THERE'S A PROGRAM BEING SEEN
ON P.B.S. NETWORK AT THE MOMENT.
AND IT'S CALLED
"AN AMERICAN FAMILY."
AND IT'S AN EXTRAORDINARY
DOCUMENTARY. IT'S IN 12 PARTS.
AND IT PROBES
THE DAY-TO-DAY LIVES
OF A FAMILY FROM
SANTA BARBARA, CALIFORNIA.
THEY AGREED
TO LET A FILM CREW
LIVE WITH THEM
FOR MONTHS ON END
AND THEIR MOST PRIVATE
MOMENTS HAVE BECOME PUBLIC.
THE SERIES HAS BEEN WIDELY
REVIEWED AND CRITICIZED.
AND NOBODY IS SURE--
MAYBE THEY'RE NOT--
WHY THEY LET THEMSELVES IN
FOR SOME OF THE THINGS THEY DID.
BUT THAT'LL BE ONE OF THE THINGS
MAYBE WE WILL BE ABLE TO FIND OUT.
I HAD THIS VISION
OF THE LOUD FAMILY
THAT I JUS COULDN'T SHAKE--
SEVEN PEOPLE
STANDING SHOULDER TO SHOULDER
IN SOLIDARITY,
BONDED BY BLOOD
AND TIME AND LOVE...
WITH A HUSBAND AND A FATHER
WHO WAS HOME AND THERE FOR US ALL.
STARS SHINING BRIGH ABOVE YOU
NIGHT BREEZES
SEEM TO WHISPER
I LOVE YOU
BIRDS SINGING
IN THE SYCAMORE TREE
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
OF ME
SAY NIGHTY-NIGH AND KISS ME
JUST HOLD ME TIGHT
AND TELL ME
YOU'LL MISS ME
WHILE I'M ALONE
AND BLUE AS CAN BE
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
OF ME
STARS FADING
BUT I LINGER ON, DEAR
STILL CRAVING
YOUR KISS
I'M LONGING TO LINGER
TILL DAWN, DEAR
JUST SAYING THIS
SWEET DREAMS TILL SUNBEAMS
FIND YOU
SWEET DREAMS THAT LEAVE
ALL WORRIES
BEHIND YOU
BUT IN YOUR DREAMS
WHATEVER THEY BE
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
OF ME...
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
OF ME...
- PAT.
- MARY.
OH, RIGHT ON TIME.
WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?
OH, YOU'LL SEE.
COME, DEAR.
WE'RE SITTING RIGHT UP THERE.
CRAIG.
CRAIG GILBERT,
THIS IS PAT LOUD.
- HELLO.
- A PLEASURE.
- CRAIG'S A VISITOR FROM
THE BIG APPLE. - OH.
- HE'S FRIENDS WITH
MY EDITOR. - WELCOME.
WELL, PLEASE, SIT SIT.
CRAIG'S WORKING ON
A VERY INTERESTING PROJECT.
WELL, I MAKE
DOCUMENTARY FILMS, PAT--
NOTHING YOU'D
HAVE HEARD OF.
RECENTLY I JUST DID SOMETHING
ON THE WORK OF MARGARET MEAD.
SHE'S A WELL-KNOWN
ANTHROPOLOGIST.
YES, SHE WROTE "COMING OF AGE IN SAMOA,"
WHICH I QUITE ENJOYED.
- I'M IMPRESSED. - SHE'S
DEAD ON ABOUT GENDER ROLES.
FATHERS ARE BIOLOGICAL NECESSITIES,
BUT SOCIAL ACCIDENTS.
SHE ALSO SAID, "I DON'T BELIEVE IN
USING WOMEN IN COMBAT BECAUSE
- THE FEMALES ARE TOO FIERCE."
- "FEMALES ARE TOO FIERCE."
WHY IS IT I THINK WE ALREADY KNOW
MORE ABOUT EACH OTHER THAN WE SHOULD?
DIDN'T I TELL YOU?
SHE'S PERFECT.
PAT, I WANT TO OBSERVE
AN AMERICAN FAMILY
MUCH LIKE MARGARE OBSERVED A PRIMITIVE ONE,
EXCEPT THIS TIME I'D LIKE THE CAMERA
TEAM TO MOVE IN WITH THE FAMILY.
AND I THINK THAT I FOUND
MY FAMILY LAST NIGH
WHEN MARY TOLD ME ABOUT YOU
AND SHOWED ME
THIS WONDERFUL
CHRISTMAS CARD.
MM, WHY WOULD ANYONE WAN TO PARTICIPATE IN SUCH A THING?
WELL, TO EDUCATE. TO BE PAR OF A BRAVE NEW EXPERIMEN
WITH A REAL FAMILY,
WITH REAL PEOPLE
THAT AUDIENCES
CAN RELATE TO.
YOU WERE HIS FIRST CHOICE. I SHOWED
HIM THE CARTERS, THE PERCYS, THE HALLS.
THEY'RE ALWAYS
IN HER SOCIETY COLUMN.
YES, BUT NONE ARE AS
INTERESTING AS THE LOUD FAMILY.
AND HER KIDS--
HER KIDS ARE SO POPULAR.
EVERYONE'S ALWAYS
TALKING ABOUT THEM.
TIME
IS ON MY SIDE
YES, IT IS
TIME
IS ON MY SIDE
YES, IT IS
NOW YOU WERE SAYING
THAT YOU WAN TO BE FREE....
LANCE, WAIT UP.
COME ON, HURRY UP.
I CAN'T MISS IT.
DADDY TRIED TO BE HERE TOO,
YOU KNOW, SWEETIE,
BUT HIS BUSINESS TRIP
GOT EXTENDED.
AREN'T THEY ALWAYS?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
- I LOVE YOU.
- OH, COLD NEW YORK NIGHTS--
YOU KNOW YOU HAVE
A LOW RESISTANCE, BABY.
THEY'RE CLOSING
THE DOOR. GO.
- BYE, LANCE.
- LOVE YOU.
- I'M GONNA MISS YOU.
- SAY HI TO ANDY WARHOL FOR ME.
GO AHEAD
GO AND LIGHT UP
THAT TOWN
AND, BABY, DO EVERYTHING
YOUR HEART DESIRES
REMEMBER,
I'LL BE AROUND
AND I KNOW
LIKE I TOLD YOU
SO MANY TIMES BEFORE
OH, YOU'RE GONNA
COME BACK, BABY
YOU'RE GONNA
COME BACK
YOU'RE GONNA BE
KNOCK-KNOCKING ON MY DOOR
TIME TIME TIME
IS ON MY SIDE
- YES, IT IS....
- Girl: DAD'S HERE.
- HEY, DAD.
- HEY, DAD, WHAT'S UP?
- HEY. - LOOKING GOOD.
NICE SUIT, MAN.
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO BE BACK TILL TOMORROW.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
HEY, JOE NAMATH.
- HEY, PATTY?
- HMM?
YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING
WHEN I GOT HOME TONIGHT?
WHAT'S THAT, BILL?
WHEN I SAW THOSE KIDS
PLAYING OUT THERE ON THE LAWN,
RUNNING AROUND WITH THE
SUNLIGHT IN THEIR HAIR,
I WAS THINKING
WE ARE LIKE--
- YOUR HAIRBRUSH.
- MY HAIRBRUSH?
- IT'S CLEAN.
- AND?
- WHO CLEANED IT?
- I CLEANED IT.
YOU'VE NEVER CLEANED YOUR
HAIRBRUSH IN YOUR LIFE.
PATTY, I'VE CLEANED
MY BRUSH BEFORE
AND I CLEANED I THIS TIME.
WHY?
BECAUSE IT HAD
DOG HAIR IN IT.
BILL NEVIN'S FOUR-YEAR-OLD
OPENS UP MY SUITCASE
AND BRUSHES HIS GOLDEN
RETRIEVER WITH MY HAIRBRUSH.
- UNBELIEVABLE, RIGHT?
- I AGREE.
SO WHAT I WAS
TRYING TO SAY WAS
THAT WHEN I WAS OUT THERE
PLAYING FOOTBALL ON THE LAWN,
I WAS THINKING WE'RE LIKE
THE WEST COAST KENNEDYS.
DO YOU MEAN THAT AS
A GOOD THING OR A BAD THING?
IT'S A COMPLIMENT,
PATTY.
I'M SAYING WE'VE GO A FAMILY TO BE PROUD OF HERE.
IT'S INTERESTING
YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT,
BECAUSE I MET A FILMMAKER
WHO'S LOOKING FOR
THE IDEAL FAMILY
TO PUT ON TV.
REALLY?
OF COURSE I TOLD HIM
WE COULDN'T PARTICIPATE,
BEING THAT YOU'RE
AWAY SO MUCH.
HOLD ON A MINUTE.
I'D LIKE TO HEAR
MORE ABOUT THIS.
I CANNOT BELIEVE
THAT YOU KNEW ALICE.
SHE WAS MY SOPHOMORE
ROOMMATE AT STANFORD.
HER BROTHER JIMMY WAS
IN MY HOUSE AT HARVARD.
OH MY,
WHAT A SMALL WORLD.
SO, BILL,
WHERE DID YOU STUDY?
I MATRICULATED A THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS.
YES, BILL WASN' MUCH OF A STUDENT,
BUT HE MAKES MORE MONEY
THAN MOST IVY LEAGUERS.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE SECRET IS?
YOU GOTTA LOVE IT.
IF YOU DON'T LOVE IT,
YOU CAN'T SELL IT.
GOD HELP ME, YOU CAN
LAUGH IF YOU WANT,
BUT I LOVE STRIP MINES AND
I LOVE SELLING SHOVEL TEETH.
IT'S LIKE BROADWAY,
BABY.
MR. GILBERT SAW "HAIR"
ON BROADWAY.
HE SAID IT WAS LIKE
A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
YEAH, MR. GILBERT KNOWS
MICK JAGGER TOO.
YOUR BOYS HAVE
PROMISED ME A CONCERT.
WAIT UNTIL YOU MEET LANCE.
HE'S THE COOLEST OF US ALL.
- BUT HE MOVED TO NEW YORK.
- TO MEET ANDY WARHOL.
WELL, WE CAN SHOOT HIM
IN NEW YORK.
BUT HE'S NO IN THE HOUSE,
AND THAT'S WHA THE SHOW IS, RIGHT--
WHAT GOES ON
IN THE HOUSE?
THE HOUSE, THE SCHOOL, THE SUPERMARKET,
WHEREVER THE FAMILY GOES.
- WHAT ABOUT THE BATHROOM?
- NO NO.
SERIOUSLY,
WHAT IS OFF-LIMITS?
WHY, BILL? YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO HIDE?
WELL, NO, THAT'S
A FAIR QUESTION--
THE THRESHOLD
OF PRIVACY.
IT'S SOMETHING THAT WE HAVE
TO DISCUSS AND DECIDE UPON.
WHAT ABOUT PAYMENT?
NO NO. THE PUBLIC
HAS TO BE CERTAIN
THERE'S NO MANIPULATION
GOING ON.
I DON'T KNOW THEN. I STILL
DON'T SEE ANY UPSIDE TO IT.
COME ON, DAD.
IT'LL BE SO MUCH FUN.
WELL, YOU MIGHT,
WHEN YOU SEE JOHNNY HALL
AS THE HEAD OF THE MOS FAMOUS HOUSEHOLD IN AMERICA.
- JOHNNY HALL?
- MM.
WHAT'S SO GREA ABOUT HIS FAMILY?
HIS WIFE HAS GO A MUSTACHE
AND HIS KIDS ARE
PRACTICALLY BRAIN DEAD.
