Hey, Les.
- Hey, Ricco. What've we got?
- K'harma's inside.
- Is Jace with her?
- Yeah, they're eating lunch.
Hey, what's going on in there?
Get the fuck out of here, kid.
We're working.
Alright guys, forget it.
She's not coming out. Okay?
Come on, Mitchell, one shot.
No. Now I need
you all to step back at least
Okay? Please. Thank you.
You're in my spot, man!
Yeah? I don't see
douchebag written on it.
Hey, man.
That's his fuckin' spot, man.
Get your hands off me,
you fuckin' paparazzi!
Rule number one... the bigger
the ass the bigger the asshole.
- Yeah. He's got a big ass!
- You fuckin' pig.
- I'm a licensed professional too.
- Chill out, bro'.
He ain't worth it.
The fat fuckin' pig.
I can't believe
he just took your spot.
Welcome to my world, kid.
- I want a coffee. who wants coffee?
- I'll take one.
I could use a coffee.
Who's going?
I'll go.
- Yeah, send the kid.
- Send him.
Yeah, I could get coffee.
You want coffee?
- Get three regulars. Alright?
- No problem. Three regulars.
You better
come back with my change.
I'm coming right back.
Three regulars.
One, two three.
Be right back.
- Light and sweet.
- Make mine black. Dark black.
Great idea, send
a crackhead to go get coffee.
Careful.
How did they even know
I was here? Did you tell them?
I'd never do such a thing, Miss
Leeds. If you just bear with me...
I've got something to tell you, man.
My burger wasn't even done.
My personal apologies, sir.
Come back as my guest any time.
I'm just saying, it was like
all red and shit. I hate that.
Hold on a second.
Let me check something.
Hey. I don't want them taking
my picture. I just want to leave.
You know, I can do things.
I'm good.
I could work for free.
I could get you coffee.
Hey you, do me a favor.
Look down there.
Are they looking?
Yeah, they're looking.
- We can't do it.
- Oh, shit.
Back up.
- Ten feet.
- Okay.
I lost my shades.
- Let me have yours.
- No.
Come on.
The light's fuckin' up my eyes.
Everyone knows
it's you anyway. K'harma.
Or sometimes known as
Instant K'harma.
- Don't say that.
- I'm just kidding, babe.
How about now?
Are they looking?
Hold it. Hold it.
- Ok, come on. You can go.
- Go. Quickly.
Thanks.
K'harma?
Go, go, go, go!
Go!
What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Fuck!
Hey.
- What the fuck are you doing, man!
- Sorry, man.
Don't fuckin' sneak up on me
like that! You following me?
No. Do you remember me?
I was...
- I got coffee for you guys.
- So?
There was change left.
I didn't want you
to think I was stiffing you
on the change. You know? 23 cents.
Jesus. Just keep it.
Keep it? Thanks. Thanks, man.
It's going to help.
Hey, do you think
I could crash here?
What?
I'm fuckin' freezing, man.
Do you think maybe I could crash?
I'll be out in the morning.
Just on your floor or something?
On your stairwell.
What am I, a fuckin' hotel?
No.
Go to a flophouse. Find yourself
a cardboard box or something.
What the fuck you want from me?
Please.
Hey man, I really
appreciate this.
It's a nice spot.
You been here awhile?
- Are you gay?
- No. I mean...
Look, I don't give a shit.
It's just that I got a lot of chicks
coming over and I don't want
to give them the wrong idea.
No, I'm not gay.
Whatever. I go with
the flow, that's my motto.
Otherwise you snap
like a toothpick.
- You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah.
- It ain't the Ramada Inn. Okay?
- It's great.
What'd you say your name was?
Toby.
These are nice pictures.
Nice? They're fuckin' great.
I got that from 75 feet away.
Elvis Costello.
That guy's like a musical genius.
Got the black and white first
then I switched to color before he
had time to put on his fuckin' hat.
How many shots you see
of Elvis Costello without his hat?
That's a rarity.
Cool.
Hey! Don't touch that, man.
What are you doing?
That's a collector's item.
Oh, Christ.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
That's your covers.
Like I said, this ain't a hotel.
This is perfect, man.
Thank you. I really appreciate it.
What're you, homeless or what?
I'm moving around right now.
Think I could be an actor.
I'm trying to be an actor.
Well, Toby,
the most important thing
- I can say to you right now...
- Yeah?
Don't touch anything.
- Buenos noches.
- Yeah, good night.
Hey! what are you doing?
Hey, man.
I fixed your bike.
The chain fell off.
Why's it so hot in here?
I got your radiator working.
The valve was stuck.
It was painted shut. It was kind
of a bitch. But I got it open.
And I took a shower.
I hope you don't mind.
I unclogged your drain.
The water's draining good now.
What the fuck
are you talking about, man?
What?
You think I'm going
to pay you for this shit?!
No, man, I'm just
returning the favor.
I'm going to get out of here.
I'll see you around.
- See you.
- Thanks.
I was wondering do you ever need
anybody to like help out or?
Nope.
You wouldn't have to pay me it would
just be like free or whatever.
Well, what is it?
What's what?
Is it for free or is it whatever?
Free.
Totally for free, man.
This room is off limits
unless I'm here.
- Alright?
- Okay.
Rule number one...
no looky, no touchy.
This is the nerve center
of my business
and I don't want you screwing it up
by playing solitaire
or jerkin' off on the internet.
No problem.
"Go with The Flow." That's
pretty funny, with the mouse...
Yeah. Get in here.
We got work to do.
Here's your first job.
Clean out this closet. Alright?
Half this stuff I don't even use
anymore now that I've gone digital.
I can just take a shot, e-mail it
around the world in 10 seconds.
Ever hear that,
"Shot heard 'round the world?"
That's Eminem, right?
Eminem. what the fuck
is wrong with you?!
It's a famous saying.
"Shot heard 'round the world."
That's what I'm aiming for.
Yeah. So, you going
to throw away some of this junk?
This is a collector's item.
My old man gave this to me.
I happen to be very close to him.
What about this?
No. That' my book.
Starting next week
I'm going to take this
around to all the agencies.
Get that high-end work:
Nike, Ralph Lauren...
So you're not going to be
a paparazzi anymore?
I told you, I'm not a paparazzi.
I'm a licensed professional.
- Okay.
- Rule number one...
they're are players and they're
peons. I happen to be a player.
I got nothing
against the paparazzi.
Without them this whole
celebrity game would crumble
like a fuckin' house of cards.
- Who buys the pictures?
- Yeah, right.
No, I'm asking you
a question. who buys them?
- Oh, the magazines buy the pictures.
- Magazines.
Who buys the magazines?
People. Why? To see the Stars.
Magazines get rich,
the stars get famous.
All because I get a shot
of K'harma kissing her boyfriend.
You got a picture of that?
No.
I almost did though, except
some asshole tipped them off!
Fuckin' asshole.
You know what I did get?
I got a shot of
Goldie Hawn eating lunch.
Wow! Goldie Hawn.
