As you go forth on your journey
and lead us into the next century,
I know that you're
going out into this world...
and will give 110%.
You are the best...
and you are the brightest.
We could be looking at future
leaders of this country.
Writers, senators,
and scientists...
humanitarians and
heads of industry.
A lot of years have passed
since that graduation.
And coming out of
continuation school,
I had no clue what we were
gonna do with our lives.
But I knew for sure that none of us
were gonna become senators or scientists.
Just ain't gonna happen.
Sparky was a wild one, man.
Beauty of Sparky was you never
knew where he was comin' from.
Who took a dump in my mouth?
Sparky would rip off a line of "fuck yous"
better than anybody I ever heard.
I'm gonna castrate you and fuck your mother
in the fucking ass with your own fucking dick!
Yeah. I'm glad I left your sorry ass...
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Shit. Lardo? He was everything you
could have asked for in a friend.
He was funny, he was charming,
had a way with words.
Dude, shit happens.
Did pretty good
with the chicks...
and always seemed to make light
of a serious situation.
My fellow Americans,
I'm pleased to tell you today...
that I've signed legislation
that will outlaw Russia forever.
- Whoa.
- We begin bombing in five minutes.
Together, we were one.
I mean, we had it all.
At least I thought we did.
And every summer,
we'd get a visit from Iris.
Iris!
- Anne wants to know when
are you coming to the Hut.
There's coffee in the kitchen.
And then there was Anne.
Johnny boy, why is the door
closed with a girl inside?
Give me five minutes, Mom.
I'm having sex!
Johnny, stop that now!
Bad boy!
What will the neighbors think...
girl in your room and the door closed?
They'll think I'm gettin' laid!
Like we always said, a little
bit of booty never hurt nobody.
Growing up as a kid
on the beach was a blast.
I mean,
everybody knew everybody.
The surf was always good,
and every night was a party.
J. D! What's up, man?
Hey, Skinner! What's happening, dude?
Somebody's parents were
always gone for the weekend,
and if that didn't happen, we'd
take it to the Shelburn house.
# Ow #
# Well, I want a war between
the rich and the poor #
# I want a fight and know
what I'm fighting for #
But what went down
over the next 24 hours...
is something
I will never forget.
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# We are scientists in our lab
looking through the microscope #
# Those little glass slides
They never lieHow can this small mind cope #
# I've never seen anything
like this before #
# This amoeba's got a mind
of its own #
# But don't turn your back
you stupid science world #
# This is reaching
for the telephone #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# A one-celled creature
A one-celled thing #
# It hardly knows
its alive #
# You're better off dead
if you only knew #
# That your life's
taking a dive #
# I've never seen anything
like it before #
# This amoeba's got
a mind of its own #
# But don't turn your back
you stupid science world #
# This is reaching
for the telephone #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba, amoeba amoeba, amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba, amoeba amoeba, amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba, amoeba amoeba, amoeba #
# Amoeba #
# Amoeba, amoeba amoeba, amoeba ##
So check this out. Every kid has
someone they look up to, right?
Whether it's a baseball player,
a rock star,
or drives a race car-
a hero.
Well, it just so happened that my hero,
he lived right down the street.
And this guy had the ability
to make you feel...
like you were walkin' on water.
What's up?
Hey.
One more payment
and it's mine.
Hi!
Hello!
Good morning.
Hi, hello!
Sorry it's so early,
but, um, this may be
a little bit embarrassing,
but...
we're lost.
Would you happen to know where
- I do.
- Oh, great.
Oh, good. That's wonderful.
Excuse me.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, okay.
Yuppies.
You know what?
Day after graduation, summer's callin'.
I'm gonna give you your board.
Just pay me when you got the cash.
Here's your board.
This is, um... You know,
it's your board.
I mean, I made it for you.
So you take care of the board,
and she'll take care of you.
Now go on.
Make me proud.
Hey, Mooney. Wanna come?
I gotta work.
# In the chamber of hellos
Hello, hello, hello, hello #
# In the chamber of hellos
Hello, hello, hello, hello #
# In the chamber of hellos
Hello, hello, hello, hello #
# In the chamber of hellos #
# In the chamber of hellos
Hello, hello, hello, hello #
# In the chamber of #
# In the chamber of #
# In the chamber of #
# In the chamber of ##
Huh?
Two, "Q," "A," "N."
Two, "Q," "A," "N."
Five, seven, four.
Hey, J.D. How's it goin'?
- Hey, Del.
Surfin', huh?
- Yeah, I was.
"Q," "A," "N."
Hey, I found this seaweed
with these shells.
It's sparklin', see?
- Oh, yeah?
And this.
Sea glass.
"Q," "A," "N."
I'm not really in the mood
for a nature study right now.
"Q," "A," "N."
Five, seven, four.
Five, seven...
Oh, shit.
Fuck!
Nice.
Wake up, Ventura!
Whoo! Ha-ha!
Watch your fucking
driving, asshole!
You stupid blind fucker!
What the fuck, man?
What's up, man?
What are you gonna do, huh?
Come on.
Get the fuck back in your car and drive back
to your stupid valley and stay outta my city!
Fucking Ventura surfers!
Yeah, you say that, and then you
drive off, you pussy! Fuckin' souther!
What's up, J. D?
Que pasa, J. D?
I lost my board, man.
Maybe someone took it.
Took it?
No one takes surfboards
around here, amigo.
In a move that could seriously
hurt his reelection prospects-
Hey, Harry.
- Hey, J.D.
Where's your board?
- Gone.
I don't know. Maybe someone stole it.
- Stole your board?
Uh-huh.
Motherfucker.
Beer?
I don't spend every day workin' my ass off
at the D.M.V. so you can buy beer, old man.
- I didn't buy it. J.D. gave me one.
- What?
- J.D., did you give him beer?
- No.
Where's your board?
