[phones ringing]
[mild classical music]
- Statewood Hospital,
please hold.
Statewood Hospital, please hold.
Statewood Hospital, please hold.
Statewood, thank
you for holding.
Yes, give me a moment,
I'll page her, hold on.
[beeping]
Dr. Sanders, you have
a call in line two.
Dr. Sanders, please
pick up line two.
It's not time for your
medication yet, Mary.
Go back to your room.
Now.
Now!
Will someone please
pick up the lobby phone?
Thanks for holding.
Hi, yes I have the patient
record you requested.
I'll bring it to you now.
[exhaling]
[phone ringing]
Roll down your sleeves
and get these patients
back into their room
before the evening
medication rounds please.
Hello?
Yes, I'll get her.
And next time, please call
on the main line, thank you.
Back to your room, now.
Elizabeth, you have a
call on the lobby phone.
[tense classical music]
- Hello?
- [Mom] Hi, Lizzy.
- Mom, please don't
call me Lizzy.
- [Mom] How are you feeling?
- [Elizabeth] I have news.
- [Mom] What kind
of news, Elizabeth?
- I'm going home tomorrow.
- [Mom] That's wonderful, honey.
I wish I was able to be there.
But your stepsister
has a recital and your,
Richard's coaching Thomas, and,
- It's fine, Mom.
Grant's coming to pick me up.
And he's moving in.
- [Mom] Well, [clearing
throat] that's, um,
Am I ever gonna meet him?
- Do you really want me
to get into the reasons
why you haven't met Grant?
I said I'm going home tomorrow.
I have a new doctor.
I plan on getting well, Mom.
I wanna have a
life and be normal.
- [Mom] That's great,
sweetheart, but--
- No more buts.
I don't want to be upset
or have feelings of resentment
towards you anymore.
Right now I just need to
do what's best for me.
- [Mom] I just, I don't want you
taking your mental
health lightly.
Moving in with someone
is a big deal, Elizabeth.
- Mom,
Grant asked me to marry
him and I said yes.
Mom.
- [Mom] Yes?
- You're not happy.
- [Mom] It's just,
I had a very different
idea of what your life
would be like, but,
you can make your own choices.
- [Elizabeth] He
makes me happy, mom.
- [Mom] Then that's
all that matters.
Look, I'll try to make a
trip up from San Diego soon.
I have to go.
But I'll see you soon.
Gotta run.
Birds flying high
you know how I feel
Sun in the sky
you know how I feel
Breeze drifting on
by, you know how I feel
It's a new dawn,
it's a new day
It's a new life for me yeah
It's a new dawn,
it's a new day
It's a new life for me
Wooooo
And I'm feeling good
[jazz music]
Fish in the sea
you know how I feel
River running free
you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree,
you know how I feel
It's a new dawn,
it's a new day
It's a new life for me
And I'm feeling good
- Hey.
Give me your bag,
I'll go pack it away.
- I got it.
I'll go take a shower, put
this stuff in the laundry.
- Okay.
Well, I'll be here.
Yeah, I'll give
you some alone time
so you can get settled in.
Can I get you anything?
- Tea?
- Coming right up.
[clinking in kitchen]
[light piano music]
[shower splashing]
[knob squeaking]
I didn't throw it out.
I figured we could
heat it up and share.
- [Elizabeth] You read my mind.
I've been craving
wonton Chinese food.
- [Grant] I had a
feeling you might.
Drink your tea.
[Elizabeth exhaling]
Good?
- [Elizabeth] Mhmm.
- [Grant] Feel good to be home?
- [Elizabeth] Yeah, I never
want to go back to that place.
- [Grant] When do
you want to go over
your new medication?
I think we should do that
before your next
doctor's appointment.
- [Elizabeth] Tomorrow.
Just wanna be with
you right now.
- [Grant] Okay.
[smooching sound]
- [Elizabeth] So what
did your friends say
when you told them you
were moving in with me?
- They said, "Can
we help you pack?"
They didn't say that.
All joking aside, everyone
is real happy for us.
- That's nice to hear.
I told my mom.
- How'd that go?
- It was a conversation filled
with grief and disappointment.
So all in all it
went pretty good.
- Do you think she'll
want to meet me
before we get married?
- I don't know and I
honestly don't care.
- Come on, you care.
It's your mother,
I know you care.
You can pretend to
be tough all you want
but I know you better
than you know yourself.
- You think you know me?
- I know so.
I know you better than
you know yourself.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
And you know what else?
- Yeah?
- There is no one else's plate
I'd rather steal food from.
- I hate when you do that.
Why do you do that?
- 'Cause I want what you have.
[light piano music]
- [Mental Voices] He's
never going to marry you.
He's never going to marry you.
Please kill yourself.
[voices talking over each other]
He's never going to marry you.
[pen clicking]
- You know, some people,
and I don't really
know these people
but some people might consider
that a compulsive behavior.
What do you think?
- Well, dear sir, I don't
know if you know this
but I'm also
obsessive compulsive
and currently on
medication for it.
- Yeah, and it looks like
it's doing one heck of a job.
