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Cat's Meow, The (2001)
Stop pushing.
Stop pushing. Please, calm down. In November of 1924, during a weekend yacht party bound for San Diego, a mysterious death occurred within the Hollywood community. However, there was no coverage in the press, no police action, and of the 1 4 passengers on board, only one was ever questioned by authorities. Little evidence exists now, or existed at the time, to support any version of those weekend events. History has been written in whispers. This is the whisper told most often. The yacht, you see, belonged to William Randolph Hearst. Only in a place like this do reporters and autograph hounds have absolutely no scruples about stampeding mourners at a funeral. Welcome to Hollywood, a land just off the coast of the planet earth. After we all leave, the man in the box will disappear. Just his ashes will remain. After all, it's fire that can hurt you, not ashes. ...you're listening to KFI. And stay tuned for our weekend music marathon, with our own KFI studio orchestra. I fear this bizarre yet fascinating town, but I can't leave it. You see, I'm never quite certain if I'm visiting the zoo, or if I'm one of the animals in a cage. Don't you dare! I will not be seen arriving early. Yes, ma'am. I want to avoid the solution to this riddle but the man in the box forces us to confront it. All of us were there that weekend. Stop! I am not here. The birthday boy is early. He must be anxious. My God, this thing must be 200 feet. - 220. - He owns that? And the ocean it's sitting in and the sky above. What are you doing?! The old boy should give you the ship as a birthday present, Tom. We could sell it and get the studio out of hock. Don't be melodramatic, George, no one's in hock. We're not far away. I don't know about this new strategy. It's like I told you, people's tastes have changed. They want to read more modern stories. Contemporary, adult. Like the kind you read in Hearst's magazines. Will it be like this all the way to San Diego and back? Besides, he has a lot of other assets to offer. Yeah, cash. I still don't think it's the right time. Too obvious. Relax, George. No one's going to be obvious. Business. Business. Yes, take that bag. Kono, a starving man eats the wooden planks of his log cabin. - Is that funny? - No, Mr. Chaplin. Not funny. Don't hold back. Tell me what you really think. Huh? Hmm? Don't tell me Elinor Glyn has arrived on time? Good God, perhaps even early? Oh... all right then. Hello, you little bastard. The "little" I object to. I see your young passion flame is not accompanying you. Lita? She's not here? I seem to have forgotten her. Let's keep it that way, shall we? Oh my God! ...they cost him a fortune. Mr. Chaplin, it is an honor, and I mean a true honor to meet you, sir. Louella Parsons. I write for Mr. Hearst's paper the New York American. I've been there a whole year. Louella Parsons of the East, meet Elinor Glyn of the West. Elinor is the finest and naughtiest writer in the entire world. Oh, you don't have to tell me that. I wish I could be introduced as being "of the West." Whatever makes you happy, dear. Well, I'll leave you two alone. I have something-or-other to attend to. Mr. Chaplin, did you happen to notice the rave review I gave your last picture, "A Woman of Paris"? Yes, I did. Thank you, that was most kind. So deserved, so deserved. It just stinks that nobody went to see it. At least you won't lose your shirt on the next picture too. I hear at least you have the good sense to be in this one. "The Gold Rush." I hear that's just a hint as to how much this picture is costing you. Oh, there's the birthday boy! - Marion, sweetheart. - Happy birthday. Thank you. It's not until tomorrow but I always love it when a beautiful girl kisses me. - Wow, look at you! - Thanks. We should try to find a naval picture for you, so we can get this look on film. - What do you think, George? - Absolutely. - Drinks? - A natural comic too. - Thanks. - So, where's our captain? He'll be down in a minute. ...if I'm truly going to make a difference, is a daily column with my name on top, marking the place where both the people in the audience and on the screen can come together to read the truth, not just vicious gossip and innuendo. Keep after old WR, I'm sure he'll come around. I plan to, believe you me. Take you, for example. I want you to know that l, for one, am so sorry about your difficulties with your little co-star, this little girl, Lita... Oh! We're here. - Allow me. - Yes, it's... moving. Oh! So, Mr. Chaplin, if you ever need a sympathetic person to confide in, I'm all ears. After all, you'll need someone on your side when the shocking truth emerges. Thank you very much, Ms. Parsons. - Lolly. - Hmm? Lolly. All my close friends call me Lolly. - Lolly. - Um-hmm. So, Mr. Chaplin... Goddamn son of a bitch! If you kids'll excuse me again for a sec. - Charlie, how are you? - Safe, for the moment. You know George Thomas, my business partner? - George. - Charlie. This is Miss Margaret Livingston, George's guest and a delightful actress. - Charmed, I'm sure. - Me too. - And Mrs. Ince? - Couldn't make it, one of our boys isn't feeling well. - Sorry to hear that. - Yeah... Say, that "Woman of Paris" was a terrific picture. Pretty big risk you took by not being in it. You're a risk taker, Charlie, just like me. Just when you got everyone laughing at your Little Tramp character, you make some weepy melodrama without him. You can't fault the man for taking a gamble. And anyhow, failure is a character builder. Right, Charlie? I don't know, Tom, you tell me. Thanks a lot. You introduce me and then you hog him to yourself. Little prick. Really? I hear he's got a pretty big one. Actors running a studio. It's like the goddamn serfs running the palace. He lost his shirt in that last picture. He's so over budget on "The Gold Rush," his partners aren't even returning his phone calls. And his 1 6-year-old leading lady collapsed on the set... pregnant. - No kidding? - Uh-huh. They learn about the birds and bees so much younger these days. The buzz is that Chaplin did the pollinating. Oh, yeah? Oh, Zoe. Can you get me some more of these? Thank you. Did you hear that hack lecture me? Hack? The man built three movie studios all by himself. Just 'cause he builds a paint shop doesn't make him Van Gogh. Why haven't... Come here. Why haven't you returned any of my phone calls, you little shit? 