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California Scheming (2014)
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-What do you think you're doing, jackass?! Oh. -What are you doing? Come on. -It's okay, little guy. -You're kidding me. -I'll take care of you. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. -That looks pretty bad. -That's obvious. Some idiotic neighborhood kid shot him with a slingshot. Think it got him in the neck. - It's a good shot. I wouldn't waste my time on it. It looks like he doesn't have much juice left in him. -I guess we could take a look. -All right. Come hold him. --Try to hold his wings down. - Fucking hate birds. -Feels like... Yeah, it's definitely a nail. -We used to do that when we were kids, dude. Remember? Uh, I-it looks really bad. We should just put him out of his misery, really. -I could try to pull the nail out of his neck. -You think you can do it? -I could try. -Man. So, I'm Jason. -I'm Nick. Wait. I think I... I got it. -We need to clean him up and see if he can eat. Jason, why don't you check the fridge and see if we've got anything? -I'll just check the trash can. That's where he usually eats. Um, so, where are you from? -I'm from New York, but after her second divorce, my mother moved us out to the west coast. -What school do you go to? -Archer. All green dresses and only nice girls. What about you two? -Uh, I go to Harvard-westlake, and Nick is our public-school boy, going to Malibu high. Go, sharks. -Chloe, where are you? I know you're here somewhere. What the hell is happening in here? Are you bleeding?! Why are you guys trying to kill a bird in my kitchen? Is this some sort of new thing? And, Chloe, why aren't you answering me when I call you? -Meet Nick and Jason. We found this bird on the beach, and Nick pulled a nail out of its neck. Now I'm trying to make him pretty again. -It's really nice to meet you, Mrs... -Vandersteen. It's Mrs. vandersteen. -It's really nice to meet you, Mrs. vandersteen. I'm Jason Rourke. -As you can see, we're pretty busy. What do you want? -I wanted to let you know that I'm having a visitor tonight, so I would appreciate it if you didn't come upstairs. Do me a flavor -- clean this crap up, okay? -Of course. It's good to meet you. -It was nice... - Shut up, dude! I'm better than you! -Fuck you! - When we come when we come -Hand me my phone. Sweet. Yo, she sent me a message. -What? -It's a video. -The fuck? -Hi, boys. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me with this little guy. Really means a lot. If you're not busy tomorrow afternoon, you should come by my place. I'd love to see you. -Dude, she was fucking naked in that! -No, she wasn't! -She was definitely fucking naked! I swear to God. I swear to God. -All right. Let's -- let's watch it again. She was not naked. -Fuck you, dude. -Hi, boys. -Oh, my God. She's naked! -She's absolutely naked. Who does that?! -Really means a lot. -We've hit the lottery with this fucking girl, bro. -Have you got a new pet? -Oh, the gull. That's one of Chloe's experiments. I'm surprised it survived the night. -Who's Chloe? -Never mind. Never mind. - You walk with a dirty swagger -That's it. - You put your eyes in a dagger you take a look at me you were a part of the dance party whoa whoa -Go. - Whoo -I know you asked for water, but these are way better. - Cool. - Wow. -So, uh, how's our gull doing? -Much better. He's on the upper deck. Made it through the night, but I had to shorten his leash. My mom went to the city for the night. So... ...you want to pop off? -What? -Lily! -Chloe! My girl. What's up? Where are you? -I'm in Malibu, and I miss you. How's New York? -Malibu? Wow. You guys are really moving around. I miss you, too. Looks like you're not alone. Who are those two cuties? Hi, guys. -Hey. -Yo! -Too bad I can't be there to hang out with you guys. But let me guess. You want to pop off, right? -Absolutely. And who would know better than you? -One condition. Those two have to take off their shirts. -Come on. What are you waiting for? - Dude, are you serious? -Come on, dude. Girl, where did you find those two puppies? By the way, I'm sure you've already heard, but mission accomplished. -Really? That was fast. No, I've not heard about it. You are so fantastic and evil. I love it! -She had a nervous breakdown after she figured out we posted that little nasty video clip of hers. She was such an easy target. God, I love cyberbullying. School must have been so boring before the Internet. -She deserves it. You have no idea how much I hate that bitch. -No problem. There goes another Mary poppins. But back to more important things. Looks like we have everything we need. Okay. Take two of the vicodins and one of the ambulare. Then wait 20 minutes before you take two of each of the proful and the chromoful. Should last you all day and do the trick. When you wake up in the morning, you'll still feel like a butterfly. Have fun, girl. And you two can put your shirts back on. -Thanks, lily. You're the best. - Ta-ta. - I walked in on a plan to dissolve all of your wishes but I didn't understand I was a cold tear in your eyes -Ahh. - What's in it for