Ever since I can remember,
there's been one constant in my life...
... one dream, one image
I've clung to:
Me, as a bride.
Come on, honey.
Your friends are waiting.
Have fun.
- Trick or treat.
- Hi.
Maybe it's because, in life...
... as much as you want the nougat
and caramel deliciousness of candy...
Oh, hold on.
... sometimes, you get stuck
with the apple.
But your wedding day will be perfect.
And the dream of that perfection
sustains you...
... through all of the crappy Halloweens
life tosses your way.
All women, no matter how enlightened...
... know exactly what their day
will look like.
And while looking back
at what I once saw as romance...
... might make me shake my head...
... by my 20s, I knew just what I wanted:
A church wedding...
... and an outdoor reception that would
make the cover of Town & Country.
All that was left was
one tiny detail: The groom.
I dated a lot, and I mean a lot.
Not in a slutty way...
... but in an if-you-want-prince-charming-
he's-not-gonna-find-you...
... you're-gonna-find-him
kind of way.
That's my floor. Sorry.
Good morning.
Yes, the offices
of Barrett & Sussman Advertising...
... the brain trust behind
catchy jingles, fun slogans...
... and those TV ads
you don't want to flip by.
Everything I ever wanted
out of a career.
Perfect.
Except for one thing:
Mitchell Stone,
head of my account team.
The word "inclusive" was left out
of his vocabulary.
But "self-centered" and "egomaniacal"...
... those words he clearly
had no problem with.
Settle down, people.
Okay. Good news, team.
Standard thought the idea of a carb-light
cereal line was, quote, "inspired. "
They want a third-quarter launch,
meaning our job must be done by July.
A liaison from our team will be working with
their new products people immediately.
Easy choice.
The idea was all yours, babe.
- Samantha.
- My big break. This is it.
- Pass these out.
- This isn't it.
Standard is the biggest account
our company has been up for in a long time.
We nail it, we're heroes.
We blow it, all of our asses
are on the line.
Therefore, I will be acting
as liaison, personally.
I can't believe it.
Up until a week ago, Stone thought "low
carb" had to do with car repair.
What's it gonna take
to make him notice me?
Someone just needs
to set him straight.
Mr. Stone, hi.
I should be liaison.
I mean, it was my idea, remember?
To appeal to the female demo.
That's how I envisioned this entire...
There's no I in "team," Sam.
I know, but look, you've been liaison
on everything this year.
You must be overwhelmed.
And you said it,
all of our asses are on the line.
So make it my ass.
It's best for everyone's ass.
And if you don't see that, then...
Then...
Well, then you're an ass!
Maybe I should rephrase that.
I didn't say to insult the man.
Ben, you will not believe
what I just did.
Remember when I said
I had to find my prince charming?
Of course you do.
It was, like, two minutes ago.
Anyway, I forgot to mention
that I found mine:
Benjamin Rosen.
I met Ben at Nancy's 30th,
two years ago.
He seemed so sexy, suave,
in control.
I know, I know.
Not exactly a Clooney move.
But it didn't even faze him.
Because just about everything fazes me.
It was undeniable sparkage.
The rib eye does look delicious...
...but I had a big lunch.
Maybe I should just have a salad,
something light.
Not that I'm food-obsessed.
Because I'm not.
When you have a heavy lunch,
it just settles...
I don't like to eat
on first dates either...
...but I'm hungry.
So how about we pretend
this is a second date...
...and we'll starve ourselves
another time.
Now, I've had the rib eye here,
and it is too good to pass up.
And, apparently, so was he.
From there on,
we clicked in every way possible.
Hey, I didn't want you to think
I was easy.
Now, don't think Ben was perfect.
No guy is.
He had his rough spots too.
Hey, do I have lipstick
on my teeth?
Damn.
But he learned quick.
I can remember the exact moment
when I decided to take that risk...
... and really let Ben in,
to really trust him.
What's up?
I just hate this song.
It was the theme song at homecoming
my senior year of high school.
Rough night?
Because I'll find the guy
and kick his ass.
Or administer a sharp tongue-lashing,
depending on his size.
No, it's nothing like that.
Just I was into that whole
rah-rah, school-spirit thing.
You know, I did all the decorations
and brought in the sand...
...and made the fake palm trees.
And after all that work,
no one even asked me to go with them.
There was nothing to say...
- ... so Ben found something to do.
- Keep coming.
Keep coming.
And open your eyes.
Okay.
It was amazing.
The sign, the sand, the palm tree.
He got every detail right.
Except for one.
This time, I had a date.
A date I knew
I never wanted to let go of.
Sam, wait.
Stone needs you to drop this off
at the Grand Hotel for a client.
- What?
- I offered to do it...
...but he insisted it was you.
He was very specific.
- You're kidding.
- I wish I was. Sorry.
So now I'm the courier?
Great.
Fabulous.
Hello?
Speedy delivery?
Hello? You know,
your door's open.
Left hand, ring finger.
That's where it goes.
You imagine a moment all your life,
and trust me...
... whatever you think you'll feel,
ain't nowhere near the truth.
I love you.
I'm not a crier, but...
Yes.
I'd been engaged for a shade
under three hours...
... and already I felt behind.
I had work to do.
Men get porn,
women get wedding websites.
You a little excited, huh?
We need flowers, a band, centerpieces,
a caterer. The best ones go fast.
We have to get on this.
We don't even have a date.
- Okay, what were you thinking?
- June 15th.
I checked and there's less than
an 18 percent chance of precipitation.
Well, June 15th it is.
Now, how about bed?
I'm sure there's not
a 3 a. m. Rush on caterers.
I just... I want everything
to be perfect.
I mean, the word "wedding"
has always turned me into mush.
It's like some ingrained
X- chromosome thing.
I can't help it. My head is spinning
in wedding thoughts.
Do you think I'm crazy?
Well, besides agreeing to marry me...
...I see no evidence of you being crazy.
I promise, after the wedding I'll go back
to being good old level-headed Sam.
I just want it exactly right.
- It'll be perfect.
- Here it comes.
- Sam, I promise.
- Classic groom mistake.
Being engaged is like having all of
your feelings dropped into a blender...
...and then someone hits "mix"
before you put the top on.
See?
It's the most bizarre mixture of pure joy,
total dread, and gunk.
Speaking of dread,
it's time I told you about my mother.
My early memories of her are great.
My younger sister Anne and I
were the luckiest girls in the world.
But as we got older,
it became clear that things changed.
You know that saying,
"You can't have a favorite child"?
Well, don't believe it.
I remember this.
We took a cross-country
road trip when I was 16.
Notice something?
And it only got worse.
All of you worked tirelessly...
Anne, I know that
you'll be valedictorian.
Okay, okay, she didn't really say that.
But it felt like she did.
And, by the way,
Anne was valedictorian.
And it's kind of ridiculous...
...but Anne has more awards
than most girls have shoes.
And although I can't resent her luck
or talent or whatever...
