[brooding music]
[switch clicks]
[soothing tone]
[waves lapping quietly]
- Do you ever think about
the end of the world?
I do.
I imagine I'm one of
the last people left.
You know, a massive tsunami
hits the east coast.
Everyone dies.
I survive.
Little me,
useless me.
I know I can swim a little,
save people a little,
but I'm not that good at it.
Many better.
And let's not forget
I let that chick die.
I mean, what a cunt.
What a useless fuckin' cunt.
[waves crashing]
[tires squeal]
[suspension squeaks]
Grab the other bottle.
In the back.
- [retching]
Get us a shovel,
will ya?
- Shovel?
- You don't want little ones
runnin' round that
in the morning, do ya?
- Smashing good point,
Lenny.
- [laughs]
[dreamy music]
- Ranga on your right.
- Red pubes.
Reminds me of clowns
for some reason.
Go, blonde chick.
English.
12:00.
- How do you know
she's English?
- Her teeth.
I dont mind
the odd crooked tooth.
Kinda like cubism.
But talk about mind the gap.
- Hey, so what's the go
with sweet cheeks?
- New guy.
- On my patrol?
He's a little bit,
1)
- How's your father?
- Hoo-hoo.
[chuckles]
Ooh, here we go.
Emergency.
[chuckles]
Emergency.
- Jesus, Len.
- [panting]
[muffled, faint audio]
[panting]
- Oh, my god!
- [panting]
- [panting]
- [coughing]
[dreamy music]
[waves thundering]
- Nice first day today,
kiddo!
[cheers and applause]
Those boys at Tauranga
don't know what they lost.
- I just got there first.
- Bit slow today, Captain.
- No one died.
Still a win-win, aye, chief?
You think you're so great.
Feelin' the reflected glory?
- What's that?
- Champs of this club.
- Yeah.
- Smithy.
Len Smithy.
- Five times.
- Generations, mate.
Me, my old man,
and then some.
Older than the Greeks.
Older than
the primordial ooze.
Back to the big fucking bang.
[mimics explosion]
Any problems, and you let me
know, all right?
- Yeah, right.
- [mimics explosion]
[metallic scraping]
Do you remember
when we were at school
and for some unknown reason,
you're sick?
- Like the flu?
- Or food poisoning
Or someone
does something just,
ya know,
turns your stomach.
- Like eat shit.
- [chuckles]
Yeah.
Yeah, like eat shit
ell
Anyways...
do you remember
what the teachers used to do?
- No.
- They'd bring in sand.
They'd cover up the vomit
with sand.
- So what's your point, Lenny?
- Just keep digging, man.
- Why?
It's done.
- It's gotta be deeper...
Way deeper.
[dramatic music]
[cheers and applause]
[energetic electronic music]
- Come on, Lenny!
- Come on, Lenny!
[cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
Lifesavers: Down, down,
down, down, down, down, down!
[cheers and applause]
- Whoo!
Yeah!
[cheers and applause]
- We've got something
for ya, mate.
Enjoy!
[cheers and applause]
- Whoo!
I'd tap that!
[cheers and applause]
Nah, seriously,
I'd fucking tap that!
[cheers and applause]
Bit of privacy, aye?
[cheers and applause]
[engine whining]
[metallic thud]
[panting]
[panting]
[metallic scraping]
[waves crashing]
[metallic scraping]
- [sighs]
I have a large penis.
It's not a blessing.
Trust me,
it's not a blessing.
See, when I was 15,
all us kids would get picked up
and driven to the club
of a weekend.
One day, Mr. Smithy,
Len's Dad,
had to stop off at the servo
to get smokes.
And I was stuck in the back
of the car with the other boys
- Come on,
Stuie, show us it!
- No, I'm not fucking
showing you.
- One boy said,
"Take off your clothes."
- Show us your dick.
- Fuck off.
- Massive.
B
-"Come on, let's see it."
They tried to strip me.
Boys: Show us your dick!
Show us your dick!
Show us your dick!
Show us your dick!
Show us your dick!
Show us your dick!
Show us your dick!
Show us--
- Then Mr. Smithy came back.
"Oy, boys!
What's going on?" he said.
