( movie projector whirrs )
HENRY:
Why are we here again?
RUDY:
Inspiration.
HENRY: ( sighs )
Seriously, why are we here?
RUDY:
Clears my head.
HENRY:
We're writing a children's book.
RUDY:
Shh! It's starting.
HENRY: "The Sailor"?
RUDY: Knock it off.
HENRY: Do you think
that's the sailor?
RUDY: Shh.
HENRY: Wait, I'm--
I'm trying to follow it.
Come on, beat it, sister.
I ain't got no time for no hookers.
I should be insulted.
I'm not a hooker.
( Rudy laughs )
RUDY: Hey!
Can I take your coat, Captain?
Look, baby, I ain't no captain.
I'm an able-bodied seaman.
Able-bodied. You dig?
- HENRY: Oh, my God.
- Got it.
Today we'll find out
just how able-bodied you really are.
HENRY:
What is happening?
RUDY: Shut up.
You're wrecking it.
HENRY:
That's impossible.
Take off your clothes.
Kinda remind me of a woman
who I met in my last port of call...
Hong Kong.
Boy, did she have the prettiest cu-
( film skips )
Come on! Jesus!
HENRY:
You could still get a girl like that.
You think so?
Mmm.
Ooh.
Oh, goddamn it, Henry!
You're not even watching
the goddamn movie.
I think we've seen
this one before.
Henry, will you come
and sit here like a normal person?
It's defeatist, what you're doing.
You're defeating the whole point
of what we got going here.
MAN:
Shut the fuck up, man!
You shut up!
Goddamn pervert.
( sighs )
I don't understand why
you think this would help.
Just watch the movie.
Do it to me.
Mmm.
Oh, do I need
a close-up of that.
- Ugh.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Oh, good Lord.
Oh.
Mmm.
Touch my beaver.
Ooh. Ah.
Let's go. Let's go!
A beaver. It's a winner.
I mean, what kid
doesn't like beavers?
I got that thing that I get when
I get a feeling about something.
"Muff the Beaver"?
Nah. Too on the nose.
"Marty the Beaver"?
"Marty the Beaver."
Hey.
HENRY: This guy is so
not gonna go for this.
( door closes )
Pessimist son of a bitch.
Mr. Planck will be with you
in just one minute, gentlemen.
( sighs )
Allison either wants me to move
into the living room to sleep,
or she wants to get engaged.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
The reason people
get together now is...
because they think they're looking
for similarly broken people.
We communicate nowadays
through-- through damage.
But, fortunately for you,
she's fake-damaged,
and she's gonna leave you
and have a better life
with some dope like her
who just pretends to be all fucked up.
Girls only like the really fucked-up guy
for the first few months.
They prefer...
you know, fake-broken.
Complicated, but like...
talk-about-it-over-chardonnay
complicated.
Ooh.
Life.
Don't start. Life's fine.
( sighs )
Life is nothing but the echo of joy
disappearing into
the great chasm of misery.
You've had better.
Life is nothing
but the occasional burst of laughter
rising above
the interminable wail of grief.
That's my favorite.
It lives in truth, that's why.
HENRY: He's-- he's not
necessarily a "bad" beaver.
RUDY: Nah.
HENRY: And he's not really
a "good" beaver, either.
He's an edgy kind of beaver.
No, no. More he's-- he's like a...
a beaver with an edge.
All right, let's see.
HENRY: Show him.
All right, how's this?
That's the actual beaver?
Yeah, this is... this is Marty.
Mm-hmm?
Beavers make dams.
Yes, l-- I'm aware.
I didn't know that.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, there-- there's
a thaw in-- in the snow,
and it doesn't look
as if the dam is gonna hold.
So, Marty, in a selfless effort
to save the pond,
breaks into every house in town.
Breaks in?
No, he-- he gnaws in.
He-- he's a beaver.
All right, so, um-- so, he drags
the trees back to the stream.
Meanwhile, the people
from the town come up,
and they-- they-- they're
fixin' to make some beaver stew.
But, cooler heads prevail.
HENRY: ( whispering )
Someone stab me in the ear.
They plug the trees into the dam
and call it a Christmas dam.
And, all Christmas day,
the people from the town--
they make the biggest
and the strongest dam
that the beavers have ever seen.
It killed us to write that last part,
but we... you know,
need the money.
He's got three alimony payments,
and I got a girlfriend we've decided
I need to put in another apartment,
but that's-- that's really more of
a mental necessity than a physical one.
I have to get on the floor
sometimes to feel safe.
Sometimes I put heavy objects
on me when I feel anxious.
Gentlemen,
thank you for your time.
Cocksucker.
And, I want it ready
for a Christmas release.
I told you he would like it.
We're dealing with the best
in the business on this one.
RUDY: You just have to move out.
ALLISON: I don't understand.
RUDY: We're tryin'
to write a book here,
and things can get
pretty goddamn ugly.
Me, I like to-- I like
to roam around a place,
like middle-of-the-night
type of thing.
Naked, even. But I don't
wanna feel self-conscious.
It could get real small
in here pretty fast.
Great.
HENRY: Christmas...
that's 1 5 weeks away.
You guys fucking
rehearse this shit?
Hi, baby.
Ugh! Will you take the
fucking books off and stand up?
I guess I could, but...
um, I think I'd
sort a feel kind of unsafe.
You're fucked.
( sighs )
ALLISON:
Fuck you too, Rudy.
( door slams )
Sorry, man.
I'm feeling... just not...
