DEAD RINGERS
Have you ever heard anything about sex.
Sure I have.
- Well, I've discovered why sex is.
- You have? Fantastic!
It's because humans
don't live underwater.
I don't get it.
Fish don't need sex, because they just lay
the eggs and fertilise them in the water.
Humans can't do that
because they don't live in water.
They have to... internalise the water.
Therefore we have sex.
So you mean humans wouldn't have sex
if they lived in the water?
They'd have a kind of sex. The kind where
you wouldn't have to touch each other.
I like that idea.
Have you heard of scuba diving?
It's just new.
Self-contained underwater
breathing apparatus.
Exactly.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Yeah. You ask her.
Raffaella, will you have sex with us
in our bathtub? It's an experiment.
Are you kidding?
Fuck off, you freaks!
I'm telling my father you talk dirty.
Besides, I know for a fact
you don't even know what "fuck" is!
They're so different from us...
...and all because
we don't live underwater.
The morculum is working superbly.
- Shall I insert the manticulator?
- Please.
What's the diagnosis?
Intra-ovular surgery.
Where did you get that instrument?
- We had it made for us.
- Really?
Might be fine for a cadaver.
It won't work with a living patient.
To our fabulous twins...
...who have, as mere undergraduates...
...already brought us glory.
Hear, hear!
And here it is...
...in solid gold...
Er, well, solid gold plate, that is!
The Mantle retractor, which is now
the standard of the industry.
Here's to a brilliant future!
Here it is.
That's wonderful!
Yeah.
They got the pivot pin in backwards.
Bev, you should've been there.
I was.
Well?
Are all the necessary parts there, Doc?
Yes, they are.
And there are a couple of extra ones
that shouldn't be.
Not funny.
Er, no... I wasn't joking.
Would you excuse me a minute?
I'll be right back.
Elly, I want you to look at
this woman before you go.
I'm late, Bev. If I fuck up with the
chairman's wife, we lose our grant.
She's a trifurcate.
I've never seen anything like it.
Down in a minute. It's Dr Mantle.
Keep the car waiting. Thanks.
Is this Claire Niveau?
Yeah.
- What, the Claire Niveau?
- Yeah.
Ooh! What's she doing here?
A mini-series. She's got three agents
and a bodyguard in the waiting room.
- And her life is empty without children.
- How did you know?
Bev, everyone knows that! Don't you
ever read the National Enquirer?
"Star's life empty without children."
I hope it also explained how we can make
her fertile, because I don't think I can.
Then we'll have to see what I can do.
Elly, what about dinner
with the chairman's wife?
I guess la bella contessa
will have to wait.
Right, let's take another look.
Yes...
That's fantastic.
I've never had anybody say that
about the inside of my body before.
Surely you've heard of inner beauty?
I've often thought there should be
beauty contests for the insides of bodies.
You know, best spleen...
Most perfectly developed kidneys...
Why don't we have standards of beauty...
...for the entire human body...
...inside and out?
I have a feeling you do.
So I'll tell 'em to fuck off.
Pardon my French.
Don't tell them to fuck off. I need the work.
This mini-series is paying peanuts.
You don't need to be humiliated.
I've decided.
I want to be humiliated.
Tell me about my uterus.
Well, it has three doorways.
Three cervixes leading into
three separate compartments...
...in your uterus.
That is fabulously rare.
Do you have trouble with your periods?
Listen... um... I'm gonna be late
for the Axelrod meeting. You'll be OK?
Goodbye, Leo. Remember, I need
the humiliation as well as the money.
I almost never have periods.
Once or twice a year.
Not very enthusiastic ones.
Could I have triplets, do you think?
One in each compartment?
No. It doesn't work like that.
Really?
How does it work?
How did it go with la bella contessa?
Did we get our grant?
You were great.
Seductive and charming as usual.
And I think you've got your grant.
Hey...
...wait a minute.
What's this I hear?
It's for us, not just for me.
- It's for Mantle Inc.
- Yes, yes.
- I know.
- Did she catch on?
Ah, Contessa, you're looking so...
...I don't know,
so Catherine Deneuve tonight!
And how is Marcello?
Due cappuccini, per favore, and quickly.
The Countess...
...is a tigress until she's got
her caffeine in the morning!
Hey...
...come on...
...I'm not that bad.
You're a little bit smoother in real life.
And the movie star...
...how is she?
She's expecting me for lunch tomorrow.
So you're going to find out for yourself.
- Oh, no!
- Oh, yes.
It's all set up.
The production's rented her
this little apartment...
...in Rosedale!
She'll just be getting out of bed...
...all cosy and warm.
Look, Elly...
the clinic's booked to the hilt.
We've got to pay the rent, you know.
- I'll take your patients.
- Oh, yes
I want you to go.
Bev, you've got to try the movie star.
She's unbelievable.
Don't worry, you'll be all right.
Just do me.
What did you do to me last night?
