Oh, darlin'
I love you in the mornin'
I love you
in the afternoon
Chuck, you know I love you.
Of course, Betty
I love you too.
And I know I've made you wait
a long time.
Yeah A long time.
Well, tonight, that all ends.
What do you mean?
Chuck...
tonight is the night
I'm going to give myself to you.
I'm ready to take things
to the next level.
Are you sure?
We're gonna do it?
All right.
Whoa, darlin'
Whatever I have to do
Oh, pretty baby
How I'm in love with you
That was awesome.
Yeah.
But...
now that my virginity is behind us,
I think I'm ready to take things
to the next level.
What do you mean?
I thought we just did.
Come on, Chuck,
don't be coy.
You know what I mean.
Anal
Seriously?
Yeah I love you, Chuck,
and I know you love me
And that's why I want you
to stick it in my ass
Giddy up, horsey
Come on, let go
Yeah
Who's riding your pony?
Horny pony
Oh, yeah
They've seldom seen
of your contemptuous greed
Wow
I know.
That fucking ruled!
But
But what?
Well
it's just now that
the ass sex is in the bag
I think we're ready to
take things to the next level
What other level is there?
Get an extension cord
Next level!
Who are they!?
Next level!
Ohh!
Next level!
Next level!
No more levels!
I'll be right back
Maybe I rushed things
Sex me up
and I'll sex you down
Whatever you want
is my command
I'm into S and M,
I lead the butcher farm
And now don't you understand,
I'm into any ma'am
Sex me up
and I'll sex you down
I get on the floor,
I'll turn around
Get on my hands and knees,
on your command I'll freeze
I hope this never cease,
come get me, won't you please
But she won't hold me
and she won't squeeze me
From what she told me,
she'd never please me
But she won't hold me
and she won't squeeze me
From what she told me,
she'd only tease me
She said
I said
Sex me up
and I'll sex you down
Sex me up and
I'll sex you down
Sex me up
and I'll sex you down
Remember, students,
it's Sexual Awareness Month.
Gentlemen, pick up your free condoms
in the gym,
- and ladies, lubricant is available...
- I got laid last night
- Same chick as the night before?
- Are you crazy?
I can't have the same chick
comin' around two nights in a row
That's bordering on a relationship
I like to play the field
See, this is exactly what I don't
understand How does he do it?
He just goes out
and gets it done, man,
that's how he does it
You can't sit around and wait
for Santa to bring you some ass
under the tree
Dude, how psyched are you
for first period?
- Mr. Matthews' sex-ed class
- Man, that dude's a total freak
I cant wait to go in there and talk about
all the ass we've slammed
It's gonna be awesome, bro
No doubt, bro
I can't take this class
Why not?
Why not? Did you not
just hear that conversation?
" -How much ass we've slammed?"
- Yeah, bro
Exactly The class is just gonna be
with a bunch of pervs
who are open about their sex lives,
and frankly, I don't have one
That's sad You're not bad-lookin'
And your legs work
I'm not gonna have sex
with just anybody,
I know thats what
you are thinking right now
Sorry, not gonna happen
Doesn't have to be just anybody
Look. Look, look
How about you start off with
a nice little virgin like Betty?
Hey, Betty
Okay, everyone,
bring it on in,
we got a lot to do,
and little time to cover it
I can feel the sexuality brewin'
in here already
- Oh, no Stacy's in this class?
- What do you mean, "Oh, no?"
You've been trying to tap that
since fifth grade
This is an opportunity
You're in a class with her
Go talk to her!
- What would I say?
- Listen, all a girl wants
is for you to be yourself
So do that... be yourself
Or just shake your dick at her
You know, whatever feels right
- Hello
- Hello
Hey, Stacy
Looks like we're gonna be
having sex together
What!?
Ed S... class
Sex-ed class together
I'm sorry, I just... y'know
Whoo!
Bye
Yeah... talk to ya later
My name is Mr. Matthews
First off,
there's no teachers in here...
just a bunch of people
exploring their sexuality
Right? So once you
enter through that door,
you're comin' through
a No Bullshit zone
That's right... I said "bullshit"
Huh? We're keepin' it real
in here, people
Fart, fuck, shit, cock, ass, cunty cunt!
All rightie
Now, listen up Teen sexuality
is a living, breathing thing,
and we're gonna explore that concept
from every different angle
we can get our greasy little hands on
And you're gonna share
I'm gonna share right now
Hell, I've had sex with koi fish
There, I've said it
Sometimes you find me naked
down at the bottom of a fun-ball pool
at your local fast food restaurant
True story
Okay, let's do a little
role-playing exercise in here
I want each and every one of you
to decide that you're gonna
have sex with someone
for the very first time
Okay, partner up, people!
