[ Man]
And when I die
Won't you bury me
In the par kin' lot
OftheA&P?
Blow out the candles
And blow out the lamps
And light my pyre
With my tradin'' stamps
Yee-ha!
I had three books
But I needed four
To go to heaven
And redeem my soul
What happened to two, Mike?
I had two books
But I needed three
To deliver me
From the A&P N
Bravo, Mike! Bravo!
Bellissimal
You really make all that up?
Are you really
going to shave your legs?
Ce/10. All the Italians do it.
Eh, some country.
The women don't shave theirs.
Eh, huh?
Stop!
It was somewhere right along here
that I lost all interest in life.
Aha! It was right here.
This is where
I saw Dolores Reineke...
and fat Marvin!
[ Grunts ]
Why, Dolores?
Why?
They're married now.
See what I saved you from, Cyril?
If I hadn't told you, you never
would have followed them out here.
Well, thanks, Mike. You made me lose all
interest in life, and I'm grateful.
My brother said he saw
you and Nancy, Moocher.
When'?
Uh, last Friday.
Well, it wasn't me.
I'm not seeing her anymore.
[Cyril ]
I kind of miss school.
This is gonna be the first time no
one's gonna ask us to write a theme...
about how we spent our summer.
Yeah.
When you're 16,
they call it sweet 16.
When you're 18, you get to drink,
vote, and see dirty movies.
What the hell do you get to do
when you're 19?
You leave home.
My dad said Jesus never went further
than 50 miles from his home.
Look what happened to him.
Whoo!
[ Moocher]
Hey, man, this feels great!
[ Cyril ]
Ahh! Come on in!
[ Moocher]
Hey, come on in, Dave.
I read where this Italian coach said it's
no good to go swimming right after a race.
[ Cyril ] Who's swimming?
I'm taking a leak.
J' [ Singing In Italian ]
J' [ Continues ]
Dave, is Moocher home?
J"J" [ Continues In Italian]
[Children Chattering ]
Hey, ciao, bambini.
Buon giorno!
J' [ Continues ]
He was as normal as pumpkin
pie, and now look at him.
J' [ Continues Singing ]
His poor parents.
It's that cologne he wears.
It's called...
Neapolitan Sunset.
Yeah? Well,
the flies seem to like it.
There.
This is it?
Well, you know
what the doctor said.
At your age- What the hell
do you mean at my age?
Goddamn see-through coffee.
He says you have a bad heart.
That's got nothing to do with my age.
It's our son that's
ruining my health, Evelyn.
What's he going to do?
He wanted a year off with those bums
so I give him a year.
It hasn't been a year yet.
But, Evelyn, look what's happened to him.
He's turned into an lty.
Ciao, Papa. Ciao, mama.
'Arrivederci. .
That's lty talk.
I used to think it was funny at first.
lt's not funny anymore.
He was very sickly until he started
riding around on that bike.
Well, now his body's fine,
but his mind is going.
He used to be a smart kid. I thought
he was going to go to college.
I thought
you didn't want him to.
Why should he?
I never went to college.
When I was 19, I was working
in the quarry ten hours a day.
Most of the quarries are closed.
Let him find another job.
Jobs are not that easy to find.
Let him look at least. Let him
come home tired from looking.
He's never tired.
He's never miserable.
He's young-
When I was young,
I was tired and miserable.
[ Chuckles ]
I had my own place at 17.
He says Italian families
stay together.
Evelyn, we are not Italian.
Oh, I know, I know.
It's just that I come
from a big family myself...
and it was kind of nice.
He thinks
we should have another child.
What?
Buon giorno, Papa.
I'm not Papa!
I'm your goddamn father!
Buon giorno, Mama.
She's your goddamn mother.
What'd you do? Win again?
The victory, she was easy.
But the promoter tells me
that the Italians will be here soon.
I will race with the best-
italianos.
Like the nightingales, they sing.
Like eagles, they fly.
Speaking of flies, you brought
a hell of a lot in with you.
Fly in Italian is mosca.
In English it's pest.
Speaking of pests-
lsn't this a lovely trophy?
Look.
Oh, yeah.
So what?
I lived 50 years,
I never got a trophy.
You never got a trophy?
Nope,l never got one.
I give you this one. You
are numero uno, King Papa.
Don't do that.
I have to take a shower.
,/3/'[ Figaro ]
There's that lty music again!
I'm gonna have this out with him now!
.R.r [ opera 1
What's the matter?
He's shaving.
Well, so what?
His legs.
He's shaving his legs.
Figaro
Fi... garo'
Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro J'.i'
Yoo-hoo. [ Moocher] Nancy.
I was just on my way to work.
Come on in.
You know what?
No. What?
L'm leaving home, that's what.
What?
Where are you going?
About five blocks south.
Oh.
I found this nice little place
to rent.
It's so cute I could scream.
Scream.
My folks said I could have some of
their furniture from the basement.
All right!
[ Inhaling, Exhaling ]
Maybe you could
give me a hand... moving.
Oh, sure.
If I'm not too busy, you know?
