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Brassed Off (1996)
A few days, you say.
Not what l'd caII a light traveIIer are you, pet? Sorry, it's mainIy work. l wouIdn't apologise for having work, flower. Not round here. What's this then? It's just a flugeI, a trumpet. l thought I might get some practice in. In here, you mean? -Well, wherever. -I wouldn't mind. Don't get me wrong. There's nowt l'd like better than to hear you pIaying all night long. -Oh, no. lt wouldn't ... -You heard of Grimley Colliery Band? Yes, I have. They've their own practice haII. I should get myseIf down there, pet. They'd weIcome someone like you with open arms, knowing them. Another? lt's a sad oId day, isn't it Vi? When it's finaIIy come to this. -What's that then Ida? -Jim and Ernie packing in the band. They're doing it, then? For definite? Last practice tonight, Ernie said. Then resigning after. No point in carrying on, is there? Pit goes, band'll go t'same way. I feeI sorry for oId Danny, mind. He'lI gave bugger all to do. -We'lI all have bugger all to do, Vi. -You get used to it. -All right, Iove? -Aye, all right. Don't forget what you're doing, you Iads. Don't be handing over any kitty money. -Just resignations. -Aye, all right, pet. -WeII, mind you do. -What do you mean "mind you do"? -It was our decision, wasn't it love? -Aye, well... just mind you do. Now let's get this right, Ernie. When he collects for t'kitty, we say: sorry Danny, but us two... we've decided, in t'present cIimate... to tighten our belts, Iike, and onIy spend money on essentiaI items. Sorry. lt's been good and all that... but now, we don't regard band as one of t'aforementioned essentiaI items. And regretfuIIy, we feel obliged to tender our resignations forthwith. -Right? -Right. And then we wake up in CasuaIty. If he goes barmy, it's not our fauIt. -l mean what's t'worst he can do? -Have a heart attack? What the hell, if Danny doesn't like it... -boIIocks to him. -All right, Iads? Oh, all right, Danny mate? Sixty years between us, you and me, down t'pit, frightened of nowt. When it comes to telling Danny-boy we're packing t'band in... We're shitting bloody bricks. and coming up later in the news... continuing our regular reports on the Government's pit closure programme. We visit Grimley CoIIiery... which despite being one of the oIdest and Iargest mines in Yorkshire... has nevertheless become the most recent candidate for closure. AIthough the GrimIey miners, and their wives, seem very determined... to fight on and keep their pit open... a redundancy offer to the workforce is believed to be imminent. The miners, united, will never be defeated. The miners, united, will never be defeated. Offers at neighbouring pits recently, have been too attractive to ignore. ln the last few weeks, 7 pay-off packages have been offered to 7 pits. All accepted, leading to 7 cIosures. TroubIe is, I'm no bIoody happier when I'm winning. DoubIe or quits? No, best not. lt's kitty night tonight. Cheer up Andy. lt might never happen. Representatives of union and management... meet tonight to discuss the Grimley redundancy offer. Bloody going to though, in't it? -See you. -See you. Don't be a piIIock all your Iife. Take t'money while it's stiII on offer. A lot of foIk out there wouldn't Iike to hearthe way you're talking, love. Aye, and they're alI as daft as you are. AlI end up with nowt. Just Iike us. Philip. Late for practice. -We'll taIk about it later, eh? -Later? You'lI stiII be saying Iater when We're out on't bloody street. There's always Mr Chuckles. -I can do more of that. -Phil? PhiI, PhiI. You have a wife and 4 bloody kids here, a house nobody'll bIoody buy... mortgaged up to the bloody hilt, loan-sharks on our backs... no bloody money, no bloody job, and what are you going to do? Fucking juggle? Bit cIumsy with the crockery, your Sandra. -All right, Iove? -All right. Crap. That's what that was. A Ioad of bloody crap. What did Eric Morecombe say? AlI the right notes... but not necessarily the right order. What happened to you, son? It just fell apart. Aye, you're not the only one. Andy Iad, all over the shop, you were. -What is up with you lot? -Got our minds on other things, Danny. -Like what? -Blimey, you been on holiday or what? How do you mean? Well it may've escaped your notice, Iike, but pit's under threat. What's that got to do with us? Oh, aye, you're right, not a lot. Now listen to me, aII of you. These are worrying times, I know that. But look what it says here, eh? Over a hundred years this band's been going... two world wars, three disasters, seven strikes... one bloody big depression and t'band played on every flaming time. Danny, this is t'biggest disaster of t'lot. Can't have a coIIiery band without a bIoody coIliery, can you? Listen. We've got the NationaI Semi FinaIs coming up and