[ Introduction to ''Overture/
And AII That Jazz'' pIays ]
[ EIectricity crackIes ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Anybody seen
the KeIIy Sisters?
You . You're up in five.
-Keep the change, CharIie.
-Thanks.
VeIma, where you been?
And where's Veronica?
She's not herseIf tonight.
But they paid to see
a sister act!
Don't sweat it.
I can do it aIone.
Shit!
Come on , VeIma.
Move it, move it! Hurry up!
You're kiIIing me, here!
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
the Onyx CIub
is proud to present
Chicago's hottest dancing duo.
Two jazz babes moving as one.
The KeIIy Sisters.
[ AppIause ]
Come on, babe,
why don't we paint the town
And all that jazz?
l'm gonna rouge my knees
and roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
Start the car,
l know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold,
but the piano's hot
lt's just a noisy hall
where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz
Skiddoo
And all that jazz
Hotcha
Whoopee
And all that jazz
Slick your hair
and wear your buckle shoes
And all that jazz
l hear that Father Dip
is gonna blow the blues
And all that jazz
Hold on, hon,
we're gonna bunny hug
l bought some aspirin
down at United Drug
ln case you shake apart
and want a brand-new start
To do
That
Jazz
Let's go, babe.
But I didn't even meet
your friend . That manager guy.
Don't worry, Roxie.
It's aII taken care of.
You toId him about me?
Yeah , kid , it's aII arranged .
Find a flask,
we're playing fast and loose
And all that jazz
Right up here
is where l store the juice
And all that jazz
Come on, babe,
we're gonna brush the sky
l betcha Lucky Lindy
never flew so high
'Cause in the stratosphere,
how could he lend an ear
To all
That
Jazz?
Oh, you're gonna see
your sheba shimmy-shake
And all that jazz
Oh, she's gonna shimmy
till her garters break
And all that jazz
Show her
where to park her girdle
Oh, her mother's blood
will curdle
lf she'd hear
her baby's queer
For all
That
Jazz
HeIIo, Miss Borusewicz.
Mrs. Hart.
This is Fred .
He's my brother.
All
That
Jazz
Come on, babe,
why don't we paint the town
And all that jazz?
And all that jazz
l'm gonna rouge my knees
and roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
And all that jazz
Start the car,
l know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold,
but the piano's hot
lt's just a noisy hall
where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz
RO XIE : Say it again , Fred .
Oh , you're a star, kid .
My IittIe shootin' star.
No, l'm no one's wife
But, oh, l love my life
And all
That
Jazz
That jazz
Oh , say it again , Fred .
Where's the fire, huh?
Amos ain't home tiII midnight.
Hey, I don't want you to feeI
Iike I'm nagging at you ,
but don't you think it's time
I met your friend
down at the Onyx?
It's been a month
since you toId him about me.
And I know
'cause that was the night
VeIma KeIIy pIugged
her husband and her sister.
You know they say that she found
'em in the kip together?
Gosh , if I ever found Amos
sIipping it to somebody eIse. . .
I'd throw him a great big
going-away party.
It's getting Iate.
I have been thinking a Iot
about my act.
Whenever I get a good idea
I write it in my diary.
It occurred to me the other day
that aII the reaIIy, reaIIy
knockout acts have
something a IittIe different
going on .
Like a signature bit.
And I thought that my thing
couId be aIoof, you know?
Give 'em just enough
to get 'em good and hungry,
but aIways Ieave 'em
wantin' more.
Hey, once I get a name
for myseIf,
maybe we couId open up a cIub
of our own .
You couId run it,
and I couId be the headIiner.
What's the idea?
Wake up, kiddo. You ain't
never gonna have an act.
Says who?
Face it. You're a two-bit taIent
with skinny Iegs.
I'm just a furniture saIesman .
Yeah , but you got connections.
-That guy at the cIub.
-There is no guy.
That night. . .
It was the first time
I set foot in that joint.
I was coIIecting on a bet
from the trombone pIayer.
So you never
toId anyone about me?
Sugar, you were hot stuff.
I wouId have said anything
to get a piece of that.
And now? Now?
We had some Iaughs.
Let's just Ieave it at that.
You can't do this to me.
WouId you get off?
You touch me again ,
I'II put your Iights out!
-Wait.
-Your husband wiII be home soon .
Wash yourseIf before hitting
those sheets again .
You're a Iiar, Fred .
Yeah , yeah , so what?
You Iied to me.
That's Iife, sweetheart.
That's Iife.
You son of a bitch !
You son of a bitch !
You're a son of a bitch !
Hotcha
Whoopee
Why you bothering , SaI?
This one's aII wrapped up.
It's a new city record .
From kiIIin' to confession
in an hour fIat.
SGT. FOGARTY: Where did you get
the murder weapon?
AMOS : I keep a gun
in the underwear drawer.
Just in case of troubIe.
That's just fine.
Sign right there, Mr. Hart.
FreeIy and gIadIy.
Don't say we beat it out of you
when you get on the stand .
No, I gave myseIf up.
Surrendered of my own free wiII .
Isn't he the cheerfuI murderer?
RO XIE :
Shootin' a burgIar ain't murder.
Just Iast week,
a jury thanked a man .
I'm gratefuI for citizens
who know the Iaw.
Get in there.
You too.
Sit down .
Okay. From the top.
A man's got a right to protect
his home and Ioved ones, right?
Of course he has.
I come home from the garage,
and I see him cIimbing
through the window
with my wife, Roxie,
Iaying there,
sIeeping Iike an angeI .
That true, Mrs. Hart?
It's the God's honest truth .
My wife had nothing
to do with it.
She wouIdn't hurt a worm ,
not even a worm .
It wasn't tiII I fired
the first shot
she even opened her eyes.
I aIways said she couId sIeep
through
the St. Paddy's Day Parade.
When I think of
what wouId have happened
if I went out for a beer
instead of coming home.
It makes you sick
even thinking about it.
BANDLEADER: For her first
number, Miss Roxie Hart
wouId Iike to sing a song
of Iove and devotion
dedicated
to her dear husband , Amos.
Sometimes l'm right
Sometimes l'm wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll string along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
Sometimes l'm down
Sometimes l'm up
But he follows round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
After I shot him ,
he kept coming at me,
so I had to puII
the trigger again .
He ain't no sheik
That's no great physique
And Lord knows
he ain't got the smarts
But look at that soul
l tell you, that whole
ls a whole lot greater
than the sum of his parts
And if you knew him like me
l know you'd agree
What if the world
slandered my name?
Why, he'd be right there
taking the blame
He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny, sunny honey
Hubby of mine
Supposing , just supposing ,
he had vioIated her.
-You know what I mean?
-I know what you mean .
Think how terribIe
that wouId have been .
It's a good thing I got home
from work on time.
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
Name of deceased ,
Fred CaseIy.
Fred CaseIy?
How couId he be a burgIar?
My wife knows him .
He soId us our furniture.
He gave us 1 0% off.
Lord knows
he ain't got the smarts
You toId me he was a burgIar.
He was dead when you got home?
She had him covered in a sheet,
and she's teIIing me
some cock-and-buII story
and how I ought to say I did it
'cause I was sure to get off.
''HeIp me, Amos,'' she says.
''It's my goddamn hour of need .''
Now he shot off his trap
l can't stand that sap
- Look at him go
-And I beIieved her.
- Rattin' on me
-That cheap IittIe tramp.
She was two-timing me, huh?
I'm through protecting her now.
She can swing for aII I care.
I'm down at the garage
working 1 4 hours a day,
and she's up here
munching on bonbons
and tramping around
Iike some goddamn fIoozy!
Thought she couId puII
the wooI over my eyes.
- That scummy, crummy
-WeII , I wasn't born yesterday.
- Dummy
-Some things a man can't take.
- Hubby of mine
-She pushed me too far.
That IittIe chiseIer.
Boy, what a sap I was!
You doubIe-crosser!
You big bIabbermouth !
You promised you'd stick.
You been stringin' me,
Roxanne!
You toId me he was a burgIar!
The whoIe time,
you been up here jazzin' him .
