Welcome back, Felix.
It's good to be back, Gary.
It says here that you've had
two suspensions
In the last semester.
Oh, that can't be right.
I thought that was three.
Two, Felix.
Two suspensions.
The first was in September
For rewiring the cheerleaders
fund-Raiser money
To a koala bear sanctuary.
Noble cause, don't you think?
I think you owe an apology
to a dozen cheerleaders.
I think there are
two dozen koalas
That would disagree
with that, Gary.
And then again, in October
For programming
the gym scoreboard
To display an indecent photo
of Mrs. Jensen.
Whoo!
I think I did everyone a favor
with that one.
I'm not gonna play games
with you, Felix.
Two suspensions
in a single semester
Is unheard of here at Eastwood.
Mr. Truman, I understand
I'm... I'm not what you'd consider
an exemplary student.
But I believe I play
a pivotal role
In the operations
of this school.
If I wasn't here to test
the rules,
How would the other students
even know they existed?
Today I was told
That you hacked
the vending machines
To give out
free gum to students.
Is that true?
Gum?
Are you trying to get expelled?
And deny you the pleasure
of my company?
I'm expelling you, Felix.
That's it.
Wait.
Seriously?
That was your third strike.
So that means I-I can't come
to class anymore?
Oh, you'll never set foot
in the school again.
Gary...
I don't know how to thank you.
Incredible.
I spent my whole school career
trying to ditch class,
And they punish me by giving me
an early retirement.
Right now Mr. Truman
is about to call my mom
To let her know
about my expulsion.
I can't let that happen.
Oh! Oh!
On average, an Eastwood high
fire drills take 11 minutes.
I only need 10.
Yo, Felix!
Danny boy.
What's up, buddy?
You pulled the fire alarm again?
Of course. Did I get you out
of that trig test?
You got me out of the trig test.
- Timed it perfectly.
- Yeah.
Yo, I heard you got suspended.
Nope, expelled.
- Whoa, what? Are you serious?
- Yeah.
Dude, your parents
are gonna kill you.
Only if they find out,
and they won't.
- What makes you say that?
- We'll talk soon.
I got a take an important call
in eight and a half minutes.
You're insane!
I programmed my mom's phone
To forward her calls
to my Skype account.
When Mr. Truman calls,
I'll just...
Excuse me.
I got to take this.
Hello?
Expelled?
Expelled, Mrs. O'neil.
We have a three-Strike policy
here at Eastwood,
And that was his third strike.
What are we gonna do with him?
Who, me?
No, not you.
Ben.
What happened?
I thought he was improving.
His grades are getting worse.
Last year, my brother, Ben,
forged a report card.
When my parents found out,
they sent him
To the mountain
disciplinary academy.
Located in the foot hills
of Montana,
It's more of a jail
than a school.
There's bar on windows,
Wardens instead of teachers.
I heard it smells like butthole.
He got a 1.7 GPA.
Unbelievable.
What about you, Felix?
How are things at school?
Things are great.
I aced my trig test.
There you go.
Wow.
Great job, kiddo.
Yep.
Studied for it all week.
- I like to hear that.
- Yes.
Diane says the report cards
are coming out in a few days.
Mm, and what kind of grades
can we expect to see?
Lots of "A" s.
Aw.
Looks like I'm gonna need
a new report card.
Getting a decent report card
here at Eastwood
Is pretty difficult...
slightly more difficult
when you've been expelled.
There are only seven people
With the power to print
a report card.
Just one of them is a student.
She's Mr. Truman's T.A.
She also happens to be
my bitter ex-Girlfriend.
Someone's coming.
I do not have time
to talk to you.
You haven't heard
what I want talk about.
Now we've already talked
more than I wanted.
I need a report card.
Then I suggest
going back to school,
Preferably
somewhere far from here.
Ouch.
Or you could just print one
for me.
No.
Um, weren't you expelled?
Um, yeah.
Can you please go?
Any reason you keep covering
Stacy's anti-Bullying postings?
- I want to win.
- I can help with that.
I don't think so.
Oh, come on.
We both know I can.
Vanessa, don't.
He's trouble.
Can you finish this for me?
Sure.
Bye.
So Stacy's favored
to win this thing.
Yeah, I figured.
So how do I beat her?
Oh, it's actually really simple.
Just hand out
cute little marshmallows
- With your name on them.
- Do I need to slap you?
Hey, guys?
Could you possibly get
off the stairs?
You're in the shot.
It blows my mind that people
like her so much.
Hey, hey, come over here.
I'll interview you
for my bullying segment.
I want you to end her.
That can be arranged.
Can you get me my report card?
Yes, I can get you
a report card.
Great. I'll take
straight "A" s, please.
Do you have the slightest clue
as to how much work
Goes into getting
straight "A" s?
Mm... don't care.
I'll take straight "A" s, please.
Done.
What's the plan?
All it takes is a single tweet.
Roxy?
Roxy.
Meet Roxy.
Roxy is infamous for ruining
the lives of students
With vicious rumors.
I am no exception.
"Leave it to Felix O'Neil
to creep on the girl's bathroom
"Through a hole on the ceiling.
Peepingtom."
It all happened when Vanessa
and I were dating freshman year.
After school, I tried
to break into the library
To borrow a new P.C.
Aah!
This isn't the boys' bathroom.
A single tweet
caused the bitter end
Of my sweet, sweet relationship
with Vanessa.
Danny!
What are you doing here?
I need help with something.
Seriously, though,
Where the hell
did you just come from?
The window.
You scared me half
to death, man.
- Oh!
- I apologize.
I need you to help me
hack into Roxy.
And I need you
to shut your mouth.
How's that?
Cool.
Is there a problem here?
Uh, yeah, there is a problem.
