[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming ]
- [ Car Alarms Wailing ]
- [ Dogs Barking ]
[ Panting ]
l hate those things.
Oh.
# Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo #
# Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo #
# Reality used to be
a friend of mine #
# Reality used to be
a friend of mine #
# May be why the question
that's on your mind #
# But reality used to be
a friend of mine #
-# Reality used to be a friend of mine #
-[ Barking ]
# Reality used to be
a friend of mine #
# Please don't ask me
'cause l don't know why #
# But reality used to be
a friend of mine #
# l used to be friends with reality #
# She used to be a pal
real close to me #
# But she tried to hide from me
what was in store #
[ Howling ]
[ Woman ] Stanley, is that--
Will you put that back ?
- Ummm.
- Put that back !
Hey, l just washed all this stuff.
- lt's my gear.
- Sorry, man.
- lt's okay.
- What's my mom screaming about ?
She's bummed
'cause l snaked your last bagel.
- Grab a shovel, man.
- No, l just wanna munch.
You don't wanna help,
that's just fine.
- [ Stoney ] Uh-huh.
- This is a total waste of time.
Dave, be more of a geek.
There's no way you're going to the prom.
- [ Girl ] You're a disease.
- Ahh.
- And no one will ever swim
in this stupid pool.
- Hey !
Later.
Look, David, please do me a favour
and stress less, bro.
High school is over, buddy.
Get into it.
We're losers.
l've decided something, Stoney. l wanna
look back on my high school career,
and think that l started slowly
but l finished strong, you know ?
High school's almost over and
l don't have anything to show for it.
l know, me neither.
You should be stoked though, buddy.
You got through the last four years
without the full-on melon tweekage.
lt's not enough. l mean,
l want my own page in the yearbook.
Jump off the gym, splatter on the street
and go for the co-ver.
lt's not funny. l'm not goin' down
as this geek kid from Encino.
When l finish this pool, l'm gonna
have the killer party after the prom.
l'm gonna be the prom king !
And l'm gonna graduate a legend.
[ Stoney ]
Well, what about me ?
Oh, well, you'll be there too.
Thanks, but Robyn Sweeney, she's not
goin' to the prom with you, man.
-l wish she would but she's not.
-What are you talkin' about ?
Robyn Sweeney is mine.
She's become a major babe
and she loves me.
- She finds you crusty, Dave.
- l'll convince her.
- She'll see the truth.
- Truth is...
life's about greasin' the do-back,
buddy, and weasin' on the buffest.
High school was interesting, right,
but it was kind of
like a harsh ride. O-o-o-ow.
We're goin' on to bigger
and better things, buddy.
Stoney, l am on to
bigger and better things.
Count on it !
[ Stoney Yelling ]
[ Stoney ] Oh, wow !
Hey, what's up ?
- # l'm a stoney crusty dude #
Did you know that ?
- Get out, dude.
- [ Stoney ] # l got a mop on top #
- Watch out !
Excuse me. Could you move. Me and
my friend, David, are comin' through.
- Hey, there's Robyn.
- Hey, Robyn. O-o-o-ow !
Four-wheelin' over the ferns.
Look, Dave, you're gonna have to mellow
out, bro, on this whole Robyn thing.
- She always shines ya.
- You don't understand. We have history.
You had pre-freshman history.
You could've had her back then.
She hadn't hit ""babehood"" yet.
Milk does a body good.
Check her.
[ Stoney ]
She's clean, buddy,
and he's got her.
[ Chuckles ]
Matt Wilson ?
What a jerk.
What does she see in him anyway ?
[ Stoney ] He's got the buff spikes
chillin' on top of his melon.
Dude, he's checkin' her cheeks. Ohh !
He's got the serious beak, his own
personal... oh ! holding company,
full of fundage, bro,
- that he weases off of ma--
- Jor.
- [ Stoney ] Eighteen inch bi's.
- Bye-bye.
Mine are only four.
Besides that.
He walks like this, right ?
- Just like this, the nugs fully loose.
- [ Bell Rings ]
[ lndistinct Chatter ]
Hi, Matt.
Hi, Matt.
All right, everybody.
Quiet, please.
Settle down, quiet.
We're gonna start this week's class...
same place we ended last week's class.
That's talking about prehistoric man
in the what ?
Prehistoric man in the-- ?
Oh, Stoney ?
- lce Age.
- Yes, lce Age. Right, the lce Age.
Why do we call it the lce Age ?
'Cause there was a lot of ice.
What do we call these big chunks of ice,
those big slabs of ice ?
- We called what? What do we call them?
- Glaciers.
Right. You are paying attention.
That's good.
These glaciers,
as they moved down our way,
they're so heavy, cold and thick
that they freeze the ground water...
- and they form underground-- ?
- Glaciers.
Right. Believe it or not, some
scientists believe there are actual...
underground glacial movements
still in this part of the world.
You know what l think that is,
class ?
- [ Class ] Lame !
- Exactly. Bunco, bogus.
Listen, please remember...
that most of this hemisphere,
including the ground l'm walking on,
all of this was under ice at some point,
so l guess...
finding something frozen,
dug up here or there,
wouldn't be that uncommon
when you think about it.
So moving right along
on your journey of knowledge,
- Let me show you Cro-Magnon Man.
- [ Girl ] Woo !
He's dope.
l'd go out with him.
- [ Class Laughing ]
- No, no.
l don't think so, Ella. Cro-Magnon Man,
even though he's not bad-lookin',
he's standin' upright and all,
he was extremely brutal.
He just took whatever he wanted...
and that included his women.
- That's barbaric !
- lndeed.
## [ Radio ]
Stone ! Stoney !
## [ Radio ]
- Hey ! Come on, check this out.
- That's my lobes.
Feel the ground, man.
Whoa, buddy, it's chillin'.
lt's not like chillin', chillin'.
- Bro, it is chillin' !
- l know. lt's cold !
lt's so, uh-- Help me.
