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Cold Turkey (2013)
Fuck!
Fuck. Shit! So how was France? What was that play about the apartment? Rent. Right, Rent... good play. Yes! France was lovely. So how often do your all to the Secretary of Defense? Oh, about once a month. I like to stay in touch with all my former students. Levi. - Levi! Thank you for a very nice meal, may I please be excused? Thanks for asking so nicely, Levi, yes of course. Come on, Cy, let's go. Hey hey hey, sweetie, are you done? Are you sure? Okay, can you take your plates in, please? No, it's okay, we'll take them in later. No no no, they do it at home. To the fort! Uh... vino? No thanks. Jacob. I think that's a healthy portion. Thank you. So how's your book, Poppy? Hm? Oh... interesting. It's about the navy, right? Yeah... Do you want his turkey burger? Oh no no no, you can have it. No, you. No, you, I... No really, I'm full. Yeah, me too. Let's split it. Done. So, who's that for? Jacob... eventually. A hat? Where are they sleeping, again? I made up the office for them. Poppy's little book room? Is that a problem? I don't know, is that okay with you, Poppy? Deborah thought it'd be best. Hm... I guess it is. I don't know, doesn't it seem to you like it's a little... cramped? No. - No? You don't think? - No. You don't think? - No, I don't. I just thought that if it were me, and I were coming home for the first time in 15 years I would want... You know what, Linds? I'm doing the best I can, okay? Yeah, I know. - Okay. I just wanna have a nice Thanksgiving... with Nina... We all do. We're gonna have a great Thanksgiving with Nina. Mm hmm. Yeah... For sure. You seem nervous. What's wrong? Uh, yeah, I'm nervous. Nina's crazy. You okay? Yeah? About us? Yeah, I'm better. Nina? Oh... oh, hi. Hi CB. I- I'm sorry, I thought you were somebody else. Yes, I'll hold for the Secretary. Good morning, Mr. Secretary. Yes, I saw the Kurds were acting up again. You know Nina hates your mom, right? So? You hate my mom. That's not true. Yes it's true. No, it's not, honestly, I love Deborah. I do... it's just... you know... Poppy left my mom to be with her. And he slept with like, 15 students before that. I know, it's pretty pimp, right? Oh god, can we walk? Sorry. Hey Mom. How was the run? It was good. I found a weird text message on your cellphone. What? Why were you looking at my phone again? Oh, I didn't mean to. I was just... It was- it was just sitting there... How do you know my password? Well you haven't changed it since you were 14, and I used to have to remind you what it was. Why did you type in my password? Jakey... If there is anything you want to tell me, please, honey, seriously, I love you, it's fine... Because, you know, you're not the one who has to pay. Yeah, I know, Mom. - Oh, God. Good run? Jacob whooped me. You did fine. Oh, God, for an old lady. Has anyone seen Poppy? I think he's in the book room, why? No reason. Is it another money thing? Have you talked to your father about it? Alright, here, alright. Hut! Go! Alright. 3rd and 10. Here we go! Go! Ah! Here, here we go. Get him. Oh no! Oh oh no! Oh no, help! Help! Don't you do that! Stop doing that. Ugh! - Whoa! Here it comes! Touchdown! Nice! Need some ice. Got a soldier down. Got it? OVer here, here we go. It's okay. Wanna sit up? - What happened? Oh, aw, it's okay, it's just a little one. Ah. Alright. - Hold it on. It's just a little booboo. - You'll be alright. Here, medicine. - Whoa! Medicine! Let me see, sweetie, are you okay? How was yoga, Linds? It was fine. Ice cream, come on. Can we eat? Ask Poppy. Well, what time is it? They'll be here, Lindsay. Did she call? - She never calls. She didn't call! - Lindsay! They'll be here. - Okay. Levi, did you say sorry? No. Jim, do we have her number? Yes, of course. And did we call her? Cypress, you want me to read you a story? A book? Cypress, do you wanna play Texas Hold'em? Why don't we all play Chinese Checkers? Poppy doesn't like Chinese Checkers. Why not? I fucking rule at Chinese Checkers. You know what? Do you want a time out? Or do you want to have dinner with your aunt Nina? Nina! No, she's not here yet. I think we should eat right now. Hmm! - Well, hold on. It's... ...9:15. And they left Las Vegas at 12:30. How do you know that? Nina texted me. I made that trip in two and a half hours once. Maybe they stopped to go shopping. Nina can't afford to go shopping. Lindsay, what is wrong with you? Okay, okay. - Well, she can't, it's true. Let's say they left Vegas at 1 o'clock. They