Ta-da! (GRUNTS)
Ta-da!
Ta-da! Ta...
Ta-da!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(YELLS)
(CRASHING)
Ta-da! (CHUCKLES)
Ta-da!
(MUMBLES IN MINIONESE)
(MAN SPEAKING RUSSIAN
OVER LOUDSPEAKER)
(LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
(LAUGHS)
(WHOOPING)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Huh?
(BOTH SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
(GASPS)
(YELLS)
(GRUNTS)
(YELPS)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
(ALL YELLING)
(GROANING)
(GROANS)
SILAS: Three weeks, and we're
still no closer to cracking this.
Right, bring him in!
Yes, sir.
This is the best party ever!
(CHUCKLES) Yeah!
Ha! (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
(SQUEALS)
(WAILS)
Oh, no!
A dragon is approaching!
(GROANS)
(ALL YELL)
(CHUCKLING)
Fear not, for here come the
gallant knights to save us.
KIDS: Yay!
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
No, no, no. What do you
mean she's not coming?
I have a backyard full
of these little girls
who are counting on a visit
from a fairy princess. (GROANS)
Hurts! (YELLS) Stop it!
Listen! I don't want a refund,
I want the fairy princess,
Please, please,
I'm begging you.
You know what? I hope that
you can sleep at night,
you crusher of
little girls' dreams!
AGNES: Ooh, ooh!
When's the fairy
princess coming?
Any minute now!
Yay!
Stall them!
(GRUNTS)
(CHATTERS m MINIONESE)
KIDS: Ooh!
Whoa! Whoa, okay!
Okay, all right.
That's enough of
the magic show.
MINIONS: Aw!
(GASPS)
Wait, did you hear that?
It sounded like the twinkling
sounds of magical fairy dust.
(GASPS) It's the fairy
princess! She's coming!
(ALL GASP)
(GAS PS) Look!
(GRUNTING)
Huh? on! (CHUCKLES)
Eh'? (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
(CHUCKLING)
(GRUNTING)
(YELLS) Ow!
(GRUNTING)
KID: Ow.
(GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPS AND SIGHS)
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
It is I, Gruzinkerbell,
the most magical
fairy princess of all!
And I am here to
wish Princess Agnes
a very happy birthday!
How come you're so fat?
Because
my house is made of candy,
and sometimes I eat
instead of facing my problems!
How come you have...
(COUGHING)
Okay, time for cake.
ALL: Yay!
(GROANS)
Thank you, Gruzinkerbell! You're
the best fairy princess ever!
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
You are welcome, little girl!
I know it's really you, Gru. I'm
just pretending for the other kids.
Hey there, Gru. Mr. Life of the Party!
(LAUGHS)
Hello, Jillian.
So, I'm gonna go
out on a limb here,
but my friend Natalie is
recently single, and... Oop.
No, no, no, get off the limb right now.
No limb.
(LAUGHS) Come on,
she's a riot!
She sings karaoke,
she has a lot of free time,
looks aren't that
important to her...
No, Jills, that is not happening.
Seriously, I'm fine.
Okay, fine, forget Natalie.
How about my cousin Linda?
No!
Oh! Oh! I know someone whose
husband just died...
(YELLS)
(GASPS)
I'm sorry,
I did not see you there.
(YELLS)
Or there.
(CHUCKLES)
GRU: Kyle? Kyle?
Kyle, no! Do not do your
business on the petunias!
There you go.
Those are Fred's, go crazy.
Good boy!
LUCY: Mr. Gru?
(STAMMERING) I didn't...
What? Yes?
Hi! Agent Lucy Wilde
of the AVL.
Oh, (CHUCKLES) whoops!
(CLEARS THROAT)
Sorry, you're gonna
have to come with me.
Oh, sorry, I...
Freeze ray!
You know, you really
should announce
your weapons after
you fire them, Mr. Gru.
For example...
Lipstick taser!
Oh, it works so good.
(GRUNTS)
Man!
Large person.
(GRUNTS)
Oh, sorry.
(GRUNTING WITH EFFORT)
Get in there...
Huh?
...you big man!
Boss!
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
(GRUNTS)
Uh? Huh!
(SCREAMING)
Whoa!
Huh?
AN. Whom!
Ooh!
(YELLING)
(EXCLAIMING IN MINIONESE)
Oh!
Huh? Ah. Quack, quack!
(DUCK QUACKING)
(YELLING)
(YELLING)
(BOTH YELLING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(BOTH EXCLAIM AGGRESSIVELY)
(PEDESTRIANS
EXCLAIMING IN ALARM)
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHANGING RADIO STATIONS)
MINIONS: Wow!
(HONKING HORN)
(BOTH SCREAM)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
What? Where?
Whoa, foot is asleep.
Ah, pins and needles!
(GROANS)
SILAS: Good afternoon,
Mr. Gru.
Eh.
I apologize for our methods
in getting you here.
I don't. (CHUCKLES) I'd do it
again in a heartbeat.
I am not gonna lie,
I enjoyed that.
Every second of it. Gave me
a bit of a buzz, actually.
That's enough, Agent Wilde.
Sorry, sir.
Okay, this is bogus!
(CHUCKLES)
I don't know who you people
think you are, but...
We are
the Anti-Villain League.
An ultra-secret organization dedicated
to fighting crime on a global scale.
Rob a bank, we're not interested.