Check it, buddy.
Oh, buddy !
- Dude, l know what this is, bro.
- What is it ?
- lt's a Mousterian bowl.
- No way !
Hey, come on, David.
Be careful with that.
What's a Mousterian bowl ?
A Mousterian bowl
from the Mousterian era.
""Prehistoric artifacts
for five hundred, Alex.""
Don't you ever watch ""Jeopardy"" ?
Buddy, this is kind of like
prehistoric Tupperware, bro.
lt's still preserved...
like Smuckers !
- Oooow !
- [ Barking ]
Earthquake !
Earthquake !
- Earthquake !
- [ Rumbling ]
Ahhhh !
Oh !
Oh, God !
Oh, God !
Nice save, Davage.
- Stone ?
- Yeah.
There's a guy buried in my pool.
[ Screaming ]
Hello, Fred.
l'm glad l caught you.
Are you available for a meeting
sometime this week ?
- Ms Morgan, open the door !
- Mom !
Mom, there's a guy
buried in our pool !
- Mom ! Mom !
- Open the door !
- [ lndistinct Yelling ]
- l'm working !
Call 9-1-1 !
Call 9-1-1 !
[ Scratching ]
[ Stoney ]
They never found Jim Morrison.
Yeah, or Jimmy Hoffa.
Or Jimmy Mahoney.
He was a kid l knew
in Cub Scouts.
Come on, let's go.
They never found him.
- David, l know what this is.
- What ?
- lt's a caveman.
- Would you please !
No, l'm serious.
No way !
Whoa. A caveman !
This is unbelievable!
Do you know what this could mean for us?
This could mean--
This could mean fame or money !
Or popularity !
Far too much responsibility for me.
Anyways, l'm already popular.
Yeah, you travel
in large groups of one, Stoney.
Besides, this is my one chance
to make somethin' out of myself.
You gotta help me dig him out.
You were here. You're part of it.
l don't wanna be part of anything, Dave.
l'm happy just to be me.
lt could mean money.
You tellin' me you couldn't use
a, a new scooter ?
Some new bell-bottoms ?
A little fun-dage ?
Wease some older nugs
with a mansion and a pool ?
Soakin' up the rays,
watchin' all the ""Jeop-ardy""
you can handle ?
- That was the clincher.
- Everybody's got a price. Come on, man.
[ Lawn Mower Motor ]
Steady it !
Give it more gas, more gas !
Perfect ! Hold !
This thing weighs a ton.
Ahh !
Hey, there's his pits, bro.
[ David ]
That's his head.
That's his skull.
[ Snoring ]
Get off me !
- What are you doin' ?
- l don't like mornings.
Ow !
Come on, let's get up.
He's still in here.
No kidding, Dave.
He's an ice cube.
- We gotta thaw him out.
- Okay.
This has gotta be our secret, okay ?
You can't tell anybody... nobody !
- Can l tell Steve Kooser ?
- No one !
- All right ? Nobody ! You understand ?
- Yeah, zip...
- Thank you.
- Dee-do-dah.
- This is kind of nice.
- You were great.
- Hi, Robyn.
- Hi, Dave.
- Guess what l found ?
- A life ?
No. Come here.
Guess what l found ?
- l don't know. l have no idea.
- Guess ? Guess ?
- [ Whispering ] l found a caveman.
- A caveman ?
- Shh. Yeah.
- Oh, Dave, you're drowning.
lt's cool, right ?
l found a caveman.
All by myself.
l dug him out of my backyard.
- You wanna come check him out
after school ?
- Well, uh--
- l'm only invitin' a few people.
- l got that prom thing.
Ten minutes. Please ?
Dave, l just don't think
l'm ready to handle a--
a caveman.
You're not ?
All right.
l understand.
Bye, David.
[ Sighs ]
l love it when she calls me David.
- Hello, David.
- Agh.
Goin' somewhere ?
- Yeah, l got a date with your mom.
- That's not nice.
lt's a joke.
l'm sorry, just kidding.
[ Grunting ]
- You've been a headache
ever since the third grade.
- God !
l know about your stupid
prom-king bullshit. Forget it.
Robyn wouldn't piss on your gums
if your teeth were on fire.
- Yes, she would.
- [ Chuckling ]
Shush ! Hush, please !
Showin' your ignorance again, Morgan.
Some of us pump
and some of us slump.
You should try some pump, Morgan.
Might clear up your acne.
- You're so--
- Am l ?
N-no, stop.
Stop it !
Why do you make me do this ?
[ Dave ] What are you writing ?
Hey, what did you write ?
Matt, not the fire alarm !
Matt ! Matt !
- God, help ! Oh, God !
- [ Alarm Ringing ]
Hey, come here.
Oh, ta-ha-ha.
[ Laughing, Jeering ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Sniffing ]
[ Grunting ]
- [ Barking ]
- [ Barking ]
[ Helicopter Whirring ]
[ Screams ]
[ Glass Smashing ]
Hmm.
[ Truck Engine ]
[ Coughing ]
[ Engine Revving ]
[ Yelling ]
l'll be back.
# This is our philosophy
All these things can turn you free #
## [ Continues, lndistinct ]
# Now in this land of democracy
why no one sets the people free #
# Lady Liberty rocks away
No truth, no justice #
- # The American way ##
- [ Groans ]
# Clap your hands and dance #
# Treaty, oo-oh
Treaty, yeah #
# Treaty, oo-oh #
[ Gasping ]
He melted.
Dave, it just wasn't
meant to happen.
Come on, l'll go buy you some Ho-Hos.
Come on. lt's all right.
He melted.
Boris !
[ Alarm Sounding ]
[ Screaming ]
What the--
[ Sizzling ]
l can't believe it.
He's alive !
He was practically an ice cube...
practically.
- l say we just walk.
- No, no way !
- Oh, please.
- He is ours. We found him.
- What ?
- Be hospitable ?