should have been here by 7 at the latest. What time is it now? It is now 9:16. We have no way of getting in touch with her, for whatever reason. Right. It's just... If we... She might... Just make a decision, Jim. Okay, let's eat. Thank you! Let's do this. Nina! Nina! They bring the dog? Nina's here! That thing doesn't actually work, Levi. Shut up, nerd! Nina! Hey! Whoa! Oh my God, you guys! Glad to meet you. Hey, nice to meet you, pal. I need food. - Levi. ...pleasure. I heard about you. Good to see you. - Hi, honey. I forgot how logical your house was. Thank you. - Thanks of having us. It's like a jewish girl's version of subtle. Hey, bro. Deborah. - Hank, great to meet you. Hey there, partner. Hank. Great, great, great. Hank. - Hey, partner. Oh, hey. - Hey. Jacob. Great to meet you. Nice. Missy. - Great to meet you. Hi. - How you doin'? Ah, the sister. Alright. I've heard so much about you. All good things. Hey there, Professor Turner, sir. It's great to meet you, I'm Hank. What do you drink? That's totally your little sweet spot! Oh that's so your little sweet spot! Can't breathe! Can't breathe! - Breathe! Okay, boys! Oh my goodness, you boys! So, Poppy, the Utley's are coming over tomorrow night? Inshallah. That means hopefully in Arabic. Actually, it means "God willing". No. They're still over in Edgemont, right Yep! Right down the street. God! Elizabeth Utley was, like, the most beautiful woman in the world. Still is. So, uh... Professor Turner, sir, you, uh... still teach at Stanford? Uh... in name only, at this point, Hank. Yeah, Poppy got kinda burned in the whole Iraq deal. That had nothing to do with it. Sure it did. Not every international studies hotshot left his department to go work on the Iraqi sewage system. Army... not sewage system, army. Yeah, most of them just wrote op-eds. That's why most of them still have jobs... that pay money. Deborah. What? You still get up to Palo Alto about once a week, though, right Poppy? Yeah, they let him keep his seminar. They let you keep your bachelor pad, too? Hah, good question. I still have the apartment, yeah. Any cutie post-docs this year? Nina... Just asking. I didn't get burned in anything. So uh... Professor Turner, sir... you... you ever actually been to Iraq? Well... the New York Times always said... I know what the New York Times always said... That you personally disbanded the Iraqi army. Get outta town, that was you? Hey, baby, didn't we see that on the TV? We made a lot of mistakes, Hank, but that was not one of 'em. Put simply, there never was an Iraqi army to disband. No no no, I know your argument, I read your book. The Kurds and the Shi'a would never have stood for a Sunni majority in the army and there were way too many Sunni officers to begin with, and anyway, the army disbanded itself once... Could we please talk about something else? No, let's talk about this. Can't keep up, Linds? Don't want to, Nin. I mean, yeah, we can talk about something else. Uh... how's yoga? Cuz you look great. Thanks, you too. Yoga's good. It's fine, you know. Had a couple of big name clients recently which is nice... and some referrals, and... Oh yeah? Who? What? Who are the big name clients? Oh, you know, just... stupid Laguna people. Tell me! No. Yeah, who? Chris O'Donnell? Who's that? Seriously, you don't know who Chris O'Donnell is? Alright, maybe we should just change the subject, I- I don't know anyone though... We don't have a TV, so... That's weird, Hank just said you did. Hank, don't you and Nina have a TV? Don't answer that. - Uh... Anyone want more guac? The problem with Abu Ghraib was they weren't wearing their goddamn uniforms. Alright, now he's drunk. Thank you for a very nice meal, may I please be excused? No. Poppy, tell us about the time you met Eleanor Roosevelt. Oh, that was wonderful. I must have been eight or nine when she was giving a speech in Ann Arbor. Hank! - Hmm. Come look at our pillow fort, come on! Alright, I'm coming, I'm coming. Oh my goodness, look at this thing. You guys did this all yourself? It's beautiful, I love this part. Oh, ho ho! No! I can't believe it! It's destroyed! Tell you what, build it back up again... Build it back up again, we'll do it all over, alright? Alright. I'll see you guys in a minute. Hey, ladies, how are the dishes coming? Good. Wanna help? Ah, yeah, yeah, in just a minute. Playin' with the kids. Feel free. - Mm. Thank you! Grab a chip, on my way. Alright! Alright, boys! Uncle Hank is back in the house! Look out! Do you have any idea how slow you eat? No. It's because you're an only child. I'm not an only child. How's the house in Wyoming? Uh oh. Those tenants bail again? No. 