Oh, look. Look at
that girl jump-roping.
Okay. All right.
Come on. Stop.
Please.
Now let's get her
some food.
No.
Stop.
Oh, God!
Emily, oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
Y- You're gonna be able
to compete today, right?
Mm-hmm.
I'm fine.
Are you sure?
I...
No, really.
It's okay.
Okay. Um...
See?
Uh, I was gonna
ask you, um,
if I could get an interview with the...
the school's best jumper?
Uh, sure.
I just don't know
if I look okay.
You look awesome.
Uh... Heh heh.
I mean... I mean great.
Uh, awesome.
Heh.
Okay, well, um, yeah,
are... are you ready?
- 'Cause...
- Yeah.
Could you just
move over a little bit?
Just right... Okay, just right there.
Right there.
Okay, Emily, um,
why do you jump?
Go, go! Fire it up!
Go, go! Fire it up!
Go, Logan!
Judges ready?
Jumpers ready.
Set. Go.
# He wants to live inside
a tree he can sleep on #
# To hold him up while
everyone washes away #
# Only there, could he
get things completed #
# Only there, would
the distractions go away #
# They would set it up
# So they would
always keep moving #
# Till they'd had enough
and things got stale... #
Give it up for 'em,
ladies and gentleman,
the last group of double Dutch,
singles freestyle,
Watch 'em work.
# Looking everywhere
# It all seems better
# Falling in
a trap of mirrors #
Females 15 to 17,
single rope, speed,
please report
to your stations. Thank you.
Hi. And your name is?
Emily Smith-Dungy.
Great.
Emily, I'd like you to notice the
four corners of this square
and make sure you
stay within its bounds.
Single rope, speed.
Judges ready?
Jumpers ready.
Set. Go.
And the runner-up
is Tracy Hill!
All right, Tracy.
Good work.
And the winner
in this year's Macomb County
regional competition is...
with a staggering new regional
record of 465 jumps...
that's 2.58 jumps
per second, folks...
Miss Emily Smith-Dungy!
Yeah, Emily!
Emily and Tracy
will represent the county
in the state finals
this Sunday at 10 A.M.,
and you won't want
to miss that, folks.
Give it up
for the ladies!
Whoo!
Great job.
Good. One more.
All right.
That was
really good.
Uh, hey. Hey, Em.
Uh, congrats on...
on today.
Yeah, I thought
you were really...
Thanks, Chris.
Hey, Emily,
great job today.
You're awesome.
# Yeah, yeah, yeah
# Yeah, yeah, yeah
# Yeah, yeah, yeah
# Yeah, yeah, yeah...
I know a purse that
thinks it's hot shit.
Want to beat the crap
out of it, too?
Look, I don't love the idea
of giving you a ride,
but I'm thinking maybe it'll
balance out the bad karma
for the pack of Twizzlers
I just stole.
Ooh, that disapproving glare
of Emily Smith-Dungy.
Hmph.
Okay. Well, suit yourself.
# You're living in a lie
# You ain't nothing
but a BFI... #
Wait! Wait!
# 'Cause you ain't no one
# You're living in a lie
# You ain't
nothing but a BFI #
You know, it doesn't exactly
raise my street cred
to be seen
with a jumptard.
Hey, hey. Oh!
Hold on!
I told you
she is particular.
I can think of several
other adjectives
that are a little bit
more accurate...
rickety, decrepit,
pathetic.
Bitchy?
What?
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
You were talking about the car.
F off.
That is going to sting
all the way home.
# Yeah, yeah, yeah
# Yeah, yeah, yeah
# Yeah, yeah, yeah
# Yeah, yeah, yeah
# Yeah, yeah...
Nyaah!
You a cop?
If you ain't a cop,
my pimp is
gonna fix you up,
bustin' in
like that.
I'm not in the mood.
Then what good
are ya?
If you don't
want to make it,
then let me alone
so I can get stoned.
Lucy, what did I tell you
about matches?
It's Iris!
Taxi Driver?
Don't tell me
you've never seen it.
Classic Scorsese.
It's about a mentally
imbalanced Vietnam vet
and a teenage
prostitute. That's me.
It's a good character,
shows my range.
Yeah, well, directors don't want
to see 9-year-old prostitutes
when they're casting
for Toasty O's.
Come on, mister.
You're starting
to be a real drag.
Lucy.
Are you an Aries?
Lucy.
Pisces make the best lovers,
you know.
Iris.
Where's Dad?
'Kay.
Dad!
Dad, I need
to talk to you.
Emily.
How many times
have I told you
that when I'm
here working,
I am surrounded by
a creative membrane?
And nothing
comes in.
Nothing escapes
creative membrane.
Mm-hmm,
membranes are permeable.
What you want is a wall.
I don't ask for much
from this family,
a simple respect
for my process.
Mm-hmm.
Where were you at 3:30?
Where was I at 3:30?
In some fantastically
transcended zone.
My body was like the conduit
for a higher energy.
I am completing
what might be
the most important piece
of my entire career.
No, no. No.
Not yet. Don't...
Don't touch it.
I just wanted to see what was so
important that you couldn't...
It's not ready
for judgment.
Okay, that's great,
but where should you
have been at 3:30?
You sound
like your mother,
consumed with time
and a schedule.
Do not tread
that path.
Remember. Remember,
it's what we do,
not when we do it.
It's the what
that's important.
This is important.
This...
this was important, too.
What's this?
You didn't even read it.
What is this, a note?
Regionals?
Where were you at 3:30?!
3:30?
Yeah, 3:30.
It usually it occurs
between 3:00 and 4:00.
Oh! I was editing
this new piece.
Check it out!
Hello. Welcome. Bawwk!
May I take your order?
Chicken nuggets!
Bawwk!
Man has processed
his relationship with nature
into bite-size pieces.
You feel me?
Bawwk!
No.
Hmm.
Maybe I should add
some more nuggets.
Yeah, more nuggets to that.
What do you think?
You think it's ready
to show Dad?
I don't care.
Bawwk!
Well, maybe I'll
hold off on the nuggets
and just see
what Dad thinks.
I mean, he always knows how
to cut through the bullshit
and right to the core
of the piece, you know?
Oh. You know
what you should do?
What?
Actually show up
to something
when you say
you will.
What the hell?
You look like
a raging homosexual.
I am a raging homosexual.
Mom?
Yeah. Uh-huh, yeah.
Because it's men
21 to 55, that's why.
I want to see power tools,
jackhammers,
nail guns, all that crap
that makes men feel
like they're wielding a substantial
tool for once.
Yes, all men think like that, Rick.
Mom.
Just have it
on my desk Monday.
Yes, sexy drills.
It always comes back
to sex with this demo.
Mom.
Don't worry about Hoverman.
He'll pitch humor.
He always pitches humor.
I'm on the phone.
Look, it boils down
to this, Rick.
Do you want to laugh,
or do you want to screw?
Did you forget
something today?
That wasn't a proposition,
sweetie.
Something important?
Look I will be VP by March,
and I do play favorites
What? What?
Maybe something at the precise time
of 3:30 postmeridian?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my... Ohh.
Rick, those J&J mock-ups
were supposed to go to Tokyo
this afternoon at 3:30.
You did?
He did? You did?
On you are
a goddamn stallion.
I'm gonna ride you
all the way to the top.