someone with nothing to do? what's in it for me? - What's in it for someone with nothing to do? what's in it for me? -Feels like my brain isn't connected to my body anymore. -Did you guys get that little clip I sent you last night? -Fuck, yeah, we did. That was so -- that was so cool. That was so awesome. -I like to make videos, post them on Facebook or YouTube. It's part of my master plan to become famous. -Famous for what? -Doesn't really matter. Just famous. Bottom line is that... You have to go the full 9 yards, and... Those last few yards can take you to some really dark places, you know? Sometimes when my mother is sleeping with some... Producer or manager guy... She gets herself auditions for TV shows. Small roles, but... I just don't think that's the way it works, you know? For me it's about one thing -- be good... Or be good at it. Press "record." You can touch me if you want. -Now it's your turn. Let's go skinny-dipping. Come on! -Dude. - What's in it for someone with nothing to do? what's in it for me? - What's in it for someone with nothing to do? what's in it for me? - What's in it for someone with nothing to do? -Oh, yeah. That is very true! For one time... For one time in your goddamn life... Be honest with me, William! Did you ever love me? Did you ever love me?! Tell me, did you ever love me?! -I don't know. I don't know. - It's late. Where you been? -With Jason. -You know, I feel like I don't ever get to see you anymore. -Mom told me about your show. I'm sorry. I thought it was kind of cool. -Oh, I just wish that you ran the network. Ahh. They tested it for the audience, and they didn't like it. Had a lot of walkouts, so... That's that. -What now? You -- you gonna shop somewhere else? Nick, the... The bank has given us a day to move out of this house. -So I'll have to go to another school. What about my friends? Really, really sorry about this mess, Nick. I just don't know what else to do. -Yeah, it's okay. -What do you think you're doing? It's a bird, not a kite. Stop it. You're hurting it. -Get the fuck out of here, Mary poppins! Who do you think you are, telling me what to do? -You can't just take a bird and treat it like it's a toy. Leave him alone. -Get... If I were you, I'd get the fuck out of here, or you might end up on this leash. -Whoa, whoa. What's going on here? -Mary poppins over here is trying to tell me what's right and wrong. -I'm always interested to know what's right and what's wrong. -No. I'm not claiming to be an expert on morality. But I do know that nobody has the right to torture an animal. -I'm not torturing him. I'm teaching him how to fly. -Why is he on a leash? -We found him a couple days ago, injured. We didn't want him to get away, so we put him on a leash till he stopped trying to fly. -You do realize that doesn't make much sense, right? Watch. -Hey. Now that you've helped him learned to fly again... You're gonna set him free, right? -Not yet. I still have big plans for him. -Where exactly is your house on birdview? -Oh, it's not my house. I-I mean, I live there, but with my aunt and Uncle. My mom just died, and it's been pretty overwhelming for my dad, so my aunt suggested I come stay out here with them for a bit, get away. So here I am. Wow, I'm sorry! I don't know why I just told you all of that. -I'm sorry about your mom. - Oh. -So, where are you originally from? -Uh, Boston. I haven't met too many people yet. I basically spend my days with my 9- and 11-year-old cousins or on Facebook with people back home. This is me. -Find me on Facebook. I'm Nick behrle. It's b-e-h-r-l-e. - Okay. Cool. Uh...Thanks. -Yeah. -Hey, guys. What's happening? -What's up? -Nothing. Uh, Nick just told me he brought home Mary poppins this afternoon. -Name is Hillary, and she seems okay. Yeah. She told she's just out here for a couple months. Actually, her mom just died, so she's trying to cope with that. -Well, maybe Hillary should be a little more cautious when it comes to other people's business. -Yeah, and it'd also help if she didn't dress like she was amish. -Don't be a dick, bro. -What did you do while you drove her home -- like a little amish handy? - Yeah. Totally. -Can we talk about something else? -Yeah. We were wondering if you want to go to a concert. There's this new club down in venice. You want to go? -Why not? Sounds fun. -Great. So, uh... How's our bird doing? -Yeah. I just put him on the balcony for the night. Somehow I thought it'd be way more exciting to have a sea gull on a leash. -Yeah, I hear you. So, when are you gonna, like, let him fly away? -Nick, why don't you ask your little amish princess if she wants to come with us tomorrow? -You serious? -She can't be that bad. She, uh, deserves a second chance. Besides, poor thing lost her mother. She must be so vulnerable and... Alone. -Just make sure she wears something different. -I can ask. -I got to go. I'll see you tomorrow. -Okay. -Well, well, well. What a surprise. Haven't seen you in a while. Listen, before I forget, I spoke to your father today, and he wanted me to tell you that you are no longer invited to his wedding. -What?! What are you talking about?! I-I just got the invitation. I