[Gunshots, Men Whooping]
Ya-hoo-hoo!
Ya-hoo-hoo!
[Gunshot]
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Well, if I don't bet 'em,
ya may not think I got 'em,
so I'm bettin'.
That's good.
[Laughing] A deuce
in the hole in this game
is good as an ace.
Thought you
was tough, Kent.
[Laughing]
Too good for me, Claggett.
Deal me out a hand.
I never knew money
was so easy to get.
[Laughing]
[Music Playing,
Indistinct Chatter]
It was LittleJoe
the wrangler
He will wrangle never more
For his days with the roundup
they are o'er
They are o'er
'Twas a year ago last April
when he rode up to our camp
Just a little Texas stray
and nothing more
And nothing more
[Woman]
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
Oh, whatever become ofhim,
I don't know
She don't know
Oh, he sure did like his liquor
and it would have got his ticker
But the sheriff got
him quicker, yee-yahoo
Yee-yahoo
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
Oh, wherever his body
lies I don't know
She don't know
When the yellow moon
was beamin' he could
wrangle like a demon
And you'd always hear
him screamin' yee-yahoo
Yee-yahoo
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
Oh, whatever he's
doing now I don't know
She don't know
He had women by the dozens
and he swore
they was his cousins
'Til he met up with
their husband, yee-yahoo
Yee-hoo
Yee-yahoo!
[Laughter]
Aah!
Oh, LittleJoe
LittleJoe
Whatever happened to him
I don't know
But I sure do like
my liquor
But I can see
ya got it quicker
And I hope it makes
you sick, you buffalo
How's everybody doing?
Not bad. Not bad.
I could use a little touch
of that rabbit's foot of yours.
I say you could.
He'll need more
than a rabbit's foot
to catch up with me.
I'll more than likely
own this whole shebang
before the night's over.
Then you'll be workin'
for me, Frenchy.
That's fine. Maybe I can
get a little raise.
You betcha can.
You betcha can.
Anybody like a sandwich?
No, but I'll have
some coffee.
Me too.
Yeah, I'll take some.
None for me, thanks.
Bet 50.
[Foot Kicking]
Oh. I'll stay.
Let's keep
the small fry out.
I'll make it 100.
I fold.
Ace-ten bets.
Ace oughta be worth
about, uh, 500.
Not me.
I'll stay.
I drop.
Pair of eights bets.
Bet 1,000.
Pair of eights, huh?
Well, I got an eight myself,
so I don't think you
got three of'em.
But just to find out,
I'll bump ya 2,000.
Eh, Frenchy?
All or nothin',
I always say.
Me too.
[Laughing]
I'll call.
[Dealer]
Last card coming up.
- Pair of aces bets.
- Pair of aces.
I guess that
oughta fold ya up.
Wait a minute.
Make your bet.
Ya mean ya ain't droppin'?
I'm still in.
And I still don't think
ya got three eights,
so pop goes the weasel.
[Chuckling]
Think that's enough?
Don't you?
You're bettin'.
Well, dern my hide.
I got a 3,000-acre ranch...
and 1,500 head of cattle
worth at least $ 10,000...
that says you don't want
any part of it.
Ohh!
Golly, that's hot!
[Kent]
Can't ya be more
careful, Frenchy?
My heel caught on something.
Let me wipe you off.
Oh, that's
all right, Frenchy.
Accidents'll happen.
I'm sorry.
That's all right.
Forget it. Forget it.
Let's play poker.
Callin' my bet or ain't ya?
I'll call.
Three shining aces.
Where?
I had an ace in the hole.
How'd that deuce get there?
Maybe you only seen
one end of it.
I saw what I saw.
Well, I guess that makes
my two pair good.
You take your hands
off that pot.
Behave yourself.
You keep outta this.
You were bluffing,
and you were called.
You're all a bunch
of crooks, but ya
ain't cheatin' me.
Take it easy, partner.
I'll show ya
how I'll take it.
Quiet! Quiet!
Quiet!
Boys.
Nice work, honey.
Practice makes perfect.
Well, that does it.
This gives us a solid strip
of land right across the valley.
And what do we do now?
Nothin' 'til them cattle men
try to drive their herds
through without payin'.
How many steers
will come through?
Last year, there were 350,000.
Now, if we charge 'em
That makes...
$87,500.
Now that's money.
We're rich.
I'll get my gal's teeth
plugged with diamonds...
and just sit
and watch her smile.
Uh-uh.
I'll take care of that.
I'd rather have cash
in the bank.
And stay outta here!
[Cocking Hammer]
Just a minute, Claggett.
Where you going
with that rifle?
You let me alone, Keogh.
I'm gonna kill that
dirty cheat if it's
the last thing I do.
Now take it easy.
You ain't gonna kill nobody.
What's this all about?
That low-down skunk
sucked me into bettin'
my ranch and cattle,
and then switched cards
on me.
So Kent got you too, did he?
He thinks he did.
Gimme that gun!
Now, you go on home.
I'll see that they
don't get your ranch.
There's only one way
to stop Kent.
I'll take care of that too.
I been waitin' a long time
to catch up with that tin horn.
Now go on home. Go on.
Go on before you get
yourself killed.
Sheriff, Sheriff, Sheriff.
What's up? What's up?
Not a thing, Wash.
Oh, ya can't fool me.
I can see by the look
in yer eye and the way
you're a-walkin'.
You know, when Tom Destry
walked like that, he was
stalking his prey.
Now, if there's anything
I can do to help ya,
I'll do it.
No, thanks, Wash.
I got no need for you
and your banjo right now.
When I was Destry's deputy,
I was good with guns. I was
equal to any emergency.
I know. I know.
Some other time.
[Everyone Laughing]
Aw, laugh!
Laugh, you coyotes!
Lookin' for somebody,
Sheriff?
Yes, I aim
to find out from Kent...
why he's turnin'
that poker game into
a land-grab business.
Oh.
Now you'll do a lot better
for yourself if you come
over and buy me a drink.
I know what's good for me.
I'm sure ya do.
Frenchy,
they don't believe me.
They don't know what
a big man I was.
I was Tom Destry's deputy,
wasn't I?
Sure, sure, sure.
There, you see?
Go and buy yourself
something to drink.
[Chuckling] Oh!
How'd everything go up there?
I still serve the best
coffee in Bottleneck.
What'd Keogh have
on his mind?
Oh, he was just getting
a little curious about
that real estate business.
I think I'll have
to buy myself an option
on his curiosity.
[Gunshots]
I think you'll
have to buy yourself
a whole new sheriff.
If you can find one.
What are ya doing?
I didn't do it.
I didn't do it.
What's the matter with you?
Oh, Miss Frenchy, I was
just tryin' to shut out...
the boomin' and the bangin'
of them there pop guns.
What do you expect
in a town like this?
I expect I's gonna remain...
a mass
of quiverin' flesh.
[Thudding]
What's comin' up,
a new gold rush?
We never got anything
like that in New Orleans.
Maybe so, maybe so,
but it was a heap
more peaceful.
I'd like to sink my
chattering teeth in some
good ol' Louisiana oysters.
Here, sink your teeth Into this.
Maybe that will stop the chattering.
Oh, it will help.
Thanks.
[Knock At Door]
- Come in.
- They're waitin'
for ya, Frenchy.
The longer they wait,
the better they like it.
[Applause, Cheering]
All I do
is dine with 'em
And split a pint
of wine with 'em
Respectable as can be
Yet here's what
they say to me
You've got that look
That look that
leaves me weak
You with your eyes
across the table technique
You've got that look
That look between the lines
You with your let's get
more than friendly designs
I should be brave and say
Let's have no more of it
But oh, what's the use
when you know
I love it
You'll only kill my will
Before I speak
So turn on
that low left hook
That look that
leaves me weak
You've got that look
That look that
leaves me weak
You with your eyes
across the table technique
You've got that look
That look
between the lines
You with your let's get
more than friendly designs
I should be brave and say
Let's have no more of it
But oh, what's the use
when you know
I love it
Whoopee!
