Once there was a priest who had
a pet female parrot
The parrot hurled such vile abuses
that even l would feel ashamed
The priest shared his problem
with his friend, the Judge.
The judge asked the priest
to bring the parrot to his house.
He had two male parrots
who were very pious.
They sang praises
of Allah all day long.
Good company would make
all the difference.
The priest brought the parrot
to the judge's house.
The judge put the female parrot
in the cage with the other parrots
As soon as she went in, the parrots
stopped reciting the prayers
One smiled and turned to the other..
..and whispered in his ear..
May l whisper in your ear?
What did he say?
"Stop chanting the Lord's name.
Our prayers have been answered."
Bury him.
This is unfair, Mushtaq bhai.
Why punish me for Khalu's treachery?
l could have fled too but l didn't.
l came back to you.
Look Mushtaq bhai, believe me.
Why are you guys in such a hurry?
At least hear my last wish.
Anotherjoke?
No.
A story!
1000 rupees a day.
What's this?
Does the Nawab come free with this?
The suit belongs to
the Nawab of Chandpur.
He's on a Haj.
That's why these are available.
Shall l pack them both?
- No. Just one.
And a cheap tunic for him.
Why bro?
lf there's a Nawab there
has to be his butler.
You? A Nawab?
- Yes.
Great, Khalu.
- No matter what you wear..
..you will always
look like a butler.
Since when do you have
these tremors?
lt's just...few days.
His hands have been shaking
for a long time.
And, it's noon now.
You should watch him in the morning.
lt's like an earthquake!
Do you know what l do?
l break 4 eggs in a bowl,
and hand him the spoon.
And a well-beaten,
frothy omelet's ready.
Come with me.
- Yes?
Come with me. Come.
l was just joking.
Where are you taking me?
My grandfather.
He's a well known physician.
Would you like to consult him?
l can't see it.
- What's wrong, sir?
Sir is saying that,
these necklaces are terrible.
So ugly they stink.
What are you saying, sir?
Sir, take a look at this.
This.
l'll call for the car.
Pervez, get the car.
And switch the AC on.
Sir cannot tolerate the heat.
Come, sir.
- Sir...
..please feast your eyes on this.
Actually,
we cannot sell this officially.
Why?
This was stolen from the Nawab..
..of Hyderabad, the one in Pakistan.
lt's a priceless necklace, sir.
But 100% cash payment.
Yes. You'll get that.
How much?
- 5 million.
Advance?
- 500 thousand.
Where's your toilet?
Toilet?
His majesty hides his cash..
..in his undergarment.
Jumman, kindly escort
sir to the toilet?
Have a look sir.
How much can one
carry in the underwear?
About 4 or 5.
- How?
2 and a half upfront,
and the rest behind.
Which one's the main switch?
What's the time?
- 12:30.
12:30.
Eenie Meenie Miney Mo..
What happened, sir?
What are you doing here?
l'm here to loot your shop.
Was wondering which
one's the main switch.
Let me switch off the light!
Leave me.
Let me switch off the light!
See what's wrong?
Where's the emergency light?
lt was right here.
ls someone switching
on the generator or not?
Sorry!
Catch them!
Run!
Khalu, run!
Run.
Good day to you, ladies.
You can drool over it later.
Give me a hand.
We've to get out of here.
No ladder. How will l climb up?
Give me your hand.
Don't take so long.
Hey, stop.
No time. Run!
Meet me at the graveyard..
..behind the mosque at 3:30pm. Okay?
Khalu.
Hey! Stop!
Don't run. l'll shoot.
Time to decide.
lt's 4:30 already.
What?
Do l cut off your head
or little one?
What are you saying brother?
lf l had a hint about
Khalu's betrayal..
..l wouldn't come here to die.
Head or the little one?
You are a fair person.
We're related after all.
Have pity on me.
Head or the little one?
What kind of an option is this?
Japanese Gangsters
cut off the fingers.
You can take this one.
Take both.
Spare my little one.
That's Japan.
This is lndia!
Toss a coin.
lf its heads, then cut off his head.
lf its tail, then cut off his organ.
What is it?
Tails!
- Mushtaq bhai!
Best of 3! Okay.
lts tails on both sides!
This is cheating.
Why are you after my little one?
What are you doing?
Mushtaq bhai!
Don't do this please!
We're related. What are you doing?
Take his pants off.
Pull the string.
Hey!
- Hey!
What are you doing Babban?
l swear l will blow my brains out.
This is wrong son.
Hand me the gun.
Hand me the car keys.
- First the gun.
Fine, don't.
You'll be responsible for my death.
Babban!
l'm counting till three.
After three l'm dead.
Son..
One..
Two..
l am not joking brother.
Catch him.
Stop!
Mushtaq bhai. l promise you.
Either l'll get you
the necklace for your wife..
..or Khalu's organ.
l'm taking your car.
Sorry!
Stop.
Son of a gun!
He ran away again.
l don't get it.
Why do you let him go every time?
Have you heard of Batman?
Yes, l have.
lf the Joker's dead,
what will Batman do?
What?
- He'll sit at home and knead dough!
Are you the Joker?
Who?
- Batsman!
"Horn Ok Please."
"l don't know
if l'm coming or going.."
"Laughing or crying.."
"Horn Ok Please."
"l don't know
if l'm coming or going.."
"Laughing or crying.."
"Am l running around in circles?"
"Or reinventing the wheel?"
"l don't know
if l'm coming or going.."
"Laughing or crying.."
"Wonder where the car will crash?"
"Only a puncture will bring it
to a stop."
"Wonder where the car will crash?"
"Only a puncture will bring it
to a stop."
"Until then where will it wander?"
"Will it stop when it sees a sign?"
"What is Krishna
without his beloved?"
"Wandering the streets aimlessly."
"Looking for something that's lost."
"Horn Ok Please."
"l don't know
if l'm coming or going.."
"Laughing or crying.."
"Tell me, my partner."
"Why did you leave me?"
"What good is the fly
on the pants.."
"..without the zipper?"
"Tell me, my partner."
"Why did you leave me?"
"What good is the fly on
the pants without the zipper?"
"Meet me somewhere you wretch."
"Wandering aimlessly everywhere."
"Looking for something that's lost."