DAD!
- SO THAT WOULD BE A YES?
- YES.
WHEN BILL WOULD
GO AWAY,
I WAS JUST LEFT AT HOME
WITH MY OWN WORST FEARS.
FINALLY I DECIDED THAT...
WHAT I NEEDED TO DO
WAS TO KEEP BILL HOME
AND SHOW HIM
AND THE WORLD
THAT HIS FAMILY WAS
AN INDESTRUCTIBLE THING.
GENTLEMEN, MEET THE LOUDS.
THE HANDSOME, HARD-WORKING,
NIXON-SUPPORTING DAD,
THE SMART,
SULTRY MOM.
SHE'S A LITTLE TOO LATE
FOR WOMEN'S LIB,
BUT TOO YOUNG TO BE
A DISCARDED HOUSEWIFE.
THE 16 YEAR-OLD
DAUGHTER
WHO IS EXPERIENCING
HER FIRST SERIOUS BOYFRIEND.
THE LITTLE ONE WHO IS IN LOVE
WITH HER HORSE.
THE TWO BOYS WHO THINK
THEY'RE THE NEXT ROLLING STONES.
AND THE ELDEST-- HE'S MOVED
TO MANHATTAN TO MAKE IT.
I HAVE YE TO MEET HIM.
WHY NO APPLAUSE HERE,
GENTLEMEN?
FOR WHAT, FIVE HOURS OF
"PASS THE SALT"? I DON'T GET THE POINT.
THE POINT IS WE'VE GONE
TO THE MOON AND BEYOND,
BUT WE HAVE YET TO GET PAS THE AMERICAN FRONT DOOR.
AND WHEN WE GE PAST THAT DOOR,
WHAT DO YOU THINK
WE'RE GOING TO FIND?
THE SMILING FACES
ON THE CHRISTMAS CARDS?
THE CUTE LITTLE JOKES
WITH THE LAUGH TRACKS? NO.
NOW ONE HAS EVER
DONE THIS BEFORE,
SO IF ANYONE SHOULD BE
ASKING WHAT THE POINT IS,
IT SHOULD BE ME--
OF HAVING TO BEG TO FINANCE
WHAT COULD BE
THE MOST GROUNDBREAKING
EVER PUT ON THE AIR.
- 10 HOURS?
- YEAH. YOU HEARD THAT.
I HEARD THAT, YES.
WELL, YOU JUST REMEMBER
THIS LAUGH
WHEN YOU SEE THE DAILIES
AND YOU'RE BEGGING ME FOR MORE.
ALL RIGHT, CRAIG, I'M GONNA
TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.
IF I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU
THE REST OF THE FINANCING,
I NEED YOU HERE
TO SCREEN DAILIES
EVERY STEP OF THE WAY,
SO WE CAN BE SURE
YOU'RE GETTING SOMETHING
WORTH PUTTING ON.
- ABSOLUTELY.
- MR. GILBERT.
YOUR ASSISTANT PU A PHONE CALL THROUGH.
- THIS PICKS UP EVERYTHING? - MM-HMM,
I'M GONNA WRAP THIS AROUND RIGHT HERE.
YEAH, WE'LL BE PUTTING IN
SOME HIGHER-WATTAGE BULBS.
PAT, I WAS JUS DESCRIBING YOU
AND I USED AN ADJECTIVE
THAT ACTUALLY MADE ME BLUSH.
Why aren't you here,
Craig?
MY HOUSE IS BEING TORN APAR BY A BUNCH OF NEW YORKERS.
They're just
prerigging a little.
WHEN THEY'RE DONE
YOU'LL HARDLY NOTICE.
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT YOU
FILMING MY TRIP TO MANHATTAN?
THEY SAY YOU WAN TO START WITH THAT NOW?
WELL, YOU DECIDED TO VISI YOUR SON AND WE THOUGH THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING.
By the way, where is Lance?
Where is he staying?
OH, UM,
I BELIEVE HE'S STAYING
AT A PLACE CALLED
THE, UH, CHELSEA HOTEL.
LANCE?
WE'RE GOING TO THE
LA MAMA THEATER TONIGHT--
THE ULTIMATE
OF UNDERGROUND, HONEY.
YOU'LL JUST THINK
IT'S SO NEAT.
YEAH, ALL THE UNDERGROUND
STARS ARE THERE. IT'S A BIG PLACE.
ALL THESE WONDERFUL PEOPLE
I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF.
OH, I KNOW, BUT YOU'VE
DREAMED OF THEM.
GOT TO PAY
YOUR DUES
IF YOU WAN TO SING THE BLUES
AND YOU KNOW
IT DON'T COME EASY
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SHOUT...
WHAT'VE WE GOT?
UH, FIVE-SIX.
I THINK THIS IS HER.
- YEAH.
- SLATE IT.
ROLLING IT.
AN AMERICAN FAMILY,
TAKE ONE.
GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA NEED
THAT SUN GUN WHEN WE GO IN THERE.
- THAT LOBBY'S TOO DARK.
- YEAH.
WE'RE STARTING
RIGHT NOW?
YEAH, JUST KEEP ON COMING.
REMEMBER, WE'RE INVISIBLE.
YOU'RE RIGH IN FRONT OF ME.
IT'S OKAY. JUST KEEP WALKING.
WE'LL GIVE WAY.
AND TRY NOT TO TALK
TO THE CAMERA, PAT.
DOES YOUR MOTHER
HAVE DARK HAIR,
LONG, SEXY LEGS,
HUGE SUNGLASSES
AND CAMERAS
FOLLOWING HER?
OR IS THA JACKIE O?
OH MY GOD,
LOOK AT THEM.
THIS IS HEAVEN.
OH, EXCUSE ME.
OH, JACKIE O.
HEY, BABY.
WANT SOME?
HELLO. THE NAME'S
PATRICIA LOUD.
MY SON MADE A RESERVATION
FOR ME ON THE FOURTH FLOOR.
YEAH, HE WANTED YOU
ON EIGHT.
LANCE.
- BABY.
- HI, MOM.
- OH, HOW ARE YOU?
- FINE, MOM.
OH, THIS IS CAMERON,
MOM.
HI. HELLO.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
- I LOVE YOUR GLOVES.
- YEAH, YOU LOOK NICE.
- HONEY, YOU SAID--
- HOW WAS YOUR FLIGHT, MRS. LOUD?
- YEAH.
- FINE FINE.
YES, WE GOT IN A LITTLE
EARLIER THAN EXPECTED.
- OH.
- WHO SMOKES?
WELL, CAMERON SMOKES.
CAMERON, YOU TELL--
THAT'S--
I'M THE SMOKER.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S
HIS MOTHER'S PROBLEM.
JUST SO LONG AS YOU
DON'T START.
- THIS PLACE COULD USE SOME
CLEANING. - UH, I KNOW.
THE MAID SERVICE HERE REALLY
IS JUST AWFUL, JUST TERRIBLE.
WELL, PERHAPS YOU OUGH TO APPLY FOR THE JOB.
I APPLIED FOR THE--
FOR THE CLEANING JOB,
BUT THEY SAID I HAD TO
WEAR A HAIR NET,
AND I JUS COULDN'T DO THAT.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL HER
ABOUT THE SHOW?
OH, UM, YEAH.
WE-- WE GOT TICKETS TO THIS
AMAZING SHOW AT LA MAMA THEATER--
- "VAIN VICTORY."
- THANK YOU.
I'D LOVE TO TAKE IN
A NICE SHOW.
OH, MOM, I KNOW SO MANY FAMOUS
AND INTERESTING PEOPLE NOW.
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
LIKE JACKIE CURTIS
AND CANDY--
SHE'S RIGHT THERE.
SHE'S STARRING IN IT.
- OH, SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS?
- SHE WANTS TO MARRY HIM ACTUALLY.
- REALLY?
- OH YEAH.
SHE THINKS HE'S
THE ALL-AMERICAN BOY
AND SHE'S
THE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL.
SHE'S VERY PRETTY.
SO DO YOU WANT TO GO
TO YOUR ROOM NOW,
GO UP?
YOU SAID I'D BE
NEXT DOOR TO YOU.
WHY AM I UP THERE?
BECAUSE IT'S
BIG ENOUGH FOR YOU
TO SWEEP IN THE DOOR
LIKE LORETTA YOUNG, YOU KNOW.
THERE'S A CAMERA.
MY GOD, A CAMERA.
I HAD NO IDEA.
YOU KNOW, YOU WERE INVISIBLE
JUST LIKE THEY SAID YOU'D BE.
LISTEN, WE'LL BE
RIGHT BACK, OKAY?
NICE TO MEET YOU.
DROP INTO OUR ORBIT
WHERE QUEENS
CAN COLLIDE
AND JIGGLE
YOUR SWEET SPOT
INTO MADCAP YEARNING,
OOH...
SHE WAS THE GREATES STAR OF ALL.
MY PLACE TONIGHT,
FELLAS
MY PLACE
TONIGHT, FELLAS
WHO IS THE LUCKY
BOY TO BE?
- OH, SOMEONE SPECIAL!
- OOH!
DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT,
FELLAS
IT ISN'T RIGHT,
FELLAS
WHY ARE THE BIG FELLAS
ALL FOR ME?
IS THAT YOUR FRIEND
CANDY,
THE ONE WHO WANTS
TO MARRY YOU?
YES.
HMM.
SHE'S A MAN?
WELL, I HAVEN'T ACCEPTED
OR ANYTHING.
OURS
MY PLACE TONIGHT,
FELLAS...
YOU DO REALIZE
THAT WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED
BY A CAMERA CREW,
LANCE, RIGHT?
DID YOU TAKE THA INTO CONSIDERATION
BEFORE YOU BROUGHT ME
HERE TONIGHT?
YES.
LOOK AT THAT FACE,
FELLAS
IN MY EMBRACE,
FELLAS
I BET IT'S ME
SHE'S GONNA CHOOSE...
I'M GONNA GO NOW,
SWEETIE.
ALL RIGHT.
ONE MUST NEVER LET THE
PUBLIC BEHIND THE SCENES,
FOR THEY ARE
EASILY DISILLUSIONED
AND THEN THEY'RE
ANGRY WITH YOU.
FOR IT IS THE ILLUSION
THEY LOVE.
PAT, HELLO.
SORRY I'M LATE.
CRAIG. DID YOU KNOW
THAT THEY WERE TAKING ME
TO SEE THIS?
OH, OF COURSE NOT. I HAD
NO IDEA THAT WAS HAPPENING.
OH, IT'S NOT HAPPENING.
TRANSVESTITES?
THIS ALL GO STARTED OFF WRONG.
IF THIS SEQUENCE UPSETS YOU,
WE DON'T HAVE TO USE IT.
IT'S NOT ME.
IT'S BILL.
IF HE EVER SAW THIS
HE'D HAVE A STROKE.
DON'T MAKE HIM LOOK
FOOLISH, CRAIG.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
LET ME JUST SAY SOMETHING.
I THINK LANCE IS AMAZING AND
I CAN TELL MY CREW DOES TOO.
HE'S SMART AND HE'S WITTY
AND HE'S INCREDIBLY SPECIAL.
WELL, I KNOW ALL THAT.
I'M JUST SCARED--
THESE PEOPLE,
THIS PLACE.
WELL, HE'S TRYING
TO FIND HIMSELF
AND MANHATTAN IS
THE PLACE TO DO THAT.
- YOU REALLY THINK SO?
- YES.
NOW ARE YOU OKAY?
WELL, I'D GIVE YOU A HUG, BUT I DON' WANT TO SEEM INAPPROPRIATE.