Yeah. Very classy lady...
and still sexy as shit I might add.
Yeah, I want her autograph.
Autographs are for peons.
Try it out. Get in.
- How's that feel?
- This is perfect.
- Comfortable?
- This is great, man.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Feels good, right?
- Yeah.
Now you got your own private room.
Les, I don't know how to thank you.
- I really appreciate it.
- It's alright. Come on!
We got work to do. Come on.
- Hey Trudy, it's Galantine.
- Hey.
I'm just confirming,
you put me on the list, right?
- Yeah.
- Great. Under your name, right?
I got all the gear in the back.
Get the camera out of the bag.
Alright, we take this bad boy
in case we need it later.
Put that in there.
Be very careful.
Tailgate party.
Hey, that's not a toy.
Let me show you something.
Let's say I need to get into one
of these fuckin' ritzy parties.
All I got to do is I put this on.
I pour a little water in here
and I get to stroll right in
past these fuckin' assholes.
And I look like a real guest.
That's great.
All right.
Look, rule number one...
don't let anybody crowd me.
Alright?
Use your elbows if you have to.
Give them a little thing.
- All right.
- Show me. Let me see you do it.
Use your elbows.
Do it!
Just fuckin' do it!
Let me see how you do it.
Alright! Good.
You ready, assistant?
- Yeah.
- Ready? Let's go.
Get in there.
- Yo, Les. How you doing, man?
- Good.
- I got your spot right here.
- Thanks.
That's my assistant!
- Well, stay the fuck off my foot.
- They're all inside.
Del Toro, Sara Jessica's in the
house, all the fuckin' Sopranos...
Yeah. Diddy's in there too.
Oh, hey, check it out!
Chuck Sirloin!
What's up guys?
Eyes here!
Who's the arm candy?
Gang, I got to go to work.
You guys, easy on the carbs.
Stick with The Beef.
Where you going?
Les Galantine. People Magazine.
How you doing? I'm on the list.
- What list are you on?
- I'm sorry. I'm on Trudi's list.
- Right there. Plus one. Alright?
- Follow me.
Listen, don't lose me.
Alright? Stick close.
Don't get distracted by all these
hot chicks. They're useless to us.
Help me spot people,
you know, the money shots.
Like Lil Kim,
Chuck Sirloin, Diddy...
First chance you get find out
where they keep the Goody Bags.
Cameron Diaz?
No! The gift bags.
You know, where they keep
all the great stuff.
Oh, the gift bags.
I don't see anybody out here.
VIP room. That's
where they are. Come on.
Step back.
What up, dog?
How you doing, man? I'm sorry.
Les Galantine. I'm on the list.
No, you're not.
Sweetheart, I know you're doing your
job. I'm just trying to do my job.
- Can you just take another look?
- I don't need to. You're not on.
What's Feldman doing inside?
Anybody inside is on the list.
Hi, it's Megan.
Hey, it's Gabi.
Listen. has Jace come in yet?
Okay, because we're here. Yeah.
He's not here.
I don't care. Okay?
I'm not going in.
That shithead!
I can't believe it.
Give me my phone.
I'm going to call him.
No. You are not going
to call him. Get off!
- Listen to me.
- Just forget him.
The best thing for you to do
right now is to go out there
and you show everybody
how OK you really are.
E, Entertainment Tonight,
you show them how strong you are.
No Access Hollywood?
Yes, Access Hollywood at
the after-after-Party. Huh?
Now, where's
my little Booboo's smile?
See.
Look. will you just go get Trudy?
Tell her I'm on the list.
She's busy.
Step aside, please.
Everyone, please step aside.
Excuse me.
K'harma, this way please!
I see Trudy in there.
Can you just please
walk in, point
to me and she'll say...
Are you fucking deaf?! You're not on
the list! what don't you understand?
What don't I understand?
I don't understand why I have to
talk to a fuckin' peon like you!
Get out!
Get your hands off me, man!
One scumfuck coming out!
Les, come on back.
I saved your spot.
You got yourself a lawsuit, pal!
You just broke my thumb.
Your thumb's not broken.
Beat it before I call the cops.
Call the cops,
you fuckin' Nazi bastard!
- Where's my assistant?!
- I'm right here.
Get this fucker's name.
We'll see you in court, tough guy!
Alright, tough guy.
What's your name?
Sieg Heil, motherfucker,
that's my name.
Hey, get your fuckin' hands off me!
Get out of here.
Fuck! Dammit!
It's scratched, man.
Les, I'm sorry.
A good assistant
would've caught this stuff.
I'm sorry.
I was trying to catch it.
- That guy just came...
- Give me the Palm.
- Goddammit! Give me the Palm.
- What?
The stylus just fell out.
You gave it to me upside down.
- What's the?
- The thing you write on.
Fuck. Just look for it.
It's the thin thing.
Did you get the Goody Bags?
Oh shit. No. I forgot.
What did I?!
You know what?
I don't know
if this is going to work out.
What you busting my balls for?
I told you I got to stay
in the city tonight.
'Cause I got to take him to the
plastic surgeon in the morning.
'Cause he's Chuck Sirloin,
that's why.
He's getting an operation.
On his wang.
He's got a hook to the right in it
and he's getting it
straightened out.
I'm not lying.
He's very concerned about this, OK?
I'm going to be at 131 Lex.
Listen, Deedee,
I can't take it anymore.
It's a red fuckin' door!
We're getting that shot.
We'll stay up all night
if we have to. You with me?
Yeah.
Beef, we're going
to get you tonight!
Coming to get you, Beef.
- There it is.
- The red fuckin' door.
Listen, he comes out that door
we got about 5 seconds to get him.
And it's totally legal.
He's on a public sidewalk
and I just happen
to be sitting here with a camera.
Yeah, right.
It's totally legal.
Watch that door.
Watching the door.
Watching the door.
You like being an assistant?
It's kind of fun, right?
Yeah, I like it.
It's fun.
Alright.
Come on, you got to keep
your eye on that door, right?
Alright.
We're going to
get ourselves a picture.
Fuck!
Turn around.
- There he is!
- Easy!
All right, all right.
Come on.
Come on.
I can't find the phone!
Hold on, baby, I'm coming.
Get him up, get him up.
Move your ass!
Fuck!
Yo Beef!
Okay.
Yo, Beef, you want to turn around
while I do this. A little privacy?
Oh, sorry.
I just can't wait
to see this picture.
Chuck Sirloin.
I used to watch his show.
Alright, turn around.
Grab a chair.
Watch and learn.
- What's that thing?
- That's the disk.
Ok, there's the shots.
It's so good!
- Watch this.
- Oh, my god!
There it is. The shot heard
'round the world. Right there.
- That shot is awesome, Les!
- Isn't it?
- It's so good.
- You know why?
I've got the laser eye.
- Yeah, you do.
- It's a blessing.
It's also a curse,
because sometimes I see too much.
Yeah.
Cool.
Hey, don't touch anything!
You're here to learn. Okay?
- I was just wondering...