I don't like hacking into things
That can tweet my social life
out of existence.
No. Yeah, yeah,
but that's the thing.
If we had Roxy's password,
we could control the tweets.
Go on.
We could delete them or...
post them.
We can post them?
I mean, I guess it wouldn't hurt
to just get the password.
Yes, exactly!
Do your thing, man.
Do your thing.
How's it coming?
You may want to sit down
for this.
Password acquired.
And I also found
Roxy's I.P. Address.
You got the I.P. Address?
How?
Worked a little bit of my magic
And found a back door
into twitter.
- Are you kidding?
- Nope.
Nearly pooped my pants
from excitement.
I know Roxy's true identity.
Shut up and show me.
Holy...
crap.
I heard it said that bullying
creates bullies...
A vicious cycle
that will continue
Until someone makes a stand
against it.
I am here to make that stand.
When you vote today,
Remember I am here to make
Eastwood high bully-Free.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
Vote Stacy.
These people
need to know the truth.
We need to expose her.
Let's just beat her to death.
She'll lose the race
if she is exposed.
She'll lose the race
if we beat her to death.
Vanessa, would you relax
a little bit?
Fine.
How do we expose her?
With this.
We put a video on there
with all of the information
Linking Stacy to Roxy.
We're gonna patch
into the school's TV system.
Then we're gonna broadcast it
live to the entire school
During the video announcements.
Excuse me.
What the hell
are you doing here?
Hi, Gary.
What do I have to do
to get through to you?
Do I need to call the police?
I don't think
that'll be necessary.
What are you planning
to do with this, huh?
Uh, that's just a school project
That I've been working on.
Yeah, another one
of your pranks?
- No, I just...
- Listen to me very carefully.
If I see you on my campus again,
I'll have you in handcuffs
In front of all
your little friends.
Do you understand?
- Sure.
- Leave...
now.
We need another copy of that
video before the announcements.
It's impossible.
It would take hours to run home
and render a new one.
There's just not enough time.
But the student body
votes today.
Yeah.
I think you're boned.
And that solves the mystery
Of our faulty
fire-Alarm system.
Up next, an anti-Bullying
segment from Stacy Richards.
At Eastwood high
there is one bully
That has caused more torment
than any other... Roxy.
If I'm elected,
I will stop at nothing
To bring Roxy to justice.
I can help with that.
Good morning, Eastwood high.
It is my genuine pleasure
to reveal the true identity
Of the anonymous cyber bully,
known as...
Roxy.
He must've
patched into the system.
But how did he get on TV?
He's doing it live.
And basically,
I'm gonna screw her.
- What the hell is this?
- Shh.
Behind me
is Roxy's I.P. Address,
Which I acquired
by a brute-Force hacking
Of the twitter account.
If Stacy Richards
is truly searching for Roxy,
She doesn't have to search
very far.
He's in
the cheerleaders' closet.
This is Stacy Richards'
I.P. Address...
A perfect match
with the one associated with...
Roxy!
Open it.
Oh, for the love of god,
come on!
Oh!
Aah!
So here it is, folks...
Straight "A" s,
courtesy of my girl Vanessa.
What you got there?
Are those your grades?
Uh...
nope, it's
Vanessa's death certificate.
Felix.
Are those your grades?
Uh...
Felix!
Hey!
Hey, mister, you just
don't take off.
I probably could've handled
that better,
But one thing is certain,
My parents must never see
that report card,
For if they do,
They'll simultaneously crap
their pants.
Oh!
Most parents would consider
disowning you
For an "F" on your report card.
Seven "F" s
is a different story.
That right there
is a death sentence.
What is this?
- It's your report card, silly.
- Funny.
I distinctly remember asking
for straight "A" s.
Those appear to be "F" s.
Hmm, looks like you got
the report card you deserve.
This is what I deserve
for helping you?
You've never worked
for anything in your life,
Have you, Felix?
What are you talking about?
You can't expect to walk out
of here in the top percentile
Without ever applying yourself.
I'm not gonna help you cheat
your way to the top.
Are you insane?
I helped you cheat your way
into the presidency.
I earned that presidency.
I've been working towards it
for the last three years.
Do you have any idea
how hard I worked?
I'm gonna give you five
minutes to fix my report card.
- Fix it!
- Or what?
What's gonna happen if I don't?
Use your imagination.
Two minutes to curtain.
So how do you want to play this?
Excuse me.
I have a play to star in,
But good luck
with the report card.
I'm sure your parents
will be really proud.
Anyone can be a jerk,
But Vanessa makes it
in art form.
She's a rare breed,
An innovator.
That straight-F report card
was her crowning achievement.
I close my eyes
I surrender
to you
I lie awake
these sleepless nights
you walked away
and took my life
Get off the stage.
What are you doing?
You betrayed me
all I wanted
was one last kiss
you got it, baby
kiss this booty
oh
what does your heart
tell you?
- It's him.
- my heart tells me
that you're
a traitorous butt-Munch
Take off the mask!
The mask stays on
Hey, guys.
Where were you?
- I was at school.
- "At school"?
Why?
What's going on, Felix?
I was...
gonna explain that to you.
What is this?
The school play...
I'm in it.
You never told me
about a school play.
Yeah, the premiere was tonight,
And I totally forgot.
And...
that's why you ran off
like you did before?
That is correct.
So...
what character were you playing?
The clown...
wizard.
"The clown wizard"?
Yeah, people love me.
"Musical"?
I didn't know you could sing.
Yeah, I do.
- I do sing a little.
- Yeah, well...
sing us something.
Sing us something from the play.
Well, I-I don't...
I don't... I can't...
Yeah, this just doesn't make
any sense.
I am the wizard
a clown wizard
- Hey, honey.
- Good morning, mom.
