- I'm so...
- I'm so glad you called.
I'm so glad
you were free.
God,
I love your eyes.
Okay, now what?
Cup my balls.
- Okay, yes.
- All right. I can do that.
- Oh! There it is.
- There we go.
That feels good.
You know what to do.
Okay, you know what?
Slow it down, slow it down.
Okay.
Slow it down.
There we go.
How's that?
That's good, nice and slow.
See? Doesn't that feel good?
Yeah.
No, I want to go fast.
You want to go fast?
Fast.
Yeah. No...
Oh, yeah.
That feels good.
Oh, Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know what?
I think...
I think maybe
we are on different
rhythms here.
I was having a nightmare.
I was so scared.
Good morning.
You look beautiful.
No, I'm sure
I look terrible.
I just woke up.
Are you kidding?
I'm sure I'm a mess.
You slept over.
I did.
I thought we had
a rule against that.
Oh.
I'm kidding.
Oh.
That was funny.
I'm kidding.
You're funny
in the morning.
I like hanging out
with you.
Oh. Yeah.
I love hanging out with you.
I think we get
along really well
and you're so sexy.
I know.
I just have a lot
coming up at work
and I don't want
to make promises
I can't keep.
You know what I mean?
I know you do.
Yeah.
We're on the same page.
I'm not looking for
a relationship right now,
either. Let's just say that.
Whatever you wanna...
I can do...
I'd rather just...
I like simple...
I'm not like other girls.
I'm not like,
"Be my boyfriend!"
Unless you were like, "Yeah!"
Then I'd be like,
"Maybe."
Mmm. But let's not.
I don't want that either.
Wow, this is so awkward.
I really want you to leave,
but I don't know how to say it
without sounding like a dick.
Come on!
Hands behind your heads!
Let's go! Sit-ups!
You're looking
like pieces of bacon
on a plate.
It's disgusting!
I smell the fat!
- He scares me.
- Me, too.
But he's
an excellent motivator.
That's true.
What are you looking at?
Oh, Shit, he sees us.
Oh, God.
Hey! Hey!
If you want to
take this class,
you're going to
have to pay for it
like the rest
of these bitches!
What, are you dancing?
In the park...
Dance class?
You are not dancing.
You are not
dancing in the park!
- Go, go, go, go!
- Freeloaders!
I'm coming over there.
- Is he coming?
- I'm coming after you!
Sorry, Rodney.
We're on a budget.
- Oh, come on!
- It's only 12 bucks!
Oh, my God!
Come on!
You fucking freeloaders.
We are out
of our minds.
I know.
That's okay.
I'm so glad that
we got to do this.
I feel like I haven't
seen you in forever.
Mmm. I've been
in Chicago a lot.
I know.
Sleeping at Dougie's house.
Well, it's just
closer to work.
How is it going
with him anyway?
I don't know.
I mean, it's fine,
but I just feel
like he's been
distant lately.
And I don't know...
He calls me
"dude" a lot.
That doesn't mean anything.
I think everything is fine.
I don't know.
Anyway,
what did you
do last night?
Umm...
What did you
do last night?
You are not
telling me something.
I hung out with
Ted for a little bit.
I knew it!
We had fun.
It was fun.
Here's what I
don't like about it.
You hate yourself
after you see him,
every time.
And then we go through this,
and then you feel like shit,
and it's almost
like you're doing it
because you feel
bad about yourself.
He called me late,
and we hung out.
It wasn't a big deal.
And you know what?
It was fun.
Ew! You had
sex with him.
We had an
adult sleepover.
Ooh. Did you let him
sleep over in your mouth?
Annie!
I'm sorry!
You're unbelievable.
He kept putting
it near my face.
They do that,
don't they?
Why do they do that?
Let us offer.
If we don't offer...
Please.
You're supposed
to slap it away.
I couldn't.
You don't want to
look right at it.
No.
It's too aggressive.
It's like...
"Hello."
That's my impression.
Those are the balls?
Yeah.
I'm trying to make it round,
but I can't
because I have elbows.
He is so hot, though.
Look, I know
you say he's cute
and all that stuff,
but it makes you feel
like shit, you know?
You're a total catch,
and any guy
would be psyched
to be your man.
You should just
make room
for somebody who
is nice to you.
You know what?
He's honest!
He told me that
we are what we are
and we're just having fun.
And I like that.
He also told you that
you need dental work.
He's an asshole.
I don't need dental work.
You're right.
There is nothing
wrong with my teeth.
You are so beautiful.
Will you marry me?
Yes.
I love you.
I don't want to
go to work today.
Mmm-mmm.
Let's see how many
times Terry's called me.
Oh! Only 15!
You know what, Terry?
I don't want
to pick up your
monkey lamps.
Sorry!
Monkey lamps?
Ugh. I cannot wait
to never work for
a psychopath again.
Oh! Annie!
I'm sorry. I should
have gone down Mason.
Well, I'm the genius
that opened a bakery
during the recession.
They were good cakes,
Annie.
Thank you.
Come on. Look away,
look away, look away.
Do you have any
ideas of styles?
Oh, I don't know.
What do you think, honey?
Whatever you want.
Look at how you guys
are making this
decision together.
That's sweet. You guys
love each other, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ohh! That's sweet.
That will go away.
You cannot
trust anybody, ever.
Especially someone
you're in a
relationship with.
'Cause they're
living with you,
you don't
know who you're
sleeping next to.
It is scary.
I mean, look at him.
He may not even be Asian.
It is scary.
So did you guys
want to look at
these engagement rings?
We're going to browse.
Okay, sure.
I'll be here.
Thank you.
What was that about?
Umm, nothing.
They had to run.
They had to go somewhere.
And no wonder.
You're selling
lifelong happiness.
You're not telling everyone
about your problems
and how your
boyfriend left you,
and maybe marriage
will work out.
Show me your
"love is eternal" face.
No, that's two years,
four years tops.
That is not eternal.
Kahlua, can you
come over here
for a second, please?
What's up, Don-Don?
You make up
the best nicknames.
You don't need
a nickname because
Kahlua is so delicious.
Don't sue me
for touching you.
Show Annie your
"love is eternal" face.
That looks like you
have menstrual cramps.
Thank you so much,
Kahlua.
Now, why can't you
be more like Kahlua?
Look, I'm trying
really hard.
You've just
got to try harder.
The whole reason
you have got this job,
Annie,
is because your mom
is my sponsor in AA,
and I'm doing her a favor.
I understand.
Oscar, get back to work.
You shouldn't be
behind the counter.
Andrew,
you are not the father!
That's great. Yeah.
Stop that.
Don't do that.
Hey, Brynn.
Oh, hey, roomie.
Guess what
happened to me today.
Hmm. What?
I got a free tattoo.
You did what?
I could not believe it.
The guy said,
"Do you want a tattoo?"
Just a random...
Yeah, opened up
the side of his van.
No.
He said, "it's for free!"
And I said, "Sure."
You said yes?
Yeah!
Yeah. Look.
See here?
What is it?
See that?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Brynn!
It's a Mexican drinking worm.
It's a Native American
symbol meaning "wasted."
Okay, Brynn,
just so you know,
it's...
Gil, hi.
Hello. How are you?
Have you seen
your sister's tattoo?
It's really infected.
Better get
a little bit of ice on it.
Yeah, a little bit.
Stick some
frozen peas on there.
Yeah. It can't hurt.
All right.
So, I just wanted
a quick word.
You know that
tomorrow the rent is due.
I was getting my check,
and I wondered
if I could get
your check, too?
Yes.
I'm getting
the money.
It's been
a little slow.
You have to
keep it in the bag
and put the bag on it.
So, the check?
Yes. Yes.
Yeah.
Because it's a kind of,
like, "needing it
today"-type situation.
It's coming.
- Who is it?
- Me!
Who is it?
Oh, my God.
Hurry up, your creepy
neighbor asked me
if I wanted to
watch the news again.
Sorry.
He is so gross.
- Please, come on in.
- Let me take your magazines.
Welcome to the magazine
and wine party. Ooh!
Have a seat.
I'm very happy
that you are here.
What?
Because I want
to eat an apple.
Would you like
some apple?
What is that?
I got engaged.
What?
He asked me last night.
What?
I know!
That's why he's
been acting so weird
'cause he's a terrible liar,
and he thought he
was gonna blow it.
He was ignoring
me and I thought
he was going to
break up with me.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh!
I know!
Lil!
I'm shocked, still.
But I'm happy.
Can you believe this?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I just got hot.
You did?
Are you okay?
Yes. My pits
are sweating.
My stomach hurts. I'm hot.
What does that mean?
Oh, my God!
What is happening?
I don't know.
I'm wearing a ring.
I can't believe it.
Lil, you're getting married.
I'm getting married.
And you'll be
my maid of honor.
God, of course I will!
It will be super fun.
It's gonna be really fun.
Yeah. You know,
we can plan
everything together.
My God!
Planning your wedding...
Are you sure
you're up for it?
I know it's a lot to ask
and to put on your plate.
And you're going
through a tricky time,
and you're super-busy...
Stop.
It's a lot to ask.
Stop.
Okay.
It's fine. And I'm
more than happy to do it,
and it's not too much.
Oh! Look at that.
It's my fianc?calling.
Oh, your fianc?
Hi, baby,
what's up?
it's Annie.
I just told her!
Yeah, she's so happy.
No, I'm not!
"Yay," she said.
What, baby?
I know,
I miss you, too.
Yeah,
I'll meet you in an hour.
I love you, too.
Wow.
Wynonna Judd.
That's really good.
Painting those giant bangs
was a royal pain in my can.
And those teeth!
I should have
painted her mouth shut.
Can you just get dressed?
We're gonna be late
for the engagement party.
Oh, I forgot
to tell you, honey.
What?
Forgot to tell you.
What?
I signed up to
speak at AA tonight,
and I just have to.
Mom!
No.
I forgot. I'm sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I keep telling you,
you're not supposed
to go to those things.
You're not an alcoholic.
Only because I've
never had a drink.
What?
They are inspiring.
There is this one story
I've just got to tell you.
Sit down.
Okay.