You'll only kill my will
before I speak
So turn on that low left hook
That look that leaves me weak
[Cheering, Gunshots]
[Cheering Continues]
Quiet! Shut up!
Folks, an important
announcement by our mayor,
the honorable Hiram J. Slade.
Fellow citizens,
our esteemed sheriff,
Mr. Joseph Keogh,
has been suddenly
called out of town
on urgent business.
He'll be gone permanent.
[Man] Yippee!
So it becomes necessary for
me to appoint somebody...
to fill out
the unexpired term.
Therefore, with the power
conferred on me...
by statute number 85-E,
and other statutes
thereunto appertainin',
I do hereby appoint
to the post of sheriff...
that paragon of courage,
that credit
to his community,
the pride of Bottleneck,
Mr. Washington Dimsdale.
[Laughter]
Oh, LittleJoe,
LittleJoe
[Man]
Hooray for the new sheriff!
[Cheering]
Hooray!
What are we cheerin' for?
It's for you, Wash.
You're the new sheriff.
Hooray... What?
That's right, Sheriff.
Congratulations.
As mayor of Bottleneck,
I here and now pronounce
you sheriff.
[Cheering]
Drinks on the house,
everybody.
I set 'em up
and you drink 'em down.
I set 'em up
and you drink 'em down.
I set 'em up
and you drink 'em down.
This is getting
monotonous!
Quiet, everybody!
To our new sheriff,
Washington Dimsdale.
A long life.
[Cheering]
A long life.
That's pretty good.
Wash, aren't you
drinking to yourself?
Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.
Frenchy, am I really
the sheriff?
Well, sure, you are.
Then I am off the liquor.
A man has gotta choose
between the bottle
and the badge.
[Laughter, Cheering]
Why, he didn't say that...
or did he?
Laugh, you fools!
I'm tellin' ya this town
of Bottleneck has gotta
respect law and order,
or I'll put
everybody in jail.
[Laughing]
The Sheriff's right.
Now you can see why I chose
such a strong-minded man.
[Laughter]
We're all with ya, Sheriff.
If you need any help,
I'll be your deputy.
No need to bother.
I want a deputy like I was
when Destry was my boss.
Why, we handled a much
tougher and ornery a crowd
than I see present.
Why, when we started shootin',
they ran outta town so fast,
the breeze from their coattails
set off a sizeable windmill.
[Laughter]
But Destry is dead.
That makes him
the right man for the job.
Saves us
a lot of trouble.
Is that so?
Well, young Tom ain't dead,
and his father brought him up...
to be the toughest
and fightinest man that
ever growed up in the west.
He ain't got as big
a name as his pa,
but he cleaned up Tombstone.
And I'm sendin' for him
to be my deputy.
And when he gets here...
Destry will ride again.
[Laughter]
Hey, driver, how many times
do I have to tell you...
to take it easy
on those bumps?
I got a schedule to keep.
Pull in your neck.
I'll pull a neck in,
but it won't be mine.
[Laughing]
You just wait 'til
we get to a stop.
[Woman] Oh, Jack,
leave the driver alone.
Trip's almost over.
I don't mind the bumps.
I do. If he
don't take it easy,
I'll blow his head off.
Please don't mind
my brother, Mr. Destry.
He's always threatening
to blow people's heads off
I had a friend once.
His name was Stubbs.
He was always goin' around
threatenin' to blow
people's heads off.
One day, a fella came along
and took him up on it.
Well?
Well, folks say that
now Stubbs' forehead...
is holdin' up
the prettiest tombstone
in Green Lawn Cemetery.
Very funny.
I been handlin' cattle
around these parts
for quite a spell...
and met some
of the toughest
hombres they got,
and I'm still here.
This ain't no ornament.
Pretty good with it.
So was Stubbs.
Meaning just
exactly what?
Well, I just mean
you gotta be careful
who you meet up with.
You know, you got some
pretty peculiar ideas
for a deputy sheriff.
- But they make sense.
- Oh, so I'm supposed
to ride...
in this confounded
contraption gettin'
bumped around like this...
and grin like a baboon.
Well, maybe you should take up
a hobby, like me.
You'd be surprised
the genuine rage
you can work off...
just by carving
a little piece of wood.
Are you sure
your name is Destry?
Folks is always
askin' me that.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
LittleJoe
LittleJoe
Whatever happened to him,
I don't know
Hey, boss, stage is a-comin'!
How far away?
On the upper ridge.
Oh, doggone it, doggone it.
Come here.
Gimme a hand.
Is Destry really comin'?
You're darn tootin' he is,
and when he gets here,
there will be a lot
of folks a-goin'.
Come on. Put that
chair in place.
Here. There's
a nickel for ya.
Jiminy, Wash.
You look like a real sheriff.
[Laughs] I ain't
got time to argue.
[Humming]
Lily Belle? Lily Belle?
What you want?
Coach is comin'.
Destry will be here any minute.
I ain't half finished his room yet.
Where's Callahan?
- Maybe he's in the saloon.
- Maybe? More than likely.
When you see that no-good
Russian lummox, tell him
to get over here.
I'll tell him.
I'll tell him.
Callahan!
Callahan!
How much have
you got left?
I tap you, Callahan.
Please, Frenchy.
I am not Callahan.
Callahan was my wife's
first husband, and he's dead.
I am Boris Alexanderovich
Stavrogin, and I like to be
called by my name.
All right, Callahan,
what do you do?
Deal.
King. Ace.
Can you beat it?
Is my credit good?
No, no, not this time.
Oh, please, Frenchy.
Still want to bet, huh?
Uh-huh.
All right.
Thirty bucks
against your pants.
My pants? Oh, no.
Thirty bucks, huh?
Mm-hmm.
My pants. Thirty bucks.
Yee-ha-ha!
Here he comes, folks!
Stagecoach comin'
around the bend!
Get ready, everybody!
Come on! Destry will be
here any minute. Kent,
you better prepare yourself.
You're gonna meet a man.
Callahan! Callahan!
Scoot on home.
Lily Belle's lookin' for you.
I'll be right back,
Frenchy.
Oh, I won't be here then.
Then we can call it all off.
No, no, no. You make up
your mind right now.
Oh. Oh, what to do,
what to do.
If I leave, I probably
could have won the pot
and if I stay, I might lose it,
and if I don't go
and help with the baggage,
my wife will skin me alive.
Oh, your wife will
skin you alive anyway.
Come on. Maybe
you've got me beat.
Aha! I've been waiting
for you to tell me
I've got you beat...
so I would think I have not got
you beat, but I personally know
I have got you beat...
with my two kings
against your lonely ace.
Haven't I, Frenchy?
Thirty bucks
against your pants.
Oh, what to do, what to do.
[Speaking Russian]
[Cheering, Gunshots]
Come here, you.
[Laughing Loudly]
That's just a small sample
of what you buzzards are
gonna get from now on.
Welcome to Bottleneck, Tom.
I'm Wash.
Well, friend, I think...
It's a pleasure, Mr. Destry.
You folks have made a
mistake. I'm Jack Tyndall.
You ain't Destry?
Oh, that's me.
You're Destry?
Folks is always askin' me...
Well, Wash, hello.
Haven't changed a bit.
I'll be with ya soon
as I help the lady here.
[Laughter]
Canary bird!
Parasol.
[Laughing]
Put down that
dern bird, will ya?
Well, my mistake was certainly
a pardonable one. How do
you do, Mrs. Destry?
Oh, wrong again.
Yes, I'm Janet Tyndall.