I'm still vibrating all over.
I learnt it from books.
Mmm, I wish more men
would read those books!
Drink?
No... thanks.
Well, Doc...
...what's the prognosis?
Can I have a baby... or can't I?
You're asking me that now?
L- I mean, here?
You said the results would be back today.
There's no chance that you'll
be able to bear children.
I'm not surprised.
You must've been tested before.
Oh, they said... I wouldn't have
an easy time getting pregnant.
But I've been taking...
...hormone injections.
And I have been extremely promiscuous.
I've never...
...used... um... contraceptive devices.
I've never even thought
contraceptive thoughts.
There are other reasons for
not sleeping with just... anybody.
That's true, you know.
I never thought of that.
Oh, of course, you...
...had a chance to...
...check me out...
...thoroughly...
...before you jumped on me.
Are you that careful?
Do you only have affairs with patients?
No, I was... concerned...
Am I bad? Is that it?
You gonna spank me, Doc?
It hadn't occurred to me.
I've been bad...
...and I need to be punished.
I need to be punished.
Danuta.
Danuta.
Danuta!
As soon as we get some cold water
on your face, you'll feel much better.
Elly...
- What happened?
- Thank God you're back, Bev!
I'm just no good with the serious ones.
Why are you back?
I'm just no good with the frivolous ones.
All she wanted was
a little slap on the arse, Bev.
Yeah?
Yeah, well, I wondered what the fuck
my brother had got us into...
...behind my back.
She's an actress, Bev, she's a flake.
She plays games all the time.
You never know who she really is.
Yeah.
I can see that.
You can?
Yeah!
So... when are you gonna see her again?
She's called the clinic five times already.
I don't know. Perhaps you'd better go.
Wait a minute...
...this is serious.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is!
If we didn't share women,
you'd still be a virgin.
- No.
- You'd never get laid on your own.
I don't get out much.
Listen, the beauty of our business
is you don't have to get out...
...to meet beautiful women.
- No, I can't do that. It's not...
- Ethical.
- No.
It's not... safe.
Well, if you don't go and see her...
- What?
- I will.
And I'll tell her I'm you...
...and I'll do... terrible things to her.
What sort of terrible things?
Oh, God!
Oh, Doctor...
...you've cured me!
Shh, shh.
What's the matter, what's the matter?
I'll never get pregnant.
I'll never have children.
When I'm dead... I'll just be dead.
I'll...
...really never have been a woman
at all. Just a girl.
A little girl.
You could always adopt a baby.
It wouldn't be the same.
It wouldn't be part of my body.
Yes... that's true.
Don't tell. Please don't tell...
...anybody about me. Please don't tell.
I'm so vulnerable... I'm slashed open.
Who would I tell? Eh?
Who would I tell?
And with that seal ofapproval,
our 5th bubbly season gets under way.
Hey, hey, hey...
...it's the swinger!
Yeah... hi.
So?
Er, so...
...it was nice.
She's... a little crazy, but sweet.
Tell me all about it.
Later.
No, now.
You might forget something later.
Some yummy detail.
I don't want to tell you about it.
You don't what?
I want to keep it...
...for myself.
Listen...
...you haven't had any experience
until I've had it, too.
You haven't fucked Claire Niveau
until you tell me about it.
Then I haven't fucked Claire Niveau.
There's no point to
this discussion, Arlene.
There is a point.
There definitely is a point!
You started with me
and now you won't carry through.
And... we have a relationship!
But you test out fine.
It's your husband that's the problem...
...and all he probably needs
is a good sperm wash.
If it's only a matter of laundry,
why are you opposed to doing it?
We don't do husbands.
We do female infertility.
We do women. That's our specialty.
I am a woman...
...and I want you to take care of me.
I trust you.
It's hard enough to find someone...
...in the medical profession
that you can trust.
Arlene, that's... that's wonderful.
I mean, that's really wonderful...
...but we don't do husbands.
We don't deliver babies, either.
We make women fertile,
and that's all we do.
To achieve anything in life,
one has to keep life simple.
Don't you think?
Irrigation.
It'd be an exaggeration to say we can
make up a new set of fallopian tubes...
...using just anything that's handy.
Those tubes are highly specialised
little organs.
But with the kind of help
we can offer the process...
...it is possible to...
modify several other organs:
...the odd vein...
...or, as today...
...we're using
a femoral lymphatic vessel...
...to take over the function
of conveying the egg...
...from the ovary to the uterus.
What are you taking?
Let me see.
"Dextroamphetamine resin."
"Dosage form: Capsule."
"7.5 milligrams."
"Use: Short-term treatment of obesity."
"Minor side effects:
Dry mouth, palpitations...
...restlessness,
unpleasant taste in mouth."
"Major...
...side effects:
...sleeplessness, rapid heartbeat...
...euphoria."
Do you want one?
Where did you learn all that?
Doctor, the Physician's Desk Reference
is my favourite bedside reading.
