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Bruno & Boots: Go Jump in the Pool (2016)
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Founded in 1892. Over 100 years of tradition, academic excellence and preparing boys for leadership. At least, that's what it says in the brochure. That's Bruno Walton. He almost broke his arm to get out of a test. He broke the wrong arm and still had to write the test, but, you know. Some people call him crazy, I call him my best friend. Me! That other guy? The one who knew that that branch couldn't hold both of us? That's me. Melvin O'Neal. But nobody calls me that. Let's go. Okay! And for the next four years, providing we don't get expelled, or worse... we call this place home. You can call it Macdonald Hall. You're all I know We're discussing everything In 100 years, not much has changed at the Hall. There may be richer schools, more athletic schools, more smart-- Smarter schools... but you know, that's the way we like it. There's no better school than Macdonald Hall. It has practically everything. Said oh, whoa Let's go! Oh, whoa Here we go You're on your own Lovers come And they will go Your shadows Will seem to grow I've known beasts And wild things I can't control But what I guess Is simplicity Being on your own Let's go! Come on! To be alone? Come on! Now, you might be wondering why there aren't any girls her. That's because they're across the road, at the Scrimmage Academy for Education and Awakening, where they do... You know, I'm not really sure what they do. But that's the fun stuff. There's also the not-fun stuff. And the king of all not-fun stuff is... The Fish. No one knows who gave him the nickname, but he never blinks, never breathes, he once ate a worm, though he doesn't actually know that, and his name's William Sturgeon, which is apparently some sort of fish. Come on, we got classes to get to and Christmas break to plan. Okay, Elmer. On three. Okay? One, two, three! Whoa! All right, buddy. Phase two! Let's do it! Tradition, exploding banners, a pair of irresistible troublemakers... Macdonald Hall has everything. Well, okay. Almost everything. Go Macdonald! Go Macdonald. Get out there! Speed. Determination. Endurance. That's what you're up against. So just try and remember the most important thing: swim real fast. Oh, and don't try and splash too much. It'll distract O'Neal. Let's be honest, he's pretty much all we got. So... Swimmers, take your positions. Holy mother of pearl! York! Go York! Easy, partner. Macdonald who? Let's go, guys! Hey, when I say Macdonald, you say? Hall. All right, when I say Macdonald, you say? Shut up! Guys, come on. Show some Hall spirit. Are we gonna beat those York turkeys? According to previous matches, the odds are 3789 to 1. Give or take. Elmer, what good does your math do if it just subtracts hope? Chris, how's the victory poster coming along? Chris... Wait! Don't let them start! I can't believe it. I'm so excited! That is the spirit I'm talking about-- Pizzaroo Pouches. The York caf has them! Sorry... had Pizzaroo Pouches. Had. I say Pizzaroo, you say? Pouches! Pizzaroo. Pouches! Knock it off, Burton. Sorry, Walton. The only way Scrimmage would let us come was to make it an independent study. We're going with "Inside a Losing Streak. The Mental Toll." Hey! We can always win. You guys just gotta have faith. Oh, goodness. Swimmers, please take your positions. Go York! Go buddy! Have a good race, Chip. Have a bad race, Boots. Go York! Three, two, one, go! No! No! I don't want to do it anymore. I changed my mind! Come on! Come on! Get in there! Go Boots! Go Boots! A little more, Boots! No! Yeah, get in there! Go Boots, go Boots! Come on! Go Boots! Come on, O'Neal! Yeah! Yeah, man! Thank you very much. Congratulations. You deserve this. You made the school very proud. York's the best! Okay, boys. See you on the bus. They may be turkeys, but those York boys have the webbed feet of a duck. Yeah, what do you expect? They have their own pool. Our team gets two hours a month at the community center. And most of that time is spent trying to figure out who stole their clothes. Good race, Chip. No way, dude. Wouldn't want to catch any "loseritis." Hey! What was that? Bruno... I know that look. I don't like that look. Please. We just got over our detentions for Operation Banner Blast. Guys. Would I ever do anything that was rash and dangerous if it wasn't also awesome and dangerous? Yes. Constantly. Thinking what I'm thinking? Maybe. But I don't know where we can find 23 glow sticks and a panda for him, right now. Nice freestyling, but, uh... Thank you. I'm kinda thinking Operation Fizzle Fix. I'm one step ahead of you. Well, here we go again. All right, listen up, boys. Look, maybe we didn't win today. No, we definitely lost. But winning is not everything. Let's remember what's important in life. Pizzaroo Pouches? No, Hackenschleimer. So then I said, "no way, dude! Wouldn't want to catch any 'loseritis'"! Oh, it doesn't get any better than that! Well, that should take care of any "loseritis." Yeah, we should run. We should run. We should run. Losing is something of a tradition at Macdonald Hall. You know, some of our top swimmers have gone on to lose at the Olympics. Well, settle down, It's not over yet Well, turn around, there are Things you mustn't forget I'm coming for you! Coming! Losers! Sir, you know, we're all very eager to resume our studies, so maybe we should drive away as fast as possible. Quite right. Everybody on the bus? Whoop! Mr. Walton. Ms. Burton. Nice of you to join us. Oh, no sweat, Headmaster Sturgeon. Don't mind me. You can just drop me off at Scrimmage's. Can we? Oh, how lucky for us. Did you have a good time at the swim meet today? Are you kidding me, sir? Today has been... fizz-tastic. Right, boys? Right? At least some of them are taking it well. Swimming is so stupid. They did what?! Yes, 20 liters of Fizz-All dumped in the pool. Stolen from our infirmary. Bad sportsmanship, William. Really, Hartley? As bad as your boys knocking our swim team captain into the pool? Nevertheless, I do hope there'll be some consequences before our next swim meet. The stress is killing my stomach. I don't mind telling you. I'll handle my boys, Hartley, and as for your stomach... why don't you have a sip of your pool? Hmm? Oh, you hung up. I guess I'm going to get the last word. Word! Headmaster Sturgeon. Mr. Sturgeon? This is Eugenia Scrimmage, from across the road. Bob Hartley from the York Boys' Academy tells me that one of my young women was involved in an aggressive activity intended to cause distress and/or offence to others. You mean a prank? Well, what you call a prank I call a desperate cry for help for students who have no outlet for creativity and emotional growth. "Prank" is shorter. I'm inviting my students to form a sharing circle to discuss their feelings that led to these "pranks." Your boys are welcome. Ms. Scrimmage, the only thing my boys need to share is an understanding of what happens when they