[Up-tempo song plays]
[Girl] I've heard it said
that this here...
... this here's a man's world.
And some girls, they believe it.
Primping and fussing
and holding out,
hoping a boy will look her way.
They don't know they got the power.
- [girl] As for me...
- [moans from inside car]
... I'm not that kind of girl.
I'm on top.
Which begs the question...
... if the girl's on top, well...
... who's the one getting screwed?
Hey, wait up!
So if it's a man's world,
God wouldn't have made me.
- Or that fat fuck.
- [Grunting]
[Bell ringing]
OK, who can give me
an example of a good choice?
- Tonya?
- Waiting.
I mean, if a guy
really likes you, he'll wait.
And if he doesn't understand,
well, you know... so what?
Most excellent.
But hey, I know how it is.
- I was young, too.
- [Class chuckling]
- Our hormones can get the best of us.
- Hey, pass it down.
The only safe sex is no sex.
Unless you stay busy,
get some hobbies,
and practice abstinence,
you could end up asking,
"Was the momentary thrill
really worth it?"
What are some healthy alternatives?
- Tonya?
- You could have a pizza party.
[Teacher] Right on.
Who doesn't love pizza?
- [All laughing]
- Anyone else?
What are your thoughts
on the pull-out method?
You must like the time
we spend together.
It's a real hoot.
Your classmates are
impressionable, Miss Edmonston.
Your ears might be
used to that kind of talk,
but most of these kids
come from good families.
You have any positive
males in your life?
A pastor or a neighbor or an uncle...
It's none of your business.
You're an exasperating girl,
Miss Edmonston.
According to Mr. Potter,
you spoke quite explicitly
about male projectile.
- It's a sex education class.
- Lifestyle choices.
Im putting you in Challengers.
- Special Ed?
- Challengers.
- That's for retards.
- It's either that or expulsion.
Miss Pierce will give you
your new schedule.
What is there to know? It's one room
in the basement, all the time.
Danielle, you're a smart girl.
You just make bad choices.
If you'll do your homework,
and stop being a distraction to others,
you'll be back with
the normal kids in no time.
Danielle...
...nobody likes a dirty girl.
Hello, Challengers!
[Unenthusiastic] Hey.
Today we are going to start a project
that will hopefully teach us
that parenthood is no joke.
Right, Sabrina? Yeah.
Nobody's laughing at her house.
OK, everyone partner up
with someone of the opposite sex.
Two by two, like in the ark.
Who does not have a partner?
OK, Benita, why don't you
come over here near Joaquin?
And Clarke? We'll think of something.
[Rock music playing on headphones]
OK, class?
This is Danielle Edmon... Edmonston.
And she will be joining us today,
so everyone say a big hello.
[Murmuring] Hey.
OK, Danielle. We're partnering up,
so why don't you just head right
on back there with Clarke.
For the next six weeks,
you will be married to your partner
in every sense but the biblical one.
- [Music from headphones stops]
- You're that fag, right?
And these precious sacks
of flour will be your bundles of joy.
These are your daily journals.
You will record baby's first steps,
things that baby does that
are so cute you can't stand it.
OK, here is Mrs. Stork, making
a special delivery to you.
Who needs a baby?
- Takes after you.
- This is going to be so much fun.
[Bell ringing]
[Up-tempo song plays]
- What do you want?
- Uh, we're partners.
No offense, but my designated is, as
of this morning, no longer designated.
I don't know what that means.
It's Danielle's three D's of dating:
Discriminate, designate, and dump,
and since the unfortunate
dumping of Brad,
due to his lack of sanitary
respect, Im on to the next.
And quite frankly, as a dick smoker,
you don't qualify.
But we're married.
Discriminate.
Miss Hatcher says
we need to be good parents.
Designate.
Hey.
You got a light?
Hey, fellas.
- You're that girl, ain't you?
- Yep, Im that girl.
You know what I heard about you?
Don't believe everything you hear.
Unless it's really good.
Then it's true.
Well, I hear you're
with the retards now.
[Boys laughing]
[Coughing]
[Slow-tempo song plays]
[Whispering indistinctly]
Your principal called today.
I am very disappointed in you.
[Man] Now, just say
whatever comes to mind.
- Some pretty racy stuff, huh?
- Hm.
Want to know what I think?
I think those pictures scare you.
You know, Clarke, sexual feelings
aren't something to be afraid of.
What's your favorite kind of breast?
Long ones?
Pointy ones?
How do you like 'em, Clarke?
Hairy.
Hairy.
[Mouthing silently to slow-tempo song]
- Clarke!
- [Music clicks off]
Stop it! Let's go.
[Man] Roger me this, Son.
You and I had a deal, didn't we?
Seems to me you're not holding up
your end of the bargain, though,
you copy me?
Clarke? Do you copy me?
You know what that makes you?
It makes you a welcher.
The only thing worse than
being a gay is being a welcher.
- Im not no gay.
- Yeah, who am I supposed to believe?
A 15-year-old welcher,
or a qualified medical physician?
- He's a chiropractor.
- He's got experience.
What the hell did you do in there?
You think this is funny,
you little shit?
- Wheel!
- God, don't do that!
Don't yell at somebody
that's lost control of the car.
You're a hair's breath from getting
your ass sent away for good.
That military academy
is starting to look like
a real sweet option to me
and your mother about now.
