" They say music
is the food of love "
" Let's see if you are
hungry enough "
" Take a bite, take another
"
" Just like a good boy would
"
" Get a sweet thing
on the side "
" Home cooking, homicide "
" Side order
Could be your daughter "
" Finger-licking good "
" Come on baby, eat the rich
"
" Put the bite on the
son of a bitch "
" Don't mess up
Don't you give me no switch "
" Come on baby
and eat the rich "
" C'mon baby and eat the rich
"
" Sittin' here
in a hired tuxedo "
" You wanna see my
bacon torpedo "
"Mm..."
"Hm..."
"Mm..."
"Their nipples
were must too small!"
"Anyway, I got the two Scottish
castles,"
"I've got the Greek island,
and I've got 15 Maseratis,"
"all classics, of course. So I suppose
you could say I'm stinking rich."
"Excuse me. The baby panda,
is it fried in honey?"
"Of course, ma'am."
"Oh, no."
"Very good. I mean,
where else can you eat"
"for 200 pounds a head?"
"You're very beautiful."
"There you go."
"Tasty bit of service, that."
"Come on, fatty, hurry up."
"I'm awfully sorry."
"Told you it was good.
Anyway, we're in a bad lunch."
"Look, Derek, forget funk rap.
It's dead."
"The kids are getting hooked
on socialism."
"And Terry's got it real bad
next year."
"OK. Let's sack the blacks
and sign the reds."
"Oi! Where's my fucking tip?!"
"Excuse me."
"Out of the way, please.
Come on. Move."
"Out of the way."
"Excuse me. Out of the way, please.
Come on."
"Move. Move it, cow."
"Move."
"Bastard!"
"Be more polite to the customers,
Alex, or you're fired."
"Shut your face."
"I'm gonna give you one more
chance."
"I want to tell you that we're all
pretty tired of your attitude."
"I mean, why can't you be more
like Mark?"
"He is aggressive, yes."
"But at least he's mysterious
about it."
" I was born
to rock and roll "
" I was built "
" For speed "
" La la la "
" La la la la "
" La la la "
" La la "
"Oh, Janice."
"Yes, Commander Fortune?"
"If the CIA calls,"
"just say I've popped out
to..."
"buy some socks."
"Very well, Commander Fortune."
"Have you seen who's
on table eight?"
"- Who?
- John Steenbeck. The movie director."
"Not the John Steenbeck,
who made Interesting Teenagers?"
"That, over there.
The good-looking one."
"My name's Steenbeck.
John Steenbeck."
"I'm casting a major motion
picture in this country."
"We're looking for someone to play the part
of the good-looking young psychopath."
"I hear you're an actor,
is that right?"
"Uh... what do you mean,
actor?"
"Somebody who walks and talks the way
I want. Then I photograph them."
"Well, uh, I walk and I talk"
"any damn way I choose."
"Excuse me.
Are you ready to order?"
"What I really find most interesting
is he's got that sort of face"
"where you're not quite sure
what he's gonna do next."
"- It's most unnerving.
- Oh, he's wonderful!"
"Listen, honey. If you're looking for
new, young, violent faces in the cinema,"
"then I think you'd better look at mine
because I'm up to here in social grievances."
"Look, love, I'm sorry, but you're
just not what we're looking for."
"Oh, no! This is the man we're
interested in! This one is the pits!"
"Oh, but I can be ever so
unnerving. Look!"
"You've carried yourself
once too often, Alex."
"- You're fired!"
"Bye!"
"Phase four."
"It's all good stuff."
"- Suicide mission, is it?
- Yes."
"So I, um, shan't be seeing
you again then."
"No."
"All right."
"Yes. I've got no money,
and nowhere to live."
"But at least I've still got
all my friends."
"Oh, really?"
"Well, couldn't I sleep in that
little cupboard under the stairs?"
"Oh, really? Yes, well,
I've always hated you too."
"Drop dead, fuckface!"
"Gerry!"
"We're gonna check out
the scene here."
"- Stick around.
- Gerry! Hey, Gerry! My best friend!"
"Hi, Alex."
"- Can I come in with you?
- What's the matter? You broke?"
"Oh, yeah. I lost my job
and got no money"
"and I'm totally homeless."
"Shit. What a drag."
"- Yeah.
- Well, it's really nice to see you, Alex."
"- Hey, Alex.
- Yeah?"
"You wanna get indoors.
You'll get soaked out here."
"They're on their way."
"Good evening.
This is the BBC."
"Now a political broadcast from the new
Home Secretary, Nosher Powell MP."
"Oi! Sh! He's on!"
"- Evening, voters."
"Some people in this country
are very, very rich."
"But most of you
are very, very poor."
"You know why?!"
"Because you're all lazy
vultures!"
"Yeah!
Your country needs money!"
"And you can't get
enough money!"
"So I tell you what
we're gonna do!"
