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Dobro pozhalovat, ili postoronnim vkhod vospreshchyon (Welcome, or No Trespassing) (2010)
Dedicated to adults who once were kids
And to kids who will one day be adults "Welcome" or "No trespassing" Screenplay: Semyon Lungin, Ilya Nusinov Stage manager: Elem Klimov Chief operator: Anatoliy Kuznetsov Art: V.Kamskiy, B.Blank Producer: K.Gakkel Music: M.Tariverdiyev, I.Yakushenko Sound: V.Zorin Conductor: E.Khachaturyan Operator: M.Koroptsov Special effects: Operator: I.Felitsyn, Art: N.Zvonarev Costumes: L.Ryashentseva Makeup: L.Baskakova Setup: A.Kamagorova Editing: N.Lozinskaya, N.Rudakova Director: G.Lukin Cast: Yevgeniy Yevstigneyev A.Aleynikova, I.Rutberg, L.Smirnova, A.Smirnov "Learning is enlightenment" V.Kosykh, Y.Bondarenko, L.Volkova, B.Demb, S.Kokorev, I.Kryukov, S.Tsarev, S.Mashovets, T.Prokhorova, L.Smeyan T.Barysheva, A.Lagranskiy, I.Mazurova, V.Uralskiy, N.Shatskaya, V.Burdukov S.Zhiveynov, A.Miniovich, S.Shappu, S.Baikov In mass scenes: Pioneers from Moscow, Vorkuta, and Novo-Mikhailovsk schools "Children are the masters of our camp." - Third troop! This is our swimming area. And locals swim over there, on the island. - Three... four... five... This is Mitrofanova. She's on counting duty today. This is our troop guide, Valya. These are Stasik, Dimka, Venka, Lena, Nelya... Our slippers... Oh yeah, guess who is her uncle? Comrade Mitrofanov. This is our gym teacher. Whoops, not this one. This one, with the cucumber, is our supplies manager. This is the gym teacher. He goes to the university in the winter, but works camps in the summer. We call him "Goose," but he doesn't seem to mind. This is the doctor. And this one is the camp director. Comrade Dynin. - Twenty two... - Twenty two! - Twenty three... - Twenty three! - Twenty four... - Twenty four! - Twenty five... Tw... - Twenty six! - One, two, three, four... - Boy! Hey, boy, get out of here! These locals are spoiling our whole regime. - Oh, relax, will you? - I heard there were cases of whooping-cough in the village. We must make sure our kids avoid all contact. - Avoid any contact... contact... contact... - Oh, dear, I shudder to think about the parents' day. As if we didn't have enough trouble with locals. Now we'll get some walking infections from the city. - So what. It's all good! - Why, why does he insist on this "parents' day?" - They say Mitrofanov will be coming. - Aaah. [counting] - ...24 ...25. - Put on your slippers! Everyone put on your slippers! - What's the matter? - Quick, everyone, hurry! Put them on! - Whose slippers are these? - Mine! - Hey, who's missing? - How should I know? - He got away. - Lost one. - Inochkin! - All together! - Inochkin! - Inochkin! - Inochkin! And that's me. That's my name -- Kostya Inochkin. I ran away with the locals to the island. I'm a very good swimmer. - You don't believe me? All right, one moment. I can swim across this river a hundred thousand times over! I'll have you know, I do 2:12 on the back. If I was a woman, I would be a state champion in women's swimming. - When I was a little boy... I, too, spent summers in camps. We had it tough back then. Had to sleep in makeshift shelters... Cook on open fire. Had to fetch our own water. And do our own laundry. In other words, none of the comforts of life whatsoever. And now? Look around. Look at those dorms you've got! Look at all those lawns! Plumbing! Television! Gas cooking! Greenhouses! Flower pots! Activities! Children. You are "masters of this camp." You are! What is required of you, my friends? - Dis-cip-line! - I expressly forbade swimming to the island. But Inochkin ignored the rules and did it anyway. - They all probably have whooping-cough there! - No they don't! - Quiet, third troop. - Try to be more like the second troop, will you? Who can guarantee now that Inochkin isn't infected? Who? And it's not the first infraction from him, either! On his first day here he started fighting with sticks! And after him everyone started doing it. Even girls! At night, under his blanket, he lit a flashlight and started reading a book! And everyone else started, too! And today he swam to the island! What now, is everyone going to swim to the island, too? What