...I can resent my mother
only noticing her.
Hey, Sammy.
- Hi!
- Congratulations, you.
Thank you.
So one guy for the rest
of your life, huh?
That is crazy.
I mean, how do you know?
How does he not get on your nerves?
I don't know. I love him.
- I'll stick with sex for now.
- Paging Dr. Cynic.
- Hi, Mom!
- Hello, darling.
- Sammy, Sammy.
- Hey.
Congratulations. My little girl.
- Do you want a beer?
- Thanks, but no thanks, Dad.
- Champagne at the wedding, I promise.
- All right.
- What is all this stuff?
- Research, dear.
Invitations, programs, menus, favors.
I've been to five weddings
in the last year...
...and I will not allow yours
to be outshone by anyone's.
The Tomlinsons had an awful
chicken parmesan at Wendy's wedding.
- Whatever you do, do not use that caterer.
- Listen to your sister.
You learn from
other people's disasters.
These are not disasters.
They're weddings.
You know, Sammy,
you didn't taste their chicken.
So I thought you guys might wanna hear
about the proposal.
Oh, of course, honey.
But first, wait, wait.
I almost forgot. I got you a present.
It's a comprehensive overview
of everything you'll need to know.
Mom stopped being subtle
a long time ago.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Because I know you think
you know what you're doing.
You don't.
Look at the dress.
Why'd you screw it up? You had
six months of nookie-liciousness left.
I don't think that way, Alan.
It was just time.
- Don't you remember being single?
- Oh, yeah.
Those are the good old days.
I mean, fun when you're a kid...
...but, man, when I met Sam,
it changed.
I didn't feel the need
to look anymore.
I was suddenly happy staying home
just hanging out with her, you know?
It's nice.
I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, my God, it's so beautiful!
He wouldn't show it to me.
Oh, look at it.
- I'm gonna need that back.
- Sorry, sorry.
I had forgotten how heavy
wedding magazines are.
That's okay.
You'll have Jennifer Garner arms.
At least I won't have to hide these things
under my mattress anymore.
And, of course, I would love for you
to be one of my bridesmai...
I'd love to!
Samantha, can I see you for a second?
Of course.
You know what a huddle is, Sam?
Sure.
When the qb is calling his plays,
he's gotta listen to his receivers.
They're the ones reading the eyes
of the other side.
Maybe I was thinking
of a different huddle.
You made a good point the other day.
I want you to be liaison
for Cocoa No-Carbs.
- Thank you! That's amazing!
- We're not done. Sit down.
I heard you're engaged.
I remember my first wedding.
Carly almost drowned
under the weight of it.
Sam, I'm gonna be blunt.
If this getting married thing
will affect your performance...
...now is the time to back out
gracefully.
Trust me, it will not be...
A problem.
Hi, Mom. I tried to call you back
last night, but Daddy said...
Right.
As if that wasn't enough anxiety,
Ben's parents had invited us for dinner.
And my parents would be there too.
Pass the tranquilizers.
You do realize our parents
are in there, together.
- They love each other.
- No, they pretend to love each other.
They're about to be bound
together for all time.
Don't overreact.
Okay, so maybe Thanksgivings will suck,
but that's about it.
Perspective.
We love each other, right?
- Does it really matter what they think?
- Yeah.
Maybe I was overreacting.
It appeared that for moms...
... a wedding can transcend any
cultural or personality differences.
You see? Lovefest.
I can't wait till we're related.
Hi, Daddy.
And for dads, the excitement
of the fourth quarter has the same effect.
- How are you?
- Very well, thank you.
- Samantha.
- Hi, Mom.
Hello, honey. Wonderful news.
The Rosens have very generously offered
to share the cost of the wedding.
We want you to have everything
you've ever dreamed of.
Thank you!
Maybe Ben was right,
and it'd all work out.
St. James Church?
Of course. Sam practically
grew up there.
You never told me she wanted
a church wedding.
I didn't, you know...
We never discussed the...
- Hello? Anybody home?
- Rabbi Kaplan.
Sheila, you look great.
Mazeltov. Benjamin.
This must be the bride.
How do you do? And this is...?
Rabbi, they want the ceremony
at St. James. Will that be a problem?
- Is St. James a church?
- Yes.
Then it's a problem.
But, Rabbi, we do intend
on having an interfaith ceremony.
I know, I'm sorry.
I just don't do that.
Which doesn't mean I don't approve
of interfaith marriage.
I just don't perform the ceremonies.
Most rabbis don't.
I'm on shpilkes.
That's cheddar.
No son of mine is being married
in a church.
Well, Sheila, dear, if it's not
St. James Church, then it's gonna be...
Maybe we should put a pin in this
and talk about something else...
...like, I don't know, the menu.
That sounds like a good idea.
All right, well, I had a thought.
I was thinking, instead of doing
the old grilled fish thing...
...that we'd do coconut shrimp,
Sam's favorite.
Do you think that's a good idea?
Some of our family keep kosher.
We were thinking that lasagna
would be a good main course.
Do you think that's a good idea?
See, Ken's lactose intolerant,
and with all the cheese...
Can you even get good seafood
without flying it in?
- All that cheese, we'll need a paramedic.
- And the cost!
Well, the Wolves won.
Did somebody mention lasagna?
It gives me terrible gas.
Everyone, stop!
That's your second sundae.
- What are you getting at?
- Nothing.
Look, Sam, let's just forget
the rabbi, okay?
We can do it in a church, whatever.
It would solve everything.
I'd lose your mother forever.
She'd never forgive me.
I can't have that.
Okay, well, we'll just have to find
a solution that everyone can live with.
He's so cute, isn't he?
The truth is I wasn't that worried.
These were all minor roadblocks.
The important thing was that I had
a loving and supportive hubby-to-be.
I wasn't finished.
Anyway, if it can't be in a church,
I can live with that.
Even my mom can.
I just have to be organized,
do one thing at a time, prioritize...
...take a measured,
level-headed approach.
An approach that apparently
is unsuited to dress shopping.
The bridal shop's
semi-annual trunk show.
Kind of an ancient Rome vibe, no?
We're too late.
All the best stuff's gone.
Kristin: Bridesmaid, lifelong friend,
and voice of doom.
That's mine.
Back off, babe. We got dibs.
Does this thing come with an SUV?
No, I don't like the toile.
This seems like a lot of trouble
to go to for some party.
This isn't just some party.
No, it's the most important day
of your life.
It has to be perfect, like mine was.
Maybe because you didn't have to wear
those hideous bridesmaid dresses.
So was the parental meeting
really that bad?
No. Yes.
I don't know.
Sorry, didn't see the back fat.
- What was the crux of the problem?
- What wasn't?
His parents, my parents,
they all had their own ideas.
Hello?
Mom, please.
No. I promise.
You will get to see it bef...
No, it's the only time I had free.
I'm not avoiding you, okay?
I love you too.
Oh, come on, Sammy, is it really worth
getting this worked up over?