As a matter of fact...
...they tell me that there's a high incidence
of drug use amongst doctors.
- Is that true?
- Yep.
Do you take drugs?
No.
Well, for pain.
Pain creates character distortion.
It's simply not necessary.
I'm often in a lot of pain.
What kind of pain?
I think...
...psychosexual.
I'd say that was a pretty astute diagnosis.
Though I wouldn't recommend you
using those for that condition.
Who prescribed them for you?
When you get to be a famous actress...
well, doctors are...
...friendly.
Do me a favour. Will you allow me
to do the prescribing for you?
Thanks, Arthur.
You've forgotten to sign this, Dr Mantle.
Oh.
Sorry.
Actually, my name's Denis.
Sorry. I always get you confused.
Bye again.
If I had a game of squash now, Terry,
I'd end up a dead man.
I may win, but I'd be dead at the end of it.
- Tired?
- Yeah, that last one was rough.
- Were you there?
- No, I'll watch the tape.
I'll need it to get the FT paper
in shape, anyway.
Boston's yelling at me for it.
Hello, Mary. Then I'll just need
your tissue rejection data.
How's that coming along?
Listen, how about I write the paper
one time and you collect the data?
Sure. Just say when. Do you want
to see how it's shaping up?
No, I trust you to make us look good.
I'm exhausted.
Too exhausted to see Claire tonight?
No. Never.
- You'll need these.
- What's that?
Butazamine.
She's heard that it makes sex
come on like Nagasaki.
You're not feeding her pills, are you?
Listen, baby brother...
...I've got her number.
This lady's hustling us for drugs.
I don't think that's true at all.
- I think we should drop her, Bev.
- You drop her!
This is unknown territory
we're moving into.
Just cos we're handcuffed together
doesn't mean I have to like you!
Handcuffs?
You don't get it, do you?
Listen, honey-mud...
...we're on the run... and until we find
the release code to this thing...
...we're gonna get to know
each other real well.
I suggest we learn to like what we see.
You're a very self-conscious reader.
Just... Just loosen up...
...and play.
Come on.
Didn't you ever do routines
as a kid? Impersonations?
The only impersonation I ever did
was my brother.
I didn't know you had a brother.
Yeah.
We're not very close.
Beverly... That's a woman's name.
Why did your mom give you
a woman's name, I wonder?
It's not a woman's name.
It's spelled differently.
It's still a woman's name. Does your
brother have a woman's name, too?
Merian... spelled with an E...
...and an A.
What are you trying to suggest?
That I'm gay or something?
My mother wanted girls?
What the fuck is this
bullshit psychoanalysis!
Listen, Doctor...
...I think there's something
wrong with you.
I don't know what it is,
I can't put a label on it, but...
...you're subtly...
...I don't know...
...schizophrenic...
...or something.
Sometimes I like you very much...
...and sometimes you're an amusing lay.
Not much more.
And I can't figure out...
...why.
Beverly.
One for you.
One for me.
Please come this way.
My dear...
Sit down, have a drink...
...and tell me everything.
I'm not sure I know everything.
Start with all this
I've been hearing about you...
...and the wonderful Mantle boys.
What are you talking about?
Claire, this is me - Laura.
Please don't be coy, it's tedious.
Dear Beverly...
...dear Elliot.
Some claim they can't
tell the difference...
...but not me, dear.
It's obvious to me that...
Well, before I say anything gauche,
tell me which one you're seeing.
You mean there's two of them?
Don't be an ass, dear.
Of course there are two of them.
They're twins, dear.
Identical twins.
My dear, you've gone absolutely pale.
Have I said something?
No, no, not at all.
Where's that waiter? I want some coffee.
Oh, how sick-making.
I have said something, haven't I?
You know,
I could get very fond of Butazamine.
Ooooh...!
Beverly...
...why haven't you told me that
your brother isn't just a brother?
Ah, th... Ah, that.
Yes, that.
It never occurred to me.
I mean, he is just a brother.
Um...
- Is it important?
- Is it important?
I've heard you live together
in the same apartment.
Yeah, that's true.
We both like Italian furniture.
God! Do you sleep in the same bed?
Oh, Claire, come on!
You come on!
You told me...
...you and your brother weren't close.
And now I find out
not only are you identical twins...
...but you live together...
...in the same apartment.
What's he like...
...your twin?
Well, I mean... er...
Of course, h-he looks a lot like me.
Are you identical psychologically?
Um...
No, I wouldn't say that.
When can I meet him?
You can't. I mean...
...you don't want to.
But, Beverly... don't you understand?
I have to meet him.
Why?
I want to know everything about you.
I don't think it's a good idea.
You don't want me to meet your twin.
Why is that?
It's... It's difficult.
It's very difficult.
That's it, you see. I want to know
why it's difficult for you.
- My button...
- It's important to me to know why.
I suppose I...
...I could arrange for you and...
...Elliot...
...to have a drink together.