Stacy needs a partner
Seize the day, bro
Hell, screw the day
Seize the booty
That's a good union there
I like that I saw that when I came in
- Mr. Matthews?
- Yes
I don't think there's any girls left
Mike, human sexuality isn't always
between man and woman
Stand up, Doug
Class, I'd like to introduce you
to our first gay couple...
Mike and Doug
Now, just because they'll be
experimenting with
man-on-man lovemaking
and assorted humbuggery,
don't treat 'em any differently
Mike, I think
you're gonna be on bottom
Okay
I'll be the stay-at-home-dad
What?
Mark
So, Matt, what advice do you
have for young people about sex?
Advice Uh
guys, be responsible
You know, always wear a rubber
Of course, it feels way better
to do it without one
Unless, of course,
it's a Vietnamese hooker,
and then I think you just
take your chances
As long as there's a naked chick
somewhere in the room,
you are not gay
If you have an STD,
do not tell your partner
It is a lose-lose situation
Fellas, be nice to your partner
In the morning,
if she needs a ride home,
point her to the nearest bus stop
before you go back to sleep
Be a good guy
Today one out of three
young adults
has a sexually transmitted disease.
And letting a former hook-up know
that you've got genital cooties
can be pretty hard.
Now there's an easier way!
At STD-E-CARDS, you can
share the bad news with one click.
Pick from such messages as,
"You gave me your heart,
I gave you gonorrhea",
or Thanks for the blowjob...
sorry about the herpes" .
It's from Kevin!
That hot guy
that you hooked up with this weekend?
- Yeah
- What's it say?
"Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I gave you syphilis
when we screwed at the zoo"
That was easy
STD-E-CARDS,
where bad news travels fast!
Attention, students,
prom is fast approaching.
Get your free STD screening
in the nurse's office.
- Hi, Carla
- Oh, hey
Hey, listen, um,
I know it's kind of last minute,
but, um,
I wanted to know if you'd maybe
want to go to the prom with me tonight
Oh, I'm sorry, Justin,
someone already asked me
Three weeks ago
Oh... oh, okay
Thats thats all right
Well, have fun, though
Oh, check out your cock!
Oh! Oh, honey!
I've been using these
since the Eisenhower Administration
Can I help you?
Huh?
Uh... uh, no
Oh, honey...
She's a real beaut, isn't she?
This just isn't right
I wish we'd met years ago
My whole high school experience
would have been different
Every day, the one thing
I can count on
So much love
It's like a river
with no end
So much love
The minute it seems to stop,
it starts again
So much love
You've given me so much love
Don't you know
you've made my dream come true
I've always wanted
to see the Grand Canyon, too!
They brought me you,
you brought me love
Dreams come true
every day with you
So much love
Justin, I haven't seen you
around much lately
I've been busy
Well, prom wasn't the same
without you
- Really?
- Yeah
I was wondering if we could
go out sometime
- Me and you?
- Dinner?
Maybe Saturday night?
And just when I thought
the night could not get any worse,
he pukes all over my dress
It was horrible
I'm sure you still
looked beautiful, though
Thanks, but I didn't
I had vomit all over me
You're so amazing
You really are
What? No, that's ridiculous
I'm going to play poker
with some of the guys
Dont worry
I'll be back by 10:00 All right?
Hello?
Anyone there?
Look, don't be a pussy,
just tell me who it is
Stop calling me!
Another prank call
I know what you're up to,
and it's gotta stop
Leave Carla alone!
It's over between me and you
Get used to it!
Where were you this morning?
I thought you were gonna
watch me practice
Oh Sorry, I forgot
Well, you comin' to my game
on Friday night?
Actually, I'm going to Len's party
with Stacy
You know what? There's someone else
who actually cares about me
Good-bye, Carla
Justin, where are you going?
What?
No!
Why?! Why did you do this!?
Someone call 911!
So what's the kinkiest thing
you've ever done in bed?
The two of us licked whipped cream
off of each other once
- That was fun Yeah
- That was pretty kinky
What about you?
I don't know
- Uh
- Come on, don't act all shy
- What if my parents are watching?
- Come on
Does it have to be the kinkiest thing
that weve done together?
No, it could have been
on your own
Well
this one time I had sex
with this black guy
while his best friend
did me in the ass,
and then I sucked both their dicks
at the same time
That was kinda kinky
- What? Baby?
That's great
MR MATTHEWS
Bring it on in!
We got a lot to do
and a little time to do it!
Wanna make sure we can
cram it all in
That's what she said Ha ha ha!
You guys know what I'm talkin' about
You've gotta sit next to Stacy
and be her partner
Yeah, man, don't be scared
Go ahead
All right,
we're all gettin' in a circle
This is great
Okay
let's talk about penises
That's right, everyone
I said the big P-word
Now, the most common question:
What's normal?
Simple answer: There's no such thing
Penises come in a variety
of different shapes and sizes
Huh? All rightie!
