Carl's Jr. Has this $6 burger,
which really only costs $3.95...
...so you think
you'sre getting some deal...
...but the truth is, it may be
the best franchise burger out there.
I went there yesterday
and ordered three.
By golly, those suckers
almost filled me up.
When I got home,
I still had to have a box of Eggos...
...but that doesn'st take away
from Carl's achievement.
I mean, here's a guy who's got
to go through life as Carl Junior, right?
Like he can never get out of the shadow
of his dad, the original Carl, I guess.
Do you think this eating has to do
with thinking you killed your mother?
That you'sre eating yourself
to death as punishment?
- You do think you killed her, right?
- I never said that.
She called out to you
from that big, fancy oak bed.
- She said she was having chest pain.
- I never told you any of that!
- How could you know this?
- She begged you to dial 911.
But she was always calling out
for you, wasn'st she, Barry?
You weren'st there. How could
you know what happened? How?
Doesn'st matter. What matters is,
you'sve got to stop blaming yourself.
If you don'st, you'sll eat yourself
into an early grave for no reason.
You'sre looking in my head!
Stop it!
- Don'st look in there.
- You don'st have to do it, Barry.
Leave me alone!
It wasn'st your fault.
Jonesy?
Hey, how are you doing, Henry?
What's that you say?
Are you going deaf?
How are you doing?
You know. SSDD.
Well, yeah, of course.
Hey, I was thinking if you were free
this weekend we might go see Duddits.
Yeah, absolutely.
He's been on my mind a lot too.
It's been a long time.
It's open!
I gotta go. I got a thing here.
I'sll see you Saturday.
Yeah, right.
See you Saturday.
So, Mr. Defuniak...
...do you know we'sre both
escapees from Maine?
You'sre from Pittsfield.
Know what happens to scholarship
students caught cheating on exams?
You had the flu that day, didn'st you,
David? You didn'st take the exam?
You missed the test. And since you were
ill, why not write me an essay instead?
3000 words on the short-term results
of the Norman Conquest.
- Go get started.
- Yes, sir.
Better to be from Pittsfield
than go back to it.
Thank you, sir.
How did you know?
You weren'st even there that day.
Sometimes I just know.
Hello.
This probably won'st work.
Never start like that with a car salesman.
We love challenges. Pete Moore.
In one hour I'sm showing a house in
Fryeburg. It's a big commission.
And I just lost my damn car keys.
Could you possibly make me duplicates?
- That takes at least a day.
- Oh, boy, I just knew it!
Easy, Trish. Maybe I can help.
I'sm always good at finding things.
- Did I say my name? I don'st remember...
- I guessed.
Now, let's find those keys.
- Hey, Rachel.
- Hey, Pete.
- I looked again. I couldn'st find them.
- Okay. I need your help.
You had the coffee in your hand,
bought aspirin...
...went to your car,
realized the keys were gone.
- That everything?
- Yes.
Look. This is gonna seem weird, but
it's just a thing I do to help me think.
You bought a candy bar
before the aspirin.
Mars bar.
Yours, right?
One more question. If I find your keys,
will you let me buy you dinner?
West Wharf? 6:30?
Best fried clams in the state?
It's right on your way back.
Sure. Okay.
- That'sd be nice.
- All right.
So you got here.
You opened your purse.
Coffee, candy and aspirin,
you'sre juggling it all around.
And that's when...
...you dropped your keys.
It's just luck, is all.
Thank you.
- West Wharf, right? Half past six?
- You got it.
Another fuckarow.
- Jones.
- How are you doing?
- Hey, Beaver. Same shit, different day.
- Same shit, different day.
- Wanna talk?
- No, you'sre trying to get home.
- What's up?
- Really, I got nothing. Go home.
- Wait, Jonesy?
- Yeah, Beav?
- You be careful.
- Be careful of what?
Wish I knew.
What did you say?
I didn'st say anything.
Right. Sorry.
- Somebody call an ambulance!
- It won'st do any good.
I looked away for one second.
Then I heard a thump. What happened?
Oh, my God!
Professor Jones!
I just saw him.
He can'st die!
Clear!
No good. Flatline.
Hit it again!
Clear!
- What do you think?
- I think it's no good. I think he's gone.
Watch out for Ister Gay.
Jonesy, don'st try to lift that stuff.
- Just go up to the cabin. I'sll get that.
- Here, here, look. Big jacket.
- Beaver, I'sm going in!
- All right, I'sll see you in a second!
Watch the beer.
- Got blown last night.
- Good for you.
- First time?
- Bite my bag.
Met some lady at bingo, went back
to her place, turned into a nice fuckaree.
- As opposed to a fuckarow.
- Obviously.
Though I'sve had perfectly good fuckarees
turn into fuckarows in a flash.
- Try Viagra.
- Viagra?
I'sm practically
at full salute all day.
I'sm... What do you call it?
Privatic?
Prag... Prasmatic?
Henry will know.
- You'sre thinking of fourth grade.
- You'sre having wood problems?
- You haven'st tried it, have you?
- Hell, no!
Drop that little blue bomb, you'sre hard
as a Louisville Slugger for 12 hours.
Twelve hours?
I'sm talking Yastrzemski.
You don'st have to need it to love it.
Bingo? Did you say bingo,
like the game in church basements?
- There's trim there.
- Beaver!
I thought my deal was pathetic.
- You just watch. That's your job.
- I'sm fine.
H, you been thinking
about Duddits more than usual?
Remember we were gonna
go see him that weekend?
- I remember.
- Then I got hit.
I gotta tell you something weird.
The night I got hit, I was standing there
and across the street, I saw Duddits.
Just like he was that day
we first saw him back in Derry.
