Good afternoon, everyone.|This is your captain speaking.
Sorry for the delay. A few more|minutes. Thanks for your patience.
-It's been a half-hour late.|-It always happens.
Every time we fly|out of New York.
-We better not miss our connection.|-We only have two hours.
-Can I help you?|-I don't know. Can you?
-May I help you?|-Why are we behind schedule?
Just a few more minutes.|Can I get you something to drink?
I don't know.|Can you?
Right this way.
-Thanks.|-You're welcome.
Hi. I'm Jennifer.
-Wait till the last minute to pack?|-Nope. Got my first period.
Good afternoon, everyone.|This is your captain again.
We're making our way out and|we'll take off shortly. Enjoy it.
Does it gross you out to know|that I'm bleeding right now?
-Why should it? It's just biology.|-We could have sex right now...
and I wouldn't get pregnant.
-Do you have orgasms?|-That's none of your business!
-You're still young. Are you ten?|-12.
-Do you live in LA or New York?|-LA.
Me too. My dad ran off, so my|mom and I moved to California.
-Your parents still together?|-No. Yes!
-What's that mean?|-They are getting back together.
-That's great.|-Yeah, I have it all planned out.
-You're getting them back together?|-I've already talked to my father.
And I'm gonna explain to my mother|how the divorce is ruining my life.
-Maybe they're not in love anymore.|-You have to work at love...
...if you want it to last forever.|-Who says love should last forever?
-They're married!|-They're divorced!
They shared vows, made commitment.|They have responsibilities!
-Someone needs to remind them!|-My mother says, if love is broken...
...you just have to throw it out.|-That's what's wrong with grown-ups.
-They're lazy.|-You're an idiot!
-You're an idiot!|-You're ugly!
Try breathing. Take a deep breath.|It'll help you relax.
I'm not not-relaxed.
This is just how I am.
One, two, three, four, five...
six, seven, eight, nine...
Halftime!
That's half time, with the Knights|leading the Gophers 14 to 7.
It should come as no surprise|that this year's homecoming king....
is the Knights' star quarterback|Cameron Fitzgerald.
And what good is a king without|a queen? Let's give a royal cheer...
to this year's homecoming queen,|Jennifer Burrows!
Bow down to my|queen and king!
-Jennifer Burrows?|-Gopher!
Do you mock my queen?
I thinketh that you do!|And for that you shall die.
Die!
Die, Gopher!
-Run the head over!|-No. No, don't!
-Are you all right?|-My head.
-You're gonna be okay.|-No, my head. Where is it?
How's your head?
Not so good.
I'm so sorry.
You don't remember me, do you?
-No. Should l?|-No.
We were on a plane|together once.
My God! Ryan?
You're Counting Ryan?
Of course I remember you.|Once a month I remember you.
I must have told that period on the|plane story, like, a million times.
-Not me.|-You wanna go grab a coffee?
What about your boyfriend,|the king?
I don't have a boyfriend.|Hate commitments.
Why limit yourself when there's|a world of possibilities out there?
Maybe all those possibilities|distract you from what you want.
-That's why I don't watch cable.|-What?
-There's too many choices.|-Luckily your school has uniform.
You might have to pick out an outfit,|and with all the choices...
you might end up walking|out of your house naked.
-That's dumb.|-Yeah, you're pretty dumb.
-Don't call me dumb!|-Why not? It's true.
You are, you're dumb.|Dumb, dumb, dumb!
No. You're dumb!
-So you wanna go?|-No!
-Why not?|-Because this... us...
-We don't click.|-Since when?
Since now. Right now!|Does this feel like we're clicking?!
I was only talking about|getting a cup of coffee.
-Maybe decaf for you.|-It just doesn't make sense to me.
-Fine.|-Fine.
-What time is it?|-Time for me to leave for the airport.
Impossible. I set my alarm exactly|one minute before you had to leave.
I set mine three minutes|before, just to be sure.
-I love you.|-I love you.
-Gopher boy?|-What's wrong?
-Nothing.|-It is you.
I don't believe it.|Are you going to school here?
Yes.
-This is Betty. Betty, this is...|-Jennifer. Hi, how are you doing?
-Gopher boy and I go way back.|-Please stop calling me that.
Okay.
Well, I guess I should get going.|It was good seeing you again.
-"Gopher boy"?|-It's a long story.
Help!|Is somebody there?
A little help here, please!|Somebody. Hello?
Excuse me.|Hello!
-Are you all right?|-I'm fine.
-You're Ryan, right?|-Yeah.
I'm Hunter, your roomie.
-What were you doing in the trunk?|-Right.
Well, I got to the room first|here before you...
and I thought it would be funny if|I popped out and surprised you.
Surprise!|And the rest is history.
We haven't even known|each other for 2O seconds...
and already we have a story.|This is gonna be great.
-So, how are you gonna tell it?|-Tell what?
Our story.|I know.
You'll say I was gasping for air,|and you saved my life.
-Well, l...|-That's a great way to tell it.
Chicks love drama.|You're good, man.
-Thanks.|-Really good!
I'm gonna have a hard time|keeping up with you. Come here.
Man!
Four years.
So is she your|high-school sweetheart?
-As a matter of fact, she is.|-Good for you.
-Where's she going to school?|-Seattle.
-God. Long distance.|-So?
-Good luck.|-We don't need luck.
We have a strong relationship. We|weren't together over the summer...
and everything was fine.
-What was she gone? A month?|-Six weeks, two days.
You visited back and forth maybe 3|times, called each other every night?
-Right. You have to put in the work.|-I've seen it happen a hundred times.
Last year, every long-distance|relationship in my dorm...
was over by the|second semester.
-Just keeping it real.|-Next in line, please.
-So where are you living?|-Herman Hall.
-I can give you some tips.|-Do you live there?
No, but I do have friends there.|I live off-campus with my boyfriend.
What?|You have a boyfriend?
