Adam and eve
just had sex, right?
And god says to adam,
"where's eve?"
So adam says, "she's down
at the stream washing off. "
And god says, "damn, now i'll never
get that smell out of those fish!"
You really think
that's funny, don't you?
I bet every man here
thinks that's funny.
Ease up, huh?
All of you.
Women. Christ.
Gettin' to be
a real pain in the ass.
I don't know what's wrong with the way it used
to be when you just did what you were told.
Fuck you, hopper.
I do, every night,
me and my jar of vaseline.
I could fuck any woman i want. I
don't even have to make her come.
Reallyi'd rather get fucked by a
vibrator than your cock any day.
It's honest, loving,
and i don't have to make
breakfast for it in the morning.
You remind me of my ex-wife.
She had an answer for everything.
Like whenever people would ask her
what i did, she'd say, "he struggles. "
You guys. You all think
you're the victim.
Hey, wait a minute. I think
we're takin' a bum rap here.
I happen to be
a very giving lover.
Yeah, you're giving, all right.
You gave half the city the clap.
All right. Enough.
Mr. Grady, you've been
awfully quiet.
I know it's your first
night with the group,
but, uh, is there
anything you'd like to say?
No, i, uh-
i just came as a guest. My buddy
hopper over here brought me.
I know, but surely you must have
something to say about all this.
I mean, you are
planning to stay with us?
Mewhy me?
I'm- i'm happy.
Been married to the same woman
for 11 years.
Been together ever since
high school. We have two kids.
Cut the crap. You wouldn't be here
if something wasn't buggin' you.
I told you. I'm here with
hopper. I have a great marriage.
I don't understand
all these...
hang-ups with you people.
I've never cheated on my wife in the
whole ten years we've been married.
I thought it was 11.
I've never met a man yet
who'd admit he was a lousy lay.
What's that supposed to mean? You
think everything has to do with sex?
Admit it. You're a lousy lay,
and she's learned to accept it.
Like we all had to.
Sing it.
Wait a minute. Now, you think i'm a
lousy lay. Is that what you're saying?
You got it.
I am not the one who complains
how tired i am every night.
Getting her to make love is like
asking her to run the boston marathon,
and then those times that we
actually do go through with it,
i don't know whether
to embrace her or embalm her.
So don't tell me
that i'm a lousy lay-
what am i saying?
What the hell am i doing here?
Well, thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
I'm grateful
from the bottom of my heart.
It is truly an honor
to be named miss liberty 1984.
I have dreamed of this moment
all my life,
and i promise i shall
carry the name...
with dignity and with pride.
I will always serve
my country...
and be a shining beacon of hope
to nations the world over,
spreadin' the true spirit
of freedom and liberty...
that is america.
Oh, we're very proud
of you, miss liberty.
What do you plan to do
with your scholarship money?
Well, i plan
to study music, sir.
Music, do you saywhat kind
of instrument do you play?
I play the flute, sir,
in honor of our forefathers...
who died at concord
and lexington.
Would you like to see how
miss liberty plays the flute?
Oh, yes. Yes, very much.
First,
i unzip the case.
And then i take out
the instrument very carefully.
I'm very gentle. And then i
run my little hand all over it.
Up and down...
and up and down.
And then I-
i fondle it so softly,
so softly.
Mmm, i love
the look of it.
Oh, i love
the feel of it.
So smooth and firm.
Oh, i like to wrap my fingers
around it and tenderly caress it.
Then i like
to lift it to my mouth...
and wrap my lips around it.
And then i just wait
for that sweet, sweet music...
to come pourin' out.
Oh! Fucking incredible! Oh!
Ohhh! Ow!
Fucking incredible!
Ohhh!
Oh, fucking
incredible!
Ohhh!
I knew it would be.
You knew it would be,
too, didn't you, huh?
We know each other so well.
You know what i mean?
What'd you say your name was?
China blue.
Nah, i mean your real name.
Miss liberty.
Well, that was some game
of yours, miss liberty.
You wanted romance.
Look, uh, my name is carl, and
i just split up with my wife.
It's gettin' late, babe.
Time to move.
Well, can i
see you again?
I work the street.
Keep an eye out.
It's just that it's been so long
since i got a hard-on just...
lookin' at someone.
We were married
12 years.
She just walked out
on me. Just like that.
I don't know what it was i did wrong.
I know what you mean.
My ex beat it out the door
when he was tired of beatin' me.
Is that true?
Does it matter?
Yeah. Well.
I'll see ya around,
china blue.
Oh, put the cash
on the dresser.
Hey! Fuck!
"Dear god, the heathen are
come into thine inheritance;
"thy holy chapel
have they defiled;
"they have laid jerusalem
on heaps.
Their blood have they shed
like water around jerusalem. "
Like- like- like-
this guy's crazy.
Like they fuck and they piss and they
shit like the fucking scum that they are.
Dear god,
that was not me.
That was
the spirit of lucifer.
Forgive me, lord.
Forgive me.
"How long, lord?
Shalt thou be angry forever?
Shall they jealously
burn like fire?"
Shall we keep on fucking and
pissing in each other's faces?
Forgive me, lord.
That was-
that-
that was not me.
You, child,
victim of the night.
I am the reverend peter shayne, and
i know the plague that cripples you.
I've been sent by the lord to save you
and to rid the earth of that plague.
I am his holy messenger.
Do you recognize me, child?
Sorry.
I never forget a face.
Especially when
i've sat on it.
- Save your soul, whore.
- Save your money, shithead.
I'm sorry. I didn't think
they'd come down on you so hard.
Forget it. Come in
and see the shop.
You haven't seen it
for a while.
Hey, jerry!
What do you say, grady?
How come you're still here?
I thought molly was sick.
Oh, they're coming
to pick this up tomorrow.
Can't afford to lose
customers, you know.
Don't worry about it.
I'll finish it up.
Get outta here. Your wife
is sick. You should be home.
Thanks, grady. You know, you're
the only one left who gives a damn.
What do you say, hopper?
Jerry!
Step on it.
What are you afraid of?
