Aw, shit.
Ionian column.
Fifth century BC, is it not?
No, it happens to be
third century BC, Doric.
So you're off the mark by a couple
of hundred years, you ignorant bastard.
Leutnant Braun...
...one never kills a cook.
Especially an Italian cook.
On this occasion we will spare
Signor Rotelli.
And hang this man in his place.
Franz, ein Stuhl unter dem Vogel.
Und ein Seil.
Attention!
Professor Blake.
What is this
incessant compulsion to escape?
It's a habit I picked up as a soldier
during your first world war.
As a civilian, where would you be...
...if the benevolent arm of the Fhrer's
Antiquarian Reclamation Unit...
...had not rescued you
from your various internment camps?
I most certainly would not be
looting Greece of all her art treasures.
Sergeant Judson?
In what swamp of despair
would you be...
...if your circus-bred skills of climbing
and rigging had not enticed me...
...into plucking you from your prison camp
in the Fatherland?
As for you, Bruno Rotelli,
if you were not a cook...
- I'm not a cook.
- God knows, that is true.
I'm a racing driver, sometimes I sing.
I've a feeling your defection to the Allies
must've been taken as a mixed blessing.
We have three dead archaeologists here
who cannot be replaced.
Note that did not deter Sergeant Mann
from shooting them.
In the interests of peace and harmony...
Harmony ain't what's about to happen.
Well, Major Hecht,
I am pleased to see...
...you are conducting
a summary trial of these criminals.
Have you decided on punishment?
I was about to, Major Volkmann.
Oh, please, proceed.
As I was saying, to deter you from further
disrupting the mission of this unit...
...you shall be confined
to your sleeping quarters.
This camp exists for one purpose...
...to exhume priceless
archaeological relics.
Anyone who interferes will pay dearly.
I suggest you confine them in here.
- Remove the grating.
- Open it.
Jump in, men.
In the SS, we play no favourites.
Put the dead men in with them.
Do you wish me to give the order?
Herr Major, let me remind you that...
...in this camp, I am in command.
You're quite right.
I have exceeded my authority.
Have they located the transmitter?
No, sir.
It takes 30 seconds to get a fix
and the Greeks never transmit that long.
Ah, please come. This way, please.
Don't do that.
You don't care
about any of this, do you?
I care that your Resistance heroes
have turned five girls into whores
so they can spy on the Germans for you.
You know we have a date for
an Allied naval invasion of the Aegean.
- Who's invading us this time?
- How do I know?
- The British? The Americans?
- The Germans are neater.
From a madam's point of view.
They just hang old men
in the village square.
The Resistance,
it has a specific target to take now.
All right.
Yes, the submarine refuelling depot.
- Real coffee, where did you get it?
- Lieutenant Braun.
And how did you get it?
Follow me.
Gesundheit. I hope it's not catching.
- Oh, Charlie!
- Mamma mia, che meraviglia!
What are they doing down there?
Prisoners who tried to escape. Come.
They told me we were going
to a country club.
Enter.
- Ah, the Americans.
- Charlie Dane. This is Dottie Delmar.
- Major Otto Hecht.
- Great likeness. Great likeness!
- Louis Armstrong.
- Yes, are you a jazz lover?
From King Oliver on.
Fancy looking junk you got there.
It is a fifth-century Aegean vase.
I would've sworn it was fourth century.
Looks expensive.
- You were shot down over the Adriatic?
- That's right, on our way to a USO show.
I see you are a swimmer.
- Do you swim underwater?
- What did you have in mind?
We need someone to explore
the coastline for ancient art treasures.
I'm your man, Major.
Aptly put.
And you, Mr... Dane?
What is your speciality?
I'm a stand-up comic,
I do schtick, tell jokes.
I'm afraid there's no place...
...in the Antiquarian Reclamation Unit
for a comedian.
But there is for a schvimmer?
Even if she were not a swimmer
she would not be entirely useless.
Well, thank you, Major.
Major Volkmann, in his next sweep,
will be wishing to interrogate you.
- Is he another jazz lover?
- He is a major... in the SS.
I could catalogue your art collection...
...write biographies of jazz immortals,
tune up the motorcycles.
I do mending, washing...
Come. We shall see how things go.
I can teach dancing. Limber them up
after all that goose-stepping.
- And Gershwin's An American in Paris...
- The Third Reich forbids Gershwin.
And not a moment too soon.
- Sergeant?
- Herr Major.
