- You think he sees us?
- No, he can't see us.
But trust me, he can feel us watching.
Pop? Oh, that's a big one, Pop.
That's a big one here.
Okay.
He showed up.
Ten-two. Come on, kid, you can do it.
He's circling that little alcove
right there.
This is all you, Kale. That's it.
Try to put it right in front of him.
Right in front of him.
See, you're talking to me,
and you're messing me up, Dad.
Okay. Don't spook him.
- Come on. There.
- There we go.
Oh, that was perfect.
Oh, he's taking it.
Look, he's following it.
Easy. Easy.
Dead drift. Dead drift.
- Oh, you gotta be kidding.
- Easy. Easy. Come on, baby, take it.
- Take it, baby.
- Bite, bite, bite!
- He bit, he bit!
- Okay, easy.
- That's it. Tip up. Tip up.
- Okay, okay.
Do I let go? Do I let the line go?
No, don't panic. Just let him take it.
If he wants to take it, let him take it.
- Tip up. That's it.
- He got it. He's biting.
I know. No, he's got it, baby. Come on.
Okay, reel him in slow. Nice and slow.
Hold him.
All right. All right.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- That's all right.
It's okay. You did everything you could.
- This is ridiculous.
- Yeah, no, it's fine.
You did everything you could.
Sometimes they just get away.
Come on, let's take a break.
Come on, it's all right.
If I can't catch a fish,
I don't know what I'm doing out here.
- Beats working, right?
- What?
Hold that. I said, it beats working.
You're a writer. You work from home.
You ain't got it that tough, come on.
- Here you go. You got it?
- Yeah.
You know what?
I really appreciate you bailing
on your friends
to spend some time with your old man.
It's not like you forced me
to be here, Pop.
- No, I know, but I appreciate it.
- I appreciate it.
Anything you want to talk about?
Anything...
- What? What?
- No, it's just...
- Is this that moment? This is that...
- Never mind.
- No, no, this is that father-son...
- No, never...
- No, I'm in.
- Forget I said it.
I got something. Here's something.
You got a keen eye for this.
- You're not gonna tell Mom?
- No, I won't say anything.
No? All right. I'm having a kid.
Yeah. You know,
your little boy's growing up.
I got a girl pregnant,
and now I gotta go visit her.
She lives in Reno.
I don't know how I'm gonna get there.
I'll probably have to take Mom's car.
But we're gonna live together.
We're gonna move into a trailer park.
Yeah, her name's Shirley.
She's real great.
- Yeah? She cute?
- Of course.
Yeah. Good. That's all that counts.
Smart-ass. Let's fish.
I'm gonna catch one before you.
Yeah, but I don't mess with you
while you're fishing. That's the deal.
No, Ma, we drained the entire...
Literally every fish that was swimming
in the river is now in the trunk right now.
- You're kidding.
- No, I'm not kidding.
Yeah, are you sure you two aren't
stopping off and buying a fish,
like you did last time?
What?
Are we gonna stop off and buy fish,
like the last time?
No, no. Ma, come on.
We know you're too savvy for that.
Oh, come on, look at this guy.
Oh, come on! Jackass!
- Hey.
- No, no, no. No, not you, Mom.
- I'm sorry.
- Give me the phone.
Hey, babe,
you should have seen him today.
We got enough fish for a week.
- How long do you think you'll be?
- I don't know. About an hour?
Forty-five...
Kale!
Kale!
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Kale, are you okay?
Dad.
Kale!
Dad?
Move it!
Yeah, keep dreaming, perv.
Ronnie!
Seor Brecht?
Kale.
So, Kale,
think you can stay conscious
long enough to tell us
your plans for the three wondrous
summer months ahead?
Do you want me to stand up?
Summer months.
I don't know what you just said.
I didn't read that far in the book.
Did you do the homework or not?
I guess not.
You guess not?
I don't know who you think you are,
or who you think you're dealing with.
You can't give me
a straight answer, fine.
Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't fail you
right now.
What would your father think?
No, Kale! No, no, no!
Okay, Mr. Brecht.
You're six months shy of 18.
That means the Assault Two charge
you've pled guilty to carries a maximum
of one year in juvie.
With these priors, you're up to three.
Losing a parent isn't easy,
which is why I'm sentencing you
to three months house arrest.
Mr. Brecht, I just cut you a break.
Don't test me.
Okay, you're all set to go nowhere.
Now, green means you're good,
you're in the safe zone,
which covers about
a 100-foot radius from this guy.
You unplug it,
the police come immediately.
He's like a modem.
He gets a constant GPS signal
from Mr. Bracelet
that goes through your phone line
to the monitoring systems downtown.
So they know where you are,
where you've been
and what you're thinking, 25/7.
- What if he accidentally goes beyond...
- Red light flashes.
You got 10 seconds
to get your butt back to green, or else.
Or else what?
The execution squad shows up?
And they don't bring blindfolds.
It's tamper-proof and waterproof.
So don't try to stick your foot in a bucket
of water and hop across the line.
It won't work, and you'll look stupid.
Now, here's the instructions.
Here's my card.
Thank you.
Are you all set up to pay
the incarceration fee, Mrs. Brecht?
- No.
- $12. Every day.
I accept all major credit cards.
Great.
My wallet's right over here.
Officer.
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Brecht.
- Thank you, really.
Gutierrez?
Your Spanish teacher,
he's my cousin.
Oh, one more thing. Listen up.
House arrest might sound like a breeze,
but I've seen many a folk get a bit loopy
after too long.
Some after just a day or two.
So find constructive things to do
to keep yourself busy.