What was that
medication called again?
It's 250 milligrams
twice a day of,
no I might not be
saying this right.
It's not working, is that right?
Did I say that,
it's not working?
- No, you jerk.
It's called Luvox and I think
it's the only medication
that's actually working.
This is more my anxiety
and my obsessiveness.
- Well did you take anything?
- No, I don't like the
Ativan, it makes me itchy.
It must be some
weird side effect.
- Or it's a rash.
I'm just saying.
Mm, that's lovely.
Thanks.
[clearing throat]
We need to go get
your medication.
- Okay.
- It's important.
- Yes, Grant.
- Don't yes me.
You said yesterday that we'll
go over your medication today.
Now I'd like to
have a handle on it
before we meet with Dr. Bowman.
- Don't start with me.
- I'm not starting with you.
I just don't take your
mental health lightly.
- Oh and I do?
You sound like my mother.
- I'm just saying
that you should--
- Both of you think you know
what to do for me, yeah?
Have you been talking?
You guys should go
ahead for lunch maybe.
No?
Everyone knows what's best
for me except for me, huh?
[clattering]
Yeah, fine, let's
do it right now.
- Any of these treat
rant and bitch syndrome?
You might want to double
that dosage, I'm just saying.
I didn't mean that.
[somber music]
No sign in her
leaving anytime soon
No sign is saying
either of us sides
Are in the same room
If she wasn't in arm's reach
I'd say she's gone and off too
If it wasn't for me I'd say
We'd have nothing to lose
It's all in my head I know
I ain't right above the neck
It's all in my head, I know
No one else is making air
It's all in my head I know
She's only everything I give
It's all in my head I know
Shouldn't be all
right with death
Always comes and goes
[phone ringing]
- Dr. Bowman's office.
Hi.
- Did you just read
that whole magazine?
That was impressive.
I knew you were
special, but wow.
[whispering]
- Elizabeth, I'm Dr. Bowman.
Please, do come in.
I've heard so much about
you from Dr. Saunders.
It's a pleasure to finally
meet you in person.
Please, have a seat.
- It's nice to meet you too.
This is my fiancee Grant.
- I'm so glad you are
able to make it in safely.
It's terrible this time
of day with traffic.
I see you're currently
taking Haldol.
- [Elizabeth] Yes.
- And how is that
working for you?
Do you feel that it's helping?
- It's awful.
Between the headaches,
difficulty in peeing,
muscle stiffness, I
feel like it's making me
crazier than I am.
And with all the other pills,
the dry mouth is enough
to make me wanna scream.
- All very sexy side
effects, I might add.
- Shut up!
- And how long have
you been on Haldol?
- Um,
Dr. Sanders put me on
it when I was admitted
to Statewood, so five weeks.
- And before that, I see
you were on Seroquel.
Do you remember why they
changed your medication?
- I was escorted out
of a grocery store
for having an argument with
a fireman that wasn't there.
- So you were experiencing
hallucinations?
- Yeah.
Police were called and I
was taken to the hospital.
- [Dr. Bowman] And is
this the first time
you received
inpatient treatment?
- Yes.
No, um.
I've been in and out of
hospitals over the years
but it was always voluntary
and more for evaluation.
- Would you say you've seen
change in sudden behaviors
of recent years?
- I would say that it
started getting worse
about a year ago.
Right around the time
we started dating.
Lucky you.
- I see.
So I see that while
you were under the care
of Dr. Saunders, he
took you off Seroquel,
placed you on Haldol
for schizophrenia.
But I also see that you
are currently taking
Luvox for OCD and
Ativan for anxiety.
- Yes.
- Other than the side
effects that you mentioned,
do you feel this current
combination of medication
is actually working for you?
- I hate the Ativan,
it makes me itchy.
But the Haldol isn't
working either.
I'm hearing voices
almost every day.
I feel like the only thing
that's working is the Luvox
but not 100%.
- [Dr. Bowman] And did you
mention this to Dr. Saunders?
- [Elizabeth] Yes.
- [Dr. Bowman] And
what did he say?
- Give it time.
I did, it's not working.
Sorry, um.
I see raccoons sometimes and
I can't help but pet them.
I'm really sorry.
- That's perfectly
okay, Elizabeth.
You don't have to apologize
to me for anything.
Mental illness doesn't
need to be treated
like a dirty secret.
This is a safe environment.
Nobody's going to
judge you here.
- I want a doctor
who listens to me
and not just medicates me.
- Tell me about you, Elizabeth.
- Well, I'm 30 and I'm
getting married soon.
I wanna go back to work
but I wanna make sure
I'm capable enough before I do.
- [Dr. Bowman] What do you do?
- I'm a book editor.
I was a book editor.
- That's stressful work.
- It can be.
You're being trusted to
edit someone else's work
and if you cut too deep
and make the wrong edit,
it could be bad.
- [Dr. Bowman] Yeah, I can see
how that could be challenging.
- So, what do you think, Doc?
- Yeah, what do you think?
- I think I can
help you, Elizabeth.