You are a disIoyaI husband !
Look, it's true.
I shot him .
But it was seIf-defense.
He was trying to burgIe me.
From what I hear,
he's been burgIing you
three times a week
for the Iast month .
So what do you say, Missus?
That's him , aII right.
Thank you .
Your story doesn't wash ,
Mrs. Hart. . .
so try this on for size.
Fred CaseIy was a good time
on the side
with Goofy here
as a meaI ticket.
MeaI ticket?
He couIdn't buy my Iiquor.
Fred CaseIy couId?
With a wife
and five IittIe CaseIys?
Or did he forget
to mention them?
What?
AII his.
Oh , that bastard .
That bastard !
Yeah , I kiIIed him .
I wouId kiII him again .
Once was enough , dearie.
Take her downtown . Come on !
This is it. 264 1 /2 .
Here they come.
This way, honey.
It's a shame to hide
such a beautifuI face.
Why'd you shoot him?
Give us a profiIe with a smiIe
Iike the girI from
the toothpaste ad .
Enjoy it whiIe you can .
Take this down .
Assistant District Attorney
Harrison
says this is a hanging case.
I'm ready to go
to the jury tomorrow.
What do you mean , hanging?
Not so tough anymore, are you?
Take her down
to the Cook County JaiI .
We need a headIine.
Why'd you shoot him?
Was he crueI? Did he beat you?
Hey, what do you mean ,
hanging?
Morphine, opium , cocaine?
-Arm Iength . 3 1 inches.
-Arm Iength . 3 1 inches.
Height. 66 inches.
The Matron's on her way,
so don't get too cozy.
Put out that cigarette!
Ever had Morton before?
She's fine.
Long as you keep her happy.
[ DrumroII ]
And now, Iadies and gentIemen . . .
the Keeper of the Keys,
the Countess of the CIink. . .
the Mistress of Murderess Row. . .
Matron Mama Morton !
Ask any of the chickies
in my pen
They'll tell you
l'm the biggest mother hen
l love them all,
and all of them love me
Because the system works,
the system called
Reciprocity
On your feet.
WeIcome, Iadies.
Got a little motto
Always sees me through
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you
You might think I'm here
to make your Iife a Iiving heII ,
but it's just not true.
There's a lot of favors
l'm prepared to do
You do one for Mama
She'll do one for you
I'd Iike to be your friend ,
if you Iet me.
So if there's something
that upsets you
or makes you unhappy
in any way. . .
don't shoot your fat-ass mouth
off to me
'cause I don't give a shit.
They say that life
is tit for tat
And that's the way l live
So l deserve a lot of tat
For what l've got to give
Don't you know
that this hand
Washes that one, too?
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you
Let's go.
You must be Hart.
Ain't you the pretty one.
Thank you , ma'am .
Oh , no, caII me Mama.
I'm here to take care of you .
You'II be habitatin'
down in the east bIock.
Murderess Row, we caII it.
Is that nicer?
I don't think I beIong in here.
I didn't actuaIIy
do anything wrong .
No need to teII me.
I never heard
of a man getting kiIIed
when he didn't get
just what was coming to him .
Hey, Mama!
Come here. Come here.
VeIma KeIIy.
You're the VeIma KeIIy.
I was there the night
that you got arrested .
Yeah .
You and haIf of Chicago.
Look at this, Mama.
An editoriaI denouncing me
in ''Redbook'' magazine.
''Not in memory do we recaII
so fiendish and horribIe
a doubIe homicide.''
You couIdn't buy
that kind of pubIicity.
CouIdn't buy it?
I guess I can keep this, then .
Nice try.
lf you want my gravy
Pepper my ragout
Spice it up for Mama
She'll get hot for you
When they pass that basket
folks contribute to
You put in for Mama
She'll put out for you
The folks atop the ladder
Are the ones
the world adores
So boost me
up my ladder, kid
And l'll boost you up yours
Let's all stroke together
Like the Princeton crew
When you're strokin' Mama
Mama's strokin' you
So what's the one conclusion
l can bring this number to?
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good
To you
Ah , yes!
[ Cheers and appIause ]
RO XIE : Mama?
It's kind of freezing in here.
You don't think there's
something wrong with the heat?
Not that I'm compIaining ,
mind you , but. . .
if you got a coupIe extra
bIankets tucked away --
Lights out, Iadies.
Okay.
Okay.
Pop
Six
Squish
Cicero
Lipschitz
And now,
the six merry murderesses
of the Cook County JaiI
in their rendition of
the ''CeII BIock Tango.''
Lipschitz
Pop
Six
Squish
Cicero
Lipschitz
Pop
Six
Squish
Cicero
Lipschitz
- Pop
- Six
Squish
- Cicero
- Lipschitz
- Pop
- Six
Squish
- Cicero
- Lipschitz
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
lf you'd have been there
lf you'd have seen it
l betcha you would have
done the same
- Pop
- Six
Squish
- Cicero
- Lipschitz
- Pop
- Six
Squish
- Cicero
- Lipschitz
You know how peopIe have these
IittIe habits that get you down?
Like Bernie.
Bernie Iiked to chew gum .
No, not chew. Pop.
So I came home this one day,
and I'm reaIIy irritated . . .
and I'm Iooking
for a IittIe bit of sympathy.
There's Bernie
Iyin' on the couch . . .
drinkin' a beer and chewin' .
No, not chewin' . Poppin' !
So I said to him , ''You pop
that gum one more time. . .''
And he did .
So I took the shotgun
off the waII . . .
and I fired two warning shots
into his head .
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
lf you'd have been there
lf you'd have heard it
l betcha you would have
done the same
I met EzekiaI Young
from SaIt Lake City
about two years ago,
and he toId me he was singIe,
and we hit it off right away.
So we started Iiving together.
He'd go to work.
He'd come home.
I'd fix him a drink.
We'd have dinner.
And then I found out.
SingIe, he toId me?
SingIe, my ass.
Not onIy was he married . . .
Oh , no. . .
He had six wives.
One of those Mormons.
So that night
when he came home from work. . .
I fixed him his drink,
as usuaI .
You know, some guys
just can't hoId their arsenic.
- He had it coming
- Pop, six, squish
- He had it coming
- Cicero, Lipschitz
He took a flower
in its prime
- And then he used it
- Pop
- And he abused it
- Six
lt was a murder,
but not a crime
Cicero, Lipschitz
Now, I'm standing
in the kitchen
carving up the chicken
for dinner,
minding my own business.
In storms my husband , WiIbur,
in a jeaIous rage.
''You been screwin' the miIkman ,''
he says.
He was crazy,
and he kept on screamin' ,
''You been screwin' the miIkman !''
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife 1 0 times.
lf you'd have been there
lf you'd have seen it
l betcha you would have
done the same
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
Yeah , but did you do it?
Not guiIty.
My sister, Veronica, and I
had this doubIe act.
And my husband , CharIie,
traveIed around with us.
Now, for the Iast number
in our act. . .
we did these
One, two, three, four, five. . .
spIits, spread eagIes,
backfIips, fIip-fIops.
One right after the other.
One night before the show,
we're down at the HoteI Cicero.
The three of us boozin'
and havin' a few Iaughs.
We run out of ice,
so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door. . .
and there's Veronica and CharIie
doing number 1 7.
The spread eagIe.
WeII , I was in
such a state of shock. . .
I compIeteIy bIacked out.
I can't remember a thing .
It wasn't untiI Iater
when I was washing the bIood
off my hands
I even knew they were dead .
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
They had it coming all along
- l didn't do it
- She didn't do it
- But if l'd done it
- But if she'd done it
How could you tell me
that l was wrong?
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
They had it coming
all along
l didn't do it
But if l'd done it
How could you tell me
that l was wrong?
I Ioved AI Lipschitz
more than I couId possibIy say.
He was a reaI artistic guy.
Sensitive. A painter.
[ WhistIe bIows ]
But he was aIways trying
to find himseIf.
He'd go out every night Iooking
for himseIf, and on the way. . .
he found Ruth , GIadys,
Rosemary, and Irving .
