When you're young
and the woman in your hands
is young,
you're provoked
by the life in her skin;
in the muscles under her skin.
You can smell life
in the sweet perfume
of her sweat,
in her breath,
sweet perfume
that can make you dizzy.
You can sense life
in the jittery convulsions
of her reaction to every
new touch and sensation.
And you feel young and alive
and jolted by excitement
every time you come near her.
But the older you get,
the older
the woman in your hands gets,
you grow lulled
by the lazy response
of her flesh to your touch,
lulled by the numb response
of your own nerves to her flesh,
by the sluggish torpor
of her muscles;
the souring perfume
of her sweat;
of her tears;
the souring smell
of her old guts
belching out air.
And it's a curse,
because getting older
doesn't make you
like being with an old woman
any more than you did
when you were young.
It's worse, really,
because it lacks even
the thrill of novelty
or the forbidden.
She's just old,
and she reminds you
that you're old
and that your old shell
is still taking up space
but that its life
is almost gone.
But nothing's worse
than being old
and holding youth in your hands,
even youth that's
thrilled by the novelty of you.
Because you can still
smell youth's sweetness,
feel the spring of muscles
under her taut skin,
but you know it isn't yours.
You're not sharing in it
but are feeding off it
like some kind of vampire.
And you wonder
what the point is,
what the point
of going on living,
the point of loving,
the point of touching.
And all your instincts,
your training,
have made you too afraid
to pull the trigger
and end it yourself,
to take responsibility
that nature has abdicated
into your own trembling,
weakening hands.
You stare at those hands,
studying them,
wondering what they are,
why you can't make them
do what you want them to do.
You stare down at your hands
and you realize
that even your own hands
aren't really yours anymore.
And you look up from your hand
into the mirror
and you see a face
that you recognize,
a face that you've been
staring at for your entire life,
for eternity,
and you remember
that the face is yours,
but you have no idea
who you are anymore.
And the person you once were
who had any kind of cohesiveness
or connection to himself
feels a million Miles away,
like the native
of some alien planet
you visited long ago
in another lifetime.
That's what it's like to be 40
Jesus Christ, you look better
than my brother.
He just graduated law school.
That's the curse
I'm talking about:
What you're looking at
isn't real,
none of it.
You do smell kind of different
from younger guys.
Their sweat is electric.
It's scary,
not so much fun sometimes.
I mean, your muscles
are still there and everything,
but it's different.
It's mellower.
I feel like I can relax.
I don't know if you remember,
but it's not so much fun
being young
and freaked out about everything
all the time.
It doesn't change.
Haven't you even
been listening to me?
I know 14-year-old girls
who sound like you do.
I bet you sounded exactly
the same when you were 14,
although you'd have something
different to be depressed about,
'cause you wouldn't be old.
Old?
I'm 40.
You said it.
God could reverse your age
back 20 years,
and you'd still be complaining
about how you miss
being old again.
- I'm not old.
- No.
You're depressed.
Being old's
got nothing to do with it.
I'll tell you the worst part
about getting old.
You said you weren't.
It's getting lectured by kids
who think they know everything.
That's the worst part.
It's getting lectured by kids
who think that all the shit
you're going through now
is gonna add up
to something good later,
that for everything you lose,
you'll gain something.
Well, you won't.
I am doing you a fucking favor.
You want to hang out
with an old guy
so you can feel relaxed?
Well, then allow him
to do you this favor
and tell you that you will lose
everything and gain nothing,
not a single fucking thing
except the knowledge
that you've lost everything
and gained nothing.
Nothing?
You say
you want to do me a favor,
but you give me nothing.
How's that doing me a favor?
By helping you
lower your expectations.
Lower your expectations,
and the pain
of realizing how empty it all is
might be lessened.
So you want
to ruin my happiness now
so you can spare me pain later?
I'll take my happiness.
I'll take my pain.
The only thing I don't want
are your goddamn favors.
You should feel guilty
about hanging out
with young girls.
Although, if I were you,
I would feel guiltier
about hanging out
with the old ones,
because I imagine that they have
enough shit to deal with
without being invaded
by your bullshit about nothing.
I would feel guilty about
hanging out with my friends,
if I were you.
I would go into a room,
crawl into a closet
and lock the door.
I'm sorry.
For what?
I'm just sorry, all right?
No, you're not.
What the hell
are you talking about?
I'm telling you I'm sorry,
and you saying I'm not
isn't gonna change
that I'm sorry.
No.
You can say
whatever you want to say,
but you're not sorry.
You're hurt.
I tried. I... I'm sorry.
No, you're not.
It's not like
I did anything terrible to you.
Give me something here,
will you?
I thought you were the one
handing out favors.
The explosion
rocked the twin towers
of the world trade center
at about 12:15,
sending many
of the 130,000 people
who either work
or visit the towers each day
scurrying into the streets.
Sources say a huge bomb exploded
on level b2 of the garage
below the vista hotel.
Thanks, Joe.
Reinforced concrete
in the garage
absorbed most of the explosion,
preventing what could have been
a disaster from occurring
as firefighters
made a second sweep.
You have to come to school
to see my teacher.
How's that?
She saw us all scrambling
around on the playground,
and she said
she wanted to see the mothers
of all the boys
that was fighting,
so, pa, I guess you're gonna
have to go for me.
Young ones, young ones,
young ones, young ones.
Yeah, everything's fine.
No, no.
Everything's okay.
Yeah, I'll come over for dinner
I don't know, around 7:00?
No. No, I've got some stuff
to do this afternoon.
Come on, you got me here
waiting 15 minutes already.
Come on all ready,
we're late!
There are 20 less seconds
on the shot clock.
That's the game clock
you're looking at.
You can't leave him alone.
Mm.
So beautiful.
