- You know that evil
Heavy Metal
that your parents hate
you listening to?
You know those lyrics
about hell and doom,
demons ripping you
new orifices to shit out of?
What if I told you
it's all reel?
I know...
I was there.
- But wait.
Lets start at the beginning.
It all started in Greypoint,
the middle of ass-fuck nowhere.
I had to shift here
after my mum
went on a massive meth bender,
and tried to suck off
a Santa Claus
in a crowded mall.
Mum got sent to a mental ward
and I got stuck with my uncle.
- My Uncle Albert
was balls deep into Jesus.
He thought Ricky Martin
was heavy.
He heard me cranking some
Disembowel/ed Corpse,
and he hasn't slept for days.
I brought about
the end of the world.
Biggest dick move ever.
- Stop struggling.
- Ow.
- It won't fit.
- Ow. Ow.
- Get up there. Oh...
- This is Dion.
- And that is probably the
least embarrassing orifice
that dice has been shoved into.
- Wait...
Yes, it's in!
- And this
is my dickhead cousin.
- Hey, David...
- He's hospitalized
more nerds than asthma.
- I saw Uncle Albert washing
your sheets this morning.
You shit the bed or something?
- Fuckin' devil-worshiper.
I can't wait until my dad
kicks you out on the streets
and you've got to blow
truck drivers for food
like your psycho mum.
His Mum is a psycho.
- Ow.
- You all right, man?
Here's your dice.
- It's actually a die.
Dice is plural.
Um, and it's a D10. But...
- Thanks.
- Jesus.
Who's that?
- Oh, Medina Darcy.
- Number one cause
of awkward boners in Greypoint.
- Ahhh... no, dude.
- What do you mean "no"?
- No way are you tapping that.
Chicks like that, they don't
go out with metalheads,
they bang apes
like your cousin.
Forget her, man.
At lunchtime,
do you want to do something
completely badass?
And that's...
...eight points
of non-lethal damage.
Exceeds your HP;
your cleric is unconscious.
- No fucking way.
How is it still breathing?
I cast a fireball.
- You cast it at a Fire Troll.
It's immune to fire.
- This is bullshit.
- Well, that's Giles.
He was once suspended
for violating the
CPR training dummy.
- I'm the DM, Giles.
What I say goes, okay?
I am the law.
- Yeah, this is
your problem, Dion.
- Okay, yeah.
- This is why no woman
will - will talk to you.
- Hey, do you know what?
A whole family of goblins
has just amassed around
your dead body.
And one of them
is humping your foot.
How do you like that?
- How - how...
Metal is the way
- Ah!
Hey.
- Fuckin' nerds.
- Oh Jesus.
It's piss.
- They - they sprayed us
with piss.
Again!
- Oh, the Player's Guide
is totally ruined.
- My friends are losers,
my uncle keeps trying
to christen me in my sleep,
and I'm drenched in my
cousin's bodily fluids.
- X minus one...
X plus one...
Good work, Brodie.
Nice technique.
Great shading on the
demon penises.
Ah.
Ha, is that me
having hot pokers
stuffed up my rectum
by skeletons?
- Yes, sir.
- Mmm.
Nice likeness.
Very detailed.
Two weeks detention.
- Silence!
- So, that's me, Brodie.
- Thus, X 6, X 5...
- Fuck my life.
- Fucking late again.
Oh, Christ, it's my
Satanist cousin Brodie.
Look at that ugly loner.
I'm gonna make his life
hell on earth.
- Wow.
That's really cool, David.
Can you please
take me home now?
- I thought we'd take
a drive or something.
- Okay,
It's hard to believe,
but talking about bullying
isn't really a turn on.
- There was only one
cool thing about Greypoint...
Alien Records.
Byron sold the sickest vinyl,
while his psychic girlfriend,
Abigail,
told fortunes to
bored housewives
- Welcome to Alien Records.
How are things, kid?
- Things are shitty.
- Check it out.
- Oh, Haxan Sword?
Epic.