- Well, I'm showing you. Okay?
Take it easy.
Alright, we send it
to my friend Betsey
at Looking Glass.
Send. There it goes.
What do we do now?
Now we sit and wait
for the offers to come in.
Okay.
But for you, go get me coffee.
Okay.
It's impossible now because
we're in the middle of a meeting.
- Housecleaning?
- One hour.
Finish, Byron.
Okay, that's it for the Today Show.
There's nothing else about that.
Vanity Fair's now confirmed
for the 19 th. Definite.
Great.
Music Awards.
Music Awards?
Do you want to present?
No.
Premiere a video.
No performance, just the video.
Oh my god,
do you have a new song?
No, but I'm working on it.
Okay, income.
Well, increases all the way
down the line, as you can see.
I want to do a fragrance.
Oh, my God.
Yes! I love this.
That is something I could
really run with K'harma.
Something spicy.
It could be anything.
K'harma Spice. K'harma Mist.
Or K'harmania. K'harmalicious.
K'harmageddon.
Those are definitely
interesting ideas.
Oh, I have one more thing
that I have to mention.
I got an e-mail from your parents.
My parents?
Actually,
their attorney. I'm going to
read you just the gist of it.
"Blah, blah, blah, congratulations
on your upcoming birthday...
...however despite
your painful decision to separate
from us you are still our daughter
and we feel we have a moral
and legal right to compensation
for the expense
we incurred in raising you."
Expense?
How much do they want?
Seven million.
Come on, The Star
just offered me six.
Give me nine and it's yours.
Well, I got to have at least eight.
Alright, seven.
Look, you screw me on this
I'm going to come
over there with a machete.
I'm just kidding.
Just send the check.
Seven hundred dollars!
Placed! Yes!
Alright! Hey, you know what?
You did good today.
- Thanks, Les.
- You know what I'm thinking?
I'll going to take your headshots.
Free of charge.
- Really?
- Yeah. And I'll tell you what.
I know some casting directors.
I'll send it to them...
maybe get you some extra work.
Les, you're awesome.
Alright. Take it easy.
I thought you said you weren't gay.
Thank you.
- You hungry?
- I'm starving.
Alright, here's the Plan.
We sack out for a few hours then
we go to this benefit uptown.
It's small potatoes for me
but we'll score free chow.
- Sounds like a plan.
- Alright.
Get in that private room, Private,
- and catch some Z's.
- Yes, sir!
Hey, y'all. What's up?
I don't have to introduce myself
because everybody knows me.
I'm Derek McFletcher. I play
Kyle McKendrick on Hearts Aflame.
I'm speaking to you tonight
not only as a daytime soap star
but as an STD survivor.
Dudes, chicks out there,
listen up,
the first time I got gonorrhea
I thought I was going to die.
The second time...
Don't be stingy on that beefsteak,
partner. We got a growing boy here.
Gentlemen. Gentlemen.
Nice jacket.
- Royce Ralston, Hearts Aflame.
- How are you?
I trust you two are among
the sexually enlightened?
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Rule number one...
never let a hooker slip you
the tongue. Right, Tobe?
You know what I'm talking about.
There's probably a couple
hookers here, you know.
Here comes one now.
Hey, Muffy. How are you?
The sexiest publicist
in New York City.
Now, you behave, Les.
- Get in there, Muffy.
- Oh my.
I got to run.
What do we got?
You're lucky. You got
the place to yourself.
That's the Benefit Chairman
and those two
are Genital Epidemiologists
from Atlanta.
Very VIP. OK? Go to town.
Listen, Muff. I'm just
going to walk around.
I'll get a few shots
and you can have them.
Non, non, impossible!
Oui, oui. I'm breaking in
my new assistant here.
We're chowing down.
So you take the shots.
You place them anywhere you want.
You're the best, baby.
Hey!
You don't see me standing here?!
Prick.
See that guy over there?
Hello.
We got quail at 2 o'clock.
No, I'm full, Les.
I can't eat another bite.
Chicks, you bonehead.
Just keep smiling.
We're going to go over there.
We're celebrating.
Maybe we see them, maybe we don't.
It's Les, right?
Is it Les?
- It's more.
- Les is more. Les is more!
No. Listen, you've seen my show.
You're the guy
on Farts Aflame, right?
So, you're a soap star, right?
Hell no.
I'm a casting director.
I cast this entire thing.
I cast Hearts Aflame.
You're a casting director. Wow.
I thought you were an actress.
Why'd you think I was an actress?
You're really beautiful.
You're an actor.
You're an actor, right?
Yeah.
I'm an actor.
- What have you been in?
- I've been in like a few things.
He didn't say dame. Royce,
did you say 'Dane' or 'dame'?!
Is that a real chin?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- You're cute when you smile.
- So are you.
I'm going to give you my card.
And you can call me.
- Yeah, I'm going to call you.
- Yeah?
Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Maybe I can get you into something.
Okay. we got to go. Alright?
Adios, ladies, Royce. Offweederzain.
- Come on, have a drink.
- Let's go.
Hey. We're working.
Right? Come on. Let's go.
Sorry. Alright. See you.
What's going on?
I was having a good time.
Come on, they were
too old for us, man.
I can't handle that.
It's too depressing.
Did you see how drunk they were?
We're losing our focus.
Okay? That's what we came for.
Alright? Get two.
Hey, how're you doing, man?
Good. How'd it go?
Oh, it was lots of fun.
Listen, our dates are in the car.
The gift bags are limited
to one per guest, sir.
I just told you our dates are in
the car. Did you hear what I said?
Sir, you have three.
Fine. I'll take two. Okay?
I thought this was a benefit, You
guys should get your story straight.
Go! Go!
Oh my God!
Look at all this great stuff.
T-shirts, keychains,
sunglasses...
Hey, you mind if I take yours?
You going to use these?
No. Yeah, you could keep them.
I'm going to put
these T-shirts away.
Yeah, give them to your friends.
Yeah, right.
What, you don't have any friends?
I got friends.
I got fuckin' Ricco
calling me every 10 minutes,
wasting my time on some bullshit.
That's a friend, right?
You know what
I learned about friends?
A friend is somebody
who's just sitting around
waiting for a chance
to start talking about himself.
I had some friends back in Phillie.
There's a shithole for you.
It is kind of a shithole.
- But I had some good friends...
- Me, I'm more of a listener.
Okay? Hey, you know
who's a great guy?
- Who?
- De Niro.
Yeah!
Do you know him?
He came up to me once
and he shook my hand.
He said, "How you doing?"
He shook your hand?
Yeah. And the funny thing is
when I was talking to him
I felt like we had a lot in common,
like I could hang out with him.
You should call him, man.
Yeah. I could give him
a call and say,
"Hey, Bob, you want
to go get a beer?"
See what I'm saying?
I build a relationship with him.
Me and him get going good
and then I bring you along.
You'd bring me along?
Hell, yes. why not?
I don't know. It's De Niro.
Hey, you got to relax. Okay?
They're just people.
No different from you and me.
