Sebastian, Sebastian, stop pouting. Sorry. I'm such a dope. You are not a dope.|You're just misguided. All the reports from your teachers|say the same thing: "Sebastian would make an exceptional|student if only he would follow orders." I can't believe you fed the school|hamster an overdose of Viagra. I was testing the reproductive system|for a science experiment... - and I wanted to see how big--|- Enough! Enough! Fortunately for you,|you are moving to a new town. You will have a chance to start anew.|It's time to shape up. Speaking of shaping up,|how's Mrs. Freeman doing? I see she's lost some weight. - She looks good.|- Thank you. I gotta tell ya,|it's a really great thing... she's doing for the community,|censoring books and all. That Catcher in the Rye novel|really screwed me up. Mrs. Freeman knows|what's best for young minds. Which comes to my point. I was wondering what you planned|on doing with my file? - It's not very favorable and--|- And... you'd prefer if I didn't forward it|to your new school. I've thought long and hard about it... and I've decided to send it. I mean, if you've really changed,|you'll rise above your past mistakes. How can I ever thank you, sir? Well, you have got a plane to catch,|and I have got some work to do. So, you just remember, Sebastian: The future is what you make of it. The future is what I make of it.|The future is what I make of it. Got it. I'll never forget you, sir. Yeah, yeah, right, right. Pansy. Ed Freeman. What the fuck have you done tome,|you fucking asshole? What's wrong, pumpkin? Have you seen my picture|in the school yearbook? Uh, yes, you look wonderful. Wonderful?|I'm naked, you fucking idiot! Fuck. I'm the laughingstock of the community.|How could you have let this happen? You weaselly little piece of shit!|You'll pay for this! Ed, I hate you! Asshole! Don't think you are gonna get away|with this stunt. - So where you heading?|- New York City. - And I'm sending your file!|- For you. - Thanks.|- You are finished! Bye-bye. - Sebastian Valmont?|- Yeah. I'll take care of the driver, sir.|Your family's expecting you. Which apartment? The whole building, sir. Of course.|What was I thinking? Oh, my God! Sebastian Valmont|to see you, sir. - Ah, good to see you again, son.|- Good to see you, too, Dad. How's your mother? Oh, Dr. Rappaport thinks she's gonna|be in rehab for the long haul. Thanks for taking me in. You know,|foster homes just aren't my thing. Think nothing of it. Man, you really hit|the mother lode this time, Pops. Sebastian, I would like you to meet|the love of my life. This is Tiffany. Well, it's a pleasure|to finally meet you. I see you have your father's|beautiful blue eyes. Thank you. My, what a precious little|kitty you have. Would you like to pet her? Some other time.|Sebastian, come meet Kathryn. I've heard so much about you.|Welcome to the family. I've always wanted a brother, but they|were sold out of them at Bloomingdale's. - Is that a real Steinway?|- I wouldn't play anything else. - May I?|- Be my guest. Kathryn is an exquisite pianist,|Sebastian. Really? Cute. I think it needs a tuning. Mother, Sebastian must be famished.|Shouldn't we check on dinner? I think that's a wonderful idea. I'm so excited you'll be starting|Manchester with me tomorrow. It's a wonderful institution... - with wonderful teachers.|- Wonderful. Kathryn is president|of the student body. Let's not forget president|of the French Club. I live for extracurricular activities. Student body president?|I thought you were a sophomore. I am. I believe one should not|be hampered in achieving one's goals... simply by the paltriness|of one's years. - You mean "dearth."|- Excuse me. Well, paltriness|implies insignificance... but really it's your lack of age|that shouldn't hamper you... from achieving your goals. Careful with those SAT words.|They can be deadly. Thank you. Isn't Kathryn just the best, son? - Yeah, she's a real peach, Dad.|- I love you, Step daddy. I'm a little tired from all the travel.|Do you mind if I turn in? Not at all. I know you have|a big day ahead of you tomorrow. I'll show you to your room. Hey, you little asshole.|What do you think you're doing? - I was not-- What?|- You hear me? Get down there! Do not fuck with me. So... he outdoes you at piano,|he outdoes you at vocabulary. I guess I overestimated you. And don't sulk.|It's a sign of weakness. Yes, Mother. No, everything's fine.|I was just checking up on you, Mom. Look, I promised|I'd take care of you, right? Well, I'm gonna talk to Dad|and get you into a better facility. It's the least he can do. I love you too. - What the--|- Let's get something straight! I may not have fooled you, but I've got|a great thing going with the rentals. I don't have a curfew, they never|bother me about my homework... and I've got a five-figure allowance. No one-- and I mean no one-- is about|to threaten my cushy lifestyle... especially not some|two-bit hick loser. - But--|- I don't wanna hear it. Now, as for school,|you stay out of my face... and we'll get along just fine,|but if you cross me once... I'll bury your sorry ass,|understood? All right. I'm glad we could have|this little discussion. Hmm. Not bad. - What's the matter?|- This collar's too tight. Oh, I guess you're only used to wearing|mesh shirts where you come from. More SAT vocabulary builders? For your information, this happens|to be my orientation speech. Who are you orienting? Please, be more stupid. I am the student body president. Ivy League schools eat this|extracurricular crap up for supper. You do know|what an Ivy League school is? Stop! Gordon Anderson--|looking good. Do me a favor.|Pretend you don't know me. My God, you're beautiful. - Excuse me?|- Oh, I said you were beautiful. Thank you. Excuse me, but what did you mean|by that remark? - What remark?|- That I'm beautiful. - Well, aren't you?|- Well, yeah. I mean, no, no, but-- Never mind. You're very strange. I know. Are you here to see|the headmaster? Yeah.