- Yeah, man.
It's only one of
666 ever printed;
numbered in blood
by Rikki Daggers himself.
Metal vinyl is over there
by that kid.
- Fuck, yes.
Now that's a record, man.
- Yeah.
I've actually been after
that one for a while.
I'm Brodie, by the way.
- Zakk.
- After I met Zakk,
my life changed.
- My mother was gonna
call me "Storm," though.
- Rad.
- I know.
- He was a
tornado of chaos,
leaving, ah,
a trail of destruction
and teen pregnancies
in his wake.
- Zakk got expelled after
stabbing a kid
with a math compass
because he stepped on his
King Diamond tape.
Or was it a setsquare?
He used to help his
Dad at the car workshop.
But mainly he just stole
anything not bolted on
and then unbolted the rest.
- Yeah. Fuck you too, Bono.
- Hey man...
...you want to do
something crazy?
- It's not role-playing is it'?
- What the fuck
is role-playing?
- Zakk played bass
so we started a band.
- Hey.
This is, ah, Giles and Dion.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Right, first things first.
What are we called?
- Um... Murder Boner?
- Toothed Vagina.
- Oh, Maggot Sperm.
- Cannibal Unicorn.
- How about like,
thirteen S's.
You know, like...
- Got it. Got it.
DEATHGASM.
All spelled in capitals.
Lower case is for pussies.
- Cool. What about...
- I fuckin' said...
DEATHGASM!
- Solo!
Fuckin' shred it!
- Dude, I thought you said
you could play.
- Sorry.
Ah... I can. I can.
I'm just - I'm -
I'm just rusty.
All right. From the top.
- What?
Just mixing it up.
- Where are we going?
- It's a surprise.
- What's the hell is that for?
- Dude, chill out.
It's fine.
- All right.
You stay here.
You're lookout.
- What?
- Shit.
Zakk?
Zakk?
- Oh shit!
- Did you shit yourself?
- Nice surprise.
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're an accomplice, mate.
Don't puss out on me now.
Come on.
Check it out.
- Oh shit.
- Man, these guys were legends
back in the day.
Check it out.
- Oh.
Rikki Daggers.
- He was a maniac.
Didn't he used to kill
live rabbits on stage
with a crowbar?
- No, man.
It was a claw hammer.
- Wonder what
happened to him?
- Spent all his money
on coke,
hookers and Satanist shit.
Last I heard he was
hiding out in some small,
crappy New Zealand town.
- No fuckin' way.
- Yes fuckin' way.
No fuckin' way.
- Rikki Fuckin'
Daggers, man.
- Shh.
Hey, this way.
- Holy fuck.
Look at those amps.
- Ah, they're old as hell.
Probably all busted.
- Is that...?
It's him.
Is he dead?
I bags that record.
Dude, that's low.
- I can go much lower.
- Shh.
Come on.
- Check it out.
- No fuckin' way.
- Motherfucker!
- Whoa!
- Dude. Dude. Dude.
Dude...
- The record!
Drop it!
Kick it back.
Right. What the fuck
- Chill.
- Are you two cunts...
- doing in my house?!
- Let's get out of here.
Come on.
- Don't you fuckin' move.
- Aeon sent you,
didn't he?
- When are you
occultist cunts
ever gonna fuckin learn?
- No, we're just - we're just
metalheads.
We're fans.
Well, how did you find me?
- Latest Death Scream, dude.
You were outed.
- Oh fuck.
Fuck!
We're all gonna die.
- Shit, someone's coming!
- Here. Take it.
Take it!
Hide it and guard it
with your life.
- Come on, let's bail.
- Let's bail.
- Fuck.
- So you fuckers
finally found me.
- Where is it, Daggers?
Who were you talking to?
I heard voices.
- Why don't you go home
and tell Aeon
to fuck himself!
It's a trap.
Well, go on then,
do it, you fuckin' pussy!
- Well, that was fucked up.
- Dude, what the hell?
It's a fucking
Rick Astley record!