In her spare time, Maggie enjoys
long walks by the creek,
and stopping for sodas
at Sonic and shopping.
[Hatcher] Great work,
guys, really terrific.
OK, Clarke and Danielle, you're up.
Who do you think you are?
I mean, really.
You didn't even give her an outfit.
And for everyone else,
I appreciate your effort,
and your time that you put
into realizing your children.
Because, that one
would be dead on the street
or laying under a car somewhere,
with a needle in her arm.
[Up-tempo song plays]
Hey, Mike!
Mike, get in the car.
Let's go!
Get in.
- Me?
- We got homework.
[Danielle] Don't worry
about being nice to my mom.
She's a total poon.
Danielle? Is that you?
This is Clarke. He's from school.
Sue-Ann. I'm Danielle's mom,
but you wouldn't know it to look at me.
That's a totally gross thing to say.
But people think we're
sisters all the time. Cookie?
Nobody wants one of your
sad instant cookies, Sue-Ann.
- You said you liked these.
- I said I liked the dough.
Thanks.
She's nice.
She was a total slut
when she was in high school.
Now she's with this Mormon guy,
and she thinks she's Suzy Homemaker.
Danielle, we talked about this.
You can have boys over,
but this door stays open.
We're doing homework.
Besides, Clarke here's a fag.
Ray's bringing the kids
over for dinner later.
Y'all think you're
gonna be done by then?
If you close the goddamn door and
leave us alone and let us concentrate.
If I talked to my mom that way,
my dad would kick the shit out of me.
I don't have a dad.
- So I do what I want.
- [Slow-tempo song plays]
[Danielle] Boy or girl?
I think I'd ruin a boy.
Girl. Name?
Uh... I don't know.
How about Joan? Like Joan Jett.
Or Crawford. That's nice.
Is there some sort of special gene
that makes you say "Crawford"
when I say "Joan"?
Huh?
It just seems the more times
a person gets poked in the butt,
the more likely they
are to say stupid faggy shit.
I'm a virgin.
It's not a big deal.
Tell it to my dad.
He'd be happier if I didn't exist.
That's not true.
I'm sure my dad loves me,
and I don't even know him.
That don't make no sense.
You know, if you're not careful,
you're gonna end up one of them
overweight homos with nobody
to love you but a gerbil named Bruce.
- You ready for me, baby?
- [Up-tempo song plays]
Here I come.
Daddy's cleaning you all up.
Yes!
- [Danielle] Is that your dad?
- [Clarke] Unfortunately.
- Where the hell have you been?
- I had homework.
[Danielle] Hey!
You forgot this.
You ruin me for anybody else.
Hey.
Hey.
Shit.
[Up-tempo song plays]
[Man] Peggy, what are you doing?
[Laughter]
Are you crazy? That dog would kill you.
[All chuckling]
- Oh, hi!
- There she is!
We saved you some. It's on the stove.
Your mother and I would like
to speak with you about something.
Where's Mindy?
Get out of my room!
- You can be Heather.
- [Danielle] This is bullshit.
I mean, you can marry
this Mormon loser if you like,
but there is no way I'm sharing
my room with this little twat!
All right now, that's
going to be rule number one.
Anyone caught swearing
under this roof
is going to get their
mouth washed out with soap.
- Fuck you!
- Danielle.
- Don't test me.
- What's a twat?
You see? Now that's
what I'm talking about.
Evil has a unique way of spiraling.
A twat is an ugly,
flatulent, hairless vagina!
- I'm not going to warn you again.
- OK now, Ray, Danielle.
Have you ever heard of
the celestial kingdom, Danielle?
That's a magical place in the sky
where we'll live for all eternity.
- That's very good, honey.
- So?
Well, we want you
there with us, Danielle.
What are you talking about?
After your mother and I are
married, I'm going to adopt you.
- The hell you are!
- The hell I'm not.
It's the only way for you to get in.
We don't want you cast into...
...the outer darkness.
How's that different from any other day?
Think about it, Danielle.
You've always wanted a daddy.
- I have a daddy.
- A real daddy.
You know what? I'm going to take
this family on a retreat this weekend.
- [Sue-Ann] Oh, wow! That's great!
- A little fishing, a little hot cocoa.
- Help you get used to the idea.
- You love cocoa.
I'm not going anywhere. Me and Clarke
are going to work on our project.
Well, family first.
Tough love time, Danielle.
You don't want us,
- we don't want you either.
- Ray!
- You can stay.
- Thank you.
But we're taking all
the food out of the kitchen.
- All the money out of your pockets.
- Fine.
- And the keys to your car.
- What?
- No! No!
- Then you will know
what it means to be alone
and stranded for all eternity!
- Ray, not a good idea.
- Well now, dadgum it, Sue-Ann.
You want me to be
the man of the house,
you gotta let me
make the tough decisions.
I believe, after this weekend,
Danielle will see the wisdom
and let me be her daddy.
Yeah? Does that mean
this guy will be my brother?
Well, is that a problem?
Yeah, considering I fucked him.
[Up-tempo song plays]
- Mindy, go to your room.
- Don't you...!
- Hey, you fucking cow!
- Girl fight!
- [Indistinct yelling]
- I hate you!
- No!
- [Groaning]
Calm down!
I am bigger, and I will win.
- Let go of me!
- [Groaning]
You are not my dad!
Could you leave me alone? Please?