Rise and shine, ladies!
- Come on. Get up.
- Why are you doing this to me?
Come on. Get up. You know, in some
countries, this is considered torture.
Listen up.
J.D. lost his board.
So?
- Well, so, you guys should go help him find it.
- He lost the Mooney?
- Yeah, the Mooney.
That shit didn't happen.
It happened.
Seriously, you guys
should go help him find it.
He should help me
find the bong.
- Oh, God.
- Where is it?
Dude, why?
- I don't know.
I mean, how does
something like this happen?
Dude, I have no idea.
Mooney's gonna kill me.
It's just kind of incredible that
your board would just be gone.
I know.
Hey, what's goin' on, guys?
Sparks.
Punk.
- Hey, bro.
Where's your board, man?
- Dude, my board got pilfered.
Dude, don't flip out,
all right?
I can't fucking believe this shit.
I'm gonna fucking kill all of 'em!
I mean, they just come and they just
take our fucking boards like it's nothing?
These are our boards, our property!
Fuck them! Fuck off-
All right, I'm here. Where's the fire?
Thank you.
Okay, um, can you fold these, please, and
then put them outside when you're done?
Only because I need you in my life.
Love you.
So, how's things?
- Oh, you know.
Same old together one day,
broken up the next, back together again.
On again, off again.
Sex one day, no sex the next.
It's nice to know
we have the same problems.
...their fucking beating heart outta
their chest and show it to 'em.
Yeah, l- Uh, Anne?
I'm not fucking around!
Yeah?
That boy's not good for business.
They just fucked with Sparky,
and Sparky's gonna fuck 'em up.
That's just Sparky.
He breaks it, he buys it.
All day! Pretend this little fuckin'
totem pole's their fucking face!
Whoa.
Hey, J.D.
- Hey.
- Um, where's your board?
- It's gone.
Hey, J.D.
- Hey, Iris.
- How's your mom?
- She's in Vegas with her new boyfriend.
- Did you look up and down the beach?
- Of course! Aw, please.
- Come on.
- Well, wait. Maybe the tide took it out, dude.
- How many times a year do I go out?
- A lot.
- And how many times have I lost my board?
- A lot.
And how many times have I swum in to
get it? As many times as you lost it.
Right. And how many times was
it right there waiting for me?
Yeah.
Every time.
- Exactly, dude.
Every time,
except this fucking time.
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Did anyone
hear about Reagan bombing Russia?
What? Reagan's bombing Russia.
I heard it on the radio this morning.
Shh. You're that stoned that Reagan is
talking to you personally through a radio?
No, no.
I'm not that stoned.
I'm... that stoned.
Dude, me too.
Let's get more stoned.
What am I gonna do, man?
Fuck.
This is a symbol for all that's
sacred to our way of life.
So, what?
Is something sacred to your way of life?
Wake up.
A surfboard is the most
sacred thing to our way of life.
It's - It's your girlfriend,
your car and your dick, all in one.
Guys, he's, like,
a Mexican Jesus.
So, uh, Jesus,
what do we do?
We do what we do whenever
we don't know what to do.
Oh, no! It's alive!
Party at the Shelburn house
again, Anne?
Come on. We gotta meet some new people.
Withering away over here.
Oh, God, Iris, please. Shut up.
- Have some fun. Lighten up. I want to have fun.
I really do.
Okay, then have fun.
Okay, who's gonna be there?
Well, who do you think?
J.D., Lardo,
the Yard guys,
Mike Moke,
um, James, Bernard-
What? What is your problem?
- I just... Well, look.
I wanna meet some guys who are
into the same things I'm into.
Um, Iris, boyfriends aren't
into poetry, painting and art.
Just have some fun,
for me, please? Please?
Yeah, for you. It's easy for you to say.
You've got sunshine boy out there.
Yeah, that's not
that easy.
Know what? First chance I get,
I'm getting outta here.
I'm going to New York
and I'm gonna be an artist.
You know, I don't care about
being rich or famous, dude.
I just wanna work
and keep my edge.
Your edge?
- Yeah. My edge.
And when I do get a boyfriend, he'll be
into poetry, painting and art. You watch.
Um, news flash, Iris.
- Hmm?
Boyfriends who are into all that
already have boyfriends of their own.
Crap.
I got an idea.
Oh, really? What?
Let's flash Sparky.
Okay.
You ready?
Yeah.
- One, two, three.
What the hell
is wrong with you?
All right, J.D.,
All right, J.D.,
tell me the story
in excruciating detail.
All right, so,
I was out on my board,
and then, like, all
of a sudden out of nowhere,
this, like, perfect wave
just comes at me.
So I paddle into it, right?
And I get up, and I lay down,
like, this sweet bottom turn,
and then, like,
I was right there, yeah.
I'm right there, and the wave just
starts throwing its lip over me,
just, like, throwing it
over me like that.
It was, like, the most
beautiful feeling of my life.
And what happened
after that, man?
Uh... Come on, man.
You had to see something, bro.
Yeah, uh, I'm lookin'
around, and...
And I see Del.
Yeah, man. The first person
I saw on the beach was Del.
Del. Hey, Del.
Oh. Hey, guys.
What's up?
Hey. Hey, hey.
Everything okay?
Yeah. Del, uh, listen.
Do you remember seeing me this morning?
Sure. It was about 8:57,
close to 9:00.
I tell time by the sun, and I usually
get it right within a minute or two.
All right, well, look, my surfboard
got stolen. Did you see anything?
Yeah.
- Did you see... anything?
What do you mean,
the souther?
He was drivin' a Datsun 280Z.
It was orange.
- Do you remember anything else?
Dudes, you can't get the right answers in
life unless you ask the right questions.
Whoa.
"2QAM574."
Uh...
So, what is
the right question?
I don't know.
Really, J.D., if I could find
the guy who did this to you,
I would kill him!