What took him so long?
Sergeant, you will take Mr Dane
to barrack seven...
...and escort Miss Delmar to the guests'
quarters next to the carpenter's shop.
- Jawohl, Herr Major.
- Jawohl.
I hope you won't mind the banging.
She never has.
Charlie!
They got a lot of loot in there. This Kraut
could have a good thing going.
- Not everyone's as crooked as you are.
- You wanna bet?
You will stay here.
I'll meet you downstairs in the bar
just as soon as I freshen up.
Work! Please. Come.
- Who is it?
- It's Zoe.
The kite is up.
Braun's trying to locate the radio again.
He'll never find it
where he's been looking.
You can change all that.
That's a commitment
I'm not prepared to make.
Then stop complaining about it.
- Climb back to your monastery.
- Oh, I intend to.
Is that part of your plan?
Now, look, er... You forget I said that.
Achtung, Gefreiter Mller,
das Licht in Baracke B ausschalten.
- Who is it?
- Otto Hecht.
- Do I know you?
- I am the commandant.
Sorry.
I have a tough time with names
but I never forget a face.
Well, my dear Miss Delmar,
I see you adapt quickly
to new situations.
Everything in its proper place.
Oh, I always like to make things homey...
...travelling a lot, the way we do.
We?
You and Charlie?
No, no. We. We in show business.
Charlie and I just met
on this aquacade gig.
Aquacade? That is an American
word I am not knowing.
It's, er... It's sort of like
a wet Busby Berkeley routine.
Only it gives the farmers a chance
to see a lot of floating boobs.
Boobs?
Would you like to sit down?
Thank you.
- Please.
- Oh, no, go ahead.
- Why don't we, er, drink to something?
- All right.
Like, er...
Like peace for the world.
- Prost.
- Cheers.
Say, what's gonna happen to us?
To you... nothing.
I'm not so sure about
your Jewish friend.
How do you know he's Jewish?
In the Third Reich, they assume
everyone is Jewish...
...unless proven otherwise.
You have, erm... nice thighs.
Thanks.
I would like to, er...
So what's stopping you?
I anticipate that you might.
I may look dumb, but I'm not stupid.
Something wrong?
You are not responding.
Honey, you said you wanted to...
...I didn't say I did.
Well, I, er... do think
that under the circumstances...
...you might cultivate a... little warmth.
Good night.
Aren't you going to take your wine back?
That would not be
the act of a gentleman.
And blackmail is, huh?
Only if it succeeds.
Good night.
- Where's the tunnel, Professor?
- What?
Come on, someone's always digging
a tunnel for escape.
- Not here.
- That's a relief.
It's not such a terrible spot
to sit out the war.
No, and our Austrian commandant
feels the same way.
- What is it?
- That's about 200 BC,
it's a miniature of some household god.
Probably off a lady's bedside table.
How do you know that?
I come from a long line
of archaeologists.
You see, when the sun never set
on the Empire, we looted with impunity.
Treasure from Egypt, porcelain
from Peking, golden masks from Persia.
- Isn't that Hecht's racket?
- Oh, our commandant?
He used to be a dishonest
art dealer in Vienna...
...so he has to be more careful.
The ordinary finds do go to Berlin...
...but anything of real value
goes to his sister in Switzerland.
What else?
This looks like one you found yesterday.
Ha, yes, how clever of you.
They were made in sets of two,
husband and wife.
How come everything
is under the camp?
This was one beautiful
temple of Neptune...
...and people came
to leave valuable offerings.
Prisoner Dane...
- What happens if we run out of stuff?
- We won't. We take precautions.
Prisoner Dane, report
to the commandant's office.
Put him back to bed.
Now you see him, now you don't.
Very neat. So, tell me,
where's the real heavy stuff?
- Well, Charlie...
- You! Dane.
Major Hecht. Come.
If he could only stand up
by himself without relying on me.
Are you still here?
It's not a bad life. Got a match?
- I'm so sorry.
- Schwein!
- Hi, Frulein!
- Give 'em hell, baby.
Oh, beautiful woman, Sergeant.
Your mother?
- My wife.
- Ah, nice dainty quality about her.
You're a man of exceptional taste,
Sergeant. Exceptional taste.
- Charlie?
- Major.
Nice view.
Have you ever been to Hollywood?
I've played a few bits there.
Do you know... Ann Sheridan?
Do I know Ann Sheridan?
No.