next? Do we start jumping across the river? And that's not all! In his things we found fishing lines, hooks and lures! What do you think he was going to do with all that? I think we've all had quite enough. I have therefore decided to expel Inochkin. I'm done. "No exit without permission." - Kostya! Kostya! - Come back to visit! - Come back to visit! - Comrade Dynin? - That's my name. - Comrade Dynin. - What "comrade Dynin?" - It's not fair. I think... - You think too much. - What's so horrible about what he did? - How long have you worked here? - All right, this is my first year... - Want some fruit punch? - But he's a swimmer! 2:12 on his back! - Those who don't swim don't drown. It's the other ones who drown. You think it was easy for me to tear Inochkin from my heart like that? - Then bring him back, comrade Dynin! I'll take full responsibility! - All right, calm down. - Then I'll go get him? - Wait till I'm finished talking! - You're all flustered about this Inochkin. - And do you know how many "Inochkins" I've got? - 263. Understand? - I understand. - Want some fruit punch? - No. - Dismissed. - Let's go, kids. - Kids. - Hey, swimmer. Swam one too many? Too late now. Here's your ticket. - Got anyone at home? - Grandma. - She in good health? - Uh-huh. - That's all right, then, she'll do. Will you manage on your own? I ain't got time to play nanny all day. The milk will go sour. All right, let's say I get there. Grandma doesn't know anything. Probably singing some song. She'll see me and say... "Kostya. Did they kick you out of the camp or something?" - Kostya. Did they kick you out of the camp or something? ...and then, of course, "You'll be the death of me!" - You'll be the death of me! Yep, here we go. "Why did you kill your grandma?" Yep, and now they'll do speeches. "When he was a little boy..." - When I was a little boy... ...he, of course, "also had a grandma." - ...I also had a grandma. And in his whole life "he couldn't, and I could." - But in my whole life, I could not manage to disappoint her to death. But he could! And thus, Kostya Inochkin began his clandestine life. - Hey, Nelya. Do you know how to dance Charleston? - All girls here can. - Can you show me? - All right. - Can you teach me? I can teach you something, too. - Want me to teach you telepathy? - What now? - You know, make people do stuff with your mind. - Kosmos, Kosmos! Come here! - Try to make him do stuff. - Easy. Like what? - I don't know, something. - Hang on. - Dolt. - I swear, that wasn't me. He did that on his own. - There's something in there! - Smells like a wolf. Or a badger. - Have you ever smelled a badger? - A hundred times! - What are you guys doing here? - Get lost! Go on! - All right, all right! - Dima, let's lure it out. - One moment. Stand back. Kosmos, get him! - He's done for. - You fail. - All right, hold the latch. Now! - What did you do that for? - Kostya? - Attention! Listen to this information. Tomorrow is Parents' Day. Tomorrow, my friends, we need to aim for record heights. Yes. In being disciplined... In being orderly... In being talented. - Who's missing? - Inochkin. - Fill the gap. - So, what about talents? - I've got three. - From the entire troop? Don't tell me there are no talents among you, my friends. Sorry, I don't believe that for a moment. - Half a meatball, everyone. - And if you can't sing or dance, you can recite a poem. Do an interpretive dance with an accordion. And the best of you, the most worthy... Tell me, friends, who do we call the most worthy? - Those with a good discipline. - Good, who else? - Who leave nothing on their plates. - Who sleep during nap time. - Who gather grass for rabbits. - Very good. And so, the most worthy ones will be allowed... ...to join the circle of champions wearing masquerade costumes. - Is showing magic tricks a talent? - A talent. - Okay, I can show the "flying queen" card trick. - Good stuff, good stuff. Only no cards. Kids, everything goes: magic tricks, art installations, pantomime... It's all good. Eat, eat. - Mitrofanova! So, are the rumours true? - And Comrade Mitrofanov is coming as well! - My daddy is coming, too! - You eat, eat. Don't you know the rule? No? All right, children, let's remind him the