(ORCHESTRA PLAYING)
The hangman's got a hard-on
The pretty minstrels sway
The pundit reeks of coffin
The banker rapes a maid
We will not sing
In your damn parade
(SINGING)
We will not sing
In your damn parade
We will not sing
In your damn parade
We will not sing
In your damn parade
We will not sing
JESSICA MOSS: They were really
serious people
that were taking
the world seriously.
When I heard that they were
thinking about expanding their band
I jumped at the opportunity.
(VOCALIZING)
EFRIM MENUCK:
We made this decision
that we were going
to be a touring band.
We were going to be able to throw
our shit on any stage anywhere
any day of the week
and at least win over
a handful of people
in the room.
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
Every song Mt. Zion
has ever played
has sort of had the same
basic theme to it.
That, you know, things are bad now
and they have to get better,
which will get you heckled
at a lot of places
if you start
talking about that stuff.
But people are good
and together we can do anything.
(CROWD CHEERING)
MENUCK: Merci. Merci. Merci.
Thank you.
(BABY GURGLING)
MOSS: Oh, there we go,
see that's good. Let him hear it.
MOSS: We never considered
not touring with Ezra.
We were making a record. We were
going to tour as much as we could.
I was worried but I felt
really confident as well.
I knew we could do it.
We toured through
North America and Europe.
He went from six months
to nine months during that period.
I've put it in such
a safety deposit box
and put it so far out
in the back of my head.
It was incredibly difficult.
For both of us.
It was an incredibly
difficult experience. It really was.
It was pretty lonely
and isolating
and there was not
very much sleep.
And I felt so on the outside
of my band on that tour.
I felt like a burden.
(SINGING)
MENUCK: I just felt
guilt and inadequacy on that tour,
on the parenting front.
I felt incapable
of doing more.
MOSS: We sort of got separated
into these traditional roles very quickly.
All I knew how to do
was keep this baby happy.
Efrim needed to be out in the world
taking care of everything else.
I built myself a metal bird
I fed my metal bird
MOSS: On the other hand,
you know, we did it. We did it.
You know, I look at the photos
and it was incredible what we did.
Ezra was learning
how to stand and walk
on the bus
while it was moving.
You want me
to write a dog?
You want me
to write a train?
I'm going to
write you a train.
Say, "Hi, camera."
MENUCK: If it weren't
for getting to know Jessica's family,
I have no experience
with good familial relationships.
Even though I loved Ezra I didn't know
how to relate to him so much.
I think I was emotionally absent
almost all of the time.
MOSS: We were both
very unprepared
for the enormity
of having an infant.
MENUCK: I didn't get too freaked out
when I was broke before, you know?
Now I get super anxious.
Any touring musician,
your bank account is going to go up
and they get drained
almost immediately.
Like anyone who's
doing contract work.
The expenses of touring for us
have gone through the roof.
It's a lot more expensive
for us to tour now.
We have to
bring a nanny,
we have to tour
in a tour bus,
which we never considered
doing before we had a kid.
I mean, you know,
those are huge expenses.
Most of my head now is consumed
with this idea that I have to provide.
Daddy. Oh, Daddy.
(INAUDIBLE)
(EZRA TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
MOSS: Yeah. I'll bet.
EZRA: Go bye-bye.
Go bye-bye.
We've been together six or seven
years now. Seven years almost.
This is the first time where
we're not doing the same thing.
And it's Godspeed
so there's like,
you know, thousands of
adoring fans every night.
And I'm getting up and going to the
Y playgroup, you know?
-Going to the cafe.
-Yeah.
And this is my life and I know
it's not forever but...
-You're a wife.
-So crazy.
-Like, I'm at home.
-But I feel like it's going to go by...
I'm a stay-at-home mom.
You're a stay-at-home-mom,
you really are.
If you look at it on paper, Efrim's off
working and bringing home the bacon.
Mmm-hmm.
Jessica's at home with the baby,
cooking and cleaning.
You want a book?
This one? -No.
-This one?
-No.
This one?
-Yeah.
-Yeah?
That.
That's water
you put on the tray.
That's water
you put on the tray.
That's water
in the book.
You're smart.
MOSS: This is a collage
I made for Efrim's record.
It's the first artwork I've done
since Ezra was born.
I think we might
photograph it.
I just want to make sure it doesn't
look like ever it was in Photoshop.
This record that Efrim's making
is very personal
and I think it's
pretty incredible
that he's asked for a painting of him
and Ezra on the cover.
I do too.
When I started to paint it,
I thought, "Okay, I have to
be prepared that it might be...
"End up being too much..."
-Right. For him.
-Like he might...
Yeah, he told me on the phone
how much he loves it.
Okay, good.
What do you see?
(BABY TALK)
NADIA MOSS: He did something that he
artistically wanted to do
from something
he had in his heart.
Like a poetic response
to his son.
He has the time, I guess and
the luxury of making like this beautiful...