Miss Sheridan is what they
call the... oomph girl, is she not?
All the time.
- What is "oomph"?
- "Oomph"?
It's the icing on the strudel, Major.
That, then, is the area I would
like to be discussing with you.
In the matter of Miss Delmar.
Your status here does not permit you
connubial privileges.
- So far.
- Consider it a closed door.
However, there is no reason
that we all must suffer.
Certainly not.
- Idle machinery rusts.
- Precisely.
Now, given the uncertainty
of your position here...
I thought you might need
a social director, you know...
...a bingo club, teach the tango,
put on shows - I do a fabulous Jolson.
You ain't heard nothin' yet!
You, er... You have my permission.
Terrific, you'll have
the grooviest camp in the mountains.
Now, er...
Back to the question of oomph.
- I thought that was going fine.
- On the surface, yes.
But, er... Uh-uh.
Oh. Well, it's hard
for some ladies to fake it.
Well, she could look upon it as, er...
...theatre.
I don't know, Major.
A jazz lover like you stooping to this.
The spoils of war, my friend.
Have the girls heard anything
about those two Americans?
No, what about them?
They may have been
planted by the Germans -
I'm waiting now
to hear from Allied intelligence.
We may have to kill them.
- Yes?
- It's Zoe.
If he's from the prison camp,
you take him.
- It's Braun.
- Braun.
- With or without his truck?
- With.
Don't get upset,
you don't have to be jealous of him...
- ...when he's with his truck.
- It's the truck that upsets me.
Hecht's got his girl
and he doesn't seem to mind at all.
He minds.
I don't trust him.
Telling bad jokes doesn't make
a man a collaborator.
It would be nice
if Dottie sang Lili Marlene.
You got it, babe.
- How's business?
- Berlin is satisfied.
Are you?
We've found some things
of historical interest.
You would not be here
if that's all there was to find.
I'm not sure that's a compliment.
Bubula, from me,
it's a compliment.
The real treasures are up there.
In a monastery on Mount Athena.
- Triptychs.
- Triptychs.
Icons, jewelled, carved in gold.
Byzantine masterpieces.
- And, of course, the plates.
- What plates?
Gold plates.
Two-headed eagles in bas-relief...
...commissioned by
Constantine VI in 790 AD.
Worth how much?
- 10 million.
- Marks?
- Swiss francs.
- But that's two...
- That's two million bucks!
- Yes.
And, when we win this war,
I will liberate those treasures.
You won't win this war.
Well, then I am quite sure
that you... will liberate them.
I enjoy your company... Bubula?
And I love you too, Otto.
Thanks for the airing - and the smoke.
Is that you, Otto?
Who else?
You.
Out.
Slowly.
Sergeant, I'm taking this Greek in
for a curfew violation.
- You drive.
- Sir.
- Get in the car.
- But I was just...
Get in the car!
Die Bremse ist kaputt.
Ich kann den Wagen nicht halten.
Herr Leutnant! Herr Leutnant!
Wir rennen ins Munitionslager.
Ich kann den Wagen nicht halten.
Did you ever make it with a German girl?
- No, not yet.
- Don't.
Charlie?
- Nous?
- You're in the club.
Smashing! I'll need two parking spaces,
a foursome on Sunday mornings...
...I'm a singles man on the course.
- Don't you ever give up?
- What do you want me to do?
Kill.
- So there is going to be a tunnel?
- No, Charlie.
We're gonna break in, not out.
I don't get it.
- We're going to take over the camp.
- Whose cockamamie idea is that?
The Greek Resistance.
If we live to take this camp over,
what will we do with it?
They'll let us know.
Now, here's the camp.
The explosives are there.
- And your job...
- I think I'll resign from this club.
I don't think you wanna do that.
- Wait a minute, Otto.
- It's Charlie.
Sorry.
You win a few, you lose a few,
you seem to be travelling first class.
Oh, come on, I'm just not a tragic figure.
I make do, you above all people
should understand that.
- Dig, dig, dig.
- I'm not attacking you.
It's the way we are,
that's why we're partners.
Well, hear this, partner.
We're joining the army.
- Is our army here?
- No, their army's here...
...we're gonna hit them
and take over the camp.
Oh, yeah? What will they
be doing in the meantime?
They'll be watching you strip.
We'll put on a show for them.
Oh, do I have to take
my clothes off for Germans?
Today Otto, tomorrow the world.
- Does anyone have to get hurt?
- Probably. So what?