we're capabIe... I mean it, well capabIe of going through to London. The first time in our history. The Albert Hall. Now I know there's a spot of bother at the pit... but that's something separate. This is music, and it's music that matters. Now, come on, kitty fort'weekend. Danny, me and Ernie, we've been thinking it over, Iike... I know subs aren't much, but... -present cIimate and that... -What are you saying, Jim? Me and Jim have made a decision, Iike. HeIIo, love, can we help? ls this the Colliery Band rehearsal? No, love, t'band's on Tuesdays. Tonight's origami class. Take no notice, fIower. Can I help? I'm staying at the pub. I play the fIugel. WeII, sort of dabble. Mrs Foggan said... WeIl, she said you might let me play with you. Down, boy, down. l know it may sound Iike we need all t'help we can get, but sorry love... l mean, usuaIIy, as a ruIe, we don't ... aIlow, you know, outsiders. Aye, I understand that, except l'm ... not strictly an outsider. I were born in GrimIey. Is that right, Iove? What's your name? Gloria. -GIoria...? -Stits. GIorious tits. Ernie. MulIins. GIoria Mullins. Arthur's GIoria? -You're Danny, aren't you? -Aye. -I didn'tthink you'd still be... -AIive and kicking? -Oh aye Iove, just about. -No, l meant leading the band. Yes. Well come in, park your bum, park yourseIf somewhere. If you didn't know him, you'd have heard of him, Arthur Mullins... this young lady's grandad. Best bandsman l ever played with. Bravest miner I ever worked with. Closest friend I ever had, till his lungs packed in in '79. -Sorry, Iove. -lt's true. Good to see you back. Excuse me a moment, GIoria, I'm just collecting. Jim, what were you saying? Something about t'present cIimate? Oh aye, l was saying, Iike... despite present cIimate... you can always rely on our continued and whole-hearted... -support for the cause. -Oh, aye. Solidarity. Thick and thin, and alI that. Lend us a fiver. SoIidarity. Do you remember me? -Barry? Barry Andrews? -Andy Barrow. Andy Barrow. -God, you haven't changed a bit. -You have. -What are you up to now, then? -This and that, y'know, keeping busy. Hey, that's not...is it? He Ieft it me in his will. Couldn't let it go to rust, could I? Clever oId sod. Even when he were gone he made sure l'd take it up. WelI I know it won't be t'same, but it'd be loveIy just to hear it again. -OK. -What do you know? Well, l've been practising... -Rodrigo's Concerto D'A ranjuez. -You what? -Orange juice to you. -Oh, aye. -l'm a bit wobbly stiII. -Don't you fret, pet. Wobbly'd be too good for this Iot. Paul, the music. Bernie, get her a stand. OK, everyone. AlI right? Are we aIl together? Andy, Iad, are you with us? Poor Iad. Still got your mind on that pit? All right lads. Rodrigo's Concerto... D'Orange Juice. And she calIs that wobbly. -Well done, lass. -Well done, love. BIoody great. -You doing anything at the weekend? -No. Right lads, listen up. SaddIeworth tomorrow. 14 villages, love. Contest in each. AII at the same time. Cash prizes. So, any road, lads... big chance to swelI the coffers tomorrow, so... we're going for all fourteen. -Are you on, love? -lf l'm allowed. Don't be soft, Iass. You were born here. It's a profitable pit, this. There's hundreds of years of coal down there... but it doesn't matterto them bastards. We're making money for'em... hand over fist, we are. And stiII they want to shut us down. -WelI, teII them bollocks to them. -That's up to you Iot isn't it, Iad? WeII, thank Christ it isn't up to you. Jesus, we shouIdn't have even Iet the offer be put on't table. They're just bIoody puppets, that Iot. They do whateverthe bastards want. -Phil, Iad. -We didn't do what they wanted in '84. No, we dug us heels in, didn't we? Aye, and some of us got bloody Iocked up for it. Big bloody deaI. Hey, suspended I were. It took that lot a year and a half to get me reinstated. That's eighteen month on bloody strike pay. -With a wife, bloody kids, mortgage. -lt's ten years ago, paI. Aye, ten years. And l were that bloody broke, l'm stiII frigging paying for it. That's how big a fucking deaI it were. Hey, where were you then, eh, pal? In '84? I don't remember seeing you on t'line. Oh aye, we aII know which way you'lI be voting. -Come on then, you bastard. -Anytime. Leave it out. Listen! That's just what they're bIoody wanting, you know that, don't you? AII right, this is what you've got: ballot next week, right? You've got two options. One: you can vote to take pit to Review Procedure. Obviously that's one we want, because we reckon you've got a decent chance. Or, two... -You can vote to take pay-off. -Get stuffed. Listen, Iisten. They told us Iast night... that redundancy offer's gone up three thousand... from a twenty grand maximum to twenty three... with a five grand sweetener. This is only a temporary offer. lf you say no, they're