Equal. You're equal, I'm equal,
the Beef is equal, De Niro...
Alright? It's all how
you think about yourself.
Alright? You got
to start thinking big.
Shot heard 'round the world.
You bet your ass!
Hey, yo Beef!
Galantine Photo. Can I help you?
It's Goldie Hawn.
She wants to sit on your face.
Hey, who wants more coffee?
You want some more coffee?
Cheeks, can we got some more coffee
over here, please? My treat.
- Your treat.
- So where'd you get the tip?
Come on, Tish, you know
I can't reveal sources.
Look at that, a full quarter page.
Could've been bigger.
Cheeks, take it easy.
Alright?
- Watch the papers, please.
- I got it covered.
What, are you paying this guy?
Of course I'm paying him.
Are you two living together?
No, it's more like
a socio-professional type thing.
I'll come over then. we could play
some cards. we could hang out.
We don't have any cards.
I've got like 5 decks of cards.
I can bring them all over.
We could play rummy.
That's a great game.
Galantine Photo.
Can I help you?
Let me see if he's available.
- It's Trudy weiss.
- Trudy weiss!
Let me have it.
Hey, Trudy, hi.
Did you see the photo?
Yeah, I'm quite pleased.
Listen, hold on.
About the event on the 15 th.
Yeah. Can it be All Access?
Alright, see what you can do.
Just get back to us, okay?
Alright. Thanks, Trud. Bye.
Where were we?
Oh, yeah, the photo.
Look at that.
He was looking right at me.
The Beef!
You know Les, you didn't have
to call it an 'Event'.
I mean, we're all going
to the Music Awards.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know anybody
was listening to my phone call.
Oh, Les, I forgot to tell you.
Feldman placed two
from the "Twilight" party.
So? What're you telling me for?
Oh no, I'm just saying,
Newsweek and Us.
- You're kidding?
- I'm not kidding.
- That's awesome!
- Good to see you guys.
See what I mean about Ricco?
Always blabbing about himself.
I'd never play cards with him.
Fuck him.
Fuck Feldman.
- Got the papers?
- Yeah, I got them.
So, do they know I'm coming?
Yes, I told them all about you.
Come on, this is going to be fun.
Alright.
Mrs. Gehry!
You're looking good!
Hi.
The sun's great.
Ma! We're here!
I hope you're hungry,
'cause my mom is a great cook.
Wow, Mrs. Galantine,
this looks great.
- Did you step in something?
- What?
Check your shoes, both of you.
- They're clean, Ma.
- Well, I smell shit.
Really?
- Yeah, me too.
- Oh, that's funny.
- Where's Dad?
- In the front room. Take these in.
And wash your hands first.
- I just did.
- Well, wash them again. Him too.
He carried in those papers. why
did you bring them in the house for?
Oh, those?
I got a little surprise
for you, Ma.
That paper is filthy.
Now take that in.
It's good to see you, Dad.
How're you doing? Everything OK?
Oh yeah. All good.
You?
Yeah, good.
See all these guns?
My Dad collects them
and restores them.
It's so cool.
Let me show you something.
This one is my favorite.
Press this, right.
It shoots out a bullet.
That's awesome.
Anybody want a cigarette?
Here.
That's great, Dad. who made
this again? The Germans?
The Russians.
The Chinese made one out
of a feminine napkin.
I don't want to hear about it.
Where's that camera I gave you?
I've still got it.
What, are you kidding me?
That's a collector's item. Right?
Your friend there needs
a patch on his pants.
Come on, Dad. He's just starting
out. Toby's my assistant.
Thing's are picking up for me
now so I hired some extra help.
I got a picture
placed in the paper.
It's right here.
Let me show you.
Well, who is that?
Come on, Dad.
What, you going blind?
That's your man, Chuck Sirloin.
- That's The Beef?
- Yeah, the Beef. Look at that,
a full quarter page.
What's that sticking
out of his pants?
He had a little operation
on his thing.
I don't want to hear about it.
It's no big deal, Ma.
A little procedure and...
Well, what did you
take his picture for?
Poor guy. Jesus.
- That's The Beef.
- Oh, please.
It's totally legal, Dad. I mean,
he was on a public sidewalk.
And yeah, it's the Beef.
That's how you get
a picture in the paper.
You know, somebody famous.
Disgusting. You never see this
kind of crap in a real newspaper.
Jesus.
Well, a lot of people do read this
paper. Okay? It's very popular.
And I'm a licensed professional
and this is photojournalism.
It's a candid shot
and I got paid
a lot of money for it.
How much?
You want to know how much?
I got 700 bucks.
He's a millionaire.
Well, I got his picture
in the paper, didn't I!
Well, get it out of here. I don't
want the fuckin' thing in the house!
Come on, Dad. I was going
to frame it for you.
Frame it?! Goddamn it.
- I'll frame this crap. Jesus Christ!
- Come on.
I told you once,
I told you twice. Trash!
I'll tell you where I'm going to
frame it, right in the garbage can.
Carl! Wash your hands!
I told you not to bring
that stuff in this house!
Thanks for your help. Ma.
Why don't you get
a real job for a change?
- This is my job. That's what I do.
- That's some job.
You're making a lot of money.
Is this kid gay?
What do you care?!
Don't talk to your mother like that.
You hear me?
Take it easy, Carl.
Just take it easy.
- What do you mean, take it easy?
- Take it easy.
I'm not gay.
You're not gay?
- Who's gay?
- I asked if he was gay.
I'll tell you who's gay. You know
who's gay? Chuck Sirloin.
Oh, that'll be the day.
You're going to talk about
The Beef again are you?!
You know where
you'll find it, won't you?!
- Out in the garbage can!
- Alright! Leave it alone!
The food was good.
I'm still searching
for my true love,
a boy who won't fade away.
I'm still searching
for my true love
so I won't have to say...
Looking. Yeah, that's better. "I'm
still looking for my true love."
Okay.
Hello? Hey. Baby,
a couple of things.
Goddamnit! Can you not you see
that I'm working right now?!
I mean, do you have any respect
for the creative process?!
Yes, but...
I am so sorry.
This just came up.
Vanity Fair needs
Just two little hours.
Okay fine. Fine. Then
I won't finish this song.
Cancel the Music Awards. I'm not
going because I don't have a song.
Oh my God.
Please don't say that.
You know, I was going
to get a pedicure tomorrow.
I know. I am so sorry.
And there are going to be serious,
serious changes made around here.
We can make the shoot as late
as you want tomorrow. 2 o'clock.
Five.
Yay! Okay. Thank you.
Thank you so much.
It's going to be worth it.
I'm sorry, you guys.
I didn't mean to bug out on you.
Sweetheart, you've got
so much going on.
We don't know how you do it.
No. I know.
I love you. I really do.
We love you too.
You hitting the sack?
What does it look like?
I think I'm going to take a walk.
Go ahead.
Unless you want to do something.
Les.
Hey, why don't we call De Niro?
Are you out of your fucking mind?!
I'm sorry. I thought
you had his number.
