1
August 21, 1996.
His name is Cecil Stevens.
Yeah, that's him.
He like basketball, Ninja
Turtles, Creepy Crawlers,
and this whole thing
is kind of about him.
I mean, if you don't
count the real star.
Tim, it's gross,
it's unhygienic.
Not to mention, I stepped
on one the other day.
I had to dig it out of my...
Lorrie, maybe if you
spent less time worrying
about my toenails and more time,
are you standing there with
the refrigerator door open?
Am I the only here that cares
about the electricity bill?
They're, um, how
do I put this, crazy.
Did you put a toenail?
How does
that feel, baby?
The toenails in the food,
that's too far.
But the lights have
been on for 20 minutes,
the electricity bill!
Very mature,
Lorrie, very mature.
I think it's time
Cecil and I go stay
with grandma Peggy for a while.
What?
But Cecil starts
school in like two days.
I'm transferring him over.
So you know how
when bad things happen
people say, you never know,
this may be the best thing
that ever happened to you?
Yeah, yeah this isn't
one of those times.
Fire!
Ah!
Are you kidding me right now?
Retreat!
My glasses!
I can't see, I can't see.
Oh no!
Just kidding.
Bonjour.
Well I see you
two already met.
Hey Grandma!
Oh, for Pete's sake, oh.
You have become a giant, Cecil.
A giant wet swamp monster!
Hey mom.
Thank you for letting us stay.
Don't ask.
Hi there.
The name's Abby.
The neighborhood rugrat
and my partner in crime.
Okay, hello there Abby.
And Cecil, I'm very,
I'm very proud of you.
For what?
Thinks she's got a severe
case of the grownups.
Well, I was just leaving.
Nice to meet you, Cecil.
Bye.
I saw you checking her out.
What, no, mmm-mmm.
I saw you, Cecil.
Seven p.m., quiet.
The mother Lorrie
looks disheveled.
Could be suffering from
constipation.
Ah, it hit my eye!
Oh crap.
Just kidding.
You learn fast, grasshopper.
Oh gosh, it's George.
Who's George?
Fifth graders.
Still riding the bus, glasses?
What do you want, George?
Can't we just have small talk?
Who's the new guy?
I'm Theethil Thtevens.
What?
Thethil Thtevens?
Hey I have bad hearing.
Say that again in my good ear.
Thethil.
This is Thethil
Thevens ith it?
What up weefle weefens?
Tom Stupidface!
Charlie, that doesn't work.
Learn how to...
Why don't you shut it?
Whoah, whoah, not only
are these my brand new
school clothes, but
tearing apart that bush
is bad for the environment.
Not to mention
the property value.
Charlie, just get out of here.
Later, glasses.
Later purple shirt on a bike.
If that run-in with
George of the jungle
and his gorillas
is any indication,
you need to work on
you coolness factor.
It's a kid eat kid
world out there.
Never sit in the
front of the bus.
Why?
Well the further up you sit,
the less popular you are.
The further back you
sit, the cooler you are.
I sit all the way in row 13.
You see that kid,
that's Chandler.
He sat in the middle of the bus
until one day, Zach shot
a spit wad in his ear.
He couldn't hear for a week.
The bell would ring and
he would just sit there.
Everyone thought
it was hilarious.
Now he sits in the front.
Dang, who's Zach?
Oh.
I think his dad's a
professional boxer or something.
Hey, he looks familiar.
Hey, what's your name?
Uh, I'm, I'm
I'm having a good day.
Okay, good for you.
Listen Cecil, if you wanna
survive the fourth grade,
you can't say your name.
Until when?
Forever.
So you get to go to
your locker once a day
unless you run full
speed there and back.
Do not get caught in the
hall without a hall pass
unless it's Mr. Finnegan.
He'll let it slide
unless it's Fridays.
He has to pick up
his kids on Fridays
and sometimes he
gets a bit uptight.
Oh, if you're late to school,
it's not counted as
a tardy if you talk
to Ms. Lewis in admin.
Throw in a cough in
with your excuse,
she'll let you slide every time.
Her kid has asthma.
Oh, never eat the
brownie surprise.
Why, I like brownies.
Uh-uh.
You'll poop your pants
in 10 seconds flat.
Trust me, they started
serving them late last year
and the food's never
been the same since.
The bathrooms either.
So how do you know all this?
I am the head writer
of the school newspaper.
It's my job to know it all.
Ab!
I mean Miss Abby, big news.
I can't believe,
changes, budgets.
You're on record.
They're making budget cuts.
Cross country, math
club, debate team,
even our mascot Little
Hercules, everything is gone!
Newspaper?
Is the newspaper gone?
Not yet.
So what's wrong?
This paper, it's
our livelihood.
Have you been living
under a rock or something?
In the wake of
drastic budget cuts,
only the cornerstone of
journalism can survive.
But the question
is, for how long?
So who are you?
A boy man guy?
He's new and he demands
his privacy, Martha.
Let's go.
Listen Cecil.
This is the story
of the year, I mean.
Even the mascot?
And the question is why,
it couldn't even
have saved that much.
Just to imagine Little Hercules
cast off at the pound.