"We're gonna close more
hospitals"
"and we're gonna build
more rockets!"
"Boo!"
"Excuse me. Could you spare us a
bit of your paper to sleep under?"
"No, fuck off!"
"Oh, go on. Just the sports
page."
"All right."
"Excuse me, we're from Ethiopia.
Got price of a cup of tea?"
"Take this, commoners. We
oppressed should stick together."
"Stand back.
Stand back."
"It's now exactly two hours and 40 minutes
since the police sealed off this street"
"which leads to the embassy."
"And we've just heard that the Home Secretary
himself is on his way to supervise the siege."
"We are not your enemy!"
"We have suffered too long!"
"All we want is just our freedom
and rights in our own country!"
"- Yeah!
- Rise up and kill your oppressor!"
"- Freedom of the oppressed!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
"Oi, Sambo,
move out the way!"
"- What's going on here?
- I'm afraid it's something of a waiting game,"
"- Home Secretary.
- Don't give me that bollocks."
"Oi! Sinbad! You see that?"
"I'll put that...
soon as you come down!"
"Here, hold that.
I'm going in."
"- Excuse me.
- Oh, it's all right. I'm with him."
"Oh, of course. Sorry."
"Nosh!"
"Nosh!"
"Nosh! Nosh!"
" You know the rules
You all know the game "
" Try to do what's right "
" And I swear
I can't complain "
"- Nosh!
- If I die tonight "
"- But I don't think it's in the stars
- Nosh!"
"- Nosh!
- What?"
"Look!"
"Go on, then! Jump!"
"Who's storming this place?
You or me?"
"Well, keep your mouth shut!
Right!"
"- History.
- Who stormed the Iranian Embassy in 1984?"
"Oh!"
" See me running
all around the world "
"- Trying to make some time "
"Back and forth!"
"You don't mean the Israeli
ambassador, surely?"
"Come out!"
"Both of you!"
"- Now, what's it all about?
- He started it."
"- Shut up! You!
- They took our country!"
"- It was ours first.
- No, it wasn't."
"- Was.
- Wasn't!"
"Shut up!"
"Now, I don't care
whose fault it is."
"I just don't want no more
interruptions, got it?"
"Now, you give him back
his country."
"And you, smart yourself out."
"Well, he's done it.
It's absolutely incredible."
"Singlehandedly, this man has tackled
the Middle East crisis head on."
"They said it couldn't be done,
and he's done it."
"I don't think we need to wait for the
public opinion polls to know that"
"today's piece of work won't bring any
harm at all for the next election."
"Fascist bully!"
"Nosher! Nosher!"
"Got some nice NATO
stuff this time."
"How's that?"
"Oh, very good."
"Yes."
"Yes, well done, Spider."
"Now then, what are
we going to do"
"about the Home Secretary?"
"Yeah."
"Who'd have thought the shriveled up
bastard would have got that lucky?"
"You realize that Cockney fascist could ruin
all our plans if he wins the election."
"Yeah."
"Are we gonna chop him, then?"
"Couldn't we put out
a rumor he's gay?"
"Do you speak English?"
"Yes, and I can tie
my own shoelaces too."
"Were you born in this
country?"
"Look, you're not writing
my life story, honey."
"Just give me a nice state
handout and I'll be on my way."
"- What's your address?
- Look, I've told you, I'm homeless."
"Well, then, we've nowhere
to send your gyro, have we?"
"Yeah, that's right. So why don't
you just give it to me right now?"
"Look, I haven't eaten
for two days."
"I could pass out
at any moment, right here."
"- Right now!"
"You pass out where you like. But
you're not getting any money"
"until I'm satisfied that you're not
an unnecessary burden on the state."
"Listen, you snotty bitch! Your job
is to help the poor and needy!"
"- Not torment them!
- - You're so stupid."
"Just for that,
I'm gonna lose your file."
"Ooh!"
"Oh!"
"You've got
to help me."
"I'm a broken man. I know I'm a lazy
bastard and I've got no self respect."
"- But please give me my money!
- Uh-uh-uh!"
"You'll only gamble it,
won't you?"
"I'm gonna put the money in this
drawer until you kick the habit."
"Listen, honey, you better
give us that money,"
"- or you're in big trouble.
- Really?"
"And what sort of trouble
would that be then?"
"This."
"Oh, my God!"
"Somebody call the police!"
"Get the money!"
"I didn't wanna kill them!"
"They did it!
They made me do it!"
"I'm sorry,
but it's not our fault!"
"Quick, Ron, get that car
before I run out of bullets."
"You'd do the same
if you had had the guts!"
"We're just ordinary people
who've been pushed too far!"
"Get that car!"
"I'm a reporter!
What's your story?"
"Me and him took the law
into our own hands."
"My God, violence on the dole's
going to front cover!"
"- Who are you?