Ray's a good man.
He could be a good father.
You can try to make me a Mormon,
but you're still a shitty mother.
[Whispers] Good guys don't come
around that often, Danielle.
I'd like to keep this one.
He's not even cute.
[Sniffling]
We could have
a good family going here.
I don't want your stupid fake family.
OK.
We'll see how you do on your own.
[Door closes]
Meet Joan.
So named for the irrepressible
lead singer of the Blackhearts.
And the alcoholic,
child-abusing movie star.
[Bell ringing]
Hey, wait up.
Don't fuck with me. I haven't
eaten in, like, 13 hours.
Why not?
Sue-Ann thinks she can
starve me into being a Mormon.
- That sucks.
- I'm having a really shitty day.
If you don't mind,
I'd just like to be left alone.
My dad said that I can
take you out tonight, his treat.
I have discriminated,
and designated. And I designate you.
Just... Please, just go away.
He gave me his credit card
if you want to go eat, or something.
Screw this.
I need a fork, you want one?
Chinese men must be good
with their fingers, I swear.
I hear they have straight pubic hair.
I tired to get a look at Shani Suzuki's
once in the locker room.
She's real careful with
her towel, so I never saw shit.
[Slow-tempo song plays]
- Why are the lights off?
- Uh, fluorescent bulbs hurt my eyes.
Sue-Ann's so cheap.
You'd think at her age
she'd want to give her face
the benefit of the doubt.
But it saves money, so I guess
she doesn't mind being green.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
You're hitting on me,
and I do not appreciate it.
I have discriminated,
and I have designated.
Ahh!
- [Grunts]
- [Music halts]
What the fuck?
I thought you were a faggot.
- Only 65 percent.
- Huh?
My therapist showed me this chart.
It says that I'm 35 percent hetero.
And if I can get that up to 60 percent,
my parents won't
send me to military school.
You're bleeding.
I'm gonna get you a Kleenex.
Thanks.
Soon as it stops bleeding,
you'd best go.
You send me back now and
they're going to know we didn't do it.
Contrary to popular belief,
I'm not the world's personal whore bag.
I just figured, after yesterday,
you wouldn't mind.
You'd best go now.
Joan's family tree's due tomorrow.
Shouldn't we work on it?
Hm?
Sometimes...
...he hurts me.
[Sniffling]
Well...
...he already thought we were doing it.
What, am I going to save
my reputation now?
- You owe me one.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Ah, ah! Mm-mm.
[Paper crinkling]
Oh, shit.
It's lopsided.
Looks like we're gonna be spending
holidays with your side of the family.
We should put some on your side
just to balance it.
Maybe draw some birds
or something in the branches.
It just doesn't look very good.
I'm gonna show you something.
When I do, you can't say
it's stupid or nothing.
OK.
- What did you do to your hair?
- It's Sue-Ann, you idiot.
Oh.
That your dad?
I found it in Sue-Ann's jewelry box
when I was little, and I swiped it.
- He's cute.
- Thanks.
- Let's put him in.
- I don't know his name.
I'm a real good drawer.
I could draw him in.
No, just do birds or something.
Poor Joan.
She only has one grandpa,
and he's a total dick.
What are we gonna tell her?
They were high school sweethearts,
and he was handsome
and magical. [giggles]
You know, if they were high school
sweethearts, he'd be in her yearbook.
I checked those, like, a zillion times.
He didn't go to her school.
Maybe he wasn't a student.
You take this one, OK?
Peggy?
What is that?
It's just as well.
I wasn't thrilled by the idea
of my dad being a pedophile.
This one don't have no signatures.
That's the year she dropped out,
'cause of me.
Ooh, football players are yummy.
Ah! They're the worst.
I mean, the idea and all is hot,
but that cream they use is so nasty.
I like they way they smell,
like Bengay and ferns.
- You have no self-respect.
- [Giggling]
I'm gonna get some more food.
You want some?
OK.
- Danielle?
- What?
Found him.
Assistant coach, Danny Briggs.
Danny? You're named after him.
[Phone ringing]
[Line ringing]
- [Danielle] Hello?
- Hey, baby. You doing OK?
Just fine.
Have you had time
to think about things?
Yeah.
You're right.
I do need a man in my life.
[Whispers] It's working.
Listen, baby. In my bedroom under
the lamp, I left you some cash.
Go ahead and order
yourself a pizza. OK?
OK.
And we'll be back on Monday.
- OK.
- [Whispers] Hey, you.
I love you.
- OK.
- [Dial tone]
This house is really nice.
Maybe there's another
Danny Briggs in Norman.
No, this is it.
Maybe you should've called first.
[Knocking at door]
- Yeah?
- Hi.
Hi.
I'm Sue-Ann's little girl.
Good for you.
What can I do for you?
We're looking for Danny Briggs.
You him?
[Man] Billy?
Who is it?
Let's see, we moved in here,
when, about a year ago?
Let's see... it was
right after my sister's wedding,
which was a week before
the space shuttle blew up.
- Such a sad time for the country.
- I'm still not over it.
I don't mean to be rude or nothing,
but where the fuck is my dad?
- You're saucy, I like that.
- Fresno, sweetie.
I like your house. It's super tasteful.
- Fresno?
- California.
You should've seen it
when we first moved in.
- [Groans]
- That wife of his
had it all done up in faux country.