Based on your mental
health history,
I believe with the proper
combination of medication
and psychotherapy, you can
have a significant improvement
in your quality of life.
Would you excuse
me for one moment?
- Sure. [clearing throat]
[door closing]
- Elizabeth.
I'd like to start you on a
medication called Invega.
Have you been on this before?
- No.
- Here's the sample.
I'd like to start
you on a low dose.
Three milligrams per day.
That way we have room to go up.
Now, for the anxiety,
even though the itchiness
is a highly unusual
side effect of Ativan,
I'd like you to
start using Clonopin.
Once in the morning
and once at night.
That should balance
out the anxiousness.
Here you go.
- Thank you.
- And I'd like you to
continue using the Luvox.
But I'd like to increase the
dosage to 150 milligrams a day.
Once in the morning,
once at night,
same as the Clonopin.
I feel very optimistic
about this new stuff.
Do you have any
questions for me?
- Babe, you have any questions?
- Mm, no.
- Okay, shall we
make an arrangement
to see each other next week?
- Sounds good.
- And please, don't
hesitate to call me
if you have any
adverse side effects
or if you experience any
other extreme behaviors.
- Like what?
[train horn blaring]
- You hear that?
Hear that, hear that?
Do you hear that, hear that?
The train is coming.
The train is coming.
The train is coming,
the train is coming.
The train is coming,
the train is coming.
The train is coming,
the train is coming,
the train is coming.
The train is coming,
the train is coming.
The train is coming,
the train is coming.
The train is coming,
the train is coming.
The train is coming,
the train is coming.
The train is coming,
the train is coming.
The train is coming!
[train wheels chugging]
- [Grant] Hey! Hey!
Relax!
There's no train.
- The train is coming,
the train is coming!
You can't hear that?
It's so loud and getting louder!
- Hey! Listen to me!
There's no one here.
Relax!
Elizabeth!
Relax, relax, listen to me.
- Get off! Get off!
- You need to calm down!
Listen to me, stop it!
Come here, relax.
You're just hearing things!
[slapping]
Relax!
[panting]
I didn't mean that, okay?
You know I would.
I didn't mean that.
I just didn't know
what else to do.
I just didn't.
[retro music]
Today I met the
boy I'm gonna marry
He's all I wanted all
my life and even more
He smiled at me and gee
the music started playing
Here comes the
bride when he walks
Through the door
Today I met the
boy I'm gonna marry
The boy whose life
and dream and love
I wanna share
For on my hands
have been the gold
And tears before me
[singing muffled
and water bubbling]
When we kiss I get
a sweet sensation
This time it wasn't
just my imagination
Today I met the
boy I'm gonna marry
He's just what I'd
been waiting for, oh yeah
With every kiss oh, this is it
My heart keeps saying
Today I met the boy
I'm going to marry
- Babe.
You've been in here
for a long time.
Can I get you anything?
Did you remember
to take your pills?
Okay.
I'll, um,
I'll give you some space.
Today I met the
boy I'm gonna marry
He's just what I've been
waiting for, whoah yeah
With every kiss oh this is it
My heart keep saying
Today I met the boy
I'm going to marry
Yeah yeah yeah
- Babe, hey, hi!
Get up, it's December.
- [Elizabeth] So?
- So, I was just jogging and
the lot that's normally empty
is full of Christmas trees.
So let's go get one.
- It doesn't feel
like Christmas.
- It's Los Angeles, it
never feels like Christmas.
So we're gonna remove
this, oh look at this.
Ooh, goodness, what is
going on under here?
- Okay, I'm going.
- Okay, okay.
I'm not your patient.
Please, after you.
No problem, I'm just right here.
Oh, ooh. Do you feel that?
- You are so naughty.
- There's a lot of
meat in that one.
- Stop!
- It was.
But you love me though.
You do love me?
- [Elizabeth] Sometimes.
- Hey, you love me.
Ooh.
Hurry up!
So what kind of tree
do you want to get?
I really like these
blue green ones.
I know they're soft needles
and they last longer
than most trees.
- Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Where are your parents?
- Over there.
- Wanna go stand by them?
- Yeah.
- [Grant] Cute kid.
- Yeah.
- Hey.
Where'd you go?
What you thinking about?
- Do you wanna have kids?
- Um, I haven't really
given that a lot
of thought, you know.
But yeah, sure, eventually.
- Do you want to
have kids with me?
- Who else would I
be having kids with?
Don't be silly.
- You just never
spoke about that.
And I figured because
of the way that I am
you might not want to.
- Well I guess since
we're talking about it now
maybe you don't want
to have kids with me.
- Why is that?
- [Grant] I don't know, I was
quite the unpredictable child.
I got in a lot of
trouble, fights.
And I even stole from the store
in the corner of my street.
- What did you steal?
- Candy bars.
Everyday before school.
I was out of control.
Couldn't stop me.
So all I'm saying
is that my genes
are probably worse than yours.
- Don't joke about that.
- Babe, we have to joke, okay?
We have to.
Otherwise we'll both go insane.
Literally.
And our kids are
gonna be amazing.
You know that.
They're gonna be happy
and healthy and beautiful.