Look at that beautiful face.
Look at the clothes
you're wearing.
- Hey, dad.
- My son.
So beautiful, and you hide it
under theseshmates.
I don't understand it.
What are you ashamed of?
I still have that beautiful
jacket I bought for you.
It's waiting
in your father's closet
anytime you want to wear it.
# #
Hey, bro.
Your brother
wrote a new piece.
Yeah?
I can't wait to hear it.
I'm just practicing.
I'll play it for you later.
I can't wait.
Mom!
The yams are boiling!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I made you a soup, and I have
salmon and a green salad.
Great. That sounds great.
And I also made
some extra chicken.
If the salmon isn't enough.
Well, I'm sure
the salmon will be...
Also some mashed potatoes.
I'm sure the salmon...
He said the salmon
would be enough.
I have some mashed potatoes
from yesterday.
- What are all these yams?
- If you're still hungry.
I eat two yams.
Two!
Well, I just
put a few extra.
I eat two yams!
If you cook all these, you're
gonna have to throw them out.
All right, I'll take them out.
I'll take them out.
Okay, all right.
I take them out.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Does anybody
need to use the bathroom?
- No.
- No.
'Cause I'm gonna use it,
so if anybody needs to use it,
use it now.
It's fine.
Mom, why do you let him
push you around like that?
It's okay,
I just put too many yams on.
What...
You shouldn't
be cooking for him anyway.
He shouldn't even
be living here.
You haven't seen him
for a while.
You don't know how weak he is.
He's better now,
but you don't see him.
He's been so weak.
I see him.
I'm here, aren't I?
You don't see him
the way I see him.
You don't see how weak he is.
He's weak because you let him
get away with being weak.
You don't ask him
to do anything.
How long are you gonna let him
emotionally blackmail you?
Can't you just stop it?
How about you?
You still
seeing that beautiful girl?
No.
Well, but she wasn't for you.
I didn't say anything,
but she wasn't for you.
If she was,
I guess she'd be here, huh?
You need someone
who's more your equal.
Equal in what?
It's not a competition, is it?
You need to find someone
who can...
Someone who can help you.
Help me?
She left me.
Maybe I didn't have anything
to give to her, mom.
You ever thought about that?
Hmmph.
Maybe I have nothing
to give to anyone.
That ever crossed your mind?
You just
need to find the right girl.
So how's work?
I'm not working.
It's important
to keep working.
Why? What's so great
about work?
You work all the time.
What's so great about your life
I'm alive.
After the war,
when I came back to Paris
living with my mother,
men chased me
all around the city.
I didn't care.
I wanted my freedom.
Mom!
I'm gonna start
the carrots now, mom.
The more I ignored them,
the more they chased me.
The more they chased me,
the less I wanted them.
There was a boy,
a handsome boy from Sweden,
whose family
had a lot of money...
Millionaires.
I didn't care.
He wanted me to marry him.
He asked me to marry him
every day.
That's how she tells it.
But I finally told him
I don't want to see him anymore
but then his mother called
one night, crying,
saying he was with a gun
in his room,
and he was
going to kill himself
unless I went to see him.
I told her, he can kill himself
if he wants to.
I am not going to see him.
And I hung up the phone.
No one was going to pin me down,
not me.
Your yams are on the stove,
two of them.
You can finish it yourself.
Oh, you'll find the right girl.
Yeah, you know what?
I...
I know you cooked
and everything,
but I'm gonna go.
Are you gonna leave this house
without giving your mother
a kiss?
I'm gonna be late for school.
First go give your mother
a good morning kiss.
Maybe you can
give her a kiss today.
I kiss her,
but to start her day,
she needs a good morning kiss
from you.
I can give her a kiss.
You can kiss her after school.
In the morning, she needs a kiss
from your big brother.
Now, come on.
Let's get your things.
Slap!
Oh!
No.
Slap!
Oh, God, so good.
Slap!
No.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm, no.
What are you doing?
What do you mean,
"what am I doing?"
I want to make love to you.
- We can't do that.
- What?
You've been
with too many girls.
I haven't
been with that many girls.
Too many girls.
I haven't.
Too many girls.
Thud!
Too many girls.
Hey.
Sorry... sorry if I scared you.
I let myself in.
I just couldn't...
Hey.
Hey, what's going on?
I just can't deal
with mom and dad.
I'm going crazy.
I mean, they put on a show
when you come over,
but they're fighting
all the time.
And then
when he tries to be nice to her
and get close to her,
she goes and calls her guys,
you know, her friends,
and makes plans with them.
She makes plans
and does nothing.
She's an ice queen.
Ice queen, with that temper?
The deeper the ice,
the louder it cracks.
She's frigid.
You know, I don't think
she's ever had an orgasm, man.
Hey.
Hey, it's all right.
You don't
have to talk like that.
I don't think she's had sex
with dad since you were born.
But who cares?
It's their life.
You shouldn't be there anyway.
I know,
but I don't know what to do.
You should start working.
That's what you should do.
Get out in the world
and make a living.
Play some music, man;
Make some money.
Do something so you
can get the hell out of there.
You think it's so easy.
I mean, I'm trying.
- I'm not say...
- You don't give me any credit.
Credit?
You know, it's a miracle
I'm not in a hospital right now
it's because you won't eat.
Why won't you eat?
You have to eat
like a normal human being.
Just please fucking eat
like a normal human being.
Stop making mom
cook yams and potatoes
for you all the time.
Start taking care of yourself.
Jesus, man, come on.
Look, you should stay here.
Okay, thanks.
I'll sleep on the couch.
I'll be gone
by the time you wake up...
No, I mean, you should...
You should come
live in this apartment
and get out of mom and dad's.
Well, I... I don't know
if now is such a good time.
I mean, they're not
getting along,
and she's really on edge.