Boom! Nice shot.
Okay, get my left flank.
There's two more at the entrance.
Let me jump on the M60.
Cobra's at 3 o'clock.
- Just get your position and hold it.
- Do it now, man!
Just get your position and hold it.
Go down to the bottom entrance.
Okay, here we go.
Here it comes, here it comes.
- Just watch. Here it goes.
- Shoot, now!
- Fired.
- Come on!
Boom! Boom! Got it.
Okay, we got that. We got that.
Now, follow me. Off the ledge.
There's a secret entrance at the bottom.
Hello?
You gotta be kidding me. Hello?
Alan stops by Cheaters to discuss
what's been eating at his conscience.
Well, your camera busted in
on the situation that I guess I was in.
Uh-oh.
Here she comes.
Hey! Where you going?
Caught you, bro.
Here. Come around here.
What the... is going on?
- Alan?
- Come on.
Man up, Alan.
- Open the... door.
- Alan?
- What the...
- What the hell you doing?
What the...
Explain what you're doing
with Valerie's cousin?
How the hell... How the...
...Saint Tropez all the way to Cannes.
It was so beautiful. There's nothing
like it, especially from the air.
Parasail with us through the skies
over endless blue water.
Then shop Cabo's maze of streets,
alleyway stores and curios.
Then we'll get adventurous
with the best in water sports.
And, of course, the good stuff,
chicas calientes.
On Bikini Destinations,
Cabo San Lucas.
Police in Madison...
- More trash TV?
- No, it's news.
...15 miles west of Springdale
have released the first photo
of 33-year-old Patricia Williams,
who may be the victim of a kidnapping.
Family members reported Williams
missing yesterday
after repeated calls to her cell phone
went unanswered for three days.
You canceled my Xbox.
iTunes, too.
You know what else I'm canceling?
Maid service.
Look, Kale, I'm sorry you're a felon,
but this is not a vacation.
I have two open houses today.
I want you to clean up this room
and clean up the kitchen.
I'll do that.
Let me just check my schedule.
If you have any information
on the whereabouts
of Patricia Williams,
a special hotline number
has been set up at 1-800...
Isn't that a little overdramatic?
You don't think
I'm just gonna plug it back in?
Dramatic?
What are you gonna do now?
Are you crazy?
- Ma...
- That's dramatic.
Clean up your room.
Ronnie, you have no idea
how much this thing itches.
Plus, my mother transformed.
She's a dictator now,
like the warden from Shawshank.
And she took my Xbox.
And my iTunes are gone, right?
And I can't go anywhere.
I'm losing it. I'm losing my mind.
Just give me any information,
anything at all.
What's going on out there?
You gotta see these Oahu chicks.
The natives are ferocious.
This girl down by the pool,
she just taught me how
to say "Lauhala-lana. "
- What does that mean?
- I have no idea.
- I think it's a Hawaiian mating call.
- You're lying.
Who's that with you? Is that...
Do you work here?
I'm gonna have to call you back, okay?
No, no, don't do it. Ronnie. Ronnie.
- Ronnie! Ronnie!
- I've gotta go, bye.
Oh, yeah. Here we go.
Oh, yeah, there we go. Yeah.
Mary asked if I'd cover the hostess
stand a couple nights this week.
So, I could be kind of late.
Do you want to talk about anything?
I got nothing.
- I'm dropping this off in the garage.
- Oh, careful. Careful.
It's a priceless family heirloom.
I don't have time to explain it.
Put it downstairs.
Get the boxes out first.
Ashley, sweetie,
could you please come upstairs?
- Be nice to your mom today, okay?
- I am being very nice.
And we've got more stuff in the car,
so, you know, join in.
Yeah, I'm coming!
God.
Yeah?
Oh! Oh, shit.
No!
It's dog shit.
What a retard!
You little bastards.
Bet you think that's real funny, huh?
What are you gonna do?
Kill us, like you killed your teacher?
Not before I shove this shit and my foot
back up your asses.
Oh, crap!
Dude, you said
he couldn't leave his house.
He can't!
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit!
Turn green! Turn green!
Okay, here we are, back at home.
I'm good.
Turn green. Come on.
Come on! Turn green, I'm in!
Turn green. Come on.
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
Hey, are you okay?
No, it's fine.
I'm fine. It just... It turned. I'm green.
No, no, no. Sir? Listen.
Officer, listen to me.
I wasn't trying to go anywhere.
I wasn't trying to leave.
There's a bag of shit on my stairs.
Two kids just...
Honestly, they put a bag of shit
on my stairs and they lit it on fire.
- Get down on the ground.
- There's a bag of shit on my...
Get down on the ground!
Get your hands behind your head.
Somebody comes
and shits on my house?
- Face down, face down.
- This is bullshit.
Now give me your other hand.
Kale, calm down. The officers were
probably in the neighborhood already.
Yeah, but the cop that came,
that cop is my teacher's cousin.
They're related.
Isn't that a conflict of interest?
- Is there no other cops that can...
- He didn't haul you away, right?
- No. No, he didn't. He...
- Because first times happen.
- Right.
- The officers knew that.
Even your teacher's cousin.
But next time you will be back
in front of a judge, all right?
Thank you.
Little harder, Chad.
Hi, pup.
Come here.
- You and me, both.
- Frankie! Frankie!
- Where is he? Where is he?
- No, no, no.
Frankie! Where are you?
Frankie!
- Mom?
- What'd you get?
Just a couple things.
You want to try them on for me?
- Maybe later.
- Well, the pool's almost ready.