WELL, I TELL YOU,
THERE REALLY IS
SOMETHING LIBERATING
ABOUT GETTING
OUT OF TOWN.
FOR ONCE IT'S ALL
IN BILL'S LAP.
WELL, HIS TRAVELING
MUST BE HARD ON YOU.
YES, IT'S HARD
ON ALL OF US.
DO YOU GET LONELY?
WELL, IT'S ALL...
VERY COMPLICATED.
I'M NOT EVEN SURE
I UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF.
WELL, MAYBE THE SHOW
CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT.
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE THAT SAY
WHEN YOU TURN A CAMERA ON THINGS,
THE TRUTH JUST RISES
TO THE SURFACE.
WHAT, LIKE DUMPLINGS?
SO...
DO YOU HAVE
A WIFE AND KIDS?
NO NO.
MY MARRIAGE COLLAPSED.
OH.
YES, IT TURNED OUT THA WE WEREN'T THE RIGHT FIT.
I'M SORRY.
YES, IT WAS--
WELL, THERE REALLY ARE
NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE IT.
YOU DON'T STRIKE ME
AS A MAN
THAT WOULD EVER BE
AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.
IN THIS CASE I AM.
UM...
THE ADJECTIVE?
WELL, YOU USED A WORD
TO DESCRIBE ME.
ON THE PHONE
YOU MENTIONED--
WELL, I GET FLOWERY
WHEN I'M IN MY SELLING MODE.
WELL, WHAT WAS THE WORD?
IT WAS "SULTRY."
- SULTRY?
- MM-HMM.
BUT I SAID SMART TOO.
I LIKE SULTRY.
It's kind of late there.
Have you been prowling
the streets all night?
- LANCE TOOK ME TO A SHOW.
- How's he doing?
- FOUND A JOB YET?
- No, but he's making lots of friends.
GOOD GOOD.
ANY GIRLS?
THAT'S STILL
MY HOPE, YOU KNOW,
THAT IF HE COULD JUS MEET THE RIGHT GIRL AND--
YOU KNOW,
I THINK HE HAS.
Really?
YES, SHE WAS
IN THE SHOW TONIGHT.
Well, finally some
encouraging news.
WHAT ELSE? HAS THA GILBERT BEEN AROUND?
UH, MM-HMM.
- You betcha. - HOW MUCH HAVE
YOU HAD TO DRINK, PATTY?
ENOUGH TO PUT ME TO SLEEP.
I LOVE IT HERE, MOM.
I WISH I COULD STAY
AT THE CHELSEA FOREVER.
YOU REALLY NEVER FELT AT HOME
IN SANTA BARBARA, DID YOU?
I MEAN,
LOOKING BACK ON IT,
THERE WERE THINGS THA I COULD'VE DONE DIFFERENTLY,
BUT I JUST ALWAYS FEL THAT I STOOD APAR
FROM THE RES OF THE FAMILY SO MUCH.
I MEAN, MAYBE YOU GUYS
COULD'VE--
COULD'VE WHAT?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY.
IT'S ALL OKAY NOW.
BY THE WAY, DAD WANTS
TO PASS THROUGH NEW YORK
ON ONE OF HIS
UPCOMING TRIPS.
DO ME A FAVOR-- DON'T GET HIM
A ROOM AT THE CHELSEA HOTEL.
YOU KNOW, I STILL NEVER
KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO HIM.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK
TO YOUR FATHER.
HE'S SUCH A CONVERSATIONALIST,
HE'LL TAKE CARE OF THE WHOLE THING.
BUT THAT'S NO ACTUALLY TALKING, MOM.
YOU KNOW,
THAT'S KILLING TIME.
WELL, SOMETIMES
THAT'S THE BES YOU CAN ASK FOR.
THE BOYS
ARE SO SO LAZY.
BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY TO
LEAD THEM AS FAR AS YOU CAN.
YOU STILL HAVE ALL THA HEAVY EQUIPMENT TO GET?
OH, HELLO.
WELCOME HOME,
PATRICIA.
OH, YOU'RE A VISION.
DID YOU MAKE YOUR
CONNECTING FLIGHT OKAY?
WHY, YES, WE DID.
OH.
DID YOU MAKE YOUR
CONNECTING FLIGHT OKAY?
YES.
HOW ABOUT I TAKE YOU GUYS
TO LUNCH? YOU LOOK EXHAUSTED.
THEY CAN'T SPEAK TO YOU
WHEN THEY'RE FILMING, BILL.
OH, TAKE TWO.
HOW ABOUT I TAKE MY
BEAUTIFUL WIFE TO LUNCH?
- ON CAMERA OR OFF?
- MY LIFE'S AN OPEN BOOK.
OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
WE'LL PUT A LITTLE CAMI BEHIND I
AND EVERYTHING WILL BE
ABSOLUTELY FINE.
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A MINUTE?
MICHELLE,
WOULD YOU PLEASE?
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TRY IT ON?
PATS.
PATSY.
- VAL, HI.
- HI THERE, VAL.
- BILL.
- HI THERE, VAL.
SO I WAS GOING
TO CALL YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS UP TO?
OH, JUST GRABBING
A BITE AT EL PASEO.
WELL, DO STOP BY
WHEN YOU'RE DONE.
I CAN SET YOU UP
WITH A NEW SPRING OUTFIT,
COMPLETE WITH PURSE,
HAT AND SHOES,
ALL ON THE HOUSE.
OH MY GOODNESS.
WHY?
BECAUSE I'D LOVE AMERICA TO
SEE MY NEW SPRING LINE IS WHY.
AND BILL PROMISED HE COULD
GET ME A WARDROBE CREDIT.
OH, THAT'S MY BILL.
- DID I?
- ALWAYS FULL OF PROMISES.
WELL WELL WELL,
IT'S AMERICA'S PERFECT FAMILY.
- HI THERE, JEREMY. HOW'S IT GOING?
- HI, BILL.
- SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
- HI.
HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE A MOVIE STAR?
WELL...
YOU GOT A NICE TAN
WHILE I WAS AWAY.
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE,
KIDDO.
THIS STRIKE'S
GONNA DO ME IN.
ARE WE GONNA
GO BROKE, BILL?
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.
LANCE LIVING IT UP IN NEW YORK--
I HOPE HE KNOWS HE'S
ON A SHORT STRING THERE.
WE JUST DON'T HAVE
THE MONEY ANYMORE.
HE LOVES MANHATTAN.
HE'S SO HAPPY HE BURSTS
INTO SONG SOMETIMES.
HE HAS SUCH
A SPARK OF LIFE,
LIKE NO ONE
I'VE EVER KNOWN,
SO OPEN AND FUNNY.
THAT'S GREAT,
BUT HE'S GOT TO STAR THINKING ABOUT A JOB TOO.
THESE KIDS GOT TO LEARN
THE VALUE OF WORK.
I TELL GRANT THAT HE CAN
MAKE $10 AN HOUR
HAULING CEMENT FOR DAVID WITZELL,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES?
HE GIVES ME THA WOLFMAN JACK DOG CALL--
"NO WAY, BROTHER.
NO WAY.
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE AND
I'M PLAYING WITH THE BAND."
THAT BAND IS
HIS DREAM, BILL.
WELL, OKAY, BUT HOW ABOU FINDING A DREAM
THAT BRINGS IN
SOME BUCKS?
WELL, HOW ABOU RAISING PEOPLE
THAT HAVE A SHO AT BEING HAPPY?
HOW ABOUT HAVING PARENTS
THAT MAKE CERTAIN
THEIR KIDS KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG,
WHAT THEY SHOULD
AND SHOULDN'T DO?
I THINK THAT WOULD BE
NICE TOO, DON'T YOU?
I KNOW THESE GUYS THINK
YOUR LITTLE ESCAPADE
IN NEW YORK
WAS MORE EXCITING
THAN FILMING ME
HOLDING DOWN THE FORT HERE,
BUT BELIEVE ME,
THIS WEEK OF BABYSITTING
GAVE ME A BETTER IDEA OF
WHAT GOES ON WHEN I'M GONE.
REALLY?
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE A 16-YEAR-OLD
DAUGHTER
THAT STAYS OUT HALF THE NIGH AFTER A DANCE PRACTICE--
ON A SCHOOL NIGHT, PAT?
SURE, IT'S FUN AND EASY
BEING FRIENDS WITH YOUR KIDS,
BUT HOW ABOUT GIVING THEM
A LITTLE STRUCTURE?
THIS CONVERSATION
WILL END RIGHT HERE.
I'LL SPEAK TO CRAIG
IN THE MORNING
ABOUT DROPPING THIS
FROM THE FILM.
BAIT ME IN FRON OF THE CAMERA AGAIN
AND YOU'LL BE
VERY VERY SORRY, BILL.
So you let her walk off
just like that?
CRAIG, SHE LEF ON HER OWN VOLITION.
I CAN'T INTERFERE WITH
THE EVENTS AS THEY'RE HAPPENING.
WELL, YOU COULD'VE
FOLLOWED HER.
There was finally
genuine drama unfolding
AND YOU DIDN' GET IT ON FILM.
BELIEVE ME,
WE GOT PLENTY ON FILM.
Well, actually I think you
barely scratched the surface.
AND I DON'T APPRECIATE
THIS ATTITUDE.
This isn't about
an attitude.
THIS IS ABOU DOCUMENTARY ETHICS.
Alan, your job is
to film the Louds--
NO JUDGMENTS, NO INVOLVEMENTS,
NO PERSONAL FEELINGS.
- I know-- - THAT'S WHAT W.N.E.T.
CONTRACTED YOU FOR
AND THAT'S WHERE YOUR
ETHICAL RESPONSIBILITY LIES.
SO LET'S GE ON THE SAME PAGE HERE
AND YOU SHOOT WHAT I NEED
TO MAKE A SUCCESSFUL FILM.
- HAVE A NICE DAY.
THANK YOU. - Okay, Craig--
WHEN CRAIG GILBER HIRED US,
WE HAD NO IDEA WHA WE WERE GETTING INTO.
FIRST OF ALL,
WE WERE JUST MARRIED
AND I THINK WE HAD SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE EXOTIC IN MIND
FOR OUR HONEYMOON THAN
A ROOMFUL OF FILM EQUIPMENT.
WHAT MADE YOU
CHANGE YOUR MIND?
THE SUBJECT MATTER, I THINK--
FOR ME ANYWAY.
FOR ME IT WAS THE CHANCE
TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING PURE--
CINEMA VERITE,
THE CINEMA OF TRUTH.
HEY, DAD,
YOUR TAXI'S HERE.
- OKAY, HONEY.
ALL RIGHT,
I GOTTA GO.
HELLO?
HI, LANCE!
GUYS, IT'S LANCE.
HE'S CALLING COLLECT.
ACCEPT THE CHARGES,
SWEETIE.
- HELLO?
- Hi!
HI, GUYS.
I have very
exciting news.
WHAT IS IT, HONEY?
DID YOU GET A JOB?
I'M GOING TO PARIS.
- PARIS?
- HE GOT A JOB IN PARIS?
LANCE, ARE YOU
IN HIGH SPIRITS AGAIN?
Am I-- am I--?
Yes, I am in high spirits!
LANCE, LANCE,
IT'S DAD.
- Hi, Dad. - WHAT ARE
YOU DOING IN PARIS?
I AM DOING STREET THEATER.
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.
I'M DOING IT WITH THIS
REALLY REALLY SUPER
GROUP OF PEOPLE.
IS THAT ONE OF THOSE
"UP WITH PEOPLE" KIND OF DEALS?