-Who?|-Michael Winters, he's a musician.
-He's great.|-You're living with one guy?
You've made a commitment that|prohibits choices in the name of love?
Isn't it crazy what falling head|over heels can do to a person?
-Next, please.|-That's me.
I came as fast as I could.|What happened?
-He dumped me!|-Why?
-He fell in love with somebody else!|-God. Who?
I don't know who and I don't care!|The point is that he dumped me!
How did you find out? I mean,|did you catch them or something?
-God. In this bed?|-No!
God! No, no!|He just told me!
-He told you?|-Yeah. We made that whole pact...
that if you meet somebody else|you tell the other person.
No one ever takes that seriously.|You say it to cover your own ass.
I'm really lucky because my boyfriend|is really loyal to his pacts.
-How did you find out?|-At the club.
-Did he yell it over the music?|-No, no. It was the music.
-No!|-Yeah. The same club where we met.
It was the same club where we first|decided to move in together.
The same stage where he first sang|"Jennifer, This Heart Is Made For 2".
And I'm sitting there, watching him,|and thinking how much I love him...
and how I can't believe that|I can love somebody that much.
And then he sang this brand-new|song, a little something called...
Jennifer, Jennifer|You asked me to be true
What can I say?|I found someone new
That's horrible.
Actually,|it was pretty catchy.
By the second chorus,|everybody was singing along.
-What did you do?|-Nothing.
I don't think I've ever felt this way|before. I'm a complete idiot!
Why didn't I listen to my instincts,|you know what I mean?
Hey, look on the bright side.|Now you get to move in with me.
I know things look pretty horrible,|but it's just gonna take some time.
-That's what my therapist says.|-To hell with your therapist, Amy.
Because I just need|to feel better. Now!
"Doo doo be doo" my ass!
It's tough out there, man.|You don't know how lucky you are.
-Betty and I broke up.|-What?
-You're kidding. When?|-A couple of days ago.
-Why didn't you tell me?|-I don't know.
I guess it's just now|kinda sinking in.
This is great news.|Now you and "me" can hit the circuit.
-"You and I".|-Right.
-I don't think so.|-No, believe me.
It's way easier with two of us.|You pretend to be my idiot cousin.
All of a sudden, I'm sensitive.|You get drunk, come out too strong...
I beat the shit out of you,|I'm masculine.
-I don't think I'm ready for that.|-We could trade off.
-You can hit me first if you want.|-It was two days ago.
-I think I need a little time.|-I'm sorry. You're hurting.
-Let's get drunk and see strippers.|-I'm not that hurt!
-Please.|-I'm fine.
Breaking up was the right thing|to do. We were just...
going in different directions.
-Hit me.|-No!
-Hurry, before she leaves.|-Who?
-You know her?|-Kind of.
-Okay, then I'll hit you.|-No!
-How you been?|-Good. You?
Great.
-So I see you're all settled in.|-Yes.
-Did you get Fridays off?|-Yes.
-I got Friday nights off.|-I'm sure you do.
-Jennifer, this is Hunter.|-Hi.
Well, I'd love to|stick around...
but I have to go to the station to|pick up my cousin. He's an idiot.
My whole family is, actually.|Me too.
Yeah, me too. I'm an idiot.|I'll see you.
I got dumped.
Music man. Michael.|Dumped me.
How's long-distance Betty?
-I don't wanna talk about it.|-I just told you about my breakup.
-I mean, it couldn't be worse.|-Why do you wanna know?
-Misery loves company.|-No, you'll use it against me.
Okay, maybe I might have done that|in the past, but I've changed.
I have. I'm scarred now and|I look at life very differently.
Okay.
-You were right.|-The long-distance thing. I knew it.
But not for me! I was fine with it.|I would go there, she would come here.
If I told her I'd call her a certain|time, no matter where I was...
-You would call.|-...l would call!
If I told her to call me at a certain|time, I would always be home.
I mean, I loved her. None of that|ever seemed like work to me.
-But it did to her, right?|-Yeah.
This one weekend, I was down there,|we were kissing each other goodbye...
and her room-mate came by with her|boyfriend, both carrying laundry.
And Betty just started crying.
I asked her, "What's wrong?"|She said:
We never get to do|our laundry together.
She was right. We never did our|laundry together, and that was it.
You broke up|because of laundry?
-I send mine out.|-Not laundry exactly.
Just all the things that couples|do together and should do together.
We didn't have the time anymore.|She couldn't handle that.
-Why didn't you move there?|-Scholarship.
-She could've moved here.|-Scholarship.
-So that was it?|-Yeah.
-She needed what I couldn't give her.|-No.
There's a lot of other things. Too|many differences make it impossible.
Michael and I didn't|agree on anything. Ever.
That's what I loved about it.|We fought, shouted...
had sex... That's what I miss!
-That doesn't sound very healthy.|-But what do you know about it?
-Excuse me?|-Who are you to judge me?
-See? I knew this was a mistake!|-What?
I'm just saying that you were|in an unhealthy relationship.
It isn't about having to like things|all the time. It's about surprises!
Love's exciting and it's thrilling|and it drives you so insane...
that you think you're gonna explode!|That's the whole point.
Then, I guess Michael|didn't get the point.
You've never been to her apartment?|That's some weird shit.
No, it's not!
She's just being careful. There's no|point introducing me into her world...
unless she feels secure in|our relationship. I admire that.
What are you doing today?
I've got a scuba diving|class at three.
Really?
No, that's a lie. I lied. I can't stop.|I'm lying about everything!
It started so I can impress girls.|And now I can't stop.
-You should see someone about that.|-Yeah, I am.
-No, you're not!|-See? I can't stop! I can't!
Tell you what. The next time|I catch you lying...
I'll expose you for|the fraud that you are.
-You wouldn't.|-I would.
-You're not lying.|-I'm not.
-What are you really doing today?|-Dance class.
