Uh, what about,
"The Big One only gets bigger"?
"Everyone wants a Big One."
I got a big one. Sorry.
How about just, like, "Eat me."
Okay, okay. There's no shortage
of future slogans. Phil, what have you got?
Well, um, same-store sales
are up 8.4% this quarter...
which is just... amazing.
And the increase extends
across every demographic.
It's "tweens," heavy users,
minivan dads, even seniors.
So, clearly, the Big One
is not only a big hit...
it is quickly becoming
the flagship of our brand.
Which we'll be building on, both in
the upcoming second half of our campaign...
and in merchandising.
Terrific. Don, what about
those Little Big Ones?
Well, uh, last week, you know,
we did a pretty extensive focus group...
with some of the kids
from Martin Luther King Elementary.
- Yeah?
- And it went great.
Tested 91% in the top three boxes.
They loved 'em.
What is it now, eight to a bag?
- No, no, no. You're thinking
about the Itty Bittys.
- Oh.
No, no. We figure three Little Big Ones
for each kid's meal...
is gonna work out about right.
But we wanna do a little more
testing on that as well.
- How about Disney?
- No word yet.
Also, the PBS deal
doesn't seem to be happening.
Uh, apparently Burger King and McDonald's
have the Teletubbies all locked up.
Fuck 'em.
That's wonderful.
Yeah? You like that?
That's the Barbecue Big One.
Wow. Tastes like it's
right off the grill.
You don't think it needs liquid smoke
or any other kind of flavorings?
No. No, no, no.
I think it's perfect.
- Let's test that.
- Okay. Try this one.
- I don't know.
- Yeah. These Caribbean seasonings
are kind of tricky.
We're calling 'em
Calypso Chicken Tenders.
I think people are gonna
have an expectation for, uh...
maybe a touch of lime.
Oh, lime? Lime's easy.
I just held back on the terpinoline on this
to keep the flavorings subtle.
But I can always go back
and add more.
- Yeah. Why don't you try that?
- I'll keep working on it.
I really, really enjoyed it. You were wonderful.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Look, I gotta go.
I'll talk to you later.
Yeah, bye.
Thanks, Louise.
Donny boy. Have a seat.
Thanks for stopping by.
So, what do you think of everything?
It's good, good.
I'm glad to see the Big One doin' so well.
Hmm. Listen, you ever
run into a guy named Harry Rydell...
executive V.P.
out of the Chicago office?
I don't think so.
He works closely with our suppliers.
A little too closely, if you ask me.
What do you mean?
I have a friend that teaches food science
over at A&M- microbiology.
And this semester,
a couple of his grad students...
decided to culture some patties
from a bunch of fast-food chains.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well-
They got ahold of a couple
of Big Ones- frozen patties.
Don't ask me how.
And the fecal coliform counts
were just off the charts.
I'm concerned that this
could be a problem for us.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Uh- Not exactly.
I'm saying there's shit in the meat.
Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
"The drawbridge was down.
The great gate stood wide.
"I entered without challenge...
my own heels making
the only sounds I heard."
- Keep going.
- No.
- It's bedtime.
- Just one more.
- Please.
- No. That's it.
Good night, Stevie.
Hey.
- I think I may have to miss
your history exhibit on Thursday.
- Why?
Well, you know how Daddy has to go
out of town for work every now and then?
- Yeah, but I thought you didn't have to.
- Well, not as much.
But I gotta go to Colorado
for a couple of days.
All right? I'll be home
for the weekend though.
Okay.
I love you guys.
Too much E. coli in stuff. People could get sick.
Is that the one that can kill kids?
I don't know. I don't think so.
I mean,
nobody's gotten sick or anything.
But Jack says too much cow manure
is somehow getting into the meat.
That's disgusting.
That's my new job. Same office-
still dealing with bullshit.
Well, I guess it is a marketing issue after all.
If the kids die
from eating your burgers...
it makes them much harder to sell.
That's right. Marketing 101.
Don't kill the customer.
Bad for repeat business.
Mm-hmm.
Coco?
Coco?
Hi.
No.
I sent that form in. I paid it.
Hey, you tell that coach
and that whole fucking league...
if he doesn't play,
I'm gonna kick all their asses.
S. Yeah, yeah.
I just did a pickup.
I'll talk to you later.
Gracias.
No.
- S.
- S.
Oh, God! Yeah!