I wouldn't want
to rock the boat.
Rock the boat?
Jesus,
this will steady the boat.
Get out of there
and come stay here.
Well, this place is tiny.
You've got girls to bring over.
I won't be here.
What do you mean?
I mean, I'm staying
at this woman's place anyway.
Well, I thought
you broke up with...
No, no, no, not her.
The, um...
The Asian one.
You remember her?
Oh, yeah.
Do I?
She's like, wild.
There's a lot of them
out there, man.
They're all over the place.
I mean, the world's crawling
with Asian...
Not for me.
What do you mean, not for you?
Of course not for you
unless you get out of the house.
You've got
to get out of the house...
Okay, let's just
not talk about it, okay?
,
I mean, yeah, I'll move in here
but if you're gonna pressure me
about girls and about going out,
then I'll just... I won't;
You know, I'll go back.
- Hey, look, all right.
- I don't need to be here.
Take it easy.
I'm not pressuring you.
We're just
having a conversation, okay?
Just get all your shit
and come stay here.
Well, what about my piano?
We'll get the movers
and bring it here.
You can, um...
You can move all that shit
away from the wall there
and put it there.
All right?
Hi.
I'd like to take a room
for the month.
Oh, we don't
rent by the month.
Daily rates only.
I always stay here monthly.
Maybe you used to,
but we don't do that anymore.
Can I talk to the manager?
I am the manager.
What happened
to the other manager?
I don't know; Maybe he's
managing some other hotel.
There are still a few in town
that offer monthly rates,
but I wouldn't recommend them.
Good morning.
This is your wake-up call.
I am awake.
I must extend my reservation.
When will you be leaving us?
Soon.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi.
I couldn't help but notice
what a great mother you are.
Don't... don't worry.
I'm not weird;
I'm not trying to pick you up.
I'm an agent with a&m,
and I just couldn't help
but notice you.
A&m?
Actors and models agency.
We specialize in real people who
have a little something extra.
We do Christmas catalogs
and commercials,
that kind of thing.
I just couldn't help notice
how radiant you look
tending to your son.
But we're for real. I promise
you can check us out
with the BBB.
BBB?
What?
Better business bureau.
I don't tend to scope out
new clients on the street,
but I guess
it's like
an ingrained instinct
at this point.
If you're interested
in doing some modeling work,
stop by our offices 9:00
in the morning on Saturday.
That's when
we do our open calls.
You used to be able to see
the sky here when I was a kid.
Now it's like you're this mouse
in a gigantic maze.
Oh, that's putting it nicely.
Yeah, but some people still
stick it out, though, right?
I mean,
people who have an inner shine
that the city
doesn't beat out of them.
I guess I notice that
'cause of my work.
Your work?
I guess
I got a little comfortable,
started sitting on my ass
and letting girls find me.
Girls with the freshest faces,
like yourself,
aren't necessarily planning
on doing something like this.
Finding something real
keeps me interested
in what I'm doing, so...
Thank you all for coming.
I know it's early.
Some of you have met me before,
and it's nice to see you again.
Others have found us
in a number of different ways.
Go ahead and pass those around.
Today I and several
of my colleagues
will be evaluating you
personally,
but first I wanted to say
a few words to you as a group.
And you should
look around the group,
because you'll see
a lot of girls just like you,
girls who aren't necessarily
going to be supermodels
but who have a special something
that sets you apart,
something real.
We're in the big city.
And if you're looking
to be a supermodel,
you probably shouldn't be here.
We're not a star agency.
But we work hard,
and we like where we are.
Now, I am not promising you
the moon,
I'm not promising you anything.
But if we decide
to work with you,
we'll match the level
of your commitment.
If you're just here
to get a few photos taken,
give it a go for a few weeks,
thank you for coming.
You're probably not for us.
But...
If you're truly committed,
you'll find
you have a hell of a partner.
You'll need headshots.
And for you, with your figure,
I'd suggest
full body shots as well.
Of course, you're free to go
to any photographer you'd like,
but here's
a list of photographers
we highly recommend.
This guy really gets results
right here.
This guy, he's great too,
but he's a little pricey.
,
and this studio's excellent
particularly
for actors' headshots.
Do you have
any acting experience?
That's probably for the best.
Of course, there are a few
tricks that are good to know.
Help you be comfortable in
auditions, make an impression.
Help the real you come out.
I used to take classes myself.
Now I actually teach one.
It might cost a little something
extra at first,
but I'll tell you,
it's worth it in the long run.
Would you like a brochure?
You got
right back on the saddle.
How long has it been
since you last worked?
Actually I got thrown
for a second there.
Did something change
around here?
Who brought in
all those lookers?
Is he a new partner?
He's on commission,
just like you.
So you won't mind
if I say a few words, then.
Well, the class
is $475 this month.
Yeah, you can it weekly.
That's fine.
You know, monthly
saves you $30 per class, though.
Exactly.
Okay.
Hey, I saw your new headshots,
by the way.
Those are great.
Those are fantastic.
Yeah.
I love the one
with the motorcycle.
I think it's great.
Listen, I have to go.
I have some people here.
Okay, so long.
Listen,
just take the acting class.
It'll be really good for you.
No, I told you,
I'm not an actress.
It's okay.
That just means
you have more to reveal.
Don't you think she should
take the acting class?
How long have you been here?
Um... I have...
Did you have something at 6:00?
Yeah, sorry, God.
So thanks so much, and bye.
- I'll call you.
- Okay.
Uh, I've been here
about three months.
Well, then I'm safe
in assuming you're familiar
with our policy with recruiting
girls who look like that.
There's a policy?
You know how long
this operation's been running?
Ten years,
with only three name changes
and one move.
Unlike others like it
who are forced to move
from state to state,
from city to city
like the penny ante cons
they truly are.