Oh, I hate that.
We almost didn't get
this house because of her.
When she found out we were in a
long-term committed life partnership.
- Bitch.
- [Clarke sighs]
- Hey, you got an address?
- Does she even know about you?
Danny's wife? Oh, my God.
- They asked us to forward the mail.
- We never did. Oops.
Would you like to deliver it?
- Thanks.
- She is gonna shit twice and die.
- [All chuckling]
- You are bad.
- [Whispers] California.
- [Man] You are.
Get up!
- Come on, we have to go!
- Where do you want to eat breakfast?
You know, I think Sambo's
takes credit cards.
- You're taking me to California.
- You're a crazy person.
Ray took my keys or I'd drive myself.
Dani, my parents will kill me.
Well, tell them you were
manipulated by my pussy.
I can't steal my dad's car.
I don't know what would happen,
but I imagine it would hurt. A lot.
I don't want to be a Mormon, Clarke.
It's my chance.
I've never known my daddy.
And now I've got
a name and an address.
It's my hope.
Please?
I can't.
[Clarke] Mom, I'm home!
Did you have a good time?
What are we going
to do about you, Clarke?
You know you're not supposed
to drink from the container!
Come here! Goddamn it!
Clarke! Clarke! Come here!
- Don't you take my car! Hey! Hey!
- [Tires squeal]
[Father shouting] Hey! God damn it!
Ow! [screaming] Clarke!
[Horn honking]
Bring Joan!
[Tires squealing]
[Danielle] Whoo!
[Danielle] Dear Diary,
I am super excited
about our family vacation.
I'm only a week old and already
I'm seeing all the great sights
of this great land.
It is said that most
American families
don't spend enough
quality time together.
My family is different.
Whoo!
I ain't never been out of Oklahoma!
Goddamn!
- Whoo!
- [Both chuckling]
My grandma lives in Dallas,
so I'm used to traveling.
- Have you ever seen the ocean?
- No.
I ain't never seen the ocean neither.
So when we get to Fresno,
we go to the beach.
[Soft rock music plays on radio]
Don't you just love Melissa Manchester?
You know... I was thinking when we get
back, we could enter the talent show.
Do one of her songs.
I'm not going on no stage with you.
There's no way I'm signing up
for the talent show.
It just wouldn't be right in the
public eye to see the two of us
belting out the theme
from Ice Castles.
What if we did "Don't Cry Out Loud"?
Clarke, I'm not going back.
And that song sucks.
If you spill that, my dad'll kill me.
Baby...
...you came out of the closet,
stole his car and took off
with the class whore.
You're the definition of dead.
[Chuckles]
[Phone ringing]
Hello?
[Woman] I have
a collect call from Clarke.
Yes, yes.
- Clarke, honey, where are you?
- Is Daddy real mad at me?
Honestly, honey,
I'm afraid of what he might do.
- Does he still want to send me away?
- Your father is...
...just sort of determined when he
makes up his mind about something.
I know.
We can just try
to convince him together.
All right, can you do that?
Clarke, are you with that girl?
- Peggy? Who was that?
- Nobody.
Let's go over to that girl's house.
Somebody should wait by the phone.
All right.
[Danielle] Did you tell
your parents where we are?
I swear to God, if you did, Clarke,
I will pull this car over
and kick your ass out!
You are running toward something,
Danielle.
- I am just running away.
- Well, ain't that poetic?
My daddy's credit card is financing
this little adventure of yours.
- You have not even said, "Thank you."
- Some things go without saying.
Then I guess it goes without saying
that you are the neatest person
that I have ever met!
And I am not afraid no more
when I'm around you,
'cause you are cooler
than I will ever be.
And It also goes without saying
that I would never tell on you!
[Danielle] I promise
I'll find a way to thank you.
Breaker, breaker.
Got me a peeper in my sights.
[Yelling] No! No!
[Gasping]
[Man] Breaking and entering,
was that really necessary?
I mean, couldn't you have just called?
That would've been
the neighborly thing to do.
I got an at-risk kid. And he is at risk.
Hm-hm.
Hey, I need some
medical attention here.
I got my ass bleeding like a sieve.
Oh, and you think
that's news around here?
[Vibrating]
[Singing to Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven
Is A Place On Earth," voice vibrating]
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth
# They say in heaven love comes first
# We'll make heaven a place on earth
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth... #
We were just passing through
and thought we'd stop by and say...
Hi. You live in a beautiful place.
Hi...
What do you think of my hair?
Bonjour...
Hola...
It's so great to finally meet you.
I'm real excited to be... Shit.
How am I supposed to face my father?
I look like a fucking leper.
Where's Joan?
Oops.
Clarke.
- You've gotta be more careful with her.
- Sorry.
How would you like
to be dropped on your head?
I have been dropped on my head.
Daddy says Mama dropped me,
and that's what
accounts for my feminine ways.
You trying to make Joan a lesbian?
You gays are always trying
to convert everybody.
- [Scoffs]
- Well, I don't see no damage.
None that Hatcher
would notice, anyway.
If you're not going back, why are
you so worried about your grade?
Go to sleep.
A long day ahead of us tomorrow.
You ever tried Magic Fingers?
Lay down. [giggles]
OK, OK, now do this.
- [Voice vibrating] Uh...
- [Danielle's voice vibrating] Uh...
[both laughing]
Oh! Shit! Goddamn it!