"Horn Ok Please."
Look at him!
The moron is walking nude.
Come on.
Look at that.
"You want to fight the world alone?"
"Don't be such a child."
Wow! Wonderful, sir.
Thank you.
So that was the Nawab of Chandpur..
..Mr. lftekhar Hussain.
And we are at the Majidabad
railway station..
..where the country's finest
poets have assembled.
For the annual festival hosted
by Her majesty..
..the Begum of Majidabad..
She organises this festival
in memory of her late husband..
..the Nawab of Majidabad.
lt was the Nawab's dying wish
that the Begum remarry.
But only to a poet.
Then why is it that no poet
in the last three years..
..has been able to impress
the lonely Begum?
So let us pray that this year..
..the Begum will find her Nawab.
Amen.
This is how you narrate a poem.
- Greetings.
- Greetings.
May l have your attention please!
Gentlemen,
l would like your attention please!
Sir, save your words for later.
Greetings!
The name is Munira...Aslam..
Zia-ul-Bano.
ln a short while from now,
the light of Majidabad..
..Begum Para,
will grace this gathering.
Few details our male guests
should make note of.
Please refrain from any
physical contact with the Begum.
And your eyes..
Tell your eyes not to stare.
She is a delicate creature.
Your brazen stare might hurt her.
So cold sighs
and silent lamentations..
..are not allowed
in Begum's presence.
So gentlemen... Begum Para!
Greetings.
Greetings!
Please come Begum.
Greetings.
This is..
l apologise..
- The Nawab of Chandpur.
Greetings.
Have we met before?
lf you remember where,
do let me know.
l've been searching
for myself a long time.
ls that it?
Where's Noor Mohammad ltalvi?
He..
Mr. ltalvi was with us until Kanpur.
l saw him in the train.
There's already a long waiting list.
But finding a good poet
at the last minute is tough.
That's not true.
Jaan Bhai is right here.
No one can match his poetry.
No, no. He's just joking.
You're the one joking.
Just yesterday he
said a wonderful verse.
Liyaqat bhai. What was it?
lt was wonderful.
What was the poem?
"The pajamas are cheap."
"Pour less water in my drink.."
Sir, please.
Let's hear it.
lt goes like this..
Please.
"The attire has consequence
and not the man.."
Wow!
"The attire has consequence
and not the man.."
"Hand me a tall glass.."
"..even if there's little
to drink from it."
Wonderful!
That's beautiful!
Please tell us the opening
verse of this poem.
Poem?
Go ahead.
lt's not done yet,
its work in progress.
Doesn't matter. Let's hear it.
lt was like..
What was it?
l..
Someone throw a line, come on.
"l couldn't tell if there was
makeup in your eyes.."
Wonderful.
Let's see who completes this..
"l couldn't tell if there was
makeup in your eyes?"
"But when they glanced
at my fallen words.."
..they soared up to the heavens."
Wonderful.
Bravo! Bravo!
Why didn't you give me
the opening verse?
Just the one couplet..
Why not the opening verse?
l am talking to you!
l hadn't finished yet, so..
l hadn't finished yet.
How could l give it to you?
Look...Noor Mohammad Dehlvi.
- ltalvi.
Noor Mohammad ltalvi.
ltalvi? Where's that?
ltaly.
The Bofors one.
Yes. My mother's from ltaly.
Wonderful! Congratulations!
Great.
So look, Noor Mohammad ltalvi.
By evening, l want 20 new poems.
20 poems by evening?
And l want nothing
but the best stuff.
Or else l'll have
your brains in my curry.
Understand?
How will l finish
20 poems by evening?
l am not a computer.
lce?
- A little.
First the ode and then the ice.
Wow!
That's a wonderful line too.
Get out!
Start writing.
(Old lndian classical music.)
Careful Mister.
Be gentle.
Don't kill them with
your words tomorrow.
Ladies and gentlemen,
l would like to begin..
..this poetic evening, with a..
..beautiful verse by
Dr. Bashir Badr.
"Here's to the sweet language
of my ancestors.."
"Here's to the beauty
and elegance of Urdu.."
And now, l would like to call upon..
..the benefactor of this tradition.
The light of Majidabad,
the love of all our hearts..
..Begum Para Mirzada.
l would like to dedicate my verse..
..in honor of Begum Para Mirzada.
Please.
"The moment l looked at her
with love in my eyes.."
"She turned to the mirror.
Oh! What a vision of beauty!"
Bravo!
"As soon the lamp was lit,
Porus' army fled the battlefield."
"And Alexander was left alone,
wandering the streets."
Wonderful. Fantastic!
"This the same crown.."
"This the same crown,
the same throne."
"This the same poison,
the same liquor."
"This the land of the same God,
the dwelling of pagan idols."
Wow! Brilliant Jaan Saheb.
"Set my house ablaze if you wish."
"But you'll stay away
from harm's way."
"Someone bought my words."
"This pen is someone's slave!"
Wow!
Wonderful!
Respected guests,
l don't have the sweet words..
..or the refined technique..
..which my learned friends..
..have displayed before me.
All l have is
a fragile heart that beats.
And l wish to express its feelings..
..at the service of Begum Para,
with everyone's permission.
Please, let's hear it.
"lf l don't speak...
my heart bleeds."
"And if l do...
my tongue is set on fire."
"l hope she doesn't smoulder
when she hears.."
"The feelings l hide in my heart."
"lf l don't speak...
my heart bleeds."
"And if l do...
my tongue is set on fire."
"This is an illness,
once you're struck.."
"..you choke.
lt makes you breathless."
"This is an illness,
once you're struck.."
"..you choke.
lt makes you breathless."
"That's what love is,
it never leaves you.."
"And you can find escape only
on the day of your death."
"lf l don't speak...
my heart bleeds."
"And if l do...
my tongue is set on fire."
Wonderful.
Beautiful.
Fantastic.
Once again. Once again.
Where did he come from?
You horny old idiot!
Pervert!
Where are you running to?
There's nothing l didn't do for you.
No, l..
- l did everything!
Hello, Khalu.
- Hello.
Tired.
- Totally out of breath.
Run!
- What?
Run!
- No, son.
lf l run anymore,
my heart will explode.
Do you have a heart?
Do you?
