I felt like...
like you were...
you wanted to act like
nothing happened and
everything was fine
and we had to pretend
we could get our life back.
But, actually, I...
I really suffered
from what happened and,
and I think we shouldn't
pretend that it's OK and...
and it hurts.
And I...
It's not
like I want to be like this.
I don't want to be empty.
That's the problem though.
I was on full and
wanted to be empty
and now I'm empty
and I want to be full.
Hey.
I have a bunch of
meetings today
so I won't be able
to make our lunch
but I will make a
reservation for tonight
and have Lucy
send you the details.
OK?
Love you.
It's easier for you.
You laugh at the same things,
play racquetball
with your friends.
You have a manageable,
normal sadness.
I don't know how to
forgive you for that.
Hey, Lucy, could you
please call the restaurant
and change the reservation
for four for tonight?
Great, thanks.
I never
liked making long-term plans.
It felt like looking
down at a road
and knowing what's at the end.
I used to be able to see
the end of the road clearly.
Did my body simply
reject that plan?
Is there anything
else I can do for you?
Yes. Please, could you call
down to the front desk
and let them know that my
friend, Greg, is coming.
Just send them up.
Oh, never mind.
Hi. I'm Greg.
Hi, Greg, I'm Lucy.
Lucy.
Very nice to meet you.
Thank you, Lucy.
Has Marin seen her?
Yep.
Goodness.
I mean, the legs?
Everything about her.
Where'd you find her, on Eros?
I mean, seriously, how do you
get any amount of work done
with that sitting 20
feet from your desk?
If Emily knew I had an
assistant that looked like that,
she'd kill me.
Is she single?
Why do you care, you're married.
Yeah.
Ah!
So glad to see you.
I have to finish
pulling a couple looks.
You can help me.
That's pretty.
Yes.
So sexy.
God, I wanna come back
as her in my next life.
What legs.
Jesus, so beautiful.
Oh, one second.
Hey, do you mind if
I jump in real quick?
OK, looks fantastic.
Just want to...
Thank you.
You wanna try one on?
They look so real.
You'd look so good in that one.
Hey, do you have plans tonight?
I'm here all day but I'm
hanging out with Sasha
and a few of her friends
at a bar downtown.
Come with.
No, I have dinner with Mark.
But any other night, I'm OK.
Tomorrow, it's
Francesca's birthday.
I know that you've
heard me talk about her
and she's definitely
heard me talk about you.
- Yeah, sure.
- Excellent.
Ugh, I need a real night out.
Come on, you have
real nights out
like every other
night of the weak.
Oh, my God.
Are you ready to laugh?
Uh-huh.
So, you remember
that erotica book
I wanted you to read
a few years ago?
You know,
my brain.
"The Story of the Eye."
You're gonna die.
So last night I go for
drinks with this guy that
Daniella wanted to set
me up with a while back.
He's cute, whatever.
He can't keep up.
So we end up at his place
and he's got these cat drawings
hanging up in his hallway.
So I ask him about them
and, of course, I mention
"The Story of the Eye,"
and he just looks at me,
gets up and he leaves.
Comes back two seconds later
and he's got this
saucepan of milk.
He places it on the floor and
tells me to get undressed.
You know me, I'll do
anything for a good story.
So I'm like, "Well, OK."
So I take off all my
clothes and he goes,
"Be a good little kitty cat
and dip that pussy in the milk
and crawl towards me
so I can lick it off."
No.
"And don't forget to purr."
Oh my God.
The best part,
he has to use almond milk
because he lactose intolerant.
Jesus Christ,
I'm completely traumatized.
I'm ready to go back to women.
Ugh.
Aw. I thought you would
think that was funny.
I do.
I did.
I am sorry, I'm...
You need a good night out, girl.
OK.
I'm gonna leave you,
this is beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Congrats.
And so, tomorrow?
Mm-hmm.
- See you soon.
- Bye.
Maybe if I pretended I'm happy
that would convince
you that I'm OK
and you'd stop asking
me if I feel better.
But constantly asking me
is making me feel worse.