As you can tell from the molds
cast from actual penises we have here
Got 'em all different
from all over the globe
Now, the next
we like to call the Fireplug
It's short and stocky,
but boy, when you get it excited,
kablooey!
Like a sawed-off shotgun, I tell ya
All right, what do we have next?
This one's called the Tadpole
Why is it called the Tadpole?
Because it's got a larger head
tapering down into a smaller shaft
We like to call this guy
the Mushroom Cloud, if you will
Yeah I thought
you'd like that one
Now, this is an interesting one
Looks small, but if you
know how-to use it,
I tell ya, it's quite a powerful weapon
It's called the Torpedo
You know what I mean?
Or the Meat Cone
'Cause it's got a tiny head
tapering into a large shaft
Nice
Hand that guy around,
that's a good one
We like to call that one
the Roto-Rooter
Next we have what's called
the Super huge
- That's right
- Oh, damn!
We also like to call this
the Great American Challenge
Ladies, you're gonna love
the cervix stimulation on that guy
Okay, this next one's interesting,
all right? I found this one online
It's the Doubleheader,
ladies and gentlemen
It is out there, believe me
Hand that around
Okay, everyone, pass 'em around
Look 'em up and down
NOW freeze!
Okay Gentlemen,
the penises in your hands,
that is your penis
Ladies, put your penises down
and partner up with
the person closest to you
Looks like we got a small one, huh?
Yeah
Okay, now I'm gonna hand out
some condoms for each group
Here ya go,
everyone get a condom
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm gonna have you put the condom
on the man's penis, together
Okay, the reason I'm having you
put these condoms on together
is because contraception
is both partners' responsibility
Have to say that Sorry
Mike, it looks like you got
a little room there
That's because, Mike,
you have a very small penis
Okay, everyone,
let's talk about fetishes
Now, a fetish is basically
an obsession with leather...
black leather... and bits,
mouth bits
Who likes a ball in their mouth?
Anyone?
Oh, baby, you look so good
- You wanna do it now, baby?
- Hell, yeah, I do
Okay
No, wait
You know what would be even hotter?
What?
This
You want me to wear a hat?
Oh, yeah, baby,
that shit is so hot
- Okay
- Yeah. Yeah.
Wait Uh, you know what else
would be so smokin' hot?
What?
This big mole
What?! Ew!
It's hot Trust me
For me?
Fine
- Now can we do it?
- Yeah
Ronny... what the hell!?
- What?
- I didnt want to say this,
but you clearly want to
have sex with Abraham Lincoln!
That's crazy!
Is it?
Look around you, Ronny
- You're obsessed with him
- He was a great man
What's wrong with paying tribute?
Paying tribute is one thing...
trying to turn your girlfriend into him
so you can get a hard-on is another
I'm outta here
Call me when you get some therapy
Sue...
That was my last beard
TV Announcer:
Can the transporter be fixed?
Or is all hopeless for our heroines?
Will Alice and Betty make it home?
Find out next on Babes Lost in Time!
Time
Forward into the past!
Here I come, Abe!
Ladies, you do not...
I repeat, you do not have to
have sex with a guy for him to like you
But it helps
Want to remain a virgin
until you're married?
Two words: Butt sex
Look, if you like to be choked,
it's okay Everyone likes it... a little
Just don't go too far
Blue is a warning sign
So, what's the kinkiest thing
either one you has ever done in bed?
- Well, um, check it:
- Whoo!
I'm at the club one night,
and I meet this little white chick, right?
So next you know
I get in her ear, man,
and she lets me take her back
to my spot,
and she did me and him
at the same time
- And then she blew us
You're kidding
Whoo, man!
That girl was off the chain, man!
Hey, you know, uh, shit,
what can I say?
That little woman had a big ol'
twelve-pound pussy, man!
- Where'd she get that?
- There was a lot of acrobatics
in that motherfucker,
you know what I'm sayin?'
She was small, but she did
a lot of big things, baby
- Hey, Kim, holler at your boy!
- Whoo!
The women spend most
of their time stretching their breasts,
- adding a new ring each year.
- Yeah Ooh
They probably like it
when they stretch 'em
Yeah
I know they do
Holy crap!
It's Saturday night and you guys
are getting stiffies watching PBS?
- You're pathetic
- Get out of my room, RJ!
You never knock!
Stupid
He's right, you know
- I mean, this is pathetic
- What else are we gonna do?
It's not like we can actually get laid
Let's just watch this
Unless we come up with a way
to build an artificial woman
from your computer
And then program her
to have sex with us
You're a genius!
This is stupid, Barry
Shut up
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
Relax! We're gonna give her
Halle Berry's face,
- and Beyonce's ass
- All right
- Tyra's boobs
- Bam!