And the support.
And the support to make
a piece of art
about his son
and fatherhood
and it's beautiful.
I mean, you get to
have a lot of things but I don't...
You don't get to step back,
I guess, from the situation,
the parenting,
and like respond to it.
Don't you find that art
about motherhood is...
There's an aspect
of like... (SHUDDERS)
-Yeah, I know.
-Why?
-...not interested.
-I know.
Isn't that weird?
Still, to this day,
women's narratives
are not considered as interesting
and that's just all there is to it
but I think maybe
there's something else.
Like there's
the time aspect.
Or that's what I'm realizing...
-But I think that's it.
...from watching you
is like...
-There's the time aspect.
-It's the time.
I just wish that I
could be a father.
Like I don't think
I want to be a mom.
-Nadia's going to
take you for a walk. -Mama.
-It's cold out.
-(CRYING)
Ezra, it's freezing out.
We're going for a walk.
MOSS: There's no question in my mind
that I wanted and want to have kids.
NADIA: Mmm-hmm.
-I've always known that.
MOSS: But as I got older and as my life
became about being in a rock band
and being an artist
and being an independent lady,
I stepped away
from wanting to have kids
as soon as I could
because I knew that once I did,
it would mean...
That I would become
this mother.
There's this bizarre thing
that you become a mother and you
become like kind of grotesque, you know?
Even though everyone will say to you,
"Oh, it's so amazing what you're doing.
"It's so wonderful."
You know?
"Wow."
But at the same time you feel
this kind of pulling away.
Like, holy shit,
where did everybody go?
Everything changed,
you know?
I started playing
when I was five
with the idea that it could be
something serious in my life.
It was forced upon me and now,
of course, I'm so grateful that it was.
(SINGING)
Growing up it feels
like anything is possible.
And the moment that you become
a mother it stops feeling that way.
All of a sudden
we become less
even though in our own tiny
little world we become huge
because we become
somebody's mother.
I want so much to go back to what
I was doing.
MENUCK: In this one,
she's going like this...
(VOCALIZES)
In this one, he's going like this...
(VOCALIZES LOUDER)
In this one, she's going like this...
(VOCALIZES LOUDER)
In this one,
she's going like this...
(VOCALIZES LOUDER)
-I wanna do it again.
-All right.
MENUCK: I would give my right arm to
have like, you know, six months at home.
In this one,
she's going like this...
MENUCK: The mother's job is
so much harder than the father's job.
And the gender balance
gets totally knocked on its ass.
You think you're doing
a good job with that stuff
and then you have a kid and
all of a sudden you realize
that you're totally lame
with that stuff.
Look at that.
Look at the camera.
MENUCK: In Ezra's first year,
Godspeed started rehearsing full time,
like a day job,
and it was reaching this point
where I felt like the cliche.
I was coming home from
practices like, you know,
"I need a drink," and like practically
loosening my necktie
and then Jessica had been with Ezra
the whole day and...
(BABY TALK)
We have to figure out something else
other than me being on the road
and you being
at home, right?
I don't want that.
Hearts! Are! True!
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
Some! Hearts!
DAVE PAYANT: I can think
of a couple of friends of mine,
musicians who in the last
few years have had kids
and they don't do the
music so much anymore.
I think Efrim and Jessica are showing
that it's possible, but I don't know
if their example is enough to inspire
the courage for me to...
I don't know how...
Personally how I would fare
in the same situation.
True!
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
PAYANT: So as Ezra's godfather,
you are to be his spiritual advisor?
Is that one of the, uh...
-I don't really know.
What's the job description
of a godfather?
(WHISTLING)
THIERRY AMAR: I see it
as just someone who's a protector
and someone
who's there for him.
And I think we're lucky
to be in a band
where most of us are really close
and we're really good friends.
(SINGING)
MENUCK: Most bands don't
share anything equally.
You know,
once money comes in,
generally most of the money goes
to one or two people in the band.
And that's a sure-fire way
to earn a living in this business.
You know, if you take
more than your bandmates do
then you'll probably
be okay.
To me that's dishonest.
We're committed to the idea of
wealth redistribution, you know?
The rich shouldn't be so rich
and the poor shouldn't be so poor.
So why would we replicate
any of that class system
in our own band
dynamic, right?
EZRA: Six! One, two,
three, four, six!
EZRA: One, two, three,
four, six!
SOPHIE TRUDEAU: We
have to make a little money
but we live pretty simple lives.
We're not extravagant
and success is being able
to do what you love doing
and not having
to compromise.
That I haven't had a job
for the past ten years
is pretty much
my success.
(BABY TALK)
MENUCK: The sides of the...
Have to keep the
workflow going.
They're labeled for...
PAYANT: You guys want to stack
these in order?
MENUCK: Why not just number
them after they're folded?
AMAR: We're like a
neighborhood grocery store.
We earn, you know, basically
a lower middle-class living
and I feel content
with that if it could last.