No, let him pitch humor.
I'd like to see him juggle
his balls in the air.
No! Are you kidding?
He's such a jerk.
Sure. Sound
like a horse.
# We thank you, food
# The food
# That nourishes our soul
Nobody showed up.
Oh, sweetheart, I know.
I'm so sorry.
I desperately tried
to get there,
but Mickey was having a bad day,
and your father was just...
Oh, no.
My God, how many
times do I... GG?
Can you stir that
for me, please?
Need to speak with you.
Um, what part of dry cleaning do
you not understand?
The chemical part.
Dry cleaning
releases
toxic chemicals
into our waters.
I don't care.
I...
I don't care.
This little blouse
cost me $300.
Excuse me. Could you please take this
argument someplace else?
Thank you.
Don't you raise your voice to me,
sugarplum.
I'm not your maid.
Oh, I know.
If you were my maid,
I would have fired you
years ago.
Sam!
I'll get it!
Oh, your energy
is so negative,
I have to burn sage every time
I come here.
Oh, is that
what that smell is?
'Cause I thought the forest came
into my office and took a crap.
It's so telling that you
would object to sage,
the cleaning agent provided
by Mother Earth.
Well my mother's name
is Janice, not Earth,
so if you could keep your flaming
shrubs out of my office,
I'd deeply
appreciate it.
So you ever
been to Fillmore?
Uh...
Back before '70,
it was fantastic.
Me and
my girlfriend Anne
used to get stoned
out of our brains
and check out
all the great bands.
You ever
see CCR on LSD?
Janice must be so proud,
the wonderful mother
you've become.
Ma!
Are you kidding?
You're judging me?
You take that finger
and turn around
and point it
right at yourself.
There's your legacy.
You proud of that?
I don't want her
here anymore.
She takes very good care
of our children.
She feeds them nice organic,
vegetarian meals...
Well, I... I don't care.
Sam, you're not willing
or prepared to make!
Take your sage and...
Guess what.
I'm out of here.
No! Ma, wait!
I'm leaving.
Ma! Mama?
Mama?!
So, we gonna do it,
or what?
Do what?
And scene.
Hey.
Hi, Chris.
How are you?
Um, okay.
Uh...
I'm walking out that door.
You know, right now is not
a very good time.
Oh, yeah. I can... Okay.
Well, look, I...
I only came by
'cause I have this DVD of you
at the quarterfinals...
Come on!
and I just...
Wait! Mom!
No! No, let me go!
Ma! Ma!
Oh. Who do
we have here?
I don't want to be around
that women ever again!
She's the devil.
No!
Oh, hey.
Uh, yeah, I'm Chris.
Look, I... I just came by
'cause I wanted
to give this to Emily.
That's all.
A gift?
Oh, Duncan,
he brought her a gift.
You're a good boy.
Thanks.
Tell me, how long were you
breast-fed as a child?
Mom.
Uh...
Were you on the tit till you were
practically driving?
I'm sorry.
There's nothing
more nutritious
than mother's milk.
It's nature's
protein shake.
Chris?
Yeah?
Yeah. So...
you dating my daughter?
Hmm?
Tell me...
I don't...
are you one
of those A & O guys?
Dad!
Sir?
You know,
one of those cool cats
who tell their girlfriends that
anal and oral isn't real sex
so they can protect
their virginity?
Okay!
Time to go.
It's time to go, Dad.
No.
Dad, no.
What about condoms?
What about 'em?
It's never too early to start
talking about condoms!
That's enough, Dad!
You know what
I'm talking about.
Sir, I don't think...
You know what
I'm talking about
Dad, that's enough.
I'm gonna go, okay?
Okay, sounds good.
Okay.
Oh, wait! Wait!
Em, I'm sorry.
Ah, God, this DVD.
I just wanted to...
Okay, just take it, okay?
Thanks.
Bye.
Okay, bye.
Bye-bye.
I'd take his balls and wrap
'em around his neck. Hah!
Statistically speaking,
I think parents
kill more teens
than drugs or even cars.
If we don't end up punching out
our own tickets,
we just suffer through
years of therapy,
only to realize that our parents
were completely inept
and that we are now
equally inept parents
...and loud,
the Tasmanian devils
can have up to four pups
at a time...
Well, I refuse to partake
in this farce.
The animal will defend itself
if provoked.
I should just down a bottle
of Mom's sleeping pills
and get it over with.
Bet they wouldn't
even notice or care.
Do you think they would?
Most saltwater fish
can survive
in a tank filled
with human blood.
Mom wouldn't.
Maybe Dad...
for a day or so.
At least
Grandma Gail would.
The animal will continue
to spread its disease.
In captivity,
a scientist hopes
the devils can
be rehabilitated,
but first they must be tranquilized
and restrained.
Where... Where
the hell's the food?
Gotta be here somewhere.
Can smell it.
Is this a joke?
In here!
What's the occasion?
Just trying something new.
Come sit.
So not funny.
Hold, please.
What the...
Someone kidnapped
my dinner.
I know.
That's what I said.
Hang on. What the...
I don't understand.
Lucy, can you
hand me my plate?
We are having dinner
as a family.
Rick, I'm gonna have
to call you back.
No, it's dinner
as a family.
Whoo!
I know. It's...
I haven't
done it in, like...
They're staring at me.
I've gotta go. Bye.
Okay, let's go.
I'm gonna...
Do you mind
sitting down first?
Mm-hmm.
Strange child.
Thank you
for joining us, Dad.
Was I late?
Shouldn't I be
sitting here?
Hah!
I'm hosting this dinner.
please sit down.
Mom, phone.
Just one second.
Mom, phone.
Send.
So I'm sure
you're all wondering
what we're doing here.
Not at all.
Historically families
have had meals together.
The mother cooks.
The children gather.
Everyone eats and enjoys.
Is the mother
the sole breadwinner
with Monday deadlines
historically?
I support
what Emily is doing.
Now lets all join hands
and say a little prayer.
What do they say?
A family that prays
together stays together
Mom.
You must be joking.
Not in the least.
Taxi Driver?
Sure as shit.
Fantastic.
Lord Shiva,
Bless this family,
and may your third eye look down
upon us with love and kindness.
Amen. Amen.
Amen.
Since when
are we Hindu?
How do we know which God is
the one true God, hmm?
Just 'cause you're born in a
specific region of the planet
doesn't make your God
better than someone else's.
I say we pray to them all
just to be fair.
So, as I was saying...
Oh, I have
an announcement.
From now on,
I want to be called Thor.
Hmm. Thor, okay.
Thor?
Like the comic book?
No, the Norse God
of thunder,
I was gonna go with Poseidon,
but Thor just hits, you know.
Doesn't Thor, like, have a, like,
hammer or something?
Yeah, he does.
Totally fits you.
It's badass.
Badass, man.
Isn't Thor
kind of butch?
No.
We named you after
Jackson Pollock,
one of my early influences.
Paint-splattering hack.
Anyway...
I thought you liked Pollock.
You found his work sensual.
Sensual.
That was a long time ago.
Paints don't really
get me off anymore.
No one needs to know that,
Mom. What does that mean?
Well, do I have
to explain it to you?
It's really
not that difficult.
Thor.
Does that mean that
you don't find my work
sensual anymore?
Sensual.
Thor.