So my therapist keeps telling me|to expand my horizons...
but with this guy all I did was|pretend to be someone I wasn't.
-And I can't handle it anymore.|-So you're breaking up with him.
Yeah, but do you think|I'm being too cowardly?
My therapist wants me to take more|responsibility for my emotions...
but I just don't think this is the|right time for that, you know?
It doesn't matter how you do it.|Phone, fax, e-mail, song...
it's all the same message:|"Adios, amigo".
Okay, but you have|to be nice about it.
Amy, are you breaking up|with your boyfriend, or am I?
I wouldn't call him my boyfriend.|I barely know the guy.
-So don't worry about it.|-Yeah, but he just seems so sweet.
-I don't wanna see him get hurt.|-I know.
What are you doing here?
I was coming to pick up Amy.
Interesting.
-What are you doing here?|-I'm Amy's room-mate.
-Is she here?|-We need to talk.
-We're not right together?!|-I'm telling you what she told me.
-You shouldn't take it personally.|-Why do people say that?
How can I not take it personally?|It's me she doesn't like!
-Okay, fine. Take it personally.|-Why didn't she tell me?
-She didn't want to hurt you.|-And you did?!
No. I didn't know it was you.
I knew it was a Ryan, but I|didn't know it was you, Ryan.
-Well, this sucks!|-"Noli nuntium necare".
-What?|-Latin. "Don't kill the messenger".
You know what?|You're having too much fun with this.
I'm trying not to!
Try harder!
Look, it's not funny.
I'm not laughing at you. Chicks|love making us jump through hoops.
-This isn't a hoop. We broke up!|-No, it's a test.
She's testing you to see|how much you really want her.
-You think?|-I know.
You've gotta swim across the moat,|bust down the castle door...
slay the dragon. No euphemism.|And sweep her off her feet.
-You're right!|-Of course I am.
You're absolutely right! We were great|together. I even made a chart!
-I'm sure you did.|-It proved how perfect we were.
Now all I have to do|is prove it to Amy.
-What?|-You've gotta do more than that.
-You've gotta weep. Openly.|-You should've quit while ahead.
Squeeze the lids. Turn on the|sprinklers. You need the tears...
of a man who can't breathe another|second without the love of his life.
Hold on.
I got just the thing. Here.
-What's this?|-Icy Balm.
A little dab under your eyes,|you'll sob like a miss America.
Wish me luck.|Today I learn second position.
Ladies!
Do you know that they rearranged|all the desks in the library?
-No!|-Yeah. It's completely different.
I spent 2 hours to find my desk, and|if it wasn't for the Diet Coke stain...
I wouldn't have found it at all.|They put it on the third floor.
Not the second, not the fourth.|The third. Number three.
-And that would be a bad thing?|-Please. It's a disaster!
-You wanna hear about the breakup?|-I totally forgot. Was it horrible?
-You think we can still be friends?|-I don't know. He seemed shook up.
-Poor guy.|-Wanna hear the weird part?
-I kinda know him.|-You do?
Yeah, we run into each other|once in awhile.
Do you think I did the right thing|in having you break up with him?
-I don't know.|-I do.
It was just putting|too much pressure on me.
-Yeah, I can see that.|-But maybe that's what I need.
What if that's him?
My God, you're crying!|He's crying!
Why are you doing this to me?|It's over. Do you understand me?
Ryan? Ryan! It's not so bad.|People break up all the time.
I can't see!
I think I'm blind!
Nice patch.
-Thanks. You didn't have to wait.|-I'm not waiting.
Can't a girl enjoy a lollipop in|front of the Free Health Center?
Who also feels maybe|a little bit responsible.
You didn't do anything.
I didn't put the Icy Balm in your|eye, but I did break up with you.
-Remember?|-Yep.
-Where are you going?|-For a walk.
-Try to forget today ever happened.|-Can I come?
What for?
Can't a girl enjoy a walk|with her ex-boyfriend?
Will the girl continue to refer|to herself in the third person?
-Did Ryan Walker just make a joke?|-I don't know. Let me ask him.
You know, you're pretty funny|when you're depressed.
-Well, get ready for comedy.|-Another one!
A few more, I'll take you back to|the clinic to fix your busted gut.
-You lost it.|-Not funny?
Let's put it this way: anymore|of those, and we'll break again.
Come on, this is it!|Round arms! Seven! Eight!
-How's it going?|-Get ready!
Eleven, ready spiral!
How are you doing?
Other way.
Pull out!
Excuse me. Question:|Exactly how far can you bend over?
-Do you come here a lot?|-Yeah.
-It's really beautiful.|-One of the greatest achievements.
You're the second person|to call me that this week.
-You know the only way to build it?|-Alien slaves from outer space?
Perfect planning.|And doesn't it make so much sense?
You examine a situation, you plan|a course of action, you execute it.
And everything works out fine.
But it doesn't.
Well, that's because most things|in life just aren't that simple.
Does that look simple to you?
You can't imagine how complicated|something like that is to create.
-I thought you used it as a metaphor.|-I did.
-For a relationship.|-Yes.
-Yeah, that's what I thought.|-I mean...
I know I didn't know|Amy incredibly well...
but it just felt like|everything added up.
-Are you a Math major?|-No, Structural Engineering.
-I'm done with it.|-Engineering?
Relationships.
They're just too much.|It's not worth it.
"Assentior".
-I hear you, brother. Latin.|-What is it with the Latin?
-My major.|-Latin?
-Yeah.|-Why?
-Why not?|-What are you gonna do with it?
I'm going to Italy for|my graduate school!
And after that?
I don't know.
See? You're amazing.|I could never do that.
-You mean not have a plan?|-Or something.
But... then again, why would|you ever need a plan?
I'm sure you've always had all you|wanted, whether you knew it or not.
You know, that's true.
The first time I really wanted|something and went for it...
it was Michael.|And it turned out great!