break the rules. My rules. But... thank you for your concern. Hello? Hello? Ms. Davis? Bruno and Boots? If you please. Yep. That's a non-regulation shirt, Spencer. Two demerits. Bruno and Boots to the headmaster's office. Thank you. Pierce! Running in the halls. Three demerits. And you, with the non-regulation eraser up your nose. One demerit. Walton. You and your roommate must report to-- What was that? What's what, George Wexford-Smythe III? That's George Wexford-Smythe the Third. I'm not a movie sequel. Really? Because I heard every one of you is worse than the last. Yeah. That's a pathetic excuse for a punchline. Five demerits. Oh, yeah, keep laughing. Because clearly you're not in enough trouble. All right. Got my eye on you, Bruno! I see everything! But, guys, all my friends are here! I have great classes. I'm trying my best! It's-- It's everything. You can't take that away. We can talk about it later. Hon, we gotta go. Race starts in 20 minutes. We know you can do great things, Melvin. There's a leader in you. We just want to see it. Love you! I couldn't agree more. Hello, Bruno. Hi. Goodbye, Bruno. Oh. See ya. Dude, you're not still bummed about that race, right? No! Look, it's not that. No, look. It's all cool, man. Don't worry about it. Are you sure, man? Yeah. Okay, good. 'Cause the, uh, Fish wants to see us in his office. Pronto. Great. But, you know, I've got a feeling that he's gonna be in a good mood today. ...not to mention extremely poor sportsmanship. Surely Macdonald Hall boys know how to lose graciously. Losing graciously is about all we know how to do. I take full responsibility for this, sir. It's just, when they pushed Boots in the pool and everything, I just... I don't know, I guess I just kind of lost control. Oh, the pranks seemed very well-controlled, Walton. Okay, first, you know, thank you. And-- Not a compliment. Thank you. Sir, have I ever done anything that wasn't 100 percent deserved? Need I remind you of the Moldovan flag incident? Oh! No, you, uh, you don't need to remind us of that. The court case is actually still pending. The unfortunate incident regarding the penguin and federal authorities? That penguin knew exactly what he was getting into. We've-- The green wiener incident? Well, actually, sir, in our defense, it was St. Patrick's Day. Not that green wiener incident. Oh. Oh. Look. Regardless of who deserves what, the question now is who deserves to clean up the mess at York Academy. Elmer Drimsdale said that in five days the pool will be as good as new. Actually, with the Fizz-All purifying the water, probably better than new. Yeah. So, I mean, in a way, York kind of owes us a thank-you. Quit while you're ahead, O'Neal. Yes, sir. If Elmer is right, and lucky for you, he usually is, punishment will be light. One week confined to your rooms after dinner. Out. Uh, sir, if I do an extra week of punishment now, does that come off any future punishments? It's a good question. Boys... One moment. Sit down again. Since you both came to Macdonald Hall, you've expended not an inconsiderable amount of energy on things that explode, fizz, rumble, shatter, squish... Squish? Operation Pudding Pants. Oh. Think about what good could happen if you put all of that energy into something that would last. You're not going to be here forever. Actually, sir, I'm working on that one. I probably won't even be here next year. What? My parents want to pull me out of Macdonald Hall. Uh... Could-- Could-- Could you give us a minute? This is my office. I was gonna say... Yeah, but why, Boots? You know my mom. She was on the Olympic gym squad. Can I have your autograph? And my dad still coaches basketball. They're jocks. I'm a jock! Thanks, man. See ya. They just think I belong at a school that's better for... jocks. Yeah, but dude, we've been best pals since the first day. Do you remember our first day? Yeah. How could I forget? I said I want too much One second! Woo! Oh, uh, don't worry. My side of the room is just as bad as yours. Hey. Uh... Sup? I'm Melvin. We're gonna have to change that. Okay, Melvin. I am gonna call you... uh... pants. Pants? Ah, we'll work on it. Come on in, man. How you doing? Did you see a fire extinguisher on the way in? Neither did I. And that is when I knew that we'd be best pals forever. How you literally blew up our room and then gave me a nickname they hate probably won't convince my folks. Why do they need convincing, dude? You've already got the greatest friend in the world, and you go to the number one school in the country. Okay, number one at attendance. But do your folks know that? Look, I know that and you know that. But if my folks don't care, what can I do about it? Tell you what you can do about it. Just... I'll put the word out, okay? Midnight meeting. Sound good? All right, let's do it. See you, man. See you. Password? It's us, Elmer. Bruno says we need a password. No exceptions. I think it's "open the door, or we'll open it for you." With your head. All lower case. All one word. Ah! Now I don't want to blow things out of proportion or anything, but this could be the darkest hour in Macdonald Hall history. Ever. Got your message. What's up? Oh, nothing major. Doom, gloom and life as we know it. Hot chocolate? Could you be a little bit more specific? If we get caught here, Scrimmage has us in self-esteem building exercises for a month. Boots might get kicked out of the Hall next year. And obviously, that can't happen. Macdonald Hall without Bruno and Boots is like... like the North Pole without Santa and Mrs. Claus. I'm Santa. Okay? But we are here to make sure that that doesn't happen, right? Indubitably. I couldn't have said, mumbled or drawn it better myself! Uh, all right, everyone. Show us what you got. Best idea wins, but there are no wrong answers. So with glasses and a moustache, Boots will be unrecognizable to his parents when they come to get him. Meaning he can stay. Forever! I'm Boots. Yeah. Hoo hoo! Can't find me. Uh, huh. "And after a few "termite generations, Boots's new school will be "a pile of sawdust. You can't be sent to a school that doesn't exist." I think this could work. Yeah... So once we cross the equator, the Earth's gravitational pull should allow us to slingshot through the Earth's atmosphere. And the llamas, Elmer? I'm getting to the llamas! Anyways. Once we reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, we should generate one... Oh... okay. okay. Okay, show of hands. Does anybody have an idea that doesn't involve breaking the law? Or destroying another school. Or llamas. Okay, um, remember when I said there are no bad ideas? Yeah-- Your problem isn't Boots leaving. Your problem is convincing his folks to let him stay. So what makes a York better than the Hall? Nothing. Yeah. Except for Pizzaroo Pouches. And their pool. I kinda wish we had that. Wilbur! That's it! We're gonna get Pizzaroo Pouches?! No, we steal York's pool! Right? The question, okay? How do we convince Boots' jock parents to let him stay at the Hall? The answer: by giving him everything a jock needs, including his own pool. Chris, dude, you're an inspiration to artists everywhere. All right, Elmer, what's the cost? Materials, labor, insurance, water costs... 