Have life inside your body
Have life inside your body
Now, now
Have life inside your body
Respectable appeal, right
This is something you
should feel, right
Like a killer in the B
Close your eyes in the movie
The way things are ordered
You remember me and
those killers from the B
Study life in plain
sight, my plain's late
Living life, you look
like you gained weight
Here and now with
the same date
Too fast to bring
down the frame rate
Rest your lawless
your breath control
Far from innocent
In a sense,
it left your soul
Rest your lawless
your breath control
Far from innocent
In a sense,
it left your soul
Rest your lawless
your breath control
Far from innocent
In a sense,
it left your soul
And you feel
the tide of your breath.
Hi, yeah, can I place
an order for delivery?
Yeah, Marin.
Yeah!
Thank you.
I don't need change.
I don't know what to do, man.
She just doesn't want
to talk about it.
You guys still
spending time together?
Yeah, we're having
dinner tonight
but I guarantee you
I will be going home alone.
I can't touch her
without her pulling away.
What happened to Emily,
she acted like
everything was fine
then had a meltdown
three weeks later.
We used to be able to
talk about anything.
Now everything I say is wrong.
Just keep giving her space.
She sees a therapist,
talks to Isabel.
I'm sure she'll be OK...
eventually.
A painter will layer a canvas,
paint on paint,
until she finds the
texture she was wants,
the shape and
desired elimination.
Is that what I'm doing?
Am I painting the layers
or am I trying to
strip them off?
Shit.
Can we have
some more standup?
No, I told him...
I can't tell if I'm dreaming
and everyone is awake,
or if am I awake and
they're all dreaming.
Sometimes I just
want to scream.
If I did, would you hear me?
Is my silence
comforting to you?
This thing
is perfect, right?
It can run with you,
it can hunt,
if you did a lot of hunting.
Maybe.
But, like,
it can be a watchdog.
Whatever you want,
the thing is perfect.
But we all know that Jasmine
is not gonna be happy
with just any Australian
Labradoodle, right?
It has to be a chocolate...
Mini Australian
Labradoodle, right?
From this one breeder
in South Carolina.
Hey.
I'm so, so sorry.
When Ben and I went
through this two years ago,
it was heartbreaking.
I just couldn't
even get out of bed,
so I totally know where
you're coming from.
But it helps to go out
and be out with friends
like you are now, really.
So don't sweat it,
you'll be fine.
If you ever need to talk.
Jasmine's your friend.
So what she had a miscarriage.
So does that make
her a therapist?
Does that make her
my therapist?
Who does she think
she is to just like
casually bring up my miscarriage
when you and Ben were
talking about whatever...
We weren't talking about...
Who do you think you're telling
her about my miscarriage?
Who else knows?
Greg?
The rest of your friends?
Lucy?
- Mar, she cares about you.
- Oh.
She cares about us and she
was just trying to help.
Would this have
been a coincidence?
Look, I am just...
You know what,
I don't even care.
I'm going home.
I can't even imagine
how I would start a conversation
and then when he
tries to start it,
my ears start to close and I...
I just don't have any interest.
But you do realize
that this isn't gonna end
until you open up.
Yeah but he doesn't get
what it is like for me.
Well maybe
because he doesn't know
you already had two abortions.
You want me to open up to him.
You want me to let him in.
How can I do that if
I don't even understand
why I'm grieving for
a baby I didn't even want?
You've suffered
a very traumatic experience
and isolating yourself is not
gonna make it easier for him.
So, what, you want
me to go and say,
"Hey, Mark, stop looking at
me with those sad puppy eyes.
I didn't even want a baby.
I just did it because
you wanted one so badly?"
It's really not of interest.
Sorry.
Sorry to bother you.
There's a woman
downstairs named Michelle.
She wants to come up.
Yeah, that's my mom.
You can send her up.
Hey.
Yeah, sorry.
What were you saying?
OK.
Sweetheart, get off the
phone and give me a hug!
I'll have to call
you back. OK, bye.
- Hi.
- Hi, honey.
Listen, I know I'm early.
Can I get you anything to drink?
Oh no, we're fine, dear.
Thank you, Lucy.
I need to talk to you.
So,
how is she?
She's great.
She's almost back to normal.
Where do you wanna eat?
You forget, I raised
you and three daughters.