Uh-uh. Nix.
No good.
Why?
I want to see you two together.
I know he's going to have to in the end.
- Ah, there you are.
- Here I am.
I've been really looking forward to this.
Well... er...
Claire Niveau...
...this is my brother Elliot.
Hi, Claire... I hope Bev's told you
what a big fan I am of your movies.
No, he hasn't. As a matter of fact,
he hasn't mentioned you at all.
Really? That's not very flattering.
Well...
Are you going to sit down?
Yes, I am.
I feel such a fool, actually.
I must be the only woman in town...
...who doesn't know about
the fabulous Mantle twins.
What are you drinking?
Nothing. I want to be very sober right
at this moment. I want to be very clear.
There really isn't any
telling you apart, is there?
Absolutely identical in every respect.
I'm actually a couple of millimetres taller.
I bet somebody who knew you both -
how shall I put it? -
...knew you both really well...
...could tell the difference.
Without measuring your height, I mean.
What do you mean?
Beverly's the sweet one,
and you're the shit. Am I right?
This is some feisty lady
you've found, Beverly!
Elliot, let's ease up on the bullshit for
a moment. You can be honest with me.
After all, I am laying both of you, aren't I?
Er, now, hang on a...
It's a sweet little act you have.
You soften them up
with all that smarmy concern...
...and along comes Dracula here
and polishes them off.
I was the one who fucked you first...
...but I gave you to my baby brother
because you weren't very good.
Oh, God, no! Um... Claire...
...let me explain...
You absolute shit!
Explain what?! Explain... what?
Listen...
I've been around a bit. I've seen some
creepy things in the movie business.
This is the most disgusting thing
that's ever happened to me.
- I doubt that.
- What is it with you, chum?
You can't get it up
unless little brother's watching?
I told you this was a bad idea.
- Really stupid. I'm leaving.
- Don't bother.
That solves that little problem.
Jesus, Bev!
Hey!
- What's going on?
- I don't know, I'm... I'm... er...
...a bit upset.
Listen, I'll go and catch up with her.
- I'll tell her it was all my fault.
- No!
Leave her alone.
I'll sort it out.
I give you the winner
of the 1988 Feldman Award:
Dr Elliot Mantle!
I suppose all of us know
just how important it is...
...for a practitioner to receive
the recognition of his peers.
However,
I feel that this award tonight...
...is not really for me...
...but rather for those women...
...who have provided
that most precious thing:
The gift of life.
- I want to thank Dr Angus Lawson...
- Hi, how are you?
...who gave me the time to pursue
my own research.
But most of all
I want to thank my brother...
...my partner, Dr Beverly Mantle...
...who, true to form, is not here
wasting time basking in glory.
Here, take mine.
But is hard at work at the Mantle Clinic...
Not true!
Not true! I'm here!
Oh, sorry.
I see Beverly has been doing
a little basking, after all!
He has a lot to celebrate.
He has been recognised as one of
North America's leading clinicians.
Ladies and gentlemen...
...Dr Beverly Mantle.
- You all right?
- Had rather a lot to drink.
Just want to say something.
I just want to say some...
I just want to say something.
There's been a fraud
perpetrated here tonight.
The whole thing's a fraud!
He's Beverly and I'm Elliot!
- Just say thank you and get off.
- No!
I want to say something else!
A lot of you are probably wondering...
...how we divide the work.
Well, it's like this...
I slave over the hot snatches...
...and Elliot... makes the speeches!
For God's sake!
I do everything for those bimbos, except
take them home and stick it in them!
Well, he's clearly been doing a lot
of celebrating. Who can blame him?
Thank you so much. Thank you.
I'm sorry about the catastrophe
last night.
It's true I had to smooth
a few ruffled feathers this morning.
But now, baby brother...
...for the good news.
Lawson has...
...finally offered me the associate
professorship at the hospital.
- One vodka martini, Doctor.
- Thank you, Sean.
- Are you going to accept?
- Of course I'm going to accept.
It's the next step to
chairman of the department.
- What about the practice?
- It goes on as before.
- Except you're not there.
- I won't be there as much, no.
I'm not eating.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
What are those?
Dex. I'm tired.
- Want one?
- Er... no, thanks.
If I can fly around, teach,
and do research...
...surely you can find time
for a few more patients?
Sure. Why not?
Good God!
- I didn't know you were here.
- Shh, shh. Elly's asleep.
His plane doesn't go till noon.
I didn't realise you two were so friendly.
We're not so friendly.
You gonna take a shower?
Um...
No, I... er...
You go ahead.
OK.
See ya.
It seems so... cold and empty.
You can call it empty,
or you can call it clean, sculptural.
It's a question of the individual
nervous system, I think.
That presupposes one has
an individual nervous system.
Please?
Er... thank you, I'll...
I'll think about it.
Claire...
Yes?
Oh...
...it's you.
Or should I say, which one of you is it?
Please, Claire, don't.
