No. I mean, I don't know.
I think I need someone who...
...is a bit more prominent
than you are.
But why don't we just be friends?
Yes, absolutely.
Friends... Absolutely.
Because textiles are
really interesting.
It's about clothes, curtains and...
A lot of things people
don't think about, not generally.
People kind of think that textiles
is only about textiles.
Man, I'm itchy.
I did knock. I'm just going to...
You're not supposed to
iron the team jersey!
-Can't you go help Dad instead?
-Oh, Dad... You hear that?
You know what he's like.
I had to eat dinner alone yesterday.
Talk to him, then. Tell him you
should do something together.
What about you?
Are you seeing anyone?
Please. I have to pack my bags.
I bet you have to fight them off
with that smile of yours.
Just don't break their hearts.
They're fragile.
I know you're getting ready for
the matches, preparing mentally.
Can you imagine? 33 years old.
That's just weird.
His balls must be ready to explode.
Imagine being his age
and never having done it.
-Are we agreed?
-Yeah. Let's go.
Let's see...
Ogge: two. Rikard, still one.
Me..oh my, six.
Mustafa, nothing new
since last summer. Two.
Those Norwegian girls from that
language learning trip of yours?
-So, where are their pictures?
-I've already shown them.
No, you didn't.
- Serdar, have you seen them?
-Get a life!
-Just bring the pictures!
Shut up!
Babak. Hey, little girl.
This zero doesn't look good on
your record. That just won't do, man.
-Shave your pubes so they find it.
-Cut it out!
You're like a bear because
your dick is hibernating.
Check it out!
Boys, this is paradise.
Five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Hey! Who are you talking to?
Hilarious. Come on, let's go.
Do you want to walk home, or what?
I've got so much going on, honey.
It feels great.
I connected with the booking girl
like you wouldn't believe.
She laughed, and I laughed.
And I gave her the smile,
my business card, you know.
Will you take your shoes off?
Oh, Jesus...
Seriously, I can't be pale
when ski season starts.
Come on,
I look like a Russian pimp.
I got it real cheap.
See it as an investment, sweetie.
We have tuna. I got credit at that
immigr... He's alright, that Turk.
I don't eat anything
that has parents.
And you can adjust it...
What the hell is this?
Check it out! Look!
You see that?
Finally! How do you like that?
Mustafa, I just wanted to check
that you have the parent signatures.
I'll go unpack.
How do you think he's doing?
It's just awful that everything
has to be so sexual these days.
I mean, the more he thinks
about it, the harder it gets.
It's better that he just
follow the natural...impulse.
I was just thinking... Maybe you
could talk to him? That'd be good.
You know,
not think about it too much.
Just go on impulse.
What the hell are you staring at?
Can you stop staring?
God, that's annoying.
-Hey there.
-Hello.
It'll be nice to get some sleep.
Really nice.
Check this out and you'll see...
-Hi, honey. - Turn it down!
-I have to go to work tomorrow.
I was just showing how they
got rid of my tattoo.
We'll turn it down.
You can go sleep.
-How about a beer?
-No! Absolutely not. She's a kid.
-That's where I draw the line.
-I need to sleep. Could you leave?
Aren't you going to introduce us?
Work? Isn't she on her
summer holidays?
I'll call you later!
Do you want some?
You're so cute. You have
such nice, smooth cheeks.
Come on.
You want to step outside for a bit?
Are you going to be okay,
or should I call a cab?
I'm fine, I just need some fresh air.
Babak! Babak!
Come sit over here, you're The Man.
Oh, damn. Damn.
-At least it's over and done with.
-Yeah. Yes, it is.
The number is not in service.
Please check...
Well, screw you, then.
Oh, man...
-They are so gorgeous.
-Hey, beautiful women. - Hello!
I've just got to have them. Any one
of them. They're all gorgeous.
They're such cheap pickup artists.
"Ciao, bambino. I want to
make love to you, Swedish girl."
Where were those girls
during our practice?
-Are those girls having orgasms?
-It sure looks like it.
That's such total racism.
-What the hell are you doing?
-Are you okay, Mustafa?
Hey, check him out.
-Who?
-Him. The Italian guy.
-What do you suppose he's thinking?
-I don't know.
I'm dying. I have to go pee so badly.
S...Roma.
-What's he waving about?
-Don't wave back. He's one of those.
-What was that?
-You're so childish.
Turk moustache. Seriously...