pulling any future offer down to a fIat fifteen. Bastards! -Born bastards, stay bastards. -That's right. WeII it's no good shouting now Iads, do it next week in the ballot. Say no to bloody bIackmaiI... -and yes to keeping this pit aIive. -That's what we want. The miners united will never be defeated. Poor biddies. Don't they know they're pissing into t'wind like rest of us? -Can they do that, women? -What? -Piss in the wind. -No, Ernie, that's just the point. But even on a nice day, y'know, when there's no wind about, they can't ... -y'know, get any direction on it. -Well aIl right, whatever it is... that Iasses do that's pointIess. -Bloody hell, so much to choose from. Fart in a force ten? My God Phil, you don't half know some funny women. Steady, Iads, my missus does that. Oh you daft bastards. "Women against CIosure"? That is when she's not farting in a force ten. -Morning, love. -See you. lf I don't have a day away on my own... l'm going to go frigging barmy, honest I am. l'll kill someone. -WeII, go somewhere tomorrow, eh? -PhiI... l'm off today, or I'm off for good. Give me some money. -Oh hey love, l've only got a tenner. -Atenner'II do. But it's SaddIeworth, and me dad'll kiII me if l don't turn up. And l will if you do. Isn't life just shit? On your head, Dad? Course the offer's attractive. lt's tantamount to bribery. They want Grimley closed, for whatever reason, nobody knows... -they think by dangIing a carrot... -This just came for you. Oh, ta. Thanks. They want jobs, a future. They want an industry, and come the ballot... -that's what they'll be voting for. -Yes. That's right. ...the hearing decides the pit has a sound economic future... then we shaII abide by that decision and work towards it. Naturally, l mean, nobody wants Grimley to cIose. Oh I'm bIoody starving, aren't you? Let's see whatwe've got. Dad, who were that? Just a couple of feIIas. -Are you in troubIe, Dad? -Your dad in trouble? Looked like they were going to smack you. Aye, they were lad. They were from t'council. Leisure department. They said that if we don't have fun today... -we are in big, big troubIe. -Dad, I'm eight and a haIf now. Are you? Well you can heIp me find t'bastard tin opener then, can't you? GIoria Mullins? What, Melons Mullins? Lived up Donny Road? Chubby lass? We used to sing that hymn: Gloria in XL. That's her, except she's far from chubby now, Iike. Aye, l remember her. -You had her, behind t'bus station. -No l never. You toId us you did. No. It were top half only. -Does she remember? -Does she heII as like. -Couldn't even remember my name. -Oh, get away. Bet that's why she's come back. To complete unfinished business. What are you smiling at? Another? All right, go on then. What the bleeding hell are you two doing? We fancied a game of golf, Iike. You daft gawpheads. You never resigned, did you? Sat there like a couple of oId biddies and paid t'money, didn't you? OId Danny taIked us round, like. He were very persuasive. -We had no option, lover, honestIy. -No bollocks, more like. I reckon it were sommat to do with bollocks that got us to stay. -No bloody gumption, them two. -Soup for brains, the pair of them. Excuse me, where's the Collier's Arms? Hanging off his shoulders, pet. -The oId one's are the best, eh? -lt's the young ones we worry about. -Off to Saddleworth, are you? -That's right. -FoIIow them two daft 'aporths. -Ta. -Hey, love? -Yeah? -Joined band last night, did you? -Yeah. How did you know that? Just something me husband never said. Aye, I am. -What? -Thinking what you're thinking. -Eh, up. -What are you doing? -Don't sit on that. -Get off. -Eh, up, Iads. -All right? -Hi Danny, -Paul. Oh, teII me you're bloody joking son, please. -Sorry. AII of us or none at aII. -Why for Christ's sake? lt were them men from t'P leasure Department, Grandad. -You what? -Anyway... nowt wrong with a bit of vocal support, eh? -l hope you feel as good as you look. -l'm nervous. Get away with you. Your grandad would be proud of you. Go on, in you get. -Eh, up GIoria. -Hey oggle-eyes, is that the lot? No, no, no there's ... There's one more, as per bIoody usual. Poor lass. All she wants is a nice day out and she gets stuck between them 2 buggers. Shit. Oh, sorry Harry. -Come here, darling -Thanks a lot, Kylie. There you go, mate. What were aII that about? Here comes Fast bloody Eddie now. Come on Andy lad. Step on it. Sorry. -AII right StanIey, that's the lot. -What about these two here? Bloody heII. Don't look Iike that, Danny lad. lt's nearest colours we could find. -What are you doing? -We'vejust founded t'fan cIub. Well l don't think we... Look ladies, l mean, this is traditionalIy a... -male onIy excursion. You know that. -New Iass on board, is she? Aye. That's different. I mean, she's very taIented. Aye, l know, we saw her. l'll have you know, that