Are you still doing the mini-series?
Re-shoots. The director didn't
know what he was doing.
Well...
...tell me how sorry you are.
Tell me how much you miss me.
My brother and I have always
shared everything.
I'm not a thing.
I mean people...
...experiences.
It's never bothered me before now.
It's different with me, is it?
Yes.
Yes, it is.
Is Elliot jealous of me?
Is he worried
I'll steal you away from him?
No, he offered to come
and talk to you for me...
...to patch things up.
That would've been amusing.
Why didn't he?
I wouldn't let him.
Were you afraid I might like him
as much as I like you?
Or maybe...
...when it came down to it...
...I couldn't see the difference.
No!
It doesn't work that way between us.
I think it does.
I think you two have
never come to terms...
...with the way it really
does work between you.
No! Not while he's here.
I don't want him to see us.
All right...
...I'll just... separate you.
Separate us?
What do you mean?
Ohh! Ohh! No! No! No! No!
What happened?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was dreaming.
- What about?
- About Elliot.
- What happened?
- Oh, don't! Don't!
Don't... touch it.
Come to bed.
Oh, Claire...
...I don't want to dream that again.
I can't!
Take one of these.
- What's that?
- Seconal.
I guarantee you, you won't dream.
Don't let me dream that again.
The message that clearly emerges
from these complex encounters...
...between physician and patient...
...is that there is not only
a place in the clinic...
...but a demand for a philosophy.
A philosophy which mixes...
...compassionate curiosity
with social responsibility.
They'll discover they're gonna have to.
Yeah.
Yeah. Look, David, I've got to go.
I've got company.
All right, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye.
- Dr Elliot Mantle?
- Yes.
Special order from Escort Embassy.
I'm Mimsy...
...and this is my sister Coral.
Hi.
Would you like some of this?
Sure.
Listen, so that I know
which one of you is which...
...I'd like you...
- Coral.
- Coral.
...to call me Elly...
...and you, Mimsy...
...to call me Bev.
- Oh, shit!
- Watch it.
She's got it, Beverly.
- A near thing. You OK?
- Yes, I'm OK.
I thought you were
shaky there for a second.
Beverly, it's past nine.
You're late. You've gotta get up.
I need something to get me up.
You know where it is.
Claire, will you call Danuta...
...tell her to cancel my first three patients.
I'll never make it.
Can't eat.
- What's wrong?
- I don't know, I can't eat!
If you don't know, I do.
Too many sleepers last night,
that's what.
Look who's talking.
Maybe you ought to take a week off.
Just stop everything.
I'm serious.
I'll talk to Elly when he gets back.
- I couldn't do anything before then.
- Elliot is back.
He... called here for you
while you were in the shower.
You spoke to him?
Well, I couldn't help it, could I?
I explained to him that you were
staying here with me for a few days.
How did he react?
Civilised.
He apologised... for the scene in the bar...
...and I more or less...
accepted his apology.
Where are you going?
Leo's in town.
I told you about Leo...
...and my Georgia picture.
We're close to a deal.
Don't go. I want you to stay.
Beverly...
...I can't.
OK. Yeah.
Um, could you tell me
which is the make-up trailer?
- This one here?
- Who are you looking for?
- Miss Niveau.
- She expecting you?
Yes, she is.
Fascinating stuff.
Lucky old Bev.
He gets to rub up against the magic.
He seems totally uninterested.
Bev's not into art.
You are?
I'm into glamour...
...the art of glamour.
Well, here it is.
I was surprised you wanted to see me.
Give us a few minutes, please.
I like your brother very much...
...and I thought it would be good...
...for you and me... to be friends...
...if we can.
I think we can.
There's something else.
I'm going away to do another film.
I'm worried about leaving Bev alone.
Bev's not alone.
No, you're right, he's not alone...
...but he's lonely...
...even with me.
He's developing a serious drug problem.
Did you realise that?
I thought you had the drug problem.
It's an occupational hazard.
The same goes for Beverly.
You resent me tremendously, don't you?
You contribute...
...a confusing element
to the Mantle brothers' saga.
Possibly a destructive one.
It's not personal.
I think you're terrific.
But I just don't have a role
in the Mantle brothers' saga.
I suppose...
...if you liked us both...
...in the same way...
...it might make things easier.
It has been known to happen.
I'm sorry...
...but I can't.
Am I really that different from Beverly?
You really are.
Claire, let me come to the airport.
Beverly, please, no public goodbyes.
Ten weeks is such a long time.
I'll fly up...
...whenever there's a break.
Claire...
...let's not lose each other.
Birchall, will you please explain...
...to my director
and my wardrobe person...
...I am not about to do this movie
dressed like a 10-dollar hooker.
Miss Niveau is not about
to do this movie...
...dressed like a 10-dollar hooker.
Well...
Claire, you will admit, at least...
...your character thinks of herself
as a kind of emotional hooker.