- We're the dispossessed."
"Quick pose. Nice one for the
kids, nice one with the gun."
"Thanks, super, lovely."
" Watch out, watch out "
" Just what you need, babe "
"Isn't it funny how a few seconds
with a gun can change our lives?"
"This is Paulo.
He's in chemicals."
"Have you met the
Bishop of Suffolk?"
"- Please.
- How do you do?"
"- Very nice to meet you.
- Prince Antony,"
"Miss Fifi Letour."
"Oh, my!
I'm glad you're here."
"Is the Prime Minister with
you?"
"No, he's in
Sheffield."
"- What a shame.
- - Mr. and Mrs..."
"Lady Caroline,
this is Ricky James."
"He is trade union leader."
"Nice tits."
"Shame about the title.
Let's dance."
"Big tits."
"You seem a little lonely,
comrade."
"- Oh.
- Who am I going to introduce you?"
"Oh, it's all right, love."
"I'm only here
to debrief somebody."
"No, come on. Come on,
you can't be a wallflower."
"This is Fiona."
"She collects stamps."
"I didn't know you were
a trade union leader!"
"- Uh-huh. Make you dream.
- I know 'cause I've seen you on the TV."
"But you look much younger
in real life."
"Really? You're not bad looking
yourself."
"- Is it true you're to be in the news on Monday?
- Uh-huh."
"- Gonna be absolute chaos.
- You bet."
"Give me some,
will you, Spider?"
"I ain't touched the bass
in months, mate."
"Neither has he."
"Christ, all right then."
"Dr. Rock." One, two, three!"
"- All right, all right "
" I hope you sons of bitches
see the light "
" You again, you again "
" I know you've got
a mental age of ten "
" Listen up, listen up "
" I wouldn't swap you
for a thousand bucks "
" Come on, you're the one "
" I think I'm going
to switch your laser on "
" I've got
the medicine you need "
" I've got the power
I've got the speed "
" I'll find out how
to stop your clock "
" We sure ain't
talking Dr. Spock "
" Hear me talking, Dr. Rock
"
" Lay down, turn around "
" Here come the sister
Gonna strip you down "
"Cheers."
"Here. I had another call
from Moscow this evening."
"And are my cruel paymasters
happy?"
"Well, they wanna know how
it's going with, um,"
"- phase four?
- Comrade, there may be just one small problem."
"What's that then?"
"Shall I wait here,
Home Secretary?"
"- Thank you, Clarence."
"And don't drink too much,
will you, Nosh?"
"- Bollocks.
- Oh..."
"The right honorable Mr.
And Mrs. Nosher Powell."
"So you are the new
Home Secretary?"
"I don't know why they call me
that. I can't even type."
"- And you must be Mrs. Powell.
- Yes."
"Is the PM and his wife here?
My class of friends."
"His wife is just over there."
"Oh, excuse me."
"Home Secretary, do let me introduce
you to Comrade Karpov of the KGB."
"Ah, Mr. Home Secretary!
I bring you fraternal greetings"
"from the peace-loving people
of the Soviet Union."
"- Is he taking the piss or
what?"
"Can I have a picture of the two
of you together, Nosh?"
"Oh, go on then. Come here."
"- Just a bit closer.
- How about a wacky one"
"- for the kids, please, Nosh?
- Here."
"The only good Russian's
a dead one, eh?"
"One more, please."
"It must be nice being married
to the Prime Minister."
"Gorgeous. No other word for
it."
"Tell me, how are you getting
on at Number Ten?"
"Because your house isn't
quite as big as ours, is it?"
"Yes, but at least my Harry is the
most powerful man in the country."
"I can assure you, that we just adore
our wonderful perks that go with it."
"Really? Well, I think I'd just
be bored to death"
"if I were married to a short, chinless,
stuck-up figurehead like him."
"Yes. But that's where
we're different, you see."
"I think I'd simply hate it
if my Harry"
"was just a member
of the Cabinet, like, um..."
"- Hear me talking "
" Dr. Rock "
"Now what's all this about you
putting railways out on strike?"
"Nothing. It was a joke."
"If one train stops running,"
"you'll get that
right on your mush."
"No, don't hit me, Home Secretary.
We won't go on strike, I promise."
"- Good."
"- And don't you ever threaten me again.
- I'm sorry."
"I didn't know you could
play bass like that."
"Not a mystery to me, mate."
"Do you see that?"
"Could hardly miss it,
could you, governor?"
"I was afraid that might
happen."
"Yeah. Still,"
"you could always try plan B."
"Hello."
"I like your bracelets."
"See that?"
"It's three grams worth of gold.
Good, isn't it?"
"Wow! Who are you?"
"Home Sec.
Is that flash or what?"
"Very."
"- You powerful?
- Very."
"Um..."
"You don't wanna come back
to the limo with me, do you,"
"and have a little flash
or something?"