What's your work look like? I haven't
seen one of them finished in five years.
Yeah, I think I still like it.
Sensual!
Painting is a process.
You can finish a process.
It's not like
baking a pie.
Thor. Thor. Thor.
I don't cook.
So it's not a problem.
Aah! Cramp. Cramp.
Walk it off.
walk it off.
When a horned toad
gets angry,
it squirts blood
out of its eyes.
Sensual.
Charley horse balm.
Anyone got
any Tiger Balm?
Painting
is a process.
# Sensual...
Don't just pop 'em
in the oven,
and, ding, they're done.
Well, I'm done...
A horned toad
is actually a lizard.
with this whole...
Sensual.
family dinner thing
Aah!
What is wrong
with you people?!
Can we be normal
one GD day
out my entire
GD life?
Hey, what's with
all the GDs today?
It means "God damn. "
I know what it means.
I competed in the state
regionals today,
and no one showed up.
Oh, that
jump-roping thing.
Oh, wow.
Was that today?
I left GD notes around
the entire GD house.
There it is again.
That's what that little
yellow Post-it was.
You both said
you'd be there.
No, I said
I had a meeting,
that I couldn't come.
And if I said
I was gonna come,
you know I'd
be there, baby.
Okay. Mickey.
No, Mickey, don't.
No, Mickey.
Mickey, don't, please.
Mickey, no. Shh.
Mm-hmm.
January 15, 7:32 P.M. Eastern
Standard Time.
Emily... "It's at 3:30.
You'll be there?"
Dad... "3:30. Okay. " Mom... "Yes, yes,
I'll be there. "
Emily... "Okay, because you
missed the district finals. "
Mom... "I also missed my 20s
pregnant with you and your brother. "
Okay, that's enough.
Emily, look, I don't understand
what the big deal is,
okay, this jumping rope.
What's next, the Olympic
jumping jacks team?
Maybe you can get gold in the
freestyle dorking.
Shut up, Jacks.
It's Thor.
Shut up.
This was important
to me.
Emily, you know I don't approve
of competitive sports.
It teaches people a value system
where one person
is better than another just because
of their genetic inheritance,
because of their
physical attributes.
That's what Hitler
used to teach.
Sensual.
Are you comparing
jumping rope
to the Holocaust?
No. No, I'm just...
I don't know where you get
this competitive spirit.
It must come from
your mother's side.
I think competitive spirit
is good,
and pouring yourself
into something
that really
doesn't matter is not.
That must come
from your father's side.
I forgot the wine.
Are you saying you'd like to live in
a world without art?
Without Julian Schnabel,
Francesco Clemente,
Jean-Michel Basquiat?
Warhol, Banksy?
Well, I doubt the world
would spin off its axis.
It just might.
As today's winner,
I am now qualified
for the state championships
this Sunday.
Ooh.
And I would very
much appreciate it
if all of you came.
Nope.
I so wish I could,
but I have
a huge presentation
on Monday.
I'm sorry, baby.
I gotta finish a painting
this weekend.
It's what I imagined.
Okay, a toast
to a productive weekend.
Cheers.
Cheers. Hear, hear.
Salute.
It's not your fault.
It's a type
of sickness.
Kind of like the facial cancer
of the Tasmanian devil.
Tasmanian devil.
Emily, I... Ha.
I... I don't know
what's getting into you,
but I-I'm... I like...
The cancer
must be stopped.
Are you sure
they're even okay?
25 milligrams of Ziposal
is a nonlethal dosage.
Where'd you get Zipos...
Mom's cabinet.
Will you hand me
that tape?
No way.
When the police ask,
I never
saw anything.
Jacks...
I'm gonna need
your help on this.
I don't even know
what this is.
This is our only chance to do
something about our family.
It didn't used
to be like this.
Don't you remember?
I don't even
remember Tuesday.
You used to float
these little paper boats
with Dad in the lake.
Do you remember that?
But how does this solve
anything? I mean,
do you even have a plan?
I- I'm working on one.
Well, you might have
wanted to start with that.
I'm sorry, Em, but there's no way
I'm touching this.
What the hell?
The plan. Take a look,
and meet me downstairs.
You're such a hooker.
Is that bacon?
I made plenty.
Come sit down.
Did you look
at section 3C?
Not really.
The blue tab.
"A gripping
documentary. "
It's a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity,
but if the subject matter
is too raw for you...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I live raw.
"Resourceful young girl
tries to save
her family from... "
No, it's a psychological
thriller.
We go inside the twisted mind
of the psychotic teen.
I don't know
if she's psychotic.
Oh, she's completely nuts.
We see her inner rage,
her sad sexual repression.
Sexual?
I'm gonna
make this film.
The world must know
what happened here.
Jacks?
My name is Thor.
And action.
You're documenting,
but I'm in charge,
or the deal is off.
Fine.
What's going on?
Em kidnapped Mom and Dad,
and I'm making
a movie of it. Yeah.
Hah!
A movie?
Yeah.
A movie! Okay.
It's not
a kidnapping.
It's a rehabilitation
Real cutting-edge,
avant-garde stuff.
Psycho daughter drugs her parents.
Godard meets Michael Moore.
Lucy, there's a really big role
in this movie for you,
but no matter what Mom or Dad say,
I'm the director.
Please.
I'm a professional.
Great.
All right, everyone,
get ready.
Okay, here we go.
Yaah!
Yeah, Dad.
That's good.
Why am I tied up?
Are we being robbed?
Is there
an intruder?
Why am I taped?
This is what happens when johns
try to skip out
without paying
for the puddin'.
Lucy, a little help, please
Sorry, pal.
No can do.
Lucinda, stop messing around.
Jackson, put down
that camera.
Thor.
If this is a joke,
I don't think
its very funny.
This is not a joke.
What's that smell?
I did this. Huh?
What?
Since you're not willing or capable of
doing it on your own,
I've made it my mission
to make this thing
you call a family actually resemble
a family again.
Lucy.
I don't under...
Is that a tofu sausage?
No, it's not.
It's pig,
and like a normal family,
we started our morning with
a well-balanced breakfast.
It comes
from a living thing.
You don't want to eat an animal
with a face, do you?
Yes, she does.
Faces, shoulders, all of that.
Dad, we're part
of the food chain,
the top part.
Is this about meat?
No, its about
being normal.
You do realize the irony
of that statement.
Extreme circumstances require
extreme measures, Mom.
Oh, you want
to see extreme?
I'll show you extreme.
Extreme
right up those stairs...
All right, All right,
al right. Calm down!
Shit.
I actually think there
might be some merit
to what Emily
is trying to do.
What?!
Excuse me?
All right, I know
I should be angry,
but it kind of reminds me of something
I...
might have done
when I was her age.
This is exactly
what I'm talking about.
You have no idea when
to give me parental support
and when to not.
This is a perfect example
of a not.
Emily, this is asinine.
I really thought that you were
much smarter than this.
You, Thor, just because this
was your sister's idea,
doesn't mean
you're off the hook.
Please don't look
directly into the camera.
Really? Wow, I...
Mom, we are so beyond
your guilt trips.
How about being grounded till
you're 18? How 'bout that?
Fine, if that means
you'll be normal parents.
Normal?
We are...
galaxies away
from normal,
and at this very moment,
the punishment
will be commensurate
with the crime.