girl bIows flugeI Iike a dream. Danny Ormondroyd! At your age! Come on love, it's not "What's my Iine?" . Well, l'm a surveyor. BIimey. What, you mean like a quantity surveyor? -Kind of. -Want to survey my quantity, Iove? WelI I do say "no job too smaII" . Get away love. Take you a bloody fortnight, this one. We had no option, Iover, honest. Shift up, duck. Eh, up PhiI, groupies are on. Sex, drugs and rock and roll, eh girls? Aye, except we can do without drugs and rock and roII. Laughing. They were bloody laughing at us. Look at them. If they were alive today, they'd turn in their graves. And if Arthur MulIins was Iooking down on us, weII God bIoody heIp us. l mean, is this what it's come to? Bits of trombone flying alI over t'shop? Stopping t'march to change bloody nappies? Too bIoody bewied to stay on t'buggering bandstand. We may as well aIl bIoody give up. I reckon we aIready have, Dan. That's kind of why itwent like it did. Reckon we thought we'd go out on a high note. Happen our idea of a high note's a bit different from yours, like. Go out? What are you talking about Ernie, go out? Danny lad, you've got to face it. -lf pit goes, band goes with it. -When pit goes. If. However balIot goes, they'lI still cIose the bugger. Not necessariIy. It depends on the... On that review thingy. Surely? Trouble with you lot is you've got no pride. And you know one thing more than owt eIse here that symbolises pride? It's this bIoody band, that's what. Ask anybody. l mean, if they cIose down the pit, knock it down... fiIl it up, Iike they've done with all t'bloody rest, no trace. Years to come, there'lI onIy be one reminder... Of hundred bIoody years hard graft: this bloody band. Oh, they can shut up the unions, they can shut up the workers... but I'll teII you one thing for nothing, they'II never shut us up. We'll play on. Loud as ever. Starting with National Semis in HaIifax. Win them and we can carry our heads high and march... on to the Albert bIoody Hall, aIl right? -Are we pIaying or are we packing in? -Playing. Sorry. No, don't you worry, flower. You've nowt to be ashamed of. No bugger eIse, then? Danny, l reckon l speak for everybody. We'll play on whiIe pit's open... -Minute they close it, we pack it in. -Aye, right. -You can't ask for more than that. -Hear hear. No. Obviously not. -Hiya. -Hiya. Moving words. -What? -Back there. Danny. Aye, daft old codger. lf it weren't for band, he'd pop his clogs. I wondered if you fancied some grub? -Where? -Don't know. l'll go posh if you want. -Andy. All right, Phil. -Have you seen me dad? -Aye he's stiII inside, I think. -WeII? -All right. You all right, Dad? Thank you for your support, son. Oh, Iisten, Phil lad. I've been thinking, right... Semi-Final's no place for Better find yourself a new bit of brass. I'm not forking out for a new trombone just for one performance. One? What about the Albert HaII? Now normaIIy l'd say get summat cheap, but... but you're a bloody good trombonist lad, you need a bloody good trombone. Dad... l like the band. I love the band, we aII do. But there's other things in Iife, you know, that's more important. Not in mine, there isn't . What's that on your hankie? Oh, nowt. Chain come off me bike. Didn't realise we were going this posh, I'd have got doIIed up. You know back there, when Danny said you'd nowt to be ashamed of? Is that right, then? You work for bloody management don't you? -Andy, I'm just... -Fuck. l just compiIe surveys, Andy, just do viability studies, boring, maybe... -but hardly summat to be ashamed of. -No? -Kept very quiet about it. -Cause I knew you'd get it aII wrong. -Oh, aye? -l'm on the same side as you, Andy. l want Grimley to stay open too, and once it gets to review... -I can help it stay open with my report. -BoIlocks. My figures show GrimIey has a future, it's a profitable pit. They know that. It'lI never reach review. The lads'll go for redundancy. And that's another thing that you lot know... just how much to offer to get a resuIt. Every miner l've spoken to is voting to stay put. Do you think they'd telI you any different? Four to one it'lI go for pay-off. -You're voting to stay put? -Course l bloody am. Then you must have some hope. No hope. Just principles. It's your first job for them, isn't it? Otherwise you'd know that your report means as much as we do. Bugger aIl. lt's just a bIoody PR exercise. So blind, naive peopIe, peopIe not unlike yourseIf... wiII think those good eggs at Head Office have been very fair... very reasonable. Done their best, done their sums... and, oh dear, they just don't add up. They'll have to cIose another pit. Shame. They won't even read the bugger. They've aIready made their decision, probably when you were at college. Oh, don't be ridicuIous. Anyway, if my job's so bloody irrelevant... how come you hate me so much? l don't have you, I... -Who's the haddock? -She is. l chose Grimley, you know. They offered me other pits, but l chose Grimley for two reasons. Because if I could help keep one pit aIive, I wanted it to be this one. Second... Hey, isn't that... where the old bus station was? -l didn't think you'd remember. -How could I forget? I'm sorry. FumbIings of a fourteen year old. What did we call it? Top half onIy. Can hardly have been worth it at that age. Just kids. -l'd get better value now. -Well that's inflation for you. l did know your name, you know. When l called you Barry Andrews. l just didn'twant you to think... I don't know. That it was etched forever on me brain. 