1
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Where's my phone?
Where do I go?
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Follow me.
Follow me.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Love you, dawg.
-Love you.
-We love you!
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Audience chanting
indistinctly ]
-Whoo!
-Yeah!
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Can this be him?
The one I have waited
centuries to see?
How strange.
So far from his path
that I barely see
the promise of glory.
Can this be him,
this hellboy?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yo!
So you know
I got to run, baby.
[ Cheers and applause
continue ]
[ "Hellboy" playing ]
You don't even know
what I been through
You don't gotta like me,
ya bitch do
Blowing up my phone like,
"I miss you"
You know I love you by the way
that I kiss you
You don't even know...
[ Cheers and applause
fading ]
-Dear grandson, my prophet...
...my tattooed poet,
the sweetheart...
...the wounds
your father gave you,
God did not heal
but did close
even if in scars
so that you receive
this strength
to stand up against him
for yourself,
to declare just as a boy
your independence...
[ Audience singing
indistinctly ]
...and determined to grow
into your own man.
This is one of your gifts
and wonders that
makes me admire you,
makes me happiest about you,
for you.
Only I ask you
in dead seriousness,
think about
what being a man is,
the strength of heart
to fight for love,
to defend it over
and over and over again.
That's manly.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-I love you, too.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Anyway, it'll be wonderful
to see you.
I must look forward to it.
Love, your grandpa, Pack Ack.
-And just straight on through,
clip it right there?
-Yeah.
-Bada bing, bada boom.
I'll just do it
through my jacket.
-Fuck yeah.
-Look. What I could do maybe...
Nah, I'll do it on the jacket.
Yeah.
-You want me to clip that?
-Oh, yeah.
-Bro, you're
so professional, bro.
-Yeah, I know.
This shit is crazy.
-Have all the gear
and everything,
and, like, it's nice.
-Hey, can I get you
to say something quick?
-Yeah, I just...
I was just picking my nose.
I hope you weren't recording.
-How long you guys
been working on music?
-Shit.
I been working on music,
like, 6, 7, nah, 7 months,
7, 8 months now, bro.
I'm all over the place
right now.
Like, I'm gonna be
staying here.
I'm gonna be staying in L.A.,
you know what I'm saying?
I just fuck with my friends, yo.
-This is just
some family shit, bro.
-Yeah, it's just
some family shit.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
- You know I don't want
to do you like that
Why you got
to do me like that?
Because I got face tats
and my boots black
I don't want to go to school,
I don't like that
Everybody think I'm cool,
I don't like that
Codeine by the pool
while I write raps
Spend money like a fool,
I'm gonna make it back
I don't want to lose you
I don't want to hate you
I don't want to do you
like that
Why you got to do me
like that?
Because I got face tats
and my clothes black
I don't want to go to school,
I don't like that
Everybody think I'm cool,
I don't like that
Codeine by the pool
while I write raps
Spend money like a fool,
I'm gonna make it back
I'm gonna have a couple
million when I'm 21
Shorty told me that she
thought that I was 21
-I don't think
I have it all in red.
Don't touch
because they're very new.
-I touched!
-Okay.
Well, you know
how to touch gently.
I've seen you do it.
-I touched gently.
-A very good, gentle touch.
All done eating?
[ Speaks indistinctly ]
I bet that would...
Let's take a little spongie.
-Like that.
-Yeah.
The night that he was born,
he opened his eyes
and looked me right in the eye
in a way that I hadn't...
was completed surprised by,
great big, brown eyes,
and he looked at me like,
"Okay, so introductions.
Let's go," and I said, "Hi.
I'm your mama, and I love you."
I was like...I'll never forget
that moment,
and he was like a little,
tiny...
Like the little characters
in "Snow White"
or like little Walt Disney
characters with these big eyes,
and so he was just like
a little peep.
-I'm gonna do this.
I'm doing that to talk in.
-You're talking now.
I can hear you.
-Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.
I can hear you in the camera.
That's called a microphone.
Go on and grab it.
-I want to do the microphone.
-Gus had a way about him.
When he would walk
into the class,
he was...
He always had a smile,
always had a smile,
and the first thing
he would say is,
"Good morning, Mrs. Camacho."
You know, one thing that got me
was his creativity.
He was a very creative artist
and writer,
and I picked up
on that very quickly.
-I can't do it.
I can't do it.
-Yeah, you can do it.
-No, I can't do it.
-Yeah, you can do it.
-I can't do it.
-Aw, come on.
You can do it.
-Nah.
-Yeah, come on. You can do it.
-There we go. I'm...There.
I'm done.
I'm done.
-Okay.
You're feeling a little
more shy, aren't you?
I can tell there's mischief
in your eyes, and yet...
-But if you meet me
in real life,
you'll find out that
I'm not very confident,
and I'm a very sensitive person,
and I have
a lot of insecurities.
-It wasn't just like,
"I'm writing catchy songs."
I feel like Gus talked
about the pain, too,
and a lot of people
were drawn to it
because he's brutally honest
about it.
-I remember we'd, like, go out,
and he had all these tattoos,
and he's always like,
"Don't you feel weird, like,
walking into a restaurant
with me?"
And I'd be like, "Why do you get
all these tattoos
if you care so much about it?
Like, if you're going to be
so insecure about it,
why did you do that?"
because he was.
He was, like...
He knew people were judging him,
and it did upset him.
-I used to bike everywhere.
Like, where I grew up
in New York was a really small
surfing city, surfing community,
so we just biked.
Everyone just biked everywhere.
Like, they actually made it,
like...
I remember the year I moved,
they made it illegal
to be drunk on a bike.
You can get pulled over
on your bike.
-A DUI, yeah.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm also a professional
handlebar rider.
I can hop on someone's
handlebars if they're going,
like, 30 miles an hour.
I'd be like, "Whoo."
-Honestly, a huge reason
he did it was, he was like,
"I'm not gonna have, like,
a normal job.
I don't ever want a normal job,
and I'm going to make myself
not be this,
like, normal person."
-Being a normal kid
in Long Beach is,
you're going to the beach
all the time.
You want to be a lifeguard
because that's the coolest thing
you can be in middle school
or high school
is that you're a lifeguard,
and you're playing lacrosse,
and you're playing
beach volleyball,
and it's very much
a small beach town.
And Long Beach
is almost like a tribalism of,
"We're from Long Beach,
and, like, we do things our way,
and everyone else is trash."
-Gus, from the beginning,
is a creative and different kid.
Big, like, pink
and green Osirises on
that, like, went up
to his knees.
So he stood out just from
the start,
probably had a Mohawk
at the time, too.
He communicated
through his image,
and, like, you could tell
that he was different
from the rest of us.
-Smells good.
-Stop. Stop!
Okay, stop.
Aah!
-Aah!
-Evan, get off.
You're crushing my soul.
-Ah, tickles my lips.
-It tickles...my lips.
-[ Speaking indistinctly ]
-I remember in 10th grade
when we were dating,
and he didn't answer me
for two hours,
and I was like,
"What the hell are you doing?"
And he was like, "My parents
are getting divorced,"
and the day after,
he, like, broke up with me,
and we didn't speak
for a really long time.
And after that, like,
he was, like,
completely a different person.
Like, he started hanging out
with different people.
He came to school less,
stopped going to his classes.
-He used to talk to me about
how much he hated high school,
and he'd throw up
in the mornings sometimes
before he had to go.
They were all judging him.
You know, well,
"You're not an athlete,
and you're smoking pot,
and you're getting tattoos,
and you're not
applying to college,
and I don't want you going over
to Gus' house anymore."
You know, there were
several parents who...
He told me that, and he told
that to me, and he cried.
He just felt like
an absolute loser.
-I was worried about him, yeah,
for quite a while
because he was in his bedroom,
and he had to have
black curtains,
so it was all dark in there,
and it just seemed so grim.
He was in there a lot
and sad.
He was in there a lot
and sad.
-Five nine six.
Is that Wheeler?
-Nine six five.
-Nine six four?
-Nine six five.
-Like, I would hang out
with Gus when he didn't want
to think about that type
of shit, you know what I mean?
Like, he was always, like,
really good at, like, hiding,
like, any feelings that he had
or anything like that.
He was good at it, so, like,
it was hard to...
It's hard to tell, like,
whether or not he was,
like, bothered,
you know what I mean?
It always was.
-He would run away.
Like, we would just dip
from the school, and that's when
he would just, like,
record mostly early-on stuff.
-You've been blessed.
-I remember laying in his bed,
and his name was Trap Goose
at the time, and he was like,
"I think I'm gonna change
my name to Lil Peep,"
and I was like, "Why?"
And he's like,
"My mom calls me Peep,"
and I was like, "I think
that's kind of weird."
Like, it sounds
like little penis,
and I made fun of him for it,
and he was like, "No,
I'm doing it. I don't care."
-[ Laughing evilly ]
-[ Speaks indistinctly ]
- I can keep my cool
under pressure
- Pressure
- Clouds without law
like the weather
- Show time, bitch
Kinky shit
-Me personally, like,
I thought, like,
if you wanted to be a rapper,
you were a fucking idiot.
Like, like, come on.
There's just so many
other things
that you could be in life.
Like, why do you want
to be a rapper?
Like, doesn't make
any sense to me,
but when Gus was doing it,
I obviously had that same
kind of thought, like,
"You're a fucking idiot."
Like, "Just do something
normal,"
but I was still his friend,
and I wasn't gonna sit there
and tell him that.
Like, I never told him like,
"Be something else," like,
because I knew
that he was serious about it.
-He didn't want to go see
anybody he knew,
and in our town, you go
anywhere, you know somebody.
They're gonna say,
"Oh, what are you doing now?"
And what was he gonna say?
Like, "Oh, I'm making music."
Like, nobody would have
thought anything of it,
and he would've just been,
like, judged by it.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Yeah, but it was always
very good.