Listen...
it was unfair of me
to be like that last night.
- I'm sorry.
- It's cool, mom.
Don't worry about it.
I understand.
I am just anxious to see
your grades, that's all.
There's really nothing
to be anxious about.
They just haven't sent
them out yet.
Maybe yours were sent
to the wrong address.
Possibly.
I should talk
to someone over there.
- No.
- I'll take you to school.
No, it's fine.
I'll just ride my bike.
- Are you sure?
- Yep.
I need the exercise anyways.
- Have a good day.
- Will do, daddy-O.
- And don't be late.
- Impossible!
Ever had a snow day?
Pretty cool, right?
You get the whole day off
Because
of some wretched weather.
Being expelled
is kind of like that...
except the weather's awesome.
Your life
is a never-Ending series
Of missed opportunities.
At any given moment, you are
completely surrounded by them.
You just got to know
where to look.
This room, for example...
What do you see?
Anything?
Time's up.
Here's what
you might've missed...
$4.67 under
the couch cushion...
decorative boomerang
bought by my dad,
Never been thrown
a single time...
Shame.
You think this is just
for blowing leaves?
Think again!
Opportunities...
They're all around you...
unless you're in history class.
- Hey, there.
- Hi.
Nice robe.
Thank you.
It's, uh, $18.50.
One second.
Um...
you look familiar.
Do you go to Eastwood?
Yeah, I used to...
till I got expelled.
That's right...
For the pranks.
I liked your work
with the koala bears.
Thank you.
Uh, it's $18.50.
You think you could help me
get that down?
Um...
that depends
on how much you're gonna tip me.
Does $4.67 tickle
your fancy?
Almost... It's about a foot
to the left.
Come on, you got it.
Really?
Am I almost there?
Yeah, almost there.
Just jump... Jump a little higher.
Oh!
- You almost hit me.
- I did?
Good.
Oh, that was so close.
You got this.
One more, one more, one more.
Wait. It's fine.
Go ahead.
Yes!
Oh!
Well...
there goes your tip.
What?
No, stop.
I'm kidding. Stop.
I like her.
These grades right here
Are a one-Way ticket
to Montana.
If I don't turn
these "F"s into "A"s,
My vacation's gonna end
very quickly.
Yo.
How's early retirement?
Incredible.
I got to be honest with you.
I'm pretty envious.
I would be too.
Pizza?
- What's the catch?
- "Catch"?
Yeah, you show up to my house
unexpected, there's a catch.
No...
just pizza.
I swear to god, man,
if there are any catches,
I'm gonna slap you in the mouth.
Zero catches.
Okay.
All right.
Okay, cool.
I need you to help me break
into the school.
Pizza slap!
No.
This is insane.
Which part?
All of it.
All... All of it is insane.
Can you be more specific?
Yeah.
You want to destroy
the school's security camera
With super string
- "Super string"?
Who calls it that?
I don't... Whatever it's called,
we're not using it.
Fine. Would you rather use
spray paint?
No, I'd rather not have a plan
that hinges on sprayable string.
Okay.
Anything else?
Uh, yeah, step one...
I'm not stealing
the janitor's keys.
I mean, the guy looks
like Jeffrey Dahmer.
Come on.
That dude's a sweetheart.
So you in?
I can't do this
without you, man.
I will help you hack
the grading system
- Under one condition.
- Which is?
We need to change
my biology grade.
- Why? What'd you get?
- I'm failing...
so is half of the entire class.
We'll just have to change
your grade, then.
Who are we gonna get
the security code from?
I hear the assistant librarian
has it.
Who is the assistant librarian?
Stacy Richards...
or should I say "Roxy"?
You can't be here.
You're expelled.
And you're suspended,
so that makes two of us.
I'm still allowed to participate
In extracurricular activities.
Well, perfect, 'cause I got
A great extracurricular activity
for you.
- Mrs. Taylor.
- Aw, you're turning me in?
- Mrs. Taylor?
- Sure you want to do that?
- I can give you straight "A"s.
- I already have straight "A"s.
Yeah, but what good
are straight "A"s
When you have a suspension
on your record?
Yes, hon.
I could make
that disappear, you know.
What is it, Stacy?
Your record
would be completely clean.
Never mind.
What exactly do you need
from me?
The keys to the school
And the code
for the alarm system, please.
What makes you think I have
either of those things?
Because those things
are necessary
For assistant librarians
To open the library
on Saturday morning.
It's the one that says
"do not copy".
Yes, I know which one it is.
Thank you.
What do you plan to do
with it exactly?
Copy it.
No, stupid, I mean,
what is your course of action?
Well...
due to new security measures,
My colleague and I
have determined
That it is impossible
to hack the grading system
From the outside.
We need access
to Truman's computer,
And for that,
we will need one key
And one security system code,
which is...?
1,036.
Oh! Like the number of parties
you missed.
Or the number
of jobs you won't qualify for.
Ouch.
- Felix?
- Hey, mom.
It's late, honey.
What's going on?
Uh, just a chemistry project...
for school, school chemistry.
- "Chemistry"?
- Yeah.
Is this a...
smoke bomb.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
Yes, it is.
All right, well,
don't go blowing yourself up
- Or anything.
- I won't.
And get to bed
at a reasonable hour.
Danny.
What are you wearing?
Me? I'm dressed
like a normal human.
- You?
- Well...
I'm wearing black stuff,
b-Burglary stuff.
You can't do that.
Why can I not do that?
Are you robbing a bank?
What?
- Are you?
- Maybe I am.
Oh, then by all means,
dress like that.
I'm just wondering
where your big money bag is
With the dollar sign on it?
Oh, oh.
You're so funny,
yeah, let me go...
I'm gonna go do that real quick.
I'll do that.
Okay, wait.
