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Critters 3 (Critters 3 - You Are What They Eat ) (1991)
What?
- All the cops have wooden legs! - They sure do! - All right, hold on! - What is it?! Flat tire! Hold on! Oh, man. All right, I'm gonna find a place to pull over. Oh, man. Excuse me. Hey, I like this place. Maybe we could build some houses, just like "Gilligan's Island." "Gilligan's Island"? After all that's happened, Annie, what's wrong with going home? Dad... - vacation was fine. - Yeah, fine. Let's face it, Annie, it's just not the way that it was. Dad, Mom's been dead for two years. It's the way it is. We have lift-off. Honey, look, why don't you just hit the cooler, get yourself some pop? But stay close, 'cause I want to fix this tire and get on home. Hey, don't go down there, kid. There's all kinds of wild animals and shit. - Who do you belong to? - Who do you belong to? Hey! Hey, you! Hands off! Are you some kind of a pervert or something? Johnny, you know better. You don't even know this guy. I don't know you either, okay? He almost went over the edge. There could be badgers or something down there. Throw it. Come on, throw it. Well, throw it. Go back, come on. Wow, bald and flat. I feel for you, man. Sometimes life really sucks, doesn't it? Looks like you just bought me a tournament Frisbee, dude. I can get it back. No sweat. Come on. What, are you guys standing guard? Let's go. Come on, guys, let's go the other way, okay? Johnny, come on. Ah, ha! I told you. Was I right, or was I right? No playing here! You kids oughta know better than... wait. You hear it? It could be anywhere around here. Above us, behind us, or in the ground. Do you think this is some kind of joke? You think this is some kind of game?! They're hungry. All they do is eat. You got to keep a weathered eye out all the time! If you don't watch every minute... then wham! Then it's too late. Who are you? Any of you ever hear of a place called Grover's Bend? It's a real town with real people. Now, in 1984... I was riding my bicycle and I looked up. I saw this thing in the sky. Call the Army. They're here! - Who? - Who?! Them! On Earth I was just a big nobody. Up in space I am somebody. Charlie bounty hunter. Yeah, "Charlie bounty hunter." Dad's all torn up and Mom's got a harpoon thing in her neck, and they're getting bigger. You're not from around here, are you? I got to go where the cosmic winds blow me. I got to... go where no man has gone before. I'm a bounty hunter! Come on, you can't expect us to believe this horseshit. You can believe what you want, son. All I know is you got to get away from here while you still can. Well, there's something I can agree with. So walk away. There you go. Probably could've used that lug wrench a little while longer. Got it. You should have had your spare tire down here. Could've saved you some traveling. Never know when you'll have a flat tire on an antique like this. Are you supposed to be scary? Me? No. It ain't me, it's them. I've seen them. I've been seeing them for... Look, you believe in monsters? - Yeah. - Good. Good. That's what I'm telling you about. Now, some friends of mine from... a long way off, they gave me a whole bunch of these. I only got a couple left, but I want you to have one. Now if this ever starts to glow bright green, that's the time to watch out for yourself. And your family. - Green. - That's right, green. Annie! Johnny! - All aboard! - We really have to go now. - Give my regards to Mars. - Don't be so quick. You're not as smart as you think you are. You can have the rest of my root beer. Thank you, partner. It's my favorite. Johnny, come on now. Look what I found. What is it? I don't know. It looks like a big electric bullet. Homemade. He dropped it. Joshua! Front and center, now. - Joshua? - Josh, please. - Is that your father? - Stepfather. Never, never will we trust you out of our sight again. When I say five minutes, I don't mean seven, I don't mean three. Discipline from now on, young man. Hmm? I will not and your mother will not... spare anymore rods. Is he going to get spanked? I don't think his mom is going to let that happen. Well, Big John, I guess we had some adventure, huh?! Dad! Dad, you should have seen it! - There was this strange guy... - I really don't care. I told you two to stay close, didn't I? Look at the