[ Sniffing ]
- Ooh !
- Ahh ! Ahh !
How ya doin' ?
Hi, my name is Dave.
Come here, come here.
lntroduce yourself.
This is Stoney.
Stoney, he's my friend.
Uh, this is my room.
lt's okay.
lt's okay.
Uh, we're from Encino.
lt's a pleasure
to make your acquaintance.
- We hope you don't gnaw on our beaks.
- Shh.
l know what l'm doing, Stone.
We go to high school.
High school ?
He doesn't know
what high school is.
He doesn't know
what anything is.
Just be calm and easy.
- Calm... and easy.
- Hey, hi.
- [ Ringing ]
- [ Screaming ]
- Get the phone.
- Okay. Okay.
[ Caveman Laughing ]
lt's okay.
lt's okay.
See, l think he's calming down.
Calming... down.
[ Phone Beeping ]
[ Screaming ]
Ugh ?
Fire. Flameage.
- Buddy's into it.
- That was kill, Stone.
- Look at his eyes.
- He likes the blue part.
- He's glossy-eyed.
- Look, freak him out. Ow !
Ow ! Ooh !
- Ugh !
- Okay. Ah, ah !
- Give it to him.
- No !
Ugh. Ugh.
- Here, here. Look, here.
- You gotta teach him.
Whoa ! Oh.
Hey !
- No.
- No.
What ? Did you just--
- l think he just said ""no.""
- No !
- No ?
- No ! No !
No. No.
Cool, buddy.
He is so greasy !
Greasy ?
He's a prehistoric pyromaniac.
- We gotta teach him stuff.
- We'll teach him how to wease.
No. No.
- No !
- No ! No !
Oh, God.
We gotta teach him how to be normal.
No, uh-uh.
We're goin' psycho with him, bro.
That's boring, dude. Normal !
Stoney, come on, man.
Hang with me.
We gotta play this thing out.
lf we tell anyone, if anyone sees him,
they'll take him away from us.
They'll cut him up
into little pieces.
They'll take all the credit,
and we'll still be geeks.
l'm not a geek.
l'm a unique weasel, David.
l'm just underrated 'cause
l live here in Encino.
Bud ?
Buddy ?
- O-o-o-ow !
- Okay ?
He needs a bath... big time.
# l'm too sexy for my love #
# Too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me #
# l'm too sexy for my shirt #
# Too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts #
# And l'm too sexy for Milan #
# Too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan #
[ Growling ]
# l'm too sexy for your party #
# Too sexy for your party
No way l'm disco dancing #
# l'm too sexy for my love #
# Too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me #
# l'm too sexy for this song ##
- Standing O.
- Outstanding.
- lf l had a Bic, bro, right here.
- Don't freak him out.
- Let's show him himself.
- Okay.
You wanna see your mug, bud ?
Check it.
Ugh !
What, dude ?
You should be with your mug, bro.
You look buff.
Right ?
Hey, can you
say ""ba...uff"" ?
- Ba...uff ?
- [ Laughing ]
l like that.
You know, you pause too.
We gotta give him a cool name.
Axl. Yeah, buddy.
- Not Axl. This is serious.
- Okay.
We've got the missing link
standing in my bedroom.
Link ! Link !
We'll call him Link !
Okay, cool. Maybe we could call him
Stoney Number Two...
because he's got my same 'do...
and he's from the Stone Age.
- l like Link better.
- Okay, we'll call him Link.
- But can l call him Linkage ?
- Cool !
- Cool !
- Let's see how smart he is.
No, no.
Come here.
- Okay. Okay. You okay ?
- Uh.
Uh, uh, look.
- See ?
- Ugh. Ahh ?
- Whoa ! Aah !
- Whoa ! Aah !
Ahh, oow, ooo.
Ooow !
[ Chuckling ]
Okay, okay.
Um, Link.
- Link.
- No !
You're Link.
l'm Dave. Dave !
Dave. Dave.
No, Dave, Dave.
Dave, Dave, Dave.
- Dave.
- Yes !
Okay, and that's--
- That's Stoney.
- Mm-hmm.
Sto...ney.
- No, no. Stoney.
- Stoney.
- Yes !
- Aah !
Okay, okay.
And now you are ?
Dave ! Aah !
No, no, l'm Dave.
You are ?
Buff.
[ Sighs ]
No.
- lt's all right. You've had a hard day.
- [ Car Horn Honking ]
- Your parents !
- My parents !
Okay, uh, uh, take him out back
and ring the doorbell three times.
- But, Dave--
- No ""buts,"" just do it !
Follow the weasel, Linkage, come on.
Quick, quick, quick.
- [ Banging, Crashing ]
- My kitchen !
Busted !
What are you doing ?
- What are you doing ?
- l'm cooking dinner.
- You're what ?
- Busted !
l'm cooking dinner.
l thought it might be a nice surprise.
They're surprised, all right.
[ Ringing ]
What is going on here ?
Where's the flour ?
l can't find the flour.
Hello, Stanley. Who is this strange boy
and why is he ringing my doorbell ?
- lt got stuck, sir.
- Come in. Meet your new family.
- [ Father ] Whose family ?
- [ Dog Barking ]
Boris, get down ! Boris !
- Boris, get out !
- [ Dave ] Get down !
- [ Link Screaming ]
- Get out, get out !
Hey, Dad.
- David, who is that ?
- Huh ?
That ? Who's that ?
- That was Linkavitch Chomofsky.
- What ?
Link... Linkav-- Doesn't anybody
in this house listen to anything l say ?
What is he talking about ?
Dad, Linkavitch Chomofsky.
Our exchange student ?
He's here.
He's gonna help us dig the pool.
- Yeah !
- [ Sighs ]
Why does none of this
sound familiar to me ?
l told you about this months ago,
remember ?
About school giving us extra credit for
college for housing exchange students,
and learning about their culture
and you said it was okay.
Now you're gonna take it back ?