"Oh, my leg.
My poor, bloody leg."
"Let me have a look at
it."
"Am I gonna bleed to death?"
"Tell me, Alex."
"It's just a flesh wound."
"- Oh!
- Oh, God! What are we gonna do?"
"Well, we can give in.
Or we can fight."
"Fight? Don't be daft.
There's only the two of us."
"You're wrong.
There's millions like us, Ron."
"With no hope, no future..."
"All it takes is one man
with a dream."
"Look at... Castro."
"Oh, I don't know."
"Look, we got a few quid."
"Why don't we just slip off
to Brazil?"
"You know, start a mini cab
business?"
"Ron, we can run,
but we can't hide."
"We're fucked then, aren't we?
Oh, shit."
"Well, we've all got to die
sometime."
"So why not take a few
of the bastards with us."
"- Nice car.
- Yes."
"Goes with the job.
Park anywhere I like."
"Don't get a parking ticket."
"Good, isn't it?"
"How did you get to be
Home Secretary?"
"Ah! What you don't know
don't hurt you."
"You've got a lovely body."
"Help yourself."
"Whoa! What's it? Home Sec,
naughty nibble, eh Nosh?"
"Kinky Nosh has naughty nibble
late at night?"
"What's the girl's age, Nosh?"
"Oh, my fucking head!"
"- Jellied eels, Home Secretary?
- Leave me alone."
"And who were you
rogering last night?"
"I don't know.
I was too pissed to remember."
"Well, you'll never make Prime Minister
if you can't hold your drink."
"Look."
"I can get heart disease
just by being Home Sec. Right?"
"Well, it's making me
drink to excess."
"People keep looking at me in
supermarkets and saying,"
"He's just Home Secretary,
you know."
"How do you think I feel?"
"We used to be happy before I
made it big in politics."
"Well, it's not good enough, Nosh. I
want more power and more influence"
"- and I want it now!
- Gimme, gimme, gimme!"
"More, more, more! Pfft!"
"Don't take any notice of him.
He's still drunk."
"Look! All I wanna do is
to win the election"
"and hold onto all these
perks!"
"Including the flash motor
out there!"
"Oh!"
"Nosher!"
"- Who's the girl?
- Just a little bit on the side."
"- Did she come, Nosh?
- You'll have to ask her that."
"- Are you a mad pussy hound?
- Well, I did what any other man would do with a slut"
"that waved her bits
underneath me."
"Nosher! Nosher!"
"Siege hero Nosher
Powell has done it again."
"At long last, Britain has a politician
who's proved that he is no slouch"
"when it comes to giving the
housewife a good pushing."
"We say Britain needs you.
Keep it up, Nosh!"
"Exclamation mark,
exclamation mark."
"- Oh, my God.
- That went down like a concrete parachute, didn't it?"
"We've got to do something, Spider.
Moscow is getting impatient."
"Couldn't we sort of have him
killed?"
"Yeah. How?"
"I don't know."
"What about one of those, uh,"
"poison dart things
in the shoe?"
"You know, sort of kick him under
the table when he's not looking."
"Oi! What's this all about?"
"I'm afraid it's more inner-city
frustration, Home Secretary."
"Don't give me all that
old Tom tit."
"Any more dole queue rumbles like this
and it could lose me the election."
"- Oh, that would be a pity.
- What's being done about it?"
"I'll look into that
immediately, Home Secretary."
"Good. 'Cause when they find
them, you know what I'll do?"
"I'll put that
right on their chin."
"We strike first at the monetary
system, you know, profits and loss."
"If we destroy that, then
there's no profit, no loss."
"So, what we doing out here
in the middle of nowhere?"
"We've got to find some
recruits."
"So why has it gotta be in the country?
Why can't we do that in the West End?"
"Look! We don't want all those
Kings Road posers!"
"- They're everything we hate!
- Ah, we hate them."
"- Yes!
- Tell me, what other London streets do we hate?"
"Look, for heaven's sake,
haven't you read Karl Marx?"
"- Is it them?
- Yeah, I think so."
"All I wanna know is what's got me in
the horrible, dirty, bleeding country!"
" As we stand outside "
" But I love them
most of all "
" Sleeping by my side "
" I love my sheep and pigs "
"Hi. We're starting a people's uprising.
Do you fancy joining us?"
"- Yes, I'd love to.
- Come on, then."
"- So it begins."
" I am the one, Orgasmatron
"
" The outstretched
grasping hand "
" My image is of agony "
" My servants rape the land
"
" Obsequious and arrogant "
" Clandestine and vain "
" Two thousand years
of misery "
" Of torture in my name "
" Oh my love is hate "
" I am the politician "
" And I decide your fate "
"I said, mind my fucking horse,
dickhead!"
"- Yeah!
- Yeah, well, when the revolution comes,"
"- we'll be round your house.