I'm really about to pee myself.
I'm going to pee myself!
-He was pretty cute, right?
-Yeah, but no Einstein.
Hey, coach... Check it out!
Come on, guys!
With this holy water,
I christen thee Massimo.
-So we just sit here like idiots?
-No, when they come, we'll just go.
We don't have to look at them.
We'll go past and ignore them.
All of a sudden I'm super nervous.
It wasn't like this in Italy.
That's just because we're sober.
Okay, don't look now.
-Ciao!
-Ciao...
Ciao bella, Linnea.
Oh, lord...
-So, what do you think?
-Italians think with their dicks.
What's the matter, Linnea?
He was wearing cutoffs, right?
...43, 44, 45, 46, 47...
These pills
will terminate the pregnancy.
On Friday you'll get another pill
which will cause you to abort.
You'll bleed quite a bit
for about four weeks.
It may hurt, but it's not dangerous.
Can we do it
on some other day than Friday?
Don't you want to have this over with
as quickly as possible?
Maybe you want to
give this some more thought?
She's made up her mind, but that's
when we're going to Gothia Club.
This is an important decision that
Linnea has to make on her own.
-You can party later.
-I've made up my mind. Really.
Okay. Here are the pills.
We'll leave and give Linnea
some privacy.
That's me in the
swimming trunks with skulls.
That's the hotel. You can't see it,
but there's our balcony.
That's the restaurant. On the beach.
Some fat German
stepped in front of the camera.
This sweaty little mafioso
stared at Carro every day.
-But no luck. Or?
-Funny.
-And look here, this is Linnea.
-Your girlfriend?
No, that's my daughter.
-How did it go?
-Are we going home?
Sure. I'm just showing
our vacation pictures.
-We're having a video night in.
-Come on! I've started to abort!
I've bought Raclette cheese!
You know what? I think that people
keep getting their priorities wrong.
Like poker. It looks easy,
but there's no luck involved.
It's really only about one thing:
risk assessment.
People are so damned stupid.
No one reads books any more.
Why don't you tell me about
you and Mom instead?
Come on... I've told you that one
a thousand times.
Alright...
It was one of those
one in a million things...
It was a regular evening. We were
going out to do some dancing...
But first we went to the kiosk.
How the hell can you eat something
that has parents?
What? A cucumber might
have a dad, after all.
Oh, honey...
Is it that guy?
It's all for the better. Were you
going to commute to Italy?
No, I could have moved there,
you moron.
Linnea, that's not being realistic.
-Besides, he was just sixteen.
-That's rich, coming from you.
So what are we going to do
with the Raclette cheese?
I wonder if you'd think,
"I'm fucking Madonna right now"-
-if you were to fuck Madonna.
-Shhh...
-Shh!
-Shh!
-Shhh...
-Schlong.
-That's real mature.
Mustafa! Did you bring the pictures
of the Norwegian girls? Because...
Gentlemen. Time to go to sleep.
Okay, okay. Let's sleep.
-Hi.
-Welcome to my home.
-Do you want some tea?
-Yes, please.
So Jocke's not an engineer?
He's not even employed?
He does work. On his tan.
He said that he
worked as a model on the side.
-Breast shots. And some back shots.
-Nice.
They must have had you very young.
Not really. Mom was
sixteen or seventeen. Dad too.
-Oh my.
-There were special circumstances.
Mom had been told she couldn't get
pregnant. So I was a golden egg.
She's very pretty.
Does she live here in Gothenburg?
I'd rather be a love child-
-than grow up with parents
who hardly touch each other.
-Do you have kids?
-No.
Why not?
I think I have to go. I have to
get up for work in an hour.
-Say hello from me.
-What should I tell him?
-To call you?
-No.
-That you'll call him.
-Bye.
There's no way. It really hurts.
I think I have something
that might work.
Hello?
Yes?
Of course.
It's my mother.
She's having surgery. Right now.
-Shouldn't we drive you?
-No, I'll take a taxi.
You go to the game. I'll be alright.
Okay. - Let's go.
If you don't want me
to come with you, I won't.
It's just embarrassing, because it's
a pill you put up the...you know.
-And Carro will be there.
-Alright.
Call if you change your mind.
I can pick you up.
Did you get money for the fee?
One cola light, two cinnamon buns,
one big latte-
-one of those green ones
and a shrimp sandwich.
Or something vegetarian.
And a pack of Marlboro Lights.