This gentleman
who started
blow-jobbing to get crack.
His name is Marvin Johnson...
Mom, anonymous.
You keep... It's no names.
Okay, okay.
Forget it.
Marvin J. Whatever.
Too late.
Well, he became
a gay prostitute.
And he realized that
he had hit his bottom.
And I have been thinking,
honey,
that maybe this
is your bottom.
I'm telling you,
hitting bottom
is a good thing.
Because there's
nowhere to go but up.
Right?
Yep. That's what you say.
Yeah, a positive message.
Yeah.
Yeah. Thanks for
the pep talk, Mom.
Honey. Anytime, anytime.
All right. I guess I'm
going to Lillian's party
by myself, then.
Don't talk to me
about being by yourself.
I go everywhere
by myself.
Thanks to that
new whore, Barb.
Mom, come on.
No, I don't like to say it.
They've been
married 12 years.
Okay.
But she's still a whore.
I'm sure she greets
him in the evening,
beaver first.
I don't want to
think about that.
I bet she got that car
by giving your dad
something sexually.
'Cause there was
one thing I would
never do,
and I'm sure Barb
is a champion at it.
I don't want to know.
It's called
a "chicken coop."
Of course it is.
You start at the back
and you peck your way
to the front like
you have a beak.
And then you end up
with two eggs
in your mouth.
That's gross.
Well, I'm sure
your dad likes it.
Of course,
he grew up on a farm.
Okay.
You sure you don't
want to move in with me?
Mom, thanks,
but no way.
No way in hell.
Yeah?
No, thanks.
Think about it.
Okay.
You don't need
your own place.
Yeah, I Kind of do.
Okay.
All right,
I'm going to go.
All right.
Holy shit.
Ohh. Valet. Perfect.
Sorry.
Needs a wash.
You have to
punch it a few times.
Annie!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God,
Lillian.
I know.
This is your
engagement party.
Isn't that crazy?
It's so beautiful.
I can't believe
Dougie's boss
is a member here.
I know,
and his parents, too.
And Dougie, I guess.
Gosh, and me,
I guess, too, now.
Come on, let's go
say hi to the rest
of the bridal party!
You remember
my cousin Rita?
Rita.
Annie.
I haven't seen you
since you
graduated high school.
She has
three kids now.
- Three boys.
- They're so cute.
They are cute,
but when they
reach that age,
they are disgusting.
They smell,
they are sticky,
they say things
that are horrible,
and there is semen all
over everything, okay?
Disgusting.
I cracked
a blanket in half.
Do you get where
I'm going with that?
I do.
I cracked it
in half.
What?
Annie,
this is Becca,
my friend from work.
We are in
the trenches together.
Hey. it's great
to meet you.
Hey, how are you?
Nice to meet you.
This is my husband,
Kevin.
Hi.
"Husband."
I like to say it.
We are newlyweds.
Wow. Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
We went on
a sweetheart honeymoon.
Oh.
Where did you guys go?
Disney World.
Disney World.
We finish each
ether's sentences.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Is this your husband?
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't know him.
I'm sorry.
Do you want to go
for a walk later?
Oh. I can't.
All right.
I can't. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not with anybody.
I'm here solo.
Let's start it again.
I'm Becca.
Rewind.
This is my husband.
You don't have a husband.
Sorry.
And this is
Dougie's sister, Megan.
- Hey.
- Hi.
My grandma is not
supposed to have wine.
I'll be right back.
Hey.
Hey. How is it going?
It's going great.
It's going great.
I'm on the mend.
I just got some
pins in my legs.
Believe it or not,
pins in my legs,
I can still do this. Right?
I fell off a cruise ship,
but I'm back.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, "Oh, shit."
Yeah, "Oh, shit."
Took a hard,
hard, violent fall.
Kind of pin balled down.
Hit a lot of railings,
broke a lot of shit.
I'm not going to
say I survived,
I'm going to say I thrived.
I met a dolphin down there.
And I swear to God,
that dolphin looked
not at me,
but into my soul.
Into my goddamn soul, Annie.
And he said,
"I'm saving you, Megan."
Not with his mouth,
but he said it,
I'm assuming, telepathically
We had a connection
that I don't even
know if I can... Jesus.
Hey, shut my mouth.
Look at... Unbelievable.
You must be Annie's fella.
I'm Megan.
It's a pleasure.
He's not...
I'm not... He's not...
I'm not with him.
Sorry.
All right.
I'm glad he's single,
because I'm going to
climb that like a tree.
Okay. You have
to meet Helen.
There she is. Helen.
Come here!
Helen, this is Annie.
Hi!
Ohh!
There she is.
Maid of honor.
So lovely to meet
Lillian's childhood friend.
You are so pretty.
You are so cute!
You are so sweet.
Helen is married
to Dougie's boss,
Mr. Harris. Perry.
Perry. And they
are so close now,
they are literally
joined at the hip.
Which is good,
because so are we.
I know.
I'm so glad you guys
are finally meeting.
I know. Me, too.
I know. it's lovely.
Well, excuse me,
I better go check on
the hors d'oeuvres.
But it was great
to finally meet you.
It's a great party.
- Enjoy.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
She's great, isn't she?
She's awesome.
And I really
look forward to having
Doug as part of our family.
So much so
that you two should
get married right now
and save me
a shitload of money.
Dad.
Everybody always
laughs at that,
but I'm not joking.
I'm not joking.
Anyway, I want
to thank all of you
for coming.
And here's to Doug and
my baby girl, Lillian.
Cheers!
Cheers!
- I love you, Dad.
- Enough of me.
Let's get the maid
of honor up here.
All right.
Annie?
Umm. Hi.
I'm Annie Walker.
Yay, Annie!
I'm not going to go
on with a big speech,
so I'll just say this.
I'm so happy to be
a part of this celebration.
And you two
deserve each other,
as well as
a lifetime of happiness.
- Thank you.
- Cheers.
- Love you guys.
- Cheers.
Thanks, Annie.
Cheers.
Thank you, Annie.
That was so sweet.
Thank you.
Lil, remember that trip
we took to
Miami with the boys?
And they were
working the entire weekend,
and we just sat
and drank wine
and ate peanut brittle.
And I shared things with you
that I've never
shared with anyone.
And you made me realize
how I can trust people again.
So let me just say,
Lillian,
you are my best friend.
And I'm
so proud of you.
Sorry. And, Dougly...
I'm sorry, inside joke.
You better not
keep my Lil on a leash
because I still
need my drunken
Saturday nights
at Rockin' Sushi, okay?
Everybody raise your glasses
to the couple of the decade,
Doug and Lillian.
Have a great night.
Dessert wine is out.
Dessert wine, yummy.
Excuse me.
Umm...
I just wanted to
say really quick that
you are so special
to me, because...
Well, one of the reasons is
because I've known you
my whole entire life.
And you've really
helped shape who I am.
I just want to thank you
for carefully selecting me
as your maid of honor.
I know you had
some other choices,
but you are like my sister,
and I love you.
Well, that concludes
the speeches for the night.
Thank you.
One last thing.
It's rare to meet
someone as an adult
who you really connect with,
and that's you, Lil.
I went to Thailand recently
with my husband, Perry,
and there is
a beautiful saying
that I learned there.
It means,
"You are a part of me,
"a part that I could
never live without,
"and I hope and I pray
that I never have to."
And that's it for tonight.
Thank you for coming.
Really quick,
Thank you all for coming.
I just wanted to
say really quick...
Dessert wine is out.
Consuelo?
Really quick.
Speaking of Consuelo,
Lillian and I took
Spanish together in school.
And so, I would just
like to say to you,
and to everyone here...
Thank you.
Thank you.
I feel so close to you
and can trust you.
You are my
angel and soul mate.
And I feel I can
communicate with you
with simply a look.
Thank you for coming.
Here, I'll take that.
I'll take that.
Yep, I got it.
Lillian...
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can
always count on me
For sure
That's what friends are for
In good times and bad times
I'll be on your
side forever more
That's what friends are for
That's what
friends are for
Man,
engagement parties rule.
It made me feel awesome,
like I can go out
and catch another
dude to marry.
So, what's up with her,
anyway? With Helen?
What?
I'm just like...
I don't know.
She's in your wedding
and you've only
known her eight months,
though, right?
Come on.
Get it out,
get it all out.
I'm just...
Like, the whole gown,
and the...thing.
It's just weird, right?
You know what?
She's actually
really cool, Annie.
She's really...
She's a good one.
I'm telling you.
Well, I'm sure if you
like her, I will like her.
You have to just
get to know her.
Yeah.
Which I think
you really should.
And... Will you
just do me a favor?
Would you just hang
out with her once,
just the two of you.
All right?
As a favor to me.
Okay, I will.
I love you, Annie Lou.
I love you, too.
Bye.
Bye.
Oh. Hi, I'm Helen.
You live in Milwaukee?
I'm sorry.
Have you met Lillian?
She's my best friend.
Yeah, I know.
We've only known each other
for five minutes.
Oh! Oh!
on! Cute.
No. No. Come on.
See? Okay?
I'm not drunk. I told you.
So, you are just
a terrible sober driver?
Ha ha. Very funny.
Can I stop walking now?
You can stop walking
when I tell you
to stop walking.
Hey, look.
If I was drunk,
would I be able to do this?
Stop it. Stop it.
Please, stop.
Please, stop.
I believe you.
You are not drunk.
But I'm still gonna
have to give you a ticket.
What? why?
It's a funny thing
about brake lights.
You have to have them.
I knew it.
God, those have
been out for a year.
I'm so stupid.
Look, please.
Please, I promise
I will get them fixed.
This week, I promise.
Please. Do you have
to give me a ticket?
Yes. License
and registration,
please.
Thanks.
Look at that,
you live on
Wynnewood Drive.
Yep.
We are neighbors.
I just live
over on Ashley.
Ahh.
I used to work on Ashley.
You did? Where?
I had a bakery
on the main part
of the street there.
Oh. Cake Baby.
You are Cake Baby!
Yeah!
Yeah, you had your sign.
It was your face.
Yeah!
That was you?
That was me.
You made good cakes.