Is she still not talking to you?
I know what I'm doing, OK?
I know Mar and I am fixing this.
"Fixing this?"
She lost a child.
You lost a child.
This isn't a
distressed debt buyout.
This is your family.
You know what I mean.
Is she still seeing her shrink?
Yes... I think.
Well maybe you two should
go see someone together.
Or I could talk to her.
No.
Thank you.
No, you're not talking
to her about any of this.
Actually,
I'm serious, Mom.
I'm tired of being in my head.
When I look at myself,
I see negative space,
everything that's missing.
I wish I could see myself
through someone else's eyes.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Look at you.
Marin, this is Francesca.
Hi.
Jesus, I can't believe you
guys still haven't met.
Yeah, I know,
it's great to meet you.
I've heard so much from her.
Well, thank you for letting
me crash your party.
Of course.
I also need you to meet.
Remember, this is...
Hey.
And shots.
We definitely need
birthday shots.
On me, yeah.
Shots, ladies.
Yeah.
- Hey.
- Oh.
Oh, yeah,
I tried but Marin has
this birthday thing
with Isabel tonight, so I do
not think she's gonna make it.
All right.
Hi.
When love is new,
the world disappears.
Nothing else seems to matter.
You are entirely
inside your body
and outside of it
at the same time.
I want that feeling again.
You didn't tell me she
was that beautiful.
I just
want to touch someone new.
We have too much history.
Will I always feel this way?
I don't know.
But now I need someone who isn't
yearning for who I used to be.
What would you do if
you were single again?
What would I do?
I don't know.
I just want to feel
desirable again.
Is this seat taken?
Hi, I'm Rachel.
Hi, Rachel, I'm Mark.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hey, I'm Greg.
- Hi.
You don't wanna waste your
time talking to this one.
What does that mean?
That means that
I have a girlfriend.
But why isn't she
here right now?
Truth be told
What do you know of me
Love, your love
will grow for me
I know that you're going
to Connecticut today.
Please, say hello to
your mother and sisters.
Have a good time.
This is not the life
I would have chosen for myself
but you were loving and sweet
and you wanted it so much.
It was like giving a part
of myself to your dream.
When you're in pain
and afraid of something
you'll do anything to
make the pain stop.
I've succeeded in
making the pain stop
but it just left me numb.
Thank you.
What?
Hi, I'm Jonas.
Anna.
Hey, it's nice to meet you.
You too.
So, um...
hotel bar, Friday night,
all alone.
You're not working, are you?
Were you waiting for someone?
Professional, maybe?
- No.
- No?
Actually I am...
I'm in town for a night for
my friend's gallery show.
It's nearby.
You should get a drink
and then come with me.
What do you want?
Well,
I'll have a tequila
with soda and lime.
Mostly with soda
and lime, actually.
Hey, sorry, can we
get a lime and soda
with just a splash
of tequila, please?
Thank you.
So when are you
going back to Paris?
What makes you think
I live in Paris?
No, I live here.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Well.
Um, do you like art?
Mm-hmm.
Yes, I went to art school.
So I prefer looking
at it to analyzing it.
Don't worry...
Why don't you take a look around
while I go get us some drinks?
Oh, and really try
not to steal anything.
OK.
Oh, thank you.
You know that's me, right?
Yes.
You can't see my Speedo
in this picture but it was...
Tiny.
It was pretty compromising.
Oh, hey, you wanna
meet my friend?
Oh yes, sure.
Thank you guys for coming, OK?
Take care.
Sorry.
- Hey, man.
- How're you doing, man?
- Good to see you!
- Good to see you.
- Yeah, thanks, man.
- Congratulations.
Thanks for coming,
I appreciate it.
- Hey, there's somebody you should meet.
- Hi, I'm Anna.
Anna, nice to meet you.
You taking care
of this guy, here?
Because you gotta watch him.
No, strangely, she's not.
No, yeah.
You know.
Could you take
care of me please?
No.
Your photos are beautiful.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
They're OK.
- Yeah.
- Well.
And I guess it's a long way
from Bolivia to here, isn't it?
You tell her about everything?
- Not everything.
- Thank you.
Excuse me.
OK, all right.