Oh, to be young and single again.
Oh, yeah, because my life's just tequila
shooters and flashing my boobs in Cabo.
Sam, the most important thing
is that you don't compromise.
No, the most important thing
is you don't drive yourself crazy.
This is gonna work itself out.
You just have to trust him,
and trust yourself.
- Well?
- Phenomenal.
I don't know.
And then it hit me.
I love them all, but there's only
one voice I can listen to: Mine.
And right now, it's telling me I look like
I just stepped out of an '80s metal video.
Samantha.
- Is this a bad time?
- No, no, no.
Well, FYI, Standard's fourth-quarter
results came in and they blew.
Word is they're gonna push up
the launch a month.
Right before...
... the wedding.
No, no, please. Go ahead, answer it.
Mom, now is not...
Yes, I sent the save-the-date
to the printers.
I didn't consult you because...
I didn't pick out a dress,
I just tried on a few.
Look, Mom, can we talk about this later?
L...
Stone has no idea
what I'm going through.
Finding a dress, a band, a rabbi...
- How's that going, anyway?
- I'm on it.
You are? Because we need that ASAP.
It's one of about a million details.
The clock is ticking, Ben.
Hey, how about we elope?
Okay, so we won't elope.
Look, Sam, it's gonna be fine.
We'll work it out.
Red flag. Isn't that different
than, "Everything will be perfect"?
- Where's the restaurant?
- Change of plan.
Is this one of the places your company
is trying to lease?
No. We do commercial real estate.
This is residential.
You know, like a place a young,
engaged couple might live in, for example.
Ben, we always said we wouldn't
move in together until we were married.
Which you've reminded me repeatedly
is less than six months away.
Come on.
I haven't shown you the best part.
Ben, it's perfect.
How could I not love him?
And did you see that apartment?
I can't wait!
And I know some say
moving in together is stressful...
...but if anyone can
do this with me, it's Ben.
- Besides, this isn't a sitcom on...
- Television. Big. Plasma.
Maybe get one of those
satellite thingies.
I have it all planned out.
I'm so excited!
Okay, so I see a canopy bed here
and maybe a decorative chest at the foot.
A recliner here, like my dad's.
An armoire here
and throw pillows everywhere.
Ben, antique decorative chest?
Most guys think there's only
one kind of chest...
...the kind you feel up.
A fish tank.
Oh, sweet optimism,
the nectar of delusion.
- It's gonna be great.
- Great.
Welcome to William Ashley.
The guidebook divides the showroom floor
into 17 convenient departments.
This UPC reader makes bridal registry
simply a breeze.
Just point it at the bar code
of the item, squeeze...
...and instantly it's in your registry.
- I'm all over that.
- Most grooms are.
Let's start simple. China.
Do you really wanna look at something
like that for the next 30 years?
- Oh, how about this?
- Actually...
- I think that's kind of busy.
- Stylish.
What about something like this?
- There are quails on it.
- Yes?
- But Sheila...
- Your point?
- I wanna keep it simple...
- It's a country pattern.
- It's timeless.
- You don't care.
- Traditional.
- Absolutely.
Where's Ben?
Help.
- Ladies. Ladies! Ladies!
- Honey, what's the matter?
We're gonna do this by ourselves.
So why don't you go next door
and get a latte...
...and we'll meet you when we're done.
There he was, my prince charming.
- It's okay.
- You'd have to serve...
Without the distraction
of bombarding voices...
- ... it was much easier.
- What...? But...?
However, the one voice I wanted to hear
was missing.
You just registered
for an oyster-shucking mitt.
- And only a right one at that.
- You want the left one?
It would really help if I knew
your opinions on stuff.
Well, I don't have an opinion on stuff.
Ben, please. We have less than
five months. It's crunch time.
You must have some thoughts.
Well...
I like this.
I had opened Pandora's box.
- I mean, you could...
- You're like five.
Try this one.
- You didn't try this.
- I did try that!
- That was the same thing.
- You know what?
Move-in day.
Of course, by the time all
our stuff was in the place...
... it was move-in night.
What did you think
of the caterer's cakes?
If we get an outside vendor,
it costs an extra dollar a slice.
Well, that's kind of
a loaded question, then.
Up and over.
Back that way.
Not vertically, horizontally.
Okay, okay. Don't talk to me in code.
I can't read your mind.
- Oh, perfect! Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Okay, mark it. Mark it.
- Perfect. Right there.
So the cake.
It was cake.
It all kind of tastes the same.
Cool. So then we can do
chocolate.
- I kind of like white cake.
- What happened to, "Cake is cake"?
Okay, whatever. Chocolate.
Down a little on the right.
Down, down, over.
- A little bit more. Over to the right.
- Over.
No, no, a little too far.
- Go back up just, like, a hair.
- What?
Hey, what do you think
of fondant frosting?
- I like buttercream.
- Yeah, but fondant looks nicer.
Sam, we've been at this all day.
- Down on the right a little bit.
- Fine. Okay?
Just... Look, Sam...
...I just wanna brush my teeth,
get in bed and watch Sportscenter.
- I don't wanna debate frosting.
- Do you like meringue?
- Sam...
- I don't think it even works in here.
- Sam!
- What if we move it to the living room?
That's it.
Ben?
I couldn't believe it.
For the first time in our entire relationship,
we had a real fight.
No backtracking apologies and hugs.
A real one.
For the first time,
we were going to go to bed angry.
Mom, the O'Shaunesseys have five kids.
Yeah, but what if they do come?
I don't care if they give me a gift.
Of course I still want your help, Mom.
Look, I gotta go. Bye.
Welcome to Big Bride,
and welcome to Brenda.
Brenda, how can we help?
Before you say anything,
these are baked potato chips.
Is it wrong of me to take pleasure
in another girl's failure?
Wait a second, that girl's not fat!
She wants to lose 16 pounds and 6 percent
body fat in the next six weeks.
How, by cutting off her arm?
But if Samantha Hoyt keeps
eating those potato chips...
... she's going to experience
a significant butt explosion.
Sam?
- So, hey, look...
- Hi.
...I'm sorry I snapped at you.
Apology accepted.
- And the other stuff...
- Don't worry about it.
I'm not apologizing
for the other stuff.
Yeah, we had some disagreements.
It's gonna happen again.
We both just, you know,
have to give a little...
...not let the stress rip us apart.
I'm not stressed. I'm totally relaxed.
Sam, I saw the potato chips.
Give and take, Sam.
That's all we gotta do, right?
Give and take.
Ben was right, in theory.
But in practice, the thing
with give and take is...
...oftentimes, no one winds up happy.
Add that to the stress
of moving in together.
Know what you get?
More, not less, tension.
- Ben, the drain's stopped up.
- Yeah.
Ben?
It's probably clogged with hair.
Sam, there's hair everywhere.
The same thing happened in the shower.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay. I can fix this.
Do you know how?
Of course I do.