"Nothing, Dad."
"Stuart?"
"Nothing."
But Len, Len wasn't
happy about it at all
- So it is true?
- Fuck off.
"Because if it's true,
you might consider
using your dick
to your advantage," he said.
- Yep.
That's big.
What can you
do with it?
- Not much.
It's just a dick.
- No, no, no.
It's a weapon.
It's a prop.
It's comedy gold.
- I can do this.
I said as I bent down
and took my penis in my mouth.
- That's incredible.
- He said.
You do that in front of people,
they won't hate you.
They'll accept you.
You can find popularity
with your enormous dick.
And you should
have a nickname,
a name that tells people
that you're big
and you're proud.
- Meat.
- Meat.
Meat?
"M-E-A-T."
Meat.
[laughs inaudibly]
Perfect.
That'll shut
the old man up.
So if you're ever feeling,
you know, whatever, just--
Just remember
he's not all that bad.
Really, he's
not all that bad.
- Thanks very much.
- Th,
can I just grab a salad, please?
- He'll have a pie and chips.
Thanks, Mary.
It's what we eat here,
mate.
So what's your deal, mate?
- What do you mean?
- Where you from?
Why you here?
Is there a god?
All that other shit.
You got a girl?
- No.
- You ever had one?
- Right.
Do you need any
assistance?
- Yeah, I can't see a price
on this one.
- I Think it's $7.
- $7?
- $3.
[laughs]
[sheets rustling]
[smooching]
- [moaning]
[moaning]
- See you later.
- Yeah.
- You must be
hard as a diamond.
[laughs]
[dreamy music]
[indistinct chatter]
[laughter]
[indistinct chatter continues]
[dreamy music continues]
- Championship's mine
this year, mate.
- Gonna dethrone me?
- Yep.
- Gonna kill the king?
- I'm gonna put
his head on a stick.
Ha!
- [grunts]
[both grunting]
- Championship's mine
this year, mate.
[air horn blows]
[cheers and applause]
[water sloshing]
[muffled cheering]
[dramatic music]
[muffled cheering]
[inaudible dialogue]
[muffled cheering]
[muffled cheering]
[muffled cheering]
Yeah!
Yeah!
- Okay, so to celebrate,
I've got
reservations for two
at the finest restaurant
in town.
It's above--
I'm not gonna say--
but it's
three chefs hats, okay?
- SO you coming out
with the boys tonight?
- Yeah, well,
I made a reservation for 7:30,
and you--
I mean--
- Okay.
- What the fuck?
Are you serious?
[sirens wail distantly]
Boys: [singing] We are the boys
of Parer Vale
Hey!
Mighty club
of New South Wales
Down South is where we are
At the beach
or at the bar
In our red, gold, and blue
You can be a member too
- Our Philly's gonna be a man
for the first time ever!
- Whoo!
[all cheer]
[loud rock music]
- Shots, boys?
Shots!
Share 'em out.
Hush now.
Hush now.
Hush.
Hush.
To Phil!
Boys: To Phil!
- Whoo!
[all cheer]
- Ahh!
- Whoo-hoo!
[rock music continues]
[dance music]
- You want to race?
- But there's no beach,
no sand, no buoys,
no ocean.
- Cock race, Champ.
- Cock race.
- First one to pick up
one of these lucky ladies.
- 'Cause a king
needs a queen, right?
- Slow down, sweet cheeks.
It's just a root.
- Here you go, Phil.
- It kinda flows--
In, like, one sort--
- That sounds really good.
- Surf Lifesaver.
- Oh, you're a lifesaver.
- Lovely night for it, aye?
- [laughing]
- You're still the champ
to me, mate.
[indistinct dialogue]
- Come on.
What's your problem?
[indistinct dialogue]
[indistinct shouting]
[smacks, grunts]
- This is a new fucking shirt!
Come here.
- Len.
Len!
Chill, mate.
[smacks]
- Come on!
Thanks for the support, boys!
Fuck you!
Haven't you got
any fucking eyes?
Haven't you got--
Look at my fucking shirt!
- So I was talking to Mum
yesterday, and she was like,
"I can't believe
you're dating a lifesaver.
Does he make any money?"