Hi, honey. It's okay, I guess.
No, Dad's here, so...
I'll be done by six, so we
can meet up before the party.
Stop faking.
Where have you been, quitter?
Are you coming
to the amusement park?
-I think I need some rest.
-Seriously. Do I look like an idiot?
Something's going on. You've
gelled your hair. What happened?
Screw him. Let's go.
Hey, Mustafa!
What's the matter with you?
-Stop miming. What are you up to?
-Come on.
So now she thinks I'm Italian.
What a great idea.
You've got to be joking.
-Don't tell anyone. Please.
-Okay.
-How are we going to solve that?
-What?
Five hundred crowns.
I'm going. I can't take
any more of these slimeballs.
-What's happened?
-That guy is so dirty.
Are you coming?
-You didn't...?
-Didn't what?
-Didn't what, Carro?
-We're not on vacation any more.
-Don't be naive.
-Fuck off, you posh bitch.
Carro?
Good night.
We'll be so good together.
My rose. Forget everything I said.
It was all bullshit. Forget Italy.
I don't care about you. /Massimo
Idiot! I almost called the police!
I am so damned disappointed in you.
I don't know if I want to
see you at practice any more.
You have to keep in touch.
Don't you get that?
-I had to go to my mother.
-Well, go then!
Mustafa, wait!
If it's about the pictures,
just ignore what they say.
-What do you mean?
-The Norwegian girls.
-That you didn't...you know.
-That's not it. Never mind.
-Come on, take it easy.
-I don't care about that right now!
-Hey, it's not that big a deal.
-Never you mind!
Are you a moron? You don't know
what this is about. Go read a book.
You're a fraud. You pretend
not to care what people think.
-But actually...
-I know!
Are you happy now?
I know I'm a fraud.
-Don't act all cool.
-You're right, though.
I lie all the damned time.
I'm a complete fake.
I'm not Iranian
and I'm not Swedish...
Hey, I'm sorry.
-Good job.
-She was cute.
Massimo... Come on!
-What are you doing?
-Nothing.
-Do you need money?
-What, are you guys dating?
I don't really know.
-How much?
-Three or four thousand.
Oh my.
-What do you need it for?
-A trip.
Alright. Where to?
Come on.
Thank you, thank you, thank you...
I can hardly breathe
when you're this close to me.
That's really hard.
I like you a lot and
I want to be with you. Forever.
Screw the rest.
Hey, sorry that l... You know.
-How is she doing?
-It's just an English girl.
-Your mother!
-Oh, right.
It went well, it was minor.
Good luck with everything.
I have to go.
And promise me you'll get in touch
if you're late or something.
So you do know a little Swedish?
Alright, before seven o'clock.
-You look nice.
-Cut it out.
No, you look great.
-Are you meeting someone?
-No.
-Well...actually I am.
-Good luck, then.
Hey, l...
You have to promise me
you won't tell Dad. Okay?
Okay.
I think I've decided to keep...
I mean, I'm still...
-Oh, sweetie...
-Don't say that!
-Why is everyone against me?
-I'm not. But you're alone.
-What if I'm not?
-You have your life ahead of you.
Having a child now
will really limit you.
You're too young. Think about this.
-But Mom and Dad...
-That was an accident.
-Why do you think she left?
-She didn't leave!
-I was wanted, they were in love!
-You were a busted condom. Sorry.
When you grow up, you'll...
Your whole life is ahead of you.
What the hell do you
know about me, you old hag?
Get your own life and stop using us!
What do you know about love?
LA TERRAZZA
ITALIAN RESTAURANT & BAR
-Hello, girl. How are you doing?
-Fine.
Tell your dad to not give
insane girls my number.
They call all the time, and l
hardly get any work done.
Just a guy. He's Italian.
Are you Italian? Hi. I'm Marco.
I guess we can speak Italian.
Good, Linnea. A nice Italian boy.
Are you ready? Just one moment..
-Let's see...
-Spaghetti del mare.
Alright. Spaghetti del mare.
-Anything to drink?
-Yes.
Water? Okay, water...
-Starter?
-Salad.
Do you have anything
with sun-dried tomatoes?
And then some ravioli.
-ls that all?
-Thank you.
He's from Rome.
A Roman? That's a beautiful town.
My friend Frederico just got
a new job in Rome.
What part of town are you from?
We've ordered.
Now leave us alone, okay?
Sorry?
What do you want me to say?
Just leave.