'Cause, one more time and Poppy cuts you off, right? What is your problem? But the house in Arizona's okay, right Nin? Yeah, the yurt in Arcosanti's fine. It must5 be nice having two houses. A yurt is not a house, Lindsay. Yeah, it's like a tipi, right? That's right, Jacob. That's right. How was the drive? How are the markets, little bro? Stock markets? Aren't you always plain' the markets? Um... Yeah, I like to invest, sometimes. Hmm. How's law school? It's fun. Well... it's pretty hard, you know? God, it is so crazy to me that you decided to do exactly the same thing that Poppy did. Same undergrad, now law school. Yeah, it is a little weird. Probably not gonna go for that post-post-doc though, huh? No, probably not. And total bummer about Oxford. Yeah, total. I was a Rhodes Scholar finalist, did you ever know that? Yeah, I know. Yeah, I didn't even tell them about Poppy. I changed my name and everything. That's not true. And they flew me out to Chicago for this big fancy cocktail party. Also not true. Don't be jealous, Lindsay. Don't be lying, Nina. Seriously, what happened, bud? Huh? Poppy said you just didn't have the grades? You told her that? I never said that. It must be really tough being the son of such a genius. Uh, yeah, there's good parts and bad parts, I guess. Yeah? What are the bad parts? Nina, please. - Heyo! Pacifico's my jam. You didn't bring me one? You wanted one? I'm sorry, sweetie. Oh, shit, hey Linsday, did you want one too? No, thanks. Lindsay doesn't drink. But thank you, Hank. Not since high school. Oh, Nina. Yeah, she was a full-blown drunk at 16. That was kind of embarrassing. Nina, that's enough. They would find her when they went to get their Wall Street Journal in the morning. They'd have to call Poppy and wake him. Yeah, at least I didn't date a fucking coke dealer from Oakland. Both of you, stop it. Ali was not a coke dealer. - Yes he was. No he wasn't and at least I didn't get knocked up... Don't you dare! Come on, come on stop. Well... Mr. Hank Presley... I think I need a cigarette. Shall we? It is really good to see you, TJ. It's really good to see you, too, Nina. I taught him that. So, how's the house down in Wyoming, really honey? Ship shape. Because Lindsay's probably right, I should probably stop... Hmm? - Everything is fine. I'm so happy you're here. Me too. Okay, that's it. Boo! Sweetie, it's okay. Heeeey! Nice work! Thanks. I thought you just did taiko, Cypress. No, guitar, too, since he was four. Oh, amazing! You wanna play "Michael Row your Boat?" No! - Hey. Okay. Here, give me the guitar. Whatever for, little bro? No, Cypress, you play. No, it's Jacob's turn. Jacob, I didn't know you played guitar. Uh... well not since I was like 17, but, uh... Crazy, why'd you quit? Because Mom got upset one time, because Poppy liked when Uncle Jacob played guitar. And who told you that? Thanks, Nina. Okay, go ahead, Jacob. You know what, I, uh... - Play, play, play. Play, play play! Yay, Jacob! Play play play! Come on. Okay okay okay. Uh... There's a dark and a troubled side of life sorry, oops. I'm sorry, that's good. Really, it's good. Keep going. Uh... There's a dark and a troubled side of life There's a bright and a sunny side too Though we'd meet here with darkness and strife The sunny side we always may view Keep on the sunny side always on the sunny side Keep on that sunny side of life It'll help you every way it'll help you every day Keep on that sunny side of life Keep on that sunny side of life Yeah, so, South America's totally hot right now. Huge S&P numbers. It's kind of a weird situation. Sorry, bud. Sounds rough. Yeah. What's kind of a weird situation? Uh... nothing. Whatever. Come to bed. Yeah, just a sec. Come on, Jacob. Gimme a minute. Damn it! I said no, alright? Leave me alone! Be cool, tough guy. Fuck. Uh... What happened to your butt, Linds? What do you mean? It's gone. Thanks. No, I liked your butt. How'd you sleep? Like shit. Poppy's book room is a wretched hive of scum and villainy. That's from Star Wars. Downward dog. Warrior 1. Warrior 2. Reverse. And side angle. That's a really beautiful pose, Nin. Thanks. You still practice? Hell no. Warrior 3. Come on, straighten those arms up. Dude, I'm not even warm, yet. Really? How long you been out here? Like ten minutes. That's funny, I feel great. Whoo! Splits. Shouldn't you be locking your standing leg? You know what? Have fun. A