No, no, no,
l'm not gonna take it back.
This is important to me.
This is my life.
lt's embarrassing.
He travelled here all the way from--
- l don't know, Estonia ?
- Yeah, Estonia !
Mom, come on.
You're not buying this ?
- Well, l--
- Dad ?
Actually, l, l, l think now...
that l, l, l do recall something.
- See ?
- See, it's about focusing.
-You're bogus.
-How could l forget something like this?
He's an exchange student.
He's going to be staying in our house.
You forgot me in the third grade.
l spent the entire night after
the play in the parking lot.
ln the sixth grade, the soccer ?
- Okay, where's he gonna stay ?
- [ Banging ]
And why is he attacking the dog ?
He's gonna stay in my room. He's not
attacking the dog. He's bonding.
- As if !
- Shut up !
- You shut up.
- No, everybody shut up.
- Larry, it's okay.
- l'm tired. l'm a little hungry.
lt's time we decide
what we're gonna make for dinner.
- l assume you'll be joining us ?
- You assume correctly, Mr M.
We practically feed
the entire neighbourhood.
Why not part of Estonia as well, huh ?
l always eat here
and l like your food.
- Great.
- [ Ringing ]
Stop it ! No.
- No, no, no.
- [ Rings ]
[ Dave ] l can't believe
you told my parents he's from Estonia.
[ Stoney ] Cow pyjamas ?
Those are kind of flaming.
Ooh !
- Some Betty, huh ?
- Betty.
Gonzangas.
- Gonzangas ?
- Buddy, cones.
l know you've had a big day, pal,
but tomorrow...
l'm gonna take you
someplace really special.
- Taco Bell.
- Better. Get the camera.
Congratulations, Link.
You're gonna be a senior.
Smile.
# Wild thing #
# You make my heart sing #
# You make everything groovy #
# Wild thing #
Oh, God,
he doesn't like that.
That's glass.
That hurts your beak.
Stand up straight.
[ Stoney ]
Poor Stone-Ager.
He spent a million years
chillin' in a block of ice.
Now he's gotta go
to high school ! Agh !
Who's that guy with
the dork squad ?
- Oh, my God, he is totally rude.
- Totally.
We have got a major find here.
This guy's our ticket
to fame and popularity.
All we gotta do is get him enrolled in
school and he'll help us become popular.
- That's harsh.
- We'll make him famous.
We'll teach him some stupid pet tricks
and get him on Letterman.
You're weasin' off his gig.
Oh, please !
He's a caveman, for God sakes.
Look at him.
He's practically a monkey.
We found him.
We can do whatever we want with him.
We, we, we ?
No, no, no. You, you, you.
l just wanna be his friend.
Fine.
Hello, Mrs Mackey.
And what do we have here ?
Now l'm covered
up to fourth period.
- l don't know what to do
with him after that.
- l can take him to Spanish.
- Will you be careful ?
- l'll be cool, man. l promise.
Okay.
What's he doin' ?
[ Dave ]
l don't know.
Link, be careful !
Uh, hey, hey--
Hey, Link, how's your melon, bud ?
[ Sniffing ]
Whoa !
Excuse me.
Hey, hey, hey !
- [ Grunting ]
- Whoa.
Link ?
ls this dude totally fundamental
or what ?
- Did you miss me ?
- Always.
- Who is this ?
- This is my friend, Link.
- Link.
- He's staying with us.
He's from Estonia.
You're kidding ?
This guy is staying with you ?
Uh-huh.
He's thinkin'
of becoming a hairdresser.
Designing crusty mops
for the rich and famous.
Oh.
Ugh. Gonzangas.
- No ! Bye, Robyn.
- Hey, hey, hey.
l think he was saying
he likes your cones.
l'm thrilled.
Get out of my face !
Robyn, that import is mine.
- This is just in time for prom.
- Yeah ?
- ls he fine or what ?
- l'm not sure.
- He's a looker !
- Link. Link !
Link, please, come sit down.
Who is this dipshit, anyway ?
His name's Link.
He's from Estonia
and l think he's jive.
Jive, yeah. You do ?
Hell, yeah,
and l'm not the only one.
Hey, Link !
[ Coughing ]
- [ Bell Ringing ]
- l'll see you next period.
- Watch him.
- All right, David.
We got Spanish now. Spanish
is like guacamole, chips and salsa.
La dia es mi en hermanos.
- The day is beautiful.
- ## [ Hip-Hop ]
The sun isn't shining
all through the night.
Link, come on.
Sorry, you guys.
Whoa !
Vale, repitan en espanol.
The cheese is old and moldy.
[ Class ]
El queso esta viejo y podrido.
[ Teacher ]
Where is the bathroom ?
Donde esta el sanitario ?
Donde esta el sanitario ?
- [ Teacher ] Good, once again.
- You're cute.
You're cute.
Meet me at Blades tonight.
Blades tonight.
- Yes, what ?
- You can drop him off
in front of Blades tonight, right ?
Can David and l go too, please ?
You smell.
Hey, ""seniorita.""
That hurt my lobes.
l didn't do it.
They started the whole thing.
Kashmir ? Rajneesh, is it ?
- How many minutes for the burrito ?
- [ Kashmir ] Two minutes.
- [ Rajneesh ] One minute.
- Two minutes !
Ah, make up your melons !
- ls it one or two ?
- [ Rajneesh ] One and a half minutes.
Okay.
Okay, my friend.
Try and experience...
- what l'm about to chirp
in your lobes, cool ?
- Hey.
We're going to discuss grindage.
How to fill the furnace, pack the cheeks
and stuff the gills. Okay ?
You're used to eating twigs, right ?
But here in the U.S. of A-age
we got something called...
the four basic food groups,
and this is not one of 'em.
Oh.
Look at what we have here.
- Dairy group.
- Dairy group.
Milk Duds. Hide these under your pillow
so your mom doesn't find them.
lf she does, you're tweaked, buddy.