You know, it was...
The only other...
-Basically, my father was like
a surrogate father.
You know, he was the guy
that Gus figured,
"Okay.
My own blood father
is definitely not somebody
I respect, certainly,
and not somebody
I'm gonna spend any...
waste my energy on,"
and he, I think,
kind of transferred his,
you know,
"Who is my male figure?"
you know, onto his grandpa.
-I remember Gus literally
told me once
if he was to die,
he thinks Jack would be, like,
the person
welcoming him into Heaven.
Like, he literally thought,
like, Jack was God.
He loved him so much.
He was, like, super,
just intelligent, very smart,
but he also, like,
didn't judge anybody.
He'd always say that
whenever Gus, like,
got a new tattoo or something,
Jack, like,
wouldn't even notice.
Like, he just, like, looked him
straight in the eyes always,
and I think Gus, like,
really appreciated that.
-My dad is a big letter writer.
He's old-school, so he does like
to write a lot of e-mails,
but he also does like
to write actual letters
and send them in the mail.
I mean, he wrote to the boys
a lot,
and he felt that
it was important
to write to both of them.
Gus was home.
Oskar was in college,
but Gus was floundering.
So he just wanted to reach out
to Gus and write to him.
-Dear Gus, I think your mama
asked you if you'd like
to do that research for me
at the NYU Library
for pay and travel and other
expenses into the city and out.
Let me know if you'll do it.
I'm sure you can do it.
Your mama and I
can easily explain how.
I believe in you, Gus.
I know you'll find your way,
and it'll be a good, strong way.
These days especially,
take good care of yourself.
Think about things you
really like or don't like.
Wonder why you like them
or don't.
Talk to your friends
about them or make friends
that do want
to talk about them.
Life is full of surprises.
Some of them, I know from
my experiences, are very bad,
but some are wonderful.
I can tell you, too, that these
years you're living now,
16, 17,
are particularly hard years.
It's hard to know what to do,
but you'll get through them,
and things will start to get
clear and make sense.
Whatever you may say or do,
have faith in yourself
and in your mama.
I do look forward to seeing you
at some point over the summer.
Love Pack Ack, your grandpa.
-Wait, you don't have enough
to do a video, do you?
-I don't know.
-Where?
-Walk away.
I'm telling you,
it fucking looks...
-She tells me she's not upset,
but look at her.
-We started to make
the music videos
because we were just,
like, bored
and wanted to get
out of the house,
and it was something to get
Gus out of the house
because other than that,
he wasn't leaving his room.
It had to be, like,
music-involved,
so I wanted to go to my house,
and we went to
the "Live Forever" music video,
and I was like,
"If we go to my house,
I'll shoot a music video
for you,"
and he was like,
"Fine. We can go."
- ...motherfucking big screen
Live forever, bitch,
smoking on that HD
Live forever
Get them motherfucking
blunts rolled
Now I pull up,
and I get it...
-I messaged him on SoundCloud,
and I was like,
"Bro, you're amazing."
I had a small following, like,
5,000 followers.
He had, like, 200 or some shit.
But I just loved his shit.
I was like, "Bro, let's
make some music.
Like, I love what you're doing."
- You
- I remember looking at you
Through the window
in my bedroom
-And then, yeah, he sent
his clips through.
Like...He had, like,
the dustiest green screen.
It was like a green bedsheet,
and I had, like,
green cardboard here.
We was both like...
-Yeah, we was...
-We didn't know
what we were doing,
and, like, you can see
the green line around us
and shit when I edited it.
-It was perfect, though, now,
when you look back at it.
-Yeah.
Because we were so new to it,
you know?
-He's trying to do this work,
and Emma kind of brings
him out of it,
and he's making progress
and getting better at it
and meeting people online
and doing this stuff
and on his own and probably
so much of it unbeknownst to me
except for the fact that every
night, I heard him singing.
You know, he worked
while I slept,
but I heard him,
and so this was...
made me happy because he was
doing something that he enjoyed
and was committed to.
-Eventually, he made
a couple songs
like "Star Shopping,"
and I'm just like,
"Dude, like, it's over.
Like, now you've got it."
-I'm so fucking excited.
Oh, I'm shaking.
-And I've never seen him
satisfied
with his own music before, too.
He used to be embarrassed of it,
and now he's playing his songs
every day over and over.
- Wait right here
I'll be back in the morning
I know that I'm not
that important to you
But to me, girl, you're so
much more than gorgeous
So much more than perfect
Right now, I know that
I'm not really worth it
If you give me time,
I can work on it
-The change was real,
and, like, people were like,
"Damn, all right.
Lil Peep is actually a thing."
- In rotation,
you're waiting for me
Look at my face when I...
[ Static ]
[ Thunder crashing ]
-You know, at Schema, we had,
like, like, 30 rappers.
We were like Wu-Tang,
like old Three 6 Mafia.
I only needed to hear, like,
the first four bars of Lil Peep.
That's it.
- Schema boys
It's the posse, bitch,
we running shit
And no, it ain't nothing
Maxed out, shorty,
now my battery full
I got plenty more to go
-I sent Peep a DM,
matter of fact,
and the first thing
I told him was,
"We gonna blow you up."
Like, I didn't say,
"Hey, what's up?
My name Grxxn,"
blah, blah, blah.
All I said was, "We gonna
blow you up,"
and then later on, I think
we all hopped on the phone
and just was, like,
planning shit out.
How are we gonna do things?
And we gonna do a tour here
and yadda, yadda, yadda.
So it started, like, in Tucson.
-It was, like...I don't know.
It was kind of surreal
because I was like,
"Well, I'm out here with a bunch
of people
that I've, like,
met on the Internet,
and, like, we're doing
this thing now.
We're, like, playing
a show together and stuff."
I remember it was, like,
30 or 40 kids showed up,
and the venue looked
like a hou--
Like, a fuc-- it used to be
a meth den or something,
and then there was an explosion,
and they,
like, gutted everything.
Like, it was just a total
shithole, but it was awesome.
And there was no stage.
There was obviously a few songs
of mine that went off,
but, like, Gus played
"Beamer Boy"
because "Beamer Boy," like,
just came out at that time,
and it was just...
Everyone in that bitch
was singing.
Like, it was so crazy.
[ "Beamer Boy" playing ]
- I'm a motherfucking
Schema boy
I'm a dreamer boy
I love a girl that don't
even fucking need a boy
Baby, I'm a beamer boy
I need a beemer, boy
I want a Z3
That's a two-seater, boy
Okay, I pull my cash out
Shorty pass out
-At that point, he was real,
real happy at that point
because I think from that show,
he started to believe that,
"You know what?
I can actually do this shit,"
you know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, I'm in my zone now
I put my phone down
I'm on my own now,
I'm on my own now
We're performing
our tracks we made.
-Yeah.
-But how we're gonna do it is,
you guys are gonna go
on first, do your opening thing,
and then, like,
when we all come out,
me, J and Ghost,
I'm gonna do them
with you guys.
-Oh, that...
-So it's like a segue into it.
-Yeah, like you guys
do your shit first,
and then once us three come out,
you know,
I'm probably gonna do
"Beamer Boy," like, second.
I don't know, but my set...
- Shit go off
when I come around
-I remember the table broke.
Everybody fell, and then I,
like, grabbed my laptop,
plugged the aux back in.
They were, like,
on the microphone.
I'm, like, holding my shit
like this.
Just like this,
playing the music.
There was no more table.
- Shit go off
when I come around
-One day, we were sitting
outside of this pizza shop.
Gus was like,
"How long have we been"...
Like, we were trying
to calculate
how long we'd been
in Denver and shit,
and we all were like,
"Yeah, that was, like...
The show was, like,
two weeks ago, right?"
And we were all like,
"Yeah, yeah.
That must have been,
like, two weeks ago."
And then we, like,
looked at the calendar,
and it had been,
like, two months since the show,
and then that's when
we were like,
"Fuck. We got to, like,
get out of here."
-Dude, we got some skaters,
bro.
-You want to see
some fresh moves?
-Oh, okay.
-Oh, oh.
-Dude, holy shit, bro.
-Wait, you didn't get that
on video, did you?
-What's up? What's up?
What's up?
That's the way to do it.
-Hey, Peep.
Hey, what's up?
-And we would go to get
tattooed
in San Diego with Brendan,
who was a guy that tattoos
us there, and he's a actual cop,
and he, like,
tattoos out of his garage.
Me and Peep went down
to San Diego
on the same day that day,
and he went to his
tattoo appointment
because it was before mine.
Me and Brennan went to the mall,
and then we met up with Peep,
and as we walked into
the dude's house,
Peep was literally, like,
finishing up his crybaby tat,
and we looked at it,
and we were like,
"Dude, we did not know
it was gonna be that big."
And it showed me...
It was like,
he doesn't give a fuck.
like, he knows what he has.
He knows where this is going.
-I remember kind of laughing,
and I was like,
"Bro, what is up
with the tattoo?"
Because at the time,
no other young rappers like this
had face tattoos.
And then he was talking about,
like...
I swear, just, like,
talking about, like,
some conflict in Syria
or something.
-I think it was partly
an identification
with oppressed people.
He, I think, really wanted
to make himself an outsider.
-I definitely think
the planet is very sad.
There's people fighting
to survive, so live on for them.
That's why I got
the crybaby tat,
to keep me grateful and
remind me not to be a crybaby,
so I see it every time
I look in the mirror, you know?
-Everyone saw that he was
gonna be something special,
so everyone wanted
to be around him,
wanted to be with him,
wanted to hang out with him,
and not even, like...
I'm not talking about
leeching or anything,
though there has been some
of those people in his life.
-I start seeing people
coming over
that I never even
heard of before.
Sometimes, you would wake up.
You'd go to the living room.