You couId say we broke up
because of artistic differences.
He saw himseIf as aIive. . .
and I saw him dead .
The dirty bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
They had it coming all along
- And if they used us
- And if they used us
- Then they abused us
- Then they abused us
Could you tell us
that we were wrong?
- He had it coming
- He had it coming
- He had it coming
- He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
- lf you'd have been there
- lf you'd have been there
- lf you'd have seen it
- lf you'd have seen it
l betcha you would have
done the same
-Pop that gum one more time. . .
-SingIe, my ass.
Number 1 7.
The spread eagIe.
Artistic differences.
Pop.
Six.
Squish .
Cicero.
Lipschitz.
Who beIongs to them?
What's it to you?
Nothing .
Heard they were VeIma's.
The Hunyak does her Iaundry
for a buck a week.
Fresh toweIs for the can .
Make it quick.
MAMA MORTON :
I'm gonna take care of you now.
I know a coupIe of things.
Hear me out.
BiIIy FIynn's set
your triaI for March 5th .
March 7 th you'II be acquitted .
March 8th , Mama is gonna put you
on the vaudeviIIe circuit.
VELMA:
Now you're an agent, too?
MAMA MORTON : UntiI Ma BeII
instaIIs a Iine in your ceII . . .
aII the caIIs
have gotta go through me.
What kind of dough
are we taIking about?
It's a crazy worId .
Babe Ruth is wearing rouge
and pIaying the PaIace
for $5,000 a week.
Yeah . What about someone
with reaI taIent?
I been taIking to the boys
over at WiIIiam Morris.
Due to your recent
sensationaI activities. . .
they think
they can get you $2 ,500.
$2 ,500?
Jeez, the most me
and Veronica made was $350.
That's what happens when you
have the right representation .
I aIways wanted to pIay
Big Jim CoIosimo's.
Do you think
you can get me that?
-Big Jim's?
-Yeah .
I don't know. That's gonna
take another phone caII .
How much is that gonna cost?
You know how I feeI about you .
You're Iike famiIy to me.
You're Iike one of my own .
-I'II do it for 50 bucks.
-50 bucks for a phone caII?
You must get a Iot
of wrong numbers, Mama.
Oh , Miss KeIIy,
got your personaIs.
FreshIy pressed
by yours truIy.
No, it's my pIeasure.
Hey, Iisten ,
can I ask you something?
You know that Harrison guy?
He said that what I done
is a hanging case
and that he's prepared to ask
for the maximum penaIty.
-Yeah , so?
-So I'm scared .
I sure wouId appreciate
some advice.
EspeciaIIy from someone
I admire as much as you .
Since I can remember, I have
wanted to be on the stage.
What's your taIent?
Washing and drying?
No. I danced in the chorus.
That was before
I met my husband , Amos.
Look, honey,
you want some advice?
Here it is.
Direct from me to you .
Keep your paws
off my underwear, okay?
Yeah , okay.
Thanks.
For nothin' .
She's something , ain't she?
No matter how big she gets,
she's stiII as common as ever.
I'd Iike to heIp you , dearie.
Take a Ioad off.
So, what do you figure
on using for grounds?
Grounds?
What are you gonna teII
the jury?
I just figured
I'd teII them the truth .
-The truth?
-Yeah .
That's a one-way ticket
to the death house.
HoIy Mother of God .
Oh , reIax.
In this town , murder's
a form of entertainment.
Besides, in 4 7 years,
Cook County ain't never hung
a woman yet.
So the odds are 4 7 to one
that they won't hang you .
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph .
You're taIking
to the wrong peopIe.
What you need is BiIIy FIynn .
-Who?
-BiIIy FIynn .
He's onIy the best
criminaI Iawyer in IIIinois.
What he don't know
about juries and women . . .
How do you get BiIIy FIynn?
WeII , not by praying , dearie.
First, you give me $ 1 00.
Then I make a phone caII .
$ 1 00?
WeII , you just. . .
I mean , it seems pretty steep
for a phone caII .
He's worth every cent.
He's never Iost a case
for a femaIe cIient yet.
With a sweet IittIe puss
Iike yours. . .
Iet's just say justice
ain't so bIind in Chicago.
He's never Iost a case?
Never.
Every girI in this pIace
wouId kiII to have
BiIIy FIynn represent her.
Billy
We want Billy
B-l-Double-L-Y
We're all his
He's our kind of a guy
And, ooh, what luck
'Cause here he is
BANDLEADER:
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
presenting the siIver-tongued
prince of the courtroom .
The one, the onIy BiIIy FIynn .
l don't care
about expensive things
Cashmere coats,
diamond rings
Don't mean a thing
All l care about is love
- That's what he's here for
- That's what l'm here for
l don't care
for wearing silk cravats
Ruby studs, satin spats
Don't mean a thing
- All l care about is love
- All he cares about is love
Give me two eyes of blue
Softly saying
''l need you''
Let me see her
standing there
And honest, mister,
l'm a millionaire
l don't care
for any fine attire
Vanderbilt might admire
No, no, not me
- All l care about is love
- All he cares about is love
[ WhistIing ]
Good morning , Iadies.
-Not guiIty!
-You teII 'em , sweetheart.
That's what he's here for
Excuse me, gentIemen .
Miss KeIIy, do you remember
anything about that night?
I passed out compIeteIy.
I can't remember a thing .
OnIy that I didn't do it.
Any idea who did , dear?
No, but my cIient is offering
a substantiaI reward
to anyone with information
about this crime.
How much is the reward ,
Miss KeIIy?
I don't know. How much?
We'II work it out
after the triaI .
If there are no more
questions. . .
Miss KeIIy and I have
work to do.
What's this about a reward?
AwfuIIy dumb, reporters.
They'II write it up wrong .
You deny the whoIe thing Iater.
Thank you .
All he cares about is love
Mr. FIynn , I'm Roxie Hart.
-Who?
-Mama taIked to you about me.
Oh , yeah , right.
The cute one.
I was hoping
that you might represent me.
You got $5,000?
Gee, that's a Iot of money.
Mama didn't say anything
about $5,000.
Lookit, Mr. FIynn ,
I'm not very good at this. . .
but maybe we couId
make some sort of
arrangement between us?
I can be an awfuIIy good sport.
Good , you got that
out of your system .
You mean just one thing to me.
You caII me
when you got $5,000.
All he cares about is love
Show me long raven hair
Flowin' down about to there
When l see her runnin' free
Keep your money,
that's enough for me
l don't care
for drivin' Packard cars
Or smoking long buck cigars
No, no, not me
All l care about
is doin' the guy in
Who's pickin' on you
Twistin' the wrist
that's turnin' the screw
- All he cares about
- All l care about
ls love
Oh , he'II see you now.
WeII , heIIo, Andy.
My name is Amos.
That's right.
Take a seat.
You're a remarkabIe man .
Your wife two-times you . . .
pIugs the guy,
then tries to pin it on you .
Most men wouId Iet
a dame Iike that swing .
But, no, you're sticking by her.
Makes you a hero in my eyes.
That's right.
I'm a hero.
Did you bring the money?
I didn't do as weII as I hoped .
But I wiII , Mr. FIynn .
This is onIy a thousand .
PIus there's $300 I borrowed
from the guys at the garage.
There's $ 7 00 from
the buiIding-and-Ioan fund .
$2 ,000.
And that's aII I got so far.
But I'II give you $20
off my saIary every week.
I'II give you notes with
interest. DoubIe. TripIe.
When you came to me yesterday. . .
I didn't ask if she was
guiIty or innocent.
I didn't ask if she was
a drunk or a dope fiend . No.
I said , ''Do you have $5,000?''
You said yes.
But you don't have $5,000.
I figure you're a dirty Iiar.
I don't waste my time
with dirty Iiars.
Look. I'm reaI sorry,
Mr. FIynn .
On the other hand . . .
your devotion to your wife
is reaIIy very, very touching .
I took your wife's case,
and I'II keep it. . .
because I pIay square.
Now, Iook, Hart. . .