Because Otto's been very good to us.
Well, maybe you should tell...
Tell him, give him
a little advanced notice.
- You wouldn't still be here without him.
- I'll keep it in mind.
What are you guys
going to do afterwards?
Climb to the monastery
and do a little select looting...
...before your friend gets it all.
Hm, that's my baby.
Hey. Charlie.
You want to kiss and make up?
How about just kiss?
You don't have to play
tough guy with me.
- Charlie?
- Yeah?
- Can you make it?
- How quickly they forget.
There's two million bucks up there.
For that kind of money
I'd climb the Empire State Building.
You saw that Braun was drunk,
why did you not help him?
I tried to, but I was afraid of him.
Prior to my command,
had a woman ever been executed here?
- No, sir.
- Hm. We need to set a dramatic example.
- This one will be the first.
- She's only a prostitute...
...being serviced by our troops.
It may not upset the locals.
A housewife would be upsetting,
it implies virtuous women can be next.
- When do you want it done?
- Immediately.
And put this on the loudspeakers -
...if Braun's murderer does not surrender
within the next 48 hours...
...ten more citizens
of Karya will be shot, hm?
Achtung! Achtung!
Wenn der Mrder von Leutnant Braun
sich nicht innerhalb 48 Stunden...
...freiwillig stellt, werden zehn weitere
Einwohner erschossen.
Achtung! Achtung!
You didn't have to kill Braun.
I'll be the judge of that.
I almost paid him off.
He was satisfied with it.
We cannot rely on that indefinitely.
Are we going to kill
the two Americans next?
No, they've been cleared.
How merciful.
And do your superiors know what personal
reason you had for killing Braun?
What kind of a man do you think I am?
We'll find out now.
Are you going to let them
shoot ten more people...
...to save your own skin?
- No one will be killed.
- I don't believe you.
You'll see.
There's a plan.
Will you give yourself up
if it doesn't work?
No.
You're a pig!
Zoe's death will be avenged.
I hope so. Because if I have to,
I'll turn you over to Volkmann myself.
Exquisite. Absolutely exquisite.
Thank you, Professor.
And it does confirm our theory
about the disparity of the time line in this dig.
That is second-century BC.
90% of the rest of the finds
are from the Christian era.
You're right. We've run into the antique
collection of a first-century Greek.
It's a sobering thought, isn't it?
2.000 years ago some rich merchant
looked upon that as ancient times.
- Thank you, Professor.
- Good night, Major.
Oh, I shall tell Sergeant Mann you are
free to drop in whenever you feel like it.
Thank you.
All right. Pick them up.
What's that?
Gift from the Resistance
to the Krauts.
- What's it for?
- A little herb that grows around here.
They call it Socrates' Revenge.
And now, direct from a smash
run engagement of one night at La Scala...
...the greatest Italian voice
since Mussolini...
...our own Bruno Rotelli.
Hello. This one looks really quite rare,
don't you think?
Looks like... early Harrods.
- Was ist los?
- He stepped in front of the bus...
...it wasn't our fault, I'm sorry...
Kmmer dich um den Mann.
Beeil dich.
Get the gate.
- Nein, nein.
- Fritz, relax. It's only a walk.
Watch the ball, watch the ball.
Now, I put it in this hand like this, right?
Ah! But look... the ball is gone.
So she says to the bartender,
"I didn't mind the first two guys...
"...but the one in the fur coat
was a little rough...
"...and I think he ought to cut his nails".
You see, she thought the bear
was another guy, wearing a fur coat.
And now, gentlemen,
the lady we've all been waiting for,
America's answer to Lili Marlene...
...the star of stage, screen, radio...
...industrial shows and aqua pura...
...direct from the Radio City Music Hall...
...the Roxy Theatre
and the Brooklyn Paramount...
The lovely, the fabulous,
the fantastically terrific...
Miss Dottie Delmar.
Come on, boys!
Come on, get your hands
out of your pockets.
Sergeant, will you sit down?
You'll find yourself on the Russian front.
Hey, wer hat meine Hose geklaut?
You wanna see some more?
Catch!
Hope they don't kill us.
Thank you. You'll never know how much
we appreciate your cooperation.
Now, let's hear it for Sergeant Mann.
Sergeant, Sergeant...
Sergeant Mann, you are one cool cat.
Now, Sergeant, can I correctly assume...
...that there is no way on earth that I can,
with a simple wave of my fabric,
...remove your automatic
from your holster into my hand?