rule. All together now. - When I'm at my plate all talks can wait. - Nap time! - For them, but not for us. - Come on, come on. - Hey, guys. Let's put the meatballs in this magic box, just in case. - Okay, quick. "Comrade Dynin" - Come quick. - Hold it. - Well, what have you got in there? - Nothing, take a look. - Some pioneers you are. Torturing a poor bird. - Keep on pumping DDT, to destroy a bug or three! - Enough with the jokes. No masquerade until we sanitize all the costumes. - Won't that spoil them? - What's more important, clothes or the health of the children? - Nothing will spoil them any more. They've already been doused with formalin, scrubbed with pumice, and dunked into chlorine. - I heard at another camp they also fried them with soldering irons. - These clothes got dragged around various camps for about six years now. - They are well-travelled costumes. - What's all this, now? - The band got relieved from nap time. Let them practise. - All clear. - Hurry up, guys. Let's go. - Playing on the go! Virtuosos! "Boys" - Hurry. - What are you guys doing here? - Get lost, shoo! Go on! - All right, all right! - Come on. - What are you reading? - Chekhov. - Why? - He's funny. - You laugh too much. Go read the Counsellor's Magazine. Deal with your inexperience. - And here's the Queen of the Fields! Maestro, music! - Well, hello there Corn! - Did you win a cake at the factory? - Yes I did. - And a cake from the post office? - Yes I did. - And you'll win a cake here, too. - Indeed. - We sure won't be giving a cake to some Puss-in-the-Boots. - Comrade Dynin, these days the legumes are mentioned a lot. - Maybe the bean pod will be better? - Then they would have done so at the factory. Don't you worry. - Same old costumes all year 'round. So tired of seeing them! - Well, don't look at them, then! - Seriously, why can't kids make their own costumes? All you need is some construction paper and glue, that's all! - And our pride? Are we so poor that we wrap kids in construction paper? Let's better pick who should be our "queen of the fields!" - That's easy: Mitrofanova. It's her uncle who's coming, after all. - Quiet! - The worst is that tomorrow is Parents' Day! - Whatever, they all just come to swim in the sea. - And his grandma? - Look out! - Back to beds, you lot! - You're right. Kostya's grandma will be here tomorrow. - Where's my grandson? Is he putting on weight? - But he's not here. Can you imagine what happens next? - Hey, guys! We need to cancel the Parents' Day! - Do what? - Cancel it! - Yeah, like you can cancel it. - We can claim that, since it's "Parents' Day," only parents are allowed. - Right. - No, seriously! Right now it's grandpas, grandmas, uncles, aunts, and what have you! Like they have no other place to go. - Got it! I got it! - What? - An epidemic! - What kind? - Nettle! - Pull. - I've got the short one. - Look out! - I can hear someone breathing. - Where? - There's nobody there. - I tell you, I can hear like an owl! - Hey, Mitrofanova. Such an important uncle, and you are making a Babylon of your hair! You know what I'm saying? - All right, Marat. Go on. - Maybe it'll sting through the shirt? - Off with it! - And your pants, too. - Oh, come on! - What, you think epidemics leave tan lines? Rash all over, except the butt? - Go on, then! - Come on, guys, can't we do it all together? - We can! - Stings like mad! - Come on, guys! For the win! - Oh, man! - Okay... Interesting. - Pull! - And again! - Raise it up! - Stretch it out! - Stop. That's good. Tie it. "Pioneer's greetings to parents, mentors and elder friends!" - Guys, come here! - Mirror is gone, magazine is gone. We're dead! - If Mitrofanova was back, then she saw everything! - Enough moaning, let's go. - Here will be parents and guests. - Can they sit on the grass? It's better in the shade. - I'll think about it. - Where do I put this? - Not now. - Crocodile. - I can see that. - Here we'll hold the games. - Like sack racing? - That's right. From that spittoon to this lamp post. You're in charge. - How about we come up with something new? It's always the same: throwing balls, tossing rings, bobbing for apples... Something new, you know. I'm sure we can manage! - I'll think about it. - Where do I