No. You know what?
I wouldn't just kill him.
I'd beat his ass first,
and then I would kill him.
No. You know what?
I'd kick his ass and kill him,
but first, I'd steal his board
so he knew what it felt like.
Shut up, stupid. Why would he steal
J.D.'s board if he already had one?
What?
- If he had a board to steal, I mean.
I'd steal that one.
- Wait. What?
Which one would you...
steal?
I'd steal 'em both, dude.
- Yeah.
I'm a badass.
Okay, so how are we gonna find this guy?
Oh, she said something about
that souther in the Datsun, yeah?
Yeah, right. The orange 280Z, huh?
- Yeah.
You stupid blind fucker!
Oh, fuck.
Here we go again.
What-
What, Sparky?
What, Sparky?
What's wrong?
What? I saw a guy
driving an orange 280Z,
but I didn't think that anyone
would fuckin' steal a board,
so I didn't even get
a good look at him!
Dude, relax!
- What?
Fuck you. I'm not gonna relax.
You're just remembering this now?
I'm gonna fuckin' kill this guy after I kill you.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Who, the souther?
- Yeah, man.
He was driving around
in this sleazy,
fuckin' "pick up some pussy"
Valley boy car...
with the board hanging
out the back, dude.
Green and yellow, right?
- Yeah?
Yeah? Well, how do you know
he was a souther?
Dude, he had a fuckin'
typical Ken doll haircut.
Total valley boy
faggy-ass shit,
and... the fucker
had pants.
Like slacks.
Pants?
- Pants?
Uh-oh.
Hey, guys,
uh, look who it is.
It's red bikini girl.
Red bikini girl.
Coming straight for you.
Check it out.
Mm-hmm.
What I wouldn't do to nib
on one of those nips.
Dude, what I wouldn't do to
suck on both of those nipples.
A little bit of booty
never hurt nobody.
Your mom home,
Sparky?
Maybe we should go in
and say hi.
Yeah, I don't know.
- Is she okay?
- Yeah.
Shit.
- What?
I'm supposed to meet this kid today,
and I'm selling him my skateboard.
You're selling
your skateboard?
Yeah, they're gonna shut off our
electric if we don't pay the bill.
- Seriously, bro?
- How much?
Sixteen dollars.
- Don't sweat it, dude.
Uh, we have to figure out this...
uh, what is it-
Later.
Later?
- Yeah, later.
First we're gonna
get 16 bucks.
You ready?
Check this dude out.
Mr. C., how ya doin'?
- Hey.
So, uh, anyway,
Mr. Candidas.
Candianedas.
Uh, okay, so-
So I see this bitchin'
wave coming in, right?
I've already heard this stupid story
from your stepfather, the drunk.
Oh, yeah?
He was in here already?
Oh, that's great. Typical.
- Hey!
Hey. So, uh, yeah, I was trying to
tell ya a story, all right? So listen.
So I drop in on this wave,
and I'm, like, totally stoked,
and then it was, like, I'm doin' a
cutback and I lay it down with my hand.
And I'm, like, skimmin' it with my
hand, and the lip starts folding over.
It's, like, coming over me like this.
And I'm like, "Whoa!"
And then I'm like, "Whoa!"
And this giant liquid cavern of
liquid water from another planet-
Dude, I've been looking
for these all day.
Look what I found.
- All right.
Yeah, we'll have these.
Beef.
Uh, you got any dough?
Uh, no. Do you?
Yeah, um, we're gonna have
to come back for those later.
Yeah, later. Okay.
- Catch ya.
Let's get outta here.
Feels kinda good, huh?
Feels kinda good, huh?
What?
- Helpin' out Sparky's mom.
She's a nice lady.
Can you keep a secret?
- Dude, yeah.
What-What's up?
- Alice is not really his mom.
What?
- Yeah. She's his grandma.
He just calls her that.
- Where's his mom?
She bailed, man.
Whoa.
There ya go, son.
Sixteen dollars.
There you go.
- Thank you, sir.
This is a nice couch.
- Got it at Sears.
Now if the wife asks,
I didn't give you any money.
Sure, okay.
Harry, Peggy works
at the D.M.V., right?
Mm-hmm.
- What?
All right. Bye, Marge.
Okay.
We got... 2QUAN574,
registered to a 17-year-old
kid named Brian Kramer,
Valley Village.
Here ya go.
Brian Kramer.
You don't know how much
we appreciate this.
Well, do me a favor.
Don't kill him.
Oh, and next time you sell Harry some stolen beer,
get somethin' better than this shit, please.
Fuckin' southers.
Oooh, stand by
with the beer.
If you barf,
I am not cleaning that up.
That what dogs are for,
tardo.
Hey, boys.
Red bikini girl.
Little bit of booty
never hurt nobody.
Do you think
she's had a boob job?
Hey, Mom?
- Yeah, honey.
Can we, like, have a bottle
of something, please?
Oh, go ahead. Take the half
bottle of vodka from the bar.
But no drinking and driving.
- Okay. Thanks, Mom. You rock hard.
Yeah, well, I used to.
Anne.
- Yeah.
- I found it.
- You found your board?
Yeah.
- Hi, J.D.
- Oh, hey, Brenda.
- What's this about your board?
We know where it is.
I just gotta go get it.
Can we go back to my house?
I need to change.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
- Need a hand, J. D?
- Anne, your mom's, like,
totally hitting on me again.
Mom, come on! We talked about this.
- Okay, we're going. Geez.
- Wow.
- Bye. I love you.
I love you too.
- Have fun. Bye.
How come you're
never like that...
Oh, there you are, Johnny boy.
I heard what happened.
Oh, honey.
- Mom!
Ja. Herb, the milkman, told me.
- Oh, Johnny.
Come on, Mom.
- Oh, don't worry.
We'll get it back for you,
my poor baby.