[laughs]
We should get you
something like that.
That's shocking.
It's a shocker.
Well, that's exciting.
See, look at that.
Look how smart you look.
I want you to be happy.
It's just that I should
probably choose it.
- The buttons.
- What are you--
See what
I'm talking about?
You just look
so sophisticated.
- I can't.
- Okay, we'll get you
a bigger size.
- So there I was in the ocean,
outside normal patrol.
It was a weekday,
and I was sporting
these fancy
new pair of swimmers--
made the region look good,
if you know what I'm saying.
I see this woman
in the sea
swimming towards the rip.
I see her hair, right?
And it's clinging
toward the top of the water.
I'm not sure what color it is.
It's--
It's wet.
All hair looks the same
when it's wet.
But she's just, like,
swimmin' and swimmin'
and swimmin',
headin' out to sea.
"Hey, where you goin'?"
"Let go of me," she says.
"What are you doing?
The beach is that way."
"I don't want to
go to the beach," she says.
"But if you keep goin'
that way,
you'll drown," I say.
"I know," she says.
And then she kisses me...
soft and lovely
on the mouth.
I kiss her back.
Not sure why I do.
I just--
I kiss her back.
[water sloshes]
I just watch her
swim and swim and swim...
her legs kicking,
body starting to sink a bit,
and then she's gone.
Sunk.
Gone.
And I think of my swimmers,
my stupid new pair of swimmers.
And I feel foolish
for buyin' them,
for wearin' them.
I just feel...
foolish.
[bottle clanks distantly]
- Maybe they went
to Clovelly.
[waves crashing]
[metallic scraping]
- [laughing]
[gulping]
[gurgling]
- Hey, watch this.
- [gurgling]
It's quite musical, really,
like a symphony, aye, Meat?
- Don't go to symphonies
much, Lenny.
- So?
- So it's hard for me
to make comparisons
if I don't go to symphonies,
isnt it?
- Jesus.
Use your imagination.
You do have an imagination,
don't ya?
- Fuck you, Lenny.
- [grunts]
Like a fantasy.
Like a wank,
like a fantasy wank.
- [chuckles]
I do like
a fantasy wank.
I do like
a fantasy wank.
- Eyes closed.
- In ya head.
- Someone dares you to Kiss.
Someone dares you to strip.
- [laughs]
- Trying to fight?
"Mortal Kombat"?
[laughs]
[engine revs]
- Someone is there to hold you.
- Wow.
Look at that.
- You're gonna
love this place.
Horse riding,
beautiful walks in the garden,
random sex
on that verandah.
Oh, and they have
this massage oil.
So awesome.
- Oh.
Just one moment.
'I call you right back.
I don't follow.
- Ah, In the rooms,
two bottles
of essential oils.
So cute.
[smooch]
- Well, perhaps that was
the previous owners.
They were rather creative.
- Someone
is dared to touch you.
- I had a particular fondness
for the sandalwood.
- Uh, I don't really
like sandalwood.
- What do you prefer?
Roman chamomile
or sandalwood?
- I don't really
have an opinion.
I mean I tried patchouli once,
but...
I
it didn't agree with me.
Made me feel sick.
- To suck you.
- Oh, my goodness.
In all the madness,
we just don't seem to have
a double room for you.
I think maybe you'd be happier
at another
sort of establishment.
- And then you come.
[dreamy rock music]
[faint moaning]
- In ya head.
- And in real life.
- [singing]
I will
Sway
Think on it
20 times a day
[foreboding music
builds dramatically]
- Hey, do you want me
to go call them?
- Nah.
Nah,
who needs them?
Right, Champ?
I want to be foolish.
I want to be
fucked-pants foolish.
Whoo!
[bright electronic music]
[muttering indistinctly]
- So I got this Aunt Alex,
right..
- Not Aunt Alex
the tennis player?
- Nah, she's the one that was
meant to be dead ten years ago.
- Ah, she's cute.
- Oh, you want to
do my Aunt Alex?
- Nah, man, I'm
just saying she's cute.
- 'Cause she's,
like, 60, dude.
- I don't want to
do your Aunt Alex.
- I mean, if you really want to
do her, I'll set that shit up.