I understand.
I think I have
bad chemicals in my head.
Oh, don't go
blaming your brain again.
It's not his fault.
You think it is,
and your brain believes you.
( pigeons coo )
They only eat bread.
Nonsense.
Genoa salami,
it's the best in the world--
they would've
invented it if they could've.
That shit's gonna kill you.
Yeah, well,
tell me when I'm dead.
Will do.
Who's this?
Uh... red suit, fat ass,
best friends are reindeer.
Bones Mrs. Claus.
And what's happening here?
Uh... Santa's sleigh
runs over Marty's tail,
Marty jumps up, bites him
in the crotch, gives him the clap.
( laughs )
Hey, you all right?
Yeah. This headache.
( sniffs )
Let's get this book done.
No more jokes.
Yeah, sure, sure.
MAN: This is the final appearance
for Henry Roth and Rudy Holt,
best-selling authors
of the must-have children's book,
Marty the Beaver.
Be sure and get your
Christmas copy signed today.
I can't tell you how much
she just loved your book.
Oh, great.
WOMAN:
Her name's Cassidy.
Have a nice life.
She's only been
with us for six months.
( whispering )
She's adopted.
So, how are ya, sweetheart?
I see you're a Knicks fan.
Yeah, you wanna buy her a drink,
take her somewhere quiet?
You ever been
to a basketball game?
You see, 'cause
Marty the Beaver was just here,
and he told me
to give someone called, uh--
Cassidy--
some Knicks tickets.
He must have meant you.
Hey, dick,
one of those was mine.
Don't be a piece of shit.
There we go.
Are these really from--
from Marty the Beaver?
Absolutely, yes.
( Henry clears throat )
If Marty the Beaver really existed,
and if he really had tickets
to the Knicks-Pacers game
on Friday night,
the only way he'd give 'em up is
if he was too high to get to the game,
or his fat, lazy beaver ass
couldn't fit in the seat.
Santa Claus doesn't exist.
Beaver can also mean vagina.
- Oh!
- Okay!
Cassidy!
Uh-- uh-- enjoy the game.
Come here.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
You just-- you just
can't let your crap childhood
be a pass to shit on everyone else.
Well, every other kid is gonna be crushed
when they find out there's no Santa Claus.
She's now way ahead of the game,
and as a bonus she now
has another word for her pee-pee.
( giant monster roars on television)
( telephone rings )
Hello?
It... looks great, man.
Well, it keeps me occupied.
Hey, you know, I've been
talking to Planck about it...
the book's on, uh, pre-order
for about 1 00,000 copies.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, it is. It's great.
RUDY: l, uh...
I, uh... I can't see
outta my left eye.
Well, it's the treatment.
Huh. I keep thinkin'
about things, you know?.
How... I was thinking...
if I close my good eye...
I see this-- this bright light.
And, uh, l-- I know
how it sounds, but it...
it's actually very beautiful.
I, uh...
I feel a little-- a little sick.
Could you just lower
the bed a little bit, please?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Yeah, that's good.
( sighs )
You know, Henry...
I wouldn't trade places
with you for anything.
I don't wanna leave
knowing that my only legacy
is a miserable piece of shit like you.
Hey, come-- come on.
It's all right, don't-- I understand.
I'm completely lucid, asshole.
Maybe l...
maybe I should've
had some fuckin' kids.
I'd have been better than your mom.
It's shitty what she did to you.
You need to know that.
You want a pillow or somethin'?
Finish the damn book,
find yourself a nice girl.
- A girl?
- Yeah.
Not a girl, a nice girl.
That's-- that's even worse.
Yeah, for her.
And don't sigh
that stupid sigh of yours
and say, "Life,
you know what life is."
Just stop doing that.
Don't do it, then, okay?
Yeah, well, you know,
you got a tumor in your head
that's taking up more real estate
than your brain, so...
It's a joke.
Yeah, I know.
( chuckles )
You'll be fine.
I know.
( sobbing silently )
Henry.
Oh, God.
I'm not crying.
Not in front of you.
You were saying?
I think it might be time
to think about jumping back in.
Finding another illustrator.
Rudy wasn't just another illustrator.
Henry, we have to publish in a month.
It's a contractual...
It's an upstairs thing,
those bastards upstairs in Legal.
You know,
I had a huge fight with them.
Henry, you know I have
a house at the beach in Sag Harbor.
Don't be an asshole.
And you just stay there
as long as you like,
and relax, and make it a part
of your grieving.
Henry?
( elevator dings )
( sighs )
Shit.
Keep working at it.
PLANCK: Hello.
Morning, Mr. Planck.
American kids
can recognize this face
before the President's.
You know, our illustrator Rudy Holt
has passed away.
It's so awful. The children
will miss him the most.
Uh, wrong.
Shareholders will miss him the most,
then me, then the children.
- That's true.
- Can we see, please?
Thank you.
All right, not very good.
That one's really awful.
Really bad.
All right, hmm.
( mumbles )
Oh, crap.
Ooh, I'm sorry,
I'm thinking out loud.
Gentlemen, success in this business
is 99% perseverance
and 1 % talent.
Congratulations. You're 99% there.
Yeah, I'm not really good with math.
- He wants us to go.
- Okay.
I can rescue
a company from bankruptcy...
I can quote Chaucer and Proust,
and I can make
a terrific goose reduction.
Ask me to draw a frog.
You see, Miss Riley,
there are things that you can do
that I can't do, and vice versa.
This is Henry Roth's telephone number.
