So, if this photography
thing doesn't work out,
you know
you always got a job.
Lose that earring. But...
Uh, you know, maybe I can
get you front of house.
All right.
To you, buddy!
Sam, say something!
Come on, Samantha.
Um...
Come on, darling.
Good luck.
Aw...
So you broke up
with your girlfriend?
Yeah, yeah, just recently.
What was her name?
Sheena.
She's gonna go to
college with you?
No.
No?
Hmm. She's staying in
this part of Texas.
Okay-
You need a ride
to college?
I just wanted to say hello
before you got out of here.
You guys met before, haven't you?
Annie, Aunt Jen?
Yeah, we met at, uh...
Sam's graduation.
Oh, yeah.
And with your little one.
Where is he?
Oh, he's at home.
Remember? He was such a
pain in Sam's thing that...
I would love to see him.
We have a special weekend
this weekend, so...
I'm so glad you
found her, I really am.
You've got him at
a good time, I think.
I think so, too.
Yeah.
It's good to see you two.
Nice to see you,
too,Jen.
So proud of your boy.
Yeah. Yeah,
we all are.
She's a bitch and a half.
You got to
remember, you're going
to college, though,
all right?
And if you're anything
like me or your old man,
you're gonna be pulling
down some serious wool.
You're gonna be tapping
some masterful gap.
You're gonna be doing
some good work out there.
Think about it. Awful lot
of flowers in that bouquet.
But you got to
do me a favor.
You're going to be vulnerable
this summer, all right?
Remember to use protection
during breakup sex.
This guy knows exactly of which I speak.
Look what
happened to him. Voila'.
Steven.
Cheers.
It's not that simple.
Four more years.
Four more years.
I'm just saying.
Do y'all recycle?
Should I...
I have one started there.
Oh, yeah, right. Great.
Am I your only ex at this party?
Yes. I'm not your
only wife here, though.
Yeah.
Can you believe they're
both out of high school?
No. No, I can't.
You did a great job with
both of them, by the way.
Thanks for saying that.
I never thought
I'd hear you say that.
Well, it's true.
Thank you.
You're doing it
all over again, huh?
I know, I know, right?
It's gonna be 15 years
till I have an empty nest.
Hmm.
But I'd love to pitch in,
help with this, if I could.
I mean, it's so great
that you did this.
Can I just
give you a little?
I'd appreciate it
if I could.
Sure. Yeah.
But l don't
have any cash.
Oh, I know, it's in Annie's purse.
I'll be right back.
So it sucks. I mean, the guy's
a college lacrosse player.
What are you gonna do?
She didn't even
like sports.
You want a beer?
No, that's all right.
You can have one.
It's okay.
Yeah, well,
for what it's worth,
we've all been through the exact
same thing at one point or another.
It's not the same, though. I
mean, you never got to know her.
No, I know, I know.
It's not the same.
I just don't know
what I did wrong.
Hey, Jimmy.
Hey, man.
Hey.
Hey, Mason.
We're up here raiding the green room.
Hope that's okay.
That's totally cool.
All right.
Wow! Is that MJ?
Uh-huh, right?
Unbelievable.
Well, we just decided to come a
little early, check you out.
That's cool man, let me finish up.
I'll be up in a minute.
All right. I guarantee you,
you didn't do anything wrong.
These high school love
things, they never work out.
Here, come here.
I mean, everybody's just
changing so much, you know?
The odds of two young people staying
on the same wavelength are...
Yeah, but still... Look,
and I also guarantee you
that every day
of your life
that you spend crying
over some silly girl
is a complete
waste of time.
She wasn't
a silly girl, though.
I mean,
she's a serious person.
And I really
thought we were...
What?
I don't know.
Here's the truth. Women
are never satisfied,okay?
They're always looking
to potentially trade up,
and that's,
I'm sorry to say,
what I think has happened to
you, my fine-feathered friend.
What does that even mean?
It means don't hand over the controls
to your self-esteem to Sheila.
Sheena.
All right.
It means you are
responsible for you,
not your girlfriend, not
your mom, not me, you.
And if you truly
take care of you,
you will be amazed at
how much girls like Sheena
start lining up
at your front door.
Great.
You just gotta separate yourself
from the pack in some way.
Excel at something, you know, and
then you have your pick of the litter
when the front-runner hussies
start sniffing around.
So what you're saying
is I should take up lacrosse.
Exactly.