If we don't finish,
worst-case scenario
is we bring the box on the bus
and at some point I'll finish it.
MENUCK: And this idea
that you could earn a wealthy living
playing music
is a recent innovation.
For centuries, musicians
were the lowest rung of the ladder.
We're like
the degenerates,
the people who like
played for pennies in the town square.
We identify
with that tradition.
Citizens in their homes
Missiles in their holes
Citizens in their homes
They built themselves
a beauty by the ton
MENUCK: I feel like
before that happened,
when I would look
at Mt. Zion I felt like
Mt. Zion was just
sort of an orphaned band.
We didn't feel much
in common with anything
contemporary,
but at the same time
we weren't playing
old-timey music either.
And playing with Vic sort of opened up
this idea that "Fuck, no," you know,
like we're working
within a tradition.
MOSS: We write music that's like
harder than what we can actually play.
We just end up making
these impossible songs
and then we sing them
even though we can't sing very well.
I constantly feel like my position
as a musician in the world is tenuous.
Like I constantly feel like I'm going to
turn the corner and it will be gone.
Why is it that there
are so few women
in their mid-30s
and beyond in bands?
-We're the veterans now.
-I know.
-It's like, who's...
-We made it!
It's the golden years now!
(LAUGHS)
Or did we? I don't know,
you know? It's...
MOSS: Right now
I'm just thinking,
"Okay, what's going to go
in Ezra's suitcase?
"What's going to keep him occupied
when he's bugging everybody else?"
Just thinking
about him constantly
and his well-being and then how can I
keep him feeling great
so that everyone else
can feel great.
So I don't feel this guilt
and responsibility of...
The fact of him,
you know what I mean?
Fix it, Mommy.
No one would
ever say this to me,
but I do
sometimes question,
like wouldn't it be easier for everybody
if I just quit, you know?
I feel that within me.
I don't feel that from anybody else,
I feel that within me.
You can't even
think about it.
You can't tour
without your child.
And our husbands
would never be thinking
about what to put in the arts
and crafts package for the bus.
And I think that's like
the heart of the matter.
It's like as a mother
you can't escape that.
NATALIA YANCHAK: Now the band isn't
my first priority, I have this child.
My family is
my first priority.
MOSS: What if we break him?
I don't think we're
going to break him.
-We might break him.
-We might break him a little bit.
We'll see what happens.
You know?
We'll see how it goes.
I think we both have
the feeling and Efrim
keeps reminding me of this
is that
it would be so much easier
not to do it, and...
But if we don't do
it then, you know...
We have to do it.
Like we just have to do it.
We have to try.
(CROWD CHEERING)
MENUCK: We are
the Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra
from Montreal, Quebec.
(EZRA SPEAKING)
Yeah, it's morning time.
MOSS: To get to the most places
in the least amount of time,
we're basically driving
for a week straight.
Not only drive at night
but we drive in the day too.
Half the band just stays in bed,
which I totally understand.
(EZRA CRYING)
(INAUDIBLE)
MENUCK: The hours you keep
when you're on the road
are exactly the worst
hours to raise a kid.
When we have to drive is the time when
he should not be cooped up in a van.
When we have
to go to work
is when we
should be with him
getting him ready
to go to bed.
I mean, it's all
topsy-turvy.
(EZRA SPEAKING)
So many buses,
so many buses.
So many buses,
so many buses.
AMBER: You wanna ride
for a bit, sweetheart?
You getting tired?
Okay, baby.
Everyone's okay?
They're treating you well here?
They're treating you okay?
They're not ripping you off
on drinks or I don't know,
searching you unnecessarily
or anything?
Does anyone else
have a question?
MAN: Play music!
-You fuckin' play music.
What the fuck?
(CROWD LAUGHS)
Anyone else have
a question?
TRUDEAU: Last year
I was gone nine months, you know?
Like just so much.
Having Tim on
the road makes it...
It's like,
"Oh, let's go on tour."
One, two.
Hey, one, two.
TRUDEAU: And who knows,
maybe I'll want to have kids someday.
But Tim is not so excited
about touring with kids.
So we'd have
to figure it out.
MAN: Ezra!
MOSS: If you want to run, sweetie,
you can run to me, okay? Run!
Oh!
Ha!
(EZRA SPEAKING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
MENUCK: No toys
for Christmas this year.
MOSS: Some beautiful art.
MENUCK: What shampoo
do I use?
I use your mother's shampoo.
She gave it to me personally.
If you come closer
I smell like your mother.
Anyone else have
a question?
MENUCK: When
you earn most of your living
playing music for drunk people,
where the bar's in the room, it's not
really about you on any given night,
it's about a whole lot of
other things in the room, you know?
As opposed to in a theater
where everyone's seated
and it's very hushed
and very quiet.
MENUCK: We're all stuck
with each other.
We all of us stink.
We all of us smell bad.
We all of us
make bad smells.