You'd see about 10 bodies
all laid out,
and so you got to
get to the kitchen,
and you got to step
over motherfuckers like this,
people you never even
heard of before.
Everybody just laid out.
And then we like, "Peep, what
the fuck? Who are these people?"
You know, and I was telling him,
I'm like,
"Why you think you got
30 new best friends like that?"
He would always tell me,
"Yo, man.
Yo, so-and-so said
they'll pay for this for me
and that for me
and yadda-yadda for me,"
and I was just like...
just a matter of time.
It was like this.
And then the next day,
everybody announced
they were gone.
He said it wasn't for him,
so he bounced,
and then when he made
that decision,
that's when everybody
followed suit.
And it was over with.
Schema was over with.
[ Indistinct conversation ]
-Dear Gus, I hear you had
a pretty hard week.
I'm sorry, but once you get big,
and you're big now,
it can get very spooky
when you have
a really hard fight.
It's maybe hardest because even
after the dust settles,
it's hard to know
how to reconnect,
what to say,
what to think, even to yourself.
There are lots of people
in the world crappy as it is,
and you will learn
you cannot trust.
You may like them or not.
You may work with them or not,
but you can't trust them.
If you do, they'll betray you.
But there are people
whom you can trust
and whom you can have faith.
I know so sure that I'd put
my hand in the fire to prove it.
Keep your faith, and the love
will always be there.
Love, your grandpa, Pack Ack.
-In 2016 in the spring,
Gus became homeless,
and he'll call me,
"Mama, my phone is about to die.
The card isn't working,"
and I say every time,
"Are you with anybody?"
because I always...
Moms want to know,
is my son alone,
or does he have a friend
that he's at least with?
And it was always,
"Yeah, Tracy,"
so there was always this Tracy
who was always with him,
and I thought,
"Okay. Thank goodness for Tracy.
Tracy is at least
sticking by my son."
-We were, like, pretty much,
like,
glued together
before any one of us
had a crib, a house or anything.
- Yeah, yeah
I used to think I love you
Now I know it ain't true
Now I know it's not you
Fifty on my boxers
-Everything we did was easy.
It was like drinking water.
It was just like,
"Another track?"
Doing all my drugs,
young bruh
Standing in the club
Like little mama
in my eyesight
She go home
with me tonight
-Peep just automatically
liked Tracy.
He was like...
He said to me...
He brought Tracy to my house.
He's like, "Bro, this guy, he...
I got to keep him
with me, you know?
Like, he's gonna be --
he's gonna be a star."
Pull it out,
the club going up, baby
Will you hold me down
Will you hold me down,
ice on my wrist
-Peep had definitely found
somebody
that he could really fucking
make music with, you know?
They made "White Tee"
within a day of knowing
each other, I think.
I shot the video, like,
that same week
or some shit like that,
and that shit just did amazing.
- Fifty on my boxers
-He's really fast.
There's never, like...
He's definitely not a artist
that would ever, like,
plan anything out.
It's never like you would
be like, "Yeah, like,
we're gonna do this.
We're gonna do..."
Like, maybe, like, a little bit
but not really.
He's very just like,
"Let's do it now."
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Do we use a beat?
-No. We can.
-Play it.
-I really like that beat.
-I love that beat.
Oh, let's use that beat.
It's done.
Send it to me.
-Oh, no, we're good.
-Yeah, send it to me right now
because I tweeted it.
-What's the name?
-Nah, I'm just gonna write,
"Dropping within
20 minutes on..."
-Yeah.
-"Dropping within 20 minutes,
nah, 15 minutes."
-[ Laughing ]
-15 minutes.
-Fuck that.
I'm not waiting 20 minutes.
Get into the bus,
fill up, motherfucker
...fucked up
on some other shit
All I ever wanted
was a...
-Gus was recording
anywhere he could.
He didn't care what room it was,
what he was doing, you know?
Just, like, they were
just recording
in the corner of my room.
It wasn't even how I would
want them to record,
but it was what was
most comfortable for them,
and with his mix on his laptop,
it didn't matter
where you recorded.
It somehow...
It just sound good.
-I don't even know
how to record myself.
I just, like,
turned a bunch of knobs.
I didn't know what they meant.
Like, I have no idea
what the fuck I'm doing.
People be asking me
questions like...
-So I feel like he always
kind of downplayed his own,
like, skills with all of that
because, like,
whenever I watched him do it,
there was, like,
a very calculated formula
behind the way
that he made his voice work,
you know, on a song,
and he made do
with whatever he had, you know,
whether it was
the USB microphone or GarageBand
or a $30 VHS camera
that I had to shoot
the video with.
Like, he's just like,
"This is what we got.
We're gonna make it work,
and it's gonna be perfect.
It's gonna be exactly
what it's supposed to be."
-I never seen anything like it.
You know what I mean?
It really felt like...
I was like,
"Damn, this is, like,
the new generation of music."
I was like, "All these kids
are just moving out to L.A.
and staying in Airbnbs
and just, like,
pitching in 30 bucks a day,
like, doing repost or whatever."
I was like, "This is..."
It was one of the craziest
things I'd ever seen before.
-How many people total
are there in GBC?
-Is it 10?
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-We all men.
-It's a hard 10?
-Yeah, the door is closed.
-Damn, so me and Adam can't...
-Strong 10.
-I would love to join
GothBoiClique.
-GothBoiClique.
- I just fell in love
with a bad bitch
Told me that
she love me, too
Baby, I'm not having it
Sniffing cocaine because
I didn't have no Actavis
-Tracy was already in GBC,
and Peep wanted to be
a part of a group.
I saw this look in Peep's eyes
where he, like,
looked up to Tracy.
You know, him wanting
to be in GBC
stemmed from his love for Tracy.
-It's almost like a brand
or something, you know,
so it's, like,
it would benefit him to have,
like, that group of,
like, like-minded people
to make music with
and, you know, rap,
and then he was...
You know, he was already on
the rise and shit, so he's like,
"You know,
I'm gonna help you guys,
bring you guys up with me,
you know?"
-Y'all don't know Tracy.
Everybody, give it up for him.
-I texted Chase.
I said, "Hey, are you listening
to the radio show?
You need to listen
to this dude, Peep,"
and he goes, "What's his deal?"
I was like, "Just listen,"
and then literally, like,
three songs later, he goes,
"Does he have a manager?"
-I meet him, and just talking
with him,
I'm like,
"You are above my head."
I'm just like, "Dude, like,
you're a star.
Like, immediately I knew
you're going to be huge."
You know, I was asking him
questions like,
"How do you live?
Like, how are you doing?"
He's just like, "I don't know.
I just kind of get by,
whatever,"
so I'm like, "All right.
Let me help you with your merch.
I'm not tripping on contracts
or anything.
Just let me help you.
You know, I'll help
whatever I can,
but you're gonna need, like,
a big-time management company.
Like, you're pop.
You're a big deal."
-I first heard Lil Peep
on Twitter.
At that point,
I had never felt like
I discovered something
with such passion
since I was, like, 15 years old.
It was refreshing.
It was like a breath
of fresh air
and like a slap
in my fucking face,
and I showed everyone around me.
-Travis came bounding into
my office with some things.
Like, he'd periodically come
and show me things
that he thought were cool
and that he liked.
He said, "Look at this kid."
I could only describe it
as an obsession.
I was obsessed with this, like,
19-year-old boy.
[ "Crybaby" playing ]
- Oh, it's a lonely world
I know
Go and get lonely, girl
That's fo sho
Oh, I'm a lonely boy
She made a lonely boy
Yeah, I know
-And I asked him actually...
It was at one of these
early meetings.
I said, "How -- How big
do you want to be?
How far do you want to go?"
I said, "Do you
want to play stadiums?"
And he said, "Yeah, I want
to play stadiums,"
and I said, "Well, I can...
I think I can help."
-We lose Peep.
I, like, call him.
He doesn't answer.
Sarah can't get ahold of him.
Nobody knows where he is.
-I have this, like...
It was, like, daily,
daily dialogue like,
"Where is he? What's he doing?
What do you mean you don't know?
What do you mean
he's not answering?"
-He was bouncing around a lot.
He stayed there in Whittier
sometimes,
and shortly after that
or right around the same time,
they got the lofts in Skid Row,
which was, I think,
Nedarb's place.
-We just all came up
with the money.
Lederrick was selling,
like, Magic cards.
That's how he used
to make money, like,
buying and reselling
Magic cards and shit,
so then I was a dishwasher.
He was a Magic card seller,
and then Peep was just, like...
Oh, I remember the...
We were $500 away
from getting the spot,
so me and Peep, like...
He had this song
that you can find online
called "Mud On My Gucci"
or some shit like that.
We sold it for, like, 500 bucks,
and then we just used that
for, like, the rest of the rent,
and then we just split
that rent, like, five ways,
and then we were just living
at the lofts together.
-It was crammed with artists --
Slug Christ,
Tracy, me, Cortex,
Peep, Nedarb,
Horsehead, you know,
all crammed into one spot
and, you know, just creating
music, man, creating history.
-I forget what that means.
-Drinking off the table?
-You got to, like,
get down there.
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Exactly.
-That's worth a lot
of money in 1950.
-That's worth, like, 10 bucks.
-You can't really spend
that all in one place.
-Talk in the tip.
Talk in the tip.
-All right.
I'm gonna talk into the tip.
-Talk about "Hellboy."
-Talk about "Hellboy"?
-Yeah, real quick.
-Brief moment.
-This will drop before the...
-All right.
I got Kanye on there.
-Mm-hmm. That's easy.
-Yeah.
-Dude, it was, like...
There'd be a...
There was a couch thing.
There was, like, this big-ass
couch thing,
and, like, three people
would sleep on the couch,
and then people would just
pass out in chairs.
Like, it was some crazy shit.
-And it was...
Yeah, it was just, like,
a big warehouse space.