We're onto it, Ma,
really.
Oh, Johnny.
I give you some stew to take with you.
La Lumbie.
Come on, sweetheart, huh?
Did you miss me?
I need ya now.
I do.
Come on now.
Come on.
Here you go, honey. Jesus, Mom.
I'm communing with my automobile here.
Oh, Johnny, please.
Just try it. Just try it.
All right, all right.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
Ja. Is good.
Uh, now can I go?
- Oh. Ja.
Here, Anne. Hold this. I gotta focus.
- Okay, baby.
Come on. Come on.
Come to Papa. Mmm.
That's it. Come on.
Come on, baby. Come on.
Whoo! Atta girl!
Good luck, Johnny.
# Oh, Gidget goes to hell #
Whoo.
So get this.
I totally saw this guy today, man.
He's drivin'
down the road...
in this bright-ass orange
"look at me" 280Z.
The typical souther.
I mean, it seemed like his hair was
personally styled by Vidal Sassoon.
And, uh, he was wearing pants.
What?
- Pants.
# Gidget goes to hell #
# Gidget goes to hell #
# She's the center of attention
as she runs into the wave #
# Paddles way outside, yeah
waiting for the big one ##
Come on. I gotta pee.
Everybody!
We got a situation here,
so listen up.
These fucking southers,
they come to
our beautiful beach...
and they desecrate it,
and I'm sick of it!
It's over, and they're
going to pay now.
So fucking frightening.
Totally. It turns me on.
- What?
Whatever.
- God, you're so weird.
All right, now here's the deal.
An elite team of us,
a band of brothers, are gonna
go tonight, in La Lumbie...
and we're gonna find this guy and
we're gonna bring my board back!
We're going.
- No. Anne, no. I'm not going.
Yes. Shut up, Iris. We're going. Shut up.
- No-Anne... Shit.
My fellow Venturians,
the time has come.
- Lardo.
- Fuck it.
What, Mooney's?
What are we doing here?
- There's somethin' I need to do.
So, Mike, I know I should
have been more careful.
I'm gonna get the board back and I'm
gonna get you that last payment too.
We got an address,
we know where this guy is.
So, you know, don't worry.
It'll be easy.
These kids.
They're gonna run off to the Valley and
probably get into a bunch of trouble.
Let's go get us
a surfboard.
Mooney's comin' with us. Now we can
take on the whole fuckin' Valley, dude.
Let's do this.
Why do you call your car
La Lumbie anyway?
Well, it used to be La Bamba,
but the "L's," they took over.
Well, it was Bomber, then La Bamba.
Now it's La Lumbie.
Yeah. Because
le lan lalk lin lels.
I'm sorry?
Le lan lalk lin lels.
You can talk in "L's"?
Wow. I really gotta
get away from here.
We're goin' to war,
and we need war music.
We need a fuckin' battle hymn.
- Yeah.
- Check the tapes.
- To the tapes. To the tapes.
- Germs.
- Uh, Ramones.
- Bob Marley.
- I got the Thompson Twins.
No. No Thompson Twins.
Pick a tape.
Tape?
Fear.
- Hell, yeah.
- Right on.
- Whoo.
Now that is road-trip music.
One, two, three, four!
- Mooney rocks.
Turn it up.
# There's so many of us
There's so many of us
There's so many #
# There's so many of us
There's so many of us
Let's have a war #
# So they can go die
Let's have a war #
# We could all use the money
Let's have a war #
# We need the space
Let's have a war #
# Yeah, clean out this place #
# It already started
in the city #
# Suburbia #
# Will be just as easy #
# There's so many of us
There's so many of us
There's so many #
# There's so many of us
There's so many of us #
# There's so many of us
There's so many of us
There's so many #
# There's so many of us
There's so many of us
There's so many ##
The valley of the shadow of
death in all its wretched glory.
Millions of southers,
wearing pants.
I hate pants.
- I hate pants too!
One of 'em named
Brian Kramer.
Yeah.
Somewhere down in that cesspool
of humanity is J.D.'s surfboard.
Watch for Van Nuys
and turn right.
I'm from here,
remember?
# This place is comin'
like a ghost town #
We need gas.
# Bands won't play no more #
# Too much fighting
on the dance floor #
Hey, Sparky.
What's up?
I challenge you
to a sponge war.
All right, you bastard,
show me what you got.
God, I can't wait to
get outta here next month.
I know.
Parsons's gonna be so cool.
You'll be in New York, and meanwhile,
I'll be at UC Santa Cruz.
Oh, but you'll like it,
Annie. You'll love it.
You'll meet some guy,
an intellectual who surfs.
You'll fall in love, get married,
have babies, grow old, fade out.
You make it sound so boring.
- Are you kidding?
I wish I could do that.
I'm... I'm too psychotic.
You got nothin'. Huh?
Come on.
Ah, but you'll be in New York.
Your life is gonna be so awesome.
I mean, I hope so. I just can't wait
to visit all the places I've read about.
You know, like C.B.G.B.'s.
I wonder who's playing there now.
Oh, Max's Kansas City where Lou Reed and
the Velvet Underground played with Nico.
Grace Church, where Allen Ginsberg
and Jim Carroll read their poetry.
Someday I just really hope
I meet Laurie Anderson.
Um, who's that?
You know. She has that song, "Oh, Superman."
- I don't know it.
Yeah.
- Whoa, whoa. Hey, whoa.
Whoa, what?
##
Yes. Yes, it is.
- Oh. Oh, yeah.
Whoo.
Oh, gasoline.
- Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Hey!
- Here we go.
- Why are they doing that?
Uh, they lost a bet
to Lardo's cousin,
so now every time they
hear that song, this ensues.
Just like that!
That's the dumbest fuckin'
thing I've ever seen.
Fuckin' jerkin' La Lumbie!
Yeah, all right!
Hey. Hey, Mike.
