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Comme un cheveu sur la soupe (Crazy in the Noodle) (1957)
CRAZY IN THE NOODLE
Does he do this every day? -Normally, he sounds less sad. This won't work. Too depressing. Farewell... Farewell... Mr Cousin? -Yes, that's me. Thanks. A note, sir. -Sorry, I didn't see that. Could happen to anyone. Keep it all. -Thank you, sir. Farewell, my friend! Mr Cousin, phone call for you. -I'm no longer here. It's Miss Wanda. -Wanda, Wanda? I'm coming. I'm coming. Why didn't you tell me? Wanda, yes, this is Pierre. Good to hear from you. Dear Wanda. What? I still have your letters with me. Now? Right away? I'll be right there. I smell gas. -Gas? Gas. My God, the poison. An antidote... milk... Milk... milk... milk... Do you have any milk? -Yes, there's milk in the fridge. Have you... ...got milk? Milk! Milk! Have you got milk? I can pour it myself. Make yourself at home. Thanks, you're too kind. Excuse me. People are waiting for me. Put it on my bill. Wanda, dear Wanda, I see you... I relive... Have you got my letters? -Your letters, always... And those are yours. -Is that why you asked me over? Ah, Wanda... I'll explain later. Who's this gentleman? The mailman. It would have been too good. If you want to kill yourself, try something else. You're very lucky. Last week, I was transporting bricks. Help! Help! Help! -Wait, I'm coming. Help! Help! Help! -One moment. I'm coming. Wait for me. I'm coming. -Help! Help! Help! Help me... Where are you? Where did she go? I've got her. No, she's gone. Anybody there? Come here, here! This way! This way, here... Wait. -Put your foot.. Help! Help! Help! police station Short, but dry. -Thank you. You couldn't leave like that. Here, coffee. -You're too kind. It's the least I can do. Here's my belt. -Oh, thanks. Before I met you, I was biased about coppers. Excuse me, I mean the police. -It's alright. I was wrong, you're a nice fellow. -Thanks. I say... In case you're cold. -Excuse me. After you. Just an ID check. It won't take long. Congratulations, sir, congratulations. Which number? -22. It's funny. I hope you won't do it again. -No, inspector, I was too afraid. Is she alright? -Not even a cold. What were you thinking? You're young, you're beautiful... No, don't cry like that. Have you got a handkerchief? -Thank you. Here... Alright, now I can go. -The inspector wants to see you. Me? What for? For a medal. -Which medal? A medal because you saved the lady's life, silly. But I don't want... -What a hero. I'm in a bit of a hurry. -It won't take long. Sit down. Do you like the premises? It was a pleasure to meet you. It was nice meeting you too. -You can keep my belt. You were born in August, correct? You're a Leo. Master of the sun, domineering, cruel commander. Permit me? Occipital lobe... ambiguous... parietal lobe... convulsive... You'd be an excellent opponent for the Martians. You have an excellent lifeline. Middle finger and ring finger are equal. Hypertrophic palm of the hand. What does that mean? You'll live to a 100, sir. A hundred years? That's not good. -Better get used to the idea... ...unless someone kills you. Kills me? Thank you. Thank you. You've just saved my life. Ah, there you are. -Did you run off again? Don't touch me. -Has he been good? We're going home. I'll file a complaint with the minister. -But of course, my friend. Excuse us. -See you next time. Hello guys. Anything for me? An assault. -Nobody cares anymore. Are we going? -I might have something for you. That's good. Where's the body? She's not dead. -You're not funny. I can't help it. -Are we leaving now? Caroline Clment, artist That rings a bell. -Major award in 1955. Hasn't done anything since. -That's fine. Forget it. It's not interesting. Cousin, did he commit suicide too? -He helped the lady. Composer... does that ring a bell? -No, off we go. I knew it. You're an idiot. I'll take you home by car. Hey, come on. -Thanks. I don't want any journalists. She wants suicide without journalists. -Don't talk, take pictures. Well? Broken heart? -None of your business. Personally, I don't care, but our readers