Like, we...Like, no one had
any rooms, you know?
Gus' shit was all in one corner,
and Ed's shit
was all in one corner,
and Tracy had all his shit,
you know, in one corner.
When I say, "Debauchery,"
I mean debauchery, like,
in the funnest sense
of the word.
Like, it was just a party.
-Water.
-And you'd go outside,
and it's just, like,
Skid Row, like,
the purest form of Skid Row,
you know, just, like, smells
like human shit and human piss,
and there's just tents
everywhere.
-Like, he liked living there,
but it was definitely really
hard for him because it was,
like, there's just one bathroom,
a whole bunch of people,
and the floors were sticky
as shit
because of the night before.
- I could be your...
- Nigga, what the fuck
you mean
I'm dunking on your team
You sending texts to her
Yeah, I'm sitting
next to her
-It definitely is the new punk,
and hip-hop has been
the new punk ever since the '80s
because it had moved away
from rock,
and punk isn't a type of music.
It's an aesthetic.
It's a energy.
It's a attitude.
Everything is kind of
being homogenized to be rooted
in current trap trends,
you know,
but then we have what
Peep was doing
kind of interlaced
between this new trap.
- If you're scared
-I apparently got
a Wikipedia page.
I was looking
at my Wikipedia page.
The genres was, like,
alternative rock, like, R and B,
hip-hop, trap, emo, pop punk,
so they don't really know
what to call me.
You know what I mean?
- What you love
-People don't realize actually
how hard it is
to take an established style
of music or styles of music
and combine them together
and make them be something new,
and that's what the greatest
stars of the world did.
You know, you can talk
about Prince, for example,
and if he's taking from
the Beatles and Jimi Hendrix
and Parliament and Funkadelic
and others
and mixing it together,
and it becomes Prince.
It's like Lil Peep was a guy
who was fascinating to me
because he was basically doing
the same thing
if he was taking Green Day
and My Chemical Romance
and his favorite trap
and hip-hop music
and marrying those styles
to create something new.
You got to kind of be a genius
to be able
to do that kind of stuff
and make it work, and he was.
-I mean, I've met people
I thought were amazing,
and I've had instincts
where I'm like,
"You're a star. You're a star,"
this, but this was, like,
something
much more, much deeper,
and I knew that at the time.
- I always play that shit
You ain't getting nothing
that I'm saying
Don't tell me you is
Nothing like them
other motherfuckers
I can make you rich
I can make you rich,
I can make you rich
-Peep was becoming
the new guard
of the L.A. underground scene.
- I can take you there,
but, baby
-It was so clear that he was
gonna be,
you know, the guy on top.
- And I don't want
to make you sad
-Eventually we...
Josh Binder and a guy
from my office
had made an agreement with him.
-Go meet with Sarah, and Sarah
and I hit it off.
She's amazing person,
and she's like,
"Look, I want to bring you in.
I want to partner with Peep,
and I want to bring you
in as manager."
When he told us about GBC,
it's like, "That's great,
but we're focused on you,"
and that's kind of...
There was also tension
between GBC and myself
because my priority was Gus.
When he moved, everybody
gravitated towards his place,
and his place,
people would say all the time,
"This is the new loft."
20% of the time,
he might have used his bed.
It was, like, always, like...
I'd go in.
Like, Tracy, Con, Horsehead,
everybody was, like...
I'd go into his room
looking for him,
and I was like,
"Who the fuck is this?"
Like, it's just
some random dude.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-He called me, like,
the next day like,
"Yo, put another sample
over that or find another
Three Days Grace song,"
and I was like, "Really?
Okay."
And I did it.
I found a cool one,
and then I brought it to him.
I was in the room
laying on the, like, futon,
a little futon they had like
this, and they're recording.
I'm, like, sick,
having anxiety attack
because I've been up so long,
and, like,
we're just doing too much.
I'm, like, thinking in my head,
like, "I'm going so hard
making so many beats."
And all of a sudden, I hear...
Switchblades!
I'm like, "Yo, what the fuck?"
When I die, bury with me
without the lights on
Lights off
Night-lights
Clothes off
Baby, I got good white
When I die bury me
with all my ice on
When I die bury me
without the lights on
Lights off
Night-lights
Clothes off
Baby, I got good white
-When I heard that shit,
I was blown away by it.
I was like, "Damn,
this white dude go hard."
You know what I'm saying?
So I start doing research
on him.
I'm like, "Where is he from?"
just trying to find out
some shit about it, man.
You know what I'm saying?
I was just happy to see
that somebody
actually stepped up
to the plate and was like,
"Fuck it. I'm gonna do
my shit like this."
- Cocaine
GothBoiClique
make a ho shake
Black fur
Black coat
GothBoiClique in the backhoe
Switchblades
Cocaine
GothBoiClique
till my soul take
Black Jeans
Half black hoes
GothBoiClique in the castle
-GothBoiClique.
GothBoiClique.
-Friends forever, man.
-No, you got to get a picture
doing the same picture
next to us.
-Know what I'm saying?
I like this.
"The all-American reject
you'll hate to love."
-You think a lot of people
used to doubt you?
-I used to doubt myself.
Now I don't anymore.
-Dude, I don't think anybody
realized,
like, what was happening while
it was happening, you know?
And that's why, like, now I try
to put the timeline
on everything that happened,
and this shit is a blur to me.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-2,500 people at the first show.
[ Laughter ]
-Watching him sell out
3,000 people in Russia
with no radio record ever,
never being there before,
3,000 kids singing every single
fucking lyric,
headliner, no support,
none of that shit,
like, insane.
-Sold out London.
Sold out Belgium.
Sold out Russia.
Sold out Berlin.
Sold out your mom.
- Cash out
I get on the stage
And I rap till I pass out
Hit another city
and another city
I'm just grooving
I was trying to tell you
I was losing
I was gonna tell you
I'm improving
I done caught a vibe
she was choosing
Got to keep my pride,
I'm a general
Got to keep it real
with some criminals
Got to keep my focus,
I'm phenomenal
-We get off the plane
and totally did not expect.
There was just, like, hundreds
of fans waiting for him.
I don't know how they knew
what flight.
I don't know how they knew
where to find us,
but they were there
with signs and gifts,
and there was crying,
and there was screaming,
and I was like,
"Chase, is this normal?
Like, is this
gonna happen a lot?"
And, like, he's like,
"Yeah, probably,"
And to be honest, it did.
Everywhere we went in Russia,
it became a spectacle.
- Stacks hid inside
the mattress
Racks hid
inside the mattress
Packs hid
inside the mattress
Ganks hid
inside the mattress
Vert dipping through traffic
I'm getting better
I'm at practice
I'm working every day,
crafting
I'm cool on her,
I done had her
Bounce back with a millio
Hit a island like Gilligan
Not just a regular civilian
I ride for the squad,
I'm a champion
Remember we hit up
the highway
We got us a stash spot,
remember as we touch down
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-We love Lil Peep.
We love...
-[ Speaks Russian ]
-We stay here for 10 hours,
10 hours.
We stay here.
We love very much.
-This music in my friend's
site, and I really enjoyed it.
It's really interesting,
and I don't know.
When I listen to his music,
I'm really enjoyed.
I like...I want to paint.
I want to do something,
and it's really cool.
His music is really cool.
- Baby, make me scream
I would blow my brains out
just for you
And honestly, to tell you
the truth
I'd still blow my brains out
-Oh!
-Kill it!
-Kill!
-Kill the spider!
No, kill it because
we're in a play booth.
-Cheers.
-[ Speaks Russian ]
-Uh, I'm gonna hold off.
-[ Speaks Russian ]
-He's on Xanax.
-It's not...
I don't know if you guys know,
but you shouldn't mix
Xanax and alcohol.
-It was funny because, like,
kids from Kazakhstan and,
like, territories that, like,
I would've never imagined
came really far away
to come to that show,
and, like, that was really,
like, kind of eye-opening to me
that he was more than
just, like,
a guy that's big in Russia.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, kids making these
long-ass bus rides
to come in and see this show,
I think that speaks
volumes of, like,
where he was already
at that point of his career.
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
-Is your biggest fan.
Biggest fan.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-You guys coming to the show?
-Yes. Yes, of course.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-If you got any friends
that need to get in,
we can put them
on the guest list, too.
-We don't have any friends.
-No?
-No.
-And so far away, right?
-Yes.
-You guys are brothers?
-We're all brothers.
-You're brothers?
-Yeah.
-You're all brothers?
-Yes.
-You guys fight a lot?
-Yeah.
-Yes.
-Sometimes.
-Yeah.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Oh, that's great.
I have a brother two years
older than me.
-Yeah? Great.
-Yeah. We fight a lot.
-You're excited for
the show tonight?
-Yeah, oh, yeah.
-Okay.
-Hey, so we're gonna go
to the club
and drop the stuff off
and then go from the club...
The venue is really close
to the club,
so we can drop all the stuff,
do a quick check.
- I see your face when
I look out the window
Yeah
I think about her every time
I sniff blow
Yeah
If you love me,
hit me up on the flip phone
Yeah
I'm dying, I don't think
that my bitch know
Yeah
Bitch know I'm dying
I don't think
that my bitch know
-All right!
Let's do one more!
-Yeah, yeah.
-Trying to put some cocaine
in my already bleeding nostril.
-Do you have to shit?
-Yeah, this coke is gonna
make me bleed.
-Oh, you're gonna have
to deuce, man.
You're gonna have to deuce,
man, deuce, man.
-It's gonna be
a shit show tonight.
-That fucking Indian food
is already bleeding
out of me, dude.
-And you...cocaine?
- Curry
Cocaine
Curry
-Cigarettes make me shit, too.
-You should smoke a whole...
-My hair is dead as fuck, bro.
It's fucking dead.
-It feels so fucked.