Just like you.
Probably a little
bratty too, but,
you can't win them all.
- What are they gonna
get from you, huh?
- [Grant] Um, probably, and
just off the top of my head,
probably my charisma.
And my charm, and
my lovely smile.
- And your conceitedness
too, maybe?
- [Grant] It's a package deal.
- What if they end up like me?
Sick.
- Listen to me, hmm.
Listen to me.
There's no one else I want
to have a family with, okay?
I am prepared to
share my life with you
and that means the
good and the bad
and whatever happens,
I don't care.
'Cause I know, if
we stick together,
we can make it through anything.
You believe me?
Hmm, maybe a little bit?
I'll take that.
Come on.
Let's get this tree.
- [Elizabeth] Can you just
pick one so we can go home?
[canister rattling]
- [Grant] What do you think?
[light music]
- It's beautiful.
- It's our first tree together.
It just, I wish it had
a ring to go with it.
- Hey you know I
don't care about that.
I've got this, it's all I need.
[exhaling]
Grant?
- Yeah babe?
- Thank you for today.
The tree, the lights, the
decorations, everything.
- That's my job.
- Sometimes I wish I could
run away from myself.
- Well, you can't run
away from yourself.
Because then you'd be
running away from me.
But I could catch you.
- Why do you love me so much?
- You remember the day
after our first date?
When you called to ask me
what color your eyes were?
Without any hesitation
I said blue.
And your eyes are blue.
I could hear you smiling
through the phone.
And then when I asked
what that was all about,
that you would know if someone
was truly in love with you
if they could remember
the color of your eyes
after only one date.
And that was the day you
became my Elizabeth Blue.
I love you, Elizabeth.
what I'm dying for
- He's never going to marry you.
He doesn't want you,
he doesn't want you.
He pities you.
He hates you.
He thinks you're disgusting.
He wishes you would die.
Did you hear what I said?
Elizabeth.
Look at yourself.
How could he possibly
want to marry you?
You're a mess.
You're a charity case.
You're pathetic!
What's keeping him here,
what's keeping him here?
You're ruining his life.
He has to watch
you like a child.
He looks at you with pure repel.
What are you gonna do?
Wake up your knight
in shining armor?
And then what?
Is he gonna defend your honor
and throw me out of the house?
Look at me!
Did you really buy
all of that crap
about him having kids with you?
Why he insists on
filling your head
with these fairy tales
is totally beyond me.
I said look at me!
- He loves me, he loves me,
he loves me, he loves me,
he loves me, he loves me,
he loves me, he loves me.
- Love, what do you
know about love?
Nothing.
Why you wouldn't just put you
and him out of your misery
is totally beyond me.
I've been telling you
this for years, haven't I?
You didn't listen to
me when I told you
to kill yourself when
you were a teenager.
You didn't listen to
me when I told you
to kill yourself in your 20s.
Time and time again,
I've been there
as a friend telling you
to just end this life.
It's really no life at all.
But instead of taking my advice,
you get mixed up
with this poor slob
who has no idea what's
in store for him.
If you loved him,
truly loved him,
you'd do him a favor.
Go ahead into that kitchen
and slice open your throat.
But you won't do that will you?
And you know why?
It's because you're
selfish and entitled.
- Stop it, you're not real.
You're not real,
you're not real.
- I hate to be the one to
tell you this, Elizabeth.
But I'm all you've got.
You can't trust anyone but me.
I'm the only one that's
ever told you the truth.
They're all against you.
The doctors, your mother.
And even your sweet
precious Grant, most of all.
I wouldn't be surprised
if he's secretly planning
on leaving you.
[banging]
Do it.
Go in the kitchen, find
the biggest knife you can.
Just do it.
End this hurt.
End Grant's hurt.
Don't make him suffer anymore
because of your selfishness.
Do it, do it.
[voices chattering]
Do it!
- You told me do something,
so devious, so devious.
- Do it!
- Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
- Elizabeth?
Elizabeth?
- In here.
[somber music]
- Babe, babe, babe!
Hey come here.
What's wrong?
What happened, what happened?
[Elizabeth muttering]
What?
No, you're not.
Baby I promise you're not.
No you're not, I
promise I need you.
I need you in my life.
[door opening and shutting]
- Elizabeth.
I'm sorry for the delay.
- Thank you for seeing
me on such short notice.
- What's happened that has
you feeling so unsettled?
- I saw Tim.
- Hmm.
Hmm.
From here I see,
it's been a while
since you last saw
or heard from this
particular hallucination.
Is that correct?
Is there anything currently
happening in your life
that could have triggered
this recent incident?
- Well, my fiancee moved in
and we're trying to
plan our wedding.
I'm working on
getting better first
so it could be perfect.
I just need it to be perfect.
- Tell me what you
remember about last night.
- Bits and pieces.
And always bad though.
- Were you alone?
- Until Grant was there.
- [Dr. Bowman] Elizabeth,
are you experiencing
hallucinations right now?
- No.
- Do you feel that you're
a danger to yourself
or to anyone else?
- No.
Besides driving
Grant crazy, but no.