like this. Leave her alone. Do you think it's funny? She has no luck with her career. That's perfect. Come on, take pictures. You're crazy. -A singer who doesn't want pictures? Pictures! Thanks everyone. -And congratulations. Where's Pierre? -He's gone. It's alright. We have his address. Come on. -Another late night. Do I know this neighbourhood? I've lived here for 25 years. I was told there are murderers in this neighbourhood. Here in Mont-Martre? That's been a long time, sir. If you want to see one, you have to go somewhere else. Get his money. Paolo. I have a favour to ask. Come in, come in. An experience in space, madam? Come in, sir. You'll enjoy it. A murderer? You're a real comedian. Some people... Come in, come in. Come in, sir, madam. Did you say I have to kill you? -Yes, indeed! Excuse me. He and his music! Does the music bother you? -No, it drives me up the wall. Ah music. If I could choose, I'd be a composer. I understand. -How much do you pay? For what? -For your disappearance. Disappearance? Ah yes, excuse me. Sixty thousand francs, alright? -Are you pulling my leg? No deal under a million. -Excuse me. I didn't mean to offend. It's the first time... -Listen... Beautiful, isn't it? -Yes... Listen can't you give me credit. -We don't give credit. Really not. -Well... Can we make some kind of deal? -But what about my payment? Can't you kill me for free? Are you crazy? I'd get into trouble with the union. When would you want it? -Right now. Are you making fun of me? You can't improvise it. It has to be prepared. I just can't wait. -Find someone else then. I work legally. Alright then. -I'm busy for the next two months. I have too many jobs. You'll have to wait. Listen, isn't it dramatic? -Yes, it's dramatic. I like you. Drop in now and then. When I have time, I'll help you. Good evening, sir. -Is it special? Special? It's the best in all of Paris. Plenty of spectacle, a striptease and a surprise party. Striptease in Calcutta striptease in Hong Kong... Please. Carte Rouge, you're an expert. Did you ask for me? -It must be a mistake. Always the same. -No, this gentleman needs to relax. The orchestra drinks to the health of this gentleman. You're too good. No, wait, I have to go. -But sir. The party only just started. If you prefer, I could leave. -You're here now... Would you like to dance? -Absolutely not. Ah, I prefer it this way. This way we can talk. What, he drowned? -No... He's a hero. -A Hero? We'll explain later. Where is he? -I don't know. What time is he home normally? -I don't know. Artists don't have a routine. -But what about us? We'll be back tomorrow. Take a picture. They all refused. -All, all, all. You're a strange person. -You don't have a heart. I don't? I'm looking. -Looking for what? Matches. I know someone, Angelo. -Who's that? Who's Angelo? A friend of mine, my darling. He'll still be at his office. -What, alright, the bill please. Thanks. I won't pay this, sir. Did Juliette explain? -Yes. Will you do it? -No. There's no reason to kill you. -40,000 francs... I'm not in it for the money, sir. I kill for honour. -He's Corsican. If you behave, I'll behave. If you show no respect, I'll kill you. You respect me, don't you? See? Excuse me, I'm busy. You're really out of luck, darling. -One moment... What's wrong with you? You saw it. He hit me. What if I got angry? You're asking for it. That fellow's crazy. If he continues like this, he should be locked up. Excuse me, I was interrupted. Is it my turn? I did what I could. -Me too. I'd like to stay, but I have to go home. Alright, go. -Will you be back for me? Yes, in the next life. You're a nice guy. If you change your mind... I heard everything. -I have nothing to be ashamed of. I can solve it. -What? I'm telling you I heard everything. -Do you know someone? Yes. -Someone serious? Very serious. Where can I find him? -It's me. It's just that... -Yes... You wouldn't say. -Exactly... Have you ever heard of Amde -No. I'm very happy to meet you. -I say... I was about to give up. -Such is life, isn't it? Shall we sit down? -Barman, give us a drink. After you, please. I have to admit