Oh, I do more than admit it.
I'm the one who pointed it out
to this... wardrobe person.
But she's so bloody literal-minded.
Wardrobe person?
She called me "wardrobe person"!
I know, I know.
Hello. Niveau suite.
Hello?
Hello?
Have you examined her... c-carefully yet?
What? Who is this?
I'm her gynaecologist.
You're... what?
I'm Claire Niveau's gynaecologist!
Did you know that she was a trifurcate?
I'd have to classify that as a mutation.
What exactly is this?
Is that you, Byron?
Carefully lubricate the two
prime fingers of your right hand...
...and insert them...
...into Claire Niveau's vagina.
Instead of feeling one cervical head...
...you will feel three.
Basically, this means...
...that you have been fucking a mutant!
Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry...
...I thought you were ready
to see Mrs Randall.
Mrs Randall, please come and sit down.
I don't think we've met.
Let me introduce myself.
I'm one of the Mantle twins.
The lesion, not surprisingly...
...causes diffuse enlargement
of the cervix...
...and, of course, our old friend,
leucorrhoea.
Until very recently...
...diagnosis tended to be done
after a histological examination...
...of the removed organ. A case of
throwing the baby out with the bath water.
I'm sorry, Doctor, but your brother
is waiting for you in your office.
I think you'd better go see him.
Bev, what are you doing here?
What's wrong?
I've been hiding out at Claire's.
I've been hiding from you.
Hiding?
What are you talking about?
I was afraid of...
I was af... afraid you wouldn't
let me have her.
Oh, that's crazy, Bev.
It is crazy because...
...yesterday...
...yesterday...
...I found out that she was having an affair.
She's unfaithful to me, Elly.
Bev, you mustn't take it so seriously.
She's a showbiz lady.
What can you expect?
I'm in love with her!
I have to take it seriously.
It can't be love
if it does this to you, can it?
It can't be love, Bev.
You're right, Elly.
I was hiding from the wrong person.
"In The Still Of The Night"
by The Five Satins
In the still
Ofthe night
I held you
Held you tight
Cos I love
Love you so
Promise I'll never
Let you go
- In the still ofthe night
- In the still
Ofthe night
I remember...
Dance?
No.
You go ahead.
Go on, Bev, dance with the girl.
Before
The light
Hold me again
With all ofyour might
In the still ofthe night
In the still ofthe night
So before
The light
Hold me again
With all ofyour might
In the still ofthe night
In the still ofthe night
In the still ofthe night
- What's the matter, Bev?
- I just can't.
Bev, stay with us.
Stay with me.
Bev!
He collapsed.
Fuck, he's not breathing!
Don't touch him, he's my brother!
Come on, Bev!
Come on!
Bev?
Bev!
Elly...
...thank God you're here.
Oh, God!
Oh, Bev...
...Iook at you, you're a mess...
...you're a wreck.
You could've had a stroke, Bev.
You're lucky to be in one piece.
One piece.
Bev...
...we can't let anyone know
about the drugs.
If that gets out, we're finished.
How... would they know?
I had to fight them off to stop them
taking a blood sample...
...but I can't stay here day and night.
I've got to get you off the pills
without anybody knowing.
Do you think I'm really addicted?
I'll put you on a detox programme.
I'll supervise it myself.
There you go.
- Darling, tell me what's going on.
- Mother, I'm at the end ofmy rope!
I cannot live in that house
another second!
Every relationship
has its ups and downs, dear.
You and Tommy...
Bev, there's a couple of things
we're gonna have to...
Why are you taking that apart?
Elly... I can't sleep.
If you're asking me for a sleeper,
you're not gonna get one.
What am I gonna do, then?
You'll stay up.
Elly, I'll die if I don't sleep!
You'll stay up.
What if I take something
when you go home?
I'm staying here.
What if I take something
when you go to sleep?
- I won't.
- How will you stay awake?
I'll take something!
You'll take an up
so that I don't take a down?
- This is crazy!
- Bev...
Don't worry about me. I'm not you.
And don't destroy that.
Ow, that really hurts.
This?
This... hurts?
I don't know exactly
what it is that's hurting...
Mrs Bookman,
this is a solid gold Mantle retractor.
Solid gold!
It's the best there is.
This clinic's the best there is!
I mean...
...we have the technology.
- It couldn't possibly hurt.
- L-I didn't mean to...
When did you last have a period?
I haven't had one in four or five months.
And does it... hurt...
when you have intercourse?
Yes, it does.
Where was I?
You... asked me whether or not it hurt...
...when I had intercourse...
- Yes.
What exactly did you have
intercourse with?
What do you mean?
I just wondered.
I was once asked...
...to treat a woman...
...who had had... intercourse...
...with a Labrador retriever.
I thought...
...maybe...
You used this on Mrs Bookman?
Yes.
Bev... this is not for internals,
remember?
This is for surgical retraction.
No wonder it hurt her!
No, no, it's not the...