two of you... you're filthy. - Johnny, get in the truck. - I know, Dad, but he came out of the ground and scared the crap out of us. He scared the crap out of us. Miss Sawyer... can we please watch our language around Johnny? Shit. Look, honey, I just don't know what to say to you. You could say that you're not going on the road tomorrow. You could say that I'm not old enough to take care of myself. Honey, you're not being fair. Mr. and Mrs. Menges take real good care of you guys. They're like family. Hey... it's the best that I can do. Besides, you're a young woman now. Maybe I don't want to be a young woman now. Grover's Bend? What a crock. You're listening to Topeka's number one country radio station... Country 107, KTPK. Hey, Frank, give me a hand with some of this stuff, man. Absolutely, Mario. I am the handyman after all. - You asshole. - I heard that. Vaya con Dios, Mario. Four more units to vacate, Jessie, and I'm a rich man. Hey, you got the elevator fixed. Frankie. Hey, not for you, Rosie. There's still a one-ton load limit. Ooh, you... Yo, yo, yo. Check your weapons at the door, it's the chick that walks like a man. Dating outside our species now, huh? Oh, very funny. Very, very funny. I wasn't talking to you, Frank. Yo, Marcia, I got a little phone problem. Maybe you can come down to the basement and check my equipment? Sorry, Frank, I left my microscope upstairs. Ho-ho! Ho! She's killing me. Hey, Mario. I sure am sorry to see you go, my friend. I just killed two rats this morning. Rats?! Hey, Frank... rats. Hey, don't look at me. I got to see them to "e-rat-icate" them. Yo, Jessie, look who's home. Something's wrong. No brakes! No brakes! Hold onto Johnny. Everybody all right? Yeah. Safe at home. Oh, man. I'm sorry, Mario. No brakes. Something I can do? That's okay. Is everybody okay? So, Frank, you going to give us a hand with this? No. I'm the maintenance man. He doesn't live here anymore. Love you, Jessie. I'll be in my office. Listen, would you clean up this junk? The guy's a waste of protein. Yeah, but what a snappy dresser. Dad, I'm gonna go say hello to the Menges. Yeah, but don't go up empty handed. You take something with, all right? Ladies. Java. Fuck. Wh...? What's this? Oh, that's disgusting. Yeah, you're next, pal. Hey, girl. Going down to help Dad? I thought I might. I mean, we got ourselves a loaded truck, an unloaded camper, a car wreck... - I think they can use my help. - Marcia? Are there any jobs down at the phone company? What, you need a job? Ah, you want Clifford home. Well, I was just thinking. We'll see what we can do. Yeah, we will. - Hello! Hello, Annie. - Hello. Welcome home, dear. Come in. Did you have a wonderful trip? Dear, say hello to Annie. They've just been to the Grand Canyon. Say, did you know they just discovered an alien graveyard there? - Who did? - Government. Secret. Wait till you taste what I'm cooking today. Where's Johnny? He'll love them. Tell me about your trip, dear. Oh, yeah. Well, we froze to death in Arizona, saw these Indian caves in Mesa Verde, and met this weird lunatic near Grover's Bend. He jumped right out from the ground. So you had a good time? Grover's Bend? I'm making Mr. Menges' favorite dish today. Ham and beans. Will you and Johnny stay for dinner? No. It's our last night together with Dad. He leaves on the 8:15 to Chicago. We better save the tarts till later. I don't want your father to say I spoiled your dinner... again. Hello, girls. How you doing, eh? Are you a little hungry? How about I give you to the old farts upstairs tonight? Iris Arms apartment complex, Frank Longo at your service. Longo, what's the good news? Yo, right here. Right here, Mr. Briggs. I hope you did what I'm paying you for. Yes. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Mario is history as of right now. You promised me all of them. - I lose my investors... - Hey. The way I look at this, is that you are making all the "el giganto" profits off the sale of this shithole, not little old moi. - You listen to me, Frank. - Well... maybe it's time that you get down here and get involved. I hired you so I wouldn't have to get involved. I'm not lifting another finger until you pay me for Mario! You got that?! You can take that to the bank! Balls! Hello? Hello? Where are you? What are you doing out without Uncle Frankie's permission, huh? Go back upstairs where you belong! Work with me! What this dump needs is a good four alarm fire. - Dad, dinner's getting cold. - Coming. I want you to listen to the Menges. Sometimes I think you don't listen. I'll be back Friday night. - Oh, toothpaste. - Got it. You really should pack some vitamins, too. And I want you to help her make beds in the mornings. She's not a young woman, you know. - I'm done. - Can't you wait for Dad? Mr. M promised me pirate stories. - Bye. - Bye. - You be a good boy. - Okay. - See ya. - See ya. - Dad. - Hmm? What's going to happen to the Menges? I mean, where will they go? We're going to have to move too, you know. They'll get us out. Dad, you're going to have to deal with this. You got to think about it, make some decisions. Annie... I'm going to eat my dinner, and then I'm going to watch some moronic situation comedy, and then I'm going to sleep the sleep of the dead. Can we worry about this tomorrow? I love my work. Ow, ow, ow! Hot! Hot! Damn teenagers! Wh...? Oh! Oh, oh... Hairballs. Did you hear something? No. Tell Johnny bedtime, one hour. That goes for you, too. Oh, and give this check to Mrs. Menges. It's for taking care of you guys. Tell her I'll cover the rest of it when I get back. Dad, remember how much fun we used to have? Yeah. What was I like then? Shorter. Dad... maybe I could go get Johnny and we could play a game or something. Honey, give me your battery-powered TV, would you? Oh God. - Who's there? - It's just me. Laundry night. I'm a little spooked tonight, too. Did you hear screaming before? It was probably just Frank. - What is eating him? - I don't know. Frank's just naturally repulsive. Say hello to Mrs. and Mr. Menges for me. Right. Aaah! Frank? I know you're there. I can hear you breathing. Talk to me, Frank. Frank? Frank? Hello? All right, Longo, very funny. Enough is enough. Frank? We are not amused. Try to guess just how close your termination is. Okay, it's your funeral, wiseass. I'm coming over there and taking care of things myself. We got another errand to do before we sleep, sport. Business. Can't you just drop me off at home? No way, sport. Someday this pool will be yours. You're going to have to learn how to swim in it. Looks like they'll have to meet their landlord after all. See? Grover's Bend, 1986. Now, you can see the same kind of occurrence two years later... Even local law enforcement claims they've seen space aliens. One of them supposedly killed a sheriff in the '88 encounter. A sheriff? Yes. A sheriff wearing... an Easter Bunny suit. And I'll bet the aliens were all wearing tuxedos. Of course, he must have been reading the same newspapers as you. That's where he got the story in the first place. Who? What guy? That crazy guy we ran into on vacation. He actually believes this stuff. Oh... I didn't mean... It's okay. Look, I'm sorry. I guess I'm still upset over a fight I just had with my dad. I'm going to go back downstairs and check on him. I'll be back for Johnny in awhile. John, you still like my stories, don't you? - It's him! - Huh? Who? If it glows green, that's the time to watch out for yourself. Her first frame is a strike. Michelle led in the earlier rounds in this tournament, and was the hot item around Southern California when it came to sports. She really was. Yesterday, in the second round... of match play, Steve, she bowled incredibly. She had a 300... Hello? Frank? Frank, is that you... or some other rat? Well... huh. Terrific. You pervert. We got varmints. Frank, what in the wild world of Geraldo is going on down here? Oh my God. Oh, no! What is it?! Aaah! There's more of them! Get away. Get away. Oh, no, no! No, please! What are these things?! Annie! Annie, help me! Get it off, get it off! Get me out of this. Oh, Annie, hurry! Hurry, they're going to come again! - Rosalie, give me some slack! - Okay. Ow! It hurts. It hurts. Frank. Oh, Annie, let's get out of here! Annie! Annie! Come on! Help me here. Okay. Feast your eyes on the future site of Briggs' Mini Mall. Nice concept, huh? Naming it after yours truly. But Mom said the court ordered you to pay them money to move, to relocate. Not if they move on their own accord, sport. "Sport." There are much simpler ways to sweep and clear. You'll see. You'll learn. Come on. I'll teach you. Oh God, please make this a dream. Rosalie, come