I'm sorry, Mr. Planck...
what's...?
- What's that?
- Yeah.
Uh... that's a frog.
You see?
( airplane roars )
They only eat bread.
Nonsense.
Genoa salami,
it's the best in the world--
they would've invented it
if they could've.
That shit's gonna kill you.
Yeah, well, tell it to me
when I'm dead.
I am.
What?
I'm telling it to you
when you're dead.
No, that's not what happened.
I said, "Tell it to me when I'm dead,"
and you said, "Will do,"
then you offered me a cigarette.
I'm improvising, okay?
Roll with it.
All right.
Planck wants me
to right another book.
- Good.
- I'm not gonna do it.
Got no choice, pal, my dying wish.
When you said that
you were thinking with a tumor.
Screw you.
Fifteen fuckin' years
I put up with your nasty bullshit.
Fuck it.
You think people wanna die?
I had a great time being alive.
I fucking loved it.
I loved women.
I told a hooker once that I loved her,
and goddamn it, I meant it.
And I loved you,
but most of all, even more than you,
I loved being alive.
Now, you better find someone
to be happy with, Henry,
'cause if you keep
hanging around with you,
you're gonna wanna kill yourself.
I wouldn't blame you!
Fuck you, motherfucker!
Asshole piece of shit!
Fuck you!
Out!
Jesus, God,
don't burst in on me like that.
You are in arrears.
You are no longer living
in accordance with the lease.
- You are breaking the law, Mother.
- Out!
A law, excuse me,
that clearly indicates that a landlord--
I'm your mother!
A landlord may not break
the threshold of her property
unless it's with a writ of consent
from a tenant,
accompanied by law enforcement
or an official from
the Department of Housing!
( mutters )
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Are you gay?
( sighs )
No, Mom.
If you are, just tell me.
You know, l--
I just found a dildo.
It's a vibrator, Mom.
I'm still trying to figure out
why was the poor thing frozen?
It wasn't frozen, it was hidden.
Don't avoid the gay question.
Okay, tea.
Do you want some tea?
Yeah.
Why haven't you called him?
He looked at my sketchbook
and told me to keep working at it.
Well, have you kept working at it?
Yeah, of course.
A lot. Look.
Oh, that's awful, honey.
I hate cartoons.
They're absolutely sinister.
Please.
I can't stand them.
Thank you, Mom.
I'm so sorry, dear.
It's okay.
I'm sorry, it's just...
Here, let me give you some money.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, put your
checkbook away. Stop.
Please just forgive me
for what I just said.
All right? Will you do that?
- Will you forgive me?
- Yeah.
Thank you.
I don't know what I'm doing.
So, this is gonna take you
to the middle of the month,
and a little bit beyond it.
Thank you.
( sighs )
This is the last time,
though, honestly.
If this doesn't work out
and I can't pay rent next month,
then I'm gonna apply
to a few law schools.
You know what?
You're absolutely right.
I have to start shattering
this dream, not supporting it.
It is more practical.
I'm giving you until the 20th,
and them I'm gonna
send in the movers,
and I'm gonna change the lock.
Okay.
( telephone rings )
( ring )
( ring )
- Hello?
- ( bell dings )
Planck's a sociopath.
He's a cross-dresser.
He's a hermaphrodite.
The guy's a eunuch.
He's a vegetarian for health reasons,
not ethical ones.
You can't trust anything the guy says.
- There are less...
- Fuck!
...patronizing ways of saying
I'm not good enough to work with you.
I never said you weren't good enough.
Yeah, you did, actually.
You told me to keep working at it.
Oh, well, if I did say that,
I didn't mean with me.
I'm so sorry about your partner.
Was he a really good friend?
No, he was just
a dick who drew well.
I understand that people like Rudy
are irreplaceable,
because I've had people like that
in my own life,
but, Henry, honestly,
illustrating for me is just a job.
It doesn't have to be
anything more than that.
I'm not looking for friends,
especially bad ones.
So...
Lucy, how'd you
get into the business?
Thank you.
So?
Um, I was going for my PhD
in English literature,
but I had this big breakup,
falling out with my thesis advisor--
boyfriend.
So then I went to art school
for a little bit,
and that was a long blah story,
and I ended up leaving
because I had to find a job.
So I picked children's books
because it was
the furthest thing from literature
I could think of.
Oh, I see. Interesting.
Hi, what can I get you guys?
Nothing, go ahead.
Um, I'll just have a Caesar salad
and a side of mashed potatoes.
Thanks.
Bulimia?
No, hungry.
You sure? That stuff comes
back up pretty easily.
Now that I'm in,
you're really gonna have
to try harder than that
to knock me off my game.
You see our waitress over there?
She wants to be an actress.
She's got that air of entitlement
mixed with desperation.
She doesn't have the looks, though.
She doesn't even have the talent,
but, like an old donkey,
she's been at it so long,
she's not fit to try to do
anything else.
She lies to her mom.
She's embarrassed to tell her
about losing the job
for the big Palmolive commercial,
but, fingers crossed,
she's got an audition
for Blockbuster Videos.
She had an abortion once.
She still cries about it sometimes,
even though she saved that thing
from an agonizing life
of eating leftover mashed potatoes
and watching its Mom lose jobs
like Palmolive commercials.
She's got about three ovarian eggs left.
In addition to being less interesting
and much less attractive...
you're so much more
pathetic than she is.
You're not in.
LUCY: I hate Henry Roth.
I don't think it's possible
to work with him.