Sorry, I'll be right back.
- OK.
- Sure.
Thank you.
He's nice.
Yeah, he's really nice.
You know what,
let's get out of here.
OK, wait, no. Wait.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
So, did you get stood up
or do you just like hanging
out in hotel bars all alone?
Yeah, no, I don't usually
hang out in hotel bars alone.
Is he your boyfriend?
No.
A friend from out of town.
His flight got messed up.
Or he just flaked, I don't know.
It doesn't matter.
Is he your ex?
Something like that.
You ask a lot of questions.
I don't ask a lot of questions.
I ask, you know, just
like the good questions.
Yeah.
So were you planning
on sleeping with him?
What?
You don't look
like you're dressed
to catch up with an old friend.
You look like you're
dressed for a date.
I wouldn't say I'd plan on it
but I wouldn't say I plan
on much the last few months.
What does that mean?
OK, tell me something
about yourself.
OK, well, would it
be too forward to say
that I really, really,
really wanna kiss you?
Don't spoil everything.
- Oh.
- OK, where are we going?
We're gonna get another drink.
I don't really drink.
I'll decide where we're going.
OK.
- This is great.
- Yeah.
This was a good decision.
Hey, could we get an
order of fries, please?
Yes.
And two tequilas on
the rocks, please.
And some water.
Thank you.
OK, so.
So.
- So.
- So.
Where's home for you?
Home? Where's home?
- Between L.A. and Chicago.
- Oh.
L.A. by choice and Chicago by.
I guess, necessity.
Hmm.
Do you like my hair?
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't usually have bangs
but my hairdresser just put
them in to see if I like them.
- Do you like them?
- Mm-hmm, I do actually.
I think I'm gonna keep it.
You should definitely keep it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Where's home for you?
Oh, well,
I grew up in Paris,
so that will always be home
but my mom is American
and I lived in Tribeca
for a long time now.
So, I guess that's home.
Huh.
Oh, God, OK.
Salty.
"Salty."
Ugh.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Do you live with your boyfriend?
Do you live with yours?
My kid is in Chicago.
Oh.
And my work's in L.A.
Necessity. I get it.
I got a girl pregnant and
now I got an 11 year old boy
and a lot of...
air miles.
Well I don't live
with my boyfriend.
No?
Mm-hmm.
Are you still with the mom?
- No.
- No?
No, she's unbalanced
and not the fun kind either, so.
So is your ex coming back?
Yes.
- Yes?
- Tomorrow.
You gonna go see him?
I don't know.
Does your boyfriend
know he's coming?
Oh, my God,
OK one more question like this
and this will start to
feel like an interrogation.
Fries.
Can I get
you guys another round?
No, thank you.
No, not an interrogation.
Just think of it more
like a, I don't know,
like an interview.
Mmmm.
Yeah, I'm like a journalist,
I'm trying to get to the
bottom of this mysterious,
gorgeous half-French,
half-American artist.
- You get the idea.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, I love this song.
I have to go dance.
When you gotta dance,
you gotta dance.
I gotta dance.
Heavy from lying
Empty from crying
Ready for flying away
For flying away,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
I'm flying away,
yay, yay, yay
Yay, yay, yay
Yay, yay
I'm flying
Heavy from trying
Empty from crying
Ready for flying away
I'm heavy from trying
Empty from crying
Ready for flying away
For flying away,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
I'm flying away
You know what I think this
evening needs a little more of?
Tequila.
Oh, my God, again?
What do you mean?
We barely had any.
Oh, thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Mmmm.
OK, tell me, the kid
you had 11 years ago,
that was an accident, right?
Well, I wouldn't want
him going around thinking
that's what
I think of him, but...
No.
Yeah, I didn't
exactly plan it out.
But,
that was your only...
My only accident?
- No.
- No?
There were a couple
more in my 20's and...
the chances are those are just
the ones that I know about.
Huh.
I spent all of my 20's and...
most of my 30's...
going down rabbit
holes of various kinds.
And I don't know where to tell
you to look for your answers
but I can tell you,
you're only gonna get so far
looking on your own.
Sometimes you can spend so
many years looking on your own
that you lose the chance
to have it any other way.