I just figured you being a junior,|you'd have it all figured out by now.
-That's what you think, huh?|-No, but I'm dumb. Isn't that right?
And uptight. And ugly,|if I remember correctly!
No, I said all of that|before I was on Prozac.
-You're on Prozac?|-I wish.
It's a joke.
It's okay.
I should go. I still have some|more studying to do. Finals.
Me too.|I'm gonna stay.
All right.
-So I'll see you around.|-Yeah.
I'm sorry about Amy.
It's okay.
-Did you get all your classes?|-All but one.
-The elusive one.|-Yes.
-So did you have a good summer?|-Yeah.
-I just went back to LA. You?|-Stayed here.
Learned how to butter bagels|for a living. It's surprisingly easy.
-You swipe it once back and forth.|-I take mine plain.
-Of course you do.|-No regulations for the Internet!
-So summer was good?|-Yeah.
Everything's good.|It's good.
Jennifer, are you okay?
I pushed him away. I literally|did everything in my power...
...to make sure that he dumped me!|-Obviously, you didn't like him.
No, that's the thing. I thought|it was just a summer fling...
but I actually started|to like him!
Then why'd you push him away?
I don't know. I just...
-It's just such a pain in the ass!|-Yes. Yes, it is.
What about you?|Did you get any this summer?
-Well, l... no.|-You've got the right idea.
You know, we should|do this again sometime.
Not the whole crying thing,|but, you know... this.
Sure.
Good.
Just another law suit.
-Hello. Wanna go do something?|-No!
-You haven't heard my proposal.|-It's the beauty of our friendship:
I don't need to hear your proposal|to know that my answer is "no".
I am the beauty in|our friendship.
-I'm hanging up now.|-You can't.
-Give me one good reason!|-'Cause...
I've rigged an explosive device to|your phone, and your place will blow.
Well, I've been|burned before, so...
Come on.|I can't study anymore.
I'm getting too smart.|People will start shunning me.
-Only if you beg me.|-I just did.
In Latin.
Come on!
-You weren't gonna go.|-I was too!
-You weren't going!|-Ladies first.
Okay. Fine.
Why don't I count for you?
-Okay.|-All right.
One.
Two.
-Three!|-Three. Here we go.
-You know, I can't help you.|-You can help me at the bottom.
Do you think I'd look good|with a goatee?
No.
Wait! This is crazy!|I'm not a natural dancer.
-No one in my family is!|-Just move. Have fun!
We're here to have fun. You, me|and that pubic hair on your chin.
Just follow him and|do what he does!
Where are you going?|It's this way, man!
-This isn't so bad.|-Good!
Come here.
You've never been|with a woman before?
I've lived with the monks my|whole life. Until yesterday.
I walked into the monsignor's office,|turned in my rosary beads and collar...
got my deposit back,|and now here I am...
playing this strange game|of sticks and balls.
-It's called pool.|-Pool.
-I have so much to learn.|-I'll teach you.
Here. Okay.
No, put your...
-Don't hurt him! He's a priest!|-I'm a priest!
How would you like to have a religious|experience with that cue stick?
Please.
Run, father, run!
So, do you wanna|come up and dry off?
-I don't know. Is Amy there?|-Probably.
-No, I think I'm just gonna go home.|-Gotta write in your diary?
-Something like that.|-Okay.
As much as I hate|to admit this...
...l had fun tonight.|-Me too. It was good, clean fun.
Maybe we could go there once|a week and do our laundry.
It's cheaper than the place|I take mine to.
More alcohol.
What's up?
-Did you kids go swimming?|-Yeah.
That's great.|So what's going on now?
Because my plans|kinda fell through.
I invited Ryan up,|but he's going home to bed.
Really?
-I'm tired!|-He's tired.
Yeah.
I'm kinda... tired myself.
Actually, we should|get outta here.
Good night.
You coming?
I gotta hand it to you, man.|Very cool back there.
-Are you okay?|-Yeah, I'm fine.
She begs you to come up, and you|hold back. She's going nuts right now.
-I don't think so.|-Did you hear how she said "bed"?
-You can almost smell the linens!|-You're way off on this one.
-No, I don't think so.|-Are you in a hurry?
-No. Why do you ask?|-That's him! Get him!
Come on!
-Let's go!|-Better start praying, father!
-Who the hell was that?|-I have no idea.
Listen, best thing for you to do|is just forget it ever happened.
-Forgotten yet?|-No!
-How about now?|-Man, no.
Jeez, you're like an elephant.
Great. You're just|in time for cookies!
-They look good.|-No. Not those.
I thought it 'd be nice to have|a snack when you got home...
but I didn't know when that 'd be, so I|guessed and made a batch around 8...
but they burnt. So I did another one|around 9:3O, and then they burnt.
So I waited a little longer before|the third batch, and now you're home.
It's perfect. They'll be ready|in about two minutes.
-Why are you wet?|-Ryan and I went dancing.
-Are you in love with him?|-What?
-Are you?|-No.
-I don't believe you.|-What? We're just friends.
-Yeah, but he's in love with you.|-Actually, no. I don't think so.
Then what do you do all the time|that you're together?
I don't know. We do stuff.|We talk about stuff.
-Why? You have me for that.|-It's nice to have a guy's opinion.
About who has the best pizza|and who has the best tits?
Gino's Pizzeria, Susan Sarandon.|Why are you acting so weird?
You're the one who's acting weird.|You're the one spending...
all your time with a guy that|you're not even interested in.
My therapist thinks that|you may have some issues.
-You're talking to her about me?|-Of course I am. I worry about you.
Listen, if you ever|need to talk, I'm here.
-I left her number on your pillow.|-Whose?
My therapist's.|Good night.
See that guy there? He's the kind|of guy who walks with his feet...
if you know what I'm saying.
-Come on, you do it.|-Okay.
-She likes crackers in her soup.|-No.