- How's the job?
- You know what?
Frank said if I keep up the good work,
it'll just be a matter of time
before I become head cashier.
That's great.
Well, I should go now.
Nancy. Uh...
I think I'll walk you to work.
I'm going out that way anyways.
It gets 30 miles to the gallon.
Of course,
the mileage you get may vary.
It's a beaut, right?
Right.
Boy, you sure
know how to pick 'em.
Frankly, this is the best car on the lot.
Quality product.
Buon giorno, Papa!
Come stai?
Friend of yours?
Aren't you glad
we got fired from the A & P?
I mean, right now,
we'd be working.
We didn't get fired, Mike.
You got fired. We quit.
All for one and one for all.
You know, there ain't many places
that are gonna hire all four of us.
You know what I'd like to be?
Smart.
[Laughs]
A cartoon of some kind.
Wouldn't that be great?
You know, when they get
hit on the head with a frying pan...
and their head looks like the frying
pan with the handle and everything?
Then they go boing and...
their head
comes back to normal.
Wouldn't that
be great?
How did you get to be
so stupid, Cyril?
I don't know.
Guess I have a dumb heredity.
What's your excuse, Michael?
[ Chuckles ]
You hear from your folks, Mooch?
Yeah, my dad called. He says there's
a lot more jobs in Chicago.
He hasn't gotten anything yet,
though.
Wanted to know
if the house was sold.
Hmm. He could use the money
something fierce.
You can come live with me
when it's sold.
In Italy, everybody lives together.
[Chuckles] Since you won that Italian
bike, man, you've been acting weird.
You're really getting to think
you're Italian, aren't you?
I wouldn't mind thinking
I was somebody myself.
I think the door's stuck
on that icebox.
I can't see him!
Oh, yoo-hoo! lt's got no back on it.
[Laughs]
Funny shit.
Funny.
[ Hooting ]
[Chattering ]
What the hell are they doing here?
[Girls Cheer And Clap]
I've never seen anybody
dive off from up there.
Hey, you bastards!
Who's that?
Hey, cutters!
They got indoor and outdoor pools on
campus, and they got to come here.
It's my goddamn quarry.
This hole, this quarry hole is mine!
Hey, screw you, Cyril.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
[ Mike] If they're gonna come here,
then we're gonna go to their campus.
[Tires Screech ]
Going to college must do something
to girls' tits, I swear.
Just look at 'em.
Hi there!
What's your major?
[Whistles Blowing ]
Sure look like
they've got it made.
That's because they're rich.
Italians are poor,
but they're happy.
Yeah, maybe in Italy.
Whoa! Whoo!
Hey, good one, Kath.
Go!
Rod, here.
I wonder what it's like to kiss a coed.
Wonder about that a lot.
Whoa!
Hey!
[Tires Screech ]
[Laughs]
[ Rod ]
Come on!
Hey, that bastard's giving us
the finger.
[ Mooch ]
Hey, we're on their turf, Mike.
Come on!
Dumb-ass cutters!
Goddamn bastard-Ilickiin' retards!
Number 1, move!
Hut! 18! Hut!
[Whistle Blows]
I used to think I was
a great quarterback in high school.
Still think so too.
Can't even bring myself
to light a cigarette...
'cause I keep thinking
I got to stay in shape.
Know what really gets me though?
I got to live in this stinking town,
and I got to read in the newspapers...
about some hotshot kid,
new star of the college team.
Every year it's going to be a new one...
and every year, it's never
going to be me. [Scoffs]
I'm just going to be Mike.
20-year-old Mike.
30-year-old Mike.
Old mean old man Mike.
These college kids here are never
gonna get old or out of shape...
'cause new ones
come along every year.
They're going to
keep calling us cutters.
To them,
it's just a dirty word.
To me, it's just something else
I never got a chance to be.
[ Reading In Italian ]
Mamma mia!
[ Horn Honks ]
[Tires Screech ]
[ Muffled ]
Signorina
Signorina!
Signorina!
Signorina, Signorina,
you,uh-
Is yours, no?
[Scoffs] You mean you've
been chasing me with this?
Is nothing.
Niente, signorina.
What, are you an exchange
student or something?
S''. I am italiano.
My name is Enrico Gimondi.
My name is Katherine Bennett.
Ah, Catherina.
Catherina.
Well, thanks again...
again. Bye.
Ciao.
[ Pop, Hiss]
Son of a bitch!
All right, keep it steady!
Keep your elbows bent!
That's- That's right!
Pick it up, Kath! 30!
Hi.
What are you doing, Kathy?
Goddamn it!
I want an answer, Evelyn. What
are we going to do about him?
I don't know, dear.
We could always
strangle him while he's asleep.
That's not funny, Evelyn.
Why don't you talk to him?
I'm afraid to talk to him. I'm
afraid to look at him. [Sighs]
I'm afraid if I did, his eyes
would be twirliin' like pinwheels.
Mmm.
I'm only giving you these because
you promised to calm down.
Don't expect any more.
J"J" [ Italian Opera]
I can't eat with that noise on.