You know, I didn't ask,
but I tell them how great you are,
not that I don't say
that Mother isn't.
In fact, I think I say that
Mother's a bit greater even than you,
but you know what I mean.
Hold on a second.
HEY, GUYS,
GET ME A TOASTED ALMOND.
OKAY, HONEY.
- CATCH.
- OH, WE'RE RICH!
- Lance.
- WHAT?
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW
WHO'S FINANCING THIS TRIP.
OH, UH,
THIS REALLY
REALLY NICE,
VERY RICH MAN WHOSE NAME
I DON'T REMEMBER.
- HE'S NOT GOING TO PARIS.
- Maybe it's-- oh, I don't know.
- I GOTTA GO.
- Paul or John or Ringo
OR SOMETHING.
HE'S NOT GOING
TO PARIS.
HONEY, YOUR FATHER SAYS
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PARIS.
I'M ACTUALLY FLATTERED.
NO ONE'S EVER
TOLD ME THAT BEFORE.
Lance, honey,
how are you really?
Have you been taking
care of that cold?
I JUST NEED YOU TO BE
A LITTLE MORE PATIENT.
YOU'RE BURNING 18 ROLLS
OF FILM PER DAY.
YOU'RE WAY OVER BUDGET AND
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH DRAMA.
NOW I THINK WE'VE BEEN
MORE THAN PATIENT.
A HUGE PART OF THIS PROCESS
IS ESTABLISHING
A COMFORTABLE RELATIONSHIP
BETWEEN THE SUBJECT AND THE CAMERA.
SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD
HEAD OUT TO SANTA BARBARA
AND JUST PUSH THA RELATIONSHIP ALONG.
WELCOME HOME.
OH MY GOD.
- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? TO HELL
AND BACK? - YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
I'VE BEEN BAKING ON A
JOB SITE FOR THREE DAYS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU
CALL ME, KEMOSABE?
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
JUST A SHORT TRIP.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T GET A FREE MINUTE.
IT'S BAD OUT THERE,
PATTY.
KERN COUNTY QUARRY
HAD TO CLOSE DOWN
BECAUSE THE TEAMSTERS
HAVE JOINED THE STRIKE
AND I GOT $200,000
WORTH OF EQUIPMEN
SITTING ON A DOCK
IN GALVESTON.
WE CAN'T HIDE IT, MOM.
THEY'VE GOT TO START HAMMERING.
MAN, ARE YOU BURNED.
HIDE WHAT?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WELCOME TO
WOODSTOCK WEST, MAN.
A NEW ROCK GROUP IS GONNA
BREAK HERE ON SATURDAY.
YEAH, IT'LL HELP US GE SOME GIGS THIS SUMMER.
YOU HAVE A GIG
THIS SUMMER, GRANT--
HAULING CEMENT IN ORANGE
COUNTY FOR DAVID WITZELL.
I DON'T THINK SO.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
POURING CEMENT, GRANT.
I'M PUTTING YOU TO WORK TOO.
LOOKS LIKE YOUR SUMMER BUSINESS TRIP
IS TO AUSTRALIA WITH BIG TODD TO
HELP HIM PICK UP SOME NEW CLIENTS.
WAIT, HE GOES TO AUSTRALIA
AND I SHOVEL CEMENT?
DO I LOOK LIKE
CEMENT GUY?
DO I LOOK LIKE
ARISTOTLE ONASSIS?
- WHO DO YOU THINK PAYS
FOR ALL THIS? - WE DID.
- YOU DID?
- YES.
REALLY?
WITH WHAT MONEY?
THE MONEY MOM GAVE US
FOR DOING CHORES.
WHERE DO YOU THINK
MOM GETS HER MONEY?
WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES THAT MAKE?
WHY DON'T WE
DISCUSS THIS LATER?
WHY WEREN'T YOU
WEARING A SHIRT?
IT WAS A 110.
I DIDN'T KNOW
THE SUN WAS SO HOT.
THAT FEELS NICE
WHEN YOU TOUCH ME
LIKE THAT.
WHY'D YOU STOP?
BECAUSE I DON'T WAN TO GIVE YOU THE WRONG IDEA.
WHAT IDEA IS THAT?
THAT EVERYTHING
IS OKAY WITH US.
YOU PROMISED ME THAT IF WE DID
THIS SHOW YOU'D BE HOME MORE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS FLYING
BACK HERE THINKING
EVEN IF MY BUSINESS
FALLS APART,
I ALWAYS GOT YOU,
I ALWAYS GOT THE FAMILY.
THEN WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS
RUNNING AWAY FROM US?
I'D LIKE TO KNOW
WHAT IT IS YOU WANT.
WELL, FOR STARTERS,
IT WOULD BE NICE
IF ONCE IN A WHILE
YOU LOOKED AT ME LIKE
I WAS WORTH SOMETHING.
A MAN NEEDS THA FROM TIME TO TIME.
AND WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU THINK
IT IS A WOMAN NEEDS, BILL?
I THINK I UNDERSTAND
WHAT A WOMAN NEEDS.
I THINK WE CAN BOTH
AGREE ON THAT.
OW!
OW OW OW.
STOP IT.
WHAT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HONEY.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
FOR ME,
THE ONLY ONE
THAT EVER MATTERED.
OW.
- OH.
- MY BACK.
HI.
YES, IS VAL AROUND? I'D LIKE
TO TAKE HER UP ON HER OFFER.
HEY, PAT.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
MY BOYS ARE GIVING
A CONCERT THIS WEEKEND.
IT MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME
TO LOOK GLAMOROUS.
HEY, I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU.
LOOK AT THIS.
I'VE GOT THESE ADORABLE LITTLE PASTEL
JUMPERS WITH MATCHING SHOES
AND THERE'S
A TURQUOISE ONE
THAT WOULD LOOK
SUPER KEEN ON YOU.
WHAT?
YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
THAT'S QUITE
A SUNBURN, VAL.
YEAH, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
ONE DAY OF GARDENING.
YOU SHOULD SEE MY BACK.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU WANT TO GIVE IT A TRY?
THAT LOOKS LIKE MORE THAN
ONE DAY OF GARDENING TO ME.
TWO AND A HALF.
I LIED.
TWO AND A HALF.
THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
YOU SHOULD GET A JOB
WITH COPPERTONE.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? YOU WANT TO
TRY IT ON? IT COMES IN FIVE COLORS.
- I'LL TAKE ONE OF EACH.
- OH.
AND FORGET THE FREEBIE.
BILL TOLD ME TO USE HIS CREDIT CARD
AND BUY WHATEVER I WANT,
NO MATTER WHAT THE PRICE.
WELL, THAT'S REALLY--
IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER,
I'D THINK
HE WAS FEELING A LITTLE BIT GUILTY,
WOULDN'T YOU?
OR MAYBE IT'S JUST THA HE LOVES ME SO.
UM, COME TO THINK OF IT,
I'LL NEED SOME SHOES
AND, UM, YEAH,
SOME LUGGAGE MAYBE.
YEAH, I MIGHT BE TRAVELING
SOON WITH THE CHILDREN.
IT'LL BREAK BILL'S HEAR TO BE LEFT HERE ALL ALONE,
BUT I TOLD THE GIRLS WE MIGH GO TO TAOS THIS SUMMER.
HOW WOULD THA WORK FOR YOU?
COULD I SEE YOU
FOR A MINUTE?
WHAT ON EARTH
IS YOUR PROBLEM?
YOU OFFERED TO SHOW ME YOUR
SUNBURNED BACK. DO YOU MIND?
I THINK THOSE CAMERAS
FOLLOWING YOU AROUND
HAS MADE YOU
A LITTLE NUTS.
ARE YOU COMING
TO THE CONCERT?
I'M NOT SURE
IF I SHOULD.
OH, THE BOYS WOULD BE
HURT IF YOU DIDN'T COME.
WE'VE ALWAYS THOUGH OF YOU AS FAMILY, VAL.
WE'LL BE FIGHTING
IN THE STREET
WITH OUR CHILDREN
AT OUR FEET
AND THE MORALS
THAT THEY WORSHIP
WILL BE GONE
I'LL TIP MY HA TO THE NEW CONSTITUTION
TAKE A BOW
FOR THE NEW REVOLUTION
SMILE AND GRIN
AT THE CHANGE ALL AROUND
PICK UP MY GUITAR
AND PLAY
JUST LIKE YESTERDAY
AND I'LL GE ON MY KNEES AND PRAY
WE DON'T GET FOOLED
AGAIN...
PAT LOUD?
THE PAT LOUD?
I'M CRAIG GILBERT FROM NEW YORK.
I'M A BIG FAN.
I THOUGH FANS WERE LOYAL.
IT'S REALLY BEEN
QUITE A WHILE, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW, I KNOW.
I COULDN'T GET AWAY.
BUT I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU
EVERY DAY IN DAILIES
AND YOU ARE AMAZING
IN EVERY FRAME.
ARE ALL MEN BULLSHITTERS, CRAIG,
OR JUST THE ONES IN MY LIFE?
FOR A GROUP TO ATTAIN
SUPER STARDOM,
THEY HAVE TO BE
ABOUT ONE PERSON.
NOW, THE SUPREMES HAVE IT.
THE EMOTIONS DON'T.
SO DO THESE KIDS STAND
A CHANCE AT MAKING IT?
- I'M TOM, BY THE WAY--
PATTY'S BROTHER. - HELLO.
SURE, THEY'RE GREAT. THEY
SHOULD DEFINITELY STICK WITH IT.
OH, NOW THAT'S EASY FOR
A GUY WITH NO KIDS TO SAY.
LIFE'S ALL ABOUT CHASING
YOUR DREAMS, RIGHT?
WHY, I EVEN GOT ONE WHO THINKS
I'M GONNA FLY HIM OFF TO PARIS.
WELL, ACTUALLY
HE'S IN PARIS.
HE'S WHAT?
AND I SENT A CINEMATOGRAPHER
OFF AFTER HIM.
GOOD FOR OLD LANCE.
HE GOT SOMEONE TO PAY FOR
A TRIP OTHER THAN HIS OLD MAN.
FINE BY ME.
- ALAN.
- WELL, IT'S NOT FINE BY ME.
AND I'D LIKE TO SEE
THAT PARIS FOOTAGE.
IN FACT, I'D LIKE TO SEE
ALL THE FOOTAGE AND FIND OU
WHAT THE HELL ELSE
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY FAMILY
AND WHAT YOU'RE AIMING FOR
WITH ANY OF THIS.
ALL RIGHT.
THINK OF A SPACESHIP
LANDING ON EARTH
AND FINDING A TIME CAPSULE.
AND INSIDE THAT TIME
CAPSULE IS A FILM.
AND ON THE FILM
EVERYONE IS SMILING
AND SAFE IN THE CERTAINTY
OF EACH OTHER'S LOVE.
BUT AS IT TURNS OUT,
ALL THE ALIENS FOUND
WAS AN OLD EPISODE OF
"THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY."
NOW IS THAT WHAT WE REALLY
WANT TO LEAVE BEHIND AS A CULTURE--
SOMETHING THAT'S THE COMPLETE
ANTITHESIS OF HOW WE REALLY LIVE,
FUMBLING AROUND
IN CONFUSION?
OH, THAT'S
FULL OF SHIT.
FUMBLING AROUND
IN CONFUSION?
THE LOUDS
ARE NOT CONFUSED
AND WE ARE NO FUMBLING AROUND.
I AM FINE.
MY FAMILY IS FINE.
I AM GOING TO COME
TO THE MOTEL
TO LOOK AT SOME FOOTAGE
TOMORROW, CRAIG.
AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING ABOU IT THAT GIVES A FALSE IMPRESSION
THAT WE ARE STRUGGLING
TO MAKE SENSE OF OUR LIVES,
IT'S NOT GOING
ON THE AIR.
Who did that?
Our sons
are criminals.
I have to wash my hair
again tonight.
THERE'S 86,000'
OF FILM THERE, PAT,
EVERY FRAME
AS GOOD AS THAT.
NOW WE COULD
SIT HERE FOR DAYS
AND I'D BE HAPPY TO DO THA IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO--
NO, THAT WON'T BE
NECESSARY.
I'LL SEND A PROJECTOR OVER
WHEN THE PARIS FOOTAGE COMES IN.
I WANT TO APOLOGIZE
FOR LAST NIGHT.
I'VE BEEN HAVING
KIND OF A TOUGH TIME.
WELL, THAT'S CLEAR TO SEE.
ARE YOU AND BILL
HAVING PROBLEMS?
THE PAINFUL TRUTH IS
THAT YES, WE HAVE HAD
A ROCKY PAST AND...
NOW I'M NOT SURE
WHERE WE ARE.
WELL, I CAN' SPEAK FOR BILL,
BUT THE PAT LOUD
THAT I SEE IS A VISION
OF A LIBERATED MODERN WOMAN.
PANTSUITS WILL DO THAT.
IN FACT,
I SEE A ROLE MODEL.
WOMEN ALL ACROSS AMERICA
ARE GOING TO LOOK TO YOU
FOR A ROADMAP OF HOW TO BE
AND WHO TO BE.
YOU'RE IN THE POSITION
TO SHOW WOMEN,
WHOSE STRENGTH
IS ERODING,
HOW TO TAKE BACK
THEIR LIVES.
AS USUAL,
YOU ARE VERY ELOQUENT.
WELL, LAST NIGHT YOU ASKED ME
IF I WAS A BULLSHITTER.
ARE YOU?
TEST ME.
WHEN WE FIRST MET I TOLD YOU
WHAT I THOUGHT OF YOU.
WHAT DID YOU THINK
OF ME?
I THOUGHT,
"IF THAT GUY CAN FIX
HIS FLABBY BODY,
I'VE ME MY PERFECT MAN."
I ALWAYS FANTASIZED THAT IF
I COULD FIND THE RIGHT MAN,
I'D LEAVE HIM.
BECAUSE I CANNO LIVE ALONE.
I ABSOLUTELY
CAN'T DO IT.
I'M GOING THROUGH THIS
STAGE IN MY LIFE NOW
WHERE LANCE HAS LEFT.
SOON THE REST OF MY KIDS
WILL FOLLOW.
AND WHA HAVE I GOT LEFT?
I HAVEN'T GO ANYTHING LEFT.
IT SCARES ME
TO DEATH.
- HEY. - DON'T TALK.
JUST LISTEN.
I PROMISED THE GIRLS
A TRIP TO TAOS.
WE'LL GO AS SOON
AS SCHOOL'S OUT.
I WANT DELILAH TO HAVE
A BREAK FROM BRAD.
SHE CAN TAKE
A FRIEND INSTEAD.
I'LL FIND A HORSE
FOR MICHELE TO RIDE.
GRANT'S WILLING TO GIVE I A TRY IN ORANGE COUNTY
SHOVELING CEMENT.
AND KEVIN WILL ACCOMPANY
TODD MAN TO AUSTRALIA.
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME
SOMEBODY LISTENED TO ME.
NOBODY'S LISTENING TO YOU.
I JUST WANT EVERYONE
ACCOUNTED FOR BEFORE I GO,
SO NO ONE'S IN DANGER
OF DESERTION.
SO NOW GOING TO WORK
IS DESERTION TO YOU?
I'M GOING AWAY
TO GET SOME CLARITY
ABOUT WHAT IS REAL
AND WHAT ISN'T.
I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA
TO GET AWAY, PAT.
I'M SURE YOU DO.
YOU THINK THAT'S GOING
TO RIDE ALL RIGHT, HUH?
- BYE-BYE, LITTLE DARLING.
- BYE, DAD. I'M GONNA MISS YOU.
I LEFT THE NUMBER OF
THE HOUSE WE'RE STAYING AT.
I EXPECT YOU TO CALL ME COLLEC AS SOON AS YOU GET TO AUSTRALIA.
- ALL RIGHT?
- I WILL.
- BYE. - WHEN DO YOU
COME TO TAOS?
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE,
YOU CAN ANSWER ME.
- WE'LL FLY UP OVER THE WEEKEND.
- NEAT.
WHO AM I GONNA TAKE
TO THE FIESTA DAY PARADE?
OH WELL, I MIGHT BE
BACK BY THEN, SO...
THE HECK YOU WILL.
MOM, YOU SAID THAT IF I REALLY
MISSED BRAD THAT I COULD COME BACK.
I MADE LUNCH FOR
ALL YOU GUYS BY THE POOL.
- BYE, GRANT.
- BYE.
- BYE, KEVIN.
- DELILAH.
- BYE, DELILAH.
- BYE, BRAD.
BYE, BRAD.
OH, I LOVE YOU, BRAD.
NO, RAY DAVIES.
I'M TELLING YOU.
- RAY DAVIES.
- RAY DAVIES?
I DON'T LIKE HIM AS MUCH.
- "CHANGES" IS GOOD.
- "LIFE ON MARS."
"LIFE ON MARS" IS GOOD.
ALAN, SUSAN,
I'M HEADING DOWN TO MY
OFFICE IN ABOUT AN HOUR
AND IF YOU WAN TO COME ALONG,
I'VE GOT SOME PRETTY INTERESTING
STUFF COMING DOWN THE PIKE TODAY.
THEY'RE FILMING ME BUYING
A NEW BUSINESS SUIT, DAD.
YEAH, AND THEN
BAND PRACTICE.
WELL, THAT'S A GOOD DEAL.
MAYBE TOMORROW, BILL.
HELLO.
- CRAIG, IT'S BILL.
- Bill... hi.
DID THEY
GET OFF OKAY?
They did, a few hours ago.
LISTEN, HOW LONG
ARE YOU AROUND FOR?
I'M OUT ON A RED-EYE.
WHY?
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU
COULD DO ME A FAVOR TODAY.
WELL, IF IT'S
IN MY POWER, SURE.
WELL, CRAIG,
I HAVE A FRIEND
who would like to get
into show business.
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY
HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.
JUST GIVE HER SOME ADVICE.
ON THE OTHER HAND, IF YOU CAN
DO SOMETHING, THAT'D BE GREAT.
PERSONALLY I THINK
SHE'S A KNOCKOUT.
IT'S CLEAR TO YOU I'M NO THAT KIND OF PRODUCER, RIGHT?
- BUT SHE DOESN'T HAVE
TO KNOW THAT. - YEAH.
AND PATTY DOESN'T HAVE
TO KNOW ABOUT THIS EITHER.
I HAVEN'T BEEN
AN ANGEL, CRAIG,
BUT I'M SURE YOU'VE
FIGURED THAT OUT,
CONSIDERING ALL THE TIME YOU
TWO HAVE BEEN SPENDING TOGETHER.
ANYWAY, I LEARNED THE HARD
WAY TO BE VERY CAREFUL,
KEEP ANY SOUVENIRS THAT MIGH GET HER STARTED OUT OF SIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"SOUVENIRS"?
WELL, YOU KNOW,
MATCHBOOKS,
SWIZZLE STICKS,
PHOTOS--
STUFF TO LOOK BACK ON
AND SEE THAT THERE WAS
MORE TO THAT BILL LOUD GUY
THAN JUST SOME PACK MULE
SLAVING AWAY
FOR EVERYBODY ELSE'S SHO AT SELF-FULFILLMENT.
WELL, LIKE I'VE SAID,
EVERY HUSBAND DESERVES A HIDING PLACE.
THEY'VE GOT IT FIGURED
OUT RIGHT IN EUROPE--
A MAN'S A MAN
AND FAMILY'S SACRED.
BUT A MAN
IN YOUR SITUATION,
YOUR MARRIAGE BEING
WHAT IT IS,
YOU PROBABLY UNDERSTAND
THAT MORE THAN ANYBODY.
I KNOW I'M SHAPING UP TO BE
THE SQUARE OF YOUR SHOW.
MAYBE I'VE GOT MORE
GOING ON THAN YOU THINK.
SALLY IS LIKE
A SISTER TO ME.
- YEAH.
- A BAD SISTER.
SO DOESN'T SHE PHOTOGRAPH
GREAT, CRAIG?
- DON'T YOU THINK?
- OH, BILLY, THAT ONE?
- VERY LOVELY.
- THANKS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I TELL HER
THE PROBLEM IS?
TOO MUCH LIKE
BRIGITTE BARDOT.
YES.
YES, I SEE THAT.
DO YOUR THING,
YOU KNOW, THE--
- OH BILLY.
- GO AHEAD.
OKAY.
"AND I, OF LADIES
MOST DEJEC AND WRETCHED,
THAT SUCKED THE HONEY
OF HIS MUSIC VOWS,
NOW SEE THAT NOBLE
AND MOST SOVEREIGN REASON
LIKE SWEET BELLS JANGLED
OUT OF TUNE AND HARSH,
THAT--"
YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS,
BUT I THINK IT'S GREAT.
IT'S OPHELIA.
- VERY NICE.
- THANK YOU.
- SHAKESPEARE.
- AH.
SO WHAT DO YOU
THINK, CRAIG?
I THINK I MIGHT KNOW SOMEONE THA WOULD BE QUITE INTERESTED IN THESE.
SHE'S BOUGHT A HA LIKE PRINCESS MARINA'S
AND HER NEIGHBORS THINK
IT SUITS HER A TREAT
BUT SHE HASN' ANY FOOD
IN THE WHOLE LARDER
NOR HAS ANYBODY ELSE
IN THE STREET
BUT SHE SMILES
AND YOU'D THINK
SHE WAS WEALTHY
SHE SMILES JUST LIKE
A REAL MILLIONAIRE...
- OBVIOUSLY HE DOESN'T KNOW THERE'S
A CAMERA THERE. - MY BROTHER'S SO SHY.
...PRINCESS MARINA
- 'CAUSE SHE DON'T CARE.
- Pat: OH YEAH.
LET'S HEAR I FOR LANCE LOUD.
- GO LANCE!
- I LIKED IT.
MOM.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NO ABOUT TO START WHINING.
WELL, YOU SAID THA WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT.
AFTER JUST 10 DAYS,
DELILAH?
MOM, 10 DAYS IN TAOS
IS AN ETERNITY.
MISS LOUD, MY MOM SAID I CAN TAKE
THE BUS BACK IF DELILAH COMES WITH.
- HELLO?
- WHO IS IT, SWEETIE?
HI.
MR. GILBERT.
DAD SAID THAT WE COULD COME BACK
WHENEVER WE WANTED, JUST CALL ANYTIME.
HE SAID HE'D HAVE DINNER
ON THE TABLE. MOM.
FINE.
TAKE THE BUS TOMORROW.
YES!
AT LAST,
A GROWNUP TO TALK TO.
- HOW'S YOUR TRIP?
- Fine.
I was kind of hoping that you
might turn up here tomorrow.
- Why? - FEELING A LITTLE SULTRY,
I GUESS.
Listen, this is...
VERY HARD FOR ME
TO DISCUSS.
I'VE BEEN DEBATING
WHETHER TO CALL OR NOT.
But as a friend,
I felt that I should.
WHAT IS IT?
WHAT'S WRONG?