-What do you mean, no?|-That's wrong.
-No, it's not!|-Yes, it is.
-Why?|-It's a judgement.
-Some people don't eat crackers.|-Exactly.
No, the point is to judge where|there's no judgement to be made.
-It's a non-judgmental judgement.|-No, no. That's stupid.
No, it's not. It's funny.|I'm laughing.
Yeah, 'cause it's stupid!
Wanna hear something even more|stupid? I'm going on a date tonight.
-Really?|-Do you think I'm nuts?
-No, I think it's great.|-Really?
-Yeah.|-You should bet back in the saddle.
No, I'm the kinda cowboy|that doesn't like to ride.
-See? That one's not funny.|-Yeah, I know.
Ladies.|How are we doing?
Hey, it's beautiful out, huh?
No, I'm not good at that kinda thing.|You should call Hunter.
After investment banking, I decided|to do something for myself.
I sell for ten years. I reached|a point in my life, I said...
"I don't wanna do|all the work".
Jen! Thank God|you're here, sis!
Billy, what's wrong?|Kurt, this is Billy, my brother.
-Billy, this is Kurt.|-Nice to meet you, Billy.
-I was telling her about my boat.|-There's no time for boats!
-Why? What happened?|-It's mother. She's sick!
My God.|What happened?
-I just told you. She's sick!|-Sick how?
Yeah.|Sick how?
You know!|Sick like the last time!
No, I wasn't there last time.|Explain it to me.
There's no time for questions!|Mother is sick. We have to go!
Sorry.
-Are you insane?|-You were great!
"Sick how?"|I felt like such an idiot!
Ryan, you were great|in there. Really!
Thanks.
Thank you.
Man!
You know, next time I was thinking|about trying it with a limp.
Baby steps, Ryan.|Baby steps.
-Tonight? No, it's tomorrow night.|-No, they changed it.
-Who did? Ryan?|-No.
-Well, I can't go.|-Why not? What are you doing?
Staying in!|I was planning on staying in.
I was gonna give myself a manicure,|a pedicure and do a conditioning.
-Can't you do all that this afternoon?|-No, because I have class.
I have to talk to my professor|about my paper due on Monday...
that I was gonna finish while my|nails were drying and proof later!
So that everything would|be done before the party.
-Can't you do all that tomorrow?|-No.
Tomorrow I'll be rushed and tired,|and I have to get everything done!
-I can't believe they changed it!|-It's Friday. You got all weekend.
What's that supposed to mean?
That's like on Monday|saying you've got all week.
Yummy.
-What do they want?|-Who?
They. The chiquitas.
I'm busting my ass trying|to fit into their mold...
of what makes an interesting guy.|I cannot figure out what they want.
What do you want?
I don't know. Get laid. Have fun.|Have someone love me for who I am.
And who is that exactly?
You're absolutely right. What's|wrong with being from the country?
A simple kid raised on fresh eggs and|good values who had to get up...
at the crack of dawn every morning|with a dog named Lucky by his side...
...to help his pa with the cattle.|-Hunter...
you're not from the country.
Jeez, Ryan, what do|you want me to say?
"Hi, my name's Steve. I grew up in the|suburbs with two working parents...
two sisters and a two-car garage.|I have no real identity...
nor do I have a clue what I'm doing|or what I wanna be. Wanna go out?"
-Your name is Steve?|-The whole point of college...
...it's where you reinvent yourself.|-It's where you define yourself.
-Your name is Steve?!|-Yes.
And I'm not so crazy about Steve.|Why would anyone else be?
-That's who you are!|-Really? It's just that easy?
Then drop the cool guy act and go tell|Jennifer how you really feel about her.
What?
But you'd better do it quick,|before she leaves with that guy.
I don't feel that way|about her.
Seeing her with that guy|right now doesn't bother you?
No. She goes on dates all the time.|We talk about her dates.
-And you're fine with that?|-Yes!
-Honestly.|-Yes.
Okay, then how come you're|here all by your lonesome, huh?
If you're waiting for a girl to do|all the work, you are mistaken.
-They don't do things that way.|-Excuse me. Is your name Ryan?
-Yeah.|-You're in my Statistics class.
Nice.
What are the odds?
You're Engineering, right?|I'm Electrical.
Not me. My major.
Can you believe how much work|they give us? But I like it...
because many people float like|negative ions with no place to go.
I'm a laser. I know what I|want and I go straight for it.
I feel like there's an armature|spinning in my head.
-You wanna sit down?|-Sure.
Actually, I was just leaving.
-It's because I'm too forward?|-No. Not at all.
There's just these two assignments|that I've been putting off.
I told my girlfriend that I would|meet her twenty minutes ago.
-You have a girlfriend?|-Yes, I do.
-Now I feel really so stupid.|-You're not. I really have to go.
Hey, sis!
-You okay?|-Yeah, I'm great. Thanks, Billy.
So I'm gonna take off, then.
-Okay.|-See you, bro.
-So, how did you get rid of him?|-We fooled around for a while.
-Then I said I had an early class.|-Wait. You fooled around?
Hold on. When we're talking|about fooling around...
are we talking about|fooling around or...?
We're talking about...|fooling around.
-It's not like we had sex.|-I didn't say that.
-Couldn't find a condom.|-You would have?!
Yeah. Probably.
I have midterms coming up.|I gotta relieve the stress somehow.
-That's amazing!|-What?
That on any given date the possibility|exists that you'll have sex with a guy.
Isn't that the point of dating?|Possibilities?
It's not like I know what's gonna|happen in advance. I don't.
Sometimes it 'd be a whole lot easier|to have sex than have to sit there...
...and think of something clever to say.|-Okay, granted.
I haven't been in that situation|in a long time...
but I just can't sleep with|somebody unless I like them.
-So you think I'm a slut?|-I didn't say that!
-We're just different.|-Yeah, you sleep with no one.
