1
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Are you taking off?
- Yeah, work.
Okay.
Well.
This is really embarrassing.
I don't remember your name.
- Cooper.
- Right.
Well, Cooper, thanks.
This was fun.
- Well, maybe we can
do it again sometime.
- Yeah, yeah, totally.
I'll be in touch.
- Hi, buddy.
- Hey.
- Are you a club member?
Sir?
- Huh?
- Are you a club member?
- Yeah.
- That's Jon.
Jon snow.
You know, game of thrones.
- Oh, I've never seen it.
- Huh, no shit.
Okay, well, do you
want me to take him out
so you can meet him?
- No, I'm...
I don't rally know
what I'm doing here.
- There he is.
- Okay, so if you had to choose,
would you rather be eaten
by a shark or burnt alive?
- Why do I have to choose?
- Because you do.
- I'm gonna go with shark.
- Really?
Interesting.
I've missed you.
What's with you?
- I don't know.
Just a funk I guess.
- Yeah, well, that's why god
invented distilled
beer, my friend.
Hello, Joyce, how's
life treating you?
- Life, what life?
All I do is work.
- Well, at least you've
got your health, right?
- Oh, yeah, I'm a
regular fairy Princess.
- Okay, so what do priests
and Christmas trees
both have in common?
Ah, hello?
What do priests and Christmas
trees both have in common?
Their balls are
only for decoration.
Oh come on, that's it?
That's all I get?
But you are laughing
on the inside, right?
- In tears.
- Liar.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Can I get something for you?
- Yeah, Campari and soda.
- Another one under the
bridge, as they say, right?
How was your night?
- It was long.
- Well, tomorrow's another day.
Okay, I hope you have
a wonderful evening.
- You look tired.
- Oh, yeah, well how
about you lick my balls?
- You want something?
So, you want me to lock up?
- Well, I'm sure as
shit not gonna do it.
See you tomorrow.
Don't forget to turn
off the damn lights.
- So, Jon.
What the hell am I doing here?
Yeah.
I don't know either.
- Well, look who's back.
You want to meet him?
It's no big deal.
- I can't.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, thanks.
- There he is.
- Okay, so how do gay
horses greet each other?
- I do not know.
- Hay!
So, my friend,
what's new with you?
- Since yesterday?
Not a whole lot.
- You know, for a bartender,
you're really shitty
at making small talk.
- That is probably true.
Is it a special occasion?
- Actually, this is for you?
- Really?
- Yes, sir, open it.
- I don't get it.
- Happy anniversary.
- What?
- You've been working for
this fine establishment
for exactly 10 years
so happy anniversary.
- What?
How did you know that?
- Well, you started
working here the same day
that my divorce from my
third wife was finalized
and trust me that's a day you
don't forget any damn soon.
Are you gonna say something
or just stare at
it all night long?
- Fuck.
- So, 10 years, huh?
Wow.
- Yeah.
Guess so.
- That is really
something, you know that?
Gosh, I guess we
are turning into
a bunch of old farts you and I.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Campari and soda, right?
- Sure, thanks.
- One more?
- Nah, time to go.
Until we meet again, kind sir.
- Have a good night, Ron.
Good book?
- It's okay.
- "Woman in the dunes".
What's that about?
- Sand.
- Sand?
That sounds really interesting.
Okay then, another drink?
- No, thanks.
- Okay.
You have a great night.
- Jon.
I hope you don't mind having
processed food products.
Oh, hey.
- Check you out.
Can't seem to stay away, huh?
- Huh?
Oh, yes.
Did Jon get adopted?
'Cause he's not at his kennel.
He's okay, right?
- I'm sorry.
- What?
- We...
We fight like hell to
try to save them all
but there's just too many
and not enough space.
I'm so so sorry.
- Hello.
Can I get something for you?
- Yeah.
- The usual?
- No, something stronger.
- Okay.
What can I get for you?
- Bourbon or whiskey,
I don't really care.
- Alright, a bourbon or
whiskey coming right up.
- Thanks.
- Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Hey buddy, how's it going?
- Hey, Ron.
Hey.
Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
I'll take another.
- Yeah, that's probably
not a good idea.