I'm talking
severe lockdown...
no friends,
no extracurriculars,
and certainly
no competitive jump.
Well, that's
a little extreme.
Okay, Duncan.
Everything you worked for,
down the drain.
It would be
such a shame.
Or...
I can make you
a one-time offer only.
Can't believe
I'm saying this.
Crazy. It's crazy. Ha!
You untie me...
us right now,
and I mean
right this very minute,
I'll forget everything.
No grounding.
No yelling.
Just carry on.
Duncan!
That sounds
reasonable.
As if it never happened
Y- You promise?
Yes. Yes, we...
we promise,
don't we, sweetheart?
This is good.
No.
No. I don't want to carry on
like this never happened...
because that's
how we got here.
First to illustrate both of your glaring
deficiencies as parents, the facts.
Please feel free to follow along
in your packets.
As you can see
in chart 1A,
attendance of children's events
has declined
from its peak of 65%
to its current
flat line of 2%.
In pie chart 3B...
Em, this is
very left-brain.
you can notice that the portion
labeled quality time
is a very thin line
between watching movies
and self-absorption.
I haven't seen a movie
in three years,
and he's the one at home,
so if I could be released...
Mother, I will get out the tape.
that would be amazing.
Tape?
Mm-hmm.
Lucy...
can you get
Mommy's BlackBerry?
Lucy, get the tape.
Let's take a look
at graph 8B.
Strange that you're still
attempting to talk.
...grade, I smoked
some weed.
Susan!
Jackson, got Mom.
Do something with Dad.
What do you want me
to do? I'm filming.
Dad! Jackson,
stop filming, or...
This is good.
Help me now!
Yes.
Calm down, Dad.
...off of me!
No way.
Oh, this is gonna be good.
Help me.
Get out of the shot.
Lucy, do something.
Untie me.
I won't tell anybody.
I won't tell your sister.
Just untie me.
Lucy.
Lucy.
Lucy.
Stay put.
...out of here now,
Emily! Now!
Shh. Quiet
Ohh!
Mm! Susan!
Susan! Susan!
Emily, let me out!
Ehh...
Does it hurt?
You didn't give me
much of a choice.
Susan! Susan!
Ahh! Susan!
Yo, Susan!
And action.
You gonna tell me
about the setup?
I'll cut off
your friggin' ear, man
You're gonna die...
What?
like the scum pig
that you are.
You take that off.
Stop!
Hello?
Anybody there?
That's it! No more!
My name is Siu Jin,
not Susan!
Later, Susan.
Susan!
End scene.
Awesome.
Oh, hey, Kat.
What's up?
No wig today?
Your mom's getting away.
Shh.
Reservoir Dogs?
How do I look?
Kat.
Oh, thank God. Kat!
Makeover?
You want a makeover?
Whatever you want.
Kat?
Yeah, you left this incredibly modest
symbol of achievement in my car.
Look, Kat,
I know things have been
"you know" between us,
but you can't
tell anyone, not yet.
Uh, yeah, but see,
narcing on you would catapult me
into a serious lead
in our little
neighborhood rivalry,
so, my dear,
you have two choices.
Behind door number one,
we have me dialing 911
as you chase me around the house
until the police arrive.
You probably wouldn't like
being incarcerated,
and as you know,
cardio makes my cooch itch,
so that's a lose-lose.
But behind door number 2,
we have a simple
symbiotic transaction.
I believe the going rate
for allowing my archenemy
to get away with
a major felony is...
50 bucks and
a first-row seat.
You're blackmailing me?
No. No, I'm just bored,
and I just
want to be here
when the whole thing
goes shit circus.
Em, Dad needs to pee again.
Mm, you should
probably handle that.
Ugh. I am not
doing that again.
Come on, Dad.
We got this.
You're like
a beached whale.
The sooner you cooperate,
the sooner this is over.
Emily, come here.
Listen.
The key to a successful
revolution
is controlled chaos.
Now, you're letting
this get too loose.
Susan saw Lucy
try to cut my ear off,
and now Kat is involved.
Does that...
Emily, kidnapping is
a first-degree felony.
Yeah. And I will
prosecute.
That means jail time and a permanent
scar on your record,
so unless
you want a diploma
from the state
penitentiary...
Well, actually,
you can get
a pretty good degree
in a state penitentiary.
A friend of mine
from high school...
Mom, Dad, focus.
Why don't we go
to the big board, shall we?
Now, I'm gonna ask you some
multiple-choice questions,
and you're gonna
give me answers.
Correct answers
will be awarded.
Like a game show.
Oh, don't encourage her.
Incorrect answers
will be punished.
Japanese game show.
Nice.
When a male friend of your
16-year-old daughter comes over,
appropriate topics
of conversation are...
A, weather,
B, sports,
C, school,
D...
anal sex.
I was just trying to learn something
about your friend.
Please answer
the question.
Safe sex is never
an inappropriate
conversation.
Wrong! A through C
are appropriate topics.
Never, ever, ever,
ever, ever D.
Young people have questions
about intercourse,
all kinds of intercourse,
animal intercourse,
same-sex intercourse,
different-sex intercourse.
Stop saying,
"Intercourse. "
Emily, clearly
you have some issues
with inter...
sex.
Wh-Wh...
Why are you ripping my skirt
when he screwed up?
It's a team game.
You're partners.
That's Prada.
Now it's nada.
The acceptable age for a child
to use profanity is...
Depending upon
the situation.
Wrong. It is never appropriate
for a child to use profanity,
especially not
9- year-old girls.
But Lucy's just
playing make-believe.
Yeah.
She was dressed
like a GD prostitute.
You're not being impartial.
Let's let Kat be
the judge. Kat?
Kat agrees.
Yeah, I don't know.
He has a point.
Everyone swears.
No. I don't.
Really?
Sure you're not just
being a GD
MFing hypocrite?
Can't believe
I'm saying this,
but I'm really glad you're
bringing this up, Emily.
Your father here doesn't
understand the appropriate...
Mom, I wouldn't say that
appropriate is your strong suit.
Excuse me?
Mickey, Tuesday, 7:00ish,
something about nailing?
January 8, 7:15 P.M.
Man... "Don't worry.
I'll nail it. "
Mom... "You nail the copy,
and you can nail whatever
you want this weekend. "
That was taken completely
out of context.
Oh, really? Should we hear the rest?
Yeah.
No.
Fine.
Don't use your brother
as a dictation machine.
Wrong again.
No!
Emily.
That was one
of my early masterpieces.
That is a natural plant that
grows freely on this Earth.
Mm-hmm.
It's an illegal substance
and a horrible example
for your children.
If you're worried about your
brother's pot experimentation,
you can relax.
Thor is a very
well-adjusted young man.
Oh, yeah?
Do well-adjusted
young men pretend to be gay?
Enh.
What?
She's just kidding.
Is this true?
No!
Dad, I'm totally gay.
She's just
messing around.
No, I'm not.
This is so crazy.
I'm so queer.
Thor, it's all right
if you're not gay.
Dad, I like dudes. I...
He thinks people will think
he's more artsy if he's gay.
I love dudes, love 'em.
He doesn't even
have a boyfriend.
It's 'cause good men
are hard to find.
Everybody knows that.
Amen.
He has straight
porn mags in his room.
They're so gross.
Straight porn?