little early for that, no? I'm so sorry, Jacob. Uh, for what? Everything. Well, please... it's fine. Thanks. Well... I'd better go walk Peanut. Uh... W- don't you wanna hang out? Love you. Love you. Jacob? Ah, Poppy. What's wrong? Nothing. So... should we go into town? I was thinking it might not be a bad idea, why with the weather, and potentially we could get a few things... Poppy, I need to talk to you. Why, what is it? I need some money. Of course... how much? Oh g- oh, Poppy... thank you so much! You welcome. What- what's it for? Um... Aah... yeah... Uh... uh... It's okay, Jacob. You can tell me. Well um... It's uh- it's- there's... Poppy, they threw a brick through our window. They keep calling me and sending me these awful texts, I keep lying to Missy. Jacob, what happened? Poppy, it was a good investment, I swear to God. Vacation property in Nicaragua, at a great price. We wet gonna call it El Paradiso. he said that the value was definitely gonna double after it got developed. The- the property was 100k, all I needed was a downpayment, like 20k from these loan guys, I could get the rest from the bank, the mortgage loaner bank for like 80k. What was the interest rate? Well, it was like 10 percent a year from the bank. It was totally reasonable. What was the interest rate from the brick-throwing loan sharks, Jacob? Um... Compound interest at 100 percent. What does that mean, compound interest at 100 percent? I swear to god, the value was gonna double once it got developed, so, I was gonna flip it for like 200k, so... I'd owe the bank like 75k, which would leave me 85k. Poppy, that's pretty good, considering that none of it was my own money... Answer the question, Jacob. One thing led to another, and it never got developed, so I had to unload it for like 30k. So now, I owe the bank, uh... What was the deal with the loan sharks, Jacob? Well, like I said, uh... it was compound interest at 100 percent. Meaning? Well... uh... In my particular case... meaning... It doubled every six months, uh... The amount I owed them doubled every six months. I'm sorry. Did you say every six months? When did you take this loan out? Um... like two years ago. So, um... 20k doubled like 3 times, so it's at... Yeah, that's right. $160,000 at present. More importantly, if I don't pay now, they're gonna break both my legs and get me kicked out of law school. And you still owe the bank... $68,000, as well. Which means you currently owe various people... $228,000. buying undeveloped vacation property in Nicaragua was a sound business investment. I, uh... Listen, I only need $20,000, and they said they'd put a hold on it, and I can pay the rest off after I've been at the firm for like a year, and... Hey, Poppy, look at the bright side, I don't have any student loans because you and Mom, you... Poppy, please. I'll cover the rest. Looking back... Do you still consider it a sound business investment? I'll think about it. What!? You- you just said of course! I know what I said. Did my mom really hit Nina? What? When Nina was a teenager. Dd my mom really hit her? And that's why she hasn't been to Pasadena in so long? Who told you that? Nina, years ago. Of course she did. What? Nina hit her. Really? - Yeah. Wow. Nina's grasp on reality can be a little touch and go at times. I know. We like this. Ooh! - Whoa. Hey look! - What? Hey, it' like glow in the dark. I was just thinking that! - It is like glow in the dark! Well, let's see what we can do. LEt's give him some buttons, shall we? Okay. Why don't you help me out over here? Alright. Yo, we're doing buttons over here. what about stickin' with the dudes. I think they can tell you don't need any help down there. Levi likes the ladies. I dunno. I've heard. So good, you guys. So, hey, is that like... post-hipster knitting, or like, pre-second wave feminist knitting? I just sometimes like to make things for people. Oh... Got it. Nice! Look at this! Hey. - Hi, sweetie. Good job! - How was your run? Good. Hello. Hi. Has anyone seen Poppy? Book room! Come in. How was your run? Uh... good. Can we talk? Of course. Sit down. Lindsay, what's wrong? I know Nina can be very difficult sometimes, she... It's not Nina. Okay? I need money. Of course. What for? Well... Is, uh, TJ doing okay? TJ is fine. But I mean financially. He's great. I mean he made partner 10 years ago, we're great. Good. What do you need money for? Well, I can't ask TJ or it. Uh... So, I gathered that. you remember Dave, from high school. Oh, God dammit. I know, I know. It's not what you