And you know why?
Because things here
are kept low-key.
You take a girl like that girl
you just had in here,
she's been told she's a looker
since the day she was able to
smear on her mommy's lipstick.
Guys have been falling over her
all her life,
uncles staring at her
and jerking off
under their pants
at family picnics.
She believes she deserves
to have the moon handed to her
on a string.
You promise her that moon
and don't give it to her,
or worse, she finds out
it wasn't there to begin with,
firstly, it's cruel.
And secondly,
she's gonna kick and scream
like a spoiled brat until daddy,
or in this case,
the BBB, comes in
and makes it their business
to shut us down
just to shut her up.
You take another girl,
like that girl,
who's had to work all her life
for everything she has,
give her the chance
to believe she can cash in
on her looks,
even in the most modest way,
it doesn't work out for her,
she's not gonna believe
the world came to an end;
just the opposite.
She's gonna figure she gave it
a shot and lets it go,
because she kept her
expectations low all along,
and we just helped her
keep them that way.
Okay.
Firstly, that girl
that you're so worked up about,
I didn't go fishing for her,
okay?
She came to me, and I wasn't
about to chase her off.
And you know what?
We're actually friends now.
We're like Sunday buddies.
So you don't
have to worry about her.
Secondly, a couple of girls
that I brought in
actually booked some jobs
off of some calls I made.
So now if some girl gets mad
because she isn't
being sent out,
we can just
point to the ones who are,
and we can say, 'hey,
it's a crap shoot out there.
"You just didn't have the stuff.
So I'm actually
protecting the operation.
And you know, if you get enough
girls working around here,
this place might be,
like, a real agency.
Some speech.
If that's
what you're looking for,
why didn't you join a real
agency in the first place?
'Cause I don't want to start
in some horrible mail room.
And gradually slave my way up.
So that by the time
I'm old and bored,
I might have a stake
in some stale company.
Did you express
these sentiments to...
I heard you were gonna teach
one of these acting classes
yourself.
You mind if I drop in,
pick up a few pointers?
Suit yourself.
Okay.
I heard your spiel out there,
by the way,
and if anything's unnecessarily
cruel, that was it.
Excuse me?
That whole line
about keeping expectations low,
keeping things realistic,
that's horrible.
I mean, if I promise a girl
the moon,
then at least for a while,
she's high
on the possibility she may
actually get it some day.
And if she feels
fucked over afterwards,
you know, she can tell herself
it was temporary madness,
that she allowed
her basest desires
to get hold of her for a moment
and now she's back on track.
But you're hitting her
right where she lives.
That is the most honest, decent,
practical part of her soul.
And when she realizes
she's been fucked over there,
in the part of herself
that she trusted in the most,
what are you
leaving her with, then?
When she can't
trust anything anymore,
what does she have left?
# #
mom?
Mom.
Don't touch it, mom!
Look, look, look,
just forget about it.
Just move it
back it into the room.
Just forget it.
Forget what?
You're not gonna move it now?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, I... I can't deal
with them moving the piano.
I just can't deal with them...
And you'll go stay at your
brother's place without it?
Come, let them do their work.
Here. Here.
It's too soon.
It's too soon.
- What's the problem?
- Too soon?
Too soon for what?
What are you talking about?
What's going on?
He doesn't want to let them
move the piano.
What?
Guys, could you just... I'm sorry.
Could you just wait downstairs
for five minutes?
A few minutes?
I'll be right down.
There you are.
Thanks.
You know the piano
wasn't always here, right?
You know it had to be
moved in here somehow.
It's fine.
But why do they
have to move it now?
This has nothing to do
with a piano.
It's me.
He won't leave me.
He won't leave me alone!
Why won't you leave me alone?
Don't touch me!
Don't...
Don't touch me!
Don't touch me.
Leave me alone!
I'm not going to feed you!
Do you hear me?
I am not going to feed you.
Crash!
Leave me alone!
All of you.
Leave me alone.
Hello?
I'm sorry, but now
isn't such a good time to...
I see.
It's for you.
Yes.
Hold on a moment.
She's coming.
Yep, I understand.
She'll...
She'll be right here.
She's just coming now.
All right.
Here she is.
Hello?
What happened?
An old friend
of your mother's died.
He was found gassed
in his apartment.
I'm getting the movers
back up here.
# #
hello.
Hello.
Click!
Click!
Hello.
Hello.
Hello?
Hello.
Click!
Oh.
I can't.
I can't!
It's been too long.
It hurts too much...
Stop.
Stop.
Stop right there.
You're doing too much.
It's boring.
You're boring.
The more you do, the less room
you give your audience to feel.
It might not be
what you want them to feel,
but at least they'll feel
what they think
they should be feeling,
which is better than having them
feel the wrong thing.
Never show what you feel.
Hide it.
Keep it to yourself.
Keep your secrets.
If you have a secret,
everyone wants to know
what it is.
If you have no secrets,
I don't care how smart you are,
how interesting you are,
you're boring.
'Cause you've got
nothing to show us
that we don't already know.
You keep a monster
in the closet,
it's scary.
Open the closet,
I don't care how terrible
that monster is,
you look at it long enough,
you grow numb to the horror.
And it works both ways.
You put a poor man in a palace,
he'll sing like a bird.
But after two weeks,
he starts bitching
about how long it takes to walk
from the bedroom to the kitchen
for a snack.
We despise what we know,
because once we know it,
it becomes part of who we are,
and we all despise ourselves.
It's what we don't know...
The mystery that holds within it
the possibility
for transcendence.
Never mind
that we never transcend;
that every mystery,
once revealed,
leads to bitter disappointment.
When you walk into that room,
whatever part you're playing,
be it a queen or a clown,
what you're selling
is the mystery,
because you're boring.
