00:01:22,480 -- 00:01:25,950
Can you believe that? A musical version
of "Sweet Bird of Youth."
2
00:01:26,000 -- 00:01:29,072
- Who are they kidding?
- Thank God, you wanted to leave.
3
00:01:29,160 -- 00:01:32,709
Can you believe Madeline Ashton?
Talk about waking the dead.
4
00:01:32,800 -- 00:01:35,234
I gotta get a drink.
5
00:01:46,800 -- 00:01:50,759
What do I see
6
00:01:50,800 -- 00:01:56,079
That's the question
I'm most afraid of
7
00:01:56,160 -- 00:02:05,273
One that asks me
what I'm really made of
8
00:02:07,320 -- 00:02:11,029
What do I see
9
00:02:11,120 -- 00:02:17,116
Much more
than a reflection
10
00:02:17,200 -- 00:02:24,709
A romance with
sheer perfection
11
00:02:26,480 -- 00:02:29,756
I see me
I see me
12
00:02:29,840 -- 00:02:33,355
Actress, woman
star and lover
13
00:02:33,400 -- 00:02:37,712
Sister, sweetheart
slave and mother
14
00:02:37,800 -- 00:02:39,438
I see me
15
00:02:39,480 -- 00:02:41,357
And I like
what I see
16
00:02:41,440 -- 00:02:44,876
Virgin, temptress
dream of others
17
00:02:44,960 -- 00:02:47,269
Yes, it's me
18
00:02:47,320 -- 00:02:51,074
Yes, it's me
19
00:02:57,120 -- 00:03:00,351
- We see you
- You mean me
20
00:03:00,400 -- 00:03:03,870
Idol, goddess
shameless hussy
21
00:03:03,920 -- 00:03:08,232
Diva, princess
lewd and lusty
22
00:03:49,200 -- 00:03:52,112
She's sensational.
23
00:03:57,120 -- 00:04:00,476
That's not me
Can't be me
24
00:04:00,560 -- 00:04:03,870
- Angel devil
- You can trust me
25
00:04:03,920 -- 00:04:06,593
Mon ami
26
00:04:06,640 -- 00:04:08,790
I see
27
00:04:13,800 -- 00:04:15,631
Whoo-whoo
28
00:04:18,040 -- 00:04:21,919
Everywhere I look, baby
all I see is
29
00:04:22,000 -- 00:04:23,752
- A contradiction
- Oh, come on
30
00:04:23,840 -- 00:04:25,478
- A bad addiction
- Knock it off
31
00:04:25,520 -- 00:04:29,115
- Inspiration to a generation
- Now you're talkin'
32
00:04:29,200 -- 00:04:31,589
That's you
33
00:04:31,680 -- 00:04:37,949
That's me
34
00:04:41,040 -- 00:04:42,996
Wow!
35
00:04:43,080 -- 00:04:45,674
Oh, boy!
36
00:04:45,760 -- 00:04:48,115
Whoo!
37
00:04:48,200 -- 00:04:50,350
Whoo!
38
00:04:51,840 -- 00:04:55,719
Wrinkled, wrinkled little star...
39
00:04:55,760 -- 00:04:59,355
hope they never
see the scars.
40
00:05:04,880 -- 00:05:07,394
Your guests are here,
Miss Ashton.
41
00:05:07,440 -- 00:05:10,034
A Miss Helen Sharp
with a gentleman.
42
00:05:10,120 -- 00:05:13,271
- Ahh. How's she look?
- Who?
43
00:05:13,360 -- 00:05:15,635
Helen, you idiot.
44
00:05:15,720 -- 00:05:18,314
I don't know.
Smart, I guess, sort of classy.
45
00:05:18,360 -- 00:05:21,033
Classy? Really?
Compared to whom?
46
00:05:21,120 -- 00:05:25,193
Oh, shit.
47
00:05:41,480 -- 00:05:43,038
Mad!
48
00:05:43,120 -- 00:05:45,554
Hel!
49
00:05:48,040 -- 00:05:50,838
- I don't believe it.
- How are you?
50
00:05:50,920 -- 00:05:52,876
- It's been so long.
- I know.
51
00:05:52,960 -- 00:05:55,758
Don't you dare say how long.
52
00:05:55,840 -- 00:05:58,832
Mad, I'd like you to meet...
53
00:05:58,920 -- 00:06:01,388
Dr. Ernest Menville, my fiance.
54
00:06:01,480 -- 00:06:03,471
You were just wonderful.
55
00:06:03,560 -- 00:06:06,233
Ernest Menville? Dr. Ernest Menville,
the plastic surgeon?
56
00:06:06,320 -- 00:06:10,393
- Yes. You were so terrific!
- Ernest is quite a fan.
57
00:06:10,480 -- 00:06:13,119
- I've read all about you.
- That dance number. Boy, oh, boy.
58
00:06:13,200 -- 00:06:16,556
- I can't believe I'm meeting you.
- He never mentioned a Madeline thing.
59
00:06:16,600 -- 00:06:21,435
- We're both huge fans.
- I'm sure he doesn't have a... thing.
60
00:06:21,520 -- 00:06:24,432
Do you?
61
00:06:24,520 -- 00:06:29,833
Well, I'm so happy
for you... both.
62
00:06:29,880 -- 00:06:33,714
What ever happened to that,
um, writing thing?
63
00:06:33,800 -- 00:06:37,679
- Oh, well, um, I'm still trying.
- Helen, don't be modest.
64
00:06:37,760 -- 00:06:42,038
- She's a brilliant writer, Mrs. Ashton.
- Miss.
65
00:06:42,120 -- 00:06:44,395
Tell me, Doctor...
66
00:06:44,440 -- 00:06:47,750
do you think that
I'm starting to need you?
67
00:06:50,360 -- 00:06:52,749
So...
68
00:06:54,280 -- 00:06:56,157
have you two set a date?
69
00:06:56,240 -- 00:06:58,470
- Yes... we have.
- No, actually...
70
00:06:59,960 -- 00:07:03,714
We see
the upper eyelid skin incision...
71
00:07:03,760 -- 00:07:07,070
from the medial canthus
to the lateral orbital margin.
72
00:07:07,120 -- 00:07:10,112
There are two fat compartments
in the upper eyelid, three in the lower.
73
00:07:10,160 -- 00:07:12,720
Oops. Look at all this bleeding.
74
00:07:12,800 -- 00:07:16,918
Needle-tip cautery. Quickly, please.
75
00:07:22,200 -- 00:07:25,476
For heaven's sake,
Helen, it was a dinner.
76
00:07:25,520 -- 00:07:28,114
The woman wanted
my professional opinion.
77
00:07:28,200 -- 00:07:31,272
Ernest, you don't know Madeline
the way I do.
78
00:07:31,360 -- 00:07:34,909
She wants you.
She wants you because you're mine.
79
00:07:34,960 -- 00:07:37,315
I've lost men to her before.
80
00:07:37,360 -- 00:07:41,239
She just turns on that flash
and that glitter and they're gone.
81
00:07:41,320 -- 00:07:44,232
That's why I wanted you to meet her
before we got married.
82
00:07:44,320 -- 00:07:48,916
I just had to see if you could pass
the Madeline Ashton test.
83
00:07:49,000 -- 00:07:52,436
Please...
Please, don't fail.
84
00:07:52,520 -- 00:07:56,354
I couldn't
take it again.
85
00:07:56,400 -- 00:07:58,914
I don't know
what I'd do.
86
00:07:58,960 -- 00:08:03,033
Do you know how
silly you're sounding?
87
00:08:04,280 -- 00:08:06,271
Oh, darling,
88
00:08:06,320 -- 00:08:10,711
I have absolutely no interest
in Madeline Ashton.
89
00:09:27,280 -- 00:09:30,670
Mrs. Helen Sharp? It's your landlord.
Open the door, please.
90
00:09:30,760 -- 00:09:33,558
I know you're in there!
91
00:09:33,640 -- 00:09:36,359
I have your final
eviction notice.
92
00:09:36,400 -- 00:09:38,391
If you don't come out,
93
00:09:38,480 -- 00:09:42,598
- I'm going to break the door.
- What are you doing here?
94
00:09:42,640 -- 00:09:45,871
I have the police. If you don't open,
we're going to break the door.
95
00:09:45,960 -- 00:09:50,636
- Well, speak!
- I'm going to charge you for it too.
96
00:09:50,720 -- 00:09:55,271
- Lady, let's go.
- You heard what he said.
97
00:09:59,440 -- 00:10:03,752
You're in trouble.
98
00:10:03,800 -- 00:10:07,918
Come on. Open it!
99
00:10:21,440 -- 00:10:25,433
Lady, listen.
You have the right to remain silent.
100
00:10:25,520 -- 00:10:27,829
If you give up the right
to remain silent...
101
00:10:27,920 -- 00:10:30,878
Are you nuts?
102
00:10:30,960 -- 00:10:33,190
Come on.
Get her outta here!
103
00:10:33,240 -- 00:10:35,310
So...
104
00:10:38,280 -- 00:10:40,271
what about you, Helen?
105
00:10:40,360 -- 00:10:44,069
We haven't heard from you
in a while.
106
00:10:44,120 -- 00:10:47,157
Is there anything...
107
00:10:47,240 -- 00:10:50,994
you'd like to...
talk about... with the group?
108
00:10:57,520 -- 00:10:59,397
Yes.
109
00:11:03,600 -- 00:11:07,275
I would like
to talk about...
110
00:11:09,000 -- 00:11:10,479
Madeline...
111
00:11:10,520 -- 00:11:11,839
Ashton.
112
00:11:11,920 -- 00:11:14,036
Stop! Stop it!
Stop!
113
00:11:14,120 -- 00:11:16,793
No! No!
114
00:11:22,320 -- 00:11:24,550
Is this where we are, Helen?
115
00:11:24,640 -- 00:11:27,871
Six months of therapy.
You're not one pound lighter.
116
00:11:27,920 -- 00:11:30,718
And we are still talking
about Madeline Ashton!
117
00:11:30,800 -- 00:11:34,395
- You think I enjoy talking about her?
- Do you think I enjoy it?
118
00:11:34,480 -- 00:11:37,358
Is that what you think?
You better think again!
119
00:11:37,400 -- 00:11:41,871
Oh, Helen,
for you to have a life,
120
00:11:41,960 -- 00:11:45,191
for any of us
to have a life,
121
00:11:45,280 -- 00:11:47,271
you have got to forget
about her.
122
00:11:47,360 -- 00:11:49,669
You have to erase her
from your mind.
123
00:11:49,720 -- 00:11:53,269
- You have to completely eliminate any...
- What?
124
00:11:53,360 -- 00:11:56,238
You have to completely
eliminate...
125
00:11:56,320 -- 00:11:58,709
You're right.
126
00:11:58,800 -- 00:12:00,074
What?
127
00:12:00,160 -- 00:12:03,789
You're absolutely right.
128
00:12:21,320 -- 00:12:23,151
Yes?
129
00:12:23,240 -- 00:12:26,949
I have a delivery for Madeline Ashton
and Dr. Ernest Menville.
130
00:13:00,680 -- 00:13:02,955
Good morning, madam.
131
00:13:03,000 -- 00:13:06,754
You look
absolutely marvelous.
132
00:13:06,800 -- 00:13:09,109
Hey, wait a minute.
133
00:13:10,240 -- 00:13:12,549
Aren't you forgetting something?
134
00:13:12,640 -- 00:13:15,598
- It's only Thursday. I'm supposed to...
- Never mind.
135
00:13:15,680 -- 00:13:18,638
I think I need you
to say it every morning.
136
00:13:18,680 -- 00:13:20,750
Very well.
137
00:13:20,840 -- 00:13:23,274
Oh, madam,
you look younger every day.
138
00:13:23,360 -- 00:13:26,909
Thank you, Rose.
Thank you very much.
139
00:13:26,960 -- 00:13:29,030
It's so sweet...
What is this?
140
00:13:29,080 -- 00:13:33,232
Your tickets for
Helen Sharp's book party.
141
00:13:33,320 -- 00:13:35,993
They just came.
142
00:13:36,080 -- 00:13:39,231
Helen Sharp's book party!
143
00:13:39,280 -- 00:13:42,158
- "Forever Young"?
- I like that title.
144
00:13:44,760 -- 00:13:48,309
Oh, forever young!