- I've never heard anything like it in my life!"
"How dare you!"
"This'll be really good for me. Me and
some mates have been meaning for years"
"to get into armed rebellion. But you
know how it is, you get in the pub,"
"start talking treason, and all
they wanna do is play darts."
"Hm..."
"Have you got these
in a size smaller?"
"No, I'm afraid not."
"They're extremely popular,
you know."
"You're not gonna fight the
revolution wearing those, I hope."
"Sorry, mate.
It's government business."
"Bit top-secret."
"What do you think, Jimmy? They're not
too baggy around here, are they?"
"No, I think with a few grenades
on your belt, that'll look fine."
"Oh, sorry. So, what are we gonna
hit first? An embassy? The BBC?"
"Well, we hadn't really
thought about it."
"Three pairs of cotton
underpants,"
"and a pair of those black
leather stranglers' gloves."
"- Oh, and this.
- I mean, let's face it."
"A lot of the favorites have been done.
You know, banks, multi-nationals."
"So what you're looking for
is a new kind of atrocity."
"- Are these pre-shrunk?
- Oh, yes, of course."
"- What's that you've got there?
- Pluto."
"- Eh?
- I thought it might come in handy for all those long"
"- boring bits between
the shooting."
"This way, gents."
"Open up, it's the police.
Anyone in there?"
"- Family crisis.
- Oh."
"Travel by night."
"- Trust nobody.
- OK."
"And Alex, grind the face"
"of capitalism into the dust,
won't you?"
"Why, what's it to you,
stranger?"
"It's a long story."
"A long and painful story."
"It all started when I was
at Oxbridge."
"I was 19."
"There were five of us."
"Everything all right,
love?"
"I'm pregnant!"
"That Tory bastard
got me pregnant."
"No money."
"No future!"
"Oh, God! All I want to do is
bring down the government!"
"Destroy the system!"
"That's all I ask."
"Lovely, isn't it?"
"Do you know this is one of the last
cars to have a wooden dashboard?"
"There aren't many of these
around now, you know."
"- Is it a V6 or a four?
- It's a V6, I think."
"Hm... What do you get
on a long run?"
"- Twenty, 25?
- Yes."
"Providing I don't go
flat-out."
"That's not bad.
It's in lovely condition."
"You must be very proud of it."
"Yes. I am."
"You know, I took my wife on our
honeymoon in one of these."
"Honeymoon."
"I took her to this hotel,
all right,"
"once you got through
the barbed wire."
"And we went upstairs on the lift,
the old lift driver, he said to me,"
"Did I stop too fast?" I said, "No, we
always wear our trousers around our ankles."
"We jumped into bed,"
"took our clothes off, do you
know what she said to me?"
"She said, "That's the biggest John Thomas
I've ever seen in my life," she said."
"She said, "Do you realize I
have a weak heart?"
"I said, "Turn on your side.
I'll try and miss it."
"She said, "Aren't you a bit old
to be wearing condoms?"
"I said, "I suppose I am, but I
like the smell of burning rubber."
"Took her home after a
week, she was pregnant."
"We had a baby.
Ugly little thing, he was."
"Do you know, I took him over to the pub, I said,
"Landlord, could you put a head on that?"
"Only joking, love."
"Here, have a toffee."
"Here!"
"Have a look at this."
"Good, isn't it?"
"Ah!"
"- Nosh!
- What?"
"- Sh!
- What do you mean, shush?"
"Look at him!"
"Here, put a sock in it,
you boring old kraut."
"Pre-election stress,
you know."
" So stupid "
" Why was he born at all? "
"Excuse me, Home Secretary."
"Would you mind keeping
your voice down, please?"
"- What was that, pillock?
- Nosh!"
"- Oh, my God."
"- Tomato sauce?
- Thank you, ma'am."
"It's by appointment."
"I'm with the group."
"Fabulous party, it is."
"Sorry about the broken china,
though."
"Oh, you naughty!"
"Lovely."
"None of that."
" Why was he born
so stupid? "
" Why was he born at all? "
" Why was he born
so stupid? "
" Why was he born at all? "
" Why was he born so stupid?
"
" Why was he born at all? "
"Hello, Sandra. Give us a
kiss."
"Cor! What's all that about?"
"I can't take it anymore.
I'm leaving you."
"- What are you talking about?
- I'm not blind."
"I saw you trying
to get off with the queen."
"You've been drinking."
"Oh, don't come that old
innocence with me."
"Look, all I was doing was
having a little bit of fun."
"You humiliated me!
In front of all those people!"
"- Oh, God!
- Don't start the old waterworks game again."
"Look, Nosh, I don't mind
the odd call girl,"
"but this is well out of
order!"
"I want a divorce!
And she, she's gonna be cited!"
"Taxi! Taxi!"
"Week 12.
The revolution begins."