Hey new kid, I'm
Joel, what's up?
Hey there, I'm...
Leave him alone!
Cecil, lay low.
Okay.
If anyone asks who you are,
you say um,
Say it with
a British accent.
It'll mask the lisp.
Okay.
Ello there, I'm Cecil Stevens...
No no no no, no.
Uh, new plan.
Don't say anything at all.
Perfect.
Attention!
Boys and girls, welcome
to the fourth grade!
My class has been chosen to
use a brand new learning plan
based on the hit TV
show "The Magic Boxcar"!
You'll be able to let
your imaginations go wild!
Down through the jungles
of Africa.
All the way up to the
the bioluminescent bays
of Puerto Rico!
Ole, everybody!
All aboard!
What are we doing
today, Miss Busy Biz?
Oh you know.
Field trip!
Rocking on the boxcar
Busy Biz is on the way
Learning on the boxcar
Yeah makes school okay
Don't drive in there!
Blasting to the moon
Blasting to the sun
Education on TV
is totally fun
The magic boxcar
Miss Busy Biz,
slow down, please!
Magic boxcar
No, stop!
Magic boxcar
Have you been drinking?
No way!
Magic boxcar
Yo kid, grab
your friend and get onboard!
Pack your lunch!
A note from the office!
Something's up!
In my line of work,
you gotta be proactive.
Well, well, well.
You must be Abby.
Oh I've heard about you.
It looks like, we have a
young go-getter on our hands.
Girl power!
Oh, it's a hall
pass for you and Cleo.
Apparently, you
have speech class.
Remember.
Rabbit.
Wabbit.
No.
Rah, rah, rabbit.
Wah-bit.
Good.
Here, have a treat.
Cecil Stevens, are you ready?
Okay Cecil.
You're going to have to talk.
We're going to learn
to speak properly.
Sasquatch.
Sasquatch.
Sasquatch.
Sasquatch.
Sasquatch.
Oh, we've got a runner!
What?
What did you hear?!
What did you hear?
To the office.
Get into the office.
Get in the office!
Principal Bloom!
I see you've found our mute.
Mute?
Well let's keep it that way.
Oh I don't think so.
Come on, young man.
Are you trying to
get yourself expelled?
What did I tell you?
Lay low.
And did I saw lay low and
look in the principal's door?
Maybe we can use
this whole mute thing
to our advantage.
My next newspaper
article is called
"If You Could Be Anyone".
So?
So if you could be
anyone, who would you be?
Uh, ninja turtle!
Or a,
power ranger!
I was kinda thinking
someone who didn't talk.
Like the Pink Panther.
Uh, er.
Basketball
tryouts, let's go.
I don't know.
I think I like
the ninja turtles.
I'll see you after practice.
Here?
Peggy's picking me up too.
I have the newspaper club.
Cool.
I love that newspaper.
Thanks.
Gentlemen, this is it.
The day of reckoning.
This is where we separate
the men from the boys.
The Larry Birds from
the Harry Nerds.
The Dennis Rodmans from
the Blemish Problems.
The Kareem Abdul
Jabbars from the,
well you get the picture.
One or two of you punks
might play college ball.
None of you will play in the
National Basketball League.
But if you want
to be a contender,
you gotta have your game.
Dunk it baby, dunk it!
Take it to the rim or take
your prepubescent butt home!
Some of you will be cut today.
But do not be deterred.
Michael Jordan was actually cut.
That's right, I'm
talking about MJ.
On the line!
You.
Zach Jones.
Made it!
Woo, yeah!
You.
Stuart Spears.
Cut!
You.
Max McCourty.
Max
McCourty, made it!
Yes!
You, cut!
You.
Uh, I'm.
I'm, I'm,
I'm Michael Jordan!
Woo!
Jordan!
Oh, he dunnked it!
Woo!
Hey wait, where'd he go?
You the man, Mike.
Yeah, that's what's up!
MJ in the house!
Hoping you show us some
of that in the game, MJ!
Jiminy Christmas,
Cecil, you did what?
Abby said, if I
could be anyone.
But why do you
want to change it?
It was your great Uncle Cecil's.
He can't say his own name.
It is social suicide.
So you like my new name?
Actually, I do.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Jordan.
Honey you can't
just say your name
is something it's not.
Really?
Crap but, but Candace's
mom changes her last name
all the time.
You really want
to change your name?
For good?
'Cause I might know a
place where we can go.
You can change your
name at the Horsey Orsey?
Awesome!
Oh yeah.
This is name change central.
You'll need this.
Now better go stand in line,
I'm gonna go talk to Sarah.
Sometimes when Peggy
lets me help her at work
and it's just me and her,
we eat all the ice cream!
Uh oh.
Well, which one
of you is Cecil?
You want to change
your name, honey?
Yes.
Right, well.
If you would just write
the new name right here
on this line.
Okay, let me just
type this into my
super secret supercomputer.
For Pete's sake.
Where did you
learn how to spell?
And you can't put
numbers in your name.
Aren't they precious?
So school was crazy.
I have a cool teacher who
loves the Magic Boxcar.
This chicken's pretty good
for something out of a box.
You know, I thought we
were taking some time apart.