./"J" [ Continues]
.r.r [ Stops ]
Evelyn, he's not even in his room.
Stop!
What the hell are you doing?
Them's my French fries!
Oh, Mama!
Evelyn!
Oh, my God, what's the matter?
Mio cuore. My heart.
Oh, my heart!
It's these damn French fries. Hey,
they're my damn French fries.
I have such a pain in my heart,
Mama, Papa.
[ Sighs ]
I'm in love.
If [ Rock]
Suzy says this guy sent you flowers.
So what?
You never sent me flowers.
Who is he, Kath?
Some crazy guy I met.
God, what's gotten into you?
Buon giorno.
Mama! Mama!
Mama, the Italians are coming!
They're coming to race in Indianapolis!
The team Cinzano!
Oh, grazie tanto, Santa Maria.
Oh, Dave, try not
to become Catholic on us.
Grazie, signore.
Molte grazie!
Faster.
I Siren ]
Damn!
Ahh.
[ Speaking Italian On Record ]
Ah, there you are, Fellini.
Come stai, eh?
Are you hungry?
This is spicy meatballs here.
[ Record: Man ]
It's hot today, isn't it?
[ Man Speaks Italian ]
M m m !
[ Slurps ]
Mangiare, eh?
Hey, he)!'
Guess what. The Italians are coming.
Guess what. Moocher's going.
Dave, you've got to talk to him.
Where're you going, Mooch?
- He's getting a job.
- So?
So? He's getting a job!
[ Mike]
Campus Street Car Wash.
Going to wait on college boys.
[ Cyril ] Don't forget to
smile now if you want a tip.
I thought we were going
to stick together, man.
I need a job, Mike.
Don't go, Mooch.
They only let you out on
weekends and national holidays.
See you later, Cyril.
Hey, don't forget to write.
Hey.
Take it easy.
Ciao.
You're a little late, but I guess
you won't let that happen again.
Sorry.
Here's your sponge and rag,
and there's your place.
And don't forget
to punch the clock, shorty.
[ Cyril ] All right!
[ Dave ] Bravo!
[Whistling ]
Yeah! Whoo!
Get out of here!
Way to go, Mooch!
Raymond?
You know, them college boys
ain't so smart.
I sold one of my worst cars
to one of them today.
They ain't too smart. lt's a
good thing that Dave never-
What is this?
It's, um, sauted zucchini.
It's lty food.
I don't want no lty food.
It's not.
I got it at theA& P.
It's like, uh, squash.
I know lty food when I hear it.
lt's all them ini foods-
Zucchini and linguine and fettuccine.
I want some American food, damn it!
I want French fries!
[ Meow]
Oh, get off the table,
Fellini!
That's my cat!
His name is Jake, not Fellini.
I won't have any mi
in this house!
Your name is Jake, you understand?
[ Meow]
[Shouting ]
Your parents asking
what you're going to do?
[ Dave]
I think they're getting curious.
I sure miss playing basketball.
I got depressed as hell when
my athlete's foot and jock itch went away.
So why did you give it up?
Oh, I don't know.
Ah. I was sure I was going
to get that scholarship.
My dad, of course,
was sure that I wouldn't.
When I didn't, he was really
understanding, you know?
He loves to do that. He loves to
be understanding when I fail.
That's okay, Cyril. I understand.
He even bought me that guitar 'cause
he was sure I'd never learn to play it.
I'm supposed to take
this college entrance exam.
Are you gonna go to college?
Hell, no.
I just want to see if I can pass.
Huh.
Maybe I'll take it, too, and flunk it.
My dad's birthday's coming up.
[Chuckles]
Hey, now, look at this.
That's the place
to be right there- Wyoming.
Nothing but prairies and
mountains and nobody around.
All you need's a bedroll
and a good horse.
Don't forget your toothbrush. You're
still in your cavity-prone years.
- [ Dave ] Hey, here's your brother.
- [ Mike] Shit.
I, uh, hear you've been
hot-rodding around campus again.
I wasn't hot-rodding.
Well, I'm going to have to
take the car back if you keep it up.
All right.
All right, all right, all right.
All right.
How you doing, guys?
Well, we're a little disturbed by the
developments in the Middle East...
but other than that-
Pussy cop.
Hey, I know what let's do.
Why don't we
drive to Terre Haute tomorrow?
We ain't been out of this B-town
in God knows how long.
That sounds like a good idea.
I'm, uh-
I'm kind of busy tomorrow.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm kind of busy myself tomorrow.
Well, I just might go myself, then.
J'[ Italian]
J' [ Humming ]
If [ Guitar Notes ]
That's it.
Cyril, that's it. I recognize it.
Damn right.
But you got to play it much louder, okay?
Don't worry.
I'll make this catgut meow.
[Strums Loud Chord ]
Ha, ha, ha, ha
Come on, just slow down.
Watch out for the hole! Ow!
How about a little music?
Catherina!
Catherina!
Catherina!
J' [ Man Singing In Italian ]
[ Giggling ]
J'J' [ Dave Singing In Italian ]
- Play it, Cyril!