- No, isn't--
isn't Alex a dude's name?
- Which is ironic,
'cause this one day,
Aunt Alex asks me, "Leonard,
what did you have
for breakfast this morning?"
- And you said?
- I said I had Weet-Bix.
- And toast, mate.
You always have toast.
- True, brother.
Weet-Bix and toast.
- Yeah, and what'd she say?
- She said, "What did you do
with the Weet-Bix and toast?"
I said, "I ate it.
I ate the Weet-Bix
and toast."
And she said,
And she said,
"So you did the normal thing.
You ate it."
I said, "Yeah,
I did the normal thing.
I ate it."
And then she stares at me.
Like, not even blinking,
not even breathin', I reckon.
"So you didn't
shove it up your ass.
"You did the normal thing
and didn't
shove it up your ass."
[electronic music]
[engine revs]
[crowd chattering indistinctly]
[electronic music]
- What am I?
- You're a champion.
- What do champions do?
- They win!
- So what am I gonna do?
- You're gonna win!
- Yeah, you're right,
sweetheart.
Yeah, no worries.
How you goin', chief?
How you goin', chief?
Mate, you ain't coming
into my club.
- He's a little retarded.
Don't discriminate.
Where the fuck else
are we gonna go?
- I don't give shit.
Not here.
- Fuck this.
- Mate, I said
you're not coming in.
- Touch me again.
- Mate, just leave.
- No, no, no.
Touch me again.
No, no, touch me again.
No, no, touch me again.
Touch me again.
In your cunt!
In your fucking cunt.
- Yeah, fuck off.
- Let's get your shoes off,
aye, Phil?
- Can't we just
keep him here in--
- You scared?
- That's a dumb-ass,
fucking stupid thing to say.
- I think you're scared.
- I'm scared of a naked man?
- Yep.
- I hate naked men.
- You hate 'em?
- They make me sick.
- [moaning faintly]
[metallic scraping]
- Don't you want
to humiliate him?
Don't you think
taking his clothes off
is the best way
to humiliate him?
- I don't know.
- You remember at school...
- Busty blondes
or big dicks?
- Fuck off.
Fuck off.
- Having a bit
of a commie.
- Keep my ball.
- You and Patterson
are a bit chummy, aren't ya?
- Michael.
- Myers?
- Patterson.
- I hated him.
- What did we do?
- When I caught you two
batting each other off.
- Not that.
Michael.
Michael Patterson.
Remember what we did to him?
[ambient music]
[ambient music]
[ambient music]
[muffled grunting]
- [sobbing faintly]
- Fucking funny.
- Yeah, and why'd we do that?
- For a laugh?
- And...
- 'Cause we didn't like him?
- So...
- So we did it
'cause we didn't like him.
- We did it
'cause we didn't like him.
[cheers and applause]
- It's on to the big one.
The surf lifesaver
of the year award.
[cheers and applause]
And...
[cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
The award--
the award this year
goes to a bloke who,
a bloke who works hard.
It's a bloke who plays hard.
In fact, he's one of
the foundations of this club,
and the bugger's won it
five times in a row before.
So come on, Lenny,
get your ass up here.
[cheers and applause]
- Yeah!
Whoo!
Yo!
Whoo!
[all cheering]
- Whoo!
[all cheering]
- Whoo, Lenny!
crowd: Oy, oy, oy!
- Lenny, Lenny, Lenny!
crowd: Oy, oy, oy!
- Lenny!
crowd: Oy!
- Lenny, Lenny, Lenny!
crowd: Oy, oy, oy!
- All right,
pipe it down.
Pipe it down, fellas.
Thanks, old mate.
[sighs]
Big men don't become big
without help.
You're not born big.
You're made big.
No, but...
but, ah, seriously...
I wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for one bloke.
So it's with a heavy heart,
I dedicate this to you, Dad.
Smithy-man.
Father-champ.
- You're just a faggot
like the rest of them, are ya?
You want to be a little girl
like the rest of them?
Do you want to be
a little girl?
That's what you are.
You're a little girl.
[taunting echoes]
- [breathing heavily]
- To your fucking memory.
- You're a faggot.