that I don't have a lot of courage. Neither do I. -Excuse me? Just kidding. Leave the bottle here. This is my business card. -What do I want with that? You don't know my name and address. -That's true. That's a quiet neighbourhood. -Yes. And when will you drop by? -I won't tell you that. Do you promise? -Yes, of course. And if you change your mind? -Even if I change my mind... Even if I beg you not to, you still have to kill me. Understood. -There. All taken care of then. -That's to say... Ah yes, excuse me. Here, 40, 3, 5, 6, 46000 francs. -No. But that's all I have. -It's way too much. -Take it. Why would I want it? No, not more then 30,000. Take it. My last wish. -Alright then... To your health. Sorry. Singer saved from water! Read all about it! And this is just the start. -It's already not bad. "Her voice sounds both endearing and unforgettable." That's my article. -You've never heard me. Thanks anyway. "Pierre Cousin, the hero, is an unknown composer." If I'm correct, the newspapers published three of his songs. Didn't he continue writing? -Unfortunately, three bad songs. Now they'll sell well. Hello, yes, it's France Dimanche. Give it to me. I deal with the press. Hello, what's it about? What? you're joking. Bad taste, sir. Very bad taste. Yes... yes... yes... Please, don't insist. What did he want? -To take your picture in your swimsuit. Good that you refused. -Of course. In your swim... but wait... This is perfect. Some other time. You're expected in half an hour. You should definitely do this. -Mr Cousin should be there too. Let's find him. -Dead or alive. I'm coming. We've got him. -Amde... Well, Mr Amde... And, any news this morning? -No, Mr Director. Is everything alright? -Yes, everything's fine. Not one mistake? -No, Mr Director. You're pulling my leg. -Not at all, Mr Director. I respect you. -Enough of that nonsense. Yesterday we were 30,000 francs short on cash. And we can't afford that, understood? That's correct, Mr. Director -Well, explain it to me. I found the 30,000 francs this morning. It was just a mistake... You've been working here for 8 years. This isn't acceptable. We don't tolerate this kind of mistake. Of course, Mr. Director -Your private life is not my business. But, from man to man, are you supporting a dancer? A dancer? -Either you're gambling... Mr. Director, how can you think that? End of the line, everybody out. -Let go of me. We've got you and we won't let you go. We organised a little party for you. -This is La Belle Vie. And this is just the start. Do you hear me? -Yes, and then what? That's my song. What's happening? -Do you never read the newspaper? No. -They only talk about you. What do you think of her? -I'll take her. You're making a good deal. -So are you. Come here quickly, honey. And when does she start? -Tomorrow evening. Hear that? You start tomorrow. -I'm not ready. Then why did you try to commit suicide? -She's only joking. This is him. -Mr Cousin, come in my arms. Thanks to me you're a star. Have you two met? No. -What, no. You saved her but don't know her? -It was dark. I wanted to thank you. -He's not going anywhere. Press first. We're the press. -Have you got an idea? Leave it up to us. No problem. -No problem? But of course. You're a genius. I've always told you... You've always told me? -Sir, thank you again. This isn't the right moment. Come here. Here. What are you doing? -It should look natural. You can do better than that. This is the love of your life. More passion. You adore each other. Like this. You're scaring me. -800 readers want to see that kiss. Your turn. That's not good. It's ba... Take a picture! This is fine! Are you ready? -We are for today... Perfect. -I'm confused. This is for you. -What is it? An advance of 200,000 francs. -200,000 francs? Look, another 100,000 francs. -Another 100,000? Yes, I know, it's not a lot. Come by in my office for the complement. For a compliment? -You're a great composer. They're finally noticing. About time. Now, the contract, Mr... -Mr Bouthillier. You can talk to my manager -You have a...? I never deal with material matters. -You're clearly a