'Cause I hate telephones. Maybe I was calling to tell you to stay away this weekend. That would pretty much ensure that I turn out, wouldn't it? Willie's heard about us. He's even had private detectives around. He only invited you so he could watch us. Nothing can happen this weekend. What are you doing next weekend? Jesus, Charlie! You didn't get me into bed and you're not going to. - Says who? You or Captain Willie? - Says me. I've got to go help little Miss Lolly... I mean it! You start anything, I'll throw you and your smirk overboard. Marion! Do you believe I would've stayed away? No. But you should really believe that I wanted you to. I won't have anybody walk on this boat without being introduced to everybody. Lolly, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Lolly. - Hi. - Louella Parsons. This is one of Willie's insightful movie reviewers. Especially because of the wonderful things she writes about me. And... I wrote them before I knew you were Mr. Hearst's... You know, before you and the boss... I knew that... Uhm... Gosh, this thing is big, isn't it? Yes, dear, but does he know how to use it? Well, that's that. I'll get the captain so we can shove off. Did you hear that, Pops? I'm coming up. Very convincing. - Oh, is anyone here yet? - Everyone's here and you know it. Are you gonna come down from Mount Olympus or what? There's no need for sarcasm, Marion. You're the one up here in radio central spying on everyone. - Those who have nothing to fear... - Save the Bible quotes. - It's not from the Bible. - Whoever then. Fine, go right ahead and keep spying 'cause there's nothing to see. There have been whispers. Stop listening to whispers and listen to me. There's nothing going on between me and Charlie. Okay? I bought you something... in New York. - Willie... It's beautiful. But you already gave me a butterfly brooch. Oh no! That's diamonds and rubies. This is diamonds and jade. You don't have one of these. There are a lot of things I don't have. - If you love someone... - You can't buy me all of them. you try to get them what they don't get themselves. I love you so much. Don't ever stop. And I'll always be here, don't you know that? Thank you. Every time you thank me... what do I say? "Shut up and keep me happy, Pops." Exactly. Ah, Dr. Goodman. I didn't see you come on board. You know me, Joe. Elusive as ever. - How's the chief today? - A little edgy, Dan. - Marion? - Why else? No, I mean, how is Marion? Oh. The usual. - Spunky. - Uh-huh. Permission to come aboard! Here we go. - Frank, how are you? - Joseph! - Not late, are we? - Not at all, not at all. - Who's he? - Boring Frank Barham, the pill of the Hearst publishing world. They are invited to remind WR that for every one of us - There are two of them. - What's the wife called? Who knows? Oh my word! What a big boat! Correction, who cares? Marion! Marion, honey. Do you trust Tom Ince? Do you trust him? Well, he doesn't drink during the day. - Can't trust him. - Hmm? Oh... And I better not catch you two talking business. - Or what? - Or you'll get yours. Aww... Well, here he is. Finally. Welcome! Such a remarkable economy of words for one who controls more print than Jesus Christ. Take that back, or I'll have to dishonor your good name. I hope someone does. I'm feeling rather frisky. Lolly, Madam Glyn would like a word. Bastard! Mrs. Glyn, I've read every one of your wonderful, wonderful books. How lovely for you, dear, but do forgive me, I have to go to write another one. Chief, it's nearly noon. We should try to keep on schedule. Stop! Raise the gangplank! - No! - Oh my God! - Wait! - Stop! Oh, thank God. He always does this to us! Every time! I'm sweating like a pig. How am I gonna land anyone with sweat dripping down my nose? Don't bitch, Didi, I'm not in the mood. Hi! Hello! I think this is going to be a most enjoyable boat ride. Yeah... the cat's meow. That's it everybody! Out to sea! Wow. Jesus Christ, Tom! - You want everyone to hear you? - Yes! - Be sensible, please. - God! You said this time was going to be different, that I was going to come off George's arm and onto yours. You will. We've gotta be delicate. We've got to find the right moment. No one cares if you're having an affair. Look at Hearst and Marion, for Christ's sake! Mrs. Hearst knows about Marion. She doesn't approve of divorce, but she approved the arrangement. She wants to stay a very rich woman with the last name of Hearst. Who can blame her? Now it's your innocent, vulnerable wife who's the excuse. I'm trying to make a deal with the guy. So not getting on his morally objectionable side... The man's whole life is morally objectionable! You're getting loud! Sorry. You just... get me crazy sometimes. No, you're right. I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm not giving you a chance to strut your stuff. - I don't want to strut my stuff... - See, there you go... - You're selling yourself short. - I just want to strut with you. You're a fabulous actress and you should be given a chance to shine. We can't be pushy is all I'm saying. Let me work some of my magic on the old man... and we'll get you noticed. As an actress or on your arm? The lady places a tall order, but maybe we can do both. - Yeah? - Hmm... Okay. "Flames of Youth"? Dear God! WR, you're early for dinner. I always like to come out just before sundown. The best time to watch for seagulls. What? Oh, yeah. Beautiful creatures. You know, Tom, I just love movies. I always thought the press was the most powerful thing for a communicator - But that's not true these days. - You're absolutely right. Words don't always translate well across seven continents. But through those fabulous, fabulous moving pictures... Well, it's a universal language, and morality and politics... and any other goddamn thing I can put into someone's head. Son of a bitch! Your days are numbered, you little bastard! You gotta keep your gun low or else they see it. Yeah, yeah... I see. - Can I be frank with you, WR? - You can be whoever you like, Tom. I think your eye for movies is right on target. - You do? - But you have to face facts. There's some things even you can't control. - Like what? - Your whole empire, your family, is based on the east coast. - The movies are in California. - I'm aware of that. You should also be aware that movie producers can't send orders over the telephone and they can't have yes men represent them when real decisions... You're being almost inexcusably frank. God damn it! There's a lot of money in movies, WR. Yeah, mine! I've made millions from this business and... we both know that despite the quality of your pictures you've never made back a dime... All right, suppose I believe your frank observations, are you implying that Thomas H. Ince can make a difference? I'm not implying, I'm stating. I'm talking about personally overseeing Cosmopolitan Pictures. - Marion's career in particular. - How personally? Well... consulting with