Thanks.
You used to make these
little pastry things,
and you'd put
something in them,
like a cream or a custard...
Cream puffs.
Cream puffs,
that's what you call them.
Delicious.
I used to get served
by this tall, broad guy,
with, like, a wormy face.
Yeah, that was my boyfriend.
Sorry.
No, no. It was...
He was my boyfriend,
and then he left me
when the business
went under. So, anyway...
You're kidding?
What a dick.
I'm glad
I never tipped him.
You know what?
Let's forget about this.
Let's just
forget this one.
Really?
Under one condition.
What? What?
Get your
taillights fixed...
I promise.
I promise I will.
I promise. Thank you.
...Before you kill someone.
I'm not going to
kill anybody.
All right.
Here, there's your ID.
And I'm going
to give you this.
It's a buddy of mine.
He has a body
shop in Milwaukee.
He'll fix those
right up for you.
Bill Cozbi?
Yeah, with a "Z."
Different guy.
Yeah.
And don't mention
the whole "Bill
Cosby" thing to him.
It drives him nuts.
I mean it.
Okay, I get it. Thanks.
You know what?
If you mention my name,
that I referred you,
he'll give you
a particularly
good deal.
My gosh. Thank you.
I really appreciate it.
Thanks.
Okay. Well,
I appreciated your cakes.
So, we are even.
That's me, there.
Rhodes. Officer Rhodes.
That's really
nice of you.
Thank you.
We are not all bad.
What?
I was just saying,
we are not all bad!
Oh. Yeah.
Actually, the rest of
them are, but not me.
I'm the best of them.
Okay. Thank you.
Anyway.
Thank you.
I didn't know
you played tennis.
Yeah, I played
a little in
high school.
I'm so glad we
were able to do this.
I'm really glad we
could do this, too.
It's nice we get to hang out.
I know, right?
Yeah.
It's too bad
Lillian couldn't play
with us today.
Poor thing, she is so busy.
Ohh. I know.
But she's not really
that into sports.
Even when we were little,
she didn't like anything
that was too competitive.
She certainly enjoys
playing tennis now.
It's funny how
people change, isn't it?
Yeah. I mean, I don't know.
Do people really change?
I think they do.
Yeah, but, I mean,
they still stay
who they are, pretty much.
I think we change
all the time.
I think we stay the same,
but grow,
I guess, a little bit.
I think if you are growing,
then you are changing.
But, I mean, we are changing
from who we are,
which we always stay as.
Not really,
I don't think so.
I think so.
I don't.
Annie! These are my kids.
Step-kids.
Step.
They are so hilarious.
Funny.
Excuse me,
my husband's kids.
What are
you guys up to?
Going to the snack bar.
Awesome. You need
a ride home later?
Fuck off, Helen.
Okay. Put a quarter
in the swear-jar.
Good to see you.
They are so cute.
Sweet kids.
Carol!
Get your shit together, Carol!
Yes!
I've seen better
tennis playing in
a tampon commercial.
Umm...
I've been thinking, and...
Brynn needs to start
paying rent. That's it.
She's been here
long enough.
The three of us live here,
it's not fair for
me to be paying half.
We split it three ways.
What do you say?
Well, she can't work.
She's on a tourist visa.
Yeah. So, technically,
I'm only allowed to tour.
Well, you know...
I have no way
of earning money,
unless I just
go and prostitute
down on the street.
I don't want you
to do that, no.
"Hello, fellas.
Here I am."
Yeah, but we...
"Put your American sausage
"in my English McMuffin."
No, we did that.
All right.
Okay, I don't even know
what you're
talking about any more.
There's three
people living here.
Yeah.
If she doesn't
start paying...
I'm not.
...she has to leave.
Is this about
the diary again?
What diary?
Your diary proved
very interesting to read.
You read my...
You read my journal?
At first, I did not know
that it was your diary.
I thought it was
a very sad,
hand-written book.
What? That does not
make any...
But, because of
the deep personal details
and the bits that
mentioned Gil and Brynn...
No, no, no, no.
- Don't read my journal!
- And the crumbs.
Then...
Don't go in my room!
Well, hello! I think,
before you make
those sort of demands,
you need to,
maybe, think about
putting a note on
your door saying,
"Do not come into my room,
read my diary and
wear my clothes."
Wow, I've never been
to this part of town before.
Look, you can get
your checks cashed
next door.
I know it looks
a little scary
on the outside,
but the food
is really good,
authentic Brazilian.
I'm telling you,
this is where
Brazilians come to eat.
I got to say, Annie's
really good at this.
She always drags me
to the weirdest places
and the food is
always incredible.
And plus, you get
a lot for your money, too.
So that's good.
All right.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Whoa! Somebody
likes Brazilian food.
To my bridesmaids.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Cheers to Lil!
This is such a stone-cold
pack of weirdos,
and I'm so proud.
And I just want to toast
all of you ladies.
I'm so happy to
get to know you guys,
and happy to say
that I have four
new friends.
Absolutely. Cheers.
So, Annie,
do you have a date
for the wedding?
Um...
I don't... I don't think
I'm bringing anybody,
I guess.
Please, can I
set you up? Please?
Annie, you can't go
to the wedding alone.
Please?
If you go alone,
people might think
you're a prostitute.
Maybe.
I'm sorry.
I hope that you're all hungry
What would you like?
Yeah, I'll have
some of that, please.
I'll start with this.
I'd say yes.
Hello, chicken.
This is crazy
good, ya'll.
Helen, aren't you
eating any meat?
It's not good
to eat a big meal
before a fitting.
I feel a bit
bloated, so...
Not me.
No?
No. Physically,
I don't bloat.
Lucky.
That is lucky.
It's a gift.
I can't wait to be married
for as long as you've been
married.
And to have kids.
And be a mom.
Becca?
Yeah?
The other night,
I'm slaving away,
making a beautiful
dinner for my family.
My youngest boy
comes in and says
he wants to order a pizza.
I said, "No, we're not
ordering pizza tonight."
He goes,
"Mom, why don't you go
and fuck yourself?"
He's nine.
Okay, now that
Lillian's in the bathroom,
I just wanted to
talk to you guys about
the shower really quick.
I was thinking it
could be French-themed,
since she's always wanted
to go to Paris her whole life.
So I figured we
could bring Paris here
and have champagne
and little cookies.
They'd say "Lillian
and Dougie" on them.
We can dip them in
chocolate fondue,
and get cheese from
the nice part of the store.
I love that.
Good idea, Annie.
We can have
French invitations,
the whole thing.
Don't you think
that'd be nice?
That's adorable!
That's really cute.
Good. Great.
I don't know.
It's really cute.
But I feel like,
personally, the Paris theme's
a bit,
"Been there, done that."
I just feel
like we can top it.
We should throw
some ideas around.
See if anyone else
has a theme they had in mind
or something
they'd been thinking of.
What about
a Pixar-themed shower?
And we all come dressed
as our favorite
Pixar character.
That, and I'll just
snowball on top of that,
also Fight Club.
Female fight club.
We grease up,
we pull in.
Lillian doesn't know,
so it's, "Surprise!
We're going to fight!"
We beat the shit out of her.
She's not going
to forget that.
We just fucking attack.
Can I be honest?
No.
I'm at home with
three boys all day,
every day.
What about
the bachelorette party?
That's what's more important.
I've got a new tube top,
I want to cut the tags off.
I'd like to take
advantage of this opportunity.
Where are we going?
I'm going
to second her.
We'd better
blow this shit out.
Yeah.
That poor girl, Lillian,
who we're all here for,
is in the bathroom
probably bawling her
fucking eyes out.
Because she's realizing,
"Holy shit!
"I've got to spend
the rest of my life
with Doug."
He's my brother. I love him.
But he is a fucking asshole.
I think we can all
agree on that, right?
We can...
We'll figure it out.
I mean, I can think of stuff,
and it will be great.
We just have to make sure
it's really, really special.
Belle en Blanc?
This is the place.
Great job, Annie.
Thanks.
Annie.
Belle en Blanc.
Reservation name?
I don't have one.
We're just here to shop,
just to try on some dresses.
Okay. Well, the next
available appointment
for bridesmaids'
fittings is in seven weeks.
Absolutely no walk-ins.
Whitney? It's Helen.
Helen Harris?
Yeah!
Hi!
Hi.
Oh, my God. Hi. Listen,
I'll buzz you right in.
Great, thanks.
Okay.
Hello. Welcome, come in.
You look wonderful.
Great to see you.
Welcome to Belle
en Blanc, ladies.
- Welcome to heaven.
- Thank you.
Oh, man!
This is some
classy shit here.
Jesus, Megan!
I'm sorry,
I want to apologize.
I'm not even confident
on which end that came out of.
Whitney, back to you.
I'm sorry.
Anyway, take a look around.
Get to know the dresses.
If you need anything,
I'll be in my office.
Have fun.
Oh, my God.
It's a Fritz Bernaise.
Ladies, I...
Oh, my God!
I just don't think
we can do any better.
This is...
This is beautiful.
That is gorgeous.
It's unique,
it's special, it's couture.
This is made in France.
Helen, this is $800.
Are you kidding?
It's on sale.
Are you serious?
Oh, my gosh.
What a perfect combination.
You guys,
it was meant to be.
Oh. that's nice.
There's other dresses
we should be looking at.
Nope, not that one.
Lillian,
Lillian, look at this one.
Isn't this pretty?
Yeah.
It's really pretty
and sweet, and...
We don't want to
upstage Lillian
with a big fancy dress.
Maybe we should
just get something
kind of simple.
Oh.
Please do not worry
about upstaging me.
Because guess who
Helen is friends with
and who's
designing my wedding dress.
Lady St. Petsois JuJu.
I just sent my
measurements to France, y'all.
No, you didn't.
Where were you when I
was getting married?
Ladies, let's not decide
on this bridesmaids'
dress straight away.
Let's let
our bodies decide.
Try some things on
and have some fun, okay?
Yeah, let's have
some fun, girls.
Ladies,
start your "engines."
- Oh, yeah.
- Lil, Lil.
- Amazing.
- This is so cool.