was looking forward to going to New York for a couple days, hang out with my friends. -Well, I don't know exactly what happened, but, as you know, your soon-to-be-stepsister, Danielle, goes to the same school as your friend lily. Apparently, lily did such a marvelous job of bullying Danielle that she had a nervous breakdown, and she refused to go back to that school. Obviously, the $100,000 in tuition for the rest of the school year that your father paid is not going to be reimbursed. Make matters worse, your father has to shell out an additional $100,000 for the new school. It didn't take a genius to figure out that you were behind all this. So, your father's pretty upset. He decided to keep Danielle close and not you. If you think about it, it kind of makes sense. I mean, why should he just have a new wife when he can replace his screwed-up daughter with an... Innocent, preppy, straight-a student? It's a clean cut! Get used to it, Chloe. Listen, I'm gonna go to Hawaii tomorrow for a couple of days. If anything comes up, you can just pay people with the checks in the magic box, okay? Look. Take one of these. It'll keep you from getting upset. Come here. Come on. -How long are we staying this time? - Hey. -You should get us some drinks. And you come with me. -Where are you going? - I can tell by the size of your eyes -So, what can I do for you guys? -We were hoping you could set us up for tonight. -Ever read this book? -Yes. -How many are in your party? -Uh, four. -Check out chapter five. -Give him it back. - I can tell by the size of your eyes -Thanks again. -Hey. You owe me 50 bucks. I guess you don't remember us from last week. I thought at least you'd remember the lovely Hillary. -I don't know what you're talking about, but you owe me 50 bucks. -Hillary, tell him how old you are. -Um, 15. -Well, that's good for you. But I got 50 bucks coming to me. -You probably thought she was 18 when you were making out with her, huh? Thanks, Dave. You're always the sweetest. -I didn't know you were friends with those kids. That girl was hotter than hell, dude! -Shut the fuck up, idiot. - I try running away I'm just not fast enough -What was all that about? -Well, thanks to Hillary, we have a little present. - My own friends hate my guts -Let's go. - So what? who gives a fuck? -I think I was just part of a drug deal. What is this? -I think it's ecstasy. -Wow. I haven't done that before. Have you? -No. But I like to smoke pot from time to time. And we did some pills with Chloe. -She's quite an influence on you guys. Pretty impressive. Do you go to the same school? -No. We just started hanging out with her last week. -Really? I would have guessed you'd known each other for years. You guys seem so tight. - My my own friends -So, what are we gonna do with these? - I really don't know. - ...don't give a shit -You want to split one? - Will I fly high? -Promise me you won't leave me alone the rest of the night? -I promise. -And one more thing -- I really want you to teach me how to surf. -Yeah? -Yeah. -Done. -Yeah? -Yeah. Absolutely. -Okay. -All right. - 'Cause I'm a fool -Cheers. -Cheers. - ...running away I'm just not fast enough I'm just not man enough -Where the fuck is she? Her phone's switched off. -Dude, chill, man. So is mine. She's probably inside still, or she couldn't find us, and she took a cab home. -Is your mouth feeling dry? Let's go to a gas station and get something to drink. -I'm not leaving her. She's probably looking for us right now. -I really need something to drink. Crap. I'm out of cash. You guys have any? -Got like 2 bucks. -A couple of quarters. I gave Chloe all my fucking money. Fuck. -Do we have no money? How the fuck are we gonna get back home? -Wow. That's so beautiful. -It's Chloe. Hello? -Jason, where have you been?! The bird is gone! I can't find him anywhere! -Ca-- calm down. I can't understand anything you're saying. -The bird! The bird! He's gone! Somebody must have stolen him, or it just escaped. I don't know what to do. We need to look for him immediately. He might still be around. Where were you guys? You all just disappeared on me. -We were at the club. Uh, we're at the lagoon now. We looked for you all night. You just disappeared. -Come to my house as fast as you can. I need you guys to help me find him. -Uh, yeah. All right. Yeah. We'll be there soon. -How'd she get home? - She probably took a cab. -Right. She got all the money. -Guys, the bird's gone. Look, we can be at her house in, what, like 20 minutes, right? Let's go. We got to walk. We got to speed up. Come on. - You can't be serious. I'm so tired, I don't know if I'll still make it to my own house. I definitely can't go looking for an escaped bird. By the way, is he in walking or flying mode these days? -It's cool, bro. I'm just gonna walk Hillary home, and then I'll come meet you at Chloe's. - Why do you have to walk her home? She can walk on her fucking own, bro! Chloe's mad enough about us leaving her at the club! We got to go! Come on. -Don't worry. It's fine. Just run. -I'll text you later. -He must have slipped out of the harness. -I don't think so. That harness is really tight. He probably needed help