Aloha, Seor Kale.
Ronald! What's going on, bro?
- Nothing.
- How you doing?
- Oh, great. Have you been showering?
- Of course. Come on.
- What is that?
- Macadamia nuts.
That's all you got me?
Some stupid nuts?
Hey, I got something to show you
that is most definitely...
No, no. I got something to show you.
I got something to show you.
This is reality without the TV.
There's a world
right outside my window.
- Look, look. Here we go.
- I have Maui chicks, man.
There it is. Mrs. Pilch.
And the Pilch dog.
- Exciting.
- No, no, no, wait, it's not done.
Look, and then she...
Look what she does.
She says bye to Linda,
the maid they have at the house,
who has a titty tat, you know.
And then every Thursday at 4:00,
she goes to the country club
and plays tennis
with Betty Big-Bangs over there.
Okay, and then the ladies leave.
Here we go. Cue Mr. Pilch,
coming back from work.
- Fascinating.
- Here we go, here we go.
Get up. Get up and look at this.
What do you think that's about, huh?
He comes in. Here, take this.
Take this. Take it.
Put that down. Look.
Look at the top, second story.
- Who's there?
- Damn!
Right? You see what I'm saying?
Here, come on.
- Ronnie, let's go.
- Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.
Oh, my God, you've made
the Tower of Twinkie.
Is that in the Stalker's Handbook
somewhere?
No, listen. That's not what I am, okay?
I'm not a stalker.
These are just simple observations.
Natural side effects of chronic boredom.
Find your passion, Kale.
This is Robert Turner.
And...
He does that about twice a day.
Other than that, I don't really see him.
Here's the little shitbagger sleeper cell
I was telling you about, remember?
- Oh, the ding-dong ditch?
- Yeah, that's them.
So what's the plan
for the counterattack?
I don't know.
I'm keeping my options open.
- The runt is mine.
- Here, come on.
- What was that?
- Here, come on.
Last stop on the tour.
Here, come here. Come here.
Oh, my God.
There is a God.
Yeah.
Who is she?
I don't know.
What's stopping you?
Come on.
Shit. Oh, God.
Can I help you?
No, no, no. I'm fine, I got it. I got it.
I'm real close.
It's just the bush has grown a little bit.
Don't worry about it.
I do this all the time.
Yeah, I can tell.
I got these two.
A little embarrassing,
I can't get my own mail.
I think any pride you had left
was gone a while ago.
Oh, you mean when the cops came.
No, no, no.
That was a screw-up on their end.
That wasn't me.
Wrong guy, wrong house, wrong...
Wrong. Just wrong.
I'm Kale, by the way.
So, how's your move going?
- Still going.
- Yeah?
I'd help. I'm just a little
spatially challenged at the moment.
Yeah, you kinda got that whole
Martha Stewart thing going on.
Yeah, kinda. Except I don't get, like,
a 48-hour allowance for office visits.
I'm not very good
at decorating pastries, either.
It's not one of my strong suits.
So, where'd you say you moved from?
- I'm from the city.
- The city?
And now, forcefully relocated.
Ashley?
Can you come in here, please?
My mom.
Yeah, I've been washing dishes
by hand.
She's really polite
and always says "please,"
but she has that tone, did you notice?
Yeah, I know the tone.
I'm Ashley, by the way.
Noticed that, too.
Japan's earning season will
go into full swing this week, so...
...weeks ago.
A valet parking attendant says
an unidentified person
picked up Williams sometime
between 10:00 and 10:30 p. m.
That individual was driving
a blue 1960s Ford Mustang,
which may have been dented
on the left side.
Police have released
a surveillance tape
confirming the eyewitness account.
But now, in the newest development,
sources close to the investigation say
a review of the entire tape...
Started without me, huh?
Nice.
What are you stopping for?
No.
You can't see me. It's too dark in here.
All right, you've done it.
You've pushed me right over the edge.
Just look at me when I talk to you!
Now, listen...
You've let me down, Ashley!
A Mustang.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Jesus.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I thought you heard me. I'm sorry.
That's fine. It's fine.
I didn't hear you. You're like a ninja.
- I'm sorry.
- It's fine.
What are you doing?
Just staring out the window.
Staring at the wind. You know,
getting creative.
Well, I just wanted to say good night.
- Well, good night. I love you.
- Okay.
- I love you.
- Okay. Sleep good.
Jesus, Ma.
Hey.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Looking at my garden? Is that it?
You looking at my beautiful garden?
Well, I caught you now.
I got you.
Yeah, you're not gonna
dig in my garden anymore.
Nothing about missing bunnies,
but listen to this.
Now the cops are saying
that the circumstances surrounding
the girl's disappearance are similar
to several murder-kidnappings
in Austin three years ago.
All redheads.
They didn't catch the guy,
but they found seven chicks' bodies
in a house
a year after the alleged killer
abandoned the property.
No leads, no way of IDing
whoever lived there,
'cause he used a fake name,
and probably a PO box,
'cause no mail was ever delivered
to the house.
Hello.
Oh, here, check this. They got pictures.
- Wow, that is sick.
- Hello.
- Yo, you gotta see this. Check this...
- Movement.
- We're going swimming.
- Okay.
What do we have?
Well, better late than never, right?
Here we go. Here we go.
I really, really like your neighborhood.
- Well, that's new.
- We like new.
It's so warm, baby.
Okay, that's it. Cleansing breath. Can I?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
There we go.
Okay, girl, you concentrate now.
This is for the gold.
Oh, God!
You're a jackass.
You are a genuine jackass.
Seriously,
there's no way she heard that.