-So?|-"So"?
Do you know any other single|2O-year-old college guys...
who never sleep with anyone?|Who don't even try?
-Maybe you're trying too hard.|-Ryan, you don't try at all.
I just think that it might be|making things weird between us.
What are you talking about?
Are we friends?|I mean, am I your friend...
or have I just become|your girlfriend substitute?
-Are you serious?|-Yeah.
It's like, with me in your life,|you never have to try.
It's the beauty of our relationship.|You'll just never get hurt again...
as long as you pretend|I'm your girlfriend.
Yeah.
Maybe we shouldn't|hang out anymore.
Ryan!
I'm so sorry.|I didn't mean that.
-Yeah, you did.|-No!
I love hanging out with you. You're|my favorite person in the world.
-I don't wanna change anything.|-Maybe you're right.
No, I'm wrong! You're just waiting|for the right girl to come along...
and you don't take sex lightly.|I think that that's a great quality.
No, I think I am hiding|behind you or us.
-There was this girl at the party...|-A girl girl? You didn't tell me.
-I just blew her off!|-Why?
I don't know.
-I should have given her a chance.|-Yeah. You should have.
Well, you still can.|And why not, right?
Yeah. Why not?
-So, is she cute?|-Yeah, I guess.
-Is she cuter than me?|-No!
She's thinner.
Let me get this straight.|You think that's totally normal?
Yes!
I have the exact same top.|How come it looks better on her?
Because she's anorexic, has fake|boobs and a personal trainer.
Are you saying I should|get my boobs done?
-Yeah, totally.|-Okay. Come on!
-You can't say this ain't fun!|-No, can't l?
When's the last time we did this?|Just you and me. It's nice.
-Amy, of course it's nice.|-I have an idea.
What if you had to, you know, fail|a couple of classes and move back?
Would that be so bad?
I mean, it's just that Italy's|so incredibly far away!
Yeah, that's the beauty of it.
What about me? What am I|supposed to do next year?
Nothing.|Just like you did this year.
Maybe with me gone, you'll get off|your fat ass and have some fun.
I don't wanna do nothing without|you. And I don't wanna have fun.
-And I have a great ass.|-You do. No, you have a great ass.
-What are you doing?|-I'm kissing you.
God. I'm so sorry.|I'm sorry.
I don't know why I did that.|I just really wanted to kiss you.
-My God! I'm such an idiot!|-Amy? Amy, it's...
Hey, buddy, watch this.
It's like a bridge.
It is a bridge.
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
-Is Katie coming?|-She's gonna meet us at the bar.
Really? This is great.|This is great!
-She'll experience the new me.|-This ought to be good.
No, I'm serious. No more lies.|It's like you said, buddy.
I don't need to pretend|for someone else to like me.
-That's good!|-What you see is what you get.
Hunter unplugged.
Don't you mean|Steve unplugged?
-So Megan seems nice?|-Yeah, she is.
That Paul guy... didn't you go out|with him a couple times before?
-Yeah. It's working out.|-Good for you.
Jen, Megan here has never been|to the automotive museum.
Imagine that.
Did you read how the zoo animals|tried to reorganize their cages...
in alphabetical order? Apparently|the aardvarks started it.
That's right.|But the zebras vetoed it.
-Yeah. How did you know?|-I don't know.
-I don't get it.|-Me neither.
So, Katie, how are|you liking Berkeley?
-It's a bit overwhelming, you know?|-Katie's a double major here.
-I don't know how she does it.|-How do you do it?
I can barely juggle|napping and sleeping.
This may sound weird, but I spend|a lot of time with the elderly.
-That doesn't sound weird.|-It sounds a little weird.
When you're sitting with someone|who's been through two wars...
marriages, kids, grandkids,|money problems and disease...
getting a B on a Biology exam|just doesn't seem like a big deal.
I think we should do|what the Eskimos do:
kick the old people out of the igloos,|leave them for polar bears and storms.
The minute they can't go on the|big hunt, you gotta get rid of them.
I mean, otherwise they'll|just suck us dry. Bastards.
-You're kidding, right?|-No, not at all.
And take away their driver's|license too while you're at it.
What?
So you're not allowed to have an|opinion anymore? I did what you said!
I wasn't just agreeing for|the sake of it, I wasn't just...
making things up so it would look|like we had something in common.
I did what you said.|I was being honest.
Yeah, but you don't have to say|everything that comes in your head!
So now I'm being too honest?|I don't know what you want from me.
I don't know what|anyone wants from me.
So, what happened?
The whole beauty of Paul is that|he was never going to settle down.
Then he fell in love with me. Nothing|worse than a bad boy gone soft.
-Don't I know it?|-He stopped drinking, taking drugs.
-He even stopped cheating on me.|-No wonder you dumped him.
It just wasn't working out,|you know?
-What's up with what's her name?|-Megan.
-Whatever.|-It's okay.
-That's it?|-What am I supposed to say?
Well, do you like her?|Is she the one?
I don't know.|I'm working on it.
-You're the one who wanted to go.|-I thought I would feel better.
-And?|-I don't know.
-It's such a lot of bullshit!|-Bullshit?
Show me a movie that takes place|6 months after they get together...
...when everything falls apart.|-Jennifer...
It's just that I don't think that|any of us know who we really are.
So how are we supposed|to know who Mr. Right is?
How do you know he's Mr. Right?|Is it because you wear black...
drink cappuccino,|you both have tattoos?
Who here has ever|been dumped?
And who here has|dumped someone?
We've all been in love. But we|never know that it's not true love...
until it's over.|What if there's no "one"?
Or "two", or "three",|or "four" or "five"?
What if there's no such thing|as true love...
but we're too afraid to admit it,|so we keep on dressing up?
We keep on pretending to be|something that we are not?
We keep turning our lives|upside down, losing ourselves...
in something that we hope is better|than what we think that we are?