I don't Iike to bIow
my own horn ,
but if Jesus Christ
had Iived in Chicago today
and if he had $5,000
and he'd come to me,
things wouId have
turned out differentIy.
AII right, this is what
we're gonna do.
By the end of the week,
I'm gonna have Roxie's name
on the front page
of every newspaper in town .
''Sweetest IittIe jazz kiIIer
ever to hit Chicago.''
That's the angIe I'm after.
You make an announcement
we're gonna have an auction .
We got to raise money
for her defense.
They'II buy everything
she's ever touched .
Your shoes, your dresses,
your perfume, your underwear.
RO XIE :
And VictroIa records.
Like the one I was pIaying
when I shot the bastard .
BILLY:
I didn't hear that.
Not that I didn't have grounds.
-Hey, what are they?
-That's for triaI .
Nobody's gonna care a Iick
what your defense is
unIess they care about you .
The first thing we do is work up
sympathy from the press.
They're not aII pushovers
Iike Mary Sunshine.
But there's one thing
that they can never resist. . .
and that is a reformed sinner.
So, what was your
favorite subject in schooI?
Oh , I was a reaI dummy.
There must have been something
you were reaIIy good at.
I got high marks
on courtesy and hygiene.
Perfect.
You wanted to be a nun .
A nun?
Where were you born?
On a chicken farm
outside of Lubbock.
Southern home fiIIed with
every Iuxury and refinement.
Where are your parents?
ProbabIy on the front porch
in their rocking chairs.
Parents dead .
FamiIy fortune swept away.
You were educated
at the Sacred Heart.
Then you feII
into a runaway marriage.
Left you miserabIe,
aIone, unhappy.
You got aII swept up
in the mad whirI of the city.
Jazz, cabarets, Iiquor.
You were drawn
Iike a moth to the fIame.
Now the mad whirI has ceased .
You are a butterfIy
crushed on the wheeI .
Which is it? Is it the moth
or the butterfIy?
You have sinned ,
and you are sorry.
God , that's beautifuI .
Cut out God .
Stay where
you're better acquainted .
Kid , when I'm through with you ,
not onIy wiII you be acquitted ,
every man on that jury
wiII want to take you home
to meet his mother.
[ Southern accent ] I was born
on a beautifuI Southern convent.
What?
[ NormaI voice ]
Oh , hoIy shit!
I'm never gonna get
this straight.
Pipe down on the swearing .
From here on , you say nothing
rougher than ''Oh , dear.''
Try again .
I was born on a. . .
VELMA: I came up with more to do
on the witness stand .
I thought I'd get aII teary-eyed
and ask to borrow
your handkerchief.
Then I thought I'd take a peek
at the jury Iike this.
FIash 'em a bit of thigh , huh?
What do you think?
Sounds great.
Don't you want
to hear the rest?
Tomorrow, kiddo.
You're at the top of my Iist.
WeII , weII , weII .
Sorry to be Iate, Mr. FIynn .
Hope you weren't too bored .
I Iike it.
I Iike it.
Hey, PoIIyanna. . .
I heard your press conference
is tomorrow.
Yeah , what's it to you?
WeII , you wanted
my advice, right?
WeII , here it is.
Don't forget
BiIIy FIynn's number-one cIient
is BiIIy FIynn .
Meaning what?
Meaning don't Iet him
hog the spotIight.
You're the one
they pay to see.
We can onIy seII them
one idea at a time.
I can stiII see him coming at me
with that awfuI Iook
in his eyes.
And?
And we both reached
for the gun .
That's right.
You both reached for the gun .
Ready?
Yeah .
-Miss Hart!
-Miss Hart!
Good day, gentIemen .
GentIemen , Miss Sunshine.
My cIient has just entered
a pIea of not guiIty.
We Iook forward to a triaI
at the earIiest possibIe date.
Are there any questions?
Miss Sunshine.
As you know, my paper is dry.
Do you have any advice
for young girIs
seeking to avoid
a Iife of jazz and drink?
AbsoIuteIy, yes.
Mrs. Hart feeIs that
it was the tragic combination
of Iiquor and jazz
which Ied to her downfaII .
Next question , pIease.
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
I wouId Iike to say
how fIattered I am
that y'aII came to see me.
Mrs. Hart is very pIeased --
I was a moth
crushed on the wheeI .
You know, a butterfIy
drawn to the. . .
I bet you want to know
why I shot the bastard .
Shut up, dummy.
BANDLEADER: Mr. BiIIy FIynn
in ''The Press Conference Rag .''
Notice how his mouth
never moves.
AImost.
Where'd you come from?
Mississippi
And your parents?
Very wealthy
Where are they now?
Six feet under
But she was granted
one more start
The Convent
of the Sacred Heart
When'd you get here?
1 920
How old were you?
Don't remember
Then what happened?
l met Amos
And he stole my heart away
Convinced me
to elope one day
Poor dear! I can't beIieve
what you've been through !
A convent girI .
A runaway marriage.
TeII us, Roxie. . .
Who's Fred Casely?
My ex-boyfriend
Why'd you shoot him?
l was leavin'
Was he angry?
Like a madman
Still l said,
''Fred, move along''
She knew that
she was doing wrong
Then describe it
He came toward me
With the pistol?
From my bureau
Did you fight him?
Like a tiger
He had strength,
and she had none
And yet we both
reached for the gun
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, we both
Oh, yes, we both, oh, yes,
we both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Oh, yes, we both reached
for the gun, for the gun
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun
Understandable
Understandable
Yes, it's perfectly
understandable
Comprehensible
Comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
lt's so defensible
How you feelin'?
Very frightened
Are you sorry?
Are you kidding?
That's your statement?
All l'd say is
Though my choo-choo
jumped the track
l'd give my life
to bring him back
- And?
- Stay away from
- What?
- Jazz and liquor
- And?
- And the men who
- What?
- Play for fun
- And what?
- That's the thought that
- Yeah?
- Came upon me
When?
When we both
reached for the gun
Understandable
Understandable
Yes, it's perfectly
understandable
Comprehensible
Comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
lt's so defensible
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
Let me hear it.
The gun, the gun
Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun
A little louder
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun
Now you got it
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Both reached for the
Gun
Both reached for the gun
Move over, AI Capone.
The Windy City has taken
a new criminaI to its heart.
The name on everybody's Iips
is Roxie Hart.
The sweetest IittIe Iady ever
accused of murder in Chicago.
Women want to Iook Iike her.
FeIIas want to go out with her.
Some IittIe girIs
even want to take her home.
Don't get any ideas,
IittIe Iady.
On the other side of town . . .
the assistant D.A. promises
the game IittIe sharpshooter
wiII swing
before the year is up.
Who knows?
If he Iives up to his word ,
Assistant D.A. Harrison
might become
Governor Harrison someday.
Back at the scene
of the crime. . .
everybody wants
a IittIe piece of Roxie Hart.
This jar of coId cream
set her husband back $20.
Maybe this pretty IittIe Iady
wiII get some
of that famous Roxie styIe.
It seems everybody these days
is rooting for Roxie Hart.
Take those wiIting fIowers
to the orphanage
and make sure they know
who sent them .
So, kiddo, given any thought
to what you want to do
after BiIIy gets you off?
I think I'd Iike to go
on the stage.
I figured as much .
I aIready caIIed
the Morris office.
ReaIIy?
How much is that
gonna cost me?
My standard deaI .
Yeah , weII , we'II see, Mama.
Besides, I don't even have
an act yet.
KiIIing Fred CaseIy
was your act.
Those stiffs in the audience
want to say they saw
somebody famous.
That's a freak act.
And besides,
I am better than that.
WeII , of course you are,
cupcake.
You can be as big as
Sophie Tucker.
You reaIIy think so?
Bigger than Cantor
and JoIson combined .
I aIways wanted to have my name
in aII the papers.
Before I met Amos. . .
I used to date this
weII-to-do ugIy bootIegger.
He used to Iike to take me out
and show me off.
UgIy guys Iike to do that.
Once it said in the paper:
''GangIand's AI CapeIIi
seen at Chez Vito
with cute bIond chorine.''
That was me.