on! Come on. Dad! - Dad! - What?! Dad! Dad! - Oh, Dad, it was awful. - There are things. They're huge! They're gigantic. They're like rats! Rats! No, Tasmanian devils. - Slow down! - Dozens of 'em. And they attacked me. They had these white fang teeth. And they bit me! They bit me on my leg! Oh my God, I'm bleeding. Sit over here, Rosie. Dad, they're little animals... just like the ones in the paper. They've got lots of sharp teeth. They're nasty things... nasty things with sharp teeth. They're things from outer space. You can ask Mr. Menges about it. Dad, they're aliens! Aliens in the basement? You have to believe her! They're huge. They're like badger, possums... they're big cats. You got to listen to her, they're awful! Rosie, calm down, calm down. - You just saw a rat. - Will you look at her leg? Oh, Rosie. A rat did this to you? This is serious. They're not rats. They got Frank in the basement. - They got Frank? - They got Frank! They got Frank! Dad! Oh... Dad, come on. Aaah! Dad, come on! What are those things?! Go, go, go! In two tournaments I've seen her shoot those 300 games. She can throw the strikes. - She makes a strike. - Eat that. God damn it. You see, sport? All kinds of animals follow them around. These people are animals. Pretty soon you can't tell them apart. The people, the pets... they've all got fleas. This'll get their attention. Their attention for what? Our little panic... casserole. You think they're screaming and carrying on now? Just wait till I cut off their communication with their social workers. Hello? Hello? That's funny. I lost contact with Grover's Bend. What did he mean, "Watch out for yourself"? Third floor... second floor... first floor... basement. Who turned out the lights?! - Son of a bitch. - Oh, Dad. How many stairs are in this place anyway? Wait, we just went up these stairs. - I'm dizzy. - Come on. What's your problem? - I just want to rest. - What are you guys doing down here? Marcia, come and help! They're passing out. There are things, they're like big rats. Only they bite and... I forget. They're aliens. Porcupines! Mrs. Menges! Mrs. Menges! Come on, Cliff. Let me help you. Lean on me. Up. Up. That's it. - Who are you? - Marcia. You know me, Cliff. Come on. - Marcia? - Yeah. Come on. - Up, up. That's it. - Yeah, okay. Thank you. Porcupines? Come out, come out, wherever you are. Your landlord is here to evict you. Jeez, a rat did that? Looks like I'll have to charge somebody for a new door. Give me the keys. I'll wait in the car. Forget it. We're in this together. I thought you cut off all the power. I did cut off all the power. Can we just go? They must have tapped into the emergency system. Hello? It's your landlord. I have matters to discuss. ...chicken has a wishbone, which I'll cut out. All this makes perfectly marvelous soup. You have to get the leg bones out from the legs and the wing side. And the way to do that is... push the bones through. And then take... there's the... ball joint of your roast chicken. We'll have our work done in a minute, sport. Don't call me "sport." You're not a crybaby, too, are you, sport? I hate you. I wish you were dead! Sport? Sport! Hey, come on. Let me in. Let him go. Hey. Hey! Hey, come on. He can't help being an asshole! What are you doing? You're ready to remove the bones. Hey, come on. He just wants to talk to you! Leave him alone! Let him go! Let him go! Hey, what's the matter? They've got him. They're tearing him apart. - They're killing him! - Who?! They've got who? Wait. Stop, stop. Step back. Stay back. - Come on! - What's going on? Never mind. Run! Go! This way. Come on. Let's go. No, no, wait! I can't just leave him there. That guy you were with, your dad? Stepfather. I don't know what the hell is going on down there, but I just saw something there. There's animals, some kind of hungry things. I don't know, but he's dead, hon. There's nothing we can do for him. - What's your name? - Josh. Okay, Josh... Get back! Oh, look! - Come on! - Do you have any more flares? Fresh out! What? Let us in! - Close the door! - Josh! - Annie. - Come on, help me move this desk. - Swing it around that way. - What are you doing here? - I came with her. - Marcia? Push it up against the door. Right up tight. Great. That should hold them. Josh, how did you get here? There's monsters outside, aren't