-It is.
It's like straw.
-It's gonna all fall out.
-Dude, it is falling out.
-Maybe you should
just condition it once.
- Switchblades
-I do. I do.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-And, oh, shit!
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-[ Speaking indistinctly ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause
continue ]
[ Cheers and applause
intensify ]
-What?
Everybody say,
"GothBoiClique."
-GothBoiClique!
-GothBoiClique!
-GothBoiClique!
-GothBoiClique!
-GothBoiClique!
-Yeah!
[ Audience chanting
"GothBoiClique" ]
-He believed in equality
in a way
I think that he maybe
struggled with the idea
that all things aren't equal,
that you...
even just with the concept
that you have to rise above
means you're...
All things aren't equal.
You can't be equal
with your friends.
That's why he'd give away
a lot of things
and allow people to share,
to live in his house and allow
people to share all his stuff
and give away his money
because he believed
in that concept.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-He was anxious about not being
able to be enough for everyone
and that everybody
just wanted so much from him.
This apartment
is because of him.
He paid my rent in August,
and I didn't ask,
but he knew my money was bad,
and he just...
He had bought...
It was the day he bought that
triple-pendant diamond chain.
-Everyone was experiencing it
for the first time,
didn't understand
how anything worked.
They just...Yeah, they thought
that Peep had
this endless supply of money,
and he has this credit card.
He can use it whenever,
and I don't think
Peep understood
how it worked either.
Like, I don't think
Peep was conscious of the fact
that what he's spending
he had to make back,
you know, but, like, no one was
because everyone
was learning for the first time.
Everyone was so young.
Like, this is not a good
situation of all these kids
being dependent
on him like this.
Like, this is gonna end up bad.
-This is the grandson
of someone
that was part of leftist
causes around the fucking world.
His grandfather fucking
has the Medal of fucking Freedom
from the fucking Mexico City
workers union.
Like, he went there and became
one of them,
and it's almost kind of
like what Peep did.
He came here
and became one of the kids.
-He had very big plans.
You know, he said he wanted
to take capitalism
out of the music industry,
not just revolutionize music
as it sounds but revolutionize,
make a revolution, like,
change the structure
of the power structure
of who was controlling it.
He was so excited by that.
But I do think that he was kind
of wrestling
with the materialism
of the entertainment business,
I guess you could call it.
He came home in August,
you know, saying,
"Oh, you know, and capitalism,
and it's just awful,
and look at how they make
these decisions about me
and the way I look,
and it's just all wrong,
and I just...
You know, I got to be...
These are my bros
and my brothers,
and I just want to just
make music,
and we all help each other,
and it's a collective, Mama."
[ Indistinct conversations ]
It kind of was tied to,
you know,
a sense of justice that he has.
-The guilt of being...
having more, more charisma,
more talent,
more, you know, everything.
[ "Interlude" playing ]
Two racks on my new shoes
Why the fuck I do that
Tell me, why the fuck
do I do that
Two racks
on some Gucci shoes
Why the fuck do I do that
Tell them
why the fuck I do that
Who's that,
Wish you were in a room
Why the fuck do you do that
Tell me, why the fuck
do you do that
Girl, you know that
I'm a die real soon
Why the fuck do you do that
Tell me, why the fuck
do you do that
Give me a break
from all this bullshit
Give me a break
from all this bullshit
Give me a break
from all this bullshit
She just want me
for the coke drip
Yeah
Give me a break
from all this bullshit
Give me a break
from all this bullshit
Give me a break
from all this bullshit
She just want me
for the coke drip
Give me a break
from all this bullshit
Give me a break
from all this bullshit
Give me a break
from all this bullshit
Give me a break
Give me a break
-Dear Gus, believe me.
I know things about boys
a mother cannot know.
She's learning it now
from Oskar and you,
but I already know it,
having lived through it
and learned it from Alfred.
I can tell you,
I see pure gold in you.
It's not just success.
Actually,
it's not success at all.
It's the good we do,
the good you can do,
the good I believe you will do,
the good
you don't understand now,
can't see now
but will see better
and better as you get older.
There's tremendous strength
in this kind of work,
the kind that moves mountains.
It's a strength that comes
purely from a deep,
special kind of yearning,
a yearning for making things
right, a yearning for justice.
I'm sorry about your bike
being stolen.
Let's just say,
without planning to do it,
we gave it for Christmas
to a poor kid,
but while I'm in this world,
you're not gonna go
without a real
Christmas present.
Even if it's not the same
kind of little bike,
we'll get you some wheels.
Only remember, the best presents
aren't things, material things,
but qualities,
experiences we cannot lose.
You, your mom and Oskar
and Alfred
coming to see me at Christmas
was by far the best present
I could have.
I can't lose it.
It's in a better place
even than my memory.
It's in the memory of my heart.
Is there any particular
Johnny Cash CD you'd like?
I hope you stay warm and well.
Study hard.
Be good.
Hasta febrero.
Love, your grandpa, Pack Ack.
-I think there were two people.
There was Gus,
and there was Lil Peep,
and I think a lot of us
have that kind of duality,
but with him,
it happened to have a name,
and I think he would...
His nature, one side,
he would be the kid
who was like,
"I want a sanctuary.
I don't want to party.
I want to hang out
and just be chill,"
and who was completely sweet
and, you know,
just, like,
an amazing human being,
and then you have
this other person
that's way more flamboyant,
way more reckless.
It was like this daredevil
that he would go harder
than anybody else.
Everyone was doing blow
or pills.
He was going to out-blow
everybody.
He was just...He went hard.
-Give me that bottle.
Grab that bottle.
Grab that bottle.
-What bottle, Tuck?
-The Hennessy bottle.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-The fam is back.
The fam is back.
The money pops,
as you can see, baby.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
- I don't want to die alone
right now
But I admit I do sometimes
These drugs are calling me
Do one more line
Don't fall asleep
This is the song
they played
When I crashed
into the wall
This is the girl
I told that
We could have it all
- Yeah
-Dude, once you
become successful,
I mean, no matter,
like, what field it's in,
but, I mean, especially music,
it's, "What do you want?
And how much of it do you want?
Because I can have it here
right now,"
and if you are
the star of the party,
all anybody wants to do
is give you what you want.
You can have as
much of whatever.
You know? You like girls?
Here you go.
You like blow?
Here you go.
You like alcohol?
Here you go.
-Everyone wanted to
feed him drugs and, you know,
they wanted him to like them
and, you know, like,
"Oh, you're gonna feel
so good," whatever.
I saw people offering him drugs
all day and night.
-Came with the acid, look!
[ Speaks indistinctly ]
-But, like, it would slow down,
and that's why
it would be difficult
because, like,
I would tell Chase,
"Okay, yeah, he does drugs."
But then Chase would come
and be like,
"Okay, yeah," like,
"You have a problem," like,
"You're an addict. You're this.
You're that," like,
"Layla is telling me that you're
doing drugs," and he's like,
"Okay, well, I can stop.
I don't have to do drugs,"
and then, like,
a week would go by.
He wouldn't do drugs.
Like, he really could stop,
and he wouldn't do them,
but, like, when he did do them,
it would sometimes be excessive.
-Mike is on the bed.
-Get the fuck out.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Girls screaming ]
[ "Hellboy" playing ]
- You don't even know
what I've been through
You don't gotta like me,
ya bitch do
Blowing up my phone like,
"I miss you"
You know I love you by the way
that I kiss you
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Then we finished the tour,
the last few dates in Seattle.
Then there was, like, a day
or two off,
and then there was the end
L.A. show.
-Watch out, vehicle stopped
on shoulder ahead.
- Fuck the flag
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Laughter ]
-He had been touring around
the country and the world,
and I was excited to finally
see him in Los Angeles after,
you know, his rise
as a young independent artist,
and I think I got to the show
maybe a half an hour
before he was supposed to go on,
and Chase comes over to me,
and he said,
"I was thinking about
canceling the show,"
and I said, "Why?"
And he goes,
"'Cause I think Peep might
have taken
a little too much of something,"
and I was like,
"That's not good."
And all of a sudden, everybody
kind of empties the backstage,
and I think there's about
5 minutes before showtime.
Chase runs and, you know,
tries to get the stage ready,
and we're in the stairwell,
and it's just Peep and I,
and Peep looks at me.
He goes, "I don't know
if I can do this,"
and I was like..."Okay."
Um...
and some guy opens the door,
and he goes, um, "It's time."
I go, "All right,"
and look at Peep,
and I'm fearful that he won't
be able to find the stage
'cause he's disoriented.
He runs onstage.
He's able to stand.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ "Hellboy" playing ]
- You don't even know
what I've been through
You don't gotta like me,
ya bitch do
Blowing up my phone like,
"I miss you"
You know I love you
by the way that I kiss you
You don't even know
what I've been through
You don't gotta like me,
ya bitch do
Blowing up my phone like,
"I miss you"
-There was a lot of talk
about what was gonna happen
if he wasn't able to perform.
There was talks of even calling
to, like,
not make the show cancellation
be on his back
but, like, calling
the fire department
or reporting the venue
over capacity
and having the city come
and shut the show down
instead of it being canceled
on our end.
- It keeps on telling me
Peep, leave it alone
I'm good on my own
Mama miss me at home
But I'm good on my own
Baby, I'm cold
Back on the road
-There was a point
where he, like,
disassociated with, like,
the show,
and I start hitting
the fog machine,
like, just, like,
flood the stage with fog
and, like, Tessa was next to me,
and she had, like, a trash
can in case he needed to puke.
It worried me, you know?
Like, I was like, "Yo, like,
the one day
you're, like,
out of my sight,
it's like things
went really bad,"
and, like, I don't know
what was about to happen
when he hit
that weird, dazed moment.
It was really weird.
It was very unlike him.
-[ Singing indistinctly ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I don't know what happened.