We all of us make
bad decisions.
We all of us say shitty things to people
we love just because we feel hurt.
But we're stuck
with each other, yes?
MENUCK: There's nights where we just
lose them within five minutes, you know?
An audience that totally came there
to be, you know,
to watch the show
and be quiet
and some nights
we just lose them like that
and they just start
talking amongst themselves.
I think it's the healthiest
way for music to be presented.
It's good to feel some
sort of resistance
when you're putting things
into this world, you know?
If there's no resistance
then it's a little too easy.
(SINGING)
MENUCK: Stop! Stop!
Come on back.
Come on back.
Just be gentle with the seats
and the stands, don't break anything.
Everybody's gentle,
everything will be fine.
Can't live on
their remainders
They are burning
half the world
(EZRA CRYING)
There's a hole here.
(CRIES)
-You just got scared?
-Yeah.
So I guess we don't play
right around here, huh?
(CRYING)
I guess we don't play
right around here.
That's okay, we don't have
to play right here.
Fell down right
in there.
What happened?
I fell down
right in there.
You fell down
right in there.
Yeah.
Here, let's move
away from it
so we don't fall down right in there
anymore, okay?
-I wanna go away.
-Come sweetie.
MOSS: Say it one more time.
EZRA: Gap is mean.
I don't know
what that means.
MAN: He's saying the gap.
-Oh, the gap.
You got stuck in the gap.
Yeah, you did.
Oh.
-Oh.
MOSS: It's easy to
withdraw back into,
"It's never going to work.
It can't work. It can't work."
Can you go
find me a snack?
Can you go with Amber
and find Mommy a snack?
I want a snack too!
You want a snack too?
Okay, here sweetie.
Here's Amber's hand.
She's going to find you
a snack okay?
(EZRA CRYING)
-I want two snacks.
-Yeah. Two snacks.
MOSS: How can it be possible to be
the kind of parent that I want to be
and to be the kind of person
who can continue to
make some kind of living
doing what I love.
Is it selfish?
Or is it the best thing
you can do for your kid
is showing them
that you're doing what you love.
And the day has come
When we no longer feel
How's fatherhood?
It's difficult, but it's great.
Thank you
for asking.
He's on tour with us.
He plays spittle mouth,
gurgle face.
He's pretty good
at all those things.
MOSS: So far, it's worth it.
As long as it's okay
with Ezra.
If it starts seeming not okay with Ezra
then I'll have to rethink it.
MENUCK: I guess having a child is
the first thing in my life that...
Other than having
a checking account,
that's easily relatable
to most people in the world.
I had a weird upbringing.
Strange childhood,
strange adolescence,
difficult young adult,
you know,
incredibly poor
for a few years.
Being unemployed
and being homeless
and stealing food
to eat, you know?
Begging for change
on the street.
Like all that stuff,
you know?
So having a kid
makes it feel less like a weirdo.
(PLAYING HARMONICA)
MENUCK: This song is
about throwing bricks through windows.
And love.
Simultaneously.
It's called
Microphones in the Trees.
(CROWD CHEERS)
You ready for snack time?
I got us some strawberries.
Strawberries.
Strawberries.
(MENUCK SINGING)
(SINGING)
AMAR: It's
easy sometimes
to lose perspective when you're
on tour, you know?
Just doesn't really feel like real life
after a few weeks.
Ezra feels like real life.
He's super happy to be awake
at five in the morning
talking to me and I was like,
"Do you want to talk
to your parents?
"Are you worried?
Are you..."
He was totally less worried than me
about anything, you know?
He was so...
"I in my bunk! Is bumpy!"
You know it's just like,
fuck this is great!
I can't believe
we're on the road
with this little
jiggly guy, you know?
What is that?
Like bench press? Okay let's finish.
What do you think?
MOSS: Okay, I'm gonna go,
sweet pea.
I'm just going to go
do the loading out
and then I can
see you right after.
Okay?
Wanna go outside too.
You wanna go
outside too?
Sweetie, I know.
It's gonna be short, I promise.
It won't be hard today.
-Want you.
I know baby.
(MURMURS)
-Portland!
-Sneakers!
MOSS: If I didn't take
some morning times
then Amber would
never get time off,
like on big driving days.
That job is incredibly hard
because you are working all the time.
There are no days off.
There's your pinecone.
It's another gloomy
post-rock number.
MAN: Whoo! We like that.
MOSS: The roles that we play
in the band, they're very different.
MENUCK: It's still totally
unequal on the road
and I think
it always will be.
MOSS: Like even... Not even just
morning times, but just in general,
being on tour, like the bulk
of the parenting role will fall on me.
...no secular rock.
(CROWD LAUGHS)
MOSS: Efrim has, you know,
a huge amount of mental strain
to make the thing happen,
to make the show happen.
We're both working very hard
but in very different ways.
I joined the band.
You joined the band?
Jessica just quit.