We'll save the hundred bucks
we'd have spent on the plumber...
...and get that fondue set
we can't live without.
Stone wanted a dry run of
my ad presentation to the company, ASAP.
So the kitchen was quickly converted
into my makeshift home office.
The pipes are fixed.
Thanks.
So, look, it's been a long day.
Why don't you come to bed.
I just... I need to finish this.
- It'll be here in the morning.
- Yeah, but I have to review.
Come on. You've been at this for hours.
You need the rest. We both do.
Oh, I miss this.
Ben can be comforting when he tries.
Come on.
So all I'm saying is, it wouldn't hurt
to have a few dance lessons.
You think we need them?
Of course, the next morning,
things were back to normal.
I'd love to learn how to waltz.
Yeah, but when will we have time?
- Saturday mornings.
- Saturday?
You wanna give up
one of your sleep-in days...
...for a dance that no one will remember?
I'll remember.
No, no, no.
Ben!
Sam.
Is it salvageable?
Interestingly, the problem
was in your bathroom.
Oh, yeah, some hair
clogging the drain, huh?
No, hair wouldn't do this.
It was the bozo
who worked on your pipes last time.
- What, $250?
- Emergency call.
There goes the fondue set.
Next time, don't play Mr. Fix-It,
call a professional.
I think dance lessons might be fun.
- So the drain ate your homework, huh?
- Well, no, not exactly.
Okay, maybe, but it sounds
much lamer than it is.
- Please don't replace me as liaison.
- I'm not replacing you.
Oh, well, I really appreciate...
The project director, a Luke Stinson,
specifically asked for you.
Luke Stinson?
- What?
- Nothing. Waiting for your phone to ring.
- I shut it off.
- Good. So you know this Stinson guy, huh?
Sort of. We went to college together.
Well, well. Score one for favoritism.
So who's Luke Stinson?
Who was he? You all know him.
He's the guy you had a crush on.
Perfect-looking, sensitive,
with deep-set eyes and...
Yeah, he was hot,
and you didn't have a shot.
No one did.
Except me, once.
Sort of. Maybe.
Senior year, our American lit class
assigned study partners for the final.
I drew Luke, and it was a bit,
well, distracting.
I found it hard to concentrate
on anything other than his ass.
You know, Hemingway's great.
I won't argue that...
...but that macho terseness?
Don't you ever just crave the sweet poetry
of a convoluted Dickensian sentence?
The only thing I was craving
was the sweet poetry of his tongue.
Yeah.
Your button.
Thanks.
Now, what would you do here?
Young, single, and hottie guy leaning in.
Kiss him, grab him?
Pull him behind the stacks?
Sam? You okay?
Luke?
Luke took me to the emergency room
that night.
By the time I was up and walking,
the semester had ended...
... and I never saw him again.
I actually managed to sprain an ankle,
bruise a knee, and kill a romance...
...all in one klutz-o-rific instant.
Oh, and I also got a C on the exam.
- No way was he going in for a kiss.
- Thanks, Kristin.
You can't change the past.
You might as well be able to live with it.
I know, it's just that those kind of memories
are sort of comforting.
I mean, I've always looked at Luke,
as dumb as it sounds...
...as the one who got away.
You mean, up until you met Ben.
Right. Until Ben.
No, no, no.
No disapproving stares allowed.
- What are you thinking?
- Nothing.
Just that I haven't heard you gush
about Ben like that in a long time.
Luckily, that disturbing thought was
shoved out of my mind by something else.
There it was.
I knew it the instant I saw it.
My Excalibur.
Only instead of pulling it
out of a rock...
... I just had to make sure
I didn't have to sell my car to afford it.
If you think I'm gonna let you
see me in it now, you're crazy.
Sam, they're here.
Okay.
- Hey, Sam.
- Hi, Luke.
It's been way too long.
Okay, let's get right to it.
Our team liaison, Samantha Hoyt.
She'll begin the meeting.
Welcome, everyone.
Let me start with the demographic
breakdown of your target consumer.
This chart divides the market
into two important segments:
Family and personal consumption.
Our campaign
will aggressively target both.
But before we go further, we'd like to know
what you think of my figure.
I mean, our figures.
"Our figures" is what I meant to say,
not "my figure. "
I mean, why would we care
what you think of my...?
Why don't we all just take a moment
to look through the charts.
Damn, he's hot.
You know that old public speaking trick
of imagining your audience in underwear?
Yeah, didn't work so much with Luke.
- You were fine. It was great.
- Nancy.
Okay, rocky finish, but very strong start.
Well, look who discovered
the local watering hole.
Oh, that's it. Either I gotta stop drinking,
or I'm kicking it up a notch.
Light beer, please. It's your round.
- Beer and wine.
- So how's the ankle?
- You remember that?
- It's kind of hard to forget.
Yeah, well, my coordination
is much improved these days.
Well, that's too bad.
It was kind of cute.
- Should be a fun project, don't you think?
- Yeah, definitely.
I always knew
we'd run into each other again.
I sort of had a feeling.
So I heard you requested me.
I was kind of surprised.
All right, guilty.
Yeah, I did some asking around...
...and I heard you were the brains
of the department.
Oh, that's a nice ring, by the way.
Thanks. Yeah, I just got engaged.
Congratulations.
All right, I'll admit it.
I sort of had an ulterior motive.
- For congratulating me?
- No, for requesting you.
Okay, what was that?
No, no. It's stupid, especially now.
Oh, come on. Just tell me.
All right.
Back in school... And don't laugh.
- I sort of had a crush on you.
- You did?
- Yeah.
I promise I'm not a stalker...
...but I kind of viewed you
as the one who got away.
First off, Kristin, one word for you:
He was trying to kiss me.
Okay, let's think about this for a second.
All he said was, he looked at me
as the one who got away.
"Looked. " Means nothing.
It's amazingly easy
to build a safety net out of a fantasy...
...when nothing ever happened.
But now we're just two professionals
working together.
And I'm marrying the man that I love,
so it's all good.
See, there he is, probably confirming
our meeting with the florist...
... along with our weekly dinner
at Andre's.
- Hello?
- Hi, honey.
It wasn't easy, but I did it.
He does interfaith.
We're meeting him this Sunday afternoon.
Honey, we have a rabbi.
It was even better than I hoped.
My Ben was really coming through.
I love you.
Oh, good, because there's
one other thing.
Alan got courtside for Wolves-Spurs tonight,
so can we do Andre's next week?
Sure.
Hey, what about the florist?
Sam, if the Wolves win, they get home court
advantage throughout the playoffs...
...and, I mean, you know
what that means.
Yeah, it means
I'm going to the florist alone.
Honey, I grant you power of attorney
over all things floral, okay?
And I promise, no arguments.
Okay, fine, whatever.
You're not gonna be mad, right?
I mean, because if this is gonna be
one of those major deals, I'll change my...
No. Of course not.
- Go have fun.
- Okay. Bye.