Or you could,
you know, start a band.
Worked for me a long time ago. I
think it's still working for Jimmy.
Or you just
keep taking pictures.
She hated the pictures
I took of her.
I'm sick to death
of her, okay?
I only met her a few times, and
yes, she was cute, all right,
but truth be told, I always
thought she was a little bit...
You know, a little
bit too square for you.
You know,
not quite the same vibe.
You really thought that?
On some subtle,
lower level.
I mean, I wasn't surprised
when it turned out she was interested in
some Knucklehead lacrosse player, okay?
I mean, bottom line is, it's all
timing with these things, you know.
I mean,
take your mom and me.
I think I probably
turned into the boring,
castrated guy
she wanted me to be
15, 20
years ago, you know?
I'm not saying she was wrong
to be pissed, I'm not.
I'm just saying
that she could've been
a little more patient,
little more forgiving.
Would've saved me that
parade of drunken assholes.
So, what's the point?
Of What?
I don't know,
any of this. Everything.
Everything?
What's the point?
I mean,
I sure as shit don't know.
Neither does
anybody else, okay?
We're all just
winging it, you know?
The good news is
you're feeling stuff.
And you've got to
hold on to that.
You do. I mean, you get older
and you don't feel as much.
Your skin gets tougher.
The point is those
pictures you took,
thousands of submissions from all
over the state, and you won.
Well, I got silver.
And nine other people did, too.
I'm gonna kill you.
I'm trying to tell you
that I believe in you, Mason.
I think you're really special,
and if some girl doesn't see
that, then fuck her, you know.
Hey, this next one of 'em goes
out to a young man in the house.
Whoo-hoo! Known him since
he was just a small boy.
Now he's all graduated from high
school and making me feel old.
Happy high school
graduation, Mason.
Thank you.
Okay, guys, let's be clear. We're gonna
break this into four categories.
One, anything you want to
keep from your childhood
and you're taking with you.
Two, throwing away.
Three, donating.
And four, whatever you
want to try to sell
at the garage sale
next weekend,
whatever we don't sell,
we're donating.
Doesn't the apartment have like an
attic, or storage or something?
No. You're missing the point.
We're not gonna drag a bunch of
crap to Mom's tiny apartment.
Can't believe
we're moving again.
No, I'm moving.
You moved two years ago. You
have an apartment in Austin.
Mason is
moving in the fall.
I'm done.
This'll be great for me.
I'll have all these options.
I could take a sabbatical.
I could get some writing done,
try to get published.
What about Christmas, though?
What are we gonna do?
I'm not sharing
a room with him.
One of you will
sleep on the couch,
and we'll use that
blow-up mattress.
How am I supposed
to do my laundry?
Sam, I'm gently
pushing you out of the nest.
And on your way down, you may
magically find some quarters
that you use to do laundry
in your own apartment.
Come on!
You guys are adults!
You need to take some responsibility.
Now, what do you want?
I'm gonna get
the veggie burger.
I'm not having anything,
not hungry.
What's wrong with you?
I'm sick.
What is it, your head?
Do you have a fever?
She's pregnant.
No. To be honest, I drank
way too much last night.
You weren't driving, were you?
No, no.
Cary's back home, too,
and we just hung out.
You know, peach Smirnoff s,
they just go down so easy.
No, no. Hey,
that's not an excuse.
You can still pack boxes.
These people want to move in
as soon as possible.
Hi, guys.
I'm Ernesto, how are you?
You probably
don't remember me,
but I worked on your
septic line years ago.
Oh, yeah.
Believe it or not,
you changed my life.
You told me that day
that I was smart
and that I should
go to school.
I took your advice. I signed
up for English classes,
and then a year later,
I went to community college
and I got my
Associates degree,
and I'm working on my
bachelor's now at Texas State.
And also one of
the managers here.
That's great.
It's good to see you,
because I really wanted
a chance to
thank you for that.
Gracias. It really
meant a lot to me.
Don't worry about lunch. It's on me.
It's the least I can do.
You guys should listen to her.
She's a smart lady.
Thank you.
Isn't that kind
of crazy, though,
that a computer
knows who you are
from just 20 questions
off a form?
I guess there are really only like
eight types of people in the world.
I mean, there are subsets
like male and female,
but apparently we're not as unique
as we want to think we are.
Have you even
talked to this guy yet?
No, but we've been trading emails.
He seems pretty cool.