Step on it.
We've got you surrounded!
Still playing games, huh? It'll
scare the hell out of any thief.
Keep your hands up!
Bobby, about that session. I know
things must be pretty rough at home.
Things are great. I just got
a little wound up, that's all.
Like i said,
still playing games.
Yeah, well,
you should talk,
all the bodies floatin'
in and outta that bed.
That's some kinda life, pal.
Spend half of it changing sheets.
Sheila called me yesterday for
the first time since the divorce.
Still can't
let her go, bobby.
Well, i got
a great idea.
Amy invited sheila to the barbecue
on sunday with tommy and patty.
So why don't you come?
Be just like old times.
Who's there?
Get off!
Didn't hurt you,
did i?
Played a little rougher
this time than usual.
Aw, don't worry, sweetdick. I'm tough.
"Sweetdick"?
Do me a favor next time.
Don't walk so fast.
Hard to keep up.
Maybe i should
rape you, huh?
One way to get back
at your old man. Sorry?
Your father. I know he raped
you when you were a kid.
You told me the first time
we got together.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
You said you trusted me.
I do.
You're the only one
i've told.
It is true, isn't it?
Sure it's true. Well,
you don't seem too upset.
You were almost in
tears when you told me.
I'm tryin' to block it outta
my mind. Can't you understand?
I'm sorry. L
- i didn't know it was still a sore spot.
Not as sore
as you was then.
Maybe, if you're
real nice to me,
i'll tell you
all about the time...
he tied my arms to the bed
with black twine.
Did he really do that?
He did that to a sweet
little thing like you?
See the scars?
Where?
Look closer.
Oh, yeah.
I see.
How low
can you get?
As low
as you can afford,
and your meter's up, pal.
That's the bitter truth.
Can i keep these?
For ten bucks.
Keep the trust.
I'm sorry i'm late,
honey. I had to finish up.
I ate with the kids.
Well, i brought dessert!
Thanks. You know i'm on a diet. Open it!
Ta-da!
Have you eaten? I'm not hungry.
I'll fix something later.
Dinner's still warm.
Listen, i invited donny
to the party on sunday.
You know, he and sheila have been
speaking, or at least she called him.
Are you crazy? She only called him
because he was late with the alimony.
So how are the kids?
Well, jimmy
needs braces.
Dentist says he has an
overlapping bite or something.
- Will they hurt?
- I'm not really concerned whether it will hurt or not.
Well, if he needs braces, honey,
get him braces.
Just like that? Yeah, just like that.
So we'll go another year without
a hot tub. We can use the larsons'.
Yeah, sure, and when
we need a new car,
we can borrow the murphys', and i
can borrow my sister's cuisinart...
and sally's microwave,
and, hey, you know what?
Kathy just got a new video
recorder. Cost her a thousand bucks.
She says it'll do
anything she wants.
Well, for that price,
it should go down on her.
Very funny.
Did you talk to jerry?
So where's the salt?
You didn't, did you?
Don't we have any salt
in this house? Bobby.
Amy, i told you.
I am not letting the guy go.
I don't care
how slow things are.
He's got a wife
and kids.
And what do you have?
Maybe if you'd gone into a real
business like a normal person.
It's on the stove.
No wonder we never have
any money.
Amy, look,
i love that business.
I'm proud of it.
Work damn hard at it.
We'll make out okay.
Haven't let you down yet,
have i?
So, who in the hell
needs a hot tub?
We can use the bathtub.
Speaking of which,
why don't you and i...
go upstairs and take
a bath together?
You say we can use a little
bit of adventure in our lives.
I'm really not in the mood
for a little adventure.
Some kind of lousy mood you're
in. Did you get your period today?
No, i did not get
my period today.
Every time i'm in a lousy
mood, you think i got my period.
I wish.
I'd buy stock in tampax
and retire.
There is nothing
that means more to me...
than this family.
Not even
some stupid hot tub.
I have to clean up.
What are you guys still doing
up? You know what time it is?
Mom said we could stay up
till the next commercial.
Yeah?
Well, you can't.
'Cause you're under attack.
It's bombs away.
Oh! Hey!
I want you to give your sister
some, you hear me, cowboy?
Come on, you two.
March. Up.
- Did you guys hear the joke about the two lima beans?
- Don't worry about it.
Because it's bedtime,
isn't it, daddy?
Come on. Let's go.
Give dad a big hug.
Bye.
Good night.
Hello?
Yeah, walt pierson here.
Walt. Bobby grady.
How you doin'?
Great. You? Yeah, i'm just fine. Thanks.
Um, listen, uh,
you'd asked me once before...
about doing some nighttime
surveillance for you.
Yeah. Think you might
still be interested?
Yeah. Well, n-n-no, i was- i was
wondering, is the offer still good?
Yeah. You gotta
work nights, though.
No problem.
Mob after you?
No, i could use the money.
I think i got something for you. You do?
Yeah. Gotta work
nights, though. Terrific.
No, that's great. You didn't
think i had the nerve, did you?
No, i didn't.
Neither did i.
I, uh- i guess it
just comes with poverty.
Well, come on in,
and we'll talk about it.
Yeah, well, thank you very much,
and you take it easy, okay?
Yeah, right. See you
tomorrow. Fine. Bye.
Great. You tell them jokes, and i'm
the wicked witch who sends them to bed.
Well, i'll put 'em
to bed.
So you can keep 'em up half
the night with your stories?
I think it's good
for the imagination.
Theirs or yours?
I'm gonna be doing some
tracking for walt pierson.
So, that means you can
make room for that hot tub.
Well, you act like I-
forced you, and i don't
even want it anymore.
What do you want?
Do you know?
And you didn't force me.
Maybe i'll, uh, do
the magic act at the party.
You know, for laughs.
What do you think?
Whatever you want.
Damn the living
it's a lovely life?
Silver silverware?
Where is the love?
Oval swimming pool?
Where is the love?
Damn the living
it's a lovely life?
It's a lovely
a lovely life?
Welcome to it
it's a lovely life?
It's a lovely?