- If [ Continues Singing]
J"J" [ Italian Continues]
J' [ Continues Same Song ]
[ Giggling ]
J' [ Continues ]
Oh, hi, Rod.
I was just wondering if you knew there was a
guy over here with a guitar serenading Kath.
If [ Together]
./"J" [ Solo ]
If [ Same Song Continues ]
J' [ Dave Continues]
[ Applause ]
[ Whistling, Cheers ]
Good night and thank you!
Whoa!
Shit!
I have to go in.
I haven't ridden double
since I was a little girl.
And I've never been serenaded.
So... it was a lovely evening.
Molte grazie.
Right?
Buona notte, Ca lherina.
Are you sure you're okay?
I'm fine! I'm fine.
Let me see.
He won't tell me who did it.
It was dark!
I can tell you for sure they
all wore Brut aftershave...
and reeked of Lavoris.
What were you doin' there
by yourself?
I was just walking.
Well, what kind of car did they drive?
It was a Mercedes convertible.
Was it blue?
Yes.
We seen that car.
All right. They want a fight,
we'll give them a fight.
We rednecks are few.
College paleface students
are many.
I counsel peace.
Come on.
Let's go find those bastards.
[ Dave ]
I have to go somewhere.
If [ Disco ]
You haven't pledged any sorority yet?
No.
You should. Most frat guys
won't go out with dormies.
I'm the exception.
So, you're on the swimming team, huh?
Yep.
Breaststroke.
Loosen it up J
Loosen it up If
[ Mike] Is that him?
[Cyril ] I guess.
Who are they?
A bunch of cutters.
What are cutters?
Townies.
[Tires Screech ]
[ Mike]
There it is. There's his Mercedes.
[ Cyril ] Hey, Mike. Mike, I
don't think we can go in there.
Oh, yeah? Watch this.
Shit.
Uh, due cappuccini, per favore.
Oh, that's the wrong guy.
That's the wrong guy.
[ Man ]
A bunch of cutter kids.
There he is.
[ Bowling Pins Rattle ]
Hi there.
Would you like to roll some balls?
[ Mike]
Come on, Cyril!
I can't get it out.
My-My finger's stuck.
My papa, he tells me,
Figlio mio, he tells me,
we are fishermen in our family
for as far back as I can see.
You- You can do what you want.
You go to America.
Say hello to the new world for me.
MY Papa.
It's nice to hear
somebody misses his parents.
Ce/10, I miss.
Just like you
miss your mama and papa.
L- I don't miss them.
I went as far as I could
to get away from them.
Ah, but they miss you.
Eh, at home, they sit,
and they look at your photo...
and they say,
Ah, how we miss our Catherina...
our bambina.
You shouldn't smoke.
What's your major?
Sosh.
Oh, Sosh. That's a nice major.
Would you mind if I-
What are you cutters doing here?
- Did you get lost?
- No.
Then why don't you get lost now?
Is that him?
No. No, I don't think it is. No.
Let's get out of here.
Smart move, shorty.
[ Shouting, Screaming ]
[ Grunting ]
Ow!
- All right! Break it up!
- Watch it!
Oh, shit.
Break it up!
[ Katherine ] We gotta go now.
Come on.
The cutters started it!
[ Man ] Come on. Let's go.
Fun's over. Come on.
[ Man #2 ] Break it up, everybody.
Get out of there.
[ Officer]
Move it! Let's go!
Most of you will only spend
four years here...
but to a lot of us,
Bloomington is our home.
I don't like the way you boys
have been behaving in my home.
If you feel compelled to compete
with the kids from the town...
you will do it in a different arena.
We've decided to expand the field of
this year's Little 500 bicycle race...
to include a team from the town.
But, sir, they're not good enough.
Why not?
I don't want to be in the Little 500.
Oh, Christ.
I thought you'd jump
at the chance.
L- I don't want to be seen
with all those college kids.
That's the whole point!
They're all gonna be there.
Don't you want to beat those
shitheads in front of everybody?
Doesn't it take four people
to have a team?
Well, we got four.
I mean, don't we?
We all enter, Dave rides the whole thing,
and we win!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
Uh, look, Mike.
I'm going to be working that day, okay?
Working?
Yeah, I'm going to get a job.
By yourself?
Yeah! I need the money.
Thanks a lot, Dave. That's really great.
You're a real pal!
You won't be working
the day of the Italian race.
Mike, the time comes
when we all have to go our own ways.
[ Mike]
You're a real adult, aren't you?
B-town boy grows up.
It's going to happen sometime.
Oh, yeah.
Is that what Nancy says?
You can just leave her out of this.
Shut up, would you?
I wasn't talking to you in the first place.
Hey, well, I don't give a goddamn!
You're not the quarterback here, Mike!
At least I was once!
Which is better than being
a midget all my life!
Cut it out! Just cut it out!
Hey, bambino, che cosa?
Just drop that Italian shit,
too, all right?
I'm really sick of that crap.
Oh, shit!
You know, I think you're just
afraid of those college guys.
And you're not, right, Mike?