to get out. -Did you check with your mom? Did -- did she see anything? -She went to Hawaii for a couple of days. When I left the house last night, he was still sitting there. -I mean, seriously, why would anyone sneak into your house and steal the gull? -I don't know, and I-I don't really care. Why is everyone trying to get away from me? First, you guys leave me at that weird place last night, and now the bird's gone. You have to find him. What are you waiting for?! Leave! - Misery will you comfort me in my time of need to understand? understand what you understand in my time of need to understand that I'm just having fun that I'm just having fun with you with you with you - With you -Hey, guys. Grab a seat. Have some breakfast. Oh. I'm sorry. That's so rude of me. Uh, Nick, Jason, this is Nathan. He drove me home last night after you two decided to abandon me. -What's up, guys? It's getting late. I should probably head back into town. -Aw. That's too bad. I'll walk you out. Who died? -It's just that we don't really get what's going on, Chloe. We showed up this morning, and you were a total mess about the bird being gone, so -- so we just spent hours looking for the thing, and we come back, and you're this different, happy person with this dude, and... It's just fucking weird. -Is it fucking weird? Is it weird that I don't have the right to have a good morning 'cause I'd asked some stranger to drive me home last night? Because you two left me alone. -What about the guy? Why didn't you just have him help you find the bird? I -- -why would I ask him? You disappeared on me. -Well, he got a nice reward for bringing you home last night. -So what?! That's none of your business anyway. Just because I let someone sleep at my house doesn't give you two little selfish pricks the right to judge me. Take it you didn't find the bird. Wait here. -You all right, bro? It's been a rough night... Day. We'll go home soon and get some sleep. My parents are probably freaking out anyways. -What now? -Open it. -Oh, my God! -My God. Chloe, who gave this to you? -Nobody. I put him in it myself. It's Manolo blahnik. I thought he deserved it. -Well, where and when did you find him? What -- I mean, he looks like he's been in there awhile. -This Nathan guy have anything to do with it? We should kick his ass for this! We should definitely kick his ass for this! -I don't think he had anything to do with this. You did this. Right, Chloe? Why? What the hell? -Oh, my God. How'd that happen, Chloe?! -My father did this to me. He came to the house and started a fight with my mom. He was drunk and threatened her with a knife, and when I went to help, things got out of control, and he slipped. -What happened? Did you call the police? -No. No. It would just make things worse. He's getting married and doesn't want us in his life anymore. So we have to be very careful. -But why the bird? -'Cause he just stood there staring at me, not doing a thing. Just... Staring! I hated him for that. -Today I got a call from Harvard-westlake. They said you've been expelled. They found out you falsified report cards to improve your grades. For three generations, this family has received its education at Harvard-westlake. I'm not willing to put up with your constant failures anymore. What do you have to say in your defense? - I, um... Uh, I'm really sorry. I just... I-I didn't want to, but then I just... I don't know. I... It was like -- it was just real -- -stop talking like an idiot! You never accomplished anything, and you know it. I have to go to Chicago for some business. In the meantime, I'm warning you, if anything else happens while I'm gone, it will make things much worse than they already are. -Yeah. Of course. There won't be anything. I promise. -I've scheduled a meeting with the principal when I get back. You and I will go in there and see how we can solve this problem without causing an uproar. Get out of here. Just do me one favor. Don't run to your mother, crying and complaining. She won't be able to help you this time. You're so lucky living here all your life. How old were you when you started surfing? -First time I came out was on my dad's board. I was like 4 or 5. And he just put me in front of him on the board. When he caught the wave, we both stood up and rode it in. A year later, I got my own little board, and I was in the ocean every day. That's when I met Jason, and we became buddies. -You guys seem really close... Though, you strike me as having very different personalities. -What do you mean? -I... Just mean that it seems like... He needs you more than the other way around. You seem to be more independent. -Guess I never thought about it like that. I think that's what friends are for, though, you know? To help and support each other when it's needed. Don't you agree? -Oh. I'm not the right person to ask about friendship. I've never really had a best friend. Maybe someday. -Hey, I like you. -I like you, too. And I thought the other night was a lot of fun. Oh. I'm sorry to hear that Chloe's bird disappeared. -So, what about you? What did you like best when you were little? - Hmm. I liked Playing with my mother. One of