I think I'd be much happier
back downstairs.
PLANCK: That is so
unprofessional, Miss Riley.
I'm shocked.
You can call me by my first name.
Well, of course I can...
- Lisa.
- Lucy.
- Lizzie? Lucy.
- Lucy.
Lucy, Henry Roth is
the only reason you have a job.
$1 00,000 if you can get
a book out of him by Christmas.
I think someone else would be
much more appropriate for the job.
Wonderful.
So why don't you
clear out your things.
I'll be only too glad
to give you a reference.
Miss Riley?
Lucy?
A hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
Two hundred.
That is my final offer,
and I would think very carefully
before walking out that door.
I am prostituting myself.
Your methods are your own.
What can you take me for?
I can fight it,
but it's gonna get expensive.
There's no guarantee.
- What's your name again?
- Jake.
Jake. What can Planck
take me for?
That depends on what they can
convince a judge a book's worth.
A million, maybe.
Maybe two million.
Shit.
- ( screaming )
- ( screaming )
Lucy, no!
Get the fuck out of here!
- Who is he?
- What is wrong with you?
Mom, I thought he was
gonna rob me, or rape me...
-...or kill me or something!
- Gather yourself.
This is business.
Don't get hysterical.
- But I live there!
- And I can't keep floating you.
( groans )
Yours is the only apartment
in this entire building
that's still paying last year's rent.
Okay, I moved in four months ago.
A four-month ride that has
to come to an end sometime.
I have to push you from the nest.
Oh, Mom, you are so insane.
Okay, okay, no more tears.
No more tears.
Okay, now, I would be happy
to show you
an apartment on First and A.
It is a walk-up, but it's half
of whatever they're charging you here.
What you are charging me, Mom!
Don't get personal!
Oh, shit.
You could've called.
I'm... I'm sorry I didn't call.
( telephone ringing )
You know, it's just...
agonizing when you get these
"We just moved to NewYork" people.
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hey, it's Lucy. Leave me a message.
JEREMY: Lucy, it's Jeremy.
Um, I'm in New York,
and... I'm in your neighborhood.
And it's been a year, it would seem,
which is hard to believe.
Um...
Lucy, look, I've been...
thinking about things, and I'm...
sort of wondering if you've
been thinking about things too.
I mean, I would
completely understand
if you never want to see me again,
of course I would, but...
( clears throat )
I was hoping that we could
maybe meet up.
So, I hope this finds you well.
Love to your mum.
Hello, Carol, if you're there.
Um, so, yeah,
call me when you can.
Okay, thanks. Bye.
( answering machine beeps )
No.
Oh, honey.
What men do
when they treat you like shit
is they feel bad.
Call it asshole's remorse.
You just watch.
He's gonna make
some meaningless act of contrition,
one which you should
really consider accepting.
What's this?
I remembered you liked flowers.
Spring bouquet.
Don't ask me why,
but I've always been partial to flowers.
You want to send me
a Valentine's gift,
you can take your box of chocolates
and stick it up your ass.
I like flowers.
Nice girl, huh?
I might work with her.
It's... uh...
I just wanted to apologize, to--
She's lovely.
Like an antelope in a junkyard.
I didn't...
I didn't notice.
( toilet flushes )
Notice?
Give the flowers
to one of the neighbors.
Okay, we're declaring a truce.
Said truce shall be in effect
for exactly three weeks and four days,
at the end of which time
you will deliver to me a completed book,
the topic of which
will be a Christmas story
featuring Marty the Beaver.
This will avert legal action
against Mr. Henry Roth,
and entitle Ms. Lucy Riley
to a bonus of--
Of $5,000.
( Henry laughs )
Uh, wow, you really hit
the big time there, Lucy.
I'll be checking in on your progress.
What if we don't make any?
I may be forced to hire
another collaborator.
HENRY: Cancel
all shrink appointments, haircuts,
highlightings, frostings.
Tell your boyfriend you're a dyke.
If you've got any pets, put 'em to sleep,
'cause the next three weeks we work.
I don't have a boyfriend.
Don't complain to me about it.
Hey!
Hey!
Can we just go ahead and get
the apology out of the way now?.
Yeah, I don't really do great at those.
You were awful to someone you don't
even know, to say nothing of me.
BOY: I wanna go to the bathroom.
WOMAN: Would you sit down
under the table like this
and shut the fuck up.
Okay, you're right, I admit it.
- What?
- I was awful, I apologize.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That's not how it works.
You can't apologize yet.
I'm just getting started.
- Oh, Jesus.
- ( indistinct arguing )
Okay, hey, you know,
whatever you want.
Look, I was wrong,
you're right, you know?.
Who cares?
I have to go to the bathroom!
WOMAN: Are you crying?
Sit down.
You like that?
You want that to happen again?
Stop it. Are you a little girl,
or are you a little boy?
Just answer me that question.
Don't you...
Shut up. Shut up.
I guess I shouldn't expect
anything from you.
WOMAN: Suck those tears in.
Suck them in right now.
I don't know why,
but I am in a breakfasty kind of mood.
WOMAN:
You just went to the bathroom.
- BOY: I wanna go to the bathroom!
- Eggs.
- Over easy.
- ( hard slap )
Oh, Jesus, l...
If you go over there,
she's just gonna take that kid home
and beat the shit out of him
because of you.
You want that?
Hey, I didn't think of it that way.
You wanna go somewhere else?
( low)
No, I'm okay.
I do.
Get off.