It's his first day
of school, Lorrie.
I wanted to be here for
you, you okay with that?
You're confusing Cecil.
Confused?
Then you
are confusing your son.
Confused?
Confused, he's confused!
I'm actually, Michael Jordan.
What?
See, your son is so confused.
Great, here comes
the waterworks, great.
You monster!
Well, Michael.
What do you say, you
thinking what I'm thinking?
Oh yeah.
All aboard!
What are we doing
today, Miss Busy Biz?
Oh you know.
Field trip!
Rocking on the boxcar
Busy Biz is on the way
Learning on the boxcar
Yeah makes school okay
Don't drive in there!
Blasting to the moon
Education on TV
is totally fun
The magic boxcar
Miss Busy
Biz, slow down please!
Class!
Guess what time it is!
Field trip!
Where are
we going, Miss Baker?
Inside your body!
But if I'm here,
how can we go inside me?
Science fiction!
Let's fix this problem
so you can talk and sing.
I know what he can sing.
Cecil sold seashells
by the seashore.
What, guys, no, no,
that's not my name.
Cecil, Cecil.
No, guys, guys!
No, no, no guys!
Guys!
Cecil,
Cecil, Cecil, Cecil!
Rodriguez, do not put
the bones in your mouth,
that's disgusting.
You're disgusting!
You're so good with them.
Well, it's all
about the discipline.
Yo Mike, you need to
show me that hook shot later.
Word up!
Yo MJ.
You just, that's Zach!
This whole popularity thing
can really help us out.
I mean sponsorships,
interviews, favors?
We could own this school!
That would cost like
a thousand dollars.
Quiet, Martha,
it's an expression.
Hey Michael, I never
got to introduce myself.
I'm Chelsea.
Oh hey.
I'm Abby and this is Martha.
She's the assistant and
I'm more of the head...
Do you want to sit with
me at lunch today, Michael?
Okay.
Great, see you then.
Bye.
Holy moly, a Chelsea
Walters lunch date?
She's a total betty.
You get in with Chelsea
Walters, and Zach,
and all three of us, we become
instantaneously popular.
We've got some work to do.
Cecil Stevens?
Uh oh, move, we gotta move!
Code Red, Martha
I said code red!
Cecil Stevens?
Cecil Stevens?
I'll post up kids on
both sides of the slide.
Cecil Stevens!
Hey Miss Reichart.
I think he went home sick today.
What?
Fine!
Guys, what was that about?
Cecil, let's go!
Miss Baker, you are
looking smashing today.
Has anyone told you that?
Why thank you.
And what can I do
for you today, Abby?
Can't a classy lady
just talk to another
kind of crazy lady?
Well I guess.
So basically my friend
has changed his name
to Michael Jordan.
What?
Jordan, woohoo!
Yeah.
Anyways, a few teachers,
and I'm not trying
to point any fingers.
Reichart.
Seem to still be calling
him by his old crappy name.
I see.
The problem is, that
all the official names
are run through the
student computer database.
And that is run through
the principal's office.
So I'm afraid if that's
what your name is in there,
that's what we have to call you.
Thank you Miss Baker.
You know I've really
been enjoying your class.
Really?
Thank you, 'cause I am so
excited to be teaching it.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Just when everything
was going great.
We'll handle that later.
We've got to get you
ready for your lunch date.
Tell her she's a good writer.
Good writer.
Oh, and tell her that
she's a total betty.
And not like an as if betty,
like a girl next door betty.
And make sure to tell
her you love Full House.
Full House.
Godspeed.
You're such a good writer.
What?
Um, your writing is good?
Okay, I don't
really like writing.
I like magazines though.
I think you're a betty
but not an as if betty,
but more like girl
next door betty.
I told you that my name's
Chelsea, not Betty.
Oh yeah, of course.
Do you like Full House?
I love Full House!
You totally remind me of Jessie.
Booyah!
You did great!
Phenomenal!
Quiet, Martha.
Hey, we're gonna
go to our lockers.
We'll catch up with you later.
Copy that.
I thought you said
we didn't have time
to go to our locker.
We're not going
to our lockers.
We're going to the
principal's office.
What?
No way.
You are so close, Cecil.
The next time the speech
teacher walks into the classroom
and calls your name, you'll
be done, kaput, finito!
We've gotta do this.
Hey, is that, someone's
ripping up the school newspaper!
Please run the play!
Oh, what?
What, hey, break it up!
I said break it up!
Everybody up, bring
it in, bring it in!
Gentlemen, you've
got to run the plays.
Just like sometimes in life
you've gotta do things
that you're not used to
and you gotta do them well.
Even though this thing
might be something
that's considered
against the rules.
Just put your faith in it
and you do it.
And you'll learn
that it's beautiful
and it can change
your life forever!
Yeah, let's get it on!
Yeah!
Whoa, yeah right.
Yeah, let's go, let's go.
B team up, B team up.
Oh, what are we doing?!
Article, and we
need somebody else
to write another article.
Uh huh?
I'm in.
Yes!
Sorry guys, meeting's over.
It's locked!
I'm breaking in.
Let's make this quick.
So, we just need access
to the password database
and then we should be
able to do the rest
in any computer in the building.