He was calling out for help
and everyone was ignoring him.
Then he looked over at me.
He looked directly at me.
And he motioned for me
to come to him.
You believe I saw him, don'st you?
Yes, sir, I do.
Duddits loves me, I know that.
He loves us all.
He would die before
he'sd ever hurt us.
So why was he calling me
into the street to get hit?
Maybe there's more to the story
we don'st get yet.
- You don'st know shit.
- Name it!
I'sll name it after we come up
with a small wager.
- 50 bucks.
- What's the subject?
In the movies, when people
wake up together...
...they immediately start kissing
and going at it.
But they never get up first, take a leak
and brush their goddamn teeth.
Which is pretty much necessary
when you wake up.
What's it called when
you got a constant woody?
- You mean priapism.
- See? I'sm practically priasmic.
Priapismic.
- Whatever! It's hard.
- That's what you'sre betting on?
I can name the one movie where they
acknowledge the scuzzy facts of life.
- I'sll give you a quarter.
- A quarter from you. 50 bucks from you.
- Promised Land.
- Promised Land? Never heard of it.
Meg Ryan and what's his name?
Reefer Sutherland.
- Kiefer.
- From, I don'st know,1988 or something?
So Meg Ryan wakes up in the morning
and says, "Where's the cat?"
And he says, "What cat?" And she says,
"The cat that shit in my mouth."
That will be 50 small.
- Bullshit! You made it up.
- Could Beaver make that up?
You can have that priceless piece
of cinematic trivia absolutely free.
I'sm filing that in the "Who-gives-a-shit"
section of my memory warehouse.
- What's the memory warehouse?
- You don'st remember?
- I must'sve forgot.
- You forgot?
- Just remind me. Don'st give me shit.
- It's in his head. We'sve all got one.
- Hasn'st that place been condemned?
- Not yet.
It's so crowded I throw something out
every time I learn something new.
When I got my new laptop I had to
throw out my files of rock 'sn's roll lyrics.
My warehouse was washed away
in a flood about 10 years ago.
I didn'st know they had enough beer
in Maine for a flood.
Jonesy, if that really
is your name...
...what do you do with the old files?
- I burn them.
- You threw out the "Blue Bayou" lyrics?
- No.
No, if I really can'st
let go of something...
...I sneak it back to an office
where I keep my secret stuff.
Where do you keep
the stuff on Duddits?
He's got a special section all his
own on the third level.
I can'st stop thinking about the Duds
lately. How about you guys?
It's this place. He's all around here,
even though he's never been here.
This is our 20th year coming out
here to Hole in the Wall.
And fuck me, Freddy,
here's to 20 more.
Twenty more.
Here's to Duddits...
...our dreamcatcher.
Wish he was here.
To the Duds.
- To Douglas Cavell.
- To Duddits.
Why is Tina Schlossinger's
pussy on the wall of Tracker Brothers?
Because I said so. It's a picture.
- Have you seen it?
- No...
...but the kid who sits
behind me in shop, he saw it.
Tracker Brothers is deserted.
You don'st want to see the homecoming
queen's pussy? Don'st come.
Fuck me, Freddy! Some kid's shirt.
- So?
- It's new!
Scooby-Doo.
"I belong to Douglas Cavell."
"If the boy I belong to is lost, please
bring him to 19 Maple Lane, Derry."
Must belong to one of those kids
from the Retard Academy.
Come on. Eat it. Eat it.
Eat it and you can go.
Hey, you guys!
Quit it!
Just fucking quit it!
What are you doing?
You'sre trying to make him eat that?
What's wrong with you?
Got it. I'sll make him eat
this dog turd, then he can go.
You go now.
Unless you want half.
Take a hike, girls,
while you have the chance.
Piss off.
That's your final warning.
- You better watch it!
- Why is that?
- I know who you are.
- I'sm trembling with fear.
- You'sre Rich Grenadeau, the quarterback!
- So?
What will people say when we tell them
what we caught you doing?
You won'st tell anybody anything
because you'sll be dead.
- Get ready, Pete.
- Give the word, Henry.
Pete can fly. When you come for us,
all we have to do is get in your way.
I can'st catch that little dick?
You know who that is?
That's Pete Moore.
That's right, fat-ass. Pete Moore.
No one can catch him.
He's going straight to his house
to tell his mother.
She'sll call the cops
and then we'sll see.
- You know him, is that it?
- Never saw him.
Then why ask for trouble?
I mean, look at this moron!
- He likes this attention.
- How do you know what he likes?
Come on, you dickweeds!
- You want to fight us?
- Yes! Yes!
I'sm gone, Henry.
Just say the word.
- Why? You'sll lose! Why?
- Because you can'st do that! It's wrong!
And I'sm gonna tell the world!
Tell everybody!
- You want us to leave, is that it?
- No! Let's kick their asses!
Let's go.
We'sll get him later. You know that.
Get you all later.
It's okay.
You can stop now.
Do something.
Somebody!
If I do...
...and you tell anybody,
I'sll never hang with you guys again.
I never knew Beav could sing.
- Beaver, that's beautiful.
- I mean it. Not one word.
Eaver!
You'sve got a fan.
This yours?
Douglas Cavell.
That's your name, right?
I Duddits.
- What?
- I Duddits!
- Duddits?
- Duddits.
Duddits, we got to get you home.
Hey, guys! Come here!
Leave the kid there.
Stand right here, Duddits.
Right here with Scooby, okay?
Jesus Christ bananas!
No way is that
Tina Jean Schlossinger.
Maybe her grandmother.
Good going, Beav.
Holy God. We came all the way
here just for that?
No.
We came for him.
Hey, Pete.
You forgot the dogs.
Weather moving in. Double storm.