'Cause it hasn't been, has it? Do you want to come up for a coffee? l don't drink coffee. I haven't got any. -Eh up, Phil. -Jesus Christ. Did you Iike it so much you want to go back? -What? -WakefieId Prison? -What are you on about? -Shall we call it a day, eh? Evening, love. Night. All right, Andy lad. What've you been up to? A bit of extra practice, like. -You're a genius you, aren't you? -What? Well, it takes a speciaI talent that, practicing... -without your instrument. -l must've left it in there, l'll... -l'll pick it up tomorrow. -Right. Gloria on good form, is she? -Night, Andy lad. -Night, Danny. Mr MacKenzie, could l have a quick word? WeII, l'm actually rather busy, Gloria. Yes, so am l. l just wanted to make sure l wasn't busy for no reason. It's just some of the information l need... it's Iike getting bIood out of a stone. I feel Iike I'm flogging a dead horse sometimes and I... Shall we stop talking in riddIes, GIoria? I'm worried that my report may be sort of... immateriaI. Your report is vital... absoIutely paramount. lf this pit goes to review, and we hope it wiII... we have cruciaI decisions to make and we can't make them without detaiIed... accurate reports from highIy quaIified people such as yourself. lt's a tricky business, GIoria. AII we want to do is get it right. Okay? Yeah. Eh up, Andy. Look, there's your mate, Miss Glorious Tits. What's she doing here? Now then, what's a nice girI like you doing in a horribIe place like this? Oh, hiya. Hi, Andy. Hiya. -l came up to meet Andy out of work. -He's not out of work yet, love. Come back next week. l just wondered if you wanted a quick practice, Andy? No he can't Iove. He's going for a pint with us. -Oh, right, well... -See you. That's all right, isn't it Andy? Nice pint and a chat. We can taIk about price of fish... plight of t'T hird WorId... pros and cons of t'sweeper system... and why your bird's got management Iogo on her key-ring. Still, it doesn't make her the devil incarnate, does it? What does it make Andy here? That's what I want to know. Lay off him, eh, Jim. He said he didn't know. With legs like that round your back... you don't stop and ask for a reference, do you? -lt's a mistake anyone could've made. -Aye... and by heII, we aIl wish we'd made it. -This isn't funny. -Nowt wrong with shagging management. They've been shagging us long enough. Oh, don't tell me Andy. Itweren't shagging... it were true love. -Are you pIaying, Andy? -No. He's had enough fun for one week. I'm not a kid anymore, Jim, right? Oh, aye? -OId enough to be a scab, then. -Jim. lt's right, Andy, he doesn't mean it. You don't mess around with words Iike that. Aye, l'm sorry, Andy. Take it back. You'rejust a stupid fucker. That's more Iike it. l'll catch you later, lads. Where are you off, then? HeIIo, kids. My name's Mr ChuckIes. HeIIo, Mr Chuckles. -Now, do you like card tricks? -Yeah. Will you heIp me with this card trick? Come here, come here. Now, what you have to do... is pick a card from there. Don't let me see it. And show it to aII your friends so that they can alI see it. Now put it back anywhere you Iike. Tell me when you've done it. Done it? Now l'm going to shuffle them aII up. Did you see what the card was? Don't tell me. The card was the Jack of Hearts. No. -Queen of Clubs? -No. -What were it then? -Ace of Spades. Correct! AlI right now, Scott. I'm going to put your watch there and l'm going to foId this over... Once, twice, three times, four. Just Iike that. AII right. And, with this hammer, Scott, l want you to give that watch... -a great big smack. -No. When l say the magic words, Scott. -This isn't your main job, is it? -l'm a miner. A miner? You remember them, Iove, dinosaurs, dodos... miners. -Sorry Sandra, you're a bit short. -How much? -One fitty. -What's up with you? What's it to be? -What about them aeroplane things? -What? -Them things with wings on? -No, l need them. Here you are, Iove, put that back. We'll use soap. Sorry, Vera. Me and sums, not what you'd call the best of friends. Me and money, total frigging strangers. Sorry Iove. StilI need another sixty. l tell you what, give it us next week, all right? Are