You like the way that feels?
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh!
That's right, bitch.
- Do you like it when I pull your hair?
- Yes! Yes, pull my hair!
- That's right, slut.
- I love it when you call me "slut."
Let's go. Stand up.
Yo. Stand up.
Come on. Stand up.
Hey!
Stand up.
What the fuck you doin'?
Fuckin' people on vacation.
Go.
Hang on a second.
Welcome to Mickeys.
Can I take your order?
Yeah. I'm thinkin' about a Big One.
Okay. Would you like
some large fries with that?
No. No, thanks. Not tonight.
- Our supervalue drink?
- I'll have a chocolate shake and a water.
All right. Would you like
any dessert with that?
- A brownie pie or a turnover?
- No, not tonight.
Okay. Uh, that'll be 4.98.
Okay. Here you go.
So, what's your favorite thing
on the menu?
I like everything.
Well, I know that's not true.
But you did give me
the correct answer.
I was just testing you. I'm actually
a vice president of marketing for Mickeys.
- Really?
- Yeah. It's true.
Just here in town for a couple of days
seein' where the Big Ones come from.
- Here?
- Oh, no, not here.
But at Uni-Globe Meat Packing
just outside of town.
That's where every single Big One patty
in the entire country gets made.
- No way.
- Yeah.
- It's amazing.
- Wow.
Lettuce.
Pickles and cheese.
Special-
I think I burned the meat.
Amber. Order up.
- There you go.
- Okay. Thank you.
- What's your name?
- Amber.
Right. Don Anderson.
- It's nice to meet you.
- You too.
- Maybe I'll see you around.
- All right. I'm always here.
Bye.
Brian, can I get a Coffee Freezer?
Bring it over to the scalding tank.
Amber, hon,
electric is 131 for last month.
Mom, I gotta pay my car insurance.
Well, anything helps.
So how's your day lookin'?
I have band practice after school,
then work at 6:00.
Well, don't let them
keep you past 10:00.
I'll try to get out of there. Tony's been
pretty cool about letting me out early.
Good.
Hey.
- Hey, Amber.
- Hey, David.
- Hola.
- Hola.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
And right over here, Don...
we mix our product
with a low-fat product...
from about a half a dozen
other plants.
The liquefied gas in the cylinder...
takes 'em down
to 40 degrees below zero!
Wow. That's a lot of Big Ones.
Yeah. Well, somewhere
in Kansas City...
someone will be eating these
tomorrow night.
...can be used to explain
how accidents happen to other people.
But accidents don't just
happen to other people.
Accident prevention
is each individual's responsibility.
This program is designed to make you
think more about accident causes...
and how you can prevent injuries.
If you eliminate
the cause of accidents...
you're on your way to an accident-free
workplace and lifetime.
Safety works in your home also.
It works when you're-
Yo. You heard about
the robbery last night?
- No. Where?
- At the McDonald's over on Cayenne.
They came in at closing time
and put everyone in the basement.
Said they'd get shot
if they came out.
- And boom- 6,000 bucks.
- No way.
- Yeah. 6,000 in cash.
- In cash?
Hell's yeah. How many times you seen somebody
buy their McNuggets with a credit card?
- Good point.
- They said it was the third
fast-food place in Cody...
to get robbed in the last few weeks.
They hit Fuddruckers on Thursday night.
We're probably next.
All the more reason
for you guys to quit.
I mean, why do you even work there?
Not all of us can get hired
at the Banana Republic.
Yo! Fuck y'all doin' in my truck?
Mike.
Yeah, the Big One's been great.
Really great.
Sales keep creepin' up.
There's been no drop off.
That's what we're hearin'.
- I've had this location 12 years.
- Yeah?
And you'd have to go way back-
maybe even to the original Teeny-Weenys
promotion- to see anything like this.
- You guys hit a home run.
- Well, hey, we all did.
Definitely.
Hey, Tony, have you ever-
Have you ever been out to the U.M.P. plant?
Uh, no, I haven't.
I've been hearin' some mixed things
about the place.
I've heard all sorts
of nasty stuff goes on there.
You have? Like what?
I don't know. Um-
I used to have a friend
who used to work there...
and he used to tell me
all sorts of things.
Did you know that's where
the Big Ones come from?
This was a long time back.
I mean-
Look, my friend could have
been full of shit.
Yeah, 'cause I was out there.