Oh, well, you'll be
needin' rooms anyway.
I'll show ya across.
Oh, come on, Mr. Destry.
You'll be wantin' a nice,
strong cup of tea.
Tea?
[Laughing]
Tea for Destry? Are you
crazy? What he wants
is some strong liquor.
Come on to the saloon.
You want
a cup of tea?
[Laughing]
Oh, come on, Callahan.
I can't wait here all day.
Frenchy,
have I got you beat?
Why don't you
call me and find out?
I'll call.
I'll bet my pants.
Two aces.
I was right. Why didn't
I listen to myself?
Hand over those pants.
But, Frenchy, I can't.
It's undignified.
Think of my position.
I've met every king in Europe.
Now you've met two aces
in Bottleneck.
Off with those pants.
No, Frenchy,
you really don't mean it.
Get him, boys, get him.
Ohh!
Everybody's laughin' at ya.
Tom, you made an impression
in this town that's gotta
be eradicated right now.
Well, Wash, don't you think
them first impressions...
are darn fool things
to jump at, though?
Around here, you gotta jump
first or you don't live long.
Where's the saloon?
Down here. Come on.
What you were
just sayin' reminds me
of a friend of mine.
He woke up
in the middle of the night
and thought he saw...
a great big white hand
comin' up at him over
the edge of the bed.
So he got his gun out
from under his pillow
and he aimed,
and he shot a great big hole
right through his own foot.
No.
Yeah. Now he shouldn't
have gone...
by that first impression,
should he? Huh?
[Laughing]
Well, it was a darn fool...
Aw, come on.
Oh, that was
just Callahan,
Lily Belle's husband.
Come along in here.
Meet the folks.
Well, folks, here he is.
I want ya all
to meet my new deputy,
Thomas Jefferson Destry.
Howdy, folks.
Welcome to Bottleneck,
Destry.
My name's Kent.
Howdy.
And this is Slade,
our mayor.
How are you, sir?
Oh, Frenchy! Frenchy!
Oh, here's the gal
you gotta meet.
[Laughing]
This is Frenchy.
Howdy, ma'am.
[Together]
How's the weather up there?
Yeah, yeah. Ah, come on.
You can do better than that.
[Wash]
You know, Frenchy is
the real boss of Bottleneck.
Oh, well, always like
to know who's boss.
You'll find out.
Come on, everybody.
Have a drink
on Callahan's pants.
[Cheering]
Mr. Destry,
before we start drinking,
I think you and me ought
to come to an understanding.
Well, I'm all for folks
understanding each other.
That's a mighty
fine idea, Mr. Kent.
I'm glad you agree with me.
So I'll start by telling you
that I have a...
very peculiar hobby.
Uh-huh. So have I.
Mine's, uh, carving napkin
rings. What's yours?
Mine's collecting
deputy sheriff's guns.
Whenever I meet a new deputy,
I always ask him for his gun.
And I ask him real nice.
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Kent.
I'm afraid this here is
one gun your collection's
gonna be minus.
You mean I'm gonna
have to take it?
If you can.
Now hold on, hold on.
Don't get excited here.
I was just tryin' to tell ya
that I ain't got any guns.
See, if I woulda
had a gun there,
why, one of us
might have got hurt,
and it might have been me.
I wouldn't like that.
Would I?
[Laughing]
Tweet-tweet!
I'm a canary.
Where's my cage?
It's gettin' sunny.
Where's my parasol?
Folks, seems like
we got a deputy that
knows what's good for him.
[Laughing]
If he don't carry a gun,
he can't get into any trouble.
[Laughter]
And if anybody picks on you,
you come to Uncle.
I'll remember that,
Mr. Kent.
[Laughing]
What'll you have, Destry?
Milk?
Yeah, I think I will.
[Laughter]
I can see now how you
cleaned up Tombstone.
You can start right here.
And don't forget
the corners.
Hey, you!
Gimme those pants.
And from now on,
you leave my husband alone.
I don't want your
husband, Mrs. Callahan.
All I want is his money.
And his pants.
And how'd you get 'em?
By makin' eyes at him
while you cheat, you...
you gilded lily, you.
But Mrs. Callahan,
you know that he would
rather be cheated by me...
than married to you.
- What'd you say?
- You heard me.
That's what
I thought ya said.
[Indistinct Yelling]
Come on, Frenchy!
Cowboy!
Ride 'em, cowboy!
Come on, Frenchy!
[Speaking Chinese]
Hang on and
get her scalp, Frenchy!
[Speaking Chinese]
Frenchy!
Ride 'em, cowboy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
[Laughter]
Scratch him!
Scratch him!
Come on, Frenchy!
That thing will go off!
Look, will ya wait?
Go, Frenchy!
Wait. Will ya just...
Come on, Frenchy!
Hey, Uncle!
Ride 'em, cowboy!
Get him, Frenchy!
Ride 'em, cowboy!
[Indistinct Yelling]
Come on, Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Hey, can't we talk
this over?
Come on, Frenchy!
Uh-oh.
[Clang]
Used to play one of them.
Aw, now...
Now wait a minute, lady.
Don't you call me a lady!
Oh... Oh, now, now.
Oh, now, you wouldn't...
Come on, Frenchy!
Oh, you must be
plum tuckered out.
My mistake.
Get out before I kill ya.
You mean you
haven't been tryin'?
Get out!
All right, all right,
I'm leavin'.
You sure have a knack
of makin' a stranger
feel right at home, ma'am.
Nice knowin' ya.
Who's buyin' me a drink?
[Cheering]
Gotta gal, gotta gal
with a Frenchy walk
Gotta gal, gotta gal
with a Frenchy talk
Goin' to France tonight
'cause you're my pal
Keep away
from the old corral
[Cheering]
Who's boss
of Bottleneck?
[All Cheering]
Frenchy!
I never thought
I'd live to see the day...
that Tom Destry's son
would be the laughingstock
of the whole town.
Look that bad?
You won't be able
to stick your nose out of a door
without everybody hootin' at ya.
Well, them that wants
to hoot, let 'em hoot.
You won't be hearin' it.
I told Mrs. Callahan
you won't be needin' this room.
You're leaving
on the next coach.
I sort of like
it here, Wash.
How you gonna face anybody
after what you took
from Kent and Frenchy?
What did you expect
me to do?
I expected you to be like
your pa; come in a-blastin'
behind shootin' irons.
And what happened?
You didn't have any. Why?
- I don't believe in 'em.
- Huh? You did the last
time I heard about ya.
What in thunder's
come over ya since then?
Well, Wash...
My pa had these on
that day down in Tombstone,
but he got shot in the back.
Didn't seem to do him
much good, did they?
That's one reason
I don't believe in 'em.
What in tarnation
do ya believe in?
- Law and order.
- Without guns?
Without 'em.
Well, if that
don't beat all let go.
Oh, Tom.
The reason they
made me sheriff here is
because I was the town drunk.
They wanted someone they could
kick around, someone who
wouldn't ask questions.
But I was aimin' to fool 'em,
do things right,
send in for you.
And now... you fooled me.
Well, you will fool 'em,
Wash.
We'll fool 'em together.
The only way to do that
is fill 'em full of lead.
No, no.
What for?
You shoot it out with 'em
and for some reason or
other, I don't know why,
they get to look
like heroes.
But you put 'em behind
bars and they'll look
little and cheap,
the way they oughta look.
And it serves
as a warnin' for the rest
of'em to keep away.
Oh, that won't work
here in Bottleneck.
You go on home,
and I'll go back
to bein' the town drunk.
That's all I'm good for.
Now, you're not goin' back
to bein' the town drunk,
and I'm gonna stay here and
do this job I come for.
My pa did it the old way,
and I'm gonna do it
a new way.
And if I don't prove
to you that I'm right,
I'll get outta town
quick enough. Don't worry.