Lacks a certain, um...
woman's touch.
There's no woman's touch here.
The ones that did touch
did so at their own peril.
Okay, uh, before we can, uh...
work effectively with one another,
I think we should be comfortable.
So, 1 0 minutes, okay?
Then-- then work.
Okay? Go.
Okay, I'll start.
Uh, I hate my mother.
I hate my goddamn dead father more.
Rudy was the only friend I ever had.
I had a girlfriend once who I used to like
to masturbate to more than have sex with.
Carrots and snakes frighten me.
Um...
I'm superstitious about the number...
I can only stir things counterclockwise,
and I know that if I don't
something bad will happen.
I take size 1 1 1/2 shoe.
I don't have a favorite book.
Oh...
What's crucial?
Oh, I don't drive or ride in cars.
Statistically speaking,
you have a 1 00% chance
of being in an accident in your lifetime.
They're death boxes.
I give to Amnesty international
on the off chance
I'm ever imprisoned and tortured
for my political beliefs.
Paradoxically,
I have no political beliefs.
Life is pain. Black kids
are cuter than white ones.
What's important?
I didn't mean it when
I compared you to our waitress.
I was only trying to hurt you.
I could've been
meaner about your looks,
and what I would have said
would have made you cry.
I have a towel I can't throw out
'cause it may have feelings.
When I ejaculate,
I go into deep depressions.
Though by any standard
you're a nice person,
I deeply resent
having to work with you.
I love...
Japanese monster movies.
Gamera, specifically.
Gamera movies?
Gamera
Gamera
Attention, everyone, take cover!
Gamera is attacking!
WOMAN: An earthquake!
No, not an earthquake.
Gamera!
- He's coming, I tell you.
- We're not going anywhere!
I say we should stay here and dance!
How about it?
- ( all cheer)
- Gamera
Are you sure you had
a girlfriend once?
Are you all insane?
Hurry, get out of here!
Gamera
Gamera
So I have an ex-boyfriend,
ex-thesis advisor, Jeremy.
And we lived together for,
like, three years.
Anyway, he took a sabbatical...
- ( television volume increases )
-...from his professorsh--
( TV powers off )
You loved him, he left you,
you're never gonna get over him...
You thought he was complicated
because he once got a blow job
from a boy at boarding school.
Sex with you was tired,
and now he's having a blast
balling every woman in academia.
It's the gripe coming out of you
and almost every other woman
in the world.
One guy is not gonna take advantage.
Wow, I had no idea how prevalent
blow jobs were in boys' schools.
- Who are you calling?
- Arthur Planck's office, please.
Henry?
Your bonus sickens me.
It's a fucking disgrace.
Oh, no, no.
No, don't do that.
Don't do that.
I'm okay.
I'm gonna give you
some money myself.
( TV powers on )
Rudy and I weren't in it
for the money, either.
Just the chicks.
VOICE: Message one.
Hi, it's Jeremy.
Are you free tomorrow morning?
No.
Let me know. Okay.
Give us a call. Bye.
VOICE: End of messages.
I finished my book.
It's coming out this Christmas.
Romanticism from Conception
to Misconception.
My editors think it's gonna be
this year's gift
for the big intellectual
snob in your life.
It's like, What To Get
for the Man Who Knows Everything.
I'm very happy for you.
An enormous advance.
Fuck.
And I've... well,
I thought what I should do--
What I wanted to do, was...
To use it to start a life with someone,
and, as you know, I'm very picky,
so I thought, who better
to start a life with--
- Lucky girl.
- Yeah.
I wanted to show you
a copy of the book,
a galley, but they're still
revising things on it.
( clears throat )
Do you know what the dedication is?
No.
I know you don't, but guess.
I don't know.
Well, it's to you. It says, "To Lucy.
My muse, my inspiration,
my window into beauty."
Wow.
I find it really funny that you had
to run away from this muse
to write the thing.
Were you with someone?
( low)
Fuck.
Yes, I was.
There was a girl.
Her name was Simone.
It lasted a few months.
- And I'm really fucking sorry.
- Okay, enough.
Lucy, if you ask me a question,
I'm going to answer it,
and I'm going to answer it honestly.
I tell you, ask me if I love you.
Why don't you ask me that?
- Are you an asshole?
- ( laughs )
Now that-- yeah.
I don't answer rhetorical ones.
What are you doing Friday night?
Working.
( clears throat )
Sounds dull.
What about The Marriage of Figaro
at the Met?
I don't know.
Call me on Friday afternoon.
They're 200 a pop.
Would you mind giving me a bit more
indication now if you're interested?
Why? Does Simone want to go?
Just let me think about it, okay?
I will. Thank you.
Okay, thanks.
Hey...
Thank you for the coffee.
Yeah, it's okay.
( clears throat )
You go anywhere special for inspiration?
Yeah.
Yeah, um, Jeremy and l
used to rent a house on the shore.
Oh, God, no,
not that kind of inspiration.
I'm talking about, like, a whorehouse
in Chinatown or a titty bar--
you know, somewhere
to connect you to reality.
God, it was so beautiful,
the ocean at night.
The sky was filled with a million stars.
I love the sound of the ocean,
the way it seemed to breathe and...
( chuckles )
And spend a few hours
looking for a shooting star and...
then make some corny wish on one.
( chuckles )
Okay, I'm gonna make a wish now.
I wish you'd stop talking.
We've got work to do,
and I ask you if anything inspires you,
and you start going on about you
and your dopey boyfriend at the beach?