I promise you, she heard it.
My deaf aunt in Omaha heard.
Oh, no!
- What?
- She just saw me. She saw me.
- What?
- Yeah, she saw me.
- She was looking up at me when...
- No.
- No, no.
- Yeah, she saw me.
There's no way she... See? She's...
Okay, maybe she did.
Really?
Well, are her swims always that short?
No, she usually takes her time with it.
That's what I'm telling you.
Oh, God. And now she's gone.
- No!
- No!
It's nothing. It's not her.
Well, listen, it could be her.
- It's not, so...
- Okay, we'll check. We'll check.
Well, no, no, I'm saying, if it's not her,
then you can let them go away.
It's her at the door. It's her at the door.
- No! No, no, no.
- Just look, look.
- Shit! Don't, don't...
- Okay, okay, okay. Stop it. Okay.
- Wait, wait, I got it.
- Oh, my God, we are so busted.
- No, no, no! Wait! Don't answer it!
- I have to.
She knows I'm here.
I got the thing on my foot.
Hi.
What took you so long?
What... We were...
We were upstairs playing.
- Video games!
- Yeah. Video games.
This is my friend, Ronnie. Ronald.
- Say hi, Ronald.
- Hi, Ronald.
You're so stupid.
So, what brings you here?
To my house?
- I got locked out.
- Oh, that sucks.
It's a tragedy.
So, you gotta call someone?
No, I'd rather stay stranded,
if you don't mind.
Video games, huh? I like to play.
Is this your room?
Just so you know,
it's a little messy, okay?
- A little?
- Yeah.
Anything interesting out here?
The...
Okay.
I'm sorry, what did you say?
I didn't hear you. I didn't hear you.
Are you spying on the neighbors, Kale?
Actually, he is.
You see, he's got this neighbor,
who I guess, by definition,
would also be your neighbor.
Who may, in point of fact,
- be a cold-blooded killer...
- Right.
...from Texas.
- Right. Well, he's from Austin.
- Yeah.
- Is that so?
- Yeah. Yeah, that's...
- Exhibit A. Robert Turner.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've seen him. So?
- So?
- So...
Well, so, the missing girl's
from Madison?
On the news.
You think he has something
to do with that?
He drives a car
just like the one she was
- last seen in.
- Which is a '60s-era Mustang.
A '60s-era Mustang.
- Same color. Yeah.
- And it's the same color.
Gee, that really narrows it down.
Well, you know,
the news said that car was dented.
- Yeah, and his front fender's dented.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- It's cohesive.
- It matches. The whole story.
- Yeah.
It fits.
Okay.
I am seeing the Mustang.
But no bashed-in fender.
What? Yeah, no, it's there. It's there.
If I could just... It should be there.
That's weird.
How'd he get it fixed so fast?
Maybe 'cause it was never there
in the first place.
However, he is clearly a pack rat.
He plays volleyball.
- He collects skulls!
- What? Here, let me see.
That's a longhorn skull.
You know what state's famous
for longhorns.
- Texas.
- And what state's the killer from?
Texas.
Fine. Where's the coffee and donuts?
You can't have a stakeout
without coffee and donuts.
That's everything I could find.
Got most of it off of my uncle.
He's a type-A sociopath.
How long has Turner lived there?
I don't know. A few years.
Hey, check this out.
The victims they found in Texas
were preserved,
delaying their decomposition.
This guy was so sick.
They say their bodies were twisted
and jammed into the basement walls.
This girl died from blunt trauma,
most likely blows to the head and face.
Gnarly. I'm hungry.
Let's order pizza.
He's been gone a while.
Here.
How'd you get my phone?
That's a big violation of privacy,
you know.
This is... I could turn you in for this.
What did you do?
I know you did something.
Every time he calls you,
that's what you'll hear.
Okay. That's a nice choice.
Cute.
It's a little scary, though, right?
It could use a little color. Do you mind?
No. Go for it, Picasso.
So, why'd your parents drag you
to the 'burbs, anyway?
Well, I guess my mom wanted
to keep my dad on a shorter leash.
City life had its temptations.
But my mom pretty much cries
just as much as she always did,
and my dad doesn't care
more than ever.
What'd they think,
the extra bathroom would help?
Maybe a two-car garage.
"You know what, honey?
Infidelity, forget about it.
"Look at the storage space!"
Something like that.
So, what are your issues, Kale?
What makes you think I have issues?
Gee, I don't know.
Look, there he is.
It's another car.
Who said chivalry's dead?
I didn't.
- There's a club girl for you.
- How can you tell?
The bright green bracelet
is from The Place.
The red one is from The Komodo Club,
and yellow is from Razors.
Jesus. You must have a great ID, huh?
I don't need one.
I love her shoes.
You gotta be joking.
Is that what you're looking at? Shoes.
Of course.
He's going in.
He's gonna get her all liquored up.
This feels wrong.
Oh, he's going for it.
Okay.
Here he goes. Here he goes.
Denied.
Look at the look on his face.
A little music to set the mood.
- What do you think they're listening to?
- I don't know.
You know what? I got an idea.
Here, take this.
- No.
- No?
No. Stop, stop.
- No.
- Yeah.
- You're kidding me.
- I think we got a match.
Oh, God.
It does match.
Only in Disturbia.
Where else are you gonna get
this kind of entertainment?
- Thank God you moved here, right?
- Yeah.
Wait a minute.
Wait, did you see that?
Wait, zoom in a little.
Oh, my God.
Did you see that? The price tag.
She won't be returning that dress.
Oh, there you go.