Right.
145
00:13:48,400 -- 00:13:51,278
And eternally fat!
146
00:13:51,360 -- 00:13:55,831
Oh, clever little witch.
She sent seating assignments.
147
00:13:57,160 -- 00:13:59,515
I find it very hard
to believe...
148
00:13:59,600 -- 00:14:03,275
that he got up early
and made his side of the bed.
149
00:14:03,360 -- 00:14:07,512
- No, madam.
- So where did he sleep?
150
00:14:07,600 -- 00:14:09,591
Again?
151
00:14:11,880 -- 00:14:15,668
The beaver has always
been of interest to man.
152
00:14:17,720 -- 00:14:20,837
It is the second largest
rodent in the world.
153
00:14:27,200 -- 00:14:29,839
Dr. Menville?
154
00:14:29,880 -- 00:14:34,032
Dr. Menville?
155
00:14:36,480 -- 00:14:39,119
Is this an angel
I see before me?
156
00:14:39,200 -- 00:14:43,591
- Dr. Menville, you're so cute.
- Thank you, Rose.
157
00:14:48,720 -- 00:14:52,076
Oh!
158
00:14:52,160 -- 00:14:54,799
More vodka.
159
00:14:55,640 -- 00:14:57,949
An outstanding characteristic
of a beaver...
160
00:14:58,000 -- 00:15:01,436
is the large, flat tail.
161
00:15:08,640 -- 00:15:11,598
- Is it up yet?
- Yes, sir.
162
00:15:11,640 -- 00:15:14,313
It's in the bath.
163
00:15:14,400 -- 00:15:18,791
Your beeper was beeping.
It's Mr. Franklin again.
164
00:15:29,200 -- 00:15:31,668
Rose!
Oh, it's you.
165
00:15:31,760 -- 00:15:34,320
Fine, dear, thank you.
Like a rock.
166
00:15:34,400 -- 00:15:36,436
You're dressed.
Special occasion?
167
00:15:36,520 -- 00:15:38,351
- Work.
- Ghoul!
168
00:15:38,440 -- 00:15:41,318
Dr. Menville,
thank God.
169
00:15:41,360 -- 00:15:44,875
- I'm sorry to call at the last minute.
- Yes.
170
00:15:44,960 -- 00:15:49,238
He's completely prepped. Our top staff
have been summoned and are waiting.
171
00:15:49,320 -- 00:15:51,629
Good, I'm sure he'll be fine.
Just calm down.
172
00:15:51,720 -- 00:15:54,917
Calm? I am calm.
Everyone is calm here.
173
00:15:54,960 -- 00:15:57,394
- Who is it?
- Fernando Rivas, the actor.
174
00:15:57,480 -- 00:16:01,519
He drowned in his hot tub.
Very bloated, very swollen.
175
00:16:01,600 -- 00:16:04,592
He was making love
to his new fiancee.
176
00:16:04,680 -- 00:16:07,672
Eighteen years old,
from Cuba.
177
00:16:07,760 -- 00:16:10,399
He's got this expression of happiness
that is completely inappropriate.
178
00:16:10,480 -- 00:16:14,519
Thank you, Mr. Franklin, we'll see
if we can't give him a little character,
179
00:16:14,600 -- 00:16:16,238
a little depth.
180
00:16:16,320 -- 00:16:21,553
Depth? Oh, no, Dr. Menville, you can't
give him any character or depth.
181
00:16:21,640 -- 00:16:24,552
People have
to recognize him.
182
00:16:24,640 -- 00:16:28,349
- Good afternoon, Miss Ashton.
- 3:00 with Anna.
183
00:16:28,400 -- 00:16:30,391
Yes, I know.
You may go down.
184
00:16:36,440 -- 00:16:40,228
Miss Ashton, how are you?
So good to see you!
185
00:16:40,280 -- 00:16:44,193
Listen, I've got a really
important party tonight.
186
00:16:44,240 -- 00:16:47,391
Really important.
You understand?
187
00:16:47,440 -- 00:16:50,910
You will be the best one!
188
00:16:50,960 -- 00:16:53,520
I have to be
better than that.
189
00:16:53,560 -- 00:16:55,596
I am sorry,
but the plasma separation...
190
00:16:55,680 -- 00:16:58,194
is a very traumatic
process to the body!
191
00:16:58,280 -- 00:17:00,669
Our policy
clearly prohibits...
192
00:17:00,720 -- 00:17:03,598
more than one
in a six-month period.
193
00:17:03,640 -- 00:17:06,074
So? It's been nearly
that long already.
194
00:17:06,160 -- 00:17:10,438
Miss Ashton, you had one
three weeks ago.
195
00:17:10,480 -- 00:17:13,916
- How about a nice collagen buff?
- "A collagen buff"?
196
00:17:14,000 -- 00:17:17,072
You might as well ask me
to wash with soap and water!
197
00:17:18,960 -- 00:17:21,758
Tonight is
very important to me.
198
00:17:21,840 -- 00:17:25,515
- I could do your makeup myself.
- Makeup is pointless!
199
00:17:25,600 -- 00:17:28,194
It does nothing anymore.
200
00:17:28,240 -- 00:17:30,435
Are you listening to me?
Do you even care?
201
00:17:30,480 -- 00:17:33,677
You stand there with your 22-year-old
skin and your tits like rocks...
202
00:17:33,720 -- 00:17:36,473
and laugh at me.
203
00:17:42,840 -- 00:17:44,990
Mmm.
204
00:17:45,040 -- 00:17:48,191
I could pay you extra.
205
00:17:49,280 -- 00:17:52,829
Something...
on a personal basis.
206
00:17:52,880 -- 00:17:55,599
You know what I mean?
How about that?
207
00:17:55,680 -- 00:17:58,513
Money is no object.
It means nothing to me.
208
00:17:58,600 -- 00:18:00,909
Ahem.
209
00:18:01,000 -- 00:18:04,549
I'm sorry, Mr. Chagall.
I'm really, really sorry.
210
00:18:04,640 -- 00:18:07,359
Anna, don't talk,
just go away.
211
00:18:07,440 -- 00:18:09,749
Leave us alone, mmm?
212
00:18:09,840 -- 00:18:12,832
- I don't want to look at you anymore.
- Oh, okay.
213
00:18:12,880 -- 00:18:14,950
Thank you so much.
214
00:18:16,760 -- 00:18:19,274
Please.
215
00:18:20,920 -- 00:18:23,673
- I suppose I should apologize.
- Oh, no, no.
216
00:18:23,760 -- 00:18:28,231
I am very sensitive
to your torment.
217
00:18:28,280 -- 00:18:31,431
- Excuse me?
- But unfortunately we are mere mortals.
218
00:18:31,520 -- 00:18:36,674
We are restricted by the...
laws of nature.
219
00:18:36,720 -- 00:18:39,632
Well, what more
could one expect?
220
00:18:39,720 -- 00:18:42,473
Mmm, mmm,
that depends.
221
00:18:42,560 -- 00:18:47,759
I could not help but overhear your
little joke about money being no object.
222
00:18:47,840 -- 00:18:50,638
- That was no joke!
- I see.
223
00:18:52,880 -- 00:18:55,155
I wonder, Miss Ashton,
224
00:18:55,240 -- 00:18:59,153
if perhaps you have
ever heard of...
225
00:19:01,240 -- 00:19:03,117
Lisle Von Rhuman?
226
00:19:03,200 -- 00:19:05,668
Ah... no.
227
00:19:05,720 -- 00:19:08,553
No, of course you haven't.
Very few have.
228
00:19:08,600 -- 00:19:10,636
Only a select group.
229
00:19:10,720 -- 00:19:13,518
She may be able to help you.
230
00:19:14,800 -- 00:19:17,030
Here is her address.
231
00:19:17,120 -- 00:19:20,556
She accepts callers day...
and night.
232
00:19:20,640 -- 00:19:21,993
Eh...
233
00:19:22,080 -- 00:19:26,198
It is a very, very select group,
you understand?
234
00:19:26,280 -- 00:19:28,589
Sure.
235
00:19:30,920 -- 00:19:34,629
I'm glad this happened,
Miss Ashton.
236
00:19:34,680 -- 00:19:38,832
We shall be seeing
more of you, I think.
237
00:19:38,920 -- 00:19:40,911
Yes, I think so.
238
00:19:47,040 -- 00:19:49,270
Weirdo.
239
00:19:56,120 -- 00:19:59,032
Could you just
not breathe?
240
00:20:08,560 -- 00:20:11,597
Jesus, what'd she do?
Hire extras?
241
00:20:11,640 -- 00:20:13,517
Good evening.
242
00:20:16,120 -- 00:20:18,953
Evian, please.
No ice.
243
00:20:20,120 -- 00:20:22,429
- Dr. Menville?
- Yes.
244
00:20:22,480 -- 00:20:25,233
- Ernest Menville?
- Yes.
245
00:20:25,320 -- 00:20:29,393
- Hi, I'm Vivian Adams.
- Hi, h-h-have we met?
246
00:20:29,480 -- 00:20:31,789
Long ago. I never had
a chance to thank you...
247
00:20:31,880 -- 00:20:36,874
for the spectacular job
you did with my Aunt Esther.
248
00:20:36,920 -- 00:20:39,275
Oh, well,
thank you very much.
249
00:20:39,320 -- 00:20:41,959
Her color, her tone.
250
00:20:42,000 -- 00:20:45,879
- You even brought out her cheekbones.
- Well, that's my job.
251
00:20:45,960 -- 00:20:48,554
It was almost a shame
to bury her.
252
00:20:48,600 -- 00:20:50,795
It's so sweet of you
to say that.
253
00:20:50,840 -- 00:20:53,638
Can I ask you
what your secret is?
254
00:20:53,680 -- 00:20:55,750
Spray paint.
255
00:20:57,040 -- 00:21:01,477
You see, you can't just use
regular makeup on dead skin.
256
00:21:01,520 -- 00:21:03,397
The pores are too dry.
257
00:21:03,440 -- 00:21:06,318
You've gotta use a palette
and grind the stuff in.
258
00:21:06,400 -- 00:21:09,676
One day I'm in the hardware store and
I think, "What about mannequin paint?"
259
00:21:09,760 -- 00:21:14,390
It's got its own chemical adhesive,
comes in a variety of flesh...
260
00:21:15,680 -- 00:21:18,240
Excuse me!
261
00:21:33,520 -- 00:21:35,590
Have you seen her yet?
262
00:21:35,680 -- 00:21:39,673
What a joke. She's not even here.
263
00:21:41,360 -- 00:21:45,319
- Oh, look over there.
- Wh...
264
00:21:45,360 -- 00:21:49,831
Oh, looks as though
she's lost a few pounds!
265
00:21:55,280 -- 00:21:58,397
- We're leaving.
- Nonsense. Let's go talk to her.
266
00:21:58,480 -- 00:22:02,473
No. I'll talk to her.
267
00:22:03,880 -- 00:22:08,271
I just want you to know
that I am at your disposal.
268
00:22:08,360 -- 00:22:11,557
You can call me day or night.
269
00:22:11,600 -- 00:22:14,160
I did give you all my numbers?
270
00:22:27,040 -- 00:22:28,314
Mad?
271
00:22:28,400 -- 00:22:31,119
Hel!
272
00:22:37,000 -- 00:22:40,356
I don't believe it!
273
00:22:40,400 -- 00:22:45,520
Helen, darling, 12 years!
12 long years!
274
00:22:45,560 -- 00:22:48,791
And look at you,
you have a... waist.
275
00:22:48,880 -- 00:22:51,917
Oh, you haven't changed.
276
00:22:51,960 -- 00:22:54,952
Gosh, I'm glad you came.
I didn't know if you would.
277
00:22:55,040 -- 00:22:57,395
I spoke to my P.R. Woman
and she said,
278
00:22:57,480 -- 00:23:00,278
"Madeline Ashton goes
to the opening of an envelope."
279
00:23:00,360 -- 00:23:02,999
Those people can be so cruel.
280
00:23:03,080 -- 00:23:06,231
I fired her.
Well, I almost fired her.
281
00:23:06,320 -- 00:23:08,515
Well, that was
sweet of you, dear.
282
00:23:08,560 -- 00:23:10,551
- Would you mind?
- Not at all.