|I heard he's a total joke. I wouldn't know. The headmaster will see you now. I must say that in all my years|in education... I have never seen a file|quite like this. all-star snowboarding|for your county... as well as several glowing letters|from your teachers... including your former principal. We were very close, he and I, sir. - Yes, it's most impressive.|- Thank you. Perhaps a little too impressive. Thank you. That aside, I'm sure an enterprising|young man like yourself... would be a welcome addition|here at Manchester. - Thank you, sir.|- Come in. You had a few grammaticals,|but nothing reprehensible. Thank you, honey. Sebastian, I'd like you to meet|my daughter, Danielle. You're both in the same class. You look familiar.|Have we met? No, I don't think so. Are you sure? Must've been someone else.|Well, I'd better get going. It was very nice meeting you, sir.|Ma'am. - Good luck, Sebastian.|- Thank you, sir. -Seems like a nice kid. Don't you think?|-We'll see. With our almamater|we will grow Hail to thee|O stars of pride Hail to thee Manchester Be seated. We will now hear from|your new student body president... Kathryn Merteuil. Fellow students, faculty,|administrators and custodians... I would personally like to welcome|each and every one of you... to what I think will be|Manchester's proudest year. - She is such an inspiration.|- I consider... each and every one of you... members of my Manchester Prep family. With that said, I feel it is|our responsibility to... reach out and accept|all new students... as members of-- And accept all new students as-- - Settle down, people.|- Please. As I was saying, I consider|each and every one of you... members of my Manchester Prep-- - Are you all right?|- Sorry. It happens when I get nervous. Guess I just need a bubble gum fix. Keep going.|You're doing great. Thanks. Once again,|as I was saying... I consider each and every one|of you members... of my Manchester Prep family. With that said, I feel that it is|our responsibility to reach out... and accept all new students-- Somebody!|Somebody do something! Somebody call 91 1 or something. Good going, Danielle. Bravo! Terrific. Right. Sparing me|the Cliff Notes synopsis.... who can tell me what this means? Mr. Winkler. Jekyll was a doctor... and he developed this potion|that transformed into... Edward Hyde, his evil side. My gosh, did that answer suck. Now come on,|I know you've got it in you. What themes can be discussed here? Miss Sherman. I think Stevenson is talking|about the duality of man. Man has both good and evil in him. If man cannot suppress his evil|instincts, he is inevitably doomed. - Wrong!|- Care to elaborate on that? Nowhere in the novel does Stevenson|mention good over evil. In fact, it's just the opposite. Jekyll loved Hyde so much|that he protected him from the world. He protected Hyde|so he wouldn't hurt people. Please.|He loved hurting people. - Then why does Jekyll kill himself?|- Where does it say that in the book? - The end! Mr. Utterson found his body.|- Utterson was idiotic. - Your point is idiotic.|- All right, all right. Break it up, you two. Wow!|Am I losing my mind... or did we just witness an intellectual|debate in this classroom? Although I disagree|with your conclusions, Mr. Valmont... I do appreciate|your warped point of view. As for you, Miss Sherman... I think you could be a little more|tolerant of other people's opinions. Hey, fellas, welcome back.|Hey, Rene, good to see you. Assistant Headmaster Mueller! Steve. I thought I told you|not to call me by my first name. - We need to talk.|- Later. I'm busy right now. - Stop that.|- I said, we need to talk. What is it? Do you see something wrong?|I have gym. You know I loathe gym.|We Merteuils do not like to perspire. What is this "we Merteuils" nonsense?|You're a student. Try acting like one. - Excuse me?|- Look, Kathryn, rules are rules. - I'm sorry, but you're going to gym.|- I understand. - You do?|- Yes. But it's a bit strange... 'cause isn't it against the rules for|someone of your age to seduce a minor... like you did to me|this summer in the Hamptons? Now you know that's not entirely true.|It was you who seduced me. You know, you're right. It was me who seduced you. But then again,|who will the school board believe? It's my word against yours. Think about it, Steve. Something|like this could ruin your career... not to mention your marriage. But I guess if you can bend|the rules a little, then so can I. - I'll see what I can do.|- You're the best. This meeting of the Manchester Tribunal|will now come to order. - Kathryn Merteuil presiding.|- Thank you, Blaine. Fellow students|of affluence and popularity... I welcome you to this year's first|meeting of the Manchester Tribunal. As your new leader,|I promise to do my best... to weed out the geeks,|losers and underprivileged... and toss their fat asses|out of our school. -Here's the latest shipment, Mrs. Gagin.|-Thank you. Could you re-shelf these for me?|Thanks. - My God! A cartoon cock?|- Hi. - Are you all right?|- You scared me to death. - You dropped this.|- I didn't drop it. Yes, you did,|but it's all right. Sexual curiosity is|nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not ashamed, and I have|a very healthy sexual curiosity. Really? - So what are you doing here?|- I work here. Do you think you can take a 1 5-minute|break and join me for a cup of coffee? I'd love to, but unfortunately|I have a lot of work to do around here. Mrs. Gagin, do you mind if Danielle|joins me for a coffee break? Please, go right ahead.|There's nothing to do right now. - Thank you.|- You don't quit, do you? Whatever happened to "be nice|to the new kid in school"? - Fifteen minutes.|- Go. Next. Michael Keen, freshman.|Former BMOC of his junior high school. Don't let his bad acne dissuade you,|though. His father owns the Coliseum. Let's get him a facial and see if he can|score front-row tickets to Hole. Next. Sebastian Valmont, sophomore.|Son of Edward and Corrine. - Go on.|- I can't. He's a transfer student, and I don't|have any more information on him yet. Don't you know anything else about him?