- Whatever.
Play it again, Sam.
- Sorry but I can't do it.
- Why?
I'm fine.
- Excuse me for a second.
What's up?
- Guy at table 12
says he can't taste the
alcohol in his drink.
- It's a long island ice tea.
What the fuck does
he think is in it?
- I know, I know.
But can't you just
fix it for me, please?
- Yeah, sure.
There you go, happy?
- Thank you.
- I really need to get laid.
What?
You?
Shit, in your dreams maybe.
- What?
- Why are you so
sad all the time?
- I'm not sad all the time.
- Shit, like hell you're not.
- So, any chance you
wanted to lock up tonight?
- Any chance you
want to bite my ass?
Oh, and don't forget,
Bugman comes tonight.
- Shut up.
Hi.
- Hi.
Okay, okay, okay.
Sorry.
We need to call you a cab or
an Uber or something, right?
- Fuck Uber.
- You seriously can't stay here.
- Can I have a glass of water?
- Yeah, okay, okay.
Look, so, I'm thinking...
No, no, no, no.
Hey, you need to get up.
Look, you need to get up.
No, you can't stay here.
Up, up.
- You're an asshole.
- Look, listen.
You can't stay here, okay?
- I just want to sleep.
- No, no, no, no.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What?
- Nothing, bro.
I can come by next week
if you want, no sweat.
- No.
Hey, hey.
You need to go home.
- Seriously bro, I can
come back next week.
- No, alright?
Just...
I'll take care of this.
Okay, okay.
- Thank you.
- Get some sleep.
Hey.
Hey!
- What?
- Where are you going?
- Home.
- Well, do you want a ride?
- No, I'm fine.
- Are you sure?
Fine, fine, whatever.
- You sure you don't mind?
- Yeah.
- I'm not an alcoholic,
if that's what you think.
- That's not what I think.
- I don't even drink really.
- I don't know why you
care what I think anyway.
- I don't.
- You want to get some coffee?
Do you want to talk
about anything?
- I don't even know you.
- Okay.
- Are you done?
So what are you?
Like some sort of
actor or something?
- What?
Where's that coming from?
- Isn't everyone who
works in a restaurant
some sort of actor?
- No, they're not.
And no, I'm not an actor.
- Okay.
So, what's your deal then?
- My deal?
Well, if you must know,
I'm working on an algorithm
that can predict
within 99% accuracy
the exact moment
you're gonna die.
- You're an ass.
- That is the only smart
thing you've said all day.
I am nothing.
Just a bartender, that's it.
It's all there is.
Wanna hear a joke?
How do gay horses
greet each other?
Hay!
Wow, cool place.
- It's okay.
Okay.
Thanks.
- I don't even know your name.
- Daisy.
Yes, really.
- What a great name.
- Not really.
- Did you know that if you live
in a major metropolitan area
and you've been
married for over a year
the chances of you getting
laid more than once a week
are the same as your getting
killed in a drive-by?
- I did not.
- The only difference is
that with the drive-by
at least it's over quick.
- Well, I will definitely
keep that in mind.
Hey.
- Hey.
- And how are you on
this fine evening?
- Good.
- Usual?
- Sure, thanks.
What?
- Nothing.
- How is everything?
- What?
- Would you like another one?
- No, thanks.
What?
- Nothing.
- Daisy?
- Hey.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm just grabbing a drink.
- Are you living out here now?
- Yeah, you too I guess?
- Yeah, I am doing financing.
It's like whatever but you
know, money's pretty sick.
How are you?
What have you been up to?
- I'm kinda figuring it out.
- Cool, well, do you
want to come join us?
- Yeah, thanks but I
was just on my way out.
- Well, you know what, we
definitely got to hook up,
get a drink sometime.
- Okay, yeah, sure.
- Cool.
- Gosh.
I don't know about you
mister but I am whooped.
Hello?
- What?
- Wow, someone's in a mood.
That's okay.
You know what I always say,
tomorrow is another day.
- Yeah, no shit.
- You know what, go
fuck yourself, okay?
Fuck off!
Fuck.
- Yeah, hi.
- Hi.
- Cool light, is it...
- what are you doing here?
- I have no idea.