283
00:23:10,640 -- 00:23:15,077
- So, how's it been?
- Heaven, it's absolute heaven.
284
00:23:15,120 -- 00:23:17,953
- Ernest is a dream.
- I'm so happy for you both.
285
00:23:18,000 -- 00:23:20,753
I often thought to myself
"I don't deserve this"...
286
00:23:20,840 -- 00:23:23,798
because it came
at your expense.
287
00:23:23,880 -- 00:23:27,270
And that thought
made me feel... terrible.
288
00:23:27,360 -- 00:23:30,477
Listen, that was a long time ago.
289
00:23:30,560 -- 00:23:34,633
You didn't steal him.
He went to you.
290
00:23:34,720 -- 00:23:37,678
It wasn't you.
It was him.
291
00:23:37,760 -- 00:23:40,558
I want you to know something.
292
00:23:40,600 -- 00:23:45,833
I have never ever blamed you.
Never!
293
00:23:54,000 -- 00:23:58,152
- Do you believe how she looks?
- How old is she?
294
00:23:58,240 -- 00:24:00,754
- Fifty.
- Fifty?
295
00:24:00,840 -- 00:24:03,115
You've gotta be kidding.
296
00:24:03,200 -- 00:24:06,590
I wonder what
her secret is.
297
00:24:27,800 -- 00:24:32,237
- Life has turned out as quite a party.
- You used to hate parties.
298
00:24:32,320 -- 00:24:35,392
That was when I was old.
You should see me now.
299
00:24:35,440 -- 00:24:38,716
I didn't know
you were so unhappy.
300
00:24:42,400 -- 00:24:44,789
Never could lie to you.
301
00:24:46,960 -- 00:24:51,158
I know about the kind of...
work you're doing now.
302
00:24:51,240 -- 00:24:53,310
It's not work.
303
00:24:53,360 -- 00:24:57,353
I would sell my soul
to be able to operate again.
304
00:24:57,440 -- 00:25:01,752
- Oh, Helen, I've wasted my life.
- No, Ernest.
305
00:25:01,840 -- 00:25:04,559
She's wasted you.
306
00:25:04,600 -- 00:25:07,478
She married
a brilliant surgeon...
307
00:25:07,560 -- 00:25:10,233
and turned him
into an undertaker.
308
00:25:10,320 -- 00:25:13,118
I want you
to know something.
309
00:25:13,200 -- 00:25:16,670
I have never blamed you
for leaving me.
310
00:25:16,720 -- 00:25:19,757
I always knew it was her.
311
00:25:19,840 -- 00:25:22,593
She's a woman.
312
00:25:22,640 -- 00:25:26,155
A woman, Ernest.
313
00:25:26,200 -- 00:25:28,395
From Newark, for God's sakes.
314
00:25:28,480 -- 00:25:33,600
I will never forgive her
for what she's done to you.
315
00:25:35,240 -- 00:25:37,196
Never.
316
00:26:07,280 -- 00:26:09,510
Dakota!
317
00:26:10,400 -- 00:26:12,868
Oh!
318
00:26:12,920 -- 00:26:14,797
Oh!
319
00:26:17,080 -- 00:26:18,832
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
320
00:26:18,920 -- 00:26:20,876
I didn't know
you were coming over.
321
00:26:20,960 -- 00:26:23,428
- Oh, my God, you're not alone.
- Of course I am.
322
00:26:23,480 -- 00:26:26,153
- I'm completely alone.
- Dakota?
323
00:26:26,240 -- 00:26:29,277
Actually, completely
isn't quite what I meant.
324
00:26:29,360 -- 00:26:32,955
- How dare you make me feel cheap!
- Madeline, I forgot.
325
00:26:33,040 -- 00:26:35,918
- She's here to... She's here to fix...
- Who is she?
326
00:26:35,960 -- 00:26:38,713
- I'm trying to tell you...
- Who is the little piece of meat?
327
00:26:38,800 -- 00:26:41,917
She's a friend of, of,
the guy who was here to...
328
00:26:42,000 -- 00:26:45,754
- Jesus, at least lie quickly!
- I am trying to.
329
00:26:45,840 -- 00:26:51,278
Look, you gotta believe me.
This is perfectly innocent.
330
00:27:04,680 -- 00:27:06,557
Hey, hey, hey.
331
00:27:06,640 -- 00:27:08,870
I'm sick of this shit,
you know that?
332
00:27:08,920 -- 00:27:11,480
- I am doing you a favor here.
- Doing me a favor?
333
00:27:11,560 -- 00:27:14,711
- I gave you...
- Yeah, you gave, I gave. Big deal!
334
00:27:14,800 -- 00:27:17,360
Somebody told me we look
ridiculous together.
335
00:27:17,440 -- 00:27:19,749
How do you think
that makes me feel?
336
00:27:19,840 -- 00:27:22,070
You never think
about my feelings.
337
00:27:22,160 -- 00:27:25,357
Go find someone
your own age, Madeline!
338
00:28:28,720 -- 00:28:32,349
Madeline! I need to speak
to Madeline at once!
339
00:28:33,440 -- 00:28:35,590
No.
340
00:28:38,520 -- 00:28:42,638
Madeline. I need to speak
to Madeline at once!
341
00:28:42,680 -- 00:28:44,671
Yeah.
342
00:29:23,280 -- 00:29:25,669
Geez.
343
00:29:43,360 -- 00:29:46,830
- Good evening. I hope it's not too...
- Not at all, Miss Ashton.
344
00:29:46,920 -- 00:29:49,514
Miss Von Rhuman's expecting you.
345
00:29:49,560 -- 00:29:51,835
She is?
346
00:30:00,880 -- 00:30:03,440
Wait here, please.
347
00:30:28,640 -- 00:30:31,518
Follow me, please.
348
00:30:58,480 -- 00:31:01,438
Excuse me.
349
00:31:03,200 -- 00:31:05,839
I hoped you'd come.
350
00:31:05,880 -- 00:31:10,112
Make some room for my friend,
for Christ's sake!
351
00:31:10,160 -- 00:31:12,151
But...
352
00:31:14,680 -- 00:31:17,114
keep your ass handy.
353
00:31:25,480 -- 00:31:30,634
May I say that
I've always thought yours...
354
00:31:30,720 -- 00:31:35,475
to be one of the most
beautiful faces...
355
00:31:35,560 -- 00:31:38,950
ever to grace
the silver screen.
356
00:31:39,000 -- 00:31:40,228
Oh.
357
00:31:40,280 -- 00:31:42,396
And that husband of yours,
358
00:31:42,480 -- 00:31:46,359
I can only say that
his reputation is unsurpassed.
359
00:31:46,440 -- 00:31:48,271
Oh.
360
00:31:48,360 -- 00:31:52,717
I just arrived in town.
I follow the spring.
361
00:31:52,760 -- 00:31:55,069
I haven't seen an autumn
or winter in years.
362
00:31:57,880 -- 00:32:00,348
We are creatures
of the spring, you and I.
363
00:32:00,400 -- 00:32:04,837
Uh-huh. I'm not really
quite sure why I came.
364
00:32:04,880 -- 00:32:08,077
You're scared as hell...
of yourself,
365
00:32:09,200 -- 00:32:12,715
of the body you thought
you once knew.
366
00:32:12,760 -- 00:32:15,194
I beg your pardon?
367
00:32:16,240 -- 00:32:19,596
I am the one
who understands.
368
00:32:19,680 -- 00:32:23,309
I am the one
who knows your secret.
369
00:32:25,440 -- 00:32:27,510
Who is it?
370
00:32:30,640 -- 00:32:33,996
Madeline.
I need to speak to Madeline.
371
00:32:34,040 -- 00:32:36,190
She's not here.
372
00:32:36,240 -- 00:32:39,277
Ah, thank God!
373
00:32:43,640 -- 00:32:47,349
How did you get in?
I didn't hear the gate.
374
00:32:49,440 -- 00:32:52,034
I didn't want you to hear.
375
00:32:52,080 -- 00:32:54,150
Ernest, ask me to go.
376
00:32:54,200 -- 00:32:56,953
Ask me to leave
this house immediately!
377
00:32:57,040 -- 00:32:59,713
- You just got here.
- I know, I know.
378
00:32:59,760 -- 00:33:03,275
But it just took me a glimpse
and I was back where I started.
379
00:33:03,320 -- 00:33:05,515
Where's that?
380
00:33:05,560 -- 00:33:08,757
- Don't pretend you're not aware of it.
- Of what?
381
00:33:08,840 -- 00:33:13,038
You're a powerful
sexual being, Ernest.
382
00:33:13,120 -- 00:33:14,792
I am?
383
00:33:14,840 -- 00:33:16,558
Yes, you are.
384
00:33:16,640 -- 00:33:19,632
If I never told you before,
it's because...
385
00:33:19,720 -- 00:33:22,996
I wasn't the sort of girl
that could say the word...
386
00:33:23,080 -- 00:33:26,470
"sexual" without blushing.
387
00:33:29,160 -- 00:33:31,549
Well, I can now.
388
00:33:33,200 -- 00:33:36,078
Sexual.
389
00:33:36,800 -- 00:33:39,268
Sensual.
390
00:33:40,760 -- 00:33:42,830
Sexy.
391
00:33:44,240 -- 00:33:46,913
Sex.
392
00:33:46,960 -- 00:33:49,838
Sex.
393
00:33:49,880 -- 00:33:51,836
Sex!
394
00:33:55,520 -- 00:33:59,911
So warm, so full of life.
395
00:34:00,000 -- 00:34:03,993
And already
it ebbs away from you.
396
00:34:04,080 -- 00:34:07,072
This is life's
ultimate cruelty.
397
00:34:07,120 -- 00:34:10,635
It offers us the taste
of youth and vitality...
398
00:34:10,720 -- 00:34:14,599
and then makes us
witness our own decay.
399
00:34:15,880 -- 00:34:18,110
Well, it is
the natural law.
400
00:34:18,160 -- 00:34:20,549
Screw the natural law!
401
00:35:11,920 -- 00:35:14,354
What is that?
402
00:35:14,440 -- 00:35:18,479
What you came for.
403
00:35:18,560 -- 00:35:21,438
A touch of magic...
404
00:35:21,520 -- 00:35:25,638
in this world
obsessed with science.
405
00:35:27,400 -- 00:35:29,709
A tonic.
406
00:35:31,280 -- 00:35:33,510
A potion.
407
00:35:35,160 -- 00:35:37,037
What does it do?
408
00:35:37,120 -- 00:35:40,476
How old would you guess I am?
409
00:35:43,280 -- 00:35:46,238
I wouldn't...
410
00:35:46,320 -- 00:35:48,959
Come on.
Don't try to flatter me.
411
00:35:49,040 -- 00:35:51,429
Thirty eight.
412
00:35:52,400 -- 00:35:54,391
Oh, twenty eight.
Twenty... three?
413
00:35:54,480 -- 00:35:57,995
I am seventy-one years old.
414
00:35:58,080 -- 00:36:01,277
That's what it does.
415
00:36:01,360 -- 00:36:04,670
It stops the aging process
dead in its tracks...
416
00:36:04,720 -- 00:36:06,870
and forces it into retreat.
417
00:36:06,960 -- 00:36:11,511
Drink that potion and you'll
never grow even one day older.
418
00:36:11,600 -- 00:36:16,720
Don't drink it...
and continue to watch yourself rot.
419
00:36:17,560 -- 00:36:19,437
How much is it?
420
00:36:21,880 -- 00:36:25,668
The sordid topic of coin...
421
00:36:25,720 -- 00:36:28,359
I'm afraid is not so simple.
422
00:36:28,400 -- 00:36:32,598
The cost, you see,
it's different for everyone.
423
00:36:32,680 -- 00:36:35,831
Well, for me, how much?
424
00:36:50,480 -- 00:36:55,395
Well, thank you very much.
I think I should be going.
425
00:36:55,440 -- 00:36:57,590
Sit!
426
00:37:11,920 -- 00:37:14,639
Hold out your hand.
427
00:37:18,160 -- 00:37:21,596
What are you, nuts?
428
00:37:21,680 -- 00:37:23,750
Watch.
429
00:37:49,480 -- 00:37:51,789
Check okay?
430
00:37:51,880 -- 00:37:53,711
Fine.
431
00:37:53,800 -- 00:37:56,314
But you must make me a promise.