Fuck.
- What the hell was that?
- Weird.
It's music.
- Can you read it?
- Yeah, I think so.
It's pretty universal.
It's really old.
Holy fuck.
Look at the title.
- What the fuck does it say?
- Don't know,
I think it's Latin.
- What, like,
Dora the fuckin' Explorer?
- No. Like, like,
Romans and shit.
- Dude...
We should learn this;
turn it into a
DEATHGASM song!
It'll be fuckin' brutal.
- You want a beer?
- Ah, yeah.
- Vadin.
- I found Daggers.
- Straight to it'?
- Not even a,
"How are things, Aeon?"
You're direct.
I've always liked
that about you.
- Aeon, the pages.
- The Black Hymn, Vadin.
Pages are just paper.
The Black Hymn
is absolute power
Please, give it the
reverence it deserves.
- Daggers didn't have it,
The Black Hymn.
I think someone
got to it before us.
- Oh.
That's a shame.
- There was a break in.
The pages should be
in Greypoint somewhere.
I just need more time.
- Winners don't make excuses
for their failures, Vadin.
They learn from them.
- No. Please.
- Take his fucking head off.
- No!
- Oh, come on,
that's a custom made
Sartori rug! Idiots!
You put a tarp down first.
Do it again.
Again!
Do it again!
That's good.
Yeah, I think that worked.
Get the car.
We're heading into Greypoint.
- Zakk - Zakk, that's good.
Urn, Brodie,
can - can you put your
foot up on that tree?
Yeah.
But - but higher?
Higher.
- This is retarded.
Our - our instruments
aren't even plugged in.
Where the fuck is the sound
supposed to be coming from?
- Trust me.
This is gonna be
off the hook.
Yeah, yeah.
No, that's good.
Um, let's - let's head
to the next location.
Fuck you, Dion.
- Does anybody want
anything from the shop?
- Condoms, Vaseline,
jumper cables
and ammonium nitrate.
- I don't think they sell
that combination of things.
- See... Oh!
- Sony
Sorry.
There you go.
- Could I please have
my tampon?
- Yeah sure.
- Thanks.
You're Brodie, right?
- Yeah.
- I'm Medina,
from maths class.
- Right, you're David's
girlfriend, right?
- You know what,
I was gonna get an ice cream.
Did you want one?
- Ah, yeah.
Ah, yeah. I was just
helping these guys, urn...
- Ah, we're - we're
all done here,
dude, ah, catch you later.
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Cool.
- Sperminate her, dude!
- So, um, the other day,
in maths...
ah, Mr Capenhurst
is such a dick.
- Yeah.
- Yep.
- I, um, I saved this.
Well,
I rescued it from the bin.
You're a really good drawer,
like, really talented.
I wish I could draw like that.
- Okay-
Thank you.
Thanks.
- You know, I was -
I was thinking about
getting a tattoo
it would drive my dad crazy.
I should get you
to design it.
Maybe that's lame.
- No, of course.
I mean, of course
I would help you design it.
Not, "Of course
I think it's lame."
- Okay-
You know, I was thinking
about getting it just, urn...
...just here.
- Yes...
good spot for it.
- Or - or maybe here,
on my upper thigh.
- Yeah, yeah.
Yes, yeah.
Either - I mean, again,
both great areas - places.
And hard decision.
So...
- So, you're in a band?
- Yeah, I, um, I play,
ah, the guitar.
I mean, axe.
Um, do you,
do you like metal?
- Um, isn't it just a bunch
of guys screaming?
- No way.
Well, apart from grindcore.
And... death metal
is kind of like that.
And deathcore, screamo,
pornogrind,
black metal, mathcore,
thrash and mordorcore.
- But apart from those.
- Mmm.
- It's just not my thing.
I don't really get it.
- It's like,
when life sucks,
and - and you feel alone
and empty.
You stick on some metal
and life is better, because -
because somebody else
knows the pain and -
and the rage that you're
going through, you know?