you on which scripts and directors are right for her. - Making sure her productions... - What's in it for you? The stories in Cosmopolitan and other magazines, for starters. Hmm... It's not that I doubt your background in the business, Tom. On the contrary... that's just where it's been lately, in the background. You have to admit, you're not the force you were five years ago. That maybe true of both of us, WR. But I think we both have different strengths to help the other's weaknesses. No offense, Tom... But if I'm in trouble I don't need a cripple to help me up. Ha! Gotcha! Look at him fall. Splash. That's the one that tried to get away before. Stupid bird! You've ever eaten a seagull, Tom? - No. - They taste awful. Just like eating a crow. Are you gonna let me in? I'll kick the door in. I'll kick your teeth in. - Come to my room then. - Your room? I mean it. I have a love letter that needs proofreading. Why don't you have Lita proofread it? - She's not old enough to read. - How could I forget? Admit it. You're in love with me, aren't you? Not as much as you are with you, Charlie. Oh, Doctor. There's something I wanted to ask you. Every time I eat grapes I get extreme palpitations. I wouldn't worry about it. My heart starts pounding and then I break out in a rash. Everything all right, Chief? Everything's just fine. I can't believe he still only let us have one drink. Well, Didi, it is illegal. Yeah, but not for us. You had yours? I'm saving it for later when I'll really need it. "I don't need a cripple." He actually said that to you? Nice way to treat the guest of honor, huh? If I had the same mean streak, I'd throw that fling Marion and Chaplin are having right on his face. - Marion and Chaplin? - Saw them holding hands on deck. Notice they're the only ones we're still waiting for. I advise you to keep it to yourself. - I know, I'm a decent man. - I need my escort, if you don't mind. I hope you were not waiting for me to eat your appetizers. Since you've decided to grace us with your presence, perhaps you'd have the decency to tell us where to sit. If Willie had it his way, he'd talk business all night. So you, Mr. Birthday Boy, will sit at my end of the table. And Willie, why don't we have Charlie sit by you - To keep you laughing all night? - Or is that vice versa? Now, Charlie, hold your tongue. And your seat. You got me, WR. I've done it to many people, but never had it done to me. How does it feel? Invigorating. Get over here, Lolly. Sit down. That was hysterical, Mr. Hearst. Good band, huh? Especially the saxophone player, eh? Yeah, isn't he... ooh, you caught me. So, Big Joe, what have you been up to since I saw you last? Well, I saw you in "Lady of the Harem." Ohh, you did, huh? And what did your mama think about that? Well, Mama was sitting on my lap. You're a dirty, dirty boy. I should forget about him if I were you. Pardon me? Married moguls and mistresses don't mix, Margaret. Oh, it's rather good. I must use that in a novel. - Have you got a pen? - Yes. Marion, not even a teensy weensy bit of business talk? What is it, Tom? I'm trying to negotiate a deal with WR, and you gotta tell me the secret. How do you get through to him? - You want to know my secret? - Uh-huh. I don't have to do a goddamn thing. I don't follow you. People have funny ideas about me and Willie. - The whole gold-digger thing. - No, no, no! I didn't mean... The truth is, Willie did the pursuing. He used to buy two seats every night when I was in the Follies. One for him and one for his hat. I never once asked him to put me in a picture. It would take more to get him to stop putting me in his pictures. That's my secret, Tom. With Willie, I don't have to dig. So, your husband is Mr. Frank Barham? - Yes, he certainly is. - Hello, darling. - Who's that? - That's Mr. Barham. Oh, I thought maybe your lover was on board. Too bad. - Dan, don't be modest. - Oh, no. Mr. Hearst takes full responsibility for Cosmopolitan Pictures. Everyone knows you're one of his top executives. I'm actually a physician by trade. - Oh, you're a doctor? - Semi-retired. Oh nice. Very... Medicinal. Maybe I should ask you. What do you think, Charlie, about Marion's pictures, how we've been handling her? I don't think you've recognized that she's a wonderful comedienne. I mean, her eyes, her smile, her laugh. She's a delight. Comedy... I don't want people laughing at Marion. Well, she doesn't need any more stodgy period dramas. Excuse me, but Marion belongs in serious, important pictures, certainly not running around in baggy pants comedy. No offense, Charlie. Excuse me, you're not doing what's right for Marion. No offense, WR. I'd like to make a toast. It's usually Willie's job, but as you know, a few weeks ago, us gals, we got to vote for president again. So I figured I can do whatever the hell I darn well please. Here's to our birthday boy. Not only did Tom invent the cowboy picture, but he helped build this town. He figured out how to run a studio that could make - 1 0 movies at the same time. - And took credit for all of them! Oh, Willie! - To Tom! - To Tom! Thank you. That was very sweet. Mr. Hearst, I just want to say, it's so wonderful to be here. The more I see the lovely people of California the more I'm reminded of the need for a columnist... You know, Lolly, the first rule of California living is never to mix business with pleasure. Now, what were you saying? Oh, uh... I was just saying it's so... wonderful to see all these fascinating people assembled in one place. You see, Charlie? That's why I've hired her. Even with a gun to her head she still gives me unconditionally rave reviews. As long as nobody pulls the trigger... What are you laughing about down there? It was the funniest thing ever! it was all about... there was a gun at my head and somebody pulled the trigger! Guns and triggers, such violence! All in line with Madame Elinor's California Curse. California Curse? What's that? Not that nasty thing. Not now. Yes, Elinor, do educate our visitor. The California Curse strikes you like a disease the minute you set foot in Hollywood, so pay close attention. Oh, I am, I am. You see, this place you've arrived in, this place we call home, isn't a place at all, but a living creature. A living creature?! More precisely, an evil wizard. Like in the old stories. - And you all live on him? - Like fleas on the belly of a mutt. Exactly. But unlike the helpless dog, this wizard is able to banish the true personalities of those he bewitches, forcing them against their will to carry out his command, to forget the land of their birth, the purpose of their journey, and whatever principles they once held dear. Don't forget about the symptoms, that's my