The only thing I'm afraid of is wasting
the rest of my life with you guys!
I thought that was the whole plan...
that we were going
to waste the rest of our lives together.
[Chattering, Giggling ]
What's he doing? That guy-
[Laughs]
Man!
[ Girl ]
Come on, Rod!
[ Cyril ]
Come on, Mike!
[ Girl ] Yay, Rod! Whoo!
[ Cheering ]
[ Girl ]
Come on, Rod!
[ Moocher]
You can do it! Come on, Mike!
[ Girl ] Yay, Rod! [ Applause ]
[ Groans ]
[ Dave] Mike! Mike!
Hold on, Mike!
[Gasping ]
[ Coughing ]
I tried calling her to tell her,
but I just couldn't.
She's going to see you
in the 500, you know.
You know, if she really likes you,
she just won't care.
Hey, uh, Dave, me and Nancy,
we're going to get married.
What a mess.
Moocher, you're Catholic, aren't you?
Yeah.
You ever go to confession?
Twice.
Make you feel better?
Once.
[ Bell Tolls ]
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
You look nice.
Your hair looks great.
What do you think they're going to ask us?
Nothing we can't answer, I suppose.
Wonder if I have to have a job to qualify.
I don't think so.
I think it's mostly blood and relatives
that they're interested in.
Blood and relatives?
That's great. I got both of them.
Oh, fudge! You know what?
No. What?
I only brought $4.00.
Oh, well, it's only five.
I'll tell you what. We'll go Dutch.
On a marriage license?
Sure. Why not?
[ Horn Honks ]
Papa! Ciao, Papa!
[ Car Engine Sputters ]
Aw, damn. You know what I did?
I put premium gas
in this baby by mistake.
It hates expensive gas.
[ Horn Honks ]
[ Engine Sputters]
[Groaning ]
I should've hit him
when I had the chance.
He'd be dead now.
No more worries.
I'll talk to him, dear.
I'll tell him he either has to get a job
or go to college.
College? So he can thumb
his diploma at me?
[ Evelyn ] Dave never thumbed
anything at anybody.
That's because he never
went to college.
Besides, he's probably
too stupid to get in.
Shh! He'll hear you.
I don't care! lt's my house.
Besides,
he doesn't speak English anyway.
I'm sure he'll find a job somewhere.
He couldn't find a job to save his life.
He's worthless, Evelyn.
I tell you. I die of shame
every time I see him. Goddamn-
- [ Evelyn ] Shh!
- lazy freeloader.
[ Honks Horn ]
Hi, Alvin!
Look who's here!
- Looks like the safety inspector.
- Or a union organizer.
Dugan, I thought you'd retired.
They won't let me retire.
Howdy, Floyd.
We could sign you up as an apprentice.
Like hell you can!
I'm only here for a visit,
but if I wanted to start over again...
I could pick up right where I left off.
How are you, Russell?
Hi, Ray. All right. How are you?
Pretty good.
Mind if I drive in a wedge?
All right.
Hey, how's your son?
He's fine. How 'bout yours?
I'm just tired of it, Evelyn.
I'm tired of worrying about him.
Who'd ever hire a guy like that?
He's going to wind up a bum-
An Italian bum.
Well, you could use some help.
What if you gave him a job?
I don't want him selling used cars.
Why not?
It's good enough for you.
Who says it's good enough for me?
You do.
Damn right it's good enough for
me, but I don't need any help.
He'd ruin me if l hired him,
a weirdo kid like that. Gee.
[ Sighs ]
[Whistling ]
Hey! No whistling!
You're supposed
to be a shag boy, so shag.
If I wanted whistling,
I'd get a bird.
How are you feeling?
Tired, Papa.
Exhausted?
Yeah.
Good. Get used to it.
lt's going to be more of the same.
Let's go home.
I have to train.
The Italian race is next week.
[ Horn Honks ]
Papa, can I have this Saturday off?
Hell, no.
Just this once, Papa.
The Italians are coming Saturday.
I don't care
if the Second Coming's coming.
But I waited so long.
No! N-O double-O. No.
Uh-oh. You stay out of this.
Don't come in here with that.
This car's been sold.
You said
there was a 90-day guarantee.
Guarantee? What guarantee?
You gave me your word.
On paper?
Have you got it on paper?
Well, there was no paper,
but you gave me your word.
Word?
I don't remember hearing any word.
Get this car off my lot!
Papa, if you gave him your word,
then we have to take the car back.
Who are you?
We're poor,
but we're honest.
All I want is a refund.
Refund?
Refund? Are you crazy?
Refund? Refund?
Refund?
Refund?
Easy. Easy. Easy, Ray.
Refund? Refund.
Refund?
I've ruined everything.
He needed a rest anyway,
and now he's getting it.
I'm not going to go to the race. I should
be right there when Papa wakes up.
Um, did I ever show you this?
It's a passport.
It's quite cheap, you know.
A real bargain.
I carry this with me all the time.
Someday, there'll be
a new girl at the A & P...
and when I cash a check,
she'll ask for identification...
and I'll take out my passport,
and fll sayn.