Boobs and everything?
No. Boobs are
so nasty.
I could have told you
years ago he wasn't gay.
You overaccessorize.
No, I don't.
It's okay.
You know what?
Screw this.
Thor.
Lucy, watch them.
Until the age of three,
all male walruses engage in
homosexual relationships.
Lucy, come let Mommy out.
Jacks?
What?!
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean
to out you
or in you or whatever.
But you have to admit
it's kind of weird
pretending to be gay.
Hello?
I had one thing that made me
interesting...
one thing that
made him notice me.
You couldn't let me
have that, could you?
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I didn't know.
Duncan, we need
a new approach.
Just agree with
everything I say.
I can't believe
Thor's not gay.
With you going on and on
about Warhol all the time,
I'm surprised he hasn't
dyed his hair white.
Oh, so this is my fault?
Yes, of course it is.
You're the one
who's here all the time.
A son pretending
to be gay is something
that usually the primary-care parent
would pick up on.
A primary-care parent
implies that there's
some kind
of secondary-care parent,
and we both know that's
not the case, don't we?
Emily, hi.
He's a little upset,
but he'll come around.
Yes, he will. Um,
your father and I
have been talking, and,
whew, we need
a new approach.
We are starting to see
some of your frustrations.
Yes.
Yes. Thank you, Duncan.
I know this sounds crazy,
but I do think...
we both think that...
we could do
a better job at...
parenting this family.
Together,
as partners.
Yes.
Right.
I'm not that stupid.
Mmm. Thank you, honey.
I'd drink more, but I'd just have
to pee again. Heh.
Emily, darling,
you're right.
I think it's time that we work
on some of this stuff.
I... I don't know what to do
or what to say,
but I do think it's time
to lose the ropes and...
and work this out
as a family.
You would really
listen to me?
Yeah.
Lucy, duct tape!
On it, Em!
Make a gag!
Hello!
Hello?
Hello!
Hello?
I can't find it!
Where did you put it?!
It's your job.
Please help us!
Help!
Mickey, go get the door.
Go get the door.
Does anybody
need help in there?
Hide everything
in this operation.
We've been
taken hostage!
What the F? Jackson, stop.
Just help me.
And action.
I'm coming in!
Everybody hide!
Yes. Now we
have a movie.
Kick the door down!
Just kick it in!
What?!
Ah! I found the tape!
Help!
Lucy.
It's too late!
Just hide!
Hurry up,
and get in here!
Stop.
Right there.
The cops. I got
something for 'em.
Bunch of freaking amateurs.
Shh. Thor.
Stop filming.
Ha!
Hello?
Yes! Me! Come!
Hello?
I'm warning you.
I know tae kwon do.
Rick?
Rick? Who's Rick?
Rick?
Is this why you didn't
show up to our meeting?
Yes! Come here.
Your text message did say
you wanted to close
the deal. Wow. Kinky.
Eww. No, Rick.
Come here. Untie me.
Just so you know,
I'm not super into bondage.
Maybe a little role-playing
here and there,
plushies,
master-slave stuff.
Rick, now!
Who's the dude?
Who am I?
Who the hell are you?
I'm Rick. Who are you?
I live here.
This is my wife
I thought you said
your husband was dead.
You said I was dead?
No, I meant it
metaphorically.
What?
What?
Just come here and
untie us! Please.
Why are you
telling people I'm dead?
Just so you know,
I'm not super into dudes.
Wait a second?
Are you sleeping
with this guy?
I don't think she had
much sleeping in mind, bro.
Raah!
Ohh!
Oh ho ho!
Yes!
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa.
Dude, yeah!
Nice job, Emily.
Emily.
Lucy, um, I need you
to take Mickey
up to his room
and hang out for a bit.
No way!
This is hard-core.
Now. Lucy, now.
Come on, Mickey.
I got guns.
Heh heh.
Emily.
Okay.
Tape.
Oh. Sorry.
Shut up, Mom. I have
everything under control.
Thor, get that
out of my face.
Can someone please
give me a hand?
No way.
You're psycho sauce.
I'm more of a star witness
than a codefendant.
It's fine.
Emily,
listen to Mom.
We need to consider
what you're
doing now.
Oh, my G.
I'd go with, "Oh, my F G."
Please tell me
you're getting all this.
Rolling.
Awesome.
How was I supposed to know
that he would show up?
You couldn't plan for this.
I just reacted
to the situation.
Rick. Rick,
are you okay?
Sam?
What the hell?
Why am I tied up?
Because our daughter
Emily is a bit
dissatisfied with
our parenting style.
What? Dissatisfied?
Are you kidding me?
Sam, are you sleeping
with this guy?
Oh, God, would that
bother you?
Would that pierce
your membrane?
Be quiet!
Somebody needs
to untie me right now.
Rick, do I look like I have
a say in the matter?
Is this what this
is about, my membrane?
Not now, Duncan.
Okay, clearly
you guys are dealing
with some sort of family issues.
Uh, Emily...
It's Emily, right?
Yeah, anyway...
Look, I know being
a kid is tough.
I know that's gotta be hard,
especially with a mom like Sam.
You should have seen her
last week at work.
She made Hoverman cry.
Hoverman's a wussy.
Will you shut up?!
Yeah.
Look, you seem like you got a
good head on your shoulders.
...kind of illegal.
a little bit.
Is this really worth
40 years in jail?
It wouldn't
be 40 years.
Can't believe you're
sleeping with this guy.
"This guy" headed
multinational campaigns
for six Fortune 500
companies last year, asshole.
One more, and I would
have been impressed.
Oh, shut up,
both of you. Emily...
Follow your goals.
Listen to me,
Little Miss Sunshine.
If you don't
let me go right now...
and I mean
right this second,
I will make your life
a living hell.
Do you understand?
And this is serious
right here.
This is a serious crime.
You know, adultery is a crime.
Yeah!
Actually it's not.
Uh, yeah, it is,
for a family.
I don't care about family!
How did you learn how
to tie a knot like this?
Sam, how do you think
you can possibly run
a 300-person company
when you can't even control
your own teenage girl?
Will you be quiet?
Pathetic, misguided,
psychopathic,
bug-eyed, 52-pound freak.
Hey! That's my daughter you're talking to.
I told you to be quiet.
Emily.
Hit him!
Emily. Emily.
No. No.
Mom, I warned him.
No, go on.
Give him a hit.
No, no, no. I'll be good.
I'll be good.
Well, that was
unfortunate timing.
Oh. Oh, hey. Hey, Em.
Hey.
S- something wrong, or...
Uh, no, everything's great.
What's up?
Uh, nothing. Nothing much.
Okay. Uh, well,
I'm kinda busy right now.
Uh, yeah, that's fine.
I just came by,
because I...
I wanted to ask you
if you watched the DVD
I made for you?
Actually I was just about to go
do that, so...
Okay, so what did...
What did you think, then?
But I haven't
watched it yet.
Right. Heh.
Right. You said that.
Mm-hmm.
Ah. Um...
Okay, well,
I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go
watch the DVD.
No, yeah, that's cool.
Okay, okay. Great.
All right, let me know.
Uh, cool.
Oh, hey, Em, what are you...
what are you holding?
Is that like
a giant wooden penis?
Yep. Yes, it is.
Uh-huh. Great. Bye!