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
Can we... Can we think about this
for just a split second?
Like, we're about to commit
a-A legit crime right now.
Do you understand the gravity
of the situation at all?
Okay, I take that as a no.
Great.
Ow. Oh.
All right, all right, all right.
What the hell, man?
I told you...
No super string.
What is it with you
and super string?
Nothing. You know what?
Let's just...
We'll forget about it.
No, no. What, what?
Whoa, wait.
Do you have, like,
some dark history with string?
Were your parents
killed by strings?
No, you douche.
I am allergic to latex.
I can't be around super string
'cause it burns my skin.
Relax. I'm just gonna
black out the camera.
Oh, my god!
I'm so sorry!
- This is my nightmare.
- Shh!
This is my nightmare!
It's everywhere!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- The knot was on the wrong way.
- Oh, I bet it was.
Are you good?
Yeah, oh, I'm perfectly fine,
you moron.
- How many times...
- Shh.
Did I say it?
I said, "no super string"!
- Jeez.
- I am sorry.
- I didn't know.
- Oh, "you're sorry.
You didn't know."
Ready?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Yeah.
Boom town.
Don't celebrate yet, man.
Hey, hey.
Don't make me use this, bro.
Are you looking to get punched
in the balls today?
Don't...
Hey!
No.
Felix.
No! Don't!
Felix, no!
- What?
- I can't do it.
He'll wake up.
So how are we gonna move
the laptop?
We don't have to.
- Where did you even find this?
- I got it from Truman's desk.
Shh.
And...
got it.
You're a wizard, Danny.
You know it, bitch.
What are you doing?
I'm bugging his computer
to keep tabs on him.
- "Keep tabs"?
- Yeah.
If he figures out that
we tampered with the grades,
We're gonna want to know
about it.
Ah, got it.
Now let's change
your biology grade.
Yes, let's do that.
Okay, what GPA do you want?
3.5 should be good.
4.0 coming right up.
Really?
Yeah. What, you don't want
straight "A" s?
All right.
Do it.
4.0 it is.
There it is...
Straight "A" s, baby.
Crap, I got to put this back.
Oh, no way, man.
It's mine now.
I got to put it back
on his desk.
He's gonna know we were here.
What are you doing here, Felix?
What are you doing here,
Mr. Truman?
It's 2:00 in the morning.
Uh-Huh. Waiting for the police
to arrive.
What brings you here this time...
Stealing computers again?
I think I'm gonna have to
break your window, Mr. Truman.
If you think that'll help,
son, knock yourself out.
What do you want, Felix?
If you could let me go,
that'd be great.
No, no, no. I mean, what is it
that you want, huh?
What kind a future do you see
for yourself?
Have you ever even thought
about it?
I know what I don't want.
I don't want a seat behind
a desk for the next six years...
so I can get a job and sit
behind a desk for the next 40.
I'm trying to live...
every second of my life
to the fullest.
And...
You're making that
really difficult, Mr. Truman.
Police, open up!
He's over here, officer.
Put your hands behind your back.
Very rarely do I say this,
But I am, without a doubt,
100% boned this time.
On the bright side,
Montana can't be much worse
than this.
This could be difficult
to explain to my parents.
What do you think?
I never planned to end up
like my brother.
Your dad's here to pick you up.
Excellent.
Come on out.
Hey, there, son.
Mr. O'neil?
Do you happen to have
a moist towelette, by chance?
Your son's in a lot of trouble.
What?
Felix, I am disappointed
in you, son!
Super, super disappointed!
I'm so sorry, dad.
- Ready, son?
- Yep.
All right, then.
See you.
You know, I was expecting you
To be a little bit more
upset, dad.
Or can I call you "Ben" now?
It's good to see you,
little bro.
Seriously.
- I missed you, man.
- I missed you too.
How did you know is me?
I mean, it wasn't hard
to recognize you,
Even with that little
creep-stache.
What made you think
that would work?
It did work, and you're welcome.
Sorry, I just... I just
can't believe he bought it.
What are you doing here, anyway?
Well, that one is kind of hard
to explain.
I haven't really told mom
and dad yet
About the whole
"great escape" thing, so...
- you okay there?
- Yeah.
I know a shortcut.
My brother's a different class
of troublemaker.
He's been caught more times
than I can count,
But he always manages
to power through.
He's a veteran rule-Breaker.
Me?
I prefer a more subtle approach.
Oh, yeah.
- Mm.
- Come on.
I got to say...
You definitely save my ass
from the mountain academy.
Yeah, you don't want
to go there.
So...
how did you escape?
Isn't that place,
like, maximum security?
To be honest,
it was pretty easy.
How?
I shipped myself out.
Last semester I got a job
in the mail room.
Every Monday I would sort
through everybody's letters
From a giant sack.
The other kids starting
calling me "sack boy."
But I had the last laugh.
I was supposed to ship back
a broken tandem bike
From our fitness class.
But there was just enough space
for me to crawl inside.
So I hopped in the box
And I shipped myself to freedom.
Wait.
Seriously?
How were you able to breathe?
There was plenty of oxygen,
as I recall.
- The box was shipped ground.
- Wait, wait, wait.
So you just changed
the address on the box?
Shipped myself
right to our doorstep, baby.
The crate...
You were in that crate.
Yes, dude, you walked
right pass me.
Oh.
Stretching my legs was...
borderline orgasmic.
Sneaking into the house
was easy.
Finding a permanent hiding spot
was even easier.
I quickly discovered
that the attic
Is the most badass part
of the house.
My old box of toys was up there.
So was Santa Claus.
It was a little cramped,
but I made do with what I had.
For the last few days,
I've been living in the attic,
Off of hot dogs and candy.
Hello?
When I heard you were arrested,
I immediately knew
what had to be done.