Kill someone, not our deal.
But you want to melt the polar ice
caps, or vaporize Mount Fuji,
or even steal the Moon...
Then we notice.
First of all, you got
no proof that I did that.
Second, after I did
do that, I put it back!
We're well aware of that,
Mr. Gru.
That's why we
brought you here.
I am the League's director,
Silas Ramsbottom.
(SNORTS) Bottom.
(CHUCKLING)
Hilarious. (SIGHS)
Agent Wilde?
Oh, me now? Ah.
Um, recently,
an entire top-secret lab
disappeared from
the Arctic Circle.
Yeah, the entire lab, just...
(IMITATES WHOOSHING)
Gone. Where did it go?
I don't care.
Hmm. The lab was
devoted to experiments
involving PX-41,
a transmutation serum.
What is PX-41, you ask?
Mmm, it's pretty bad. Look.
(GROANS)
(YELP)
Ah!
(GROWLS)
(YELLS)
(ALL GROANING)
Huh, you usually don't
see that in bunnies.
As you can see, in the wrong
hands, the PX-41 serum
could be the most devastating
weapon on Earth.
(GRUNTS)
Fortunately, it has a very
distinct chemical footprint.
And using the latest
chem-tracking technology,
we found traces of it
in the Paradise Mall.
(SCOFFS) A mall?
Precisely. And we
believe that one of these
shop owners is
a master criminal.
And that's where you come in.
As an ex-villain, you know how a
villain thinks, how a villain acts.
The plan is to set
you up undercover
at a shop in the mall,
where hopefully...
Okay, I see
where this is going,
with all the Mission:
Impossible stuff, but no. No!
I'm a father now.
And a legitimate businessman.
I am developing a line
of delicious jams and jellies.
(CHUCKLING)
"Jams and jellies"?
Oh, attitude!
That's right!
So, thanks, but no thanks.
And here's a tip. Instead of
tasing people and kidnapping them,
maybe you should
just give them a call!
Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt.
Ramsbottom.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, yeah,
like that's any better.
(CHUCKLING)
Hello. (CHATTERS IN MINIONESE)
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Look, I probably shouldn't
be saying this, (CHUCKLES)
but your work as a villain
was kind of amazing.
So, if you ever wanna get back
to doing something awesome,
give us a call.
(CHANTING IN MINIONESE)
(GRUNTING)
Hey, I told you
guys to get to bed.
Oh, sorry.
So, when you going
on your date?
What?
Remember, Miss Jillian said she
was arranging a date for you.
Yeah, well, she is a nut job,
and I'm not going on any date.
Why not? Are you scared?
(GASPS)
Hey, did you guys see
the Moon landing on TV?
Yeah, I can't believe it.
It's so cool!
Excuse me? Lisa?
I was talking to
Billy the other day.
No way!
He is so cute.
Ah. (CLEARS THROAT) Hey, Lisa,
I was wondering if you...
Ew! Gru touched Lisa!
Gru touched Lisa!
KIDS: Ew!
Lisa's got Gruties!
(KIDS SCREAMING)
Scared? Of what? Women?
(CHUCKLES) No! That's bonkers!
I just have no interest in going on
a date, that's all. Case closed.
I'm not scared.
Of women. Or dates.
Let's go to bed.
(KISSES)
Good night, Edith.
Good night, Margo.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold the horses.
Who are you texting?
No one. Just my friend Avery.
Avery. (STAMMERING) Avery? Is that
a girl's name or a boy's name?
Does it matter?
No, no, it doesn't
matter unless it's a boy!
I know what makes you a boy.
Uh, ooh,
'Nu do'?
Your bald head.
Oh, yes.
It's really smooth.
Sometimes I stare at it, and imagine
a little chick popping out.
Peep peep peep-
Good night, Agnes.
Never get older.
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
(SINGING IN MINIONESE)
Hey, oh!
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
Uh...
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE) Okay, okay.
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
(SCREAMING)
(YELLING IN MINIONESE)
(GRUNTS)
Hey, Tim, nice haircut!
Donnie, hang in there, baby!
It's almost Friday.
So, how's today's batch,
Dr. Nefario?
I developed a new formula
which allowed me
to get every known
kind of berry into
one flavor of jelly.
(GROANS)
(HEAVES)
That tastes good!
I love the flavor of that!
(SHUDDERS)
It's horrible, isn't it?
No, no!
Oh, we're making
great progress!
Here, try some of this.
Mmm.
(CHATTERS IN MINIONESE)
(MUFFLED MUTTERING)
Ah.
(MINIONS SCREAMING)
Whoa.
Okay, just because everybody hates
it, doesn't mean it's not good!
Listen, GrU.
There's something
I've been meaning
to talk to you
about for some time now.
What'? What's wrong?
Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
I miss being evil.
Sinister plots, large-scale
crimes, it's what I live for.
I mean, don't you think there's
more to our future than jelly?
Well, I'm also
considering a line of jams.
Um, the thing is, Gru,
(INHALES DEEPLY)
I've had an offer of
employment elsewhere.
Dr. Nefario!
Come on,
you're kidding, right?
It's a great
opportunity for me.
Bigger lab, more evil,
full dental.
(SIGHS)
Very well.
Let us give you
the proper send-off.
Minions!
(SHOUTING ORDERS IN MINIONESE)
The highest honor
awarded to Dr. Nefario
for your years of service,
the 21-fart gun salute!