I got his number.
What am I going to say to him,
"Hey, Bob, let's get together,
me, you and some homeless fag
I got living with me."
Look Les, I told you I'm not gay.
Well, there's something
wrong with you. Okay?
What are you doing right now?
What? I'm just telling it
like it is.
You want me to leave?
'Cause I'll just leave.
I'm used to it.
You're the one
who's talking about leaving.
I just said
I wanted to go for a walk!
Then go for a fuckin' walk
then! Jesus Christ!
Like I'm some fuckin' peon
all of a sudden!?
You've been dying to leave anyway.
You think I can't tell?!
- Go. Go for the fuckin' walk.
- Les.
Man, you must really miss
living in a box.
You're just pissed off
at your dad
- and you're taking it out on me!
- Whoa, watch out, Oprah.
Here comes Dr. Homeless.
Hey, I know about
some things. Okay?
I went through some pretty
crazy shit with my fuckin' parents.
My mother cut me, man.
She came at me with a steak knife.
How do you think I got this?
I went fuckin' crazy.
Jesus. I knew it.
You killed her.
Les, I didn't fuckin' kill
my mother. I love my mother.
I just can't be around her.
She can't be around me.
I kept looking for something
that I'm not going to get,
that she can't give me.
You're not going to get it, Les.
It's a dead-end street.
You sit around waiting for someone
else to tell you you're okay.
I mean, you're okay.
You don't need it, Les.
You took a really good picture, Les,
no matter what your old man says.
- He threw it in the garbage.
- Yeah, but so what?
You got things going on, right?
I mean, we got to bring
your book around.
We're going to go to,
what'd you say?
Nike, Calvin Klein.
I never said Calvin Klein.
Think big, get big.
Right?
I'm sorry, Toby.
I didn't mean to go off on you.
Whatever.
Rule number one...
friends is friends.
That's good, man.
- You like that one?
- Yeah.
That's a good one.
You're learning.
Why don't you go take your walk?
Go ahead.
No, I think I'll just watch
some TV. Go to sleep.
Hey. I know what we can do.
What?
Headshots!
Hey, take it easy! All Access.
All Access. Him too.
Show him the thing. Turn it around.
See that. Thank you.
Jesus Christ. There's nothing
but B-list in here.
Alright, I got to go find Trudy.
Stay right here.
Keep an eye out
for those goody bags.
Goody bags.
It's so tempting
when I feel so empty
and I'm sitting here all alone.
But I will fight it
until I can find
a sweet love of my own.
You take your love and shove it.
You can stick it
where the sun don't shine.
You take your love and shove it.
You better listen, boy,
'cause I ain't lying,'
lying, lying,
anymore.
You see I'm still looking
for my true love,
a boy, that won't fade away.
I'm still looking
for my true love
so I won't have to say
you take your love and shove it.
Demo from NTV.
How you doing girl?
Wait. Hold on. Hold up.
You are looking hot.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
So you got to tell me
some stuff here.
You got a lot going on these days.
You got the world premiere video.
Your parents are suing you, I heard.
I am super, super busy.
Plus, Mystique and Jace
are hitting it up pretty hard.
- Is this like a mega-bummer for you?
- I am really, really happy for him.
And I'm trying to stay strong
and I thank God for my music
which will always be my first love.
And who's the little studmuffin
you got here next to you?
Oh, this...
This is...
I'm Toby.
- Toby. Alright.
- Yeah.
He's my hook-up tonight.
Isn't he hot?
He's straight up slamming, dude.
Okay, bye. Peace up, y'all.
Toby!
What the fuck?!
Excuse me.
- I'm All Access.
- You're not. That's a yellow card.
You need a green card
to get in here.
Where do you get a green card?
Try City Hall.
Come on, studmuffin!
Yes of course she's going to be
there. we're going to see you there.
I can't believe
you fixed the jacuzzi.
It was just
a loose wire on the pump.
Stupid hotel. I told them
to fix it like a month ago.
How come you live in a hotel?
Taxes. I write it off.
Plus I never have to make the bed.
I wish I had a camera.
Don't.
I hate it when people
take my picture.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
You probably wouldn't understand,
being homeless.
The worst are the paparazzi though.
They just don't leave you alone,
even when you're going through
something really painful.
He broke my heart.
- Who? That guy? Jace guy?
- He said that...
He said that my eyes
were too far apart.
What?
That's... People are different.
That's why people are beautiful.
Do you think that I'm beautiful?
Are you kidding me?
I think that you're the most
beautiful girl I've ever seen.
And then all of a sudden
I'm in the Jacuzzi with her.
And I fixed the Jacuzzi
because it was broken.
It was like broken for like weeks
in this nice hotel.
We just kind of hung out there.
We were in our underwear.
We didn't have sex or anything
but we really like...
I don't know. I really connected.
We really connected.
You connected?
In your underwear?
Well, I mean...
I am so totally
fuckin' thrilled for you, Toby.
Hey, you know what?
Look what I got you.
I got you a present. Look.
- What's that?
- They're olives.
I figured we could put them in
the trunk with the martini glasses.
You know? You just take
a toothpick, put an olive in,
you put it in a martini glass
and all the sudden you look like
a ritzy guest.
- Like a what?
- Like a guest.
Like a guest? Like a ritzy guest!?
That's what I look like?!
Toothpicks?!
You sneak backstage without me!
You hang out with sexy chicks
and superstars all night
and you come home with toothpicks!?
- Are you, retarded?!
- No.
No, you're just
an ungrateful bastard!
I'm grateful!
Man, come on. I gave you a job.
I gave you a place to sleep!
Les man, I'm grateful.
You know what hurts the most?
What did I say about De Niro?
- You said...
- I said I would take you with me.
Didn't I say that?
I would take you with me!
Yeah.
And what do you do? The first chance
you get you fuckin' leave me.
- Like I'm a peon!
- Les, I'm sorry.
- What the fuck?! No!
- I'm fuckin' sorry.
No! You can't apologize
for this, man.
Look, I got caught up.
You got caught up. That's bullshit,
man! That's bullshit! Forget it!
- Just get out! Go! It's over!
- Don't do that.
Look, how can I
make it up to you?
Whatever you want.
Whatever you need, man.
Just tell me, I'll do it.
I want to make it up to you.
What hotel is she at?
What?
What hotel is she staying at?
I don't know. She's staying at
some hotel uptown. I don't remember.
You just spent
the night with this chick
that you're puppy shit in love with
and you don't know
the hotel she's at?!
I don't remember.
I guess I am fuckin' retarded.
I don't remember.
Wow.
Galantine Photo.
Can I help you?
Let me see.
Who's calling?
Hold on.
You're lucky. It's her!
Les.
Jesus Christ...
Hello?
Hey, homeless.
What'd you do, run out on me?
No, you fell asleep on me.
How're you feeling?
Oh, I don't know yet.
I got your note.
It was very sweet.
Thanks.
I had such a good time.
Me too.
So what're you doing tonight?
Tonight?
I don't know.