"At last we are ready to face the
long and dangerous road ahead."
"I wish Ron would let me
sit in the front."
"Each day, dear diary,"
"I feel the inevitable
bloodbath draw closer."
"These thoughts of death I try
to keep within."
"Though, deep down, I know the end
will be both violent and painful."
" You know the rules
You all know the game "
" Try to do what's right "
"Please God, they don't
shoot me in the face."
"I couldn't bear that."
" If I die tonight "
" And I'm on the road "
" On the road "
" On the road "
" On the road "
"Excuse me. Have you got any of
those bandages that, you know,"
"hold your guts in until you get
to a hospital?"
"Hello, laddie."
"You don't want no trouble
in here, do you?"
"- No, Mr. Powell.
- You better give me 50 quid then."
"- Want a drink?
- No, thank you."
"Come on.
Come and have a drink with me."
"- You rang, madam.
- Oh, yes, Terence."
"Would you take a letter,
please?"
"Hm..."
"Your Majesty...
No, no cross that out."
"Bitch!"
"Just 'cause you're a queen,"
"does not mean that you
can fool around"
"with another woman's bloke."
"Hm..."
"Here, can I talk to you?"
"Cheers."
"It's about Sandra."
"I love that girl."
"It's a funny thing, but..."
"before..."
"everyone mowed at her."
"If they all married her..."
"She was like a little clam."
"Shut tight."
"She's never
fucking opened since."
"Here."
"Come here."
"- You ever had a son?
- Yes, Mr. Powell."
"It's all I ever wanted, a
son."
"Little baby boy that
I could teach."
"Round the..."
"Down the...
you know what I mean?"
"It's all I ever wanted."
"That's all I ever wanted."
"Well, of one thing
I am certain."
"Jimmy, Ron, Fiona,"
"and Alex will not die in
vain."
"For as long as the flames
of justice burn,"
"and the winds of freedom
blow,"
"we will not be forgotten."
"And yes, David,
we were heroes,"
"just for one day."
"All these pathetic little orphans
came to the door the other day"
"and said, "I've got nothing." I said,
"Of course you've got nothing!"
"Hello, Bastards?"
"No, I'm afraid we're fully
booked into the present."
"It was about two years ago when I went through
this awful, ashamed-to-be-rich stage."
"- You know.
- I think we all felt like that."
"- I didn't.
- Of course Tim's pissed away billions in the last 12 months."
"And he's such
a rotten card player."
"- That's how he lost Berkshire."
"Oh come on, Dickie,
do jazz it up a bit."
"- Jeremy!
- Oh, shut up! It's my birthday."
" It's my birthday, I love
singing in my white suit "
" Sing along "
" Oh, fuck me "
"Two koalas, sliced."
"Two koalas."
"Uh-huh. Uh-huh, yeah."
"Yeah. Well, you know, it's
just that I'm perfect casting."
"And everybody knows it.
Uh-huh. Yeah."
"Yeah. What? Well, it's...
it's just not easy"
"when you're as good-looking
as I am."
"I'm thinking about
the main course."
"Uh-huh."
"I hear you're leaving us
to become a film star."
"Yeah. Yeah, that's right."
"You're gonna have to pay
to see me from now on."
"- What's the film?
- It's a remake of Fort Apache."
" I'm so rich
I'm so bloody rich "
"- Waiter!
- Yes?"
"Mysterious enough for you,
Mr. Dupont?"
"Oh, don't be so stupid."
"That was..."
"Die, mint eaters!"
"Are we taking scalps?"
"Ba-ba-ba-bum!"
"Sandra! Sandra!"
"Oh..."
"- What do you want?
- Let me in, Sandra."
"- Go away, we're through!
- Please, Sandra!"
"Let me in.
I'd like to have a slash."
"Go see Lady Muck,
you're not coming in here."
"- I'm coming in!
- Oh, no, you're not."
"- I changed the locks.
- Ooh, you... cow!"
"- Here, are you on?
- Of course, sir."
"Do us a favor,
shoot that lock off."
"Yes, sir."
"I'm afraid it's bolted
on the inside, sir."
"Oh, bollocks."
"Here, you wanna be a soldier
one day?"
"- Yes, sir, I do.
- Give us a tenner then."
"Didn't this used
to be Bastards?"
"Yes, it's under new management.
I thought we'd give it a try."
"- Um, are you the manager?
- Mind your own business."
"We'd like
to book a table for two."
"We're fully booked. Anyway,
you look fat enough already."
"Do you hear that,
darling?"
"Apparently, we're too fat!
I love it!"
"Yes, you must squeeze us in somehow.
We hate polite restaurants."
"- No, piss off.
- Oh, please."
"- Look, here's some cash.
- Very well."
"But you don't really fit in, so sit in
that corner and keep your trap shut."
"- Thank you so much.
- Shut your face."
"This is the place
they're all talking about."