Here!
Oh, Mama.
So you see,
I think you really should go.
I think you should come home...
singing... with a trophy.
I think you should do
all those things while you can.
I'll win this one for you, Mama.
Ladies and gentlemen...
welcome to today's
Cinzano 100-mile road race.
Here they come to the starting line-
Team Cinzano,
ladies and gentlemen!
[ Scattered Ciaos]
Timers, if you are ready, we'll stand
by for the start of the Cinzano 100.
Riders, ready!
Timers, ready!
[ Starter Pistol Fires ]
The Cinzano 100 is under way,
ladies and gentlemen.
The riders are starting off
on a 100-mile journey.
Come on!
[Cheering ]
[ Speaking Italian ]
Hey!
Hey!
Buon giorno!
Come stai?
Oggi molto umido, non vero?
Andiamo!
Avanti! Avanti.
Grazie! Grazie!
Grazie!
[ Mutters In Italian ]
[ Speaking Italian ]
[Speaks Italian ]
[Speaks Italian ]
[ Groans ]
Bravo! Bravo!
[Continues In Italian ]
I feel like one of those dwarves,
you know?
Like, when they think
that Snow White's dead.
Well, I guess you're a cutter again, huh?
Just like the rest of us?
I guess so.
[ Moocher] Hey, cheer up, Dave.
You still got the 500.
Thanks a lot.
No, I don't feel lucky to be alive.
I feel lucky I'm not dead.
There's a difference.
[ Evelyn ]
Mm-hmm.
Oh!
What happened to you?
It's nothing.
How do you feel, Dad?
Dad?
I'll tell you how I'm feeling, son.
I had nightmares all night
that everybody I ever sold a car to...
came in to ask for a refund.
You were there handing out
the checks.
One for you, one for you.
I'm sorry I gave him back
his money.
I really am.
Everybody cheats.
I just didn't know.
Well, now you know.
Where's your trophy?
Daddy!
What's the matter?
What are you crying for?
Acting like you lost your wallet.
I didn't want you to be
this miserable.
A little bit's all I asked for.
[Chuckles]
Go on now.
It's all right.
Talk to him, Evelyn.
What are you doing?
Hi, Kathy.
Oh, God,
what did you do to yourself?
I just, uh-
Oh, I liked you better before.
What happened
to your cornicello?
Now you look like everybody else.
I am everybody else.
I mean-
Listen, Kathy-
Catherina!
I feel terrible.
You sound funny.
Che cosa, Enrico?
Tell me.
Look. Kathy, I-
My name is Dave Stohler.
I made all that other stuff up.
I was born in Bloomington.
I went to Bloomington High.
I was treasurer of the Latin Club
and usher on the senior-
Okay. Stop kidding around.
I'm not kidding around!
See,
I'm what you call a cutter.
Why Napoli?
And the big family?
Well, it was a good act.
You-
You certainly fooled me.
You know what you are?
I got a clue.
I'll tell you what you are.
[ Sobs ]
Oh, God!
You-
[Sobbing ]
Dave.
Yes, Dad?
[ Sighs ]
I cut the stone for this building.
You did?
Yeah. I was one fine stone cutter.
Mike's dad, Moocher's, Cyril's,
all of us.
Well, Cyril's dad-
Never mind.
Thing of it was, I loved it.
I was young and slim and strong.
I was damn proud of my work.
And the buildings went up.
When they were finished,
the damnedest thing happened.
It was like...
the buildings was too good for us.
Nobody told us that.
Just-
Just felt uncomfortable. That's all.
Even now, I-
I'd like to be able
to stroll through the campus...
and look at the limestone,
but I just feel out of place.
You guys still go swimming
in the quarries?
Sure.
So the only thing you got to
show for my 20 years of work...
is the holes we left behind.
I don't mind.
I do.
Cyril's dad says he took
that college exam.
We both took it.
How did both of us do?
Well, I don't know.
One of us did okay.
But neither... of us-
Hell, I... don't
want to go to college, Dad!
To hell with them!
I'm proud of being a cutter.
You're not a cutter.
I'm a cutter.
What, are you afraid?
Yeah.
A little bit.
And then
there's the rest of the guys.
Well, you took the exam.
Did all right, didn't you?
Yes.
Well, that's- That's good.
Well, your mom-
[ Sighs ]
Your mom will be expecting us home.
Come on.
Am I supposed to ride
this thing?
Well, that's the official issue.
You can't add or change anything.
Well,
it's a piece of junk!
Hey, it's got a lot of personality to it.
It doesn't
look that bad to me.
That's 'cause you
don't have to ride it.
You don't have to ride it either, Dave.
We're not going to beg you.
We may plead,
but we would never beg.
Aw, the hell with it!
Get off, Cyril.
At least we got invited.
I'm just gonna take it back.
You seem relieved,
Mike.
What's the matter? Don't you
think we can win anymore?
Why not?
Maybe those guys
are better than us.
Maybe they are, but that's the first
time I heard you say anything like that.