Urn, I'll - I'll -
I'll lend you a CD.
You should - you should
have a - have a listen.
Ah...
- Oh.
Ah, Anal Cunt.
- Ah, ah...
This one.
- Awesome.
Ah, these are really,
really old.
How are they not
in a museum?
- Where did you say you
got these again, dude?
- I, um...
- Found them...
- In a skip.
- I'm warning you, Brodie.
Stop that devil music now.
- Shit, man.
- Laters, bud.
- Dude, you choked again.
- Sorry, I, ah,
started panicking.
- You ever
had that feeling
where you can't breathe?
Like there's a crushing
weight on your chest,
and the room gets
really small
and your heart starts
beating insanely fast?
- No, never had that.
Oh, although this one time,
this chick grabbed
my nuts too hard,
and my splooge
came out red.
Brotherhood of Steel?
- Brotherhood of Steel.
- Laters.
- Whoa.
- The expression
Three A plus two B
over two.
When A equals three
and B equals four.
Anyway, three A
plus two B equals two.
Then A equals three.
B equals four.
- Hey, cuz.
- The fuck do you want?
Fuck.
- Get him.
- Fuck off, David.
- What are you gonna do
about it, fudge packer?
Tell my dad?
He hates you, too.
Fuck.
- You go near my bitch again
and I'll punch you in the
dick every morning.
- Fucktard.
- Rip Brodie's girlie
earring out.
- No.
No! No, no, no...
- Come on.
Lay into him.
- Are you stealing petrol?
- No.
I'm stealing diesel.
- Well, don't you feel guilty?
- No.
Hold that.
- You're Zakk right?
Brodie's friend?
He - do you know
where he is?
He skipped class
this afternoon.
- Brodie?
Oh yeah. He lost his dick in
a freak bandsaw accident.
Tragic.
- Okay...
Urn... Well...
Can you give him this?
Oh.
Don't read it.
- Zakk?
Where's Brodie?
- He told me to
pass on a message.
He's not interested.
He's got other shit
going on.
- Oh.
Well, that's shit.
- Yeah...
well, I thought I'd
come down and tell you.
Save up waiting all night,
freezing your tits off, eh?
- Thank you for considering
the well-being of my tits.
- You're welcome.
Here.
You're freezing.
Swig?
Helps take the
bullshit away.
- Fuck it.
- His mum is a psycho...
- Are you gonna tell us
who gave you the shiner?
- Won't matter soon.
Let's just fuckin' do this.
- Dude, you know
I have your back.
Tell me who they are,
I'll fuck them up.
- I'm fine.
- All right. Well, if they
give you anymore shit,
I know a trick, all right?
Point down at their zipper,
and say,
"Ooh gross,
your cock is hanging out."
And then when they
look down... Boom!
You punch them in the face.
My dad taught me that.
All right, ladies.
From the top.
- Goddamn,
I have the worst headache.
- Were we asleep?
- Amps are buggered.
- Guys...
Guys, do I look different?
More, like... more powerful?
- You could be
weaker than before.
- Something fucked up happened.
Man, my head is throbbing.
- Something went wrong.
It didn't work.
- What are you
talkin' about, dude?
Wouldn't it be crazy if-
if the music had something
to do with demons?
- Demons?
Demons?
Demons? What?
- Fuck!
What do you want,
asshole?
- Can you hear the trumpets,
Brodie?
They're getting louder.
The Blind One is coming.
He's going to suck out
your intestines
for a thousand years
and use your ribs
as toothpicks.
- Urn... okay.
- Did I mention
he's going to roast your
nuts over an open fire?
While they are still attached,
of course.
- Ah. No, Terry.
You didn't mention that.
- Well, he is.
- Mr Capenhurst,
are you okay?
- Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- There was just
blood everywhere,
from every hole.
It was crazy.
- Weird.
- Yeah, it was mental, man.
Medina, too. Just-
just totally ignored me.
- Did she say why?
- No.
Feels like everybody
in my neighborhood
has gone insane.