- Babban!
l said run.
- No, no.
l will die, son. l will die.
Have mercy.
- Mercy?
Did you have mercy?
You left me alone to die.
- l didn't leave you.
l was just protecting myself.
Where is it?
- What?
Where is it?
Necklace?
- Necklace.
Necklace?
- Necklace?
Necklace?
- You hit really hard.
Did it hurt, Khalu?
- Yes.
lt fell from my hands that day.
Remember, when we fled that day..
He was firing at us?
l fell in the gutter..
..and dropped the necklace.
l thought you noticed.
- l didn't, Khalu.
That's the problem with you..
You don't pay attention.
l thought you'd pick up
the necklace.
And l ran to save my life.
Why didn't you come to
the graveyard to meet Mushtaq?
Why would l?
To have my little one chopped?
ls yours intact?
You think this is funny?
l will call Mushtaq.
He'll take care of you.
No, no. Babban.
You won't call Mushtaq.
- Why?
Because my imbecile nephew..
Look there.
What do you think?
Nice.
Nawab Saheb you..
- Yes.
Allah! Are you okay?
- Yes, of course.
Your nose is bleeding.
Oh, l think..
Actually, l was running.
What for?
All those praises,
l couldn't handle it.
And l ran away.
And anyway, your hospitality
has been wonderful.
l've been eating so much, that..
..my system couldn't handle it.
Let me see.
Come inside.
l'll apply something.
- l..
No need to worry.
lt's just a nosebleed.
He'll be fine.
There.
And you are?
- He's my butler.
Name?
Babban, introduce yourself.
Babban.
lmpudent.
Come.
- After you.
The servants' quarters
are behind the mansion.
Bring your blanket
and pillow after dinner.
lf you stay there, then l swear..
..l'll settle down permanently.
ls it okay now?
Yes.
Thank you.
- Give it.
Thank you.
Show me your palm.
The right palm.
What?
What did you see?
Let me show you.
This is the love-line.
There are too many cuts on it.
You've been hurt in love,
haven't you?
You're an astrologer..
lt's just a hobby.
But she's better than
the professionals.
Shush..
Really!
Every word she says
always comes true.
l see.
Don't believe her.
She's a big liar.
- Liar. Me?
Tell me something else about me.
Okay.
You're about to enter
the best phase of your life.
All your illnesses will find a cure.
You're hiding... something valuable.
Babban!
Click my picture with Begum please.
My phone's battery is dead.
My phone's charged.
l'll click a picture.
Give it here.
l phone 2?
How much did it cost?
lf there's any chance..
..of meeting after the evening..
You mean at night..
l mean..
And these days my nights
depend on Yad-al-Jauza.
Yad-al-Jauza?
lt's a star, close to the moon.
lt shines really bright.
When l phone 5 is
available in the market..
..no one will buy
this one even for free.
Here, take a picture.
lt'll be a bad one.
l phone 5 is better.
Can l click this?
lt's got an 8 megapixel camera.
Go ahead.
Come a little closer.
lt's cloudy these days.
lf you see the star
in the sky tomorrow night..
..then feel free to watch it
from the terrace.
Smile please.
And this..
Where did you steal this car from?
No, no. l bought it.
Really?
- Yes.
Why?
- Why why?
Because l'm no longer a thief.
l see.
Not a thief.
What then..
l'm the..
..thief's uncle.
What the..
Can't you see the car?
Khalu, get out!
Sir, that's a tasty sandwich.
Sorry, sir.
What's this?
You're bleeding.
Get up.
Sorry, the car lost control..
..just like your heart.
You have damaged my car.
Better than the condition
of my heart.
Last few days, you've battered
my heart without mercy.
And you didn't even say sorry.
Who's going to pay?
- For what?
For fixing it..
The fixing hasn't even begun yet,
you son of a...
Look at me.
Stand straight.
l must admit.
You've got a romantic nature.
Trying to win over the Begum.
FYl
She's mine.
Only mine.
Shatabdi Express.
Train to Delhi, in 6 hours.
Two seats in the AC compartment.
The train leaves in the morning.
Goodbye.
Let's go.
These tickets are waitlisted.
So?
You see... l wait for no one.
That's not a problem.
ls it?
No, no. There's no problem.
l booked it myself.
Their seats will be
confirmed by morning.
lt'll get confirmed, l promise.
"lf l said l lived by your word...
that would be a lie."
"For, if l had faith in you..."
"...would not ofjoy l would die?"
Wonderful.
"lt's only my faith, nothing more.."
"l can even swallow bitter poison.."
"The only condition is.."
"..that someone hold me
in her arms when l pass on.."
Why are you laughing?
The word is 'liquor' not faith.
Liquor as in booze.
Sir, you want your faith
with soda or on the rocks?
How about you give us a peg too!
Don't shoot off words
when you can shoot bullets.
lf anyone fires you will be
shot too, Jaan Mohammad.
lf l don't get you, Babban will.
lf Khalu shoots, you'll die.
lf l shoot,
you'll wish you were dead.
Nobody shoots!
Ask your boys to
throw their weapons.
You first.
- No. You first.
That's not possible.
- Fine.
Let's all just stand here.
l'm sitting.
Brother.
Jaan sir.
l have to go.
Just stand there.
No, sir.
l can't wait another minute.
Or else...
Put the gun down and go.
Shall l?
- Go on.
Can l?
Anyone else?
"Give us inner strength, O Lord!"
"To fight the evil inside."
"Before we bow down to evil.."
"We stand up for the good."
Brother?
Try to understand. Let them go.
Stop here.
Mister. ls this Salim tea stall?
And you are?
- Anarkali.
The stage should be
close to the main gate.
Here.
But this..
Okay.
Kidnapping from such a big
gathering is not an easy job.
We have to get our target
out through the crowd.
Once the big door closes..
..the police won't
be able to follow us.
And the police outside the door?
We'll neutralise them
before coming in.
Where is the hideout?
- Where is the advance?
l. Yes..
l mean, in a day or two.
Am l here for an interview?
Qais!
Brother..
The banks were shut today.
Day after tomorrow,
as soon as the bank reopens.
"lf only life was
simpler these days.."
Tell me.
Target's photograph.
Scatter, you darn clouds.