I saw Bill
before I left
AND HE TOOK ME
FOR A RIDE TO MALIBU
to see a friend.
WHO?
ANDY PLATT?
NO NO, NOT ANDY PLATT.
HER NAME WAS SALLY.
And she gave me
an 8x10 glossy
AND A TAPE OF HER SINGING
"THE SOUND OF MUSIC."
LOOK, I CAN FLY OU TO SANTA BARBARA TOMORROW
AND YOU CAN
MEET ME THERE
and we'll talk
things through.
I understand
what you're feeling.
I'M STILL RAW
FROM MY OWN SITUATION.
- Patty.
- WE'RE FILMING TOMORROW.
WELL, I'M THE PRODUCER.
I CAN CHANGE THE SCHEDULE.
No.
IF SINGING SALLY
EVER SEES ME ON TV,
I WANT HER TO SEE ME HERE
IN THIS BEAUTIFUL PLACE.
HONESTLY, IF I HEAR
ANOTHER ACCORDION,
I'M GOING TO VOMIT ALL
OVER THIS TABLE. I REALLY AM.
I'M SERIOUS, CAN'T YOU ASK
YOUR FATHER FOR MORE MONEY?
I'M GETTING BORED HERE.
BORED IN PARIS-- WHO KNEW
THAT WAS POSSIBLE?
I ACTUALLY MISS
SANTA BARBARA.
In Santa Barbara, firefighters
continue to battle a wildfire
that started in the ridges
above Mountain Drive.
One home has been lost
and many more are threatened.
Police and firemen
are evacuating residents...
OH, MOM, IT'S BURNING
AROUND HERE.
I'm here alone.
I don't know what to do.
PUT YOUR FATHER
ON THE PHONE.
NO, HE'S NOT HERE EITHER.
HE DIDN'T SHOW UP.
- WHAT?
- He called to say
THAT HE WAS AWAY ON BUSINESS,
BUT HE WOULDN'T SAY WHERE.
SON OF A BITCH. LISTEN,
GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
- THE POLICE ARE HERE.
- I'm still 10 hours away.
OH, MOM, I THINK
THE COPS ARE HERE FOR US.
GO GO.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, GO.
MOM!
GRANT.
- OH BABIES.
- MOM.
- DELILAH. - MOM, THE ENTIRE
HILL WAS BURNING.
I WAS SO WORRIED.
- WE'RE OKAY.
- IT'S OKAY, MOM.
I'M FINE.
REALLY, IT'S OKAY.
- OH MY GOD.
- MOM, LANCE IS COMING HOME.
WHAT?
MY BABIES
ARE COMING HOME.
A TRUE UNIDENTIFIED
FLYING OBJECT.
OH MY GOSH.
WHO IS THIS?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
HI! YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- I FOUND THIS IN FRANCE.
- OH MY GOD.
I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE IT.
YOU CAN THROW IT ON.
YOU CAN WEAR I FOR A CONCERT,
JUST TO REALLY SPARK UP
SANTA BARBARA AND ALL THAT.
HEY, DAD'S HOME.
WELL, IT'S
THE LONE RANGER.
- HI, DAD.
- MY WORLD TRAVELER.
HI.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
YOU LOOK GOOD.
OH WAIT, LOOK.
I GOT YOU A PRESENT.
OH, THANK YOU, LANCE.
THAT'S A SHARP-LOOKING
TIE THERE, LANCE.
- YOU LIKE IT?
- IT SURE IS. YEAH.
- IT HAS LOTS OF COLORS.
- THANK YOU.
THAT'S FOR YOU.
OOH, WHAT'S THIS,
KEMOSABE?
$300,000 WORTH
OF SHOVEL TEETH.
THAT'S MORE THAN WORTH
THE WEEKEND
IN THE HELL HOLE OF FRESNO,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
WELL, I'M SURE
IT WAS HELL, BILL.
SAY, ISN'T THIS
FIESTA DAY?
WHO WANTS TO GO
TO THE PARADE?
PATTY?
WELL, I'M SHOPPING
FOR HELEN HARRISON.
YOU KNOW, HER HOUSE
BURNED DOWN.
OH YEAH, I HEARD
ABOUT THE FIRE.
YEAH, I ALMOST DIED.
YOU ALMOST DIED?
WOW.
WELL, THAT'S AWFUL,
BIG D.
WHEN I GOT HERE ON WEDNESDAY,
THE WHOLE PATIO WAS COVERED IN ASH.
IS THAT WHY
THAT POOL'S SO GREEN?
NO, THAT'S ALGAE.
THE POOL MAN LEFT A NOTE.
HE COULDN'T GET IN.
APPARENTLY YOU LOCKED
THE PATIO
WHEN YOU WENT TO,
UM, FRESNO.
BY THE LOOKS OF THINGS,
THAT WAS QUITE SOME TIME AGO.
WELL, I MADE IT BACK
FOR FIESTA.
HOW ABOUT I FLIP
SOME BURGERS
FOR THE COMMUNITY BUFFE AT EL PASEO TONIGHT?
WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT, BILL? WHY DON' YOU FLIP SOME BURGERS FOR THE BUFFET?
I'M SURE THE CREW WOULD LOVE
TO GET A NICE SHOT OF THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE SAD
TRUTH IS?
THE KIDS ADORE
THEIR DADDY.
EVEN LANCE,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT.
BUT SOMEWHERE
ALONG THE LINE
HE LOST THE LINK
TO ANYTHING THAT'S REAL--
TO ME, TO THEM,
TO HIS HOME.
AND I'VE FINALLY GIVEN UP
ON PULLING HIM BACK.
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
WOW, THE MENU
HASN'T CHANGED.
OH, YOU'VE BEEN
HERE BEFORE.
I ACTUALLY--
I PICKED UP A MAN
IN THAT BAR ONCE.
REALLY?
WELL, I'M ASTONISHED.
WHAT, THAT I COULD
DO SUCH A THING?
NO, THAT YOU WOULD
TELL ME.
BACK WHEN I CAUGHT BILL
RUNNING AROUND,
HE KEPT GOING ON AND ON
ABOUT AN OPEN MARRIAGE.
I GUESS I WAS
ALREADY IN ONE,
JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT.
ANYWAY, HE ACTUALLY
ENCOURAGED ME
TO PARTICIPATE.
I GAVE IT A TRY.
IT WASN'T FOR ME.
AND THEN I--
I GAVE HIM
AN ULTIMATUM.
I THINK THAT MEN HANDLE
AGING DIFFERENTLY THAN WOMEN.
ALAN, ALAN, ALAN,
ALAN, ALAN.
READY?
HERE WE GO.
- WOW.
- NO NO, WAIT.
CUT. ROLL AGAIN.
HERE WE GO.
READY? ALAN, READY?
ALAN, READY?
LANCE, ARE YOU
SEEING THIS?
WHERE'S PATTY?
SHE LOVES THIS.
AH, THERE SHE IS.
SHE CERTAINLY ISN' WINNING ANY POINTS
FOR ELEGANCE NOW,
IS SHE?
YOU'D THINK I'D BE HAPPY
SHE'S NO BEAUTY QUEEN.
SOMEHOW IT JUST MAKES
IT ALL A LITTLE WORSE.
DID I DO THE WRONG THING
SHOWING IT TO YOU?
NO, I--
I'VE BUILT AN ENTIRE LIFE
LOOKING IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.
I THINK IT'S TIME
I LOOKED THEM IN THE EYE.
WELL, THERE'S MORE
TO TELL
IF YOU'RE READY
TO HEAR IT.
I'D REALLY LIKE TO HEAR
THAT TAPE OF HER SINGING.
NO, YOU WOULDN'T.
I COULD REALLY
USE A LAUGH.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
IT'S UP IN MY ROOM.
I'LL GO GET IT.
WAIT, I'LL GO WITH YOU.
- REALLY?
- WELL, WHY NOT?
I'M USED TO RAISING
EYEBROWS IN THIS PLACE.
ALL RIGHT.
DID YOU READ THAT LAST ONE? YOU
DIDN'T READ THAT LAST ONE, DID YOU?
KAY, I INSIS YOU SIT RIGHT HERE.
VIVA LA FIESTA,
PATRICIA.
I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE
TO SAY IT, KAY,
BUT I ENVIED YOUR HUSBAND
FROM THE MOMENT WE MET.
AND I PITIED
YOUR WIFE.
OH, SHE'S ALWAYS
MAD AT ME, KAY.
I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY.
I'M AT A DANGEROUS AGE.
- ARE YOU GETTING THIS?
- UNBELIEVABLE.
TELL JERRY I HOPE
HE FEELS BETTER.
PAN RIGHT AND PREPARE
TO SHIT YOUR PANTS.
WHAT THE HELL DOES
HE THINK HE'S DOING?
- SOMETHING TO EAT?
- SOME STEAKS.
- RARE?
- THANK YOU.
KEEP IT COMING.
THANK YOU, SENOR.
HEY, DARLING, I SAVED
THIS SPACE JUST FOR YOU.
HERE, USE THIS.
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
WHAT'S THAT FOR?
- HER PHONE NUMBER.
- THERE YOU GO AGAIN.
OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE--
CECIL B. DeMILLE.
WELCOME TO FIESTA,
MR. DeMILLE.
- VIVA LA FIESTA, BILL.
- VIVA LA FIESTA.
CRAIG, YOU CAN'T BE
IN THE SHOT.
JUST FRAME ME OUT.
PATTY AND I HAD A LONG TALK
AND SHE WANTS ME HERE.
- WHAT FOR?
- MORAL SUPPORT.
PUT THAT THING ON YOUR
SHOULDER AND SHOOT.
- WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?
- GETTING A DRINK.
GETTING A DRINK?
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I'M PRETTY DAMN HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
JUST A BARREL OF LAUGHS,
HUH, PATTY?
- BECAUSE LIFE WITH YOU
IS A SAD COMEDY. - WHAT?
I'M JUST SORRY THAT EVERYBODY
REALLY HAS TO GO THROUGH
THIS RIDICULOUS,
CLOWN-LIKE CIRCUS.
YOU KNOW,
I ACTUALLY REMEMBER
WHEN YOU WERE FUN,
PATRICIA--
THE FIRS ON THE DANCE FLOOR
AND THE LAS TO LEAVE THE PARTY.
I THINK YOU MIGHT BE CONFUSING
ME WITH SOMEBODY ELSE, BILL.
NO, THAT WAS YOU
UNTIL YOU TURNED INTO THIS.
WHAT DID I
TURN INTO, BILL?
SOMEONE THAT LIVES
TO PUT ME DOWN,
BRING ME DOWN.
AH, WELL,
I DON'T SEEM TO BE DOING
VERY WELL AT THAT.
YOU'RE DOING
JUST FINE TODAY,
THAT'S FOR SURE.
IN FACT, I THINK I'M GONNA
SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE.
WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT?
I THINK SHE'S
OVER THERE SOMEWHERE.
SAVE YOU FROM HAVING TO SNOOP
AROUND MY CLOSET AND OPEN MY DRAWERS.
SEND ME TO THE ELECTRIC
CHAIR FOR TRYING TO HAVE
A LITTLE FUN
LIKE I'M HAVING TODAY
BECAUSE I'M MARRIED
TO A DOWNER.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT, PATTY?
I THINK YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.
I THINK YOU ARE
A PATHETIC FOOL,
SAD, LUDICROUS,
- IDIOTIC, INCOMPREHENSIBLE.
- WHAT ELSE?
SCHIZOPHRENIC,
SADOMASOCHISTIC--
GIVE ME THAT PEN.
I WANT TO WRITE
THIS DOWN, PATTY.