Yeah, so, anyway, this
is weird so I am gonna...
- do you want to come in?
- Yeah, sure.
You play?
- A little, yeah.
So, why are you here?
- I just, you know,
needed to get out of
the house, you know.
- Well, I was actually
just on my way out
to get something to eat, so.
- Oh, I'm sorry, yes.
So, sorry, I didn't
mean to bother you
and I hope I didn't
freak you out.
- You can come if you want.
- Really?
- If you want.
- Okay.
So, are we walking?
So, you're a musician?
- What?
- The guitar.
- No, just a hobby.
- Oh, okay.
So what do you do?
- I'm kinda in between
things right now.
- Well, I am envious.
- Of what?
- Not working, I guess.
- Then quit your job.
- Yeah, not really that simple.
- Well, bartending seems like
it's probably pretty fun.
- I don't know.
It's okay, I guess.
I mean, it pays the bills.
Actually, that's bullshit.
No, I hate it.
I really fucking hate it.
- So, why don't you do
something else then?
- I have no idea.
- Wow, that's
fucking depressing.
- Isn't your place
back this way?
- Yeah.
- So, where are we going?
- I don't know.
What, I like to walk.
I could have saved him.
- Sorry, what?
- Nothing.
- Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Can I ask you a favor?
- What?
- Tell me something about you.
- No, that's stupid.
- Come on.
Anything.
Where you were born?
Your first car, anything.
- No.
Why?
- Because I wanna know
something about you.
Even if it's completely
insignificant.
Come on.
Anything.
It doesn't have to be important.
- I'm an ass.
- Yeah, me too.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
How did you get here?
- I walked.
What?
I told you I like to walk.
- Okay.
Where are you walking to?
- Just around.
- Well, do you
want some company?
- I guess.
I'm not having sex with you.
- Excuse me?
- You heard me.
- Okay.
- I'm serious, I'm not
interested in that.
Like
at all.
- Alright, yeah.
I get it, okay?
So, who's the guy
from the other night?
- What guy?
- The guy from the bar.
- Oh.
Nobody.
Just somebody I
went to school with.
- Alright.
So, where did you go to school?
What?
Did you go to
Harvard or something?
Seriously, Harvard?
- Yale.
What?
It's just a school.
- I mean, no, not really.
- Whatever.
- Why are you being
so weird about it?
- I'm not.
It's just not a big deal.
- Yeah, it actually kind of is.
I mean, it's a really good
school, you should be proud.
- Why?
I fucking hate those people.
- Wow.
- You're such an asshole.
- Maybe.
But I'm not an Ivy
league asshole.
- So, how old are you anyway?
- Where is that coming from?
How old are you?
- I asked first.
Really, how old are you?
- Honestly I don't know.
- You don't know
how old you are?
- No.
- Okay, then, well, what
year where you born in?
- Do you mind if we talk
about something else?
What?
It's just not really
something I even think about.
Okay?
- Okay.
- I hope you're
enjoying yourself.
- What?
It's just a little
weird, that's all.
- You are really one to talk.
So, you want a ride home?
- No, I'm okay.
- Okay.
- Are you working tonight?
- Unfortunately.
- Okay.
Maybe I'll drop by.
- Alright, so this
pirate walks into a bar
with a ship's wheel hanging
from the end of his pecker.
So the bartender
says to the pirate,
"hey buddy, do you know
that you have a ship's wheel
"hanging from the
end of your penis?"
So the pirate says, "I
know, it drives me nuts."
- Well, you've a
real talent, man.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah, unfortunately
it's just not for comedy.
- Gee, thanks asshole.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- New book?
- Oh yeah.
- Just a little chicklet?
- Exactly.
- The usual?
- Sure, why not?
Thanks.
- New friend and a famous
writer nevertheless.
- Who?
- The girl, that's
Daisy Karr, right?
- I mean, her name is Daisy.
- Daisy Karr?
- I guess so.
- I'm impressed but
I've got to ask, dude,
what's somebody like
Daisy Karr doing
hanging out with a
goofball like you?
- Wait, how do
you know her name?
- Well, for one, she's famous
and two, despite my rigid
exterior, I read books.