put this? - Not now! - All right, so. Here we throw the balls. Here we toss the rings. And here... we bob for apples. "For working life you must prepare: study, build, invent and share!" "Infection ward" - What are you guys doing here? - Come on, shoo, get lost! - All right, all right! - All right, time is tight. Let's begin. You there. Read. - Why me? - Because I said so. - "How to hold a costume parade." - Get to the point. - The director... advances... - Advances what? - Can't see, it's faded. - Hand it over. - That circular looks really old. - Old, yes. Obsolete, no. I might add. You know what I mean? - The director announces... Announces! "Attention, let the costume parade begin!" - Attention! Let the costume parade begin! Music! - You got it! - Get closer! You, out of the way! So there is no chaos tomorrow, we'll divide the square into sectors. Children separately over here, and adults over there. Slogan chanting can be done by the support staff. All right... "children in costumes orderly proceed to the square." And march! - Calm down, darling, calm down. - Oh, my goodness. - I'm Vostok Seven... Transmitting... - Tell me, uncle... - What? - Not in vain... Was Moscow, bound high in flame... Surrendered to the French? - Here "the spectators applaud." Applaud, everyone! - That will do. - Greetings to you, our masked comrades! We congratulate you on the occasion of the Parents' Day! - Parade, halt! One, two! - Cancel! Cancel the Parents' Day! Five kids passed out! Four with rash! Infection! Intoxication! Quarantine! Quarantine! - And Mitrofanova? - Okay for now. All five cases are boys. - What? What now? Which ones? What do you mean "naked?" Ah, I see. - Mommy... Daddy... Grandma... - He's calling for his parents! - Nikitin... Sharafudinov... Stolbovoy... The whole gang! - What are we going to do? - Hang on. - Sick. Sick with a disease. Waltz "Waves of Amur." And you said there were no talents. Artists! Straight from Bolshoi. Little liars. Fakers. Scoundrels. Out! "So it became obvious that there was no avoiding the Parents' Day." - "Children are the masters...", "children are the masters..." But who gets to make all the important decisions? - Stop worrying so much about it. Your life will be so much easier without Inochkin, you'll see. If you only knew how much bad blood there is between him and Dynin. - Hah. "Bad blood." Can you imagine what would happen if I spoiled even a tiny drop of his blood? - All of comrade Dynin's blood just went bad! Help! Help! And now the speeches again. - He urgently requires blood transfusion! Who? Who here will give their blood? What blood type do you have? - A! - And you? - AB! - And you? - B! - We need blood type "XZ!" It's an extremely rare blood! And here is where I come out. - Me. I have blood type "XZ." - And you will spare your rare blood? - I will. And here, of course, everyone will applaud. - Inochkin. Inochkin! You used to be my blood enemy. And now you are my blood brother! But I still won't let you come back to the camp. You went swimming in the forbidden area! Nothing I can do. Inochkin! Inochkin! - Inochkin! - It's movie night. We'll go all together! Nobody will see you in the dark. - You must be bored here. - I'm not bored. Sashka Belykh gave me a book of magic tricks. I've been practising. Wanna see the"Flying Queen?" - Sure! - That's where you are! Snitches! - Who, we? - And your stupid flowers! - Can't trust you with a secret! - Who told Dynin? - You are the snitches! - We? - Who else? Who took the mirror and Shagalova to Dynin? - What Shagalova? - Lyudmila, from the magazine cover! - No one did! - Did she walk there by herself? - And nettle? Did he just guess that? - Who's in here? - Us. - Girls? That's nice. - And boys! Just wonderful. What are you all doing here? - Playing cards. - Blackjack. - Shameful, girls. Get out. - Girls, girls... Today blackjack. Tomorrow gambling. Distraction from productive work. You understand? - We understand. "Shame to Inochkin!" "After swimming infractions, he's sent home for his actions!" - Good job, boys. - How is this our fault? - Marat is with you guys, no? - Oh, look at the poor thing! - All right, kids, we're late for practice. - Look at him shaking! But looks just like