(CROWD LAUGHING)
MOSS: But I think we are learning
a language of how to make it feel
like we're walking arm in arm
as opposed to
miles away from each other.
And the day has come
When we no longer feel
And the day has come
When we no longer feel
And the day has come
When we no longer feel
And the day has come
When we no longer feel
And the day has come
When we no longer feel
(MAN SPEAKING)
Uh, because they're made out
of like very good material
so they won't fall apart.
It's the bare truth.
And they're environmentally
sound and they're made in Canada.
We could've gotten you
a cheap Chinese t-shirt but we didn't.
We're fairly ambivalent
about the whole t-shirt thing
but guess what? None you all buy
records anymore, so...
WOMAN: I do!
I know some of you do.
Sorry none of you.
Most of you all don't
buy records anymore.
MAN 2: Can I
download a shirt?
You can download
the shirt, yeah.
(ALL LAUGHING)
MENUCK: Piracy.
I think the most
important records
that I ever heard
in my life were things
that I taped on cassette from people
who had more money than me.
I think that's
a lovely thing.
How do you make a living
as an artist
when everything
is on the Internet for free?
I have no problem with
people getting stuff for free.
It's just people
are getting rich
and it's not the people that are actually
providing content for the Internet.
It's Apple
that's getting rich,
it's the telecom giants
who are getting rich,
it's Samsung that's
getting rich, it's...
It's everybody but the people
who are making stuff.
Ten years ago we were earning twice to
three times as much as we are right now.
People stopped
selling records
and all of a sudden everyone
decided to go on the road.
So there's a lot more
competition out there.
If you live in any
mid to large city
in North America
or Europe, it's a bounty.
You know, pretty much
every other night of the week
there's an out-of-town band
coming through that you could go see.
Because there's so
much competition now,
you're getting more and more screwed
at the end of the night
because they can
get away with it, you know?
It's like you're not
a scarce resource anymore,
a band that
could fill that hole.
There are tons of bands
that could fill that hole.
It feels like the last days
of vaudeville out there.
One, two, check, one, two.
(PLAYING)
MENUCK: I'm super worried
all the time.
I mean, what else would I do?
My resume right now would be
as if I just got out of prison.
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
It's right here.
We can get our supper right here.
EZRA: What you talking about?
What you talking about?
MOSS: That's different than
being a destination in Montreal...
What you talking about?
(PLAYING SAXOPHONE)
MOSS: I'm so proud of my whole band
for being so great with him
and easy with him.
I feel so unbelievably
down-on-my-knees lucky
that I get to keep
doing what I'm doing.
(INAUDIBLE)
(LAUGHS)
I really don't know
if I can keep it going.
I want to have some
normalcy, you know?
Just a little something.
A little normalcy.
I'd love to
have children
but I don't think that's
going to happen for me
so I would love
to have a dog.
I can't even have
a dog right now.
Men are able to stick
with it for longer
because they're not
having the children.
And that's
what I've seen.
I've seen it all
across the board
when women, at least in the music
that I'm playing,
start their families,
they have to take a step back.
And the men go on tour,
they do all these things
and they can have,
you know, twelve kids
because they've got
their wife or girlfriend or you know,
what have you,
the mother of their children
taking care of the basics.
And I do...
For what I do, if I have children
I'd have to stop playing.
I would actually
have to get a job
because for what I do
I can barely support myself.
Sometimes I look at biographies of
famous opera singers
and all these... I have always
looked up to women in rock
because they're more...
But you look at them
and you realize,
"Oh, she didn't have any children, she
didn't have a family, she didn't have..."
I watched my mother raise, try to
raise three children almost by herself
and so to see that
and go like, "Wow."
And she never had the time to do
anything for herself
and yet was able
to be so selfless
and giving and that's
what mothers do
and I couldn't do that.
I just couldn't.
I don't have it in me
because the work
takes so much,
I give so much
to the work.
(LAUGHING)
MATANA ROBERTS: I know
what it feels like to be loved by a mother
and it's so powerful.
Knowing what... And understanding
that not all children get that.
(KISSING)
And I'm still
feeding off of that,
so many years, you know,
later so it's just...
-I'm gonna cry now.
-Yeah, I'm gonna cry, too.
-Can we stop?
-Yup.
Are you gonna have
a nice sleep?
Mmm-mmm.
Have a bad sleep.
-You're gonna have a bad sleep?
-Yeah.
Don't tell me that.
Why are you gonna have a bad sleep?
Because I think of things.
(BABY TALK)
Sweet pea, it's time
to lie down.
Okay?
(EZRA TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Can you listen
to Daddy?
I a cat.
-You're a cat?
-Yeah.
What sound does
a cat make?
Meow meow!
That's right.
-You a dog.
-Woof.
Cats don't like
that sound.
Ezra's don't like
that sound either.
I a cat.
Up, down, up,
down, up, down!
Up, down, up, down,
but not up, down.