You can't yank like that, that fast!
Well, I see you made a friend.
Joseph?
What happened to your behind?
What took you so long?
Well, you took one car and Clarke
took the other and I had to walk.
I swear to God, Peggy.
I'm going to get my hands on him.
I don't know what I'm gonna do,
but I'm gonna do something probably.
Joseph?
I want you to promise me
that you will not hurt him.
You know how humiliating this is?
I got a biker rapist
picking glass out of my ass.
Well, our son could have called.
Am where am I? I am here,
bailing my husband out of jail.
Officer, could you just open this
damn cell door and let me out?
[Keys jingling]
Officer, if I refuse
to take my husband right now,
what is going to happen?
Why, Peggy? You're not
refusing to take your husband.
Well, seeing as though it's the weekend,
the judge won't be here till Monday.
And would he have
to stay here all locked up?
- Hm-hm.
- No.
I don't have to stay locked up here,
because you're getting me out.
- Then I refuse to take my husband.
- What?
I'm gonna go find our son.
And you are never, ever, ever
going to hurt him again.
Peggy, don't get emotional.
You're not supposed to get emotional.
You know what happens when you
get emotional, you get stupid.
Rot!
What's wrong with you?
Bust my fucking eardrum.
Peggy!
Peggy?
[# Teena Marie: "Lovergirl"]
- [Danielle and Clarke] Whoo!
- [Danielle] Dear Diary,
New Mexico is brown and flat.
Mom does most of the driving, because
she thinks that Dad goes too slow.
Daddy is happy, being a man
and all, just navigating.
- He is a most excellent map reader.
- # Shoop-de-bop!
With the division of labor
so neatly divided
and both of them willing to stay in
their designated roles, I'm convinced...
# Funky pops!
... that I have the happiest
family there ever was.
# Coffee, tea or me baby
# Touch ole
# My opening line
might be a bit pass, yes
# But don't think that
I don't know what I'm feeling for you
# 'Cause I got a vibe on you the
first time that I saw you, saw you
# I need your love
and I won't bring no pain
# A little birdie told me
that you feel the same
# I'm for the real
and for you I'm true blue
# Let's make a deal, sugar
all I want to do is
# Be your one and only lover... #
Did you see that guy?
- Pull over.
- Press on we must, Clarke.
Press on we must.
You're the one who keeps saying
you need to get me laid.
[Giggling]
[Ray] Sweetheart, did you
eat something today?
[Sue-Ann] Go on in, I'll whip
you up some flapjacks, OK?
Can I sleep in Danielle's room?
Honey, you can sleep
anywhere you want.
[Ray] Let's all just go inside.
Put your stuff away.
- Excuse me.
- Yeah?
This is incredibly embarrassing,
but I have reason to believe
that my son has
run off with your daughter.
Oh, God, I should never
have left her alone.
Listen, horny children
are the least of my worries.
- They'll turn up, they always do.
- My son is gay!
[Whispers] Oh...
Oh, Lord, I never
said that out loud before.
Are you Clarke's mama?
I've lost my son.
[Ray] Sue-Ann!
- [Sue-Ann] Yeah?
- [Ray] Someone broke in!
- There's glass all over your bed.
- What?
- Goodness.
- [Peggy] Oh...
My husband is just a little bit
testy when it comes to our son.
I promise I'll pay for any damages.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
[Toilet flushing]
Excuse me.
Are those Bugle Boy jeans
that you're wearing?
It's this one right here.
[Clarke] Hey, Danielle.
Joel here is wondering if we
could drop him off in Vegas?
- I...
- I told him it wouldn't be a problem,
this being my car and everything.
I got a job there waiting for me.
- Listen, Joel...
- And the cool thing is that,
unlike some people...
...Joel is willing
to help out with expenses.
Yeah, I got money,
I just ain't got wheels.
Get in.
Danielle, you don't mind driving do you?
We don't know him.
You said you wanted to think
of a way to thank me?
This is a distraction
from our stated goals.
- You have your destiny, I have mine.
- Fuck.
[Clarke and Joel
chattering indistinctly]
[Danielle] Dear Diary, it turns out
that Daddy is a big, fat whore.
I'm a lucky girl that I'm
learning such valuable lessons
- about the true nature of men.
- [Joel laughs]
- Oh, you like that.
- [Giggling]
So what sort of work
do you have in Vegas?
Oh, it went right on my tooth.
[Laughs] I'm a dancer.
Like on Fame.
Well, no. I'm not all that technical.
I'm more free form.
- Can you do splits?
- You dance for tips, right?
That's why you got all them singles.
It's my art. If people want
to give me money for my art,
that just makes me
a professional artist.
Right, you're a stripper.
- Erotic entertainer.
- Stripper.
Ow!
Lots of people can't make
a living doing what they love.
You're lucky.
You get me, don't you? Huh?
- You do, don't you?
- Stop.
[Both laughing, yelling]
- I can do splits, too.
- [Clarke] You are bad.
Are you telling me
my little boy's in California?
- Sue-Ann?
- I kept it from her too long.
- How did this happen?
- Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
We are going to need
to contact Danielle's father.
What? Wait. No.
- Wait a minute.
- Do you have feelings for this... guy?
- No, of course not!
- It's written all over your face.
We have an address.
Do we have a phone number?
You don't understand,
he don't know about her.