He snapped right back into it.
-He, found...
He, like, he found his way.
He mumbled through the
first song and got the chorus,
and at a moment, it clicked.
- Have you ever felt
like...
-And he killed the entire show.
After the show, all the record
people are just blown away,
thinking, like,
"This is the guy."
I go upstairs to say
hello to him.
He goes, "I told you
I could do it,"
and at that moment, I was like,
"We got a problem."
-I'm sorry, man.
[ Cheers and applause ]
You know me.
-We love you!
-We love you!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-He was kind of nodding off
some something,
putting some ecstasy
in his mouth,
just getting onstage,
and, you know,
Chase is sort of like,
"Get that shit out
of your mouth!"
Like, hands down his throat,
like, trying to literally fish
the pill
out of his mouth, you know?
And there's this sort
of realization
where Peep just sort
of grabbed the pill
and just ran into the bathroom,
locked the door behind him,
and this was a heavy moment
where it's this sort of,
"You're not my dad!"
Or this sort of,
"You can't control me."
He divulged a lot of, like, very
intimate, very personal things,
and I just feel like
he had a crazy life,
and I think what it told me
was just, like,
it's someone who almost went
through some sort of,
like, ego death or something.
Like, he felt like he, like,
transcended his own ego
or the battle that someone
would have with their own ego
and acknowledging
their own pride
and sort of all these things.
It just seemed like something
had crushed that
a long time ago.
-[ Sighs ]
Little bit.
Uh...
it was pretty vague
and pretty, um...
...pretty, uh...
...not mu-- not really.
He didn't really...
He -- he actually...
He did mention that he would
tell me more down the road.
- When I was a young Peep
My father took me
into the city
To see a baseball game
He said, "Son, when you grow
up, I'll leave you
And then you'll make a lot
of money in, like, two years"
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-He was the coach dad,
so he coached them,
and that was really
his relationship with them
was to be their coach.
I mean, I think if you ask
a lot of people, they'll say,
"Yeah, he never talked
about his dad."
You know, I think
he was ashamed of him.
I think he may have been ashamed
of the way
his father treated him.
-Johan had so little respect
for Gus
that he actually would talk
to his girlfriend
on the phone in the car
when Gus was in the back seat.
And finally one day,
Gus went upstairs
and told his mother.
-Obviously, I've never stopped
thinking about
what it took for him to do that.
He's, like, 12 or 13 years old
and standing there
in front of his father,
calling his father out to me,
and at that moment,
from that moment on,
you can imagine his relationship
with his father.
-Oskar, do you know
where this tree could go?
Oskar...
-Dear Gus, after the letter
I sent you yesterday,
I need to write you
something else
because it's been
pressing me so sharp
and hard on my mind
the last couple of days.
You all three, your brother,
you and your mother
have been now through
two very stressful years,
the collapse and end
of her marriage
and the collapse
and end of the only family
your brother and you ever knew.
This has to be terribly painful
and confusing.
Off and on, it makes people
frantic, bewildered and furious.
It's probably something you
cannot talk about with anybody,
but my advice is,
if you can't talk about it,
at least don't deny it
or run from it.
Ask yourself whom you respect,
if anybody,
and if there are any such
people, write a few words,
maybe no more than
a short sentence or two,
saying to yourself
why you respect them,
and if you don't
respect anything
or anybody including me,
ask yourself why you don't.
Maybe you have good reasons.
Maybe you don't.
Maybe you don't think
you need a reason.
Just think about it,
not once, but over days.
One day, you and I
might talk about it.
Love, your grandpa, Pack Ack.
-We didn't talk about it
for a long time.
He just told me
he hated his dad,
doesn't really know him,
like, as a person, and one day,
he mentioned something about how
it fueled a lot of his lyrics.
It was bad.
It definitely scarred Peep
in a way that, like,
I think nobody knew about.
-That's what I'm telling you,
brother.
There's some pain in this kid,
and I saw it from the beginning.
And there's more to that story
that, like,
is not my place to speak on,
and God knows whose place
it is to speak on.
It might not be
anybody's place to speak on.
-I would always tell people,
like, he is not lying.
He's not making things up.
These songs are his true
feelings, and this is real.
Good or bad,
this is all the truth.
-Obviously you hear it
in his music.
It's very, very apparent
in the lyrics
that he was unhappy, right?
But spending time around him
day-to-day,
that wasn't what he gave off.
He came off as very, you know,
charismatic
and alive and, like, happy.
-He was gentle,
lighthearted,
and honestly
good-spirited all the time.
Like, I just felt good energy
around him all the time.
He was never a miser
or a negative person.
Just, like,
light, like, fucking,
just, like, goofy as hell, like,
just funny, always joking, like,
making a joke out of everything.
-Today we gonna hit up
Rodeo Drive.
You know, cash the fuck out
with some Louis Vuitton,
some Birkin bag, you know?
Make me feel fine
10 years ago, I went blind
I've been on my own
since age 9
16 lines of blow,
and I'm fine
Break my bones
but act as my spine
Chicken breast and coleslaw.
-Yeah, pizza base
with nothing on it.
-I can get a pizza base.
-Are you getting creamy
fruit salad?
-I can get blended...
Oh, my God.
The coleslaw is blended
with creamy mayonnaise.
[ Laughing ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
- But they don't want that
They want that real shit
They want that drug talk
That I can't feel shit
I'm never coming home now
All alone now
Can't let my bros down
Can't let my bros down
I feel like I'm a no one
That's what they told me
I'm gonna show you
Baby, I was chosen
I'm a motherfucking
Schema boy
I'm a dreamer boy
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Beeping ]
-Tyler.
Tell me that you hate me
Tell me that you hate me
I just want to hear that,
I just want to hear that
-He was looking out
for hella people.
Like, he looked out
for, like, everyone.
Like, I felt like he was going
kind of crazy.
It just seemed like
he was losing his mind
for a little bit.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
He just kind of realized,
like...
he needs to just do him,
and he did.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-He seemed uncomfortable
in his own house.
-On edge.
-I mean, no seats.
There's all these people.
He's standing in the kitchen as
everyone is sitting on the sofa.
-It was like he didn't want us
to see him that way.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-He's written lyrics about it.
Like, you're in a room
full of people,
but you're alone.
- Take care
Take me away from here
Everybody's so fake
Everybody's so fake, I swear
But I don't want to go
back there
Everybody's so fake
Everybody act
like they care
Everybody act
like they care
-If people wanted to hang out,
even if he was tired,
he would never say no.
He would never...
There were times
when he'd be like,
"I don't want these people
in my place,"
but he wouldn't
tell them to leave.
I don't know.
Like, saying no to somebody
to him was, like, hurting them.
He didn't want to do it.
-He told me he used to, like,
cry in his wardrobe and shit
because he didn't
even have a bed.
People were in his bed
and so...
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-...he'd sit there
and cry,
try not to cry too loud.
Like, he's in his wardrobe
crying
just on his own, you know?
-Fuck this nigga.
He don't want to come
to the studio with us, man.
-Yeah, I do, bro.
-Fuck this nigga, man.
He don't want to come
to the fucking studio with us.
Oh, yeah?
-All right. Goddamn it!
-You don't want to come
to the studio with us, huh?
-That's when I was like,
"You have to get out of L.A."
I realized it was unmanageable
with all these people,
and I said,
"You have to get out of L.A."
-I remember, like, Dre or Goth,
one of them called me
and was...
They were crying.
They were like, "Oh, my God,"
like, "What are we gonna do?
I think Gus is going to London,"
and I was like,
"What do you mean?"
They're like, "He's moving,"
like, "We all just, like,
went to his house
and, like, he told us
he's moving to London."
I'm like, "When is he moving?"
and they're like, "Tomorrow."
And I was like, "Oh, fuck no!"
Like, "You're lying," like,
"There's no way he's moving
to London, like, in one day."
- Hey, man, we did not know
- It's a shame
that we did not know
It's a shame
that we did not know
- Can't afford to fall in love
with you
Not today, girl
They say life is a movie
No, no, baby,
mine is a picture
-Tilt your hands down
a little more.
Yeah, that's it,
and eyes at camera.
-I mean, if you saw, like,
this course of action,
it's just...
It's kind of crazy.
He just had so many things
coming out at all times,
and so many things
around the corner,
and he truly got into a flow
where he was just rolling
forward with so much.
Fashion was honestly, like,
the next big thing.
He wanted to start
his own clothing brand,
No Smoking.
He thought to himself, "I could
design the coolest shit."
- Isn't life beautiful?
I think that life
is beautiful
-And I was like,
"He's going to fashion week.
I want him to arrive
like a star."
I said, "I want him to roll
into fashion week."
I was like, "He's gonna be
a really big star,"
and he actually was.
Everyone went crazy for him.
-There was something very
innocent and childlike
in his lack of understanding
at the beginning
of the fashion industry,
of designers, of photographers,
of stylists.
He didn't really understand
why this was all happening
and why there was
such an interest in him.
Somebody doing their first
fashion shoot with Mario Testino
for "V Magazine" being styled
by Nicola Formichetti,
really, like, a stylist
who's kind of responsible
for the careers of,
like, Lady Gaga,
who at the time was the
creative director for Diesel.
It was a huge deal,
and so that would give him,
like, that springboard
into the fashion industry.
-How is this fashion?
-Oh, wow.
-This is --
this is ridiculous.
This is ridiculous.
[ "Fat Lip" playing ]
- Storming through the party
like my name is El Nio
When I'm hangin' out drinkin'
in the back of an El Camino
As a kid I was a skid
And no one knew me by name
I trashed my own house party
'cause nobody came
Well, I know I'm not the one
You thought
you knew back in high school
Never going, never showing up
when we had to
Attention that we crave,
don't tell us to behave
I'm sick of always hearing
"act your age"
I don't want
to waste my time
Become another casualty
of society
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim
of your conformity
And back down
Because you don't
Know us at all,
we laugh when old people fall
But what would you expect
with a conscience so small?