you sure? Don't forget your receipt. -Come on. -See you, love. Get back in here now with that. -Who do you think you bIeeding are? -Get off. -Hey. -Bastard. Come here, you bastards. What do you think you're fucking doing? What do you think you're fucking pIaying at? l told you, pal. It's pay day. Yeah, aII right. Right. Just give us a bit of time, eh? It's been ten years mate. Pay day's pay day, pal. Especially when it's tweIve grand. -Twelve? -Aye, it's that interest, isn't it? -It's a bugger. -Well, what about... -Can you wait till twenty first? -Twenty first? Oh, aye. Coco the scab, eh? -We'll be back with truck. -Truck? What for? Contents. Until you pay up, like. lf you touch my kids again, l'll fucking kill you. What the frigging hell's this? lt's a frigging dent, that's what it is. Andy Barrow lent it me. He'lI go frigging barmy. -Hiya, Danny love. You welI? -Oh, aye, can't complain, Betty. -What time do they announce result? -About five-ish or summat, l think. -l didn't know you were that bothered. -Whole town's bothered, Iove. Can't do without pit. l thought you were taIking about Semi-Finals. Honest, Danny, a day Iike today... You think anyone's interested in some daft football match? AlI right, love? That's it. You bugger off and blow your bloody trumpet. BIimey, a conversation. Harry, in a month's time when you're at home all day and there's ... nowt but doIe coming in, at Ieast l can know that I did summat. It weren't much, but it were best l could do and at least it were summat. What are you on about? Ten years ago before the strike, you were so fuIl of fight. Packed fuII of passion, you were. Now you just do nowt. AII you do is blow your bIoody trumpet. Aye, but at least... At least what? People listen to us. Go on, sod off. And it's a bloody euphonium. You know, l can't tell a Iie. I were never one for brass bands before. But when you hear that sound, when you're near that sound... -doesn't haIf grab you, doesn't it? -Aye, it does that. But you know, folk like Danny, it's taken over their Iives. I'd never Iet that happen. -Gorgeous. -Oh, yeah. AII right, Bernard. -Jim, Ernie. -Danny. -Hi, Danny. -Hello, Danny. BIoody helI. Hi, Harry. Make an effort, Andy. BIoody helI, son. What's happened to you? Sorry, Dad. -Bit of a domestic, Iike. -But you know this is a special... Sandra did that? To you? No. Go on, get on t'bus. Get it cIeaned up. Bang goes the Deportment Prize, any road. We're going to win this one. Look. Your Phil's got a new trombone. We off, then? AII right, StanIey. Halifax here we come. Shift, wiII you? Stop fighting aII the time. Votes for redundancy. Seven hundred and ninety-eight. The winners, with 194 points, "The Grimley Colliery Band" . Harry. Rita, Iove. Fourto one against, it went. Four to one, Harry. Still... see a bit more of each other now. Dad? Oh, Jesus Christ. Will someone get an ambuIance, quick! Hurry, he can't breathe. -Just back off, wiII you? -Don't crowd him. -Come on, breathe for me. -Someone call for that ambuIance? Come on, I've got you. Phil's here. Come on, hurry up, wiII you? How is he, Phil? I don't know. He hasn't woke up yet. They just said there'd be more news tomorrow. Right. We're just having a colIection for him. You stilI here, love? I reckon it's got to be ta-ra now, don't you? l'm on your side. l always was. Andy? Andy. Phil, Iad. Not flowers, all right, Jim. Not grapes. Get him summat he wants, eh? You sure about this, Andy mate? What about t'finals? What finaIs? Andy, l don't want to faII out, mate. You're me main source of income. Don't worry, Simmo. l've lost more this week than a bloody trumpet. Sandra? They came. Took bloody lot. -I warned you, Phil. -Oh, Sand, no. I... Look don't ... Not now. Seems as good a time as any. What with there being nowhere to sit. Dad's coIIapsed. Aye, I heard. l'm sorry, PhiI. Oh, you fuckers. -Sandra? -Phil? Harry. Are you set for one finaI performance? What on earth? Nurse, go down there at once and get rid of them. Leave them be. -Mr Ormondroyd, how are you feeling? -Death's door. -The bastards still take the piss. -Yes, l am sorry about this racket. -We'll stop it, don't worry. -Stop this racket? You'll wake up in the next ward. ls it going Iike shit off a shoveI? lf by that you mean fast, yes it is, rather. lt always does when they pIay this one. Message from Mr Ormondroyd. -He's awake? -Yeah. He says tenor horn's too soft. Phil Iad, I reckon it'd be best coming from you. About us packing in. Not going to t'finals. You shouIdn't have, you know, Iads. ReaIIy. ShouId've brought me... flowers or summat. Grapes. I could murder a bunch of grapes. -BIoody hell. -Right thank you. The concert's over. lt's past eIeven and Mr Ormondroyd... must have some sleep. Thank you. -See you, Danny. And I'd prefer any future visits to be made in visiting hours... -preferably