my favorite childhood memories was listening to her read me bedtime stories. She would always do all the different voices and -How did she die? -I don't really like to talk about it. She died in a car accident. It was my fault. -What do you mean? Why would you say that? -I was at this girl Andrea's house. We had planned a sleepover. Um... Watching movies all night, eating ice cream, that sort of thing. And we got into this silly argument about a boy that she had a crush on. I was just having fun, uh, teasing her, but... Somehow it turned into a really bad fight. So I called my mother. It was already past midnight, but I insisted that she come pick me up because I didn't want to spend another minute at Andrea's house. I could hear in her voice that she was really tired. But I didn't care. Just selfish. She never arrived at the house. Instead, I fell asleep, and when I woke up... My dad was waiting in Andrea's parents' kitchen. I'll never forget the look in his eyes. She fell asleep at the wheel. Crashed into a tree, was killed instantly. -Come on. Let's go teach you how to surf. - It's not so worth getting all bent out of shape about I turned my back on it and next you know, it's all run out -Hey, guys. -Hey, Chloe. -Hey. -Who are these people? -That is a picture of Charles manson. Taken in the '60s. I think he's kind of sexy here. Yeah. I'm a sucker for the whole story. You got to admit, there is not much scarier stuff. -I like that picture of Sasha grey a lot better. -Yeah. She's just so cool. Does whatever it takes. She's so much more true and real, unlike all these other girls, like miley fucking Cyrus. I hate her. -What's so funny about that? What's that girl Sasha do? -Uh, we-- -the reason she's known is because she's a porn star. She's very open about it. She's only a couple years older than we are. There's probably not a single guy we know who hasn't watched her have sex. She doesn't give a damn about other people's opinions, and she's a star. I think that's really cool. -Do you guys know her? I'm -- I'm just oblivious. -What are you doing? - I'm just checking. I'll take that. -CBS studios on Beverly. -Wow. Cool. A driver. Yeah, I, uh... I just called the service my mom uses all the time. Put it on her credit card. -She probably won't even notice. Here you go. Come on! It's girls' day out. -Cheers to girls' day out. -Thanks for taking me. I, uh, haven't bought any new clothes in forever. Haven't really been in the mood. -Yeah. Nick told me about your mom. I can't imagine how that feels. -Uh... It's like... Your whole world changes. Everything you know is gone. Especially when you blame yourself. -You don't have to talk about it. -It's okay. Maybe it'll help. It's so unfair, you know? I mean, she was just trying to be there for me. I can't stop wanting to punish myself. I've been having this... Recurring nightmare where I'm buried alive... Suffocating, dying slowly. Then I wake up, and the guilt just washes over me... How fucked up it is that I'm alive when she isn't. -I have a feeling you'll be just fine. Maybe sooner than you'd expect. -So, how did you get invited to this? -Well, my mom does certain things for the producer or someone else in charge, and... They return the favor. -So, is your mother an actress? -Yeah. Guess you could say that. -Have I seen her in anything? -She was on "Melrose place" -- the one from the '90s. -Ah. -Daily soaps, some commercials. Now she's all about reality TV. She's determined to get us on one of those shows. -Wait. So, then you know the producer? -I'm not positive, but I have a hunch I do. If I haven't lost track... ...it should be... This guy. Why do you have photos of all these families on your phone? -Okay. Um, Chloe vandersteen. -Here. Let's just say that the story of their lives for a short period of time becomes the story of my life. So it only makes sense to keep a memory, right? - Fun-loving creatures living fast, eating gritty babes on the beaches, baby g's in the city American mummies teach the world to be pretty it's so sexy to be living in America -I want you to have this. Come here. Thanks, Chloe. -Let's go. -Whoo! - Let's fucking party! -Yeah! - I had tears that never ended You weren't around to stop the tantrum na-na na-na-na A girl like you -What can I get you? -Just a pack of condoms. - To go through life, oh, so formal na-na na-na-na a girl like you -How was the surf today? -Not bad, man. - Weekends are never fun unless you're around -First timer? Do do-do do-do do. Decisions, man. -Is that Nick? What is he doing here? Why is he wearing sunglasses? -Let's find out. -Wait. Wait. Turn around. Trust me. Turn around. Go for it. -We got different, uh, colors... Different flavors. Strawberry, cherry. Got different sizes -- small, large. -I'll just take a pack of normal ones. -Normal ones? By whose standards? -Uh, no colors, no flavors. Normal size. - Hi, Nick. - Hillary. -What are you doing here? -I just came from shopping with Chloe. Why are you wearing sunglasses? -You sure you don't want to get those grandes, bro? -No, just -- just normal ones. -4? 8? 