432
00:37:56,400 -- 00:37:59,119
The secret that we share
must never become public.
433
00:37:59,200 -- 00:38:01,714
You may continue your career
for ten years,
434
00:38:01,800 -- 00:38:04,872
ten years of perfect,
unchanged beauty.
435
00:38:04,960 -- 00:38:09,476
But at the end of that time,
before people become suspicious,
436
00:38:09,520 -- 00:38:12,318
you have to disappear
from public view forever.
437
00:38:12,400 -- 00:38:14,470
You can retire.
438
00:38:14,560 -- 00:38:17,677
You can stage
your own phony death...
439
00:38:17,720 -- 00:38:20,188
or...
440
00:38:20,240 -- 00:38:23,630
as one of my clients
simply said,
441
00:38:23,720 -- 00:38:26,473
"I vant to be alone, yah."
442
00:38:26,560 -- 00:38:29,358
No! She's not!
443
00:38:30,480 -- 00:38:32,357
Wow!
444
00:38:57,560 -- 00:39:00,074
Bottoms up.
445
00:39:12,640 -- 00:39:16,553
- Now, a warning.
- Now, a warning?
446
00:39:16,640 -- 00:39:19,996
Take care of yourself.
447
00:39:20,080 -- 00:39:25,598
You and your body are going
to be together a long time.
448
00:39:25,680 -- 00:39:28,240
Be good to it.
449
00:39:29,880 -- 00:39:33,634
Siempre viva.
Live forever.
450
00:40:12,960 -- 00:40:16,919
I can't believe...
Did you...
451
00:40:17,000 -- 00:40:19,673
Oh... I'm a girl!
452
00:40:19,760 -- 00:40:22,911
Shh.
453
00:40:22,960 -- 00:40:26,157
Ernest, oh, we gotta stop.
454
00:40:26,240 -- 00:40:28,629
I know we... I know we...
455
00:40:28,720 -- 00:40:30,950
Really, Ernest. Oh.
456
00:40:31,040 -- 00:40:33,429
Ernest, don't be angry with me.
457
00:40:33,520 -- 00:40:36,717
I'm fighting this as hard
as I can, but just...
458
00:40:36,800 -- 00:40:38,392
Look at you!
459
00:40:40,720 -- 00:40:43,393
She's already destroyed
your career.
460
00:40:43,440 -- 00:40:45,954
Now she's breaking
your heart,
461
00:40:46,000 -- 00:40:48,639
stealing your pride,
462
00:40:48,720 -- 00:40:50,950
flaunting her lovers...
463
00:40:51,040 -- 00:40:52,314
all over town.
464
00:40:52,400 -- 00:40:54,231
You know about that?
465
00:40:54,320 -- 00:40:57,790
Everyone does.
466
00:40:57,840 -- 00:41:01,310
At the party,
people spoke of nothing else.
467
00:41:01,360 -- 00:41:04,079
How can you love me, Helen?
468
00:41:04,120 -- 00:41:08,318
I've been so weak for so long.
469
00:41:08,400 -- 00:41:11,870
I should've divorced Madeline
a long time ago.
470
00:41:14,120 -- 00:41:17,908
By God, that is exactly
what I am going to do!
471
00:41:18,000 -- 00:41:20,070
The first thing
tomorrow morning,
472
00:41:20,160 -- 00:41:23,436
I am gonna go downtown and obtain
a divorce from Madeline Ashton.
473
00:41:23,520 -- 00:41:27,274
- Ernest?
- Monday. At the very least Tuesday.
474
00:41:27,360 -- 00:41:31,035
Divorce?
In California?
475
00:41:31,120 -- 00:41:34,829
That's exactly what
she wants you to do.
476
00:41:34,920 -- 00:41:37,150
You have no talent
for poverty.
477
00:41:43,280 -- 00:41:45,953
You can't let her
get away with that.
478
00:41:47,360 -- 00:41:50,272
Then there's nothing
I can do.
479
00:41:52,080 -- 00:41:54,594
Oh, yes, there is.
480
00:41:58,600 -- 00:42:00,909
Listen to me, Ernest.
481
00:42:01,000 -- 00:42:05,357
I've thought this through carefully,
and it's the only way.
482
00:42:05,440 -- 00:42:09,035
Tonight, while she's asleep,
you'll sneak downstairs quietly,
483
00:42:09,080 -- 00:42:13,551
and take one of each kind
of wine glass from the shelf.
484
00:42:13,640 -- 00:42:15,949
Then you'll take
this Narconal...
485
00:42:16,040 -- 00:42:18,315
and lightly coat
each glass.
486
00:42:18,400 -- 00:42:22,313
As you know, Narconal is a very
powerful alcohol-base tranquilizer,
487
00:42:22,360 -- 00:42:24,237
so you won't need much.
488
00:42:24,320 -- 00:42:26,880
Tomorrow, I'll call Madeline
to say good-bye.
489
00:42:26,960 -- 00:42:31,670
- I'll get her to invite me to dinner.
- Why don't you come to dinner?
490
00:42:31,760 -- 00:42:35,594
Then, at dinner,
we propose a toast.
491
00:42:35,640 -- 00:42:37,835
No matter which glass
she drinks from,
492
00:42:37,880 -- 00:42:41,873
Narconal will be
on the glass.
493
00:42:41,960 -- 00:42:45,236
You and I work together.
First, we finish dinner.
494
00:42:45,320 -- 00:42:48,551
Then we load her in the car,
take her to the top of Mulholland Drive,
495
00:42:48,600 -- 00:42:53,549
call the police and report we've seen a
drunk woman swerving close to the edge.
496
00:42:53,640 -- 00:42:57,030
Some drunk woman up here on Mulholland's
swerving dangerously close to the edge.
497
00:42:57,120 -- 00:43:00,635
We'll sit her up
in the driver's seat...
498
00:43:00,720 -- 00:43:02,472
and make it look like
she's had...
499
00:43:02,560 -- 00:43:06,348
just a little bit
too much to drink.
500
00:43:06,440 -- 00:43:08,556
We drop the car into gear,
501
00:43:10,240 -- 00:43:12,959
wedge her foot
down on the accelerator,
502
00:43:14,480 -- 00:43:17,358
clamp her hands
on the steering wheel...
503
00:43:17,440 -- 00:43:20,238
and send her on her way.
504
00:43:30,720 -- 00:43:33,518
By the time
they perform the autopsy,
505
00:43:33,560 -- 00:43:36,120
the Narconal will be
completely dissolved,
506
00:43:36,200 -- 00:43:38,839
leaving only traces
of alcohol.
507
00:43:38,920 -- 00:43:43,152
She'll be classified
as just another drunk driver.
508
00:43:43,240 -- 00:43:48,553
- They'll check her blood alcohol...
- Point four-0. She had it coming.
509
00:43:48,600 -- 00:43:50,955
...and think
nothing more of it.
510
00:43:51,040 -- 00:43:55,556
The case is closed.
Madeline is dead.
511
00:43:55,600 -- 00:43:59,036
And we're free!
512
00:43:59,120 -- 00:44:01,793
What are we saying?
513
00:44:07,880 -- 00:44:11,634
- We can't go through with this, Helen.
- It's the only way.
514
00:44:11,720 -- 00:44:13,870
After she's gone,
515
00:44:13,960 -- 00:44:17,157
you can start your life
all over again.
516
00:44:17,200 -- 00:44:20,397
I can start my life
all over again.
517
00:44:20,480 -- 00:44:24,712
Oh, we'll be so happy!
518
00:44:27,280 -- 00:44:30,272
She's killing you.
519
00:44:31,920 -- 00:44:35,674
So... it would be
self-defense.
520
00:44:35,760 -- 00:44:39,116
Self-defense.
521
00:46:06,200 -- 00:46:09,510
My God, it's back!
522
00:46:18,680 -- 00:46:20,875
We have to talk.
523
00:46:20,920 -- 00:46:24,151
- Have another drink and go to bed.
- You'd like that.
524
00:46:24,240 -- 00:46:27,277
You'd like to see me drink
myself into an early grave.
525
00:46:27,320 -- 00:46:29,629
That is not going
to happen, by God!
526
00:46:29,680 -- 00:46:33,798
- You are not going to take my money!
- What are you talking about?
527
00:46:33,840 -- 00:46:36,957
When was the last time
you worked, Madeline? A real job?
528
00:46:37,040 -- 00:46:41,192
Anything you had left, you owed me
a long time ago. Your face owed me.
529
00:46:41,280 -- 00:46:43,669
You've changed your hair?
530
00:46:45,920 -- 00:46:47,911
What an eye.
531
00:46:48,000 -- 00:46:49,831
Don't wait up.
532
00:46:52,000 -- 00:46:54,195
Cheap.
533
00:46:57,000 -- 00:46:59,309
What did you say?
534
00:46:59,400 -- 00:47:02,153
I called you cheap.
That's what I think of you.
535
00:47:02,240 -- 00:47:04,196
Who do you think
you're talking to?
536
00:47:04,240 -- 00:47:06,800
You're a cheap,
tacky little tramp.
537
00:47:06,880 -- 00:47:09,075
Who do you think
you are?
538
00:47:09,160 -- 00:47:12,391
- Nothing like the woman I married.
- You're nothing!
539
00:47:12,480 -- 00:47:15,836
- You're a broad!
- You're a tragic, boozy, flaccid clown.
540
00:47:15,920 -- 00:47:19,595
- Watch it, Madeline.
- That's it. Flaccid.
541
00:47:19,640 -- 00:47:21,596
- Watch what you say.
- Flaccid.
542
00:47:21,680 -- 00:47:24,148
I don't have to take
this any longer!
543
00:47:24,240 -- 00:47:26,993
You'll take everything I have to give!
You always have.
544
00:47:27,080 -- 00:47:29,389
You're not even a man anymore.
And I need a man!
545
00:47:29,480 -- 00:47:33,439
A real man, not some drunken,
broken-down flaccid undertaker...
546
00:47:33,520 -- 00:47:36,557
who is just as dead below
the waist as his clients are.
547
00:47:36,600 -- 00:47:39,273
Hey, I might have more fun
with one of your clients!
548
00:47:39,320 -- 00:47:42,630
At least I'd know I'd be
getting something stiff...
549
00:47:58,880 -- 00:48:01,713
Did you think that I was just going
to take it forever, Madeline?
550
00:48:01,800 -- 00:48:03,233
Did you?
551
00:48:03,280 -- 00:48:06,352
You cruel, vicious,
loathsome bitch!
552
00:48:10,640 -- 00:48:13,757
Please? Please?
553
00:48:16,320 -- 00:48:19,357
Oh, God! Oh!
554
00:48:19,440 -- 00:48:23,274
- Madeline, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, help me! Help me!
555
00:48:25,760 -- 00:48:27,955
Hurry!
556
00:48:28,040 -- 00:48:30,110
Help me!
Hurry up, you wimp!
557
00:48:53,200 -- 00:48:55,111
Oh, boy.
558
00:49:01,080 -- 00:49:04,595
Oh, oh.
559
00:49:04,680 -- 00:49:06,636
Oh.
560
00:49:09,120 -- 00:49:11,998
Oh, boy!
561
00:49:38,080 -- 00:49:40,355
Oh, boy!
562
00:49:50,720 -- 00:49:52,836
Suite 1110, please.
563
00:49:52,880 -- 00:49:55,599
Helen, it's me, Ernest Menville!
I did it!
564
00:49:55,680 -- 00:49:57,875
I didn't think I'd be able to,
but I did it!
565
00:49:57,960 -- 00:50:00,952
I pushed her down the stairs.
She is absolutely stone cold.
566
00:50:01,040 -- 00:50:04,350
She was saying the most
monstrous things and she's dead.
567
00:50:04,400 -- 00:50:06,914
I just had this feeling inside
of me that I couldn't contain.
568
00:50:06,960 -- 00:50:09,599
We're free, Helen.
But I'm afraid I'm gonna burn in hell.
569
00:50:09,680 -- 00:50:12,399
Her neck is broken and
there's no pulse and she's dead.
570
00:50:12,480 -- 00:50:15,950
Exactly which part of the plan
were you unclear on?
571
00:50:16,040 -- 00:50:19,430
- We went over it three times, Ernest.
- You don't understand.