I cIipped it, and I saved it.
You know, aII my Iife,
I wanted to have my own act.
But, no. No, no.
They aIways turned me down .
One big worId fuII of ''no.''
And then Amos came aIong .
Safe, sweet Amos. . .
. . .who never says no.
I've never done this before.
But, you know,
it is such a speciaI night.
You are such a great audience!
[ Cheers and appIause ]
And I reaIIy feeI Iike I can
taIk to you , you know?
So forget what
you've read in the papers.
Forget what you've heard
on the radio, because. . .
I'm gonna teII you the truth .
Not that
the truth reaIIy matters.
[ Rim shot, Iaughter ]
But I'm gonna teII you anyway.
In the bed department. . .
Amos was zero.
[ Laughter ]
When he made Iove to me. . .
it was Iike he was fixing
a carburetor or something .
[ Imitating Amos ]
''I Iove ya, honey. I Iove ya.''
[ Laughter ]
Anyway,
I started fooIing around .
Then I started
screwing around ,
which is fooIing around
without dinner.
[ Rim shot, Iaughter ]
Then I met Fred CaseIy. . .
who said that he couId get me
into vaudeviIIe. . .
. . .but that didn't quite
work out Iike I pIanned .
I guess it didn't reaIIy work
out too great for Fred , either.
[ Rim shot, Iaughter ]
So I gave up
on the whoIe vaudeviIIe idea
because you kinda figure
after aII those years. . .
. . .opportunity's just
passed you by.
But it ain't
Oh, no, no, no, no,
but it ain't
And now?
WeII , if this FIynn guy
gets me off. . .
with aII this pubIicity. . .
I got me a worId fuII of ''yes!''
The name
on everybody's lips
ls gonna be Ro xie
The lady
rakin' in the chips
ls gonna be Ro xie
l'm gonna be a celebrity
That means
somebody everyone knows
They're gonna recognize
my eyes
My hair, my teeth,
my boobs, my nose
From just some
dumb mechanic's wife
l'm gonna be Ro xie
Who says that murder's
not an art?
And who,
in case she doesn't hang
Can say she started
with a bang?
Ro xie Hart
Boys
They're gonna wait outside
in line
To get to see
- Ro xie
- Ro xie
Think of those autographs
l'll sign
''Good luck to you''
Ro xie
And l'll appear
in a lavaliere
That goes all the way
down to my waist
Here a ring, there a ring,
everywhere a ring-a-ling
But always
in the best of taste
I'm a star.
And the audience Ioves me,
and I Iove them .
And they Iove me
for Ioving them .
And I Iove them for Ioving me.
And we Iove each other.
And that's 'cause none of us got
enough Iove in our chiIdhoods.
And that's show biz. . .
. . .kid .
She's givin' up
her humdrum life
- l'm gonna be -- Sing it
- Ro xie
She made a scandal
and a start
And Sophie Tucker
will shit, l know
To see her name
get billed below
Ro xie Hart
I can't take it anymore.
You can't go anywhere without
hearing about that dumb tomato!
Oh , no, Mama, not you , too.
I have some bad news.
The tour has been canceIed .
What?
Your name's been
out of the papers too Iong .
AII you read about today
is that Hart kid .
She's hot.
And what am I
supposed to do, huh?
Suck up to her
Iike everybody eIse?
It couIdn't hurt.
Over my dead body.
Mind if I join you?
[ CIicking , feedback ]
MAN :
Lights out. 1 0 minutes.
Smoke?
Look what
some Johnny sent me.
TripIe-cream carameIs
aII the way from San Francisco.
I'm watching my figure.
You know, the triaI .
Hey, great mention of you
in the Trib today, huh?
You know,
there have been so many.
I just can't keep track.
Did I teII you , you are exactIy
the same size as my sister?
You'd fit into her costumes
perfectIy.
ReaIIy?
Yeah . I was thinking
with aII the pubIicity
that's piIed up between us,
and when BiIIy gets us off,
we'd be a naturaI
to do an act together.
You think so, huh?
[ CIicking , feedback ]
BANDLEADER:
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
Miss VeIma KeIIy
in an act of desperation .
My sister and l had an act
that couldn't flop
My sister and l were headed
straight for the top
My sister and l earned
a thou a week at least
Oh, yeah
But my sister
is now unfortunately deceased
l know it's sad, of course
But a fact is still a fact
And now all that remains
is the remains
Of a perfect
Double
Act
Watch this.
You have to imagine it
with two peopIe.
It's sweII with two peopIe.
First l'd
Then she'd
Then we'd
But l can't do it alone
Then she'd
Then l'd
Then we'd
But l can't do it alone
She'd say,
''What's your sister like?''
l'd say, ''Men''
She'd say,
''You're the cat's meow''
Then we'd
wow the crowd again
When she'd go
l'd go
We'd go
Then those dingdong daddies
started to roar
Whistled, stomped,
stamped on the floor
Yelling, screaming,
begging for more
And we'd say, ''Okay, fellas,
keep your socks up
'Cause you ain't seen
nothin' yet''
But l simply cannot do it
Alone
So, what do you think, huh?
Come on , you can say.
I know. You're right.
The first part's shit.
But the second part. . .
is reaIIy nifty.
Okay.
She'd go
l'd go
We'd go
And then those two-bit
Johnnies did it up brown
To cheer the best attraction
in town
They nearly tore
the balcony down
And we'd say, ''Okay, boys,
we're going home
But before we go, here's
a few more partin' shots''
And this we did
in perfect unison
Now you've seen me
going through it
You may think
there's nothing to it
But l simply cannot do it
Alone
So, where was the part
where you bIew her brains out?
Okay, Roxie,
I'II IeveI with you .
Oh , no, no, no.
Don't bother.
You think you're fooIing me?
You're aII washed up,
and it's me they want now.
And I'm a big star.
SingIe.
Oh , I aImost forgot.
You were in the paper
today, too. . .
in the back,
with the obituaries.
''VeIma KeIIy's triaI has been
postponed indefiniteIy.''
Seven words. Wow.
Oh . Here's a IittIe piece
of advice.
Direct from me to you .
Lay off the carameIs.
BANDLEADER: And now, for aII you
Chicago stay-up-Iaters.
You night owIs who onIy
come aIive after dark.
We dedicate this tune.
''Chicago After Midnight.''
BILLY: This aII took pIace
on Lakeshore Drive.
IncredibIe. IncredibIe.
AII right. Yeah .
Thanks, Tom .
They just arrested this woman
for a tripIe homicide.
ReaIIy?
Get this.
She's an heiress.
What?
AII the famiIy's in . . .
pineappIes, grapefruits,
some kind of fruit.
So anyhow, this dame,
Kitty what's-her-name. . .
she's pIaying house
on the North Side
in an apartment
with a guy named Harry.
What Harry does for a Iiving ,
no one's quite sure,
but it doesn't matter
because she's footing the biIIs.
Anyhow,
Kitty comes home tonight.
Harry's in bed ,
which is par for the course.
She goes to change.
When she returns, she notices
something rather odd .
ExtremeIy odd .
Kitty disappears for a second .
CooI as a cucumber.
When she returns,
she gentIy wakes up Harry.
[ Laughter ]
Harry says, ''What? I'm aIone.''
She says, ''AIone?
You got two other women
in bed with you .''
So, get this.
Harry says, ''Come on , doII .
You gonna beIieve what you see
or what I teII you?''
[ Laughter ]
Good night, foIks.
Give us the Iine!
Give us the Iine!
Miss Sunshine.
From the Evening Star.
I wonder if you wouIdn't mind
saying a word or two?
Sure, I'II say three.
Go to heII !
PIease direct your questions
to her counseI .
You're not my counseI ,
and I want my money back.
It's not your money.
It's your mother's money.
MARY SUNSHINE :
Are you sorry, dear?
Sure, I'm sorry.
Sorry I got caught.
-Oh , Miss Sunshine?
-Not now, Roxie.
I got a Ietter from a guy.
He says he's going on a hunger
strike untiI I'm freed .
That's nice, dear.
Miss Baxter?