Tyra's probably got bigger
nipples than that
Now all that's left to do is
make sure she's horny
Like really, really horny, though
See this pair of panties, right?
Where'd you get those from?
They're lacy
All right Are you ready
to lose your virginity?
- I'm ready
- Say good-bye
Ow! I told you
that was stupid, Barry
Be quiet, Leon I'm thinking
Oh, shit!
So, who gonna fuck me first!?
Him! Him!
What the hell just happened!?
The panties, they was my aunt's
I knew it It was my aunt's panties
What you waitin' for? My pussy
ain't gonna eat itself out
What? What you say?
Who would say that?
Where you goin?'
Where you goin?'
Leon!
Leon!
Well
I guess that means you first
No It don't... it don't have to mean that
Come give mama
a taste of that sweet chocolate
What you talkin' about?
Chocolate ain't sweet!
I'm your human sex toy,
and I don't come with no Off button!
You don't even have to wear
no jimmy hat!
Save your energy!
I plan on Cumming a lot tonight!
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
You're too big for me!
Your ball sack is about to get drained!
Let me go! Please, Jesus!
You were good.
I dont want no more
I don't... I dont want no more
No! I dont want it!
You broke my bed
She's so big. Why is she so big?
I musta... I probably hit F1
instead of Enter I don't know
Here I come!
And this time your ass cherry
is mine!
No, it's not! No, it's not!
It's my ass cherry! It's not yours!
Barry? Leon?
"Press Enter now?"
Yeah
You're lookin' good, baby
Whoa!
You're cute How old are you?
Old enough
Ooh-whoo!
Yeah, yeah
Here we go
I know you're probably too young
to be thinking about marriage,
but take it from me,
if you find somebody that you want
to spend the rest of your life with,
there's nothing better
Thanks, sweetie
But before you get married,
make sure you explore
all your options, guys,
and bone as many chicks
as you can
Well, ladies, be sure you take
the long way through Dick-town, too
I banged at least fifty guys
before I met this asshole
sitting next to me here
And a group of girls, too
It was no accident that I invited
the electrician and the plumber
on the same day
- Ohh
- Whoo-whoo! Real hot!
Guys, listen up
If you're planning on having
a threesome,
you better to do it
before you get married
But trust me,
there's no better sensation
than two women making out
while riding your Johnson
I almost forgot
Book yourself a ticket to...
Try sleeping with
your fianc's best man
and his brother
at the wedding reception
Very hot
Great
Ohh
Ohh
Ooh, that's nice
Oh, why didn't I think of this before?
Oh, shit
Ohh! Ohh!
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
Honey, dinner's ready
Oh, my God
Oh, my God
Oh, this is bad
Can you pass the mashed potatoes,
please?
- Certainly
- Thank you
Mm Everything
is delicious, dear
Did you pick up
your condoms for the prom?
Yeah, they gave them out
for free at school today
They did?
Yeah Thanks, though
Honey, is your vagina ringing?
Dad! That's ridiculous
Sounded like it
Okay, I think we've learned a lot here
Class dismissed
I'll see ya all tomorrow
Now, remember your permission slips
for the field trip
Now, these permission slips
are no joke, people, okay?
Now if you can't find your parents,
they're in their bedroom, doing it
- He'd probably use the toys
- Totally
Hey, Stacey Jess
- Hey
- Hi
Uh, so listen, Stacey, um...
Mike,
can I talk to you for a second?
- Later?
- Yes
- Awesome
- Okay
So, Mike,
how are things going
with you and Stacy?
Oh, uh, great
You know, we're really good friends
We...
Hey, hey!
Don't bullshit a bull-shitter, bro
I know you're into Stacy
You wanna rap about it?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know
I like Stacy
- Hmm Hmm
- A lot
What do I do?
How do I tell her how I feel?
That's a good question
You don't
I don't?
No, you don't
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy
is, ooh, way out of your league
Way
What? What do you mean?
I thought you were
all about breaking the rules
and there are no rules
and we're all equal
I am Just not when it comes
to you and Stacy
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy,
to get her,
boy, you'd need like a truckload
of cough syrup
and a vat of malt liquor
Really mellow her out,
you know what I mean?
But not knock her out
That's a whole different class altogether
- What?
- Mike
you need to go after
something more attainable
You need to find somebody
who's a lot less
pretty-err
You might have to go up
a few weight classes...
a little more than
you're comfortable with, probably...
buck-fifty, two bills... I'm not sure
Somebody who hasn't seen
the light of day in quite a long time
Acne scars, fangs for teeth,
bad hygiene,
- retarded, if you will
- What!?
Hey, sometimes keepin' it real hurts,
little bro
But in the end,
we're all stronger people
Now go out there
and get an ugly chick
Or a whore
Good luck
Good talk
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Mmm, this is nice, baby
Lindsey, relax Everybody farts
This is huge.