- Elizabeth.
I need you to listen
to me very carefully
and try to understand what
I'm about to say to you, okay?
Now the best thing
that you can do
is to ignore the voices and
hallucinations at all costs.
Don't make friends with
them, don't talk to them.
Don't even acknowledge them.
Even if they're nice to you.
We don't want you
to engage with any
of the hallucinations.
It could potentially
worsen your state of mind.
Now I understand how
well these hallucinations
may feel when they're happening.
But they're not.
And you're gonna
have to try your best
to try and tune them out.
Turn the TV up extra loud.
Listen to music
with headphones on.
Call someone, anybody.
Anything at all to
distract yourself
till the episode passes.
- Do you know how scary it is
when you don't know
if life is real?
Sometimes I feel cursed.
Like I'm living in a bad dream
that I can't wake up from.
[somber music]
My relationship is suffering.
He says it's not but,
I don't believe him.
I want to believe him.
And I don't want him
to stop loving me
because of this.
I can't stop loving
because of this.
I'm so tired.
- Elizabeth.
Love is a very strong emotion.
It cannot be forced or
created out of thin air.
Some people believe we
can't even teach others
to love us.
Love is something that
can only come naturally.
And it finds us when
we are ready for it.
But only after we learn
to love ourselves.
Love is not a dream that
you have to be afraid
to wake up from either.
Real love, unconditional
love is possibly
the greatest achievement
that we have as human beings.
And it's also often
the most elusive.
And because of that, we
can often find ourselves
clinging to our idea of love.
Our perception of it.
But when we find
love, true love,
it comes with unconditional
circumstances.
And a love like that cannot
be broken by anything.
Including mental illness.
It can only make the
love you share stronger.
[somber music]
- [Elizabeth] Thank
you, Dr. Bowman.
I wanna get better too.
And I won't be afraid anymore.
- That's the right
approach, Elizabeth.
'Cause life is about choices.
You have to choose for yourself.
And the fact that you
desire to get well
shows that you're a fighter
and you will not let this
illness overcome you.
[sniffling]
Shall we take a look
and see where we're at
in terms of
medication and dosing?
- Yeah.
[exhaling]
[phone ringing]
I thought you said
you couldn't make it.
- I thought you said
it was important.
You ready to go?
Come.
- [Dr. Bowman] I'm
going to need you
to be very honest with me.
Are you skipping your doses?
- [Elizabeth] No, not at all.
- [Dr. Bowman] Good.
I'm going to prescribe a
medication called Saphris.
It's a dissolvable
tab that comes
between five and
10 milligram doses.
Now it's very effective.
And it's generally
well tolerated.
Now if you happen
to have an episode
similar to the one that
you had last night,
simply place the
tab under the tongue
and it can act very
quickly to diminish
all voices, hallucinations
and disruptive thoughts.
- [Elizabeth] It sounds
too good to be true.
- [Dr. Bowman]
It's all a process.
[somber piano music]
[sobbing]
- This'll probably be
the last time I pet you.
See the doctor gave
me some new pills.
If I take them, I
won't see you anymore.
It's all okay.
- [Grant] Babe, you okay?
- [Elizabeth] Mhmm.
Just trying to
decompress a little
and read my magazine.
- [Grant] Oh you mean
the one that you stole?
- [Elizabeth] I didn't
steal it, I borrowed it.
- [Grant] Are you
finally getting excited
about wedding stuff?
- [Elizabeth] I don't
know, maybe a little.
- [Grant] Maybe a little, yeah.
Why, I like it.
It gives me hope.
- [Elizabeth] Why is that?
- [Grant] Because it
makes our future seem
full of memories
and old experiences.
Full of life.
I'll see you later.
- [Elizabeth] Where
are you going?
- [Grant] I'm going for a run.
- [Elizabeth] Didn't
you just go for a run?
- [Grant] Yeah, but you read
bridal magazines and decompress
and I jog, so.
I'll see you later.
[kettle whistling]
[knocking]
- Grant, did you
forget your keys?
- [Mom] It's your mother.
- Mom, what are you doing here?
- Well, your stepfather
had some business in town
so I thought I'd take a
ride up and surprise you.
- Yeah, well I'm surprised.
Can I get you anything?
- [Mom] Oh, no I'm fine.
Are you alone?
- What does that mean?
- [Mom] Why I simply meant
is there anyone here?
- No.
- [Mom] Where's Grant?
- He went for a jog.
- Your hair got longer.
- I know, I was actually
thinking of cutting it.
- Oh no, don't do that.
You look so beautiful.
- Hi, Mom.
- Let's put some makeup on
you and go shopping, Lizzy.
- You know I hate when
you call me Lizzy.
- What happened to you, honey?
When are you gonna
get out of this rut
and get back into living,
for Christ's sake?
- Rut?
I see someone's
still in denial, mom.
- Denial?
[laughing] I'll tell you
who's in denial, Lizzy.
A Christmas tree, we're Jewish.
- No, you're Jewish, mom.
Daddy was Catholic
and so is Grant
and we like Christmas.