I don't know what I would say.
I thought this part of my life was over.
- It is over!
- Look, Ray!
Don't be like that, all right?
Now this is a minor,
little big deal, OK?
I'm gonna take care of it and
then we're gonna be real happy.
This guy pops up out of nowhere,
putting all my plans in peril.
- If you could see yourself.
- I am doing the best that I can!
All right, everybody, calm down!
Jesus H. Christ!
Look, there is obviously a lot of
feelings swirling around this place.
But we need to stay focused.
- Do you love me?
- This isn't about you, sir.
- Of course I do.
- This is about our children.
Now, as a father,
you should understand that.
Daddy?
I need to go after her, Ray.
And then you'll come back to me?
Of course I will.
Go get our girl.
[Sighing]
- I'm a shitty mother.
- Join the club.
- [Danielle] This is on you, right?
- Sure thing.
Oh, he is so fine.
He's not gonna fuck you, Clarke.
Just telling you.
So start getting used to the idea.
If you were a real friend,
you wouldn't say stuff like that.
- Clarke.
- I gotta pee.
Hey.
Well, I sure do
appreciate your hospitality,
giving me a ride and all.
If you make him any promises,
you best follow through, motherfucker!
[Pilot over PA]
Now we got a nice tailwind,
so our flight time to Bakersfield
should be just under three hours.
Sit back and enjoy the flight.
[Slow-tempo song plays]
And I thought the
Boy Scouts taught me nothing.
Out of all the hitchhikers in the world,
how did we get one
so masculine and capable?
Oh, well, you learn a few things
when you're on your own.
- Were you a Boy Scout, Clarke?
- For like a week in second grade.
They... They gave us these boxes
of candy to sell door to door.
I ate all mine,
so my mom gave me the money
to buy the whole box,
so I wouldn't get in trouble.
My dad was so mad.
Said the two of us was in cahoots.
My daddy took off when I was little.
Like Dani's.
Mine took off
before I was born, so I win.
Are we competing?
I'm just saying I probably had it worse.
You know what it's like then,
don't you?
That crazy thing when you
look for him everywhere.
Anytime you're in a crowd,
there's a chance, so you...
...walk around a little straighter,
hoping to look your best, just in case.
Looking everywhere for somebody
who don't want to be found.
I want to hear more about your art.
Show us.
- You guys are crazy.
- [Danielle] Come on.
[Up-tempo rock song plays on radio]
We got the music,
and the fancy lighting.
- All that's missing is a pole.
- It's cold out.
- Keeps everything perky.
- [Laughs]
Aw, this one's too fast.
I only dance to the slow ones.
It's kind of my signature.
All right, this one's a ballad.
[Switching channels]
[Slow-tempo song plays]
I cannot believe I'm doing this
out in the middle of nowhere.
You best appreciate it.
I promise I do.
OK, see now, the trick is
to dance in your own world.
Let them come to you.
Joel?
[Thunder rumbling]
Hey.
I know you don't want
to hear this right now,
but you will get over it.
I fell in love last night,
and now he's gone.
- My one chance at happiness.
- Stop acting like a girl.
You drove him away.
Clarke, I'm gonna stop
this conversation right now
until you adjust your thinking.
Welcome to life, Clarke, you're
just another tainted grown-up.
Jesus Christ.
There's no room in this world
for a love like ours.
They hate us for it.
[Engine sputtering]
Shit! No.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit!
Agh! Stupid, fucking shit car!
Joel would know what
to do if he where here.
- We'd best start walking.
- Yes, you'd best.
Clarke, let's go.
You're the one with
the reason to live. You walk.
OK. You know what?
When I get to the next town
I'm gonna call your father! Agh!
- Fuck!
- Fine!
[Grunts]
[Exhaling]
Do I look OK?
He is gonna die.
[Indistinct radio chatter]
[Man] All right, mister.
Your time is up.
We found your car.
You found it?
[Up-tempo song plays]
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Do y'all have a pillow I could use?
- Sure.
[Man] One tank of gas, $15.
I'll have my dad give you
a ride back to your car.
Will that be cash or charge?
- Charge.
- Cash.
I am sick of paying your way.
You're hateful, and ungrateful.
- Don't be an asshole.
- You got an emergency fund.
Use it.
I can't.
Why spend your own money when you
can spend somebody else's, right?
I don't have it anymore.
You spent it?
The only cash we have?
You are a selfish bitch.
- What did you buy yourself, huh?
- It's what I bought you!
I wanted to do something nice
for you, to thank you.
Hm?
And you liked him so much.
He didn't think I was sexy.
I'm sure he did.
It was just extra encouragement.
Clarke!
I need your credit card.
That's what I get
for marrying a faggot. [chuckles]
This'll just be a minute.
Collect, from Clarke.
- Clarke, run! Run! Shit! Uh...
- What?
Hey, get back here!
Come on, Dad, come on!
What the fuck?
I'm gonna call the cops,
you stay with them!
Your card's been reported stolen!
They're gonna know where we are!
Shit! Shit!
[Clarke] Danielle wait up,
where you going?
Hey. I want to enter
the stripping competition.
- Where's the sign-up sheet?
- You're looking at him.
- Great.
- It wouldn't exactly be appropriate.
I'm young,
but I got the moves. Trust me.
- He'll vouch for me, OK?
- She's done her research.
That prize money's mine.