Life?
Oh, bobby, come on. Stop it.
We just got the cable.
Walt pierson speaks
very highly of you.
I have a lot of respect for walt.
His word's good enough for me.
Well, i'm damn good
at what i do, mr. Bateman,
but i'll only take a job
if i can do it right.
As long as you keep it quiet. I don't
want to turn this into a major event.
Well, i've always been a
pushover for industrial espionage.
I'd like to help you.
Just tell me what the facts are.
I'm one of the largest manufacturers of
ladies' sportswear outside of new york.
But i'm falling behind
for the first time in 20 years.
Last week's orders
were at an all-time low.
I have reason to believe there's
someone in my organization...
selling patterns
to one of my competitors.
I want you to follow her.
Who is she?
A young woman's who's been
with me about two years.
Very talented designer. Hell of
a future, if she hasn't blown it.
What makes you think
it's her? I don't know.
Gut feeling. Something about
her. I'll point her out to you.
All right, try and save some
yardage in this sleeve, okay?
That's her,
in the gray suit.
How could someone that looks
like that be a criminal?
That's what i'm
paying you to find out.
Follow her
- where she goes at night, what she does.
Morning, lou.
Phil.
What'd you mean
there's something about her?
She's a mystery.
Divorced. Lives alone.
No boyfriends i know of.
A real loner.
What's she like in here?
Compulsive, ambitious.
Never stops working, never
satisfied. You know the type.
Always proving themselves.
Perfection or bust.
Any friends? Oh, she gets
along fine with the other women,
but if you've got a penis,
you're in trouble.
She turns to ice. That still
doesn't make her a criminal.
It makes her a suspect. I don't
trust anyone that works that hard.
She must be hiding something. I
want you to nail her lily-white ass.
What the hell is this?
You think she's that dangerous?
It depends on
what you discover.
Paradise hotel,
on 4th and main.
Do you recognize me
tonight, child?
Ha! Well, if it
isn't my savior.
The reverend peter shayne requests
a few moments of repose upstairs...
in your holy of holies.
A reverend, no less.
You know, the last reverend
who tried to, uh, save me...
lived to regret it.
I chased him all around the church
until i caught him by the organ. Come on.
I make a great joan
of arc. Can't you tell?
I imagine you do spend a good deal
of time on your knees, my child.
Excuse us. We've got
business to conduct.
Hey, baby. How about a shot
of the grand canyon, huh?
Oh, shit.
Stick it there, rev.
What do you want?
I want to help you.
Admit you need it.
I need it.
With conviction.
Make me believe.
Oh, please, reverend. You're
so good and wise and strong.
Please. Please help this
sick, disgusting degenerate.
I deal in truth. I'm bringing you
something greater than a hard-on,
assuming you consider truth
to be greater than a hard-on.
Oh.
Depends on the hard-on.
Try it again, sinner.
First month i was married, i tried to
make my husband's favorite casserole.
Of course,
i made a mess.
So i cried to my best friend
peggy all week about it...
till i found out when i was in
the kitchen making the casserole,
he was in the bedroom
making peggy.
Don't glare at me.
You wear your anguish like
a breakaway chastity belt.
You wanted the truth.
What else are you selling?
This is the fantasy business,
reverend.
You can have
any truth you want.
And so can you. Isn't
that why you're here?
Isn't that
why you are?
I'm here to save you. Why don't
you fuck me? That'll save me.
Not from your disease. What disease?
I'm healthy as a horse. I'm fit
as a fiddle and ready for cock.
Whores and metaphors
don't mix. Who are you?
I'm cinderella, cleopatra.
Goldie hawn, eva braun.
I'm little miss muffett, i'm pocahontas,
i'm whoever you want me to be, reverend.
But what areyou
doing here?
Satisfying.
Who?
I think that the confessional
is about over.
Don't you want to be saveddo
you get that much out of this?
I get paid. But i'm not
interested in what you're selling,
only in what you're buying. Why don't
you assume the missionary position?
My purpose here is strictly
humanitarian. To make me see the light?
To make you see
through the bullshit.
You want truth, father?
I got the best truth in town.
So good, you wouldn't
know it from make-believe.
Is it?
If you believe it is.
Everybody needs something to
believe in, don't they, reverend?
Bow down thine ear, o lord, and
hear me, for i am poor and needy.
Preserve my soul,
for i am holy.
O thou, my god, save thy
servant that trusteth in thee.
Save him from this bigmouth cush
with a motor-driven ass who-
forgive me, lord. I speak not in vain,
but this little bitch provokes me so!
Oh, jesus. At least
i can stay in character.
You couldn't even get
a walk-on in something,
unless it was you
that was being walked on.
I am the messenger of god,
you little cocksucker!
What's thisyour mailbag?
Let's see what's in it. No! No!
What is this? Top secret? No.
Come on. Let mama
have a little peek.
What have you got in here,
the holy grail? Come on.
Oh, my god. Oh, excuse me. Oh, god.
Need i remind you, jezebel,
that curiosity killed the cat?
Not until it
got out of the bag.
These are
the devil's playthings.
Those who touch them will burn. Put another
log on the fire, reverend. Let's see a sample.
It's a disgusting array.
Disgusting's my middle name, honey.
What have you got
in the bag?
God forgive me.
A tit pacifier. The
milk of human kindness.
Remedial, even in
a simulation.
A foam rubber
pretty kitty.
Already housebroken, and you can
teach it a wide variety of new tricks.
Comes with a battery pack.
It's in here somewhere.
An auto-suck. Modern technology at its
most compassionate, and it swallows.
This one is
a little on the blink.
Oh. Are you hungry?
How 'bout a
- a "beat me, eat me" licorice whip?
"The taste that leaves
its mark forever. "
Mm. Hey, no, wait a minute.
I'm not through here.
What else you got
in the bag?
What?
What the hell?
Is this a cruise missile
or a pershing?
What are you gonna do,
fuck someone to death?
You'd like to,
wouldn't you?
Only the right woman.
You better go.
Just when
we're making progress.