What if that something|that we're looking for...
just doesn't exist?
-Are you okay?|-Yeah, fine.
I was just working on|my fear of public speaking.
Why does everything|just have to be so...
...just so?|-I don't know.
-You're shaking.|-You let me drink all that caffeine.
-I don't know what's wrong with me.|-Maybe you're getting your period.
Yeah, maybe.
Wait a second...
No.
-Where are you going?|-Class.
No, you're staying right here.|Where I can see you.
-I really have to go.|-You never go to class.
-I know. That's why I have to go.|-Wait. I'll make us breakfast.
It's okay. I'm late.
I'll see you later.
Is this about Megan?
No.
I'm gonna tell her.
Maybe you shouldn't.
We'll talk about|this later. Okay?
Yeah, okay.
Stay as long as you like, and|you know where everything is.
Jen!
Jen!
-I have to talk about what happened.|-Amy, it's okay.
No, it's not okay. But it is okay,|because I've been thinking about it...
and I think what happened is that|you're my best friend and I love you...
and I got jealous when you were|spending so much time with Ryan...
and then with you graduating.|And then I think in a weird way...
I was trying to keep things the way|they were, and I did that...
because I was afraid of losing you.|Isn't that amazing?
Yeah, without therapy!|I came up with it on my on.
I was thinking about all the time|we spent together, then it hit me:
by kissing you, I was trying|to prevent change.
But maybe change isn't|always catastrophic.
Before we met, I didn't|know you at all, right?
-Right.|-That was a change.
That was a great change!|I loved that change!
Who knows? Maybe I'll kill|myself by midterms next year...
but, then again, maybe I won't.|Maybe it'll be okay.
That's the beauty of change. You|never know how it will work out.
-So everything's okay?|-Yeah, never been better.
-You know Ryan's in your bed?|-Yeah.
-You know he's naked, right?|-Yeah.
-You know I'm curious, right?|-Yeah.
So? What happened?
I think I was afraid|of losing him.
Megan!
I'm the one who told him to|start dating, and then he did.
I didn't get to see him much, then|the thing with Paul happened...
...and seeing him with Mary...|-Megan.
Whatever.|I just wanted to be with him.
It was a huge mistake.|Huge, big, fat mistake.
We're friends.|We're great as friends.
-What are you gonna do about it?|-I have no idea!
He takes this so seriously, and the|last thing I wanna do is hurt him.
Go to hell, Ryan!|Go to hell!
What if I'm in love with her?
-Are you?|-I don't know. Maybe.
-What does that mean?|-I don't know. I just...
don't want things to be|weird with us.
Buddy, if you're looking to me|for answers, I'm flattered...
but you've come|to the wrong place.
If I just pretend nothing happened,|I'll be lying to myself...
about feelings|I might be feeling.
But if I tell her how I am feeling,|she'll run. That's what she does.
I know that better than anyone.|That's the last thing I want.
Being yourself, not being yourself.|Welcome to my world.
-Does this feel weird to you?|-Yes!
-Maybe we should talk about this.|-I think that would be good.
Things might get strange between us|because of what happened last night...
...and I don't want that to happen.|-Me neither.
'Cause we're too good together|to let that come between us.
-It was a mistake.|-You think so?
-Yes.|-I think you're right.
I think that we just got carried|away in the moment and...
...you know.|-Yes.
Last night was really special to me,|because you're really special to me.
But that's all it was.|It was an incredibly special night.
I got worried that maybe we'd give|it more importance than we should.
No. I'm totally with you.
Great.
-You didn't tell Megan, did you?|-No, no.
-It's probably better not to.|-Yeah.
-I feel so much lighter. Do you?|-Yes.
-You wanna go fill up on vittles?|-Sure.
Actually, I shouldn't. I'd like to,|but I still have some studying to do.
-Really?|-Yeah. It's pretty important.
-Okay. You call me?|-I will.
-Yeah?|-Yeah.
This is Ryan.|Leave a message.
Hey, it's me.
Where have you been?|What's going on?
Okay. You know|the number. Bye.
-This is Ryan. Leave a message.|-Hey, it's me again.
Guess I thought I might catch you|at home. Is everything okay?
Would you call me back, please?|All right, bye.
Ryan Walker, where the hell|have you been?
-Where have you been?|-Studying.
What's going on?|How are you?
-Good. Busy.|-Yeah, me too.
I'm all done. It's "Goodbye,|Berkeley" and "Hello, real world".
You wanna go do something?
No. You know, I should|really get back to studying.
Okay.
-So I guess I'll see you around.|-But I'm gone in a few days.
Guess you won't have time|to plan my "bon voyage" party.
-Yeah. Italy.|-Yeah.
-You must be excited.|-You know me.
Any excuse not to shave|under my armpits.
-I'll be here.|-Yeah? When is your last exam?
-Do you wanna go celebrate?|-No, I'm leaving right after it.
Okay.
I guess we'll talk.
-What's going on?|-What?
-What? This. What is this?|-I don't know. Nothing's going on.
Really? I ran into Megan, and she|told me that you broke up with her.
Is that what this is about?|I told you not to tell her anything.
Yeah, I know.
-Well, are you upset?|-No.
-So what's going on?|-I don't know! Things are different!
But I thought we|talked about that.
I thought that we said that we didn't|want anything to be different.
I thought we said that having sex|was just a huge mistake.
It was weeks ago now. I thought|we'd go back to being just friends.
-Why was it a mistake?|-What?
You and me. Why was that|a mistake? I'm curious.
We've already talked about it.|You wanna go over it again?
No, you wanna talk?|Let's talk!
Was it a mistake because anything|like real intimacy freaks you out?
Or just that I'm not|good enough for you?
Ryan, you kissed me,|and I responded...
but I wouldn't have done it if I thought|it was going to end our friendship.
And neither would l.
Ryan, if I could take|it all back, I would.