Ladies. Ladies,
if I may interject.
I just want to say
you all look stunning.
That's a given. Head to toe.
But, sadly,
we need to agree on one.
Well, I mean, ladies,
you all look beautiful.
But I just think,
personally, the
Fritz Bernaise is just...
I mean...
it's a Bernaise.
This is
one of a kind.
I just...
I don't think
there is a question.
No. No question.
There might be a question.
I might...
I might have a question.
I think this
dress would look great
on everybody.
It's a great color.
It's a great length.
It's fun. You can twirl.
You can move in it.
You can spread
your legs apart.
And it's a great price.
This is designer as well.
Is anyone else hot?
It is like an
oven in here.
Okay, well,
maybe this might
help you decide.
While you gals were
in the changing room,
I happened to rustle up
a two-year-old Lady
JuJu dress in storage.
I had Lillian put it
on so you could see
what you'll be
standing next to.
Lillian, honey.
My God.
Beautiful length.
Breathtaking.
Holy shit!
You look amazing.
That's a dress.
That dress is so pretty
it makes my stomach hurt.
Lillian,
- I don't know what to say.
- You look...
Megan, are you okay?
I think...
My dress was
probably just tight.
Oh, my God.
You got food poisoning
from that restaurant,
didn't you?
No, I had the same thing
that she had and I feel fine.
Oh, my... Okay.
Oh, no.
Why is this happening?
Nothing is happening.
Oh, my God.
I don't really care
which dress we get.
It doesn't matter to me.
I just need to get
off this white carpet.
Oh, God.
Okay. No,
not the bathroom.
Everybody go outside.
I'm serious!
There is a bathroom
across the street.
I think everybody
has the flu.
Shit!
I need the toilet!
I need the toilet!
I need the toilet!
No!
No. No, Megan.
No! No!
Look away!
Megan, no!
Look away!
You don't look
very well, Annie.
I feel fine.
Are you sure?
It wasn't that
gray kind of lamb?
You ate a lot of
that weird chicken.
Was it that?
No. I'm...
I... I feel fine.
I think you'd just feel
better if you threw up.
I don't have...
I don't have to throw up.
I am so sorry.
Get away from me!
You're not sick?
No.
No?
In fact, Helen, I'm hungry.
And I wish I had a snack.
You're hungry?
I'm starving.
What did we eat?
The sink is a goner.
What are you doing?
It's coming out
of me like lava!
Oh, my God.
Don't you
fucking look at me!
Hmm?
Jordan almonds.
These are great.
Thank you.
Better?
I was...
I was just hungry.
Yeah.
Annie, everybody
is really sick
from that restaurant.
But it wasn't
the restaurant.
No, no, no, no.
Lillian,
where are you going?
No.
I need a bathroom.
Lil!
No. No.
Lil, where are you going?
Be careful.
What are you doing?
It's happening.
It's happening.
- It happened.
- What are you doing?
It happened.
No. Don't you
dare ruin that dress!
Ohh. You're really
doing it, aren't you?
You're really
shitting in the street.
We'll just take five
of the Fritz Bernaises.
Thank you, Whitney.
They really do look better.
Right.
Thank you.
You okay?
I crapped
my wedding dress.
I crapped...
I... I crapped
my wedding dress.
Lunch was fun,
though, right?
It was a good time,
all the girls together.
Is this a sign, Annie?
No. I'm just
going to pull over
really quick,
though, because...
What?
...My tire just
feels a little...
Where are you going?
My tire just feels
a little low.
I just want to check
my tire real quick.
Oh. Could I borrow
your razor, please?
Thank you.
Mmm-hmm.
Have a good date.
Thank you.
Is the guy that
you're going out
with also over 40?
I'm not over 40.
Forget it.
Lift up your arm.
Point up.
Ow!
Sorry.
Hi.
Annie.
Pete?
Yeah.
Come on in.
All right. Thank you.
Oh. This is
my son, Tyler.
Hi, Tyler.
Hi.
These things are
always so awkward.
Yeah.
I'm not really a setup guy.
Me, either.
But Becca spoke
so highly of you.
She had a lot of
really nice things
to say about you, too.
That's nice to hear.
I'm going to go upstairs,
throw on a couple
of finishing touches.
The babysitter's not here yet,
so just hang out with Tyler
and I'll be
right back down.
Okay.
Okay.
So, how old are you?
Do you watch movies?
Are you afraid of dying?
Hmm?
Are you afraid of dying?
Um...
I don't know.
I mean,
I guess everybody is.
I don't know. Why?
Because my mom is
going to kill you.
You're making me
uncomfortable.
Your hair looks burned.
Okay.
Are you going to make
a baby with my father?
I don't...
I don't know.
My grandma died
where you're sitting.
She died right here?
Right where your
underpants are.
You wanna
watch me dance?
Sure.
I can't do this.
Listen to me.
I miss you so much.
I'll come over right now.
Okay, I'm not over
you yet, that's why.
She's not even pretty.
I'm not doing it.
I can't. No.
What are you doing?
Did you eat one of those?
Did you eat
one of those?
I ate Saturday.
Okay. Oh, boy.
You know what?
Something's going
to happen to you.
I don't know what it is,
but something's
going to happen
to your body.
That was fun.
Oh, my gosh.
You know what I was thinking?
You should come with me
to Lillian's wedding, maybe.
Not like that.
Not like anything serious.
But just like
a fun time, you know?
We can get dressed up,
and we can go
dancing and have a drink.
It'll be fun, right?
No. I mean,
I don't want to make
you have to explain
to all those people
what our relationship is.
That would suck for you.
Right?
Yeah. I guess so.
I'm just thinking of you.
Yeah.
No, it's okay.
I have someone else
I can ask, anyway. So...
Really?
Yeah.
Who?
Umm...
This guy, George.
George Glass.
Okay.
Who is this George?
He is a very hot, nice guy
who likes me a lot,
and would probably
love to be my date.
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Well, let me ask you this.
Can this George Glass
do this to you?
Probably.
You know what?
It's getting really late.
You should probably go.
I'm going to miss you so much.
Oh.
Annie Walker.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey.
What brings you
in here so early?
I've just had a bad night.
Boy stuff.
Ohh.
Do you want me
to arrest anybody?
I could do that.
Actually... No.
Do you want to talk
to a cop about it?
We are just like priests.
Except we can
tell everybody
about it after wards.
Oh.
I won't, though.
Doesn't sound very inviting.
You want a carrot?
Right now?
Yeah.
I'll share.
I've got plenty.
Sure, I'll have a carrot.
Yeah?
Okay.
Ohh. Yeah,
that sounds rough.
It's going to
get better, right?
I wouldn't have
thought so.
You know, my sister
was a maid of honor
at our cousin's wedding,
and she found it so stressful,
her hair started falling out.
That's terrible.
Yeah.
It grew back,
but it was...
It was pretty gross.
Planning a wedding
should be fun.
You know what?
If I ever had a wedding,
I'd want everybody
to be stress-free.
I'd like it to be
like a carnival.
Like, people win prizes
for guessing
the bride's weight.
Dunk tanks.
Yeah.
You know?
Mmm-hmm.
You could have elephants,
and the bride and groom
can walk on
a little tightrope.
Okay, what you are
talking about there,
that's a circus wedding.
It's a totally different...
Right.
You missed it.
Yeah.
Hey, you know,
instead of stressing
out about this wedding,
you know what you
should be doing?
Setting up a new bakery!
Hmm.
No, I'm kind of
done with that.
What?
I don't do it any more.
All right.
Ew.
Oh!
You got the ugly carrot.
What?
There is one in every bag.
You have to eat it.
It's good luck.
I'm not eating this.
Yeah! I'll eat it.
It's the lucky carrot?
No, don't eat it!
Don't eat it. Don't eat it!
Well, don't litter!
I'll fine you.
I'm sorry.
You know what?
Actually,
I'm going to pick it up.
It really bothers me.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's just that I'm anal
about that kind of thing.
I didn't know that
you could be a cop here
if you weren't a citizen.
You can't.
No?
No. No, you can't.
But they made
a special dispensation
because I'm so
tough and strong.
Oh. Right.
And handsome.
Okay.
You're pretty...
You're pretty tough.
I am tough.
You're tough.
You're a tough cop.
Look. You're saying it,
but you're laughing.
No, you're...
You're...
You didn't let
me flex that time.
That was unfair.
I'm really tough.
So am I.
No.
Yeah. I could be a cop.
You think
you could be a cop?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Let's see.
You know what?
The sun is nearly up.
Let's go and see if
you've got what it takes.
That's right.
Now, plant your feet.
Okay.
Good.
And take aim.
Now, put your left
hand behind your head.
Yeah. And just
drop your left hip.
I'm kidding. Put your
arms out straight.
Okay.
You want to hit the middle
of the license plate.
That's where you get
the most accurate reading.
Okay.
Okay, here we go.
You ready?
Okay.
Fifty-eight.
What's the speed limit?
Fifty-five.
Okay, they were all right.
We'll let them go.
You were born
to do this.
Look at you.
Okay.
All right,
here we go.
Sixty-three.
You are missing
some good ones here.
People are on
their way to work.
Why ruin their day?
Okay, watch this. 48.
Forty-eight.
How did you do that?
It wasn't!
Yes, it was.
That's never happened.
Are you serious?
It was 48?
Yes, 48!
Yeah.
I'm so impressed.
I'm pretty impressive.
I'm very impressed by you.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Damn!
That was 91.
Yes. Can we go?
We can go.
Come on, hot dogger.
Let's get that fucker.
ANNIE; on, my God!
Oh, my God!
...Family lake house. Perfect.
Hello?
I just got your e-mail.
Lake house?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's
Lillian's parents' house.
We used to go there
all the time in the
summers and everything.
It's one oi..
A bachelorette in a cabin?
Wait. Can you..4
Hold that thought. Hold on.
Hello?
Fucking Helen. Hello?
Annie, it's Rita.
Hi.
Listen, I need a trip
that I can fantasize forever
so that I am able to
have sex with my husband.
That's why
I'm thinking Vegas.
Vegas?
Hang on. Hey!