Alberta Clipper first, maybe 8 inches...
...with a nor'seaster on its tail.
- Get on back to the cabin, Henry.
- Heading straight there, Mr. G.
- Don'st mess around.
- No, sir.
Easy, fella.
Easy. You'sre okay.
You'sre all right.
Thank God. Thank God.
Gee, thank God!
I'sm lost. I'sve been lost
in the woods since yesterday.
Let's get you inside.
Get you warm.
- How would that be?
- Sure.
Here, let me get that.
- Rick McCarthy.
- Gary Jones. It's Jonesy to everybody.
Our damn cell phones are on the blink
now, so I can'st call for help...
...but our car will be back soon.
I didn'st think I'sd make it.
I lost the folks I was with.
You saved me, that's for sure.
What's that?
It's a dreamcatcher.
Indian charm.
Catches nightmares...
...keeps them away.
Keeps you safe down here.
I'sve had enough nightmares.
Been doing that all night.
I ate some berries in the dark.
I think they must have upset me.
I know what you'sre thinking.
Anyone who drinks at 11 a.m. Needs
to take the cure, but I only do it here.
In the real world, I never
drink till after 5:00...
...and if it ever does,
I'sm on the wagon for life.
Glad to hear it.
What's the matter with you?
About six months ago,
the day Jonesy got hit...
...I did something terrible with a patient.
I humiliated him. Drove him out.
Barry Neiman.
Couple days ago, I saw his picture
in the paper. He ate himself to death.
Mind if I don'st use that story
next time I'sm trying to sell a Mustang?
You were a lead balloon long before
this porker munched his way to eternity.
Thanks. You'sre a real comfort.
You got a real delicate touch to you.
Here you go, Rick, buddy.
That will fix you up.
Jesus Christ bananas!
Some fuckarow this is turning into!
- Thanks a lot, Beav.
- Yeah, I think I got it all.
What happened to you?
Hi. Joe Clarendon.
Call me Beaver.
Rick here had a bad night
in the woods.
Welcome.
- Is that frostbite?
- No, I get the same thing from peanuts.
It's allergy.
Grilled cheese, anyone?
- No, the soup's fine for me, thanks.
- I'sll bite. Sail it over here.
My mother used to feed me
pea soup when I was feeling...
Bitch in a buzz saw!
I'sve heard some mighty burps
in my time, but that's the blue ribbon.
I am so embarrassed.
Rick ate some berries in the woods.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, that's awful!
I'sm so sorry!
Rick, buddy, don'st worry about it.
There's more room out than in, anyway.
What have you been eating,
woodchuck turds?
Know what I think?
I think you need to lie down
and take you a little nap.
You know, I bet you'sre right.
I'sm just tired, that's all.
- Come on.
- My hat.
Beaver?
In here.
Thank you for taking me in.
Thank you both.
- Shit, anybody would have.
- Maybe. Maybe not.
All right, this is in case
you have to urk...
...if you can'st get to the bathroom,
which is the third door to your left.
If you go in the first,
you'sll take a shit in the closet.
If you need anything, we'sre outside.
Fuck me, give me some air!
We got any gas masks handy?
We need a biohazard team in here.
- Wanna hear what'sll freak you out more?
- Not really.
You know his huge stomach?
When he got here, his stomach was
normal, but his chest was out to here!
I wish Henry was here.
He's a shrink, not an internist.
He went to med school.
Did you?
I thought about it.
You better get a run at it.
- Shit!
- Watch it!
What the hell?
- Pete, are you okay?
- No, I broke my leg! Man, my damn leg!
Okay. Hang on. Hang on a second.
- I'sm caught! I can'st...
- God!
- God.
- Henry! A little help here!
Hang on, Pete. Hang on.
- Okay. Here comes the seat belt.
- I just opened that beer.
I got you.
How's your leg?
Well, it ain'st broken.
It's just locked up, is all.
You don'st suppose
he got exposed to radiation?
I saw that once in a movie. Guy ended
up bald as Telly what's-his-fuck.
This guy's got plenty of hair. But that
red mark got bigger while I watched it.
- What are you doing?
- Peanut butter calms me down.
- Somebody else might want to use that.
- I'sll leave some.
Beav.
Beaver.
Criminettlies!
I think it's a woman.
I ought to warn you.
I'sm gonna strangle this broad.
- I'sd guess she's already dead.
- I'sll strangle her anyway.
She almost got us both killed.
Hello! Here we come, ma'sam.
Don'st be startled.
Hello?
Forget it, H. She's gone.
Hello!
Ma'sam, can you hear me?
Are you okay? Can you hear me?
I wonder if maybe that's how
they say hello around here.
Listen, Miss Road Kill,
you almost got us dead.
Say something.
I have to find Rick.
- Okay.
- Rick.
Yeah.
Fuck me, Freddy.
- What's all that red stuff on their fur?
- Just like McCarthy's cheek.
- I never saw anything like this before.
- Even the bears look scared.
- Of what? Where are they going?
- It's not where that worries me...
...it's what are they running away from?
What the hell?
This could be perfect.
They can get Stinky to a hospital.
Hey, you guys!
- We need help! Got a sick guy inside!
- This area is under temporary quarantine.
- Stay where you are.
- What quarantine?
- We got a sick guy down here!
- We need your help here!
- We got a real sick guy here!
- Take him with you now!
Glad you're okay. This situation
will be resolved in 24 to 48 hours.
Kiss my bender!
I gotta ask you, old buddy.
Because I'sm confused.
- Is this SSDD or not?
- Definitely not.
Different shit today, Pete.
And a pretty weird day so far,
if you want to know.
Over here.
There you go.
Easy.
It's nine miles to Hole in the Wall.
I think I can manage it.