Be a man about it.
Come on, Lenny,
be a man about it.
What are you?
Come on, Lenny.
Come on.
what are you a girl?
Come on, push it, p--
- To Mick Smithy.
Crowd: Mick Smithy!
[cheers and applause]
[cheers fade]
- Good, good little Lenny.
Good on ya.
Good, good, a man.
AR
You'll do it if you try.
That'll win every time.
Go on and beat your mate
every time.
[speaks indistinctly,
club song in background]
All: [singing] Come to the race
on carnival day
Hey!
We all win, and you will say
In the sea or on the sand
Greatest club
in all the land
In our red, gold, blue
You could be a winner too
We are the boys
of Parer Vale
Hey!
Mighty club
of New South Wales
Down South is where we are
At the beach
or at the bar
In our red, gold, and blue
You can be a member too
Whoo!
[crowd cheers]
- Yeah!
Parer Vale!
[cheers and applause]
What are you doing?
- Heading home.
- Don't you want to drink
with the big man?
- Congratulations, Lenny,
truly, but I'm heading home.
- Tonight's special, mate.
- I don't feel like
drinking tonight.
- Everyone drinks.
- Not tonight.
- Every night, mate.
- Yeah, right.
- I know about your friend.
Your little secret.
- And what?
- Fucking knew it!
I knew it!
In our own club!
In our own fucking club!
- Yeah,
whatever, Lenny.
- So what's it like,
huh?
What's it like
to suck a guy's cock?
You fuck guys
in the ass?
You glory-hole it up?
Hmm?
Hmm?
- Get off me!
- Show me.
Show me how you do it.
Show me what you do
when you suck a guy's cock.
- Get off!
- Hey, hey, Lenny boy.
What's happening here,
aye, mate?
- Lenny, what's going on?
- He needs
to go home.
- He wants to fuckin' what?
- That's a fuckin' insult
to the club, mate.
- I'll teach you
not to fuck with tradition.
- Get off!
[screams]
- Grab the other leg!
[all shouting indistinctly]
[screaming]
Whoo!
- [screaming]
- [inaudible dialogue]
Is this what you want, Phil?
Is this what you want?
- [retching]
[gags]
[panting]
- Aw, shit.
I'll just get you
some stuff, okay?
Do you--I'll just--
I'll just get
you some stuff.
Hold on.
- [groans]
- Was it Len?
- Leave it.
- Just tell me what happened.
- Leave it.
[TV murmuring indistinctly]
[dreamy atmospheric music]
- Lenny.
See you up in the tower, okay?
Take a seat, Lenny.
Anything happen
after the ceremony?
- Not that I can recall.
- [sighs]
You're out of the club, mate.
Len?
You hear me?
You're gone.
- It's not true.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Slipped on the tiles.
I hit the mirrors myself.
I think Len
was still with his father.
[dreamy ambient music]
[faint cheers and applause]
[dreamy ambient music
continues]
- [sighs]
[fireworks hiss]
[crowd cheering]
[dreamy ambient music
continues]
[inaudible dialogue]
[dreamy ambient music
continues]
[dramatic electronic music]
[crowd chattering faintly]
[dramatic electronic music
continues]
[sighs]
- Come on, dude.
Let's just call it a night, hey?
- [retching]
- We'll go back to mine,
smoke some billies,
eat some bacon.
- Fuck that.
- Lenny, you're too
fucked up to pick up.
- Phil, this is your night.
You're the champ.
We're not goin' home.
[dance music thumping]
- You serious?
- Best place
to pick up chicks, mate.
- Yeah,
chicks with dicks.
- I read in in "GQ."
- I didn't know you read "GQ."
- I hate "GQ."
[music thumping,
crowd chattering indistinctly]
Scared?
[music thumping]
[sultry rock music]
- [singing]
We
Used to walk
Used to walk
Like we were free
We
We used to laugh
Used to laugh
because we never knew
Come with me
I'll show you
Everything you wanted
Come with me
I'll show you
Everything you wanted
- [mimics explosion]
[liquid sloshing]
[sighs]
[waves crashing faintly]
- Take off your clothes,
=
I don't think
he wants
to take them off.
- Where you goin', Champ?