I mean, the place is-
It's spotless.
- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah. It's high-tech, state-of-the-art stuff.
Stainless steel everywhere.
People wearin' gloves and clean white coats.
I mean-
Well, might be a lot different now.
So, um, the friend-You think I might
be able to give him a call?
I don't know.
He split a long time ago.
I haven't really talked to him.
Well- Right.
My wife's got an uncle.
He can tell you all about that place.
- Does he work out there?
- Oh, no, no. He used to sell 'em cattle.
But he's a real... character.
You know, been on the ranch
a little too long.
You think he'd talk to me?
Oh, he'll talk to you.
Might scare you though.
He's a little intense.
I'll give you his number.
His name is Rudy.
Hey. Hey!
What the fuck you doin'?
What the fuck-
Are you fuckin' retarded?
Say it. "Grade 'A'." Say it.
- Grade "A."
- Thank you.
Fuckin' know you understand me.
You people act like I'm a fuckin' retard.
- S.
- Get back to work.
Coco.
Yeah, like that. Like that.
Like that.
You know, if that safe in McDonald's
was holding six grand...
Tony must have at least five or six
locked away in there.
Maybe more. You think he goes
to the bank every day?
That's a good question.
Tim says that over where he works...
that they don't even have a safe.
That's 'cause nobody ever eats there.
That chicken fajita I had the other night
was some slimy shit.
Yeah, well, there's a reason
why it only costs 99 cents.
There may be five or six grand
in Tony's safe every night...
just sittin' in there, while we're out here
gettin' paid dick to mess with this shit.
Yeah, no kidding.
And Tony's a real prick too,
you know?
I always catch him
checkin' out Amber's ass...
and he's, like, five times her age.
Hey, the cops must have these places
totally staked out at night.
'Cause they're just waitin' for another robbery.
The best time to do it would be
first thing in the morning...
around opening time.
Okay. Here's how it goes down.
We come in here
first thing in the morning.
- It's still dark, no traffic.
- Uh-huh.
Everybody's feelin' calm and sleepy.
We'll be taking this order to go,
motherfucker.
If you got the balls, bitch.
I'm supposed to go out to some ranch.
Maybe that'll be worth something.
I don't know.
Well, I'm meetin' with Harry
on Friday.
So I should be back on Saturday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Put-Put him on.
- ...but the disease that spreads-
- Who's this?
Hello, Stevie.
Couple of guys invited me to a party
at the "U" on Saturday night.
You wanna come?
Do they know you go to Cody?
For some reason,
they think I'm a freshman in college.
Oh, I wonder why.
One of them is really hot.
Oh, I gotta work that night.
You work way too much.
You the one that called?
Yeah. Hi there. I'm Don.
Climb on over.
- Ever been out here before?
- Nope.
It's beautiful.
You ever been on a ranch before?
Yeah, when I was a kid, at camp.
How, uh- How many acres
do you have, Rudy?
Well, you wouldn't want to have to walk
your way outta here. That's for sure.
Come on up
and meet my new neighbors.
Aw. No.
Aw, geez.
- When did all this happen?
- Last couple of years.
Local rancher lost control
of the land.
Banks took it and sold it
to real estate speculators.
What the hell happened over there?
- Meth freaks.
- Out here?
They find a quiet little place,
start cookin'-
till somethin' blows up
or burns down.
Wow.
Past year and a half,
I've had two bodies dumped on my land.
Dead bodies?
One of 'em was rolled up
in this nice-lookin' carpet.
Scared the shit out of my foreman.
They dump dead dogs and cats...
and all other sorts of garbage
on my land.
Seems like I spend half my time
just defendin' the place.
I gotta go to court next week...
to fight off some private
corporation from Denver...
wants to build a toll road
across my land.
Eminent domain, my ass.
They got another word for it-
robbery.
You wanna open that up for me?
You should get a clicker.
Hey, Rudy. You know anybody
over at Uni-Globe Meat Packing?
- Sure.
- What do you think of 'em?
I think they're a fine bunch.
Really?
They'll slit your throat
for a nickel.
Nothin' personal.
They just want the extra nickel.
- Well, who do you know over there?
- I know all of 'em.
- I sold cattle to 'em for years.
- Oh.
More important, I know their type.
They are the meanest, toughest sons of bitches,
and they're proud of it.
But that's nothin' new.