Ooh, Minesweeper,
let's play a game!
Okay.
Oh.
Okay.
So we just need to
bypass the mainframe
and the password should
come up in no time.
Hurry!
We'll have to go, come on!
Go, come on!
ExtraStuffing is the password?
Principal Bloom.
Now Jimmy I,
You told me a lot
of things, Bloom.
I told you it takes time.
It has to be casual.
Just need a little time.
Oh, look.
This poor vermint.
Did you give him time, Bloom?
Stay serious!
Shh, shh, what's that, huh?
The money, Friday, hmm?
It's
not gonna be enough.
Not enough?
Not enough time?
Not enough time?
No!
No!
Mr. Chomp Chomp!
Friday.
I'm a loan shark Bloom,
and you're swimming
in deep waters with that
20,000 you borrowed.
You pay me back or Mr.
Chippity Chomp Chomp
Chip Chomp Chomp Chomp here
won't be the only thing
that's chomping it.
What did you buy, Bloom?
I'll pay you back,
just leave us alone!
We're gonna take care of this.
Let's go home, little buddy.
Let's go home.
I'm gonna fix you.
We've got to get out of here!
Wait, it's, it's
worse than I thought.
Let's go, come on!
We've got to go!
Hercules's favorite toy.
Who cares about the mascot?
Come on!
Michael Jordan speaking.
The newspaper canceled, why?
This is major news, Michael.
But there won't be any
newspaper to report it!
The principal, he's
in some deep doodoo.
And it stinks.
From what I hear.
Listen, it's obvious the
principal's stealing the funds
but the question is, for what?
Maybe he needs a new name.
Not everyone needs a
new name like you, MJ.
Except for Martha.
And Paul Karkowski,
he needs a new one.
Anyways, the security
of our school newspaper
is at risk here.
I've got it!
What if we sold names?
You're a genius, Michael.
Not that genius.
We can use the
principal's password
to access the student database
and sell everyone new names!
I wanna be Kelly Kapowski.
Sold.
The money we make, we can
start our own newspaper!
But I thought you
had to change it
at the Horsey Orsey!
I can transfer the names
when I go to work with Peggy.
Okay, let's do it!
Rolling down the
street in my big wheel
Told me got your keychain
Just keeping it real
Posting on the block
selling lemonade
No change with your order
'cause I'm trying to get paid
Walkman on my head, you
can tell that I'm made
Headphones sit pretty on
that number three fade
Coins like Mario
I jump the best
I'm fast and you're
slow like VHS
I don't mind watching
Land Before Time
Bring the orange soda
in, we'll be feeling fine
Teachers on my case
don't drop a dime
No detention they
believe but I don't mind
Now I'm riding the bus
Now I'm riding my bike
Got a girl on my pegs and
she's hanging on tight
And she already knows
that I'm the man
If she don't come
asking who I am
What's your name,
who you with
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Where do you ride
and where do you sit
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Where do you floss
and where do you dip
What's your name,
what, what's your name
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Hey, I never
caught your name
Not enough, Bloom.
What's your name,
what, what's your name
What's your name,
who you with
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Where do you ride
and where do you sit
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Where do you floss
and where do you dip
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Haha
I'm not mopping the
floor, I'm an entrepreneur
When it's popping for sure,
you can stop in the door
When you ask me my title
I'm gonna play it on vinyl
No I'm smooth on the groove
'cause this ain't a recital
Spend 10 bucks, make 50 more
Three friends coming
over playing 64
Four controllers
playing Goldeneye
Never getting older,
bumping do or die
And when I grow up
you're gonna know my name
No cat got my
tongue, no novocaine
No challenge to
beat, always overcame
No growing pains
till we making gains
What's your name, you
don't have to tell me
You can be anybody
that you wanna be
So what's it gonna
be, are you gonna flee
Live down the side, and
tell me what do you see
What's your name,
what, what's your name
What's your name,
what, what's your name
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Bill Clinton.
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Hanson!
Tupac!
And Michael Jordan!
What?
I could have sworn I
canceled the newspaper.
Someone else must
have paid for this.
Who are you even talking to?
Uh, no one, I just, uh,
I'm just thinking out loud.
Menacingly.
So looks like we
have an Abby Jennings
and a Cecil Stevens.
You two sure have been busy.
I was going to...
Not only have you managed to
access my personal password,
but I think you've
managed to start quite
a little business venture.
That's right, food
sales have been down.
So, where's all the lunch money?
I'm sorry!
Ah, ah, ah, young
go-getters like you,
you sure impress me.
Punishment shouldn't
be the only answer
to a problem like this.
No.
The way I see it, there's
no rules broken here.
Long as we can come
up to an agreement.
An agreement?
I'll let you sell
names in my school
and in return I'm thanked with
80% of the profit.
80%, that's ridiculous!
You're ridiculous if you
think you have a choice!
I'll give you so many detentions
you'll think the breakfast
club is like daycare!
80% and nothing less.
Starting tomorrow, we're
gonna expand the business
into the first grade,
the second grade,
the third grade,
the whole school!
Now get out there and
sell me some names!