genius. Are you alright? Not too nervous? -Yes, I am. It will pass quickly. Go home quickly to work. -I don't have a song. Sir, would you... -Do you have a good piano? I hope you like it. -It's extraordinary. It's my nature. I'm an optimist. You must have written many love songs. -Like everybody else... But you know, love... -You're not lucky in love? Jaded, you mean. -Really? When you're a composer, women come and go. You're a dangerous man. -Not anymore. There comes a time when you're fed up with breaking hearts. Is that so? -I can't tell you everything. Recently, a beautiful woman... what was her name? She adored me, wrote to me every day. I had to send her letters back. What happened to her. -She became a wreck. You don't scare me. I think you're very friendly. And I kiss you. -Dangerous... Amde... There you are. Where have you been? Did anybody ask for me? -That's a good one. There were lots of people. A big gentleman. -They came in various sizes. No, but a big man with brown hair. -Wait a moment. He just left. You must have seen him. Just now? His name's Amde. He said he'd be back to pay his debt. He'll be back? -Yes. Excuse me. Are you leaving? -Yes, an urgent trip. And your mail? -Forward it. Where to? -Good question. He's gone mad. Hurry, ladies and gentlemen. Is it happening today? Excuse me. -Of course, just destroy it. My dear Leo. I knew I'd see you again. The sun, Mercury, Pluto, I knew it. We were going to meet again. Do you remember me? -Yes, from the police station. One of my friends was detained there by mistake. But I'm well connected. -Sorry, but I need to go now. The stars want us to stay together. I'd like that, but... -Are you going on a trip? I'll accompany you. Where to? -I don't know. Bravo, we're off. -But, no... I understand. The police's after you. No, not entirely correct. -Say no more... The police can get lost. One word to the minister... ...and they'll leave you alone. My situation is peculiar. -Have some confidence in me. I'll help you. They won't be able to say that a Libra didn't look after... ...a Leo. -A Libra? I was born on the 23rd of September, at 5 past midnight. There they are! No time to lose. We're going to my house. Come. Frdric, home. Quickly. -Home? Where's that? As usual. Dear Leo, could you pay? I'm not carrying any money. Oh, that's not a problem. Here you are. Sorry, but we didn't see him tonight. -Thanks anyway. Where did he go? I don't want to impose. Not at all. The apartment is immense. And you can stay as long as you wish. -I don't know how to thank you. We'll have a glass of whisky and I'll call the minister. Peek-a-boo, there he is. -Gentlemen, I greet you. So, are you angry? -Want to go for a walk with us? I'm warning you, gentlemen: the minister has been informed. But of course. Gentlemen, I think this must be a mistake. Who's that? -My friend, the Leo. Leave him alone. -Leo, leave us alone. I won't leave him. -You're a real friend! What is it you want? I don't want to die. -Excuse me? I'm a composer and they want to kill me. Tomorrow... ...I'll be on TV. Do you understand? Yes, yes, that's clear. -I paid 30,000 francs... ...to Mr Amde for him to kill me. Yes, of course. -And now I changed my mind. I see. -That makes me wonder... Why don't you come with us? I was just about to propose that. -My home is very... ...comfortable. -Because you wanted to... Yes! Hot and cold water on every floor. -I don't want to impose. No, my friend, the more the merrier. Give me that... please. -Excuse me. It's a mistake. It's a mistake. I'm an internationally famous composer. And I'm the local sprinkler. It's really a mistake. I'm a composer. I'll be on TV tomorrow. Let me go. On TV... ...on TV... Mr Amde, don't shoot... TV... ...don't shoot! Amde... Hello, Pierre. -Hello, darling. Did you sleep well? -What? Not that well. -Same as me. I can't believe what's happening. What did you do to your hands? -My hands? Ah, here. -You're sweet. It's only a small thing. Why this suitcase? -Ehm... Are you going on a trip? -Yes. Not really. Well, not right away, but I might. You never know, you see? -No. I don't understand. Sit