My granddad went up
against the meat packers in 1919.
Testified in Congress
about their price-fixing.
And after that, none of them
would buy his cattle.
U.M.P. and all the rest
tried to run him out of the business.
- Okay, but that was a long time ago.
- Yeah.
And the big packers are even worse today.
They're even bigger today.
- Really?
- And meaner.
Hell, old Dwight D. Eisenhower
would've shut 'em down.
He wouldn't have stood
for their crap.
Do you think they would knowingly
sell us contaminated meat?
Oh, come on.
Workers are gettin'
their arms cut off over there.
You don't know
who you're dealin' with.
No. No, I don't.
Please, help me.
I- I was at the plant.
It seemed clean to me.
They show you the kill floor?
I don't know.
I saw a lot of things.
You'd remember.
You see any cattle
gettin' their heads cut off?
Were you walkin' ankle-deep in blood?
No.
So they didn't show you a damn thing.
Okay, but how-
How... would cow manure
get into the meat?
Rita.
- No, no. Thanks, I'm fine.
- You sure?
- Yes, thank you.
- I'll have some.
Hey, Rita, is your brother
still workin' over at U.M.P.?
How's he doin'?
Oh, he has a good job now.
He's a supervisor in Trim.
- Hmm.
- Mr. Anderson here would like to know...
if the meat over there is clean.
He wants to know how cow manure...
could ever possibly wind up
in his hamburger.
Well, there's lots of ways.
My brother used to work
at the gut table.
And, you know, they have
to pull out the intestines and the stomachs.
And they just don't have enough time
to do it right.
The line is moving too fast.
So when they're pulling the guts out-
and they make a mistake-
all the poop and stuff
just pours out all over the meat.
Okay, okay, okay.
All right.
But, really,
how often does that happen?
Every day.
- We got any cookies back there?
- I'll bring a plate of them.
Anything else you want to know?
No. No, that's, uh, plenty. Thanks.
This isn't about good people
versus bad people.
It's about the machine
that's taking over this country.
It's like somethin'
out of science fiction.
The land, the cattle, human beings.
This machine don't give a shit.
Pennies a pound.
Pennies a pound.
That's all it cares about.
A few more pennies a pound.
Sounds pretty bleak.
By the way, Don,
you seem like a nice fella.
But the food
your company sells is crap-
total crap-
even when there isn't manure in it.
Eh?
S.
Bueno.
ndale.
Thank God old Mr. Nathan come in.
He took one look at me.
Said, "Harry...
"you are the scariest
fucking clown I've ever seen.
Take that off immediately."
And that was that.
I came about that close
to becoming the first Mickey.
Which would have been a disaster,
because I'd have probably killed somebody.
Mmm. What do you think?
I know it's not Mickeys.
- Mmm.
- But it's good, right? Good burger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's-It's great.
- Harry, what's goin' on out at U.M.P.?
- Beg your pardon?
Yeah, what's really goin' on out there-
with the meat?
You're supposed to be
our conduit to that place.
- They didn't give you the tour?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Who took you through there?
Uh, Terry?
- Oh, boy.
- No, no, no.
He was- Listen, he was great.
He was fine.
I just-
I've been talkin'
to a lot of people around town...
and I've been hearing
some bad things about that plant.
You know, things
they don't show you on the tour.
Sounds like they might be running
the production line too fast, you know?
- Hmm.
- People are gettin' hurt out there every day.
They're gettin' cut up.
One guy lost his entire arm.
These poor Mexicans,
they come over here...
and U.M.P. treats 'em like shit.
And the meat-
I gotta tell you somethin'.
Harry, the meat is filthy.
Do you know they got untrained people
workin' at the gut table?
- Really? The gut table?
- Yeah. I mean-
- Harry, there's shit in our meat.
- Harry.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- I heard you were here today.
- How are you doin', huh?
- Ah, can't complain.
- Good. Lisa, I want you to meet Don Anderson.
- He just came to the company from CNN.
- ESPN actually.
- Don is the inventor of the Big One.
- Really?
No. My team came up with the name.
You're just being humble.
It was pure genius, Don.
- It's a good name for a burger, isn't it?
- It sure is.
It's very nice to meet you.
Can I get you another Fat Tire?
I would love another Fat Tire.
You want a beer, Don?
- No, thanks.
- Just one.
- All right.
- Just one. All right.
Mmm!