Now you should bust your move.
Who's the redhead?
- She's cute.
- Don't you have something to do?
Don't you have something to do?
- No.
- Your...
Yeah. My dad likes this song,
by the way.
Hi, Mom.
- Here we go.
- No, I'm fine.
I'm at Barnes & Noble.
No, that's okay, I'll walk.
Shift's over. Gotta go.
Walk me?
Sure.
Give this to your mom.
Thank you for an interesting night
and day.
I guess this is as far as you go.
I guess so.
So, same shift tomorrow?
I'll get back to you.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Somebody, anybody.
Somebody, anybody.
Come on, baby.
Hello, boys.
Family fun night.
Okay. I see what's going on.
Oh, Jesus. You guys are screwed now.
"We're just watching cartoons. "
"Oh, okay, sweetie. I understand.
You guys are growing boys. "
Come on, Mom.
Bastards. Wow, they are horny as shit.
Help! Help!
Shit, come on.
Oh, shit.
Okay. Oh, God.
- Ronnie.
- How far did you get?
Ronnie, listen to me. Okay.
Turner just saw me.
- What?
- Yeah.
And the redhead
who was at his house, okay?
- Are you sure?
- He chased her around the house,
and it got dark, he turned the lights out.
I mean, I don't know what I saw. I saw...
Well, what if he killed her? I mean...
Slow down, slow down. Talk to me.
What is happening?
- Just stay on the phone.
- Kale?
Okay, just stay on the phone.
Are you seeing something?
Kale, what is happening?
Talk to me, man.
It's the redhead.
She's leaving the house.
You are seriously losing it,
you know that?
You gotta stop this, all right, Kale?
Kale?
- No!
- No, no, no! Whoa.
Whoa. Just take it easy.
Easy. Slow down.
I'm Robert Turner. I'm your neighbor.
I just live behind you...
Yeah, I know who you are!
What are you doing in my house?
- Well, I...
- Morning, honey!
I think I startled him.
I ran into Robert at the grocery store.
I had a flat tire when I came out.
We tried to change it,
but that adaptor thingamajiggy...
Yeah, my dad put those bolts on.
Well, it did not work.
Instead it stripped it.
- My fault.
- No.
You saved my life.
We had it towed to Frank's.
Oh, yeah?
Thank God you were there, huh?
- To tow it to Frank's.
- Just glad I could help.
Kale, would it kill you
to use a bread knife?
It's a knife. What's the difference?
Well, the difference?
About 60 bucks at Bed Bath.
Hey, you know, those things...
I've always been curious
about those things.
- Do you mind if I just take a look?
- Yeah, I mind.
- So what'd you do?
- How do you like your coffee?
I popped my Spanish teacher.
Shoot, I think I left the milk in the car.
I'll be right back.
So, when you say that you
- popped your teacher...
- Yeah, I punched him in the face.
Listen,
I get it.
I went to school.
There are plenty of teachers
I wanted to just kill.
Kale, would you grab the sugar, please?
Here it is.
Can I pour you some milk?
On the way back here, your mom was
saying how much she likes eating out.
Was she?
I thought maybe we could do dinner
and a movie sometime...
- That's not gonna happen.
- I would like that. It'd be good.
For me. For me it's not gonna happen.
But I'm sure my mother would love
to go, huh, Ma?
- You'd love that.
- Why don't we sit down?
Nice meeting you, Kale.
- He is something.
- Yes, he really is something.
And so is your place.
That's creepy.
I said it, I told you.
The guy's a freak show, right?
Did he genuinely mean
it was nice meeting you,
or was he sending you
some kind of sinister message?
- Are you playing with me?
- A little.
- Did you even notice my hair?
- Yeah, no, it's nice.
It's real nice. Okay, there's the Mustang.
Then there's the longhorn skull
in his garage.
And then there was the club girl.
Who looked freaked out, okay?
She looked freaked out.
She was running around half-naked
in his living room.
Then he challenges me.
He stares at me.
He shows up in my kitchen,
hits on my mother.
- I mean...
- Can you blame him?
Your mom's hot.
My mom's hot. Can you be serious?
Did you consider whatever look
that girl had
might have been something else?
Maybe she likes being
chased around half-naked.
And that's it?
That's what you're leaving me with?
I'm going to a party.
- Whose?
- Mine.
Yours?
You're having a...
I didn't mean to say it like that.
I just didn't know you knew anyone.
I met this girl today, Minnie Tyco.
Minnie... Yes, "Skinny Psycho. "
Yeah, I had Spanish with her.
She's a lot of fun.
I told her my parents were going out
of town, and one thing led to another.
She called somebody,
and then they called somebody,
- and now, everybody's coming.
- Yeah, no, I got it, I got it.
So now you got the whole jock
and bimbo population showing up?
Well, that'll be fun.
So you're really going through with this?
Yes.
All right, well, that'll be fun.
I just didn't think
you would conform so fast but...
Try to keep those
in your drawers tonight, will you?
Wait, what was that?
Oh, you think I'm watching you.
Well, I'm not. I'm not watching.
I'm minding my own business.
Hey, how are you?
All right, that's it. That's it!
Oh, my God.
- You don't like Minnie Riperton?
- Fire!
I hit him, you guys! Go, you guys!
Go, go, go, go!
I got you now, Greenwood!
- Oh, my God! Go!
- You better not be listed!
Big tactical error, my friend. Huge!
What the...
What are you doing here? Huh?
Oh! No! Wait.
What's wrong?
You don't like my music?
- Oh, my God.
- What?
Oh, shit. Hold on.