|He is your stepbrother. I've only known him for a day.|He's a total loser. I mean, he shops at the Gap. Stay on him and see|what you can find out. - Will do.|- Next. Cherie Clayman, freshman. Daughter of Hubert and Bunny.|Annual family income-- Well? $850 million. - She's richer than Kathryn.|- I heard that. She has a GPA of 1 .3,|and not only is she a virgin... but she never even kissed a boy before. Okay, this girl is|a walking Teletubby... just begging to be made|an example of. I think I'll oversee|this one personally. When I get through with her, she will be|the premiere slut at Manchester Prep. Next order of business: grievances.|Yes, Lauren? Well, it appears we're having a bit|of trouble with the new school chef. Mr. Washington seems to think|that sushi... is an inappropriate meal|for growing girls and boys. All those in favor of sending|Mr. Washington... back to his hot dog stand, say aye. - Aye!|- Aye. Okay, bye-bye, Mr. Washington.|Hello, Mr. Yakamoto. So, what's a nice girl like you doing|at a snobbish school like Manchester? It's called free tuition.|Besides, it's not as bad as it seems. My dad took over the place|a year after my mom passed away. I'm sorry. Your turn. Okay. Folks split up ten years ago.|Mom has a drug problem. And everyone thought it would be best|if I moved in with my dad. You get along with him? I don't really know him.|He's on his fourth marriage. - To Kathryn's mom?|- Yeah. I know this is rude, but what's it like|growing up with all that money? Well, you know,|I'm only one day into it. Sorry to disappoint you, my dear,|but Richie Rich I'm not. And I thought I was|the only one at Manchester. You ever get the feeling|you're being watched? - Yours?|- Hers. There you are, silly goose.|I've been looking all over for you. Hi, Danielle.|How's the used bookstore? - Don't let her get to you.|- She doesn't. Maybe it makes me uncool, but I don't|care what your stepsister thinks of me. Actually, I think|that makes you very cool. Well, I'd better get going. I don't|want her to make me hitch a ride home. - Thanks for coffee.|- Yeah. I'll call you later. - But you don't have my number.|- Don't underestimate me. Don't underestimate Kathryn. - Let's go.|- See you. Bye. Nice first day, retard? It was great! This uptight bitch|got gum stuck in her hair. Touch?. Hi. Cherie, it's Kathryn, from school.|No, I don't hate you. As a matter of fact, I was just|appointed your big sister. Can you come out tonight?|It's a school event. Great! I'll pick you up at 8:00.|See you, sweetie. You're going out with the girl|who spit gum in your hair? Keep your friends close|and your enemies closer. Come on, Kathryn. She's just a freshman.|Pick on someone your own size. Like you?|In due time. So, you have a thing|for boring virgins. Danielle is a virgin, you know? Careful, Kathryn.|I'm better at this than you. Ooh.|You actually have a backbone. - Don't push me, Kathryn.|- Any time you want to start a war-- I'll keep it under consideration. Good evening, Master Sebastian.|And how was your evening jaunt? Not bad, Henry. Not bad at all.|Where are the folks? Dinner with a sheik.|Cook has your meal ready. Will you be showering|before or after dinner, sir? - I hadn't really thought about it.|- Very well. Anything I can do to make your evening|more relaxing, just let me know. Thanks, Henry. This way, sir. Please make yourself comfortable.|G?nter has prepared sweetbread mousse. It's like dinner at the Adams Family. Guys. Hello? Anyone? Yes, sir.|Is everything all right? Henry, I think I'll get something later,|go out or something. Very well, sir. If you need the car,|just let Frederick know. Sure. No, it's not like that at all. - Well, of course, I miss you.|- You do? We'll get together very soon.|I promise. - Okay.|- What are you wearing? - Just-- Edward!|- I have to go. - I didn't hear you knock.|- I didn't. - That was my accountant on the phone.|- Wow! You guys must have|a really tight relationship. Now, look, son,|don't make me regret taking you in. Well, I see that old habits die hard,|or, in your case, don't die at all. I'm your father, and I demand to be|treated with some respect. - A man has needs--|- Look, Dad, spare me the melodrama. But, a word of advice? You got a pretty good thing going here.|I wouldn't screw it up, if I were you. You know, Sebastian, I really like|these father-son chats. You're a real role model. Would you sit the fuck down! Thanks, Moose. Shut up, losers. One mineral water, one iced tea. This sure doesn't taste|like an iced tea. It's from Long Island.|Here, have another. - What's the latest, Kathryn?|- Me, as usual. Court, I'd like you to meet|Cherie Clayman. How's it going, Cherie? Excuse me. I think we should adjourn|to the ladies' room. - But I don't have to go.|- I do. So what do you need my help for?|Ow! - Want some more?|- No. - Back in a flash.|- Right. - So how do you know he likes me?|- I can see it in his eyes. If you say so.|So what do I do about it? You're gonna have to let him fuck you. But I've never even been|to first base with a guy. Well, so we'll start with first base|and then we'll move on. - Okay.|- Okay. - Ready?|- Ready. - That was easy.|- Okay, we're gonna try this again. This time I want you|to close your eyes. Court's gonna stick his tongue|in your mouth. I want you to massage his tongue|with yours. Okay? Ready. You idiot!|These are $300 pants. I'm sorry. Oh, God!|Stupid bitch. He hates me. There, there. Shh. - Hello?|- I told you not to underestimate me. - You're unbelievable.|- Thank you. Oh, come on. The TV series MASH|was way better than the movie. - If you say so.|- I do. What time is it? - It's 1 0:30.|- We've been talking for over an hour. Whoo. Call the police. Ha-ha. I should get going.|Homework. Hey, listen, what are you up to|on Saturday? I'm looking for a tour guide|to show me the sights. Oh, I can't, I have plans. Come on, you gotta rescue me from my|psycho stepsister. At least a few hours. Look, don't you think we should|take this slower? You know, I don't really know you and-- Take what slow?