down for a moment. And now the truth. I'm certain you're hiding something. No, absolutely not. -What's wrong, Pierre? Caroline, I'm doing fine. -Is it really bad? Yes. -My God, what's wrong? This can only be discussed among men. -You can tell me anything. It's a long story and it involves other people's secrets. I want to know. -They're looking for me. They want to kill me. To murder me. Who's that? -Someone from the underworld. From the underworld? -Yes. A murderer. -Pierre, we have to do something. Good morning, are you still not ready? Come, quickly. We'll be late. You don't need that for TV. Come, Caroline, hurry. Who's this Amde? -Well, ehm... Dear viewers, we're about to focus on a formerly unknown couple. They met in a canal. Everybody's talking about them. They're already celebrities. The singer's Caroline and the composer's Pierre Cousin. Their manager is Ferdinand Bouthillier. We're very happy... -A song by the Bouthillier label. Good, good. Tell me, Pierre Cousin... Why were you in the canal the night you met? He had to think. He needed inspiration. Very fascinating. -He's a big artist. He's been in my care for 20 years. -Finally it's paying off. Caroline Clment, since that incident in the canal... ...you two have been inseparable. And tonight you start in a club at Mont-Martre. In La Belle Vie, 19 Rue Pigalle. It's a good idea... ...to come and have a look. I hope, Mr Cousin that you'll play... ...one of your recent songs. -But of course. With pleasure. That's a customer from the other day. -A customer? You didn't tell me about him. -A small deal. I dropped it. Of course. -What's that? I said 'of course'. What did he want? Men's business... you wouldn't be interested. Not interested? I put the food on the table. Just once you have a famous customer. I didn't know who he was. -Now you do. Do me a favour and find that person. I don't know where he is. -Tonight, he'll be in... ...La Belle Vie. Of course you didn't hear that. Do I have to apologise? I want you to tell him you accept the deal. Yes, but... -Understood? Yes. I'll go. Stop talking now. I can't hear his music. He should have said he's famous. He plays really well. Quiet, alright? -Don't you recognize him? Who's that? -He hit you. Last night, remember? -What did you say? She's right. It's him. -Yes, maybe. But being smacked by an idiot doesn't count. But he's really famous now. -So what? Maybe this is the moment to hit him back. He hit me twice. Well, see? Now we'll be listening to Caroline Clment. A special appearance, courtesy of the Ferdinand Bouthillier label. What are your future projects, dear Caroline? To play together with Pierre Cousin, of course. It's what I want the most. -I told you... We're listening... Miss, do you have a telephone directory? Caroline, bravo, bravo! -Big news! Your operetta has been accepted. -What? We should sign right away. Don't give them time to think. Pierre, be careful. -No problem at all. We can handle them. -Until tonight. Sir. -Miss. Mr Cousin, please. -He's not in. Ah, that's a nuisance. I need to talk to him urgently. You're Mr Amde... -Did he mention me? I know he wasn't supposed to. Come in. He'll be back soon. I don't want to disturb. -Not at all. I know what it's about. Ah, -Well, a bit. That's embarrassing. -Please sit down. But ehm... -Yes, I'll get you a drink. I don't want to disturb. -But you're not disturbing. Mr Cousin will be here any moment now. He hides really well. I was about to give up. Give up? -But it wouldn't be fair. I want to be on good terms with him. Ah, you're too good. -To your health. La Belle Vie No, sir, we're full. Excuse me, Mr Inspector. Please follow me. Miss Clment's still not answering, sir. Something's wrong. It's fine. -Oh, be quiet. She already acts like a celebrity. She is one. -But on the night of the premire. I'll call her myself. Do you have an invitation? -No, but I have a pass. Get lost! No, sir we're full. -We don't need you. Sir, have you no manners? -Listen to what we're saying. Darling, I'm glad to see you. Don't you remember me? What's wrong? If you knew what happened to me... -Do you still