Shut your filth y
fucking mouths! I'm sorry.
I'm surrounded by savages.
You know what?
I should probably run.
My other line is ringing.
You know, I can get cocaine
from my hairdresser.
Okay, bye. Hello?
Annie.
Yeah?
I'm so excited.
Helen just called.
She said we can go to Vegas.
You know...
Yeah, but we have to...
We have to fly there, and...
Okay, Annie, I know
you are afraid of flying,
but I want to see Criss Angel,
but I'm scared.
Which I sort of love.
Can you just hold on
for one second?
Oh, sure, sure, sure. I...
Thanks. Hold on.
God damn it.
Hello?
Hey, Annie, it's Megan.
Hey.
I just had some thoughts
about the bachelorette party.
Okay, here we go.
Easy-peasy. Vegas it is.
Helen called you,
didn't she?
Yeah, she got the jump on you.
I want balls in my face.
Honestly, I think it's Vegas.
I love puppets.
Balls.
I guess we are undecided.
I feel so bad Annie's
stuck back in coach.
I know, I offered
to pay for her
so she could sit
in first class,
but she said no.
She's too proud.
It was nice of you to offer.
No carry-on, huh?
No.
Yeah, I noticed.
I noticed you
didn't put anything
in the overhead bin either.
And I get it.
I get it. I want you to know,
protect and serve
Air Marshal-style.
What?
I don't want to
infringe on your privacy, man.
I just... I really appreciate
what you do for this country.
And I respect
the hell out of you.
That's great.
I'm not an Air Marshal.
I'm going to take a nap.
Awesome.
Cool.
I'll take the first watch.
I'm not an Air Marshal.
You don't need
to take a watch.
Okay.
I've got the first watch.
Please check
your seat belts
and that your seat backs
are in an upright
position before takeoff
Gosh.
I am really hoping
this flight is quick,
and we get there on
the ground safely.
I'm not a good flyer,
I'm sorry.
I had a dream last
night that we went down.
Yep. It was terrible.
You were in it.
What?
It sounds like
something's happening.
Annie, what are you
doing up here?
You are supposed
to be in your seat.
I know.
I'm freaking out
a little bit.
Ma'am, we're still ascending.
You're gonna need to
return to your seat.
Okay, I was just...
Annie, I have something.
Take two, you'll fall asleep,
wake up and we'll be there.
Here.
Ma'am, you're going
to have to return to
your seat, please.
It's fine.
Okay. All right.
- Ma'am!
- All right. All right.
Oh, my God, I feel terrible,
I should be sitting
back there with her.
I shouldn't be up
here in first class.
I feel like such a jerk.
Lil, this is
your weekend, okay?
You are
treating yourself.
Just relax.
She will be fine.
She will make friends.
There is much more sense
of community in coach,
I promise you.
She'll be fine.
I can't believe
you've never been
with anybody else.
Just Kevin.
I'm sorry. I just...
Becca, I just can't
help but feel bad for you.
You don't even
know what you want.
I got to know where
you keep the gun, man.
I mean, is it ankle,
hip, lower back?
You don't...
Between the cheeks, do you?
No, I don't stick
a gun up my butt.
That's stupid.
I didn't say "up."
I just knew of a guy,
that guy did a lot
of undercover work.
And all I know is
he had tape marks
all up and down his cheeks.
That can't be true.
People don't keep
guns up their asses
because if you
needed to use it,
how are you going to get it?
He cut a hole in his pocket.
What?
In his back pocket.
You have got to get
something out of your ass
and you cut a hole in
the back of your jeans,
you want to tell me
you can't get to something?
I don't have a gun
for you to put up my ass
to make your point.
I can put my Nano.
I will show you.
I will...
If you get me scissors,
I will cut
a hole in my pocket.
And you will
never find this again
until I want you to find it.
Kevin can only have sex
in bed, in the dark,
under the covers,
only after
we have showered
separately.
And sometimes,
by the time
we are finished
cleaning ourselves,
he's too tired.
And then I pretend I'm tired,
but I'm not tired.
I'm not tired. I'm not tired.
That's why every girl needs
those slutty college years.
To experiment,
get it out of your system,
find out what you like.
Excuse me, could I
have a glass of alcohol
when you get a chance?
Two double
Seven and Sevens.
Is that...
You will like it.
It's sweet.
I have to go
to the bathroom.
But I heard about
a woman who went to
the bathroom on a plane.
She got sucked
into the toilet.
Sucked right in.
Are you okay?
Yes.
Yeah, I just think
that what you gave me
didn't really do anything.
I just have too much adrenalin
or something. But, thanks.
Why don't you take
my scotch?
It will just give the pill
a little kick that it needs.
Honestly,
I do it all the time.
Yeah?
Yeah, and I'm much
smaller than you,
so you'll handle it.
Well, thanks.
Yeah?
Okay.
Yummy?
Yeah, it's good.
You should just toss it back.
Don't waste any more time.
Okay.
Ohh. LOOK at that.
Okay, that'll do it.
That'll do it.
So you don't even
have sex any more?
No, I have sex constantly.
The sex is constant.
But he hasn't
kissed me in five years.
What are you doing
when you are
having sex, then?
Thinking about other things
and wishing it would stop.
You know, sometimes
I just want to watch
The Daily Show
without him entering me.
It's the Wet
Republic Ultra Pool.
No.
Are you kidding?
What is it again?
There is a bar in
the pool and a tiger.
What?
- it's crazy.
- It's Vegas at its best.
Wait a minute.
Is this that place
that was on The Real World?
Are you kidding me?
Oh, my God. It's...
Hey, buddy.
How you doing?
I'm good.
I'm so much more relaxed.
Thank you, Helen.
I just feel like
I'm excited,
and I feel relaxed.
And I'm ready
to party
with the best of them!
And i'm going to
go down to the river
Wow! It looks like somebody
is really relaxing now.
What are you guys
talking about up here?
We are going to
a restaurant tonight.
I know the owner, so...
You do?
Ohh. Helen knows the owner.
Uhh!
Big whoop.
Let's go take a nap.
What do you say?
Miss, you cannot be up here.
Hello, grandpa.
I'm sorry.
I just want
to be here with
my friends,
because I'm
with this group.
The sign just went off.
Can't she stay up here
for a minute and just talk?
Absolutely not.
Coach passengers
are not allowed
up here in first class.
It's policy.
I'm sorry.
Ooh!
This is a very
strict plane
that I'm on.
Welcome to Germany.
Auf Wiedersehen, asshole.
All right.
Why don't you go lay down?
I'm going to go take a nap.
I'm tired.
I think it's a good idea.
Catch you on the flip side,
motherfuckers.
I'm sorry.
I'm leaving.
Thank you.
This should be open,
because it's civil rights.
This is the '90s.
Right. It's not.
You're in the wrong decade.
You are.
Okay, I am.
Thank you.
Holy shit.
What did you give her?
Miss?
No. it's not me.
Yes, it is you.
Please go back
to your seat.
Yes, I am with him.
I am Mrs. Iglesias.
No, you are not.
You were just out here
and you put sunglasses on.
Out.
But I don't want to.
Sir, she can
have my seat, okay?
Everyone should
experience first class
at least once in their lives.
And Annie shouldn't
miss out just because
she can't afford it.
No, ma'am, I'm
afraid that's not allowed.
- Help me, I'm poor.
- No, listen,
we're a whole wedding party.
I'm the bride.
I'm getting married.
This seat is empty.
She's obviously nervous.
We'll calm her down and...
I understand.
But Claire is right.
Everybody,
go back to your seats.
Okay, you especially.
You have three seconds
to get back to your seat.
You can't get
anywhere in three seconds.
Well, you'd better try.
You are setting me
up for a loss already.
Thank you.
Whatever YOU Say, Stove.
It's Steve.
"Stove."
What kind of name is that?
That's not a name.
My name is Steve.
Are you an appliance?
No, I'm a man,
and my name is Steve.
You are a flight attendant.
That's absolutely
accurate.
You can close that.
Thank you.
Hey, not-Air Marshall Jon.
You want to get
back in that restroom
and not rest?
No, I have to get
back to my seat.
Yeah, you gotta
get back on my seat.
You get it?
Yeah,
I definitely
got it.
Oh-Oh. what's That?
I got to get back to my seat.
Could you just
move your leg, please?
I got to go.
Oh-oh.
Oh-oh.
Somebody found a souvenir.
You feel that
steam heat coming?
That's from my undercarriage
That can go up
and higher.
Okay.
Jon, get us a blanket.
No.
I got to take a whiz
and I'll be right back.
Cool.
I don't want you to be
a big fuck-up like me.
How do you think I feel?
Like me.
You can still
turn it around.
No, don't.
Stop it!
You are more
beautiful than
Cinderella.
You smell like
pine needles and you
have a face like sunshine.
What?
Oh, no.
Ladies and gentlemen,
as you can see,
the captain has turned on
the fasten seat belt?sign.
It appears we've run into
a rough patch of weather...
I have an announcement, too.
There is a Colonial woman
on the wing.
There's a woman on the wing.
I saw her.
There 's something
they're not telling us!
Steve.
All right.
There's a Colonial woman.
She was churning
butter on that wing.
Steve, get her.
She is out there right now.
Shit!
Everyone, remain calm!
I'm an Air Marshal.
Yes! I knew it.
I got your back, Jon!
There is a woman on the wing.
I saw her.
There's something
they're not telling us.
Let's get out!
Let's open the doors
and get out!
She is dressed in
traditional Colonial garb.
Say goodbye!
We are going down!
Stay calm.
There is something
they are not telling us.
There is a Colonial
woman on the wing.
I will cover the pilot!
Who is she?
What does she want?
Just let me make it
up to you, please.
I'm telling you,
your shower is
going to be amazing.
I have so many ideas.
I want to talk to
you about the shower.
I feel like
it has been really
overwhelming for you.
It's just starting
to make you crazy.
No, Lil, I'm fine.
I mean...
Lil, I'm fine.
No, you're not fine.
You are not fine, Annie,
and we need things to just
flow smoothly from now on
and Helen just knows
how to do this kind of stuff.