Listen, this meeting
of Name your Name
has been called under
dire circumstances.
I filled Martha in
on the way over.
Question.
I was under the impression that
we were gonna have popcorn.
Get your head in the game!
We'll have that later.
Okay.
So listen.
We have no option but
to give Principal Bloom
a cut of our money!
But as long as our
business expands properly,
we'll have plenty of money
to keep the newspaper going.
So, if we follow
these instructions,
the newspaper continues,
the principal stay happy
and we'll, we stay cool.
Like ice, Vanilla Ice.
But guys, the principal.
What if that Jimmy
guy comes for us?
Stop scaring Martha!
We just need to play ball
and keep the newspaper going.
We haven't been this cool since,
Never.
We've been cool, Martha.
We just, listen,
I think I'm on to my next story.
I think the principal did
something horrible to Hercules!
No, our little pooch mascot!
What, where'd you get that?
Listen, we can't let the
principal know we're on to him.
We can't tell a soul!
Let's make some cheddar.
Ching cha-ching!
Cha-ching, cha-ching,
ching ching ching!
Go Zach, go
Zach, go Zach, go Zach,
go Zach, go Zach,
go Zach, go Zach.
Ooh!
Of course he's awesome,
he's Michael Jordan!
I mean, if I was
Michael Jordan, right,
I'd be all like slam!
Right?
We're
running out of names.
I want that name.
No way.
Not even for 500 dollars?
Uh.
No way, I can't do it, nope.
I'm Michael Jordan.
But he's offering 500 bones!
Our newspaper needs this.
Yeah.
Michael, walk
with me to class.
Hey baby, one second.
Hey baby?
Listen, soon enough,
you'll be so popular
that you won't even need...
You're not selling
my name to Zach.
Chelsea might break up with me.
Yeah, but there are
plenty of other names.
Sure, Chelsea likes
the name Michael
but there are plenty
of other girls.
Yeah, like Abby.
Yeah, wait.
Martha!
Nothing, I mean,
I'm sorry Abby, ow.
I can fix this!
MJ, lets' go.
I'm sorry Abby.
I got to go.
The samurai would
train and learn
practicing the art of
extreme discipline.
So when it was time for
them to go into battle, wah!
They were ready.
Hey, what are you doing?
They heard that
Abby likes you.
She is such a weirdo.
And none of us really like her.
She's no weirdo.
Do you like her or something?
Yes.
I mean no.
She's my friend.
Oh!
Most honorable Principal Bloom,
how may we serve you?
I need to see
Mr. Michael Jordan
and Abby.
Well, maybe you two
should just go out then.
What, no.
I'm...
Now!
Little Martha has so
kindly informed me
that we have a 500 dollar offer
for the name Michael Jordan.
But someone won't
give up the name!
I can't.
I'm Michael Jordan.
No you're not.
Yes I am.
No you're not.
Yes I am.
Uh uh.
- Uhuh.
- Uh-uh
- Uhuh.
- Uh-uh!
You can still be
popular with another name.
Have you by
chance met Chandler?
He was popular once.
Until he crossed me.
Who do you think got Zach
to shoot the spit wad
in his ear, huh?
What?
You couldn't...
Quiet, Martha!
Now Cecil, give up the name
or I'll run you forever.
How's that sound?
Give me my money!
Oh, that slipped, that
slipped, time out, time out.
Guys, let's get in
here, let's get in here.
Come on, come on.
Listen boys, you're not
playing the ball game
you came here to play.
You have to make a
decision when you get out
on that court.
Am I gonna be the winner
that takes this win?
Am I ready to be the person
that I've always wanted to be?
Or do you wanna sit around
like your old great aunt
who can't really walk anymore,
who can't play the game,
who has arthritis, who's
basically given up?
Is that who you wanna be?
Now get out there and show
these punks who you are!
Who you came here to be!
Get in here!
One, two,
three, Mad Dogs!
Bring it down and
give the ball to me.
I'm not giving you anything!
Thanks a lot.
That's why I should
be Michael Jordan.
You're a disgrace!
Michael!
We need to talk.
I gotta go.
Michael, I didn't
think Martha would!
This would have never
happened if we didn't have
to save your stupid newspaper!
Stupid?
Michael, I just wanted
you to like me.
Hey.
How did it go?
We lost.
Lost?
Well, that's okay.
Boy's night out, we'll
have a good time.
Where's mom?
Oh, she is being so unfair.
She acts like she's the
only one that raised you.
Dad?
There's this girl at school
and I think I like her.
What?
Yeah Lorrie, remember I told
you about the game on the 15th.
It's the 15th.
The 15th, it's the 15th.
Yeah, today is the 15th, yeah.
No I'm not driving all
the way back there, no.
We're going to go to a hotel.
Mom.
Sorry, Cecil.
What?
It's Michael.
Yeah, you think
I'm happy about this?
I'm not happy about
this either, Lorrie.
You think that I'm happy
that I have to drive
to come see my son?
Hello mate, what's your name?
Michael Jordan.
So what's with the long face?
Well don't tell anybody
but my name wasn't
always Michael Jordan.
Go on.
My old name was
Thethil Thtevens.
You sound like you're
talking with a mouth
full of toffee.