think, it's uh... I can't keep paying for this guy's drug addiction. You really can't ask TJ for it? no, I can't ask TJ for it. I can't ask TJ for anything right now. We've been having... problems, you know, with other people, and... with fidelity. I got it. Anyway, Dave is really the one person who I just... you know... just 'cause he was my first... real... boyfriend, and we had this really intense past, and... he's just the one person who if I were ever to get involved... But you have been involved, for years. But TJ doesn't know that. I'm sorry. Look, it's our baby. Dave's and mine. She's... 17. And she's shown up. She wanted to find her birth parents, she's found Dave. And... they wanna start a life together. Good for them. Yeah.. well... She wants to go to college, and of course Dave's promised to pay for it and... that means I have to find the tuition. Because if I don't, he'll tell TJ, and that really is the end of my marriage. No. No? This child is... not your responsibility. And she certainly is not my responsibility. But... Poppy, your dad wasn't around. Leave my father out of it! Okay. I just thought... you had a parent that wasn't present, so... you might... know something about... how it would feel if that parent then contributed to edu... Yes? Are you all right, Jim? I'm fine. Whatcha doin' in there, Poppy? Nothin, Nina. Where's Lindsay, Poppy? Nina, I'm in here, just go away! Look... Let's talk about this later, okay? You promise to think about it? Of co- course I'll think about it. Hey. - Hi. Shouldn't Poppy be carving the turkey? Because he's the one in charge. I dunno, I just do what I'm told, kid. Hey Deborah! Hey! How's it lookin' TJ? Levi, how're we lookin'? Eh... 'Bout four minutes, five minutes, maybe three minutes. Okay, three minutes. You get the napkins, I'll get the pie. -Okay. Hmm, beautiful dog, Lizzy. Thanks, Nina. Yeah, Jerome. Peanut has a friend just like you in Arizona, named Constance, except, she doesn't have quite so profound of a weight problem. So how was your trip? Okay. You just got back today, huh? Yeah, I did. Raring to go, though. So, Jim, you were saying, she can't win the general election? I'm saying it depends. On what? You know on what, honey. Actually, I don't. That's why I'm asking Jim to explain it to me. Well, she's running for the state senate in California, so she sort of has to walk this... centrist line on the economy. Which she already fucked up royally in the second debate. So, no, I- I- I don't think she can win, but I've been completely wrong about everything, up to this point. I think her hair looks weird. Me too, yeah. I think her hair is great! Hey. Come on, be nice. Oh! Who's that? Mm, um... It's just my TA for civil procedure. It's Thanksgiving. Yeah, it's just for this, um... job interview thing. What job interview? It's just this thing. Did Poppy get you the job interview? Can we not talk about this right now? So... Hank. What do you do? I uh... I drive a truck. Dinner's ready! Dinner's ready! Hey, can I talk to you? We're about to eat. I know, just for a second. After dinner, okay? Okay. Hey Levi... you know the wing is the worst part. Really? Steven. Yeah, really. It tastes horrible, no meat on it. But I'd be glad to take it off your hands if you throw in half your stuffing as well. Stop. I dunno, Levi, sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Alright, I'll think about it. Think about it, buddy. The offer's on the table. Well, cheers everybody! Cheers! Wait, um... we would just like to say... how pleased we are to have the Utleys back at this table. Oh and, we want to say how happy we are to see Nina. Always a pleasure, dear. You know, you are really hot, Lizzy. Okay, great. Good. Cheers. Cheers. So, Missy, Jim tells me you're in nursing school. Yep, I just finished my first year. you know, Elizabeth was in nursing for 30 years? Really? I had no idea. Jacob didn't tell you? Actually, that's how Steve and Elizabeth met. When we were all in Oxford together. I thought you all went to Michigan together. Jacob screwed that one up too, huh? Not tonight, Nina. Deborah stop. I went to Michigan undergrad, Steve went to Berkeley. We both got the Rhodes. So when we were in Oxford one night, Steve had a bit too much to drink and fell down, and dinged his knee. And I took him to the ER. And there, he met a beautiful young resident. And here we are. He looked awful. And he smelled like beer So you and Steve met at Oxford? Actually, a little before, we uh... We were fighting over the same girl on