You fool clouds.
lt's moving.
Come on.
Yad-al-Jauza!
You wanted a girl, didn't you?
This time you're sure to have one.
Let your hand be!
Tell your husband to
stop hoping for that land.
You will lose the court case.
l tried explaining,
but she doesn't listen.
Where's Muniya gone off to?
What's this?
A small gift.
Please accept.
l can't take it.
lt's too expensive.
Fine, then l'll ask
for something in return.
Go ahead.
Allow me to watch you
while you rehearse.
lt's been decades
since l last saw you dance.
What?
Yes.
l'm an ardent admirer of your dance.
The Para you want
to give this gift to..
..has been dead a long time.
And Mr. Deobandi hits bull's eye!
He moves on to the next round.
And now the last year's champion..
..Mr. Jaan Mohammad Khan.
Ready to fire.
What a shot! Mr. Khan is an expert.
Good one, Jaan sir.
Now it's the Nawab of... from where?
From Chandpur..
Mr. lftekhar Hussain.
Taking his own sweet time.
Probably nervous.
Three.
Two.
One.
Wow! Ace shot.
lt's a fluke.
lt was a fluke.
- l'm sure.
Hello.
l phone 5.
Which one?
Chinese or American?
Routes to the called
station are busy!
l'm holding the line.
This facility is not
available on your number.
Press star to copy this song,
then press 9!
"My nights are restless."
"l've to tell you
what's in my heart."
"And l say it today."
"l love you!"
What are you doing tonight?
What are your intentions?
Not good.
Tell me something l don't know.
l'll take you out for dinner.
What cuisine?
Your kind of stuff.
And, what's my kind of stuff?
Chinese.
Really?
- Yes.
l know these things.
Girls love poodles
and are crazy about noodles.
lt's true.
l'll go to Shanghai
if l want Chinese.
To New York for burger.
To Naples for pizza and..
..creme brulee in Paris.
Until then l'm rather happy
with the mutton dal at home.
Correct.
- Get it?
A little.
And Mr. Jaan Mohammad does it again!
This guy seems unbeatable!
And only one man stands
in his way to victory.
The Nawab of Chandpur.
He really has a weird style.
Looks around, scratches his head.
Looks like he's ready now.
Ladies and gentlemen,
hold your breath!
Congratulations.
Click a picture. Come on.
Save some for yourself too sir.
You never know when times change.
Even if time changes, desires won't.
My heart and it's little desires..
Don't forget.
You will never let me forget.
Everywhere l look in the mansion..
..l see is your ledger books.
How many times do l tell you?
Last two years, l've been
kneeling at your threshold.
You think it's for
money or property?
No.
The reason is love.
With you.
Allah knows l don't seek
money or property.
All l seek is freedom to breathe.
Jaan means life, Para.
Just as l can lay down
my life for you..
..l can take somebody else's.
Enough!
Enough, Begum!
Enough!
Calm down.
"The peace that existed between us."
"Whether you still
remember or not."
"The peace that existed between us."
Who gave you permission
to come in here?
My heart.
Leave.
No.
You come back.
- What?
Come back!
To dance.
You're mistaken, l..
Why are you being so cruel
to yourself?
"From whom, sweetheart, for whom?"
"They keep me awake."
"My wretched eyes,
they steal my peace."
Remember?
Come on.
- Begum!
Come on.
- Begum please.
Get out.
- Begum!
Fine.
Now let me show
you how stubborn l am.
l won't leave without
knowing the reason.
Why did you kill that Para?
Every breath of her's would dance.
Where is that Para
l saw 25 years ago?
At the town-hall, in Bhopal.
On the auditorium stage.
Your guru,
Birju Maharaj was with you.
That day, while dancing..
..you became one with the dance.
Where is that Para?
"Keep me awake all night."
"My wretched eyes.."
"My eyes steal my peace."
"Keep me awake all night."
"Keep me awake.."
"Keep me awake all night."
"My wretched eyes.."
"Keep me awake all night."
"Jasmine earrings
dangling from my ears."
"And pearls.."
"And pearls adorned
around my wrists."
"Pearls adorned around my wrists."
"For whom, my beloved?"
"For whom do l wear these,
my beloved?"
"Keep me awake all night."
Begum?
Begum!
Khalu!
You think l can't catch up with you?
You're really think
you can get away?
l swear,
wait till l get my hands on you.
l will shred you to pieces..
..and feed you to the crows.
Can you here me?
Hello Babban here, who's speaking?
Flaunting your English, are you?
Have you forgotten your manners?
Look up.
Why are you talking on the phone?
lncoming calls are free.
l'm the one being charged for it.
l am a Nawab.
l follow etiquette even in war.
l'll stick your etiquettes
up your behind.
Why did you lie to me?
- l didn't lie to you.
l just didn't tell you the truth.
Don't confuse me.
You said you fell in the gutter..
..and the necklace
fell in the gutter too.
True. l fell in the gutter,
and the necklace fell there too.
Then l climbed out of the gutter
and picked it up.
Come down, and l will
kick you all the way to heaven.
l'm better off here.
You can come up if you like.
- Fine, l'm coming up.
Throw down the ladder.
- You throw the knife first.
Enough of this!
Throw down the ladder.
The breeze is really nice up here.
Come up if you can,
otherwise goodbye.
Why did you hang up?
Hello!
l'll stay here all night, l mean it.
Look...look..
Babban. Don't get angry.
Listen to me. Let me explain.
Look at my decency.
l could've killed you in your sleep.
But you are like my son..
Son..
- What son?
You left me to die.
l was about to get
circumcised again!
Mushtaq came after
me with such a big knife!
Left me! Left me!
Stop repeating that. Listen to me.
The day we stole the necklace...
Khalu!
Run!
At the graveyard at 3:30.
Stop. l'll shoot.
(lNAAM ALl DRY CLEANERS)
lt's been half an hour.
l hope he hasn't kicked the bucket?
Your affliction lies in
the region of your heart.
Okay.
You're burdened with sorrows.
A wound in the past?
A regret or remorse?
Stay cheerful and happy!
That's your cure.
Drink from the vial of love!
Find yourself a girl.
And you will rid yourself
of these tremors.
God willing!
l've always lived for others.
First my father, then your aunt.