Back off, or I will throw this
where you can't follow.
Okay, just relax, okay?
That's 60 gigs of my life.
Even better.
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
I'm trying to enjoy my party.
- Oh, really? Okay.
- Oh, no, wait.
That's wrong.
According to you, I'm trying to conform.
- Well, you could have fooled me.
- What does that mean?
I'm saying, if you're trying
to enjoy your party, enjoy your party.
Don't keep looking up at me, trying
to get a rise out of me. It's unnecessary.
So, you were watching me.
But for how long? Just tonight?
A week? Two weeks? Since I moved in?
What have you been
keeping tabs on, Kale?
What else have you seen?
- What else have I seen?
- Yeah. What else?
I've seen a lot.
I mean, not like that. Not... I mean...
For instance, I've seen that you're
maybe one of, I don't know,
three people in the world
that likes pizza-flavored chips.
You're also the only person
I've ever seen that spends more time
on the roof of her house
than in her actual house.
And what are you doing?
You're reading.
Books. You know, not US Weekly,
or Seventeen or, you know...
But you're reading substantial books.
You also do this...
You do this thing where,
it's like an OCD thing, but it's not. It's...
Whenever you're leaving your room,
you grab the doorknob, and you turn,
you're getting ready to leave,
but you don't, you stop,
and you back up, and you turn
to the mirror, and you stare at yourself.
But it's not like a, you know,
"I'm so hot," type of stare.
You know, it's more like,
"Who am I, really?"
And to ask yourself that, I mean, that's...
That's so cool.
Also, you look out the window
all the time, like I do,
only you're looking at the world,
you know.
Trying to figure it out.
Trying to understand the world.
Trying to figure out why it's not in order,
like your books.
I'm only looking at you.
That's either the creepiest
or the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
Remember the other night?
When we talked about my issues?
- You said you didn't have issues.
- Did I?
That was bullshit. I got a million issues.
For a guy who killed his teacher?
I didn't kill my teacher.
What?
- Holy shit.
- What?
What's in the bag?
- Oh, my God.
- What?
- What'd you see?
- Red smears.
- Blood?
- What should we do?
I can't believe you want me
to break into this guy's car.
We need to see what's in the blue bag.
So, get in the car and get
the garage door opener, all right?
Are you sure I'm still in the clear?
Ashley, where's Turner now?
He's shovel shopping.
Visual coming your way.
Are you sure I'm clear?
Yeah, you're golden, man.
He's still in the store.
Okay, here we go.
- Well, that's pretty cool.
- What are you talking about?
Ashley's got, like, a live feed going here.
This is a lot harder than it looks
on the Internet.
You're doing great, man.
You're doing great.
Ashley!
- Hi!
- Hi, Skinny Minnie.
Where did you hear that name?
- Hello? Ashley? Hello. Ashley.
- Son of a bitch. I'm in.
There you go!
Nice. All right, start looking around.
- Okay.
- Look under the seat, too.
In side compartments, glove box,
the whole nine.
- It's not here, dawg.
- Nothing? All right.
All right, keep looking. Hold on.
- Yes.
- Kale, I lost Turner.
I ran into Skinny Psycho.
You lost...
When is the last time you saw him?
I don't know. About five minutes ago.
His car's gone.
All right, hold on.
- Okay. Ronnie.
- Yo, yo, here, I found his opener!
Okay, listen to me. Pop it open
and give me the code, okay?
Pop it open
and give me the code right now.
No, no, but it looks like
I can just open the garage right now.
No, Ronnie, don't do that.
Don't do that, Ronnie.
Just give me the code, okay?
- Why do you sound so agitated?
- Okay, listen.
Ashley just lost Turner,
who's coming home right now.
That's why I'm agitated.
I need you to read me the code. Okay?
- So, pop it open and give it to me.
- What? Oh, no, no, no.
Operation Stupid is officially over.
No! Ronald, no! Listen to me.
Stop right there, turn around
and give me the code.
Pop it open and give me the code!
You're right there!
Pop it open and go.
Pop it open and give it to me, Ronald.
I can't get this... I can't...
It's not opening, okay?
Okay, keep trying. Hold on. Hello?
Kale, you've gotta get Ronnie
out of there. Now!
Yeah, I know, I know. He's got the code.
He's giving it to me right now.
Well, tell him to hurry. Shit!
Okay, okay, okay.
Hello? Ronald, go.
Are you ready? It's one down.
Miss Carlson.
Kale.
Three up, four up. No, no, no.
Sorry, I screwed that.
Okay. Up?
Four down.
Kale?
Hi.
I'm Robert Turner.
I live behind you.
Oh, yeah.
Would you mind?
It's just a little rude.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm officially welcoming you
to the neighborhood.
I know that you've been following me.
Don't. No, don't.
Don't deny it.
I'm not upset. And, quite frankly,
I don't even want to know why.
I just would like you to know that
I'm a little on the shy side.
So, short of all this sneaking around
in some kind of hip, new-aged way
of coming on to a somewhat older man,
I really feel obliged to tell you
that I rather enjoy my privacy.
You see, the world is...
It's in a heightened state of paranoia.
And I tend to think that someone
as intelligent
and attractive as you
doesn't need to be wasting her time
stoking the fire.
I...
So, now you know.
You're not the only one who's watching.
So, feel free to pass that along
if you'd like.
Cool?
Are we cool?
Cool. Cool.
Cool.
All right. That's it. Give me the phone.
I'm calling the cops.
Wait. He didn't do anything.
All he said was that he liked his privacy.
But think about that.
Why does he want his privacy?