I'sll bring the snowmobile back
and get you both.
Now, Pete, you listen to me.
Don'st go back to the car for beer.
- Stay with her. Keep her warm.
- Right hand to God, Dr. D.
Henry!
If we die before you get back...
...promise you'sll tell everybody
she wasn'st my date.
I'sm telling you, Jonesy,
I don'st like this at all.
This is turning into a double fuckarow.
A real jobba-nobba.
- Rick, you okay?
- I'sm a little sick, fellas.
- I just need to make a little room.
- McCarthy, Rick, open up, man.
- Go away!
- Open the door or we break it down.
- Can'st a man have some privacy?
- Rick, where are you bleeding from?
Bleeding? I'sm not bleeding.
- Let's do it.
- I'sm not positive I wanna go in there.
What if he's dying? Scooby-Dooby-Doo,
we got some work to do now.
On three. Ready?
One... Two...
Hold it!
What if we just bounce off?
- No bounce, no play.
- Right. No bounce, no play.
One...
And a two... Three!
Oh, fuck! Oh, man!
Fuck!
I don'st want to see this!
I can'st see this.
- Shut up a minute. Mr. McCarthy? Rick?
- Is he still alive?
I don'st know. Rick?
Rick, are you...?
Oh, man! Jonesy, if he can still do that,
he must be alive.
Can you hear me?
I think he's dead.
Bullshit! He dropped a clinker!
I heard it.
- I don'st think that was a clinker.
- That's enough, snap out of it!
- Oh, my God!
- My God!
- No!
- No?
Good move! It's trapped.
Got nowhere to go but the septic tank.
Oh, shit!
- Listen, we'sre gonna change places.
- What?
- One of us is gonna go to the shed.
- No way!
Shut up and listen!
There's friction tape there.
You go get it, come back.
We'sll tape the lid down.
Then we'sre gonna get the hell
out of here!
- You get the tape, Jonesy.
- Don'st be brave, Beav.
You'sre faster than me.
I'sll sit on Thumper.
No, if it does get out, you can'st fight it.
Not with your hip.
Oh, my God!
Goddamn it! Go!
- And Beav?
- Yeah?
Sit tight, buddy.
Okay.
All right. Okay.
Shit! Earth to Jonesy!
Come in, Jonesy!
Jonesy. Jonesy.
Calm down now. Okay.
Okay.
Okay, here it is. Okay.
Find the damn tape!
Where is it?
Coming, Beav!
Beaver! Beav!
I got the... What the...?
Jonesy, get out of here!
Beaver.
- Get out! Shut the door!
- No.
Run, Jonesy.
You killed him.
You killed Beaver.
You killed him, you fuck!
What do you want?
The men call the red stuff Ripley,
after the broad in the Alien movies.
We eradicate the animals
as they flee the Blue Zone.
And the populace?
We'sre bringing civilians to Gosselin's.
We'sll detain them till we figure this out.
And, Owen? This time the ETs belong
to you. That's right, bucko.
- You'sll be Blue Boy leader.
- Finally.
- How many left?
- About a hundred.
Yeah. Not nearly enough
for a serious incursion.
My guess is,
it's a crash-landing.
They'sve never picked terrain
like this before or cold weather.
What's your call?
The biggest threat
is them getting out of our net.
Crash-landing or not...
...they'sll try to get out
and spread the infection.
I always say they never visited a world
they wouldn'st rather own.
They'sre up to their old tricks.
Using a standard grayboy look...
...with the innocent doggy eyes
and smooth baby-butt skin.
They project what they think
we want to see.
But I'sve had a look at the real thing. You
wouldn'st want it marrying your sister.
- Difference of opinion about the Ripley.
- Really? Who has an opinion?
- Who do you think?
- General Matheson.
- Three-star General Matheson.
- Three?
- When did you see him?
- They called me in yesterday.
What's the opinion
of those enlightened cocksuckers...
...who'sve never been near an ET?
They say the fungus doesn'st take hold
in all victims. Some of them get over it.
Really?
And what about the shit weasels?
The ones blasting out
the basement door?
Does Matheson think
folks get over one of those puppies?
Their theory is, they only grow in a small
percentage of the exposed population.
Do you like that theory, bucko?
I think it's crap.
So if you thought someone
had been exposed...
...and you had them in your grasp...
- I wouldn'st want them walking out...
...to wander as they wish.
- Bucko, I think we'sre on the same page.
Pissing in the same latrine.
If the Ripley gets out of this
pine-tree paradise...
Well, it just can'st be allowed to do that.
I'sve quarantined the entire area.
- Nothing leaves alive.
- Roger that, boss.
Come!
Got Maples here, boss.
- Corporal Maples, sir. I mean, boss.
- I know who you are, Maples.
I handpicked every man in Blue Boy.
Sometimes I wonder about my judgment.
- Yes, sir. I'sm sorry, boss.
- Do you know the Blue Unit catechism?
- Yes, the B.U.C. For all buckos.
- Is Blue Unit part of regular Army?
- No, boss. Better.
- How does Blue Unit operate?
Under the radar. We don'st salute, display
rank, say "sir." A force unto ourselves.
- Regular Army compared to Blue Unit?
- Pussies.
- What rules does Blue Unit operate by?
- Rules of combat.
That's right, laddie.
When a soldier disobeys a superior's
orders, he puts everyone at risk.
And is to be punished immediately
by appropriate command personnel.
That's me. Capisce?
Good.
Now answer me one question
and you can boogie out of here.
But you have to answer honestly.
You were on containment detail at 0600
this morning, sector 14 of Blue Zone.
Did you allow a young woman
and her 4-year-old daughter...
...to exit the zone in their own vehicle
on Hickam Valley Road?