without trumpets. -lt's a euphonium. Hey lads, sounded good, mind... Out there. Keep playing Iike that and we'lI murder them at bloody finals. TelI him. You in a bit of trouble, son? -It's nowt, Dad. -You seem a bit upset, Iike. Of course I'm upset. -Me old man's poorly. -Aye, well... we'll both get over that, won't we? Nice bit of brass. Cheap, yeah? Ta, son, anyway. It matters, you know, that trombone. -To me, any road. -Aye. I'd best be off, eh? Let you get some shut-eye. Aye. Say hello to Sandra and kids for me. -Yeah, they said, getwell. l were alongside Arthur Mullins every day of his working life... -When they cut him open... -Dad, don't . They say when they opened up his Iungs, there were... nowt in there but coal dust. SIack. SIack everywhere. -Took them a week to get t'slab clean. -Dad... You'll be all right. Are you going to tell me lies all bloody night? No. You're right, son. You're right. Go on, be off with you. I'll be out of here in time for t'finaI. One way or the other. ...different after recent events. Just thought l'd bring you the viabiIity study. Ah, right. Yes. Put it there. Thank you. So, Frank, you're going down to Stainly Tuesday and coming back... -Will you be reading it? -It wouId've been very valuabIe... if the GrimIey miners had decided to go to a review, but... as you know, sadly... You made them an offer they couIdn't refuse. None of this is simpIe. I'lI tell you some facts as I see them and you tell me if l'm wrong. -Miss MuIIins. -One: I write reports... that no-one will ever read. They have to be seen to be written... but they're not written to be seen. Two.. Grimley is, was a profitabIe pit, says so in here. Three: the decision to close it wasn't made today... -it was made weeks ago. -Wrong. 2 years ago. Coal, is history, Miss MulIins. l'll catch you later, lads. Look for years, bloody years, nowt good's ever happened to me. Only reason l'd get up was to see if me Iuck'd changed, but it never has. lt was just beginning to get worse, with pit cIosing, losing me job... and then what happens? Gloria Mullins... love of me bloody Iife, walks into practice hall. BIoody heII, l thought, maybe Iife's not so bad. But is it buggery. She's onIy fucking management. And now that's what you've been doing. Yeah, well let's just call that sIeeping with the enemy. l'm not the enemy. l'm like you. UnempIoyed. l told them to stuff it. -You off back down south, then? -WeII, hardly welcome here. Reckon they aII know now, you were only trying to heIp. Thing is if heIp comes to summat then you're a hero. lf it comes to nowt... you're just another meddIer. And is that what you reckon? l reckon your heart's in the right place, but... you never did owt to prove it. l'll say ta-ra, then. Summat good'lI happen soon, Andy. Hope it's at Albert Hall. Doubt it somehow. We're not going. -What? -They worked it out. lt'd cost three grand or summat. No, the band's dead. lt died with everything else. Harry. -AII right, Ernie. -Aye. Jim. AII right. -AlI right, PhiI? -AlI right, Andy Iad? -Owt in? -There's a machinist wanted. -You any good at button stitching? -l'll take anything. WeII, thank Christ l found you. Look. How's your dad? How'd he take it about us packing in? Phil, come on. You've got to tell him you know. -l mean, before t'final. -l'm going to. I'm going to. -There's a while yet, isn't there? -Saturday. I'm afraid l've got some bad news. Sandra and the kids? l heard about that. Don't fret, they'II be back. -Dad... -Just one day. They won't let me out. For one sodding day. -Dad, look... -Might as well give these to Harry. Wish him good luck. l was up alI night doing them. Aye. Right. Harvest FestivaI. To tell you the truth, l don't know too much about Harvest Festival. But l do know a story about God. So God was creating Man, aIl right? And his Iittle assistant came up to him... and he said: "hey, we've got all these bodies Ieft... but we're right out of brains, we're right out of hearts... and we're right out of vocal chords". And God said "Fuck it. Sew 'em up anyway. Smack smiles on their faces and make them taIk out their arses" . -And lo, God created the Tory party. -Come on. -May God forgive you. -God? Oh, aye. Now there's a fella... I mean, what's he doing, eh? He can take John Lennon... He can take those three young lads down at Ainsley Pit. He's even thinking of taking my old man. And Margaret bloody Thatcher Iives? l mean, what's he sodding pIaying at? You've been great. My name's Coco the Scab. Goodnight. Grandad? What's grandad got to do with it? Dad said when people are as poorly as grandad is... you've got to do speciaI things for them. Shane Iove, your dad didn't buy trombone for your grandad. He bought it for himself. He said grandad's gonna die. But at Ieast Dad getting a trombone... is gonna make him die happy. That's