there? Yeah, there are monsters out there. - Anybody check the phone? - It's dead, like the lights. I still don't know what the hell is going on here. Ain't no rats, you can be sure of that. What are you talking about? Did you ever see one of these come out of any rat you've seen? Ain't no rats. Must be venom... poison. They're here! I saw the door downstairs, they chewed right through it. What do you say we barricade the kitchen door? What kitchen door? Mr. Menges, you don't have a gun up here or anything like that? I got a great Civil War pistol. I used to have a frame for it. I got no powder. How about a big knife? How about a meat cleaver, dear? You find anything there? No. Wait. What's that? Oh. As I recall, that's a little storage area. Mr. Menges and I haven't crawled up there in years. Josh, come here! Do you have a footstool or something? In the pantry. Hey, you guys, check this out. Mrs. Menges, does this connect with the roof? I really don't know where that goes. You get up there and you crawl... crawl that direction, and you'll hit the elevator shaft. - You don't know that. - I'll get the others. Sure I do. I've stored stuff up there. Do you think you guys can climb a ladder? No ladder. Go up a ladder tomorrow. No. No tomorrow. I can't do this anymore, Dad! Move your ass, now! Now. Come on, Clifford. We've been climbing three flights of stairs ever since that elevator broke down. Come on. You can do it. It's gotten too quiet out there. I don't like it. They'll just get in some other way. We got to get out of here! Rosalie, come on. We got to go. You're next. I'll watch the door. - Oh, no. - Up, Rosalie. - Right. - All right. - Come on, you can do it. - I'll help you. You know... if we can make it to the roof, I can get to the junction box outside, tie into the phone lines, call for help. - You can do that? - Hey, I can do anything... I work for the phone company. - Push. - Ow, ow, ow. - Up, Rosalie. - Push. Come on. Go. - Push, fair Rosie, come on! - Help. Push! Push, Josh. We've come this far. Come on, help her. Look, dear, the quilt that Aunt Carolyn gave us, remember? Yeah, I remember. Come on, let's go. Everybody be calm. Go! Go... quick! Grab that, quick! - Go! - They're over here! Josh, come on. Keep going. - Which way do I go? - Give me the flashlight. Kids, here! Right through there. You stay with them and try and keep everybody together. I'm gonna check out this direction. Marcia! Be careful. Come on, Annie. Annie. It won't open. Please! It won't open. We're trapped. Where's Marcia? Oh, damn it. I'm lost. Josh... what are you doing here? I came here with my stepdad. We came here to evict you. I didn't want to come. Pretty awful, huh? Yeah. I just can't believe he's dead. Josh... my mom died. Not like your dad, but she died. But I bet you didn't wish for your mom to die. I just wish we could go back to this morning. I just wish we could figure out how to use this thing. Look... if nobody can think of anything better, one of us has got to make it to the street and run for help. The only way I know to get around them things is this elevator shaft. Hey. I got a better idea. How do you get to the box? Redundant cable. Keeps the lines from blowing down. It ought to hold my weight long enough for me to... get connected. I'm down to 119. Marcia, you're going to die out there. Any calls you want me to make for you? Come on. Belay me. Adios. Oh God. Josh! Josh, we're on fire! One thing at a time. Marcia, one thing at a time. - Oh my God. Marcia! - Marcia! She's swinging. She's swinging! Annie, it's okay... Thank you. Thank you. Phone. Phone! Phone, phone. Let's go. Yes. Go. Yes! Oh no. Damn. Damn. Go, go! Yes, yes, yes! Yes! No! No, no. Yes, yes. I can do this. Annie. I'm going for help. It's okay. I'm gonna take care of everything. Annie. Annie! Don't go down there. That's too dangerous. You come on back here. Let somebody else do that. Second floor. Nothing to it. All right, get back... get back into the elevator. I got you, you hear? Oh, gee. It's jammed. It's okay. Sometimes it does this. What?! You came here just in time. Where's your family? Take me to them. Well, the elevator's stuck. We have to climb. How did you get here? A gentlemen called me. A real nice fella. All right. - What's going on? - I don't know. Hold on! Floor, please?! The roof! Somebody help us out of here. I'm stuck. Hey, it's you. Yeah, what's left of me. The building is burning downstairs. We've got to get on the roof. Don't look. Don't... be casual. Who is that hunk that just came in with your daughter? Charlie. - Hi. - How you doing, partner? I guess you were right about those things. See if you can pry that bullet out of there. My fingers are too big. What about Marcia? Yes. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Please deposit 25 for the first three minutes. Damn! I hate operators. Quiet. Everybody quiet. If you're quiet, you can hear them moving. - Annie, my gun. - I'm trying! It won't come out. All right, keep your eyes on them. Look 'em in the eye. They'll telegraph their every move. I hate you! Josh! You leave my husband alone! Annie. Annie? Charlie! Open wide. We got 'em! Come on, let's go! Mobile Ops 7707. Emergency. Oh God! Come on, Johnny. Stay here. Fire! Help us! Can anyone hear me?! Please, help us! Can't you see us?! We're on fire! Come over here. Somebody help! It's really burning. Up there, can you hear us?! - There's a fire here! - Is anybody up there?! - What are we going to do? - Hang on. Hang on. - We'll be all right. - Please, help us. You were wonderful. You were wonderful. - Thank you very much. - You saved us all. Thank you. Thank you very much. Please, fire! Come on! Fire! Somebody help us! We're on fire! Are you okay? Can you stand? No, I can't. Johnny, get away from the edge! But Marcia's down there. I don't care. Get over here now! Listen to me. Get over here! Look, Annie, look! Charlie! - I got you. - Help! Don't look down. Annie, don't let go! Annie, I'm slipping. Hold on, Johnny. Please, somebody help me! I got you. I got you. I got you. I love you. Help! - Charlie? - Help! Get help! Charlie. Throw me a rope. Get a rope! Dad, we got to do something. Oh, no. Oh, no! Charlie, look out. Hey... I hope you'll let me down easier than that. Outer space all right. No doubt about it. We can prove it. - We could've proved it except... - It was all burnt up in there. Documented proof. All my papers. Actual physical evidence... gone. - Hi. - Hi. Oh. I'll be over there, okay? - How are you? - I'm fine. So... how 'bout getting together sometime, and doing something normal? - Normal like a movie? - Yeah. Charlie! Don't go. Listen, partner, how's that crystal doing? Yeah. See? There's no more problem. - You don't need me anymore. - Johnny. Come here a minute. Bye, Charlie. Bye, John. Are you leaving today, Daddy? I think I finally got the message you guys want me to stay close to home. My uniform's all burnt up, so I think the railroad can get along without me. Dad, can we survive? Well, we've just been talking about that. I think I'll check out those jobs down at the phone company. And between the Menges and us, we'll work something out. - Excuse me. - Yeah. - I'm Josh's mother. - How do you do? Josh has told me about all you've done for him. And my husband... my late husband, he owes you people quite a bit of money. - He does? - It's called a relocation fee. And I think with that, you'd be able to stay in a hotel until we get the place rebuilt. - That is, if you'd be interested. - We're interested. And thank you. Why don't we introduce ourselves? Johnny, where's your friend from Grover's Bend? Charlie? He left. Just like one of those westerns. No. No. All right, you gumballs. What is that? Bounty hunter Charles McFadden, Earth sector... you are in violation. Violation? Wait a second. I'm just killing Critters here. That is... there was a confirmed infestation... of Crites. Charlie. Is that you in there? Charlie, my friend. Wow. It's great to see you. And you as well. You're looking good. We just received your bio alert. Yeah, yeah. What was that all about? Specifically, you are prohibited from terminating any transgalactic lifeform if it means total extinction of the species. Oh, yeah. But they're dangerous. You taught me how dangerous they are. Aggression factor is irrelevant. Those two eggs are the last two eggs. The intergalactic council has dispatched a specimen collection pod. You are instructed to place the eggs into the receptacle in the pod. The council is sending a pod here? Come on, Ug... Good luck, Charlie, my friend. Yeah, but Ug... Wait a second. What am I supposed to... |
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