favorite part. The curse is taking hold of you if you experience the following: you see yourself as the most important person in any room; you accept money as the strongest force in nature; and finally, your morality vanishes... without a trace. Well, thank God none of us have been infected, eh, WR? Umm... yes. Thank God for that. Charleston, everybody! Come on, Pops, let's show 'em how it's done! You bet! What are you looking at? Oh, I'm tired. Let's sit down. Sit? I want to pound my feet so hard the devil will complain. Come on, Jay, take us to the moon! They've just shot all this a couple of days ago. I haven't seen any of it yet. Shh! It's wonderful... There! You see that throne? That throne is from the 1 6th century. That's King Lewis II. I brought that over from Hungary. Honey, you're wonderful. Just wonderful. Get in there! - Ow! Wow, Marion, look at you! Yeah, but that movie sure went in the shithouse. Okay, Willie's at the wheel for two hours so who's first? - I am! - Hands off, you little tramp! Marion, you always have the best moonshine. That's because every hour, bottles arrive from her many admirers. Well, this one sure's got sex appeal. Who gave it to you? Who do you think? Hmm, I see... Well, it's mine now. Ahoy there. Tom, how are you? Stuffed! That was some banquet. Wait until tomorrow. Marion's prepared quite a birthday feast. - Marion is a special woman. - Yep, she is. It's so hard to love someone in our business. There's so many men who prey on beauty. And not sincerely either, but in cruel ways, just for the conquest. Take a character like Chaplin for example. He's absolutely notorious. I'm sure you've heard about Lita, his leading actress. Mm-hmm. Apparently she's pregnant with his child... she's only 1 6 for Christ sakes! That's why I keep my Nell far away from show people. Women aren't as strong as we are. They're easily fooled, their hearts are easily corrupted. Yeah, yeah, it is a concern. It must be, especially... considering the amount of time you're forced to spend 3,000 miles apart. This might be something else I can help you with. - What do you mean? - Well... if we were to merge our motion picture interests, along with all the other benefits, I could keep an eye on her for you. Hmm... What makes you think she needs to be watched? - Well, she certainly has... - Is four a crowd? Not at all. Join us. You were saying, Tom? We can talk later. - Such a charming cabin! - Good night, everyone. What a nice man. Yes. Very nice. - Here I am with surprises! - Charlie! - Let's see what you got, Celia. - It's dope, Didi. You had that the whole car ride? If I'd told you in the car that box would be empty right now. Is it true what they say about a Jazz man and his instrument? - Every word, sister. - Oh! You're with me. Come on. Hey! You're not gonna be a flat tire about our playtime, are you? You do as you like, Marion, dear. Just don't expect me to join you in such infantile nonsense. Frank, I admire your marriage. So simple... clean. - Thank you, WR. - Nothing complicating things. Frankly I feel uninteresting compared with the... colorful lifestyles of your other guests. Lord knows what they're all up to at this hour. Frank, I won't hear such talk. The codes of decency are something to be held in high regard. We should feel no shame for not being as liberal-minded as the rest. Darling, please. No disrespect, but you know what one of those actress persons - Said to me at dinner? - What? She had the gumption to ask if Frank was my lover! - No! - Yes! What did you tell her?! I said, "Mr. Barham is my husband, deary, we're not lovers." - You set her straight. - The thought of such a thing! Among the finest I've ever tasted, Celia. The absolute finest. - Who is it? - It's me. If you say, "It's Tom Ince to see Ms. Margaret Livingston alone in her cabin on a Saturday night," you'll get a big surprise. It's uh... Tom Ince to see Miss Margaret Livingston alone in her cabin on a Saturday night. I suppose that's the best I'll get out of you. ...He said it was a sausage! All right, everyone, time for charades! We call them "sha-raids." These are the subjects I've prepared. Well... We will be one team. Very well. Didi and Celia will be team two. - What a gyp. - Shut up! Come on, Marion. Choose. Two medical students I once knew. - Let them get started. - Noo... "Indian Love Call," by Harback and Hammerstein! - Guppies! - No, no. King and Queen Tut! There was no Mrs. Tut! - Oh oh oh! - Oh, he's getting her now. Concubines! Oohh! I know! Sex! This charade is being misread. Marion, come outside so I can explain it to you. Now, Marion, what's going on? I promised myself this wouldn't happen. You had to promise yourself?! I don't know, l... can't think straight. Have you slept with him? - No. - Have you?! - No! - Thank God. You're not in love with him? He thinks he's in love with me. Charles is only capable of a monogamous relationship with his own movies. But I want to trust him before l... Before you what?! Listen to what you're saying! You know, Willie's the first man who ever had faith in me. And I'm all he's got keeping him a human being. I think he'd... he'd... he'd die if I left him. I think he would. And you think Charles Chaplin would die if you left him? Charlie might cry at my grave and recite some lousy poem he wrote. But give him a day or two and he'd be back in the market. A day or two? Charles would copulate with a reasonably attractive pallbearer. What is it, baby? I'm sorry. No. Don't be sorry. - It's just that... - Talk to me. - It's just what? - Everything. - I feel like it's all slipping away. - What is? Everything. Me. Tonight Hearst called me a cripple in the picture business. - That's a lousy thing to say. - Do people see me as a cripple? - No. - Or a credit hog? - No, honey. - Oh God... I used to be a force in this town. - You are a force. - Not too long ago. I used to make 40 pictures a year. Now I'm lucky if I can get one off the ground. - God, I need him so badly. - You'll get him. - You think so? - I know so. - Do you? - Yeah, I know it. You're a force. - I am, aren't I? - You are. Marion must think you're a lousy kisser or else she'd be back by now. Hey, Charlie, you look just like Adolphe Menjou in this ad. That's 'cause it is Adolphe Menjou. No wonder I never heard of the picture. Who wants to see a Charlie Chaplin production without Charlie Chaplin? Type it up, will you? Shit. Just be strong and keep telling him no. - Understand? - Yeah. Four people on the bed and Chaplin's the only one asleep. That's something you don't see every day. WR? A wire's come through from the New York office. It's an item that will be published in tomorrow's New York Daily News. - Grace Kingsley. - Oh