I can only handle
one revelation a night.
Enough of them and you might
be able to handle real life.
Real life, reverend.
Tell me your name,
or is that a tough one?
China blue.
I like it.
It's rather exotic.
Like something
out of charlie chan.
"B" movies have always
been my inspiration.
What's yours?
Going my way?
All you need to know about me
is that i intend to save you.
And all you need to do
is... be there.
Stay with me, china blue.
Trust me.
I'll free you.
Who are you? You're not
a reverend. Who are you?
I'm you.
"I will sing of mercy
and judgment.
"Unto thee, o lord,
will i sing.
"I will behave myself wisely
in a perfect way.
"I will walk within my house
with a perfect heart...
and i will set no wicked
thing before mine eyes. "
Not even the stupid douche bag who's
luring me under her rotten spell.
Snatch can't fool me, lord.
I'm not like the others.
I know her cowardly game.
A fear of men so great she can only
feel strength behind her facade.
"Who so slandereth his neighbor
will i cut off. "
Yeah.
I'll cut off, all right.
I'll cut off...
her little tits.
Why didn't you
come to me, phil?
I would have loaned you the money.
Hell, i would have given you the money.
Goddamn pride.
What about jail?
No pride in there.
Who thinks?
Cooper offered me
a fortune for the patterns.
L- i lost control.
Please, lou.
I'll work for nothing.
Anything you want, but what
this would do to sara and my boy-
i'll have to
think about it, phil.
Hmm.
I had to have someone around here to
talk to about this whole damn thing.
The man's been with me
18 years. I trusted him.
He was so moved that i did that
he broke down and confessed.
That's gratitude
for you.
I didn't know
my trust meant that much.
What do i do now?
Give him
another chance.
The man is a criminal.
Come on.
You heard his motive. Guy's only
human. He knows he was wrong.
God knows we've all
made mistakes.
Why ruin his life over one
mistake? What about the law?
Screw the law.
What good is he in jail? Besides,
he'll work twice as hard for you here.
And you can feel
like the king of hearts.
I don't know what's
right or wrong anymore.
Did you really believe
it was her?
So i'm a lousy guesser.
What'd you get
on her?
Not much.
She stayed home all night.
That you, joe?
You free?
No, but i'm
one hell of a bargain.
I meant, uh,
are you available,
you know, for action?
"Action"?
Soldier, for 50 bucks, you can
name your own battlefield.
Oh. L-i'm sorry.
I'm not too good at this.
It's my, uh, first time.
Ohyou that desperate
or that horny?
Married. Oh, that
desperate and that horny.
Go slow.
I'm just a boy scout.
Well, baby,
you are about to become
an explorer.
Oh, hot body.
Are you an athlete, huh?
Yeah.
Played varsity football.
High school.
- Quarterback.
- Mmm.
Well, quarterback, you can
have the ride of your life...
if you trust me
at the wheel.
Sit down.
How, uh, good a driver
are you?
Who said anything
about driving?
Driving's what you do with
your wife. Here, we fly.
That sound good, lover? Bet you and your
wife haven't done much flying, right?
Shit. Me and my wife haven't
been doing much driving lately.
It's joe.
I'm ready for takeoff.
You're on standby tonight,
babe. I got a full load.
Okay, but next week,
it's first class.
Who are you?
It's not
a prom date, sweetie.
I'm a hooker,
you're a trick.
Why ruin
a perfect relationship?
Ahh. Here.
Have a quaalude.
To float. You'll love it. I promise.
Flier never lies.
Fasten your seat belt, honey,
and say hello
to freedom.
Good evening. Welcome to
china blue airlines flight 69,
nonstop service
to paradise.
We'll be
taking off shortly.
I'll be unbuckling your belt and
seeing that big bird rise and rise,
finally settling
into the comfort...
only this wide body
can provide.
We're here to serve you.
Please remember that although
we may run out of pan am coffee,
we'll never
run out of t-w-a-t.
Hey, ivory soap.
Ninety-nine and forty-four
one-hundredths percent pure.
Kinda funny,
isn't it?
Look, i, uh-
don't say it.
You don't even know what
i was gonna say. Do you?
How come you're in such a hurry? Me?
You raced for that shower
like it was the indy 500.
You couldn't wait to
wash it off, could you?
Wait a minute. L
- no problem. Hey, i know the boy scout oath.
Cleanliness
is next to godliness.
How would you know? You haven't
been next to either one in years.
What i do in this room might
not win me a purple heart,
but it sure as shit
beats the p. t.a. Meeting.
Why are we acting
like this?
I thought fucking was supposed to bring
people closer together, not drive 'em apart.
Oh, yeah? Is that what
it did for your marriage?
What we did
tonight-
i mean, you felt it too, didn't you?
You weren't
just acting.
You felt
what i did.
Tell me. Please,
i have to know.
Would you, um-
would you maybe like
to see me again?
Yes.
But i can't.
There are three things
you have to know...
to make it
as a 50-buck hooker.
You have to act, you have to fuck and
you have to know how to count to 50.
You're lucky. You've seen all three.
Close the door on your way out.
There are a lot
of creeps around here.
Ready when you are, c. b.
Not tonight, okay?
Freedom
requires treatment.
Just leave me alone.
I would if i thought you
wanted me to. Get out.
Women.
You mystify me.
The extremes you go to
for a little validation,
and you still
go home alone.
What's your mystery,
reverend?
Authority never
reveals itself.
Why?
Are you afraid that i'll stop
believing, or afraid you will?
Those are the rules. My
50, my game, my rules.
Game's over, fraud.
The game's never over. That's
what you're here for, isn't it?
I don't feel like playing
games. I think you do.
Consider the alternative.
You want a game?
Go sit down!
Onward christian soldiers?
Marching as to war?
With the cross of jesus?
Stop that! Stop it!
Going on before?
Come on, stud!
Give it to me.
It's all a game. Fly!
Do what you want.
You want freedom?
You need to manipulate women to feel like
a mando it! That's what we're here for!
Like you manipulate men
to feel like a woman?
Let go, damn you!