You know what?
You don't always have to say
the first smart-ass thing
that pops in your head, Henry.
I know this probably means
nothing to you, but it's really unattractive.
It just makes you look weak
and fearful, not clever.
So fuckin' knock it off.
FEMALE VOCALIST:
We sailed away on a winter's day
With fate as malleable as clay
But ships are fallible, I say
And the nautical,
like all things, fades
And, oh, my love
Oh, it was a funny little thing
Thank you.
No beach, though.
I didn't even expect stars.
Any great ideas for the book?
It must not work without the beach.
Mmm.
The sight of bridges and balloons
Makes calm canaries irritable
And they caw and claw all afternoon
Canaries and dirigibles
Oh, my love
Oh, it was a funny little thing
To be...
My brother used to have one of these.
HENRY: Oh, nice.
He never, ever let me look through it.
Unless my mother was there,
then he'd have to, but...
it killed him.
He kind of thought the whole universe
was his personal property.
I think most men share that view.
I got binoculars.
Do you look at stars?
( chuckles)
People's rooms.
Rudy and I used to go up on the roof.
He sounds like quite the father figure.
Rudy was nothing like my father.
LUCY: My father ran off
with his secretary.
Wha-- um, back up.
Um, he-- he--
he ran off with his secretary?
Ah, it was the '70s.
That's-- that's so cliche.
At least mine had the decency to die.
You still talk to him?
No, not much to say.
I could think of a couple of things.
( chuckles )
Yeah, I know you could. Thank you.
Hey, sorry I said some shitty stuff
about you before.
It just-- you know.
Seriously.
Sorry.
Okay.
I couldn't wait till Friday.
I mean, this can't be it.
Can it really? Really?
I refuse to believe that.
( sighs )
When I wrote that you were
a window into beauty,
I truly meant it.
Because you are,
you're my only window.
( whispering )
I'll see you Friday.
FEMALE VOCALIST:
Big monster lover
A bigger pusher-over
( sighs )
Stands apart
through most walks of life
Walks alone
in most walks of life
RUDY: Let's not get in the habit
of sleeping here.
Hey, Henry.
Henry, wake up,
or they'll throw you out.
Uh, 41. Play 41.
And, uh, 22 and 50 and 8.
Why are we here?
We never win.
You never win,
because you never play.
All you do is play,
and all you do is lose.
It's pathetic.
Well, look,
I don't play for the money.
I play for the joy it gives me.
The pleasure I have, the thrill.
The thrill?
- You're a pussy.
- Guess so.
- Loser.
- Born that way.
She's a nice girl.
She deserves better than him.
Now you're talkin'.
Better than me too.
Yeah, probably,
but she doesn't know that yet.
I'm starting to like her.
Well, show her you at your best.
I can't.
I don't have a best.
My best is at best...
depressing.
( lottery machine printing )
( bell rings )
Thanks for coming.
Anything for you, pal.
Oh, don't kiss my ass.
It makes me feel weird.
Yeah, me too.
( sighs )
So why am I here?
Lucy can't work in the city.
Too many distractions.
Mmm. You, perhaps.
Can I still use the house at the beach?
Yeah.
Yeah, and the car?
What, do you drive
all of a sudden now?.
Yeah.
All right.
It's in the Fourth Street garage.
And I want you to keep me
apprised of your progress.
( elevator starts )
Every single day.
DON: He's an academic.
You know, British. Total egghead.
Brilliant, though.
How brilliant?
I have him if you want me
to fix you up with him.
That's okay. Anything else?
What do you want to know?.
Just, you know, any hobbies,
any weaknesses.
You know, junk like that.
Uh...
It's been the lunchroom talk
around here.
Here, take a gander.
Here he is.
Jeremy Cots wold Sturges.
DON: Open it up.
Romantic, right?
Flip the page.
He's got two girls.
Can't decide
who he wants to dedicate it to.
He's gonna wait
for the thing to go to press.
( laughs )
Tool.
Anyway I can keep this?
( engine revving)
Why are we doing this?
Jesus! Why are you doing that?
Oh, my God!
You know, I'm gonna be here
when we get there.
We can talk then.
Well, just tell me
why you're doing this then?
So you can have the beach
and the stars,
and we can write our fuckin' book.
That's-- it's okay.
I think it's sweet.
Come on.
Bet he'd have liked you.
Old Jewish custom,
it's a symbol of affection.
Here you go, from both of us.
MALE VOCALIST:
Sawing with my jaw tooth down
Guarded down upside frown
I'm-- I'm looking for a pill
Something to ease my will
A kick in the teeth
You-- you may not realize
When it's done or why
But it may be the best thing
It may be the best thing
Ooh, it may be the best thing
Ooh, it may be the best thing
Pulsing with a familiar pain
( sighs )
It's clockwise.
A comfort
Oh.
But I thought you only had a problem
stirring things clockwise.
It's long metal things going clockwise.
( clears throat )
It's okay.
You may not realize
I can do it.
When it does and why
But it may be the best thing
It may be the best thing
Ooh, it may be the best thing
This'll do.
Weird.
Hey, you still have
that stone I gave you?
Yeah.
Oh, man. Good.
This one looks just like it.
No.
'Cause, see, mine has two
little blue specks right there.
Kinda look like eyes.
Like, there's a little guy inside,
and he has his face pressed up
against the inside,
trying to look out.
See?
How'd he get in there?
There's not really
a guy inside there.
( Henry laughing )
What?
Hey! No, no, no!