(SHOUTING ORDERS IN MINIONESE)
(COUGHING)
Uh, I counted 22.
(CHUCKLES)
Farewell, my friends.
(SOBBING)
This may take a while.
Go about your business.
I miss you already!
(SINGING IN MINIONESE)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(SCREAMS)
(HUMMING)
Huh?
Huh.
Are you sure we
should be doing this?
Yes, it's for his own good.
Okay,
we need to choose a picture.
AGNES: No.
Scary.
Weird.
(ALL YELL IN ALARM)
What is that?
Good morning, girls! I have
an announcement to make.
Hey, what
celebrity do you look like?
Uh, Bruce Willis.
Mmm, no.
Humpty Dumpty!
Ooh, Gollum!
(LAUGHING)
Okay, (CHUCKLING)
what are you doing'?
We're signing you
up for online dating!
Oh, okay. What? No, no, no.
Oh, come on. It's fun.
And it's time for
you to get out there.
No! Stop! No one is ever
getting out there! Ever!
Oh! Okay, now for
the announcement.
I have accepted a new job.
Whoa! Really?
Yes, I have been recruited
by a top-secret agency
to go undercover
and save the world!
You're gonna be a SPY?
That's right, baby!
Gru's back in the game.
With gadgets and weapons and cool cars.
The whole deal.
Awesome!
Are you really
gonna save the world?
Yes. Yes, I am.
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(CHUCKLES)
(GASPING AND STRUGGLING)
Ah!
Hmm.
"Bake My Day."
Blech.
All right, here is the cupcake
recipe I got off the Internet.
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
And don't go nuts
with the sprinkles!
(YELLS)
(YELLS)
(GRUNTING AGGRESSIVELY)
(ULULATING)
Whoa.
I wasn't expecting that.
Or was I?
Ooh. You got a little...
Here, I'll get it.
On. (CHUCKLES)
It's just spreading.
All right, all right.
I got it! Stop it!
Oh. (INHALES DEEPLY)
I'll let you get it.
(GROANS)
Yeah, what you just
saw there was a little
something new
I've been working on.
It's a combination of Jujitsu,
Krav Maga, Aztec warfare
and krumping.
Okay, that's weird.
Why are you here?
On assignment from Silas.
I'm your new partner.
Yay!
What? No, no "yaw"
Ramsbottom didn't say anything
about a partner.
Well, it seems that because
of your checkered past,
everyone else
refused to work with you.
But not me. I stepped up.
And I'm new, so I kind of have
to do what they tell me anyway.
Walla!
Ya!
Aah!
Do you know this guy?
Yes, he's one of my minions.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I should have known.
You are free to go.
Uh? Ah!
(CHUCKLING)
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
Kampai!
(KISSES)
Oh!
GRU: Dave...
(WHISTLES)
Earth to Dave!
Huh?
You can leave now.
Oh, uh...
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
GRU: So, what do we got?
Who's on the list?
Fire them at me.
First suspect,
Hedda Blumentoft,
proprietor of Mum's
the Word Floral Shop.
No, not her.
Okay, moving on...
Chuck Kinney,
owner of Stuff-A-Bear.
Ooh.
(WAILING)
I don't think so.
EDUARDO: Hello?
Buenos dias, my friends!
lam Eduardo Perez,
owner of Salsa y Salsa
restaurant, across the mall.
Now open for breakfast.
And you are?
Gru. And this is Lucy.
And we are closed.
This is just going
to take un momenta.
I am throwing a big
Cinco de Mayo party,
and I am going to need
200 of your best cupcakes
decorated with
the Mexican flag.
It looks something like this.
(GRUNTS)
What do you think?
LUCY: (GASPS) Ooh.
GRU: on.
Look away!
You, whoo. (CHUCKLES)
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Anyway, I have to go. It's all settled.
I'll pick them up next week!
Have a good day. Come by
if you get a chance, okay?
(GROANS)
And welcome to
the mall family.
(GASPS)
(WHISPERING) El Macho.
What?
But it couldn't be.
What? What couldn't be?
That guy looks exactly like
a villain named El Macho.
From about 20 years ago.
He was ruthless!
He was dangerous.
And as the name implies,
very macho.
He had a reputation for pulling off
heists using only his bare hands!
But sadly, like all the greats,
El Macho was gone too soon.
He died in the most
macho way possible.
Riding a shark
with 250 pounds of dynamite
strapped to his chest
into the mouth of
an active volcano!
It was glorious.
Yeah, sounds like
El Macho's pretty dead.
They never found the body.
Oh, no.
All that was ever retrieved was
a pile of singed chest hair.
But that face!
It has got to be El Macho!
(GASPS) Then what do you say you and I
break into his restaurant? Tonight?
Yes, that's good,
because I am telling you,
if anybody in this
place has the PX-41 serum,
it's him.
(LAUGHING)
All right, all right, homework done,
pajamas on, teeth brushed, time for bed.
What's the big hurry?
I just have
a lot of work to do.
Work, what kind of work?
Very important business.
So, hugs, kisses.
(KISSES) (GIGGLING)
Good night, sleep tight, don't
let the bedbugs blah-blah-blah.
Whoa!
But you said
you'd help me practice
my part for
the Mother's Day show.
(SIGHS)
Fine, fine.
Let me hear it. Quickly.