One more time.
Thethil Thtevens.
Anyways.
This guy wants my
hard earned name
but if I give it to him
I might lose this girl
that I'm going out with.
But if I don't, I might
lose everything else.
I tell you what to do.
Get a stinky sock.
One that you've worn
for about three weeks,
a really stinky sock.
And you take it, right,
and you stuff it...
Did you say stinky sock?
Kid, my advice to you is
to listen to an American.
I've been here
for three years!
Oh but he said
for three years!
Every single night, it's
this way all the time.
I speak English,
you're speaking English.
At least I did, that's
what I'm doing here.
You're the one who
don't even speak properly.
I'm trying to
be a good father.
Miss
Baker, where are we?
Beats me.
But let's try the
intestine expresstine!
Vroom, vroom!
Slow down!
Looks like we got ourselves
into quite a pickle.
Let's assess the damage.
Looks like the
crash caused a leak
in the oxygen tank, kids.
Way to go Cecil.
This is the worst
field trip ever.
And I can make it
worse!
I can make it much, much worse.
Sell the name,
Cecil, sell the name!
Give me my money!
Sell the name
and give me my money.
I told you, one last
time, sell the name!
Then you've sealed your fate!
Wait.
Actually his parents
legally changed his name
to Michael Jordan and
if he sells the name
then people might
come poking around
and I think we both know that
they won't like what they find.
You're bluffing.
Call his parents if
you don't believe me.
Fine.
Hello, this is Principal Bloom.
Hello?
Is Cecil's mother there?
Oh you must be looking
for Michael's mother.
Are you kidding me?
Excuse me, who is this?
Is this that bill collector?
Because I can tell you exactly
where to put your bill.
Do you think I'm joking?
Just leave me alone.
We need the money.
You're selling the name.
You can't make him!
I can do whatever I want!
I'm the principal.
Now you, get out!
Sit there one second
longer, young lady,
and I'll ban newspapers
from this school forever!
Get out!
Now.
Cecil Stevens.
You think your name's gonna
save you from being unpopular?
Well.
Let me see if I can
sway your opinion.
Hello, students of
Smith Elementary.
Today, we're gonna have our
lead student Michael Jordan,
read what we're
gonna have for lunch.
Get ready, 'cause
it sounds delicious.
Say it.
Today is Wednesday.
And for lunch we have a
super spethal spectacular
therving in throre for you.
The firth courth is
exthra delithious.
It'th thweet thavory thauthage
with a thide of thalad.
And don't thkip our brownie
surprise for dessert.
Fire!
Hold your fire.
Good one, guys.
Steady your rifles.
The target hasn't retreated yet.
Guys, it's me.
It's Michael.
He's retreating!
Victory is ours!
What the?
Shoot her!
What are you doing?
We'll never be cool again!
What am I doing?
I'm saving you!
You still want these
idiots to like you?
The back of the bus
can't be theirs forever.
She likes you because you
were someone you weren't.
It's a kid eat kid
world out there, Cecil.
Ah, I'm hit.
Aah.
And if you wanna hang
out with them still,
maybe you should just
leave me and Martha alone.
I'm going out.
Don't do it.
No!
Social suicide.
You are not taking
him to some sleazy hotel, Tim.
But where am I supposed
to take him, Lorrie?
And for your information,
the Lonely Heart Inn
happens to be a pillar
of the community.
Oh, now I've heard everything.
No, he is staying here.
He's coming with me.
No, he is my son.
What is he, the product
of immaculate conception?
Okay fine, if you're gonna
act like that, take him!
Take him!
Go with your father, Cecil.
No, I'm not falling
for your drama.
No, no, you keep him.
Stay with your mom.
Go with your father, Cecil!
Abby to MJ, I repeat,
Abby to MJ, over!
This is MJ, over.
I'm sorry, over.
I'm sorry too.
You're the only one who was
really being nice to me.
Do you wanna help me
finish my last story, over.
Duh, over.
Then meet me outside
in five minutes.
I've got a top
secret mission, over.
What's the mission, over.
The principal, the 20,000
dollars, our mascot Hercules,
I'll fill you in
on the way, over.
Were you finished, over.
Yeah I said I'll fill
you in on the way, over.
On the way over, over?
Dang it, Michael, are you
up for the mission or not?
Over.
Yes, over and out!
Are you sure you're ready?
Hurry up!
This should take us to
the ventilation system.
Surprisingly spacious.
Oh my gosh.
He must have used the money
to start a taxidermy business!
He's an animal!
An animal stuffer!
Oh my gosh,
is that Hercules?
Shh!
It's payback time.
This one is two days old.
It only takes one bite.
And then,
you'll poop your pants.
Jimmy, no, I'm
getting annoyed.
It's okay, he's
just sleep talking.
Oh ma, you made brownies.
Sweet, pull up.
Pull up!
Pull up!
Book it!
I
hear you up there!
Go, go, go, this way!
No, this way!
What?
No, no of course I'm
not in the bathroom.
I mean who talks on the
phone in the bathroom?
Wait, I know, Tim, I know.
Just tell Cecil I
said goodnight, okay?
No.