There's nothing the matter
with the instrument! It's the body!
The woman's body was all wrong!
Yes, I think you'll find
his work quite interesting.
Why don't you drop by
later on this evening?
Just a moment, please.
May I help you?
I wonder if you could
put me in touch with Mr Wolleck.
Perfect timing. Mr Wolleck is right
over there working on a new piece.
- That's Mr Wolleck? He works here?
- Mm-hm. It's part of his show.
I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
I was wondering
if you could help me with these.
Fascinating.
They're quite beautiful.
What are they?
They're gynaecological instruments...
...for working on mutant women.
Mutant women?
That's a great theme for a show.
No, it's not for a show. It's not art.
I'm a doctor, I need them for my work.
That's a little out of my line.
What do you want me to do?
Well, I need
three-dimensional prototypes...
...in surgical steel...
...cast...
...hand-finished...
...functioning.
And I thought maybe...
Aren't there large companies
in this town...
No! No, no, no, I can't go to them!
It's too radical for them!
We've always been too radical.
I mean... I can't!
It's too... It's too complicated.
I think maybe we could...
work something out.
I've had it with the bullshit
from this office!
I've asked you ten times to transfer
my wife's records to the Mount Sinai.
You haven't done it.
They refuse to admit her without them.
- What is going on?
- I'm so sorry.
The doctors assured me they'd been sent.
Bullshit! I want those files
in my hand before I leave!
Mr Glaser, I assure you
I'll do everything I can.
Not now.
Doctor, I have to speak to you.
Not now!
Doctor, I'm... giving you my notice.
I won't work under these conditions.
Fine.
Fine.
We're all set, Beverly.
We'll use these.
Give us the tools
and we will do the job.
L- I'm afraid I'm not familiar...
...with these instruments, Doctor.
I've just had them made.
They're brand-new.
Well... number them...
...one to ten, from left to right.
Give me the one... that I ask for.
Give me number five.
- Now, please!
- Yes... number five.
Number five.
No...!
Jesus Christ, Beverly!
I've got...
I've got to slow everything down.
I need something
to slow everything down...
Let go!
- Oh, my God, she's bleeding!
- Get a clamp, for God's sake!
Get him the hell outta here!
I am more than willing
to apologise for my behaviour.
I have been working too hard. I...
I must be more realistic about...
my energy levels, and...
...about my ability to concentrate...
...for long periods of time under pressure.
I must add, however...
...these accusations arise
out of a lack of understanding...
...of the radical techniques
my brother and I are known for.
And I think there's a certain amount
of professional jealousy involved...
...as well.
That's fine, sir.
We always intended to ease ourselves
into pure research, anyway.
No.
I don't think that'll be necessary.
You have our cooperation.
They didn't buy it, Bev.
I think they knew it was me.
They said we could've killed her.
They said the woman could've died.
They're lying!
They've always been jealous.
They won't revoke
our hospital privileges...
...as long as we don't ever use them again.
Fuck 'em!
We always planned to ease ourselves
into pure research.
I certainly always planned it. Didn't you?
There seems to be some problem about...
...surgical instruments.
About holding them as evidence
of a disturbed mind.
Do you know what they're talking about?
I tried to tell you, Elly!
You don't know the kind of patients
we've been getting lately.
You don't know what's going on out there.
The patients are getting strange.
They look all right on the outside...
...but their insides...
...they're deformed.
Well, I had to deal with it somehow!
Radical technology was required!
You're right, Bev.
Something radical is definitely required.
Right, I want you to take...
three of these now.
Take three around seven
this evening...
...three before you go to sleep...
...and three when you wake up
in the morning.
Yes, Doctor!
Can I trust you to do that, or have
I got to sit here and watch you?
I don't know.
Can you trust me?
Oh, God!
Don't do this to me, Bev.
But I'm only doing it to me, Elly.
Don't you have a will of your own?
Why don't you just go on
with your very own life?
Do you remember
the original Siamese twins?
Chang and Eng.
They were joined at the chest.
Remember how they died?
Mm.
Chang...
...died of a stroke...
...in the middle of the night.
He was always the sickly one.
He was always the one
who drank too much.
When Eng woke up beside him...
...and found that his brother was dead...
...he died of fright...
...right there in the bed.
Does that answer your question?
Poor Elly.
Poor Bev.
Everything's under control.
I don't see what the problem is.
Now the hospital's getting complaints
about your private practice.
They've even approached me.
Informally, of course.
Off the record, of course.
They asked me all about Bev:
Is he a junkie? Everything.
Of course, you didn't tell them anything.
Of course not.
But you can't go on insulating yourselves.
They're gonna nail you.
- They're gonna be forcedto nail you.
- The clinic's none of their business.
Wow, it's getting hard
to tell the two of you apart.
What did you do that for?
It's my favourite fucking programme!
Elly, Elly, Elly...
...you haven't done anything wrong.
Look, your reputation's
separate from Bev's.