You know it, I know it,
the people in the room know it,
,
and if I'm sitting in that room
what I want you to do
is to fool me,
even if it's just for a moment
while you're spouting
some idiotic line
from some idiotic script
that I've heard
1,000 times before,
over and over,
since the dawn
of human comprehension.
You're nothing.
You've got nothing to offer.
Even though
in our heart of hearts,
we all know it,
we still want to fooled,
because we are terrified
of our own emptiness.
And it's up to you
to take advantage of that fear;
to use it for your own purpose.
Give us nothing,
and we'll always want you.
Give me nothing.
I can't.
I just can't.
It's been too long.
I can't do it ever again.
That's what's
so deceptive about...
That nothing thing
was a neat trick.
I'm gonna use it myself
if I ever give one of those.
Neat trick?
Yeah,
it's like a poker face, right?
You keep your cards
close to your vest,
you've got nothing.
People think you got something.
It's not a fucking trick.
Okay, what is it?
It's the truth.
Maybe if you've got
a nothing hand.
You know, I don't...
I don't totally understand you.
I mean, you're up there, you've
got all that gripping oratory,
and you're standing
in front of a bunch
of bamboozled girls
off the street and housewives
who never considered
taking an acting class before
in their lives.
And you're dropping
existential philosophy on them,
and they're just sitting there
hoping for some stupid
modeling job
they're never even gonna get
an audition for, much less book.
At least they get something
out of it, right?
No. Mean, you said it
yourself;
you're giving them nothing,
nothing they can use, anyways.
You know
what I don't understand?
Why everyone
under the age of 30
feels the need to lecture me
about myself.
Is it fear?
Is looking at me
like gazing into the abyss?
Are you talking
just to fill up your ears
so you don't
have to hear the truth?
Who made you the one
who decides what the truth is?
Now, listen.
That's the second time
that you've accused me
of giving you
a speech or a lecture
for saying a few words back
after you talk for so long, man,
it makes my ears bleed.
And maybe one of us is talking
so he doesn't
have to let anything else in;
I just... I don't think that's me.
I would say you're in love
with the sound of your own voice
if you didn't sound like
you fucking hate yourself.
I've never heard
that much self-hatred before.
It's like a disease.
And you're afraid
of catching it.
We're cool, right?
Right?
- Ready to go, darling.
- Let's go.
This is my stop.
You want to come in,
meet my friends?
- Come on.
- Let's go.
You're overthinking this.
You should come in.
They're really lonely.
# I just don't know why #
# you began to cry #
# when you said #
# said #
# we're through #
# well, I think
you'll come to see #
# eventually #
# that I love #
# love, love #
# you #
I don't remember.
Did you say...
Do you speak French, or...
No, oh, my God, no.
Stop talking.
You've been talking all day.
Give her a spin on the floor.
I don't dance.
Come on, why are you
wearing those pants, then?
Really.
I don't know how to dance.
It's all right,
I'll give you a lesson.
I'll show you.
I don't-i don't...
All right.
Yeah.
Nice.
Real nice.
And you just kind of go with it.
It's not so bad.
That's nice.
Baryshnikov.
Why don't you take the lead
for a minute?
Yeah.
Oh, this is nice.
Hey, where'd that move
come from?
All right.
Why don't you give it back
so I can show you a turn?
'Cause the ladies love the turn
# #
# hosin' off the sidewalk #
that's why the ladies love it
# what does it say #
# your fucking sunny day #
# #
# is it not supposed to #
# if and when #
# #
# the deep down bends #
# but for a breath of wind #
# and they're gone #
# I didn't mind
being what he... #
- come on.
- No.
Slap!
Slap!
Slap!
I want to make love to you.
Why?
This is so much better.
Slap!
Slap! Slap!
Slap!
I need to make love to you.
We can do other things.
I don't want to do
other things.
You've been
with too many girls.
Come on,
enough with that already.
We can do other things.
I'm tired of doing other
things.
I'm sick of it, all right
I just want to make love to you.
Why is that so fucking wrong?
You've been with too many...
Goddamn it!
Stop saying that.
What are you,
some kind of robot?
Can't you say anything else?
How long have we been
doing this shit, huh?
How many fucking times do we
have to go through this?
Aren't you
sick of this bullshit?
Don't you want to make love?
What the hell is wrong with you?
We can do other things.
Do you want me to go?
I should go.
No.
No.
Don't go.
No, please stay.
You still have your place.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, my brother's there now.
Your brother?
Yeah.
Ugh.
There's a guy who hasn't
been with too many girls.
I mean, he's 35 years old,
and I don't think
he's been out with a girl
since high school.
Is he a homosexual?
No, he's just crazy.
He doesn't eat.
I mean, he's got these crazy
compulsive eating habits.
And he freaks out if he goes
more than 30 blocks
from the house.
Is he sick?
I don't know.
I used to think so.
I don't know anything anymore.
I don't know
a goddamn thing.
# #
# #
excuse me.
Do you know the man
playing that piano in there?
Well, I don't know
when he decided
he could start
playing that piano in there,
'cause it's got to stop.
You tell him it's got to stop,
will you?
You say anything to make him
stop playing,
I'll kill you.
I don't know what I'll do.
But I'll come back here,
and I'll kill you.
Do you hear me?
I'll kill you!
I don't understand.
C'est pas normal.
How long
have we known each other?
I've never seen you like this.
If there's something wrong,
then we should do something
about it.
I can't see you anymore.
That's it.
Some things cannot be fixed.
There is nothing
that cannot be fixed
if we want it to be fixed.
But sometimes
we don't want to fix things.
Do you want to fix this?
I told you to fix it!
I told you to fix your room
before I came back!
I told you to fix it!
Fix your room!
I told you to fix it!