- Am I correct?
- There's no way.
Shoo-bop she-boop.
- And I'll be damned.
- Bravo, bravo!
Hands on your heads.
Commandant, give the order...
...to surrender arms
or you'll be the first to go.
Surrender your weapons.
Professor, I hope you know
what you're doing.
All of you.
Those weapons flew
at the supersonic speed of 3,300 km/h.
And had a range of 200 km.
You can see from these
Allied pictures...
...their... devastating effect
on the city of London.
Yes, that's enough.
Pull the curtains.
And our new weapon
has even greater significance.
When directed at Allied ships
it could do in moments...
...what conventional coastal artillery
could not achieve in days.
That is all, gentleman.
Unless there are any questions?
Have some more tea,
help yourself to the biscuits.
- Why do anything to Major Hecht?
- For one thing, he's invaded my country.
- What is it with this woman?
- She's right.
We need Hecht to ensure Volkmann
doesn't find out what happened.
Maybe I can persuade him?
I doubt it'll work,
but you have my permission to try.
Permission? I didn't do all this fighting
just to change from Krauts to Greeks.
What fighting?
How long do you think it'll take
Volkmann to find out, even with Hecht?
- We have other plans.
- So do I.
- Oh, really? What would they be?
- I want to climb up to that monastery.
- Really? Why?
- I'm an art lover.
- We all are, but there are priorities.
- Wait a minute...
You don't think we can climb
all the way up there...
...without Volkmann's troops noticing?
We, Rotelli?
You too? You're an art lover?
Nat, I want a word with Major Hecht.
Something like "better luck next time"?
- That was very well done.
- Thank you.
Obviously we need Volkmann to go on
thinking everything's in order here.
- Obviously.
- So, we want you to tell him that it is.
You are assuming that because
a man steals from his country...
...he will also betray it?
No, that would make any tax fiddler
a potential traitor.
- Then let me ask you this.
- Mm-hm.
How would you feel
if the shoe was on the other foot?
Fortunately, it's not.
I'll make it easy for you.
If you don't help us, Zeno will kill you.
You are allied with him.
Will you share that responsibility?
- With difficulty.
- And there's no other alternative?
- What happened?
- Nothing yet.
He's making up his mind.
Give boys the weapons.
Thank you.
It would have been a frightful waste.
You all know Otto, he's really a good kid.
Not that good.
What is it you wish me to do?
In 18 hours, Volkmann intends to shoot
ten people. That will not happen.
And the Germans will be
put out of action on this island.
Just like that?
I've discussed it with the professor
and he agrees it's feasible.
- Then we can go to the monastery?
- Charlie!
- You sure got a one-track mind.
- Our mission is to take the village...
...and the refuelling depot,
so that German submarines...
...cannot function against
the Allied invasion fleet.
After that, I don't care what you do.
Except, and listen very carefully,
gentlemen...
...the treasures of Athena
are the property of the Greek people.
We shall begin by infiltrating
the brothel in the village.
I find it disgusting, Major Hecht...
...but I'm sure you don't wish
to see your so-called soldiers...
...expire of terminal priapism.
Permission granted.
Done.
Now it's up to you.
Imagine that Austrian antique dealer...
...wanting his country club guards
to visit a whorehouse before breakfast!
Leutnant, have the men dismount.
Absteigen!
- Absteigen?
- Absteigen.
- Herr Major?
- Ja?
There will be executions this morning...
...therefore Major Volkmann asks
that your men be present and armed.
Please inform the Herr Major
that we shall be delighted...
...to lend our presence to the occasion.
Im Laufschritt, marsch!
Dreht rechts!
- Hey, Zeno.
- Yes?
- So long as we're here...
- The voice of Italy.
Go downstairs,
take the prisoners into the basement.
Abteilung, links um!
Blake will be attacking the oil depot soon.
Rotelli, you and your men take up your positions.
Remember, short bursts, Charlie.
Not rat-tat-tat-tat like
in the gangster movies.
- Yes, sir.
- The barrel heats up.
- What's he telling him?
- What's he telling him?
That he likes matzo ball soup.
Ganze Abteilung - Halt!
Waffen entsichern.
Eagle four, Eagle four,
this is Swordfish.
Position X-ray 42, yellow grid.
Will give you ETA later.
Eagle four to Swordfish.
Channel nets will be open,
use tanks one and two.
Ihre Papiere, bitte.