Whyit's only a game!
Let go, i said! Let go, you
fuck! It hurts, doesn't it?
Tell me it hurts!
Yes, it hurts! It hurts!
So you can feel?
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
How was it, huh?
Not bad?
Ph. d. In emotionalism?
Huh?
I have accepted reality?
I'm curedfree at last!
Shit!
You self-righteous
son of a bitch!
I can play your goddamn game
as well as you can,
and i don't use religion
to pump myself up!
If you're a minister,
i'm snow white.
Yes, but what fun it is
playing the part.
Would you leave now, please?
That was quite a performance.
There's no limit
to my talents.
You're the head of your class,
or is it the class of your head?
Oh!
A man of words!
He makes up in diction
what he lacks in dick!
Lesson for today:
I've written you a poem.
Would you like to hear it?
Behold this wicked woman.
She falls, she mends.
She crawls, she bends.
She sucks it, fucks it,
picks it up and licks it.
You can whip her, beat her,
maul her, mistreat her.
Anything you want
as long as you don't touch her.
Get outta here. Take your
goddamn truth and get outta here!
Show her affection
and she turns to stone!
You haven't had
your 50 dollars' worth yet!
Come back here! Listen to me!
Get away from me!
You
- do you know what you are?
Do you know what you are? A cheap painted
slut who makes a fortune selling illusions-
one of your regulars, my dear?
Rather eager tonight, isn't he?
I guess i, uh,
taught that guy a lesson.
That was no guy.
That was my savior.
I've never been fought over
before. I've only been fought.
Yeah, well, it's, it's tough
work. Can't please everyone.
Oh, i didn't mean this work. In
this work, icanplease everyone.
Come on. What are you still
doing hanging around here, anyway?
It's okay.
I'm not helpless.
I guess i could
use some help.
Thanks for the help
just then.
Or the attempt, anyway. Yeah.
We're not all out to get you.
Now, go on home
to your wife.
I wish
i could tell her...
the way you made-
made me feel.
She'd say it's part
of my imagination.
It was.
- Can i have another pancake?
- No, you cannot have another pancake.
You had two already.
Fat girls do not get married.
- Bobby, are you okay?
- Whatyeah.
I'm fine.
Did you do something to your
hair? It looks different.
Yeah.
I cut it last week.
Glad you noticed.
Excuse me.
Here you go, dad.
When you gonna fix
my garbage disposal?
I'll have a look at it.
It might need a plumber.
You can fix it, dad. Daddy, will
you teach me how to plant a garden?
Why me, kiddo?
Your mom'll teach you.
Daddy doesn't know how
to plant a garden. Hey!
Amy, it's really
not that hard.
Honey, easy! You know i
don't like maple syrup.
- Of course you like maple- - since when
have you known me to like maple syrup?
- I don't want to argue with you.
- Who's arguing?
Dad, what's strontium 90? It's
a term for radioactive fallout.
He asked me, amy. I didn't
think you'd know what it is.
Of course, i know
what it is. What is it?
It's a term for radioactive
fallout. That's brilliant.
Isn't your daddy
brilliant?
What does the "90" mean?
Yeah, hon, whatdoes
the "90" mean, hmm?
Tell us, daddy, hmm?
You're the expert.
It means...
that, uh-
that you have 90 days to
get an antidote or you die.
I think you better ask
your teacher, jimmy.
I got to get
to work.
Daddy left food
on his plate.
Yes, daddy doesn't follow
the rules. He only makes them.
Good-bye!
Give daddy a kiss.
- Two hundred for a three-way.
- You got a radio?
- We've got whatever you want.
- Health insurance?
Want to get
to heaven early?
Maybe we should make
him an offer at 14.
He's got so much stock
already. He might cooperate.
We can't go lower than
18. It's an insult.
I refuse to pay that opportunistic
bastard more than he deserves.
It's a matter
of principle.
The eagles' pitcher
has allowed only four hits-
oh, i'm still worried about
finley coming through, though.
The man has absolutely no sense
of morality, don't you agree, dear?
Uh-huh! First time up,
martin grounded to third.
That was back in the second. I'd like to finalize
this before laurie comes home for vacation.
Hope she isn't bringing that boy she's seeing
- the jew?
Not that i'm a bigot or anything. You know
the work i've done for crippled children.
But if he's jewish, what
are we going to do with him?
God knows we can't take
him to the country club.
Claudia, have you ever heard
of a jew who didn't play golf?
Arthur!
Don't stick
your tongue in her ear.
You have to be careful
with these people.
You don't know what kind of
germs they could be carrying.
Stop this crate!
Close the deal quick
before your tongue drops off!
Kids hate this salad. Where are they?
Oh, they're at my mom's.
Guess who we just saw?
Janie durant. Remember, she beat
you out for head cheerleader?
What a slut.
She's not a slut.
She went to ohio state.
Every two years, they let a slut
into ohio state. Her timing was good.
I sat next to her in biology.
She was always dropping her frog.
- What she doing now?
- She's a waitress out at, uh, seafood heaven.
Didn't she marry lenny
harris? That nerd.
He sat behind me in english and tied mirrors
to his shoes so he could look up my dress.
Sheila, what are you
talking aboutthat was me.
I knew it was some nerd.
It's okay.
I've got one.
Isn't it flat?
I like it flat.
Well, you never liked it
flat when we were married.
I never liked anything
when we were married.
Okay, team.
Get it while it's hot.
He thinks he's still
in high school.
Oh! Disgus-
you got mustard
all over-
okay, everybody.
Look at me and smile.
- One or the other,
we can't do both.
Damn the living
it's a lovely life?
It's a lovely
a lovely life?
One more for... posterity?
Aha, aha?
It's a lovely?
Life?
Promise me you won't
do the magic act. What?
You told me you liked it. I lied.
Donny. Donny.
I think it's time for the old h.
p. A little nostalgia for the gang?
You rat porker.
Does amy know?
She'll shit.
I thought
i'd surprise her.
Ladies and gentlemen, may i
have your attention, please.
- We have a treat in store.