Fix your room!
You never listen!
Fix it!
Fix it!
Fix it!
Fix it!
Fix it!
Fix your room!
I told you to fix it!
Fix your room!
All right, that's enough.
That's enough.
Come on.
Let go of me.
Let go of me.
Let go.
Let go of me!
All right.
Let go of me!
Laisse-moi.
Laisse-moi.
Lache moi.
Calm down.
Laisse-moi!
Laisse-moi.
Laisse-moi.
Laisse-moi.
Lache moi.
Non.
Ma'am, he was the second
of your acquaintances
to die violently
in as many weeks.
You were the last person
to see him
other than his coworkers.
Did he say anything
or give you any indication
someone might mean him any harm?
We're not accusing you
of anything, ma'am.
We know this is very hard
for you,
but we need your help if we're
going to solve these crimes.
You're a criminal.
You're a criminal,
and you're a liar.
We checked if you've been
sending other girls out,
and nobody's been sent out.
I want answers.
We've been here
for over an hour.
That's the business.
The business?
No one's been sent out
for over three months.
Shh.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It just can't be
this loud out here.
I've got a meeting
going on in there.
Is there something
maybe I can help you guys with?
Yeah, the problem is,
we've been promised work
and have gotten nothing.
He promised us.
I personally have two girls
out at an audition right now,
but acting's a really...
It's a tough profession, okay?
It takes a while to...
- We're not actors.
- We're not here for acting.
- We're models.
- Wow, okay.
Uh, I mean this
with all due respect,
'cause I didn't sign you guys
you guys are very beautiful,
but you're...
You guys are characters, okay?
And you're clearly very vocal
you guys haven't taken
an acting class ever?
- No.
- Never.
Well, that young lady
came in to me today
to tell me
that she got a callback
after taking only a few classes
from this man.
I think you guys
would do really well with it.
You want to come into my office?
Maybe we can interrogate her
about her experience?
- Sure.
- Okay.
All right.
Well, follow me.
I can't believe you guys
haven't taken an acting class.
Well,
why didn't he say anything
about acting classes
if he's so...
It's gonna help you
channel some of that anger.
How come
we didn't know about this?
That's a great...
That's a great question
that I'm gonna get
to the bottom of.
Well,
we've spent a lot of money.
Are we gonna have to spend more?
You're not having any fun,
are you?
I mean, the way you acted,
it's like you never even
talked to a woman before.
Are you seeing anyone?
What about the boss?
I've seen the way
she looks at you.
What about the two of you?
You know, personally,
she really scares me.
You're not the only one
who doesn't want
pretty girls around, man.
You know, I thought
I had a really great office
until I realized that
there's a giant piece of glass
where a wall should be
and she's just gonna
fucking stare at me through it
every time
I have a girl in there under 30.
I've been trying to work up
the courage to return her gaze.
I want to make some eye contact,
but I'm just not ready yet.
You know, you are
way too overqualified
in, like, every single way,
to be doing
the bullshit you're doing.
You know what you said
in that acting class?
That wasn't tricks;
That was real.
And I... look, I know
I gave you some shit about it,
but it's because
I was kind of shocked.
You know, I wasn't expecting
to feel anything,
and you shook me up.
You're way to good
for this life.
And you're not?
When I was eight,
my dad split.
And my mom took my sister and me
to live in Vancouver,
where she got us hooked up
with the Mormon church.
Ah, Mormon.
No wonder
you pitch such a smooth line.
Yeah, we're natural salesmen.
We have the fastest growing
faith on the earth.
Anyways, from the moment
they got ahold of me,
they were telling me
that I was something special
and I was being groomed
for a high place in the church,
maybe to become
one of the 12 apostles,
maybe church president.
The sky's the limit.
Point is, God's eye was on me
every second of my life.
So I didn't drink,
I didn't smoke,
I didn't swear,
and no girls.
But you know,
I broke,
and I keep waiting for the sky
to fall on my head,
and every day it doesn't,
it's like I have to push things
a little bit further.
But the sky still doesn't fall.
And it just makes me
feel even worse.
It just makes me feel like
everything I knew is a lie.
Religion's just a con, man,
like everything else.
They zero in on the weak one
and make him work twice as hard.
You didn't break.
You're the strong one.
I had this rabbi
who ran the yeshive
I went to when I was a kid.
I was the only nonreligious kid
in my class.
I still, to this day,
have no idea
why my parents sent me there.
Anyway, this rabbi
would pull me aside
and tell me
that I was going to be
a great leader
of the Jewish people.
Me.
Me.
I didn't even believe in God.
It made me feel guilty
every goddamn day of my life.
Sure.
Heard about that.
About what?
Jewish guilt.
See, I resent it
every time I feel guilty,
which is all the time,
because guilt is supposed to be
something that Jews feel.
Yeah,
we own the original patent;
we just license it
to everyone else.
Well, I think the copyright's
expired at this point.
It's public domain.
I think it's time we moved on
to a new business model.
Yeah?
You got any bright ideas?
Maybe.
Maybe I do.
I have this friend from school.
He works at the FDC upstate.
Now, for 10 grand,
he can get me
a legitimate agency license.
No bond, no questions asked.
The only requirement
is an actual address.
Now, in the meantime,
I know of an eight-room suite
on Broadway
that I can get
from this landlord I know
for a pretty ridiculous rate.
How ridiculous?
50 grand.
50 grand
for eight rooms on Broadway?
Yes,
but it's got to be in cash,
and it's got to be up front.
Who is this guy,
another college buddy?
No, I never went to college.
I meant grade school.
But no.
This guy's just a guy
I do an occasional favor for.
What kind of favors?
Uh, you know,
nothing mysterious.
Some guys just need help when
it comes to the opposite sex,
even guys with money.