Look.
- [moaning]
- Just fucking
push him over.
- [moaning]
- Grab his legs.
- [moaning]
- Pants.
- Get off!
- Then...
Whip the fuckers off.
[Phil gasping]
- What now?
[Phil groaning and gasping]
- Take off his top.
- Me?
- I took off
his pants.
You take off his top.
- Well, who--
who's gonna dig?
- Take off his top, Meat!
- You could split a guy in half
with that thing.
- [laughing]
I never thought of that.
Thanks.
- I'm Dan.
- Ah, see, no, I'm--
I'm actually here with a mate.
I'm--
I'm not...
- Yeah.
Of course not.
[dance music thumping faintly]
[muffled electronic
dance music]
[dance music builds
energetically]
- I think that bloke's
checking me out.
- We are in a gay bar.
Just finish your drink,
and we'll go.
- He's not
checking you out.
[dreamy electronic music]
[electronic music
builds dramatically]
[frenetic electronic music]
[frenetic electronic music
continues]
- Hey, um, you're not
into guys at all, right?
- That's correct.
- How 'bout your friend?
- I'm not into him either.
- Lenny would never
get with a guy?
I don't know;
he looks like he's been
having a good time
looking around.
- Yeah, that's
just Lenny, though.
You know, he's always on alert,
always on the tower.
Always, always looking
for somebody in trouble.
- You were about to
say something.
- Okay, the thing
with Lenny..
I don't know.
[laughs]
He's definitely--
R ST R o
I must be off my chops.
[languid, dreamy music]
[languid, dreamy music
continues]
[languid, dreamy music fades]
[surf crashing distantly]
[sighs]
- Do you ever think about
the end of the world, Phil?
Do ya?
I do.
I imagine
I'm the last person left.
You know, a giant tsunami
hits the east coast,
and everyone dies...
I survive.
Little me,
useless me.
I mean, what a cunt.
What a useless fuckin' cunt.
Kind who can't even fish
'cause no one ever taught him.
Kind who can't have kids
'cause he just...
doesn't want any.
And what's it all matter for
when it's all said and done?
The only real thing
I can offer society is bait.
Yeah, that I can do.
I could be bait.
[sighs deeply]
[energetic dance music]
You have really nice eyebrows.
[energetic dance music
continues]
[dreamy electronic dance music]
[surf crashing]
I think you find Phil
attractive.
- Fuck off.
- [laughing]
I think you do.
- And you don't?
- I hate the cunt.
Well, I'm not touching
his undies.
- I just took off his top.
- I'll spud ya.
Two, three.
[mimics explosion]
You always choose scissors,
you dumb cunt.
- Fuck off.
- Well, take off his undies.
[electronic dance music
thumping]
- Can I get
you something?
- How about a big sack
of fuck off.
[electronic dance music
continues]
- Lenny, this is Tom.
- Too much of a good thing,
hey, Lenny?
- Don't patronize me.
- Lenny just...
- Well,
we're gonna go.
Early start in the morning
and all that.
- Phil is the new champ.
- Yeah, but Tom has
got his early start...
- We're mates.
- Let's go home.
- Champ.
- I think Phil here
can make up
his own mind.
Right, Champ?
We're mates. Stay.
- I'm the champ.
It's tradition.
- Yeah, yeah, but you're at
a gay bar with him.
- See you at home?
- Or not.
Probably not.
- [sighs]
[energetic dance music]
- You are such a faggot.
- Yeah!
- Faggot!
- Yeah.
Totally.
I'm gonna check out
downstairs.
Have you been yet?
[dreamy ambient music]
- [quiet gasping]
[man grunting and gasping]
- [gasps]
- [gasps]
- [gasps]
[gasping]
- For fuck, Phil!
[Phil moaning]
- Grab him.
- He's slippery.
- Grab him.
- Shut up, Phil.
Shut the fuck up!
[Phil yelps]
[Phil whimpering]
- How does it feel, Champ?
You feel humiliated?
He's covering himself up.
Do something about that, Meat.
[Phil whimpering, grunts]
- No.
No.
You got a small dick.
Is that it, Champ?
- He's got a foreskin.