But first, you got
to give me a chance, Wash.
No.
You've got to give me
a chance on this thing.
No, no.
Now, come on. Come on,
swear me in, Sheriff.
Well, raise your right hand.
Yeah, there.
Do you,
Thomas Jefferson Destry,
swear to uphold the law,
and serve your office and do
your duty and everything
that goes with it?
I do. I do.
Here's your badge.
Don't let anybody see it.
Without guns.
[Gunshots]
[Cattle Mooing]
[Gunshots Continue]
Eli.
Eli, hurry.
See if you can sneak
out the back way and bring
help as fast as you can.
Be careful now, careful.
All right, Ma.
Sister, get over there,
close to the wall.
You better give up, Claggett!
We're gonna get the ranch
sooner or later!
[Gunshots]
Come and get it!
[Gunshots Continue]
Nice hardware store,
ain't it, Tom?
Yeah.
We got some fine-looking
bowie knives in there too.
Yeah.
You wouldn't be interested
in one of them, would ya?
Nope.
No, I was afraid
you wouldn't.
Oh, Tom, look here.
Look at this post.
Soaked through and through
with the blood
of Sawtooth McGee.
Yeah, he objected to a petticoat
his neighbor's wife was wearing,
and they fit to a draw.
Both buried in the same grave.
Sawtooth and the petticoat.
No, Sawtooth and the neighbor
and four innocent bystanders.
Now, you gotta listen
to reason or get outta town.
Aw, I think
I'll stick around.
You know, I had a friend
once used to collect
postage stamps.
He always said
the one good thing
about a postage stamp...
It always sticks to one
thing 'til it gets
there. I'm like that.
Hey, Wash, wait.
Here. I got
somethin' for ya.
I ain't expectin' nothin'.
Folks think I'm gonna nurse
their livestock, they're crazy.
What is it?
Appears to be rabbits.
Pretty big family there.
Who sent for them?
Sheriff Keogh. I got
to get 'em off my hands.
When that crate come,
there was only two.
Now count 'em.
Well, rabbits
is like that.
You can have 'em.
Say, uh, where did
Sheriff Keogh go?
I don't know nothin'.
[Gunshots]
Hold on there.
Hold on now.
You fellas gettin'
kind of playful, ain't ya?
What about it?
Careful, Creepy.
That's No Gun Destry.
Oh. [Laughing]
Well, that's
pretty good shootin'.
Must be good guns.
You care if I heft 'em?
Guess you can't
hurt yourself any
just liftin' 'em,
but be careful.
They're loaded.
Nice weight.
Yeah.
Now aside from being
nice ornaments,
a fella can have a whole
lot of harmless amusement
outta these here toys.
Yeah, take for instance
them knobs on top
of that sign.
They're all right.
All right.
Now the next time you fellas
start any of this here...
promiscuous shootin' around
the streets, you're gonna
land in jail, understand?
Sure.
Sure.
All right.
We was just havin'
a little fun, Deputy.
All right.
Come on, Wash.
I can't believe my eyes.
I ain't seen shootin'
like that since Bat Masterson
killed that Paiute chief.
gotta do somethin' here.
And you been walkin'
around here actually
condemning the use of firearms.
- Where'd you say
Sheriff Keogh went?
- I didn't say.
He certainly left his
papers in a mess.
'Taint 'cause you're a coward,
'cause I know ya ain't.
Private papers, too.
Now listen, my son.
I'm an older man than you are.
I was an old
friend of your pa's.
When we was together...
He forgets his rabbits.
He forgets all these papers.
Rabbits is easy to forget.
Yeah, but gold ain't.
Ohh!
I don't care what
you find out, blast it!
I ain't seen
nothin' like you since
the last time I was drunk,
and them green snakes
and pink buffalos,
I can account for them,
but you... You've got
to listen to me.
All right, Wash,
now what's on your mind?
As though I ain't
been tryin' to tell ya.
You've got to behave like
I expect ya to behave.
Where's the sheriff?
He's outta town.
And when l...
Wait a minute. That's me.
Some men come
to take our ranch,
and they're shootin'
at Ma and Pa.
You hear that?
Shootin' goin' on in
this town all the time.
Come on, hurry!
What do ya want me for?
Oh, sure, sure.
Sure.
Let's see
your gun, son.
Doggone near as big
as you are, isn't it?
You're Thomas Jefferson Destry,
ain't ya?
That's right.
I'm Eli Whitney Claggett.
Well, glad to know ya.
Howdy. Gosh,
I've heard about you
and your pa all my life.
Whenever we play
sheriffs and injuns,
I'm always your pa.
Couldn't do better, son.
Gosh, I bet you've
killed a lot of men
in the course of duty.
Get goin', son.
I'll be right with ya.
How 'bout me handling it?
Gosh, yeah,
you can use it.
All right.
You see, Tom.
Even that little kid...
Reminds me of a kid
I used to know.
He done in both his
ma and pa with a crowbar.
No.
Yes, he did.
Now the judge said to him,
"Do ya got anything to say
for yourself?"
And the kid said,
"Well, I just hope that
Your Honor has some regard...
for the feelin's
of a poor orphan.' '
[Chuckling]
You know, that reminds...
Oh, why don't you go
back to Omaha?
I'm goin' along with you.
What in tarnation for?
See you don't get hurt.
See l...
[Grunting]
See I don't get...
[Wash]
Stop that shootin'!
Hold your fire, Lem.
Here's Eli back with the law.
Say, what do you
think you're doin'?
I told you we
were gonna have respect
for law and order,
and I ain't makin'
no exceptions.
That's fine, Sheriff.
Get those people
outta my house.
Your house?
That's Claggett's property,
and he ain't gonna sell
to nobody.
Maybe you better
take a look...
I ain't interested.
You mosey on outta here
before I start blastin'!
And I mean
every word of it.
Ouch!
There was a big bee
about that big right
on the back of your neck.
I got him, though.
Thanks.
Now look here...
Hold on, hold on.
Just a minute.
Mr. Kent, could I
see that paper?
You wait here while
I talk to Claggett.
What do you want
to see Claggett for?
Him's the man I want to put
off this... Who's the sheriff
around here?
I tell ya.
You ain't gonna do
this to us, mister.
We ain't givin' up
what we worked
ten years to get.
Ma'am, I'd sooner
hang that crowd out there
to the nearest tree...
than let 'em have
this ranch, but that paper
your husband signed...
gives 'em a legal right
to it. Don't it, Wash?
Sure, it does.
The way we're operatin' now.
But I told you what
that woman did to me.
The game was as crooked
as a hog's tail.
I don't doubt that,
but it's your word
against theirs.
That don't hold up
in court.
Why, they'd swear themselves
blue in the face agin' ya.
Afraid you folks are
over a barrel.
Fine goin's on,
when the law
takes the side of cheats.
Yeah.
Well, I'm sorry, ma'am,
but that's about all we can do
for you right now.
You folks stick around town.
We'll get this ranch
back for ya.
Yeah. That's just what
Keogh said,
but we're still a-losin'it.
- Keogh?
- Uh, he couldn't do
nothin' about it.
Everybody knows that
he left town sudden.
Yeah, I'll bet he did.
I'll bet he did.
There. Here's
a present for ya.
Wash, you, uh,
stay around here...
and see that these folks
get their stuff together.
What are you aimin' to do?
Get better acquainted
with the enemy.
Just don't stick your nose
into a keg of dynamite.
'Tain't dynamite.
It's poker and coffee...
that's preyin'
on my mind right now.
[Door Slams]
Ohh.
Well, what about it?
No trouble at all, Kent.
The place is yours.
They're packin' up now.
Well, thanks, Destry.
I can see you and me
are gonna get along fine.
Well, we gotta enforce
the law, don't we?