Colonel Curtis, she hadn'st been
in the zone.
She made a wrong turn.
She couldn'st have been contaminated.
You know this for a fact?
Or because she told you so?
- For a fact, boss.
- Scout's honor?
Can you raise your hand and tell me
honestly that you know this for a fact?
Then do it, Maples.
Swear on it.
Scout's honor.
Scout's honor.
Stop your blatting, laddie-buck!
You just avoided a court-martial, boy.
You lie to me again,
you'sll be facing a firing squad.
- Get him out before I change my mind.
- Let's get him out of here.
Sentry!
- Jesus, Abe.
- I warned him.
Could have gotten off
with a slap on the wrist.
- Instead of taking his whole hand?
- He crossed the Curtis line!
He came into my house, told me lies.
- You think I'sm crazy, Owen?
- A little.
I lost my temper there. But that
little worm did something worse.
The pretty mom he let pass
this morning?
She's down at the barn right now
crawling with the Ripley.
Twenty-five years, Owen.
Twenty-five years I'sve been going out
to fight these alien bastards...
...show them they picked the wrong
place, knocked on the wrong door.
And frankly, laddie,
the tank is running a little low.
Luckily for me, there's one bit
of good news in this blizzard of bullshit.
I have you. To lead the assault today
and to take over for me tomorrow.
- What are you talking about, Abe?
- It's my last dance, Owen.
From now on, you will lead the band.
- You know where I got that?
- John Wayne.
That's right. He gave it to me.
And now I'sm giving it to you.
- Abe, I don'st know how to...
- Let's not get all girlie with each other.
- Just tell me how we do it.
- We go in fast and hard.
- How do we come out?
- Clean...
...and smiling.
Honey, I'sm home.
That's a good idea.
Catch a little shuteye.
Save your energy
for those horrendous farts!
Well, it's very nice of you to say so.
I find you very attractive also.
You'sre one of those rare women who
can handle the full-size Ford Expedition.
The truck that handles like a luxury car.
A really big luxury car.
But seriously, folks,
there is one issue I'sd like to bring up...
...just in case I should, you know,
kick the bucket out here...
...turn into a goddamn Petesicle.
Not that I think that's inevitable.
I'sm sure Henry or Jonesy or Beaver
will be coming to get us soon.
They'sre my friends.
We'sre all best friends.
Now, ma'sam,
I'sll be very candid with you about this...
...so please, don'st get freaked out
or think that I'sm some kind of weirdo...
...who you shouldn'st meet
for the best fried clams in Maine.
Just some innocent fried clams
at the West Wharf!
You see, the four of us,
best friends...
...we all have this other friend
by the name of Duddits.
And our friend Duddits, well,
he's not your average old buddy.
One day, a long time ago,
he gave us all this kind of gift.
It's this... How shall I put it?
This ability.
This ability to know things...
...to talk to each other without talking
at all, just mind-to-mind.
Do you see what I'sm getting at?
I knew you would.
Lately, I'sve been having this dream...
...and in the dream, I understand how
Duddits could give us a gift like that.
I think maybe our friend Duds
is not from this planet.
I think Duddits is from somewhere else...
...and he came here
to prepare us for something.
It's crazy.
Talking shit about
the only perfect person I ever knew.
He's so goddamned good.
I can'st believe he's a human.
I should be singing his praises,
not questioning what galaxy he's...
I gotta pee.
That's what I should be doing.
Here's to you, Duds.
The highest civilian decoration.
Lord, I will never drink again.
Let me get this straight.
Yesterday you want to call it quits,
throw in the towel, pull the plug.
Today, you'sre begging, praying.
Couple more hours. Couple more miles.
Make up your mind.
Jonesy!
Way to go, motherfucker!
Here you come to save the day!
What the hell?
Who's Mr. Gray?
What are you trying to tell me, Jonesy?
You'sre not Jonesy.
What was that, Mr. Jones?
What did we just pass on the road?
- Are you speaking to me?
- Yes, I am, Mr. Jones. Or is it Jonesy?
That's what your friends call you,
isn'st it? Let's be friends.
- Why are you letting me live?
- I'sm borrowing you.
- We'sre going to take a little journey.
- Beaver never hurt a soul. You killed him.
He had nothing in his head.
I'sve found something useful in yours.
- Fuck you!
- I know what that expression means.
I'sve studied the foul language section
of your memory warehouse.
Rather distasteful, I must say.
How about this, Mr. Gray?
Eat shit and die.
Why did you call me Mr. Gray?
Watch out for Ister Gay.
Someone told you about me.
Who told you about me?
If you want to know,
why don'st you read my mind?
Surprisingly,
you'sre able to keep things from me...
...I don'st understand it.
But I'sm sure I'sll figure it out soon.
Oh, Pete, Jesus!
Motherfucker tried to bite my dick off,
Jonesy.
I always thought it would be my ex-wife
did that.
Let's get you to some help.
Can you still see the line, buddy?
- I don'st need it to get to Gosselin's.
- No, I know that, but...
...if we didn'st want to go to Gosselin's,
how would you get us out to 95?
95? Who gives a shit?
I'sm hurting here, Jonesy.
What's wrong with you?
- Wait a minute, you'sre not...
- Shut up, Pete.
You'sre too messed up
to know what you'sre saying.
Too late for that. Pete, I need you
to get onto the snowmobile right now.
Who the fuck are you? You sound
like one of those James Bonds!
This has to do with the fucking eel,
doesn'st it? You'sre not...
Stop it! I'sll get him to help.
Pete, tell him what he wants to know.
Now, Pete, which way to l-95?
I need to go to Massachusetts.
My, my. That is a gift.
Who taught you that?