Keep on cruisin'.
Fruit group.
Sweet Tarts.
These are killer.
So citrusy, dude, you'll freak.
Keep on cruisin'. Uh-huh.
Right, this is the vegetable group.
Corn Nuts !
Put 'em on a pedestal, bro.
- Look at that ! Those are kill, huh ?
- [ Microwave Rings ]
Meat group !
Come on, the meat group.
These are my favourite !
Hey, you gotta be equal,
equal, fifty/fifty.
- Here. Mmm.
- Mmm.
Ooh ! Figures.
- Hot on the outside,
icicle in the middle.
- [ Rajneesh ] Two minutes.
You like that, right,
'cause you're a caveman.
Cool, buddy.
The beverage !
lcee, bro.
This is what put
this place on the map.
What are you doing,
Mr Stoney ? No, no !
- You can't do this here.
- You must leave now, please.
-Look, Kashmir, Rajneesh, chill.
-No buds chill !
Link and l are cruisin' the mountain
and we figured we'd wease ju-uice.
- No weasin' the ju-uice.
- Wease the juice !
No !
No weasin' the juice.
No weasin' the juice.
- Hey, just chill, buds.
- No buds chill.
lt's okay.
Just chill.
- l'll be back.
- No buds chill !
[ Screaming ]
Oh, God, no !
Wait ! Stop !
Here we go !
[ Screaming ]
Comin' home !
Was that the hottest or what, bro ?
Are you into it ?
[ Stoney ] # Joy to the fishes
in the deep, blue sea #
- # Joy to you and me #
- [ Dave ] Stop !
Where did you go ?
You just took off.
Do you know how worried l've been ?
- You sound like my mom.
- You can't do that to me.
What's on his nose ?
Just chill, Dave,
'cause you know why ?
Link and l
had a stoney time at the Mountain.
You took him to Mega Mountain ?
Are you crazy ?
Yeah, 'cause they're
riding the Vapour in reverse.
- They are ? Oh, cool.
- Uh-huh.
Check out the fresh nugs.
Weasin' the juice.
- O-o-o-ow.
- O-o-o-ow.
- Buddy.
- Buddy.
[ Link ]
Check out my cap. O-o-o-ow !
Oh, my God !
You got him talkin' like you now.
- O-o-o-ow.
- O-o-o-ow.
Gee, Link, that is so beautiful.
ls it old ?
You know, Mr M.,
the way l look at it, some day...
your daughter and l
could be married...
- and we could be related.
- l count the days.
So, Stanley, how's your mother ?
She's really bummed.
Can you pass the peas ?
- Sure.
- Thanks.
Mr Morgan, if you're edged 'cause l'm
weasin' on your grindage, just chill.
'Cause if l had the whole
Brady Bunch thing happenin' at my pad,
l'd go grind over there.
So don't tax my gig
so hard-core, cruster.
- Stanley, speak English.
- Dad !
Link, how was your day ?
How are you adjusting ?
He's doin' just great.
We got him enrolled in all his classes.
- Didn't we, pal ? Yeah.
- Ugh.
- A success.
- [ Fly Buzzing ]
What's up ?
How was your day, Mom ?
Where you goin' ?
- What's he doin' ?
- l think he's tracking a fly.
# Shoo, fly
Don't bother me #
# Shoo, fly
Don't bother me #
# Shoo, fly
Don't bother me #
# 'Cause you belong
to my friend, Link #
Good catch.
Meat group !
[ Sniffing ]
- He's into munchin' too, you know.
- [ Gagging ]
Blades.
Finally part of the elite.
- How cool are we ?
- We're cool.
David, l even showered.
Check out my--
l got the raddest deodorant on, buddy.
Take a whiff, bro.
# Oh, no, you're invited
but your friend can't come #
Link, hey !
- l am so glad to see you.
- Ugh.
Oh, hon, lose the geek squad.
They're bad for your deal.
Blades !
Hummer patrol, Barneys incoming.
Robyn.
- Get him.
- Got him.
Hey, Rob--
Robyn !
- Good.
- Good.
That was not cool at all,
you guys.
You could hurt his pancreas
or something.
l like the ketchup and mustard.
Very avant-garde.
- Whoa ! ls that me ?
- Betty.
Betty. Betty ?
- Betty, Betty nugs.
- Betty nugs.
Robyn, don't forget,
we've been naked together.
- Nice body.
- Remember when we were together ?
- Did you show this to anyone ?
- No.
-That's your copy. Show anyone you want.
-Thanks, Dave.
Oh, l get it. This is, like,
your old girlfriend in Estonia ?
- Do you miss her ?
- Ugh.
Because l can tell you
from experience,
long-distance relationships
never work out.
- Estonia's a long ways away, Link.
- Yeah.
And l'm right here...
- so let's work on changing your mind.
- [ Voice ] Rad Mobile.
Rad Mobile.
Rad Mobile.
Whoa !
Or not.
You just think l'm bad for your act,
that's all.
Right, and you think
l'm good for yours.
- What ?
- Matt !
What are you doin' ?
You're not allowed in here.
Whoa-oa-oa !
Woo !
Woo-woo-woo-woo !
Are you deaf, dork ?
- Didn't l forbid you to speak to her ?
- l'm sorry.
That's all, Link.
lt's over.
- End of story.
- [ Yelling ]
[ lndistinct Arguing ]
- l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
- Huh ?
[ Link ]
Wease some juice !
Hey, you want a piece of me ?
Oh, God !
l don't know you.
l don't like you.
As of now, l'm all over you.
- Did you see that ?
- The new kid, he took it.
- Whoa !
- Whoa !
Don't just stand there.
Do something. Stand up for yourself.
Hit him back !
Link, hit him back !
Where you goin' ?
What do you think
of your Bulgarian dork bud now ?
Hmm ?
That was harsh, Matt.
Let's get out of here.
