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Fake Tattoos (2017)
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Go all the way! Stand up! Fucking crazy! Faster! Yo, I can't... Happy birthday. FAKE TATTOOS Goddamn... - Can I help you? - No, sorry, it's just... Your fake tattoo is really well done. Chill out, I just noticed 'cause I'm an expert. I have a 5-year-old sister who's obsessed with that. - Is it done with a sharpie...? - OK, enough! The trick is to put baby powder before the hair spray. You probably know that, you're a pro too! Don't you have friends to go back to? Well, no, I came alone... I'll have a large ice tea. I'll have a medium Sprite, and I'll pay for both. To make peace... I used eyeliner, by the way. Really? You use eyeliner? It's my mom's. Yours are real ones? Yeah. It was either that or a Eurotrip but fuck the Eurotrip. Fuck the Eurotrip... Fuck people who take selfies in front of the Eiffel Tower. Fuck people who post everything on Facebook just to prove that they've traveled. Thanks. There's two seats there, if you wanna join me... Where did you get them done? A really nice place on Ontario St. - Next to Beaudry metro? - Yes! You know the place? I know all of the places, but they don't hire minors. Well, obviously. Yeah, obviously... - Were you at the show? - Yeah, you too? Were you alone? Yeah... The other person couldn't come, but I came anyway. - Did you like it? - Yeah, it was insane! Did you see them last year too? I think so. Was it the same venue? - Yes. - Yeah, I was there. The best shows are always in small venues. For visual shows, large venues can be nice. Like, Rammstein was crazy! - You were at Rammstein? - Yeah! - With Engel, the wings on fire! - And stuff blowing up! That was sick! It's in my top 5 all-time favorite shows! What are the others? Streetlight Manifesto, for sure. I'm not a ska fan, but... But wait! There's ska and there's fucking Streetlight! A Streetlight show, that's life itself! Alright, I'll give them another try. What else? It's clich, but Metallica. Even if Lars Ulrich isn't the best drummer. I agree. There's YouTube videos of Metallica with Slayer's drummer. - OK? - Fucking dope. I'll look those up. What else? I'd go with Jack White. Who's that? - The White Stripes' frontman. - OK, yeah. He's the love of my life! What else? It's your last pick. Beyonc. For real? Yes, for real. Queen B's the best. Woah, you're judging me so bad! I'm not judging you. You can like Beyonc. Sure I can! She's totally empowered. Plus "Lemonade" is a great fucking album! I'll take your word for it. At the show, I even did the Single Ladies dance. I'm that deep into her! You really feel the Single Ladies vibe? Yeah, since a couple weeks, I've been... a full-time single lady. That's not what I meant... I know, but it's still true. Anyway I don't mind being single. It's not like breaking up at our parents' age where you need to deal with the house and the kids... You're zen. Do you know Fiona Apple? Only her name. Well, she's an expert of break-up songs. And one of her songs goes like... "All that love... "All that love must have been lacking something if I got bored trying to figure you out." - That's spot-on! - Beautiful. The guy was boring, and I think that when you truly love somebody... you want to know everything about that person, and... it doesn't bore you to go through, like, a baby photo album. I don't even think I have a baby photo album of me. My mom's such a fan. I have a shitload of baby pictures. But, you said you have a 5-year-old sister, right? And how old are you? Getting comfortable, huh? I didn't mean it like that... I'm fucking with you! I don't get why it's rude to ask a girl's age. Wait 'till you're 40. OK, that's chill, it gives me 21 years. So you're 19? Are you a math whiz or something? - Are you going to CEGEP? - Yeah... What are you studying? Social Science, no math... You came alone too? Yeah, I frequently go to shows alone. Frequently...? Well, sometimes. Hey, I'm Mag! Right, we didn't introduce ourselves. I'm Theo. Mag's short for... Maggie, I guess? Actually it's Marguerite. Then it became Maggie. Now it's just Mag. Is Theo short for something too? Yeah it's a... short for Theophile. - God, sorry... - It's alright, you can laugh. Everyone does, anyway. - It literally means "God's friend". - Holy shit, that's heavy! Your parents