You'sre gonna be a big help, Pete.
Climb aboard.
- Show's over out there. Let me in.
- Let me in.
What have you got
in that part of your mind, professor?
Your memories are out here
in the warehouse, aren'st they?
I want to know who warned you about
me. And who taught Pete that trick?
I'sm sure the answers are here.
It'sll just take me a while to find them.
- To find them.
- Think about letting me in.
- It's the polite thing to do.
- Polite thing to do.
Beav!
What is this?
Beav.
Shit!
Fuck me, Freddy.
Asshole!
So long, Beav. Love you, man.
We all made them in art.
I finished first,
so I made one for you, Duds.
Mine's deformed.
I couldn'st figure out the string.
- Eaver, Henny, Ownzy, Eet!
- That's right, my man.
I Duddits.
- Yes. I Duddits.
- I Duddits!
I Duddits!
- Duds will find her.
- How?
- He can do anything.
- She's from the Retard Academy.
- She always waves.
- We'sve gotta save this girl.
- Save this world?
- Not the world, Duds. A girl.
- We'sll save the world some other time.
- Ister Gay?
- Yeah, it's a mystery.
- We need you to solve it.
- Dreamcatcher. Duds'sll read our minds.
- Not this again.
- Shut up.
- We gotta think of Josie.
Josie, Josie, Josie.
"Josie Rinkenhauer."
- Josie?
- That's right. Can you find Josie?
- This is completely crazy.
- You can say that again.
- I didn'st say anything.
- You did. I heard you.
- You said, "This is completely crazy."
- I didn'st say that.
I thought it.
Kiss my bender. Duds can hear
people's thoughts. We can'st.
Are you sure of that, Beav?
Hey, guys! She's down here for sure!
Josie, you down there?
Josie! Josie!
Fuck me, Freddy, she's down there.
I know it. I can see her in my head.
- Yeah.
- Me too.
Help! Please!
- Help me.
- Hold on, Josie, we'sre coming!
Josie, hang in there!
Don'st sing.
She's scared enough.
- Shut up. There's, like, rat shit in here.
- Hold on to my feet!
Pete, do you see anything?
- Duds! We got her!
- Here's Josie.
Blue Boy leader.
How we doing, bucko?
- Right here, boss. Fast and hard.
- Wouldn'st have it any other way.
Sir?
I see it.
- Don 't hurt us.
- We're dying.
- There is no infection here.
- Whose radio is that?
It's not the radio.
They'sre putting it into our heads.
- We are helpless.
- There it is, gentlemen.
- There's no infection here.
- Directly into our heads.
This gives you an idea
what we'sre up against.
If anybody's thinking,
"Those poor, helpless little folk...
...all naked and unarmed beside
their crashed intergalactic Winnebago...
...what kind of a dog,
what kind of a monster...
...could hear that heartbreak
and go in just the same?"
- Well, I'sm that dog. I'sm that monster.
- We are helpless. We are dying.
These mothers are as harmless
as a fox in a henhouse.
And I'sm here to kick some ass!
Are you with me?
- Yes, boss!
- Roger that, boss.
Right on, boss.
Don 't hurt us.
I have a visual.
Holy shit!
Damn, look at the size of that.
Blue Boy group, this is Blue Boy leader.
Target imminent. Go to level 4 readiness.
Gentlemen, lock and load.
Hellfires are hot.
Sing it out, Owen!
Blue Boy group, this is Blue Boy leader.
Clean up the forest, get rid of this trash!
- Don'st hurt us.
- Please, don'st hurt us.
- There is no infection here.
- We are helpless.
- Fire at will!
- Fire!
Owen, get them out of there!
It's gonna blow!
Blue Boy group, withdraw at once.
I repeat, cease firing and back off!
- We can get them!
- It's self-destructing. Back off!
- Blue Boy group, get out of there!
- We'sre on top of it!
Owen, pull out now!
- Pull out! Get out of there!
- Pull out!
Jonesy, I'sve been thinking about
our friend. Our Scooby-Doo buddy.
For a long time I thought he was sent
to us to warn us about something.
- I could never figure what it was.
- Don'st talk about him.
Not till today.
It was this, right now.
- He wanted to warn us.
- Go ahead. Tell me about your friend.
- Did he show you that nifty trick?
- No. Jonesy's right.
- Come on, Pete. Let's talk.
- Bite my bag, motherfucker!
All right, Pete, I'sll bite.
Your bag and everything else.
No, no! You bastard! No!
Pete.
Don'st talk to him!
Get out of there!
- What's up?
- Thank God you came by, governor.
I'sm broke down here
and fearing for my life.
That's a good-looking dog.
- Where you headed?
- Gosselin's.
Any chance you'sre going near there?
That's where I'sm going.
Well, I believe your tailgate
has come open.
Let's take a look.
I see you have some cargo
you'sre taking to Blue Base.
Got a treat for you, lke.
All you can eat.
Eat all the red stuff.
Good doggy. Yes.
Good boy.
Have your fill.
Tasty, tasty.
Eat all you want...
Jonesy.
What are you up to?
Jonesy!
Oh, God!
Halt or we'sll fire!
You cannot leave the quarantine zone!
- Halt!
- I think I just about halted here.
Come with me, Owen.
I'sll show you things
you'sll wish you'sd never seen.
- How long we gotta be here?
- It'sll be all right.
- I demand to see my lawyer!
- There must be something they can do.
Don'st worry, you'sll be fine.
- When do we get out?
- Within hours.
- You can'st do this to people in America!
- I told you to stay over there!
- My wife...
- Government's doing what they can...
...to get you out of here.
Please don'st worry. It's all right.
We'sre doing everything
to make sure you'sre safe.
We'sll get you back to your homes
within hours.