The stench of losers
is doing damage to my sinuses.
Just stop it, Matt.
Don't even come near me.
Hey, watch it.
Why don't you take this,
'cause l don't think l need it any more.
Hey !
- l can't believe he got nailed.
- He's a pacifist.
A pacifist caveman ?
You're mental.
Cavemens aren't like us, Dave.
They fought for food and survival.
They did not fight for popularity.
- What would he be fighting for, huh ?
- For face.
- For us ! To be cool !
- Cool, huh ?
He does not know what cool is.
He doesn't know where he is.
He knows nothin'.
He's gotta learn
how to defend himself.
- Against what ?
- Against buttholes like Matt.
Come on. Come on.
# l'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out #
# l'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out #
[ TV Announcer ] Our airplane's
been going round and round.
[ Dave ]
Stop !
Hey, stop !
# Knock you out #
[ Grunting ]
# l'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out #
# l'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out #
Hey, Link ! O-o-o-ow !
Put me down, Link !
# Knock you out ##
[ Stoney ]
Ow, my pancreas.
[ Bell Ringing ]
Hey, look !
Hey, dude.
You took it from Wilson.
No one's ever done that before
and survived.
- Link, come back here.
- Stop !
Oh, God.
He is so cool.
# Matty told Hatty #
# 'Bout a thing she saw #
# lt had two big horns
and a wooly jaw #
# Wooly Bully #
# Wooly Bully #
# Wooly Bully
Wooly Bully #
# Wooly Bully #
- Hey.
- Homeslice.
See you in Mr Albert's class.
- Slicey.
- Slicey.
- Slicey.
Hello, little one.
We took a vote and the computer club
feels your presence...
will be a valuable asset
to our organization.
- Computer club. Computer club.
- Computer club.
Homeboy.
Why doesn't that happen
when Matt hits me ?
Give yourself
a few million years, David.
[ lndistinct Chatter ]
Link. Link.
Link, get down.
All right, come on.
No, no.
l was just playin'.
[ Teacher ]
All right, Cro-Magnon Man.
What you're looking at here
is a representation...
of what Cro-Magnon man's everyday life
may have been like.
lf he was here today,
you could sit next to him,
you would never know the difference.
Stoney, let's move on.
We're gonna look at the giant sloth.
[ Growling ]
Class, this is saber-toothed cat.
Even though he's been extinct
for over 10,000 years,
while he was alive you can
imagine that many a caveman...
was a tasty meal to one of these.
[ Link Screaming ]
- There's one now.
- Uh-oh.
Let's look at the mammoth display,
our school mascot.
- Look out !
- Whoa.
- Link ! Link, get out from there !
- [ Screams ]
Look at him.
He's flipping out.
- He knows, Dave.
- What ?
He knows.
He knows what happened to him.
We have to help him.
Link.
Link. Link.
Ow !
Link.
Hey. Hey, come on, man.
Stop it.
Look, l understand.
Family.
Family.
- Family.
- You okay ?
lt's okay.
We're your new family.
We're your new family.
lt's okay.
lt's all right.
[ Stoney ]
He's burnt from all this.
Seeing as we started the school year
as total losers,
and now everyone knows who we are,
l don't think one mistake
is such a big deal.
But you're doggin' him.
Just promise me.
Just a little more mellow ?
Not so much ?
- Stoney !
- Dave !
All right.
lf it'll make you feel better,
l'll be more mellow with him.
- Robyn Sweeney ?
- Here.
- Again ?
- l'm sorry. l can't get
that parallel parking thing.
Whoa. Parallel parking
is not a thing, understand ?
lt's not a feeling, not a state of mind,
it's not one of your disco dances.
- Yeah.
- Get in and don't take it personally.
Okay, Mr Beady.
- Linkavitch Chomofsky ?
- Ugh, ugh.
What are you lookin' at ?
Ugh.
Get inside the car.
And shoot your barber.
Contrast this with Hemingway's
""The Sun Also Rises,""
where the blood sport
of bullfighting...
- is used and perhaps what--
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, God. Rad Mobile !
- Rad Mobile !
Boys, will you sit down ?
Class ?
You promised me mellow.
This isn't mellow.
Link ! Link !
Dave.
[ Dave ] Watch the people !
Grab the wheel !
Okay !
- [ Dave ] Stone, tell him to stop !
- Okay, stop.
- [ Stoney ] Didn't phase him, bro.
- Oh, shit !
All right, Link.
Joke's over. Stop !
- He-e-e-ey !
- Stop that car, young man !
l'm your teacher.
Both hands on the wheel !
[ Applause, Cheering ]
Who was that ?
Crosswalk !
Crosswalk !
Close call, buddy.
[ Stoney ]
Hey, buddy !
- Hi, Robyn.
- Hi, Dave.
- Red light !
- Red light !
[ Screeching, Honking ]
Boom !
Up on two wheels !
l've never seen anything like this.
l don't teach that.
l got the licence plate.
lt's E684-257.
You don't have to write that l left
the keys in the ignition, do you ?
Ow-o-o-o-o !
[ Dave ]
l think he's got the hang of it.
That concludes our parallel parking
for today. Class dismissed.
[ Robyn ] Link, l think
you just failed Driver's Ed.
[ Stoney ]
Hey, Link, wait up.
[ Dave ]
Where are we ?
Great !
# Move your body #
# Move your body
to the rhythm of love #
# Move your body #
# Move your body
to the rhythm of love #
Hola, mi amigos.
- ls it okay if l just chill up on here?
- Orale.
You wanna be a man, ese ?
Eventually, yeah.
But l'm almost there.
- Look at my patch, bro.
- Ooh !
- Mucho macho.
- Ooh.
Oh, this is tequila ?
Wait, where's the worm ?
The worm's right there, ese.
Uh-uh. l'm a weasel.
- A weasel, eh ?
- You wanna be a man, weasel ?
- You wanna be a man ?
- Then drink like an hombre.