No, it's true. The low-fat, high-carb
recommendations are a relic of the '70s.
There are studies that show
the benefits of curbing your carb intake.
- It's science now.
- Really?
You've almost got me sold
on going low-carb.
- Like you need it.
- Oh, you do? Come on, get serious.
So how is next Wednesday, 10-ish?
It's a date.
He's hot.
Okay, great. I got it.
- All right.
- Okay.
- See you.
- Bye.
- What?
- You and Luke sure work well together.
Nancy, it's just work.
Right. Just be careful.
At home, we seemed to be arguing
about everything.
Maybe I should see if being a dad
is something I'm cut out for...
...with one kid before we start competing
with the old lady in the shoe.
Only children are so lonely, Ben.
It's not fair to the kid.
Do we have to talk about this now?
Why not now?
Well, it's 11:00 on a Thursday...
...and we need to plan our entire family life
down to retirement?
That's not what I'm saying.
I thought we should discuss it,
but if you're too tired...
No, no, no. Okay, yeah, yeah, let's do it.
How about this?
Four kids, two of each,
then we hit Arizona and wait out the clock?
Why can't you talk about this seriously?
Because nothing is gonna get settled
while we're both exhausted.
So just sleep on it,
and we'll deal with it later.
Suddenly, the weeks were flying by,
and later became soon.
And by then, I had other things
to worry about...
... like when I discovered my life seemed
destined to be overrun by one thing:
Boxes.
Soon after the moving boxes
were cleared out...
... the gift boxes began to arrive.
Cool, we got a rice cooker.
And a bread maker.
And an asparagus steamer.
Oh, and another rice cooker.
The delivery guy came around so often,
he was almost like family.
Work was going well.
Some might say too well.
And living with Ben?
Well, that was teaching me a few things.
Like, I can't stand the stench of stale beer
mixed with sweat and pizza sauce.
Things weren't all smelly, though.
We did find a gorgeous wedding site.
I've seen it in the spring,
and it's fabulous.
I'm counting on global warming
to get me a dream wedding.
So I had a honeymoon idea.
- What?
- Europe.
I'd love that. I've never been.
Let's go backpacking. We'll get
a Eurail pass and hit the countryside.
It was one of my biggest regrets
after college.
I went straight to work,
and all my friends did Europe.
Well, I was thinking more like beaches
and 400-thread-count sheets.
- Yeah, everyone does that.
- Well, there's a reason why.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
So are there any special requests?
- Well, I'd love to be dipped.
- Oh, well.
That's a fabulous way to finish.
You got any beer? Because after
a couple of drinks, I'm a great dancer.
Yeah, after a couple drinks,
he thinks he's a great dancer.
Don't worry. We'll start simple.
Just relax. We're gonna start with
something called the box step, all right?
Just stay within this imaginary box
on the floor as you lead.
Ready? And one, two, three.
One, two, three. Good.
- Now you try. Wait for the beat.
- Come on.
Okay, that's, like, the cheesiest song ever.
I suppose you prefer
a Springsteen anthem.
- That'd be great.
- Ready?
And, one... No, that's a little too late.
Try again.
A little late. Sorry.
Ready? And, one... Oh, the other foot.
Listen. One, two, three.
And then it hit me.
The beat and Ben
had yet to be introduced.
He can't dance at all.
Not even close.
But wait, hadn't we danced before?
Guess I was too distracted to notice.
- Sorry.
- Okay.
- Five minute break.
- We don't... We don't need a break.
The break is for me.
What are you doing?
Do you not wanna have a first dance?
What I wanna do is go home,
order Chinese, and veg on the couch, okay?
But I'm doing my best.
Yeah, well, what you call your best
I call being difficult.
Difficult? You know what difficult is?
Difficult is having umpteen phone calls
from vendors with wedding questions...
...that I can't answer.
Difficult is having to talk about
the exact same thing every waking moment.
I mean, Sam, we still have to have lives.
Don't put this all on me.
You think I enjoy coming home
to basketball and video games?
Well, I wouldn't be home playing by myself
if you weren't always at work...
...doing who knows what.
The biggest opportunity of my career
has just happened to coincide...
...with me coordinating
the biggest event of my life.
Can you please try
and be sensitive to that?
Fine.
How about I give you one less thing
to coordinate?
Why couldn't Ben understand
that I had to work late?
This was important. It was for...
It was for...
What was I saying?
How about a break.
I'll go pick up some Italian.
What do you say?
I say Caesar salad, no dressing,
and lemon wedges on the side.
All right, coming up.
Hey, Sam, I forgot my keys.
Sam.
Hey, Sam. Sam.
- What, are you sleeping on the job?
- Sorry.
I got the Caesar, and I got the lemons.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
If it's about work, we can take a break.
We got plenty of time.
Was I glad it was a dream?
No, it's not that.
Then, what? You can tell me.
It's the wedding and everything, and...
- Sorry.
- Yeah, me too.
Come here.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
It's all right. I just...
I've gotta go.
I've gotta go home.
Yeah, I gotta go home.
- Hey.
- I'm sorry.
For what?
You know, all the stupid fighting and stuff
we've been doing.
No, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have walked out on you
at the dance lesson.
It's okay.
You don't have to take dance lessons.
You don't have to do anything
you don't wanna do.
I love you.
I love you too.
Okay, let's think. Is it that big of a deal?
What really happened?
I caught myself. I controlled my urges.
Maybe I should be proud of myself.
Or maybe I should be proud of my ability
to rationalize.
I am so glad that we are finally able
to all get together.
I think having a solid blueprint
for a ceremony...
...will help us all sleep better at night.
It's gonna take more than that
in my case, Reverend.
Since the heart of our ceremony
is the exchange of vows...
...and in the Jewish ceremony,
it's the exchange of rings...
...things should, theoretically,
dovetail nicely.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Look, let's get down
to brass tacks, okay?
First, the couple. Any special requests?
Sam?
The ceremony.
Just make it nice.
Nice you want, nice you'll get.
Okay, Reverend, here's my first offer.
I didn't think we'd be quite so formal
with our proposals.
What'd you think, we're gonna wing it?
Take a gander.
I couldn't concentrate.
I mean, here I was with a minister
and a rabbi.
Could I have felt more guilty?
I notice that in many of your prayers,
they're both in Hebrew and English.
- Yeah, that's the norm.
- Well, it doesn't seem quite fair.
You see, in effect,
you'll be speaking twice as long.
I'm repeating myself.
I'm not saying anything more than you are.
- But it will take more time.
- Fine, okay.
I'll talk in English and Hebrew.
You can talk in English and Aramaic.
But I don't speak Aramaic. No one does.
It's a dead language.
It's not my problem.
And just as a holy war
seemed about to erupt...
... something happened
to make me feel even worse.
Don't worry. We'll get through this.
I promise.
Carbs were not the answer.
Was I working out the stress?
Sure, there was that.
But I also had something
far more worrisome coming up:
My dress fitting.