She kisses my boo-boos,
she braids my hair.
My mother is beyond compare.
We love you,
mothers, everywhere.
Wow! That was something else.
I really liked the way
you smiled at the end.
Let's try this one more time,
but a teensy bit less
like a zombie, okay?
Okay.
She kisses my boo-boos,
she braids my hair...
Perfect! Time to go.
I don't think I
should do this.
Well, what do you mean?
Why not?
I don't even have a mom.
Well, you don't need
one to do the show.
I mean, you did
the Veterans Day Pageant
and you haven't
been in combat.
This is different.
Okay, well, then maybe you can
just use your imagination.
You mean I
pretend I have a mom?
Yes, right?
You can do that, can't you?
Yeah! I do that all the time.
Thanks, Gru!
Hey! (SINGING JOYFULLY
IN MINION ESE)
All right. Hey, hey,
no, no! No.
Hey. Hey, please.
Kevin, Jerry,
watch the girls for me, okay?
Dave, Stuart, come this way!
With me! Come on!
Come on!
Mmm-mmm!
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SINGING RESUMES)
(WHOOPING AND LAUGHING)
(SINGING LULLABY)
(BOTH SIGH)
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
on! (CHUCKLING)
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
Mmm-hmm.
(COUNTING IN MINIONESE)
(CHUCKLING)
(GRUNTS) Huh?
(SHUDDERING)
Qc
gem' N.!
(YELPS)
(SCREAMS)
(MEOWS)
(CHUCKLING)
Looka too! (YE LLS)
Huh?
(YELLS)
(YOWLING)
(YELLING)
(MEOWS)
(SINGING AND WHISTLING
JOYFULLY)
(HIP HOP PLAYING
ON HEADPHONES)
We're stealth ninjas.
We make no sound.
Right. Gotcha.
Ya! (swans)
All right, El Macho.
You're going down.
Wait! Wait.
What?
What are you doing?
I'm checking for
laser beam alarm triggers.
It's a restaurant!
You never know what
kind of booby traps
this guy could have set.
Huh? Come on.
There are no booby traps.
Ha! Booby!
(GASPS)
(CREAKING)
(CLUCKS)
Oh. There's a chicken.
(GASPS) Are you lost,
little guy?
You must be lost.
Ha! Some guard dog.
(SCREAMS)
Get it off of me!
Get it off of me!
Aah!
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
(CLUCKS)
I got you!
(SCREAMING)
Igor it!
(CLUCKING)
Ha!
(GASPS) om
(GROANS) What is wrong
with that chicken?
Hey, that polio es loco.
(CHUCKLES)
No?
Okay, let's go.
Are you getting anything?
No, not yet.
But, hey, maybe you can find
something with these X-ray goggles.
Bah.
How are they working?
Tell me! Tell me!
Aah! Oof!
What's wrong?
ls something wrong?
That's an image I'll never
get out of my brain. Blech!
I knew it!
(GASPS) The serum is in here!
Ooh, then let's get it.
(CHUCKLING)
This is going to be good!
Ah.
Ah-ha!
What?
(STAMMERING)
Salsa?
Aw, man.
Oh.
Somebody's going
to die tonight.
(GASPS) Pollito!
What did they do to you?
Pollito? Can you hear me?
(CLUCKS)
Who would do this to such
a sweet little chicken'?
What? Who's there?
(CRUNCHES) Mmm-mmm.
(GASPS)
You coming out?
Or am I gonna go in?
Yah!
Huh?
Stop!
(GRUNTS) My eyes!
Gru, call one of
your munchkins!
We've been spotted!
Come get us!
Huh? Hey!
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
Ah! (CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
Hmm, subtle.
Over here! Over here!
Over
here.
Hold tight!
Aah!
(CHUCKLING)
I have you now!
(GROWLS)
(GRU SCREAMING)
(IMITATES AIRPLANE ENGINE)
(GASPS)
(BOTH GASP)
BOY: Yay! Ice cream!
Huh?
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(ALL SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(YELLING IN MINIONESE)
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
Huh? (EXCLAIMING NERVOUSLY)
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
(SCREAMING)
(YELLING)
(YELLING IN MINIONESE)
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(SCREAMS)
LUCY: All right, there he is.
Suspect number eight,
Floyd Eaglesan.
Oh, okay.
See if you can get closer.
Go, go.
All right.
What the...
Oh, no. That's not good.
(GASPS)
Whoa!
Hey, uh, what?
Oh!
(GRUNTING)
AGNES". Hey, Gnu!
Oh, girls! What are you
(CHUCKLES) doing here?
Well, we thought
we'd come visit you at work.
So, you're saving the world
in a garbage can?
(MOCK CHUCKLING)
Funny.
Hey! There you are.
Oh. Who's this?
Lucy, these are my girls,
Margo, Edith and Agnes.
Girls, Lucy. Lucy, girls.
Hello.
Hi.
Are you single?
Oh! Goodness.
Oh, hey! I have an idea. Since Lucy
and I have lots of work to do,
why don't you girls go and
explore the mall? Bye!
Here is some money, go buy
some useless mall junk.
Some headbands and...
Are you gonna marry Lucy?
Are you out of your gourd?
No! She just works with me.
Plus, you love her.
You love her! You love her!
You really, really love her!
And you're gonna get married!
Okay, stop.
This is a song of lies.
And I will be
the ower girl!