( Henry exhales forcefully )
( Lucy sighs )
You're a jerk.
This is my stone.
HENRY: ( mockingly )
This is my stone!
( Lucy laughs )
( telephone rings )
( ring )
( ring )
Hey, got anything for me to draw yet?
No.
So, what if Marty gets
some lame Christmas gift,
something...
stupid, like, um...
your shirt.
And...
My ex-girlfriend gave me this shirt.
( chuckles )
So, anyway, he's at
the department store the next day
trying to return the thing...
Her fashion sense was
the best thing about her.
...when he bumps into her
at the cash register.
- Who?
- Marty.
Bumps into who?
Whom? Whom?
His girlfriend.
Marty doesn't have a girlfriend.
Why not?
He doesn't want one.
Oh.
It's a big step.
He'd probably ruin her.
Yeah, you're right.
She'd want commitment,
and sweetness,
and to be treated like she's the only
beaver in the whole wide world,
and Marty's not ready for that.
Let me think about it.
( telephone rings )
MALE VOCALIST:
Right, wrong, what to do
- Someday it will come to you
- ( telephone continues ringing )
Hot style in the end
We named a summer camp for you
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
- I've got nothing to say
- ( telephone rings )
We could drag you down
But that's for other bands to do
( car alarm chirps )
I've got nothing to give
Got no reason to live
And I will fight to survive
I've got nothing to hide
Wish I wasn't so shy
I can't sleep.
Must be the, uh--
must be the time difference.
What's that?
This is something
I tossed in the car.
And gift-wrapped?
Gift-wrapped
and tossed in the car.
Oh, my gosh.
( Lucy chuckles )
Oh, my gosh.
( speech falters briefly )
You can go ahead and open it.
Okay.
Oh, my God!
Wanna go take a look?
What are you looking for?
Something dim and fuzzy
and almost impossible to locate.
Nebula?
I been readin' up.
Wow.
Clouds of gas.
Stars are born in 'em.
Trip to the planetarium
made me feel like an idiot.
Sometimes the gas is a-- is a--
a remnant of a supernova.
Mm-hmm.
Which is a star which dies
in a particularly spectacular...
violent fashion.
Wow.
Okay.
Okay, look right here.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Okay, where?
Oh, you have to sort of
move your eye around to find it.
Okay, um...
Mmm. I don't see anything.
Mmm. Hold on.
Yeah, here it is.
It is...
it's, like, right above
the big blue star.
You'll see.
( groans )
I don't see it!
( Lucy chuckles )
Okay, hold on, let me see.
Oh.
It's there.
Try again.
Do you see anything?
( mock exasperation )
No!
Really?
Oh, fuck! Big blue star!
Okay, anything else?
Uh...
Get out...
A bunch of dim ones.
Okay, now look up.
VOCALIST:
Aaahhh
Aaahhh
( head pounds wall )
I can't.
Yes, you can.
We have to work.
Right now?.
Lucy, come on, please.
It's gonna get...
very complicated.
Aaahhh, God, it's gonna get
so complicated.
Do you just genuinely
dislike me, Henry?
A week ago I didn't give
a rat's ass about nebulas,
and now I can't get
enough of them, 'kay?
Nebulae.
What?
It's-- it's "nebulae,"
not "nebulas."
Okay, fine.
I don't care about nebulas.
You accuse me of whatever you want.
I'm probably guilty of it:
contributing to global warming
and killing a squirrel once
and using the word "retarded"
and occasionally
misinterpreted bigotry,
but don't-- don't-- don't--
don't-- don't-- don't--
don't-- don't--
accusing me of not liking you.
'Kay?
I understand.
FEMALE VOCALIST:
Losing the star without a sky
Losing the reasons why
Losing the call
that you've been faking
And I'm not kidding
It's damned if you don't,
it's damned if you do
Be true
'Cause I'll lock you up
in a sad, sad tune
Men are hard
You're not worth a thing
Men are hard
You're not hiding
HENRY: So, maybe, um...
Marty does have a girlfriend
after all.
No.
Well, you know, he's got
to start thinking about the future.
You mean little beavers?
( chuckles )
No. My God!
Jesus! Let's not get crazy, okay?
Can you imagine?
He's still not a very trusting beaver.
- You know?.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Give him some time to get used
to having a girlfriend first.
Okay, okay, okay.
And I'm not gonna stop you
from drawing a little beaver.
I just can't guarantee
it's gonna be in the book.
- It's okay. I can wait.
- Okay.
But I can't start drawing anything
until you start writing.
Right. Okay.
Give me a couple of hours.
( telephone rings )
( ring )
You're about to drive me
out of my gourd.
PLANCK:
Well, I'm sorry, Henry.
You didn't keep me informed
of your progress.
Well, we've been too busy working.
Look, she'll finish it
with another collaborator.
This is a done deal.
This is nonnegotiable at this point.
- Uh-huh.
- Henry, I am not kidding.
Now, I expect Lucy
back here in the morning
to start working with a new writer.
Well, what makes you think
she's gonna come back?
Henry, don't apply any
undue pressure to the girl.
Her bonus is contingent
upon delivering a completed book,
with or without you.
Arthur, she doesn't give a flying shit
about 5,000 bucks.
Oh, Henry, Henry,
it is not $5,000.
HENRY:
Hey, can I talk to you a second?
Can l, uh, see the stone?
Yeah.
How much?
How much what?
How-- how much?
How much do I adore you?
How much is Planck paying you?