Honey, while she does that,
I think I'll take another look around.
- Great. Thanks, Mom.
- You're welcome, dear.
I have to tell you something.
It's important, and you can't tell anyone.
And that includes you.
- I kissed Luke.
- You slut.
I should've seen this coming.
- Did you sleep with him?
- Who's Luke?
Look, it was just a kiss,
and I stopped it.
Okay, so you're not interested
in him, then.
- Sam?
- No, I'm not.
The wedding's still on,
not just because I bought a dress.
Nonrefundable, by the way. Turn.
- Wait, wait, wait. So have you told Ben?
- I said, the wedding's still on, didn't I?
You're gonna tell him, right?
Naive, sweet Anne.
Deception is the cornerstone
of every relationship.
Otherwise it's just aprons, meat loaf,
and, "How was your day, honey?"
So having a life means opening up
a kissing booth in the conference room?
I'm leaning towards
honesty-is-the-best-policy route.
- Leaning?
- Do you love him?
- Which one?
- Ben.
Yes, of course. Absolutely. No question.
You realize the more you say that,
the less sure you sound?
I love Ben.
Of course you do, dear,
you're marrying him. What?
Come on, Mom,
will you help me into my dress?
The time had come
to present our ideas to Stone...
... which meant two things:
My career was on the line,
and I would have to see Luke again.
Luke, hi.
So I was just setting everything up for...
Maybe we need to...
- You want some coffee?
- No.
- Look, Sam, nothing happened.
- Luke...
I'm the one who should
feel embarrassed.
I mean, I made the mistake.
Not you. Me.
Why did he have to be so damn perfect?
Kristin, honey. Hi.
Where's Sam?
I only have an hour for lunch.
She's pitching the boss.
If it's this long, it must be a good sign.
Not for my blood sugar.
That's Luke? Damn.
So?
He loved it.
It's going to corporate, and if they love it,
it's on to production.
Awesome.
Sam, thanks for making me
look good in there.
You don't need her for that.
I just hope corporate likes it.
- They will. Call me when you hear.
- Right.
Look at that ass.
Kristin, I work with him.
I can't help it.
Those buns are eye magnets.
I ran home to channel my urges
in an appropriate direction.
Sam, what are you...?
This is so three months ago.
Do you wanna complain,
or do you wanna give it to me?
Oh, Sam.
Oh, Luke.
Luke?
Luke? You said, "Luke. "
- Did I?
- Yeah, you did.
No, it was probably just a sound...
...like a moan.
Sounded like a name: Luke.
Ben...
...I really don't know
what I'm saying when...
You know, I kind of lose control.
Freudian alert.
Notice how I had yet to mention
the name of my coworker to Ben.
This was clearly my chance
to come clean, but...
I was probably just saying "look"...
...as in, "Look out, here I come. "
I decided to distract him instead.
Cheap, I know,
but sometimes a girl's gotta use sex.
The only thing harder
than telling your fianc the truth...
... was designing a cereal box.
Corporate hated our mock-ups,
Stone was hating me...
... which meant I was working
under intense pressure, with Luke.
Yeah, this would be easy.
What if we combine the color scheme
from this one...
...with the typeface here
and the photo there?
- What do you think?
- I like that.
- Yeah?
- Sam, your 1:00 is here.
I completely forgot.
Thanks.
What?
Our wedding photographer
double-booked and canceled...
...and our backup
can only meet me today at 1.
If I don't meet her now, she's gone.
Well, let's go meet a photographer,
shall we?
- I love your candids.
- Thanks.
It's my specialty.
I started in journalism,
but realized pretty quick...
...I didn't wanna photograph
life's tragedies.
You know, this is so much more rewarding.
- You've got a great eye.
- Thank you.
I couldn't resist.
I told you, candids are my thing.
Here, take a look.
How cute are you two?
If only I were the fianc.
Sorry.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What, what, what?
- Your feet are cold.
Sorry.
- Sorry. My hair. You hurt me.
- Okay?
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
You okay?
Maybe we shouldn't, you know?
I'm kind of beat.
Yeah, I'm tired too.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Good night, Sammy.
Wait. We should be in the same bed.
That's okay. We're no longer attracted
to each other anyway.
What?
We need help.
Okay, kids, what's the problem?
Well, I guess we've kind of been
fighting a lot.
- What have you been fighting about?
- What haven't we been fighting about?
Yeah, you name it. Flowers, cake,
where to put the couch...
...whether to take dance lessons
we don't need.
Don't forget the missed
appointment arguments.
Hey, you said that was fine.
Read between the lines, Ben,
it's my wedding. That was so not fine.
Oh, your wedding, see?
It's always about you.
Okay, enough. And don't make me
blow the shofar again.
I coach the temple softball team.
Let's try not to look at the specifics...
...and instead, seek out
what the broader problem is.
I don't think there's a broader problem.
I mean, these are just stupid little things.
Meaning you shouldn't have trouble
getting past them.
What happens when you have
to deal with an issue like children?
- We couldn't agree on that either.
- Oh, like we even had a discussion.
I just need more time, okay?
We'll get to it.
- Really? For when, after the playoffs?
- Okay, what does that mean?
It means you care more about
your stupid little basketball teams than...
- What, our unborn child?
- Child? Oh, really, so there's just one?
Thank you.
Sometimes in cases like this,
I feel it's my responsibility...
...to suggest a postponement.
What?
What he means is you guys
can use a timeout.
And you know what?
I couldn't agree more.
There's no shame in taking the extra time
to deal with these issues.
Better before a wedding than after.
Do you know how hard it is
to get an interfaith marriage annulled?
Twice the paperwork.
You know what?
To hell with them.
Should you really be saying
to hell with a rabbi and a minister?
Okay, maybe not.
But no one is gonna tell me
who I should or shouldn't marry.
- And we can make this work.
- You think?
Sam, I love you,
and that's what's important.
So let's fix it.
There he was,
clawing his way to the surface.
The prince charming
I had missed for so long.
Maybe he was still there.
Maybe we should go through with this.
Now, I say, let's kick things
into high gear.
Tonight we break out the serving platters,
invite the parents...
...and run down the wedding checklist.
- Yeah.
Of course, there was one teeny detail
Ben was unaware of.
But if he was this determined,
then I would tell him about Luke tonight.
Full disclosure.
After dinner, of course.
We can't put the Stillmans and
the Fogels together. They'll kill each other.
Yeah, Rich borrowed Jerry's snowplow
three years ago. Totally mangled it.
But if you do that, that means the Nolfies
have to sit at the rabbi and minister's table.
Family, friends, others. The hierarchy.
Stillmans are cousins.
Well, the Nolfies are very important
business associates.
- They handle all my direct mailings.
- Direct mailings?
- Lf you want us to pay for the wedding...
- Oh, you're gonna run out?
Mr. Direct Mailing
is worth more than family?
Enough!
Sam has something she wants to say.