Down!
MENUCK: You have to be 1000% on the
side of humanity once you have a kid.
You have to... You're like rooting for
the home team like you never had before.
-What you did.
-I flopped you down like you asked.
Which is a big adjustment.
That's a heavy adjustment.
For me that was
the harder thing
was having to, like, get rid
of a lot of my own cynicism, you know?
You have to be like,
"No, things have to change,
"things have to get
better 'cause this little
"innocent creature has to
grow up into a world that's
"better than the one
he was born into."
All right, I'm gonna put
night lights on, are you ready?
Go forth, man
Get down
With a mighty fist
and a retarded crown
Do the one-step,
the two-step
Sweet jubilee
And show me
the light, goddamn
Tell me
There is a light
Tell me
There is a light
-Hi.
-Hi.
Got a balloon
in my bottom.
Hi.
Happy birthday, Thierry.
Happy birthday.
-Happy birthday.
ALL: Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, Thierry.
Cheers.
I couldn't imagine
a better birthday
than to be here
with you guys.
You don't wanna
cheers that.
Sante.
One more cheers, buddy?
Thanks.
Yay! Cheers! Cheers!
Yeah.
Everybody in the bus!
Yeah. -That's right,
that never happens.
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
Some! Hearts! Are! True!
MOSS: I don't
want things to end.
You know, now I want
to bring Ezra everywhere
and I want to go on tour with him.
I just want to work.
I just want to do it.
I just want to do
it while we can
'cause who knows
how long we can do it.
MENUCK: Half my brain now was
occupied with the hustle, you know?
I'm on the hustle all the time.
I'm just always like,
"What's the next gig?" You know, like,
"When's the next tour?"
Every other tour our booker
will come out and say, you know,
"If you raised your ticket
price by three dollars
"you'd make this much more
on the tour," you know, and...
And we say,
"Yeah, we know."
It's obscene what people
charge for shows these days.
It's not right.
Especially when
people have to
work so hard for $50.
It's just... It's never going
to be right.
MOSS: Okay.
EZRA: Caught a piggy.
I caught a piggy!
MOSS: Where's your band?
Oh, wait over there.
MOSS: Okay, go for it.
-Caught a piggy.
Caught a piggy!
Caught a piggy!
(EZRA SPEAKING)
MOSS: I'm just
looking for the plug.
EZRA: What?
What are you looking for?
MOSS: I'm looking
for the plug.
EZRA: What are
you looking for?
MOSS: There used to be
a part of my life where I did playing
with other people
and in other projects
and for other people's
records, and I
really haven't gotten a phone call
for that since Ezra was born.
(PLAYING HARMONICAS)
NADIA: Ez, is that
my hair brush? -No.
Is it your hair brush?
It's...
It's boring.
It's boring?
-Yeah.
-Why is it boring?
MOSS: For Ezra I want
a sibling.
I do think about that a lot.
-Mmm-hmm.
I had a conversation
with Dave actually,
while we were on tour.
He sort of like, "Yeah, I can imagine,
there's Ezra and there's another one."
He could actually... -On tour? -Yeah.
I can imagine it too.
I kind of understand why you
want to prepare yourself for
having to not be able to
do it, but I also feel like
maybe you shouldn't.
You mean I should be
doing the opposite?
I think you should
be doing the opposite.
I can't imagine him
not having somebody
to make fun of his
parents with, you know?
Like it's such a crucial
aspect, you know? -Yeah.
MOSS: I'll blow
on it, okay?
Why you gonna
blow on that?
Why you gonna
blow on that?
'Cause it can help
make you feel better.
Ezra, here's some corn.
-Hello!
-Hello.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
Are we going eat two
cob on the corns?
Are we gonna eat two
corn on the cobs? -Yeah.
Well, first you're
gonna eat one,
and then you eat
the rest of your supper
and then you can
eat another one.
EZRA: Why?
MOSS: 'Cause that's how it works.
(CLANKING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
MOSS: There was a lot
of people on the street that
wouldn't normally
be on the street,
protesting for
the first time,
and that's a beautiful thing.
It's like a momentary glimpse
of what it could be like
when you can know
your neighbors,
when we all march together.
MENUCK: "We've been going
with Ezra to the park
"at the end of our street
at 8:00 p.m. every night.
"I guess there's gonna be
a whole generation of kids
"raised in this ridiculous,
neglected jewel of a town
"who'll have fuzzy memories about
the month they got to go to the park
"that one summertime,
"when all the grownups
were making noise
"with pot lids and everyone
was serious,
"but everyone was smiling too.
"There's so many teary
moments in all of this.
"I'm crying all the time.
I'm smiling all the time.
"I know it's going to end.
I don't want it to end."
Whoo!
MOSS: I find inspiration
from activists,
from people who work
to challenge and change.
MENUCK: I actually think
I was a member of the last generation
that was promised
a better future,
and I think successive
generations have been
promised the opposite of that.