I don't even like her.
Now, go have fun!
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
(GROANS)
Almost forgot. Hugs!
Good luck saving the world.
Bye.
AGNES". Bye, Gnu!
(CHUCKLES)
Kids, right? They're funny.
Those girls totally
adore you.
I bet you're a fun dad.
Huh.
I am pretty fun.
Is that stealing?
Not if my wish was that I would
get a lot of free coins.
Whoa! (GAS PS)
Cool glasses.
Oh.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
I'm Antonio.
I'm Margo.
I was just going to get a cookie.
Care to join me?
Uh, sure.
I'm Margo.
(CLEARS TH ROAT)
Um, I'll catch up
with you guys later.
Bye!
Can I be
the first to say, "Ew!"
We gotta go tell Gru!
All right, I'm going in.
LUCY". if it picks up any traces of the
serum, the sensor in your belt buckle
will make a sound like this...
Mes-mam Mae-mam!
Mee-ma w! Mee-ma w!
Okay!
I get it. I get it.
(SINISTER CHUCKLING)
Welcome to Eagle Hair Club.
It's about time you showed up,
Mr. Gru.
(SQUAWKS)
You know my name?
(SINISTER CHUCKLING)
When someone moves into the mall
who is folically-challenged,
I make it my business
to know all about them.
You are bald, and that is bad.
There you go, my sweet.
LUCY: I'm getting
nothing so far.
I think you need
to move around.
(ELECTRONIC BUZZING)
Wow, this looks interesting.
What is it?
I take it you're an art lover?
LUCY". No serum.
Yeah, not so much.
Oh, how about this
impressive trinket?
(GASPS) I'd hardly call it
a trinket, Mr. Gru.
LUCY: Nothing.
The International...
Yeah, I don't care.
(YAWN S)
(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)
LUCY". Mee-maw! Mee-maw!
(GRUNT S')
LUCY". Hold on, I'm picking up something.
Behind that wall!
Ah, and what do we have here?
These are my trial wigs.
You should take one.
No, thanks. So, what's on
the other side of the wall?
Here you are!
Look at me! Focus!
LUCY: Gru?
I promise that this wig will
transform you from ugly
to irresistible.
AGNES: Margo has a boyfriend!
And they're going on a date!
Date? Boyfriend?
What?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
There she goes!
(MARGO CHUCKLING)
Oh, you're so funny.
Gross!
Look, they're in love.
Oh, no, no, no.
Do not say that. No, no, no.
And my dream is to one day
play video games for a living.
Wow. (CHUCKLES)
You're so complicated.
Margo.
(GAS PS)
What is going on here?
Oh, Gru, se llama Antonio.
Me I/amo Margo.
Me llama-lama ding-dong.
Who cares? Let's go.
(LATIN MUSIC PLAYING)
(PATRONS CHEERING)
MARGO: Whoa!
(SIGHS)
Kids eat free on Tuesdays.
Yay, POP!
MARGO: That's awesome!
So good to see you again, mi compadre!
Ha! Yeah.
Oh, I see you have
already met my father.
What? Father?
Si. Look at this crazy
small world we live in, eh?
Come, sit,
let me get you something.
(CLUCKING ANGRILY)
Oh, look at you. Heh?
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
He likes me. (SCREAMS)
Oh, oh! I'm sorry. Pollito
is usually very friendly.
He had a rough night.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Well, we really should be going.
Girls, come on.
That is a pity.
Young love is beautiful, no?
No! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
You know, they're not in love.
They hardly know each other.
You are right,
Cabeza de huevo.
They must get to
know each other better!
Antonio, why don't you invite
your girlfriend and her family
to our Cinco de Mayo party?
No, no.
BOTH'. Si!
I'm sorry, El Macho?
Hadn't we
eliminated him as a suspect
after the whole
salsa incident?
Yes, but there has
been a new development,
and I'm telling you,
this is the guy.
You need to
arrest him immediately.
And his
deviously charming son!
I'm pretty sure that
the son is involved, too.
The son, also!
You got to get the son!
I think that
the son is the mastermind!
There's a look,
there's a devilish look
in his eyes,
and I don't like it!
Yes, but I don't
really see any evidence.
Evidence, schmevidence.
I go with my gut,
and my gut tells me
that this guy is El Macho.
Lock him up, lock up the son.
Don't forget about the son.
The kid gives me the creeps!
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
But, on the less (WHISTLES)
crazy side of things,
Gru discovered traces of the
serum at Eagle Hair Club!
Hmm, interesting.
Yeah! And you know
who made that happen'? Huh?
This guy.
Nailed it. Amazing, right?
No, I mean, sure. But it's
not him, it is El Macho!
Mr. Gru, please!
No! It is him,
and I will prove it!
Gru, come on!
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
He really
thinks it's El Macho.
Can you tell?
(GASPS)
(CALLING IN MINIONESE)
Oh. Whom!
(SINGING HULA SONG
IN MINIONESE)
(HOOTING JOYFULLY)
Give me that!
(GROANS)
Kevin, the Wi-Fi's out!
Kevin?
Hey, Lance,
where the heck is Kevin?
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
All right, we need to revisit the
number of vacation days you guys get.
I can't find anybody anymore.
JILLIANI Gru, it's Jillian!
(GIGGLING) I've got good news!
I have my friend
Shannon here with me.
I was thinking you
two could get some grub.