- Yeah.
You all right?
- Yeah.
# This town is comin'
like a ghost town #
# This town is comin'
like a ghost town #
There it is.
This is the part where
they cut to outside the car...
and we see, like, this
jerky point-of-view thing.
And there's this guy
dragging his foot.
He's creepin' up on the car,
and we don't know it,
but he's got a steel hook
for a hand.
Whee!
- Shut up.
- Just save it.
- All right, seriously. What's the plan here?
- Torch the place.
- Sparky. Down.
What if we sneak around the
house and look in the windows?
You're such a perv.
- That ain't a perv thing.
This is James Bond
shit here.
No, no, no.
We get a brick, cover it in a towel,
douse it in gasoline, set in on
fire and chuck it through the window.
That's a bit extreme,
Sparky.
One more.
- One more what, Mike?
- One more beer.
Yeah.
All right.
So assuming our information's
correct, my surfboard's in that house,
in his car,
or he hid it someplace.
Oh, my God. Just do something... anything.
- How 'bout that?
Knock on the door.
Totally.
Uh... Hi, sir.
My name's J.D.
Uh, these are my friends,
and, well, it seems...
We're here 'cause
there's a problem with...
Do you have a son?
You see, my board
was stolen today, and...
Well, we think that
maybe Brian...
That-That's his name, right?
That Brian kind of... Well, that
he was the one who stole it, and-
We got a license plate
from an eyewitness.
And we're pretty sure that
he's the one who stole my board.
But maybe we got it wrong.
It's okay.
Hello.
Dude, you got it!
Yeah. It was right there
in his room.
That was, like, too easy, man.
We should just get outta here, bro.
No. We're not goin'
anywhere yet.
There's one thing I hate
worse than a liar.
And that's a thief.
I need to apologize.
My son's done a bad thing here,
and I can understand you all being upset.
- What's your name?
- Mike Mooney.
Well, Mike Mooney, I suppose you have
an idea of how you'd like to handle this.
I think we'd like
to handle it ourselves.
My son stole a surfboard.
He didn't kill anyone.
It's understood.
All right. What's up with you?
- Nothing.
Come on, Iris.
I know you better than that.
What's goin' on?
- What?
Don't "what" me.
What's goin' on?
There's nothing
going on, Anne.
Iris. Speak to me.
I know the guy. Okay?
I know him.
You what?
- You got it back. Right on.
- That's awesome!
That was too easy.
Yeah. Now what the fuck
do we do?
Why don't we just,
you know, go home?
What? What?
- No, no, no, no, no.
Fuck that, J. D!
We came all the way out to this Valley.
We gotta do something to
this fucking guy! Come on!
Come on, J.D.
You got your surfboard back.
There's still time to go
back to the Shelburn house.
Imagine the look on everyone's face
when you come back with the board.
No! Shh! No.
Getting the board back is only half the journey.
- Totally.
You know what you
gotta do, right?
I mean, you gotta
find this guy.
And scare the living
shit out of him.
Okay, great.
Um, so what
do we do now?
I don't know.
I'll know it when I see him.
That's it? We're just gonna
wait here until he comes back?
You don't get it, do you?
I can't walk away from this.
I gotta- I gotta either
wait here till he comes,
or I gotta go
find the guy.
That's it.
- That could take forever.
Do you know how fucking huge
this city is?
He's at Buffalo Records
in Tarzana. He works there.
At least that's-that's where
he worked when we were dating.
You dated this guy?
Iris.
He wears pants.
- Idiot. You have pants on.
- That's completely different.
He gave me records, okay?
It lasted for, like, 10 minutes.
And then I dumped him,
and he got all freaky.
I didn't know he would do something like this, J.D.
- I'm sorry.
Okay? I'm- I'm really sorry.
Studies have shown
that acts of revenge...
actually trigger a response
in the brain's pleasure zones...
like, um, when you eat
or you have sex.
Really?
- Yeah.
And where did you get
this tidbit of information?
- Uh...
Maybe it was in the American Journal of
I Don't know What the Fuck I'm Talking About.
Ho-ho.
So, how shall we
do this?
Just take it nice
and smooth.
All right.
I can be smooth.
Okay. I will be with you
in one second.
That's it!
That's it right there!
That would
be nice.
That's him! That is him!
- Go for the door!
Hey, guys, be careful.
We're comin'
through the door!
Fuck you!
You're gonna
fucking die!
Open the door, asshole!
Go fuck yourself, motherfucker!
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
I'm gonna fuck you up, bro!
Fuck you!
I got it!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Sparky, put the fucking
rock down!
He'll call the cops.
Fellas... Bros,
guess who's calling the cops.
I'm gonna kill you!
Get in the fucking car!
- I'm gonna kill you!
I'm gonna fucking...
- Let's go. Go, go, go!
- Sparky, get in the car!
Cocksucker! I'm glad
I dumped your sorry ass!
- Once you fuck with me, I don't stop!
- Fucking asshole!
Fuck you!
You better sleep
with one eye open!
Sorry, guys.
Oh, it's amazing what someone
will do to get the latest hit.
It looks like the only hit
they wanted was on you, Brian.
It's...
How did we do?
- Uh, not so smooth.
What do we do now?
Beer!
Beer!
Pierpont Vodka, huh?
- Yep.
- That's imported, right?
- Sure.
I hear them crazy Russkies
make this shit out of potatoes.
Yeah. I'm gonna need
to see some ID.
Yeah.
- Just kidding.
Thanks a lot. There you go.
Can you change four bucks?
Need some help?
- I got it. Have a good day.
Happy New Year, chief.
- Come on, baby.
How's it goin'?
- Hey. Kenny.
So, uh... Yeah, I see this
bitchin' wave comin' in.
And it's, like, pitchin' over.
I'm, like, scratchin' for the outside, like-
I'm goin' like this.