[Laughing]
We sure do. We sure do.
No two ways about it,
huh?
[Laughing]
And I thought he was dumb.
[Cows Mooing]
Hyah! Hyah!
There's a hole
in the bottom of the sea
There's a hole
in the bottom of the...
[Knock At Door]
Sea
There's a hole
there's a hole
There's a hole
there's a hole
There's a hole in the...
Well, shoot me for a duck.
If it ain't the water man!
Nothin' like havin'
a reputation.
Would ya tell Miss Frenchy
I'd appreciate seeing her...
on some official business?
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
You wait right there.
Miss Frenchy,
the water man's here...
on fishy business.
What are you
talking about?
Oh.
Now hold on, ma'am.
Don't start throwin'
anything.
I just come over here
to apologize.
Apologize for what?
For not knowin'
who's the real boss
of Bottleneck.
My coffee, Clara.
Don't let me interfere
with your dinner, ma'am.
It's breakfast.
Breakfast, huh?
Kinda late in the day
for breakfast, isn't it?
Mind if I, uh,
sorta sit down
and visit for a while?
Suit yourself.
Thank you.
Does he get some?
I don't mind if I do
join you in a cup.
That's what I was hopin' for...
a chance to get neighborly.
So you found out what's
good for yourself, huh?
I came here to do a certain job,
and I figured I'd better
start usin' a little
horse sense, you know?
'Course I coulda come
bargin' in here with
all sorts of remarks,
like, uh... couple of rumors
I just heard about you.
That you not only sing
down at that saloon,
but you also take part
in crooked poker games,
cheatin' folks
out of their ranches.
- Who said that?
- Oh, it's just a rumor,
of course, you know.
It ain't true.
Anybody with half
an eye could see...
that you wouldn't be party
to any action like that.
I'll take that.
I wouldn't want to have
this coffee spilt in my lap.
Just what are
you getting at?
Well, when you have hot coffee
spilt in your lap, you sorta...
get up quick
and turn your back and...
never know what's
gonna happen, do ya?
Now you get out!
Get out! Clara!
All right. All right.
I'm comin'!
Hold your fire.
Hold your fire. I'm goin'.
I've seen hundreds like you,
from Jacksonville
to Sacramento.
You all think easy pickin's
will last forever.
Mind your own business.
You're heading for trouble.
Trouble is my business.
You'll have plenty from me.
I do as I like, understand?
Anyone who gets in my way
is taken care of.
Like Keogh.
Yes, just like that.
That's what I thought.
What are you
going to do?
Don't get scared.
I'm not scared of anything.
You get out of town...
before it's too late for you.
I don't think you're half
as bad as you make out to be.
Never mind what I am.
No.
Now, I bet you got
kind of a lovely face
under all that paint there.
Why don't you
wipe it off someday
and have a good look.
Figure out how
you can live up to it.
[Clara] That's the
peculiarest-actin'man...
I ever did see.
But he's got personality.
Mmm. He sure has.
[Indistinct Chatter]
What's that thing?
It's one of the new
chamois skins.
Takes the shine
off your nose.
Land sakes!
What'll they...
Look, girls.
Look at that.
Chamois skins.
Takes the shine off
your nose, she says.
Look! Isn't that lovely?
You should've seen
the parasol that
came with it.
About the size of a pie.
Ohh! It must've
been darling.
Make the most of it today.
Everybody in town'll
copy it tomorrow.
Including your wildcat friend
across the street.
I'd like to make
a dress for her:
Half tar, half feathers.
You came out on the coach
with Mr. Destry.
What's your opinion of him?
I know a little about him.
Apparently very nice.
Certainly different from
the rest of the men you meet
out in this country.
I'll say he's different.
'Course I may be
a little prejudiced.
After all, it's kinda hard
to judge character...
through eight gallons
of water.
[Knocking]
Mrs. Callahan,
may I speak to you
just a moment, please?
Certainly, Mr. Loupgerou.
Come right in.
That is a little bit
impossible.
Would you please
come over here?
Uh, excuse me, girls.
Certainly.
What's the matter?
Prunes every day
for breakfast I don't mind.
Torn sheets
I've got used to.
But pants, I cannot swallow.
What are you
talkin' about?
Pants.
Mine are gone.
Oh.
Oh!
[Embarrassed Chuckling]
Don't go away!
Boris.
Ouch!
Take off them pants.
Ohh.
Listen here,
my little sugar plum,
y'all can't do this to me.
I'll "y'all" you,
you misfit cossack you.
Take off them pants.
Now listen, Lily Bellchka,
I can't keep goin' around
without pants.
You ain't goin' around.
Take off them pants.
Oh, how can I learn
to be a cowboy...
if you won't let me
go out and gamble?
Afine gambler you are.
You oughta be
ashamed of yourself,
losin' your pants.
Callahan...
may he rest in peace...
[Speaking Russian]
What? Well, he may
have had his faults,
but at least
when he gambled, he won.
I'm sick of Callahan!
I'm sick of hearing his name!
Worse, I'm sick of wearing
his name!
All I want to do
is to be a cowboy
and wear my own pants.
Well, you won't get 'em.
Just sit there and gaze
on them features.
Let 'em be a lesson
and a guidin' star to ya.
[Door Slams]
Ai yi yi.
[Speaking Russian]
Here's your pants.
Please watch them
a little closer after this.
You watch your husband.
I'll watch my pants.
[Woman]
Mrs. Callahan!
Whoa! Ohh!
Mrs. Callahan! Aah!
[Gasp]
Oh, my land,
Mrs. Drewitt. You look
like you'd seen a ghost.
Sophie and Lem Claggett
are outside.
That no-good Kent has
put 'em out of their home.
Oh!
[Indistinct Chatter]
[Sophie]
We'd have been all right
if we'd kept on shootin'...
instead of sendin' for him!
They had the law
on their side!
The law!
I got something
to say about that.
It's none
of your affair.
Kent's got ahold of
every ranch in the valley...
and he wants to charge two bits
for every head of cattle.
All you men do
is talk,
and when the time comes,
you do what Kent says.
Lily Belle, maybe Destry
knows what he's a-doin'.
It's time the decent people
of this town got rid
of them hoodlums.
Start in with that
watery-eyed sheriff...
and that gun-shy,
lady-fingered deputy ofhis.
I heard what you just said,
Tyndall.
What are you gonna do about it?
The first thing
we'd better do...
is ask Mrs. Callahan
if she'll take care
of the Claggetts.
Don't turn your back
on me, you.
Jack, please.
I ain't one of your
weak-livered citizens...
and I ain't gonna pay
Kent's fancy prices.
Now what do you aim to do?
Nothin' at present.
That's what I thought.
I'll get somethin' done,
if I have to take the law
in my own hands!
Nobody's gonna set themselves up
above the law around here,
ya understand?
I got somethin'
to say to you.
Maybe I could
illustrate it better
if I told you a story.
I used to have a friend
that was an opry singer,
but he went into
the cement business.
One day,
he fell into the cement.
And now he's the cornerstone
of the post office
in St. Louis, Missouri.
He shoulda stuck
to his own trade.
You'd better stick to yours.
That fella Tyndall
is gonna make trouble,
sure as I'm standin' here.
What are we gonna do?
What do you say
we get ready for supper?
How can you talk of eatin'
at a time like this?
'Cause I'm hungry.
'Cause you're hungry.
I suppose I'm supposed
to stand he... Ohh!
Uh...
Well.
Believe it or not,
I'm waiting for
a stagecoach.
Uh-huh.
What are my pants
doing on your legs?
These are the legs
of a Stavrogin
of Bardicheff.
Let your pants
remain on them
and earn their gratitude.
Refuse and take their curse.
I think I'll take
both the curse and the pants.
Oh.