Wow.
Well, I don't know if I want
to look for answers or anything.
Just hearing you talk about
spending years
looking for something,
it's tiring just to listen to.
I don't know,
maybe I'm tired of my life
or myself, I don't know
but I don't want to spend
my 30's looking for anything.
Hey.
I'd rather not go home tonight,
do you mind if I stay?
I mean, Jake's not bad.
He's a nice guy, hard working.
Got green eyes, looks like
he's got a lot of hair
under that beanie.
Oh.
No cancer in his family either.
Kind of looking good here.
Oh, he went to
Princeton, bummer.
Ew, Sara.
"Ew,"
what?
Ew, Princeton?
Ew, hair?
Ew, you didn't even look.
OK.
OK, fine, take it back.
- Totally hot.
- He's cute.
Right, Mom?
Yes. Totally hot.
Could you please just
wait until after breakfast
before you start breeding her?
Oh, "her?"
Well, "she" has been looking
for a sperm donor for months
and "she" is on a clock.
Why don't you just have
a kid the normal way?
The "normal way?"
Oh, my Gosh, where's your
empathy gene this morning?
Nice, Mark,
do you see a guy around?
There she is.
Hi, monkey.
Mommy, may I please
have some French toast?
But of course you may.
Robbie, baby,
your French toast will
ready in two minutes.
Do you want whipped cream?
Yes, please.
It's not like
I have a boyfriend,
you know what I'm saying?
I mean, I'm not even
sure at this point
that I want a boyfriend.
What I want is a baby.
I really wanna have a baby
and I'm gonna do this.
I'm gonna do this.
I want one like you,
with those little cheekies.
Do you think Mar
is gonna want them?
You know, like, try again?
I don't know.
You guys totally should.
It'll be like the
cutest baby ever.
You know, you should
think about Mom's plumber.
What's his name, Mom?
- Roberto?
- Roberto.
He's a very good looking guy.
Square jaw line.
He's a very good kisser.
I gotta say, he is hot.
I'm not having a baby
with Roberto, guys.
Could you imagine,
anytime I needed something,
he'd be fixing someone's
pipes in Westchester.
Cherry!
Thank you, Grandma.
Yum.
You're welcome, darling.
Your lucky day.
Can I have some?
Can I eat if first?
Have you guys been talking?
I've barely even seen her.
Hmm.
We went out to dinner
a couple of nights ago
with some friends of mine.
It was like she was
barely even there.
She doesn't really
wanna talk about it.
To be honest,
I'm not sure that
I want to anymore either.
I know you're tired
of talking about it.
I know how exhausting it is
and you're always the last one
to complain about anything.
So I don't bring it
up to pick at a wound.
It's just important to
me to keep reminding you
how much I care
and how we are
always here for you.
We always pick the
complicated ones.
Keep things interesting though,
I guess.
She'll come around.
I haven't gone through
what she's gone through
but I know her.
I know that it'll work out.
I sat alone at the hotel
bar like a cheap hooker.
Did you not think to just
text me a few hours earlier
just to let me know?
Hey, girl, what's up?
Hey, can you come over?
Yeah, totally. I'm just picking
up a few things.
OK, cool, see you soon.
I'll be right over.
OK.
Coming!
Oh, that was so fast.
I know.
I was just pulling looks at
a store a few blocks away
from my shoot on Monday.
You OK?
Not really.
Do you mind if I smoke?
Yeah.
Max is in New York.
Whoa. When was the last
time you saw him?
Also, when the fuck
did you get bangs?
Oh, they did them yesterday
to see if I liked them.
They look fantastic on you,
you have to keep them.
You've gotta make
those permanent.
Sorry, sorry, Max.
Yeah, so I found a note
in my mail from him,
so I sent him a message
and he asked me to meet
him for drinks at his hotel
and I'm sitting at
the bar and he texts me
telling me he had
to change his flight
and is coming the next day.
So nothing's changed.
No.
Are you gonna meet him?
Mm-hmm.
I'm meeting him for dinner.
We haven't seen each
other in over four years.
We stopped talking when
I started seeing Mark.
Mmmm.
I wonder if he still
looks the same.
Yeah.