That's the first time I ever felt that.
All right.
[ Sighs ]
Hello.
What are you doing here?
I'm leaving soon.
Where are you going?
I got a job in Chicago.
Moocher's dad's in Chicago.
He got a job there. He's, uh-
And I'm going to Italy after all
with my parents.
Great, Kath.
I wish you a nice trip.
You too.
I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know about that.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
If you eat so much, Moocher,
how come you're so damn small?
Oh, it's my metabolism,
Mr. Stohler.
I eat three times a day. My
metabolism eats five times a day.
Well,
I go back to work tomorrow.
You're not gonna come see us race? He
thought he might bring you bad luck.
Well, I just have work to do.
That's all.
Besides, there might be another
metabolism to feed around here.
You mean,
we might be a father?
No, I might be a father.
Your mom might be a mother.
You might be a brother.
That way, I keep it all in the family.
Wow.
I didn't think people your age-
The next word may be your last, kid.
You must be very happy,
Mr. Stohler.
'Course I must.
Do I have any choice?
You said you were going to
give them a little pep talk.
They don't need pep. I need pep.
Go on. Give it to them.
Uh, we thought-
As long as you're goin' out there,
you might as well tell 'em who you are.
Right.
[Laughs]
Oh, wow!
[Woman ]
Oh, say, can you see
By the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed
At the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes
and bright stars
Through the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watched
Were so gallantly streaming
And the rocket's red glare
The bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there
Oh, say, does that
star-spangled banner
Yet wave
O'er the land of the free
And the home oi the brave N
[ Man ]
Gentlemen, thank you very much.
I want to take a second to point out
two or three flags you'll have to obey.
The first, and most important is the
green flag. That means the race is on.
When the green flag is out,
you are racing.
If you see the yellow flag,
that means there's been an accident...
or someone has a problem
that will force the track to slow down.
Please follow your leader.
The third flag
is the checkered flag.
This needs no explanation.
[ Man Continues On P. A . ,
indistinct ' ] We can do it!
This is a 200-lap,
50-mile bicycle race...
ridden on a one-quarter mile track.
It consists of 33 four-man teams.
However, this year,
President Ryan has invited
an out in town team to participate.
Although they're newcomers, I'm sure
they'II give it their best effort.
The Cutters,
ladies and gentlemen.
Any of the team members during the
race may exchange to another member...
whenever they feel exhausted
or in need of help.
[ Man In Red Jacket]
Gentlemen,
mount your Roadmaster bicycle.
[ Cheering, Applause ]
[Man]
Go!
J' [ Organ ] [ Chorus, Audience
] Indiana, our Indiana
Indiana, we're all for you
We will fight for
the cream and crimson
And the glory of old l.U.
I.U.!
Never daunted
We'll never falter
In the battle,
we're tried and true
Oh, Indiana, our Indiana
Indiana, we're all for you
I.U.!
Indiana, our Indiana
Indiana, we're all for you
We will fight for
the cream and crimson
And the glory of old l.U.
I.U.!
Never daunted,
we'll never falter
In the battle,
we're tried and true
Oh, Indiana, our Indiana
Indiana, we're all for you
L.U.!
Indiana, we're all for you If
I.U.!
[ Man Over P.A. ]
They're on the starting line.
They're coming down now!
The green flag is up!
The Little 500 is under way!
[ Man ]
Hey, move it! Get out of my way!
- Go, faster!
- Hey, hey. Come on, man. Let's go.
- Move it!
- Hey, watch it.
[Announcer] Ana' here they
come, rounding the corner...
for the completion of
the first of this 200 lap event.
[ Man ]
Watch it, man.
[Cheering ]
[ Man ]
Look out.
[Announcer] The perennial favorite teams
are up in the lead group of this race.
[ Cyril ]
Come on!
All right!
He's movin' up! Look at him go!
[ Hollers]
[ Announcer On Radio ]
So after 25 laps,
two of the perennial favorites
are up front-
The Sigma Tau Omega team
and the Acacia team.
I should point out what a remarkable
job the Cutter team is doing.
They started in 34th position,
and they're doing a beautiful job
moving up through the field.
Oh.
The Acacia team has just' given a signal on the
last' lap that they wanted to make an exchange.
We see the rider from the Acacia
team accelerating away...
giving himself a lead so the receiving
rider can get on the bike...
and not be behind
when the pack comes by.
Beautiful exchange!
Another team is exchanging
right behind.
Here are our leaders coming in
for an exchange.
Sigma Tau Omega team.
One of the teams is moving up
very quickly on the outside.
It appears to be team number 34,
the Cutter team.
Here he is, fighting nip and tuck
to take the lead.
He's done it!
He's taken the lead!
Team 34 has assumed the lead,
coming from last position.
What an incredible effort
on the part of the leader of this race.
[ Man ]
Come on! You got him!
- Let's go!
- Come on!
The leading teams at this point' in the race
are the Curlers, the Sigma Tau Omega team,
the Phi Psi's, the Delta Chi's
and the Acacia team.
The rider for the Cutters team-
Dave Stohler-
That's my boy!