- Okay, do not mention your
good for nothing father to me.
- [Elizabeth] Don't
say that about him.
- Oh clearly you've
forgotten who raised you
after he walked out on us.
- Forgot?
How could I when you
constantly remind me
what a terrific single
parent you were?
- If you weren't living in
your little make believe world
maybe you would have noticed.
- That's what you think
this is, make believe?
I would tear off my skin
if I didn't have to play
make believe anymore.
- You call it what you like,
I call it make believe.
You always needed attention
and this is the way you got it.
And you know what,
I did do my best.
You think it was easy
after your father left?
All those day to day worries?
I had no job, I had no
car, I had no money.
- Yeah, no man.
And I hate to break it to you.
But your best is the only
thing that's make believe here.
- What exactly does that mean?
- Nothing except that maybe
you forgot to ask
some questions.
- To whom, Elizabeth, you?
- Yes, me!
You know a parental figure
would have been nice.
Someone who asked
their kid if maybe
something's going
on inside their head
and expressing some concern.
That maybe I wasn't quite right.
Oh what the hell would
you know about that?
You were so wrapped
up in your own needs
you couldn't be bothered
by my suffering.
Don't smoke in my apartment!
- Your apartment?
Oh god, unbelievable.
Who do you think pays
for this apartment?
- Oh don't start with that.
- Between this place and all
the extra health insurance
and all those fancy
doctors you think you need.
- Stop, oh.
- I mean what do you think,
your disability check
covers all that?
And you know what?
Don't you dare point your
finger at me, young lady.
You are the reason
your father walked out
in the first place.
All your neuroses
and all your fits
and all your constant crying!
I should have slapped you!
I wanted to but I didn't!
- I was sick!
- Your father would
have beaten you
within an inch of your life
if he'd stayed one more day.
You are the reason
that your father left
and never looked back!
- You can't keep
blaming me for that!
Okay, you don't
think I remember?
I remember all your mood
swings and screaming
and how you sat at
that kitchen table
and smashed his
watch with a hammer
and how you tore apart
our living room furniture
in a fit of rage?
Don't you remember that?
Oh wait, how could
you when all you did
was mask your own issues
with a cheap bottle of wine?
Or is it something stronger now?
By the smell of your breath
I'd say Jack and Coke.
Am I right?
- You always did
like to make me look
like a bad person.
- Yeah you keep living
in your fantasy world
where your hair doesn't move
so you don't have to take
responsibility for your actions.
- My actions? My actions?
- Do you think I
enjoy coming home
and you not being there?
Constant men in and
out of the house
as you took applications
for a new husband?
All you had to do was
love me after daddy left.
But you sat high and
mighty in that pedestal,
looked down at me with disgust
from my mental issues and
you think I made them up?
They stem from you.
- Oh you keep telling
yourself that!
- Shut up!
Shut up and listen
to me for once!
You know what?
I'm not gonna let you
make me feel bad anymore.
I know I'm a mess.
But I'm getting better.
And I don't need you to pretend
to take care of me anymore.
Or be my mother.
Or even my friend.
I'm done.
[somber music]
- Elizabeth, we can't
leave things like this.
- Okay, things have
always been like this.
And there is nothing good
here, there never was.
I love you.
But you should go.
Your new family
needs you, I don't.
[door opening]
Hey.
- Hey you.
[smooching]
I am exhausted.
What are you doing
sitting in the dark?
Should I be concerned?
- [Elizabeth] No,
I'm good actually.
- Okay.
- [Elizabeth] My mom was here.
- Here, like in
the apartment here?
- Mhmm.
- [scoffing] when?
- She showed up about 20
minutes after you left.
Where were you for so long?
- I lost track of time.
I mean who cares,
tell me what happened?
- We said everything
we had to say.
I feel like I got closure.
Real closure going
all the way back
to when I was in love with Ken.
Do you think that's possible?
- Sometimes we hold on to things
that we know are
not good for us.
Because we're afraid
of what will happen
if we let go.
But when we finally
do it's like this,
this weight lifted off our chest
and we're truly free.
It's a good thing, trust me.
Sorry I wasn't here.
- [Elizabeth] No it's
better that you weren't.
I don't think I could
have said everything I did
with you here.
- You're amazing, you know that?
Absolutely amazing.
- You smell.
- I smell?
You're gonna ruin that sweet
moment to tell me I smell?
Yeah, I'ma take a shower.
But you know what, you
should come with me.
- Sorry mister, and you
know what kind of girl
do you think I am?
- A naughty one I hope.
So I'll drop a pin on your GPS
and that way you'll be
able to find me, okay?
In the morning
In the morning
And the lover
Smiling for me
While she's falling
While she's falling
Man I must have been blind
To carry on such
For most of my life
These days I'm hanging around
You're out of my heart
And out of my town
- Hey.
What's going on with
you, you look tense.
I know you're going to try
on wedding dresses right now.
I thought you were excited.
- I am excited.
- Yeah?
- Just my anxiety, babe.
- Did you take your Clonopin?
Good girl.
You know what, just
take out your pills.
Yeah, take them out.