Did you know
these two Iadies personaIIy?
Did I know these two Iadies?
Was that your question?
Yeah , that's my --
She's very high-spirited ,
isn't she?
Miss Baxter?
Oh , hey, Mr. FIynn !
Mr. FIynn !
-Yeah , hi , Trixie.
-It's Roxie.
Yeah , sure,
I was just kidding .
Did you get my triaI date yet?
Listen , kid . . .
I'm at the top
of your Iist, right?
Go to heII !
Boy, what a heIIion , huh?
She's a sociaIite, too.
Her mother owns
aII the pineappIes in Hawaii .
What the heII do I care
about pineappIes?
-AII right.
-Listen !
Miss Baxter wiII answer
aII of your questions.
Afterwards, I'II be happy to
give you an interview myseIf.
VELMA:
How's it feeI , kid?
J . Edgar Hoover couIdn't find
your name in the papers.
Mr. FIynn !
BILLY: Someone open this door
immediateIy!
MARY SUNSHINE : Oh , my God !
Roxie! What is it, dear?
Oh ! Oh , no.
Don't worry about me.
Oh , I onIy hope
the faII didn't hurt the baby.
Baby?
Shit!
Roxie, when did
this happen , darIing?
WeII , Doc,
is she or isn't she?
She is.
WouId you swear
to that statement in court?
Yes.
Good .
Button your fIy.
I wouId just Iike to
say that. . .
my own Iife
doesn't matter now. . .
just that of my unborn chiId .
You poor dear, to have
your baby born in jaiI .
My readers won't stand for it.
I can assure you
that won't happen .
She'II come to triaI
at the earIiest moment.
I think it's sweet.
First time we ever had
one of our girIs knocked up.
When is the baby due, Roxie?
I just heard the good news.
I'm the father!
I'm the father!
Roxie, who's the father?
That question
is compIeteIy out of Iine.
How dare you insuIt
this brave, young woman .
That's enough .
Roxie, honey!
It's me! Daddy!
It's Daddy!
Roxie, I came
as soon as I couId !
lf someone stood up
in a crowd
And raised his voice up
way out loud
And waved his arm
and shook his leg
You'd notice him
lf someone in the movie show
Yelled,
''Fire in the second row!
This whole place
is a powder keg!''
You'd notice him
And even without clucking
like a hen
Everyone gets noticed
now and then
Unless, of course,
that personage should be
lnvisible
lnconsequential
Me
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look
right through me
Walk right by me
And never know l'm there
l tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look
right through me
Walk right by me
And never know l'm there
Oh . I didn't see you .
Sit down . Sit down .
Look, Andy, I'm afraid
I got to hit you hard .
And I can onIy hope
that you'II be big about it.
Amos. My name is Amos.
Who said it wasn't?
Oh , it was the kid's name
I was thinking about, yeah .
You know when she's due?
September.
Oh , but pass out
those cigars, anyway.
I don't want you
to give a damn when peopIe. . .
PeopIe what?
Laugh .
Laugh?
Why wouId they Iaugh?
'Cause they can count.
Can you count?
September.
Here's a copy
of Roxie's first statement
from the D.A.'s office.
It says she hadn't copuIated
with you
for four months
prior to the incident.
WeII , she wouId know.
Yeah , I guess we hadn't done
no copuIating since. . .
Wait a minute.
That don't figure out right.
I couIdn't be the father.
Forget about that now.
My cIient needs your support.
You mean she needs
a meaI ticket.
That's aII I ever been .
This time she's gone too far.
What are you gonna do?
Divorce her?
You're damn right!
I'II divorce her!
She probabIy won't even notice.
[ Intercom buzzes ]
Yeah?
Yeah , put him through .
A human being's made
of more than air
With all that bulk,
you're bound to see him there
Unless that human being
next to you
ls unimpressive
Undistinguished
You
Know
Who
You stiII here, Andy?
Yeah , I'm stiII here.
I think.
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look
right through me
Walk right by me
And never know l'm there
l tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look
right through me
Walk right by me
And never know l'm there
Never even
Know
l'm there
I hope I didn't take up
too much of your time.
I've been waiting 1 0 minutes.
Don't do that again .
This dress makes me Iook Iike
a WooIworth's Iampshade.
I'm not wearing this.
You're wearing it
because I teII you to wear it.
When Andy's on the stand ,
I want you to be knitting .
Knitting?
Oh , for Christ sakes.
-A baby garment.
-I don't know how to knit!
Then Iearn .
That is no way
to win a jury's sympathy.
Oh , you don't need advice
anymore.
Lookit here, Mr. Mouthpiece. . .
it seems to me
that I am the one
who's coming up
with the good ideas.
I am sick of everybody
teIIing me what to do.
You treat me Iike dirt.
You treat me Iike I'm some
dumb common criminaI .
But you are.
WeII , it's better than being
a greasy Mick Iawyer.
Who happens to be
saving your ass!
Who's out for aII he can steaI !
Maybe you'd Iike
to appear in court without me.
WeII , maybe I couId .
Have you read
the morning papers?
They Iove me!
Wise up! They'd Iove you
a Iot more if you were hanged .
You know why?
'Cause they'd seII more papers.
You're fired .
I quit.
Any Iawyer in this town
wouId die to have my case.
You are a phony ceIebrity.
You're a fIash in the pan .
In a coupIe of weeks, no one's
gonna give a shit about you .
That's Chicago.
What happened?
It's the Hunyak.
She Iost her Iast appeaI .
So what's that mean?
WeII , that means that next week,
she's gonna. . .
This is Mary Sunshine coming to
you from the Cook County JaiI . . .
where history
wiII be made today.
KataIin HeIinski
wiII become the first woman
in the state of IIIinois
to be executed .
And so, Iadies and gentIemen . . .
And now,
Iadies and gentIemen . . .
for your pIeasure
and your entertainment. . .
we proudIy present
KataIin HeIinski
and her famous
Hungarian disappearing act.
You know,
it's reaIIy not that bad .
You cIear about everything
we agreed on?
Yep. I've been up aII night
rehearsing .
What do you do when Harrison
starts coming after you?
I sit stiII
and Iook straight ahead . . .
never at the jury.
-And?
-And I Iook modest.
-And?
-And . . .
-And say nothing .
-That's right.
-That was the deaI , right?
-Right.
You asked me back.
I do aII the taIking this time.
AbsoIuteIy, BiIIy.
Whatever you say.
Mr. FIynn .
His Honor's here.
Thank you .
You ready?
Yeah .
I'm scared .
Ah , don't be.
I've been around a Iong time.
BeIieve me. You got
nothing to worry about.
It's aII a circus.
A three-ring circus.
These triaIs, the whoIe worId .
It's aII show business.
But, kid . . .
You're working with a star.
Give 'em
the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act
with lots of flash in it
And the reaction
will be passionate
Give 'em
the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather 'em
How can they see
with sequins in their eyes?
What if your hinges
all are rusting?
What if, in fact,
you're just disgusting?
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll never catch wise
Give 'em
the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em a show
that's so splendiferous
Row after row
will grow vociferous
Give 'em
the old flimflam flummo x
Fool and fracture 'em
How can they hear the truth
above the roar?
Throw 'em a fake
and a finagle
They'll never know
you're just a bagel
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll beg you for more
-I object!
-Sustained .
Your Honor, I haven't even
asked the question yet.
Give 'em
the old double whammy
Daze and dizzy 'em
Back since the days
of old Methuselah
Everyone loves
the big bamboozler
Give 'em
the old three-ring circus
Stun and stagger 'em
When you're in trouble,
go into your dance
Though you are stiffer
than a girder
They'll let you get away
with murder
Razzle dazzle 'em
And you got a romance
HeIIo, Amos.
Amos.
That's right, Mr. FIynn .
Amos.
Amos, when did you fiIe suit
for divorce?
A month ago.
Was there any reason
at this time?
I'II say.
The newspapers said Roxie
was expecting a IittIe stranger.
That's hardIy grounds
for divorce, is it?
A IittIe too much
of a stranger.
You mean you doubted
the paternity of the chiId .