572
00:50:19,520 -- 00:50:23,195
- Ernest, we went over it three times.
- You don't understand.
573
00:50:23,280 -- 00:50:25,430
It just happened.
It was an accident.
574
00:50:25,520 -- 00:50:27,715
It's better than an accident. At least
it's gonna look like an accident.
575
00:50:27,760 -- 00:50:29,990
- Have you called the police?
- No, I called you first.
576
00:50:30,080 -- 00:50:33,356
Ernest, you...
poor, sweet thing.
577
00:50:33,400 -- 00:50:37,678
If the police check the phone records,
don't you think it'll look unusual...
578
00:50:37,760 -- 00:50:41,719
- that you called me before them?
- Oh, my God.
579
00:50:41,800 -- 00:50:44,189
- You're right.
- Of course I'm right!
580
00:50:44,240 -- 00:50:46,117
- Should I call them right now?
- No.
581
00:50:46,160 -- 00:50:49,630
We have to decide what
you're going to say first.
582
00:50:50,800 -- 00:50:53,234
- Well?
- I'm thinking.
583
00:50:54,360 -- 00:50:56,396
Okay, I've got it.
Where's the body?
584
00:50:56,480 -- 00:51:00,075
- At the foot of the stairs.
- Good. Don't move her.
585
00:51:00,160 -- 00:51:02,594
- Soon as we hang up, call the police.
- Okay.
586
00:51:02,640 -- 00:51:06,235
Tell them you were on the phone with me
when you heard a terrible scream.
587
00:51:06,320 -- 00:51:09,153
You turned around and saw Madeline
fall down the stairs.
588
00:51:09,200 -- 00:51:11,236
- Right. Perfect.
- Stick to that story.
589
00:51:11,280 -- 00:51:14,317
If they check the phone records,
it'll confirm what you told them.
590
00:51:14,400 -- 00:51:17,039
- Got it.
- What about the time of death?
591
00:51:17,120 -- 00:51:20,590
- Could they prove the call came after?
- No, no.
592
00:51:20,680 -- 00:51:23,638
It's very difficult to determine
time of death within a few hours.
593
00:51:23,720 -- 00:51:27,315
- It's not an exact science.
- Ernest? Ernest!
594
00:51:27,400 -- 00:51:31,791
Ernest, you pushed me
down the stairs!
595
00:51:36,960 -- 00:51:39,269
Stay away from me!
596
00:51:39,360 -- 00:51:41,874
You bet I will!
Animal! Psycho!
597
00:51:41,960 -- 00:51:44,838
- Don't come near me.
- Wife pusher!
598
00:51:44,880 -- 00:51:48,555
Don't come near me,
follow me or talk to me.
599
00:51:48,640 -- 00:51:50,835
I don't intend to.
600
00:51:51,280 -- 00:51:54,078
I just have to make
a telephone call.
601
00:51:57,400 -- 00:52:01,109
I just have to make
a telephone call.
602
00:52:01,200 -- 00:52:03,270
9-1-1, right?
603
00:52:06,360 -- 00:52:10,035
You're in the shit house now, pal!
604
00:52:11,040 -- 00:52:13,110
Madeline, look at yourself!
605
00:52:13,200 -- 00:52:15,919
- Huh?
- Look at yourself!
606
00:52:19,640 -- 00:52:21,835
Ernest!
607
00:52:21,920 -- 00:52:24,753
My ass!
608
00:52:24,840 -- 00:52:28,150
I can see...
my ass!
609
00:52:28,240 -- 00:52:32,995
- Something's wrong with your neck too.
- I would say so.
610
00:52:33,040 -- 00:52:37,591
I would friggin' well say so!
611
00:52:38,920 -- 00:52:41,832
Oh!
Are you okay, honey?
612
00:52:41,920 -- 00:52:44,593
Yeah. Oh.
613
00:52:48,240 -- 00:52:51,949
Ernest...
614
00:52:52,040 -- 00:52:54,235
what's wrong with me?
615
00:52:54,320 -- 00:52:57,392
It's a dislocated neck.
That's what it is.
616
00:52:57,480 -- 00:53:00,916
It could happen. I've never seen
it happen, but it could happen.
617
00:53:01,000 -- 00:53:04,276
Yeah, so? Fix it.
618
00:53:04,360 -- 00:53:07,033
- How?
- I don't know. Just do it!
619
00:53:07,120 -- 00:53:09,953
I wouldn't know where
to begin, Madeline.
620
00:53:10,000 -- 00:53:11,911
For God's sake!
621
00:53:17,560 -- 00:53:19,516
Ah!
622
00:53:19,600 -- 00:53:21,909
Oh!
623
00:53:26,320 -- 00:53:29,995
Honey, I think
I need a doctor.
624
00:53:34,160 -- 00:53:37,232
- What's the matter with this guy?
- She's at death's door!
625
00:53:37,400 -- 00:53:39,231
Doctor, she's at death's door.
626
00:53:39,280 -- 00:53:42,192
Why don't you let me
be the judge of that?
627
00:53:42,280 -- 00:53:44,236
What seems to be the problem?
628
00:53:44,280 -- 00:53:46,635
I fell down the stairs.
629
00:53:46,680 -- 00:53:49,353
Whoopsie.
Anything broken?
630
00:53:49,400 -- 00:53:52,153
I don't think so. I mean,
it would hurt, wouldn't it?
631
00:53:52,240 -- 00:53:54,708
I should think so, yeah.
632
00:53:54,800 -- 00:53:59,032
Maybe my wrist,
but my neck feels sort of sore.
633
00:53:59,120 -- 00:54:01,554
Let's have a little look at you.
Which wrist is it?
634
00:54:01,640 -- 00:54:03,596
Right.
635
00:54:03,680 -- 00:54:06,353
- Does it hurt when I do this?
- No.
636
00:54:06,440 -- 00:54:09,318
- How about this?
- Nope.
637
00:54:11,240 -- 00:54:14,437
- Ah, okay, this?
- Hmm, no, uh-uh.
638
00:54:15,400 -- 00:54:18,631
- This doesn't hurt?
- Uh-uh. No.
639
00:54:18,720 -- 00:54:21,439
Are you telling me
it doesn't hurt when I do this?
640
00:54:21,520 -- 00:54:24,080
It doesn't hurt.
I told you that.
641
00:54:24,120 -- 00:54:27,476
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
642
00:54:27,560 -- 00:54:30,677
Okay, what's this you're talking
about with your neck?
643
00:54:30,760 -- 00:54:33,957
It hurts when I kinda
turn it, you know?
644
00:54:34,000 -- 00:54:36,673
Maybe you just...
645
00:54:36,720 -- 00:54:40,315
Okay, right.
I see. Gotcha.
646
00:54:40,400 -- 00:54:44,473
- What about shock? Should we check?
- It could be shock.
647
00:54:44,560 -- 00:54:46,710
It could be shock.
648
00:55:00,880 -- 00:55:03,110
What is...
649
00:55:12,480 -- 00:55:14,630
What? What is it?
What's the matter?
650
00:55:14,720 -- 00:55:17,280
It's, uh,
it's interesting.
651
00:55:17,360 -- 00:55:19,794
It's okeydokey.
652
00:55:19,880 -- 00:55:22,997
I think that
just about covers it.
653
00:55:23,080 -- 00:55:26,629
- Might I have a little sip of that?
- Of course.
654
00:55:28,920 -- 00:55:32,549
Well, I'll tell you what.
We, this, uh, odd thing.
655
00:55:32,600 -- 00:55:35,637
Your wrist,
as far as I can tell,
656
00:55:35,720 -- 00:55:38,951
it's fractured in three places.
657
00:55:39,040 -- 00:55:41,349
And you've shattered,
uh, two, uh, vertebrae.
658
00:55:41,440 -- 00:55:44,830
I can't really be certain
without an X ray.
659
00:55:44,880 -- 00:55:49,396
But the bone protrusion through
the skin, that's not a good sign.
660
00:55:49,480 -- 00:55:52,074
And, uh... your body temperature
is below 80...
661
00:55:52,120 -- 00:55:55,078
and, your, your, your...
662
00:55:55,120 -- 00:55:57,350
your heart's stopped beating.
663
00:55:57,400 -- 00:56:00,676
What the hell does that mean?
664
00:56:00,720 -- 00:56:02,995
Exactly! Exactly what...
665
00:56:03,080 -- 00:56:06,197
I think...
I'm gonna get a second opinion.
666
00:56:06,280 -- 00:56:07,952
Doctor?
667
00:56:08,040 -- 00:56:10,634
Well, could be worse.
668
00:56:10,720 -- 00:56:13,473
- I'm gonna examine you myself.
- No.
669
00:56:13,520 -- 00:56:15,715
- Sit still.
- Don't touch me.
670
00:56:15,760 -- 00:56:19,594
- My God, he's right.
- He is not right. Don't be ridiculous.
671
00:56:19,640 -- 00:56:21,676
- This is incredible.
- What would it mean if he were right?
672
00:56:21,720 -- 00:56:26,077
You're in violation
of every natural law that I know.
673
00:56:26,160 -- 00:56:28,071
I, I, I,
I violated what law?
674
00:56:28,160 -- 00:56:30,151
In violation of every
natural law that I know!
675
00:56:30,240 -- 00:56:34,870
You're sitting there,
you're talking to me, but you're dead!
676
00:56:34,960 -- 00:56:37,030
I'm gonna get help!
677
00:56:41,440 -- 00:56:44,591
I need a doctor!
Room 147!
678
00:56:44,680 -- 00:56:48,832
Hey! Hey!
679
00:56:48,920 -- 00:56:54,278
Respiratory therapist
to E.R. Therapist to the E.R.
680
00:56:54,400 -- 00:56:57,949
Where are all the doctors?
681
00:57:03,600 -- 00:57:06,239
No, no, no!
Not that lab!
682
00:57:06,320 -- 00:57:09,153
Everyone clear.
683
00:57:09,200 -- 00:57:12,192
- What do we have now?
- No pulse!
684
00:57:18,240 -- 00:57:21,038
Where is she?
685
00:57:25,320 -- 00:57:28,232
I'm terribly sorry, sir.
I know how difficult this must be.
686
00:57:28,280 -- 00:57:30,919
You don't understand.
She didn't...
687
00:57:30,960 -- 00:57:33,030
This is very hard to explain.
688
00:57:33,080 -- 00:57:35,913
I know it is.
How can anyone explain it?
689
00:57:35,960 -- 00:57:38,952
- Where did you put my wife?
- Don't worry about that now.
690
00:57:39,040 -- 00:57:41,349
Just give yourself
some time to grieve.
691
00:57:41,400 -- 00:57:45,518
- Where did you put my wife?
- She's dead. She's in the morgue.
692
00:57:45,560 -- 00:57:49,189
The morgue!
She'll be furious.
693
00:58:55,320 -- 00:58:58,551
- Help!
- Yes, it's me, darling.
694
00:58:58,640 -- 00:59:01,791
Oh, Ernest!
695
00:59:01,840 -- 00:59:05,833
I fainted and I woke up
and it was all dark.
696
00:59:05,880 -- 00:59:08,553
I kept yelling
and yelling and yelling.
697
00:59:08,640 -- 00:59:11,313
Nobody heard me.
Nobody did anything.
698
00:59:11,400 -- 00:59:13,675
Then I didn't know where
I was and I got scared.
699
00:59:13,760 -- 00:59:17,116
It's okay.
It's all right.
700
00:59:17,200 -- 00:59:20,875
Ernest, I'm in the morgue.
701
00:59:20,960 -- 00:59:23,110
- Why am I in the morgue?
- Shh! It's okay. It's okay!
702
00:59:23,160 -- 00:59:25,515
Listen! I understand now.
It's incredible!
703
00:59:25,560 -- 00:59:28,518
It's physically impossible,
but now I understand it.
704
00:59:28,560 -- 00:59:32,519
- They think I'm dead, Ernest.
- Yes! But you're not!
705
00:59:32,560 -- 00:59:35,279
In the whole of recorded
medical history,
706
00:59:35,320 -- 00:59:38,437
this has never happened
to another single human.
707
00:59:38,480 -- 00:59:42,155
Yeah, so, why did it have
to happen to me?
708
00:59:42,200 -- 00:59:45,317
- Do you know what you are, darling?
- Uh-uh.