16? -Eight, and, uh, put them in the bag. -Okay. -What's going on? You haven't said anything. How do you like my clothes? -$14.95, please. -Here's a $20. Just keep the change. -Here. -Yeah. Uh... You look different but great. -I'm glad you like it. It's all Chloe. She's... You were right about her. She's amazing. Come on. We can give you a ride home. - Cool. -You sure eight's gonna be enough, man? -What is he talking about? -I don't know. -Perfect. -Are you Ruth vandersteen? -No. That's my mother. She told me you were coming. -Did she leave you a check? -Yep. Let me go get it. Here you go. Check. Uh... -Uh, thanks. -Wow. -Just in time. Isn't it perfect?! -It's beautiful. -Check it out. -Smells great. The leather, chrome. Yep. It's perfect. Let's go inside. I found you the perfect haircut. So, what do you think? It's great, isn't it? I think it'll make you look really cool and sexy. -I-I don't know. It's kind of extreme. Isn't there something in between? What about the color? -No problem. I have everything we need. Black will look so good on you. Of course, it's up to you. We can try something more like this -- kind of like what you have going on but shorter. It's just that I thought you wanted to be different. -Can I have one? Let's do it. -All right. I need you to turn around so I can cut the other side. Now I need you to close your eyes and keep them closed until I tell you to open them, okay? -Okay. -Gonna start with your bangs. -Mm. -Keep those eyes closed. Just take it. -Hey, dad. Yeah. No. -I'm with Chloe, that girl I told you about. Yeah. You will love her. She's so cool. -You are one scary bitch. For a second, I thought you were gonna slit her throat. I loved it. -So, what do you think? Did I promise you too much? -Absolutely not. She's so naive -- hard to believe. Comic relief. By the way, did you get that little package I sent you? -You bet I did. Haven't had the chance to try it yet, but I figured tonight would be a good opportunity. -Yeah. It's not even fda-approved. So take it easy, girl. So, you're really not gonna tell me what you have in mind for her? Come on, Chloe. Now you got me so excited. -All I can say is that she came up with the idea all by herself without even knowing it. So I can't take any credit. -Who are you talking to, Chloe? -Oh. Uh, this is my friend lily, from New York. -Hey. -Hi. Chloe was just telling me how you're getting one of her famous haircuts. You remind me of someone. Just can't put a name to it. -Thanks. -I'm not finished with you yet. -I'm sure you're not. Now I know who it is -- Danielle. Remember Danielle, Chloe? She used to go to our old school. Unfortunately, she had to switch schools a couple days ago. Bad story. Never mind. I'll leave you two girls alone. -Where were we? -Hey, I really like the new haircut. Makes you look like uma thurman in "Pulp Fiction." What does that make you -- John Travolta? Yeah. Okay. So, where do you want me to drive? Like, where do you want me to go? -How about some creepy crawls? -What's creepy crawls? -I've heard of it. Never done it. It's when you go into someone's house and, like, rearrange their furniture, lie in their beds, stuff like that so when they come home, they freak out and call the police. They didn't steal anything, so there's nothing they can do. -These kids did it in Beverly hills. -Actually, Charles manson came up with the idea first. He coined the term "creepy crawls." -I'm sure somebody at some point decided to prank their friend and went into their house and rearranged their furniture before Charles manson. -Ooh. That's some heavy shit. -I actually know the perfect place to creepy crawl -- some rich guy's mansion in the Hollywood hills. -How do we get in? -I know the security code. -How? -Let's just say I know it, and end of story, okay? Go straight till I tell you what to do. -Okay. Cool. -Wait here. Okay. Okay. I found these in one of my mother's boxes. Her and her friends used to wear them at parties. Take one. -I don't get it. Why do we need these? -There are security cameras everywhere. All right. Let's get out and hop the fence, okay? -Wait. How do you know the house is empty? -Just stop asking stupid questions and trust me, okay? Relax. Put them on. Go. Go along the side of the house and look in the windows to make sure nobody's home. Perfect. Nobody's home. All right. You guys wait here. I'm gonna go open the front door, okay? -Okay. -Don't move. Wha-- -wait. Where's she going? -Guess she's gonna let us in. -Wow. Guys, look at this place. Oh, my God. I could get used to that. -What? -What is it? -There's no one in the kitchen. -Hillary, get the light. -Yeah, no one's upstairs. We're alone. -Okay. Let's make ourselves at home. -Now what? -Now what? How about a joint, huh? Yeah! -Thank you. -You good? - I'm good. -You guys... Let's move all the furniture outside. -I like that idea. -Yeah. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's throw the couch in first. Yo, mask on. -Mm-hmm. -Let's throw it in the pool. Wow. They should put all their furniture underwater. It's so much prettier that way. -Hillary. What a great idea. Couldn't agree with you more. -Underwater interior design. You'd probably make a fortune with that in Beverly hills. -Let's go see what else we can find. -Somebody needs to go down there and rearrange the furniture. Come on, guys. Strip. What do you think, Hillary? -Yeah. Strip. -All right. -We should go inside and get some more furniture. -Absolutely. This is so much fun, Chloe. Sorry I can be so lame. -Don't worry about it. -Just remember... There will always be things you'll never know if you don't try. Let's go. -Okay. -Whoo! You guys should see it down there. It's crazy. - That sounds fun. Let's all do that. -Okay. - Ready? -Get those legs in here! -1, 2, 3! Whoo! I can't believe she did that! What's wrong with her?! -Easy. Don't overreact. It's just her way of having fun. -Great. Well, to me, it seems like whenever anything is perfect, she finds a way to make it feel awkward. I mean, what is this -- underwater porn? -She probably saw it in one of what's-her-name's videos. And Jason is like her little lapdog. Whenever she throws him a bone, he takes it. There's someone on the balcony. -What? No, I don't see anything. Hillary, I'm sure it's nothing. -I really think we should take our clothes and leave. What are you guys doing? -I really want to go home now. -Yeah, there's someone up there. -Come on, dude. We checked this shit when we came in! No one's up there! Let's get in the water and have some fun! Come on, bro! -Go check that balcony and the room behind it. -You can't be serious, bro! Don't tell me you're fucking this up. You promised me. She was fucking blowing me. Come on. -So you didn't? -So, fuck you, dude! Come on! What are we gonna do now? -Let's just take our clothes and get dressed. Maybe he's right. We're just being paranoid. -But you saw something, too, right? -Yeah. I'll go up there and check it out. -Wait! I'm gonna go look for some towels. I'm gonna check the bathroom. -Okay. -Look what I found. -Nice family. You want to keep it? -I wish I still had your sense of humor. The man in the photo... Is the producer of the show that Chloe auditioned for. And if I understood her correctly, he also had an affair with Chloe's mother. Don't you think that's weird? -Just put your clothes on. Let's go check upstairs. -I have an idea. -Let's go get Jason and Chloe. Come on. Come on. Hey, there's two little girls and their nanny hiding in a room upstairs. We need to get the fuck out of here. -So now you're scared of kids and nannies? Got to be kidding me. As long as they stay upstairs, we're fine. Besides... I'm having fun. Aren't you, Jason? - Yeah. Looks like you guys are a little bit tense, huh? -What's wrong with you, Chloe? You probably knew about it all along. Is it not enough that they had to watch you giving blow jobs? Do you get your sick kicks out of this? Or is this your little revenge because their father sleeps with your mother? Yeah. I saw the photos in the bathroom. It's one of those little family shots you have on your phone. This is disgusting. I can't believe you made us a part of this. -What if they called the cops and they're on their way here? -If they did, wouldn't they be here already? -All right. What if their parents come back? -They're in Hawaii. -Oh. With your mom. -Jason, don't be such an idiot. Connect the dots. I can't even think about this anymore. I'm leaving. -Nick, go get her and make sure she doesn't screw anything up. -Fuck you! -Dude, you know my dad, man! Come on! -Just don't do anything you're gonna regret! -Regret?! I can't even tell you how much I regret that I ever even met her! And you -- why are you always on their side? Can't you see what fucked-up losers these two are? -They're my friends. -I know, Nick. I know they are. -I didn't know you felt this way. - Where are you?! Are you even listening to me?! Look, we need to get Chloe and Jason out of here before things get worse. -What do you think you're doing, Mary poppins? You're no better than us. If I remember correctly, it was your idea to decorate the pool. And what difference does it make which family lives in this house anyway? You are in this just as deep as we are. -I know. And I'm not arguing with you, but now we need to go. -Well, before we go, we need to make sure that the kids upstairs don't tell anybody about this. They saw all of us with our masks off, which makes them witnesses. -I don't understand. What are you going to do? I'm sure they didn't see anything, and they're too little to describe any of us anyway! -What makes you so sure? What if you're wrong? -Yeah. We have to make sure. My dad will fucking kill me! -Let's just go upstairs and tell them that we're leaving through the door and they can come out in 30 minutes. Then we'll be gone. -What if they get out and they call the cops and we're all still around?! That's too fucking risky, man! -What are you doing? -I'm gonna go upstairs and make sure they understand that talking to anybody about this would be extremely dangerous. -You can't be serious about this. Guys, tell her to stop! -Chloe! -No! Make sure she does exactly what Chloe says! It's all your goddamn fault! -Hillary. Stop. You still don't get it. Why do you think you're here? You probably think we're friends, right? That just shows how stupid you are. I knew from the moment I saw you at the