She does it all the time.
She is good at it.
She likes doing it.
This way you don't have to
plan any more
lunches or trips.
You don't have to do anything
you don't want to do.
I get it.
I think it'll be
best here on out
for the shower
and for everything.
Yeah,
whatever you want.
I mean,
it's probably best.
I think so, right?
Yeah.
I just want you
to be happy.
I think that
will make me happy.
It will be good.
Okay.
Okay.
Good.
Hey.
Hey.
Do you want to hang out?
- It's not funny!
- Stop laughing.
it's a little funny.
None of those girls
are laughing, believe me.
It's not funny.
Have you ever been
kicked off a plane?
I can't say that I have.
Thank you.
All of the girls
hate me right now.
You are like
the maid of dishonor.
I hope Lillian isn't
going to be mad at me
for too long.
No, she will be all right.
I don't know,
I just wish things were
the way that they
used to be, you know.
I feel like her
life is going off
and getting perfect,
and mine is just like...
It will turn around,
you know.
I have been hearing
that for a long time.
It's going to turn around.
I just know it.
Anyway.
You got to bake.
I don't really do
that any more, I told you.
Why?
I don't know,
it's just...
I don't know,
after it just went under,
I just, kind of,
stopped, I guess.
It doesn't make
me happy any more.
Just because you didn't
make any money at it,
doesn't mean that
you failed at it.
I lost a lot of money.
All my money.
But you are so good at it.
Oh, well.
Let's change the subject.
No more baking.
I'm done.
I don't know how
you just can't do it any more.
If I wasn't a cop any more,
I would still...
Arrest people?
...Go out with
a gun and shoot people.
I probably wouldn't do that.
I'm just trying to
make you feel better.
You are okay, you know.
You don't
know me very well.
I know you well enough
to know that
you're not so bad.
You got some stuff.
Oh, yeah.
You got bits and
pieces going on.
Thanks.
I have been thinking
about you a little bit.
About me? Really?
There is something
about you.
Something about
you that sticks.
- I hate buttons.
Where is the bedroom?
Sorry. It's a mountain bike.
Are you okay?
Do you like mountain biking?
Uh-huh.
Take this off.
I'm so glad
this is happening.
So am I.
Hello.
Morning.
Sorry, I didn't
mean to freak you out.
No, it's okay.
I haven't been
sitting here that long.
Oh.
Sorry, I guess I fell asleep.
I didn't mean to sleep over.
Don't be silly.
I made you a cappuccino.
Made it?
Yeah.
So, last night was fun.
It was.
It was very fun.
I had fun.
It was fun.
If you care to
accompany me to the kitchen,
the fun may continue.
A different kind of fun.
But why don't you
just get dressed
and whatever, and...
I left your
clothes over there.
Okay.
And I'll see you in there.
Okay.
There she is.
Your workshop awaits.
I know it's a bit crazy,
but I popped out
and I got a few little
baking bits and pieces.
Butter, milk.
Because I thought
that it would be fun
for us to bake together today.
Obviously, you will
be doing the baking.
I will be doing the eating.
Because you are the expert.
Yeah, I don't...
I don't really wanna...
Sorry. You went to
all this trouble, but...
Come on, I know you haven't
done it in a while,
but it'll be great.
Don't be silly,
just get into it.
You are so good at it.
All right. I get it.
It was a bit of a curve ball.
Yeah, I think
I'm going to go.
I'm sorry.
I should just
probably go.
Annie,
I don't know what
you are getting
so upset about.
Because you don't know me.
You don't know anything
about me or my life or...
Well, no, because...
I don't know what
you're trying to do here.
I don't need you to fix me.
To fix you?
I don't need any help.
I mean, who do
you think you are?
Jesus, Annie,
we had a really good time.
And now you are being all...
It's my fault.
I shouldn't have
come here last night.
Last night was a mistake.
Fucking hell. All right.
Hey, it's Lillian.
Leave a message
after the beep.
Hey, Lil, it's me.
Umm...
I'm sure you're probably still
a little bit mad at me,
but I hope not.
Anyway, the excitement
still continues with me.
I just slept with
a cop that pulled me over
and I woke up today,
and he was really
sweet and nice and cute.
So, naturally,
I ran out
as fast as I could.
What's wrong with me?
Umm...
Anyway, I know you
are busy and stuff,
so just call me
when you get a chance.
I'd love to talk
this out with you
when you can.
Okay, bye.
Annie! Annie, wake up.
It's 11:00 a.m.
Oh, shit.
You got a package.
I'd bring it to you,
but you said,
"Don't touch my things."
Please join us for
a Parisian brunch
at the home of
Helen Harris III
to celebrate the marriage
of Lillian Donovan
and Douglas Price.
Let us shower Lillian
with gifts and love.
Rpondez s'il vous plait. Yay!
Excuse me.
Oh. Hi.
I'm looking for a birthday
gift for my best friend.
Oh.
I want to get her
a necklace that says,
"Best Friends Forever."
You sure you want
it to say "Forever"?
Yeah, why?
Come on. "Forever"?
Forever.
I don't think you guys
will be best friends forever.
No offense.
But you know...
The friends you have
when you are
younger sometimes...
Sometimes you grow apart
when you get older.
Maybe she'll find
a new best friend.
And maybe she
will be more
successful than you are
and prettier and
richer and skinnier
and they end up doing
everything together.
You are weird.
I'm not weird. Okay?
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not,
and you started it.
No, you started it.
Did you forget
to take your Xanax
this morning?
God, I feel bad
for your parents.
I feel bad for your face.
Okay, well,
call me when
your boobs come in.
You call me
when yours come in.
What, do you have
four boyfriends?
Exactly.
Yeah, okay, have fun
having a baby at your prom.
You look like an old mop.
You know what?
You're not as popular
as you think you are.
I am very popular.
I'm sure you are.
Very popular.
Well, you're an old,
single loser
who is never going
to have any friends.
You're a little cunt.
I'm sorry.
Let me tell my mom, okay.
I already told her.
Was she mad?
Hi, Annie,
it's Rhodes again.
Since you're not
returning any of my calls,
I assume that
you're not interested
in spending any
more time with me,
which is fine.
So don't worry,
I won't be bothering
you ever again.
Get those taillights fixed.
We'd like to invite you
to no longer live
with us any more.
What? What do you mean?
I don't get it.
The thing is,
we decided that it was
actually a bit immature
for a grown-up
brother and sister to
still be living
together with a roommate.
At our age, it's a bit
ridiculous, isn't it?
Yeah.
We look a bit silly,
don't we?
Pathetic.
So we are actually
going to live together alone.
Without you.
You're moving out.
She's not moving.
She will move.
Eventually.
Eventually.
She has to.
She is taking it in.
You have to leave.
Oh! That's prickly.
Hi.
Hi.
Remember when you
thought I hit bottom?
That wasn't bottom.
Come here.
We're gonna have fun.
I, for one,
am really glad you're here.
And guess what?
Good timing.
You know what
just came in today
on the Netflix?
Cast Away. Tom Hanks.
It's like Forrest Gump,
but on an island.
Honey, you are gonna love it.
My God.
This is her driveway?
Who is that man?
Are you a guest of
Helen Harris III?
Yes. Technically. I guess.
An attendant will
meet you at the stables.
Where?
The shower is over
the second bridge.
Pink lemonade?
Thank you.
I don't have a cup holder.
Can I just give that...
Pink lemonade.
Nice. Nice touch.
Shit.
God damn it, that's good.
Mmm.
Shit, that is fresh.
This is the most
beautiful shower
I have ever been to.
Yes, and Helen
is giving out the
cutest party favors.
I know,
I love their pink berets.
Would you like
some champagne?
Yes.
It's French.
Annie. Hey.
Hi.
How are you doing?
You're here.
Yeah, I'm here.
I was invited. Sorry.
Of course you were invited.
I just meant you have arrived.
No, I was just joking.
Okay.
Can you believe this?
Isn't it amazing?
Yep.
Yeah. it's nice.
Yeah. Pretty.
Are we okay?
Yes, I'm sorry
I haven't called.
I just didn't want
to bug you, but...
Forgive me.
It just got crazy.
There has been lots
of organizing, and...
I have so much to tell you.
I have to say hi to my aunt
or she will get mad at my mom.
No, you gotta go do
your party rounds.
Yeah.
I'll see you in a minute.
Yeah. Okay.
Oh! Rita,
you got all our towels.
Yes, I did.
Because I love you, Kitten.
All right,
let's see what's next.
Another one,
another one, another one.
I know who this is from.
I can tell by the wrapping.
Is that you?
Annie, you made this.
Look.
- Oh, man.
- Oh, my gosh.
It's us, Annie.
- Oh, my God.
- Let me see.
Oh, my God.
This is all my
favorite stuff from all the
stores I love in Milwaukee.
Annie!
This is so unbelievable.
Wilson Phillips.
Man, I love Wilson Phillips.
We listened to Hold On
probably 10,000 times
when I got my
driver's license.
This is such an amazing gift.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I feel really bad, Lil,
I didn't get a chance
to actually get you a present
because I have been so busy
organizing the shower.
Helen, please.
It's more than enough.
Here is a card to
say congratulations.
Thank you.
Gosh, you have
really outdone yourself.
Oh, my God, Helen.
Honey, what is it?
Helen's taking me
to Paris.
Your face!
I got you. I fooled you.
Look at your face.
It's just a little
pre-wedding vacation.
And while we're there,
we're gonna meet
the designer of her dress
and have a fitting.
You are
taking me to Paris?
Oh, my God! This is
the best present ever!
Thank you so much.
A Paris!
Oh, my God.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Annie!
No, Mom.
Motherfucking Paris?
Annie,
what are you doing?
I told you about Paris, Helen.
I told you about
this whole idea!
- Annie, calm down.
- No, Lillian!
What, you're gonna
go to Paris with Helen now?
What, you guys are
gonna ride around
on bikes
with berets and
fucking baguettes
in the basket of
the front of your bikes?
How romantic!
What woman
gives another woman
a trip to Paris?
Am I right? Lesbian.
We're all thinking it,
aren't we?