You know, tear it up, see what happens!
(LAUGHS)
Open Up!
La, la, la, Ia, Ia, Ia, la...
(WHISPERING) Agnes! Agnes,
tell Jillian I'm not here.
Gru's not here.
Are you sure?
Yes, he just told me!
(CRINGES)
Mmm-mmm!
I mean,
no, he didn'tjust tell me.
(LAUGHS)
Agnes, where is Gru?
He's putting on lipstick!
He's swatting at flies!
No! No!
He's chopping his head off!
He's pooping?
I know you're in there, Gru!
There's no way you're
getting out of this!
SHANNON: I have to tell you, I
was so nervous about tonight.
I mean there's just so
many phonies out there!
Yes, I hear you.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, so, do you work out?
Well...
(CHUCKLES) I mean, obviously, you
don't, but would you consider it'?
Huh'? Physical fitness is
very important to Shannon.
As you can tell,
right? Huh?
(GRUNTING)
Ah.
I can tell.
Solid.
We are in the restaurant,
you know.
Hi. Takeout for Lucy?
Sure, just a sec.
(BEEPS)
SHANNON: Your accent
is so exotic.
Ah. Well, thank you very much.
I know someone who
can fix that for you.
And you'll be
talking normal in no time!
(FAKE CHUCKLES)
Whoo. Is it hot in here?
How's the food?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Are you wearing a wig?
What?
Ah! I don't think so.
I knew it.
You're a phony.
I hate phonies!
Oh, what?
No. These locks are all mine.
No, they're not!
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm
gonna rip that thing off your head,
and show everyone what a
bald-headed phony you are.
I don't think so, Miss Lady.
(YELPS)
Hello?
Hello? Are you...
LUCY: Hey, Gru.
Hello, Lucy.
How are you doing?
Wow, looks like your
date's out for the count.
It's like she's been shot with
a mild moose tranquilizer.
(MOANS LIKE A MOOSE)
Yeah, I'm winking because
that's what actually happened.
Scusi, what's happening here?
She no like?
Oh, she's just, uh...
(CHUCKLING) Oh, ho.
Si, si. (CHUCKLES) Si.
Shall we take her home?
Oh!
Well, I think you did it. You just
officially had the worst date ever.
Huh, tell me about it.
Don't worry. It can only get
better from here, right?
But if it doesn't, you can
always borrow my dart gun.
I've had to use it on
one or two dates myself.
Yeah, you know,
as far as dates go,
I think I'm good
with just the one.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Well,
good night, partner.
This was fun.
Yes. Surprisingly, it was.
Oh, and, uh,
just between you and me?
You look much better bald.
See you tomorrow.
Quack, quack, quack,
quack, quack!
(mssnue)
(IMITATING A WALRUS)
Yay!
So, I take it
the date went well?
No, it was horrible.
(CHUCKLES)
(HUMMING)
High-five!
(IMITATES GUNSHOT)
Bump it.
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(DISPATCH CHATTERING
ON RADIO)
Mr. Ramsbottom?
Oh, hello.
What are you doing here?
We got him.
Got who?
Floyd Eaglesan!
Our agents located a secret
room in his shop last night
and discovered this.
It's empty, but we found traces
of the PX-41 serum in it.
He's our man.
So, somehow, in spite of your
incompetence, we solved this one.
I was framed!
You won't get away with this!
Get your mitts off of me!
I am a legitimate businessman.
Ah. All right. So what now?
Well, now you're free to
go back to your business.
Mmm. Jams and jellies.
And it looks like
Agent Wilde will be
transferring to our
Australian branch.
Australia?
Yes.
But thank you for everything.
And by everything,
of course I mean nothing.
Toodle pip and cheerio,
Mr. Gru.
Hey, there.
Hey.
So, we got him.
Yay. That's great.
And now you're
going to Australia?
Well, it's not definite yet.
I'm still figuring it out.
I've already been
working on my accent.
Wallaby. Didgeridoo.
Hugh Jackman.
(CHUCKLES)
So, um... Pretty excited.
Great.
Well, good luck.
Thanks. You, too.
Oh! Here.
I wanted to give you this.
Your lipstick taser?
Yeah, it's just a memento.
Just, you know,
from the first time we met.
Oh. Thank you, Lucy.
SILAS: Agent Wilde.
Well, it looks like
they need you, so...
Yeah, I better go.
Bye, Gru.
(DRUMMER EXCLAIMS IN DISMAY)
(WOMEN GRUNTING)
I brought you an umbrella.
Ah, thank you.
What are you
doing out here?
Remember when you
said that I liked Lucy?
Well, it turns out,
you're right.
Really?
Yes, but...
Well, she's moving away.
I'm never going
to see her again.
Is there anything
I could do to help?
Aw, I don't... I don't
think so, sweetheart.
Well, is there
anything you could do?
Hello, Lucy. This is Gru.
I know up to this
point our relationship
has been
strictly professional,
and you're leaving for
Australia and all, but...
Okay, here is the question.
Would you like to...
To go out on a date?
Uh, no.
Okay, that's not helping.
All right, here we go.
For real this time.
(EXHALES)
I can do this.
Agh! I hate you!
Ah.
(FIRE ALARM RINGING)
(BOTH YELLING)
(IMITATING SIREN)
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(FALLING AND SCREAMING)
(YELLING)
(IMITATING SIREN)
Eh.