- It's that dumb magic act.
No, it's no magic act,
for today, live on our stage,
direct from the wild,
untamed jungles of borneo-
hot damn!
It's the old h. p.!
Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare yourselves.
You're about to experience
the human penis! Whoo!
- Whoo! Amigo!
- Bobby, don't! I mean it!
Bravo! Bravo!
Didn't your mother teach you to wash
your hands after you go to the bathroom?
No, she taught me not
to piss on my fingers.
Did it feel good to get
even? Feel good to lie?
Thought you liked
the magic act.
I just didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
I guess you can't win.
You can win by being honest
with me instead of humoring me.
What do we have if we can't
be honest with each other?
I don't know, bobby,
what do we have?
I don't know, amy. What else
have you been humoring me about?
Go to sleep. No, i want to know what
else you've been sparing me from.
I'm really not
in the mood for this.
Are you ever in the mood for anything?
Don't turn away from me. I
want to know what's bugging you.
Is it the way i eat?
Why did you pour all that
maple syrup on my pancakes?
It was a mistake, all right? Was it?
What do you think, i'm trying
to poison you with maple syrup?
If you're unhappy about
something, just tell me.
Don't take
it out on me.
I'm really tired. No, damn
it! Stop avoiding this!
You been acting like i have
the plague or something!
I mean, i want to know what
the hell is bothering you!
Is it-
is it money again?
Nuclear war?
What about the way we make love.
If you can remember back that far.
I mean, all your
oohing and ah-ing-
is that just so you
don't hurt my feelings?
Stop it! Come on! I
want to know! Tell me.
Bobby, don't do this. Tell me, damn it!
Be honest for once.
I can take it.
Have you been
getting off too?
Or have you just
been humoring me?
I really hate
this kind of talk.
It's not the h. p., and
it's not the magic act.
Is this us?
I want the truth.
You wanted the truth.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry. What
do you want me to say?
Why didn't you just tell me this before?
All this time it hasn't
been good for you.
Why'd you have
to lie about it?
I am your husband. Don't you think i
would care about something like that,
that i'd want to do
something about it?
Didn't you trust me
enough to believe that?
I didn't say
it wasn't good for me.
L- i just
don't need...
the same thing
from it that you do.
It's never been
important to me.
And you know i feel
funny talking about it.
You feel better
faking it?
You were satisfied.
Satisfied?
What do you think i am,
some kind of machine?
That i just need
a hole to come in?
I mean, what do you think makes me come?
Stop
- no! What do you think...
makes me come?
I don't care!
I'll tell ya. I thought
it was being inside...
the woman that i love and
giving her as much pleasure...
as she was giving to me.
You know,
the two of us together.
Some kind of magician
i turned out to be.
I'm so good,
i conned myself.
Maybe it's time we both
stopped the conning,
started learning again...
on our own.
I know you're pissed, but before
you go crazy, just let me explain.
I don't believe this. You
followed me. Goddamn it.
I don't fucking believe this.
I just want to talk to you.
I don't want to make any trouble.
I promise. I have to go to work.
It won't take long.
Please.
Thank you.
Well?
It's a great apartment.
What are you,
a real estate agent?
I saw these
in a book once.
They say that in the east
it's forbidden...
to have sex with someone
who knows your secrets.
Or shortcomings.
You'd never be horny
there. I'm never horny here.
I guess not.
Cut the crap.
What do you want from me?
What makes you think
i want something?
Everybody
wants something.
Why did you come here?
I wanted
to see you again.
Look, if you think you're going to
get back in my panties, forget it.
There's one asshole
in there already.
Maybe i just want
to know you.
I mean, i've never
met anyone like you.
Who has?
I just thought after last week
that maybe we could be friends.
You really think we could
be friends after last week?
Yeah! I can't think of a better
way to start a friendship.
We haven't met.
I'm bobby grady.
Joanna crane. I saw it out on the
mailbox. What are you, about 30?
Still call yourself "bobby"?
I'll grow up when i'm ready.
Oh, i think
you're ready.
Are you alone?
Aren't we all?
You remind me of this hamster
i had when i was a kid.
I remind you of a hamster? Yep.
He ran away whenever
you tried to touch him.
So i wanted to show him there
was nothing to be afraid of.
So one day i picked him
up fast, and i held him.
And he turned tender and
loving. Nope. He shit in my hand.
Well, i better get going
becauseyou'regonna be late for work.
It's okay.
I'm used to breaking rules.
I'm a criminal at heart.
Ah, you admit you have one.
Thanks a lot.
And i'm sorry for
busting in on you like this.
And i really appreciate you listening,
and i won't bother you again.
Oh, bobby, if you, uh-
if you ever
really need me,
to talk, whatever, i'm here. I know.
Joanna crane.
Hello?
Hey, cowboy!
Hi.
Hi.
Dad, mom said
you moved out.
Well, your mom and i have
to be on our own for a while.
I swear to you that doesn't mean that
we've stopped caring about you and lisa.
Dad, if mom gets
married again,
i don't have to call
the other guy "dad," do i?
Oh, jimmy, no matter
what happens,
i'm always
gonna be your dad.
Why'd you have to go?
Promise you won't be
any trouble to your mother...
and you'll watch out
for your sister?
Hey, jimmy. Come on!
I will. Don't worry.
I'm not worried.
Hello, joanna.
What are you doing here?
You have no right to be here!
I have to...
for both of us.
Get away from me.
I don't even want to know you.
No more deceptions,
joanna.
I know who you are. We're
the same, don't you see?
The same rage.
The same fear.
We hurt the same.
We escape the same.
But we don't
have to anymore.
We have a chance,
both of us, together.
- No more disguises.
- I don't need you.
I'm crying out
to you for god's sake.
Is everything
a negotiation here too?
Stop it! Just shut up!
Listen to me. Help me.
I'm tired of standing
on street corners.
I want to love and care and need just
like you do. We could help each other.
We don't have to grow old alone. Oh!
It's all right.
Joanna!
Run away.
Turn on me.
I was only trying
to save you.