Take it. It's yours. Put it on the shelf|with all your other one-night stands.
Why are you doing this?
That night was as much a surprise|to me as it was to you...
but being with you is like going|to a place I had never been before!
Then, after you fell asleep,|I just laid there, staring up...
at those cheap fluorescent stars|you have stuck on your ceiling...
and after awhile they just|started forming a pattern...
this weird pattern that linked|together our entire relationship.
And everything seemed clear to me,|like one logical progression.
We're the greatest plan ever made,|and I had nothing to do with it!
You made me feel that maybe I didn't|have to keep planning anymore...
because it felt like|I was actually living...
and that for once I wouldn't have|to work so hard at being happy.
That it could just happen.
Nothing will ever|hurt me as much...
as your reaction|to that same experience.
-Ryan...|-What? What?
You wanna go to the library and|pretend like nothing happened?
I can't do that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.|I don't know what to say.
Look, you don't have|to say anything.
I have to go.|Have fun in Italy.
-I'm gonna miss you so much!|-I'm gonna miss you too.
E-mail me about|anything, okay?
You know, school, food,|tall dark handsome Italian guys.
-I want to know everything.|-Okay. You gotta stop crying now.
Yeah, you stop crying.
I'm the one looking down the|barrel of a very lonely final year.
Jennifer?
Jennifer.
-Where are you going?|-Italy.
-Right now?|-Miss!
-How are Ryan's exams going?|-Good. They're going good.
-He's doing okay?|-He's doing great. He couldn't...
That's a lie. He's in love with|someone who's not in love with him.
-How do you think he is?|-Are we gonna go?
I love you.
-Hi.|-Hi.
-Are you a friend of Jennifer's?|-Yeah. I'm Amy.
Amy? Yeah, I've heard of you,|of course. Nice to meet you.
And your name?
What's your name?
My name?
Yeah. You know, it's...
it's Steve.|My name is Steve.
It's nice to meet you, Steve.
Going to Europe|for the summer?
-Yeah. I just graduated.|-Congratulations.
-Thanks.|-In what?
-Latin.|-Latin? How interesting.
What are you gonna do|with that?
I have no idea.
Don't worry. I spent four years|at college studying English.
-I didn't have a clue.|-Really?
Really.|Now I run my own company.
You'll figure out|what you want.
Why was it a mistake? Was it|because anything that gets close...
to real intimacy|freaks you out?
-Stop the van!|-What?
-Could you please stop the van?|-I can't pull over!
-Pull over, I'm getting out!|-I can't. We're in the freeway!
Ryan?
Nothing will ever|hurt me as much...
as your reaction|to that same experience.
Am?
-What are you doing here?|-I don't know.
What's wrong?|What happened?
I don't know.|I just... I just can't...
Is somebody here?
-Yeah.|-Who?
It doesn't matter.|Just tell me what's wrong.
Amy, who's here?
-Hunter?|-Hunter?!
-Hunter!|-It's a long story.
-Hunter, where's Ryan?|-He's on his way back to LA.
-He was catching the 4:OO shuttle.|-4:OO?
-Which airline?|-Sky Southwest.
Thank you.
Hunter?
You can call me Tiger.
Good afternoon, folks.|Sorry about the delay.
We'll be headed out for|the runway in just a minute.
-Can I help you, sir?|-I don't know. Can...
you bring me a glass|of water, please?
I'm sorry, sir. You're gonna|have to wait till we're airborne.
It will just be a few minutes.
"Te amo."
"Te amo", Ryan Walker.
-I think she's talking to you.|-Please, you have to take your seat.
Did you hear what I said?
I love you and I'm not going to Italy.|I'm staying here with you.
-It's too late.|-No.
Everything that you said|about that night, I felt it too...
and it scared me.|I was scared to lose you.
But I was even more scared|to let myself love you...
because every time I let love in,|somebody takes it away...
and it just hurts so bad.|But I'm tired of being afraid.
Ma'am, I need you to turn around|and put your seatbelt on.
I just made the most important|decision in my entire life...
and you want me|to put on the seatbelt?
Yes, I do.
Okay.
What about six months from now?|How do I know you'll be happy then?
How do I know you'll be happy?|How do we know anything?
-The plane isn't gonna crash?|-We're gonna crash?
I'm not asking you again. You're|required to fasten your seatbelts!
I need you. That's a really|hard thing for me to accept...
but it's a whole lot easier than|imagining my life without you.
I wanna do laundry|with you, Ryan.
But you send|your laundry out.
-Not anymore.|-You wanna switch?
Yeah!
Will you two please sit down?!
-What? What is it?|-The laundry thing is a metaphor?
Don't worry.|I'll show you how.
-One, two, three, four...|-Try breathing. It'll help relax.
...eight...|-Trust me.
That's lovely.|My mother wears the same scent.
Looking for something|in particular?
I got it.
So sorry.|I'm really...
Actually, I was in the market|for some cheetah pants.
My God.
You're all Victoria's|Secret supermodels.
-What are you doing in our room?|-All the other rooms were full...
and I had to change, so...
-This is where we get changed.|-Right.
Don't let me stop you!
You're funny.|And we love funny guys.
Have you ever been|with four women before?
Once I had lunch with my mom|and her three sisters...
but I don't think that counts.
Thank you.
What?
-No, that's not me! I swear!|-We know. It's us.
-Supermodels fart?|-Yes.
How do you think|we stay so thin?
Does it turn you on?
Yeah.
-You do it.|-What? Fart?
Yeah.
-Don't you wanna turn us on?|-Yes.
Yes, I do.
Okay.
Fart.
My uncle died this way.|He shot an aneurysm and...
Less talk, okay?
-More fart.|-More fart, come on.
What?|Where are you going?
Didn't I turn you on?
And there you have it. Every night|for the last week, same dream.
So, what do you think|it means?
I don't know.|Were you breast-fed as a child?
I knew this was a mistake.