Ben and I had a talk this afternoon
and came to a conclusion...
...that the four of you have
sadly proven to be true:
That you'll never agree on anything
having to do with this wedding.
So we've come up
with a simple solution. Ben.
This is what we want.
Get used to it.
For the first time in forever,
I felt like I was part of a couple.
- Yeah, this works.
- I like it. It's gotta work.
Now, who wants some pie?
- Oh, I'll have some.
- Ice cream too.
Come on in, Nancy, it's open.
Hey, Sam. Sam.
I'm sorry to come over like this,
but you weren't answering your cell.
Our designs were approved.
Production is gearing up. We did it.
- They were? It is? We did?
- Yes.
Oh, my gosh.
That's amazing.
- Sam?
- Hey, this is my coworker.
We just... Everything went better
than we thought.
I'm Ben Rosen, Sam's fianc.
Hey, I've heard a lot about you.
I'm Luke Stinson.
Luke.
Excuse me.
Hold on, I just...
Wait here. Have some pie.
Ben?
Ben, is everything okay?
So that's Luke?
Sam, what's going on?
We've been working together since January,
and we've had this proposal...
And you didn't mention
his name to me...
...except, of course,
that one time in bed.
- Ben, please, I can explain...
- Sam, what did you do?
Try to understand.
There's nothing going on
between Luke and me now.
Now?
You mean there was something?
- Did you sleep with him?
- No.
No, I kissed him, okay? I kissed Luke.
Do you have any pie plates?
Later.
But I stopped it,
before it went any further.
I swear to you, it meant nothing.
- Well, then why didn't you tell me?
- I was going to. Tonight, in fact.
But I'm just... I'm stupid.
And believe me, if I could turn it back...
Sam, it's not just the kiss, okay?
You lied to me.
You haven't exactly made it easy
for me to talk to you lately.
- Oh, and this guy you can talk to?
- Well, yes, but we've been...
This isn't about him. It's about us.
You're damn right it's about us.
Okay? I feel like an idiot.
- Ben, we can figure this out.
- Yeah, yeah, sure.
The question is, should we figure it out?
What are you talking about?
Look, Sam, since I've known you,
I've never found it hard to be around you.
Until now.
Look...
...if you don't want me here...
...maybe I can just go
stay with my parents.
Come on, Ben,
say you wanna talk this out.
Yell at me, anything.
Maybe that'd be a good idea.
How did I manage to take what was
a perfect relationship mere months ago...
...and shred it into this?
I kind of feel better.
I mean, do we really not belong together?
I was once so sure...
...but that seems so long ago now.
I wish I could be sure about something.
Anything.
If Ben doesn't want to work it out,
then maybe you shouldn't.
- What you did was questionable...
- Thanks. Need some salt for the wound?
It wasn't unforgivable.
But if he doesn't wanna talk about it,
then maybe you should move on.
Speaking of moving on.
Sam, look, it wasn't my intention
to make a scene.
You said Wednesdays Ben goes out.
I didn't think I'd be interrupting...
No, no, it's my fault. My plans changed.
Is everything okay?
If moving back in with my mom and dad
qualifies as okay, then yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- What are you gonna do.
How about after work I take you out
for dinner? Let me cheer you up.
What's frightening is how great
that offer sounds.
Luke, I should take some time
to clear my head.
All right, Sam, but if you need me,
I'll be there.
Nothing will make you feel more humble
than moving back into your old room at 30.
Nothing, that is, except your mother.
- Samantha.
- Mom, this is hard enough as it is.
- I could do without a lecture.
- Honey, I'm not here to lecture you.
Was Anne's petition
for her sainthood granted?
Wanna tell me now, or should I wait for you
to finish this month's fan club newsletter?
Oh, I thought we'd talk.
You know, like adults.
Yeah, well, kind of hard to do
with Mr. Binky staring at me.
- You think I favor Anne.
- "Think"?
- All right, granted, it may seem that way.
- "Seem"?
Okay, I'm sorry.
- You're what?
- I am sorry.
Know what I see when I look at you?
Yeah, a major screwup.
I see me.
- You?
- Yeah.
More than anyone else,
when I look at you, I see myself.
And if I'm hard on you...
...it's probably just me
being hard on myself...
...on my own imperfections.
Those things you think I hate about you,
those are the things that make you special.
The things that I love more than anything.
And I know that whatever's going on
between you and Ben, you'll figure it out.
- I don't know, Mom.
- Oh, honey.
It's never easy.
Believe me, I know. I've been married
to your dad for 35 years.
But if I can do it, trust me,
you can do it better.
For the first time
in what seemed like forever...
... I felt like I had my mom back.
Then it hit me.
She never really went anywhere.
Relax. You're doing the right thing.
- Am I?
- She cheated on you.
- It was just a kiss.
- Do you know where she kissed him?
Watch it, Alan.
My point is, is that she was cornered
into telling you.
Can you really go through life
always wondering?
Stop making sense, okay? It scares me.
Look, you're still young, good-looking...
And I mean that totally platonically.
There's tons of women out there.
Work it out that way. Videotape it.
- Why do you think I got you that camera?
- That's the Alan I know and put up with.
This called-off-wedding thing is gold.
Do you have any idea how much
sympathy action you can get?
You do think life
is like a beer commercial.
Don't kill my dreams, man.
I mean, do you know how lucky you are
that Becky married you?
Do you know how lucky you are...
...that someone doesn't hire a hit woman
to pop a cap in your ass?
I'm just trying to be your friend.
Then stop trying to live vicariously
through me.
Sensitive.
It's kind of like Christmas in reverse.
Oh, honey, honey, we're not
returning these.
We're just organizing them
for easier thank you note writing...
...after the wedding,
which will still happen, happens.
- Hey.
- Hi.
How's it going?
- You know...
- Yeah.
So?
Sam, I don't know
if I can go through with this.
Tell him you love him.
Tell him you can't be without him.
Tell him you can't imagine
life without him.
Wait a minute.
What if he can imagine life without me?
What if that's what he's about to say?
I can't hear that.
Yeah, I can't go through with this, either.
You can't?
I mean, the kiss and the lying...
...it's all symptomatic
of something, right?
Of me being a total jerk.
I never meant to hurt you, Ben.
No, I know.
He so doesn't wanna be here.
Make it easy for him.
All you've done is make it hard.
Just do him this one favor.
I was wrong to try
to force things to work.
Only made everything worse.
So that's it, then?
I don't think we should go on
hurting each other.
Do you?
No. No, no, you're right about that.
I was gonna say almost the same thing.
Yeah, I thought so.
So, what are you gonna do?
You know, I'll take some vacation time,
go to Europe.
Maybe do that backpacking thing.
Yeah, you should.
You've always wanted to do that.
- Well, what are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
Well, I guess...
- I don't know what to say.
- Yeah, I know what you mean.
And that's how the man of my dreams
walked out of my life.
Tonight we're celebrating
the success of Cocoa No-Carbs.