(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
MOSS: That last tour with
Ezra went like a million times
better and smoother
than I was worried it would,
and it made... Made the whole
thing seem more possible.
MENUCK: He's growing so quickly
that it's different month by month.
He did great three
months ago.
I don't know how
he's going to do
four months from now.
But, for me, now that he's
an older kid, you know,
he's able to express himself
and say what he needs
and that's just going
to get more and better.
But that comes part and parcel
with he has opinions too,
and he has fears,
that's the biggest thing, you know?
You know?
He does talk a lot about wanting to go
on tour right now, that's for sure.
Mmm-hmm.
He talks a lot about wanting to go
to the doctor too, though.
If we have to figure out how to do it
without him, then...
I mean, we're about to try.
And we're about
to try an eight night...
He'll be on his
own for eight nights.
Um, I feel like right now
that's definitely the maximum
amount of days,
do you agree?
Yeah.
If we had to stop
touring with him,
but I don't want
to do that, so...
But at the same time we can't afford
to tour with him.
It's a real reality,
you know.
We make a little bit of money,
but not very much
because we have to pay for the nanny
and we have to pay for the tour bus.
(SIGHS)
I mean, the tension of all this
is being amplified 'cause there's
a microphone
and a camera in here.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course I want to keep going.
I just like, you know...
It gets into bigger
issues, you know.
It just mostly gets
into issues like
how do we keep
getting by, you know?
And I feel like most
of that falls on me.
Most of that worry
falls on me.
But it definitely harshes
my mellow in terms of, like,
"Oh, that's great, we did a tour
with Ezra, it worked out great,"
you know.
It's like, "Yeah,
it worked out great.
"We made a grand
and a half each, you know."
That's not...
That's not a viable plan
moving forward, you know.
Unless we allow
for the grants
that we didn't apply for
for ten years as a band until we...
I don't want to...
I don't want to be...
I want to be a band that
pays its own way, you know?
I don't want to take
government money.
On top of that you can't
count on it, you know?
On top of that there are bands
who need it more, you know?
Like who?
I don't know them, that's why
they need it more, you know?
I don't think it's a role of government
to subsidize a failing band, you know?
That's how I feel.
That's how I've always felt.
I think it would be suicide
to keep doing it as a full time thing.
'Cause even with the grants it's
not enough money, you know?
So...
We're still the luckiest
band in the world.
I mean, we'll be fine.
(SIGHS)
There's a romantic
part of me that thinks
that it's worth it
at whatever cost,
you know?
But I know that
that's not very practical.
But there are other
bands who share those...
That's the point.
We're just one of many, you know.
Like, that's okay.
If it all ended tomorrow
it'd be okay, you know?
I mean, we're just another
fucking band, you know.
So...
Except, on other
days you say,
"We're the best
band in the world!"
Yeah, but every band's
got to go through life
thinking that, you know?
-To keep going.
-Yeah.
Yeah.
MOSS: It was
kind of a crash.
I had to accept
the realization that
I can't pick up
where I left off.
Will is not enough to
make this stuff happen.
You can go...
You can go all by yourself.
JOAN MOSS: Really?
I... I did it for...
Remember when we were playing,
me, you and Oscar?
And I had to be the monster
eating up the potatoes.
So you could be a little bit sad when
Mommy and Daddy go away,
and then when
they come back
do you have big,
huge hugs for them? Eh?
So when you're a grownup, are you
going to have to go to work sometimes?
And what will
your little boy do?
EZRA: Going be sad.
He's going to be sad.
But then...
-Whoa, whoa...
-(JOAN LAUGHS)
I'm getting so tired.
Sleepwalking, sleep talking
When all she looks
at you to see
A faded page of memories
Sleepwalking, sleep talking
About you
Sleepwalking,
sleep talking
What do you do
when you don't belong?
You're in your corner
What do you say
when you're always wrong?
Is it any wonder
Day and night,
it's night and day
MOSS: Maybe we'll be lucky enough
to have more opportunities
where we can tour for one week or
ten days at a time. NADIA: Yeah.
Where we can just
leave him with Mum, who's...
Oh, my God, without her,
where would we be? -Yeah.
So, I'm planning on looking
for work in September. -Mmm-hmm.
Um, well, I guess
that's really soon.
'Cause that's where I'm at.
'Cause we're gonna be...
You know, Ezra and I
are going to be home a lot.
He'll be in daycare,
you know.
Who knows if I'll ever be able
to not have a job again after now?
-Yeah.
-Who knows?
You know, I didn't know I would be
at this position at this age, but...
Like you thought you'd probably
be in a career that made you money?
No, I don't know
what I thought.
Actually, I don't know what
I thought. I don't know.
I just sort of was just
doing this band thing
and year after year it kept
being the thing... Enough.
(CHILDREN TALKING
INDISTINCTLY)
What if it chews
on something?
It's not going to.
Cats aren't dumb.