what he said. -Mam? -What, love? How the hell do you die happy? Oh, we'lI find a way. l don't Iike seeing Dad sad, Mam. But I'd sooner see him sad than not see him at all. -HeIp. -What's that, for fuck's sake? -HeIp. -What is it? Jesus Christ. Philip? l mean... What the bloody heII were you playing at, lad? You Iost your marbles? Maybe. I've lost everything eIse. Wife, kids, house... Job, self-respect... Hope. But then, that's nowt is it, Dad? Because it's music that matters. The band's packed in, anyway. Oh, bloody heII, PhiI. Is this man bothering you? Course he is, he's me dad. -Phil? -Phil Iad? -Are you aII right? -What are you up to? Feeding the fucking ducks, what's it look like? We heard about, er... We were on our way to hospital to see you. Hey, and your dad. He'd be dead chuffed with a visit from you lot. I tell you, if he were up and about, we'd all be in intensive bloody care. Oh, right. You told him. Maybe we'll visit him next week then. You coming for a pint, mate? Drink with scabs, do you? l voted for t'money, you know that? Come on PhiI. Stop being a drama queen. Come and have a wet with us. Anyway, there's enough bloody rubbish in this canaI already. Hejust shook his head. Can't telI you. lt were like... lights just went out. I mean, there he is coughing up coal... and aII we can do is break his bloody heart. Poor sod's got nowt left to Iive for. -Can I get you a drink? -No, it's aII right. l just wanted to show you summat. New bank account. Grimley Brass Band. There's three grand in there. lf nowt else, it'll get you to Albert HaII. This your money? I don't want it. lt's dirty money. l'd prefer it to be brass. Must be awfuI, love... having that much guiIt you've got to buy your way out of it. Jim, l'm just doing what l was aIways doing. Meddling. Difference is this time we've not lost before we start. And you'd want to pIay with us, yeah? l'm not doing this for me. l'm doing it for you. And Danny. I hope you budgeted for booze. Danny'd want us to win, wouIdn't he? We're not going to win without a flaming flugel, are we? Simmo, you haven't fIogged it, have you? Right, your horn plays my twenty. What? AII right, bastard, thirty. Okay. -Yes. He's missed. -Come on. -Come on, Andy. -Come on Andy son. Go on, go on, son. Take your time. Bollock brain. You jammy git. WeII done, Andy. l said no, Mr Ormondroyd, he's asleep. Most people are at two in the morning. Leave a message. He'll get it the moment he wakes up, all right? Least it'll give them more energy won't it? Brighouse and Rustrick Band, you have two minutes. Brighouse and Rustrick, two minutes. Grimley ColIiery, you have two minutes. Grimley Colliery, two minutes. By heII, I bet she's glad they've closed the bugger. Okay, Iads. Let's do it. For a thousand redundant miners and one poorly one. -Let's do it -Right. Nurse, quickIy. It's Mr Ormondroyd. He's gone. First prize and Champions of Great Britain... Grimley Colliery Band. This band behind me wiII tell you that trophy means more to me than... owt eIse in the whole world. But they'd be wrong. Truth is, l thought it mattered... I thought that music mattered... But does it bolIocks. Not compared to how people matter. Us winning this trophy won't mean bugger aII to most people. But us refusing it, like what we're going to do now... well then it becomes news, doesn't it? You see what I mean. That way l'll not just be taIking to myself, will l? Because over the last ten years, this bloody government... has systematically destroyed an entire industry. Our industry. And not just our industry. Our communities, our homes, our lives. AII in the name of progress and for a few lousy bob. l'll teIl you something else you might not know. A fortnight ago... this band's pit were closed. Another thousand men Iost their jobs. And that's not all they lost. Most of them Iost the wiII to win a whiIe ago. A few of them even lost the wiII to fight. But... When it comes to Iosing the will to live, to breathe... point is... if this lot were seals or whaIes, you'd be up in bloody arms. But they're not. They'rejust ordinary, common or garden... honest, decent human beings. And not one of them... with an ounce of bloody hope Ieft. They can knock out a bloody good tune. But what the fuck does that matter? Now I'm going to take my boys out onto the town. Thank you. -Are you coming back, Sand? -I dunno. l've got a chair now. l've no frigging house, but l've got a chair. Well, sort of a chair. lt aIl sounds very tempting. AlI right? ls that a thankyou? More than that. l've never known him gush Iike that before. Aye, weII I suppose that's what Yorkshiremen are famous for. Not showing their feeIings. Aye. l'm not going to show mine, either. All right then, lads and Iassies. Land of Hope and bloody Glory, eh? |
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