And it's, like, pitchin', and then
it slams me on the ground, man!
And I'm, like, whoa!
Getting worked, dude.
And then... Do you surf?
- No.
Hey, man, I do this thing
with my hair.
It's killer, bro.
- Ready?
So you're
from Ventura then?
Yeah.
- Yeah, I can tell.
- These are 69 cents here?
- Yep.
In Ventura,
they're 49 cents.
Hmm. Then you should go
buy one in Ventura.
Man, what kind of lifestyle
do you live?
That's insulting.
Have a beer with Fear, boys.
- Yeah.
Yes!
You guys aren't
gonna believe this.
- Mooney went with the guys to find J.D.'s board.
- Wasn't he in 'Nam?
No, but he saw
Apocalypse Now, like, nine times.
Hey, everybody!
Listen up!
Those guys make it back with the
board, we're lettin' 'em on the deck.
Bitchin'.
Whoo! Thanks, Santa!
Yeow! Ha-ha!
I don't get it.
This guy dated you,
and you dumped him.
Why'd he steal my board?
I didn't do nothin' to him.
I have-
I have no idea, J.D.
I told you.
He's just a freak.
So, this is the most exciting
stakeout I've ever been on.
It's like a surf contest
with no swell,
and everyone's just sitting there
waiting for something to happen.
Not the West Coast
Invitationals.
You goin' to that, Mike?
- No. I'm out.
What? Why? You killed it
last month at Pismo.
Killed it.
Dude, I finished 34th.
Comes a time to move on.
I surf for the fun of it
and shape for the love of it.
So, I was just thinking.
You know, in a couple months,
summer's gonna be over.
So what?
That always happens.
So? We're all out
of high school now.
Some of us are gonna
go to college and...
get jobs,
start doing adult stuff.
Yeah, and shit
that we hate.
Look, all I'm saying is,
you know,
things are gonna be...
different now.
Man!
I hate this shit.
Start talkin' about
the future,
gettin' all high
and serious.
Shit. I don't know what
I'm gonna do in an hour.
Yeah, and that's
really fucked.
What are you saying, Anne?
A lot of people, they stay in
Ventura, keep partying, surfing.
People like who... Harry, you know,
who gets kids to steal beer for him?
Great fuckin' role models, J.D.
You think we should
buy into this shit-
that we should start workin'
and wearin' pants?
Is that it, huh?
Buying insurance.
Or get a vacuum cleaner
and shit?
Yeah?
You really think that this
is all there is to life?
Maybe.
If I thought that, I would
so fucking kill myself.
You don't have to,
you know?
You don't have to buy
a vacuum cleaner.
What choice do you have,
Mooney?
We need more beer.
- I'll go.
Me too.
- Yeah.
Are you okay?
Will you help me, Lardo?
Those guys are acting
like such guys tonight.
Yeah.
This pot's having,
like, no effect.
Um, you just gotta give it
some time to kick in, you know?
Careful, dude.
I'm thinkin'
about Iris.
Anne's goin' to college.
Probably meet some guy.
Iris is movin'
to New York.
How do you guys
do that anyways?
Do what?
- Get chicks and all, man.
Easy. Just put
your hand here...
inside their leg.
And then you just slide it up.
Slide it up.
It works every time,
man.
Yeah. Feels pretty good.
Not your own leg, man.
The chick's.
- Oh.
Well, Lardo says apple
wine works pretty good too.
It's like... It's just
like driving a car.
What would you do if you were
gonna go on a long road trip...
with... La Lumbie?
Mmm, get in,
start 'er up...
and take off.
Go.
God, no. Listen.
You gotta... You gotta
sweet-talk her a little.
Give 'er a little loving,
a little nurturing.
You baby her a little.
You check her, um-
You check her fluids-
make sure there's enough lubrication.
You kick the tires...
make sure your rubber is good.
When you feel confident
and ready,
you slide
in the driver's seat.
You tickle the starter
and you turn her over.
Then you...
You slip it into drive...
and you gently...
start to push her forward.
And then
you're on your way.
But that's when you have to...
you have to listen to her,
really start
to pay attention.
And as she starts to warm up, her temperature
starts to rise, that's when you know,
you know, you can...
you can pump her a little harder.
You know?
And she'll let you know.
When she's ready, she'll-
she'll start to hum.
And when she starts to hum,
you go pedal to the metal,
as hard as you can
for as long as you can.
That's... That's
when it's good.
That's when it gets,
you know-
That's, like,
you're a machine...
on the open back road
somewhere in America...
with nothing but, like, forest or
cornfields on either side of you,
with stars and sky and-
And no traffic lights. There's
no coppers. There's no worries.
That's as-
That's as good as it gets.
That's...
That's being a man. That's heaven
on earth is what that is.
What does all that have
to do with gettin' women?
That-
You don't have to worry
about it for a long time,
um, Sparky.
All right.
Where's the turn?
It's coming, I-I think.
It's either coming, or we passed it.
- What?
Turn here. Turn here!
- Okay, okay!
Take the back streets,
all right?
Okay. Valley View.
Valley Lane.
Valley Drive.
Great.
They're all the same
stupid name.
Damn. We're gonna miss it.
Miss what?
- The fight.
Lardo, you are so busted.
You wanna see the fight.
Yeah. I kind of do.
Okay. Where are we?
Lost. Totally,
completely lost.
I'm leally, leally lost.
Loh, ly Lod!
Li'm lost lin lels!
Not funny, Lardo!
What have you
done to her?
All right, what
just happened?
Well, I think
we're out of gas.
You just filled it up.
I only put one dollar in.
Doomed.
We're all doomed.
Whoa.
- Whoa, what?
- You hear that?
I don't hear shit.
That's just it.
You can't hear the ocean.
That's weird.
You can't hear it.
You can't smell it.
Yeah.
Whoa. Shit.