Yeah, I'm so excited!
There's a good amount of fans out there
that are gonna get really excited.
I think we should do
a couple of fliggle wiggles.
Yeah.
BOY: Do the fliggle wiggle.
(SINGING)
It was really moving seeing
you being in charge of them.
-Oh, really?
-Like, Ezra definitely has
changed me in that I'm not shy
around children anymore. -Yeah.
(ALL CHEERING)
(SINGING)
-It was good.
-Yeah, yeah.
So he got hassled,
but we were okay.
JULIE DOIRON: I feel guilty
about my path I took as a mother.
(SINGING)
I kept touring.
My husband at the time really, really
encouraged me to keep touring.
He didn't want me
to ever, like, resent...
He didn't want me to
give up what I was doing,
'cause I was already
a touring musician before I had kids.
In hindsight, I really wish
that I had not kept touring.
I say that to people
sometimes and they say,
"Well, you're crazy.
You don't really wish that.
"Do you really wish that
you had stopped music?"
And ultimately, like, I missed out
on a lot of stuff
and you can't really...
I mean, I can't ever
go back that way.
I often feel like I'm a fraud
because I feel
like people have
sort of looked up
to me for advice
or they see...
Like I know that people probably go,
"Okay, well, Julie Doiron,
"she did have kids
"and she's still touring,
like, she's doing it all
"and so can I."
It may look like
an ideal situation,
but, like, I ruined
my marriage,
and I lost custody
of my children, and so I...
Yes, I have three amazing kids
who love me, and they
know I'm their mom,
and now I have to tour
way more because
I have all these other bills.
If I'm not on the road
I don't have any money.
My kids tell me
over and over, like,
"You're always going
to be our mom.
"Like, we understand
that you're gone."
But I constantly feel guilty
about not being there.
Talking about this right now
is making me feel amazing
and maybe I won't feel
depressed for the next week.
That's great.
And I'm just realizing
like maybe women should be getting...
Well, obviously women should be
getting together way more often
to talk about
all this stuff.
You need so much help to be able
to continue to
have a...
To have creative output
and to be a mother.
You can't focus
100% on your art
and also be a mother.
I don't actually think
that's humanly possible
or physically possible.
-Right.
MOSS: The degree to which
privilege and circumstance
play in us being able
to do what we do.
Childcare.
Access to healthcare.
Most people in the world
don't have that.
And it's only because of these
things that I have this luxury
to take a step back
to consider trying to be a mother
and a creative person.
I am overwhelmed
by gratitude for that.
MENUCK: I don't live a healthy life
and I want to live a long time
'cause I want to see my
kid get older, you know?
I mean, I live the life
of a musician
and it's not a healthy life.
People die in their fifties and sixties
just from staying on the road.
That's a real thing.
All I do is tour and rehearse
and worry about money.
In spite of all that, I love Ezra so much,
I love Jessica so much.
I like who I am more
than I ever have,
and I like being a father.
All that matters to me
now is that Ezra stays happy
and that Jessica has as
much time as she needs
to figure out what
she wants to do.
Everything else
is just noise.
What we loved was not enough
Even though we wanted to
And this I learned
and thus I gleaned
(SINGING)
Kiss it quick
and rise again
MOSS: I don't know if I can start
something new, you know what I mean?
To imagine starting something,
like to conceive of
beginning is very daunting.
Like starting something artistically,
we're sort of...
We're in that now, we're doing it,
so that's one thing.
But you mean starting
it like trying to get
to a place where we can have
shows that don't lose money?
It's not open to us
to be a young band
trying to make it.
It's just, even if we tried,
it's not a door
that's open.
Nothing, no part
of this culture is like,
"Older women artists,
let's see what you got!"
I know.
Like zero, zero, zero
part of this culture. -Exactly.
All I want to do right
now is play guitar,
which has come
from us being together.
I know, it really has
made me so happy.
It's been so fun.
MOSS: Everything in the world
tells me it's bad to get old.
But
every single one of us is doing it,
so how could that be bad?
Oh, my God!
(MOSS LAUGHING)
EZRA: I'm happy
to see you.
MOSS: I'm so happy
to see you!
We just came back
to find you.
JOAN: Are you happy
to see Mommy?
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
(PLAYING HARMONICAS)
Why you closing
your eyes?
When I really feel the music
I close my eyes.
(BOTH VOCALIZING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
MOSS: You know what,
I think it sounds okay if it's a little...
Screechy?
Lord let my son
live long enough
To see that mountain
torn down
Lord
(SINGING)
Let my son
Live long enough
To see that mountain
torn down
Lord
(PLAYING RECORDER)
(EZRA SPEAKING)
No, I don't.
(EZRA SPEAKING)
Yes, you do. Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh.
(PLAYING DRUM)
That's a really
good beat, Ezra.
(EZRA SPEAKING)
That's it.
This is it. The end.
Contaminator
Published 12/01/2015