want to die? No, not anymore. -Well then? The last night we saw each other I found someone... ...who'll kill me. -Just tell him you changed... ...your mind. -I don't know where he is. What's your killer's name? -Mr Amde. I don't know him. What's he like? -A beanpole. What's that, honey? Weak. -Weak? Don't worry then. Pierre, Caroline has arrived. -Excuse me. Go to your friends. I'll keep an eye on you. It's a shame. I like him. May I? -Yes, of course. It's my pleasure. We're full! Can't you read? -Can you? Promising! Angelo, nice of you to come. Yes, sure. Is he here? Yes, he's here. You're not going to kill him, are you? Stay out of it. Quickly, Miss. You're on in 4 minutes I'm nervous. -What about me? Everything's alright. -What's alright? Amde. -Amde? I'll explain later. We have to get rid of the body. The body? Open up! I'm suffocating! We already have 5 interviews for tomorrow morning. And three radio recordings. It's fantastic. Well? -Delighted. Gentlemen, to your health. Do you come here often? -No. Do you go out often? -Like everybody. The good life. -You can say that again. Mr Cousin, good news for you. -Impossible. Mr Tony says the deal's on. What? What are you waiting for? -I'm waiting for a customer. Stop wasting time. Don't say that, Mr. Emile. You own a factory? -No. Fruit and vegetables? -Totally wrong. Pigs? -If you say so. I'll have two words with you later. For the picture, Mr Cousin. Smile, man. You're not at a funeral. Do you own a shop? -No, not really. I'm really in homicide. That's strange. We don't know you. I'm an inspector. -Ah. You're... -Yes, hush. I'm on a secret job. -Ah, you're... An official matter. I have to present a medal... Ah, that sounds better. Champagne! Ah no... -Yes, my treat. Well then... Do you have an invitation? -No, I don't... I do have... ehm... -Come in, sir. That's gonna be something. Is Mr Cousin present? -Mr Cousin? Of course, sir, of course. You're Mr Amde? -I'm rather well known. Give me that. -Please. One moment. What should I do with him? -I don't know. Give me your number and I'll come and pick him up. Ah, it's beautiful. -It sure is. This is really beautiful music. -It reminds me of a Sunday. I'm really impressed. -Stupid woman. Your music gets to me. Pierre, we'll go on stage. -Wait. I'll be right back. Number 112, quickly. -But... This is the most quiet spot in the entire building. But Pierre... -Excuse me. Mr Amde... -Good evening, Miss. Come in. Ah, my dear, I'd want to... -This isn't the moment. They want to kill Pierre. -Kill? We have to tell the police. I had a hard time finding you. But I wanted to return the money to you. It would have been bad luck. Did you see Pierre? -No. They're going to kill him. -Did you hear that? No problem, I can take more pictures. -This will be good. Are you going to treat me like an idiot for much longer? If I were you, I'd pay... I'm glad I didn't accept to kill you. Such a composer. Your music makes me cry. The rhythm is perfect. -Enough of that. How much for hitting me twice? -You hit him? Yes. -And you ask money for it? For being hit? -Stay out of it. Shame on you! You should thank him. Stupid fool. You should be proud that this man hit you. The great composer. -He clearly didn't hit you. Me? I'd have been proud. -If you'd like... See, he hit me too. It's nothing among friends. Give me another one? -Of course. He really hit me there. Understood? Anybody who touches this man, is dead, understood? He'll pay for it. Take pictures. Do you know an exit? -Trust me. Let's go. That way. Excuse me, Mr Director. Don't move anymore. Smile. It's this way. The bottle, please. Another bottle. The complete package... striptease... Pictures, pictures, pictures. We're safe. We can get to the exit. We're awarding you this medal because you saved Caroline. You were very brave. You've proven to be a good citizen. I have the authority and it is my pleasure to give you this medal. I'm very happy to present to you this medal, awarded for great courage. Excuse me. My dear Pierre. That's good. Another one for me. Excuse me. |
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