I wasn't really in the mood, but at least
I could get drunk on the company's time.
In the next couple of days
you're going to get a set of martini glasses.
- Oh, Nancy.
- I bought them just before.
You can keep them.
Well, your Hail Mary paid off, Hoyt.
We're in the end zone.
Mr. Stone, I don't watch ESPN...
...and it hurts me to pretend
that I do anymore.
- What does that mean?
- I'm getting promoted.
- Well, congratulations, I guess.
- Thanks.
I'm bringing you up with me.
I'm not sure into what position yet,
but we'll find it.
You're being nice?
What can I say,
you did great work, Sam. Congrats.
See? The sun does come out tomorrow.
Excuse me.
You look great.
Do I? Because I don't feel like I do.
I mean, I guess I should, but...
It doesn't matter.
We should go on a real date, do this right.
What do you think?
With no dress to fit into,
what was the point of depriving myself?
I know it's soon, but, Nancy,
wouldn't that be the fairy tale...
...if prince charming came riding in
at the last moment to rescue me from...?
Rescue you from Ben...
...who made you happier
than I've ever seen you in your life?
That would be quite a fairy tale.
Have you called Ben
or talked to him at all?
No, but he hasn't called me, either.
Normally I don't eat this much,
but this doesn't feel like a first date...
...since we've known each other for years,
not counting seven or eight after college.
But clearly you don't have any problem
talking a lot on a first date.
- Sorry. I'm just a little nervous, I guess.
- You don't have to be.
Big Box was a nightmare.
They wouldn't let me return this.
Mom, you've met Luke.
Yes. Hard night to forget.
- Hey, great to see you again.
- Yes.
They wouldn't let me return it.
They said it was open and used.
I'm looking for your father. Excuse me.
- Ken? Ken!
- What?
The camera? I don't remember using this.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
One, two, three.
What's he doing?
Oh, jeez.
He was practicing.
He could use it.
I think we should call it a night.
Wait. It's early.
What?
I thought you were ready, Sam.
I thought this...
Tonight meant you were ready.
So did I, but I guess I was wrong.
Let me ask you something, Sam.
- Are you ever gonna be ready?
- What does that mean?
It means I've waited
a long time, Sam.
I thought that when
you broke things off with Ben...
Look, I broke things off with Ben
because I thought he wasn't right for me...
...not because of you.
Okay.
Then where does that leave us?
- Luke, I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?
You trying to tell me that you didn't want to
from the first time we met?
That you still don't want to?
- Look, don't.
- Oh, Sam.
Luke...
Your loss. Night, Sam.
I think I made a huge mistake.
Sure, Ben and I had
our moments of conflict...
...but at least I always knew
where I stood.
Maybe Ben was the right guy for me,
and maybe letting him get away...
...was the biggest mistake
I've ever made...
- Honey, who are you talking to?
- No one.
Honey, go get him.
Oh, just to make things clear,
I'm talking about the nice Jewish boy.
Ben?
Ben?
He was gone, but where?
The movies? A ball game?
Out with some other wom... ?
- Hello?
- Alan, it's Sam.
Well, if it isn't
Trampy Tramperson herself.
Please, where's Ben?
Right to voice mail. He's unreal.
I had to force Alan to tell me.
Unluckily for him, I knew where he lived.
Come on, Alan, I know you're in there,
I see your car.
He told me not to tell anyone,
and I'm pretty sure "anyone" meant you.
Wait, wait, wait. Please, hear me out.
I've made a horrible,
terrible mistake, Alan.
Please help me. Show mercy, please.
Alan!
Alan!
- Here, clean yourself up, woman.
- Thank you so much.
That's it, weasel.
I've been listening to your crap for years.
It's payback time.
What are you gonna do?
If you don't tell me what I wanna know,
I will leave you dead in the street.
Ben went to the airport.
He's gone backpacking.
Now, like one of those fools in the movies,
I was gonna race to the airport...
... to try to stop my beloved
from leaving the country.
Of course, in real life when you
park illegally, you get towed.
Sam, don't hurt me,
but Ben's plane left an hour ago.
And the hits just keep on coming.
I was too late.
Go into the living room.
I've got something for you.
Mom, if this is about pie,
I don't need to be depressed and fat.
Alan said you left.
That was the plan.
I was originally gonna go next month...
...but the other night I was showering
and the drain stopped up.
And this time...
...the cause was your hair.
So while the plumber guy
was lecturing me again...
...I realized I just couldn't
be around here anymore.
But you didn't leave early.
I tried.
First, I started thinking about the trip,
and all the places that I would finally see...
...and all the things
that I would finally do.
And then I thought about
how happy it should make me.
But it didn't.
You see...
...despite everything, Sam...
...I missed your hair.
I don't wanna do any of those things
without you.
I don't wanna do anything without you.
- But why did you call off the wedding?
- I didn't. You did.
When I said I didn't think
I could go through with this...
...I meant I didn't think I could
go through with being apart.
I mean, when I came over here,
I wanted desperately for us to fix things.
You know, I wanted to see
that fire, that fight...
...that feisty girl
kick and claw to make us work.
- But instead...
- I gave up and pushed you away.
Ben, listen to me.
I never wanted out. Ever.
Really?
That feisty girl you've been
missing's right here, I swear.
I have missed you so bad
that I would do any...
I had forgotten
what a great kisser Ben was.
The rest was easy.
Putting on a wedding that was just canceled
in less than a week was difficult...
... but it was still easy, because finally
we were a team, a real team.
And then, in the blink of an eye,
it was the big day.
Was it the wedding I'd always dreamed of?
Well, let's see.
Not only did the O'Shaunesseys show up,
but they brought all five kids.
The peonies I adored were, of course,
out of season, so I had to settle for roses.
The string quartet lost
two of its members to strep.
I think they were dating.
So we had to go prerecorded.
But looking out at everyone assembled,
I realized...
... weddings aren't about
the bride and groom...
... they're about everyone else.
Marriages are about the bride and groom.
And when you're walking down the aisle,
all the little details mean nothing...
... because at that moment
it becomes clear...
... the only thing that matters
is who you're walking to.
Ben Rosen, will you give yourself
to Samantha Hoyt...
...to be her husband, to love her,
comfort her, honor her, and protect her...
...forsaking all others, to be faithful to her
so long as you both shall live?
I will.
Will you give yourself to Ben Rosen...
...to be his wife, to love him, comfort him,
honor him, and protect him...
...forsaking all others, to be faithful to him
so long as you both shall live?
I will.
May God bless you and keep you...
- let no man put asunder.
You may kiss the bride.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is our honor to present to you...
Mr. And Mrs. Samantha
and Benjamin Rosen.
The day was glorious.
The rabbi and reverend
became best friends.
And if Ben's waltz was, well,
a little rocky, I didn't care.
To me, that day,
he danced like Fred Astaire.
So was it the wedding
I'd always dreamed of?
No.
It was better.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
SkyFury