709
00:59:45,360 -- 00:59:49,353
You're a sign.
You're an omen, a burning bush!
710
00:59:49,400 -- 00:59:51,994
- I am?
- Of course you are.
711
00:59:52,080 -- 00:59:54,799
We're being told that
we belong together.
712
00:59:54,880 -- 00:59:58,350
And I'm being called.
I'm being challenged.
713
00:59:58,440 -- 01:00:01,591
Don't you see, Madeline?
It's a miracle!
714
01:00:38,080 -- 01:00:40,594
Oh, my God!
715
01:01:04,080 -- 01:01:07,959
Shit!
716
01:01:23,920 -- 01:01:25,831
Oh!
717
01:01:51,920 -- 01:01:53,990
Formaldehyde.
718
01:01:54,040 -- 01:01:57,191
What in God's name?
719
01:02:26,600 -- 01:02:28,477
Darn it.
720
01:02:33,520 -- 01:02:35,397
It's just not the right balance.
721
01:02:35,440 -- 01:02:38,352
- How's it goin', Ern?
- I don't wanna rush things, Madeline.
722
01:02:38,440 -- 01:02:41,910
Who keeps calling?
723
01:02:42,000 -- 01:02:44,355
- Huh?
- Who is that?
724
01:02:44,400 -- 01:02:47,358
I can't have these interruptions!
725
01:02:50,040 -- 01:02:53,555
I'm gonna need you
to hold very still.
726
01:02:53,640 -- 01:02:55,995
Oh!
727
01:02:56,080 -- 01:02:59,197
- What?
- Madeline!
728
01:02:59,280 -- 01:03:02,511
- I asked you to sit still.
- Mmm, what's the matter?
729
01:03:02,600 -- 01:03:05,478
- I need more turpentine now.
- Are we almost done?
730
01:03:05,520 -- 01:03:08,910
The highlights of your eyes
are unbalanced. Want people to stare?
731
01:03:09,080 -- 01:03:13,631
I can't use kerosene
because it'll affect the skin.
732
01:03:16,120 -- 01:03:18,953
Where is she?
733
01:03:22,160 -- 01:03:26,039
Oh, my gosh, Helen!
What are you doin' here?
734
01:03:26,120 -- 01:03:28,509
What's that on your hands?
Blood?
735
01:03:28,560 -- 01:03:30,676
- Paint!
- Paint?
736
01:03:30,760 -- 01:03:32,637
What would you be doing that
you have paint on your hands?
737
01:03:32,720 -- 01:03:34,950
- Painting.
- Ernest.
738
01:03:35,040 -- 01:03:38,077
Are you doing something funny
with Madeline?
739
01:03:38,160 -- 01:03:41,357
- Define funny.
- Oh, come on, Ernest. Cough her up!
740
01:03:41,400 -- 01:03:43,595
Shh, shh, shh,
listen, Helen.
741
01:03:43,680 -- 01:03:45,955
- We should go outside and talk.
- Why are you whispering?
742
01:03:46,000 -- 01:03:50,278
- She's resting and in a foul mood.
- Are you nuts?
743
01:03:50,320 -- 01:03:53,039
- She's resting!
- She's not resting.
744
01:03:53,080 -- 01:03:57,358
She's dead, Ernest, just like we wanted,
just like we plotted together.
745
01:03:57,440 -- 01:04:01,149
Remember? You may have done it alone,
but I can't walk away now.
746
01:04:01,200 -- 01:04:03,953
- Not after you put us both in jeopardy!
- Shh!
747
01:04:04,040 -- 01:04:08,352
We have to bury her in Death Valley
and be done with her once and for all.
748
01:04:08,400 -- 01:04:11,756
- You have to listen to me.
- Stop waffling. She deserved it.
749
01:04:11,840 -- 01:04:16,197
She was a home wrecker.
She was a man-eater.
750
01:04:16,240 -- 01:04:19,038
And she was a bad... actress.
751
01:04:19,120 -- 01:04:24,274
- Would you please listen to me!
- Oh, stop it!
752
01:04:24,360 -- 01:04:26,794
Madeline is not ready
to be buried yet.
753
01:04:26,840 -- 01:04:29,274
- She's upstairs resting peacefully.
- Oh, fine!
754
01:04:29,360 -- 01:04:31,476
If she's not dead,
you tell her to come here.
755
01:04:31,560 -- 01:04:33,915
Tell her to come here,
walk right up to me...
756
01:04:34,000 -- 01:04:36,434
- and kiss me on the...
- Kiss you on the what?
757
01:04:38,080 -- 01:04:42,471
- Mad?
- Hel.
758
01:04:42,560 -- 01:04:45,358
- Darling.
- What have you two...
759
01:04:45,400 -- 01:04:49,359
been plotting down here
or should I say, what else?
760
01:04:49,400 -- 01:04:54,428
Are you angry, dear?
Are you very angry?
761
01:04:54,480 -- 01:04:58,951
- It's alive.
- Madeline?
762
01:04:59,040 -- 01:05:03,272
Oh, boy! Helen, I think you
should leave right away.
763
01:05:03,320 -- 01:05:07,074
I see a very bad
situation developing here.
764
01:05:07,120 -- 01:05:10,590
Dear? Madeline?
765
01:05:20,120 -- 01:05:22,156
I just want you
to know one thing, Hel.
766
01:05:23,640 -- 01:05:25,517
You brought
this on yourself.
767
01:05:25,560 -- 01:05:26,913
Madeline!
768
01:05:30,360 -- 01:05:32,874
Oh, my God!
769
01:05:34,560 -- 01:05:38,599
- What have you done?
- What have I done? Defended myself.
770
01:05:38,640 -- 01:05:40,835
You plotter, coconspirator!
771
01:05:40,880 -- 01:05:44,111
- She's dead!
- She is?
772
01:05:44,200 -- 01:05:48,557
These are the moments
that make life worth living.
773
01:05:48,600 -- 01:05:51,717
My God, Madeline, that was horrible.
It was brutal.
774
01:05:51,760 -- 01:05:54,672
It was stupid!
The police, Madeline! The police!
775
01:05:54,760 -- 01:05:57,672
What are they gonna do? Put me
in the gas chamber? Big deal.
776
01:05:57,720 -- 01:06:00,712
Life in prison? Know what that
means to a person in your condition?
777
01:06:00,760 -- 01:06:05,675
- So negative. Let me enjoy the moment.
- What about the neighbors?
778
01:06:05,760 -- 01:06:10,151
Neighbors? In 12 years in Los Angeles,
have you ever seen a neighbor?
779
01:06:10,200 -- 01:06:13,158
Oh! I gotta think!
I gotta think!
780
01:06:13,200 -- 01:06:15,111
One of us has
to stay rational.
781
01:06:15,200 -- 01:06:19,512
I am completely rational.
We're going to bury her.
782
01:06:19,600 -- 01:06:21,989
In Death Valley.
You and I.
783
01:06:22,040 -- 01:06:24,395
I most certainly will not!
784
01:06:24,440 -- 01:06:29,355
Oh, no? Pretty strong words
for a murderer on the run,
785
01:06:29,440 -- 01:06:32,796
which is exactly
what you are, Ernest.
786
01:06:34,960 -- 01:06:38,157
What if the police should receive
an anonymous phone call about you...
787
01:06:38,240 -- 01:06:42,836
and find me on the floor
not breathing, no pulse?
788
01:06:42,920 -- 01:06:46,117
Ain't nobody can play dead
like me, Ernest.
789
01:06:46,160 -- 01:06:50,870
What will you tell them? You're going
to be very popular in prison.
790
01:06:50,960 -- 01:06:53,713
- Prison?
- Prison.
791
01:06:53,800 -- 01:06:57,839
Do you know what they do to soft,
bald, overweight Republicans...
792
01:06:57,880 -- 01:07:01,190
in prison, Ernest?
793
01:07:01,240 -- 01:07:03,276
I'll get the shovels, dear.
794
01:07:07,760 -- 01:07:10,479
And she even paid
for the hardware.
795
01:07:10,520 -- 01:07:14,399
Don't you just love it?
796
01:07:14,480 -- 01:07:17,472
Oh!
797
01:07:18,760 -- 01:07:21,194
- Are you just gonna sit there?
- What?
798
01:07:21,280 -- 01:07:24,113
- I won't be your accomplice by myself.
- I'll help.
799
01:07:24,200 -- 01:07:26,475
- I'm happy to help.
- Help me stretch this out. Get the end.
800
01:07:26,560 -- 01:07:30,269
- I'm very happy to help.
- Put the body right here.
801
01:07:30,320 -- 01:07:32,959
Today really shaped up
in a hurry, didn't it?
802
01:07:33,040 -- 01:07:36,237
Did you ever notice how some days
can start out so shitty...
803
01:07:39,120 -- 01:07:42,157
and then suddenly something wonderful
happens and your whole outlook...
804
01:07:42,200 -- 01:07:46,557
just suddenly... changes.
805
01:07:46,640 -- 01:07:50,792
That... was totally uncalled-for.
806
01:08:04,560 -- 01:08:09,509
Look at me, Ernest, just look at me.
I'm soaking wet.
807
01:08:09,560 -- 01:08:13,997
And there seems to be something wrong
with your, uh, blouse.
808
01:08:15,560 -- 01:08:19,519
I have a hole in my stomach!
809
01:08:19,600 -- 01:08:22,239
Oh!
810
01:08:22,320 -- 01:08:25,232
I have a hole
in my stomach!
811
01:08:25,320 -- 01:08:29,313
Yeah, and you're still alive.
812
01:08:29,360 -- 01:08:33,035
- It's another miracle!
- No, it isn't.
813
01:08:39,520 -- 01:08:42,751
Ha! Ah-ha!
You took the potion!
814
01:08:42,800 -- 01:08:44,916
- How do you know about that?
- Oh!
815
01:08:45,000 -- 01:08:48,515
- You took the potion too.
- Well, I hardly needed it.
816
01:08:48,560 -- 01:08:52,269
So that's why you look
the way you do and you are dead.
817
01:08:52,360 -- 01:08:55,875
- When did you take it?
- October 26, 1985. Way before you!
818
01:08:55,920 -- 01:08:58,195
- What are you talking about?
- The potion!
819
01:08:58,280 -- 01:09:00,157
- How much did you pay?
- Everything I had.
820
01:09:00,240 -- 01:09:02,196
- And that was cheap!
- You took a potion?
821
01:09:02,280 -- 01:09:05,636
- Beauty book, my butt!
- Wait a second.
822
01:09:05,720 -- 01:09:08,359
I don't think this is
a miracle at all!
823
01:09:08,440 -- 01:09:12,069
You're a fraud, a walking lie
and I can see right through you!
824
01:09:14,200 -- 01:09:17,192
Speaking of which,
as a friend, some advice.
825
01:09:17,240 -- 01:09:20,835
I would stay out of
a bathing suit for a while.
826
01:09:20,880 -- 01:09:23,155
At least, a two piece.
827
01:09:23,240 -- 01:09:25,356
Or if l...
828
01:09:34,440 -- 01:09:38,638
Damn. I just fixed this.
829
01:09:46,800 -- 01:09:49,155
En garde.
830
01:09:49,200 -- 01:09:50,952
- Bitch.
- Girls, girls!
831
01:09:51,000 -- 01:09:55,755
Let's just calm down. I'm sure we can
settle this peacefully... Whoa!
832
01:09:55,800 -- 01:09:58,997
You should learn not to compete with me.
I always win.
833
01:09:59,080 -- 01:10:01,196
Yah! Yah!
834
01:10:01,280 -- 01:10:04,113
You may have always won,
but you never played fair.
835
01:10:04,200 -- 01:10:05,792
Oh!
836
01:10:07,240 -- 01:10:09,993
Who cares how I played?
I won!
837
01:10:10,040 -- 01:10:12,395
I'll just be upstairs.
838
01:10:12,480 -- 01:10:16,712
That's 'cause you could raise
your legs higher than anyone.
839
01:10:16,760 -- 01:10:21,197
But look at you now! You couldn't
raise an eyebrow without surgery!
840
01:10:21,280 -- 01:10:23,589
I've raised a lot more
than an eyebrow in my day.
841
01:10:23,680 -- 01:10:26,194
You skinny, phony,
hollow bitch!
842
01:10:26,280 -- 01:10:28,271
You've lost
your one and only talent.