All clear.
Can I help you, sir?
What's your name?
- Henry. Dr. Henry Devlin.
- A doctor? Good.
We need doctors in there.
Come on, laddie, I'sll buy you a cup.
- You, sir, where you from?
- Boston.
Beantown? Great city.
We'sll have you back there in no time.
Maybe by morning.
Hurry up, bucko.
You see that crud on the faces
of children...
...you know why I relish a turn
in the country like we had today.
You were excellent out there, O.
It made me feel very proud to...
Abe?
Abe, you okay?
Abe?
Yeah, I'sm fine. I'sm fine.
I must be getting too old for this shit.
I don'st know what the hell
that was about.
It's the only way, Owen.
We'sve got to cauterize the site.
They'sve all got to die.
It's the only way.
But we don'st know that.
Studies point to the strong possibility
of recovery for many exposed subjects.
The studies show squat,
that's what they show.
If Matheson had been in my spot
for the last quarter-century...
...you'sd have never made
it to your first jerk-off.
Those gray bastards would have had you
for lunch back in Armpit, Kentucky.
Some get better. At least
half will be over it in a few days...
Which ones, Mother Teresa?
Can you guarantee they won'st take it
home like a present for the family?
I'sll tell you what you should be worried
about. What should be on your mind.
Not these few unfortunates.
What you should be worried
about is a hitchhiker.
- What?
- A hitchhiker.
Our greatest fear is that a grayboy
would catch a ride...
...with somebody and would carry them
out of here, without being consumed.
To scatter the infection,
like Johnny-fucking-Appleseed.
- Are you sure there isn'st such a person?
- No.
But I am sure that if there is one
he won'st get out.
Not with the net my boys
put up around the Blue Zone.
And if we do a thorough job
on the ones we'sve got.
If we don'st get gooey
about the little picture...
...when our job is taking care
of the big one.
Capisce?
Owen, if you think this is easy for me,
you'sre crazier than my mother was.
Those poor schmucks.
They drive Chevrolets,
shop at Wal-Mart...
...never miss an episode of Friends.
These are Americans.
The idea of slaughtering Americans...
...it just turns my stomach.
But I'sll do it.
I'sll do it because it needs to be done.
So if we start at 2, we can be done
by 2:30. And it's all behind us.
Except for the dreams.
Yeah, except for them.
What are you gonna tell Rita
about what you did here?
What are you gonna tell Katrina
when she's old enough to ask?
You know me, don'st you?
I don'st remember when we met...
...but you know me.
We don'st have time to screw around.
You'sve got two problems.
- One you know about, one you don'st.
- Go ahead.
Your mentor, Colonel Curtis, he's gone
insane from hunting aliens for 25 years.
Now he wants you to help him
kill hundreds of innocent people.
- Who are you?
- Me?
Talk about that later,
once we get out of here.
You'sre predictable.
You won'st let me burn on this fence...
...any more than you'sll help
Curtis kill those people.
What you'sre thinking now is whether
that digital sat-scan transmitter...
...in your duffle bag will
let you get through to somebody.
Somebody named General Matheson.
"Sometimes we have to kill,
but our real job is to save lives."
Your father was a great soldier.
Those were his last words.
You carry his picture with you always.
Tell me everything.
You'sll save these people.
When we'sre done talking, get on the
transmitter, contact Matheson.
Cavalry rides in.
That takes care of problem number one.
Now comes the hard part.
You think the infection's been contained,
that there's no hitchhiker.
You'sre wrong. He's riding with
my best friend on earth.
A guy named Gary Jones.
And he's out there.
You and I don'st get after him right away,
he'sll get out of my range...
...and some kind of shit
is gonna hit the planetary fan.
Our nightmare hitchhiker.
And all Dr. Mystery wants is a free pass
so he can catch his friend.
- Very convenient.
- I'sm saying you ought to hear his story.
Okay. Where is he?
Had him taken to the tractor shed.
Okay. I'sll check him out
and we can compare notes.
Whatever you say, boss.
Come on, come on. Time's a-wasting.
All right, lad, open up.
Dr. Boston?
Are you in here?
I'sm here.
Where I'sve been put.
A prisoner on my own damn property.
Let's go!
Come on, let's go.
Get in!
You almost ran me down.
Figured you'sd read my mind
and get out of the way.
Blue Unit, stand down.
You are under regular Army command.
Put down your weapons at once.
Your mission is rescinded.
This is no longer a Blue Unit operation.
Put down your arms.
Repeat, put down your arms.
General Matheson
has assumed command.
Okay, Owen.
Okay.
You just drove over the Curtis line.
- Where we going?
- South.
All I know right now.
Just get me in range of Jonesy...
...we'sll know everything
we need to know.
That's some gun.
Can I have a look?
- Kind of flashy for a guy like you.
- It's a gift.
I know.
Where are you, Jonesy?
Pick up the phone. Call 1-800-HENRY.
Hello? Jonesy!
Jesus Christ, I knew it was you.
Where's he taking you?
Massachusetts? He is?
Duddits? Okay, I will.
You hang in there, Jonesy.
Jonesy?
He hung up.
Give me back my gun.
- We gotta go to Derry.
- That where they'sre going?
No, they'sre going towards
Massachusetts. We need Duddits.
Jonesy says Mr. Gray
is afraid of Duddits.
Your buddy, he's still alive
after all this time with Mr. Gray?
Yeah, he's immune.
I think it's because he died.
He got hit by a car
and his heart stopped. Twice.
I don'st think he even knows it.
He came back from the dead.
Must have changed him somehow.
It's almost like Duddits saw
this whole thing coming. Is that it?
Jonesy told me it was Duddits
who drew him into the accident.