You mean, you don't
know who she is?
Shit, well, her book was a
New York times best-seller
and won all kinds
of fancy awards
and if you believe all the hype
she's supposed to be some
sort of genius or something.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
What's up?
- Nothing, you want another one?
- No, I'm okay, thanks.
Are you around tomorrow?
- Yeah.
- Maybe go for a
walk or something.
- Yeah, sure, cool.
- Coop!
Hey, holy shit man.
- Hey, man.
- It has been long time.
How the fuck are you doing?
- I'm good, yeah, I'm good.
- What the hell are you up to?
- I mean, still serving drinks.
- Oh, shit, wow.
You've been there...
- 10 years.
What about you,
what are you doing?
- I'm actually a teacher the
last couple of years, yeah.
Yeah, I know, me
inspiring little minds.
It's fucking scary, right?
Hey, have you ever
thought about it?
- Teaching?
Not really, no.
- Well, my school's always
looking for substitutes,
so if you're ever
interested give me a shout.
Look, I'll be honest.
Subbing sucks, okay?
The pay blows and people
treat you like shit
but it's a really good way
to put your foot in the door.
So, send me your resume,
I'll pass it along.
- That's nice of you, man.
I mean, hey, maybe I will.
- It was really good
to see you, you know.
- You too.
- Take care of yourself.
- Thanks.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
- What?
Is someone here?
- No.
- Well, can I come in?
- Yeah, yeah.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- Okay.
Well, did you want to go
for a walk or something?
- Yeah, sure.
- What is up with you?
- Nothing, why?
So, I ran into an
old friend yesterday.
- You have friends?
- You are really
someone to talk.
- Whatever.
- Anyway, so he's a teacher
and he was saying that
apparently his
school's hiring subs
and that maybe I should
send in my resume.
- Why?
- To apply for a job.
- Do you want to teach?
- I don't know, maybe.
And who knows?
If it goes well, it could lead
to something more permanent.
- Okay.
- What?
I mean, it's at least
worth considering, right?
- I don't know.
Teaching sounds pretty fucking
miserable, if you ask me.
But whatever.
Sure.
Okay, what?
- Nothing.
- Nothing?
Really?
- Why are you so damn
negative all the time?
- I'm not negative.
- Yeah, you are.
I mean, you never have anything
good to say about anything
and you know what, it
gets old after a while.
- Oh yeah?
Well, if you don't
like my negativity,
maybe we should spend a
little less time together.
- Are you serious?
You know what, fuck you.
- So the walrus
said to the waiter,
"hey wait a second,
that's my wife".
Hello?
- Huh?
Oh yeah, sorry.
- Are you okay, man?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm good, good.
Hey.
- Hey.
Did you want something?
- No, not really.
Look, about yesterday I'm
sorry if I was a jerk.
Alright, you know what, fine.
Forget it.
What is wrong with you?
I like spending time with you
and I really wanna
be your friend,
so why do you make
it so damn hard?
- Are you done?
- Maybe.
- Good.
Did you drive here?
- Yeah, why?
So, are you looking for a dog?
This guy's kinda cute.
Or this one.
Are you looking for like
a certain kind of dog or...
Daisy?
Hey, what's up?
What's wrong?
Hey.
How can I help?
It's okay.
It's okay.
You're not hungry?
You're sure you're okay?
- Yeah.
I just...
I don't know.
- Hey.
You'll save the next one.
- You're not helping.
- So.
I read your book.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
Are you not gonna
ask if I liked it?
- No.
- Well, I did.
A lot actually.
- Whatever.
- Don't.
Don't do that.
- Do what?
- Act like that.
- Okay, you liked it so...
- that's not even what
I'm talking about.
- Oh, I had no idea...
- look, for once, can you please
just not act like
nothing matters to you?
Huh?
- You're really annoying.
- So I guess I'll see you soon.
- Maybe, we'll see.
Hey.
Thanks.
- So, how do you know Jack?
- We used to work together.
- Well, he speaks
very highly of you.
Look, right now we're
only hiring subs
so even if things do work out,
I can't guarantee
you a set schedule.
Are you okay with that?
- Yeah, no.
I'm totally fine with that.