I mean, he's hiding something.
We know that.
- Yeah, definitely.
- Right?
And he knows that we know that.
He knows that.
And regardless of if he had a bad day
or a good... It doesn't matter.
He scared the hell out of you.
That's a grown man.
Look, Kale, he freaked me out,
but he's right.
We're the ones spying.
Oh, man,
she's got that Stockholm thing.
You know, where the hostage
falls for the hostage taker.
- Where do you get this stuff?
- I read a lot.
Okay. I got a...
How is that a nice or charming guy?
- I didn't say that.
- No, okay, Ash, what you said was...
You said, "He broke into my car,
but he did it in a nice way. "
- Maybe I'm not understanding.
- Okay, you know what?
- Can we just...
- Drop this?
This is obviously not
a cute little game anymore.
This has gone way too far.
Hi. No, I'm not over here.
Okay, I'm coming.
Parents' anniversary,
amazingly enough.
Just drop this, okay?
I'll call you later.
This is Ronnie. Make it good.
Ronnie, I did some research
on Turner's house, okay?
I'm looking at the blueprints, and it says
that when this house was first built,
this main house and the garage
weren't connected.
And now there's
this whole middle piece.
That middle piece wasn't there.
I mean, what would he need that for?
I'm just thinking out loud. Call me back.
- Who is it?
- It's Ronnie, man! Come on!
- Did you get my message?
- What? No, listen.
- I dropped my phone in his car!
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Wait.
- I went home, it wasn't in my pockets.
I must have put it down
when I was putting the thing back on.
- Okay, okay, stop.
- I don't want to...
Are you understanding what I'm saying?
Okay, look!
We're gonna get your phone, okay?
Here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna get your phone.
But I need you to do
one more thing for me.
- Yeah. Okay. Okay.
- You there?
How am I looking? Can you see this?
Yeah, you're good. I see you.
Okay, how does it look over there?
Am I... Is anything moving?
How am I looking?
- Yeah, you're good to go.
- Okay.
There you go. There you go.
Wait, is this... You still got a signal?
Yeah, no, I see you, I see you.
Do it from around the corner.
There you go.
Are you sure I'm still clear?
No movement. You're fine.
Oh, God. I made a lot of noise.
Did you see anything?
You're good.
Oh, man, it reeks in here.
- What's it smell like?
- Like the corpse of a rotting hottie.
Okay, yes, the door's unlocked.
I'm not seeing it, man. It's not in here.
Just keep looking. It's there.
Just calm down.
Just be patient, you'll find it.
Oh, God, yes. Okay, I got it. I got it.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
- There you go.
Okay. Okay. Now listen.
- You gotta find the bag.
- Okay. All right. Okay.
I don't see it.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I see it, I see it. Do you see this?
There it is. Good job. Good job.
- Okay.
- All right, okay, okay.
I just gotta put the camera down
for a second.
Oh, yeah.
This is definitely the source of the stink.
Bro, I don't want to do this anymore.
I want to come home.
Just stay calm. Stay calm.
I need you to look in the bag.
God, there's a lot of blood.
- Wait a minute, I think that's hair.
- Okay.
Oh, Jesus, this is nasty.
Oh, God. This is sticky.
Ronnie, the camera's sliding.
Ronnie. Shit.
Well, that was close.
Good save.
Okay, I got it. Jesus. How am I looking?
Oh, no.
What the...
Ronnie? Did you just close the door?
I think there's someone in the garage.
Help me.
Ronnie.
Oh, shit, he's in the house.
Oh, shit!
Ronnie?
Oh, shit.
Ronnie!
Ronnie!
Open the door!
Officer! Officer!
- Listen, my friend, has been kidnapped!
- Drop the bat now!
- Down on the ground!
- Okay. Okay.
Drop it. Now! Clear the bat.
The only reason I came here
is my friend is in the house.
He's kidnapped by the owner
of the house who's trying to kill him.
- No, come on, man!
- He's claiming a possible 10-31.
- It's open.
- It was open when I got here!
- Breaking and entering.
- Bullshit!
- Mr. Turner?
- Yes, I am. Can I help you?
Sorry to wake you, sir,
but the kid here is claiming
that his friend is in your house.
Do you know anything about that?
No, I certainly don't.
You lying son of a bitch, he's in your...
- That's it, come on.
- He's in the house.
- Come on, here we go.
- Okay, look.
He didn't just wake up five minutes ago.
The man has been kidnapping
and killing people.
Okay? There's a body in a blue bag
in his garage!
Please.
Sir, when we got here,
the door was open.
Well, how would he get the door open?
I'm not sure, sir. I don't see any signs
of breaking and entering.
Just keep him here for a second.
Yeah, he lives with his mother.
They live back here.
Just give me a second, sir.
Something doesn't feel right. Let's just
check it out. Just take a second.
Come on, let's go.
Sir, do you mind
if we take a look inside?
Not at all. You be my guest.
- He was stealing?
- Yeah, I think so.
I'm not quite sure, but he did something.
Okay.
I hit it the other night.
I thought I could save a few steps
and get it off the road myself.
I was hoping to bury it sooner,
but it's been a hell of a week.
But you found time to fix your fender,
though, right?
Well, that car is a classic.
I had to get it out of storage
for the auto show.
I needed it in pristine condition.
- The auto show?
- That's right.
The auto show. Big car fan, huh?
- All right, that's it.
- The auto show.
Let's go.
- What about my friend then, huh?
- All right, all right.
- Where's my friend then, huh?
- Let's go. Come on.
Auto show!
It was his second violation, Mrs. Brecht.