Does Mark know he's in town?
No.
I'd have to go back
to the beginning
and get into literally
everything about Max
and I just don't
need that right now.
And Mark doesn't either.
Mark still doesn't
know about Max, right?
No.
So, he doesn't know that you
were ever pregnant before?
No.
Neither of them do.
Is it bad that I am
a little excited?
It's bad that you're
only a little excited.
It's Max.
Have you decided if you're
gonna sleep with him?
Wait.
Wow.
Wow.
He took this just after
we started dating.
How have I never
seen this before?
I don't know.
I put that in a box
under my skirts.
I haven't looked
at it in a year.
Does he do this professionally?
No clue, no.
He used to do that just
for fun but who knows?
You nervous.
Yeah, a little.
What if it's weird?
No, won't be weird.
I mean, look, he's a dick
for flaking last night
but it definitely
won't be weird.
You think he's married?
I honestly don't know.
I know he was seeing
that girl from Miami
but maybe he works in
the gallery, I don't know.
Well you seem better.
More yourself.
Almost.
You look like you
were having fun
with Francesca the other night.
It's weird.
I have moments where
I feel like myself
but it's like my body's here
but I'm not in it.
I'm, I don't even know where.
But I had fun with you
on Thursday, thank you.
I needed that.
I don't know.
I was bursting to tears
on my run the other day.
- Almost?
- Yeah.
When was the last time
you actually cried?
On the plane coming
back from Paris.
Honey, you haven't
cried in four years?
Shit.
What?
I forgot, I'm supposed to
water my neighbor's plants.
I wish I was kidding.
You set an alarm?
Who knew plants were
so high maintenance?
I love you.
Laughter is normal
and so is crying.
I don't understand
how you haven't cried
in four years or whatever
but I think this is progress.
Yeah.
Have fun tonight.
Seriously, just enjoy yourself.
He's not a stranger.
Four years isn't that long.
Just, um...
don't think so much for once.
Love you.
Love you.
Uncle Mark?
Where is Marin?
She's in the city this weekend.
I miss her.
I miss her too, sweetheart.
Hey, hon, you gonna
stay for dinner?
You know, I think so,
just give me a sec.
Be right back.
Marin, um...
I'm always gonna
be here for you.
I'm staying for dinner.
Fabulous.
I know you're a good man.
You're kind and steady.
I probably don't deserve you.
But you don't really see me.
You see the idea of the
girl you met four years ago.
She was perfect.
I'm not.
Everyone thinks about starting
their life over again,
so they can somehow control it.
But I'm living my life now
and there is no
way to control it,
so I just have to let go.
Just a glass of water.
Thank you.
So, we'll have two
artichokes and two steaks.
And for her, the sauce
on the side, please.
Thank you.
Still ordering
for people, I see.
Just you.
English.
Did you forget all
your French already?
No, I live here now,
so I speak English.
You look good.
Older but good.
You too.
You look good.
Not older, but more astute.
You look the same.
I don't know.
I don't even know
what to say to you.
You look like you're
going to interview me.
Just relax.
Are you married?
No.
Are you?
No.
Are you still with...
- Mark?
- Yes, Mark.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
So you think you'll marry him?
I don't know.
Why did you send me a copy
of that thing about Julian?
I don't know.
It didn't feel right
sending you a message.
You could've emailed.
I don't like emails.
It surprised me.
And what are you
doing in New York?
I'm here to see you,
including Iesha as well.
Your sister lives in New York?
She's doing a teaching
program at Columbia.
Wow.
So tell me about you.
What's been going on?
How's Mark?
Mark's good.
He's in Connecticut.
Does he know you're with me?
No.
He doesn't know about you.
I don't want,
I don't need him...
He doesn't need to know.
Hey, do you remember
my friend, Isabel?
Mm-hmm.
So you'll laugh,
I was in my closet today
and I was looking at
that picture you took of me,
you know, when we were living
in that shitty apartment.
Anyway, I haven't
looked at it in years
and I showed it to her.
I remember that photo.
It's my favorite of you.
Do you still take pictures?
I am.
I had a show
a few months ago in L.A.
At Kate's gallery.
Oh.
You seem surprised.