Heavy metal and mullets,
it's how we were raised
Maiden and Priest were
the gods that we praised
'Cause we like having fun
at other peoples expense and
Cutting people down
is just a minor offense then
It's none of your concern,
I guess I'll never learn
I'm sick of being told
to wait my turn
I don't want
to waste my time
Become another casualty
of society
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim
of your conformity
And back down
-How's your first time
in Paris, mate?
[ Laughs ]
-It's all good, man.
- I will come and haunt you
If I ever fucking die
I'm gonna be too fly
See me looking
like a goddamn...
-Can we get a balance-down
of that?
And can you send it back to that
e-mail that I sent you?
[ Singing indistinctly ]
-Makonnen looked at it
like this --
"I like this kid.
He's cool as fuck.
Let's do this shit,
and let's go hard."
They were FaceTiming me in from
that fucking studio constantly.
Like, I was supposed
to be there as well.
It's just that I never liked
inserting myself
into these situations.
I wanted them to, like,
fucking have creative freedom
in their moments.
Like, what the fuck am I
gonna offer the situation?
Because I'm not fucking here.
Fuck it.
-It was very surreal,
and I felt with him,
I was like, "Look, if you looked
like me on the outside."
You know what I'm saying?
Like, on the outside
with all your tats
that house this, like, "Rrr,"
it's scary.
I was like, "That's how
I really am on the inside,"
and I said, "But you
on the inside look kind of soft
and nice as how I look
on the outside."
And you know what I'm saying?
So we would just...
We would have this cool, little,
you know what I'm saying,
dynamic with each other
to where it's, like,
we're saying we were little
brokenhearted teddy bears,
and we were, like,
repairing each other,
you know, me and him.
And so, like, you know,
we're making this music, right?
And so, like,
this music was like,
"It's gonna heal the world,
and it's gonna elevate us
into pop-star land."
- You're the only one
that I want
-Hello.
Break my heart
But don't tell me
I'm not doing fine
Because I'm doing fine
Let me go
I'm spending time
Not doing fine
But I'm doing fine
- Why you acting vain
for my love
Vain for my love
When you've got everything
that I want
-[ Laughing ]
Damn, that's...
-If I put that out,
Sarah is gonna be like,
"What did they do?"
-It was great, man.
I've never made music
like that with anybody.
Like, it's just...
It was never a dull session.
You know what I'm saying?
The only time we had
to leave the session
is because too many people
came to the session,
and I was like, "Peep, we've got
to get out of here," like,
"It's just getting hectic.
We're not getting no work done,"
and then, like, people...
We're so nice, right?
He's...So I started to have
to try to teach him, like,
"Bro, they're gonna take
everything.
You have to start being like,
'No, no, no.'"
-And me and Makonnen kind of,
like, fucking towards the end,
I'll be honest with you.
Like, we weren't being dicks.
We weren't being haters to,
like,
this whole group of friends.
Like, you know what I mean?
But, like, did me and Makonnen
tell him
specifically he needed to stop
fucking hanging out
with everybody
he was hanging out with?
To kind of take a step back
and let this, like, fucking wave
get to where it was going?
Because I already saw
where it was.
-I would be with him sometimes,
and some of his friends
would call him
and be like, "What the fuck?"
Like, "I'm going on tour.
I'm doing this,"
like, "We're coming."
Sometimes he would
really cry and be like,
"I don't know how to help them.
I've done everything," like,
"They're all homeless.
I let them stay at my house.
I let them come in and out.
I let them wear my clothes.
I buy them food."
-When we went to London,
sort of him and GBC
were kind of having
some sort of rift or something,
and they were kind of saying,
like, a lot of negative things,
and he was feeling sad and stuff
and about it, and I was like,
"A lot of people don't want you
to grow without them.
You have a lot of great
opportunity going on.
Your music is so real,
and I know that you've been
in your pain and hurt to get
this music, and this is, like,
when you do this,
you're alone, right?
And all you really wanted
is others around you,
and now you have everybody
coming around you
for all the wrong reasons.
Your friends are gonna
start saying
the worst things about you.
You know what I'm saying?
The ones that you were
with the longest,
and you were friends,
and then they're gonna start
saying the worst things
about you,
and it's gonna hurt you
the most."
- Bother me
Tell me awful things
You know I love it
when you move that on me
Love it
when you do that on me
-I distinctly said to him,
"You know
you're not just a rapper,"
and he said, "Yeah."
And I said, "You do know
that in order to achieve
what you're gonna be
able of achieving,
you're gonna have
to leave people behind,"
and I said,
"Do you understand that?"
And he said, "Yeah."
He said, "I know that."
- Ahh
[ Cheers and applause ]
Y'all remember?
[ "Sometimes Life Gets
Fucked Up" playing ]
Sometimes life
gets fucked up
That's why we get fucked up
- Fucked up
- I can still feel your touch
I still do those same drugs
Sometimes life
gets fucked up
That's why we get fucked up
- Fucked up
- I can still feel your touch
I still do those same drugs
That we used to do
-When Chase reached out
and was like,
"You ready for the next one?"
I was like, "Okay," you know?
Okay, because now at least
I knew a little more
of what to expect,
and I was coming in
a little bit more prepared,
so that was nice, um...
but it didn't matter, you know?
It didn't matter in the end
because, like,
so many things got changed
the week before that tour left.
-[ Speaking indistinctly ]
-Hey, hey, hey!
-They are responsible.
They are responsible.
-Steve, stop.
-This is him right now.
This is the before video
in case this goes tits up.
-The tour was originally
supposed to be just him,
and I think he wanted
to bring Tracy.
You know, that was
his original plans
until everything went down,
like, a week before tour.
He didn't want to tell them,
"I'm leaving GBC,"
without kind of giving them
a present, you know,
taking them on tour
and getting them exposure.
- Somebody wake me up
I'm kissing Styrofoam
-It's like this perfect storm.
It's like that was happening
while he and I had an issue,
and he was touring where
I couldn't be close to him,
and, you know,
and so that led to the situation
of having to switch tour crew,
and we had a whole new crew,
and we had,
like, days to do this.
We had maybe, like,
three to five days.
- That ain't no hard rock
I love all bitches
Dislike Tupac
-The people brought in had no
fucking idea what they're doing.
L.B. was holding it down.
He was pretty much being
production manager
and tour manager,
and that's not his fucking job.
You know what I mean?
But he was like,
"This is a nightmare.
This is the worst tour
I've ever been on."
-What I do, how old I am,
where I'm from?
-Your name, how old are you,
where you're from, what you do.
-Okay.
My name is Lil Peep.
I'm 21.
I'm from Long Island, New York.
I'm a goth boy.
I'm a ladyboy.
-When did you notice
GothBoiClique
starting to pop up?
-Um...
I noticed GothBoiClique
started to pop up when I had
to start walking around
with my shades on.
You feel me?
-What's it feel like
to see kids lined
down the block to see you?
-It feels like I got
to keep my shades on.
-You got to
answer it differently.
-Okay.
-Say, "The feeling I get
from seeing kids lined
down the block."
-The feeling I get from
seeing kids lined down the block
for my show is
that I got to keep my shades on.
-How does it feel to have kids
sing your lyrics back at you?
-When kids sing my lyrics
back at me,
it reminds me that I need to
keep my shades on at all times.
-How...[Laughs]
How has this tour been?
-This tour has been great.
My shades have been
on the whole time.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
- I'm kissing Styrofoam
Who know what I be on
That's what I be on
She know what I be on
Who know what I be on
That's what I be on
Baby, move along
I keep moving on
I keep moving on
We keep making up
I keep moving on
We keep making up
I keep moving on
We keep making up
I can't make it up
Somebody wake me up, yeah
Pulled up
with my whole team
Mackned swerving
in a white Beam
Yeah, GothBoiClique
trying to stay clean
Yeah, GothBoiClique,
we got big dreams
And my new bitch
on a movie screen
And my old
-You're open through your
lyrics and through your music
in terms of your relationship
with anxiety and, of course,
by-products and things like that
like depression and such,
and this is a very
important subject now
because, more than ever,
we're seeing,
you know, kids and young people
really suffering through this.
This is now an established
part of life.
You know,
how is your relationship
with that right now?
Now you're actually out
on the road,
keeping yourself busy touring,
making music.
Is it still a struggle for you
to stay centered and stay,
you know...
-Yeah, yeah, definitely.
If anything, things have
gotten worse probably.
-Because of the traveling and
the touring and the pressure?
-Yeah, things just get worse.
The anxiety just gets worse
and worse and worse every day.
-Every time I saw him,
he would cry to me,
like, every time
how much he, like, wished, like,
everything could go back
to normal,
and he didn't have
this pressure on him,
and he wished we could
just be in his room
and, like, do nothing all day
like we used to,
but, like, it just, like,
can't happen anymore.
-Salmon-avocado roll,
tuna-avocado roll,
avocado roll, please,
with extra soy sauce.
Can I have yellow sauce, please?
-By the time we get to,
like, El Paso
or, like, those later dates,
me and that kid have been up
every night for hour--
My sleep schedule is stupid.
Like, I don't know.
I was kind of going insane.
For two months, you know,
for two months,
we were, like, nonstop.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
He was going so hard
for everyone else.
- I was on my own
For the past two months
I haven't seen
a friend's face
-Friends, business, management,
he had a lot of pressure on him,
you know?
Like, he's...
He was just one human being,
and I think under anybody
would have a problem
with dealing with all of that,
and it came from every angle.
You know what I mean?
It really did come
from every angle.
-Peep.
-He had a lot of kindness.