Is pulling ahead e even further a we y.
Pulling ahead!
It' is incredible, the job he is doing.
[ Honking Horn ]
Come on, Dave!
He is really bearing down and is turning
in some terrific lap times here.
! don't happen to have
a stopwatch, but-
[Tires Squeal ]
He won't last.
This is utterly amazing. After 25
miles- That's 100 laps, folks-
the rider for the Cutter team
is still out front.
We've learned he has yet to
come in for an exchange.
We're number one!
Someone's down.
There's an accident in the second corner.
I can't see who it is.
Just a second. It's Dave Stohler
from the Cutter team...
who's taken a bad spill.
He had a 3/4 of a lap lead.
I can't see if he's hurt.
He is up,
and he's getting on the bike,
but he's obviously in agony.
Come on, Dave!
No way. He wants off, man.
That's the signal.
He's coming in.
Here you go.
I don't want to race.
You go!
Get on the bike!
[ Sigma #1 ]
lt's ours now. lt's our race.
[ Sigma #2 ]
We got it.
Get going!
We got a lead!
No one is going.
The other rider is standing
in the pit holding the bike.
Get out there, Mike!
Get on the bike!
The little guy's getting on the bike!
You okay?
What's the matter?
What happened?
[ Sigma #1 ] I don't believe it!
[ Laughing ]
As a result
of that terrible exchange...
the Cutter team
has dropped from the lead.
The Sigma Tau Omega team
has regained the lead.
The Cutter team has fallen
into second position.
Here comes another team
challenging and has passed the Cutters.
The Cutters have fallen
into third place.
Try as they may,
they seem to be losing ground.
Dave Stohler has been taken-
[ Cheering ]
Let's go!
Well, Ev, he tried.
Even the announcer said he tried.
It's all over.
[ Man ]
Let's go!
Help!
Nice try, kid.
The lead team has just completed 170
of these 200 laps.
There are only 30 laps remaining.
The Sigma Tau Omega team
looks unbeatable.
Although many things can happen,
as we've already seen today...
things can change like the wind. Stay on
this side of the bike. The other side.
Bring it in!
Go, you cutter, go!
[ Man ]
Move out. Move out.
The Cutters made an exchange. They
now have a new man on the bike.
He's been doing a very good job.
He has moved the Cutters
into fourth position.
Ana' appears to be moving enough to make
a serious challenge for third position.
We'II have to wait and see
if this is able to happen.
We're not doing too bad.
This once again points out
the fact that this is a team effon'.
One man may fall back,
another may be exceptional...
but sometimes when you're down another
man can pick up ground that you've lost.
This appears to be
what's happening here.
- We showed those shitheads.
- Showed them what?
Come on, Mike! Bring it in!
Come on!
It appears even with the injury,
Dave Stohler- [ Indistinct]
It appears
he may be getting back on the bike.
Dave Stohler is back
on the bike.
But his teammates are taping
his feet to the pedals.
This is perfectly legal...
but it does mean he will not be able to
exchange for the remainder of the race.
The next 15 laps
he must ride by himself.
Pick it up!
Pick it up!
Pick it up!
He's back in the race!
He has dropped from fourth
into fifth position.
There are only 15 more laps
remaining.
Go, son! Go, damn you!
It remains to be seen if Dave will be
able to close up the gap.
[ Muttering, Indistinctly]
You'll get on the bike when he does.
Stay behind him till the third turn.
Yeah! Yeah!
One hundred ninety six completed.
The Cutters, team number 34,
now in second place.
They have completed 198 laps.
198 laps!
Still leading, Sigma Tau Omega,
team number 1.
[Crowd Chanting ]
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
And here comes your leader now
through turn number four.
Coming down to take
the white flag!
One lap to 90-'
It's a duel between
Sigma Tau Omega and Cutters...
team number 1
and team number 34...
as they battle it out
through the last lap.
[Crowd Shouting ]
Go! Go! Go! Go!
[Announcer] Teams number 7 and 34
battling it out neck-and-neck...
as they come down the short stretch.
Half a lap to go.
They're going into turn number three.
Number 1, still leading.
34 coming up
very close on the inside!
Here they go for the checkered flag!
And 34 wins!
[ Indistinct]
All right!
And now, this is what
you have been waiting for.
The winning team,
from Bloomington, Indiana...
the winner of the Little 500-
The Cutters!
[ Shouts ]
Bye.
See you later.
The Union?
[ In French Accent]
Pardon.
Do you know where
is the Office of the Purser?
You must mean
the Bursar's Office.
Uh, oui Bursar.
I was thinking of taking French,
but it's my first year.
Have you ever seen Le
Tour de France? No.
No'? Mon dieu!
[ French Accent]
The French riders, they're the best!
Hiya, big shot!
Bonjour, Papa!
I We will fight for
the cream and crimson I
J" And the glory of old I.U. J"
I.U.!
Never daunted
We 'II never falter
In the battle,
we're tried and true
J' Oh, Indiana, oh, Indiana'
Indiana, we're all for you If
I.U.!