Oh. Oh.
I'll see you.
Nice one, Em.
Now he knows
where he measures up.
Get that thing
out of my face.
That was our deal.
You go psycho.
I make the movie.
This isn't
a movie, Jacks.
This is our family.
Oh, my G.
Oh, my G.
Oh, my G.
Oh, my Fing G.
So freaking rad.
I should have paid you
50 bucks.
Oh, my G.
Kat, give me your phone.
What?
Give me your phone,
Kat, now.
Stop... Ahh.
Hey, it's Em.
I'm gonna need
your help.
Well...
I must admit
I've wanted to do
something like this
for ages.
Now, this must be...
Rick,
Mom's boyfriend.
Oh, right.
Let's put him somewhere
a man like him belongs,
shall we?
What are you doing to me?
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Help!
Sorry, Rickels.
Shut up.
Now, when I
sound the chime,
I want you to picture
your clouded mind
clearing into
a crisp, white expanse.
Here we go.
Hello. My name is Tina.
Hello, Tina.
I'm here to turn you
from sad froggies
into happy froggies.
In my practice,
we use puppets.
Get your puppets.
We use the puppets
to detach us
from the emotional anchors
that drag us down.
That way,
our feelings can surface,
and our authentic self
can breathe.
Perfect. Puppets.
It's a perfect time
for puppets.
All right, are we ready to share?
Who wants to go first?
Oh, I do.
Oh, me! Me!
I said it first.
No.
We kidnapped
Mom and Dad.
How does that
make you feel?
Um, it's fun and scary.
Why is it scary?
Because it's making everybody
a little crazy
and say mean things,
even more than usual.
Hmm. Thank you
for sharing, Wanda.
That's excellent. Libby?
Hmm.
Uh, I just, well...
I just want my family
to care
about each other.
What about you?
Do you think
about others?
Well, I...
We're all here
right now
because we didn't go to your
jump-roping competition.
We just couldn't
make it. That's it.
We could have made it,
maybe if we tried harder.
That's great, Jackson.
It's Thor now.
Like the Norse God?
Yes! Finally!
Thank you.
Oh, that's good. Timsy?
Uh... Ahem! Uh...
Timsy wants his family
to know that...
he loves them
very much.
And he knows that he
makes a lot of mistakes.
Everybody
makes mistakes, Timsy.
But he's doing
the best he can.
I don't like
the membrane.
The membrane is your father's
protective shield.
I don't like the membrane.
What?
I don't like the membrane.
What else don't
you like, Mickey?
I don't like
loud talking,
I don't like the man
in the other room...
and I don't
like casserole.
That's fine.
Do you have anything else
that you want to say?
And I like bacon.
Yeah. Yeah.
I suppose I could make the membrane
a little more permeable.
Thanks, Dad.
Thanks.
But I don't know
about the bacon.
Mimsy? Your family
has opened up.
Would you like
to share with us?
No.
Come on, Mom.
Come on, Mimsy.
Yeah, come on,
Mimsy.
No, no. I'm good.
Come on, Mimsy.
Don't ignore this
healing opportunity, Mimsy.
Come on, Mimsy.
Mimsy. Mimsy.
This is insane.
Mom, it's not very hard.
Why is it insane? It's insane,
because you're a crazy person.
It's fun.
Let Mimsy speak.
I'm doing it. I want to hear what
Mimsy has to say.
Mimsy thinks that you
should take your sage
and shove it where
your spirit guides don't shine.
Mom! Just try, please.
I try, okay?
I try every
single day, Emily.
And I'm sorry if we're not the
freaking parents of the year,
but my apologies
to the selection committee.
But here's a news flash.
There are
no parents of the year.
No one comes
to give me trophies.
Nobody comes
to watch me compete.
And if you think tying me up
and drugging me
and spraying air freshener in my face
are gonna make our family closer,
then you were right, Emily.
We really have failed
in raising you, honey.
And it's much worse
than you think.
Thank you.
Emily!
I speak the truth.
When did everything
get so strange?
She's your daughter.
No, you.
Me?
Where do I even start?
What happened to that wild chick
I married?
She wasn't afraid
of anything.
She... She'd
dine and dash.
She ate popcorn with
butter-flavored topping.
She was gonna open
a vegan restaurant.
Can we not
do this right now?
She was gonna
cook veggies,
and I
was gonna paint.
She was fun,
sense of humor.
She was beautiful.
Was?
We were gonna do
anything we wanted.
Screw the rest
of the world.
Well, she grew up, Duncan.
Do you really think we knew
who we were back then?
I think we knew
how to be happy.
Well, sometimes
life isn't happy.
Sometimes you do
what you have to do
instead of what
you want to do.
I do what I want to do.
Oh, I know. Exactly.
Duncan does whatever
Duncan wants to do.
If he wants to paint,
he paints.
If he wants to sit there,
he sits there.
While I keep this family
fed and clothed,
and I work my butt off.
Have you noticed?
I don't paint because
I want to paint.
I paint because I have to.
Stop talking.
What are you
trying to say? Hmm?
Let's stop beating
around the bush.
Let's just put all our cards
on the table.
Okay, okay,
you want me to say it?
Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
I want you to say it.
Say it.
Okay, here it goes.
You're stuck.
You got a bad review
in New York five years ago,
and you're stuck.
31/2.
What?
It was 31/2 years ago.
Whatever. You're stuck.
You have painter's block
or something.
It takes time to make something
beautiful, Sam.
It took 9 months to make each
one of our beautiful children.
Oh, I know. I was there.
I remember.
Duncan, I'm sorry.
I just...
I can't continue this way.
I can't do this anymore.
I just can't.
What do you mean
you can't do this?
Marriage is
a partnership, Duncan,
and right now
you are a lousy partner.
I just...
Okay.
I love your talent, Duncan.
I fell in love
with your talent.
Really?
Sometimes it's just...
It's not enough.
You could have taken that graphic
design job I got for you.
I stuck my neck for you,
and you just blew it off,
Duncan style. Perfect.
I can't paint logos.
Here we go.
This is who I am, Sam,
for better or for worse.
This is who you married.
Do you want me
to be someone else?
I never asked you to be
someone else, Duncan.
Are you asking me now?
I don't know.
Good night, Mr. Toad.
And good night to you.
Well...
would you look at that?
Ohh.
You should probably
let them go soon.
Go away.
It's Kat.
Great. Then go
further away.
So that's it?
After all that?
Just gonna quit and go
back to the way it was?
Yeah. And why
do you care?
We're not even friends anymore,
remember?
I just think
it's a waste.
Well, in case
you haven't noticed,
it's been a total disaster.
I can think of several
other adjectives
that might apply.
Awesome, brave.
I think it's
totally ballsy.
You're kinda my new
freaking hero.
That is why
you cannot give up.
I mean, not yet.
But you gotta
chillax a little.
I mean, maybe you
didn't notice earlier,
but in between
head butts with your mom
was, like, a real breakthrough
with your dad.
Yeah, I guess.
More than my mom.
She's so, like...
Much like you?
Yeah, I noticed.
That may not seem like
a compliment to you,
but it is.
I mean, come on.
Your mom is...
is intense, smart.
She's kind of
hard-core.
Parents are people, too,
which means sometimes
they suck big hairy ass,
with, like,
toilet paper...