- No, l can't.
- You're showing us disrespect.
Ah, you guys--
That's disrespectful, weasel.
Be a man, ese.
Drink it up.
Drink like a man.
- You can do it, weasel.
- Bottoms up.
- You can do it.
- Andale.
[ Howling ]
Wait.
! Otra, otra !
Otra vez, otra vez, otra vez.
Okay, okay, stop !
Five more, man.
[ Chanting ]
Weasel, weasel, weasel, weasel.
[ Howling ]
[ Chanting ]
Weasel, weasel, weasel, weasel.
Wait, stop.
Dude, do l have to pay for 'em ?
- Hey, Stone.
- Hey.
- Where's Link ?
- Dancin'.
- Cool, let's go dance.
- No, no.
- l'm not good. Let's not dance.
- You are too uptight.
l, l just don't like to dance.
- Hey, weasel. What's happening ?
- Hey.
- Dave, Enrique.
- Hey, man.
You see that muchacha over there ?
- Oh, man, yeah.
- You see her ? You see her ?
- Don't be lookin' at her, man !
- l'm sorry.
- You see her ?
- No.
lf l see any man looking at my muchacha,
that man will no longer...
be recognizable as a man.
- l want you vatos to have a good time.
- Yeah.
- See you later, weasels.
- See ya.
# Feel the rhythm
Feel the rhythm everywhere #
# Feel the rhythm
Feel the, feel the, feel the rhythm #
# Move your body #
- # Move your body
to the rhythm of love #
- Oh !
Chomofsky. Chomofsky.
Got it.
Chomofsky.
Rabies, distemper, flea dip.
What is this ?
- lt's a dog licence, man.
- Whoa.
Animal shelter.
What are the two biggest losers
in school hiding ?
- A dog ?
- lt's not his licence.
Mm-hmm.
Let's get out of here.
# Dance #
# You know you really turn me on #
# Come on now, honey #
- # You know you really turn me on #
- Hey !
# Get filled, get filled #
# And when
when, oh, when you do it #
# Uh-uh-uh-oh
That's the song #
[ Screams ]
Wow ! Wow !
# Uh-uh-uh-oh
That's my song #
# Let's do it, let's do it
You turn me on #
# Let's do it, let's do it
Come on now, sugar #
# Come on and just stick it to me #
# You turn me on
Come on now, sugar #
You're right, ese.
She's not worth it.
- The vato's got a point.
- She ain't worth it, homes !
Come here, vato.
Police. lmmigracion.
[ Dave ]
Let's get out of here !
Oh, shit !
- Stone, take Robyn.
- [ Burp ]
Robyn, take Stone.
Get him out of here.
l'll meet up with you guys later.
All right, get out.
- [ Robyn ] Come on, l'll drive.
- Link !
- [ Making Monkey Sounds ]
- Link !
The cops are here.
Get down.
Come on.
We're gonna get busted !
- You are busted.
- Get down, man.
[ All Together ]
Stoney is the crustiest vato...
l've ever witnessed.
So don't hush his gig, buddy.
Ow-o-o-o !
[ lndistinct Chatter ]
[ Stoney ]
Eh, buddy !
- Bye, guys. Drive safely.
- [ Horn Honking ]
Nice element you're hanging out with.
- Who are your friends in the low-rider?
- None of your business.
- Go home.
- Huh.
What time do you want me
to pick you up tomorrow night ?
lt's the prom, remember ?
You are just like everyone else.
All you care about
is what people think.
lt's really pathetic.
Hey, watch it.
Matt, l'm not going
to the prom with you.
l wanna go with somebody
who's really cool,
who's not afraid of
being himself or having fun.
Good night.
Who's cooler than me ?
Your phone call. You got one.
Make it quick.
Thanks.
[ Phone Ringing ]
Matthew Wilson !
Hello.
- Robyn ?
- Robyn.
Dave, did you guys get away okay ?
We're in prison.
Look, this is my one phone call.
l'm using it to ask you
to go to the prom with me.
Just say yes, okay ?
[ Sighs ]
No.
- Why not ?
- l wanna go with Link.
- What?
- Will you ask Link if he'll go with me?
You want me to what ?
Look, l'm sorry.
l'll tell you what.
We'll all go.
We'll have a great time.
How about that ?
Dave ?
[ Stoney Yelling ]
Hey !
Como esta usted ?
Muy bonita...
es la dia.
Hey, wait.
How was jail ?
Did you meet anyone ?
Hey, wait !
Wait up.
- Things just didn't turn out right.
- Ugh.
l mean, l don't want 'em cuttin' you up
into little pieces.
This is just what's best for you.
lt's best for me too, all right ?
Here.
For Rad Mobile.
- For Rad Mobile.
- Yeah.
Put 'em in your pocket.
Don't look at me like that.
This is just the way it's gotta be.
Go on, get out of here.
Go on.
Go on, leave.
Go.
l'm sorry.
[ Stoney ]
Hey, hey, hey !
Talk to me, David.
Let me know what's going on, man.
- What are you doin' ?
- l'm letting him go.
- What ?
- l can't handle him any more.
-He'll be better off with somebody else.
-No, he's not!
Listen to me.
Call him back.
- l can't take it any more.
- l'm not kiddin'. Call him back.
- lt's done, man.
- l'm serious.
Call him back.
That's harsh.
He's not my responsibility.
You're the one who weased off his gig
the whole time...
'cause you thought
maybe he'd get you somewhere.
Now the guy gets a little crusty
and you're gonna bag him.
lt's not happenin', Dave. That's not
how it works with friends, man.
You don't bag your friends 'cause they
get in the way, no matter what, dude.
Like you care ? The only thing you cared
about is nugs, chillin' and grindage.
- l happen to care right now.
- That's convenient.
You came along for the ride
and let me do the dirty work...
'cause you thought
it might work to your advantage.
Those are desperate words of a loser.
Maybe Matt Wilson
was right about you all along.