Oh, yes.
This is certainly him.
We're gonna need you
to pick him up at the station.
Absolutely. I'll be right
there to pick him up,
'Cause I'm his dad.
I mean this
in the best possible way,
But you are insane.
I can't thank you enough, man.
Of course, dude.
I got you.
You do know
That we are about five miles
from the house.
Are we walking the whole way?
Nope.
I fixed it...
sort of.
Dude, what is wrong
with this bike?
A lot of things.
Sorry.
Okay, nice and easy.
What are you doing?
- What do you mean?
- You can't use the front door,
The alarm system
activates after 10:00.
Get it together, man.
Okay.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna sneak
through my bedroom window.
Are you kidding me?
It's right next
to mom and dad's room.
They're gonna hear you
when you go on the roof.
Okay.
So how do you suggest
that we get in?
The living-Room window.
That's a rookie move,
and you know it.
That window squeaks.
I have done this
a thousand times, Felix.
- So have I.
- All right, you don't get it.
It's my patootie
if we get caught.
Mom and dad are gonna send me
right back to Montana.
Not gonna happen.
Executive decision...
We're going through
the living-Room window.
- Let's go.
- Fine.
But once you're in the attic,
You need to be
absolutely silent.
Mom is the world's
lightest sleeper.
You don't need
to tell me this, man.
I'll be as quiet as a rodent.
Mouse, as quiet as a mouse.
A mouse is a rodent.
Yeah, but so is a squirrel.
Squirrels
are relatively quiet, man.
I'm gonna kill you.
Okay, all right.
Sorry.
Go, go, go.
Honey?
Is that you?
This way, this way.
Come on, this way.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What happened to going to bed
at a reasonable hour?
I did, I was asleep,
I just really needed a...
- banana.
- Don't touch that.
It was expensive.
Really?
The bowl.
Oh.
I got a call tonight
From the mountain academy
about your brother.
- Yeah.
- They can't find him.
He escaped.
They've been searching the area,
And they haven't found
anything yet.
I am just...
I am worried to death.
- I-I know your brother...
- Mom.
And I know what
he's capable of, and I...
It's okay.
Ben's gonna be fine.
You don't happen to know
anything about this, do you?
No. No. I-
You don't think
he'd come here to the...
What was that?
Was that upstairs?
No.
Yeah, I think it was upstairs.
Probably...
No, it came
from right over here.
What did you do?
Felix, what is wrong with you?
I told you that was expensive.
Why would you do
something like that?
Are you gonna help me
clean it up?
Felix!
Just trying to help.
The answer is "B."
- Are you insane?
I need the report card.
Do you not see that I'm in
the middle of a test right now?
Just get it at lunch.
Hey, hey.
My mom's been on my ass
all week.
I need it now.
- You're killing me.
- Yeah, buddy.
Thank you.
Hey, seriously,
the answer is "B."
Seriously, shut up.
It is.
I can see Emily's test.
Hi.
Are you serious?
"Are you serious?"
Any word when we can expect
to see your report card?
You mean...
this one right here?
Is that it?
Yep, got it in the mail
this morning.
Why didn't you tell us it came?
How do you think you did?
I think I did okay.
Oh, my god!
Straight "A" s...
the holy grail of academia.
Every parent wants to see
their kid succeed.
They also want the bragging
rights at Christmas parties.
They want the honor roll
bumper sticker
On the back of their minivan.
"A" s are like a reward
for properly raising your kid.
It's like catnip for parents.
Wow, Felix!
This is...
- Wow!
- I can't believe it.
You even got an "A"
in Mr. Harris' class.
What, you didn't think I'd be
able to handle chemistry?
No, no, no, we just got a call
from him a couple of weeks ago
About a parent-Teacher
conference.
I was worried
there was a problem,
But apparently not.
No.
You guys aren't actually
going to that, right?
Well, your dad can't make it
because he has a real job,
But I already said yes.
We're supposed to meet
with him on Saturday.
But there's really no reason to.
I have an "A" in his class.
I already told him
we were going, Felix.
Okay, you could just cancel it.
- Is everything okay?
- Is there...
something we should know about?
No. No.
I just don't want you to feel
Like you have to go.
We're going.
Great.
Terrible.
That's terrible.
Is unreal how Mr. Harris
Always manages
to ruin everything.
So I guess you got to tell
your parents the truth.
Absolutely not.
I'm gonna fake
a parent-Teacher conference.
Well, that sounds
difficult/impossible.
Mm, difficult, yes.
Impossible...
probably also yes, but that's
never stopped us before.
We're going to need
a shady middle-Aged man.
Why?
To act as Mr. Harris
during the conference.
Do you ever
just stand back sometimes
And look at your plan
and think to yourself,
"Wow, I am dumb"?
Why do you got to be like this?
Maybe it's because I'm sick
of nearly getting arrested
Every time that I help you.
Who says I'm asking
for your help?
You are always asking
for my help.
False.
I don't need it.
- I got this.
- Good...
- 'cause I would say no.
- Why?
Because...
I'm sick of your sketchy plans.
I help you because
you're my friend,
But I cannot keep doing
this stuff.
No.
It's cool.
- I'll just handle it myself.
- Good luck.
Danny isn't wrong.
I'm not going to contest
what he said.
Guess I'm going to have
to pull this off by myself.
Shamus.
How's it going, man?
Remember me?
Oh, come on, shamus, it's Felix!
I gave you two packs of gum
last week.
Hey.
I have a proposition for you.
Are you interested?
Let me put on some pants.
So you expect me to dress
like a teacher?
Yeah, we just need
to convince my mom
That you're Mr. Harris
for five minutes.
- You going to pay me?
- I don't have much money.
- What do you got?
- Um, 40 bucks.
- What else you got?