You proud of yourself,
Brian?
What got into your head?
Stealing... I know I didn't teach you that.
What's he doing?
- You think this reflects well on us?
Shh. I can't hear him.
- You're damn right it doesn't.
Okay, boys.
Shit.
You can come out.
Sparky. Psst!
You got somethin'
to say?
Why'd you do it?
Do you even surf?
Then why steal a surfboard?
It was stupid. Just forget it.
Too late for that, Brian.
Just tell him.
My girlfriend...
Iris.
She broke up with me
for some, uh, surfer.
So you were just pissed
at some random surfer,
and so you decided
to steal my board?
What's the fuckin'
logic in that, huh?
You got your board back.
This is over.
That's not for you
to say.
Now, the way I see it is this.
You have two options.
One, you can
call the cops.
Or two, you can dole out
a whipping for yourself.
What's it gonna be?
- I'll take option number two.
Dad, these guys are
gonna fuckin' kill me.
Brian, don't embarrass
yourself any further.
You get three swings.
That's all. Fair?
Fair.
I got him!
That's one.
Fuck, Sparky.
Piece of cake.
Come on. He's drunk.
He doesn't know what he's doin'.
I said three swings.
That counts.
- You got two left.
- Wait a minute.
He said one of you guys
gets three swings.
He already took one, so he's
gotta take the other two.
I mean, that's the rule. Right?
Three swings, one guy.
That's what he said.
Fine.
Did you hear that, Sparky? Huh?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Two swings.
Two swings.
Just get me close. I can't miss him.
Get in there.
All right, fairy boy.
What the fuck?
- Aw, fuck!
That's two.
- That should count as two and three.
Keep quiet. Take your licks.
He hasn't even hit you.
Get up, Sparky.
You gotta get up.
- You got one more. He's laughin' at us, man.
- All right.
One more. One more, Sparky.
Come on! Come on!
Don't laugh at me!
Dude.
- What you laughin' at?
- This is your last chance.
Then I'm takin' my boy
inside, and that's it.
Come on, Sparky.
Get up, man. Get up.
You gotta get up. Get up,
Sparky! Get up! Come on!
Come on, Sparky!
Get up!
I got it. I got it.
Come on, Sparky!
Get up! Get up!
Whoa!
- All right!
- Oh, shit!
Sparky, man!
Sparky, you did it, man.
You did it.
You nailed him, man!
You got him! You got him!
Sparky?
Holy shit.
He's asleep.
He's asleep.
- All right then.
You fellas
satisfied?
Now I want you
to make up.
Shake hands.
I, um-
I'm sorry, man.
It's cool.
No real harm done.
You okay?
Yeah.
Come on, Brian.
Let's get you inside,
put an ice pack
on that jaw.
Excuse me.
I never got your name.
Sam. Sam Kramer.
I just wanna say it was, uh...
It was real nice meeting you.
I just... I wanted
to say that to you.
I was gone a lot
when he was growin' up.
Didn't do a very good job,
I'm afraid.
Most of the time, you do
the best you can do and...
hope the rest just...
falls in line.
And... sometimes it does.
Don't forget Sparky there.
Wiener man. What'd you do, go down
to Ventura and get more wieners?
Hey, bro.
Kenny, dude, I ran out of gas
about a mile down the road.
Yeah, I was just wonderin',
can I borrow a gas can?
Oh, man. Well, uh,
this isn't Ventura.
You know, we sell gas cans.
We don't just lend them out.
I'll be happy to sell you one,
and I'll sell you some gas too.
- Oh. yeah. How much are they?
- Three dollars.
Three dollars?
- Yep.
Yeah, I got three bucks. I think I
got three bucks somewhere in here.
One. I got one.
Hold on.
- Okay.
Dude, 2.20- Oh.
Three bucks. And 15 cents.
Yeah.
- So I guess you have enough to get, uh,
wiener man.
Hey, bro, look,
can you just-
Give me a break, man. Let me borrow the
gas can. I'll bring it right back, dude.
Look, man, we sell 'em.
Okay? We don't rent 'em.
Dude, where are
your friends?
Lost in the valley
of the shadow of death.
This whole day has been, like,
one endless bummer, dude.
It's all about-
Hey, bros.
How's it goin'?
Do you, like, have
a gas can I can borrow?
My car ran out of gas,
and, well,
this dude won't let me
borrow a can.
Uh, you ran out
of gas, huh?
Yeah. It's just, like,
a mile up that way.
We got some beers left over
if you help us out.
Yeah, sure, man.
Sure.
Bitchin' can, dude.
- Thanks.
Hop in.
Man, I just wanted to
fuckin' kick that guy's ass.
You know, just-
just kick his ass.
One punch.
Just one fuckin' punch.
You got one punch.
- Well, yeah, but...
I mean, I should've
fuckin' pounded him.
I should've kicked
his fuckin' teeth in, man.
You know what?
I'm gonna go back in there.
You wanna come?
He said three swings, Sparky.
Oh, who gives a shit what that old
fucker said? I'll kick his ass too.
Fuck, Sparky!
I'm sick of it, man.
You talk all this bullshit. "I'm
gonna do this, I'm gonna do that."
And you just get drunk and you
don't do nothing. You don't do shit.
So shut up, all right!
You okay?
- I just wanna go home.
Thanks, bros. Hopefully, it'll fill
up and we'll be able to get outta here.
Hey. Hey, what are
your names?
Esmeralda.
Guinevere.
Esmeralda
and Guinevere, huh?
- Hey, where you from?
- Africa.
- South Africa.
- Johannesburg.
Can't you tell
they're just fuckin' with us?
Oh. Is that true?
You just fuckin' with us?
- Hey, listen, guys. Thanks so...
- I don't think so.
- Get the fuck away from me!
- Fuckin' asshole!
Let go! Lardo!
Get off me!
Hey!