Take that back.
- No, you take it back.
- Take it back !
You're a loser.
- [ Link ] Family !
- All right.
- l'm sorry.
- Family.
You can let go, Link.
- l'm sorry, man.
- lt's okay.
l don't know what got into me.
l'm sorry.
l didn't mean it, Stoney.
l'm sorry, bud.
Ow !
You look great.
Have a good time.
You deserve it.
- [ Doorbell ]
- [ Sniffing ]
- lf you touch her--
- Ugh.
- You think they're ready ?
- l don't know.
Dave ?
Dave, hey.
Hey.
You're not ready.
l, l can't go.
Of course you can.
Just go upstairs, put something on.
No, really, l can't.
l'm on probation.
l'm grounded.
- Hi, Link. You look great.
- Hi.
You guys go.
Have a good time. Go on.
- No, no, no. Come on.
- Come on, Dave.
- Go.
- Are you sure ?
Go, have a good time.
Go, Link.
Get outta here.
Have a good time.
Drive safely.
God, she smells good.
[ Dave ]
To Link.
May he have a cool time at the prom.
Totally, bro.
To Linkage.
[ Sighs ]
There's always college.
Junior college.
[ Matt ]
Link, get down here.
Give me a boost.
[ Grunting ]
Whoa.
[ Laughing ]
Gotcha.
[ Crashing Sounds ]
- [ Sister ] Dave !
- Stoney, come on !
Hey, what are you doing ?
Give me back those pictures.
No !
-Get back here! They took the Polaroids!
-Uh-oh.
- Come on.
- Those are our pictures !
[ Rumbling ]
[ Dog Barking ]
[ Applause, Cheering ]
lt's unanimous.
The vote for prom king...
- goes to...
- Wait !
- What's going on ?
- Wait !
Ugh.
What are you trying to do ?
Come on, stop it.
This is our school, right ?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
We have a right to know
if somethin' bogus is goin' down...
in our school, right ?
- Yeah.
- Right.
This homey right here
has taken you for a ride.
His name isn't Linkavitch Chomofsky,
and he's not from Estonia.
Matt, will you just stop this already ?
Shush ! Trust me.
They've all been lying to us.
But l found out.
l know the truth.
- Do you wanna know the truth ?
- Yeah !
Do you want to know what he really is ?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[ Girl ]
Tell us the secret !
He's a caveman.
[ Cheering ]
No. No !
Look, he's a freak !
[ Applause, Cheering ]
- l got pictures !
- No !
- See ?
- Let me see those pictures.
Give me back those pictures.
Give me those !
- [ Matt ] No !
- [ Robyn ] Dave !
Hmmmm.
What are you doin', fag ?
[ Cheering ]
[ Stoney ]
Go, go, go !
Watch, watch, watch.
[ Link Yelling ]
Uh-huh.
Shush !
# Ow #
# She likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey #
# She likes to feed the monkey
She likes to funky #
# Well, gather 'round
and let me tell ya all a story #
# About a boy and his monkey #
# He's got that kind of monkey
that the girls wanna know #
# He likes to take his monkey
every place that he goes #
Ow-o-o-o !
# Hey, ho
Just say the monkey #
- Watch this.
- Okay.
# l didn't really know
how do you get so hungry #
# l'd like to know
would you be my monkey #
# Monkey likes to do
the wild thing #
# My monkey don't scratch
My monkey don't bite #
# My monkey don't swing in no tree #
# My monkey don't trick
My monkey don't fool #
# My monkey be swingin' with me #
# My monkey don't freak
My monkey don't hit #
# My monkey don't wear no cape #
# You can tell when my monkey
wants to eat #
# 'Cause he turns into a big ol' ape #
[ Making Monkey Sounds ]
[ Horns Honking ]
What you did was pretty cool.
- Who cares about cool anyway, right ?
- Right.
There's one really cool thing
l wanted to show you.
What ?
This.
[ Cheering, Laughing ]
- Oh, Dave !
- Hey, buddy.
[ Alarm Ringing ]
[ Yelling ]
[ Stoney ]
lt's your cave nug.
Ugh.
[ Screaming ]
- Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha !
- Ow-o-o-o-o !
[ Link, Stoney ]
Yeah ! Ow-o-o-o !
Oh, yeah !
Yeah, buddy.
She is so greasy !
- Duh-h-h-y !
- Ah ! Hey.
Buddy, ow-o-o-o !
Yeah !
l'll be ba-ack !
# Wow #
# Oh, yeah, stoners #
# What's up, bro
Ow-o-o-o #
# Buddy, fiesta #
# Do you need a woman
got the look in her eyes #
# Wanna cut me down to size
Show me what you're gonna do #
# lt's true #
# Who's that gorilla
standing by your side #
# Oh, no
That must be your bride #
# You wouldn't be with such a fool #
# Or your mama too #
# There's somethin' over here
l want you to see #
# There's a party
but it isn't for three #
# Get somethin' straight
between you and me because #
# Oh, no, you're invited
but your friend can't come #
# Whoa, no, no, come on, baby
Gonna have some fun #
# Wow #
# Heartbreaker, yeah
You came for the show #
# But little did you know
you'd end up in the spotlight #
# Well, all right #
# Come on, babe
won't you show me what you got #
# Ready or not #
One, two !
# Here we go #
# Oh, no #
# l'm makin' plans
for the rest of the night #
# So tell your father
that he better not bite #
# My dogs are bigger
and l'm ready to fight #
# So come on, come on, come on
Give it up tonight #
# Whoa, no, you're invited
but your friend can't come #
# Whoa, no, no, come on, baby
Gonna have some fun #
# Whoa, no, you're invited
but your friend can't come #
# Whoa, no, no, come on, baby
Gonna have some fun #
# We're gonna have some fun #
# We're gonna have some fun #
# Wow, have some fun, baby #
# Oh, but you can't come #
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
# Wow ##