I'm not.
Okay? Yes, we're all
thinking it, right?
I was.
Annie...
Lillian, this is not
the "you" that I know.
The "you" that I
know would have
walked in here
and rolled your eyes
and thought
this was completely
over-the-top,
ridiculous and stupid.
Look at this shower!
Look at that fucking cookie!
Did you really think
that this group of women
was going to
finish that cookie?
Really? You know what?
That reminds me, actually.
I never got a chance
to try that fucking cookie!
Stupid fucking cookie!
Delicious! Stupid cookie.
I think I'll...
Maybe it's better if I
dip it in the chocolate.
is this what
you want, Lillian?
This is so awesome.
All right,
let's have some nice,
hot, unsanitary chocolate!
Ahh! It's hot!
Jesus! God!
Christ, Annie.
Have you lost
your fucking mind?
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
You wouldn't know,
would you?
Where have you been?
You would have no idea.
Let me fill you in, okay?
Ever since you got engaged,
everything has turned to shit!
You know what?
This is supposed
to be about my time!
You have managed
to ruin every event
in my wedding.
Thank you very much.
Okay, well,
thank you very much.
It's all her fault.
It is not mine!
And you would know that,
if you got your
beautiful haired head
out of your asshole.
In fact, out of her asshole,
which I'm sure is
perfectly bleached.
You know what? It is!
And you know how I know?
Because I went to
the fucking salon with her
and I got my
asshole bleached, too!
And I love my new asshole!
You know what?
Why can't you
just be happy for me
and then go home and
talk behind my back later,
like a normal person?
I am happy for you, Lillian.
I am very happy for you.
I wish you well.
I won't bother
you any more.
Are you kidding me? Annie!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Get back here! Stop.
No, no! She does
not get a party favor.
She does not get a dog!
And if you are
going to act like this,
then don't even bother
coming to my wedding!
I'm proud of you, Lil.
Shut up, Helen!
Anybody else have anything
they want to share today?
I took two dogs already.
They're in the back of my van.
What?
What? Where are you going?
Hit and run! Classy!
Perfect! Okay.
I'm gonna find you!
I'm coming!
Come on! Come on! Come on.
No!
Shit.
I can't say
I'm surprised.
I did tell you to
get your lights fixed.
Yeah, I know.
And now here we are.
Look, I have
had a horrible day.
I don't need a lecture
from you right now, okay?
I just... Helen just...
Oh! Don't...
This didn't happen
because of Helen.
This happened
because you didn't get
your taillights fixed.
It's pretty simple.
Do you have any idea
how frustrating it is
to see you,
night by night,
drive past me
with your fucking
taillights still broken?
Do you have any idea
how crazy that makes me?
It's a simple solution!
Your problem, Annie,
is that you just
don't understand
that you can hurt people
with these broken lights.
Don't you see how
irresponsible this is?
Yes, I should have
gotten my fucking
taillights fixed.
But I didn't, okay?
I didn't.
Listen,
don't worry about it.
Seriously.
Your message
was received.
No, look, please,
I don't know what's
going on with me right now.
Look, it's fine. Don't bother.
Really, what's done is done.
That's it?
Where are you going?
That's it! That's it.
That's how this works.
Come on. I didn't...
For the record, Annie,
you flirted with me.
You made me feel like
you really liked me,
which was really unfair.
And then you came home with me
and we did stuff, fun stuff,
and then you just left,
just like it was nothing.
Oh, please. I know
how guys do this thing.
I know how guys act.
One minute,
it means something.
The next minute, it doesn't.
Right, yeah, you've
got it all figured out.
Yeah.
How is that
working out for you?
Pretty good?
Boom!
What's up, fuck-buddy?
You call for some
roadside assistance?
Thanks, officer.
I can handle it
from here on out.
Come on!
I didn't have
anyone else to call!
I didn't know that
you were gonna show up!
That's the problem
with cops, Annie.
We're just never
there when you need us.
That cop talks weird.
- Come on, dingus.
Tick-tock. I got shit to do.
Check it out.
Look what's steering the car.
Thanks again
for picking me up.
Not a problem.
Were you busy?
Well, it is Friday.
You know,
you look tired.
If you're tired,
you can totally
lay down in my lap,
if you want.
What?
Just take a little lap-nap.
If you want.
Open for biz.
Okay, can you just pull over?
Yeah, actually,
that's an even better idea.
No, no, no, can you
please just stop the car?
I want to get out.
No, it's super gravelly.
Please pull over!
Why?
Because I would rather
get murdered out here
than spend the next
half-an-hour with you.
Can you please
just pull over?
Come on, Annie.
It's called humor.
Learn about it.
Besides, I would
never last a half-hour.
Good bye, Ted.
If you're trying to
turn me on, it's working.
You used me!
No big deal.
You are no longer
my number three!
Wilson!
Wilson! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, Wilson.
Wilson, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
Oh, no, Wilson.
Wilson!
I'm coming in.
Let's go, let's go.
And we're walking.
Okay, we're walking.
Heel. Heel!
No pee. No!
Not on the carpet!
Okay, we're coming...
We're coming in.
Everybody is in
and having fun.
We're having fun.
And heel! We're heeling.
Heel!
How many of
those did you take?
I took nine.
Yeah, I did
slightly over-commit
to the whole dog thing.
It turns out, I'm probably
more comfortable with six.
It's a lot... That's
a lot of energy to deal with.
But you wouldn't know
anything about that,
because you haven't
been returning my calls.
And say what, Megan?
Say, "Hi, I can't
get off the couch.
"I got fired from my job.
I got kicked out
of my apartment.
"I can't pay any of my bills.
My car is a piece of shit.
"I don't have any friends.
The last time
You know what I
find interesting
about that, Annie?
It's interesting to me
that you have
absolutely no friends.
You know why
it's interesting?
Here's a friend
standing directly
in front of you,
trying to talk to you.
And you choose to
talk about the fact
that you don't
have any friends.
You know what I mean.
No, I don't think
you want any help.
I think you want to
have a little pity party.
That's not true.
I think Annie wants
a little pity party.
You're an asshole, Annie!
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
You're an asshole. I'm life.
Is life bothering you?
Yes! What are you doing?
I'm life, Annie.
I'm life, Annie.
You have got to
fight back on life.
Megan!
You better learn to fight.
Megan!
I'm life and I'm going
to bite you in the ass!
Megan...
it's not me.
I'm your life. Turn over!
My God!
I'm trying to get you to fight
for your shitty life,
and you won't do it!
You just won't do it.
Stop it.
You stop slapping yourself.
Stop slapping yourself.
I'm your life, Annie.
I'm your shitty...
I'm sorry.
Nice hit.
All right.
I'm glad to see
you've got a little
bit of spark in you.
I knew that Annie
was in there somewhere.
I think...
I think you're ready now
to hear a little
story about a girl.
A girl named Megan.
A girl named
Megan that didn't have
a very good time
in high school.
I'm referring to
myself when I say "Megan."
It's me, Megan.
Yeah, I got that.
I know you look at
me now and think,
"Boy, she must have
breezed through high school."
Not the case, Annie.
No, this was not easy
going up and down the halls.
Okay?
They used to
try to blow me up.
They threw
firecrackers at my head.
Firecrackers.
I mean literally.
I'm not saying
that figuratively.
I got firecrackers
thrown at my head.
They called me a freak.
Do you think I
let that break me?
Do you think I went home
to my mommy, crying,
"I don't have any friends.
Megan doesn't
have any friends"?
No, I did not.
You know what I did?
I pulled myself up,
I studied really hard.
I read every book in
the library. And now?
I work for the government.
I have
the highest possible
security clearance.
Don't repeat that!
I won't.
I can't protect you.
I know where
all the nukes are
and I know the codes.
I won't say anything.
You would be amazed.
A lot of shopping malls.
Don't repeat that!
I won't.
I have six houses.
I bought an 18-wheeler
a couple of months
ago just because I could.
Okay, you lost Lillian.
You got another best friend
sitting right in front of you,
if you would notice.
Huh?
Now, you got to stop
feeling sorry for yourself.
Okay, 'cause I do not
associate with people
that blame the world
for their problems.
'Cause you're
your problem, Annie.
And you're also
your solution.
Right? I mean, that's...
You get that?
I just miss her, I guess.
Yeah, I know you do.
I know you do.
All right, come on.
Bring it in.
There's the Annie...
There's the Annie I
knew was there, okay?
All right.
Man, you have got
to wash your hair.
I'm sorry.
You've got to
wash that hair.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
I love you.
Looks great. Thank you.
Rhodes and I worked out
a deal way back when,
so it's on the house.
Are you serious?
Yeah. I owe him big time.
That's really nice.
Hey, Mom?
This is my mom, Judy.
Hey, how are you?
Nice to meet you.
Good to meet you, too.
Wait a minute,
don't I know you from AA?
Oh, my gosh.
You made that artichoke dip,
didn't you?
It's good, huh?
It's just delicious.
Come in.
Are you sure
you're not gonna
come with me today?
It's Lillian's big day.
Mom, she doesn't
want me there.
I'll fix you
a tuna fish sandwich.
Mom, it's 8:00
in the morning.
You can put syrup on it.
I know.
Hi.
What do you want?
I was wondering
if you knew
where Lillian was.
No, why would I...
What do you mean?
I can't find her.
We've looked everywhere.
What?
She is missing.
Can you help?
Okay, just wait here.
I think I know
someone that
might be able to help.
I'll get my Keys.
Can I just use...
I mean, I just don't know
what could have
possibly gone wrong.
Everything was going smoothly.
The dress looked fantastic.
It had come in from Paris.
Dougie was being
great and very helpful.
I had organized everything
to the last final detail.
I just...
I don't know
what's happened to her.
I don't know.
You should know, right?
You're her best friend.
It's weird that
you don't know.
You guys are so close.
Annie, I want to
apologize to you personally
for all of the things
that have gone down.
I know that I hurt you,
and that I created a distance
between you and Lillian.
I want to
apologize for that...
I don't want to hear...
...and everything
that happened
at the shower.
And with Las Vegas...
Okay, I don't want
to hear any more,
honestly.