No, he is definitely with you.
I told him to go with you.
He's probably confused!
Well, he probably is.
Oh, Peggy!
Michael!
I might have expected
it from you, Abby.
But Cecil and you two!
I'm just glad you're okay.
Me too.
And don't think that
because you're not dead,
that you're not in trouble.
Oh my god, you could
have died, my baby!
That's right.
And whose fault
would that have been?
I think a couple of people
need to go to their rooms
and think about
what they've done.
Yes.
Nope.
What?
You two need to
think long and hard
about your priorities.
Some of you have neglected
to give learning a chance.
You would rather be cool
than study your school.
But if you want to
reach the stars,
you have to not care
what your friends think
of your name.
Foreign oxygen!
Can't breath.
Ah, Houston, we have a message
from a foreign lifeform.
Play it cool.
No, no, not you.
Just him.
Martha.
Come in.
It's done.
You sold the name to Zach?
How could you?
He made me, he forced me.
He also gave me lots of candy.
You can leave now.
Now Zach is the
new Michael Jordan,
and well, that leaves
you.
You'll sit in the
front of the bus
and you'll hold your head low
and it won't be that bad
unless you have to read
the morning
announcements everyday.
Or, yeah, or if
everyone figures out
that you sold them false names.
You see this money, this money,
I'm betting it on
your game tonight.
I'm betting that you're
gonna lose and I know that.
And you know why I
know that, Cecil?
I know that because you're
gonna make them lose
or things are gonna get real,
real bad for you, Cecil.
No.
Lose the game, Cecil.
And maybe, just maybe,
I'll let you pick a new name.
Heck, I'll even take you
to the Horsey Orsey myself!
Why do you think mom
and dad named me Cecil?
Because they
liked it, I suppose.
What's there to like?
You know, a lot of
really cool people
have been named Cecil.
Yeah, right.
Like who?
Well there was Cecil Cooper,
the all star baseball player.
And Cecil B. Demille,
the famous filmmaker.
And uh, Cecil Schwartzenegger,
the strongest man alive.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm sure they didn't like
their names at first either.
But they figured it out.
I bet they can
pronounce their names.
Oh, it looks like
you've got a visitor.
Whoah.
How did you know I was here?
Yeah, Peggy told me.
I have to come work with her.
Sounds like more of a vacation
than a punishment to me though.
Yeah, I guess.
I wanna show you something.
Whoah!
Thanks!
Peggy told me you might
need some cheering up.
Mac and cheese, my favorite!
Mmmm.
Cecil?
Do you know that
besides Martha, you're
the only friend I've had
since second grade?
I used to be friends
with everybody
until one day they all started
being really mean to Martha.
I told her I would
always be her friend
because I knew she
didn't have any.
Then Chelsea and
Zach and everyone
started calling me Glasses.
But when I met
you, I didn't care
if I had any other friends.
Um.
You know I was watching
Blossom earlier and,
I was thinking,
Holy crap!
You're supposed
to close your eyes.
Cool.
Eww!
Disgusting!
Oh, it's all over me!
Oh, that's disgusting!
Oooh!
Oh for Pete's sake,
it's not that bad!
I guess it wasn't that bad.
Yeah.
Well have you
finished your story?
Almost.
It might be my last
but it will definitely
be a page turner.
And make us popular?
Maybe, maybe not.
Oh kids,
chances of us making it out
of this field trip are slim.
The oxygen tank is almost spent.
This is all Cecil's fault!
Oh man!
I've got it!
If Cecil learns to say
the right mouth movement,
then the wind will
propel us out in a jiffy!
I sure hope it doesn't
have any S sounds in it.
He just has to
say his true name.
Uh, Michael Jordan?
I know your
name's not Michael.
Hurry, Cecil.
Just say it.
Please.
No, I can't.
Hurry, Cecil.
Some
of you have neglected
to give learning a chance.
The samurai would
train and learn.
So when it was time for
them to go into battle,
they were ready.
Thecil.
Just like sometimes
in life you gotta do things
that you're not used to
and you gotta do them well.
You'll learn that
it's beautiful and,
The-cil.
It can change
your life forever.
Thecil!
Thecil!
Thecil!
Thecil!
You better be right, Bloom,
or you're getting
a knuckle sandwich.
Extra knuckles.
He loses this game,
you double your money
and we're square.
You're slipping,
Bloom, you're slipping.
What are we doing?
Oh!
Time out!
Everybody in.
Look boys, sometimes you
come to the end of a rope.
Begin to realize that
things maybe aren't exactly
what you thought they were.
But guess what?
We gotta put that behind us.
We gotta get over it.
There are plenty of
ropes in the sea!
And when you find one
of those new ropes,
do you know what you have to do?
You have to dunk
the crap out of it.
Michael.
Yeah?
No, no wait, Michael.
I'm Michael.
My name is Michael.
I bought it fair and square.
Cut the crap, Zach.
MJ, you got this.
You know what to do.
I talked about it every
single day in practice.
I'm no Michael
Jordan, I can't.
Hey, don't be
like my sick aunt.
Just get out there and do
it, we've got your back.
No matter who you are.
One, two, three!
Mad Dogs!