We've crossed the Fart Barrier
Really?
Ahh
See? It's nothin!'
I do feel comfortable with you
Damn!
Now, that's just nasty.
Oh, my God! Oh, yes!
Hey, man, she was riding you
like a pogo stick! Up and down!
Hold on, hold on
It gets better
- Wait for it
- I'm gonna cum!
Now
Oh, my God!
Whoo
Let me introduce you
to The Screamer
Griffin, this chick is amazing
Which is why I invited her
over here today
Yes, sir
And we're gonna be right here
to make sure you go through with it
Got your little sister's baby monitor
hooked up in your room
And we're gonna have the other end
right here so we can listen in
No Not happening, guys
- Not happening?
- No
- Yes Yes
- No No
Well, that's what you think
- Oh Too late
- Oh, I love it!
Go ahead
- Hi, I'm... I'm Mike
- Where's your room?
Oh, my God
Oh, shit
Oh, my God
I can't believe this
Come here
Oh, shit
Whoa, you're taking your shirt off
immediately like that,
it's kinda tough for me to say no.
You hear that, man?
The shirt just came off!
- It's on!
- Oh, it is on, all right
Put it in me
Why... why don't I just grab
some ear plugs real quick?
Oh, my God,
what should I do?
Oh, hell no, man, is it broke?
What are you waiting for?
I'm sorry I...
I can't do this
What?
There's this girl in my high school,
and I... I really like her
Great I didn't have a back-up plan
Now I've gotta go fuck a trucker
or a cab driver or
a homeless guy
Do you possibly think that maybe
you could go through the back door?
Just so you know
you're givin' up a sure thing
Your friend said that
you were desperate for it
Last chance
Man, all the settin' up we did,
he better not be pussin' out
He's definitely pussing out
Let's go see what's going on
with the dumb-ass
You like that, don't you?
Ha ha! We back in action!
Oh, Mike!
Yeah, Mike!
Whoo-hoo!
Man, you hear that?
Yeah!
Ride it! Ride it!
My boy's goin' strong to the hole,
I'm tellin' ya!
- She's going nuts!
- She wasn't that crazy with me
Ahem
Hi Have you guys
seen my purse?
Oh, Mike! You're so big!
Ahh! Ahh! Oh, Mike,
I've never been fucked so good!
Cover your ears! I'm about to cum!
I'm Cumming! I'm Cumming!
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
Oh! Oh! You're such a beast!
I'm your big daddy
Mike, I'm... cover your ears!
Shh! Shh! Oh! Oh!
All right, home stretch
Oh, like that! Oh, like that!
Oh, like that!
Oh, my God, oh, my God
I'm in love, Mike
I love you
I love you, Mike
Let them know you worked it,
dust it off and jerk it
So was it as good for you guys
as it was for me?
You know, I would tell you
to go fuck yourself,
but it sounds like you just did
Now, Suzy,
I don't know how to tell you this,
so I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
Say it.
I've been
sleeping with your mom.
- Hank, come on
- What?
You know I made
an abstinence pledge
I promised myself I'd wait
until I was sure
it was with the right guy
I thought I was the right guy
You might be
I'm just not sure yet
But I like you a lot
Hi, sexually frustrated teenager!
I'm Blue Bally!
And if you and your girlfriend
don't have sex soon,
you're gonna wind up with
a serious case of blue-balls!
That's right!
Your nuts are gonna turn blue
Aw, don't be afraid
I'm here to help
You've been stiff as a board
for the last two hours
That means you're reaching
a critical moment
where that good tingly feeling
down there
can quickly turn into
an achy not-so-good feeling!
Wh... what do you mean?
See, Hank, right now
your testicles are filled with semen,
and only a little bit's dripping out
That's called pre-cum
What you want to do is ejaculate
Otherwise, that back up of jizz
will cause pressure in your nut sack
to the point of making you nauseous
In fact, your genitals can increase
in size 25 to 50% That's huge!
- So, what do I do?
- From where I'm sittin,'
even if your girlfriend
won't have intercourse with you,
the least you should be able to do
is to score a hand job
Judy?
L... I want you to know that
I really do care about you
And I've known that since the first time
I saw you in Bible Study class
Uh-huh
uh-huh
uh-huh
- Uh-oh That's not good
- What do you mean?
With that kind of arousal,
it's only a matter of seconds
before full-on irreversible
blue balls!
You better go to the bathroom
and jerk off, right now
- Here?
- Yes! Go!
There's no time to waste!
Go! Get going!
It's a medical emergency!
Oh, yeah, you won't
see this on children's television!
Blue Bally!
Hope you like sloppy seconds!
Hah!
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Man, I'm never gonna get laid
I'm such a loser
No, you're not
I met a girl in a chat room
- Did you?