Jesus freaks or something? Not even. We've never set foot in a Church. I don't know what they were smoking. Funny how we both have such old names. My little sister thought that a kid had a kid's name and when you became an adult, you were granted an adult name. - Cute! Just like for teeth. - Yeah, right! Do you often approach people like that? You feel like you've been "approached"? No, but you just randomly started talking to me. Well, no, I don't often "approach" people like that. Like I said, I just broke up with someone and I'm working on my rebound. So I figured that a guy with a fake tattoo couldn't be such a threat. - You're fucking weird. - Why? It's my 18th birthday today. - Well happy birthday! - Thanks... For 5 minutes, still. Happy birthday Theophile. Thank you very much Marguerite. Hip hip hip... Hooray! That's it! 18th birthday, fuck yeah. So I guess you've never had alcohol before, right? No. Never in my wildest dreams. - It's evil incarnate. - Yeah, exactly. So manly. Yeah, I'm turned on. Exactly my type. So, the last metro's passed. Wanna... Split a taxi? I came by bicycle. That's perfect. You could give me a lift. The thing is, I'm kind of stinky from the show... Yeah... Listen, if you want, you can take a shower, wash your hair... cut your fingernails, brush your teeth. To seal the deal... I could even put on some Beyonc. - It's here. - Oh, OK. Well... Thanks for the lift. I'm fucking with you. Come on. - Vintage. - Yeah! When the hipsters become too hip for vinyls, CDs will make a huge comeback. That puts me way ahead of the pack. Or behind. It still works just fine! Let's see in 10 years. OK... You play guitar? Yeah, a little... Well, not that much. Wanna play something? We gotta be quiet... You could play something smooth. I don't know... It's fine if you don't wanna play, I'm not forcing you. Alright, I can play something! Don't judge me, I'm no Jimi Hendrix. Don't worry. I've never seen a girl Cry so much for a boy I've never seen love Create hate this way Her sorrows of the day End in those of the night You have to see her walk with a heavy step As if each foot weighed on him Dry your tears, dry your tears I beg you dry your tears Fifteen days ago left The one she wanted for a long time Left the one She wishes dead now That he dies, better, suffers That a girl throws him overboard That he chokes on his tears like me That the girl's warmth turns cold for him Dry your tears, dry your tears I beg you dry your tears To whoever wants to hear She badmouths him as much as she can The jerk, the dog, the bastard No kindness, no sweet memory And cry and cry still That with all the tears falling I thought to calm my remorses And supply the Third World in water Dry your tears, dry your tears I beg you dry your tears Who do I see this afternoon? Her poor devil all drunken "I love her and I miss her" Why don't you go see her? And I was telling myself Go she's dying to see you again Run there to help me To block the Black Sea's inflow Dry your tears, dry your tears I beg you dry your tears So... that's that. - It was fucking beautiful. - Not that much. You could do the same. - I don't think so. - We could practice together. No... I have to be good at something to enjoy it. And to be a really good guitar player, it takes 10 years. I don't have time for that. You don't need to be a pro to have fun. I do. I'll put on some music. I thought we needed to be quiet. Yeah, well, we won't be that quiet anyway, so... Here's a tip. Use one hand, only your thumb and index finger. Why do you wear this? Why not? It's more comfortable. Fucking tight jeans! Pull! Good morning! Good morning? You're alive! This is one of the weirdest mornings of my life. Sorry for getting up before you, but great timing. Want some? Yeah, maybe. Do you want toasts? No, but maybe a fork. If you want coffee, you'll need to figure out how the machine works. Or you can always ask my mom. No thanks, I'm good... - Brightens your day, huh? - Yeah. Your phone rang this morning, but you were so comatose! Wanna take a shower before you leave? I don't think that's the greatest idea. What are you doing today? I have driving lessons in the afternoon. That's about it. Do you have your driver's license? Well, since you ride a bike... I guess not. I have it, it's just... complicated... I know I said yes for the eggs, but I'm not hungry. - Thanks