Then Mushtaq bhai.
Then sister and then you.
Never got the chance
to think for myself.
So l finally decided..
..l want to live for
myself once before l die.
lf l can't keep myself happy..
..then how can l
keep anyone else happy?
But what about our little ones?
That necklace was a gift.
Now, if someone
steals that necklace..
..then, that's not
my responsibility.
l've heard that Begum's vault..
..is filled with 10 necklaces,
and 1000 gold coins.
Khalu, you're going
to steal in your own house.
Not my house.
My future in-law's home.
Now l'll be spending
the rest of my life here.
l love you, Khalu.
l love you too, Babban.
Your mansion looks
like a haunted house.
Yes. l've grown used to it now.
When you come after l'm married..
..you'll get a separate room.
Send some girls along, l won't mind.
Mr. ltalvi.
What do you say?
Do l look like a Nawab?
You do.
But?
- You are not.
But l am not one.
l wear the jewels
of Begum's late husband.
His turban.
And his sword too.
Touch it.
ls this the color of your blood too?
Red!
So what is it that..
l don't have with me..
..to become the
Nawab of Majidabad?
DNA!
- What?
All the people born in this world..
..have completely
different and unique..
..sets of DNA, and they always will.
How wonderful!
You solved an old
mystery of my life.
What?
There's a canal at
the heart of this city.
On one side of
the canal is the mansion.
Belonging to the Nawab.
And on the other side,
the rest of Majidabad.
On the other side,
whenever l would set out..
..the people would lower their eyes.
Out of fear.
And when the Nawab stepped out..
..people bowed down.
Out of respect.
Ask why?
- Why?
NDA.
- DNA.
Whatever.
Now, how do we change it?
Everyone's born with it.
lt can't be changed.
What are you saying?
These days you can..
..change your nose, ears, kidney..
- You can't change this!
You're angry with me,
that's why you're lying.
l have a lot of money.
l'll give you anything you want.
Promise?
- Promise.
ln ltaly.
We can try out there. Might find it.
Fine.
We'll both go and get it changed.
- When?
As soon as Begum
chooses me as her husband.
We'll catch a flight,
first-class tickets.
What if she doesn't?
Then you will go alone.
ln a casket.
You fool. Get up!
Come on!
How dare you?
Load them in!
Walk, get in.
Evening tea will be served in jail.
Aladdin's lamp?
Books everywhere!
Greetings.
Nawab Saheb... had stepped out..
..for his evening stroll.
He didn't return for a long time.
So l was looking for him.
l was just passing by when..
..l saw that your vase was unsteady.
So l caught it.
Otherwise it would've shattered.
l think its porcelain.
Oh, it's you?
What if it had shattered?
lt would've crashed loudly.
And everybody would've
woken up, crazy girl.
And you would've been caught.
Red-handed.
You're fortunate...
that everyone's asleep.
Except for me.
How about l put
you to sleep? Forever?
Keep this to yourself.
Otherwise l will
cut your tongue out.
l'm warning you.
Cut.
Cut me.
For the first time
in my life l can't decide.
What?
Whether l got some or gave some?
Get up.
lt's morning. Don't you have to go?
l do.
Where?
From Honolulu to Timbuktu to Paris..
..to New York to Moscow to Tokyo.
With you.
With me?
Yes, with you.
There's still time for that.
What will you do until then?
Whatever you say.
Will you graze goats?
Yes, l will graze goats.
Will you swat the pigeons?
Yes, l'll do that too.
Drive a jeep?
- Drive a jeep too.
Kidnap someone?
Do what?
l won't make that mistake again.
l won't do that.
You won't be able to do it anyway.
Come on.
Hey!
Police from 5 states are after me.
There's a big reward on my head.
On your head?
- Yes.
And on your little one?
Are you okay?
Go and take a shower.
Go on.
Khalu! Wake up!
The night is over, forever.
Wake up.
- Let me sleep, you imbecile.
Have been awake all night.
Just shut my eyes.
Get up Khalu.
Where were you all night?
Getting screwed.
That happens often,
tell me something new.
What happened?
l went to steal the necklace.
But l swear,
l got my hands on a diamond.
What did you do?
Nothing yet, but l got to.
- What?
lt's a fantastic plan.
- What?
Ask how much.
We'll get 50 million atleast.
You're up to no good again.
Just tell me
if you're in on the plan.
Otherwise l am not discussing this.
Listen to me very carefully.
lf you harm Begum, l will kill you.
Last warning!
l've seen you losing it
in love before.
But for the first time
l'm watching you all screwed up.
Thank you.
- What for?
For telling me, that
l am close to my destination.
l am on the sixth stage of love.
There are seven stages in love.
Attraction.
lnfatuation.
Romance.
Reverence.
Worship.
And Obsession!
Obsession means snafu!
When she finds out the truth..
..she'll shove these
stages up your behind.
That won't happen.
Why not?
Because this time..
..it's true love.
Mine...and hers too.
Fine. Then tell her the truth.
Fine, l am going.
- Okay, go.
l am going.
Where are you going?
- Let me take a bath first.
Then l will go tell her.
- l see.
The bathroom's this way.
l'm switching on the geyser.
l see.
Now?
- Let the water heat up!
Greetings.
Just a few days left for
the celebrations to end.
The entire district is
eagerly awaiting your decision.
Begum.
Before you decide...
there are a few facts..
..that l would like you to know.
l am not what l seem.
l'm wearing a garb of aristocracy.
l always knew that..
..you're not a Nawab at heart.
No, no, you misunderstand me.
Actually, l am not a Nawab at all.
l lied to you about myself.
But, you couldn't
hide the truth either.
You're a poet, honest like a sufi.
l am no poet,
nor a saint nor a Nawab.
l am just a thief.
l know.
You stole into my past.
l know the thief
who is responsible..
..for relieving me from my pain.
lftekhar!
My name sounds so sweet
in your voice.
Please. Say it again.
lftekhar!
What's going on here?
Hey..
The old man's lost it.
"We stutter when we say it.. "
"We utter in all humility.. "
"We stutter when we say it.. "
"We utter in all humility.. "
ln honour of Begum Para.
"Writing the name
of Allah on the flowers."
Wonderful.
"Writing the name
of Allah on the flowers."