the boat trip over, on the QE2. Really? - Yeah. It only lasted a couple days, then we started seeing each other. That's true. But Elizabeth was actually on the QE2 at the time. She was headed back to London. I just... we never saw each other. - Did you see Elizabeth on the QE2, Poppy? - No. Uh, so Nina? - Kitty? Hank drives trucks, what do you do? Nina works the kiln at Arcosanti. Arcosanti? Like... the commune in Arizona? Actually it's an experiment in the concept of Arcology. Oh... I didn't know they had those things around anymore. Well, to be honest, I'm sort of between... Uh oh. I'm moving on from that. She got fired. From a commune? Alright, Poppy. We need to talk. - At the table? Yeah, sure, why not? Don't you think it'd be better if we wait... I need money. Oh, Nina, please, let's not do this here. What happened? The renters crapped out again. I told you to get insurance. We talked about this. Right, and I told you to get insurance, didn't you get insurance? Uh, Levi, you sure you want that wing? Steve. Not now. What does that mean crapped out? It mens they didn't pay their rent. Yeah, I think I want my wing now. About $5000. Jesus, Nina. - What? Guys, can we please just not do this here? Come on, I'm sorry, I mean, I'm sorry, but it's.. I- I- I can't help it. I just need the money. Yeah, Nina, seriously, not now. What did you just say? I can't think why you'd want that wing when it's the worst part. Well, I just- I just think that maybe... this is not... No. No... NO! Thank you for a very nice meal, may I please be excused? You ned the money, for your and Dave Greenwald's daughter. What? And you need the money for your stupid Nicaraguan investment thing. Wait, Jacob, what? And I need money for this. This is what I need money for. How do you know about El Paradiso? And fuckin' Dave Greenwald. Nina, this is not the time to talk about this. Poppy told me. - Nina. Poppy? - Is that such a surprise? Nina, please. - Poppy, you... Are you fucking kidding me? No... - Jesus Christ, Jim. Does that piss you off, Deborah? That your husband might have told his daughter something important about something? Dave Greenwald, is that true? You better watch your mouth. Will not. - Is it? Jacob, I'm gonna go. - No, please. You never knew that Lindsay smoked in high school. Yes, I did. She gets away with everything. And then we have fucking little princess over here. Hey, did you know that he wet the bed 'til he was like 15? What on Earth is wrong with you? Is that what those texts were about? Your horrible investment with our first house money, idiot. Don't call him an idiot. Steve and I really should be going. You better tell me the truth right now, or I'm gonna take these kids and I'm gonna go. Can we please do this later? no, now. What are you doing, Jacob? - TJ, please. Okay no, hey, stay, please! Please, everyone please stay, please. What the fuck do you care? - Nina! You fucked up our entire family, you slut. No, you screwed up your own goddamn family. Both of you, stop it now, please. No! No! I never get invited here because of her, and now I finally do get invited here, and she's ruining everything. What exactly have I done, except cook your dinner and make your bed when you wanted. You hit me in the face! No I didn't! - Yes you did! Stop lying! Okay... I did. And I'm sorry, Nina. And then you stole my dad. Nina. - Just, Nina, stop! And Poppy screwed Elizabeth Utley on the QE2. What? And last night! What? - Yup! Whoa, whoa whoa! Oh my God. Where's Missy? She left. Where's TJ? Same. Been calling him all night. Morning! What are you still doing here? TJ took the car. - Hmm. Hmmm. Where's Deborah? In our bedroom, she won't come out. So... should we go into town? Yes. God, I used to hate coming down to Pasadena. That's not true. You hated it too, don't lie. We had to leave Mom in Palo Alto, take the 5 all night, just so we could spend the weekend in this stupid house with Deborah and baby princess. Oh, God, this is so stupid. I'm gonna try TJ again. Sit down. Why do you hate me so much? Are you actually smoking in the house? I don't hate you. I guess all we ever wanted was for you to give a shit bout us. I do. Yeah, maybe now, when it doesn't matter. Wait, how are you not in jail this morning? Call the cops, see if I care. Okay. Wanna call the cops, Jacob? Let's do it. No. Why not? - I dunno. But she assaulted your mother. I know. Well, that's fucked up. - I know. At least ask Poppy why he cheated. Will you stop shouting at me? Well no, she's right, actually. Go on, ask