Okay, eww. Okay.
Point made.
Kids grow up thinking their parents
were, like, perfect.
They feed you
and protect you,
and they're supposed
to have all the answers.
You end up
thinking they're,
like, superheroes
or something.
But then one day,
you... you find out
they just worked
at the Daily Planet.
Thanks.
Hey.
I'm sorry I sprayed you in
the face with air freshener.
Are you gonna
say anything?
What do you
want me to say?
Something nice.
I'd love to.
I've been
bound and tied,
and we are going on
hour God knows what,
so I don't know why I would say
something nice.
Because I don't remember
the last time you did.
I know what I did
was really messed up.
Yes.
And I know I'm
in a lot of trouble.
Yes.
But I'd do it
all over again,
if I'd thought
that it would help.
I'm not crazy.
I'm not.
I just... I miss the way
you used to be.
Do you remember
when I was little...
and there'd be, like,
a thunderstorm or something
and... or, like, a really
mean boy at school,
and I would get so upset
and just run in my room,
and I would hide.
And you'd come in,
and you'd lay down
next to me,
and you... you would wrap your
arms around me, and you'd sing.
I miss her.
I really need her.
Anyway...
if you want to escape...
you can.
But you're gonna
have to do it together.
As for me,
I have a competition
to go win.
Hey.
Oh, my God.
You painted us.
Look at us.
We're beautiful.
Duncan...
hand me the knife.
Heh.
I'm sorry.
That's it.
Ah. Got it.
Oh, my God.
Baby, undo it.
Give it to me.
Okay. Here.
Wow.
Maybe just
a little bit longer.
If you could see
yourself right now.
Take her down!
Emily Smith-Dungy?
Sergeant Ellis
and Deputy Tyler,
Macomb County Sheriff's Department.
Mm-hmm.
Are your parents around?
Um, I'm kind of
in a hurry.
Could you maybe
come back later?
Afraid not.
We received
several reports
that there may be a potentially
criminal situation
taking place
here in your home.
Uh, here? No.
There's no criminal nothing.
Well, maybe you've heard
about some videos
that have been posted
on the Internet.
Hey, Emily!
Smile!
I think, uh, we saw
some people tied up
in jump-rope and tape?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Jump-rope.
No. That's crazy.
May we enter
the premises, please?
Can I say no?
Actually,
you can say no.
I'm sorry. I'm just...
But then we'd be forced to
come back with a warrant.
I have a really
important competition
to be at in less
than one hour.
Okay, well, you may
have to be a little late.
But it's the State's.
I can't be late.
We just want
to ask a couple
of questions,
come inside...
What... Now...
Step aside, ma'am.
Step aside, ma'am.
Who else is
on the premises?
Um...
just, uh, my sister
and my two brothers.
Who's at the door, honey?
Oh. Good morning, officer.
And my parents.
Duncan, we have some police
officers at the door.
What a surprise.
Yeah. We just...
We're getting ready
for our usual
Sunday brunch.
Come on, kids!
Get up, sleepyheads!
Brunch time!
Heh.
Heh heh.
Jump-rope.
Yeah, it's fun.
Yeah.
Athletic guy?
Yeah.
I'm a maniac.
Oh, he is.
So we got the entire
family on the premises?
Yes.
Uh-huh.
Yes.
Ohh. Thank you.
Uh, do you have
a knife anywhere,
maybe, that we could use to
cut these little ropes free?
No? No, not a good idea?
Okay, you like money?
I'll give you 100 bucks,
you get me some aspirin,
'cause my head and my shoulder
are killing me.
Yeah? Okay. Okay.
Okay, you freak.
Yesterday afternoon,
we got a few calls
from some
very concerned parents
after they found some disturbing
texts on their kids' cellphones.
Oh, no.
Really?
Yeah, yeah. Then we saw some
videos posted on the Internet
by someone named
Kataclysm.
We saw some pretty serious
offenses in those videos.
That's... No, not us.
Aggravated assault,
drugs, and kidnapping.
Holy crap.
Heh.
Hey, buddy.
Oh, my man.
My man.
Thank you.
What are you...
That money...
No, no, wait.
We said 100. Hey.
For right now, we just need
an explanation.
Uh...
School project.
School project.
That's what it was.
Yeah, we were making a public
service announcement.
Yeah, we may have made it
too realistic.
You guys. Ha!
You can't teach talent.
Emily, have you
watched my DVD yet?
Okay, now,
who is this guy?
I need to know
if you watched it.
Chris, it's really not a
good time right now.
But it's never a good time
in this house.
And I made you a second copy in case
you lost the first one,
and I just
really want you...
Chris, the boyfriend.
Heh heh.
Okay.
Chris, the DVD.
We were just
gonna watch it.
Sir, if we could just
finish a few questions.
But you won't
want to miss this.
It's competitive jump.
Okay, but we need to finish
up a few questions first.
Chris, come in.
Join us.
Listen, we don't...
we don't really need
to watch this
right now.
Yeah, we do.
So exciting.
Emily Smith-Dungy!
...this Sunday
at 10 A.M.
# I
# I see you jumping there
# Your rope cutting
So sweet.
# Through the air
# Your light
shining everywhere #
# And I
# I wish
that you were mine #
He likes you, honey.
Yeah.
# I'd jump with you
any time #
Please put
the camera down.
Yeah, sorry. Sorry.
It's fine. Shh.
# You and me side by side
It's just stupid.
That's... You know.
It's just for her.
It wasn't meant
for everyone
to see, that's all.
Yeah, we're going
to get going now, folks.
Yeah, and we better
get going, too.
Go on.
Okay.
Officers, thank you
so much for coming.
Uh, Chris,
I'll watch the rest
later, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
See you, buddy.
My wife and I, we're...
we're great donators
to the Police
Benevolent Fund...
All right.
give every year.
That's good.
Thank you very much.
Officers! Officers,
I got something very important
I gotta tell you.
Well, thank you very much.
No, No.
Sir... Wait.
Who are you?
Last week, I drove into a
parked car. I just drove off.
Sir... I just drove...
whoop... right off.
Regularly
drink and drive.
Oh, my God. Sir...
Haven't paid
for cable ever.
Who is this man?
Uh, he works for me.
Okay, why didn't
you tell us
about him before?
He has, uh, special needs.
Yes, he's a special-needs
cousin of ours.
Special.
Duncan. Duncan, brother,
I'm so sorry that I
tried to bang your wife.
What?
No, no. He didn't bang...
There was no banging.
You mean,
so you guys never...
He did not bang.
They never banged.
So sorry. Hey,
give me a hug, brother.
Give me a hug.
No, no, no.
No.
Oh, God.
That feels so good.
Sir, are you feeling all right?
Yeah, you're touching me
with your man parts.
Why don't men
hug more often?
I could just hug you
for hours.
Yeah, thank you.
I don't even care
that your daughter
hit me over the head
with a trophy
and... and put me
in a snake cage.
Aw, you big kidder, you.
Get out of here.
Now hold
the phone there.
Silly. Here.
Okay, sir,
can you repeat that?
Yeah.
Sir!
Mmm!
Did this young lady
assault you?
Greg, please.
Quiet, ma'am.
Sir,
we're talking about
a felony charge.
Yeah.
It's my cellphone.
Sir.
Turn it off.
Sir!