You've still got a career.
Cary...
...my brother's research
is the basis of my career.
I need him.
Besides...
...the truth is, nobody can tell us apart.
We are perceived as one person.
If Bev goes down the tubes, I go with him.
I've got to get him back.
I think that's too dangerous for you.
I think you're the last person on earth
who should try to do that.
You've got to stay away from him now.
Sure, go find him some help...
...but, for God's sakes, Elliot,
you've got to cut yourself loose.
- It wouldn't work.
- Why?
Look, don't you get it yet?
Whatever's in his bloodstream
goes directly into mine.
You can't be serious.
That is an objective medical observation.
No, no!
No, it's not true.
You're making it true, but it's not true.
You don't put these in your mouth,
they don't end up in your bloodstream!
Beverly and I just have
to get synchronised.
Once we're synchronised, it'll be easy.
- Hello?
- Who's this?
It's Beverly.
Beverly, it's Claire.
I'm back.
Claire?
Beverly, why haven't I
been able to reach you?
Why haven't you called me?
Claire...
...why did you betray me?
What are you talking about?
That...
That man...
That man in your hotel room.
Ohh!
My God!
Was that you who called?
That was my secretary - Birchall.
He's defiantly gay...
...and you managed
to gross him out completely.
Beverly...
...I want you to come and see me.
Come to me right now.
Yeah?
- Mr Virdo?
- Uh-huh.
- This is Dr Mantle.
- Oh, yeah.
I know this sounds awfully silly...
...but I'm afraid I've...
There's been a terrible mix-up.
I've locked myself... into the clinic.
Um... I was wondering ifyou'd mind
coming up and... and letting me out.
I'll be right there.
Dr Mantle...
...Lee Virdo.
- Er...
- Just a minute, Mr Virdo.
OK. I think there's...
something stuck there.
What's going on in there?
You know...
Endless renovations.
Oh, yeah.
Um... You'd better lock it.
Yeah, sure.
- Are you coming down?
- Yeah.
Are you all right?
Yes...
...I'm fine.
- You don't look so hot.
- I'm fine!
Thank you.
You're the doctor.
Excuse me, what are you doing?
- They're mine!
- They've been sold!
I'm taking them.
He's made another copy!
They're mine and I'm taking them!
They're not yours!
They're not yours!
Claire!
Claire!
Beverly, my love,
what's wrong with you?
I've got to have some Seconal.
- I'm sorry...
- I've got to have some!
- I don't have anything at all.
- Oh!
Oh, fuck!
- It's all right.
- No!
I'll write a prescription for you.
They'll fill it for you.
- I've got to have them, Claire!
- Oui.
Don't tell Elliot... that I'm here.
Why?
I think he's becoming...
...a drug addict.
I think he's becoming... dangerous.
Are you sure he didn't call?
I'm sure.
It's not like Elliot.
It's been...
It's been almost a week.
You know Elliot. I would've expected
him to be kicking the door in by now.
Well, I haven't heard a word from him.
Didn't call when I was asleep?
No.
Tell me about...
...these...
...these tools.
Tools?
Surgical... instruments.
You had them with you when you came.
Did I?
Yes.
What are they for?
They're for separating Siamese twins.
I must go back.
Don't go back. Stay here.
I must go now. I'll take these.
I'll come back.
Your brother won't let you come back.
How could he stop me?
Hey... welcome home, kid.
We've got to take a shot
of Dilantin tonight...
...otherwise we might convulse.
Right.
Don't forget.
Right.
Then we go to Percodan in the morning.
Mm, right.
Then, in the afternoon,
we have a little treat.
Dilaudid. Just because it's Saturday.
So on Monday, we kick, right?
We agreed.
We have to start
to pull things back together then.
Oh, yes...
...on Monday we definitely kick.
How about some cake?
I could go for that.
And some orange pop.
Some ice cream.
We haven't got any ice cream, Elly.
Mummy forgot to buy it.
I want...
...some ice cream!
Happy birthday, Elly.
It's not our birthday, Bev.
Yes, it is.
Happy birthday, baby brother.
We are about to separate
the Siamese twins.
Don't forget the good part!
Oh, yes!
Chang was always most concerned
about dulling the pain.
Don't waste it.
Tell me when it takes effect.
I don't think I'll notice anything.
You can start when you like.
Do you think...
...the morticulator is required, Eng?
I think...
...everything is required, Chang.
Why are you crying?
Separation can be...
...a terrifying thing.
Don't worry, baby brother...
...we'll always...
We'll always be together.
Elly?
I had a terrible dream.
Elly?
Elly...
Elly?
Elly!
Elly... Elly... Elly...
Elly... Elly...
Elly... Elly...
Elly... Elly...
Elly... Elly... Elly...
Elly...
...Elly...
...Elly...
...Elly...
...Elly...
...Elly...
...Elly...
...Elly...
Hello?
Hello?
Who is this?