- I hate foreskins.
Ooh!
[slaps]
- [grunts]
- Don't you wish
you had a prepuce?
- Prepuce?
- Foreskin.
- Why didn't you just say
"foreskin"?
- 'Cause I said prepuce.
Fuck. What?
You never think about it?
- I don't want cheese shit
under my...
prepuce.
- I didn't have a say
about my circumcision,
they just whipped off the top.
- You still have
an impressive dick, though.
- Because I don't have
a prepuce,
I'm not protected
against the...elements.
- Like wind and rain...
- The inside
of dick togs, Len.
All that rubbing
must of had an effect.
Maybe even sharpened I,
like a pencil.
So your penis
is like a pencil?
- I'm just saying
I would've liked
to been asked
if wanted
the sleeping bag or not.
You know,
there's the look of it,
there's the fact that it's--
it's not as sensitive--
- And there's the fact
that your penis
looks like a pencil.
- Fuck you!
That is not fair.
- [spits]
[panting]
- I'm sorry.
Friends?
- Friends.
[grunts]
[coughs]
[coughing, whimpering]
- [sighs]
[Phil panting]
And where you off to,
Champ?
Hey!
Check it out.
It's the funniest home video
waiting to happen.
Fuck me.
Two legs, one hole,
you dumb cunt?
It's two legs,
two holes, Phillip.
There you go,
you little dog boy.
Out from the jungle.
Out from the cave.
Out from under Daddy's house,
you moron.
Jesus.
Did I say you could
go wandering?
Huh?
Come here.
You don't do anything
until I tell you.
Okay?
Hit yourself.
- You want it?
- Hit yourself.
[hollow slap]
[chuckles]
Harder.
[light slap]
Harder.
[slap]
Harder.
[slap]
- Like that?
- No, Phil.
Like this.
[smacks]
[Phil grunts, thuds]
[whimpers]
[panting]
Look at the two
lovers together.
- Fuck off.
- Get up, Phil.
Get up!
[Phil groans]
[both panting]
Fuck yourself.
Fuck yourself.
Put your fingers up your asshole
and fuck yourself.
- Leave him alone, Len.
- Shut up.
- Len!
- Shut up!
- [grunts]
[grunts]
- Wow.
- All right,
leave him be, Len.
- Nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah.
- He's had enough, Len.
- Not yet.
- Had enough, Phil.
- Move it.
Make love.
In,
Out.
In,
Out.
Fuck me.
Move it.
- [gasps]
- In,
Out.
In,
Out.
Make love.
- [chuckles]
- That's it,
sweetheart.
That's it.
[cheers and applause]
- You've trained
harder than him.
[indistinct speech]
- What am I?
- You're a champion.
- Yeah.
What do champions do?
- They win.
- So what am I gonna do?
- You're gonna win!
- Whoo!
Whoo!
- On your knees, baby champ.
On your knees.
[foreboding ambient music]
- [panting]
[sighs]
[dreamy ambient music]
[inaudible cheering]
[ambient music continues]
[muffled cheers and applause]
- Len?
- [gasps]
[dramatic ambient music]
[dramatic ambient music
continues]
- Maybe we should
get Phil home.
[both panting]
- [singing]
Little Lenny is a poof--
- Grab him, Meat!
Grab him!
Give him the rum.
Give it to him,
give him more rum.
Hold him down.
- I'm trying.
- [sputtering]
- More!
- [gags]
[Phil coughing and sputtering]
[foreboding music]
[tires squeal]
[suspension squeaks]
- [panting]
Baby champ.
Little baby champ Lenny.
I'll show you
how to suck a cock.
[grunts]
[metallic scraping]
[Len panting]
- Get in it
Get In.
Vomit.
- I think he's empty.
[gags]
Fuckin' all the way down.
All the way in.
Retch.
I want to
hear you retch.
In.
Fuckin's in.
Fuckin' in.
Fuckin' in!
I want to hear you retch.
- [screams]
- In.
Fuckin' in.
Fuckin' in!
Retch!
Fuckin' in!
In!
In!
Be a fuckin'
man about it!
Put it in,
down your throat!
Get In.