We gotta go, we gotta go.
Yes!
That's my son!
That's my baby!
That's it, Bloom.
You're coming with me!
No, no, no.
Bloom, Bloom!
Baby Bloom!
Woo, MJ!
That's enough!
Sit down, sit down!
You're gonna pay, Cecil.
Our star player has
something to say.
He and his little girlfriend,
they hacked into the
school computer system.
You all have the
same names you did
at the beginning
of the school year.
What, no!
No, Michael Jordan
would not do that to us.
No, I'm Michael,
not that chump!
I'm confused.
Tell everyone.
Look guys.
The names we sold all of
you, they aren't real.
They don't count.
And?
I was forced to
sell you all names
by that man, Jimmy McCracken.
I can't believe it!
Guard, arrest him.
Okay.
But you're coming too.
Easy, champ.
He made me do it!
He owes me 20 large!
Oh I got this.
Boom!
Yes!
My hero.
- Great job, Dallas.
- Thanks.
I'm her brother, John.
Brother?
Oh.
Hey!
Okay.
Hercules, Hercules!
Hercules, I
thought you'd been stuffed!
Nope, I found him in
the principal's house.
He was just about to stuff him.
He would have made
a better table piece.
That mutt deserves
to be stuffed!
How's that for stuffing?
Yeah.
Yeah, good.
Okay, truce.
For now.
Well clearly.
Dude, if we could, I'd totally
let you be Michael Jordan.
He doesn't need to
be Michael Jordan.
He's already cool
because we're going out.
Er, wrong, he's
not your boyfriend
and he's cool in general.
As if.
Quiet, Chelsea.
Burn!
Oooh.
Look guys.
I think we all need
to stop worrying
about being cooler
than each other.
I think we're all
a little weird.
But I also think we're
all a little cool.
Bravo.
Oh, oh Jimmy.
Wait for me.
Oh.
This meeting of Smith
Elementary News team
has been called under,
I couldn't wait.
Do you guys know
what a newsteam does
after they finish
covering a big story?
Celebrate!
Eat popcorn!
Laser tag!
We move on.
We've got standards
here, people.
Now it's time for
our next story.
How about Hercules the
mascot escapes slavery?
Cures cancer!
How about boy
plays video games
for 40 hours straight?
How about stuff that's
actually happening?
Haven't you ever wondered why
our speech teacher,
the one in charge
of helping us talk better,
has an English accent?
Oh I guess I
never thought of it.
Me either.
I think we all
noticed Miss Reichart
getting fresh with
Jimmy at the game.
And it turns out,
they've been in cahoots
this whole time.
The whole staff knew
that Principal Bloom
was gonna get fired and next
in the seniority line was her.
But what about Miss
Baker and Coach Dallas?
That's the worst part.
They seem to be the only two
who aren't in on it.
Which means they're
gonna get rid of them.
They're gonna kill them?
No, they're gonna
get them both fired.
And then they'll have nothing
standing in their way.
Our school, our newspaper,
it will all be done for.
Unless...
I don't like
where this is going.
I do.
Unless what?
Unless we stop them.
All of them?
We're gonna need
a bigger brownie.
No.
This is senior writer
Abby Jennings
signing out.
Goodnight and good luck.
Theecil.
Cecil.
Cecil!
Cecil!
Cecil!
Cecil!
Cecil!
Cecil!
Cecil!
Cecil!
Cecil!
Rolling down the
street in my big wheel
Told me got your keychain
Just keeping it real
Posting on the block
selling lemonade
No change with your order
'cause I'm trying to get paid
Walkman on my head, you
can tell that I'm made
Headphones sit pretty on
that number three fade
Coins like Mario
I jump the best
I'm fast and you're
slow like VHS
I don't mind watching
Land Before Time
Bring the orange soda
in, we'll be feeling fine
Teachers on my case
don't drop a dime
No detention they
believe but I don't mind
Now I'm riding the bus
Now I'm riding my bike
Got a girl on my pegs and
she's hanging on tight
And she already knows
that I'm the man
If she don't come
asking who I am
What's your name,
who you with
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Where do you ride
and where do you sit
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Where do you floss
and where do you dip
What's your name,
what, what's your name
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Hey I never caught your name
What's your name,
what, what's your name
What's your name,
who you with
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Where do you ride
and where do you sit
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Where do you floss
and where do you dip
What's your name,
what, what's your name
Haha
I'm not mopping the
floor, I'm an entrepreneur
When it's popping for sure
you can stop in the door
When you ask me my title
I'm gonna play it on vinyl
No I'm smooth on the groove
'cause this ain't a recital
Spend 10 bucks make 50 more
Three friends coming
over playing 64
Four controllers
playing Goldeneye
Never getting older,
bumping do or die
And when I grow up
you're gonna know my name
No cat got my
tongue, no novocaine
No challenge to
beat, always overcame
No growing pains
till we making gains
What's your name, you
don't have to tell me
You can be anybody
that you wanna be
So what's it gonna
be, are you gonna flee
Live down the side,
tell me what do you see
What's your name,
what, what's your name
And action
Christa, action Sark.
And Sark's at, and there's
Sark's at the bike, all right.