Now, I also know a couple
young agents working at the bigs
who are willing to jump ship
and bring
their clients with them
if I can demonstrate
I have a real setup,
which is what I'm trying to do.
But I'm living hand to mouth
right now.
This guy's not gonna
hold this place for me forever.
So you're gonna need cash.
Which is why you're
talking to the Jew, right?
Cash and experience
and talent.
You know, this could be
a real thing.
This could be step one
to having
a real agency
that represents real clients.
But these guys I'm talking
about, they're young too,
and I have a feeling
they're the type
who might jump ship
when the water gets rough.
I don't know
how much I trust them.
- And you trust me?
- I don't trust you either.
But this is something
we both want.
Hello.
Yes?
When?
Who was it?
Oh, it was just
someone asking questions.
The police?
That's not
why I'm telling you this.
I'm just telling you
I'm taking out a loan.
- On this apartment?
- Right.
What if this business thing
that you're talking about
doesn't work out
and you can't pay it back?
Well,
then they get to sell it,
but that won't be for a while.
And only if...
I'm moving
back to mom and dad's.
That's not
why I'm telling you this.
I'm just telling you this
in the interest of honesty.
I'm just... I'm saying that
while you can still stay here,
it might not be a bad idea
for you
to get your shit together,
in the event
it doesn't work out,
but...
I believe that it will.
But you should still
be in a position
to get your own place.
I can't live like this.
It's like a sword
hanging over my head.
I don't get it.
Should I not
have said anything to you?
Maybe not.
Maybe not.
Why?
So you can be spared
the realities
the rest of us have to deal with
every fucking day?
Spared?
How am I being spared?
I carry the load for all of you.
For all your fucking sins.
I carry the load
every fucking day,
so don't tell me
I'm being spared.
What sins?
What are you talking about,
"sins"?
I'm going to mom and dad's.
Why? So you can torture mom?
How long
are you gonna do this for, huh?
How long are you gonna keep
torturing her?
You're the worst, man.
You're the fucking worst.
At least I keep it at home,
where it belongs.
What about you?
You go out and torture women
who have never
done anything wrong to you.
So who's worse, huh?
Who's the fucking worst?
I don't understand
this family.
I don't understand
how four people
that are supposed
to care about each other
can fuck everything up so badly.
I'm just taking out a loan.
Please don't leave.
This may be purgatory,
but it's better
than living in hell.
Please.
Promise me
you won't go back there.
# #
# #
# #
# #
you look like
you're in a good mood...
Like you're in love?
Well, I guess
I wouldn't remember.
Spending a lot of time
with the new kid.
I wouldn't say a lot.
We hang out occasionally.
He's young.
In some ways, yeah.
He reminds me of you.
Oh, he reminds me
of who I wished I was.
Everything he does
is so effortless.
It's like he knows everything
without ever
having studied anything.
And what he doesn't know
doesn't really matter anyway.
And women are just
drawn to him naturally.
I mean,
he's not cocky about it either.
Everything comes so effortlessly
for him
that he actually creates
problems for himself
just so that he isn't indecent
in his own eyes
if in no one else's.
I don't know whether to be
pissed or happy
someone like him
actually exists.
Are you fucking him?
Is he fucking you?
Do you have to talk about it
like that?
Are you so lacking
in imagination...
Not so much that I can't tell
the two of you
are up to something.
Are you fucking me?
We both
know the answer to that.
Because I brought
the two of you in together.
So if anything's going on,
I should be cut in on the deal.
We were partners.
You cut me out.
You quit.
I didn't quit.
You stopped working.
You stopped working.
You moved that little girl
in with you.
I wasn't going to share
while you sat on your ass
and had your fun.
You're lucky I let you back here.
to work on commission
after the way...
Do you really want to dignify
what we do here
by calling it work?
I have a meeting at 8:00.
With some people from Seattle
about setting
an operation there.
It's so pathetic.
It'll probably be good
for a month or two,
but our cut should be nice.
You can get in on it
if you want to come.
I can't make it tonight.
I'll be in your neighborhood,
and I can drop by afterwards
when I'm done.
My brother's there, remember?
I remember everything.
Are you going somewhere?
I'm seeing our son for dinner
it's been a long day.
Why doesn't he
just come over here?
There are some things
I need to tell him.
I was with someone
a long time ago,
before I met your father.
I know; Half the city of Paris
was after you.
Is that what you wanted to have
dinner to talk to me about,
all the guys chased you?
The more they wanted you,
the less interested
you were in them?
They threatened suicide,
they flung themselves
off buildings.
For a while, it wasn't safe to
walk down the streets of Paris
for fear
of all the broken-hearted boys
crashing on the pavement.
I was in love,
before Paris.
What happened?
I left him.
Why?
I was afraid.
Of what?
Why did you marry dad?
He was very handsome.
He's still handsome.
You should have seen him then.
He was incredibly handsome
when we met.
I'm sure you knew
a lot of handsome men.
Well, I knew
he would never leave me.
That's it?
Doesn't seem like a very good
reason to marry someone.
Isn't it?
He needed to prove
that he would never leave me,
no matter what I did.
So I push him away,
and he stays.
Marriage is about
what people need,
not what they want.
Sometimes I feel
like I am a ghost.
Just floating through reality
without really
touching anything.
But mostly I feel like
I'm living in a dream.
Where nothing is real.
Everything is just a dream.
What makes you think that
you are the one dreaming it?
What do you want, mom?
What do you want from me?
Nothing.
I don't want anything from you
I think you always felt
that I needed something,
needed your love somehow
in order to keep me alive.
I don't need your love.
I never needed your love.
I needed his.
Why are you telling me this?
So you can be free.
Hmm.
Sounds to me
like you're the one who's free
not yet.
Soon.
Hello?