[moaning and gasping]
[Phil retching]
[moaning]
- [gurgles]
- [panting and gasping]
[surf crashing]
- [retching]
[all panting, gasping]
[Phil thuds]
[Len panting]
Fill in the hole, Meat.
- No, mate.
- No, mate?
- Yeah.
No, mate.
- Don't call me that.
Fucking use that
as a fucking thing...
a fogbank to hide behind,
'cause I don't want that.
I don't want to sit
in the locker room at half-time
sucking oranges
with you and the others.
Oh, mate,
remember last night, mate?
So fucking funny, mate.
So fucking funny.
Fucking great.
But it's not
fucking great, mate.
It's bullshit, mate.
It's not fucking men.
Not like those footballers
whose plane crashed in the Andes
and had to eat each other
to stay alive.
I love those guys.
They're mates.
True mates.
So if we ever
go down in a plane,
and we--
and we eat each other
to stay alive,
then you can
call me a mate.
Then and only
then fucking then, amigo.
Then and only then fucking then.
- [sniffles]
- Now, fill in the hole, Meat.
[metallic scraping]
- [grunts]
[screams]
[metallic scraping]
[surf crashing]
[surf crashing]
[surf crashing loudly]
What's that spade work?
- I'm filling in the hole.
- That's not
filling in the hole.
- I pick up the sand,
and I push it into the hole.
- You look like a girl.
You don't have to pick up
every granule of sand
and place it delicately
into the hole.
You pick up wads,
stacks of sand...
[waves crashing]
And put it into the hole.
It's quicker,
if I could be so bold.
More manly.
Do you throw like a girl?
- You're trying me.
- You run like a girl?
- Please, don't--
- Swim like a girl?
- Shut up!
- Because you hit like a girl.
- [screams]
[both smacking and grunting]
[both grunting]
[smacks, grunts]
[both coughing and panting]
- You...
You touched me.
- What?
- You touched my penis.
- I did not.
- Do you want to touch it?
Is that what you want?
- Don't flatter yourself, boy.
- Well, you went to grope.
- It was an accident.
- You want to
touch it?
Touch it.
Come on, make me hard.
Touch it.
Feel it!
- Piss off!
- You liked it, though,
didn't ya?
And you fancy Phil.
You come down here,
get him drunk.
You get him naked;
bury him?
All because
you fucking like him.
I'm not a fucking idiot, Len.
You watch him in the showers.
You watch him all the time.
You go to his bunk,
and you kiss him good night.
Hose him into the urinals.
And then--
then you cut him with
the fragments of the mirror
you made him smash
with his own fuckin' head.
- Wrong!
You dumb fuck-up!
- I'm not a fuck-up!
- You're a Grade A fuck-up!
- I'm not a fuck-up!
- Yeah?
Yeah?
Then what are ya?
I don't know.
I'm a man, I guess.
- You're a man?
No, no, no, no.
I'm a man!
- I'm more of a man
than you are.
[surf crashing]
- I can swim further than you.
- And that proves
you're a bigger man?
- Fuck yeah!
- All right.
- You're going down, boy.
- Hey.
Hey!
[surf crashing]
Ahh!
Len!
Help!
Help!
[waves crashing]
Len!
Len!
[splashing]
[splashing]
[waves crash]
[eerie silence]
[muffled audio]
[engine purring faintly]
[waves crashing]
- [gasps]
[waves crashing]
[gasps]
[gasping]
[splashing]
[waves crashing]
[splashing]
- [gasps]
- Len!
- [gasps]
- Len!
[faint splashing]
[dreamy ambient music]
- Come on.
- [coughing]
- Come on.
[indistinct speech]
Ah, fuck.
- [grunting]
[both grunting unintelligibly]
[coughing]
[both panting and coughing]
[dreamy ambient music
continues]
[inaudible dialogue]
[surf crashing]
[mysterious ambient music]
[ambient electronic music]
[delicate dreamy music]
[dreamy rock music]
- [singing]
I will.
Sway
Think on it
20 times a day
My mind
It strays
Buckle down
or under
Goes either way
First time in a long time
In a long line
of last times
First time in a long time
In a long line
of last times
Last time
Last time
Last time
Last time
Last time
Last time