anyways. - You're welcome. It's nothing. Theophiles on Facebook must be pretty rare so you might get a friend request soon. I'm not on Facebook. Right, obviously. I have an idea. A new tattoo. - Alright. Bye. - Bye. Ciao. See ya. You're intense, huh? Yeah. Listen... - It was... - Alright, look, I'll go get dressed. But under one condition... I get to pick what we're gonna do. Deal? Deal. I guess... I'm sure you can pull these off. Try them on. - Good-looking dude. - Right, huh? I'll only get a black T-shirt. Shut the fuck up and keep looking! Home Got it! This one! - No. - Come on! It's ugly as hell, I can't wear that. Here's a challenge: I pay for it, but you gotta wear it all day. I don't think I'm game. Theo... Come on... I dare you. I'm sure you also have shitty taste sometimes. I mean, we don't start digging music with obscure, indie weird bands. You're right about that. OK look... I'll tell you a secret. But if you repeat it, I'll have to get rid of you. OK, shoot. I'm ready. The first song that got me dancing at a party, and I mean "dancing" not "thrashing", was We Found Love by Rihanna. I can picture you so well! You were doing these sick moves? Wanna do a demonstration? I should've kept my mouth shut. It must've been epic! That's great, you've reached a whole new level of cuteness! DRIVING SCHOOL Well... Thanks for the ride. My pleasure. You have my number. You can call me whenever. Anyway, you don't seem to answer your phone very often. Try not to run anybody over. I can't promise, but I'll try. OK, then... Bye. - Bye. See ya. Theo? I just wanted to tell you I'm not angry. But we need to talk. Where were you? Why don't you answer your phone? I shouldn't have gone through your things, but it was the only time I had to pack. Your sister's coming next week. It'd be great if we all had dinner together. Yeah. Happy birthday sweetie. Hey sister, can you bring your guitar when you come? I'll bring it back when I move in. Want it? Go. Catch him off-guard. Throw the balls! Throw the balls! Firefly, we switched spots! Firefly? - Yes? - We switched spots! - Ah! Perfect! - 'Cause I know she's better than me. OK. You wanna win. Great team spirit! Let's go Werewolves! - I need help! - That's a big ball for you, huh? Look at the size! Come with me! Do it together. She'll cover you when you throw. Keep it up Werewolves! Hello? Hello? Mag? It's Theo. Good evening sir. Good evening miss. What are you reading? For pleasure or for school? School, during summer? Dumb question, huh? I wanted to tell you... I'm leaving Montreal at the end of summer. OK? I'm moving in with my sister in La Pocatire, I leave in 2 weeks... Well... It's alright. Funny, it sounds like a fish farming place. What? You know, fish farming? I imagine people fishing at La Pocatire. Looks sick. Not that sick... You don't seem very excited about it. It's not really my decision... - What do you mean? - Doesn't matter... So, how do you feel about it? I don't know. How do you want me to feel about it? I mean... It's nice I guess. It's your life, and it's not like we've known each other for long, right? Yeah, you're right. You said 2 weeks? Yeah... I leave on the 20th. It's like a 4-hour drive. The 20th? Yo, check this out! Seriously? It's predestined! So we're like the yogurt. We expire on August 20, 2017. Well... Do you want us to see each other 'till then? Yeah. Well, cool. That thing's ugly as hell. You're lame! You don't have a soul if you don't love those animals! Come on, it's like an uglier version of a llama! - OK, so... - Just watch! I'm not listening to you anymore. OK, on to the walrus. That's a funny animal! Yeah, but a walrus is a dangerous animal. It can kill a polar bear. This one doesn't seem dangerous. He's playing saxophone! Alright, it's pretty good. - You're a convert now, huh? - Yeah, kind of. What's your favorite animal? That's an elementary school question. Then what's your favorite color? First of all, having a favorite color is a weird concept. It's not weird. I can clearly say... that my favorite color is purple. I could've guessed that. I'd say my favorite animal is... I think it's the malamute. The malamute? What's a malamute? My turn to teach. It's so cute! I just found a new passion. "The Alaskan malamute". "The Alaskan malamute is a breed of dog that originates from Alaska." Yeah, makes sense... "It's one