Alert the frogmen
to prepare for entry.
Yes, sir.
Is it safe?
There's no one at the oil pumps,
so we should be all right...
...until the next submarine shows up.
- Herr Hecht's too close to him.
- That's his problem.
Eleana, you take over.
We're going downstairs.
Get to the radio!
Get him!
Stop that man!
I assume that everything
went well in the village.
- For your country or mine?
- For mine.
Oh, there's no such thing as country, Major.
Only rivers, mountains, houses and people.
- Country is an abstraction.
- You don't really believe that, do you?
- No.
- Thank you for trying.
- You seem to be in good shape here.
- I'm not sure. Look.
Here's today's log.
Now, what does this entry mean?
There is a U-boat out there somewhere,
coming in for refuelling.
- What's in here?
- The key to the monastery.
What does it say?
"Athena. Goddess of war,
wisdom and music".
Like you, a very confused goddess.
- What does that mean?
- Wait a moment.
Looks like, er...
- Looks like it's pretty good here, huh?
- Not a bad show.
Element of total surprise, what?
When do we hit the monastery
and get rich?
There's a problem -
Volkmann may have radioed for help.
- Where to?
- Where is the problem.
That's why Zeno's dragging his heels,
or so he says.
The Allied invasion here
has been advanced 30 days.
That's a week from today.
And I'm to act immediately.
- Charlie! Rotelli! Up here!
- What's our Greek mother want now?
Coming, Mother.
I've got good news.
Volkmann - he didn't transmit anything.
Or if he did, nobody was listening.
- How do you know?
- How do I know?
This is how I know.
Allied intelligence in Turkey
monitors this area.
So, we're staying out here
till the invasion, huh?
Well, we could... have lots of time
to climb to the monastery.
You certainly change
your mind fast, Zeno.
The last I heard it was out of bounds.
"The treasures are the property
of the Greek people".
- They are.
- That's right.
Listen, the first troops that land here,
regardless of race, creed or colour...
...are gonna steal everything.
It might as well be us.
- You feel the same way?
- Monks will be conned by someone.
- Rotelli?
- I agree with both.
All right. We'll have to climb up...
...carrying heavy weapons
and explosives.
For a bunch of monks?
Well, they may have taken the treasure,
buried it and sealed it.
I understand dynamite,
but why the fancy hardware?
There's still a war going on, Charlie.
You know something,
I don't really trust you.
But I'm more greedy than I am cautious.
- When do we start?
- Right now, if you'd like.
- What have you got?
- Submarine surfacing. Zone three.
20 degrees southwest of the depot.
'This is Swordfish, ETA 13:13.
Over.
Tell him we have a fuel leak.
- They won't believe it.
- Tell him!
'This is Swordfish, do you read me?
'Eagle four, this is Swordfish... '
Swordfish, Swordfish, Eagle four.
Can't believe some people
do this for fun.
'Will proceed to Eagle six
as alternate. Over and out'.
How will I immobilise this place?
There are some things
you must find out for yourself.
We have a few limpet mines.
- Dottie?
- Hm?
Five metres... Can you get down
about 18 feet without equipment?
Well, I guess so.
Anything for the war effort.
First open the barrels,
then set the mines...
...and I hope there are
no underwater surprises.
- Hey, what's all that?
- It looks like transmitting equipment.
- For a bunch of monks?
- Wonder what they do with it?
Maybe a morning talk show.
"This is Brother Zoltos speaking to you
on orthodoxy at high altitudes".
The Germans must have
an installation in there.
- At least try to sound surprised.
- Are you saying...
He's saying you took us up here...
...for reasons that are not to do
with what we're after.
- Right.
- So am I.
All right.
It's a communications centre.
When they find out something is wrong
down there, they'll radio for help.
We have to knock it out.
- How many man are in there?
- Oh, there can't be too many.
You've worked out some sort of plan?
Ah, carefully.
We ought to throw you down there.
- Then you won't get your golden plates.
- My golden plates...
If something happens to me...
In 20 years when the Germans are selling
Volkswagen all over the world,
I'm going to be very angry.
It can't be for one of us.
- Hey, maybe it's your agent, huh?
- Really? No.
Jawohl. Ja, alles normal hier.
Ja, ja, geht in Ordnung. Ja, gut.
Jump! Jump!
Ha. Nice of them to make it
easy to climb down.
Make sure you only touch it
with your boots.
Halt!