What the fuck?
Go, Anne! Go! Go!
Aw, fuck!
You like that?
Hey, asshole!
Motherfucker!
Later, bitch.
# I don't give a damn
'bout my reputation #
Get in the car! Fire it up!
Pieces of shit!
Get in your fucking piece-of-shit van,
or I will fucking
smash your brains out!
Come on! Come on, Anne!
Let's go!
# And that's what I'm
gonna do #
# And I don't give a damn
'bout my bad reputation #
What about our beer?
# Oh, no, no, no, no, no #
# Not me #
Aw, shit! They're gonna follow us.
No, they're not.
# Oh, no, no, no, no, no #
Fuckers.
# Not me ##
Whoa. They're here.
# Nobody ever knew
they would #
# Nobody ever thought
they could #
# Livin' out the life
that they lead #
# Well, what's right, wrong
Sailin' along #
# Livin' by the ocean
and a-singin' a song #
# Mama always said
What's wrong with you, boy #
# You better get your mug
right back to school #
# And in the surf
you will find #
# A little piece of mind
anytime #
# Livin' out the life
that you lead #
# My mother is the ocean
and it lets me see #
# Really nothin' else
can make me free #
All right.
Thanks for comin', Mike.
Yeah.
I'll get you that money too.
Just give it
when you get it.
So?
Gotta grab my skateboard
out of the back.
Hey, Sparky. Hey.
Thanks, dude.
No, really.
I mean-
That shit I said before,
it's just- I don't know.
Weird fuckin' night, huh?
- Yeah.
I just-
If I gotta have someone
at my back,
I'm just glad
it's you, dude.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
We're gonna be talkin'
about this for years.
We will, won't we?
I'm gonna catch some z's, man.
- Yeah.
You goin' surfin' later?
What else?
You know, I actually
enjoyed myself today, man.
Me too.
Later, Sparky.
Uh!
I gotta find my tape.
Uh!
I gotta find my tape.
Uh, I got it.
Cool.
I gotta go to work.
So, I guess I'll see you.
Of course.
Hey, uh, you know,
whatever happened back there...
Oh, he just... He just
roughed me up a little.
The fucker, he tore my shirt.
You're okay, and I'm okay.
So we're good, right?
- You-You're okay?
You know what?
Whatever doesn't kill you
makes you stronger, right?
Whoa.
Dude, I didn't
make that up.
It's still good though.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
Later?
Sure.
Hey, I'm really sorry that
prick stole your board, dude.
- It's not your fault.
- I know that.
Later, gator.
Nice work.
Hey. Later, darlin'.
Tell your mom I love her stew.
Tell your mom
I love her daughter.
You're such a liar.
What? I'm so totally
committed to you.
Yeah, you're committed to
something, but... it ain't me, babe.
What's that
supposed to mean?
When you figure it out,
call me.
Hey, Lardo.
What do you think it all means, man?
What?
The whole thing, dude.
I mean-
This guy gets dumped,
he steals my board.
He doesn't even
know me.
And Del just happens to be there,
and it's, like, we get this name.
And because of that,
we go to the Valley?
Yeah, yeah. No, no.
We're building over in Ventura.
Oh, it's wonderful.
Four stories.
Brian Kramer, bro.
He turned out to be
not such a bad guy,
just some dude
who got dumped by Iris.
Bro, she took his heart,
and she just, like,
ripped it up into pieces.
She's fuckin' vicious,
that girl.
Well, we got your board back.
Shit!
Oh, shit!
It looks okay, dude.
Mmm.
- It doesn't look too bad.
- Whoa!
Hey, man!
Whoa! No!
At that moment, it hit me.
It wasn't about a surfboard.
It was about the journey-
with my friends.
Lardo and I are still
the best of friends.
He has a beautiful daughter now and
always makes the best of every day-
in typical Lardo fashion,
of course.
Sparky lived every day
like there was no tomorrow.
He rode his last wave in
at the age of 25.
He was truly
one of a kind, man,
and I'll always remember the
crazy shit we used to do together.
Nobody did it like Sparky.
Miss you, bro.
Iris went to New York
and became an artist,
just like she said
she would.
She's not rich and famous yet,
but she still keeps her edge...
and visits Ventura
whenever she can.
Anne found a great guy
willing to commit to her.
She's married,
has a beautiful boy.
And I still remain great friends
with her and her family.
My hero... Mike Mooney.
He's a family man now.
Still the legend on Pierpont and
hand-shaping surfboards in the same garage...
for the love of it.
Hey.
There's been a whole lot
of change in Ventura.
But then again, lots of things
have stayed the same.
Like Del.
And as for me,
I got a beautiful wife,
four great kids,
play music with my friends,
and still surfing...
in Ventura.
# Love is so strange #
# When you don't know #
# How can you tell #
# Where you're goin' to #
# You can't be sure #
# Of any situation #
# Somethin' could change #
# And then you won't know #
# Whoo #
# Where do we go from here #
# It seems so all too near #
# Just as far on beyond
as I can see #
# I still don't know what this
all means to me, no #
# I have nowhere to go #
# I don't know what to do #
# And I don't even know
the time of day #
# I guess it doesn't matter
anyway 'cause #
# Love is so strange #
# Destination unknown #
# When you don't know #
# Your destination #
# Somethin' could change #
# It's unknown #
# And then you won't know #
# Destination unknown #
# Life is so strange #
# Destination unknown #
# When you don't know #
# Your destination #
# Somethin' could change #
# It's unknown #
# Then you won't know #
# Destination unknown #
# Whoo ##
# Well, this isn't
the right thing to do #
# So let's go #
# Young girls
know what they're after #
# And young girls
don't kiss me good-bye #
# Rockets shoot off
into space #
# And buildings rise
through the sky #
# Bang, bang
Well, I got mine #
# Bang, bang
Reach for the sky ##