- This town has always
been fuckin' crazy.
Probably the Illuminati,
pouring fuckin' fluoride in
the water or something.
What the fuck
is that noise?
Dad?
For fuck's sake.
Dad?
Dad?
Dad, what the fuck
are you doing?
Dad?
What are you doing?
- What's wrong with him?
Is he drunk?
- I don't think so.
Dad, talk to me.
Look, I'm going to take this
t-shirt off your face.
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. It's okay.
Fuck!
- What the fuck is he doing?
- Holy fuck!
- Whoa!
- I can see you.
- Oh fuck!
- Brutal.
- Should we check his pulse?
- He has a fucking
engine for a head.
I don't think he's gonna be
walking this one off, man.
- Shit.
Your Dad, I'm... Fuck.
I'm really sorry.
- Fuck!
You know,
it's weird but
I think he would've
wanted to go out like this.
- His eyes ripped out,
face grinded off,
and then head mounted
under a car engine?
- Totally.
For whom the bell tolls,
old man.
- Oh fuck.
Fuck!
Dude, dude,
I am so sorry.
Fuck, man,
this is all my fault.
Okay. Fuck.
I translated those pages,
and - and - and
they were to do with -
with summoning demons, okay?
And now people
are turning crazy.
Like, possessed crazy.
- You knew that was
some black magic shit
and you didn't fuckin' tell me?
- I didn't want you
to think I was crazy.
- It's a bit fuckin' late now,
isn't it'?
This is fucking twisted, man.
Fuckin' demons?
- Abigail.
Fuckin' Abigail.
You know, the - the chick from
the - from the record store,
the psychic chick.
She knows all about this stuff.
We should go see her.
- The lights are on.
They could still be here.
- Well, I'm out of ideas.
- Jesus!
- These things suck.
What are you... hey!
What are you doing?
- Who brings a dice purse
to a demon
apocalypse anyway?
How do we stop
these things?
- Shit.
- Medina!
- What's up?
- Sweet axe skills.
- Thanks.
- I wanted to come up with,
like, a one-liner like,
"You were axing for this"
or something.
That would be really cool,
right?
- That was pretty cool as is.
I mean, the axe, and the...
- Yeah.
- Fuckin' awesome.
- Abigail, we need to get
you to a hospital, okay?
It's too late.
It has possessed
their bodies.
- Whoa.
Is that Satan?
- That is Aeloth,
King of the Demons.
- Aeloth?
Sounds like a badass.
- These words
were in music pages.
- The Black Hymn.
You have it.
- Have it'?
We fuckin' played it.
- Well, then you
have fucked us all.
The possessed bodies,
they kill all in their path
in preparation for
Aeloth's ascension
on the next blood moon.
On the Devil's Hour.
- Oh shit,
the moon is red tonight.
When is the Devil's Hour?
- Three AM.
- Wait.
Three AM Pacific
or Eastern time?
Do demons recognize
daylight savings?
- When Aeloth returns,
his soul will fuse
with that of a darkest
human host.
- How can we stop him?
- Do you still have
the Black Hymn?
- Yeah, it's back at my Uncle's.
- Well, then we can...
- Oh shit!
- Ah!
- Have you guys
seen Brodie tonight?
Everyone I've seen is either
dead or psycho-ed.
- No sign.
Ah, hey,
my Dad said we should
head to the school
in an emergency.
It's, um, Greypoint's
civil defense centre.
He's a warden.
I mean, was until he...
got possessed and...
ate Mum's skin off.
- Dude, are you still
going on about that?
It was hours ago!
Get the fuck over it!
- Let's head to the school.
We're not gonna
survive out here.
- Oh, wait a sec.
- Oh God.
Let's hope the demons
can%read, eh?
- You ready?
Let's go.
- We need you to destroy
the Vocavitque Rex Daemonia.
- Destroy it?
We came here to get it.
- Those who performed
the Black Hymn
may try to reverse it
before Aeloth's ascension.
- Can't you destroy it?
- No!