"The scent of the morning prayer
descending from the mountains."
Wonderful!
"My heart's mood is... romantic."
"Nurses it's wounds...
but still keeps humming."
"That's how it always was."
"That's how it always will be."
"Can't stay away from happiness."
"Joy is his business."
"My heart's mood is... romantic."
Pick up that tyre.
What are you doing?
l've asked you to pick up that tyre.
But you aren't listening.
lf you remember where,
do let me know.
l've been searching
for myself a long time.
Attraction.
lnfatuation.
Romance.
Reverence.
Worship.
Obsession!
Where's the sex in all this?
You're beauty is not a man's beauty!
Attraction. Sex.
lnfatuation. Sex.
Worship. Sex.
Romance! Sex!
The day entire Majidabad
was waiting for..
..has finally arrived.
Begum?
Look at you! You've turned pale.
l am scared, Muniya.
Am l doing the right thing?
You're bound to be scared.
lt's natural.
Did you take your pills?
Here.
Come. Let me comb your hair.
Don't worry. l am here with you.
Leave everything to Allah!
Everything will be alright.
Come on.
The whole of Majidabad is
waiting for your decision.
Come on.
Greetings!
Greetings.
ln the abode of Allah..
..there's no Nawab or Begum.
We are all one.
And it was at Allah's behest that..
..that my late husband
made me promise.
That after him..
..l will give Majidabad it's Nawab.
lts neither my age
or my disposition to marry.
But breaking a promise,
made in Allah's name..
..will be a great sin.
Today in everyone's presence..
..l would like to choose
the Nawab of Majidabad.
Only if he accepts me too.
The person l want to spend..
..the rest of my life with..
Mr. Jaan Mohammad Khan!
"My heart burned like a lamp...
all night."
"Only for you, beloved."
"While extinguishing...
all it said was.."
"Goodbye. Goodbye."
"l've lost my heart,
can lay down my life too."
"What will be a bigger pledge?"
"What will be?"
"The one that returned
after touching the fire."
"What a moth that will be?"
"What will be? What will be?"
"What will be?"
"What will be? What will be?"
"What will be?"
"The sky over my head,
filled with stars."
"l've seen all the stars
in your eyes."
"What's the point
in lowering your eyes now?"
"What will be? What will be?"
"What will be?"
"My heart burned like a lamp...
all night."
"Only for you, beloved."
"l've seen you in all the eras
that ever existed."
"O my beloved."
"l've imagined you in all romantic
seasons that ever existed."
"O my beloved."
Khalu.
What are you doing?
What's wrong with you?
Khalu.
What are you looking for?
Death!
l want the pistol!
l don't have a pistol.
- Where's your pistol?
Khalu, forget all this.
- Give me your gun.
l don't have a gun.
- l know you have it.
Where is it?
- l don't have a gun.
Khalu!
- Give it.
Khalu! Stop it.
"Sometimes in
the floating sunlight."
"Sometimes in the scented sky."
"What l saw in the water
while walking on the bridge."
"l caressed your shadow
in the sparkling water."
"Now what's the point
in hesitating from me?"
"What will be? What will be?"
"What will be?"
Begum Para?
Para.
Begum Para!
Para!
Para?
Break it down!
Yes?
Are you alright?
- Yes, of course.
You look beautiful.
Thank you.
"l brought stars down on earth."
"But she stole the skies."
"She robbed me. She robbed me."
"By lifting the veil.
And showing her face."
Pick up the phone, fool.
What did you do, Babban?
You had to kidnap her from the room.
She's walked out now!
l knew you couldn't do it.
"You raised your eyes,
and robbed with your sight."
"Your salutations robbed me."
"She robbed me. She robbed me."
Gun. Begum, gun!
What's going on? Who are you?
Jaan Bhai, l'll shoot him.
- Move back!
Move back!
- He has a gun.
No one will shoot!
l am talking to him.
Look...brother.
Don't come any closer.
Just a minute..
Please Begum, don't be scared.
Don't come any closer.
Be calm, speak to me.
What are you doing?
Don't shoot.
Lower your gun!
Don't.
Don't shoot.
Fool, don't try to be a hero.
l said, stay calm!
Brother, you can go.
But, don't harm her, please.
Brother...look..
Don't do anything foolish
in a fit of rage.
You need something?
You cannot escape!
No one shoots.
He almost shot me!
You cannot escape.
Close the door, right now!
Fine, close the door.
He's starting the car.
That's as far as you'll get.
Get down!
Begum?
Get down!
Take that helmet off.
Promise me you won't shoot.
Babban!
l swear, Khalu.
You've ruined the entire plan.
Fool! Traitor!
You two-faced son of a gun!
Don't shoot, Khalu. Don't shoot.
Fool.
l warned you..
- What did l do?
l warned you..
lf you harm Begum..
- But..
Didn't l tell you?
What did l do?
lf you harm Begum, l will kill you.
Khalu..
- Who told you to do this?
Who ordered this kidnapping?
l did!
Sir, Babu Khan is on the line.
Greetings Jaan Bhai.
l just came to know..
..was in a movie with my wife..
You swine, find out who did this!
Call up everywhere.
Find out.
Who has dared to rob Jaan Mohammad?
Jaan bhai.
Jaan bhai.
- What is it? Say it. Come on.
The new superintendent is here.
lf you've noted the car's number..
Call up..
- Sir. John!
John Vijay.
When were you posted here?
You can relax, sir.
We'll arrest him.
All the phones are tapped.
As soon as we get the ransom call..
..we'll know the location
of the kidnappers.
What do l say to you?
You're new here.
But, sir.
We will take care of the situation.
You won't do anything on your own.
As soon as you find out,
you will inform me.
l'll do whatever needs to be done.
Okay?
The world is a whore.
A big whore.
Everyone's wearing a mask.
Your sweetheart Begum as well.
The celebration, the competition..
..search for a husband, marriage..
lt was all a sham.
They want money,
and you don't have it.
How did she know l don't have money?
l told her.
Sorry.
Now...
As soon as l found out
about their plan..
Who's plan?
Muniya and Begum. They are partners.
Just like we're partners.
- l am not your partner.
l am not your partner!
Don't act like a girl.
Hear me out.