- Yeah
I met in her in Teen lonely boys
'Cause I figure I'm a teen
and I'm lonely
Anyways, it's crazy,
there's not a lot of girls
in that chat room
It's mostly older guys
interested in photography
That's kind of creepy
It is at first, but, you know,
once I made it clear
that I was a teen boy
in the market for a teen girl,
ladies were just
coming out of the woodwork
And now I have a girlfriend
Her name is Randy
Isn't that a guy's name?
It's both I...
I mean, she says
she gets that all the time
- She send you a picture?
- No Uh... but I sent her tons of mine
Most of them are naked
It's awesome
Well, maybe I'll give it a try
And maybe if you're lucky someday,
you'll have a Randy, just like me
"Sweeety Pi"
Accept
Hi.
Hi.
Sex chat?
Sure.
Okay. I'm dressed in a tight mini-dress
walking down a dark alley.
I'm completely alone and vulnerable.
Then you appear out of the shadows.
You wear all black,
with a ski mask over your head.
You approach me menacingly
and say?...
Hey, what's up.
Was that wrong?
Menacing.
Okay
What are you doing in my alley?
Oh, no. You stay away from me.
I'm lost, alone, and half-naked.
But I have Mace.
Don't try and take advantage of me.
Okay, sorry, no problem.
Do you need cab money?
Be aggressive. I want it.
Oh Weird
I'm afraid I don't care about Mace.
Prepare to be attacked.
Sexually.
That was amazing.
We should meet.
Come to 429 Covington Avenue,
apartment 8,
tomorrow night at 10:00.
Wear a mask.
Take me against my will.
Don't break character.
- Oh, hello, dear
- Oh, hey, Jane
Doing anything special tonight?
Nope, just baking cookies
for my niece
Oh
Just a second!
Did somebody order the rape?
Aaaah!
Whoo! Oooh!
So far so good
Uh, you can run but you can't hide
from forced sexual intercourse,
you know what I mean ma'am?
Get out!
God, be careful!
You're gonna hurt me!
I mean, you won't be so feisty
when I'm violating you
Sexually
I'm bleeding!
That wont stop me!
No, you don't
Oh
I'm sorry, I'll pay for this
You stay back I'm warning you!
Uh, I'm scared, yeah, yeah
I'm scared and...
Oh, my God!
What is it?! What is it!?
Oh, God!
Oh, it's burning!
Aaaah!
Did somebody order the rape?
Fred
Oh Hey, Betty
- Hey
- How's it goin?'
What's wrong?
Oh, it's just been kind of
a crazy week
It's a long story, though
You know, Fred,
I've been thinking
we've been friends
for a really long time
Yeah Yeah, we have
Maybe it's time we take things
to the next level
Next level?
Wow
Next level!
Hey, baby, this is for you.
I love you.
You're the only one for me.
I hope you enjoy.
Kat, can I borrow
a squirt of your herpes cream?
Uh, yeah, sure.
I'll bring it over in a minute.
Ohh! Ow!
I'm not in Leave a message
Hey, girl, it's Billy Sharpe
from the basketball team
Thanks for rockin' my world
Talk about takin' it to the hole... damn!
Sorry about that.
Oh, shoot! Aaaah!
Nice titties!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Put the south in your mouth,
pretty baby
Put the south in your mouth,
pretty baby
Let me slop my biscuit
in your gravy
I'm gonna do it
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it,
I'm gonna do it
I'm there I'm there
I'm there I'm there
Put the south in your mouth,
pretty baby
I wanna kiss your mouth
Mm, tastes like blueberry
So good...
Oh, God
Mmm
Hi
Hi
You look like
you just saw a ghost
Um
I had a... a really bad dream
Oh, sweetie
It's okay
Come here
I had an amazing time last night
Oh l'm sorry
Do you have a toilet?
Oh Yeah, it's right over there
Ohh
Mmm long night
- Hello
- Aaah!
Who the hell are you?
Why don't you ask your dick?
What is going on here?
- Relax, Len
- How do you know my name?
Uh, I usually like to know
the name of the guy
who's fucking my mouth
Nobody fucked anybody's mouth
last night!
Fine Nobody fucked
my mouth last night
And I guess
nobody was three knuckles deep
in my sphincter, either
Jesus Christ, what were you doing,
reaching for, like, a winning
lottery ticket or something?
I could feel you in
my small intestines
Oh, look what the cat
dragged in
- Do you have any matches?
- Such diarrhea Ugh
I'll air that out All right?
What I need right now
is for you to leave my house
My parents are coming home
this afternoon
and I need to start cleaning up
Sorry Dick hair
Those weren't your parents
we met last night?
My parents are in Cancun
Yeah Yeah Right.
If you say your parents aren't here,
then we'll just believe that
your parents weren't here
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle
I don't care I came here to fuck
and get fucked.