Well, it's my birthday and
I'm having a little party.
I thought maybe
you'd like to come by.
Wow. That'd be great.
Okay, great.
Do you think maybe I could?
Do you think maybe I could
take someone with me?
Like a date?
No, not a date,
just a friend. You know?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Alright, I'm going
to go back to bed.
So I'll see you later.
Okay. Goodbye.
Yes! Good job.
What?
Nothing.
Oh. Okay, I won't go.
I just thought I heard somebody
say they wanted to make up something
up to somebody. That's all.
- Les, man...
- Forget it.
Les...
I'm not going.
Have a good time. Have a good time!
It's huge.
- You should see the bathtub.
- Really?
Yeah. I don't know
about this jacket.
Why not?
No, it looks good on you.
This was my dad's jacket.
- Really?
- Yeah. Don't worry.
- What's the matter? You nervous?
- A little bit.
How's my hair look?
- It looks good.
- Yeah? You didn't even look.
Yeah, I'm looking.
It looks good.
Les, I don't think we should
take any pictures.
Why not?
- I'm just saying...
- You're a professional now?
I'm just going to take a few shots.
No, I'm just saying
it's her birthday party.
Please don't take any pictures.
Alright. You know what? You're
absolutely right. I'm sorry.
It's not even going
to leave my pocket.
You're not going to?
I promise you I will not
take a picture. Alright?
Don't worry. Don't worry.
Hey, homeless.
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
- This is my friend Les.
- Hi, Les. Thanks for coming.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
Come on in. Meet some people.
This is Elvis.
We're working on
a musical together.
Wow. What musical?
- About the life of Brittany Spears.
- Brittany Spears.
I'm thinking Tennessee Williams,
only not so gay.
Imagine Streetcar
with K'harma in the Brando role.
- Brando.
- On ice.
- Want to go open presents?
- Okay.
- I'll be right back, Elvis.
- Sounds great to me.
- This is Les, by the way.
- Pleased to meet you.
I just want to say
I'm a really big fan.
You've got a strong shake
there, Les.
You're a musician, right?
I've seen you play?
Where have I seen you play?
What?
Les.
What's going on?
- Are you alright?
- I don't know. I don't know, Toby.
What's up?
- I'm freaking out!
- Why?
I can't talk!
You're okay.
I sounded like a fuckin' idiot.
Les, you didn't, man.
Calm down.
That's Elvis Costello. Alright?
That's Elvis Costello out there.
So what? He's just a guy, like
you said. Remember? Equal.
We're equal.
- Les, you're cool.
- That's right. we're all equal.
Equal.
Let's go back out there.
You ready?
Les, what the fuck are you doing?!
- What?!
- You just washed your hands.
- Calm down.
- I have soap on my hands.
Just let me finish
what I'm doing.
You go out and I'll be
right there. Alright?
Alright, I'm going to be out there.
Just give me minute, alright!
Hey, man. Yeah, Armed Forces.
Get Happy. This Year's Model,
I mean that was genius.
I got a picture of you too.
One that I took...
Fuck.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What're you doing?
- I was... looking for you.
Really?
Well, I was looking for you.
I guess we found each other.
You could have stayed last night.
I wanted to. Believe me.
Stay tonight.
I promise I won't pass out on you.
Just stop taking
my fuckin' picture!
Listen, what is it
you don't understand?!
Stop taking my fuckin' picture!
Behave yourself.
- What are you doing?
- Just taking a few shots.
- Are you a paparazzi?!
- He's taking my picture.
- No, I'm a licensed professional.
- He's just messing around.
He's my assistant.
You brought a paparazzi
to my party?!
Call security.
Give me that fuckin' camera!
- Right here.
- Sorry.
Cheeks.
- Muy bonita. Excellent.
- Thank you, Mr. Les.
Why don't you let him make you
a batch? These are excellent.
I asked you not
to take any pictures.
I know, and I'm sorry. OK?
I got a little excited.
Cheeks, why don't you make
the kid a batch?
I don't want any, Cheeks.
Don't make me any.
You said that you
wouldn't take any pictures.
I asked you and you said,
"I'm going to..."
- You want the pictures?! Here.
- What are you doing?
- Here's the pictures!
Alright? You happy?
Elvis frigging Costello,
K'harma Leeds. Down the drain.
You know how much money that is?
You know how much money
I could've got for that?
I didn't tell you to do that.
- Well, I did it.
- You did that on your own.
Now do you see how serious I am?
Let me tell you something.
Jesus, Les!
I'm trying to tell you
something as a friend.
Okay?
That chick is not for you. Okay?
Why?
Because every time she looks at you
you know what she sees?
A good-lookin' nobody
with his nose
pressed up against the glass.
I know that hurts. Okay?
And I'm sorry.
But Rule number one, man...
know where you belong.
I'm not saying they're any better
than us, 'cause they're not.
I am through
following these people around.
I'm sick of it.
She threw us out of that party
like we were peons.
It was her birthday party. It was
a personal thing. She trusted me,
man.
Just listen to me?
Tomorrow I'm going to take
my book and hit all the agencies.
And you're coming with me.
Alright? We're partners now.
Me and you.
From now on we're going
where the lights are green.
You know what else we can do?
I'll get your headshots
printed up. Alright?
And I'll call De Niro.
I'll slip him a headshot.
Don't worry.
We're going to have a lot of fun.
You don't need that other shit.
It's just you and me now.
It's going to be great.
Well, what hurts?
My stomach.
Well what hurts about it?
It just hurts.
What kind of hurt?
Les, I don't know.
I don't feel good. Alright?
- Jesus.
- OK. I just...
thought you might want
to come with me today,
to see how the whole
agency game is played.
I do. I can't.
Alright.
I'll bring you back some soup.
I'm going to be gone
a couple of hours
so if you want
to watch TV that's OK.
Just don't mess around
with the computer. Okay?
I won't.
Alright.
Hope you feel better.
Fuck!
Well, Les...
Fuck!
Photo...
Fuck.
Sick, my ass!
You better not be on my computer!
What the fuck?!
Toby?!
Blaine.
Blaine, I'm scared.
Don't worry, Robbyn.
You're super-safe with me.
Nobody's going to mess with you.
Please, don't!
I can help you!
I know you've killed 10 people
but I know you don't want
to be a serial killer.
Let me help you.
I want to be your friend.
Friend?
What's a friend
but somebody sitting around
waiting for a chance
to talk about themselves?
Is that the line?
Cut!
No, it isn't, Robbyn,
but come on.
If there's a change you got
to go with it. Alright?
I mean, where'd you go to school,
NYU? What kind of shit is this?
Stay in character.
Don't break the fourth wall.
Okay.
Toby, excellent.
I like what you're doing.
- Keep it up.
- Thanks.
- You alright?
- Yeah.
Oh crap! we got to reset
the whole knife gag with Blaine.
Come on, get in there and
change it! Quick! Again! Let's go!
I swear to god, cold coffee one more
fuckin' time and you're out of here!
- I told you.
- You were right.