"Eat The Rich, how very witty!"
"Take my daughter,
anything. Come on, push!"
"- We were here first!"
"- Sit down there, you bastard.
- It's great, they really hate us here, don't they?"
"Yes! Isn't it fab? I told you
it's the in place to come."
"- It certainly is.
- What do you want to stuff yourself with, ponce?"
"Oh, such fun. Uh,
what's the soup of the day?"
"Manager with rice or chips."
"You're much too ugly
to eat in here."
"But you must let me in!"
"- Please! I know Jack Nicholson!
- No!"
"Get lost, starfucker!"
"- Yes?
- Table for two, please."
"Over there."
"Eat The Rich?"
"Feed the poor?"
"Yes."
"Oh, look up, darling."
"Spider, I've got
some rather bad news."
"Go on, then, surprise me."
"The Russians have ordered me
to defect to Moscow."
"- When is that then?
- I can't say."
"I failed to stop Nosher
Powell."
"Now they're worried that he
might expose them."
"God, I feel so effing
lost."
"Well, don't start
crying here."
"Excuse me, I just seen someone
I used to know."
"- Two more managers with chips.
- We're running out of manager!"
"Blimey, we'll have to start
on the customers then."
"Don't put so much salt
in next time."
"I'd stick to the chips
if I was you."
"Why?"
"Somebody's just
been handed to us on a plate."
"Ah. I see."
"Good grief."
"These people are eating their
way through the jetset."
"You're not coming in here!
Hush up! Millionaires only."
"Incredible. Just incredible."
"It's a bit naughty, isn't it?"
"Come through five minutes,
sir."
"Hm..."
"Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?"
"Paper, morning paper.
Prime Minister missing."
"Paper, morning paper.
Prime minister missing."
"Thank you, guv. Thank you.
Morning, guv."
"How's spying going, all right?
Paper, morning paper."
"Prime minister missing.
Paper!"
"She slung me out."
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear
that."
"Marriage is on the rocks."
"She wants a divorce."
"Oh, dear."
"You always seemed
the perfect couple."
"Everyone in government
thought so."
"Yeah. You're right."
"They want to take over
the eastern when I'm gone."
"I ain't got no missus."
"Mrs. Powell always struck me
as a deeply romantic woman."
"Perhaps, with the pressures
of government,"
"you may have overlooked
those intimate little touches"
"that a woman of her...
je ne sais quoi craves."
"Why don't you take her out
to dinner?"
"- I can't do that.
- Why not?"
"You know, it's a funny thing."
"But there's only one thing
she'll eat."
"- What's that?
- Mince."
"Anything's possible."
"- Shall I pour?
- Fill her up."
"Well, you've certainly gone out
of your way to make up, Nosh."
"Jewels, furs and champagne."
"So when do I get me front door
key back?"
"Maybe you will,
and maybe you won't."
"Let's see how the evening
goes."
"Are you sure this is the latest
in place?"
"I can't imagine the Prime
Minister wanting..."
"Don't start that
old bollocks again!"
"- All right.
- Oi! Sambo!"
"- What's special tonight?
- Meat."
"- What's he doing?
- Holding cutlery."
"You all right, love?
You look about peaked."
"It's the baby.
Jimmy, I'm having a baby!"
"Oh, blimey!"
"I'm giving birth. Look."
"Any second, I'd say."
"Jimmy, I want to do it
Leboyer method."
"Leboyer? What's that?"
"Natural childbirth."
"No painkillers."
"Just soft light
and soft music."
" Dear little baby "
" You're on your way "
" Dear little baby "
" Have a nice day "
"We're running out of
old customers!"
"- Well, improvise."
"It's a scream, isn't it?
I'm just off to the loo."
"Evening."
"One more push."
"There it is."
"Oh, it's a little boy."
"Oh! He's beautiful!"
"Oh! My little baby boy!"
"What are we going to call
you?"
"I always thought Esquis
was rather a lovely name."
"Yes, that is a lovely name.
Hello, Esquis."
"- It's arrived.
- What's he doing?"
"Sniffing it."
"One bite, that's all I need."
"Oh, shit, he's calling
the waiter."
"- I can't bear it.
- Something's happening."
"- What's happening?
- Wait a minute."
"It's tomato sauce, guv."
"Come on."
"Come on, just one large
mouthful for Uncle Spider."
"It's going in. It's in."
"Has he swallowed?"
"Wait a minute, wait a minute."
"Yes, like a 30-dollar blowjob,
governor."
"Get me the police."
"Here, Mrs. Powell."
"This tastes very much
like human flesh to me."
"Yes, it does, doesn't it?"
"This is the police."
"Lay down your knives and
forks."
"You have all been eating
the Prime Minister."
"Let's go!"
"Quick! Out the back!"
"Hey, you! You!"
"I want a cover-up!"