And you know, I got fucked
last night Fucked good
Okay Very funny
The, uh, the joke's over
This has been a delightful little prank
that you guys have played on me,
but now it's time for you
to respect my wishes
and please get the hell
out of my house!
Yeah
You're right
The whole thing was a prank
After we invited you
for a threesome,
I got blueberry yogurt and I smeared it
all over my face and your balls
to make it look like
you fucked my mouth
And then I dig my fingers
in my asshole
and put some of my butt stink
on your hands
And then I put some moisturizer
up on the ceiling
to make it look like
you shoot a load up there
Pooh! Yeah! All a joke
Please just get the hell out
- Fine
- Whatever
Please, just... just leave
Ooh So kind
If you say
your parents aren't here,
then we'll just believe
that your parents aren't here.
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle.
Mm-hmm.
Oh thank God
Oh, please, God,
don't let them be home
I swear I'll never drink again
just... just don't let them be here
Hello
So, you guys are home early
Did you just get in?
How was your second honeymoon?
Oh! No!
Get the hell out of our sight
Okay
How could you!?
How could you!?
How could you!?
Ohh!
Len, can we talk?
Um, just a minute
What, you been doing a little
spackling work on the ceiling?
Oh, God, Dad, no This... it's not...
Your mother and I are
disgusted with you, Len
Well, uh...
Look at her
- You don't understand
- Son,
I have one question for you,
and I'm only gonna ask it once
Have you been sneaking
behind our backs
and being on a hidden camera show?
- What?
- Look over there
No No, no, no, no, no!
You didn't!
They were in there
the whole time?
Gotcha!
No!
Hey, buddy!
Fuck anybody in their mouth
lately?
Look at his face!
How could you do this to me?
Wait Who am I?
We roofied you, honey
Wait, wait, wait...
so I didn't fuck you
and you didn't fuck me?
Well, I fucked you a little,
but it wasnt all faggy
Mr. Tight Sphincter
ha ha ha ha!
Mark
Fellas, personal advice
from me to you:
Get in there
and shave that shit up
Visually, it will give yourself
an extra two or three inches
If you're having anal intercourse,
whatever you do,
pull out and deposit your sperm
on her back
She'll appreciate it in the long run
Alcohol and sex don't mix
Cocaine and sex
If you don't have a rubber,
don't panic, whatever you do
Watch this Ready?
"Hold on a sec, babe
Lemme grab my jimmy hat"
And then pantomime
"Oh! It's so small! The rubber"
And then
you lock and load
She'll never know
- Damn!
- Oh, my God!
Ohh, what died?
Girl, you gotta stop
being so comfortable!
- Hey, pretty sweet field trip, huh?
- Yeah, it was cool
So, Stacy,
I wanted to ask you something
Hey, man, I'm gonna
catch you inside, all right?
- Uh
- So what'd you want to tell me?
You know what, it can wait
Hey, man, fake any orgasms lately?
- Fuck off
- What?
Ew
Are you okay?
Yeah
Why is that guy so tall?
Great Yeah, I should be okay
I'll just go try to clean up
before we eat
- Uh, see you inside?
- Okay
Sorry!
Guys
Can someone
help me get off the bus?
Hello?
- Hello?
Ah, there you are
Everybody's waiting for you
Come on
Oh, yeah
- Oh, yeah
- Oh
Licking, licking
- Oh! Oh!
Suck, suck, suck!
Oh, yeah!
Keep 'em shakin'
Show 'em to me
Tits
Ohh, yeah!
That's it, Nance
Cut!
Great job, girls
Nancy, nice licking
Very good sucking, too
- Okay, he's here
- It's about time
Listen, I know it's your first day,
but we got some stuff to shoot,
all right?
- Uh... wha...
- Now, listen
The way I view this film,
it's a spiritual successor
to Rebel Without A Cause...
only with a lot more fucking Ha ha!
Uh, right Um, you guys,
I think there's been a small...
I'm really looking forward
to working with you
Jackie and I are especially curious
how you got the name Gigundo-cock
Oh, I can't wait to wrap
my hands around
the biggest penis in the biz
"Penis"? I haven't heard
that word for a long time
- I usually just call it "dinner"
- Mmm
Okay, everybody on set!
I told you they wouldnt
have any beer
Oh, man, how was
I supposed to know?
- Oh, man! Sweet car!
Here's the scene:
You've just helped these girls
fix their car
And so to repay you,
you get to bang 'em
Now, Nancy right here,
she's gonna start by blowing you
Then you're gonna do
some back-door stuff with Jackie
Bro, check this out
After that,
just feel free to improvise
All right
Hey, you gonna need a fluffer?
Uh... uh...
All rightie
let's see that gigundo-cock
And action!
Thank you so much
for fixing our car
How can we ever repay you?
What?
- Cut!