- Um...
a crossbow.
40 bucks and a crossbow...
You got yourself a deal.
Cool, cool. Just make sure
you wear something nice.
"Something nice"?
Yeah, like a collared shirt
or something.
Do I look like
the sort of fellow
Who owns a collared shirt?
Let's do this...
Meet me at my house
tomorrow morning...
and I'll let you borrow
some of my dad's clothes.
- All right.
- Okay?
- All right.
- Cool.
So you want me to act
like Mr. Harris.
Think I can pull it off?
Yeah.
- Why? Why?
- What's the problem?
What happened with being
as quiet as a rodent?
I was balls deep
in rodent quietness
Until I found these horseshoes,
And I was faced
with a very difficult decision.
What?
I'm failing to see
the difficulty here.
It was horseshoes
versus quietness.
Are you trying to get caught
by mom and dad?
No, okay? Look, I didn't go
through the trouble
Of escaping the mountain academy
just so I could be bored
Out of my frickin' mind here
in the attic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, out
of everything you could've done,
All this,
you decide to throw horseshoes?
Yes. What do you do
in your free time, Felix?
It's complicated. You wouldn't
believe me if I told you, but...
try me.
I just bribed a janitor
with a crossbow
To fake
a parent-Teacher conference.
That sounds amazing.
Let me help you.
No.
I would be an absolute asset
to your team.
I'm professional. And how do you
know your plan doesn't need me?
Because my plan doesn't
involve getting screwed
- And going back to jail.
- Okay, at least...
At the very least,
tell me what you're doing.
Well, first I'm going
to need pizza.
Okay, why pizza?
- Because I'm...
- Stop. I know why pizza...
Because you're going
to put ex-Lax
On the pizza,
give it to the teacher.
He's going to have diarrhea
And not going to be able
to show up to the meeting.
- What? No, I...
- You're going to do
The "imposter pizza delivery
guy" switch, aren't you?
Ben. I'm getting pizza
because I'm hungry.
Oh.
Where have you been? My mom's
going to be here any minute.
- You said be here at 9:00.
- That was an hour ago.
Oh. Huh.
You know how to tie
a tie, right?
Well, I'll figure something out.
Remember, I need you
in room 34... Crap.
- What? What?
- Come on, get inside.
- What? What?
- My mom's here. Get inside.
- Ooh.
- Get inside.
Upstairs, come on.
No, no.
Felix?
Yeah?
What's going on?
What was that?
- W-What was what?
- Never mind.
Remember, we have to leave
for that meeting soon.
Okay.
Honey?
What's going on up there?
Uh, n-Nothing,
I just tripped.
You ready to leave soon?
Yep, sounds good.
What the hell did you do?
Who is that?
- It's shamus.
- Who is shamus?
He's my one hope
at faking this conference.
- Seriously? That?
- Yes.
You screwed
this whole thing up, man.
- What did you do?
- I don't know, man.
When I see bearded people
in my attic, I go buck wild.
Oh, you go buck wild, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Shamus, shamus, wake up.
- Oh, man.
- Shamus, wake up.
Shamus, wake up, buddy!
Wake up.
The conference is in 20 minutes.
Just tell mom he didn't show up.
No. The real Mr. Harris
is going to be there.
Felix, are you ready, honey?
- I got you, man.
- No.
Absolutely not.
Stay here.
- Trust me, dude, I got you.
- No.
Yes.
Felix, let's go!
Be right there!
No!
Oh, there you are, honey.
Come on.
I don't want to be late.
A little anxious
about this meeting.
I don't know what to expect.
I know exactly how you feel.
Boom town.
Target acquired.
Yeah, unfortunately,
I'm not gonna be available
Till late this afternoon.
You got it.
Mrs. Anders, you're not
due here until 12:00 noon.
Oh, Mrs. O'neil.
I'm Felix's mom.
Felix's mom?
Felix...
what's going on here?
- Ooh, were we scheduled later?
- No, no, no, no.
You weren't scheduled at all.
I don't understand.
Oh, is this because Felix
got an "A" in your class?
That's, uh...
no, Felix never got an "A"
in my class.
Felix never even passed
my class.
Are you sure you're thinking
of the right student?
Oh, I'm positive.
Felix, would you like
to explain this?
Mrs. O'neil, you're aware
that your son...
no longer attends
my class, right?
Yeah, Felix...
Oh, my god.
Mr. Harris?
Mr. Harris, are you okay?
- This is perfectly normal.
- How is this normal?
- He's narcoleptic or something.
- Oh.
- I'm calling an ambulance.
- No, mom, he's fine.
- Yes, a teacher just...
- He's okay, he really is.
- Had a stroke or something.
- Trust me.
I don't know.
We need medical help.
Mom, we don't need help.
We got it.
- Eastwood high school.
- We got this.
- Please hurry.
- He does this all the time.
- I'll wait outside.
- No, wait, mom.
Mom, chill, chill, chill, chill.
Oh, my god.
Ben?
What is going on here?
Ben, what's wrong?
I tried.
He just... Felix...
Oh, my god,
what is wrong with him?
- Honey?
- I don't want Montana.
Oh.
Wait a minute. W-What the hell
is he doing here?
I don't know.
He... Why would he be here?
Don't you dare lie to me.
I want answers.
You failed Mr. Harris' class,
didn't you?
No, I didn't...
- You faked your grades?
- What?
I am gonna talk to Mr. Truman
about this immediately.
He's not here.
It's the weekend.
Well, then I plan
on meeting with him
First thing Monday morning.
And when we get home,
you go to your room,
Because you are grounded...
indefinitely.
Well, at least
no one got arrested.
Luckily, Ben used
the right amount of sedative.
Mr. Harris was taken
to the hospital
And woke up a few hours later
with short-Term amnesia.