- Okay, let's see
what we have here.
Let me look at your resume.
So, no teaching experience?
- No, not yet.
- Well, we all have to
start somewhere, right?
- Is something wrong?
- You don't have your degree?
- I have my associate's degree.
Actually I was a few courses
shy of getting my bachelor's.
- Damn.
See, that's gonna be a problem.
Even for subs, we still
require a bachelor's degree.
- Yeah.
I should have thought of that.
- Look, you seem like good guy,
so why don't you
come back and see me
when you finish that degree?
- Okay.
Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- Were you sitting in the dark?
- No.
- Are you feeling okay?
- Yeah, just fine.
- Have you eaten?
Okay, do you want to
go out and grab and
something to eat?
- Yeah.
Sure.
- Hey, are you sure you're okay?
Cooper?
What are you doing?
Are you serious?
- Hey.
Are you okay?
Daisy.
Hey.
Daisy!
- What, what do you want?
- Where are you going, why
are you acting like this?
- Why.
Because I told you.
I told you that's
not what I wanted.
So why?
Why did you do that?
- I just...
Why didn't you just say no?
- You're such a fucking asshole.
- Daisy.
- That's really good.
Explain to me, when did people
get so damned frightened.
Everybody getting
plucked and tweezed
and waxed and scrubbed
between the legs.
Growing up they couldn't wait
to get a little
hair on their body.
Now everybody's looking
like an 11 year-old boy.
- So, how is everything?
So, how is everything?
How is everything?
- Daisy, I can hear you.
Will you just open the door?
Look, I'm really sorry.
Okay?
Come on Daisy, just
open the damn door.
Please!
Fuck you.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
Fuck you.
- How's everything going?
So, how's everything?
So, how is everything.
- For the life of me,
I couldn't figure out
why anybody would
be worried about
how their burial wig is
gonna be cut in the back.
So anyway...
- so, how is everything?
- Fuck!
- Coop.
- Yeah.
- What are you doing out here?
- Nothing, I'm just
taking a break.
- Are you okay?
- What the fuck am I
doing with my life?
- You know something,
you and I have known each
other for a very long time.
Right?
And I feel like I
barely know you.
I don't know, if you ask me
I just think that's really sad.
- Holy fucking shit.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What the hell are
you doing here?
You scared the shit out of me.
- Sorry.
- Yeah, well?
What do you want?
- Can we talk?
- Sure we can talk but if
it's about your schedule
then you can fuck off
because I'm not changing it...
- it's not about my schedule.
- Yeah, well, what do you want?
- Look.
- You're gay?
I knew it.
- I'm not gay, nope.
I can't do this anymore.
- Do what?
- This.
I can't work here anymore.
- You're quitting?
- Yeah.
Sorry.
- What?
You're quitting.
So?
You want a fucking
parade or something?
- No, it's just...
I worked here a long time.
- Yeah, well.
Shit happens.
Fucking white people.
Always have to be so
dramatic about everything.
- You can't just keep
showing up like this.
- I know.
- Okay, well, I'm just leaving.
What?
What do you want from me?
- I'm really sorry.
I really am and if it
is at all possible,
I would still like
to be your friend.
- I'm not sure it is.
- Can't we at least just try?
What the hell are
you so afraid of?
- I'm not afraid of anything.
- That is bullshit.
Because you are
just as afraid as me
only you're too
chickenshit to admit it.
Want me to go first?
Fine.
I have no idea what I want to
do with the rest of my life
and it scares the
shit out of me.
What else?
I'm afraid of getting old,
of being alone.
And I'm really afraid
that you won't forgive me.
So basically I'm just
scared to fucking death.
So I'm begging you,
please can we just
give it one more try?
Because I would really,
really like to be your friend.
- You're such an asshole.
- Hey there, big guy.
- Well, hello there.
- Oh, hey.
- How you're feeling?
- Good.
- That's good.
Well, if you two need
anything just let me know.
- Actually I'm...
Can I meet him?
- Well, yeah you can.
He's a good boy too.
- Come on, here, here.
Ready, ready?
Here, Cooper.
Yes.
- So what do you think?
- I like him.
He's old.
Kinda like you.