God! Which one of my pictures is she bashing now? - I'll leave it here for you. - No, no, go ahead and read it. "Charlie Chaplin continues to pay ardent attention to Marion Davies. He's spent the evening at Montmartre dining and dancing with the fair Marion the other night. There was a lovely young dancer entertaining that evening. And Charlie applauded but with his back turned. He never took his eyes off Marion's blonde beauty. Miss Davies looked very fetching indeed." Photos? Studio close-ups of each of them. - Placed side by side? - Yeah. Caption? "They're still seen around with each other." I'll leave it here for you. Fine, fine. You can go now. - Shall I make a call? - Get out!! - Good morning. - Good morning. Two men starving to death decide to eat their hair like spaghetti. Is that funny? Hmm... well, it depends whether by "funny," you want to make people laugh. Sarcasm doesn't suit your hat, Elinor. I want to show you something absolutely fantastic. Bring the cannon out here! Ladies, don't be frightened. Mr. Cannonball! Bring it up here, boys. How is it going? Stop. Get back, boys. Get out of the way. Put those down there. - Ready, Mr. Cannonball? - I'm ready. All right. Get back, you'll get blown up. Only us brave performers are gonna stay up here. - Ready, Mr. Cannonball? - I'm ready! Amazing! Amazing, amazing! Every single time! By jingles! I don't know how many times I've seen you do that but it never ceases to amaze me. I believe I saw you before on Catalina last summer. Yep. Catalina, up and down the coast from Frisco clear on down to Ensenada. Wherever you see a cannonball hit a man's stomach and you see that same man walk away on both legs, you're seeing me. Didn't I tell you? - Tom, that was good. - Wonderful. You've seen it 1 00 times... How many more times do you suppose it'll take before the cannonball explodes through the poor man's back? I don't know, but Hearst will be there with a match in his hand. That is what he's waiting to see. George. You know, Margaret, there's a certain unspoken bond between single women who are trapped on a yacht together. What Didi wants to know is, is it true you're Tom Ince's lover? - I beg your pardon? - I think he's very attractive. Not to mention influential. He's a little short, but then every man in this town is much smaller than you'd like him to be. Excuse me. Have you lost your mind?! I've tried your approach. It doesn't work. I have to show him I can handle his private life too. - Marion only affects him. - By proving Marion's unfaithful?! Which will make him hate you forever. I know you're looking for some harpoon, but this one is dangerously double-edged. - Tom, we need to talk. - Not now, Margaret. Look... Hi, everyone! Did I miss it? Marion! - He can do it again. - Shut up. Oh, you just missed it! It's amazing how I manage to miss it every time. Hello. I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Jessica Barham, Frank Barham's wife. - Margaret Livingston. - Charmed. And what is it that you do? I'm Tom Ince's lover. You're listening to KFI's studio orchestra with our weekend musical number, Right here on the voice of the southland. Willie? WR! I've been looking all over for you. How about that tour you've been promising? - Oh, yeah. - I've been meaning to tell you... I have news... If you were starving and had no food, would you eat your shoe? - What?! - Your shoe. Would you eat it? - Of course I would. - You would? - I'd have to boil it. - That's funny. Well, this isn't. Oohh! Daily News gets the scoop. Embarrassing for Willie, not even a Hearst newspaper. If Willie asks you, I want you to tell him what I've told him, - That it's all cheap gossip. - You lie if you want to, if he asks me I'll look right in those impotent eyes and tell him I want to take his girl, rip off her dress... Don't!! Don't punish me for being with Willie! You're scared 'cause you can't admit that you love me. I can say it! I love you, Marion! - I love Willie! - He could never love only you! He has his papers and his politicians and his wife and kids. I can give you all my love. Did you promise Lita all your love and then take it away now that she's pregnant?! That was a mistake! My fascination with Lita is caused by some part of me that's trying to tear my life apart. But I could never love her. I could never marry her. If I did it would destroy - Everything I've worked for. - It's all about you, Charlie! No. I came from nothing! You have no idea what poverty is. I know what dirt tastes like and you don't! Everything I've worked for, I've earned myself! Yeah, and Willie had nothing to do with it? You wanna know about Willie? Willie can always be trusted. I give to him because he doesn't demand it. He doesn't demand it? He expects it! - Go to hell! - Here's my mansion and my yacht, here's my Marion Davies all stuffed and mounted. But Marion could never leave the castle 'cause if she did she'd realize she'd never really lived. Why are you doing this to me? Because we're meant to be. Just words... No, passion! I don't mean passion for... yachts or gin or dope or the goddamn Charleston! I'm talking about... I'm talking about... Now that, boy, that is a thing of beauty, WR. I tell you, I may be married to Nell, but boating is my secret love. What? Oh, yes. Secret love. And this boat... has always made me happy. Calm. My God, it practically purrs! When I come down here, this sound calms me. You're a civilized man, WR. Why does that surprise you? Because, you have the power to act uncivilized. You could overstep the rules, but you don't. Before I'd call you a rich or a powerful man, I'd simply call you decent. Thank you, Tom. I'm not just saying that. It's amazing to me how civilized you've been behaving all weekend. I mean... considering. Considering what? Well, it's clear... Chaplin has designs on Marion. I mean... the nerve of him flirting so blatantly. After you. Everyone knows what he's up to. It must be so infuriating. Yes, I have everything under control. What do you mean "everyone"? What? You just said "everyone" knows. Who's everyone? Well... everyone on this boat for example. If someone was coming after my Nell, I don't know that I'd be able to exercise such... impressive restraint. You always have to keep control. Otherwise you're just like everybody else. Excuse me... Could I get into the library? Damn! I locked it! Sorry about that, Dan. I'll see you up top, Tom. "Up Top, Tom," try to say that three times fast. WR? Thanks for the weekend. Ohh. Thanks for playing with me. Don't mention it. It really is rather dull, isn't it? What is? Ping-pong. - I thought you wanted to play. - I did. I want to get better. Anybody who's anybody plays ping-pong. It is rather dull. I only play 'cause I can beat Tom. - Tom Ince? - That's right. Why should it matter if you can beat Tom Ince? Because Tom Ince is my lover. That is fascinating. I mean, that is truly fascinating. We only just met, and yet you instinctively feel like you can trust me. You know something, Margaret, that's happened to me all my life. People feel that they can confide their deepest darkest secrets in me. Like you just did. I hate to burst your bubble, I would have told whoever was on the other side of that ping-pong table. Yes, but how fortunate that I just learned how to play ping-pong or else you might have told the wrong person. There are wrong people, you know. Yes, I know. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. My serve? Marion! Marion! Bring it in! Happy birthday, Tom! Make a wish! All right, here it goes. Would you take it to be cut? Thank you. All right, hold it down back there. Hold it down. I want to propose a birthday toast to my good friend and cowboy creator, - Thomas Harper Ince, one of the giants of the motion picture industry. To just give you an idea of how big he is, he's just made a proposal that we merge our holdings in the motion picture industry. We haven't come to an agreement yet, but I can say, that he's one of the most insightful and... observant men I've ever known. Perhaps now's the time... I hereby call this meeting of the board of directors Officially over! All right, all right. Music, music! Here's to Tom! Thank you, WR. You're too generous. Now the real thing on everyone's mind is whether or not Willie will let us have another glass of champagne? Is that what's on everybody's mind? A second glass of champagne? Well, it's on my mind, I can tell you that. I do not ask much. But the little I do ask I... must be respected. I don't say this... as a threat, It's just a wish I have as a man. I... I... I'm a man asking for people to... behave according to my wishes... on my boat. Why is that so difficult to understand? Charleston! Charleston! Charleston! Dah-da-da-da-da... Excuse me for one moment. I'll be right back. - Everything all right, Tom? - Yeah. Damn ulcer. It'll pass. Watch it, Charlie, we're doing the tramp now. I'm proud of you. Proud of what? I'm observant, I'm insightful but I still don't have a deal yet. - Tom, for God's sake... - You don't understand. I need a firm decision from him or this whole weekend is worthless. - Let's dance, Georgie-Porgie. - Certainly. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Marion Davies, The New Tramp. WR. Hello, Tom. I have to thank you again for making this birthday so memorable. Don't mention it. I also want to thank you for your kind words about my business proposition. I really think we'd make a great team. Yes, Tom. Partnerships of any kind are based on two things, trust... and sharing. If you had information to share with me I'd trust you to do so. That's why I think it best that I bring something to your attention. While you've been busy being such a gracious host, I've been keeping an eye on another situation. Thank you, Tom. I needed to know. Now I'll... I'll handle this matter. You see what I want, I want Mr. Hearst to listen to me but I don't want to be rude. You'll get nowhere with WR by behaving politely. Really? Good manners are for waiters and doormen. Writers and artists are exonerated from such impractical behavior. Best to avert your eyes, dear. But what about the baby, Charlie? Willie'll turn the lead into the biggest scandal. The press knows already. There hasn't been a scandal yet. It'll be a scandal if you don't marry her. Or worse, if you run off with some gorgeous blonde. They'll rip you to pieces. You'll look so pretty while you're digging my grave. Stop. Come in. I did it. I got to Hearst. You didn't get him just yet. I've taken care of any worries the old man might have. I'm glad someone's worries have been taken care of. Oh, come on, honey. I mean... I'm feeling good right now. Don't spoil it for me, okay? I wouldn't want to spoil anything. I'm having the best time, playing ping-pong with Lolly Parsons and hanging around for those moments you want to screw! I'm sorry that in the middle of trying to save my professional life I wasn't able to give your acting career a boost. This isn't about my acting career, God damn you! This is about us! I... really don't have time for this. I want out. Not again. - No, not again. This is it. - I'm liable to take you seriously. Really? That would be the first time. All right. I can see that you're in no mood to discuss this rationally so, I'll take a walk on deck, let you calm down. But, if you still want out, please have the decency to be discreet. Why, I'm the very flower of decency. Here's your goddamn birthday present! Shut the hell up! We've got to say the hell with the press and Lita and Willie - 'cause we believe in us. - Charlie... I know, I know. Time, time... My mother always said, "Romantic love fades. Marry for sympathy and friendship." But you're not married. Yet. Uh-hmm. Maybe Marion's awake. I loved Willie... or I still love him. - You gotta think about us now. - Hey, have faith in me, okay? I have faith. What do you think about this? "The Gold Rush," starring Charlie Chaplin and Marion Davies. - What?! - I gotta replace Lita. - So, I'm your second choice? - You would've been my first if... If I had slept with you sooner. Yeah. We were good tonight. Well, I was good. I was better. Oh my God! Marion? - Tom. It's you. - Who were you expecting? No one. I... had a chill for a moment. Can I be frank with you? If I'm going to be overseeing your pictures, I need for us to come to terms about a few things. Things that are... troubling WR. Like? Like you and... Charlie. And I'd be the first to admit that I had my share of indiscretions. But I need to know the truth in order to balance your needs with... with those of WR. He will find out, you know. And when he does, I'd rather be someone who can help you. How do I look? Silly, right? Charlie had certain feelings for me. But I've convinced him that it's useless to pursue me. He says he loves me. But there was never any love. At least not from my side there wasn't. I don't love him. I never have. So... that's it. That's really all there is. Noo! Nooo!! What? Be quiet!! Oh my God, Willie, what the hell did you do? Yes? I'll be right there. Hello? What?! Hurry! Please! Oh, Christ's sake! I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. Ahhh!! Oh, for God's sake! Joe. Shut her up. Is he dead? No. It's okay, Lolly. It's all right. Ahh! Shh... it's okay. Come on, let's get you to your room. We've got to get him to some real facilities. Where's the closest port? Chief? Where's