"I want a complete cover-up
in this whole business!"
"If the press find out that I've
been eating the Prime Minister."
"I lose the election!
I want a whitewash!"
"A complete fucking whitewash!"
"Mince massacre.
The front cover!"
"- A baby?
- It's a boy."
"A boy."
"A baby boy."
"- A little baby boy.
- Isn't he beautiful?"
"It's my son, isn't it?"
"- It's my son!
- No! You can't have him."
"- He's mine!"
"Cootchie-cootchie-cootchie!"
"- Where's Fiona?
- I'll go back for her."
"Fiona!"
"He took my baby!"
"- Who?"
"Oh...!"
"This way, please, Nosh. That's right,
hold there, Nosh. That's lovely."
"Look, rescue bid pays off. Nosh has
saved the baby from being eaten alive."
"- It's my baby.
- - One more, Nosh."
"- It's my baby son."
"- He's all mine.
- - Aw!"
"- Who's the secret
saucy mum, Nosh?"
"- There he is. The heavyweight champion of the world.
- That's lovely. And again."
"- The next heavyweight
champion!"
" You're playing tricks, babe
And that's a fact "
" Your magic circle
ain't where it's at "
" One moment you were here
and then you disappeared "
" This ain't the first time
that I've caught your act "
" Nothing up my sleeve, babe
"
" Watch out, watch out "
" Magic's what you need, babe
"
" Just like that "
"- Where's my son?
- I... I don't know."
"They... somebody
must have taken him."
"No!"
"- He's mine! I want him!
- Leave him, Nosh."
"- Give me that gun!
- No!"
"No more killing! Please,
Nosh!"
"I've never killed anybody
in my life."
"But I'll kill any bastard
that takes my son!"
"Nosh!"
"I've got to go back.
I want my baby!"
"You can't, love.
It's too dangerous."
"- He'll kill you.
- I'd rather die than leave Esquis with that man."
"I'm sorry, boys. I'm a mother now.
I've got to go."
"- Anarchy in the UK!
- - Don't be daft!"
"Let's think about this
for a moment."
"- We'll all go.
- What?"
"We're going back for Esquis."
"Fuck me."
"One shot."
"One clear shot.
That's all I need."
"- You're joking.
- Not this time, Jimmy."
"Stop right there, unless you want a
fucking arrow through your head."
"It's you."
"A child needs its mother."
"- Who are you?
- A friend."
"- Where's Ron?
- He's dead."
"Ron's dead?"
"- He was shot.
- Oh."
"In the back."
"He's coming for you, Alex."
"Come on, let's go."
"- I'm not coming, Jimmy.
- Aye?"
"You take Fiona and the baby."
"I'm gonna wait here for Ron."
"Ron? What are you talking
about?"
"Oh."
"Go on. I'll be all right,
Jimmy."
"Here. You better have
one of these, mate."
"- No, thanks.
- Go on. Take one, please."
"All right. Thanks."
"The blue ones are best."
"Very kind, the both of you."
"It don't matter."
"Go on! Get the hell out of here, Jimmy!
Go while you still can!"
"The summer's nearly gone."
"It has that nip in the air."
"- I don't suppose...
- What's that?"
"- What?
- That noise."
"I want my son!"
"Thanks for everything."
"Not at all."
"Give me my son!"
"I want my son!"
"- My son!
- You're too late."
"- He's gone!
- Fuck you!"
"Give me my son, or else I'll
fill you full of lead!"
"Oh!"
"You bastard!"
"Give... me..."
"my... fucking..."
"son! Where is my son?!"
"Oh! Oh!"
"- Are you dead yet?
- - No!"
"Me neither."
"What about now?"
"Death's a great
equalizer, isn't it?"
"Isn't it a pity
we can't be more equal in life?"
"Don't start that old
commie bollocks again."
"Look, if you want
to meet your maker,"
"you better clean up your act."
"What's black, with curly
hair,"
"- and full of holes?
- - What?"
"You."
"OK. What's old,"
"stupid, and only got
half a stomach?"
"- What?
- - You!"
"Knock knock."
"- One, two, three!"
" All right, all right "
" I hope you sons of bitches
see the light "
" You again, you again "
" I know you've got
a mental age of ten "
" Listen up, listen up "
" I wouldn't swap you
for a thousand bucks "
" Come on, you're the one "
" I think I'm going
to switch your laser on "
" I've got
the medicine you need "
" I've got the power
I've got the speed "
" I'll find out how
to stop your clock "
" We sure ain't
talking Dr. Spock "
" Hear me talking, Dr. Rock
"
" Lie down, turn around "
" Here come the sister
Gonna strip you down "
" Shut up, breathe in "
" Let's have the address
of your next of kin "
" Chin up, shoulders back "
" You've got a body
like a Marshall stack "
" Keep still
Take your pill "
" Or I'm gonna make
you really ill "