|I wasn't asking you on a date. - I just wanted to make a new friend.|- I know, I wasn't-- - Man, are you conceited.|- No, I'm not conceited. It's just-- - I have to go.|- Hello? Hello? Always make an impression. - Psycho stepsister?|- Evening. Evening.|Oh, she shot you down. Exactly the opposite. So what's on the agenda?|Matinee of The Lion King? Man, you really have it|out for her, don't you? It must really burn your ass that|with all your money and popularity... she still won't have anything|to do with you. Face it, Kathryn--|she's outclassed you. How dare you talk to me like that,|you son of a bitch? Well, this has been fun. Unfortunately, I have some work to do,|and you have to go throw up. After all, it was a very big salad|you had for dinner. - Have you been spying on me?|- Oh, my God, I ate a crouton! We'll see who gets the last laugh,|brother dear. Oh, no, I'm sorry! It's all my fault. I wasn't thinking.|I'll get it. I'll clean it up. Sorry. It's okay. It's okay. - Stop crying.|-Just don't tell anyone. What is this, Ben Hur?|Do they beat you here? Please don't tell anyone. Min Lin, relax. Christ, it's like|a fucking Godzilla movie. - You girls know the routine?|- Seduce. And destroy. Shut up. Mm, very nice. Who the fuck are you?|And you? I'm Sarah, and this is Gretchen. We had a sleep over at Kathryn's,|and we're running a little late. Do you mind if we share your shower? - Yeah. Yeah, be my guest.|- Thank you. Ooh, pass me the loofah. Hey. So, what year are you guys? - We're seniors.|- Cool. How do you like Manchester, Sebastian? It's-- It's-- it's unbelievably-- - Unbelievably what?|- Unbelievably hard. - It certainly is.|- Rock hard. Down, boy. So, you guys sisters? More like kissing cousins. Whoa! Slippery when wet. So, you're seeing Danielle Sherman? Who? Oh, yeah, yeah, trying to. - She's a sweet girl.|- You guys would make a great couple. Just too bad you're gonna|miss out on all the action. - What action?|- Oh, come on. With the exception of Danielle,|Manchester Prep's a virtual whorehouse. As the school motto goes... "If you don't snort it, suck it." - Careful.|- He splurged. But you won't have to worry since you'll|be dating the headmaster's daughter. No. Guess not. - See you on campus.|- Ring toss. Score. Yes! Thanks for, you know, sharing. - Here, sis, I'll dry you off.|- Thanks. Shit. Breakfast was late,|my skirt is mussed... and I needed the car last night. - I'm sorry, Miss Merteuil--|- No excuses! Now, just because my mother is out|of town does not mean you can slack off. Each lapse, each oversight,|will be reported. Good, you haven't left. What's this?|Saddam addressing the troops? - Allow me, sir.|- No, it's all right, Henry. There, there, sir. Pay close attention.|The perfect Windsor is an art. - Rough night last night?|- There was a pea under my mattress. - I'll look into it, sir.|- No, Henry, it was great. It was a ten. Can we go now,|or do we send Kapoor in our place? I almost forgot.|Here are your allowances. What's this?|Annual? Semiannual? - Weekly, of course.|- This is amazing. The leftovers, sir.|It's what I like to call mad money. Yeah, mad. Unless you use it|to make someone happy. For the Windsor and the advice. Thank you, sir.|Thank you very much. Very kind. Tutor me in French?|Tutor me in French? Danielle! Oh, my gosh,|am I glad I found you? Look, I am flunking French,|like tres flunking it. - Last quiz: D-minus.|- Have you been studying? Of course, I study like crazy, but it|just goes in one hole and out the other. - Well, I wish I could help you.|- You can! You can tutor me. Mom said I can pay you, unless|that's like too totally insulting... because, you know, we've got money,|and you're the headmaster's daughter... and headmasters make, like, zilch. Thanks. Tutor me, please, please.|I'll pay you $200 an hour, $200. Stop. Of course I'll tutor you.|The money doesn't matter. Going rate will be fine. God, why does|everything have to be about money? 'Cause it's cool. - Do you hear a phone?|- Yeah. Oh, wait.|Sounds like it's coming from here. - I don't have a phone.|- You do now. "Answer me." Oh, my God, so cool.|Is it your birthday or something? - Hello?|- Do you like the phone? I might,|if it comes with an explanation. It does, actually. I think I may have|real feelings for you. - It's Sebastian Valmont, isn't it?|-Just a second, okay? - Sorry.|- Not you. Her. - Who's her?|- Look, I can't do this from a phone. But it's a good phone. Digital. - Where are you? You can't be too far.|- Look down. Oh, it is Sebastian Valmont. Don't move.|I'm coming down there. - Move, Einstein.|- Hey! Where are you? - Close your eyes.|- Why? - Just trust me. Close your eyes.|- I'll look silly. Close them now. Danielle, wait! It's like they say:|The best laid plans sometimes suck. Miss Merteuil. - But I'm excused from gym.|- Gym, yes. Ballet, no. Well, there must be something|I can do to change your mind. I think you've got the wrong guy.|Now get your ass to ballet. Mr. Erwick. I was very clear. Keep me out of gym... - and ballet.|- I can't do anything, all right? Hargrove called me into his office. He's|suspicious, I heard it in his voice. - Why do you think that is?|- Well, I'm not sure. The Disciplinary Committee, of course. You stuttered and stammered|like a completely whipped fool... and then when you voted, it was obvious|you voted the way I wanted you to vote. But that's how you did want me to vote.|Oh, my God, I'm a mess. You're always one step ahead of me.|I don't know what to do anymore. It's a dirty old man's catch-22. Shut up, Steve.|Get control of yourself. I can't.|I'm falling apart. My wife doesn't turn me on anymore,|my kids hate me. I should just quit. Stop blubbering.|I'll go back to gym and ballet. - You will?|- The excuse slips were just a test. The day will come when I'll need you|for a favor-- a big favor-- and you'll do it without question. Of course.