Kevin?
Mmm?
Tom?
Hello!
Kampai! Kampai!
Huh'? Kampai!
(EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY)
Bah!
(LAUGHING)
Oh.
Cinco de May-ya-yo!
Cinco de May-ya-yo!
EDITH: Whoa!
This place is awesome!
Okay. Let's party, huh?
But first,
let's go over the rules.
Because what is fun
without the rules?
Agnes, easy on the churros.
Edith, try not to kill anyone.
Hai!
Margo!
Hello, Mr. Gru.
(GROWLS) Okay.
Gru!
There must be the standard 6 feet
of space between you and boys.
Especially this boy.
(GASPS)
(LAUGHS)
Ah, you are a funny man.
There are no rules, sefior.
It's Cinco de Mayo.
Come on!
They're starting the dance!
IArriba!
(GRUNTS)
(CHUCKLES) So glad you could
make it, mi compadre.
Hey, what's wrong?
Oh, nothing.
Nothing is wrong.
I'm just chilling with the
guac, from my chip hat.
Gru, please. I know
that look all too well.
It is the look
of a broken heart.
How did you know?
Believe me, my friend,
I too have spent many nights
trying to drown my
sorrows in guacamole.
You?
Yes.
But we are survivors.
There's much more to
us than meets the eye.
Enjoy the party-
(TONES PLAYING
LA CUCARACHA)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGING)
(ATTEMPTING TO PLAY
LA CUCARACHA)
(PLAYS WRONG NOTE)
(EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)
Huh.
(YELLING IN AGONY)
(BELL DINGS)
Ah-ha! (LAUGHING)
Ouch!
(SIGHS)
Say What?
(GASPS)
Would you like some
peanuts or pretzels?
(GASPS)
(GRU LAUGHING)
That's a good joke.
I just did a boom boom.
(GASPS)
I really need you to
make a choice, hon.
I choose Gru.
(LOUDLY) I choose Gru!
Thank you, Gru stewardess!
You're welcome!
Aah!
You have not lost
your touch, my friend.
Ah-ha! I knew it!
You are El Macho!
That's right!
Nobody believed me!
Ho-ho! But I knew
you weren't dead!
(LAUGHING)
Of course not.
I merely faked my death.
But now, it's time for me
to make
a spectacular return to evil.
Doctor, I think it's time we
showed Gru what we're up to here.
Dr. Nefario?
Nice to see you, Gru.
Wham'?
(STAMMERS) So, this is your
new job opportunity?
Absolutely.
You're gonna like this.
EDUARDO: Sorry.
I had to borrow some of your minions,
but it was for a worthy cause.
Oh! Kevin!
(GROANS IN DISGUST)
No, he's not Kevin anymore.
Now he is an indestructible,
mindless killing machine!
Bah!
Just watch this.
Bah!
And here's the best part!
I got an army of them!
(ALL GROWLING WILDLY)
Look, look, look! (LAUGHING)
(SQUEALS)
Bah!
Soon I will unleash
them on the world,
and if anyone,
anyone tries to stop them...
Yeow!
...their city gets eaten!
We can do it together.
Together?
Together!
I have admired your
work for years, amigo.
Stealing the Moon!
Are you kidding?
We would be unstoppable!
Men like you, men like me.
We should be ruling the world!
So, are you in?
Woo-how.!
Uh, yeah, probably.
Probably?
I mean, yes, yes!
Of course, yes.
I just have a lot
going on right now.
I just need to get
some things off my plate
before we start taking over
the world, that's all.
Excuse me?
No, forget it.
One hundred percent! lam in!
I think...
Do you hear that? I do.
That's Agnes calling
me from on the surface.
Totally in!
You know what?
I am not so
convinced that he is in.
(KIDS CHEERING)
Edith, Agnes, come on! Ooh!
Oops, sorry.
We need to go home now.
Where is Margo?
But I didn't get a turn!
Margo!
Come on. We're leaving...
Hey, what's wrong?
I hate boys.
Yes. They stink.
Uh, sorry. Honey,
we got to go.
Oops! Sorry.
(GASPS)
(CROWING)
Ya!
Hey! Pollito,
what's the matter?
Oh, hey, Eduardo!
Lucia, I apologize.
Pollito,
he's usually not like this.
The same thing happened the
other day with Gru, and...
Oh, well, speaking of Gru, um, have you seen him?
I really need to talk to him.
Yes. I think he's
somewhere around here.
You two are close, no?
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, "close,"
I wouldn't say we were close.
Why, did he say we were close?
Did he say that'?
It's more what he didn't say.
For instance,
he never mentioned
that you were both working
for the Anti-Villain League!
(GASPS)
You're coming with me.
Hey!
Crikey!
So, Eduardo's
actually El Macho?
Cool!
No, it is not cool!
Plus, I pretty much
knew it was him all along,
so if anyone's cool, it's me!
(TV BEEPING)
Gru!
Well, Dr. Nefario.
El Macho's onto you. He knows
you're working for the A VL.
And he's got your partner.
Lucy?
That's impossible.
She's on her way to Australia!
EDUARDO: Nefario?
Sorry, gotta go!
(GASPS)
He's got Lucy?
Not for long.
Come on, we're
getting her out of there.
(GROANS)
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
(MUTTERING)
(SHRIEKS)
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
(MUTTERING)
(GASPS)
What was that?