Shamus regained consciousness
And left the house
before we returned.
He made sure to raid
our pantry first.
You've reached the office
of principal Truman.
Please leave a message
after the beep.
Hi, Mr. Truman,
this is Julie O'Neil...
this happens
to be the third voice mail
My mom has left for Mr. Truman.
I'm sorry to call again...
hoping she doesn't get through
anytime soon.
Concerned about my son...
Ben.
Ben tried to take the blame
for the whole thing.
Mom wasn't sure what to believe.
Regardless, he was sent back
to the mountain academy,
Or, as he calls it,
"project butthole."
He told me he's already
planned his next escape.
As for me, the vacation's over.
I may not want to spend my life
at a desk job,
But I sure as hell don't want
to spend it in jail either.
Hey, let's do something fun.
I can't.
I'm grounded.
I have pizza.
- Hey.
- Hi.
So what did they ground you for?
It's...
hard to explain.
Well, other than that,
how are you doing?
Well...
my parents are on the verge
Of finding out
I've been expelled, so...
okay, wait.
- They don't know?
- No.
They are gonna flip
when they find out.
Yeah, that could be a problem.
I just... I just want
to turn things around.
I think I really messed up
this time.
I...
I want to do the right thing,
but I'm not...
I'm not entirely sure
what that is.
I can't keep
lying to my parents.
Well, maybe you don't have
to lie to them at all.
Huh?
What do you mean by that?
I think I've broken into
Eastwood enough times this week.
We're not breaking in, silly.
Come on.
This is crazy.
You can almost see
the whole campus from here.
- I know. It's awesome, right?
- Yeah, it is.
So many good memories here.
- Yeah.
- I'm going to miss it.
Montana's gonna suck.
Come on, don't say that.
There's a way out of this.
My mom's not gonna stop
until she finds the truth.
Well...
if you could get Truman
to re-Enroll you,
You will not have to lie
to your mom at all.
You'd actually be going
to Eastwood.
I'm not exactly
in the position to get Truman
To do anything for me.
Then I guess you're going
to have to get him
To see things your way.
Do you know something I don't?
Possibly.
What?
Well, you know
that pizza place I work for?
Yeah.
We deliver 24 hours a day.
So?
So...
that means...
wait for it.
Now.
I don't get it.
- Whoa. Is that Mr. Truman?
- Yeah.
- What is he doing?
- I don't know.
He orders a barbecue-Chicken
pizza every Saturday night.
- Why?
- No idea.
Want to find out?
What do you think
he's looking at?
I don't know.
What time is it?
It's 11:00.
What is he doing here so late?
Shady stuff.
I wish we could see his screen.
I think that can be arranged.
Oh.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm sorry.
I know.
I really mean that.
I know.
Asking you to risk your neck
for me all the time
Is pretty selfish.
I just want you to know that
if it was you who needed me
To do some shady stuff,
I would do it in an instant.
Well, I was planning
On stealing
the declaration of independence.
I brought you a burrito.
Yeah, okay, I forgive you.
Who's that?
Oh, that's Katie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You really think there's
something shady on here?
Absolutely.
There's... There's got to be.
So you recorded this
from Truman's computer?
Yeah. What time did you
see him log on?
Around 11:00.
Wait.
How far back does this go?
I mean, technically, we can go
all the way back to the point
Where we bugged his computer.
I got everything
on the hard drive, so...
wait, wait, look.
He plays online blackjack?
But why would he do this
in the middle of the night
At school?
I mean... He must be hiding it
from someone.
His wife, probably.
Whoa, look at this.
- He just lost $600 right there.
- Oh...
I'd say he definitely
has a problem.
Oh, wow.
No, this is insane.
He just lost another grand.
Wow!
He sucks.
I mean, he's got to give up
at some point, right?
I mean, this is crazy.
Maybe his wife
might want to see this.
Yeah.
What's he doing?
Is he quitting?
I don't know.
Does that...?
Does that say "Eastwood"?
Wait.
Did he just...
He just stole money
from the school.
Dude, that is, like,
serious jail time right there.
This is huge.
Wait.
So we just recorded...
We just recorded
blackmail jackpot.
Dude, I can't believe this.
He must be out of his mind.
Does this mean we can get
Truman to re-Enroll you?
This means we can get Truman
to do anything.
Yes.
Yes!
Ooh, tell him to come alone.
But who would he bring?
Just do it.
It's creepy.
Oh, also tell him he's a douche.
Why?
'Cause he's a douche.
You going to bed soon?
Felix.
Sorry. Yeah, I'm going
to pass out in a bit.
Okay, just checking in on you.
Get some sleep.
Good night, dad.
Gary.
Nice car.
Are you really this stupid?
How many times do I need to have
you arrested this week?
Oh, you're going
to call the cops?
If you are, then great.
I'd love to tell them
about the $10,000
You stole from the school
to fund your gambling addiction.
- Yeah.
- It's your word against mine.
Who do you think they're gonna
side with, anyway?
I bugged your laptop, Gary.
I have hard evidence
of all your activity
On my hard drive.
And, frankly, I don't think
they're going to have trouble
Picking sides.
What is this?
Do you want money?
What do you want?
Enrollment.
- "Enrollment"?
- I want enrollment
In the next semester
at Eastwood.
And I want the forms filled out
by Monday.
- That's ridiculous.
- Gary.
These last few days
have been hell for me.
But I know there's still
a chance for me
To set things straight.
W-What are you
talking about?
You once asked me,
"What kind of future do you see
for yourself"?
I thought about it...
a lot.
And my future is here
at Eastwood.
No, that's not gonna
happen, Felix.
The faculty won't approve it.
I think you'll find the way.
Oh, really?
Why is that?
'Cause you don't want
to go to jail, Gary.