$200,000.
You know, I could have just
written you a check
and left it on the pillow.
What?
Oh, now I know why
you canceled with Jeremy.
Hey, tell me this--
Did you tell him
you were gonna fuck me,
or was that just improvisation?
( car door closes )
( engine races )
( tires squealing )
MAN ON TELEVISION:
...miles from nowhere.
WOMAN ON TELEVISION:
I kept thinking about you all the time.
I couldn't sleep.
MAN: It wasn't easy for me either.
Ken, we've got a chance to be happy.
Let's not throw it away.
Are you sure?
I don't want to be sure
of anything...
except that you love me.
MAN #2:...Mr. Lee fought valiantly
in the face of the cowardly thugs,
who managed to escape
with little more
than a rack of chocolate bars.
Oh, good Lord.
What is it?
I've discovered a black hole.
Ha ha ha!
Hey, I'm not doin' too well here.
So you thought
she was the one, huh?
Yeah. One in a billion.
Well, let's not get carried away.
The average guy meets about
so-- so you thought she was
the one in 900.
I get it.
Still, a devastating blow.
Wh-- what if that's it?
( softly )
Fuck.
Well, at least I still got you.
Hey, l-- you--
Rudy!
Rudy!
He's invulnerable.
Almost all proceeds.
HENRY: So, any idea
what she did with her bonus?
Yeah, she's donating her fee
to the Landmine...
something something...
Children's Fund.
- Oh, my God.
- You should be happy.
No, they're the ones who had me
drop the suit against you.
Arthur, uh-- uh-- uh--
she's got a book signing tomorrow.
Don't bother.
She's leaving for London
the next morning. Book tour.
Well, I don't--
I'll just go to London.
Not hers. Her boyfriend's.
Some horrible little book
about Romanticism.
- She's going with him.
- Her boyfriend?
Yeah. You're too late, Henry.
Really.
FEMALE VOCALIST:
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
( mouthing soundlessly )
( thunderclap )
( thunderclap resounds )
FEMALE VOCALIST:
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
( horn honks )
( indistinct shouting )
( engine racing )
( tires squealing )
( indistinct laughter and chatter )
( Christmas music plays faintly )
MAN: Hey!
LUCY:...we both are.
We appreciate your support.
I hope you like the book.
( breathing heavily )
Hey.
Uh...
I've never been good
at finding things.
I'm really good at losing things--
uh, the remote and keys
and parrots and people I like--
Henry, go away.
No.
Come here.
Oh, God.
I've spent my whole life
wanting something...
and doing my very best
not to find it.
Never...
even going near the places
it might be,
and suddenly...
I got the goddamn thing
practically chained around my neck.
What are you talking about?
You. You.
You're the-- you're--
you're the goddamn thing.
You're--
I mean, you're-- you're--
Aaahhh...
I can't describe you.
I don't-- I don't--
I don't write that kind of shit.
I write--
you know, the people
who write the real books,
the love books and the poems
and even those stupid
little fucking novels
with the hunky assholes
on the cover.
You know--
you know what I'm talking about?
You're, like, princess shit.
You know, fairy tales.
You know what I'm saying?
The million guys are after her,
and they're blinded
by your beauty kind of shit.
Real big stuff, you know--
even we got the dick who kidnaps you
and sticks you in a cave
and you're guarded
by a five-headed dragon,
and, you know, the tales of your plight
are spread throughout the land,
and now all the guys go
and put on their shoes
so they can see what's up,
but none of them have--
have the balls to save her
except for me.
I would go through anything
for you.
And still...
there I was, looking for a way
not to see it.
Anything.
Money.
Stupid idiot.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes, I'm a big, fat, stupid idiot.
I hope you're better
to the next one.
Wait.
Let me show you something.
All right.
It was easy to find.
It's the only one like it.
You broke my heart, Henry.
I don't think that you can...
trust people.
You always have to find
something wrong.
I'm just-- I'm sorry.
I'll miss you.
You'll be fine.
We'll both be fine, Rudy.
That's life, Henry.
Yep.
You know what life is?
Life is...
a horrible little giggle
in the midst of a forced
death march towards hell.
No, it isn't.
An interminable wail of grief.
No.
Life is a single skip for joy.
I know.
You hear that?
What?
Look.
You'll never throw it away again?
Never.
It's the only one like it.
I know.
FEMALE VOCALIST:
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Oh no
( movie projector whirrs )
FEMALE VOCALIST:
In the cage aqua
Ruby-red panda
An insane boy who have
control of the world
Power
Will meet the boy
Why does power
always seek the boy
Why does power
make the crazy boy
More... more
Was the boy
Powercord
I am here
I will sell my soul to devil
If I can be the top of the world
I will sell my soul to devil
If I can be the top of the world
I will sell my soul to devil
If I can be the top of the world
Be the top of the world
He was funny and fine,
sweet sweet good boy
Said he liked me like power
Dreams of boy not like before
Oh no
I am not a boy,
I cannot hold the powers
Hold the powers
That man was an angel
in the cab
I don't carry her powers
Heart and soul I know what I want
Oh no
I am not a boy
I cannot hold the powers
Hold the power
Matchbook seeks matchbook
seeks maniac
Matchbook seeks matchbook
seeks maniac
Matchbook seeks matchbook
seeks maniac
I will sell my soul to devil
If I can be the top of the world
I will sell my soul to devil
If I can be the top of the world
I will sell my soul to devil
If I can be the top of the...
sub2srt by (Yeolno)