WeII , sure.
TeII me, Amos.
You share a bed with your wife?
Yes, sir, every night.
And you expect
this jury to beIieve
that you sIept
next to this woman every night
without exercising your rights
as a husband?
WeII , I couId've
if I wanted to.
-Oh , but you didn't.
-No, I did .
-Did what?
-Want to.
-But you didn't.
-Didn't what?
-What you wanted .
-Wait. I'm getting confused .
Did you ever question
Roxie herseIf?
Did you ask her if you were
the father of her chiId?
No, sir.
But if you became convinced
that you were wrong . . .
you'd be man enough to admit it.
You'd take her back
if Roxie swore
that you were the father.
-Which she does.
-She does?
She does! She does!
No more questions!
You can step down now.
WeII done, Andy.
Oh , Roxie, I'm so sorry.
ALL: Aw!
[ AppIause ]
Give 'em
the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Show 'em the first-rate
sorcerer you are
Long as you keep 'em
way off balance
How can they spot
you got no talents?
Razzle dazzle 'em
This is the moment
we've been waiting for.
Roxie Hart
finaIIy takes the stand
in her own defense.
And they'll make you
a star
Order! Order!
Proceed , Mr. FIynn .
Roxie,
I have here a statement
in which you admit to having
iIIicit reIations
with the deceased ,
Fred CaseIy.
Is this true or faIse?
I'm afraid that's true.
You're an honest girI , Roxie.
When did you first meet
Fred CaseIy?
When he soId Amos and me
our furniture.
Your personaI reIationship
with him --
couId you teII the jury
when that began?
When I permitted him
to escort me home one night.
I don't think
I wouId've gone with him
if Mr. Hart and me hadn't
quarreIed that very morning .
-QuarreIed?
-Yes, sir.
WeII , I suppose
it was his fauIt.
Oh , no, sir.
It was my fauIt.
I suppose I just couIdn't stop
pestering him .
Pestering him?
About what?
I didn't Iike him working
those Iong hours at the garage.
I wanted him home with me. . .
to darn his socks
and iron his shirts.
I wanted a reaI home
and a chiId .
So you drifted
into this iIIicit reIationship
because you were unhappy
at home.
Yes. I was most unhappy.
Roxie Hart!
The state has accused you
of the murder of Fred CaseIy!
Are you guiIty or not guiIty?
I'm not guiIty.
I'm not guiIty.
I kiIIed him .
I did , but I'm not a criminaI .
I'm not a criminaI !
Do you recaII
the night of January 1 4th?
CouId you teII the jury,
in your own words,
the happenings of that night?
WeII , when Fred came over,
I toId him my good news.
And what was that?
That me and Amos
were gonna have a baby.
And that it was aII over
between us.
What happened then?
WeII , then . . .
Then . . .
Did he threaten you , Roxie?
Objection , Your Honor.
CounseI is Ieading the witness!
Sustained .
What did CaseIy say
when you toId him the news?
''I'II kiII you before I'II see
you have another man's chiId !''
CouId you teII the audience --
the jury -- what happened next?
WeII , in his passion ,
he tore off my robe. . .
and he threw me on the bed .
And Mr. Hart's pistoI
was Iying there between us.
And then?
We both reached for the gun ,
but I got it first.
Then he came toward me with
this funny Iook in his eyes.
He was angry and wiId !
-WiId !
-WiId !
Did you think
he meant to kiII you?
Oh , yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
So it was his Iife or yours?
And not just mine.
I cIosed my eyes, and I shot!
In defense of your Iife!
To save my husband's
innocent, unborn chiId !
[ AII gasping ]
[ Indistinct shouting ]
-Roxie!
-Order!
What a buII's-eye, huh?
Order in this court!
I'II cIear this court
if necessary.
There's pandemonium
here in the courtroom .
Order! BaiIiff!
Mrs. Hart's behavior
throughout this ordeaI
has been truIy extraordinary.
Yeah , I bet it has.
Opening her eyes,
she fans herseIf
with her attorney's
handkerchief.
-Handkerchief?
-Poor chiId has had no reIief.
She Iooks around bewiIdered ,
seeming to want something .
Oh , it's a gIass of water.
Oh , Mama, that was my bit!
I toId BiIIy I was gonna
do that at my triaI !
But now her eyes
fIutter wiIdIy, and she --
Mrs. Hart has fainted again .
Oh , jeez.
She sIumps over, her chiffon
dress up around her knees,
reveaIing a gIimpse of a bIue
garter with a rhinestone buckIe.
Oh , Mama, she stoIe my garter.
-She stoIe my garter!
-Don't break my radio!
First, the sIob
steaIs my pubIicity.
Then she steaIs my Iawyer,
my triaI date.
Now my goddamn garter!
What do you expect?
These days
you get a IittIe success. . .
and it's good riddance
to the peopIe who put you there.
There ain't no justice
in the worId .
And there ain't nothing
you can do about it.
Nerts to that.
You think I got you up here just
so you can Iisten to my radio?
PeopIe write some
pretty interesting things
when they think
no one's Iooking .
Oh , Mama.
The state
caIIs a rebuttaI witness.
[ Spectators murmuring ]
Left hand on the BibIe,
raise your right hand .
You swear to teII the truth ,
so heIp you God?
And then some.
Have a seat.
WouId you state your name
for the record , pIease?
VeIma KeIIy.
Miss KeIIy,
wiII you pIease teII the court
if the object I am hoIding
is the one
you happened to come upon
in the defendant's jaiI ceII?
Yes, it is.
I submit this as Exhibit ''X.''
Roxie Hart's diary.
I object!
My cIient has never kept
a diary.
And even if she did , this
wouId be invasion of privacy
in vioIation
of the Fourth Amendment
and iIIegaI search
without a warrant.
Yeah .
And she broke the Iock.
[ Laughter, gaveI banging ]
Order! Order!
WeII , that settIes that.
I'II aIIow it.
What's the big deaI?
It's just a bunch of doodIings.
If you wouId read
for us, pIease.
I haven't worked in a whiIe.
''What a Iaugh ,
pIugging Fred CaseIy.
The big baboon had it coming .
I'm just sorry
I onIy got to kiII him once.''
I never wrote that!
You . . .
Hey, she made that up!
-Order! Order!
-She made that up!
PIease, Mr. FIynn ,
get controI of your cIient.
I'm sorry, Your Honor.
It won't happen again .
Sit down . Shut up.
It's onIy making it worse.
I have no more questions.
Your witness, Mr. FIynn .
Ladies and gentIemen ,
a tap dance.
Miss KeIIy, did you make a deaI
with Mr. Harrison?
Maybe to drop
aII charges against you
in exchange for testifying?
WeII , sure.
I'm not a compIete idiot.
[ Laughter ]
Good . Good .
Since you gave
such an impressive performance
for Mr. Harrison , maybe
you'd do me the same honor.
-I'd be deIighted .
-Thank you .
''Fred CaseIy assured me
he'd get me an audition
down at the Onyx.
Then he reneged on his pIedge,
and that was my motive
for attacking him .''
Pretty fancy way of saying
''He's a big fat Iiar
who weIshed on a deaI ,
so I shot him .''
''Amos accused me
of having an affair. . .
so I toId him that the charge
was erroneous.''
Objection , Your Honor!
Mr. FIynn is twisting
this evidence
to draw concIusions
that are specious and . . .
-Erroneous?
-ExactIy!
[ Laughter, gaveI banging ]
Order! Order!
Miss KeIIy, do you know
the meaning of the word perjury?
-Yes, I do.
-Do you know it's a crime?
Yes.
If it turns out that you knew
that this diary was a fake. . .
I'd hate to think of you rotting
in prison for the next 1 0 years.
Since you won your freedom .
Look, aII I know
is what I was toId .
Oh , so, aII right.
So you didn't find
this diary in Roxie's ceII?
No.
Mama -- Miss Morton
gave it to me.
She said someone sent it to her.
Someone? Any idea who this
mysterious benefactor might be?
No. She didn't know.
AII right, Iet's see
if we can work this out.