him! Spitting image of Kostya! Looks just like Inochkin! - Kostya, are you there? - I'm here. - Dynin called me in. Said "for Parents' Day, draw us a cartoon with a short poem." "Draw us a picture of Inochkin looking pitiful, just out of the water." See where I'm going with this? - So, did you? - Don't think I'm a coward or anything. I jumped into nettle for you. Naked. - Well, did you draw it? - What choice did I have? I'm on the editing board. - Kostya... - Kostya!.. "That day Kostya Inochkin lost a friend." - What do you think? - Not bad! - What are you guys doing here? - Hey, you, get lost! Out! - All right, all right! - Hey, check it out. We have a runner! - So, is Inochkin just going to sit in the dark like that? Maybe we can dig a hole under the stand for him? - Right. He can then crawl in and out. Now we just need to find a shovel or a scoop without anyone noticing. - Nobody is going to give you a shovel. - Me? - During the last shift a boy broke one, so now they lock everything. - Attention! - Give me! - No, let me try again. - Observe. Here everyone applauds! Then the applause dies down... - Hello! - Hello! - Wow, a pig! - Hey, is it true that Kostya is back? - It's true. Is that your pig? - It's ours. Why? - Dig, dig! - Hey, Kostya! Do you think you'll fit through? - I don't know! Hey, guys, drag her off, I'll check. - Hang on. - If the head fits, the rest will too! - I know! - Not yet, keep going! Out with decrepit old laws that Adam and Eve for us left. Away with that dead old horse! Left foot! Left! Left! - Where should I put this? - Not now. - Where should I put this?! - On the stage! - None of this stuff. - But this is Mayakovsky! - I know that. Mayakovsky is for older kids. Besides, it doesn't suit the theme. Adam, Eve... - So what? - Just don't. - Everyone learned the poem "My Camp?" - We did. - Good. - Going to see our "pyramid?" - I am. - Get ready. - What do you want? - Cake is ready. - Be right there. - And one! - And two! - Three! - Disperse. - What do you think? - Very expressive. That'll work. - You may begin. - Our camp is like our home. - Hey, look, it's Marat. - Speak clearer, kids. - We're cheerful, happy... - Stop, stop, stop... - When you say "cheerful," try to look cheerful! - When you say "happy," try to look... - Happy? - Now you've got it. - Continue in the same spirit. - Go take your place. - Begin. - Our camp is like our home. We are cheerful, happy, and free to roam. - Traitor! - Turncoat! You jumped into nettle with us! - No talking on the stage! - And according to the daily regime In the morning we go to the gym. - At the camp we're always well-fed. Our meals we eat always with bread! And who doesn't, we put to shame: "You'll lose weight!" we loudly exclaim! - Come on, get up! - This pig is done for. - Too much food. - Here, let me! - Don't you dare hit that animal! You hear me? Don't you dare! - You should try to be gentle! - What are you guys doing here? - Come on, get lost! Get out! - All right, all right! - What do we do now? - Wake her up, guys, or we're busted! - I'm sick and tired of you pig! - Stop! You'll kill her! - Catch her! - Look out, it's Valya! - Sharafudinov! Go get the manager with the key! - I can't. - Why not? - I sprained my ankle. - Well, that's no good. Then you go, Venya! - I won't do it. - Why not? - I just won't. - He's got tonsils. - Why do I have a feeling that something's going on? - Valya... We need to have a chat. - Tretyakov: plus 120 grams. Shiryayev: plus 140 grams. Yeremenko: plus 25 grams. That's it for the second troop. - Very good. Total weight of the entire troop is 865 kilos. They'll be over a ton by the end of the shift if they keep it up. That's what I call "good eating." My mother, who had eight of us... - Third troop. Andronov... - Just one moment... Where is it... Here it is, Inochkin. Go on. - Andronov: 0. Borodin: minus 8 grams. Garbuzov: minus 50 grams. - Minus how much? - 50 grams. - Comrade Dynin! We need to have a chat. - Not about Inochkin again? Sit. Better take a look at what is going on in your troop. All others are gaining weight, and yours are stuck. Same weight coming in, same weight leaving. Other troops, it's plus 100 grams today, another 100 tomorrow. Or even 150. - Comrade