You always told me
that if you had to take
pictures for your work
it would take out
all the joy for you.
Things change.
And do you still take portraits?
Do you photograph Kate?
Sometimes.
She doesn't really like it.
I'm kind of shocked
you're still with her.
Why is that?
You're still with Mark.
Yes, but I enjoy being in
a relationship and you don't.
At least you didn't used to.
I was in a
relationship with you.
I asked you to marry me,
if you remember.
She's... She's easy.
She's not complicated.
Am I complicated?
Yes.
Well,
I don't know,
it's been a long time.
You were complicated, very.
That's what drew me to you.
I never knew what
I was getting with you.
So, "easy" was what you needed?
No.
Yes, you wanted someone easy.
Someone who didn't ask
you questions or push you.
You wanted someone who would
let you glide through life
without a care in the world.
You're the one who left.
I asked you to marry me
and you packed your bags
and left the next day.
But I couldn't marry you
because you didn't know what
you wanted to do with your life
because you didn't know
who you wanted to be.
Does Mark?
Yes.
You don't look very happy.
You don't get to say that to me.
Yes I do, you look sad.
I'm not.
You shouldn't
have sent the article.
Well you shouldn't have come.
I sent you the letter
because I had to.
I didn't have a choice.
I needed to see you.
You could have
just thrown it away
or maybe you should have.
But you didn't need to come
here and make me feel this way,
tell me what
I can and cannot say to you.
I lied.
You have changed.
You're getting even
more beautiful.
How's your family?
How's work?
Work's been better.
Mom's a pain, as usual.
She and Dad just bought
a house in Ramatuelle
so she's there a lot.
Julian, as you saw,
is doing well.
I see him every couple
of weeks for dinner.
And you?
How is your parents?
I miss your dad.
He misses you too, believe me.
Mom was in L.A. last week.
She's great.
They're exactly the same.
And do you think
Kate is the one?
I don't know.
We're engaged anyway.
We had a baby six months ago.
What?
I don't understand,
what are you doing here?
I mean, what are you doing
here in New York with me?
I'm here to see you.
But we haven't spoken
in over three years
and you're engaged?
You have a fucking baby?
This is unbelievable.
I don't even know
why I am surprised.
That's so you.
What is that supposed to mean?
I had a miscarriage.
My life is completely
turned upside down
and you come back into
my life and you have a baby.
I'm gonna smoke,
don't follow me.
When did you have a miscarriage?
A few months ago.
I can't believe you have a baby.
Is it a boy or a girl?
Girl.
Her name is Vanessa.
Are you OK now?
Yeah.
I didn't want a baby anyway.
I came here because I miss you.
I think about you.
Not always,
but I think about you.
I worry about you.
I wonder how you are.
I had a baby and it made
me want to be with you.
So, when I saw your
brother's piece
I thought it was a sign
that I needed to see you.
It's funny,
I always thought we'd
have babies together.
Not be together but,
I don't know,
I thought we'd
make good parents.
I went out with
someone last night.
When you stood me up,
this guy at the bar,
we went out and I came
back with him at the hotel.
It was nice spending
the night with someone
who didn't look at you like
a sad girl who lost a baby.
- You're jealous.
- Of course I am.
Does Kate know you're with me?
No.
She doesn't know.
I'm happy you're here.
Do you still drink tequila?
Yes I do.
Good.
That's beautiful.
It's very you, this place.
Mm-hmm.
How long have you been here?
A year and a half.
I love how quiet it is.
My old apartment had a view
but it was so noisy,
I didn't like it.
Why don't you quit?
I did.
I cut down.
Thank you.
Are you happy?
Sometimes.
Sometimes is good enough,
I guess.
It has to be.
How is Kate?
Blonde.
Yeah, I know,
I don't usually like blonde.
But she's smart.
She's beautiful.
Do your parents still
have the house in Corsica?
Yes, they do.
I miss that pool.
You remember, it was so dark
you could be naked in there
and nobody could tell.
How did you meet Mark?
A friend of mine,
she invited me to this
party she was going to
and I was standing at the
window smoking a cigarette
and he came to me and he was...
He was what?
Nice...
and not pretentious.