Their plan is to choose
a rich husband..
..and get kidnapped
right after that.
And as soon as they
get the ransom..
..they disappear into thin air.
l said... if they choose you,
we won't get a penny.
l had to tell them the truth, right?
But there's one thing.
Your Begum's really sweet.
l swear.
As soon as she realised
you're worth nothing..
..she said "Oh my!"
"Now l'll have
to choose Jaan Mohammad."
"Poor Khalu will be heartbroken."
Hey..
- What?
Did she say 'Khalu'?
- No!
She didn't say 'Khalu'.
She called you lftekhar, and fondly.
Like this.
- lftekhar.
lftekhar..
Say it once again.
- Passionately, lftekhar.
Mr. Kidnapper sir.
l am ready to fulfil
all your demands.
But my only request is..
..that you don't harm
my bride-to-be.
For the sake... of the almighty.
Hello.
- Hello, darling.
l am missing you.
How are you?
- l am fine.
Hand over the phone to that pervert.
Hold on.
Please..
- Jaan Bhai!
Jaan Bhai!
10!
The number of fingers
in your Begum's pretty hands.
And not thousand, in millions.
l get it.
Where do l deliver it?
- ln a hurry, are we?
l'll let you know.
- Sir?
Hello!
Hello?
Call up the telephone exchange
and get the address.
Jaan Bhai!
And go with the boys there.
Okay. Hey, come.
Begum!
- She will be okay.
What now?
- She will be fine.
Calm down.
She will be fine.
Tell the bank manager..
..l want 10 million
by tomorrow morning.
Quiet!
- Poor Begum.
Guess what do l have here?
What?
Passport too.
From Honolulu to Timbuktu..
..to Paris to New York
to Moscow to Tokyo.
Muniya and Babban.
Together.
All day, all night.
You've lost your mind.
Should l book the tickets then?
Look. This isn't possible.
Too late now.
Why?
We're now on the sixth stage.
Means?
There are seven stages of love.
Attraction.
lnfatuation.
Romance.
Reverence.
Worship.
And... Obsession!
Obsession's the sixth.
Snafu.
lt's the seventh?
Yes. Snafu.
Snafu is seventh?
ls it okay?
Hey Muniya.
l want to talk to you.
Not right now. Later.
Come on.
Babban! Leave me.
- She'll be right back.
Come on.
- Babban!
What are you doing?
- l want to talk to you.
What are you doing? Babban.
What are you doing? Leave me!
Listen to me.
Look...
l am in love with you.
True love. Really.
That...
That's the problem.
With you boys these days.
You can't tell the difference
between love and sex.
lsn't it?
Sleep with someone once..
..and the next day your heart..
..starts beating in your pants!
Look..
Look friend, it's my mistake.
Forgive me...
for having sex with you.
But don't try to scare me with love.
So, please stay away.
What..
What are you doing?
So, you duped me
to get your job done?
Look...you will get
your share of the money.
Leave me.
- You think l'm a whore?
Wham-bam thank you ma'am!
- Let go.
You think l did it for money?
l did it for you, you wretch.
Get that.
Now l don't want the money either.
l will show the world
who you really are.
The ugly truth behind
this pretty face!
Let go.
Muniya!
Are you okay?
(Local Radio Announcement)
We're now at the
seventh stage of love.
What's that?
Death.
Here you go.
Once more..
lt's cold down here.
Lets ask them for some heat.
Careful!
You promised, Jaan Mohammad!
You will let me go
once the Begum chooses you.
You're going back
on your word, fool.
Face me if you can.
Bloody hell!
Hello, Boss.
- Yes. Rafiq.
This is the vegetable market.
These guys are professionals.
l'm sure they have
Begum somewhere secure.
l am from ltaly.
My mother and Sonia Gandhi
studied together in school.
lf my mother finds out,
you'll be dead.
Should l come back brother?
- Okay.
You..
Another word
and l blow your brains out.
l see. Do it.
Blow my brains out if you can.
Shoot!
Look, ltalvi. l'm warning you.
You fraud Nawab!
Hello Superintendent sir.
Make special tea for sir.
Greetings, Liyaqat bhai.
Qais, you?
You're still in jail?
l'll escape from court today.
l've bribed these scoundrels.
- What?
Sir.
lftekhar Hussain aka Khalujaan.
And Razaq Hussan aka Babban.
They work for Mushtaq
Qureshi in Bhopal.
Put the money back in the bank.
Begum Para is our responsibility.
l think l told you
not to do anything.
Sir, it's our duty.
Can't you understand the language?
Sir. l can arrest
you for misbehaving..
..with a police officer on duty.
Why you.. you will arrest me!
Sir. Sir. Sir.
- You will arrest me?
Sir. Sir. Sir.
- Me. Jaan Mohammad.
You scoundrel.
Wait a sec, sir.
- You Mother..
Look who is here to see you.
Greetings, brother.
Just a few hours more.
Once we get the money...
..you are free to go,
with your share.
l regret that you got
involved in this mess.
lf you really love me
then please eat it.
lftekhar.
Love is not for me anymore lftekhar.
l can be someone's well-wisher.
Someone's confidant, friend..
But not a lover.
But you can be an imposter.
A cheat!
l wish l could tell you why.
Well... you could try explaining.
l will try my best to understand.
Really?
- Yes. Really.
My husband,
Nawab Mir Khan Sahab..
..had no interest in women.
He would spend his
days drinking, gambling..
..and in the company of young boys.
l tried to separate from him.
But no one supported me.
Neither my family nor anyone else.
l fell ill.
Doctor's advice or medication..
..would not have an effect on me.
My life is indebted to Muniya.
She's my friend,
sister and my soulmate.
Then, one day.
The Nawab passed away.
His death set me free.
But made me a pauper.
He had mortgaged his
entire property with the bank.
All his life,
he squandered borrowed money.
Jaan Mohammad extended
his hand to save me.
But on the condition of marriage.
He had just one dream.
To be the Nawab of Majidabad.
Life served so many blows..
..that l had to give
a fitting reply.
So, what now?
Where will you go
with all the money?
Where the past can't
catch up with me.
Far. Far away.
Shall l send you right away?
Will you go alone,
or take that girl with you?
Muniya!
She isn't here.
- No.