I don't even
want to talk to you.
Harry never really
wants to talk to me, either.
He travels a lot.
Like, all year.
I'm basically just by myself.
I don't want to...
I don't feel sorry for you.
I really liked
that original dress
you picked at
the bridal store.
I thought it was beautiful.
You have really lovely taste.
Thanks, but it's
a little too late for that.
And I know...
I don't think
that Brazilian food
really gave us food poisoning.
NO, it did.
No, I don't think it did.
It was the food.
I shit my pants
on the way home.
I don't think it
was your fault.
That was my fault.
I think people just
ask me to their weddings
because I'm good at
organizing parties.
I don't have any
female friends.
I'm so sorry.
Why are you smiling, Annie?
It's just...
It's just...
It's the first time I've
ever seen you look ugly.
And that makes
me kind of happy.
I look ugly? No, I don't.
I don't really look ugly.
A little bit.
You're an ugly crier,
but that's okay.
No, I'm not really
an ugly crier.
Maybe just
a little bit.
No.
Just a little bit.
It's just my makeup.
But I still look pretty good.
Rhodes!
Rhodes.
Rhodes.
Come on! Rhodes!
He's ignoring you.
Let me.
Yes, he is.
- Officer!
- Roll down your window!
Excuse me! Please!
Rhodes,
I know you can hear me,
and I know you're mad at me,
but I need your help. Please!
You know this guy?
What are you doing?
I just want to
get his attention.
Annie! Oh, my God.
Reckless driving!
Annie, my hair!
What are you doing?
I'm speeding!
You better pull me over!
Really?
Here comes
the litter-bug!
Let's see what
Marmaduke's doing.
Just texting.
Talking on the phone
while I'm driving.
Not even using my hands.
Oh, hi!
Mmm! Yum! Yum!
Beer!
Yum! Yum! Yum!
Idiot.
Hey, what's up, man?
I don't care. I don't care.
I'm going to hurl.
I feel really sick, Annie!
Hey, who's driving that car?
Can we go up now?
That's not clever.
Hey!
I'm topless!
I'm totally topless.
Really?
Wow. Unbelievable.
What the fuck are you doing?
I don't know.
Hey! Are you crazy?
Are you crazy?
All of that stuff,
that would have been
dangerous for a good driver.
I'm sorry. I just...
I really need your help.
We can't find Lillian.
How long has she been gone?
She's been
missing for 12 hours.
It's not a missing person
until it's at least 24 hours.
Have you ever seen CSI?
Let me get on
with my job, Annie.
Nathan, please?
I really need your help.
Please, Nathan.
Who is this one?
This is Helen.
I'm Helen.
What?
It's Helen.
Hello, Helen.
I've heard wonderful things.
Okay, thanks, buddy.
Bye-bye.
Okay, we've traced
her cell phone
to the corner of
Craner and Rose.
Do you know where that is?
Yes. That is her apartment.
I thought you said
you looked there.
We did. We did.
Last night.
Okay.
So you're saying
she's at her apartment?
That's what you're telling me?
She must have gone
back after you left.
God, that was crazy of her.
Thank God! Thank you.
Let's go. Let's go.
Okay.
We found her!
I am so sorry.
I didn't mean to
waste your time.
That's embarrassing.
Thank you.
No, you are welcome.
It's this kind of
high-octane stuff
that really made me
want to become a cop.
"Missing girl found
at her apartment."
It's...
It's adrenalin-pinching.
It's nice to see you.
I'm glad that you got
your taillights fixed.
Means I won't have
to stop you again.
Okay.
Annie, let's go.
Anyway,
go and save your friend
from her apartment.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Do you mind actually
if I go by myself?
Sure.
Okay.
Lil?
Lillian?
Lil?
Go away.
What happened?
This whole
wedding is fucked up.
Helen just took
over everything, and
everything's got
out of control.
And my dad can't
afford the wedding.
This has been really
hard to do without you.
It's been shitty.
I'm sorry.
Nope. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I kicked
you out of my wedding.
It's my fault.
No, it's my fault.
I think I'm the one
with the mental problems.
Yeah, wasn't it my
turn to be crazy?
The bride's
supposed to be crazy.
Yes, technically.
You kind of
stole all the crazy.
I out-crazied you.
Everything's
going to be okay.
Yeah? How do you know that?
I left the rehearsal
dinner last night.
I told Dougie I
had to go get Q-tips.
And
all of a sudden,
I realized I was
driving here.
I came here.
I realized this
is the last time
I'm going to be here
in this apartment
with that couch,
and this bed,
and take a bath in my bathtub.
Because you know
how much I love my bathtub.
It's a good tub.
I slept in there on my
Uh-huh.
Everything's gonna change.
I mean, I'm not
going to get to
live five
minutes away from you.
And it makes me so sad.
Well, don't be.
Don't be sad.
Because things
are going to change,
but they'll be better.
You know?
You're gonna take
this huge, great,
beautiful step.
And Dougie loves you
more than anything.
And so do I.
But what about you?
What's gonna happen to you?
I'm gonna be fine.
So don't worry, okay?
I'm gonna be...
I'm gonna be fine.
I am fine.
And besides, you need
to blaze the trail for me.
And then report back
and tell me what's coming.
Whatever you say, boss.
All right, let's get
your dress on,
okay, and let's go
to your wedding.
Oh, yeah.
That's the other problem.
Don't you dare laugh.
Okay.
I cannot wear this dress!
Okay, don't panic.
This is a nightmare.
We'll fix it.
We'll tweak it.
I will not let you
walk down that aisle
unless you look
perfect and beautiful,
I promise.
Do you have a chainsaw
and a blowtorch?
I think this wedding
is gonna be a disaster.
No, don't say that.
If Helen had anything
to do with this wedding,
it is going to be perfect
and tasteful and beautiful.
That's true.
Will you, Douglas,
take Lillian to be your wife?
Will you love her,
comfort her, and keep her
and, forsaking all others,
remain true to her
as long as you
both shall live?
I do.
And will you,
Lillian, take Douglas
to be your husband?
Will you love him,
comfort him, and keep him
as long as you
both shall live?
I do.
By the powers
vested in me
by the state of Illinois,
I pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
Ladies and gentlemen,
here with us tonight is
Lillian's favorite band
singing her favorite song.
Put your hands
together for
Wilson Phillips!
Hi, everybody!
How we doing tonight?
I am not paying
for this shit.
Really?
It's the last one,
I promise.
The last one.
The last one.
I know this pain
Why do you lock yourself
up in these chains?
No one can change
your life except for you
Don't ever let
anyone step all over you
Just open your
heart and your mind
ls it really fair to feel
This way inside
Someday
somebody's gonna make you
want to turn
around and say goodbye
Until then, baby,
are you going to let them
hold you down
and make you cry?
Don't you know
Don't you know
things can change
Things'll go your way
if you hold on
for one more day
Can you hold on
for one more day?
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day
You could sustain
Or are you
comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one
to blame for your unhappiness
No, baby
You got yourself
into your own mess
Letting your
worries pass you by
Baby
Don't you think
it's worth your time
to change your mind?
No, no
Someday
somebody's gonna make you
want to turn
around and say goodbye
Until then, baby,
are you going to let them
hold you down
and make you cry?
What's so funny?
I put a loaded gun
in Dougie's carry-on.
The TSA is going to
just rip his ass apart.
Annie?
Oh. Hey.
Did you have
a nice evening?
It was beautiful. Yeah.
What did you
think of the wedding?
It was...
It was great.
It was great, right?
Yeah.
It was perfect.
It was great.
Yeah, it was great.
It was really
nice meeting you.
Yeah, it was...
Helen, it was really
nice meeting you, too.
Hey, you know, maybe
sometime the three of us
could go to
Rockin' Sushi together.
Thank you, Annie.
I would love that.
Your ride is here.
Hey, how did everything go?
Strangely well.
Good.
So, I ate your cake
that you left.
You did?
Yeah.
I mean, I had to
fight some raccoons off.
But that's okay.
I'm pretty strong and tough,
so it wasn't
much of a contest.
So that might have been...
I'm just going to
kiss you now
rather than just...
Officer Rhodes,
please report to...
Oh! I'm on duty.
And I need to
put my uniform on.
If I drive like this,
they're gonna think
I just stole a car,
which wouldn't be great.
You could ride
with me if you want.
You want to come?
Yeah, I do.
Come on.
All right.
Whoa! Whoa!
Where are you going?
I'm getting in the car.
No, no, no, you got
to get in the back.
What?
You can't sit in the front,
it's against regulations.
Come on. Come on.
You're going to make
me sit in the back seat?
Yeah, come on.
Sorry. Habit.
All right.
It's a force of habit.
Can I please get
in the front seat?
Actually, no, I'm afraid
there's a warrant
out for your arrest.
What? why?
Reckless driving,
littering, texting,
consuming alcohol
while operating a vehicle.
You didn't
think I was going to
let you get away
with that, did you?
Could we put the siren on?
Please?
Thank you.
I know that there is pain
But you hold
on for one more day
And you break
free from the chains
Yeah,
I know that there is pain
But you hold
on for one more day
And you break free,
break from the chains
Someday
somebody's gonna make you
want to turn
around and say goodbye
Until then, baby,
are you going to let them
hold you down
and make you cry?
Don't you know
Don't you know
things can change
Things'll go your way
if you hold on
Okay. Umm...
This is Tape 119.
Air Marshall Jon and I's
first sexual encounter.
Is there
a hungry bear anywhere?
I'm a hungry bear.
I just happen to
have this bear sandwich.
Is there a hungry bear?
I'm a very
hungry bear.
Did you see how
my flap opens?
Yeah, that's
a good-looking
bear sandwich.
Yeah, that's a
big bear sandwich.
Do you want a bite
of that sandwich?
Feed me.
It's meat and cheeses.
Uh-Oh.
I hope you don't have
a salad. Oh, yeah.
Hey, guess what.
Guess what, ham.
Fuck it up.
I'm gonna fuck you up,
ham nipple.
Ham nipple.
Fuck it up.
A little hard.
OW!
A little hard.
A little hard.