- Why?
- Just take them out.
Now give them a shake.
[rattling]
Shake it one more time.
You feel that?
Oh, oh.
I can't even control it.
- You're so stupid I hate you.
- Am I embarrassing you?
- Yeah.
- A little bit?
- A little bit.
- Well I made you
smile, didn't I?
And you don't hate
me, you love me.
- [Elizabeth] That's it.
- [Grant] There it is.
Looks um, expensive.
- [Elizabeth] You know I
found it in a bridal magazine.
- [Grant] Do you want
me to go in with you?
- [Elizabeth] No, I'm fine.
Plus it's bad luck if
you see me in a dress.
- [Grant] I don't think
it's gonna be a tragedy
if I see you in a dress.
- [Elizabeth] Do you think
we need another thing
for me to obsess over?
- [Grant] Good
point, enough said.
No seeing you in a
dress till the big day.
I won't even ask again.
- [Elizabeth]
Okay, I'm going in.
- [Grant] All right, I'll
be back here in an hour.
You got this, okay?
- [Elizabeth] Okay, go, go.
- [Grant] You'll be fine.
[smooching]
[light piano music]
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi, you must be
my two o'clock.
- I am, I'm Elizabeth.
- Hi Elizabeth, I'm Jane.
It is so nice to meet you.
Welcome to our little shop.
- Thank you, it is so beautiful.
- Thank you.
- And you're so pretty.
- Oh, you're so
sweet, thank you.
Well are you
shopping alone today
or will someone be joining you?
- No, just me.
I sent my fiancee
away but he'll be back
in an hour to get me.
- Wonderful, that's
plenty of time.
It's always better
when the man shows up
at the altar instead
of the fitting room.
At least that's
my opinion anyway.
Can I offer you
something to drink?
- No, I'm great, thank you.
- Okay, well then
let's get started.
Let's find you a dress.
Right this way.
This your first time
shopping for dresses?
- Yeah.
- Oh, you are in for
a treat. [laughing]
- You look well, Elizabeth.
- Thank you.
I feel good.
- [Dr. Bowman]
That's great news.
Have you had any
other hallucinations
since our last session?
- [Elizabeth] Just one.
I saw a raccoon in my bathroom
but it passed quickly.
- Well, that tells me that
the Invega is working.
And how's your anxiety been?
- It comes and goes.
I had a really bad argument
with my mom the other day.
- [Dr. Bowman] Very
sorry to hear that.
- No, it was good.
I knew it helped me
get past some stuff
and cleared my mind.
- Sometimes when we confront
something or someone,
that's been a source
of stress in our lives,
it can often cause us
to refocus on ourselves.
What do you have there?
- I went wedding
dress shopping today.
And the lady in the
store was really nice.
She gave me this number
to a wedding chaplain.
- That was nice of her.
So other than the raccoon,
and a bit of anxiety,
you haven't had
any other episodes?
- No.
And then things with Grant
have been much better.
And that feeling I was
having of him leaving me,
it passed.
- That's good.
And have you been
taking the Saphris?
- No, not yet.
I didn't feel the need to.
And like you said, the
Invega must be working.
- I'm sure it is.
But I would like you to
take the Saphris tonight.
10 milligrams.
- [Elizabeth] I
thought that was for
when I was having a
really bad episode.
- Well that's correct.
But it's also preventative.
Considering the occurrence
with Tim is fairly recent,
then followed by the
argument with your mother,
we'd rather be safe than sorry.
These type of situations
could often lead
to relapse due to stress.
Why not nip it in the bud now?
- Nip it in the bud,
I like that, okay.
I'll see you next week?
- That sounds good.
- [Elizabeth] Dr. Bowman,
thank you for everything.
- [Dr. Bowman] It's my
absolute pleasure, Elizabeth.
You are a bright,
warm, young woman.
And I want nothing more
than to get you back
to living a full
productive life.
Now I want you to
call me tomorrow
after you've taken the Saphris
and tell me how you feel, okay?
- [Elizabeth] Okay.
- [Grant] Babe, can
you come to bed?
- In a sec.
Fuck, cherry flavor my ass.
Time to start living.
- [Grant] Elizabeth.
- Yeah?
- [Grant] Why do we
never open the futon?
- Guess, before you I just
got used to living alone.
We'll open it
tomorrow, I promise.
- [Grant] I love you, Elizabeth.
- I love you too.
[light music]
At last
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
Grant?
And life is like a song
Oh yeah yeah
At last
The stars above are blue
Grant?
My heart was
wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream
That I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found the thrill
to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I
have never known
Oh yeah yeah
You smile
You smile
Oh and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
Grant?
For you are mine
- Sometimes we hold on to things
that we know are
not good for us.
Because we're afraid of what
will happen if we let go.
[glass shattering]
[somber music]
But when we finally
do, it's like this
this weight lifted
off our chest.
And we're truly free.
It's a good thing, trust me.
- Grant asked me to
marry him and I said yes.
- [Dr. Bowman] Elizabeth,
I need you to listen to me
very carefully and
try to understand
what I'm about to
say to you, okay?