THIS IS
IMPORTANT STUFF.
WELL, DON'T LEAVE OU GODDAMN ASSHOLE!
THAT'S IT. WE'RE DONE.
WE'RE LEAVING.
VERY GOOD. WHAT WAS THAT?
SCHIZOPHRENIC?
DO YOU KNOW HOW
TO SPELL THAT, PAT?
ALAN, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
TECHNICAL PROBLEMS,
CRAIG.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
GET THE SECOND CAMERA.
WE'RE OUT OF FILM.
THAT'S BULLSHIT.
- GET BACK IN THERE.
- WHOA WHOA.
THIS IS WHA WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
THE BEST STUFF
IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
SUSAN AND I HAVE ESTABLISHED
A TRUST WITH THIS FAMILY, CRAIG.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? WE ACTUALLY
CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM.
WE DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM
DESTROYED BY YOUR FILM.
THEY'RE DESTROYING
THEMSELVES.
THEY'VE BEEN DESTROYING
THEMSELVES LONG BEFORE WE GOT HERE
AND THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY
NOT SHY ABOUT IT.
THEY FORGOT WE WERE
EVEN THERE, MAN!
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT, ISN'T IT?
THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
WE'RE FINALLY SUCCESSFUL
AND YOU'RE FUCKING IT ALL UP.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM?
I DO. I CARE
ABOUT ALL OF THEM.
BUT THERE'S A MUCH
BIGGER PICTURE HERE
THAT YOU DON' EVEN UNDERSTAND.
ONLY TO YOU, CRAIG.
YOU KNOW
WHAT I THINK, ALAN?
I THINK YOU SAW SOMETHING
IN THERE THAT TERRIFIED YOU.
AND IF I WERE YOU, SUSAN,
I'D BE VERY WORRIED.
- THAT'S IT!
- WHOA WHOA WHOA.
- ALAN! GUYS!
- SON OF A BITCH!
- ALAN, COME ON.
- ARE YOU OKAY?
CONGRATULATIONS, TOMMY.
YOU JUST GOT YOUR BOSS'S JOB.
PICK UP THE CAMERA
AND LET'S GO BACK INSIDE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THAT'S MY EQUIPMENT.
- ALL RIGHT, CALL THE POLICE.
GO, CALL THE POLICE. - REALLY, CRAIG?
YOU WANT US TO SPREAD THE WORD
ABOUT YOUR DOCUMENTARY TECHNIQUE,
ABOUT HOW YOU OVERSTEP
ALL ACCEPTABLE BOUNDARIES?
- DO YOU NEED HELP,
MRS. LOUD? - OH.
YES, MY HUSBAND SENT ME
FOR SOMETHING HE FORGOT.
HELLO.
I'M DOING IT--
LEAVING HIM.
And I want to do it
on camera.
THAT'S WHA YOU WANT TOO,
ISN'T IT,
AFTER ALL, CRAIG?
PATTY, I WOULD NEVER
ASK YOU TO DO THAT.
BUT NOT TELLING
THE CHILDREN--
I NEED TO DO
THAT ALONE.
AND MY BROTHER
ALONE TOO.
No cameras.
BUT BILL--
YOU CAN FILM THAT, BABY--
ME TELLING HIM
TO GO TO HELL,
NEVER COME BACK.
I WANT THE WOMEN OF AMERICA
TO SEE THAT.
THAT'S WHAT I WAN HIS BIMBOS TO SEE.
ALL RIGHT, PATTY,
WE NEED TO GET TOGETHER
AND TALK ABOUT THIS.
Not you.
JUST ME AND BILL
AND ALAN AND SUSAN,
NO ONE ELSE.
All right.
Whatever you wish.
WAY OVER YONDER...
THE HARDEST THING
THAT I CAN THINK OF IN LIFE
IS DISAPPOINTING THE PEOPLE
THAT I LOVE THE MOS
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
AND I'M ABOU TO DO THAT.
DIVORCED?
WE CAN'T GET DIVORCED.
WE'RE THE AMERICAN FAMILY.
I'LL GO TO GLENDALE
IN THE MORNING
AND SPEAK WITH UNCLE TOM
AND AUNT YVONNE FIRST.
AND...
I'LL TELL YOUR DAD
TOMORROW NIGH
WHEN HE COMES HOME.
IT'S GONNA BE OKAY,
SWEETIE.
MOM.
WAY OVER YONDER
THAT'S WHERE
I'M BOUND.
WHAT THE HELL?
TOM?
ALAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M LOADING THE MAG.
WHY? WE'RE NOT FILMING
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.
CRAIG CALLED ME.
HE TOLD YOU APPROVED THIS.
CRAIG'S HERE?
OH, YOU ARE
UNBELIEVABLE!
I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET,
BUT LET'S HAVE A DRINK
AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT.
HERE.
- YOU GAVE YOUR WORD.
- JUST LET ME EXPLAIN.
- I SAID NO FILMING HERE.
- JUST HEAR ME OUT, PLEASE.
NO, YOU HEAR ME OUT!
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WANT TO DO,
IS HEAR YOU OU IN YOUR OWN WORDS,
SPOKEN TO PEOPLE WHO WON' INTERRUPT YOU OR ARGUE WITH YOU
OR SHUT YOU DOWN OR WALK
OUT WITHOUT LISTENING,
BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT BILL'S GOING TO DO
WHEN YOU GIVE HIM
HIS WALKING PAPERS.
AND THEN NO ONE WILL KNOW
ABOUT ALL THE YEARS OF LIES
AND HUMILIATIONS AND BETRAYALS
THAT BROUGHT YOU TO THIS.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ALL THOSE FANCY
WORDS ABOUT THE THRESHOLD OF PRIVACY, HUH?
IT HAS TO BE CROSSED.
IT HAS TO BE CROSSED RIGHT NOW
FOR THIS FILM TO HAVE
ANY KIND OF EMOTIONAL IMPACT.
THEN GO MAKE A GODDAMN
LASSIE MOVIE!
THERE'S REAL SUFFERING
HAPPENING HERE, CRAIG.
YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN
MY KIDS LAST NIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR KIDS.
AND THE WHOLE WORLD
SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR KIDS.
AND FRANKLY, WITHOUT THA AND WITHOUT THIS,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THIS THING
IS WORTH PUTTING ON THE AIR.
- THAT'S FINE BY ME.
- REALLY?
WHAT ABOUT ALAN
AND SUSAN AND TOMMY
WHO'VE WORKED 24 HOURS A DAY FOR
THE LAST GOD KNOWS HOW MANY MONTHS?
OR ALL THE PEOPLE IN NEW YORK
WHO YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOU
WHO'VE BEEN SIFTING
THROUGH MORE FOOTAGE
THAN WAS EVER SHO FOR WORLD WAR II?
AND THE MILLION DOLLARS
THE NETWORK HAS SPEN
BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE
IN YOU?
NOT ME, YOU--
YOU AND YOUR STORY
AND YOUR ABILITY
TO EXPRESS IT.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR SONS
WHO THINK THAT THIS FILM
CAN CHANGE THEIR LIFE?
AND THEY'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
AND ALL THE WOMEN--
ALL THE WOMEN
WHO ARE OUT THERE
WHO ARE IN THE SAME POSITION
AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW,
BUT THEY'RE ALONE AND THEY'RE
LOST AND THEY'RE SCARED
AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHA TO DO AND YOU CAN SHOW THEM.
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.
LET'S NOT PUT IT ON THE AIR.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU LISTEN TO ME.
LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE,
NOT YOU!
JUST SUSAN AND ALAN.
WHEN BILL WOULD
GO AWAY,
I WAS JUST LEFT AT HOME
WITH MY OWN WORST FEARS.
UNRETURNED PHONE CALLS,
LATE-NIGHT HANG-UPS--
IT ALL JUST MADE ME
SO PARANOID.
THAT BLISSFUL DELUSION
OF FAITHFULNESS,
THAT NEED TO BELIEVE
THAT EVERYTHING
IS GOING TO BE OKAY--
IT DIED THE NIGH OF THE FILES.
LIFE DOESN'T GO ON
THE WAY YOU PLAN IT.
WHEN YOU REFUSE
TO ACCEPT IT,
YOU JUST BECOME
THIS UNLOVABLE PERSON.
I'VE MADE MISTAKES--
A LOT OF THEM.
I THOUGHT IF BILL COULDN' LIVE UP TO THE TRUTH,
AT LEAST HE COULD LIVE UP
TO THE FACADE.
HOW DID THE KIDS
TAKE ALL OF THIS?
HARD.
YOU KNOW WHO TOOK I THE HARDEST OF ALL, DON'T YOU?
LANCE?
HE'S THE ONE
HE UNDERSTOOD THE LEAST.
HEY.
I'M CUTTING.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
LISTEN, I KNOW
THAT WASN'T EASY.
COME ON.
ACTUALLY, I THINK
IT WAS MY BEST SCENE.
PATTY, I KNOW
YOU'RE UPSET.
BUT AFTER TONIGHT,
THE HARD PART IS OVER.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
LET'S GO. COME ON.
COME ON, WE'VE GOT TO GE TO THE HOUSE BEFORE BILL.
COME ON!
BARBARA, IT'S PATTY.
LISTEN,
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
YOU NEED TO TELL BILL
NOT TO COME HOME TONIGHT.
I CHANGED MY MIND
ABOUT SOMETHING
AND I DON' WANT HIM HOME.
HEY, MAN, YOUR MOM.
GRANT, HONEY,
CAN I TALK TO YOU?
EXCUSE US.
I NEED YOU TO BE THE ONE
TO TELL YOUR FATHER.
- WHAT?
- I KNOW.
HOW CAN YOU ASK ME
TO DO THAT, MOM?
HOPEFULLY BARBARA WILL
HAVE GOTTEN TO HIM IN TIME
AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING,
SWEETIE. BUT IF SHE HASN'T--
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO SAY TO HIM?
THE TRUTH. TELL HIM THAT I'M
TELLING HIM TO MOVE OUT AND THAT I--
I DON'T WANT TO HUMILIATE HIM
IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA, HONEY.
YOU'LL BE DOING YOUR FATHER
A FAVOR THAT HE'LL NEVER FORGET.
SOMEBODY HOLDS
THE KEY
BUT I CAN'T FIND
MY WAY HOME
STILL I CAN' FIND MY WAY HOME
AND I AIN'T DONE
NOTHING WRONG...
MY BIG MAN'S BEEN HAULING
CONCRETE FOR A LIVING,
- YEAH.
- STRONG AS AN OX.
HAS YOUR MOTHER BEEN
DRIVING THE MERCEDES?
GRANT?
UH, THE MERCEDES.
YEAH. YES.
DID YOU TALK TO YOUR
SECRETARY TODAY?
NO, I HAVEN'T.
WHY?
NOTHING.
I WAS JUST WONDERING
HOW EVERYTHING WAS
GOING AT THE OFFICE.
I DON'T THINK YOU'VE EVER
ASKED ME THAT BEFORE.
IT MUST BE BECAUSE YOU'RE
EARNING YOUR KEEP THIS SUMMER.
NOW YOU CAN APPRECIATE
WHAT IT TAKES
TO BRING HOME
A BUCK OR TWO.
I SOMETIMES WONDER
IF YOUR MOTHER HAD TO WORK
WHETHER SHE'D HAVE MORE
APPRECIATION FOR THE OLD MAN.
HOW'S SHE DOING,
BY THE WAY?
MOM? SHE'S GOOD.
YOU KNOW MOM.
I SURE DO.
I SURE DO.