him. You don't want to, huh? Why's that? Lindsay, please. Did you cheat on Missy or something? I dunno, did you cheat on TJ or something? Stop, both of you, please. I never cheated on Hank! I'm not a cheater. Can we talk about the money now? No. No, let Jacob talk to Poppy. I don't wanna talk to Poppy. Tough. Okay... Why'd you do that to Mom? I don't know, Jacob. Whatever, who cares? Deborah's in her room, she's gone, we're a family again. Now, let's talk about the money. Oh, that's right. That's nice Nina. you came home so we could be this cozy family, right? Let's talk about the money! I don't even care about the money anymore. So what? I do. Honestly, Jacob... I'm sorry. Sucks, huh, little bro? I know I've got problems, I know I drink too much, I know I'm selfish sometimes, I... I- I'm sorry. Are ya? But I've always... tried... I- I did the best I could. That's not true. Yes, it is. I think it is kinda true. I love you all very deeply. And even when I don't show it.. I try to show it. I think you need to try harder. Wait, why aren't you calling the cops this morning? On my own daughter? Guys, are we gonna talk about the money or... Oh my God! This is so insane! It is so insane that you're actually gonna get away with this! What? Look, look, okay? Look! See? I'm not doing anything. Alright? This is nothing. That woman is weak! Now, let's talk about the money! You're so crazy. Oh, I'm sorry, my bad. Did you wanna talk about your mother some more? Okay. First Poppy cheated on her, then he said h was sorry, then you didn't do anything. Now she's gone, and we're done with that. Can we please talk about the money? Now... about the money issue. You know, I will never forget the day you guys told me you were getting separated. I must have been about Levi's age, so, what... 9? And Nina must have been about 6? And uh... We were downstairs watching TV... which we used to do a lot of, 'cause Poppy was never around. And we were watching the Miss Teen USA pageant. And I'll never forget, whoever the host was was like... "And the winner is... " and suddenly Mom came in and... told us we had to go upstairs, and we wed like, "No, no, no!" And she was like, "Upstairs, now. " And so, we went upstairs and... Mom was sitting on one of those... low, white... wooden stools. And so was Poppy. And... then they just... said... "We've been talking... and we've decided Poppy's not gonna live here anymore. " Did she say why? I think there'd been this... massive fight, like two days earlier, and... Mom had caught Poppy with one of his students again... I dunno, who was that, Poppy? I honestly don't remember. That's nice of you. Anyway, they tell us this... you know, big... thing. And me and Nina were like... "Um... okay... Can we go back downstairs and watch Miss Teen USA now?" 'Cause, you know, you had to see it live, or whatever. It was just so fuckin' awful. Do you remember that, Nina? No. Lindsay, what do you want from me? Well... You apologized, so I guess that's a start. I feel like I've spent the last 30 years apologizing. I feel like you and I have different definitions of the word apologizing. You could stand up to your wife, for one thing. That's not fair. - Oh, none of it's fair. Yeah, but it's not her fault. She's just trying her best. Jesus, you people and your trying your best. You tried your best in Iraq, didn't you? And how'd that work out for you? I don't think the Iraq analogy pertains to this situation here, Nina. You don't get to say that, I do! I'm the one that gets to be the recipient of all your shitty failed trying! So I can use whatever analogy I want! Now, who are you giving the money to? Wait. - Who? Nina. - Who? There isn't any money. I don't have any money. I went to Iraq. Stanford fired me. Then they black-balled me. Then the market crashed. I don't have any money for any of you. I'm sorry. Wow. How are we just hearing about this now? Because it's none of your business. Really? I didn't expect to be asked for $300,000 over Thanksgiving weekend, Nina, darling. Who's paying for this house, then? I bought it cheap from a friend of mine 30 years ago. What about that trip to France you and Deborah took? Her mother paid for that. Oh it's- it's okay, Jacob. I can make a few calls, you won't get kicked out of law school. They already kicked me out of law school. They found out about the money weeks ago. I got expelled. I'm totally fucked. I've been trying to tell you all weekend. I'm sorry. What am I gonna tell TJ? Well, this just got pointless. See you guys at Poppy's