Only those who still have a
soul can touch the pages.
I do not.
- I have one condition.
I want to become
Aeloth's vessel.
It has to be me.
- His soul will bind with the
blackest human soul nearby,
a soul that will not
resist his power.
- You! No! Please!
No!
- Now who doesn't
have a gag reflex?
I pledge allegiance
to Aeloth the Blind.
- Kill anyone
who gets in your way.
You will be rewarded
with more power
than you can imagine.
Find Brodie.
He is the key.
- Before she died,
Abigail was trying
to tell us something.
- Maybe...
Okay...
Okay, we're gonna go back
to my place, all right?
We're gonna get my guitar,
and the pages.
I'm gonna try and play
this song backwards,
Rob Halford style, man.
I mean,
it makes sense, right?
Reverse all this shit?
- Fuck that.
This town is shit.
We're going up to the lookout,
rolling a three-skinner,
cranking some Slayer
and watching this town burn
to the fuckin' ground!
- Dude, what about Medina,
Giles and Dion?
They could all still be alive.
- Those guys are dicks.
Medina is never gonna
put out for you, man.
You're never gonna get to
second base with that girl.
- What?
- You know. Anal.
- Okay-
Firstly, I don't want to know
what you think forth base is,
all right?
But I'm going for
the music pages.
Dude, fucking stop.
Don't you give a shit
about anyone but yourself?
- No, I don't.
Fuck them.
- Dude,
I do care about the Holden.
Hey, Cocktopus!
You win.
I'll take you to do the thing
with the music, or whatever.
Dude!
Come on. Get in.
Come on.
- Okay,
so all the shit
is in my room, all right.
But just watch out for
my Aunt and Uncle,
because they hate you.
And also...
they might be demons.
- Right.
- Okay?
- Oh shit.
- But they are into
all that God shit, right?
They'll be sweet, they'll just
pray themselves to safety.
- No, no, urn...
No, they were at home
when we played the song.
Fuck.
Look, they definitely
would've heard it, okay?
Looks all clear.
I'll get the music.
- You've been a bad boy,
Brodie.
I can taste you from here.
- Zakk!
- Fuck!
Shit.
We need to arm up.
- Does your uncle have a gun?
- I doubt it, man.
- Fuck!
Fuck.
Fuck yes!
I bet there are some
crosses in here.
Or some bibles we
could bash them with.
What the hell?
- Ah, I think they're, um,
they're rosary beads? Yeah.
- What part of church do they
crank this bad boy, Brodie?
- Oh.
- Hey, Brodie?
- What?
- Oh fuck.
Why would you do that?
It's not working.
These are a bit shit.
- Hold them off.
- What?
- Yes.
Brodie!
- No!
No!
No!
No! No! Ah. No!
Ah! No!
- I'm going to eat your soul.
- Fucking die!
- No!
No! Stop!
Please. No!
No.
No.
- What... the fuck?
- Pretty sure he
wasn't possessed.
- What? Oh no.
Of course he was.
Because when he
came in he said,
ah, something about Satan.
You didn't hear him
say that?
Fuck!
Hey, the pages
are blowing away.
You have to help me...
Oh sick, man.
- What? They were like
that when I found them.
- Come on.
We have to get the music.
- All right, look,
I'm going to help you do this
but only because
you suck at it.
Also it's kind of fun
stabbing shit.
But we need to get
better weapons.
Yeah?
Brutal.
- Brutal as fuck.
- You're pretty good
at whacking guys off, bro.
- Did you see that?
I'm gonna go check it out.
- Brodie, you've got
the page, let's go.
Brodie!
- Shit!
Medina.
- Brodie.
HEY-
- HEY-
- We're just holed
up in - inside.
" We?
- When Medina was
killing those demons
I got a bit of a half-chub.
- Look, let's get back
to the matter at hand here.
Seeing as how you're in an
underground dwarven citadel,
it looks as if it has
nested hinges, which are...
- Oh... Brodie!
- Told you they'd be okay.