He had a very warm heart,
cared about anybody,
like, you know, like,
and, like,
I think people, like, were like,
"Oh, because he's so kind,
I can, like,
probably get his time,
or I can probably get him
to do this or that or, like,
give me a feature
or listen to my problems,"
and, like,
he didn't have all the answers
for his own problems.
Like, how is he supposed to help
all these people?
I mean, his music was, like,
the most he could give them,
I feel like,
and people wanted almost more.
He couldn't be everything
to everyone.
You know what I mean?
-Wednesday, November 15, 2017,
20:52 and 48 seconds.
What is your emergency?
-Hello?
What is the emergency?
-I need an ambulance.
-Okay. What's the address?
-I'm at The Rock.
I'm at a venue called The Rock.
-All right.
Tell me what's going on there.
-I've got a...
I work with an artist,
and he's
just completely out of it.
He's cold.
He's just knocked out.
I don't know what he's taken.
-Okay.
-But he's completely out.
-And he's awake?
-He's not awake.
We're trying to wake him up,
and he's not awake at all.
-Is he breathing normally?
-Not really, no.
-All right.
We're getting the help sent now.
I want you get him flat
on his back on the floor
with nothing under his head.
-I'm on the phone
to the ambulance now.
I'm on the phone
to the ambulance now, bro.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Are you next to him now?
-We're in the bus.
-Okay.
Can you get him just flat
on the ground?
-We need to get him flat
on the ground.
-If he's not breathing
normally,
we need to start CPR
to keep that oxygen
pumping through his blood.
-We need to get him flat
on his back.
-You need to start CPR now.
He's not breathing properly.
-We need to get him flat
on his back...
-We need to get him doing...
We need to do CPR.
-...on the floor,
on the floor,
yeah, on the floor.
-If whoever is doing it starts
to get tired,
have somebody else take over.
-If she gets tired...
-It can be tiring.
-If she gets tired,
then fucking take over.
Have to stay on the phone.
Is somebody on their way?
-They're already on their way,
lights and sirens.
You tell me...
-They're on their way.
-...if they're right there.
-They're not very far away.
-Fuck.
-You don't know how to call
a mother to tell her
that her son just died.
[ Clears throat ]
So I called her,
and she had, like, woken up.
I think she said she had
just gone to sleep,
and I was just like,
"Liza...
I'm so sorry.
Peep has passed.
Uh, I think he O.D.'d,
but the paramedics were there,
and the cops, you know,
declared him dead."
What kept going through my head
is, like,
I have, you know, two babies,
and I'm just, like,
putting myself
in his mother's shoes,
and I'm trying to process
that this kid
who I've spent the last year
and a half
taking care of...
[sighs] ...is gone and...
-I looked at him
like he's so strong to me,
and then he looks at me
like I'm so strong to him,
so it was just...
You know, it's just a great...
It's like it makes you feel
worth it, you know,
especially when you look up
to somebody,
and you look up to somebody,
and they look up to you back,
and so what you got,
start feeling equal.
It's not like you're looking up
to somebody, anything,
just feel...
It just feel good being accepted
by another,
and so that's what me
and Lil Peep had.
-The reality is that
Peep is like a fucking Viking
and that he probably could
muscle the unimaginable.
However, he took, you know, over
the lethal dose of fentanyl.
I mean, there's no fucking...
That's just death.
That's, like, death for anyone
who takes it, you know?
He got spiked with something
that, like, was far more
than any system
could take, you know?
Sort of he just got
fucking killed, you know?
-I remember seeing one video
as a kid in the beginning.
It was daylight still.
He was passed out, and then
the second video, next scene,
it was already dark,
and he already looked like
he was fucking gone.
-At least hours,
like, four or five hours, go by,
and there's obviously time
stamps for this, too,
so there's, like, proof that,
like, four or five hours go by,
and the sun is down, and he's in
the exact same position.
Like, no one decided
to touch him, not one person.
-Listen.
I came onto the bus,
and the first thing I always do
is check on Peep,
went straight
to the back of the bus.
Everybody is on the bus
now having fun.
Open the door, seen him,
blanket, like, light off,
first of all,
air-con blowing,
which is something he does
when he goes to sleep, yeah.
He's covered in a blanket,
and his head is back
looking like he's knocked out.
I was under the belief here that
Peep went to sleep.
-So how the fuck is there
any type of motive
or any reasoning
behind some type of conspiracy?
I can't even go online,
my nigga.
Looking at my mom in the eyes,
bro, like, every little thing
that I've ever done wrong
just blown up, my nigga.
It's the most
embarrassing thing, my nigga,
and especially when I know
the fucking truth, you know?
And I know that this shit
is just so wrong, my nigga,
and just all lies.
I'm just so paranoid.
Like, may not even
be y'all doing.
I don't know how this may
be flipped, you know?
What specific parts
of this documentary
are gonna be planted
against me and my family?
-Yeah, yeah.
-You know what I mean?
It would have nothing to do
with you guys.
It'll be completely out
of here, bro.
You feel me?
-Yeah.
-I mean, like, after this
comes out, you feel me?
Certain parts that get picked,
you know what I mean,
and edited
by the conspiracists and,
"Oh, this is why this happened,
and this why the..."
Suck my dick, bitch, nigga.
That's why this happened, nigga.
You feel me?
Fuck you, bitch, nigga.
You got me fucked up, nigga.
That's why this happened.
-Peep's death, it's a lot
of mystery behind it.
What the fuck
was everybody doing?
Now, I'm not sitting here
pointing no fingers.
I wasn't there, so I don't know.
Hey. You need 30 minutes?
Okay. Cool?
You need a hour?
All right.
Little weird, but four,
four hours?
I don't know, man.
I don't know.
I don't know about that.
I don't know exactly
what happened,
but to me,
something ain't right.
I'm telling --
Look, I'm telling you right now.
Keep this in there.
Half the people that's
gonna be in this documentary,
they bullshitting.
They clout chasing.
That's all it is.
You have to be aware
of your surroundings
because not everybody
your friends.
So I believe he was starting
to wake up,
but he just couldn't
because he didn't get
the opportunity to.
Everything came back
full circle.
-Wait right here.
-Whoo!
- I'll be back in the morning
I know that I'm not
that important to you
But to me, girl, you're so
much more than gorgeous
So much more than perfect
Right now, I know that
I'm not really worth it
If you give me time,
I can work on it
Give me some time
while I work on it
Losing your patience, girl
-He did not get
to have his life.
He was gonna get
to really have a experience.
I think what really is
heartbreaking to me, though,
is that he had endured
a lot of pain,
and he had fought his way
through it,
and he was...
You know, he fought his way
through the pain
of his childhood, really,
and he just didn't give up.
But that's why I have
anger at...
That's the thing, you know?
So, like, all of this, like,
you get to holding onto him
and holding onto him and then
don't want to let him go.
But you definitely
don't want to get...
You just don't want
to let him go.
-I'd had my usual day,
a couple hours at the gym
in the morning
and then working hard
in the afternoon,
come home about 6:30,
make my soup and go to bed
and get up at 5:00
and do my routine
for the next day.
But then some point
in the middle of the night,
the light went on,
and Jenny, Liza's mother, came.
She has a key to the house,
um...
she came in and kind of
just touched me when,
with the light, I woke up,
and she said kind of
taking a breath,
"Gus is dead,"
and, uh...
that woke me up.
Um...
I don't think I'd felt
anything that bad...
...um...
or so strangely bad...
...ever before.
It's just a wound that...
[ Sighs ]
...I don't...
I think it heals
but only in the sense
that the pain of it
never really ends.
The shock of the pain
subsides unevenly
because sometimes,
you know, the littlest thing...
Harvard Square, I see some kid
walking along the way
Gus walked in a kind of...
I don't know what kind of...
how to describe it.
And just, you know, I mean,
daily you...
[ Sighs ]
Um...
It, uh, gets to you.
You know, everybody's life
in that way
is some kind of instant
in eternity,
and the good in it
is just there forever.
I mean, I think Augustine
got that from Plato
and from what he understood
from Greekish gospels
like John...
...that these things
are...limitlessly good,
and that makes me feel
that I don't have to worry
about it.
It's just true.
I mean, there's...
That gospel song that I
remembered at some point
over the last few years
about this little light of mine,
but the chorus is wonderful
more than the verses, I think.
It's about, "Do remember me
way beyond the blue."
[ Laughs ]
That's where truth is,
way beyond the blue,
but it's as real
as it is here and now.
So Gus is gone,
but, you know,
he's way beyond the blue.
The deepest significance
of being in the world
but not of it,
you don't have to
accept the limits of it.
And certainly Gus did.
And he had work to do,
and he wanted to do it
to say what he had to say,
a real bell-ringing truth.
He wanted to get it right
and get it out.
I think that's, you know,
real art
and, more than that, real soul.
[ "Walk Away as the Door Slams"
playing ]
- Club lights,
we fight every night
Baby, I don't wanna do that
Your type, jeans tight,
dirty Sprite
She like,
"How the fuck you do that"
I can't be there
all the time
But you know
I got to prove that
I can't leave here
anytime soon
I got something to do,
yeah
Walk away
as the door slams
You got blood
on your poor hands
I just wanted to help
Now I'm goin' to hell
Walk away
as the door slams
Walk away
as the door slams
You got blood
on your poor hands
I just wanted to help
Now I'm goin' to hell
Walk away
as the door slams
Club lights, we fight
every night
Baby, I don't wanna do that
Your type, jeans tight,
dirty Sprite
She like,
"How the fuck you do that"
I can't be there
all the time
But you know
I got to prove that
I can't leave here
anytime soon
I got something to do,
yeah
Walk away
as the door slams
You got blood
on your poor hands
I just wanted to help
Now I'm goin' to hell
Walk away
as the door slams
Walk away
as the door slams
You got blood
on your poor hands
I just wanted to help
Now I'm goin' to hell
Walk away
as the door slams