Dynin! - What about Sharafudinov? - Minus 3 grams. - See, even Sharafudinov. And you know why? Sit. See these cards? From kids in your troop. Boys and girls, both! Mitrofanova? - Minus 100 grams. - See, minus 100 grams. It's from all these nutty hairdos. Damned if I know what's going on. Jumping into nettle... Stashing away meatballs... Are they planning an escape or something? Who knows, who knows. What's wrong, Valentina? - Maybe it's something personal? - Valya? - Inochkin is back. - What? - Inochkin is watching movies. - Right! - Here. Block it quick! - Shush! Quiet, I say! - Where is the third troop? Let me through! - Stop blocking the screen! - You'll survive. - Sorry, gotta tie my laces! - Watch your language! Operator! Stop the movie! And turn on the lights! Stay where you are! - What are you looking for? - Nothing. - Come on! The movie! - Is the hero gonna die? - Yes, yes! - No he's not! He's not! - Movie! Movie! - Operator! Do it! - I've got to get home. Grandma's coming tomorrow, you know what'll happen? - You're not going anywhere. - I've got to! - You eat, eat! Soup above all. All strength is in the liquid! Just think! Day two without soup! - Day two without soup, day one without meat! - And two days without dessert! I wouldn't have made it! - Did you talk to him? - It's no use! - How so? - I tell you no use! I ask him "where do I put this?" and he's all "not now!" Ask again, and he's all "not now!" - Not now! - Maybe talk to him again? - Waste of time. - How do you tell him that he's supposed to actually like children? - I'll finish this shift all right, but then something's gotta give! It's either me or him! - Shush. I think I got it. Do you have friends among locals? - Mm-hmm. - Can they be trusted? - Mm-hmm. - Who's in here? Counsellors? That's nice. And the property manager? Wonderful. What are you all doing here? - Eating supper. - What? - Drinking. And snacking. - What a time and place to do it. Better be in shape tomorrow! And then we'll talk. Kids! - Kostya! - Kostya! - Kostya! - Kostya! - Konstantin! With joy and pride we live our lives, in wonder all day long. Attention, Earth, let's celebrate our cosmonauts in song! Our final destinations are marked in our space charts. The pilot is confirming the best selected route. Let's sing a song, my comrades, before the countdown starts. We have before the liftoff some time for a salute. I believe, my friends, that a rocketship fleet, Will carry us on from a star to a star... - No, no, we reserved you a seat. It's all right, it's all right. Very talented kids! No sitting in the walkways! Can you start over, please? Some of us haven't seen it yet! Clear out. - Guys! Come back! - You may begin now. With joy and pride we live our lives, in wonder all day long. Attention, Earth, let's celebrate our cosmonauts in song! - This song, comrade Mitrofanov, Gagarin sang in space. - Uh-huh, I see. - What are you guys doing here? - Shoo, get out of here. - Attention! Let the costume parade begin! Greetings to you, our masked comrades! Congratulations on the occasion of the Parents' Day! Parade! Halt! Where is the "queen of the fields?" Where is Mitrofanova? - No idea. - Hey, guys. Who gets the cake? - Corn, the "queen of the fields!" - Where is Mitrofanova? - Just a moment. - You just couldn't help it, could you? - Corn, Queen of the Fields! Roll your chests with pride, Colour the skies with red. Leave the right-footed behind! Left foot! Left! Left! - I don't get it. - Why me? - Because! Our "queen of the fields" is your niece! Reveal yourself, Queen of the Fields! - Now I don't get it. - Oh, we get it, comrade Dynin. Guys, such nice weather! Let's go swimming! - Wait, the parade is not over! We have other activities! Riddles, quizzes, sack races! Wait! Come back! It's not yet time! Not yet time to go swimming! I wanted as best for everyone! So that kids get better, but with discipline... What went wrong? - Hey! Jump over! - Kostya! - Kostya! - What are you guys doing here? - We? We're jumping over the river. - I get it! - Yep, jumping over the river already. - Have fun while it lasts. Kids. - What are you guys doing here? The movie is over already! The end. |
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