If we catch him,
we'sre gonna have to kill him.
You know we have to do it.
It's the only way to stop Mr. Gray...
...assuming we can catch him.
When was the last time
you saw Duddits?
Long time ago.
Years.
What makes you so sure he can help?
Duddits can do anything.
I didn'st understand that then,
but I think it's always been true.
He's the one who made us like this.
- Like what?
- You know, weird.
He's been waiting for you.
Blizzard slowed us up.
Henny, Henny.
Henny.
I miss you, Henny.
I miss you.
Henny.
Long time, Henny.
- My God, Roberta, what is it?
- Lymphocytic leukemia.
I'sm gonna let you take him,
but I have to tell you why.
Just now, when he was getting ready...
...Henry, he was so excited.
Like he hasn'st been in such a long time.
I think...
...that if he's with you,
he might die happy...
...instead of in this awful room.
Be sure the parka stays on tight.
Cold devastates him.
The medication and instructions
are in here.
Bye, Mom.
Goodbye, Duddie. Be a good boy.
Now, go save the world.
All right, laddie.
They haven'st got enough courage
to take my trailer. Not yet, anyway.
What'sve we got?
They'sre leaving Derry, Maine, heading
south on 95. Toward Massachusetts.
Massachusetts?
Stay with it, bucko.
General Matheson. Come in, please.
This is very nice, Abe.
Been home through some rough times.
Was there something we hadn'st covered?
I don'st think I got to say before how
much I respect the work you'sve done.
It was with sincere regret...
Herman... May I call you Herman?
We may not agree on all the strategic
initiatives, but we do agree on this:
I'sm past it. Burned out.
Just needed a push, that's all.
Should have quit
after that mess in Montana.
Even I don'st trust my judgment anymore.
Oh, yeah...
My techies tell me we'sre getting some
electronics reading hot from in here.
Yes, I'sve been talking
to the wife on my sat phone.
I don'st know if you'sve ever met Barbara.
She's been after me for years to retire.
She's very happy, I can tell you that. I'sll
have everything shut down in an hour.
If that's soon enough.
That will be fine.
How do you turn off the goddamn lights?
Maybe you shouldn 't have been
so fast to kill that trooper.
You're making yourself at home.
You have no idea, Jonesy.
Tell me how you like this:
"Maybe you shouldn'st have been
so fast to kill that trooper. " Not bad?
Oh, don'st like that, Gary, do you?
Ownzy. He's in a police car now.
He's in a police car now.
Can you see where they are, Duds?
Ownzy. He's in Ister Gay.
Mr. Gray.
That's right, Duds, he is in Mr. Gray.
"Ister Gay" is Mr. Gray.
We gotta save this girl.
Save the world?
Not the world, Duds, a girl.
We'sll save the world some other time.
Ister Gay?
You already knew.
Where's he going, Duds?
Where is Mr. Gray taking Jonesy?
Ister Gay, he want war.
- War?
- Not war, water.
Mr. Gray wants water.
I know where he's going.
- He's going to the Quabbin Reservoir.
- What's Quabbin?
It supplies drinking water
for all of Boston.
What?
One worm kills the world.
One worm kills the world?
Oh, my God. One worm.
Back at our cabin, I saw the worms
that come out of these weasels.
Mr. Gray must want to get one
into the Boston drinking supply.
Just one worm infects the whole world?
- Are we going right?
- Yes.
Take the 495 to the Mass Pike.
It's not far. You'sre doing great, buddy.
Are you ready to try something hard?
I want to ask you something hard.
Yes, Henny.
Good. Can you talk to Jonesy?
Can you make him hear you?
Ownzy...
...and Ister Gay.
Duddits.
I knew it. I knew it.
He's been here all along.
Waiting.
Jonesy? It appears
we didn'st meet by accident.
We owe it to our friend, Duddits.
- I don 't know what you mean.
- No? Maybe not.
Maybe your clever friend didn'st want
you to know what he was up to.
That's why you had nothing
in the warehouse about me.
Duddits didn'st bother to tell you
what job he had in mind for you.
It doesn'st matter.
His little scheme didn'st work.
Did it, lke? No, no.
We'sre almost there.
What was it your poetry file had to say?
I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep
Stop that chopper!
Punch it, dude. Don 't be a pussy.
Thank you, Gary Jones.
Go up around the reservoir.
Aqueduct to Boston starts in Shaft 12.
Patience, bambino.
Just up ahead.
Stay here and take care of your friend.
No matter what you hear.
So long, doctor.
Good doggy.
Good girl.
Shit!
You son of a bitch!
Wait.
Wait.
Go back to car, Duddie.
You'sll be safer there.
Look out, Jonesy.
I knew you'sd come, Henry.
I knew you wouldn'st let me die.
Who the fuck are you?
- Don'st you know me, H?
- I don'st know.
I think I'sm gonna have to shoot you.
Just to be sure.
Well, maybe you'sre right, my friend.
I don'st know myself if Mr. Gray is gone.
He could be hiding in here somewhere...
...waiting for his chance.
Tell me something Mr. Gray
couldn'st possibly know.
Tell me something only we would know.
SSDD.
Not good enough.
Well, you decide. Ask me anything.
At Tracker Brothers,
day we met Duddits...
...what was painted
on the wall by the window?
No...
...bounce...
No play.
Hello...
...Ister Gay.
You.
Ooby-Ooby-Doo...
...we got some work to do now.
Ister Gay...
...go away.
No!
I Duddits.
H?
Jonesy.
Jonesy, if that really is your name...
- That'sll be 50 small.
- Bullshit.
- I Duddits.
- I Duddits.
They'sre my friends.
We'sre all best friends.
Here's to Duddits, our dreamcatcher.