- No you didn't.
You said they were
probably dead already.
You wanted dibs
on his guitar.
Ow.
- I found these guys
outside your house.
- You were looking for us?
- Of course.
Ah, you got our note, right
- No. I didn't see any note.
- Oh.
- Who would have thought
that Mr Proctor's
rock collection would
come in handy?
Oh gosh.
Your hand.
- Oh, ah, it's okay.
- No.
- That's Zakk's jacket.
When did you get that?
- He, urn...
He lent it to me.
He stopped by the other night
to - to tell me that, um...
you know, hmm?
You weren't interested.
- What?
- The note that I gave
Zakk to give to you
to meet me at the
park at 9:00.
- No.
I didn't get that note either.
So...
did you guys hook up?
Motherfucker!
- Brodie, just leave it.
- Fuckin' wanker.
You knew I liked her.
- Calm the fuck down,
all right?
I'm not even into her;
I was just bored.
Oh well. That's supposed
to make it fuckin' better?
What happened to
Brotherhood of Steel?
You know what?
Everyone was fuckin'
right about you.
- You're a piece of shit.
- Fuck you!
- You let this happen by being
such an insecure pussy.
Yeah, that's right, walk away.
Grow some
fucking balls, man.
Motherfucker!
- You motherfucker.
You knew I liked her.
- Save it for the demons,
you two!
- All right.
All right.
FUCK you!
I never even liked you.
Good luck
fighting evil without me.
You're all gonna fuckin' die.
Death to false metal!
- I expected this.
He's Chaotic Neutral
and you're Lawful Good.
Your alignments are
just totally mismatched.
- How are we gonna
play it backwards?
It was hard enough
playing it forwards.
- Will take a few goes.
- Well, time isn't
exactly on our side.
- And another problem:
when we first played the song,
everyone in the neighborhood
got possessed first, right?
" So?
- Well, they were all
within earshot.
But our amps blew up.
- Right. Okay, so we need
some serious decibels.
- Well, does the
school have any?
- Are you kidding?
Our whole music class had
to share the same recorder.
I can still taste it.
- I know a place
that has amps.
Big ones.
Not sure if they still work,
but it's our only chance.
- Out there?
It's gonna be crazy.
And we don't have
a car without Zakk.
- Zakk can eat my ass.
We don't need him.
We can do it on our own.
- Fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah.
- Let's tear shit up.
Shh. Stay low.
Come on.
- Just chill, all right?
We're not demons.
- Drop the weapons.
Now.
- Damn.
I can't tell if I have a fear
boner or a boner-boner.
- I didn't even say anything.
Hit him.
- Listen, just let us go, okay.
You don't know
what you're doing.
The town is overrun
with fucking demons.
- We know exactly
what we're doing.
Give me the Vogue-catty
queff-wrecks-demony.
- Um, it's actually pronounced
Vocavitque rex daemonia.
That tongue wasn't
meant for Latin.
- Oh! Come on!
- The Black Hymn!
Where is it?!
- I don't know
what you talking about.
- Ah, no.
- Ow.
- Well?
- Don't tell this Manson family
cumbucket anything, Brodie.
- Okay, okay-
- It's here.
No!
- Tie them up,
take them in the bedroom.
They can be a live
offering for Aeloth.
- No.
No, please, let us go.
- You had your chance.
You awakened Aeloth,
pleaded with him to take
away your weakness
and vanquish your enemies.
He would've given you
power, fame, fortune,
and any woman you want.
But you blew it.
- Is that true, Brodie?
You did all of this for power?
- I didn't want this.
- Get them out.
- Whoa, whoa, okay.
Okay, okay.
- Do you think if we soil
our pants, they'll let us go?
- I guess we'll find out soon.
- ...In sanguine.
Intra in sanguinem.
De caelo laceri.
Lacerato horrorem.
Proin cursus meum.
Regnabunt autem in sanguine.
Intra in sanguinem...
- Hey, I never meant
for this to happen, okay?