(MUTTERING RESUMES)
I don't see anything.
(SCREAMS)
(SHRIEKS) Run!
My unicorn!
MARGO: Agnes, no!
(SHRIEKS)
(SCREAMING)
(BOTH SCREAM)
Come on! Hurry!
What's the matter?
(YELLS)
(BOTH EXCLAIM IN ALARM)
Bah!
Ooh I l.
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
Kevin!
(CHUCKLING)
Dr. Nefario! You're back!
In the flesh.
Behold, the antidote.
Come on. Let's finally put this
horrible jelly to some good use.
Ah!Ah!
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Hey, guys, come on!
Stay focused here.
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
Huh?
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
Huh?
Uh... (CHATTERS IN MINIONESE)
(WILD GROWLING)
(SPEAKING MINIONESE)
(WILD GROWLING)
Uh... (IMITATES WILD GROWLING)
(BUZZING)
Oh.
(WHIMPERS)
(GULPS)
Uh, (GROWLS)
(ORDERS IN MINIONESE)
Curses! Foiled again!
These guys captured me!
(ALL GROWLING WILDLY)
(GASPS)
Uh... (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
(CHUCKLES) No?
Bah!
Run!
(YELLING)
Up that tree!
Hurry! Hurry!
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
Hello, Gru!
Hey hey!
Nice work, Dr. Nefario!
I put
an antidote in the jelly.
I mean, I'm happy to create an
evil army to destroy the world,
but nobody
messes with my family.
Thank you, Doctor.
Now, let's go get the...
Hi!
You brought the girls?
Yes!
Oh.
Was that wrong?
(YELLING TRIUMPHANTLY)
What's happening
to my minions?
Gru?
You guys, take care of
the rest of the minions.
I'm going to find Lucy.
Eat jelly, you purple freaks!
Whoa! Whoa!
It's over, El Macho.
Now, where is Lucy?
(CHUCKLES)
Let me show you.
(GASPS)
Oh, hey, Gnu!
Turns out you were right about
the whole El Macho thing, huh?
Yay!
One push of this button,
and I send that rocket
straight into the same volcano
where I faked my death.
Only this time, it's for real.
No!
Yam
(GASPS)!
Tallyho!
We could have ruled
the world together, Gru!
But now,
you're gonna die.
(GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
(ROARS)
on!
(GUN CLICKING)
(GROWLS)
(GRUNTING)
(GROWLS ANGRILY)
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
(YELLS)
(YELLS)
(GRUNTS)
Ah!
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING AND GROANING)
(GRUNTS)
Mmm, lipstick taser!
Aw, he copied me.
I am not afraid
of yourjelly guns.
Oh, this ain't
ajelly gun, sunshine.
(GUN FARTING)
(GASPING)
(MINIONS CHEERING)
Ho-oh!
Don't worry about me,
Gru, I'll be fine.
I have survived
lots worse than this.
Okay,
that's not entirely true.
I'm actually kind of
freaking out up here!
Don't worry,
I will get you out of this.
(BOTH GASP)
I really hate that chicken.
(GRUNTING)
(ALL CHEER)
LUCY: ls there a red one?
It's usually the red one!
Gru, anytime now!
(GASPS)
Listen, Lucy, we may not
get out of this alive,
so I need to
ask you a question.
Uh, better make it quick.
If I had asked you out on a
date, what would you have said?
Are you kidding me?
Yes!
(GASPS)
Jump!
(SHRIEKS)
(BOTH YELL)
(GASPS)
Lucy!
Lucy, where are you?
(GASPS)
Oh, Lucy!
Gru!
(BOTH GASPING)
Sorry! I guess you need your
arms to tread water, huh?
(CHANTING IN MINIONESE)
They'll be back.
(SINGING I SVVEAR
IN MINIONESE)
Underwear...
ALL: Underwear...
Underwear...
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Oh!
(MINIONS CHEERING)
Can I be
the first to say, "Ew!"
Underwear...
Okay.
Excuse me.
Um, hi, excuse me.
Uh, (CLEARS THROAT)
hi, everybody.
I'd like to make some toast.
Uh...
Okay.
She, um...
She kisses my boo-boos,
she braids my hair.
We love you,
mothers, everywhere.
And my new morn,
Lucy, is beyond compare.
MINIONS: Aww.
Aw.
To the bride and Gru!
(SINGING Y.M.C.A.
IN MINIONESE)
Yeah!
LUCY: Woo-hoo!
I'm so happy!
Huh? Ha!
(COUNTING IN MINIONESE)
Bah!
Hey, Bob! Stuart!
(CHUCKLING) Eh!
No?
Ah!
Bob!
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
Uh-Oh!
(CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)
Okay.
(COUNTING IN MINIONESE)
(EXCLAIMING FRANTICALLY)
(GRUNTS) Okay.
(KAZOOING RHYTHMICALLY)
(CHUCKLES)
Aah!
(CHATTERING ANGRILY
IN MINION ESE)
(KAZOOING)
(EXCLAIMING IN ALARM)
(EXPLODES)
(OFF-KEY TRUMPETING)
(KAZOOING RHYTHMICALLY)
(EXCLAIMING IN ALARM)
(CHUCKLES)
(BICKERING IN MINIONESE)
Shh!
(GRUNTS)
(YELLS)
(YELLS)
Blah. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
(YELLING)