Muniya!
Bhai.
Bhai.
- What?
Bhai. Phone.
lt's him.
Hello?
- ls the money ready?
Yes. Where do l deliver it?
Come to the bookstall..
..at the railway station. By 12pm.
Okay.
- And, listen.
l'm speaking from Ghanta ghar area.
Don't waste time
sending your men around.
Come on time.
l don't like people turning up late.
Muniya!
- Stay there.
Don't move.
Babban.
Look, Babban!
Things have gone terribly wrong.
Jaan Mohammad
knows about our entire plan.
What?
Khalu, we won't get the money now.
He will kill us.
- Yes. We should run away.
Yes you are right.
What do you think?
Please. Believe me.
l'm telling the truth.
Muniya!
Your charade won't work
with me anymore.
Try your luck in Bollywood.
You'll be a big star.
(Railway Announcements)
Boys get in. Get in the car.
Jaan sir.
Someone left this note for you.
Go to the water faucet no.2
on platform no.1 .
Pick up the trash can close to it.
(Majidabad to Bareilly.)
Rafiq.
- Yes, Jaan sir.
Nainital Express. To Bareilly.
Okay, Jaan bhai. We'll be there.
Tea.
Hot tea!
Tea!
Sir, tea?
lt's only a hundred bucks sir.
Have a cup.
l said l don't want it.
100 rupees, please.
Read it.
Tea. Hot tea.
Get down at Bap station,
after Lakhimpur.
Even if no one gets off, you will.
A goods train arrives in an hour.
Board that and get out of here.
Where is Para?
She's inside.
Bag. Here.
What's the number on the lock?
9 2 1 1 .
Welcome Nawab Sahab.
ls it all there?
Your problem is with me.
They are innocent.
Let them go.
Okay. lf you say so..
Stop.
- Stop it boys.
Bring that Nawab here.
Come madam.
Come on.
Begum Para is suggesting
that l let you go.
That you are innocent.
Are you?
lt seems to you that
l'm the only bad guy around.
Everyone else is innocent,
just like these two.
l chased you with all my money,
pride and my heart.
And you danced to the tune
of this imposter's stolen poetry.
My poetry is not stolen.
lt's original.
l see.
And your dance?
l never saw it.
Come, let's see you
guys jam together.
Move aside, make some space.
Move back.
- They're going to dance.
Well, your goods train is arriving.
The plan was to throw
you two in front of it.
But, if you manage to
pull off the performance..
..then the next train
leaves at night.
What time?
- 7:30.
Lets begin.
Begin!
- Jaan bhai.
l'm sick of this poetic stuff.
Let's make them
dance to a film song.
l don't know any film songs.
You're joking, right?
l'm sure you know that..
"Anarkali's off to the disco?"
l think this one's better.
"Let's go to a disco."
Jaan bhai..
"All my lovers.."
"Shiela's youth.."
Don't move!
lf you move l'll
blow your brains out!
Tell your men to let these three go.
What?
Let these three go.
Let them go.
- Jaan bhai.
Here.
Stop the train and you two leave.
Babban. You go.
l'm not going.
You go.
l cannot leave without her.
Khalu, l can't leave
without her either.
We'll miss the train,
try to understand.
You're repeating the same thing.
l won't leave Muniya, l mean it.
Okay, how about..
Fine, fine.
- Stay back.
Hand me the gun, you two leave.
This is our matter.
You two leave.
l have an idea.
Khalu, you leave with Begum Para.
Muniya and l will handle them.
l cannot leave without Muniya.
And, l won't without you.
l am holding the pistol.
You three leave.
- No.
At this rate nobody will leave!
Decide who's going!
The train's arrived.
"The peace that existed between us."
"You may remember, you may not."
"The peace that existed between us."
"You may remember, you may not."
"The promise of being together."
"You may remember, you may not."
Babban.
"Those little complaints,
those new regrets."
"Those enjoyable stories
we made up and told."
"That show of anger
over every little thing."
"You may remember, you may not."
Stop.
Run!
Jaan Muhammad?
You wanna be Nawab!
(One and a half months later)
- Freedom is the most beautiful..
..and valuable gift of life.
And any price paid for it is less.
l attained freedom,
but you paid the price for it.
l thought lovers like you
can only be found in the movies.
l pray to Allah to give me..
..the strength to love
with such intensity.
Love?
l wasn't worthy of your love.
You will find a better
girlfriend than me.
But if you're unfortunate..
..then we'll run
into each other again.
Between Honolulu to Paris.
Somewhere.
Your gift didn't buy
the skies for me.
But it was enough to make
our own small world.
We don't have all we wanted
but we have all we need.
Life stands still
in our little world.
Visit us sometime.
We'll sit like statues.
Good news, you've been granted bail.
Who bailed us out?
- Your wife did, get lost now.
Khalu, didn't l tell you?
They love us.
Your wife..
Khalu, get me married.
We'll go to Honolulu for honeymoon.
Any last wish?
We want to sing a 'Thumri'.
"l sit adorned. "
"Completely out of breath."
"Where's my beloved?"
"l've kindled the lamps
on the roof. "
"But, my beloved
hasn't turned up yet."
"Which other woman...
is trying to entice him?"
"Come to my roof, O beloved."
"So l can steal a glimpse of you."
"Come to my roof, O beloved."
"So l can steal a glimpse of you."
"On my roof."
"My beloved tries to
peek through the keyhole."
"He squanders money."
"Doesn't care about the world."
"My beloved tries to
peek through the keyhole."
"He squanders money."
"Doesn't care about the world."
"Swears on his life."
"Beloved,
let me get you a betel-leaf."
"So your red lips turn reddish."
"Beloved,
let me get you a betel-leaf."
"So your red lips turn reddish."
"On my roof."
"Don't wander into
the neighbour's house."
"The wretched
woman dispels my spells."
"Lethal eyes."
"Come to the rooftop,
l'll pour you some wine."
"And we'll play the game of love."
"Come to the rooftop,
l'll pour you some wine."
"And we'll play the game of love."
"Come to my roof, O beloved."
"So l can steal a glimpse of you."
"On my roof."
"l sit adorned."
"Completely out of breath."
"Where's my beloved?"
"Which other woman...
is trying to entice him?"