I just want to
let you know that.
I was desperate.
I just-
I felt so fuckin' powerless.
- You are not powerless,
Brodie.
You can still stop this.
I know you can.
- What was that, guys?
- Shit.
- There's something in there.
- Which one of you cunts
wants to be
skull-fucked first?
No.
- You.
- No, no, not me!
I need my skull for exams!
- Sacrifice is a noble act,
you know.
- Fucking old bastard.
Oh my God.
- Did you miss me?
- I thought you were
off to the lookout
to watch the town burn?
- Realized I couldn't
leave my mate in the shit.
Not with all these
demons to mega-kill.
Metalheads stick together,
right?
- Whoa, wait.
You decided that you
wanted to help us,
and then you went
and applied makeup?
Well, how long did that take?
What 10, 15 minutes?
- It's not makeup,
it's fucking corpse paint.
For going into battle?
- Okay-
Well, you look adorable.
It really brings out your eyes.
- What's the plan?
- Okay. I get my guitar.
You guys get me to the amps.
Cover me.
- But she ripped up the pages.
Do you really think you can
play it from memory?
- I have to try.
- One more thing...
can you quickly
pull me off?
Oh right.
- De caelo laceri.
Lacerato horrorem.
- Metal up your ass,
motherfucker!
- Ah!
- No!
- Where's Dion?
- Well, he was
right behind us.
He must have got lost.
- There's only a few
fucking rooms.
- Dion!
- Fuck!
- Giles!
- Hurry, Brodie.
- Trying-
- Kill them all!
- It's three AM.
- Aeloth!
Come in to me!
Fill me with your power!
- So much power!
This is fucking brutal.
- What?
- Oh fuck.
You know, I'm not even sure
I'm in the right tuning.
- So, dude, I'm thinking
about doing a Burzum
and starting my own
solo project.
- Medina!
Run! Run!
- I mean, you and
the rest of the band
are just dead weight.
- Dude, zip up your fly.
I can see your dong.
- What?
You don't get it, do you?
You can't stop me.
I'm gonna destroy
this world of shit,
one maggot at a time.
- Medina!
- Look at it this way...
you're about to lose five kgs
without a crash diet.
- Fuck it.
- No, no, no, no.
That's not gonna work.
You have to play
The Black Hymn, fuckin' idiot.
- Zakk.
- Thanks, man.
The metal brought me back.
I'm trying to hold him off.
He's gonna destroy
everything.
- Dude, fight it.
You've got to be strong.
I mean, you're the
strong one, remember?
- I can't.
He's too powerful.
Finish me.
Quickly. Before Aeloth
takes over again.
- Man, I can't, I can't.
- You have to do it.
There's no other way.
Send him back to Hell.
Do it!
- Brotherhood of Steel, dude.
Brotherhood of Steel forever.
- I don't know, I just...
I can't stand mic cupping.
- Cannibal Corpse do it.
- No.
Barnes used to do it.
Fisher...
it's straight from the guts.
- Shit,
did I just get schooled?
- I'm a very fast learner.
- How's the tat?
- Mmm.
It's all healed up.
- I'll see you later.
- You really
thought this was over?
Time to die, Brodie!
- No, just kidding, dude.
- Zakk?
- So what's like being dead?
- Hell is awesome!
Like,
met some music legends:
Dio, Kurt Cobain,
Dimebag,
John Bonham,
Paul McCartney...
- Oh.
- Yeah, the true, true Mayhem
have reunited, too.
So cold, dude.
- Fucking brutal as.
- Anyway, the band.
You got to keep playing, dude.
- Yeah,
but everyone is dead.
We can't keep calling
ourselves DEATHGASM.
Doesn't feel right.
- All right then.
Well, change it.
How about...
Bandsaw Circumcision?
- lntesticide?
- What about, like,
Bestiality Bliss?
- Yeah, how about
Birth Canal Boat Riders?
- What about
The God Buggerers?
- How about
David Bain's Scrotum.
- Anal Bulimia?