150,000. Dollars?! Boys, how are we supposed to make that kind of money? It's easy. Okay, Wilbur, take this down. Needed: $150,000. Okay, well, now all we need is a plan. Oh, well, yeah. When you put it like that, basically half done. That's the spirit. Now, Boots. What would make your parents almost as happy as us getting a pool? Oh, you mean besides me getting a new roommate? By you winning the next York Academy-Macdonald Hall swim meet. Oh, perfect, okay. Quick question: how am I supposed to do the thing that nobody's been able to do in the last... oh, what is it? I don't know... ever? Dude, because you're awesome. And you know how I know that? Because I am awesome. And awesome sticks to awesome to make even awesomer to... Plus, if you don't, by this time next year you're going to be sharing some dorm with a meathead named Crusher who probably smells like sweat socks and cheese, so... balanced? How do you get me every time, man? I am just that good. Okay, next. Read me that checklist. Needed: $150,000. Why would my family just give you $150,000? Uh, because I said please? No, you didn't. Right. Well... how about because your family is one of the richest in the country? Do you think they got that wealthy by giving out money to stupid things like swimming pools? Didn't your dad buy Iceland? No! Just rented it. And only for Mother's Day. You wanna make a lot of money, Bruno? Here's my advice. Take everything you own and sell it. With the 20 bucks you get, go downtown and buy yourself a clue. That's it! George! Oh, no! Do not touch me. You're a genius. Naiman! You press that tie. Three demerits. Yeah. So that's it? We're just done, there's no more team anymore? Boys? What's up? "Dear boys. "I always said having fun mattered more than winning. "Well, I've had so much fun with you guys "that I've decided to try winning on for size. "I have accepted a position at York Academy. Yours, Coach Flynn." Are you serious? I guess we should just go. Hey, come on, boys. Where are you going? We have no coach. What else are we gonna do? Guys. If I don't win this next swim meet, I'm gonna be stuck with Crusher. And I hate cheese. What? We wanna win our next swim meet, right? I was kind of hoping to learn how to swim first. We'll work on that. You know, uh, I'll be the coach. Okay? I'll run the training. We'll win. Who's with me? I like the sound of that! By yelling, he makes it sound possible. Let's do this! Yeah! Rummage sale, boys! With all the stuff we have, we're gonna make this money in no time, okay? But everything must go! Okay, okay, okay, let's see what you got. So okay, hockey cards are nice-- Ooh-- But, see, hockey equipment is nicer, right? Think big! Okay, see, you don't need this lamp, dude. Just sell it, right? Got that? Doesn't that belong to the school? Well, yeah, but the money we raise is for the school. Right? True. Right. Now, who has a spare kidney? Bruno! Bruno! All right. So I got my Junior Genius Science Set, my old protractors-- Whoa. New protractor. Great, Elmer. Now, do you have anything people might actually want? Yes, if they don't mind pre-owned orthodontia. Burton! Walton. What's this I hear about a rummage sale? Oh, everything must go. Do you want in? Well, what's in it for us? Uh... glory, our deepest thanks, um, a used retainer. Goodbye, Walton. And-- And... free access to the pool for all the Scrimmage girls. At any time. We need everything by next weekend. Does that give you enough time? No problem. We're in independent learning. "Traps Through the Ages." My idea. Geeze. Do you guys ever do any actual schoolwork? Scrimmage believes in learning through living. I'm dancing my geometry test next week. Jealous? Totally. Later, Burton. Elmer? Do you still have that ant farm from Operation, uh... Ant Blaster? Only 17 unaccounted for. Good. Here's what I'm thinking. Ants. Why pay to have them removed when you can just pay to have them as your pets? I'll get some jars. I see you've tidied. How's the swim team? Ugh, don't ask. Hey, is The Fish gonna be okay with all this--? Is that a bag of doorknobs? What are you--? It is a bag of victory. Never mind that. Check this out. It's the official website of the Boots O'Neal fan club. Chris designed it and of course, I wrote it. It's pretty awesome, huh? Yeah, pretty ridiculous. Who's that even for? Uh, well, fans. Future stalkers... Oh, and I don't know, maybe a certain set of parents who need to be reminded of how awesome their son is? They're jocks. Not idiots. There's no way they're going to believe I said all this. Why not? You wouldn't say anything that isn't true. Yeah, but I'm not writing it. You are. Yeah, I'm your best friend. Who knows better what you would say? Yeah, but... You really are something, man. Glad you noticed. How many n's in "winningocity"? Winn-ing... Three? By McKinsey's beard... That is right, folks, everything must go! Where did that-- You don't like the offer? We will give you a completely different offer. Everything must go. And no jar of ants would be complete without our trusty how-to guides. And if you lose your ants, we've got that covered too. All right. Bidding starts at $15. Okay, $10. Okay, five bucks, guys. We're getting desperate here. Twenty bucks or best offer! Look at you! Shakespeare's typewriter? One of a kind. People, I still see stuff on tables. I still see tables. You want one? Take it. Give us an offer and we'll make you a deal. Everything must go-- Down here. Right now. This instant. I'll handle this. Mr. Sturgeon. Great to see you. Thank you for coming. Do you know how much money we've made for the pool? What? What are you talking about? What money, what pool? Who gave you permission to do this? Mr. Sturgeon, let's be honest. If I asked you for permission to hold this rummage sale on school property, wouldn't you have said no? Absolutely. See? So obviously I made the right choice not to tell you. Well, well, Sturgeon. Quite the scene. Well, if it isn't Headmaster Hartley of York Boys' Academy. Having a nice time, Bob? Well, I just picked up Sherlock Holmes' copper umbrella stand for $10, so that's something. Mm-hmm. Well, you know, that probably didn't belong to Sherlock Holmes. Oh? And how would you know? Well, for one thing, Sherlock Holmes wasn't a real person. Then explain the umbrella stand. Anyways, I'm surprised that you would go for something like this. After all, a rummage sale is so... Awesome? Sir, I totally agree. But do you know what would be even more awesome? Macdonald Hall Sturgeon Memorial Aquatic Facility and Pool-adium. Pooladium. You listen to me very carefully. Number one, I'm not dead yet. Number two, I-- Wait, wait. Do you find something really funny about this, Hartley? So this is all for a pool? Yeah! Oh. And how many rummage sales do you think that will take? That's