The toilet? Did you want to know
where the toilet was?
Over there, on the right.
Mustafa?
What's happening, Mustafa?
- Wasn't that him?
Aw, man. Having a sauna is so great.
Am I the only one who gets gassy?
Cut it out.
Ow, stop it!
-My iPod? Are you insane?
-It's nothing to a rich guy like you.
-Maybe I should talk to the girl?
-You're not saying anything.
Are you that dumb? - Hey, girl!
You're not saying a thing. Get it?
You idiot, I'm just kidding.
I don't have to go.
-I live here.
-What?
-Yes. My name is Mustafa.
-What? Are you Swedish?
I live in Lerum.
You'll freeze to death, Linnea!
You're just completely...
Go home to Teheran, you idiot!
Forgive me.
-What did you say your name was?
-Mustafa.
-So you don't even speak Italian?
-I know I've been an idiot.
Maybe we can see each other again.
-Go to hell!
-Because I lied?
Or because I'm Iranian?
I still don't understand!
Can't we talk about it?
I've had a really good time,
but can't we just...
We don't need to get a house
and a dog. I can change!
No, you can't. You're just not that
kind of guy. That's the way it is.
Be well. - Bye!
What kind of guy?
-Never mind her.
-No, what kind of guy?
Sorry, but you aren't
that kind of guy.
What?
Sit down and I'll tell you
what women want. Come on.
First, don't say you're an engineer
because you've done factory work.
I just wanted to know why you
tricked me. To get to fuck me?
No.
Or, actually, yes. Basically.
Good. Then I know.
Congratulations.
But...
I'm sorry.
I wasn't lying when I said
I liked you.
I've never been with another girl.
You're my first, so...
That was part of the reason.
I know the place is kind of a mess.
I haven't had time.
I've been really busy.
-There's tuna, if you want it.
-Are you having that?
No, I don't eat anything with...
Here's the deal: I'm pregnant.
Some guy from
a vacation trip is the father.
I think... I've decided to keep it.
No, I'm vegetarian,
so I don't eat...meat.
-Hi there!
-I want to be alone.
-Bye.
-Come on. Life works out.
-Really?
-Yeah! Just look at me.
You've got to take care
of yourself now. Lots of vitamins.
I know. It'd be nice to get advice
from you that I didn't already know.
Was I just a pointless screw?
Your mother and l...
Regardless of what your
mother and I had, I love you.
And so did she.
But I was actually a mistake.
Come, give me a hug.
I'm so grateful for you.
You're the best thing that ever
happened to me.
Chris, still only one.
Better luck next year.
-Babak, you finally did it.
-But you're still a loser.
Let's see...
You can take me off the list.
Erase the Norwegian girls.
I'm a virgin.
That's just stupid anyway.
-What are you doing?
-Making room.
Hey, kid. How are you doing?
So, tell me... Did you get any?
Mustafa, don't go in there, it's war.
Okay, everyone. I'm going. I have to
get up early for work. Bye!
What happened?
Your father doesn't love me.
And it's our anniversary today.
I've lived with that man
for 25 years.
And he comes waltzing in here
in his dirty work clothes.
And I've set the table,
bought flowers...
Have you eaten?
Otherwise I'll put it in the fridge.
You can't stay with her
because you pity her.
I don't pity her.
We're just a bit different.
Good lord.
I really do love her.
She's my life partner.
Why does love
have to be so difficult?
No. Listen to me, son.
You pay for food, telephone, taxes,
payroll and social security fees.
Then you're
on your knees for weeks-
-in all sorts of weather,
hammering away.
Honestly, many weaklings
would complain and just leave.
But...not us.
I traded the solarium.
It's a bit early, I know. But it's
good to be mentally prepared.
"Grandpa Jocke." That's just weird.
Maybe "Grandpa Joakim"...
"Grandpa Jocke"...
Which one sounds better?
Oh, right. There's some guy
waiting for you downstairs.
I don't really know what two people
can promise each other.
But this is how I see it:
I like wearing slacks, my dad is
a dentist and I have good grades.
But I'm nice and will care for you
if you let me. Because I love you.
As for the kid, I'll be in my
second year in March.
I can work extra, and we can live
in my room until I finish school.
I've some saved money.
We could get an apartment...
We could get an apartment later.
I think we could do well together.
As for romance, I also have a lot
of passion. I'm from Teheran.
What do you think?
By LeapinLar
Translation: John E Thelin