- Hey, sorry I'm late
I'm Gigundo-cock
Damn
Yeah, I'm not Gigundo-cock
I'm just a small-town hick
An 18-year-old virgin
With a super-tiny dick
Kid, I've seen this once before
A boy who wished
he was Ang Lee
Found he couldn't
frame a shot
That's right,
that little boy was me
It wasnt my first choice
My parents think
I'm in college
I thought I'd be doing theater
On Broadway
We're just accidentally
Incidentally, unintentionally
making porn
Accidentally, incidentally,
unintentionally
Making porn
Not me, I do it 'cause
I fuckin' like it
Girl-on-girl pays fifty bucks
I get double
for back-door fucks
How I got here
I'll never know
Beats Mexico
and that donkey show
All these tits
got me in the mood
We're the ones
who should be getting screwed
Let us be your man-whores
Will someone show these assholes
the door?
I found my home here
On this porn set
Better hurry up
or I won't stay wet
Fuck yeah!
Wow Thanks for being
so cool about everything
I feel like I should tell you, though,
I don't really think
this is the life for me
You've got balls, kid
very large balls
You show that kind of confidence
in real life,
you're gonna be fine, just fine
All right, let's reset
Back to one
Dude, what happened in there
after we left?
Yo, bro, do you know those chicks?
Yeah, Mike!
That's what I'm talkin' about!
Dude, yes!
Whoa
Look, Stacy
I'm not sexually experienced,
and I'm not some famous porn star
named Gigundo-cock
Look, I'm just some regular kid
who just wants to ask out a very
very beautiful girl
Don't call past 10:00
My dad'll kill me
Screw her for me, dude!
Yes!
Fellas, you gotta be respectful
of your ladies
Whatever you do, don't go around
your boys telling them
all the gruesome details
But me, on the other hand,
I'm married with two kids,
I like all dirty stuff
This website will go directly to me,
and only me
Send me all pictures,
streaming videos, letters...
as bizarre as you want
I'll read them all,
and masturbate all night
Thank you I'm Matthew Lillard
She's got that kind of booty
Little mama,
come here and do me
She's got that kind of booty
The type that'll drive you looney
She's got that kind of booty,
pack it up and bring it to me
Smack it up, let's make a movie,
she's got that kind of booty
Shake that booty, cutie,
up and down and all around
That big ol' juicy brown ass,
Shorty, go to town
Kick it smooth like Luther Vandy,
so good, like chewing candy
In the middle of M-I-ami,
come and sit down on my jammy
We can do it in a big ol' bed
Long as you give me
good ol' head
Yeah, girl, that's what I said,
no, girl, you don't get no bread
She's got that kind of booty
Little mama,
come here and do me
She's got that kind of booty,
the type that'll drive you looney
She's got that kind of booty
Pack it up and bring it to me
Smack it up,
let's make a movie
She's got that kind of booty
Shorty got that fat ass
Gets 'em harder than a math class
Smilin', don't you act up,
just stop and back up
Go ahead and drop that ass low,
be easy movin' that slow
Nobody has to know,
we in the corner, though
You sippin' champagne,
I'm drinking cognac
You do that damn thing,
I get to bone that
She's got that kind of booty
Little mama,
come here and do me
She's got that kind of booty
The type that'll drive you looney
She's got that kind of booty
Pack it up and bring it to me
Smack it up, let's make a movie
She's got that kind of booty
Shake that booty,
sh-sh-shake, shake, shake
Shake that booty,
sh-sh-shake, shake, shake
Up and down the stripper pole,
got that body all swole
You know my package, right?
You can stay the whole night
Lady, what you gotta do
is keep me in the back of you
Nobody move you like I do,
they call me Mr. Mac-a-do
They counted Tallahassee classic
got 'em on my caddy
Girlie, let me be your daddy
and we can both be happy
She's got that kind of booty
Little mama,
come here and do me
She's got that kind of booty
The type that'll drive you looney
She's got that kind of booty
Pack it up and bring it to me
Smack it up, let's make a movie
She's got that kind of booty
My darling, the stars,
they shine for you
My darling,
the birds twitter for you
My darling,
my heart skips a beat
Whenever I think of you
And under this moonlit sky
I pray and dream that I will be the one,
will be the one
That you'll
Bend over
and bang good and hard
From behind
Have me on all fours,
howling at the sky
I'll give your cock
a good long suck
Then you'll give me
a good hard fuck
Squeeze my tits,
all big and bouncy
Then spunk all over my body
I want to be
your buttt-hot greasy slut
Greasy slut
Beggin' for more,
for I can't get enough
Can't get enough
When I leave your tool
Used up, worn, and soggy
I won't stop then
Oh, no, no, no
I'll become
your little leg-humping doggie
Let me be
your dirty, fuckin' whore
Let me be
your dirty, fuckin' whore