Well, take 'em off.
You mean, right now?
Yeah, right now.
The whole world's
against me.
Uh, wait a minute.
Might make a deal with you.
How well do you know
this country around here?
Oh! Like a field mouse.
I know every inch,
every pebble.
There isn't a twig, bird
or a tree that...
I'll give you the pants
if you do a job for me.
Agreed! What can I lose?
Only the job! Command me!
I want you to find something
for me.
I'm a weasel,
I'm a hawk.
I've got the memory
of an elephant.
I don't
need the whole menagerie.
All I need is
one human bloodhound
who can keep his mouth shut.
I'll be your bloodhound,
sniffing and silent.
What's missing?
The body of Sheriff Keogh.
Take back your pants.
What do you want to find
the body of Keogh for?
We can't prove a murder's
been done if we can't
produce a corpus delicti.
Corpus delicti.
I thought you were
lookin' for Keogh.
Boris is gonna make
a very good second deputy.
Sure! I might as well have
two loony deputies as one!
A deputy!
Deputy Stavrogin!
Observe my brain
in action!
Where would I go
if I were a dead body?
Would I stay out
in the open?
No. No privacy.
Wouldn't go in the river
if you can't swim.
Oh.
Why didn't I stay
in the gutter where
I was well-off?
That's right!
Would I go under the ground?
No, there's no future in it!
Miss Frenchy, honey,
you know that blue dress?
Mm-hmm.
Well, you can't
wear it no more.
It's got beer on it.
All right, you can have it,
if it fits you.
It does.
[Door Opens]
Now, Mr. Kent, if you're
mad at me about your...
Shut up!
Did you have any callers
at the house today?
Men, women or children?
Start acting smart
and I'll slap you around.
Did ya or didn't ya?
Who, for instance?
Destry, for instance.
Why not?
When I ask a question,
I like a direct answer.
What was the conversation?
All of it?
All of it.
Well, let me see.
I said hello.
No, he said hello.
Then I said,
won't you sit down,
and then he said...
What did he come for?
Get to that part quick!
Because he's a gentleman.
That's a lie.
I could prove it
to anybody but you.
Are you actin' smart?
He came to apologize.
Is that all?
That's all he had time for.
He was in a hurry to go.
Just like you are... now.
If I ever catch you
stackin' 'em on me,
I'll personally
put the lights out,
then I won't know you from
anyone else in the game.
My, my,
hejust ain't got...
no personality at all,
is he?
Where you goin', Miss Frenchy?
I'm going outside and see
what fresh air smells like.
[Piano Plays]
Watch close and follow
any of that gang
that comes out.
I don't get you.
All right, we can't find
the missing body, can we?
The next best thing is to have
the missing body find us.
Oh.
Keep your eyes open.
Oh, when I was a deputy,
I could think.
Now I'm sheriff,
I'm all fuddled.
You're fuddled, I'm fuddled,
he's fuddled.
Let's go home! Please!
Take your hands off of me
and do as you're told.
He knows what he's doin'.
[Frenchy]
Got a match?
Hello there. Sure.
What, have you been
throwin' things again?
How did you know?
I read a book once that said
women always look their best...
in the peace and quiet that
follows a storm of violence.
That's pretty good.
Would've been much nicer
if you'd thought
of that yourself.
Well, as a matter of fact,
I did.
- Going in the saloon?
- Yeah.
Business or pleasure?
Business.
So you won't take
my advice, huh?
You mean leave town now?
I'm just beginning to like it.
Take my rabbit's foot.
Keep away from dark corners.
I see now
why you don't need guns...
and why I can't get
my cattle through.
Let me tell you somethin',
Destry.
Nobody's gonna rob me.
I'm takin' 'em through
in spite of you, Kent,
or anybody else.
Oh, I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
You know,
that's trespassin'.
You're cuttin' in on Kent
two or three different ways,
aren't ya?
Whoopee! Quiet.
You'll live.
Evenin' there, Slade.
Sorta hopin' to find you here.
I'd like to have
a little private talk with ya.
Sit down, son.
Now... you got me
surrounded here, huh?
What's on your mind?
Mayor, I don't think we're
gettin' the kind of cooperation
we should be gettin'.
No? Your move.
Oh.
Let's see, uh...
there.
No, I, uh...
I don't think
it's Wash and me.
'Course it might be.
Hmm.
But, uh...
Crown that.
Oh.
Seems every time
we ask a question,
folks either shut up...
or walk away
like they'd never heard us.
My guess is they just don't
cotton to their sheriffs.
Uh-huh.
Well, you're probably right.
Looks like I'm gonna
take one of your men.
Evidently Sheriff Keogh
wasn't very popular either.
Was he?
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
You oughta
jump me here.
Every time
I mention his name,
it's sorta like I was
talkin' about a ghost.
Crown that.
[Orchestra]
[Gunshot]
I don't wanna miss this.
I'll finish with you later.
[Clicking]
Everybody thirsty?
[Cowboys]
Yeah!
Bartender!
[Orchestra Begins]
See what the boys in
the back room will have
And tell them
I'm having the same
Go see what the boys in
the back room will have
And give them
the poison they name
And when I die
don't spend my money
On flowers and my picture
in a frame
Just see what the boys in
the back room will have
And tell them I sighed
And tell them I cried
And tell them I died
of the same
And when I die
don't buy a casket
Of silver with
the candles all aflame
Just see what the boys in
the back room will have
And tell them I sighed
And tell them I cried
[Laughing]
And tell them I died
of the same
And when I die
don't pay the preacher
For speaking of my glory
and my fame
Just see what the boys in
the back room will have
And tell them I sighed
And tell them I cried
[Laughing]
And tell them I died
of the same
Yeee-ahooo!
[Wild Applause]
The Mayor tells me
you've been asking around
about Keogh.
We figured
as long as we had
a sheriff's office,
we might as well
do something.
If I was you...
I'll be back
in just a minute.
Now, I liked that.
Good. Then you can buy
me a drink, huh?
Fine.
That's all for now,
boys.
That's the idea of the song:
Get me a free drink.
I sorta gathered that.
You liked it, huh?
Yeah, it was all right!
I'll sing it again for you.
Hit the music!
I'm telling you now:
Keogh left town.
Yeah, well,
that's what I say.
Then again we thought he
maybe left somethin' behind.
You know,
like a body, maybe.
Oh, of course, of course.
Naturally, you couldn't
prove no case without one,
could ya?
That's right, Mayor,
that's right.
But suppose we knew
where there was one?
It's in pretty good
condition too.
That's a fine,
lively conversation
when a lady wants a drink.
Come on, take me
over to the bar.
You stay where you are.
I haven't settled up
with Destry yet...
about that big favor
he did me at the ranch.
That calls
for some wine.
The best.
Sit down.
Well, that's mighty nice
of Mr. Kent.
Sit down
and have some wine.
Ice up some of that wine,
send it over to the table.
[Quietly]
Run out to the place,
see if it's gone.
Hurry it up, will ya?
I bet if the thing's gone,
Destry's in on it.
If he is, can I personally
slap him in the mouth
with my pistol?
Wouldn't want to hit
a dead man, would ya?
Yeah... No!
Well, I don't know.
Uh-oh.
Now!
That fella Kent reminds me
of a friend of mine
in Kansas City.
He was a great wine drinker.
Every time
he'd come into town
with a new load of stock,
he'd rush right
into the first saloon.
I had a friend in Louisiana
like that.
Only every time
he came to town he went
to the nearest oyster house.
Eat a hundred oysters.
I'm sorry.
I interrupted you.
Well, I don't think
there's much point
to my story.
A hundred oysters?
And everybody told
this friend of mine...
not to eat
oysters in July,
but he wouldn't listen.
What's the point to that?
He found a pearl...
that big.
- Oh, that's good.