He's studying
literature and anthropology
and he's way into Bright Eyes,
so that's not so bad.
But, anyways, he was
telling me about how
the system they use for assigning
roommates is kinda spooky.
The freshman satisfaction rate for
new roommates used to be like 60%,
and now it's 100,
just 'cause of the computer.
Well, sounds like he'll be
a good roommate, then.
Yeah. But we
pretty much decided
that soon they won't even
need a questionnaire
'cause they'll just let the
NSA scan your digital ghost
and they'll tell you
who your roommate is
based on everything you've
ever said, written or clicked.
Did you put this
in here again?
I don't want it.
Come on, it's the first
picture you ever took.
All the more reason to
leave it behind, right?
What?
Nothing.
No, what is it?
It's nothing!
Mom.
This is the worst
day of my life.
What're you talking about?
I knew this day
was coming.
I didn't know
you were gonna be
so fuckin'
happy to be leaving.
I mean, it's not that I'm that happy.
What do you expect?
You know what I'm realizing? My
life is just gonna go, like that.
This series of milestones.
Getting married. Having kids.
Getting divorced.
The time that we thought
you were dyslexic.
When I taught you
how to ride a bike.
Getting divorced again.
Getting my master's degree.
Finally getting
the job I wanted.
Sending Samantha off to college.
Sending you off to college.
You know what's next? Huh?
It's my fuckin' funeral!
Just go!
And leave my picture!
Aren't you jumping ahead by,
like, 40 years or something?
I just thought
there would be more.
Hey, you must be Mason.
Yeah. Dalton, right?
Yeah, man, it's nice to finally meet you.
Definitely.
Are you cool with
this side of the room?
Yeah.
Got in this morning,
just moved my shit in, man.
Well, yeah, I don't care.
No worries.
Cool. Can I help you
with anything, man?
Any bags, any of that
stuff need brought in?
I just got like one box left,
I packed pretty light.
But I appreciate it.
It's my pleasure, man.
Of course.
Um... Are you going to
the orientation mixer thing?
Orientation mixer thing?
Fuck no, man,
I'm not going to that,
and neither are you,
by the way.
We got way better stuff to
be doing, dude. All right.
You ready?
Yeah.
Hey, Barb, this is my roommate Mason.
Mason, Barb.
- Hi.
- Hey.
You coming with us?
Where're you going?
Hiking. Yeah, man,
you should come.
If we leave now we can catch the
late afternoon at Big Bend.
You ever been before, man?
Yeah, but not since
I was really little.
Then all the more reason to come now, man.
That's why we're here, dude.
Oh, Mason, this is
Nicole, Barb's roommate.
Hey, what's up?
Hi.
Mason, Nicole.
So, you game?
Sure.
Here,
have the rest of this.
Got it timed perfectly. It'll kick
in when we get in the mountains.
Awesome. Let's go.
Do they let you
major in that here?
Well, it's not that serious here, so
I kinda train outside of university,
but I'm taking all my basics like
History of Dance and all that.
Nice.
Yeah.
What do you teach?
Oh, gosh.
Ballet, tap, jazz, lyrical, hip-hop.
Wow...
Which one's
your favorite?
Tap.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You get to like make up all your
own sounds, and there's no rules.
Just like
creative freedom.
That's great.
Yeah.
That's why I love
teaching it, 'cause,
I don't know,
it's so beautiful to me,
and it's kind of dying
away in this generation,
so, to be a part
of bringing it back
to the kids is
really rewarding.
Right, keeps it going.
Yeah.
How old are they?
Six to eight.
Wow.
Yeah. They have no fear, and
they're not self-conscious at all.
They haven't reached
the awkward years yet.
Yeah, not yet. It's coming.
Hey-
Hey.
Dalton can be
crazy sometimes.
He seems cool, though.
Yeah. Yeah,
they're both really cool.
How are you feeling?
Great. Pretty great,
to be honest.
Good.
I'm really happy that
you're hangin' out with us.
Yeah. Me, too.
This moment's
having a falsieful whoregasm!
It's like as if all of time
has unfolded before us
so we could stand here and look
out and scream, "Fuck, yeah!"
You know how everyone's always
saying, "Seize the moment"?
I don't know, I'm kinda thinking
it's the other way around.
You know, like,
the moment seizes us.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
It's constant.
The moment, it's just...
It's like it's always
right now, you know?
Yeah.