the closest port? It must be San Diego. Come on, Pops, let's stand up. Here, let's go this way. Willie... - That was Tom. - Willie. That was Tom. Look at me. - Huh? What? - You've got to be strong. Why? Why did you say... there was never any love? That wasn't about you. Who then? Charlie. I was talking about Charlie. Is that true? Yes! That's who I was talking about. You see, you are my... my whole... whole world! Is he gonna die? - Maybe. - God help us. - God is who we work for. - Then God's in trouble. Come on, who do you think got Coolidge elected President? It's just Tom Ince lying here, right? - Who knows Tom Ince? - Just a guy, I guess. Less than that. lf... if we move him, what are his chances? It's hard to say, WR, there doesn't seem to be an exit wound. The bullet's in his brain and he's still alive? It's not uncommon. Lincoln didn't die right away. If they'd known more about bullets and brains he might've survived. - We know any surgeons in San Diego? - Nobody we can trust. I'd rather get a private ambulance from Los Angeles and treat him up there. Then get cars for the others two hours later. No sooner, Joe. Lincoln was overrated. Let's move Tom now so we can get him off the boat fast. - Your cabin would be best. - All right. I think he's trying to say something. WR, why don't you take Marion to her cabin and... you give her these. It'll help her sleep. You can handle that? Of course I can. I'm not a child! Tom's gonna be all right. Aren't you, Tom? Is everything all right? I thought I heard noises. Everything's fine, George. Go to sleep. l... I'm sorry... I just... Poor Tom... I feel so... He's gonna live. I know it. Dr. Goodman told me. He said that... Abraham Lincoln was... never mind that. Here. You have to take these. - Grab him! - I got him. Yes? Is someone there? It's just Dr. Goodman... ...sorry to wake you. That's all right. All right. Okay. I'll get things started. - WR? - Hmm? Joe, yes, yes. Be careful, just lift him very gently. That's it. Be careful. Watch his head. What the hell?! I thought we said the cars wouldn't be here for two hours. I don't know what he's doing here so soon. He's not one of mine. I called Chaplin's driver. - God damn it, Joe! - He always insists on his own man. I didn't want to arouse any more suspicion than necessary. Oh no. No suspicion at all! Hello? Hello? Nell? WR Hearst here. Mr. Hearst, how are you? - I'm fine, Nell. - I'm glad to hear it. Unfortunately, Tom's had an accident. A bad one. Oh dear God! What happened? - Nell, - Yes? I don't know to tell you this, except to start by saying that Tom's been very depressed about his business lately. I know. Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, - He's been unfaithful. - What do you mean?! Just let me get there, will you? He uh... he's taken to her very strongly, and to the best of my knowledge... she tried to end it. Please, tell me what's happened to Tom. Now, Nell... well, God-save-'im, he shot himself. Huh? Shot himself? Nell, he's alive, and he's getting the best of care. Our Dr. Goodman is escorting him to your home by private ambulance. Nell? I'm here. Give me the name of his private physician. Can you do that? Yes. It's Dr. Glasgow... Ira Glasgow in... That's fine. By God, Nell, I'll make sure none of this gets in the papers. Oh my God, you have to! - I just said I would, Nell. Now... you've got to remain strong and silent, and wait for Dr. Glasgow. We'll have him there any time now. I'll wait for the doctor... bless you, Mr. Hearst. No one will ever find out. I value Tom's friendship too much for that. - Sorry, what did you say? - His friendship, Nell!! - Of course... - We... we're telling everyone that it's his stomach. - His ulcers. - Ulcers, yes. I know this is hard, but I've got to hang up now and call Dr. Glasgow. - You just sit and wait. - Just sit and wait... - Goodbye, Nell. - Tom. Poor Tom... Goodbye. Yes? Good morning, Chief. You seem well rested. Yes, well... whatever Dr. Goodman gave me put me right to sleep, thank goodness. I'm so glad. It was a tragic accident, Mr. Hearst. Yes, Lolly? Still... these things do happen, as they say. It's nobody's fault, really, when you consider all sides. You're very good at that, considering all sides. You meet so few people capable of considering all sides. It's a goddamn gift. Mr. Hearst, I must confess, and... I know I've been a bit obvious but l... you have a second to talk? I have two and one half minutes. Good. Well, I was gonna break one of your golden rules this weekend by mixing business with pleasure. I was going to ask you about expanding my syndication with a more prominent by-line. Why didn't you say something? I'm sure we can arrange... I was going to say something but then I started thinking, and the only way I can have a real effect on the readers and the community that I'm covering, is if I have time. Lots of time, WR. I agree with you, 1 00%. I'll have the office draw up... an eight-year contract. Eight years? WR, now really. Eight years won't do either of us any good. We're at the point in our careers where we need security. Security? Security from whom? The wrong people. There are wrong people, you know. I know. I'm willing to devote my life to Hearst newspapers. But I need to know here and now that you're willing to grant me the life I want. You give me my security... and I'll give you yours, WR. For a lifetime. Lifetime contract... Is that a question or an answer, WR? I swear I heard a shot. Some people will say anything to get attention. I did! I heard noises all night. But not a gunshot. The only shot Didi was close to had whiskey in it. Be quiet, I know what I heard. I heard noises too. Have you seen Tom? No. Why have we stopped? Where are we? We're in San Diego, sir. But I don't know the plan. We weren't scheduled to stop here. I'm aware of that. Perhaps he's taken up shooting fish. It's just me. - I love you. - Is he all right? He's gonna be fine. Everything is. Now you go back to sleep. Kono. What brings you to San Diego? They told me change in plans. - Who told you? - Mr. Hearst's office. - Has anybody left yet? - Just the doctor and the injured man. - Injured? - There were bandages on his head. - There was blood. - What man? I don't know. For a minute I thought he was you. - Was he conscious? - Not to my eyes. Goddamn Jap! ...Or WR shot an albatross for our breakfast! You know it's bad luck to shoot an albatross. - Good morning, Charlie. - Good morning. Good morning. - Unfortunately, I have bad news. Tom Ince took ill last night and decided to leave early. - What was wrong with him? - He said his ulcers were acting up. - Why didn't anyone call me? - Hell, we wanted to, but Tom said not to bother you. He's