of the oldest sled dogs from the Arctic." Maggie? Did you take my laptop? Oops, sorry... As long as you don't fill my computer with porn, that's cool. Look, mom, you don't download porn nowadays, it's all streaming. Check your browsing history, you'll see. - Good night... That was funny! You found that funny? It doesn't matter! And she obviously likes you more than my ex. As long as I don't bang her daughter. What if I was banging her daughter? - Does that turn you on? Mom, he's banging me! - What the fuck? - I'm just teasing! So... Thanks chauffeur. Pleasure your highness. "Firefly"? Is that your monitor name? - Yeah! Suits me, huh? - Not bad. What are you doing today? Nothing much. Wanna stay here at day camp? I don't think I can. Sure you can! Plus there's only one guy And all the little boys would love another male to play with. - Honestly, I don't know... - Come on! It'll be fun! You'll see how cute they are! There's only one thing though... Yeah... "Gargoyle" 10! 9! 8! 7! ... 3! 2! 1... Yeah bravo! 10! 9! 8! ... - Let's go Theo! You're off to a bad start Gargoyle! "Lard oil"! Hey lard oil, you should practice with your friends! Are you alright? Yeah. I think I'll go now. Wanna see each other after? This is day camp! You can't do that here! - So we see each other after? - Yeah... He's fucking good. He's decent. Compared to me, I mean. Would you like me better if I could land these tricks? - Yep. - OK... fuck. Is your sandwich good? Fucking tasty. Theo? Hey. - Hey... How's it going? I'm good... How are you doing? You're here with your brother, I guess? - Yeah, that's it. How have you been? You just disappeared... Did you delete your Facebook page Yeah... Sarah, this is Mag. Mag, Sarah. - Pleased to meet you! Hi. Are you from the West Island too? No, I'm from Montreal-Montreal. It's great to meet your friends! I learn secrets about you. Any news from Kev? Not really... He's doing better! He watches all the TV series. Anyway, it was nice seeing you. Take care Theo. - You too. See you around. She's not my friend, by the way. - Huh? You said "meet your friends", but she's not my friend. Yeah, well... I figured that out. It was awkward. Sorry. No, don't apologize. It's nothing. But what's up? Did you sleep with her? No. It's not that... I'd like to see you try kissing with a mouthful of sandwich! Yum! You're disgusting. You're really chatty tonight... It's really good, Mom. - Thank you. It's a pleasure. We don't see each other often. It's about time you come down. True. You're right. You're so right. Huh? - Who is it? - No phones at the dinner table! One second. Must be important... Funny when I'm the one who calls you don't pick up. I'd answer if you texted. Does he pick up when you call? Depends. That wine's pretty good. Not bad, huh? Not that expensive either. From the convenience store? You know me so well! You guys should go out tonight. What do you wanna do? Whatever. Hey boy... - You look thrilled to see me! - We'll have a beer. Chill out. You know how I feel about alcohol... Yeah right... fucking good example! Only one drink. We won't be back too late. We'll brunch tomorrow. There's the bar nearby. I don't wanna go there, it sucks. - It's alright! It's quiet. - It sucks. I'm not going there. You'd rather go to a rave? We might as well... Is there a concert you could go to? "A concert"... As if we liked the same music! Did you give me refill? My God... Thanks. I didn't see that one coming. Give her a break! No, she has to give me a break. She's always bugging me about... my plans for the future. It's almost fucking bullying! Come on, you can't be swallowing your own bullshit! You just don't get it! Whenever she looks at me, there's always pity in her eyes. And she doesn't understand shit. That's not even related to alcohol... As soon as she doesn't control a situation, she pressures me to take action. Look. That situation's hard on everybody. My boyfriend could've moved in, but I'm getting my little brother instead! If it's too much trouble, I can always go somewhere else! I'm glad you decided to come. Really. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I just want you to be nicer to Mom. That's all. There's a tattoo parlor near La Poc, you know. - Really? - Yeah. You should drop off your CV. What? I don't know, I imagine myself dropping by with... my amazing high school rsum. So convincing... What's that music? It sucks. - My car, my rules! Who are you texting? A friend... "He" or "she"? She... And what's her name? Answer me! What's her name? - Her name's Mag. Mag? Perfect. Magalie? - No, Marguerite. - Perfect. Does Marguerite have a last name? - Yes. - What is it? - I won't tell. - Yes you will! - No, you'll start stalking her. - That's exactly my plan. I might even send her a friend request. Come on! - You're such a pain. Why am I helping you? - 'Cause you love me. Wow! She's way out of your league. Go to hell. Seriously, she's pretty in her own way. What do you mean, "in her own way"? Well, in the way... "Fuck the world, fuck the police, I go to metal shows" - that way. You're so judgmental. You've only seen a couple pictures. That's perfect. What is she up to tonight? - She's with friends, I think. - You could invite her over? No... Why not? You're ashamed of your sister? I'm not ashamed of you, but you'll ask her embarrassing questions... I'm not down with it. - I'll go easy on her. She's not my girlfriend anyways. So you say, but you should see your face right now. What's up with my face? You wanted to see her, you saw her, that's it! You're even blushing. So cute. Just fucking stop it! I don't love her! I'm leaving soon, and that's it! Got it. No problem. All good. - You sure you're OK to drive? - Yeah. I can handle it. Tell Mom I'm not sleeping home tonight. Perfect. Say "hi" to that not-girlfriend of yours for me. I'll cover for you if Mom asks. Should I put the guitar in your room? - Yes please. Perfect. You need a ride? No, I can walk from here. I'll see you in La Poc, 'cause I leave tomorrow PM. - Love you sis. - Love you more. - Don't drive too fast. - Roger that! You're disgusting! You idiot! You know I didn't cum for real? That's fucking rough! I'm kidding! I'm just teasing... I've never seen you smile like this. Not true. I smile like this all the time. See? If you say so... Either way, it suits you. Maggie! Maggie! Safifou! Hi! Who's that? - Oh, he's... - Hello charming damsel. I'm Theo. You're Safia, right? - Yes. I heard a lot about you. Pleased to meet you. Want to say "hi" to Theo, Safia? Hi Theo. She was excited to see you! Did you forget I'm leaving on a romantic weekend? No, of course not. You're responsible for the little monster 'till tomorrow night. Good to know! Don't let her eat too much ice cream, OK? Don't worry. Anyway, Theo prefers yogurt. Especially the one that's about to expire. - Bye! - Don't fool around too much! Neither do you! What do you wanna do Safia? Good idea... - Such advanced techniques! - You like it, right? - You bet I do. - Likin' the pink? Yeah, that's my favorite color. Pink suits me just fine. - Just fine indeed! - I need to flex my muscles. - Yeah, give us a show! - Such strong biceps. - Do you think he has big muscles? Not bad huh? - I know you like 'em. - They make me feel all fuzzy inside! - I'm done. - Yeah! Good work. There you go! There you go... There you go... Thanks, it's still a little sensitive. You're lucky. You're the only one who has a tattoo here... - I want a tattoo too! - You want a tattoo? - Well... - You got the message. The slave's up for another task. So... - A zombie! She knows what she wants! Careful... Tada! Yeah, it'd be a crime if you didn't do this professionally. - Do you like it? - Yes. - Do we add some colors? - No we keep it black! - OK... - We keep it black. What do we do now? Let's clean up. OK, the one who cleans up the fastest wins! Go! - I think I'll win. - No, I'm the best! You gotta put lots of colors on the wall. There too. - There too? - Yeah, all around. Hey, Theo, that's really nice! You should add it to your portfolio. Get back to your stops and your blind spots! No! Safia you can't play in the street! It's too dangerous! - Stop! Let me go! Now! No, you can't go in the street, there's cars passing, it's too dangerous! You can't do that! Watch out for your sister for fuck's sake! - Alright, alright... One second! You alright? - Huh... no. No? Wait a second, OK? What's up with you? - Your sister was in the fucking street! Is she OK now? She is now, but she could've been hit by a car! I think you're overreacting. Breath in... relax. She didn't get hurt. No, because I got her out of the street! Stop it Theo. She's fine now. What's wrong with you? Are you OK? I'm fine... Really? - I'm