Well,
game's not over.
The messenger of a god
will return.
And this time
he'll bring the final word.
There's ivory soap
in the shower. It's, uh-
it's 99 and 44/100ths
percent pure.
Isn't that funny?
Yeah? I don't know how
to do this sort of thing.
I've been driving around
the block for an hour.
Drive on, lady. Please, it's not for me.
It's for my husband.
Just the two of you.
I want to buy you for an hour,
if that's what you call it.
Is this some freak trick? No,
nothing like that. I swear.
You know, it'll cost. I'm the
hottest piece of life on this street.
It'll cost you a hundred bucks.
Have you got a hundred bucks?
I'll drive you there
and bring you back.
Ten minutes on the expressway. I
just need someone to be with him.
My husband
is dying.
Maybe another
three months.
He's still functioning. In fact,
you'd hardly know he was sick.
We've been married for 28
years, but since i found out,
i haven't been able
to go near him.
He needs me so badly,
and i just can't do it.
I want you to make him
feel like a man again.
His name is ben.
My wife takes her guilt
very seriously.
I'm sure she
told you i'm sick.
Yes.
I didn't want her
to do this.
I haven't been with
another woman in 28 years.
But she insisted.
Yes, ma'am, she-
she insisted.
Charity really does
begin at home.
My god, you're lovely.
What's your name?
China blue.
I see.
Image and all, eh?
Well, china blue,
my body's not in the
greatest shape, as you know,
but i'll try and not make
it too painful for you.
No, don't say that.
I want to make it good for you.
Oh, i want you so.
You're my master,
my king.
Please let me have it. I want to
feel that big strong man inside me.
Please, i want you so bad. Don't.
All right.
Well, your wife
got you the best.
I'm the best there is. I'm gonna give
you the hottest night of your life.
Do you think
you can raise the dead?
Oh, no, ben, don't.
Don't be afraid.
It was only a game.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry that you
have to see me like this.
Don't be sorry.
You have a lot more
courage than i have.
At least you've
stopped pretending.
Well, so long,
china blue.
Joanna.
Joanna.
Yeah?
It's bobby.
Look, i'm sorry.
I know it's late.
But remember when you said,
"if you need me, i'm here"?
Well, i need you.
Come on in.
God, i don't believe it.
You're still working.
When do you sleep?
Valentine's day.
Is it your wife?
Is it my wife?
First time amy
and i made love,
she asked me if
i still respected her.
Hell, i thought that's
the reason we did it.
Well, it's all over.
Come on. Sit down
uh, do you want some coffee?
I've
- no. I could use a shot of morphine...
if you've got it.
Enough to kill
the last 12 years.
You'll survive.
I'm a goddamn fool.
I mean, why did
i believe so hard?
I mean, now, what do i have to
believe in? Aw, bobby, come on!
It really is late, and i have
a lot i have to do. L-
don't judge me,
grady, huh?
We both live our
fantasies. Only mine's over!
And yours
is still hanging around!
Come on! I mean, what the
hell is the point, joanna?
You work so hard at getting
these people to want you...
when it's not even you
that they want!
Well, i do!
You're the one that said,
"when are you gonna grow up?"
Well, i think it's
about time that we both did.
It's so hard, bobby.
No man's ever given me
that kind of faith before,
that kind of respect.
That hotel is the safest
place in the world.
I can do anything there. I
can be anything i can dream of,
because it's not me.
Don't you see?
- I'd only end up disappointing you.
- I can chance it!
- I'm tough.
- I'm not.
Wait a second.
Just remember one thing.
We're friends.
I mean, what we did in that
hotel room we can do here.
We're the same people.
We've done as much
as two people can.
Only now it'llforeach other
instead oftoeach other,
and you can't fly
any higher than that.
Oh.
"O god
to whom vengeance belongs,
"how long shall
the wicked triumph?
How long shall they utter
and speak hard things?"
How long shall they turn
50-buck tricks...
and strut their evil bodies
in smelly silk underwear?
Tear off that dress
and she's as helpless as i am.
China blue,
alias joanna crane,
alias peter shayne-
they'll all be saved.
I have to talk to you.
What is it?
The kidswhat's wrong?
Nothing's wrong. L-
i wanna talk to you.
About what?
Didn't you used to have
a funny painting on that wall?
Yeah. Took it down
two years ago.
Now, what's up?
Well, i've been doing
a lot of thinking.
I think i made
a mistake.
I'd like us to-
to give it another try.
Women. I give up.
What do you mean,
"women"?
Who else?
Amy, why?
You love me so much
you can't stand being apart?
Or are you having trouble
getting a plumber?
It's hard
being alone, bobby.
Me in that big bed.
Last night i thought i heard
somebody trying to break in.
I'll rig up
another alarm system.
I don't want another
alarm system. L-
i don't want
the damn hot tub, really.
All i want
is my husband.
You know, the kids really need
a motheranda father.
For what?
To watch 'em
murder each other and...
teach 'em
how to... hate?
How about teaching them
responsibility?
What about letting them
learn it for themselves?
You only learn
if you're taught.
Oh, yeah? We were taught
everything, and we didn't learn shit!
I happen to think there are still
a few values left to believe in.
That's great, amy.
You just keep believing.
I can't anymore.
What was so wrong
with the way we lived?
You know what scared me the
most during our whole marriage?
Do you?
It's not the mortgage,
and it's not this shop.
It's just admitting
i was scared!
And letting you
and the kids down.
You've met somebody,
haven't you?
'Course you have.
I can smell her all over you.
Oh, i am so dumb.
Who is she?
One of those swinging singles,
boobs out to here,
the morals of a bitch in heat?
It may come
as a shock to you,
but sex is one hell of a way
to show what you feel!
It's no crime
to enjoy it, amy!
It's only a crime...
when you're lyin' about it.
I think you better get yourself
out of that bed of roses...
and remember the responsibility you
have to your wife and your children.
You have to make
a very tough decision,
and i suggest that
you think very hard...
about the things in your life
that really count.
I understand, bobby. It's your family.