Come on, give me a chance.
Jade wins every night.
But if you think you can win
these boys over, be my guest.
Mister, you don't know
who you're dealing with.
[Up-tempo song plays]
Let's hear it for Jade!
Beginning of the second chorus,
that's when you throw the water on me.
- You got it?
- Dani, you don't have to do this.
- Don't look at me like that.
- Like what?
Like you don't approve.
Just, don't show them nothing, OK?
- I won't.
- Promise?
I'll just bat my eyelids
and shake my shoulders.
- I'm sure Jade's got nothing on me.
- Sure.
- You got a better idea?
- We can go home.
- Got your music?
- Yeah.
You're up, young'un.
Second chorus, Clarke.
[Up-tempo song plays]
[Man] For all you boys who like
'em young, we got a special treat.
A little lady thinks she can
unseat the undisputed champion.
Direct from Tornado Alley,
It's Danielle!
[Man] Get off my stage!
[Man booing]
[Men booing]
- Tough crowd.
- Them boys like it from Jade.
Ain't nobody sexier than Danielle.
[Man laughing]
Oh! I beg your pardon.
Oh, my God. They're gay! Dani, stop!
- They're gay, Dani!
- What?
- They're gay.
- But they're so ugly.
- Let's get you out of here.
- No.
- We can't give up now.
- Danielle, they don't like you.
- You have to do it.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
- I am not like you.
What would Joel do?
[Joel] OK, see now, the trick
is to dance in your own world.
Let 'em come to you.
[Men] Yeah!
Whoo!
[Crowd cheering]
- [Man] By an overwhelming majority...
- Jesus Christ!
...and winner of
the 50-dollar prize money,
- the new champ is...
- Clarke!
This is fucking kidnapping,
you ugly motherfucker!
Hey! I don't need any of your
goddamn lip! And don't you hit my car!
It's because of you my son's
gone completely off the deep end.
Your son was a miserable, whiny,
dishrag before I got my hands on him.
Yeah, and you turned him into
a full-blown cocksucker, didn't you?
It's over for you, boy.
Soon as we drop your
little friend off here,
your ass is going straight
to the military academy.
[Screaming]
I'm gonna pull this car
over right now, goddamn it,
- and set your ass at the curb.
- And what are you gonna do, huh?
Smack her around?
Knock some sense into her?
That's enough of your shit, Clarke.
I'll tell you what. I like cocks.
Jesus Christ!
What did you just say, Clarke?!
- I like the dreamy, creamy taste...
- Shut the fuck up, Clarke!
Somebody pass me a cracker
for all that dick cheese!
[Tires squealing]
God! Jesus Christ!
Take the money, take Joan,
- and get out of here.
- I mean her, I know!
If I'm good at anything,
it's how to take a punch. Trust me.
- OK, when I say run, you run. OK?
- Hey, don't touch him!
You don't say that
kind of shit to your dad!
- Get off me!
- Don't you hurt him!
Go! Run, Dani, run!
- Run, Dani!
- Fuck!
Why the fuck are you like this?
[Slow-tempo song plays]
[Slow-tempo song plays]
[Danielle] Dear Diary...
... Daddy had to leave.
As daddies sometimes do.
He left so the dreams of
our family could come true.
But Mommy will soldier on.
Because that is what mommies do.
[Man] We're here.
Where's my father?
Danielle.
We should just head on home now, OK?
- Is that his wife?
- Yes, it is.
- Can I go say hello to her?
- No, you may not.
We have caused these people
enough trouble.
Can I come in? I'm really tired
and I need to use the restroom.
Taxi! Wait, please, thank you.
Where's my boy?
His daddy found us.
If he is hurt, I'm going to hold you
personally responsible, young lady.
- OK, OK...
- Let go!
No, no! No!
You... You get back here!
You get back here.
You listen to your mama!
You come back here! Baby!
Come on.
Danny Briggs?
You must be Sue-Ann's little girl.
Uh-huh.
Damned if you ain't
the spitting image of your mama.
Yeah...
People think we're sisters all the time.
- You can't be here!
- It's OK, Janet.
Daniel, this is not what we discussed.
Just go back inside, all right?
It's fine. Just go inside, let us talk.
Go on.
Hey...
Don't mind her, she's a little upset.
Them boys you sold the house to, told
me she was kind of high-strung, and all.
I was prepared in my mentality.
[Chuckling]
That makes you a pretty smart girl.
You know, the secret to making
a good burger is to only flip it once.
- Hey.
- [Crying] I knew... I knew it.
- It's OK. It's OK.
- [Whimpering]
These last few days have been
really strange for me, Danielle.
I hadn't seen your mom
in such a long time.
- Yeah, it must be weird.
- [Chuckles]
Yeah, weird's a good word. It was weird.
Super-duper weird.
Even better, super-duper weird.
I like that one.
Danielle, I didn't know about you.
- She didn't tell you?
- No.
I mean...
I thought she was gonna get rid of it.
[Sighs]
I'm... I'm not proud
of myself, Danielle.
She decided to keep me?
I had no idea.
You know what this means?
What?
It means I don't have to forgive you
for running out on us.
And I was kind of
looking forward to that.
It would mean a lot to me
if you did just that.
If you'd forgive me.
Done.
Bet you missed a lot of school
coming to see me like this.
Only a couple of days.
I brought my homework.