OK... - How about a smile? There! Calm down now. Back to drawing! - Yeah, right... Wanna go back to drawing with Theo, Safia? Draw some heart shapes. Theo! Let's draw another heart here. You're better than I am. That's 'cause you have a merrier heart than I have. We'll leave our mark forever. - Yeah! Well, well, well... Hey Kev... What's up? Not much... How are you doing? Not too bad... Keepin' myself busy. I brought you something... Dude? What's that flower? It was done by a 5-year-old. It's not a real one, don't worry. Christ! It's not that bad! Thanks. Dude! Have you checked how many views we're at? No... I didn't really check. Man, listen, we're up to about... 500,000 views. When you search "Car Surfing" on YouTube, we're one of the firsts. Wanna play "Black Ops"? Look, I don't think your parents want to see me... Nobody really wants to see me these days... Good thing you're getting the fuck out of here. I guess... When are you leaving? Fucking soon... Nice. Take care man. Thanks. You too. It's gonna be sunny tomorrow... What do you call inhabitants of La Pocatire? Pocatois? Exactly. There's a town, when you follow the river for hours... It's called "Yellowstone". Do you know what they're called? Yellow Stoners? Clever. - Thanks. Wanna know the name of my favorite town? Go ahead. "The-Annunciation-of- the-Blessed-Virgin-Mary" So those who live there are called... The-Announcers-of-the Blessed- but-not-so-virgin-anymore-Virgin-Mary? Exactly! You know there's "Dildo Island" in Newfoundland? - For real? - Yeah! How charming! I heard of a place not far from Gaspsie... Was it in Gaspsie? There's a place called, quite simply... "Knockers". I could work as a stripper over there, what do you think? Yes, you could. There's a place, not far from Drummundville... It's just called: "Future"... I'm a blues fan, so I can sing the blues. You'll "sing the blues"? - You could play harmonica. - Want me to go get it? Yeah. - Be right back, guys. - See ya! Awesome. That's an original song. - Really? - Yeah. Where can we buy it on iTunes? Maybe in a couple years. I liked the question: "Where can we buy it... on iTunes!" Hello! "Happy birthday bro!" "I cooked something for you. Enjoy!" Hello. Hello Theo... Mag? Yes. You changed your phone? Yeah... You did too. You're in the 418 now. How did you find out? Well, you're now the proud owner of a Facebook page and you only posted that info, so it wasn't hard to find. You didn't mention your birthday though... You kind of need to know it... Well... Happy birthday Theo. Thanks. What's new with you? Huh, well... lots of things! - Did you get your driver's license? - Yeah, on the first try. I'm not surprised. Good job. Thanks. I don't practice often, but anyway... And, do you like it in La Poc? It's nice. The apartment's dope. It's just weird to hear my sister having sex with her boyfriend... My little sister's too young, so I'm off the hook for now. You're fucking wrong! You know my sense of humor! So... what are you doing for your birthday? You know I'm not the celebrating kind. What does that mean? You're not doing anything? I'll do stuff. I'll draw, and... Listen, I'll put you on speakerphone, OK? OK. I'll wait. Theo? I've never seen a girl Cry so much for a boy I've never seen love Create hate this way Her sorrows of the day End in those of the night You have to see her walk with a heavy step As if each foot weighed on him Dry your tears, dry your tears I beg you dry your tears Fifteen days ago left The one she wanted for a long time Left the one She wishes dead now That he dies, better, suffers That a girl throws him overboard That he chokes on his tears like me That the girl's warmth turns cold for him Dry your tears, dry your tears I beg you dry your tears To whoever wants to hear She badmouths him as much as she can The jerk, the dog, the bastard No kindness, no sweet memory And cry and cry still That with all the tears falling I thought to calm my remorses And supply the Third World in water Dry your tears, dry your tears I beg you dry your tears Who do I see this afternoon? Her poor devil all drunken "I love her and I miss her" Why don't you go see her? And I was telling myself Go she's dying to see you again Run there to help me To block the Black Sea's inflow Dry your tears, dry your tears I beg you dry your tears |
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