If you can't stay, you can't stay.
I'm going to dinner.
That's all.
It doesn't mean
i'm not gonna be back.
No matter what amy says, i can't
go back to that life, not now!
Maybe you better not come back here,
either. What's that supposed to mean?
Maybe in a month or so, you'll start
feeling guilty about leaving the kids.
Maybe i'll start feeling
crowded and trapped.
Maybe you'll start resenting my
past, the time i put in on my work.
You'll want a good meal. I
can't cook. I don't wanna learn.
Why don't you just go,
goddamn it?
You don't know
what it took, bobby-
how long i wanted and i hoped
for somebody to care for,
to let somebody care
for me. I'll be back.
Oh, yeah. You say that. I know that.
But you're just
so fucking honorable!
Sheila told me a good one
the other day.
She says, uh-
the secretary-
the secretary says to the boss.
"so could i use your dictaphone?"
And
- and he says, "no. Use your finger like everybody else. "
No, you're not! L
- i made a new recipe tonight.
It, uh- it has all
your favorite vegetables in it.
It looks pretty good. Big
deal. Listen, i just got a 12.
Oh, sure.
Uh-huh.
Oh, you know, listen.
Don't, uh-
don't forget it's parents'
night at lisa's school next week.
Well, i was gonna save this
until later, but, uh-
here.
Why don't you go on-
open it.
I found it in the garage.
I bet you forgot
that was still around.
I washed it up and i had to
sew up a couple of places on it,
but here-
put it on.
Oh, i used to get
so turned on with you-
with you in this.
Bobby?
Last rites.
Lovely apartment. What do
you call it, paradise lost?
The reverend's gonna save
you tonight, once and for all.
Who are you,
you son of a bitch?
Don't fight me. I'm the messenger
of god. I only want to heal you.
Heal thyself,
pimp-shit.
You're opposing me, joanna.
You have to trust me. One more game
- the final one.
The one that will
free you forever.
Do i have your trust?
Because we can only play
if i have your trust.
Do i have it?
You are out of your fucking
gourd. Now listen to me.
I want your trust,
and i'm gonna have it-
ohh.
Now, you will follow
the reverend's orders.
Is that clear?
Good.
Now i believe you'll
find this game unique.
It's one you've never played before and
never will again, so make the most of it.
It's known as
exorcising the demons.
In my calling,
it's the ultimate salvation,
and its ends
are sacrosanct.
With my ecclesiastic gift
plus the grace of god...
and a little help
from superman here,
i shall bestow upon you the
supreme humanitarian blessing...
and give you your freedom.
You, uh- you do
want that, don't you?
I knew you would.
What's the game, reverend?
Sudden death.
Now smile.
Smile, pig!
Why are you
doing this?
Why?
My mission has always
been your salvation,
but you never trusted me;
you refused to see.
But i saw. I looked
at you, and i saw myself.
I saw the same escape,
the same malignancy.
But i know the cure, and i know
how desperately you need it,
and only i can
give it to you.
I want to, joanna.
Why?
Because... it's my gift to you
- freedom.
The only thing
i have left to give.
You refused it once, but
this time you have no choice.
Getting into the part,
my love? I know i am.
Go fuck yourself.
"Go fuck yourself. "
Not a very nice thing
to say to a man of the cloth.
Remember, scumbag, i'm here
for your benefit! Got that?
Healthy-looking plants.
You must water them diligently.
I've always preferred
plastic flowers, myself.
I could never bear
to watch the real ones die.
That's the trouble with
living things, i suppose.
Inevitably, they die.
You've never seen
anyone die, have you?
Certainly not up close.
That swift,
final gasp and then...
absolute silence.
The stillness of the body
as the flesh turns white.
You're terrified right now
because you think of it as death.
But, uh,
think of it
as... freedom.
Forget your troubles
come on, get happy?
You better chase
all your cares away?
Sing hallelujah
come on, get happy?
You're heading
for the judgment day?
The sun is shining
come on, get happy?
Girl, the lord is waiting
to take your hand?
Shout hallelujah
come on, get happy?
You're headin'
for the promised land?
There's somebody
coming by here any minute.
Then let's not
waste any time.
Kill me, joanna. Give my life
value. Give me something to die for.
Save me.
Youareme.
One of us has to die
so the other can live.
Kill me,
you worthless cunt!
I'm all the men who ever hurt
you, who made you feel like shit,
who stole your self-respect
and turned you into china blue.
Kill me. Release the rage.
Get it out! Get even!
Ahh!
Too late.
Take it out.
China blue lives.
Strip, bitch.
No! I can't!
Come on!
Joanna?
Bobby!
What are you waiting for?
Joanna!
Shit.
My god. Jo, you okay? You okay?
Nooo!
Good-bye, china blue.
I'm here tonight...
because i wanted to finally
start telling the truth.
My wife and i,
we split up for good.
That's right.
Me, the boy scout.
I just never had the guts
to admit the truth,
that amy and i had just
stopped loving each other.
There's nobody to blame.
That's just what happened.
Then...
i met this woman, joanna.
She saved my life.
We're together now.
I'm not sure
if it's gonna work out.
We don't have a, a whole
hell of a lot in common,
other than the fact that...
that we both need help...
and each other.
The thing, you see,
that scared me the most...
during my marriage...
was just admitting
that i was scared...
and letting amy down.
Well, i can't pretend anymore.
I was scared shitless
to come back here.
I told joanna.
And she took me
in her arms...
and she said,
"it's okay to be scared. "
I felt stronger...
and freer...
and more like a man than i've
ever felt before in my life.
Then we fucked our brains out.
They have happiness
see how they smile?
In their little house
high upon a hill?
They show tenderness
they have a style?
They know what they want
and they always will?
Baby in the crib?
Where is the love?
Shiny silver car?
Where is the love?
Damn the living
it's a lovely life?
Silver silverware?
Where is the love?
Oval swimming pool?
Where is the love?
Damn the living
it's a lovely life?
It's a lovely
a lovely life?
Welcome to it
it's a lovely life?
It's a lovely?
Life?