actually a very good question, sir. We've done the math, with Elmer, and he said, you know, if we have one every other day, maybe every day in June-- Ohh. You know what, Hartley? I'd worry less about how we're going to get our pool and more about how you're going to deal with us at the next swim meet. Oh, I look forward to it, Sturgeon. Gentlemen, gentlemen. This is a friendly rummage sale. You know, sir, there are some very nice CDs over there and you know, there's a weightlifting set here that you can't afford not to buy, sir. It's quite nice. If you like that stand, here's another deal... It is killer. I don't know how I'm going to, like, carry it. A genuine hand-built medieval rodent catcher, ladies and gentlemen. But that's not all. It also makes an excellent juicer. So, uh, you made this, huh? I don't suppose you could, uh, maybe make us a pool for us to train in, huh? Yeah. But, um, maybe I can help with some training equipment. Really? I might have some ideas. That would be great. Uh... You know, I guess it would have to be on dry land, though, 'cause you can't put training wheels on water. I'll catch you around. William. Do you know what I see when I look at all this? Chaos? Inspiration. Do you know that your boys and my girls planned this all by themselves? No fear, no worries-- No parking, no oversight, inadequate toilet facilities... Oh, you. Really. What's the worst that could happen? Let's wait and see, shall we? There's no need, I already did. And it's remarkable. Fifty, 60, 70. Doing the rat catchers and all the other stuff we brought in, tell me if we didn't bring in the most money so far. Yeah. You know, not bad, but, um... not the best. Tell you what. The top fundraiser at the end of this gets bragging rights. And the first swim in the pool. Plus their name on it. The Cathy Burton Macdonald Hall Sturgeon Memorial Aquatic Facility and Pooladium. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Game on. $2718.19. Oh, yeah! Wilbur, with all those fire extinguishers that you sold, man, you put us, like, way over the top. Yeah, but Chris's signs told everybody where to go. And after today, we have... 3.30125 percent of the required funds. And that's less than what we need? So what? That's like, what... ...30 more rummage sales? No problem, guys! What do you think, Boots? Guys. This is not good. And if they try to take her girls, remember: no mercy, no quarter! Save our Scrimmage! Save our Scrimmage! Save our Scrimmage! What is the meaning of this nonsense? Oh, hey, Headmaster Sturgeon. Nice to see you. Sorry to disturb, but our beloved leader has been falsely accused! Save our Scrimmage! Save our Scrimmage! Backup, Joe. These kittens have claws, but they-- Ah! No! Yes, girls. Yes! Yes! Yes! Send backup immediately. Full riot gear. Oh, this is ridiculous. And Bruno's fault. Yeah, well, I'm not sure, but... probably. Officers, what could the charges against Ms. Scrimmage possibly be? Armed robbery, for one. Armed robbery?! Yep. Someone held up the Fast Mart. With this. That could belong to anyone. "Property of Eugenia Scrimmage." William. Tell them it wasn't me. Officers, just curious. If she were to be arrested, how long would she be away for, exactly? I can hear you! Yes. Goodbye. Uh... Burton. An actual dinosaur backscratcher. But that's not all. Buy this now and we'll throw in those bags you got there. Oh, yeah, we donated that. Maybe that should have tipped us off, when he left without paying. Really? That's what would have tipped you off? Officers, I should also say that I had the privilege of Ms. Scrimmage's company for the entire afternoon, so she couldn't possibly be your robber. Okay. She can go. Thanks, Headmaster. Well done. Well, all is well, blah, blah, blah, blah. Let's go to bed. Yeah. Not so fast, boys. You know, a rummage sale usually implies the sale of items belonging to the seller. Hmm? That would not include every brass doorknob in the school, the gym program's weight set, or my chair! Yeah, sir, but every penny we make is going towards the pool. We're saving the Hall. Walton, you can't save the school by selling the school. Okay, yeah, but that's-- Okay, now you see, that-- Ah, actually, that's a really good point. Mr. Sturgeon, maybe we went a bit too far. But we were just trying to follow your advice. Make something that lasts? This pool will last. And we're just getting started. See this? Boys, I am still headmaster of this institution, correct? When there's a meeting, I chair them. When there's an exam, I examine them. When the grass is cut, I... I don't normally cut the grass, but those are the rules. Now I know you had good intentions, but I'd like to point out a great deal of harm can be caused by people with good intentions. Gotcha. But, um... can we keep fundraising? You will tell me about everything, okay? I will keep the money safe here. But for now... yes. Thank you, sir. We're going to make this happen and you will see. And you know, we're practically there. 2800 bucks. So... we're just gonna steal their stuff? It's not stealing. York buys all-new equipment every year. It's literally garbage. Oh. Well, when you put it like that... I kind of feel even worse about it. I don't have to help you with this. I'm a Scrimmage girl, you're a Hall boy. We're from two different worlds. Different universes. We're across the road. It's a wide road. Okay, so... why are you helping me, then? That's my business. Your business is making up your mind. Are you in or out? All right. So she's like, "Wow, Chip. It's like you have a double six pack." And I'm like, "Yeah. It's a ten pack." Well, well, well. Come to see what a real winner looks like, swimmer boy? Oh, yeah, Chip. You know, I can't imagine how you do it. Well, we're mostly on a protein diet. Eggs, fish, lean steak, lots of vitamin C, D and E. Oh, and the secret ingredient: Pilates. Hey! Shut up. What are you doing here? Oh, just, uh... admiring your garbage, Chip. So, um, about the Pilates. You know, I'm not really sure if it's right for me. You know, I always go back and forth... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a solid routine. You know, I could show you a really good one. Yeah. Or not. You know, it feels like you guys are up to something. Up to something? Come on. No. Something I should probably make a really mean joke about. You know, so I'm gonna go figure that out and the next time I see you, be ready. Bye, Boots. Hey, Chip! Next time I see you, you won't be making any jokes. All right, let's get the stuff. No single thought Or double thinking No triple checks on moves Or what they're feeling This is their stage, An ode to their last days Crying out to the world The quiet has Now been heard Oh, and some days I feel the same way But I can hardly Feel the beat You're doing it right, You do it right for me You're kicking it up, You're kicking up a scene You're playing a song, You play it on repeat You're doing it right, You do it right for me You're doing it right, You do it right for me You're kicking it up, You're kicking up a scene You're playing a song, You play it on repeat You're doing it right, You do it right for me And I can hardly Feel the beat You're doing it right You do it right for me You're kicking it up, You're kicking up a scene You're playing a song, You play it on repeat You're doing it right, You do it right for me You're doing it right, You do it right for me You're doing it right, You do it right for me Which means we are 1/3 of the way there. But school is already half over. Thank goodness. What was that? That you-- That you boys have accomplished so much. I think you've made more than anybody in Macdonald Hall history. Well, not including prohibition. Well, say it's not enough. See, we've done online contests-- Thank you-- Lottery draws, and actually, I'm meeting with a Nigerian prince next week. We could do, like, I don't know, a talent show? That'd only work if we had talent. Eating contest? Chris could do caricatures! Oh, that's good. Have you seen the one he did of you, Mr. Sturgeon? Actually, it's right here. Right? That does not look anything like my... car. We need something big, you know? Bold. Beyond just the school, you know? Something like, um... something like this cupcake. Ms. Davis, could you perhaps make about $1000 worth of these cupcakes? They look amazing. Actually, Willy made those. He bakes to relieve the stress. You bake? You bake cupcakes. Your name's Willy? It's William, okay? That's all for today. Thanks very much, Ms. Davis. Thank you. Well, uh, you know, anyways, Willy. What are you so stressed about? Oh, I can't imagine. In any case, I already have a job to do, so thank you. Headmaster Sturgeon, Ms. Scrimmage is here to see you. She wants to show you something. Headmaster Sturgeon? Hello? Willy? What are you doing? Willy? Quiet and peaceful. Too peace... ...ful. William Sturgeon, welcome to Eat It or Beat It. I'm your host, Kip Kipperson, and you've been chosen from across the country to compete on live national TV in our kitchen octagon! Well, actually, it's a rectangle. I mean, a rectangle has four sides whereas an octagon has eight-- Now, as I'm sure you already know, Eat It or Beat It is a live cooking contest where two amateur chefs compete for $10,000 and the answer to that age-old question, who will... Eat it or beat it! Yeah, that's not really a question. Whatever, man! It rhymes! Now, Headmaster. Your students have nominated your amazing cupcakes. So let's see if you can beat... Oh, no, no, no. ...the headmistress of the Scrimmage Academy of Education and Awakening, Eugenia Scrimmage! No, no, no, no, no. William, I confess. I was part of this delightful ruse. In fact, I was supposed to bring you here myself, but for some reason you weren't in your office. At any rate, I don't normally approve of competitions, or television, or gluten-based foods like-- Let's do this, Kip. Yeah! Well, well, Sturgeon. Start your ovens! Is... That... Melvin? Now, let's get a closer look at Sturgeon and his students' raw dedication in action! O'Neal, more flour. Walton? Eggs. Hackenschleimer, stop eating the butter. Drimsdale, oven, 350. Celsius, Fahrenheit or Kelvin, sir? O'Neal, oven, 350. I thought that was a valid question. Yes. For our cruelty-free cupcakes, we substitute carrot for chocolate, rice flour for wheat, tofu for flavor, and soy milk for happiness. Cruelty-free. I think they got it. Walton, pans. O'Neal, paper cups. This is bedlam! This is crazy! We got people cooking here, people cooking there, and what's gonna come of it? Who's to say? Probably something delicious, I tells ya. I eat all this stuff for months. I take this home after the shoot and I just eat it! Look at me! I am a product of this cooking! You know what I'm talking about. Ah-ha-ha! Hackenschleimer, what did I say about eating the butter? It's delicious? O'Neal, oven status. O'Neal. O'Neal! Hey, Bruno! What are you doing, man? We have to go finish the contest. Dude, the contest doesn't matter. We could win $10,000. How does that not matter? Please. Dude, the real money is in the advertising. Just like NASCAR. Man, you just get a bunch of businesses to give you money to wear their logos in front of cameras. So if I wear your company's logo, you'll give me how much again? Wow. Uh, okay. How many zeroes is that? So the Eat It or Beat It contest was-- Was just a way to get cameras here. As soon as they announce the winner, I step out onto stage wearing my 20 different logos for all the world to see. There's no way the girls are gonna beat us at fundraising, then. And any idea how much money we're gonna make? $25,000. Burton, how did you know that? In battle, Walton, information is everything. Yes, I know it's expensive, okay? But if you want your logo on national TV, you're gonna pay the same as everyone else, Mom. Yes. This was my idea. And I got my own sponsors. Wait a minute! That's my mom's logo. I guess she knows a winner when she sees one. You know, boys, this may well be the finest bunch of cupcakes I've ever made. Walton! Be careful! Scrimmage girls! Defend our honor! Going out on the weekend Front line boys left behind Never show them Your weakness Come on, Let's see some lines Two, three, four, charge If you want to prove you can Really feel something This is war Fight with Your dancing shoes Ring the bell and get Hammered across the floor Jeans get out of the closet Freedom can't be denied Serves him right. He hates vanilla. Ha-ha-ha! Ladies and gentlemen at home, I've never seen such savagery in all my years of food reporting. No! No! No! No! No, my dignity! My dignity... no... Get me the listings for all the Macdonald Hall parents. All of them. When we say leadership, that's not what we mean. A food fight on national television? It's not my fault. I mean, I was barely involved! Well, we had a nice chat with Tom Hartley from York Academy, and he assures us that you'll fit in great when you go there next year. No. Please. Anything but that. Uh... Have you seen my website? Yo, Boots. Man, we have got to go see The Fish, like pronto. I don't think it's very-- Hi, Mr. and Mrs. O'Neal. Good to see you. I was actually just telling your son Melvin here that the headmaster wants to see us. I'm pretty sure it is something good. So ha-ha, A plus. Our decision is final, Melvin. Goodbye, Bruno. Oh, man. She totally bought that. Yo, man. I have to tell you something. No, we have no time. You have to clean up and I really gotta start practicing my groveling. No more fundraising. That is it. Sir, with the advertising money we're over halfway there. Like, we can't just stop. If we don't get this pool, Boots is gone for sure. By the time you get your pool, we may not have any students left. Apparently Hartley just called every Macdonald Hall parent, assuring them that this would never happen at York Academy. Oh! Give me... half an hour and two dozen cupcakes and I can make sure this kind of thing happens at York. Believe me, sir. I'm sorry, boys. I can't risk the entire school on this. Pool fund