|I worship you, Kathryn. Worship works best|on your knees, Steve. Please be quiet. I'm trying to imagine|I'm with someone attractive. Sorry. Hello! Anybody! Oh, my God, she is terrible. If it's so bad here,|why don't you guys just quit? It's steady employment, sir. This is a good address.|We could be down in the 50s! Or worse, Scarsdale. Ladies there make me crazy! All the time sending me to the market|looking for gefilte. My father--|fisherman for 20 years-- he never caught one gefilte. What is a gefilte? - Three kings.|- Man! - That beats my two pairs.|- I got crap. Full house, jacks over threes. You win again, Master Sebastian. You know, Henry, I really wish|you'd quit with the "master" thing. But sir, it's your title.|It shows privilege. Yeah, well,|what has it gotten me? I poured all my money into gifts|and didn't get the girl. Danielle hates my wealth|or resents it or something. Perhaps it's not my place|to speak, sir. No, Henry, please.|I'm desperate here. Well, maybe she doesn't want to feel|like she's being bought. - You think that's it?|- I don't know. Women are complicated. It's been my experience, sir,|that women are more interested... in the soul of a man|than in his trappings. What is going on around here? I had to ring and ring.|And where were you, Frederick? I paged you four times. I had to take a cab.|A cab! I'm sorry, we were just-- Get out of here,|all of you. And you can be damned sure|my mother's gonna hear about this. - No, she won't.|- What did you say? You're not telling anybody|about this. This was my idea.|I ordered them to play cards. And to drink Mother's|prized 1939 Neufdu Pape? Great year.|Blitzkrieg, wasn't it? Don't get smart. Whether you realize it or not,|you are still a guest in this house. You know, you treat these people like|dirt. No wonder they don't respect you. We pay them for service, not respect.|Maybe someday you'll learn that. And one day you'll realize|that they're human beings. Just give me a second here. Party's over. You know, I don't get it. Look, if you hate your mother|so much... why work so hard|to be just like her? Is that what you think I'm doing? Well, you're obviously trying|to prove something to someone. No one's this mean, unless-- unless there's a whole bunch|of pain and suffering behind it. You think you have it so tough, having|to come into this strange house... with strange people--|try growing up here. Try spending every moment of your life|just making up for just being here. - That doesn't make any sense.|- No, it doesn't, does it? You feel out of place, Sebastian?|You want to fit in? Guess what. So do I. What a mess. - Hello.|- Sebastian? It's Cherie. News flash. Danielle is|totally, madly in love with you. Madly in love with me?|She hates me. - Every move I make is the wrong move.|- Yeah, but she told me stuff.. Every time she thinks about you, every|time she sees you, she gets all moist. " Moist"? Her eyes--|she gets tears in them. But look, time's running out.|You gotta move now. She'll be in the city tonight-- dinner|with her favorite aunt, Riverside Cafe. I figure if you go there,|bare your soul-- No gifts though.|She hates that money thing. Hello? Closet street performer. Now you know all my secrets. How did you know I was here? Nope. Already know.|Cherie the blabbermouth. Weird girl, but if you get beyond|all the "totallys" and "oh, my Gods"... there's real truth there. - I have to catch my train.|- Let me come with. I'll make sure|you get home all right. You can come as far as the station and|only if you can do it without talking. Not another word--|that's my condition. Condition accepted. All right, all right! Stop! I give up,|okay? We can talk. Stop playing. You know, I think this is|the most romantic city on earth-- millions of strangers meeting|in restaurants, parks, sidewalks-- a romance born every five seconds,|every heartbeat. I mean, God,|is this a great city or what? This is exactly what I'm talking about.|You spout BS on a continuous basis. Only because I can't say|what I really want to say. - Say it!|- Okay. I wanna know what happened|at school, in the courtyard. I kissed you,|and you just ran off. I'm crazy about you! I'm trying|everything I can to make you like me. Be yourself. Be honest.|Why is that so difficult? I don't know.|Maybe I'm scared. You know, I'm new here, right?|New to this city... new at school... living in a house full|of certifiable wackos... and I don't have any friends... at least, any I can trust. And I'm confused. God's honest truth,|I'm in a state of perpetual confusion. So what are you scared of? Missing my train.|See you at school. Bye. As you know,|your mother gets home tonight. And you want me to keep quiet|about the poker game. I don't like these ideas|Sebastian's putting in your head. - I mean no disrespect.|- Well, I'm offended. Leave.|I'll finish alone. Min Lin, wait. Why don't you and I get to know each|other, like with Sebastian last night? - Do I have to?|- Come on, it'll be fun. Here. I'll jump right in.|Where are you from-- China, Japan? Cambodia actually. Cambodia-- wonderful country. And when|did you come to our United States? My family fled through Vietnam. Ultimately, we were 1 20 crammed|into a boat the size of your pantry. Oh, my gosh, that reminds me of this|time in Denver, coming home from Aspen. The first-class lounge was packed.|We almost had to fly coach. Anyway, so your family fled|the Khmer Rouge? Nothing subtle|about that shade of rouge. See? We do have a lot in common. Will there be anything else,|Miss Kathryn? No, that's all. I'm glad we did this,|aren't you? Oh, yes.|Very enlightening. Bitch. You got all your pronouns mixed up. "Nous " is "we."|"Vous " is "you." Unless it's someone|you're crazy, madly in love with... in which case it's "tu, "|as in you and Sebastian. I swear, that thing|with the phone-- so cool. I mean, if it had been|me and some guy-- I would have piddled|right there on the spot. Oh, wait,|did I show you my doodle? - Excuse me?|- My doodle, my sketch. Wow. - You've got some talent, Cherie.|-Just tell me: I mean, do you really like him?|Is this it? - Is it the real thing?