funeral. Nina, don't. - Oh, God. Let her go. No! Get off of me. Get off of me! Don't call. W- Nina, hold on! Just let her go, she's fucking crazy! Nina. Nina, wait! Whatcha doin', little bro? I'm saving our family. - Oh, really? I think you should be more worried about the whole $228,000 in debt thing, right about now. No, I'm saving our family. Jesus, have you been practicing that in front of the mirror? No... yes. Aw, Jacob... Never lose your confidence, little buddy. Never lose that insane confidence your insane mother gave you with her insane love. It'll really serve you well. Stop shitting on my mom, okay? That's the first thing. Okay, you don't get to do that, She's not your mom. She's my mom. Oh believe me, I'm well aware of that. And second thing is... you need to be nicer. Oh yeah? - Yeah! Well you need to call me more often, you little shit. You need to say thank you when I send you presents You need to take the hint when I invite you to Arizona like 3 times in one phone conversation, and not say, "Er, um, I've got this thing, I'm really busy. " But instead say, "Yes, I love you. I'll be there tomorrow, I just bought my plane ticket. " You need to try harder! I call you every Christmas. Oh congratu-fucking-lations, just like the rest of you cunts. You do just enough so that I look crazy and so the rest of you look sane, and so you get to say, "Oh, there goes crazy Nina! There goes La Nia, We tried, ya know? We always try, but I guess nothing ever works out with that ungrateful little shit, I guess nothing ever... You stabbed my mother in the arm! Your mother smacked me in the face when I was 16! Okay, well get over it! Oh my God, you have no idea how bad I want to hit you right now! Oh yeah? Well then do it. No one else ever did, clearly. Say you're sorry for last night. No! - Yes! Okay, well then just slap me or something. Just do something! - No! Yes! Come on! - Jacob. Do it! Oh God. Listen, I'm sorry, okay? - I'm sorry. It's just hard because Poppy always loved you more, you know. That's not true. Can I come home for Christmas, Poppy? - What? Poppy, can I come home for Christmas? Nina, you just beat up our dad, after you beat up his wife, what are you thinking? Poppy... Can I? I'll have to ask Deborah. You think Deborah's gonna stay around for Christmas? We're all screwed. no, we're not. I mean with the money. No. We'll figure something out. I still have a few friends in Palo Alto. They could potentially help... I'm sorry, Poppy. Nice one. - That's my best. Just play, just play. Here. That's good guac. This is really good guac. I don't have anything to do here. Is that my guacamole? Mm... it was just sitting there. I... asked Nina down for Christmas, because I thought maybe... As a joke, I assume. Was this before or after you told her you don't have any money to solve all her problems? After. you shut the fuck up in my house. Mmm. So... I guess you guys are screwed, huh? I mean, what are you gonna do? Rob a bank? Win the lottery? Maybe your mom could spot us, Deb. That seems unlikely, Hank. Christmas should be interesting. Deborah, wait. I'm sorry. Tough. Nina doesn't have to come down for Christmas. do you really think that's what I'm upset about? No, no, I know it's the other thing too, but I... You're unbelievable. Darling. - Stop, Jim. Wait, Mom! You're really leaving? Your father cheated on me, and then he chose his horrible daughter over me. Yeah, I'm really leaving. No you... you can't. Yeah, I can. Poppy, do something. I think he already did, Jacob. No, seriously. Saving your family can be tough, huh, little bro? Don't worry, happened to us. What's wrong with you? Answer him. I fucked up. I fuck up sometimes, I'm sorry. Geez. Wait, no, Mom, you need to stay, okay? Everything will be fine. You know, really, I mean... Everyone can be nice to everyone. Jacob, you don't even live here anymore. You're not a child. Why does this matter to you? 'Cause you're my mom! So you can't leave! This is- we need to figure thous out, okay? Everyone can behave, everyone can get along, we'll be fine! Life doesn't work that way, Jacob. I'm sorry. I'm sorry too, Deborah. Well saying you're sorry doesn't make it okay. Well sometimes it does, I mean... it's kind of like saying at least you tried. Deborah. You know, you make really good guacamole. Thanks, Nina. That's my beer you're drinking. Actually, I think I do kind of live here now. Did I just screw up your life, Poppy? I screwed up my own life. Oh well. |
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