is closed for the rest of the year. Look. I know this is a major disappointment, but as Macdonald Hall boys, I expect you to follow the rules. So that's it. Okay? No more fundraising. No more schemes. Understood? Understood. Yeah, understood. This is not the end. This is just the beginning. We need to keep it on the down-low. We need to be smart. We need to be organized. We-- Where's Wilbur? After Eat It or Beat It, he went into butter shock. His parents told him no more scheming, or else. Okay, okay. Well, one man down. We can handle that. It's not that big of a deal. Um, actually, there's something I've been meaning to tell you guys. I've just been spending so much time with this project and... I checked out my average the other day and it was an A... minus. Minus, Bruno! Minus! He'll-- He'll be okay. Uh, Chris? You know, any ideas? You're not just gonna give up too, right? Bruno, I don't want to give up. I am giving up. Just ruin the show, then. Just walk away, you know? Your sponsors should be ashamed. We're giving you all the money we earned, aren't we? That's the least you could do. You wanna see the most I can do? Guys! Stop! This is exactly what got us here in the first place. Training tomorrow? Sure. No, guys, just wait. Maybe-- Maybe if I talk to their parents... Yeah, parents love me! Well, yours do, at least. Bruno, I gotta tell you something, man. No. You don't have to say it, dude. I already know. You do? You're worried I'm giving up on you too. Dude, I made a promise to you and everyone else, okay? We are getting that pool, because... I just came up with the ultimate idea. What? I know you have enough to worry about with the race and everything. So just leave it to me, okay? I swear I won't let you down. You're a good friend, Bruno. No, dude, I'm not good. I'm the best. Yeah, man, I'll see you-- See you later? Yeah. All right. Hey! That's ours. "Property of York Academy." Doesn't sound like yours. Actually, we crossed the Y out with a D, so... It said "Dork"! Hey, O'Neal. Here we are again. And here's my joke: you suck. All right! Let's beat it. Boots... What about the team? Look at the sign. $5, please. Thank you, sir. Thank you. Have a nice day. Quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly. Next! Your money ready, sir. I didn't believe it. They told me, but I didn't believe it. I know, right? Dude, I can't believe we didn't think of this sooner. It's like... Okay, look, it's just like you said. Nobody loves the school as much as I do, you know? Not the kids, not the parents and definitely not the people driving by every day for free. Bruno... you gotta stop this, man. Guys? I made $200 in 15 minutes. But it's illegal! Guys! Look. Desperate times call for desperately flawed schemes. I'm trying to save the school, dudes. Why don't you just trust me? It's not just about you, Bruno! Every time you come up with one of your crazy, wacky schemes, we're the ones who have to deal with the consequences, while you just go ahead and do something else crazy. And we've had enough. Enough! And that... is the worst Comic Sans font I've ever seen. Chris... you talk?! And you're British? Guys! What? It's The Fish! Walton! Scatter, scatter, scatter! Up too late on Saturday This is what I want Then I won't go to work Then I'm gonna get paid Hi, girls! Bye girls! Please help. Omm... Excuse me, excuse me. Beg your pardon, ladies. Kids, they just want to have Fun, kids just wanna have fun Kids, they wanna have fun Kids just wanna have fun All right! Well, they go out To the rock and roll show Kids just wanna have fun So this was the plan when Sturgeon showed up? Have him catch us? I'm just trying the best I could do on my own, dude. Walton! O'Neal. Kids, they just want to have Fun, kids just wanna have fun Kids, they wanna have fun Kids just wanna have fun Let's go! Will you stop at nothing to make me look foolish? Of course. Wanna have fun, kids, They just want to have fun I think we caught a fish. They wanna have fun Kids just wanna have fun Sir, you have to believe us. This is all our fault. It's actually true, Officer. The toll road, the traffic jam... I caused it. Your headmaster's the one that got caught in the trap, there, boys. So it's up to Ms. Scrimmage this time. Oh, no. Mr. Sturgeon and I may have had our difference in the past, but there's no need for any charges. Good. Free to go, sir. I'll just take 'em off. And as for the traps, ever since our last incident with the police, the girls have become very security conscious. I can assure you, Officer, these boys will be very severely dealt with. William, isn't it how you dealt with it last time that led to all of this? Is there anything else, Officer? Uh-uh. Go ahead. Thank you. Uh, Mr. Sturgeon? I just wanted to say, um, you got a little... something. And I just wanted to make sure that, you know, this won't affect anything for the pool. You know, the plans and everything. Mostly for the future. The future? Yeah. Oh, there's no future. Not for the pool, not for the fundraising. It's all over. And as for you two, you'll both see what your future holds. Here again I never thought It'd be like this again How could I know it'd be With you again? And now we're wasting time And we're wasting life As we drive As we drive As we drive We're going to make French croissants today. May I use this... What? What, Ms. Davis? What? On my walk over here, I happened to pass Bruno and Boots, soaking wet and exhausted. Ms. Davis, this is an administrative matter. Please do not concern yourself with it. This is not about the Hall, or some pool, or even teaching those boys a lesson anymore. This is about you being embarrassed in front of all those boys and girls and Ms. Scrimmage. They broke the rules and they knew it. Oh, Willy, come on. You are punishing those boys because they care more about the school than your stupid rules. That is not an administrative matter. That stinks like a fish. What are you doing? Does it look like I'm sleeping? Because that might give you a hint. Nah, dude. You gotta help me come up with some more stuff for this fan site. Man, I don't have a website or a fan page, or whatever. I have a collection of out-of-focus pictures with some poorly spelled motivational quotes. Dude, these quotes are awesome. Look. Look. "Never forget where you parked." What? Come on, man. Dude, that's good advice. Besides, man. If you didn't have me, you wouldn't even have a fan site. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be smelling like garbage and chalk for the last two weeks. And, you know, I never even asked you to make a fan site. How am I supposed to sell your parents if you've just given up? I have given up, Bruno. Look, the fan site hasn't done anything. The fundraisers, the schemes... My parents are sending me to York next year anyway. Man, it's over. Wait, what? Dude... why didn't you tell me that? Because you would have just come up with some crazy new plan and gotten us into even more trouble. Well, shows what you know. Okay, I didn't know that and I still came up with some crazy, insane plan that got us into a bunch of trouble. But you know, at least I'm trying. Who cares? We lost! Like we do against every swim meet with York. You know, maybe we should just accept it. Maybe winning really isn't everything. Do you know who says stuff like that, Boots? Losers. Maybe I'd rather be a loser with friends than a winner with just you. Bruno. Yo, wait, man. I didn't mean that-- No, just, just... It's not what you did wrong, okay? I couldn't be mad at you or anything I'm just getting frustrated. Where are you going? Just leave me alone! Oh, my God-- Go get Wilbur. Thing is, you may not be entirely responsible for, you know, the entire turn of events. Sometimes it's important to let an outside party help you see how you may be using, you know, your own issues to get in the way of what's important. Like your job and, uh, friendship. Do you know what I'm saying? Sir, are you feeling all right? I'm trying to say I'm sorry. Okay? Headmaster Sturgeon. Bob Hartley here. Did I catch you at a bad time? I won't be a second. Just heard some rumblings about your swim team. Toll road, or some such? Your concern is very, very touching, Hartley. Well, I just wanted to give you the opportunity to back out of next weeks' swim meet. Ha, ha! I wouldn't want to cause you any more... embarrassment. I want you to listen very, very carefully to what I'm about to say to you, Hartley. My boys have never embarrassed me, or the school, or themselves. Not once. What they have done is stood up for Macdonald Hall with honor, enthusiasm, and a good spirit that your boys would do well to learn. In fact, the only time it would embarrass me is if they didn't stand up to a bunch of arrogant, over-privileged turkeys. I-- And that's not gonna happen on my watch. Goodbye, Hartley! Shake hands, apologize and get back to work. There's a race to win. Bruno, you know why I didn't tell you about me going to York? Sure. You didn't want me to come up with some crazy Bruno scheme, right? Dude, believe me, I get it. No, no. It wasn't that. I didn't want to tell you because... because I felt like I let you down. You know? After everything you did for me. And I'm sorry. You're a good friend, Boots. No, I'm not. I'm the best. You boys here to catch round two? No, of course not. Why? Should I go grab some chairs? Very funny. It sure is nice to have the kind of pals you don't have to be all weird to and apologize to, eh? Um... I'm sorry I brought so much fun into your lives. Um... I'm sorry for not listening to you guys and getting you into all that trouble. So when do we start fundraising? We can't. The swim meet's next week and Boots is going to York unless we help him win. So let's do it. Come here, you. Hey, guys. You know, you can't have a proper swim team without proper training equipment. So this friend of yours went to every school in the area, picked up all the scrap equipment she could, and then needed some help putting it together. So how could I say no to someone so determined, huh? Thanks... for sticking with me. This is sweet. George! George. Haven't you been expelled yet? What were you and Bruno fighting about anyway? I'm-- I'm Bruno. He's Boots. I don't actually care. Boots is still going to York and we still only have 75 grand for our pool. I-I-I'm sorry. Did you say you've raised $75,000? As in seven five? And we still have to double it. But like, how are we supposed to do that? And before Boots leaves? It's impossible. Bruno, you don't like me and frankly, I don't like you. But there's one thing we both love. Animals dressed in doctor outfits? No. Money. Now what if I told you I could help double yours within a week. Okay... Follow me. It's totally brilliant. It is insanely complicated, but it might just work. We can't do it. Okay, hold up, bro. I don't think we should do this. Espe-- Oh. Wait. We can't? Any plan I come up with just gets you guys into a bunch of trouble and honestly, I don't really want to do that to you guys anymore. That's... mature... of you. Are you feeling okay, buddy? We can do this. Guys, I told you. I'm done with coming up with-- This isn't about you, Bruno. It's about the Hall. We got this. We don't got this. Like, no. You don't understand what's going on-- Yo, we got this, man. Clean yourself. Yeah, okay. So you're sure about this York Academy Gold Club, George? My friend, there are rich kids and then there are rich kids. Not a scratch. Bruno, Cathy. Allow me to introduce you to Randolph Mortimer Winthorpe the Seventh. Or is it the Eighth? Who can keep track? George, never got a chance to congratulate you on that Lorelai IPO. Good tip. Thank you, Randolph. I'm sorry you didn't take my advice. So is my portfolio. I'm interested in something a little more... underground. Never took you for the underground sort, George. Are you sure? Well, it isn't my money. It's theirs. These aren't your porters? Uh, 40,000 from the students at Macdonald Hall. And 35 from the girls at the Scrimmage Academy. They want to bet it-- And all of it-- On the swim meet today. Who let them have money? Well, I think it's just adorable. But we need the cash on hand before we can place any bets. It is on its way. All right, it's safe to move now. That was a long morning. Sorry. Are you sure about these guys? I'm sorry, but no money, no betting. That's okay. I heard the Gold Club's not the most exclusive secret private school club anyways. Did you know the girls at the Havermore College have a dodo bird exhibit? Oh, really? How would you like to see a live dodo bird? We gotta go. Joan, the last time I went out for lunch I got hit by a flying cupcake. I'm just going to stay right here. She was supposed to leave for lunch! What do we do now? Is that a rope ladder? I'll go. You guys stay clear. Take this for the road. Tell the world my story. Go, buddy, go! Arnold. You know you don't have to race if you're having an asthma attack, right? I'm fine. See? Anyways, it's like you said. Never, ever give up. Was that before or after you totally gave up? Okay, yeah. I deserved that one and what are you doing here? Independent study. Maybe I'll put the footage on your website. Should it go in the "winningocity" section, or under "superbulence"? Ha-ha. You can put it under the "sometimes I'm a jerk, but I'm trying" section. Thanks for sticking with us. I already told you. I know, I know. It wasn't for me. It was for the team. I get it. Well, maybe it was a little bit for you. But like I said, that's my business. This is from Picasso's little known Killer Robots period. I'm with Bruno! Bruno Walton! Were you worried? Not one bit. I should probably be suspicious of your burglar outfit, but I'll just do what all Winthorpes have done, historically, and turn a blind eye for profit. Give the money here. Uh, you know what, guys? We could stick to the plan and bet all this money, or we could use it on this incredibly complicated scheme I just came up with right now. I swear it's-- It's actually pretty