|- Like I even know what that is. Knees go weak, mouth goes dry... you get that little tingling feeling|in that special place. He's just so slick,|so sure of himself. I have a lot of trouble|trusting him. He can't just come out and talk to me,|say what he's really feeling... and neither can I. Okay, chapter three. Read the translation|of the first passage. " Love is a sublime melting pot in which|men and women are fused together. The lover is a priest, the ravished|virgin a trembling sacrifice." A priest and a virgin? That's sick! Move. Move. - Hi, Mr. Nagao!|- Hello, ladies! I make a special|eel and cuke roll today. It's so sad about Mr. Washington. I mean, the fact that they found|a dead rat in that student's sloppy Joe. He'll never work again. So, you never told us|how it went with Cherie. - Did you bury her?|- Let's say she's on her way to ruin. - Everything's set for this weekend.|- What are you talking about? Uh, duh.|I told my mom how much fun we had... and she invited you and your mom over|for nonfat lattes. Your mom told my mom|that you can sleep over. I got the new Hanson album!|Okay, I gotta go. Gordon Anderson promised he'd show me|his one-eyed snake, whatever that is. Okay, see you. Wow, Kathryn,|you really showed her. Don't talk. Don't say a word. It's my turn to explain. All I've done is hound you|about being honest... when I couldn't do it myself. That kiss in the courtyard, Sebastian--|it was more than just a kiss. - I'll say.|- No, let me finish. You see... it was my first kiss. I wanted it to be perfect|and right and with the right boy... and, while you might have been the right|boy, the rest was totally not right. I embarrassed you. I embarrassed myself. Because I know you're used to girls|with all this experience... and you've probably been|kissing girls forever... and that's what I was|afraid to tell you. I happen to think|this is wonderful, all right? So you weren't exactly|up-front and honest. Join the club. I wanted it to be perfect... not the tail end of some prank. Does that make any sense? Yeah. You know, some things can't|be orchestrated. Some things have to be|spontaneous, like a kiss. Like the kiss we're|about to have right now. Say something, quick. I can't. I have to go. Last bell. Okay, but... just back away|so I know you're not running away. That was wonderful-- just precious. How long were you there? "I've never kissed a boy before--|I mean, the right boy... and you've probably been|kissing girls forever." You must feel like a terrible dope,|leading on that poor, lovesick girl. You don't know|what you're talking about. Here's a prediction: A few weeks|of hand-holding and chaste smooching... and you'll be so bored and horny|you'll mess the whole thing up. Of course, I could|wipe her off the map tomorrow.... but I think I'll let this little romance|just flicker out all on its own. I like the girl, okay? I like her a lot.|You screw it up, and I'll screw you up. Nobody ever threatens me. I just did--|or weren't you listening? - You do realize this means war.|- Then war it is. Lovely. Well, I feel badly for you,|I really do... but Byron needs to be groomed|every day at 3:00. Well, you'll just have to reschedule|your daughter's birthday. Now, I want him saddled|and ready to ride when I arrive. Don't keep me waiting.|Idiot! There's a new student at Manchester--|Cherie Clayman. Did she die? - I take it you don't like her.|- I can't stand her. She's actually very sweet,|so I'm turning her into the school slut. - Well, she's now your new best friend.|- Why? You're not hitting up the Claymans|for a donation to Manchester. Sorry, Mother.|I think it's an excellent idea. - The Claymans will join us at 7:00.|- You invited them here? Mother, they're from California. Kathryn, I need this. Just 20 million more and we can break|ground on the Tiffany Merteuil Library. Well, you ladies seem to be|enjoying yourselves. You must be tense, Sebastian. Yeah, well, you'd be too|if you were failing gym. I mean, who ever heard of fencing|as a sport? Perhaps a massage would help. I've never had a massage before. You can have my table.|I'm suddenly not in the mood. "Mycket, " not "myckesh. " Kathryn, if you're not going to say it|correctly, don't say it at all. It just makes you look foolish. Thank you|for the correction, Mother. Now, if you'll excuse me. I think I could get used to this. Hi. Dead puppies,|dead puppies, dead puppies... old nuns in their underwear-- I thought you'd left. - Is that Sonja or Ingrid?|- It's Tiffany. - I hope you enjoyed your massage.|- I think I'll go take a shower. We've had so little time together,|Sebastian. We can't be a happy family if we don't|get to know each other a little better. You're right, Mom.|We should talk more, Mom. With your father working on the yacht so|much, I'll have plenty of time for you. You know, some nights|he doesn't even come home. He loves that yacht. I'm glad he found something|he's so committed to. Well, the right woman will do that. - And you think I'm the right woman?|- Definitely. He's a changed man. Of course. Without me he'd still be|in Miami giving charters to geriatrics. It's not the money, it's you.|He loves you. You're a smart boy, Sebastian. You seem|to understand your father very well. I hope so. So do I, because if you're wrong, you're|both going to end up out on the street. She spanked me. - Oh, baby. Oh, that feels so good.|- Oh, yeah, you like that, huh? - Dad, you here?|- Fuck! Fuck! Hey, son, how's it goin'? - In bed already?|- Oh, it's just a catnap. What are you doing? Oh, I'm just looking for the cat. Here, puss, puss,|puss, puss, puss. I hope you're not suggesting|I'm having an affair. - I'm not suggesting anything.|- I'm your father... and I will not be treated|like a criminal! Criminal. You could have fooled me. And behind door number three|we have-- - Hello.|- Sebastian, meet Lilly... my first mate. Lilly, I'm Sebastian,|Edward's son. Oh, my God, you have your father's eyes.