- Zeno, my silencer doesn't fit.
- Shut up!
My silencer doesn't fit!
Is this your idea of not too many?
One, two, three, four...
There's a whole army down there!
- Take off the lid.
- Hexaclyde II?
- Sounds like a stain remover.
- That's close.
When they wake up
there'll be a change of management.
Hold your breath.
Natrlich.
Dankeschn.
The radio's dead, sir.
Depot, this is Athena, come in.
Call the air base at Crete.
Crete, this is Athena, come in.
What's next?
Not too many now, are there?
I can't raise Crete either, sir.
- Let's go.
- For the treasure?
- Oh, yes.
- Great.
- Check the antenna.
- Yes, sir.
Halt! Halt!
- Here you are.
- Oh, thank you.
- Lantz.
- Sir?
Put the garrison on alert.
- Supervise the manning of all stations.
- Sir.
Zeno, are we getting
close to the treasure yet?
- Schroeder speaking, sir.
- Phase one.
- Is that where they keep the treasure?
- Quiet.
You lied! You lied to us!
Zeno, what's going on?
With tap shoes, they could do music hall.
For once, will you shut up?
You lied to us. You liar!
You son of a bitch.
Well, now you know
what you're really doing up here.
You'll be a hero, Charlie.
Big decorations.
We're going to stop the invasion fleet
being blown out of the water.
So the invasion is on.
In a few days.
I don't get it. What are they doing
with that thing now?
I wouldn't worry
about your share of the loot.
- Zeno can be trusted.
- I'm not worried about that, Professor.
I am worrying about what else
he has got them into.
Nothing they can't get out of,
I assure you.
OK... Let's stop that thing
and get out of here.
You hit that liquid oxygen,
you blow us all back to the village.
Oh, sorry.
Nat, the opening in the wall, the cross...
That's the missile room.
Throw these in as far as you can.
All right. If I get clear, follow me.
Come on, come on!
Holy cow!
OK, where's the gold plates?
- Can't you ever stop?
- Never.
Would you mind if we liberated
a few monks first?
Go find them, will you, Nat?
OK, Nat, you find the monks...
...you're an equal partner along
with Otto and the professor.
Zeno, where is the treasure?
Where are the gold plates?
At the end of the tunnel to the right.
Ah, quickly. Move, move, quick.
You get the feeling
someone's been here before?
This place is programmed
to self-destruct and the timer is running.
Did you hear that, Charlie?
Charlie, we gotta go.
Charlie, the place is gonna blow up.
Leave me alone.
I gotta get this open.
Charlie!
Good timing.
Now you can get out
of the brothel business.
I don't know.
With the Germans gone,
you'll have to.
Greeks... they don't pay.
They don't have to.
I only hope your treasures survived
the total destruction of the monastery.
Without question.
Because they are hidden...
...in the so-called... house of pleasure.
In the...?
You don't have to actually tell me,
just point me in the general direction.
We don't want the treasures,
we only want to copy them.
And if I'm getting close, you say,
"Charlie, you're getting hot".
But if I'm not, say, "Cold".
May I see them?
I assure you I only want to look.
- I intend you to, Professor.
- Thank you.
- I'll be your representative in New York.
- I'll be your representative in Roma.
- Another drink?
- None of this will be possible.
Oh, Otto, take me inside.
I've always wanted to see where
people go when they want to...
How typical of nice girls.
Charlie!
Charlie, we've been looking for you.
We've got to celebrate,
the war's almost over.
What's to celebrate, for God's sakes?
We haven't found any treasure
and it looks like I'm losing my partner.
You're not so much losing a partner
as gaining one.
- You're going to join my act?
- No.
I hope that you both will join mine.
Please, let me explain.
Switzerland ain't just cuckoo clocks,
chocolates and watches.
I have there treasures I have looted...
erm, collected from all over Europe.
My plan is, we will make flawless copies
which you can sell in America.
Even sell some back to the Greeks.
I could start a mail order,
sell to museums.
- Dottie could do
door-to-door soliciting.
Oh, I'd like that.
We will not be selling to museums,
let's stick to my area.
Being an antiquarian, this is something...
You can handle the museums.
We should incorporate - give us a name.
Golden Oldies.
Chutzpah Incorporated!
What a team!
Gentlemen, over here,
let me show you.
This building was the headquarters
of the Greek Resistance.
It is now a state museum,
housing Byzantine treasures...
...including the famous plates
from Mount Athena.