He's incredible, right?
Where did this kid come up
with this stuff? He's awesome.
It's the real thing.
Come on, look at that face
That's the close-up.
We need to go tight
like that. Right?
That's the close-up you need.
There you got a show.
Hi, I'm Toby. I play "Toby".
I mean, I used to be homeless
so I think that's why
they picked me for this job.
So I know "Toby" pretty well.
I've had some experiences
with violence
but right now I'm just trying to
go where the lights are green.
It's a reality series show
about a serial killer
who's also a homeless kid.
Megahip cast because all
the people in it are who they are.
Like Life.
Like OJ.
Did that really happen
or was it just
an old reality show?
Think about that.
The challenge of the casting
was finding people
who are what they are
but who also have
that star quality.
Our lead, forget about it.
He really has it.
He has such a bright,
bright future.
Hi, I'm Toby. I play "Toby".
I mean, I used to be homeless
so I think that's why
they picked me for this job.
Right now I'm just trying to go
where the lights
are green. You know?
Christ, now he's stealing my lines!
I should sue him for plagiarism.
At least get a writing credit.
I'm his manager.
You could tell me.
What's the offer?
He's tied to Slice
for another 3 months.
Can you hold for a second?
Hello?
No. No, Premiere
does not get the profile
unless he has a full page.
Okay? You got that?
Call me back.
Alright. Hold on for a second.
Hello?
No, that's T-O-B-Y, no E.
Yes, he's 20 years old.
The scar is real. He got it
in Central Park, fighting off
a pack of wild dogs.
OK? Thank you.
Randolyn. Yes.
No, listen, baby,
the offer is fine. Alright?
The only problem I'm having
is the female lead.
I'm sure she's
completely delightful
but her star is nowhere
near Toby's orbit.
Tell Ridley we appreciate the offer.
We'll consider it.
And that's plus 10 %.
Thanks, baby. Bye.
Cheers.
Did have a nice shower?
Yeah. Your hot water is amazing.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
It really is.
Look at you, your skin,
it's all tingly.
I fixed your shower head.
Did you?
Now I told you,
you can't keep walking around my
apartment without any clothes on.
There are windows.
I knew you would clean up good.
Look how beautiful you are.
K'harma designed the scent
all by herself.
She went to the lab. She picked out
all the different smells.
She came up with the bottle,
thanks to you guys. The colors...
The name, Instant K'harma.
Which is so great.
- Suis generis. It's K'harma.
- It evokes desire. And sexiness.
Excuse me.
What are you doing here?
I came to smell you.
So where's Mystique?
I love the single.
It's hot.
I know. I know it's hot.
It's not about you, you know.
I know.
I don't think
about you anymore either.
You look beautiful, baby.
Really beautiful.
- I do miss you, baby.
- Really?
Every day, every night.
Especially at night.
How about you? You miss me?
No.
Not even just a tiny bit?
No.
I knew you did, baby.
Yeah? I wish this guy
would shut the fuck up.
Toby! Will you just take this guy?
He won't even shut up.
He's been calling for a week.
No, I don't want to take it.
You have to take this call, man.
I am going to freak out.
He's the most annoying
human being I've ever met!
Yeah?
Hey. How you doing?
Is that really you? Oh my God.
What do you want?
I'm just calling to say hi, man.
I mean, I saw you on TV.
Wow. You look great.
What the fuck do you want, Les?
You're fuckin' harassing everybody.
OK, look, I just...
think maybe we should get together.
You know? Try and work this out.
Because it's like you said, man...
Rule number one Friends is Friends.
No, rule number one,
rule number one
you lied to me, Les.
Rule number two...
you're a fuckin' paparazzi.
Don't say that.
That's what you are.
You think you're different?
That's what you are, Les.
You're a fuckin' paparazzi.
- Paparazzi.
- Alright. Alright. Watch this.
You sneak around
and you take pictures
of people and then you lie about it.
You fucked the whole thing up, Les.
You think I'm a paparazzi?
Okay watch this.
I'm going to delete the whole thing.
Okay? Here I go.
Alright?
Okay. Yeah. You're deleting them.
I did it. I swear to God!
They're gone!
Like I'm going to believe you.
I could believe you now, right?
Because right now
you're telling the truth. Right?
You tell me you believe me
or I'm going to fuckin' stab
myself in the throat!
I got a knife
to my throat right now!
Alright look, Les. Calm...
Look, just calm down.
Les, calm down. Okay?
Just tell me you believe me!
Look just calm down! Calm down!
I believe you. I believe you.
Alright?
I believe you.
Thank you.
Look man,
you fuckin'
locked me in your house.
Hey, are we going
to focus on the negative
or can we move on to the positive?
Alright? Come on.
I was just calling
to say how happy I am for you.
You're doing great. And I started
you off, isn't that crazy?
You'd never would have met that
casting chick if it wasn't for me.
Are you still there?
Yeah.
Look how about if we just get
together and have a beer?
Alright?
What do you say?
You know?
We'll go to Cheeks
and we'll have
a cup of coffee? Alright?
No.
Toby?
You're such a totally
awesome guy, Toby.
Wow. Thanks.
Ever since Blaine died
you've taught me so much
about being homeless.
It's kind of beautiful
in its own way.
Yeah. It's got its ups and downs.
I was going to say ins and outs.
Cut! Cut! Cut!
What, Corey?! I'm going
with it like you said.
Yeah, but come on!
Is this after-school porno?
- Is it!
- No.
Look.
- Tell him how you really feel.
- I'm trying.
Be real for once.
Just this one time.
Okay? Be real.
I'm sorry I yelled at you.
All right? Tell him.
Go.
Let go of my hand.
Keep rolling.
Go.
I love you, Toby.
I love you so much.
Yeah, I was pretty surprised
when Robbyn said that.
I mean, I think she's
really pretty and fun
but...
my true feelings
are for someone else.
Someone I met a while ago
who became very special to me
and I love her.
She's a singer. I
met her at the Music Awards.
Hey, baby.
What're you doing,
sitting in here all by yourself?
I'm just thinking.
About me?
No.
- Why?
- You know why.
Trust me, babe. I'm not
going to hurt you again.
- I love you.
- I know but...
I just can't stop thinking
about all the things we used to do.
Yeah, I was pretty
surprised when Robbyn said that.
But my true feelings
are for someone else.
She's a singer.
I met her at the Music Awards.
- Remember how I turned you on, babe?
- Don't!
She was really nice to me
and I let her down.
And I know she'll probably
never forgive me.
I would like her
to know that I'm sorry
and...
I know that...
I wouldn't love anyone
as much as I love her.
I love you, K'harma.
I love you.
Alright, can we stop now?
Please. Okay.
Toby.
- I'm sorry.
- How could you do that to me?!
You know how fuckin'
humiliating that was?!
- I didn't mean for that to happen.
- You didn't mean?!
Shut the fuck up!
You're such a dick!
I'm sorry.
You've been so nice to me.
I've been so 'nice' to you! I've
been so 'nice' to you! How nice?