Well, you gotta be
in a hurry to get back.
I mean, your friends,
this time of year in school...
I don't know what Sue-Ann told you...
...but our situation ain't really ideal.
And I know it's a shock,
me being here and all.
But if it would be all right,
and I know it would take
a lot of adjusting...
Honey, honey...
You can't stay here.
I'd keep my room real nice.
Danielle, I'm a stranger to you.
You're my daddy.
You seem like you're
a really sweet girl.
And I know that I'd be
very proud of you.
[Sobbing] Don't bet on it.
But you just...
Daddy? Who's that?
Sweetie, this is one of my students.
Why don't you run on back inside,
OK, and finish your nap?
- [Danielle] Hi.
- What's your name?
[Sniffling] Danielle. What's yours?
- Tiffany. And you know what?
- What?
[Tiffany] My daddy's taking me
to Disneyland on my birthday.
Wow, that makes you a really lucky girl.
Hey, hey, the tickle monster's coming.
- Where you going?
- [Giggling]
[Tiffany laughing]
Got you, I got you!
I want you to go upstairs and be a
good girl and finish your nap now, OK?
- Bye, Danielle.
- Bye, Tiffany.
I'm sorry about that.
- She's real cute.
- Yes, she is.
Yeah.
I bet she's your pride and joy.
You could say that.
I think I need to go, huh?
Probably be a good idea.
[Gate opening]
[Gasping sob]
Mommy.
Oh, my baby.
- [Sobbing]
- Oh, my baby.
Oh, my baby.
I'm so stupid.
[Whispers] Oh, God, I love you.
Will you help me?
Sure.
Oh, isn't he something, that hair?
Yeah, I think he's cute, that one.
He's got beautiful eyes.
Oh, he's dreamy.
- Maybe I'll hang this up in my room.
- [Laughing]
I think Ray wouldn't
like that very much.
I think this one's cute, up here.
Yeah, he is. You are so bad.
You're my daughter.
You learned from the best.
[Bell ringing]
- Mrs. Gardner.
- What are you doing here?
- I wanted to see how Clarke's doing.
- Oh.
Well, um... he's gonna be fine.
- It's all gonna be fine.
- Is he at that school?
There's a lot going on here,
so that's the best place
for him right now.
Where's his daddy?
He's getting himself a little apartment.
I broke up your family.
I'm so sorry.
You did not break up our family.
You have all these ideas about
what it is to be a good parent.
And everybody says that if you just
do your best, that's all that matters.
But... it's not true.
I mean, if your best stinks,
then what good are you?
I don't mean to do you
no disrespect, ma'am...
...but Clarke would rather be with you.
Danielle.
Tell your mama I said hello.
[Danielle] I guess you
could say our little girl's
been through
a whole lot in her short life.
She's learned that sometimes
you got to accept
what life throws at you.
But only after a really good fight,
to find out what you're made of.
It's the fight that makes
the accepting bearable.
Very nice, Danielle.
- I'm not done.
- OK.
She also misses her daddy a whole lot.
And hopes that someday her family
will be brought back together...
...'cause it's real fun.
[Applause]
[Mulray] You've come
a long way, Danielle.
Miss Hatcher says you're doing great,
that you're more involved.
I even hear you signed up
for the talent show.
I'm working on being a more
traditional type of person.
I might be taking a risk here,
but if you promise that I can trust you,
I'll put you back with the normal kids.
Can I trust you?
Good.
[Up-tempo music plays]
[Cheering, applause]
Let's hear it for Perpetual Motion.
And now...
...for the musical stylings
of Miss Danielle Edmonston.
[Playing Melissa Manchester's
"Don't Cry Out Loud"]
Clarke wanted this here to be a duet.
May sound corny,
but this is for my baby's daddy.
And this here's his favorite song.
# Baby cried the day
the circus came to town
# 'Cause she didn't want
parades just passing by her
# So she painted on a smile
and took off with some clown
# And she danced
without a net up on the wire
# I know a lot about her
'cause you see
# Baby is an awful lot like me
# Don't cry out loud
# Just keep it inside
# Learn how to hide your feelings
# Fly high and proud
# And if you should fall
# Remember you almost had it all
# Baby saw that when they
pulled the big top down
# They left behind her dreams
among the litter
[voice wavering] # And the different
kind of love she thought she'd found
# There's nothing there
but sawdust and some glitter
# But baby can't be broken
'cause you see
# She had the finest teacher,
that was... [whimpering]
# I taught her...
# Don't cry out loud
# Just keep it inside
# Learn how to hide your feelings
# Fly high and proud
# And if you should fall
# Remember you almost had it all
# Don't cry out loud
# Just keep it inside
# Learn how to hide your feelings
# Fly high and proud
# And if you should fall
# Remember you almost had it all #
[Danielle] Dear Diary,
this world is full of dipshits.
But guess what?
Mommy got a fairy-tale ending.
Because Daddy?
Daddy came back.
[Bell ringing]
[Danielle] So they let you out
for good behavior or something?
My mama came and got me.
Said she was compelled.
What did you do to your hair?
- You don't like it?
- Hell, no.
Better? I'm glad you're back.
I don't know, I kind of miss that place.
Shut up.
In a school with no girls,
I was very popular.
- You fucking whore.
- Thank you.
Remember, Clarke,
nobody likes a dirty girl.
Right.
[Up-tempo song plays]