- No, it was bad.
The oyster, I mean.
Killed him.
Who got the pearl?
I did.
Will you stop
chewing that tobacco?
[Indistinct
Square Dance Calling]
[Square Dance Caller]
Everybody!
[Square Dance Caller
Continues]
Better go easy
on this stuff if I wanna do
any sheriffin' tomorrow.
Might take the day off.
Eh, Mayor?
Might.
Might as well go
the whole hog.
How about you and me
havin' a dance together,
Frenchy?
Oh. All right, Kent?
Sure.
Go right ahead.
Come on.
[Indistinct
Square Dance Calling]
I warned you.
I still have
the rabbit's foot.
You're going to need it.
Is it a big, strong rabbit?
I hope so.
[Music, Dance
Calling Stops]
Just a minute, folks!
I hate to interrupt
the festivities like this,
but I got official business.
You know, Wash...
I mean, the sheriff and me...
have been pestering you
with a lot of questions...
about the former sheriff
Keogh.
[Crowd Murmuring]
And we... Now, hold on.
Don't go away.
We ain't gonna ask
no more questions,
because Wash has
just found the answer.
And, uh, one other thing.
All the relatives
and friends of Gyp Watson...
are hereby notified that
he's over in thejail...
charged with murder.
That's all.
My brother didn't have
nothin' to do with it!
Who did?
Well, I'll tell you
who...
I thought you were
through askin' questions.
Now, don't get excited.
He's not hanged yet.
And he ain't gonna be.
You get over there
and turn him loose.
I can't do that until after the trial.
Maybe by then he can explain
what he was doin'...
when the sheriff
found him with the body.
Oh.
I'm sure Kent didn't
know you had evidence
like that, Deputy.
I think we got
a pretty good case, Mayor.
Darned near ain'tight,
I'd say.
Hmm.
Well, that's
mighty fine work.
And just to make sure
that there won't be no
miscarriage of justice,
as chief magistrate,
I'm gonna try this case
myself.
Oh.
And all you citizens
here present...
please report
to my office tomorrow
so we can select a jury.
Everything's
going to be regular.
Very regular.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well, thanks, Mayor.
But I'd better call you
Judge now, hadn't I?
I sorta had a feeling
I could count on you.
Anytime, son.
Anytime.
Yeah, all right.
Thanks for the wine,
Kent.
It's all right.
Frenchy.
Thanks for the, uh...
dance.
Pretty good rabbit.
[Cattle Mooing]
Ready to start bringin'
my cattle through.
- Do I pay you off?
- That's what I'm here for.
How many head you got?
Oh, around 10,000,
I reckon.
Let's see.
At two bits a head,
that's $2,500.
Yeah. I'll pay you
for the whole bunch right now.
[Gunshot]
[Cattle Mooing]
I don't care
what the law says.
I brought
those cattle through,
I didn't pay a penny,
I ain't gonna pay,
and nobody's gonna make me!
Jack Tyndall, you're
the most stubborn,
ornery, mule-headed...
Self-opinionated's a good word.
Self-opinionated bully
I ever saw or heard of.
Hey, lady, can't you
call him all them names
without bein' so noisy?
I'm tryin' to sleep.
Gyp, it ain't polite to
interfere with family quarrels.
Now, go right ahead,
Miss Tyndall.
It's like talking
to a stone wall.
I give up.
Well, that's too bad.
Sheriffin's getting to be
quite a problem around here.
He won't talk,
he won't listen.
If your brother doesn't pay
that $2,500 he owes to Kent,
I don't know what's
gonna happen to him.
Nothing's gonna happen to me.
I can take care of myself.
Lot of things are gonna
happen around this town, though.
You could sue
and recover the money.
Sue Kent
with Slade on the bench?
You must think I'm awful dumb.
- Ain't it the truth.
- I won't pay a plug nickel
now or ever.
All right, I give up.
I give up.
Miss Tyndall, I want to
thank you for coming here...
and tryin' to help out.
We'll, uh... we'll all
be here for quite some time,
so just feel free to
drop over any time at all.
Matter of fact,
I hope you will.
It's here! It's here!
I got it! I got it!
I got the letter...
Oh, excuse me.
In my pocket.
Oh, hello, Miss Tyndall.
Aren't you pretty.
Hello,
Mr. Callahan.
Here's your fodder.
[Gyp]
Cheese. Cheese!
Cheese for breakfast,
cheese for lunch!
Tell my brother to stop
sending me cheese!
I ain't no mouse!
[Boris]
I tell him.
This may change his mind.
Tyndall!
Yeah?
Read that.
Now maybe you can
understand why I want you
to pay Kent the money.
If you can keep from gettin'
your fool head shot off...
until that judge gets here,
I can get my murderer
and you can get
your money back.
All right.
I'll go pay him now.
Well, now we're
gettin' somewhere.
Uh, hold on now.
You might run into
some trouble over there.
We'd better send Boris.
Command me! Nothing can
tempt me from my duty.
Where are we gonna
pick up the money?
Wells Fargo.
As soon
as you get the money,
give it to Kent
with Tyndall's compliments,
and get a receipt.
Yes, mon commandant.
I am a courier,
fast as lightning,
silent as the night
itself.
[Gyp]
And no more cheese.
[Mayor]
According to the provisions
of the statutes...
of our territorial
commonwealth,
you have been selected
as representative citizens...
of our fair community.
We want to see that
the public's faith
is justified.
So when you boys retire
to consider a verdict,
stay out for a while.
Mr. Kent will see that
you're plentifully provided...
with liquid refreshment.
And after you've
deliberated sufficient,
weighed all the evidence
fair and square,
and brought in a verdict
of not guilty,
you'll be amply rewarded,
y'understand?
Okay, boss.
We gotcha, Mayor.
That's all.
Drinks on the house.
[Indistinct Chatter]
Mr. Kent.
Well,
what do you want?
Uh, nothing. That is,
I was sent to deliver...
$2,500 in cash,
compliments of Mr. Tyndall.
He's gettin' smart
to himself, huh?
Mr. Destry had something
to do with this, didn't he?
I'm a mummy, I'm a sphinx.
I don't answer questions.
[Chuckling]
Let's have the money.
First sign the receipt.
What?
That is, if you don't mind.
Please?
Give me that money.
It's a mighty fine thing when
a man realizes he's wrong...
and tries to correct it
in a nice way.
Give it to him, Kent.
I see we've got some very
intelligent peace officers
in this town, Stavrogin.
I'm trying to live up to
the blood of my forefathers.
[Mayor]
Not like Tyndall
to give in so easy.
Hey, you. You keepin'
my brother comfortable?
He's very delicate.
He's doing as well
as can be expected.
But he told me to tell you,
no more cheese.
Did he say that?
I'm quoting his every word.
Gee, that's bad if he
don't want no more cheese.
They're not gonna
hang him, are they?
That is not up to me.
It's up toJudge Murtaugh.
That's good.
Judge Murtaugh?
H...
Hey, Mayor,
who is this Judge Murtaugh?
What's he got to do
with my brother?
Clara!
Yes'm, Miss Frenchy?
Go tell Mr. Destry I want
to see him right away.
Is somethin' the matter?
Will you go?
I'm gone.
Hey, you.
[Snoring]
[Banging Continues]
Oh, you.
What do you want now?
[Gyp]
I want beer,
but I'll take water.
Why is it you
always get thirsty
when I get to sleep?
I ain't answering nobody
nothin' 'til I see my lawyer.
Do I get the water
or don't I?
I'll give you water,
you varmint you!
Now, Wash, hold up now.
Oh, please!
No, no, no.
Oh, you're always
coddling 'em.
We gotta keep him
good and healthy.
You better keep me
good and healthy.
That's the law.
Yes, sir.