|Are you a Libra? Let's just cut right to the chase,|shall we? He offered to sail you|around the world, didn't he? How did you know? Leave right now,|or you're grounded for a week. - Did he tell you he's married?|- I was waiting for the right time. You lied to me? More an error of omission.|You see, she's very sick. I may be single any day now. Go to hell! Sebastian, you think you could|help me out here? Okay, okay,|I know we talked about this... but you're a man,|and you have to understand-- You have to understand. It's not just your life anymore, Dad,|it's mine too. Don't screw it up for me. Absolutely. You can count on me, son.|The keys, please? You know, you made your bed.|Now lie in it. Well, this sucks. I can't believe I was so stupid. I really thought your dad liked me. It's not your fault. He's the master of deceit. He should be|in the Pathological Liars' Hall of Fame. He was in the Hall of Fame? - Never mind.|- Can I ask you something? - Sure.|- Why are men such jerks? I mean, is it genetic or something? You know, they promise you the world,|that you're the one for them... and that their wives|don't understand them anymore. And I fall for it every time. I'm like a doormat.|They're always coming and going... and coming and going,|and coming and-- My life sucks. Lilly, you don't need a man|to be happy. If you're not happy alone, you're|not gonna be happy with someone else. You're a very attractive woman.|You could have anyone you want. You just have to wait|for the right guy to come along. - You think I'm attractive?|- I think you're beautiful. You're so sincere. You're not like your father at all. Okay.|Glad you were paying attention. Do you wanna|come back to my place? I'd love to, but I have|an oral report due in the morning. Oh, I'm great at orals. - Yeah.|- Try me. No, thank you. Listen, I'm gonna split.|Are you gonna be okay? Yeah, I'll be fine. Psycho. I lived in Fresnomy whole life.|Les too. But we wanted more for Cherie,|so when Les sold the biz... we decided to move|to the Big Apple. And how are you finding Manchester? Oh, it's no problem.|Our driver-- he takes me right there. She's asking you|if you like it, honey. Oh, yeah, it's the best.|And Kathryn's been, like, so super-nice. You know, some girls--|they told me to stay away from her... like she had|permanent PMS or something. Ew, gross! But she's been,|like, totally awesome! I can tell she's going to be|very popular. - Oh, I won't be as popular as you.|- " Popular" is such a bore. The important thing is school spirit,|and nobody has as much as my mother. I do a little work|for the school fund-raising committee. You are so modest. Mother's already raised half the money|needed for the new school library. How much money have you raised? Well, she barely has to do anything.|The parents practically throw it at her. Why do they throw money at you? Because charity is smiled upon|by the ladies who lunch. Society, Cherie.|You know-- the social ladder? Oh, yeah. My mom said|now that we're rich... we gotta start climbing that thing. - Ow! What?|- Isn't she precious? - Would you excuse me? Pardon me.|- Certainly. So, how much money do you need? Oh, I didn't invite you over here|to discuss fund-raising, Bunny... but if you'd care to make a donation,|we'd certainly consider it. Really? Why, thank you. My pleasure. Oh, hi, honey. How was your day?|I can explain this. There's no need to explain.|I know you love my mother very much. Yes. Exactly. And Sebastian and I are|just getting close. I know you'd never do anything|to break up our happy home. - Oh, no, never.|- So let's make sure it stays happy. I want you to take Mother to dinner|at Au Troquet for dinner tomorrow night. I'll make reservations at 8:00. At 8:45,|an accordion player will pass by. When he does, request|" Under My Thumb" by the Rolling Stones. Mick Jagger makes Mother|all hot and bothered. -Jagger. Got it.|- While she's listening... slip this on her finger, then kiss her--|eight seconds, no tongue. Are you getting all this?|After dinner, grappa-- one glass-- then bring her home, make love to her--|two Viagra-- any questions? Just in case,|I've written it all down for you. Now, who's your favorite daughter? You are. What a shame. Morning! Great day, isn't it? Bite me, rich boy! Ah, New York--|a wonderful town. - You look fabulous.|- Thank you. - You got everything? You all set?|- Yeah. You ought to take some money, just|in case you need a cab, miss the train-- - Don't worry, Dad. I'll be fine.|- Come on, this is my job-- to worry. - What's wrong?|- Nothing. Just thought about your mom. - Go on. Have a good time.|- Okay. - Bye.|- Bye. Sebastian thought you'd like it|better than the train. Wow. I am so excited.|You know, I'm kind of nervous. - I've never been on a horse before.|- Don't worry. I won't let anything bad|happen to you. If I like it,|then I'll have Daddy buy me a horse... then we can spend|every weekend together. You'll love it. I promise. Very good, Cherie. Back on the horse now. I think|we're ready to try advanced jumping. I don't know.|He keeps throwing me off. All right.|If you're going to be a scaredy-cat... I guess we'd better|go back to the basics-- Manuela? Nice horsey. Okay. Now, using the stirrups... I want you to push up and down|in the saddle-- that's called posting. Now we need to add|the back and forth motion. When you hit the saddle,|push backward, then forward. Up and down, back and forth,|faster, faster. Up and down, back and forth,|faster, faster. Good. This time I want you|to really grind into the saddle. - Okay.|- Up and down, back and forth... faster, faster. - How does that feel?|- Okay. Up and down.|I think I'm getting it. - Posting is fun.|- Faster, faster. Really fun. Are you okay? I've never felt better. Now I know why girls like horses. Wait. I don't know if I'm ready for this. - It's cool.|- I'm sorry. It's just that yesterday was|my first kiss... and now you're practically|touching my breast. At this rate, your dick will be|in my mouth by lunch. Anyone for lunch? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Listen, Danielle, we can take this|as slow as you want. I like you.