good. Right, right, right. Okay, sorry. Well, shall we? Go, go, go! Go Macdonald! Towels? Towels? Hey, guys. Coach Flynn? Actually, it's... Assistant Towel Supervisor Flynn now. But they're telling me that I'm gonna be all the way up to full Towel Supervisor soon. So... I made a terrible mistake. I'll just be... doing this over here. This is usually where the coach says something inspiring, but considering how that usually went... You know, everyone says that winning isn't everything. I mean, I used to think that was just something The Fish would say to us, because... well... we never won anything. Ugh. Look. But now, I think it means a race is just a race. You know? If you win, it feels good. Really good. Really, really good. Or so they tell me. And we all know, if you lose, it feels bad. For a while. But what lasts? What lasts is the friends you didn't expect to make. And the things they do for you that they didn't have to, even when it was risky. It's finding out just how much people believe in you, even when you didn't believe in yourself. So, I guess the dumb saying was right. It really isn't winning that matters. It's everything else that happens along the way. Oh, and boys... one more thing. Swim real fast. Swimmers, please take your positions. Go Boots! Woo! Come on. Go Boots! Go Boots! Got it! Come on! Turn around. Come on, go back! Go back! You got it! Go Boots! Go Boots! Swim like a fish! Come on! Come on! Yeah, Boots! Ohh! Ahh! Did you see it? I-I-I don't know who won. Yes! Fourth place! Fourth, baby! Woo-hoo! After much deliberation, the three-member judges' panel unanimously finds for the winner... York Academy! Congratulations. Thanks, Dad. Good work, son. You'll get it at home. Good race. Yeah. Woo! Macdonald Hall, baby. Woo! We're finished. Me, Boots, everything. It's-- Bruno. We lost all our money and now we're never gonna get this pool and the Hall's gonna close and everyone will blame me and Chip's right. We're just a bunch of losers. Bruno! Look around you. Whether you got the pool or not, you made everybody here a part of something. You won, Bruno. You won. What are you doing here? Uh, moping and feeling sorry for myself. I mean, yeah, sure. I learned something and we won some sort of moral victory, but you know, it's kind of hard to swim in. Uh-huh. That's all very fascinating, but who do I make the check out to? What check? The check for... let's see here... $151,000. What are you talking about, George? We... we lost. Oh, I guess I didn't tell you. I bet our money against Macdonald Hall. What? How could you? Do you have any idea how many times Macdonald Hall has won a swim race against York? Zero. Now, the school might be used to losing. I am not. I bet against us and I won. Bruno, I was wondering if you knew where your-- Easy, easy, Bruno! Come on. It's not his fault. No, no, no! He did it! He got us the money for the pool! We lost, but sir, we won. What are you talking about? What did you do, Smythe? Sir, it's not my fault. It's his! He did it too. It wasn't just George, sir. It was all of us. Chris, Wilbur, Elmer, and the Scrimmage girls. They helped too. We-- We did it together. Because... well... I guess people do love this school as much as I do. So you're saying whatever you did, you all did this together. Hmm? Yeah. Exactly. That is absolutely... remarkable. Well done. Buddy! We heard about the race. Yeah. You know, I'm okay. I'm fine. You're more than okay. You're wonderful! But I lost. Yes, but we watched the speech that you gave to your teammates. You did? How? Well, that friend of yours, Bruno, has been harassing us to see some website for a few weeks now. We finally did and your speech was there. Buddy, you know how we were talking about leadership? You know, what you said to those boys, that was it! So maybe we were a little hasty about York Academy. You mean I-- Yo! Boots, dude! We got the pool! We got the pool! We just need to convince your folks, but I have a plan. We need three car batteries, ah, four car batteries, two ducks, paper clips-- Hey, hey, hey! My mom wants to talk to you. You win, Bruno. Melvin can stay. Awesome! Uh, who's Melvin? Bruno, it's me! I can stay! Dude, I told you! Your parents love me. So Boots can stay? Everyone-- Everyone can stay. Oh, my God! Let's tighten up, guys. All right, hold on. Before the opening ceremonies this afternoon, I want to say a few words. Uh... it's been quite a year. Quite a journey. But as a wise man once said, "A journey is best measured not in miles, but in friends." We are standing in this pool today because of two such friends, whose love for this school has been an inspiration to us all. So thank you to everyone, but thank you especially to Bruno and Boots for unselfishly providing generations of Macdonald Hall and Scrimmage Academy students the privilege of sharing the-- Oh, dear. The Cathy Burton Wexford Estate Macdonald Hall Sturgeon Memorial By-Centennial Aquatic Facility and Pooladium Esquire. Congrats, guys. Well done. Okay, picture. What's this for? Oh, it's like... Well, to say thanks for putting my name on the pool. Oh, also, fair's fair. You never got the honor of the first swim, Bruno. I don't even know how to swim. Oh. Whoa! Are you serious? What are you waiting for? Go jump in the pool! Oh, no, no. No, no. So that's Macdonald Hall. Best school in the country. Best headmaster, best students, best pool... best friends. Sorry. I completely looked at the camera for that shot. We're gonna have to-- Who? You looked at who? Cal! I looked. I'm sorry! We've been best friends since the "sirst"-- Blech. Blech. Summer nights when The stars are out Reminds me of you And my hometown I remember how it used to be Not a care in the world Never felt so free But tonight here we are again In the backyard now With all my friends I lean back, put my hands in The sky, let's do it all again And I'm like na, na, na Never want this night to end I'm singin' Na, na, na Never want this night to end Here's to the Good times we've had Makin' memories To the heartbreaks We've shared You were there for me Don't wanna say goodbye This is the time of my life To the good times, Good times I won't forget this night Oh, whoa Oh, whoa Oh, uh Ain't nowhere else That I'd rather be Than right here with you Right next to me I don't know what the future Holds, five years from now Will I still be broke? Let's walk down To the riverside Chill out in the grass, Watch a new sunrise Lean back, put my hands In the sky, let's do it All again And I'm like na, na, na Never want this night To end Here's to the good times We've had Makin' memories To the heartbreaks We've shared You were there for me Don't wanna say goodbye This is the time of my life To the good times, good times I won't forget this night Na, na, na Never want this night to end I'm singin' na, na, na Never want this night To end Don't wanna say goodbye This is the time of my life To the good times, good times I won't forget this night |
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