beach, you were one of them. All you were missing was the umbrella. Oh. Too bad for you to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. How perfect you were. You did everything I wanted you to do... Much better than that stupid fucking bird. -I don't understand. What do you mean? -Of course you don't understand. Look at you. You probably think we're all buddies. How nice it would be for you to play house with Nick. Kind of like how your entire life, everything was perfect... Till that little accident happened. It's very sad. Daddy was there... ...taking care of his girl. I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget. -Chloe... ...everything's gonna be okay. I'm not gonna tell anyone. I promise. How stupid do you think I am? Nick, please! -Jason. -I almost forgot. I thought about what you said to me... About your mother's death. I think you're right. It is your fault. -Bye-bye, Mary poppins. You know what to do, Jason. -Don't do this. This isn't a dream. This is real. -Chloe, the cops will be here any minute! We need to leave now! You still need to get rid of that car! -What are you doing out here, dude? There's no waves today. -Be alone. Get wet. -Tried calling you like all day yesterday. Your dad said you guys are moving to the city? When were you planning on telling me that? I kind of had no idea. I mean, like, I saw the sign in front of your door, but I never thought you guys would actually leave here. -The sign's been there for fucking six months. You never once brought it up. Kind of not a great thing, you know? You would hope that at least your best friend would care enough to ask about it. -How'd you get home the other night? You just ran away. -I don't want to talk about it. -You know my dad. You know he couldn't have found out about that shit. You know that. -I just stood there. Didn't do anything. Just left her alone with you guys. -Really shouldn't beat yourself up over it. I mean, she took off her clothes. She jumped in. Nobody made her do that. -Did you bring her home? -Man, I don't know. I can barely remember anything. So, have you talked to her? -She disappeared. No phone, Facebook, e-mail -- all dead. She probably moved back to Boston. -Yeah. She probably did. -How about Chloe? -I went to her house this morning. There were police all over the fucking place. They said her and her mom were squatting in the house. The cops were pissed. They left before they could arrest them. -What happened with the car? -No idea. Look... We can't let this shit break up our friendship, man. We've been friends forever. They're just girls. They're all the same. They just pretend to be different... Though, I have to say, her blow job was fantastic. Fuck you! -What the fuck, dude?! You were there, and you did nothing! You fucked this up, and you know it! Asshole! -This was, uh, left for you outside this morning by the front door. You, uh, still want to go to that dodger game? -Uh, yeah. -Okay. Well, we leave in five minutes. -Dad. Dad, can you pull over, please? Dad, stop here! -What? -Stop right here! -What? Where? Here? -Yeah, right here. -Jesus. Nick. -Wait a minute. -Nick. What the hell?! -Since when are you into vintage cars? -Just lately. -I got to say, this -- this car gives me the creeps. -Why is that? -'59 Ford fairlane. It's the same model the manson family used the night they murdered those people. -I didn't know that. Not surprised. Never mind. -"Nick..." "There is no love in life. "Nobody knows better than me. "So don't waste your time looking for it. "All you'll find is pain and sadness. And don't worry about Hillary." -"In the end, I made her dream come true." - I want to grow before I grow up I want to die with my chin up I don't know if you mean you are the one to love I don't know if you mean you are the one to love ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh heart and soul ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh never know ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh heart and soul ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh I want to shine before I shut up I want to die with my chin up I don't know if you mean you are the one to love I don't know if you mean you are the one to love ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh heart and soul ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh never know ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh heart and soul ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh never know and I can tell by the look in your eyes you didn't know the way all die young when love is love and when you are young all die young when love is love and when you are young all die young when love is love and when you are young all die young when love is love and when you are young it takes all my time to be in love with you it takes all of my time what do I do? all die young when love is love and when you are young all die young when love is love and when you are young all die young when love is love and when you are young all die young when love is love and when you are young all die young when love is love |
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