Someone who writes
about reneging on pIedges
and erroneous charges.
CaII me crazy. Doesn't that
sound Iike a Iawyer?
A Iawyer who had a sampIe
of my cIient's handwriting .
Mr. Harrison ,
didn't you ask Roxie
to write out a confession?
Yes. You're not suggesting
I tampered with evidence?
No. I wouIdn't.
Don't be ridicuIous.
No. That's thoroughIy
and utterIy absurd .
Now that you mention it. . .
Your Honor,
this is outrageous!
I know. I agree.
To even suggest
that the prosecutor
wouId make a thieves' bargain
with VeIma KeIIy. . .
then fabricate the very evidence
that set her free!
Just so you can win
another case
and move one step cIoser
to the Governor's Mansion !
Why, it's simpIy beyond
aII imagining !
I'II hoId you in contempt!
No, it is not even conceivabIe!
But if it were,
wouIdn't it be time to say:
''Come cIean , Mr. Harrison''?
Even in Chicago, this kind
of corruption cannot stand !
WiII not stand !
That's enough , Mr. FIynn !
I agree, Your Honor!
It is enough !
The defense rests.
[ Rim shot, cymbaIs crash ]
Ladies and gentIemen ,
this is Mary Sunshine. . .
reporting Iive from
the Cook County Courthouse.
The city of Chicago has come
to a compIete standstiII . . .
as the triaI of the century
finaIIy draws to a cIose.
Mrs. Hart sits quietIy
at the defense tabIe.
Hands foIded .
Wondering what fate
has in store for her.
And now a hush
faIIs over the courtroom . . .
as the 1 2 men of the jury fiIe
sIowIy back to their seats.
[ GaveI banging ]
GentIemen of the jury,
have you reached a verdict?
We have, Your Honor.
The jury has reached
a verdict.
WiII the defendant pIease rise?
What is your verdict?
We, the jury,
find the defendant. . .
Roxie Hart is innocent!
She's innocent!
Get your paper!
Roxie Hart is free!
She's free!
[ Gunshots, screaming ]
Come on ! Move it!
First she shoots the husband ,
then she pIugs the Iawyer.
Don't you want
to take my picture?
I'm the famous Roxie Hart.
Hey, what happened?
BiIIy, what the heII happened?
This is Chicago, kid .
You can't beat fresh bIood
on the waIIs.
But my pubIicity, BiIIy.
My name in the papers.
I was counting on that.
Your gratitude
is overwheIming , kid .
I just saved your Iife.
Yeah , and you got $5,000.
And what do I get?
I get nothing?
It's $ 1 0,000
once I coIIect from VeIma.
I get nothing?
Oh , don't forget
your bIessed diary.
Hope you don't mind .
I added a few erroneous phrases.
Sorry I couIdn't teII you .
CouIdn't take a chance.
I never Iost a case.
You're a free woman ,
Roxie Hart.
And God save IIIinois.
What do you want?
I want you to come home.
You said you stiII wanted to.
And the baby.
Baby? What baby?
Oh , Jesus.
What do you take me for?
There ain't no baby.
There ain't no baby?
They didn't even want
my picture.
I can't understand that.
Why didn't they even want
my picture?
lt's good
lsn't it grand?
lsn't it great?
lsn't it swell?
lsn't it fun?
lsn't it?
Nowadays
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
Miss Roxie Hart says
''Good night.''
There's men everywhere
Jazz everywhere
Booze everywhere
Life everywhere
Joy everywhere
Nowadays
You can like
the life you're livin'
You can live
the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with lke
And that's good
lsn't it grand?
lsn't it great?
lsn't it swell?
lsn't it fun?
lsn't it?
But nothing
Stays
You can like
the life you're living
You can live
the life you like
Didn't she kiII a guy
awhiIe back?
Ah , who can keep them
straight anymore?
But mess around with lke
And that's good
lsn't it grand?
lsn't it great?
That's great!
We'II be in touch .
I'm not quite finished yet.
Wait, wait, wait.
One more.
I couId . . .
Just a second .
I'm not --
God damn it!
Thank you !
Here's the music, hon .
Thanks.
God damn it.
You know,
you're reaIIy pretty good .
Yeah , that and a dime.
What are you doing here?
I heard you been
making the rounds.
if it was up to you ,
I'd be swinging by now.
I aIways knew
BiIIy wouId get you off.
You shouId Iearn how
to put things behind you .
Oh , thank you .
I'II put that
at the top of my Iist.
Right after finding a job
and an apartment with a john .
Shut up and Iisten to me!
You reaIIy are something .
Coming in here
Iike some goddamn queen bee.
AII fuII of advice
for a poor sIob Iike me.
Let me teII you something ,
Miss VeIma KeIIy.
I got a new Iife now.
One of the best things about it
is it don't incIude you .
I thought we couId heIp
each other.
You thought wrong , didn't you?
Listen to me.
I taIked to this guy downtown .
He said one jazz kiIIer
is nothing these days. . .
but two. . .
We couId make
a coupIe of hundred a week.
Think about it, Roxie.
Our faces back in the papers.
Our names on the marquee.
VeIma KeIIy and Roxie Hart.
ShouIdn't it be aIphabeticaI?
That couId work.
CoupIe hundred?
Maybe we couId ask for a thou .
We're worth it.
Forget it.
It'II never work.
Why not?
'Cause I hate you .
There's onIy one business
in the worId
where that's no probIem
at aII .
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
the Chicago Theater
is proud to announce a first.
The first time anywhere there's
been an act of this nature.
Not onIy one IittIe Iady.
But two.
You've read about them
in the papers.
And now here they are.
Chicago's own kiIIer-diIIers.
Those scintiIIating sinners.
Roxie Hart and VeIma KeIIy!
[ Cheers and appIause ]
You can like
the life you're livin'
You can live
the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with lke
And that's good
lsn't it grand?
lsn't it great?
lsn't it swell?
lsn't it fun?
lsn't it?
But nothing stays
ln 50 years or so
lt's gonna change, you know
But, oh, it's heaven
Nowadays
Okay, you babes of jazz,
Iet's pick up the pace.
Let's make the parties Ionger,
the skirts shorter.
Let's aII go to heII
in a fast car and keep it hot!
[ Cheers and appIause ]
[ AppIause ]
[ Cheers ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers, whistIing ]
Me and Roxie, we'd just Iike
to say thank you !
Thank you !
BeIieve us, we couId not
have done it without you !
And all
That
Jazz
That jazz
While truckin' down
the road of life
Although all hope
seems gone
l just move on
When l can't find
a single star
To hang my wish upon
l just move on
l move on
l run so fast
A shotgun blast
Can hurt me not one bit
l'm on my toes
'Cause heaven knows
A moving target's
hard to hit
So as we play an ice ballet
We're not the dying swan
We just move on
We move on
Just when it seems
We're out of dreams
And things
have got us down
We don't despair
We don't go there
We hang our bonnets
out of town
So there's no doubt
We're well cut out
To run life's marathon
We just move on
We just move on
So fleet of foot
We can't stay put
We just move on
Yes, we move on
Come on, babe,
why don't we paint the town
And all that jazz?
l'm gonna rouge my knees
and roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
Start the car,
l know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold,
but the piano's hot
lt's just a noisy hall
where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz
Find a flask,
we're playing fast and loose
And all that jazz
Right up here
is where l store the juice
And all that jazz
Come on, babe,
we're gonna brush the sky
l betcha Lucky Lindy
never flew so high
'Cause in the stratosphere,
how could he lend an ear
To all
That
Jazz?
Oh, you're gonna see
your sheba shimmy-shake
And all that jazz
Oh, she's gonna shimmy
till her garters break
And all that jazz
Show her
where to park her girdle
Oh, her mother's blood
will curdle
lf she'd hear
her baby's queer
For all
That
Jazz
Come on, babe,
why don't we paint the town
And all that jazz?
l'm gonna rouge my knees
and roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
Start the car,
l know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold,
but the piano's hot
lt's just a noisy hall
where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz
No, l'm no one's wife
But, oh, l love my life
And all
That
Jazz
That jazz