Hello?
Oh!
Hi, how are you?
I'm...
I know.
We... we... we've met before.
My brother's not here.
Isn't he staying with...
He's not here right now.
Oh.
My mistake.
Um...
, look, you know, I'm
cooking my dinner right now
and I wasn't expecting anybody.
It's kind of a mess right now
oh.
Um, can I use your bathroom?
Just for a minute.
I won't bother you.
Uh...
Thanks.
Um, it's over...
Right.
It's right through there,
yeah.
Is that your piano?
Your brother tells me
you're a composer.
I'd love to hear one of your
compositions one of these days.
I mean, if you...
Yeah, I haven't
been composing recently.
Oh, that's too bad.
Oh, but you can always play
one of your old ones.
I'm sure it...
Yeah, yeah-
no, you know, I'm sorry.
I'm just... I'm doing this...
My d... I'm cooking my dinner.
And s... I don't mean to be rude,
but it's, like,
this complicated procedure,
so I don't mean to be rude.
You know, you should come out.
It's so much less work.
Yeah, it's not that simple,
you know?
It's this whole thing.
That I... I wouldn't want
to bore you with it.
What kind of thing?
I'm good with special diets,
and you can bring
a tape of your music over,
and if you let me know
what you'd like to eat,
I can make it for you.
Well, yeah, thanks.
That's really sweet of you,
you know.
Uh, but... but, you know,
I'll tell my brother
that you came by.
Oh, you don't
have to tell him.
He's been busy.
I can make it
just the two of us.
Get the fuck out.
Excuse me?
Get the fuck out of here!
I'm sorry.
Get the fuck out of here!
Get the fuck out of here!
Get the fuck out of here!
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out!
Crunch!
# #
# all I want is #
# the best #
# for our lives #
# my dear #
# and you know #
# my wishes #
# are sincere #
# what's to say #
# for the days #
# I cannot bear #
# a Sunday smile #
# you wore it for a while #
# a Sunday mile #
# we paused and sang #
# a Sunday smile #
# you wore it for a while #
# a Sunday mile #
# we paused and sang #
# a Sunday smile #
# and we felt true #
I can't even believe
you'd talk to me
after the raking over
I gave you in that class.
Well, hey, I got a callback.
And I was mad at first,
but then I realized
that you were right...
About everything.
# we burned to the ground #
what's this?
Well, those are keys
to our new office.
We got our first furniture
delivery in today.
It's already in?
Did you tell our boss
about it yet?
- No.
- No?
I was so sure you'd tell her.
Yeah, I guess I got
a distressing honest streak.
Mm-hmm.
Honest or self-destructive?
I got to get going.
She's amazing.
She's really into you too.
- You think so?
- Mm-hmm.
All right.
Ah, I feel
like I'm in high school.
Oh-ho, I'm not that young.
No, I mean,
this whole thing is just...
Let's go to my hotel.
It's just... it's just right here.
It's right around the corner.
Um, let's go
to your new office.
I want to be the first to...
- Christen it?
- I wouldn't use that word.
Anoint it?
Appoint it?
Break it in?
Oh.
No, no,
you already used that one
for the outside door.
- I did?
- Yeah, you did.
I did.
Here you go.
Oh.
Nice space.
Could you wait here
for a minute?
Is everything all right?
Yeah.
Yeah, well,
I thought that, uh...
That the furniture
would be here?
There is no furniture,
is there?
Doesn't look like it.
You knew all along.
You get a cut?
What are you gonna do?
There never was anything,
was there?
Nothing.
That's what you wanted,
isn't it?
Hello?
Hey, it's me.
I don't have keys anymore.
Hey.
I'm sorry to come over so late,
but I don't know, I just...
I just...
You were right to be worried
about that thing.
I just wanted to say
I'm so sorry.
I got caught up, and it...
Did something happen
to your hand?
Jesus, what's wrong
with your hand?
What happened?
Jesus Christ.
What happened?
Did you...
Did you do this to yourself?
Why?
Why would you
do this to yourself?
- I don't know.
- Why?
That woman came here
looking for you.
What woman?
What are you talking about?
The Asian woman
that you're staying with.
Staying with...
Why'd she come here?
I don't know,
she wanted to talk to you.
And then she started
talking to me.
And she... she wouldn't
stop talking to me.
And... I don't know.
I just lost it.
I just lost it.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?
Sorry?
You're sorry?
How could you
do this to yourself?
I don't know.
I didn't even know
I was doing it.
I just did it.
Like it was happening
to somebody else.
Like I was somebody else.
I don't even know who I am.
I don't know.
Oh, jeez.
You got to get yourself
to a hospital.
Okay?
Here.
What's that?
For a taxi.
Aren't you coming with me?
No, I'm not fucking
going with you.
You can get your own
fucking self to the hospital
like a man
for once in your life.
Maybe dad will take me.
Fuck dad.
You get your own fucking self
to a hospital.
You're the one who fucked up
your own motherfucking life.
Dad will take me.
You know what?
I don't give a shit.
Go by yourself,
get dad to take you,
or you can
fucking stay here and rot
like you were doing
before I showed up.
This whole family
can go to hell, for all I care.
You can go to hell.
Madame,
il y a quelqu'un pour vous
a l'appareil.
Yes?
Dad?
Mom.
Mom?
Dad?
Mom?
Herein.
What are you doing here?
You know what I'm doing here.
What...
Leave me...
You can't just come crashing in
any time you want to.
Shut up.
Slap!
Not now!
Not now?
Not ever, right?
Not ever, right?
No, I don't want that.
No!
You do want it.
You just don't want it from me.
You just don't want it
from me.
Get...
Get off.
Stop it.
Get off.
Stop.
Ugh.
Get off!
Get out of here.
No.
Thud!
Thud!
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