843
01:10:28,360 -- 01:10:31,716
Which was one more talent
than you had, you former fatso!
844
01:10:36,880 -- 01:10:40,395
- Aaah!
- Yes! No! Oh, damn!
845
01:10:40,440 -- 01:10:43,432
This is pointless!
Wait a minute, this is ridiculous!
846
01:10:43,480 -- 01:10:45,675
We can't even hurt each other!
We can't even inflict pain!
847
01:10:45,720 -- 01:10:47,870
Pain!
848
01:10:47,920 -- 01:10:51,469
I'll tell ya about pain!
Bobby O'Brien!
849
01:10:51,560 -- 01:10:54,996
Scott Hunter! Ernest Menville!
That's pain!
850
01:10:55,080 -- 01:10:57,753
I loved every one of them
and they loved me.
851
01:10:57,840 -- 01:11:00,877
I will not speak to you till
you put your head on straight.
852
01:11:03,960 -- 01:11:06,394
They were all I had and
you took them away from me.
853
01:11:06,480 -- 01:11:09,074
Not because you loved them,
not because you cared...
854
01:11:09,160 -- 01:11:11,754
but just to hurt me on purpose.
855
01:11:11,840 -- 01:11:13,751
- That is not true!
- Liar!
856
01:11:13,840 -- 01:11:16,308
- You attacked me first!
- Me?
857
01:11:16,400 -- 01:11:18,994
Do you think
I was blind, deaf?
858
01:11:19,080 -- 01:11:23,915
I couldn't hear what you and your
snotty friends were saying about me?
859
01:11:23,960 -- 01:11:28,192
- You thought I was cheap.
- Oh, please. You're insane.
860
01:11:28,240 -- 01:11:31,596
Then how come you never invited me
to one of those parties at your parents?
861
01:11:31,640 -- 01:11:34,757
Because we didn't think
you'd feel comfortable.
862
01:11:34,800 -- 01:11:37,951
- It wasn't usual for... Stop that!
- I'm trying.
863
01:11:38,000 -- 01:11:41,913
- It wasn't usual for us to have...
- Trash in the house!
864
01:11:42,000 -- 01:11:45,117
You're avoiding the issue. You stole
my boyfriends to hurt me on purpose!
865
01:11:45,200 -- 01:11:47,031
- I did not!
- Admit it!
866
01:11:47,120 -- 01:11:50,635
No, you admit it.
You look me in the eye...
867
01:11:50,680 -- 01:11:56,198
and you admit
you thought I was cheap.
868
01:12:08,280 -- 01:12:13,513
Okay, I thought you were cheap.
869
01:12:18,360 -- 01:12:19,952
Well,
870
01:12:22,040 -- 01:12:24,508
I hurt you on purpose.
871
01:12:24,560 -- 01:12:29,190
And I'm... really sorry.
872
01:12:31,920 -- 01:12:34,275
I'm sorry too.
873
01:12:37,560 -- 01:12:39,755
Ern, darling.
874
01:12:39,800 -- 01:12:43,634
Helen and I want to apologize
for that little thing downstairs.
875
01:12:43,720 -- 01:12:47,918
- We've got it out of our systems now.
- Yeah, thank God.
876
01:12:47,960 -- 01:12:51,157
It was so awful hating you
and envying you at the same time.
877
01:12:51,240 -- 01:12:53,470
You envied me?
I envied you!
878
01:12:53,520 -- 01:12:55,715
- You did not!
- I did too.
879
01:12:55,760 -- 01:12:58,320
- Specifically, what part did you envy?
- Your grade point for one.
880
01:12:58,400 -- 01:13:01,198
Excuse me. Excuse me!
881
01:13:03,600 -- 01:13:09,072
I just wanted to tell you both
that I've come to a decision that's...
882
01:13:09,160 -- 01:13:13,278
very important
and long overdue.
883
01:13:13,360 -- 01:13:15,669
- I'm leaving.
- You're what? Leaving? No.
884
01:13:15,760 -- 01:13:18,638
- We need you.
- I promised Hel you would fix her.
885
01:13:18,720 -- 01:13:20,950
And Maddie needs work too.
886
01:13:21,040 -- 01:13:25,352
- You can go first.
- Oh, that's so sweet of you!
887
01:13:25,400 -- 01:13:27,356
Thank you. Ern?
888
01:13:27,440 -- 01:13:32,309
Come on. What do you say?
For old times sake.
889
01:13:32,400 -- 01:13:34,311
Please!
890
01:13:38,120 -- 01:13:42,796
On one condition.
When I'm done, I go.
891
01:13:44,640 -- 01:13:47,677
You don't look for me.
You don't ask about me.
892
01:13:47,760 -- 01:13:50,274
You don't even think
about me ever again.
893
01:13:52,080 -- 01:13:54,469
I have no problem with that.
Do you?
894
01:13:54,560 -- 01:13:56,949
Not anymore.
895
01:14:11,320 -- 01:14:13,914
- Oh!
- Oh! It's amazing!
896
01:14:14,000 -- 01:14:16,719
- Oh!
- Not a blemish! Not a pore!
897
01:14:16,760 -- 01:14:21,197
Oh! Say what you will about Ernest,
but the man is a genius.
898
01:14:21,280 -- 01:14:23,475
He is. He's a genius.
899
01:14:23,560 -- 01:14:26,279
- Wait. You've got a little thing.
- Ooh!
900
01:14:26,320 -- 01:14:28,709
Probably shouldn't have done that.
Ha-ha!
901
01:14:28,760 -- 01:14:31,149
- I think it's still... wet.
- Can Ernest fix this?
902
01:14:31,240 -- 01:14:33,151
- Yeah, I'll get him before he leaves.
- But wait a minute.
903
01:14:33,200 -- 01:14:34,633
What if this
happens again?
904
01:14:34,720 -- 01:14:37,075
What if it fades? Chips?
What if it rains?
905
01:14:37,160 -- 01:14:39,196
- Will he come back for touch-ups?
- Even if he does,
906
01:14:39,280 -- 01:14:41,191
he's not gonna live forever.
907
01:14:41,240 -- 01:14:43,913
- That's not good.
- What are we gonna do?
908
01:14:44,000 -- 01:14:46,355
- He'll have to take the potion.
- Yeah!
909
01:14:46,440 -- 01:14:48,317
We'll take him to Lisle's.
She'll talk him into it.
910
01:14:48,400 -- 01:14:50,994
He won't go to Lisle's. You heard him.
He's made up his mind about leaving.
911
01:14:51,080 -- 01:14:54,436
That's true.
We have to respect that.
912
01:14:54,480 -- 01:14:57,870
I know. We'll drug him.
913
01:14:57,960 -- 01:15:00,394
Ern, darling.
914
01:15:00,480 -- 01:15:02,914
My taxi here?
915
01:15:02,960 -- 01:15:06,475
We thought you might
like some breakfast.
916
01:15:10,360 -- 01:15:13,830
You know,
I was just thinking.
917
01:15:13,920 -- 01:15:17,356
I was questioning myself.
I was wondering why...
918
01:15:17,400 -- 01:15:20,073
I didn't pack this thing
five years ago,
919
01:15:20,120 -- 01:15:23,476
six years ago, ten years ago,
instead of sticking around here...
920
01:15:23,560 -- 01:15:27,394
and suffering
every indignity and humiliation.
921
01:15:27,440 -- 01:15:31,069
I'll tell ya why.
Because I made a promise...
922
01:15:31,120 -- 01:15:33,031
and that meant
everything to me.
923
01:15:33,120 -- 01:15:36,715
Yes, it's all very noble
to keep your word.
924
01:15:36,800 -- 01:15:39,075
Ernest? Your drink?
925
01:15:39,120 -- 01:15:42,317
Do you know what they call someone who
sticks by their word no matter what?
926
01:15:42,360 -- 01:15:45,318
- At the cost of all else? Do you know?
- No.
927
01:15:45,360 -- 01:15:49,239
An idiot. From now on I'm gonna be
the kind of idiot I wanna be.
928
01:15:49,320 -- 01:15:52,073
An idiot with a modicum of pride,
because you know what?
929
01:15:52,160 -- 01:15:55,675
I finally realized something.
I've lived up to my promise.
930
01:15:55,760 -- 01:15:59,036
Till death do us part.
931
01:15:59,120 -- 01:16:03,113
Well, you girls are dead.
932
01:16:03,160 -- 01:16:06,038
And I'm parting.
933
01:16:06,120 -- 01:16:08,236
Cheers.
934
01:16:09,760 -- 01:16:12,354
You know something else?
935
01:16:16,440 -- 01:16:20,399
I drink too much.
936
01:16:22,840 -- 01:16:24,717
What?
937
01:17:04,240 -- 01:17:07,596
I'm glad to see you're awake,
Dr. Menville.
938
01:17:13,880 -- 01:17:16,678
I hope you don't mind...
939
01:17:16,720 -- 01:17:20,554
that Harry and Dick
had to dress you.
940
01:17:20,640 -- 01:17:25,270
You were improperly
attired for the occasion.
941
01:17:25,360 -- 01:17:27,430
What occasion?
942
01:17:28,640 -- 01:17:31,916
I'm throwing a party upstairs.
943
01:17:31,960 -- 01:17:35,430
I throw one every spring
for my clients.
944
01:17:35,520 -- 01:17:38,159
All right.
945
01:17:38,240 -- 01:17:40,151
Okay.
946
01:17:46,320 -- 01:17:48,788
- What do you want with me?
- To you...
947
01:17:48,880 -- 01:17:53,829
I would like to give
a present.
948
01:17:53,880 -- 01:17:56,633
The gift of life...
949
01:17:56,720 -- 01:18:01,032
and youth forever.
950
01:18:06,960 -- 01:18:11,272
I saw your wife
and friend.
951
01:18:11,320 -- 01:18:13,356
You did brilliant work.
952
01:18:13,440 -- 01:18:15,271
Show me your hand.
953
01:18:18,560 -- 01:18:21,632
Come on.
I won't bite.
954
01:18:23,920 -- 01:18:27,549
What are you doing?
955
01:18:28,880 -- 01:18:31,838
I'm loving you.
956
01:19:21,120 -- 01:19:23,475
My God!
957
01:19:26,000 -- 01:19:28,389
Oh, thank you.
958
01:19:32,400 -- 01:19:36,393
But don't be modest.
That's what you do.
959
01:19:36,480 -- 01:19:39,438
This is what
you've always done.
960
01:19:39,520 -- 01:19:43,308
Stopped time in people's
faces and in their hands.
961
01:19:43,400 -- 01:19:46,392
You are like
Don Quixote,
962
01:19:46,480 -- 01:19:50,598
tilting at
nature's windmill.
963
01:19:50,640 -- 01:19:53,598
Drink it.
964
01:19:53,680 -- 01:19:56,513
Go on.
965
01:19:56,560 -- 01:20:01,429
It is the completion
of your life's work.
966
01:20:01,520 -- 01:20:04,592
You gave
other people youth...
967
01:20:04,680 -- 01:20:07,274
and wasted your own.
968
01:20:07,320 -- 01:20:09,515
Drink!
969
01:20:09,600 -- 01:20:12,637
You'll be able to work again...
forever.
970
01:20:12,720 -- 01:20:15,280
Drink.
971
01:20:15,320 -- 01:20:17,834
Drink!
Dr. Menville!
972
01:20:17,880 -- 01:20:22,556
You owe yourself
another chance. Drink!
973
01:20:22,640 -- 01:20:25,677
Make the right choice!
The only choice!
974
01:20:25,720 -- 01:20:28,871
Drink!
Siempre viva!
975
01:20:28,920 -- 01:20:31,514
Live forever!
976
01:20:31,600 -- 01:20:34,717
Then what?
977
01:20:34,800 -- 01:20:37,439
What?
978
01:20:37,520 -- 01:20:40,318
- Then what happens?
- What?
979
01:20:40,400 -- 01:20:44,075
I don't wanna live forever.
980
01:20:44,160 -- 01:20:48,073
It sounds good, but what am I gonna do?
What if I get bored?
981
01:20:48,160 -- 01:20:50,799
- What?
- What if I get lonely?
982
01:20:50,840 -- 01:20:52,876
Who am I gonna hang around with,
Madeline and Helen?