fine. Dr. Goodman is taking him home. Where's Marion and Lolly? Ah... they looked after Tom during his difficulties. You know, Lolly has an ulcer herself. They were up half the night. They're both still resting. Which... given the delay, means that we have to cut our journey short here in San Diego. - You're kidding. Oh, no. Don't worry, I've already got cars for everyone. We must go up and visit the birthday boy. That's a splendid idea. However, there is one thing I want to ask you, and I can't say this with enough seriousness. To our eyes, Tom Ince left this boat with a bout of angry ulcers. But I can't begin to imagine what the press is going to make up. Wild birthday party, illegal alcohol, orgies... Reputations are... so fragile. Just terrible. They'll link Tom's innocent ulcers to every secret everyone of us ever kept. And drag us all down. So, I'm asking you to join me in uh... in an oath of silence. Just a little one. You were asleep, you left early, any excuse you like. But you do not know what happened to Tom Ince aboard this boat. I would love to take an oath... any oath. Me too! Let's make it in blood. Rather dramatic, WR, but I'll take an oath to that. Of course, why not? Good. Thank you all. Marion? Oh, Charlie... Are you all right? What the hell is going on here? I'm sure I speak for Tom when I say thank you all for coming and making his birthday such a memorable event. Why don't we all pack and meet on deck in an hour? WR! Did all this happen before or after I saw you? Saw me? When? Last night, in the corridor. You didn't see me, Tom. It's George, and... All you have to do is get in that limousine and go home. But he doesn't even look like me! He... he... put on your hat, it was dark... Willie... Jesus! Excuse me, Mr. Hearst. Are you sure Tom's all right? He's just fine. Everybody is talking about noises... sounds, gunshots... I haven't had the chance to tell you you're quite a fine actress. Thank you, but if Tom wasn't feeling well... Please, don't worry, he's getting the best of care. We need to meet at the studio. God, you're good! I saw that picture that you did and you played the... uh... the lovely young woman, what was it called? Oh, I can't remember the title, but you were splendid. What about next week? Friday? How's that? Oh... Friday. Uhm... I... I want you to know that Tom spoke very lovingly about you and he wanted you to know that he's very sorry about what happened. Why wasn't I awakened? Didn't he want me to accompany him? Accompany him? Child, you're his mistress. You can't accompany him home to greet his wife and children. I'll see you Friday. What are you waiting for? Let's get off this bloody boat! - You have things to do. - I just bet he does. Okay, WR, here I am. Easier to hit than a seagull. You left this in his room. There's something for your scrapbook, Charlie. I sure as hell didn't get Tom Ince's blood on it! You two are the reason for that blood! Haven't you any sense of responsibility? Did I pull the trigger or shoot him in the head?! That version of events can be arranged, Charlie. I can produce three witnesses on this boat alone. You see? It's better for everyone if Tom Ince had an ulcerous attack. And you, Marion? Better for you? Only Marion knows what's best for her. As long as it agrees with her master's voice. No. All I want is to see Marion happy. That's what I devoted my life to for the past seven years. And all the years I've got left. Can you promise that, Charlie? If he can, Marion, and if you can believe him... then go. Go. Good luck to both of you. Come on. For how long? For now, forever, for as long as you want! For as long as you want. You're not telling me that this... attempted murder has rekindled your love for Willie? Just leave, Charlie. Leave with me. I love you. Old goat's really got you, hasn't he? No... I've got me. I am not here. Ma'am? Like others with tiny bullets hiding in their skulls, Thomas Ince held on unconscious for two days before dying in his own bed. There was plenty of misinformation in the days following his death, much of it coming straight from the Hearst press machine, which inexplicably reported that Ince was "stricken unconscious" while visiting Hearst at his upstate ranch! Three weeks later, the San Diego District Attorney conducted an obligatory investigation and was, "satisfied that the death of Thomas H. Ince was caused by heart failure as a result of acute indigestion." He did not examine the body because Ince had been cremated immediately, and except for Dr. Goodman, no member of the boating party was ever questioned, including Hearst. The San Diego DA suggested that the Los Angeles office continue the investigation. They politely declined. Marion. Hello. Charlie, what are you doing, you dope? Don't you have a ride? I just... I wanted to see you. Here I am. He's... dead, Charlie. I know. I know. I move to Mexico in a couple of days. Mexico? Another try at the old marriage game. How bad can it be? Come on, Charlie. Get in. And go where? I've got arrangements to make, avoiding the press and that kind of fun stuff. Come on, I'm not as pathetic as all that, am I? Goodbye, Charlie. I'll send you a postcard. "Love and Kisses from me and the missus." To this day, no two accounts of that weekend cruise are the same, including who, in fact, was on the boat. There are no logs, you see, no records or photographs of any kind. And not a single person involved wrote or spoke about that weekend... that is... until significantly after the old man's death, and even then only in riddles. Soon after Tom's death, Margaret Livingston's salary inexplicably jumped from $300 to $1,000 dollars a week. Eventually, she retired to manage her husband, Paul Whiteman, the bandleader who popularized the Charleston. Lolly got her lifetime contract, and for the next 30 years, became the most powerful and feared gossip columnist in America. Three days after Tom's funeral, Charlie married Lita Grey in Mexico. It lasted two years. He did, however, recast her role in "The Gold Rush," and re-shoot all her scenes. Despite costing a small fortune, the picture was a smashing success. It took three more years for WR to let Marion do a full-fledged comedy. As Charlie predicted, she triumphed. She retired in 193 7, but stayed by Hearst's side until his death at the age of 88. I've had a recurring dream recently... I'm back on the Oneida, having a glorious time. But I'm watching how ridiculous everyone else looks and I wonder why they don't realize it. Then I see that, in fact, I too look like a fool. Yet, it's so much fun... that none of us can stop. If we stopped... we'd have nothing. Come on, everybody! |
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