The best thing that you can do
is to ignore the voices and
hallucinations at all cost.
Don't make friends with
them, don't talk to them.
Don't even acknowledge them
even if they're nice to you.
We don't want you to engage
with any of the hallucinations.
It could potentially
worsen your state of mind.
Now I understand how real
these hallucinations may feel
when they're happening
but they're not.
And you're gonna
have to try your best
to try and tune them out.
Turn the TV up extra loud.
Listen to music
with headphones on.
Call someone, anybody.
Anything at all to
distract yourself
until the episode passes.
[somber music]
- [Elizabeth] Do you
know how scary it is
when you don't know
if life is real?
Sometimes I feel
cursed, like I'm living
in a bad dream that
I can't wake up from.
My relationship is suffering.
He says it's not but
I don't believe him.
I want to believe him.
And I don't want him to stop
loving me because of this.
[sobbing]
I can't stop loving
because of this.
I'm so tired.
- [Mom] I thought you said
she was making progress.
- She is.
But the type of schizophrenia
that Elizabeth has
is very uncommon and can
manifest its symptoms
in many ways including a
change in her perceptions
that could influence
her sense of reality.
In her particular case,
this not only includes
hearing voices
that are not there
or seeing something that's
not actually present.
She also has tactile
hallucinations
that could create a sensation
of physical contact.
In addition, she has
the type of symptoms
that are consistent with
the diagnosis of OCD.
Now all these symptoms at once
can lead to severe distress
and be very disabling.
With all these medical
conditions to manage,
it's going to be
very challenging.
And it's going to
be very important
that we have an effective
treatment plan in place
and that we stick with it.
- So what does that mean?
- Mrs. O'neil,
- Excuse me, O'neil
was her father's name.
I'm remarried now so
please call me Carol.
- Of course.
Carol.
Your daughter's
mental health is,
it's severe in nature.
Stress, let alone a
traumatic incident
can easily trigger
a psychotic episode.
- I'm sorry Dr. Bowman,
I really don't understand
what any of this means.
- The first appearance
of the hallucination
that Elizabeth came
to identify as Grant
seems to have coincided
with the death
of her father last year.
Now although the medication
eliminated her hallucinations
including the one of Grant,
it uncovered a deeper emotional
and psychological detachment.
- Did Elizabeth
ever mention to you
that she started speaking
to her father again
just before he died?
- No, she never
mentioned that to me.
- Yeah.
They were very close.
Just before we split.
Every Sunday he would
order Chinese food
and they would watch
movies all day.
He'd tell her stories.
And she's laugh.
And he even told her
once that one day,
some wonderful guy like some
stupid knight in shining armor
would come and marry her.
And she said I hope he's
just like you, daddy.
[somber music]
He'd call her his
little Lizzy Blue.
- [Dr. Bowman] I'm
so sorry, Carol.
- Now what?
- Dr. Saunders and
I think it's best
that Elizabeth remain
here in Statewood.
Hopefully after time
and proper treatment,
Elizabeth will be able to
break free of the notion
that she lost the
love of her life.
- Is this my fault?
- Carol, here at
Statewood we don't judge.
We're simply here to help.
- [Nurse] Hi, Elizabeth.
How are you feeling
today, sweety?
Can I get you anything?
Maybe a cup of water.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing, I was just
gonna put something
in the TV for Elizabeth.
Is there anything in
particular you wanna watch?
- You can put anything
you want on the TV, Jane.
Or turn it off all together.
It won't make a
difference either way.
All she ever does is sit there,
write in that notebook and flip
through that bridal magazine.
Look, I know you're new here.
But you can't give too
much to the patients.
You won't survive the job.
Now I need you to start prepping
the evening medications.
Rounds start in 30 minutes.
Somebody get some flowers
Somebody get a ring
Somebody get a chapel
and a choir to sing
Somebody get an organ to play
'Cause somebody's
getting married today
[upbeat music]
Somebody get a preacher
Somebody bake a cake
Somebody get some shoes
and rice and presents today
Somebody get a sweet negligee
'Cause somebody's
getting married today
Wedding, wedding
,big and bulky wedding
Somebody get champagne
Sombody rent a room
Somebody get the lovely bride
And somebody get the
Somebody get the,
somebody somebody
Somebody, somebody
Somebody get this
wedding under way
Somebody getting married today
[applause]
- [Elizabeth] Grant
asked me to marry him
and I said yes.
- [Grant] I love
you Elizabeth Blue.
[somber guitar music]
Lying there's a rainbow
But it ain't no pretty sight
I seen all the colors
Only one in front of my eyes
The color of green
A color so lonely
The color of
green
A color so hungry
A color of
Passing room
And that empty bed for two
And I see red there and orange
Thinking all of
this ends all over you
All on you all I'm seeing
Green
A color so lonely
The color of
Green
A color so hungry
The color of
And has eaten
me, eaten me away
Away
Second place
The same as no place
No place
And does he tell
me, he tell me
Away
Away, away
True love ain't true
Well now fades
It fades, it fades away too
Green
A color so lonely
A color of