|I've no need to rush things. That's not my problem.|I want to rush things. I'm tired of being the only virgin|in the sophomore class at Manchester. Are you telling me that everyone|in the sophomore class has done it? Well, it sure feels like it. I don't know. Ever feel|like you're at war with yourself? - Constantly.|- I mean, there's one side of me... that wants you to throw me down|right here and rip my clothes off. Then there's this other side of me that|thinks I should wait till I'm married. Which side should I choose,|Sebastian? You really want me to answer that? Come on, be my friend. Listen, Danielle... I know exactly|what you're going through. We all have two sides.|I struggle with my dark side every day. But that was the old me. Believe it or not,|I have you to thank for it. You showed me that it was okay|to be a decent person. How dark was your past? Pitch black. I'm thinking-- I think|I'm falling in love with you. But I'm afraid to take the chance|to get hurt. - I'm afraid of getting hurt too.|- Listen, let's make a pact. We'll take it slow,|and we won't hurt each other. God, we sound like|a cancelled television series. You don't have to do this. I want to. Hello? Hi, Daddy.|I know, I'm running late. Tell Aunt Gloria we can|still make the 2:00 mass. Yeah, I'll call you when I get there.|I love you too. - You gotta go? It's okay.|- Sorry. Call me later? - Sure.|- Okay. - Toodles.|- Bye-bye. Oh, my balls. - Here's something you might like.|- Dolce. How '98 of you.|Do you carry any real fur? No, all of our fur is faux. Of course.|The animals-- how silly of me. I figured you'd be here. - What's up?|- It's about Sebastian. Give me the dirt. Your stepbrother has|quite the checkered past. I mean, the fact that he was able to|pay off that overnight delivery guy... and switch his school file? That's impressive|even by my standards. - That's just the tip of the iceberg.|- Well done. Cash or charge? - I'll be there in an hour.|- Sounds great. The new James Van Der Beek film's|playing in town. Perfect.|You're sure your dad won't mind? No, he's out of town for the night.|It's just me and Mr. Whiskers. - " Mr. Whiskers"?|- My pussy, silly. Okay, well, I'll see you soon.|All right. Bye. The school virgin's home alone with her|pussy, and I'm taking her to see Dawson. God, I've become a total fag. - I guess I misjudged you.|- What are you talking about? How'd you get this? I have my ways. - Kathryn, I'm trying to start over--|- Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, please. Spare me any sob stories. Oh, dear.|I guess something like this... could destroy your|squeaky-clean reputation at Manchester. And that school psychologist's report|about your mom-- it's too bad. How will she pay for rehab when I tell|Mommy where some of her money's going? - You're playing with fire, Kathryn.|- Poor Sebastian's mom is going to be... homeless and eating leftovers|out of the garbage. You don't know what I'm capable of. Yes, I do. I read your file. It turns me on. - Fuck off.|- Going to see Danielle? Leave her out of it! Looks like we've hit|a sensitive spot. Do you really think|you can change, Sebastian? Face it:|You and I are two of a kind. We're just not cut out|for good deeds. I know the drill. You'll date Danielle... probably sleep with her after--|what--you think eight months? And then you'll get bored,|and you'll break her heart. Why don't you|just spare her the pain? And do what?|Date you? We could make a good team. What do you plan on doing|with my file? Do I sense a merger in the air? Perhaps. You do realize you're my stepsister. You know what they say about incest. Is there any line you won't cross? Only one:|never in the butt. That's a good line. The Bradys never had it so good. - I can't do this.|- Not with your pants on. - I gotta go.|- You fucking pussy! - I gotta get outta this house.|- What, is this about Danielle? You don't understand, Kathryn.|I love her. - You have a funny way of showing it.|- Fuck you. I won't let you corrupt me. Don't you see?|You can't change. - I can try.|- Well, you're gonna die trying. - Hello?|- Hello, Danielle? - Sebastian, you're soaking.|- We have to talk. Well, come inside|before you catch yourself pneumonia. Here. Thanks. What's wrong? I don't know, it's-- It's okay.|You can talk to me. Go slow. I just--|I feel like I'm losing it. You know, I gotta get outta New York.|I gotta get outta school. It's Kathryn, isn't it? I don't think I can beat her. Sebastian, do you believe|in a higher power? - Yeah.|- Do you believe that love conquers all? - Yes.|- Do you believe in our love? Yeah. It's the only thing|keeping me together. - So you believe in our love?|- Yes, I believe in our love. 'Cause I sure as hell don't. What? Fucking idiot. Bravo. - I told you I could do it.|- I should never have doubted you. Don't tell me|you bought that virgin bullshit. No, I saw you.|You were with your dad. What he doesn't know can't hurt him. I am the headmaster's daughter. Daddy's little angel must|keep up appearances. - Holy fuck.|- Oh, don't be such a baby. You didn't really think|you were gonna win, did you? - You're welcome to join us.|- Hmm? You know what they say: Two's company,|three's a fuck load of fun. Well, if you can't beat 'em-- Who says you can't beat 'em? Share and share alike. Sebastian-- Now you'll have|something to write about. Danielle. - Herzog.|- Oh, shit! - Are you okay?|- I'm fine. Oh, you really should try|to be more careful. Thank you.|Oh, my bike! Could we offer you a ride home? Sorry. My mom said I'm not allowed to|take rides from strangers. Oh, it's you. I was just going|to Danielle's house. - I'll take care of the bike.|- Okay. - Oh, thank you so much. I owe you huge.|- No problem. - It's Debbie, right?|- No, Cherie. Whatever. You know, Debbie, has anyone ever told|you : you could be a model? - Really?|- Yeah. - It's too bad you're not sexy. Really?|- Bull! I can be sexy. Uh-huh. All right.|Show me sexy. Very nice. That's my special place.|Holy shit!