No, you've been
more than nice to me.
I'm sure I have been more than nice.
What exactly do you mean?
What exactly do you mean by that?
I mean you're a really
fuckin' special woman.
I'm such a fuckin'
special woman. Please.
And I'll never forget
what you've done for me.
It's just not...
Look, it's just...
- What?
- She's a little bit more...
She's a little bit more what?
I don't know.
- And you're a little bit more...
- What? I'm a little more 35 ,
and she's a little more 18 with a Barbie doll ass!?
No, you're putting words in my
mouth. That's not what I'm saying.
That's exactly
what you're saying, Toby!
Why don't you just
call a spade a spade?
Listen, I never wanted to hurt you.
- Well.
- I don't want to hurt you.
Just humiliate me?
Look, I'll pack my stuff
and I'll go. Okay?
I'll get out of here.
Whatever you want.
I want you to be happy.
That's what I want right now.
So I'll pack everything up
and I'll get out of here.
I'll find a place.
It's fine.
Just stay here until
you find some where else.
Really? You sure?
Yeah. Stay in the back room.
Alright. I'll move my stuff
into the back room and we'll
just be like living together.
Be like little roommates.
Like friends.
Whatever.
Let's go make up your bed.
Welcome back.
This is Nikki Blake.
Well, awards season
is upon us and already
hundreds of new films and stars are
vying for those precious statues...
I can't concentrate with the TV on.
What concentrate?
You pick up the card, you throw it
down. A monkey could play this game.
"Slice of Life" badboy,
Toby Grace made
television history last night by
broadcasting his love for reigning
pop diva K'harma.
Sources close to the two are
keeping mum but it was evident
at this post-awards party
that sparks were beginning to fly.
Hey, that's Feldman's photo.
Are we playing cards or what?
Yeah, we're playing.
For teenage fans outside
the Slice studios in New York,
the romance meter
was off the charts.
It was the most
romantic thing I've ever seen!
I love you, Toby!
I don't care if you're homeless!
As for the TV Romeo,
he's keeping any further
confessions close to the heart.
I mean, I appreciate. But
I wasn't trying to be romantic.
When you love someone
you just got to go with the flow.
Oh, that's original.
AT caught up with the object of his
affections at her Manhattan hotel.
All I can say is
I'm really, really touched.
Wow.
Good for Toby. That's great.
Why is that great?
He was always a nice kid.
Really? He's a jerk.
What? Why do you say that?
Because I know him. Come on,
I lived with him right here.
You know what he is?
He's a backstabbing
ungrateful leech.
No. Really?
Oh, my God. I could
tell you stories, Ricco.
I'll tell you what he did.
He broke into my computer.
Broke into your computer?
What was he looking for?
I don't know. Bank records,
account numbers. You know?
Personal stuff. Deeply personal.
He always seemed like a nice kid.
Why do you keep saying that?
Because he did.
He seemed like a nice kid.
- I just told you he wasn't.
- I know.
I guess I just liked him.
A really, really nice kid.
That's it! what the fuck
is wrong with you, man?! Get out!
Get your cards and get out!
I never seen you like this.
You to chill, bro'.
Why you be bugging?
Why I be bugging? why can't you stop
talking about Toby this, Toby that!?
"Toby's a nice kid! Blah blah blah.
Feldman's photo."
Man, if you love the kid so much
why don't you marry him?!
- Just get out.
- Was I talking about him that much?
No, just every fuckin' second!
Goodbye, Ricco. Nice having you.
- You're wrong, man.
- Yeah, I'm wrong.
Where's that camera I gave you?
I still got it. Thanks, Dad.
Thanks for reminding me,
because I got something coming up.
Something I could really use it for.
Someone I know is just dying
to get his picture taken.
He used to be a friend of mine.
Okay.
You reach out to a guy.
You try to apologize.
You say you're sorry,
just trying to connect on a basic
human level and what does he say?
He says 'no'.
No.
Mr. Big TV Star.
He doesn't even want
to meet you halfway.
Fine.
What goes around
comes around, my friend.
Rule number one...
You don't mess with Les.
As simple as that.
You reap what you sow
and you are what you eat.
Let's see what we got here.
Listen, when get inside
we go to E! first
then Access Hollywood, then Ew.
And it is absolutely critical we get
that shot with Clooney and del Toro.
Yeah, yeah, yes?
Hey, it's Gabi.
We're going to get out first.
What do you mean, you're going to
get out? No. Toby gets out first.
No, Dana, K'harma's going to get out
first. She going to get halfway up
- and then Toby's going to get out.
- Exactly. Jesus.
No, Gabi.
Toby gets out first. Then she gets
out when he's a third of the way up.
Where is he?
Which car is he in?
Would you goddamn hurry up
and get in front of them!
- Fuckin' shit! God dammit!
- For fuck's sake!
Don't let them in.
Do not let them get in first.
Dana, Dana? Guess what?
Cut the shit.
No, Gabi, you cut the fuckin' shit.
Her last album
moved ten million units.
Yes. Plus foreign.
Oh really? well, he happens to be
the lead in a $90 million movie.
Why don't we
just get out together?
Shut up.
She's the celebrity endorsee
for Nova Cola,
domestic and international
including Taiwan.
Fine. She'll get out and then
he's going to get out
when she's
a quarter of the way up.
Love you, mean it.
It's so much better
that you get out second.
It's much classier.
It's much better.
- Yeah. I don't care.
- No.
You should care. It's big.
It means something.
You have to enjoy this moment. It's
everything we've been working for.
- Get your coat on.
- Come on.
Do a little of this.
- Are you ready, Byron?
- Yeah.
Alright, let's go.
K'harma!
Hey, homeless.
That's what you are, Les.
You're a fuckin paparazzi.
Paparazzi.
Paparazzi.
Rule number one...
Friends is friends.
I gave you a job.
I gave you a place to sleep.
When you love someone you just
got to go with the flow.
Go with the flow.
- You're a fuckin paparazzi.
- What did I say?
I said I would
take you with me.
I would take you with me.
Hey, Les!
Where're you going?
- Toby!
- Les.
You look great, man.
Les.
I love you, man.
Wait a minute. Hold it.
Beautiful!
Yes!
Go. Go. Go.
Welcome back to Access Tonight.
We're here with
our very special guest,
professional photographer
Les Galantine.
Now let's talk about the picture.
It's everywhere, the cover
of Premiere, Vanity Fair.
Tell me, how'd you take it?
Well, first of all, that was
a big moment for me,
us shaking hands like that
in front of the whole world.
But bottom line, Nikki,
I'm a photographer.
Well, I just raised
the camera and pow.
"The shot heard 'round the world."
Exactly. Yes!
That's what I was aiming for.
So, what's next for Les Galantine?
Sex with you.
I'm kidding.
No, I know your husband.
He's a great guy.
I don't know. I'm just
going with the flow, you know?
That's great. well, thank you so
much taking the time to talk to us.
This has been Nikki Blake
with Les Galantine signing off.
Good night.