983
01:20:52,960 -- 01:20:54,951
What if something happens to me?
What if I get maimed?
984
01:20:55,040 -- 01:20:57,952
What if I get shot?
What if somebody pushes me down...
985
01:20:58,000 -- 01:21:00,468
What if I fall down a flight
of stairs or something?
986
01:21:00,560 -- 01:21:03,916
- But you never grow old.
- But everybody else will.
987
01:21:03,960 -- 01:21:06,155
I'll have to watch
everyone around me die.
988
01:21:07,640 -- 01:21:09,551
I don't think
this is right.
989
01:21:09,640 -- 01:21:12,234
This is not a dream.
This is a nightmare.
990
01:21:12,280 -- 01:21:14,510
You people all
have to be stopped.
991
01:21:14,600 -- 01:21:17,160
Dick, Tom, Harry.
992
01:21:18,480 -- 01:21:20,710
Get the potion from him!
993
01:21:26,160 -- 01:21:29,835
- Get him! Get him!
- Relax. He won't get far.
994
01:21:29,920 -- 01:21:32,229
Not at his age.
995
01:22:12,640 -- 01:22:18,237
Welcome, everyone.
Lisle will be down in a few minutes.
996
01:22:22,800 -- 01:22:27,271
First, I must remind all of you
who staged your own deaths...
997
01:22:27,360 -- 01:22:30,079
of our very strict
policy against...
998
01:22:30,160 -- 01:22:33,835
popping up in public
to grab a few headlines.
999
01:22:35,440 -- 01:22:39,274
I won't name names.
You know who you are.
1000
01:22:41,560 -- 01:22:44,791
I was just trying to have some fun.
That's all.
1001
01:22:46,000 -- 01:22:47,911
Look!
There's Ernest!
1002
01:22:49,520 -- 01:22:52,318
Oh, my God!
He still looks like hell.
1003
01:22:52,400 -- 01:22:54,311
I don't think she gave him
the good stuff.
1004
01:22:54,400 -- 01:22:57,039
Look!
1005
01:22:57,080 -- 01:22:59,355
He's still got it!
1006
01:23:01,200 -- 01:23:02,519
Let's go.
1007
01:23:02,600 -- 01:23:04,875
Oh, everybody
gather round.
1008
01:23:04,920 -- 01:23:06,797
Lisle will be with us
in a very few seconds.
1009
01:23:06,840 -- 01:23:09,513
Gentlemen, please,
seal the room.
1010
01:23:31,600 -- 01:23:33,989
He's going up.
1011
01:23:34,040 -- 01:23:35,837
Idiot!
1012
01:24:21,360 -- 01:24:23,351
Oh, boy!
1013
01:25:12,320 -- 01:25:14,550
Ernest!
1014
01:25:20,160 -- 01:25:22,958
Ernest!
1015
01:25:23,040 -- 01:25:25,793
- Helen!
- Grab it!
1016
01:25:28,920 -- 01:25:30,990
- L...
- Ernest!
1017
01:25:31,080 -- 01:25:33,116
Ernest! Grab it!
1018
01:25:33,200 -- 01:25:35,998
Grab it!
1019
01:25:36,080 -- 01:25:38,469
Grab it!
Grab it!
1020
01:25:43,360 -- 01:25:46,796
Ernest! Do you still have the potion?
Do you still have it?
1021
01:25:46,840 -- 01:25:49,479
Find it! Find it!
1022
01:25:49,520 -- 01:25:52,717
It's the only way
you'll survive if you fall.
1023
01:25:52,800 -- 01:25:55,109
Drink it!
Drink it or you'll die!
1024
01:25:57,080 -- 01:25:58,911
- Oh!
- After you fall,
1025
01:25:58,960 -- 01:26:01,838
you can put yourself
back together again.
1026
01:26:03,600 -- 01:26:06,637
Drink it!
1027
01:26:06,720 -- 01:26:09,393
- Drink it. Drink it!
- Drink it!
1028
01:26:11,360 -- 01:26:13,828
Drink it! Drink it!
1029
01:26:15,920 -- 01:26:18,354
You have to!
1030
01:26:18,440 -- 01:26:20,954
We need you!
1031
01:26:25,680 -- 01:26:27,796
I'm sorry, dears.
1032
01:26:27,880 -- 01:26:30,474
You're on your own.
1033
01:27:08,320 -- 01:27:10,151
So...
1034
01:27:10,240 -- 01:27:12,629
are you gonna be
done soon or what?
1035
01:27:14,320 -- 01:27:19,110
Oh, yes!
I'm gonna be done very soon.
1036
01:27:23,640 -- 01:27:26,632
That was pretty neat.
1037
01:27:58,640 -- 01:28:01,677
It'd be better for both of you
to get him back.
1038
01:28:01,720 -- 01:28:05,633
- Yes?
- Nothing. It's too late. He got away.
1039
01:28:05,680 -- 01:28:07,875
- Damn!
- I said we should go to the airport!
1040
01:28:07,920 -- 01:28:10,480
- You said no such thing.
- I knew he wasn't coming back here.
1041
01:28:10,560 -- 01:28:13,632
- You have all the answers, don't you?
- Ohh! Look!
1042
01:28:13,680 -- 01:28:16,558
- I'm peeling already!
- Oh!
1043
01:28:16,600 -- 01:28:20,036
- Me too!
- Who's gonna fix this?
1044
01:28:20,080 -- 01:28:22,799
We're in trouble.
Ernest is gone.
1045
01:28:22,840 -- 01:28:26,799
We can't go back to Lisle's.
She told us to take care of our bodies.
1046
01:28:26,840 -- 01:28:30,389
- And look at us! We're dead!
- Yeah!
1047
01:28:30,480 -- 01:28:33,074
This is so embarrassing.
1048
01:28:33,160 -- 01:28:37,472
You know what this is? This is simply
a question of, uh, maintenance!
1049
01:28:37,520 -- 01:28:41,752
Yeah, this is upkeep. We just have
to be very careful with ourselves.
1050
01:28:41,840 -- 01:28:44,070
We have to take
care of each other.
1051
01:28:44,120 -- 01:28:47,999
I'll paint your ass;
you paint mine.
1052
01:28:48,080 -- 01:28:50,150
- Who could have imagined?
- Yeah.
1053
01:28:50,200 -- 01:28:52,839
- You and me... together.
- Yeah, I know.
1054
01:28:52,880 -- 01:28:55,678
Depending on each other.
1055
01:28:55,760 -- 01:28:58,672
Painting each
other's asses.
1056
01:28:58,760 -- 01:29:01,911
- Day and night.
- Oh, yeah. Forever.
1057
01:29:02,000 -- 01:29:03,194
Forever.
1058
01:29:12,200 -- 01:29:15,431
We're gathered here today
to honor the passing...
1059
01:29:15,480 -- 01:29:19,519
of a man of courage
and of vision.
1060
01:29:19,600 -- 01:29:24,276
Now, Dr. Ernest Menville
always felt life begins at 50.
1061
01:29:24,360 -- 01:29:27,591
And since we know so little
of Ernest before that age,
1062
01:29:27,640 -- 01:29:30,154
perhaps in his case,
it's really true.
1063
01:29:30,240 -- 01:29:34,552
Because it wasn't until 50
he met his lovely wife, Claire,
1064
01:29:34,640 -- 01:29:38,155
that he had two sons
and four daughters...
1065
01:29:38,240 -- 01:29:41,471
and then like a
biblical patriarch...
1066
01:29:41,520 -- 01:29:44,193
began to spread
his message of hope...
1067
01:29:44,240 -- 01:29:48,631
to his adopted children
all around the world.
1068
01:29:48,720 -- 01:29:53,157
A brilliant academic
as well as a rugged outdoorsman,
1069
01:29:53,200 -- 01:29:56,988
Dr. Menville pursued with vigor
a variety of pursuits...
1070
01:29:57,040 -- 01:30:00,669
not just to attain
some personal ambition...
1071
01:30:00,720 -- 01:30:04,269
but to enhance
the world for us...
1072
01:30:04,360 -- 01:30:08,717
and make it a better place
than he found it.
1073
01:30:08,800 -- 01:30:11,234
Oh, and that he did.
1074
01:30:11,280 -- 01:30:14,113
The Menville Marriage
Counseling Clinic,
1075
01:30:14,160 -- 01:30:17,436
the Menville Center
for the Study of Women,
1076
01:30:17,520 -- 01:30:22,833
and of course, Ernest's AA chapter
will carry on long after his death.
1077
01:30:32,800 -- 01:30:36,554
...was for him
a delightful adventure.
1078
01:30:36,640 -- 01:30:40,918
Who among us never knew
Ernest the prankster? Hmm?
1079
01:30:41,000 -- 01:30:43,275
Ernest the storyteller?
1080
01:30:43,360 -- 01:30:48,718
We've all heard his tall tales about
the living dead in Beverly Hills.
1081
01:30:48,760 -- 01:30:53,993
- Ah, but you see...
- Oh, what?
1082
01:30:54,040 -- 01:30:58,397
- You're not crying, are you?
- I'm not crying.
1083
01:30:58,480 -- 01:31:02,109
I have...
something in my eye.
1084
01:31:05,840 -- 01:31:08,559
- Oh!
- Yech!
1085
01:31:08,600 -- 01:31:11,751
Oh! Do you have
that number 9 acrylic?
1086
01:31:11,800 -- 01:31:14,234
Look. I put it in your bag.
1087
01:31:14,320 -- 01:31:16,356
- Oh!
- I must have dropped it somewhere.
1088
01:31:16,400 -- 01:31:19,790
- No. I put it in your bag!
- Well.
1089
01:31:19,880 -- 01:31:22,599
Who could drop a big can of
spray paint for God's sake?
1090
01:31:22,640 -- 01:31:26,076
I had it
when we left the car, okay?
1091
01:31:26,160 -- 01:31:28,674
Let's get the hell
outta here.
1092
01:31:28,720 -- 01:31:33,669
I, for one, honestly believe
this teacher, this benefactor,
1093
01:31:33,760 -- 01:31:38,550
this man,
had in his own way...
1094
01:31:38,640 -- 01:31:42,838
learned the secret
of eternal life.
1095
01:31:44,920 -- 01:31:50,597
And it's here, among us,
in the hearts of his friends.
1096
01:31:50,640 -- 01:31:55,350
And the secret
of eternal youth right here...
1097
01:31:55,440 -- 01:32:00,230
in the lives of his children
and his grandchildren.
1098
01:32:00,280 -- 01:32:04,398
It is my opinion
that our beloved Ernest...
1099
01:32:04,480 -- 01:32:08,075
is one man
who will indeed...
1100
01:32:08,160 -- 01:32:12,597
live forever.
1101
01:32:12,680 -- 01:32:16,036
Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
1102
01:32:16,200 -- 01:32:18,714
What'd you do
with that spray paint can?
1103
01:32:18,800 -- 01:32:22,076
Come on. Get off that. Let me see what
kind of a mess you've made of yourself.
1104
01:32:24,760 -- 01:32:26,671
Oh, yeah,
you're all runny.
1105
01:32:26,760 -- 01:32:30,719
- I must look ridiculous.
- No, I don't think anyone will notice.
1106
01:32:30,800 -- 01:32:33,712
But I think you're gonna need
a little bondo on the chin, babe.
1107
01:32:33,800 -- 01:32:36,268
- I gotta get to the hardware store.
- Oh, now, come on!
1108
01:32:36,360 -- 01:32:38,476
How could you have lost
an entire can of spray paint?
1109
01:32:38,520 -- 01:32:41,432
Why do I have to carry everything?
You get to carry a baby purse.
1110
01:32:41,520 -- 01:32:43,795
- Where did you see it last?
- If I knew, I'd know where it was.
1111
01:32:43,880 -- 01:32:46,792
- An entire can of spray paint.
- Get off it!
1112
01:32:46,840 -- 01:32:49,274
Has that ever worked? When you ask me
where I last saw something?
1113
01:32:49,360 -- 01:32:52,113
Yes. When you lost
your index finger.
1114
01:32:52,200 -- 01:32:55,510
- I didn't lose it. It broke off.
- That's because you crack...
1115
01:32:57,720 -- 01:33:00,996
Help me! My legs aren't working!
Help me!
1116
01:33:31,440 -- 01:33:35,069
Do you remember
where you parked the car?