Did you shut him out
like you did with me?
He'd probably say yes.
Did he want a baby?
I'm guessing you're not
really talking to him.
I'm not ready.
Well, that's your problem.
What is?
You never wanna talk.
You would rather keep
everything inside but
that's no way to live.
You sound like my therapist.
He's right.
You can't say that to me.
What, the truth?
You don't know me anymore.
Stop the bullshit, please.
You were the love of
my life, I know you.
I know you always
shut people out.
You used to do it to
me and it killed me.
I can see you're
in a lot of pain,
so why not talk to him about it?
It's because I'm angry.
I'm so angry.
I didn't want to be
pregnant, he did,
but now I'm the one left
picking up the pieces.
Anyway, let's not talk about it.
And the subtle sensation
of the pulsation
Ugh.
Of life inside your body
Of life inside your body
Respectable appeal, right
This is something you
should feel, right
Like a killer in the B
Close your eyes and remember
The way things are order
You remember me and
those killers from the B
Study life in plain sight,
my plane's late
Living life, you looked
like you gained weight
Here and now with
the same date
Too fast, just bring
down the frame rate
Rest your lawless
your breath control
Far from innocent
In a sense,
it left your soul
Rest your lawless
your breath control
Far from innocent
In a sense,
it left your soul
Rest your lawless
your breath control
Far from innocent
In a sense,
it left your soul
And if you're ever
tired of your breath
And do you feel
your beating heart?
Lights.
I want them off.
Marin,
I'm always gonna
be here for you.
Whenever you're ready,
I don't care if it takes years.
I can promise you that.
But what I can't promise you is
the way I'm gonna
be here for you.
I really hope that
it's as your boyfriend,
your husband, partner,
whatever you wanna call us.
But one way or another,
life has to find a way
to propel itself forward
and I can't,
I can't be in
a relationship by myself.
So know that I am
waiting for the call,
a call to do whatever it
is that you need me to do
to help me through this.
But the day might come
when I am helping you
just as an old friend
and that's all.
And it won't be out of spite.
It'll be because I can only
tread water for so long
before my legs give out.
Have a good day.
Who says endings have to be sad?
That goodbyes have to be sad?
I don't agree.
It's painful at first
when a part of
yourself is torn away
but endings are the
borders that constrain you
from going forward in your life.
One needs to break free
of those constraints
in order to move forward.
Have you ever had a moment
when your conception
of yourself slips?
And you realize that the stories
you've been telling yourself...
about yourself,
for however long,
aren't necessarily true.
Sometimes you're alone,
staring out a window
at the sidewalk
and it all hits you.
You've become
something different.
We can't have beginnings
without endings after all.
Um...
I don't remember what
I wanted to tell you.
I didn't really know...
I don't know, I feel like I,
I think I felt sad, actually,
because this thing
happened to us
and I didn't feel like you
were there for me or anything
and you were here,
like you wanted to
pretend nothing happened
and that we would be OK
and that we had to
get back to our life
but that's not fair because
that's not what happened and,
and I'm sad.
And...
And I'm...
I feel bad because I feel
like maybe it's my fault
because I wasn't ready
to be a mom and...
But I'm happy you're here
and we can
get to talk to each other.
I play into deception
Convincing you I'm strong
Your world is
in my hands now
With grace, I take you on
Agreeing not to falter
Jailer in my own prison
Have I risen, have I risen
Right out of my mind
Eyes wide open,
eyes wide open
Still, I'm blind
I'm under the light
but I can't see myself
I'm fighting to breathe
but I can't be myself
Oh, oh, oh, oh Lord
These are the strangest
days and times
Oh, oh, oh, oh Lord
If life is one big road
Where are those signs
Can't stand the
taste of tears now
Afraid of drunken grief
If I begin to let it in
Will my restless
spirit cease?
This path may be a danger
Like a stranger is company
I'm a captive
to your every whim
In search of something free
Eyes wide open,
eyes wide open
I can't see
I'm under the light
but I can't see myself
I'm fighting to breathe
but I can't be myself
Oh, oh, oh, oh Lord
These are the strangest
days and times
Oh, oh, oh, oh Lord
If life is one big road
Where are those signs?