You're not listening.
I need those forms authorized
by tomorrow morning.
You understand?
Hold on a second.
Come on in, come on in.
Hi.
I need you to search
for form a-13.
- It's the enrollment form, okay?
- Yeah, of course.
- Get right on it.
- Great. Great.
Yeah, I've got my T.A.
Working on it right now, uh-Huh.
Felix!
- What in the...
- Danny!
No, no, no!
- Ow! Ow!
- Chill.
I hate you.
I hate you...
but I respect you.
Oh. Okay.
Ah. Wait, so...
Okay, so how did last night
with Truman go?
- Is he gonna enroll you?
- Uh...
he didn't exactly say yes,
but he didn't say no either,
So...
maybe you need to threaten him
a little more.
What is this?
Uh, an enrollment form.
For Felix?
Yes.
Why?
It's...
it's not so easy to explain.
You can't do this.
He's got me
in a really bad spot, Vanessa.
What is it... Blackmail?
Don't even...
Don't even say anything.
You don't have to say anything.
I-I really don't have
a choice here.
Mr. Truman, yes, you do.
I can help you.
"If my demands aren't met,
"Then I will be forced
To turn the hard drive
directly over to the police."
- How was that?
- Perfect.
Pounds all around.
Amazing.
You guys want to get burritos?
I'm starving.
- Yeah.
- Aren't you grounded?
That is what this guy
is here for.
Oh, don't.
- Hello.
- Mr. Truman?
Yes.
Oh, my god, I've been trying
to reach you all weekend.
This is Julie, Felix's mom.
We need to talk.
Yes, we do.
Oh, that burrito was fantastic.
However, I am going to need
to use your bathroom
And a scented candle.
Whoa.
Where's the hard drive?
I put it in that drawer.
Please tell me you made
a copy of that video.
What video?
The Truman video.
And, no, I did not make a copy.
Wait. No.
There is technically still
one more copy.
- So you made a copy.
- Truman's computer...
There's still a hard copy
on his laptop.
Let's go.
Vanessa...
funny seeing you here.
Did Truman put you up to this?
- What are you talking about?
- The drive... Give it back.
Blackmailing
the dean of students?
What happened to you, Felix?
Not that it's any
of your business,
But I'm not
doing it for the money.
I don't care. You're not
coming back to Eastwood.
Is that the only way for you
to succeed, is to watch me fail?
You're a cheater, Felix.
Everyone else is just too stupid
to see it, even your parents.
It's all fake,
just like your report card.
When are you gonna
put in the work
And actually try to play
by the rules?
Why do you think I'm trying
to come back to Eastwood?
Probably just to spite me.
I just need another chance.
And I'm willing
to put in the work.
I will.
I want to.
Don't you think I deserve
one more chance?
Where's the drive, Vanessa?
I told you I don't have it.
Didn't you make a backup?
I need that drive.
It's in his bottom desk drawer.
I'm sure if you run, you can
get it before he wipes it.
Welcome back, Felix.
It's good to be back, Gary.
I finished
your enrollment forms.
Shame you won't be needing them.
Oh, and, uh, I wiped everything
off of your drive.
What about our deal?
Looks like our deal is off.
Your mom is on her way.
So are the police.
I beat you, Felix.
Oh, my god.
Oh, and I-I wouldn't worry
About bringing any of this
up to the police.
I've tied up all loose ends.
So you wiped the laptop.
Laptop?
All the evidence I need
is, uh...
on that laptop.
Stop!
You, uh...
might want to tape these
back together.
Felix?
Hi, mom.
Is he in trouble?
Uh...
"trouble"?
No, no trouble.
Okay.
What... What is going on?
Why are the police here?
Oh, why are the police here,
Mr. Truman?
Um, that's kind of...
hard to explain.
You know, maybe we should meet
at another time, Mrs. O'neil.
Mr. Truman, I have gone
to great lengths
To meet with you,
uh, and to be frank,
I am kind of fed up
with this whole situation.
I need to know what's going on
right now.
His report card...
it's faked.
Right?
Mm, mm, mm.
No, no.
This... This looks right to me.
What?
Felix has been doing...
remarkably well
here at Eastwood.
Really?
And he's...
He's been participating
In many...
extracurricular activities.
Like the school play, right?
Oh, the school play...
He was just wonderful
at the school play.
Truman signed the papers,
and three days later,
I was officially re-Enrolled
here at Eastwood high...
with a few extra benefits.
Can we make this a duet?
There's not enough room.
You sure about that?
Needless to say,
Looks like this is gonna be
my best year yet.
Oh, sorry. Hey.
Stop stalking me.
- You're ridiculous.
- See you around...
if you're lucky.
The shortest definition
of a game is as follows...
A competitive activity
with a fixed set of rules.
There's a point system.
There are winners.
There are losers.
There are allies...
and opponents.
High school is a game.
And I'm finally here to play.
Tell me how
tell me how
we both got here
we kiss 'em now
love is in the atmosphere
and I don't want
to lose you
it feels like
I've waited forever
don't know what I'm doing
but it's all right
yeah, it's all right
so please don't leave me
here tonight
lonely on the dance floor
'cause I've been waiting
my whole life
for a moment like this
so please don't leave me
here tonight
lonely on the dance floor
'cause I've been waiting
my whole life
for a moment like this
shake you off
I can't seem
to shake you off
tonight
your broken heart
let me fix
your broken heart
tonight
so, if love's
what you're needing
then love is
what you're getting, baby
I can't believe it
that I'm here with you
yeah, I'm here with you
so please don't leave me
here tonight
lonely on the dance floor
'cause I've been waiting
my whole life
for a moment like this
so please don't leave me
here tonight
lonely on the dance floor
'cause I've been waiting
my whole life...