The changing
Of sunlight
To moonlight
Reflections
of my life
Oh, how they fill
my eyes...
Nixon devalued the dollar today.
Did you know that?
WELL, IT'S LIT UP
LIKE CHRISTMAS IN HERE.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
YOU ALL RIGHT?
- I WASN'T EXPECTING
TO SEE YOU. - WHY NOT?
COME ON, BILL.
WE BOTH KNOW.
- KNOW WHAT?
- YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM?
DIDN'T YOU GET A CALL
FROM BARBARA?
I DIDN'T TALK
TO HER TODAY.
DIDN'T GRAN SAY ANYTHING?
GRANT?
ABOUT WHAT?
- BIG D!
- HI, DAD.
- OH.
- IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
AT LEAST SOMEBODY IS GLAD
TO SEE ME COME HOME.
NOW WHAT'S THIS ABOU BARBARA NOW? WHAT DID--?
BILL, DON'T YOU KNOW?
WHAT?
DON'T BE PLAYING
WITH ME, BILL.
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU DON'T KNOW
THERE'S A PROBLEM?
NO. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
WHAT--?
WELL, THIS IS KEEN.
UH, LOOK, LET'S NO SPILL ANY BLOOD HERE.
I'VE BEEN TO SEE A LAWYER.
THIS IS HIS CARD.
YOU CAN GIVE HIM
A CALL TOMORROW.
OH.
I WANT YOU TO MOVE OUT--
TONIGHT, NOW.
JUST TURN AROUND AND GET OUT.
REALLY?
WE'RE DONE, BILL.
THE MARRIAGE IS OVER.
- JUST LIKE THAT?
- JUST LIKE THAT.
JUST LIKE THAT.
JUST LIKE THAT.
WELL,
FAIR DEAL.
I FIGURED
YOU'D THINK THAT.
WELL, I THINK THA
IT'S A LITTLE--
A LITTLE SHORTSIGHTED
ON YOUR PART.
- DO YOU, BILL?
- I REALLY DO.
WELL, AT LEAS YOU DIDN'T PICK
THE MOST EXPENSIVE ONE.
HE'LL BE IN HIS
OFFICE TOMORROW,
EXPECTING A CALL
FROM YOU.
I'VE BEEN TO THE BANK,
MADE COPIES
OF OUR TAX FORMS.
RIGHT.
AND YOU'VE GO THE KIDS
PRETTY SHAPED UP,
HAVE YOU?
THEY ALL UNDERSTAND
THE PROBLEM,
THAT IT'S ONLY
BETWEEN US.
WELL, I GUESS I DON' HAVE TO UNPACK NOW, DO I?
HEY, GUYS.
HOW ARE WE DOING
IN HERE, BIG D?
NOT SO GOOD, DAD.
NONE OF US ARE.
YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO KNOW THE
NUMBER TO THE LEMON TREE, DO YOU?
THEY ALREADY HAVE
A ROOM FOR YOU.
OH.
THAT'S HANDY.
I HAVE TO GO, DAD.
- WELL, STAY IN TOUCH NOW.
- YEAH.
- HONEY.
- YEAH?
WE'RE ALL GONNA BE FINE.
BYE, DAD.
PATTY...
IF GLEN BERNSON
CALLS ME,
MAKE SURE HE CALLS ME
AT THE LEMON TREE.
WE'VE GOT A HUGE ORDER
IN DAYTON.
AND MERRIWETHER--
YOU REMEMBER HIM--
HE'S GOING TO TRY
TO SELL BERNSON
THE SAME DAMN THING,
AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPEN.
WE REALLY CAN'T.
ANOTHER ONE.
- LANCE?
- LANCE.
- JUST A SECOND.
- LANCE, CAN I GET A PICTURE?
- THANK YOU.
- ONE MORE, PLEASE.
WOW, LOOKS LIKE
IT'S A HIT ALREADY.
WELCOME TO TONIGHT'S
PREMIERE SCREENING.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE PRODUCER
AND CREATOR OF
"AN AMERICAN FAMILY,"
THE AWARD-WINNING FILMMAKER
CRAIG GILBERT.
THANK YOU AND WELCOME TO EPISODE
ONE OF "AN AMERICAN FAMILY."
- CAMERON, LOOK AT THIS.
- BEFORE WE BEGIN,
I WOULD BE REMISS
IN NOT THANKING THE LOUDS.
- YOU SEE THIS?
- THEIR COURAGE STILL INSPIRES ME
AND THEIR TRUS HUMBLES ME.
SO WITHOU FURTHER ADO,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
"AN AMERICAN FAMILY."
Six, five, four, three...
It's another New Year's Eve
for the Loud family.
But this year will be
much different.
For the very first time,
Pat and her husband Bill
are living separately
after 20 years of marriage...
"PATTY LOUD SEES NO WAY
OUT OF A FALSE MARRIAGE
EXCEPT BOOZE."
- Please, Lance.
- HOLD ON, LISTEN TO THIS.
"LANCE OOZES HIS
LEECH-LIKE HOMOSEXUALITY
WITH THE GLEE OF A GROTESQUE,
GOYA-ESQUE EMOTIONAL DWARF."
WHAT? NO NO NO.
OH MY GOD.
Oh my God,
what have I done?
I NEVER WANT TO SEE
THAT MAN AGAIN.
MOM, I'M--
I'M COMING HOME.
AND WE'RE GONNA WATCH
THE SHOW WHEN IT AIRS
TOGETHER, ALL OF US,
ALL OF US AS A FAMILY.
They are an American family,
the family next door
on the surface.
10 million viewers
watch them every week
on the most popular,
most watched series
that educational television
has ever tackled.
And those 10 million people
have heard the Louds say things
that many people wouldn't tell
their lovers or tax accountants.
You are a pathetic fool.
Why don't we
discuss this later?
You don't know
there's a problem?
No. What's your problem?
I've been to see a lawyer.
This is his card.
You can give him
a call tomorrow.
I want you
to move out.
It's a West-coast bourgeois
all-American freefall.
There is a tremendous amount
wrong with this family
and very little right.
I for one view them
as a true American tragedy.
But they have one child
who has not turned out well.
What they didn't
realize is that
people were not
going to look at it
as an art form,
that they were going
to begin criticizing them
as people.
People dissected
this family
in order to call
into question
not only an American family,
but the American family.
...role as a father, but that
that role was of a pal.
Have you seen Lance Loud
and that get-up?
Here was a family
with very serious problems.
Is there or is there not such
a thing as a sense of shame?
It's just-- it's shocking.
And I wouldn't want anybody...
SO SENSATIONALISM WAS
HIS GOAL FROM THE GET-GO.
IT'S MORE COMPLICATED
THAN THAT.
HE WANTED TO CREATE
A SUCCESSFUL SHOW,
BUT HE WAS ALSO
ON A PERSONAL MISSION.
COULD THAT EXPLAIN
WHAT WENT WRONG?
CRAIG DIDN'T SEARCH
FOR THE PERFECT FAMILY.
HE SEARCHED FOR THE FAMILY
THAT WAS PERFECT FOR HIS AGENDA.
ANYBODY WANT PIZZA?
- PIZZA? - OH MY GOD,
I'M AFRAID TO ANSWER IT.
- HELLO? - HAVE YOU READ
THIS STUFF, PATTY?
- IT'S YOUR FATHER.
- Get this-- "The father,
COMPLETELY OUT OF TOUCH
WITH ANY WORLD
EXCEPT THE FALSE ONE
HE INHABITS, REACHES OUT..."
WHY DON'T WE INVITE
YOUR DAD TO PIZZA?
HMM?
WELL, WE ARE A
CULTURAL PHENOMENON
AND THE MOST DESPISED
FAMILY IN AMERICA.
IT'S REALLY ALL TOO
GLAMOROUS TO HANDLE.
REALLY.
HONESTLY.
I DON'T WAN TO BE DESPISED.
WELL, THEN WE'LL JUS HAVE TO FIGHT BACK.
WON'T WE, SWEETHEART?
"The Dick Cavett Show!"
WE'RE DOING THIS SHOW
AND A DOZEN OTHERS LIKE I
BECAUSE WE WAN PEOPLE TO KNOW
THAT WE ARE NO MONSTERS OR IDIOTS.
WE'RE PRETTY
DECENT PEOPLE
AND DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND
WHAT WE WERE SIGNING UP FOR.
WE'VE LOST DIGNITY,
AND-- AND--
AND WE'VE BEEN HUMILIATED
AS A RESULT OF IT.
OUR HONOR
IS AT QUESTION
AND I FEEL VERY DEFENSIVE,
AS CRAIG BROUGHT UP.
PEOPLE HAVE A MUCH DIFFEREN IMAGE OF THEMSELVES
THAN SOMETIMES
OTHER PEOPLE HAVE OF THEM.
I THINK WE'RE MOST HORRIFIED BY THE
THINGS IN OURSELVES THAT WE'RE SCARED OF.
- WHEN I SAW MYSELF BILLED
AS "HOMO OF THE YEAR 1971..."
...I WAS REALLY
DESPONDENT FOR A WHILE.
BUT I KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING
TO COME OFF AS ANYWAY.
THEY'VE SORT OF
CATEGORIZED US.
ONE THING IS
THAT YOU BECOME OBLIGED
UNDER THAT CAMERA
TO REACT IN SOME WAY.
YOU TRY TO COME UP WITH
SOME PLATO-LIKE DECISION
WHEN THE CAMERA'S
ROLLING.
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,
ANYBODY WHO'S IN SHOW BUSINESS
WOULD HAVE TO CALL YOU NAIVE
TO THINK THAT YOU COULD THINK
THAT YOU COULD APPEAR ON TELEVISION
AND NOT HAVE I SELECTED, EDITED.
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG
WITH BEING NAIVE.
I SEE SOMETHING REALLY WRONG
WITH BEING SOPHISTICATED.
CERTAINLY NO OTHER AMERICAN FAMILY
HAS BEEN THOUGH ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE AND
BEING SO OUTSPOKEN AND ACCESSIBLE.
AND WE WILL SEE YOU
TOMORROW NIGHT.
TO THE LOUDS
AND OUR 14th MINUTE OF FAME.
GOOD JOB, EVERYBODY.
LET'S MILK OUR LAST MINUTE
FOR ALL THAT IT'S WORTH.
YEAH.
STARS SHINING BRIGH ABOVE YOU
NIGHT BREEZES
SEEM TO WHISPER
I LOVE YOU
BIRDS SINGING
IN THE SYCAMORE TREE
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
OF ME
SAY NIGHTY-NIGH AND KISS ME
JUST HOLD ME TIGHT
AND TELL ME
YOU'LL MISS ME
WHILE I'M ALONE
AND BLUE AS CAN BE
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
OF ME
STARS FADING,
BUT I LINGER ON, DEAR
STILL CRAVING
YOUR KISS
I'M LONGING TO LINGER
TILL DAWN, DEAR
JUST SAYING THIS
SWEET DREAMS
TILL SUNBEAMS FIND YOU
SWEET DREAMS THAT LEAVE
ALL WORRIES
BEHIND YOU
BUT IN YOUR DREAMS,
WHATEVER THEY BE
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
OF ME
STARS FADING
BUT I LINGER ON, DEAR
STILL CRAVING
YOUR KISS
I'M LONGING TO LINGER
TILL DAWN, DEAR
JUST SAYING THIS
SWEET DREAMS
TILL SUNBEAMS FIND YOU
SWEET DREAMS THAT LEAVE
ALL WORRIES
FAR BEHIND YOU
BUT IN YOUR DREAMS,
WHATEVER THEY BE
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
OF ME.