He's due in court at 9:00 a. m. tomorrow.
Can he press charges?
Well, your son was in his house,
Mrs. Brecht,
and so, yes, Mr. Turner
can file charges if he chooses.
- Thank you.
- Good night.
Good night.
I can't believe this.
I can't believe you're actually buying
this guy's bullshit.
- What? After what you just pulled?
- It's bullshit, Mom.
And everything that's happened
this past year,
it's a miracle
they didn't just take you away.
- I have to go talk to him.
- What are you talking about? Now?
- He could press charges, Kale.
- Now?
- I don't care if he's gonna press...
- Sit down!
I care.
You are breaking my heart, Kale.
Oh, shit.
What the hell are you doing, Ma?
Oh, shit.
Ronnie? Ronnie.
Oh, no.
Piece of shit.
Ronnie.
- Yo, don't kill me.
- You motherfuck.
- Don't kill me. Hey...
- Are you serious?
Do you have any idea
what I've just been through?
Hey! Come on!
I thought you were dead.
Dude, did you want me to go up
to the cops and be like,
"Oh, hey, you know what, Officer?
He's right. I was in his house.
"I went in there to get the phone
out of the car
"that I broke into earlier today. "
Look, all I could think of was,
"I don't want to go to jail.
"Hide. Hide. "
And I went into the closet, and...
Okay. All right, okay, okay,
that was a bad joke.
- I just wasn't thinking straight, okay?
- I get it. I get it.
- Please, please. I'm so...
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Oh, God. You bastard.
God. You bastard.
- Hey, so what was in the bag?
- It was a dead deer.
- Naturally.
- Yeah.
Yo, what is your mom doing over there?
She's keeping me out of jail.
Oh, wait. You know what? Then before
they confiscate this evidence,
you should come over here
and peep this.
I'm serious, man.
I got my whole great escape on video.
I hope this works. I dropped it.
Here we are.
You know what?
I was in your closet for, like, two weeks.
I gotta take a piss. Check this out.
- Oh, no.
- Yo, it's genius.
Ronnie? Did you just close the door?
I think there's someone in the garage.
Help me.
What was that?
Yeah, but it's just been
really hard on him.
He still blames himself.
I understand.
I know feelings like that, they don't...
You know, they don't just go away.
Thank you so much.
You've just been so great about all this.
Well, it's been my pleasure.
Thanks.
- Good night.
- Okay.
Ronnie!
Ronnie, get up here! Ronnie!
She's on the tape!
Ronnie!
The club girl, she's dead!
Ronnie!
So, he got her on tape?
I really didn't want this.
All I wanted
was to live in peace,
which is why we gotta keep
the spotlight on you.
You've done most of the work already.
You are the troubled neighborhood boy
who cried wolf.
But now,
you are really going to snap.
First, you killed your buddy,
because he was calling your girlfriend
behind your back.
And now we gotta
bring your mom over here
so you can slit her throat,
because she just wouldn't stop
blaming you
for killing your dad.
So, it sounds good?
Good.
Pen and paper.
Write this down.
"Dear Ashley,
- "I killed Ronnie... "
- Kale?
Kale!
My God. Kale!
Kale!
Shut the door. Shut the door. Oh, God.
Grab the phone.
The scissors! Here, scissors.
- Come on, 911.
- Phone is dead.
Where is your mom?
Turner's house. Here, take that.
All right, we've gotta get across the line.
Get ready to run, okay?
Come on! Go! Jump!
- Kale!
- Go!
Come on!
I've gotta get my mom.
Make sure the cops are coming, okay?
- Yeah.
- Okay?
- Go!
- Okay.
Go!
Mom!
13-Adam? 13-Adam-74, come in.
Yeah, I realize your shift's over,
but that kid just hopped the fence again.
You still want first dibs?
Yeah. Yeah, I'll take care of it.
Roger that. Over.
Yeah, when I take care of it.
Mom?
Mom?
Mom?
Mom?
Shit.
Oh, God.
Oh, shit!
Mom?
It's the club girl.
She never left.
Mr. Turner?
Sir, are you here? Police!
Mom?
Mom?
Mom?
Dispatch, 13-Adam...
Mom?
Hello?
Mom? Mom?
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
You're okay, you're okay.
Here, I got you.
You made me do this.
You know,
I think you're the first one to ever get
one of these things taken off early
for good behavior.
- Good behavior?
- That's what I'm calling it.
You got a problem with it,
call somebody who cares.
Good behavior.
You all set to pay the incarceration fee,
Mrs. Brecht?
You're kidding.
No, she's not kidding.
Today counts.
She's not kidding.
No. Look.
Follow me.
So much for being spatially challenged.
Does it scare you?
Oh, yes. It terrifies me.
So, what happens now?
- Did you see that?
- Hello?
Mrs. Greenwood, hi. This is Joe Smith
from the satellite company.
Well, we're just calling to check up
on our adult programming subscribers.
- What are you talking about?
- Skin flicks, ma'am.
- That's what the kids are calling 'em.
- Excuse me? What?
Well, we see that you're currently
accessing it, ma'am, as we speak.
From receiver 3,
second floor of your house.
- But that's not possible.
- I'm just doing my job.
- Okay.
- Thanks for your call.
Yes, ma'am.
What are you watching?
What do you think you're doing?
Nice.
And I am calling your mother!
- You feel better now?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- But that's just the first strike, though.
- Really?
Well, yeah, it's an ongoing offensive
against neighborhood evil.
I'm very dedicated.
You're my hero.
Soon to be the most popular video
on YouTube.