Ooh, that's the stuff.
That's the stuff
right there.
Yeah, yeah.
Sir, please.
Russian Tea Room.
Yeah.
Sir. Sir.
You know how much ass
I get from this move?
Sir, I am ordering you
to stop dancing.
Tick-tack, tick-tack.
Go ahead. Shoot him.
Whoo hoo hoo! Hoo hoo!
Sir!
Who killed the beat?
Sorry, dude.
Oh, my God.
Take care of him.
Ma'am...
Come on.
I need an explanation.
Kills on the dance floor.
I just wanted
to make a movie.
Whoa, whoa. I need
an explanation from her.
Folks.
I just really like her.
I'm gonna take this gentleman
to jail if he does not stop.
Okay, I can't
hear everyone...
High! I been flyin' high!
Sir!
Sir!
Hi-yee!
Sir!
Ma'am.
I just wanted them
to see me jump.
Ma'am, I understand that,
but that's really not
a good enough explanation
for what's happening
here today.
Oh, no.
Sir, excuse me.
I'm sorry. What?
What are you doing?
I'm smoking pot.
Put that down. Sir.
Smoke pot. Smoke pot.
Excuse me.
Everybody smoke.
No, you cannot
do that.
Sir! Sir!
Revolution!
No revolution!
Listen to me!
Sir, stop!
# Smoke pot, smoke pot,
everybody smoke pot #
# Smoke...
You ready?
Okay, good.
Grab your bag.
It's got everything
you need in there, right?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Kat's gonna take you?
Okay, well, good luck.
Love you.
I am commanding you
to stop! Sir!
Wait, wait, wait!
I'm coming with.
I'm coming with.
I am going
to arrest you, sir.
I am going
to arrest you.
Whoo! Oww!
Holy Fing S.
Yaah!
Revolution!
Revolution!
Whoo!
You are under arrest.
This is ridiculous.
I've never had
to deal with this...
I want to press charges on that
psycho girl.
We will apprehend her.
Sir, I need you
to settle down.
Ready. Set. Go.
Well, get going.
You're late.
I drugged and then
tied up my parents.
Everybody knows.
1,500 hits
in 3 hours.
You're famous.
More like infamous.
Everyone's gonna think
I'm a freak.
Well, did you think you were
normal before?
I mean, you spend your lunch
breaks jumping rope.
But look at it
this way.
Now you are
the queen freak
from, like, a seriously royal
freak bloodline.
They will bow
and tremble
in your superfreaky
presence.
Trust me. It is
better at the top.
You deserve this.
Plus you're really pretty.
Fuck it.
What's she doing here?
Did you see
those clips?
Emily Smith-Dungy.
Right that way.
Come on. Go.
Em, hurry.
I'm here!
Are you Emily?
Uh-huh.
Okay, here's
your square here.
Jump outside
the lines...
Looks like
you're all legal.
Okay. You're set.
Thanks.
Jumpers, ready.
Set. Go.
Attica! Attica!
I need you
to calm down.
You got it, man!
You got it, man!
Ma'am, I cannot do this
with you right now.
His daughter just throwing me
in a cage.
It's just a complete
misunderstanding.
No, I need you to tell me
where your daughter...
Where is your daughter?
You arrest me, too,
'cause I'm not
telling you.
Okay, well, I'll just have to come
back here and do that.
Your daughter's
a felony suspect.
I'm not telling you
where she is.
I'm sure you're not.
After what happened here...
You know I'm okay with you
being straight.
Thanks. Are you,
like, in trouble?
No.
Where is she?
I couldn't say.
You couldn't say?
You know, you don't have to
be different to be an artist.
You just have
to have the courage
to show the world
who you really are.
Do you know who you are?
I'm Jackson Smith-Dungy,
your son.
Cool.
Well, we will find
your daughter,
but I need you to know that.
Okay.
This is not okay.
Nothing that has happened
here today is okay.
Right. Of course.
Good luck. Good luck.
Thank you.
Hey, I got a medical marijuana
card in my wallet.
Let's have some fun.
Let's go, sir.
Okay.
Wait. Why are you
trying to arrest my dad?
What are
you saying?
Put your gun down!
I don't have
a gun out.
Well, why don't I just show
it to you right now?
Oh, snap.
# Attica, Attica
First competitor,
Melissa Barnum.
Competitor number two,
Tracy Hill.
Number three,
Emily Smith-Dungy.
Whoo! Yeah! Whoo!
And competitor number four...
Get freaky!
Taryn Washington.
Folks, let's hear it for
the final competitors.
Let's give 'em a hand.
Next up, Emily Smith-Dungy.
Emily, please take
your station.
Right now, the top score
is Melissa Barnum with 428.
Call the cops!
Hey, come on, Em!
Jumper, are you ready?
Jumper...
are you ready?
Mm-hmm.
Single rope speed.
Go home!
Judges ready?
Jumpers ready.
Set. Go.
There we go! Yeah! You got it!
Whoo!
Come on, Em!
I don't believe it.
It's them.
She stopped.
Emily!
Emily, pick it up.
Go.
Go, Emily.
You can do it.
Whoo, Emily!
Jump, baby! Jump!
You got this.
Jump, baby.
That's my girl!
Come on, Em!
Emily!
Love you, Em!
Emily! Emily!
Emily!
Emily!
Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Oh, my God.
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
I'm the queen freak!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
I'm the queen freak.
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Emily! Emily! Emily!
Cops.
Come on.
Let's go.
We're coming,
honey!
Some people are lucky enough
to find their true passion.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Is it good?
It was awesome.
Heh heh.
Hey, come on,
little buddy.
Gotta get ready.
Don't want to be late.
# I know you left me
standing there... #
That's okay,
because their passion makes
them feel like something...
# I don't believe
the words you said #
# But I can't
find the words... #
...like somebody.
# Oh, I can't find
the words I want #
Sometimes it's the only thing
that keeps them moving.
#... gone in
another life #
# I don't believe
I would just survive #
# I could feel you
next to me... #
I know some people
don't get mine,
my passion.
#... the world I'm in
# Oh, I'm afraid...
It's jumping rope
competitively...
but I like it.
# Ah oh oh oh...
Just me and the rope.
I'm in total control.
I can let
everything else go
and focus on that one thing.
# One day, I will
see heaven's reach #
# I'll find the one
who left me sleeping #
# Every war was
another seed #
# That could feed
every soul in need #
I guess it could be anything...
4, 3, 2, 1!
but I chose jumping rope.
Whoo!
Whoo!
And I'm not sure if there's
anything that I could possibly
love more.
Smith-Dungy.
# The world you left
# Oh, I'm lost and found
Your family's here
to take you home.
# Oh, I'm lost and found
Um...
Bye.
Bye, Em.
Bye, Em.
Pah.
Yay!
Look at this,
you guys. Yeah.
You were amazing
back there.
Those are
all natural.
Good to see you.
Thank you.
# Somebody found me here
# Whoa oh oh oh
# Somebody found my breath
# Whoa oh oh oh
# Somebody saved me
from the world you left #
# Whoa oh oh oh
# If you're gonna
cry my tears #
# If you're gonna
hold my breath #
# If you're gonna let me see
the sun you set #
# Oh, I am lost and found
# Oh, I am lost and found
# Oh, I am lost and found
# Oh, I am lost and found