Wouldn't want to hang
a sick man... would we?
You still think
you're gonna hang me?
You think you're
gonna get out of it
because you're innocent?
I ain't sayin' who's innocent
or who's guilty.
Uh-huh.
Well, I always say you got
to admire a man who'd get
himself hanged for a friend.
I used to know a fella once...
You know too many fellas.
Mm-hmm. Well, I'll hang
this up here.
Wash can get some sleep.
Here's good health to ya.
[Yawning]
Oh, God.
I ain't gonna have
a good night's rest...
until that federal judge
gets here.
Why don't you go home?
I'll entertain our guest.
No siree, I'm gonna
sit up with that
two-legged cactus...
and pour water into him
until lilies sprout
out of both his ears.
Be a very interesting
sight.
Tom...
do you think this
is gonna work out?
Sure it's gonna work.
Now you see,
either Gyp or his brother
are gonna tell us a lot...
as soon as they find out
Slade ain't gonna be
on the bench.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
[Yawning]
You understand?
Oh, yeah.
I think this old town's
gonna settle down into
something pretty peaceful...
one of these days.
[Banging On Window]
What's that?
[Banging Continues]
Somebody
at the window there.
Here.
Nah, we settled that.
I'll be right behind you
in case you're wrong.
Miss Frenchy say
she want to see you
right away.
She says
it's very important.
All right.
Listen, Tom, l...
You hold the fort,
Wash.
Don't worry none about me.
I will.
Good evening.
Nice of you to come.
The maid said
it was important, so I...
It is.
That's all, Clara.
Yes'm.
Sit down.
Drink?
All right.
What's the trouble?
Trouble?
There's no trouble.
I'm leaving town,
and I wanted to see you
before I left.
Well, that's pretty sudden,
ain't it?
Did something happen between
you and... I mean...
- You and the dance hall
decide to part company?
- No, nothing has happened.
I'm tired of Bottleneck,
the whole crowd and
everything I've been doing.
So I'm going back
to New Orleans.
Uh-huh.
Well, folks are all
gonna miss you around here.
All except a few wives,
I suppose.
What about you?
Me too.
Well, good luck.
[Glasses Clink]
- Hope you have a nice trip.
- Thanks.
Speakin' of luck, thanks
for the use of your rabbit's foot.
No, I want you
to keep that.
Well, that's darn nice
of you.
It's been a great help,
you know.
I think I'd better get
back to the job.
Good-bye, Frenchy.
Ever been
to New Orleans, Tom?
No.
It's wonderful
this time of the year.
You'd like it there.
How about it?
[Gunshots]
No, Tom,
you can't go out there!
They know about
the federal judge!
They'll kill you if
you go down to the jail!
Stay here, Tom!
They'll kill you if
you go down to the jail!
Stay here, Tom!
Hey, Wash.
Well, Tom, they came.
I was...
No, now, don't do
any talkin' now.
Just rest.
I'll talk if I wanna.
For a little while, anyway.
All right,
go on and talk.
Heh-heh.
I bet you knew a fella once
who did something like...
falling asleep when he
oughta have kept awake,
didn't ya?
Huh?
Well, uh...
Yeah, I...
I knew a fella.
Lived down around Wichita.
He...
He was a sort of...
[Groaning]
Does it hurt?
Ohh!
Don't hurt much,
but it makes me
so doggonned... Aah!
Wash. Wash.
[Groaning]
Uh, well, go on.
Go on.
What happened to the fella
in Wichita?
Oh, uh...
Oh, well, h-he...
H-he was a, uh...
Oh, a... great, big, green
sort of a punkin' roller,
you know, and...
and h-h-hejust...
[Laughing]
This better be good.
Yeah.
We-well, you see, he, uh...
tried to keep awake
one night...
when he was gonna catch a stage
to a nearby town and he...
he had a girl over there
he was courtin' and...
[Chuckles] Man must be
an awful fool to get shot
in the back.
If I'd just...
Wait a minute, Wash.
Now wait a minute.
You know, that's how
they shot my father.
They didn't dare
face him either.
They didn't give us
a chance, did they?
- No.
- Oh, I'm sleepy.
Plumb tuckered out.
That Gyp has kept me
awake... too much.
Got some men that'll
back you up, Destry.
All right.
Let's get down
to the corral.
Why do you just stand here
like sheep?
Why don't you stop them?
Go back where you belong.
Wherever I belong,
I don't pretend.
You shut your mouth.
I wouldn't wait around
for my man to get killed
without doing something.
Will you
get out of here!
Wait a minute!
What can we do?
I'll tell you what you can do.
Let me go.
[Indistinct Chatter]
They're gatherin'
at the corral!
Barricade the doors!
Chairs, tables,
up against the windows!
[Indistinct Shouting]
[Indistinct]
As soon as the powder goes off,
come out quick with the wagons.
All right.
[Gunshots]
Get that barricade up,
will ya!
[Gunfire]
Are you women crazy?
Get back!
Get out of the way,
you women!
Get back! Back!
You can't do that!
[Indistinct Shouting]
Ladies, you can't do this!
It ain't legal! L...
Ladies, ladies!
This constitutes rioting...
Look out, Tom! Tom!
Tom!
[Indistinct Shouting]
Look out, Tom!
Look out, Tom! Tom!
Look out, Tom! Look out!
[Gunshot]
[Gunshot]
Frenchy!
Frenchy!
Oh... Tom.
[Gasping]
Tom. Oh, Tom...
[Crying]
Would you kiss a fellow
good-bye?
[Cows Mooing]
Good morning, Tom.
Good morning, Charlie.
Fine day.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
Howdy, Tom.
Howdy, Hank.
Howdy, Hank.
Don't forget Sunday, Tom.
I'll be there.
We'll be there.
[Blowing]
[Blowing]
Eli, you ever hear the story
about Sawtooth McGee?
Right at that post there
he...
You mean the one...
where he fit his neighbor
into a draw over a petticoat?
Yeah, that's the one.
Aw, everybody's
heard that one.
Wash sure could
make 'em up,
couldn't he?
Yep.
Morning, Tom.
Morning.
Morning.
Did he tell you the one
where he stopped a tribe
of injuns single-handed?
I guess
I missed that one.
It was like this:
He was off scoutin'
one morning,
LittleJoe, LittleJoe
and he come face to face
with a whole tribe of injuns.
He didn't have nothin' on him
except his bowie knife.
[Children Continue Singing]
Sure did like his liquor and
it would've got his ticker
But the sheriff got him quicker
[All] Yahoo!
LittleJoe
LittleJoe!
LittleJoe
LittleJoe!
Oh, whatever's become ofhim
I don't know
She don't know!
Oh, he sure did like his liquor
and it would've got his ticker
But the sheriff
got him quicker
[All] Yahoo!
Oh! Tom!
What's the trouble?
Boris! Miss Callahan!
[Crashing]
[Shouting Russian]
[Lily Belle]
Don't you ever hit me!
Stop! No!
[Indistinct Shouting,
Crashing]
Ohh!
Sheriff, he's gone mad!
[Shouting]
Who wouldn't be mad?
How would you like to
wake up in the morning...
and then find the face
of an ex-husband
looking down upon you?
Would you? No!
Rather a hundred years
in the salt mines!
Aah! Aah!
Ohh!
Well, the old regime
is over...
and the new regime
is here.
Boris Palitstandovich
Stavrogin...
is the head
of the house!
Come here!
Gaze upon
them features!
Gaze!
What's
your husband's name?
Uh... well...
Huh?
Boris Stavrogin.
See that you
don't forget it!
I'm sorry, Tom,
but it sounded like
murder at least.
Oh, well, that's probably
just the Russian way
of expressin' somethin'.
You know, speakin'
of marriage, Janice...
Yes, Tom?
I had a friend once
that happened...