You know...
I think there might be a little bit of shit
right here in this meat.
Just a teeny little bit.
Microscopic.
Your tests say that the meat
we're getting from U.M.P. is clean.
It's not. I've seen independent tests
that say that it's not.
There's always been
a little shit in the meat.
You've probably been
eatin' it your whole life.
Yeah? Well, I prefer not to, Harry.
Well, I don't know
who you been talkin' to, Don...
but there is absolutely nothing illegal
goin' on here, okay?
Meat is supposed to be cooked.
And the grills at Mickeys
are calibrated carefully...
to make sure it kills every little bit
of the bad stuff that's in there.
- That might be kinda tough
to explain to our customers.
- Explain what?
Listen, there is cow shit in our meat
because we're running the line too fast.
Just cook it.
That's all you need to do.
You see? That's one of the things
that's just buggin' me about this country.
Really buggin' me.
Americans have become
these-these great big fraidy cats.
Afraid of everything.
Everything's gotta be sterile and germfree.
Well, everybody needs to grow up.
That's what they need.
You wanna be safe?
Huh? Perfectly safe?
Well, forget about it.
That's not gonna happen. Okay?
Everybody just needs
to get that through their head.
Just cook the meat,
and you'll be fine.
I can't believe I'm hearing this.
You've known all about this?
I'm shocked.
Donny boy, you just gotta try and step back
and look at the big picture.
in automobile accidents every year.
Does that mean Detroit
should stop making cars?
Does it?
Of course not.
You ever been down to Mexico?
- What's that have to do with anything?
- It's beautiful down there.
Really beautiful.
Great beaches. Gorgeous.
But poor. Poor.
Poorest fuckin' place
I ever been, I think.
Guy down there makes three,
maybe four dollars a day.
A day, Don.
Now, that same guy,
he comes up here...
he gets a job workin' for U.M.P.-
makin' $10 an hour.
That's more money in one day
than he makes back home in a whole month.
So, frankly, I don't see the problem.
Nobody's makin' these people
come up here. Right?
Nobody's tellin' them
to come work for U.M.P.
- Okay, okay. But that's not the point.
- And you know what?
I admire these people. Okay?
I really do.
They're hard workers.
They're workin' hard, and they're trying
to improve their lives. Okay?
Now, isn't that
what our ancestors did?
Isn't that what made this country
the great country that it is today? Huh?
And you wanna try and stop 'em?
You wanna tell 'em
that you know what's best for 'em?
Well, most people don't like
to be told what's best for 'em.
Well, what's goin' on
at U.M.P. is unacceptable.
And I'm gonna have
to tell Jack about all this.
Oh. Gonna tell Jack, huh?
I've been workin' for this company
almost 30 years.
Hell, I grew up right down the street
from the Nathans...
when we were all back in Muncie.
So, here's my little piece
of friendly advice to you, Donny boy.
I'd be careful
how close I got to Jack.
See, your boy Jack
is about this close...
to gettin' his tit
caught in the ringer.
He's under investigation, okay?
Cookin' the books,
paddin' his expense account.
Not to mention
bonin' his own secretary, okay?
- And that is not the kind of
company that we want to run.
- Louise?
That's right.
Your buddy Jack's got two,
maybe three months before he's out the door.
- Could be sooner.
- He's sleeping with Louise?
And you know what, Don?
You should be thankin' me
instead of doin' all this complainin'.
I negotiated a hell
of a good price with U.M.P.
Okay? I negotiated a great price
for your fuckin' meat.
Hell, if it weren't for me,
there wouldn't be no Big One, Don.
I'd like to see you find a supplier...
that will sell you Grade "A" chuck
at 40 cents a pound.
I'd like to see that.
Have-Have you ever met Louise?
Have I ever met her?
Twenty years ago,
I gave her that job.
She was a good-lookin' woman
back then too.
It is a sad fact of life, Don.
But the truth is...
we all have to eat a little shit
from time to time.
But just for the record, I want you to know
that I'm with you on this.
Okay? I really am.
I'm gonna go down there.
I'm gonna see
what the hell's goin' on.
If I have to,
I'm gonna kick some ass.
You know what, Harry?
I don't think
that's gonna be good enough.
You seem like
a real bright guy, Don.
I'd hate to see you get caught up
in something you couldn't get out of.
Give it some thought.
Why don't you take
some of these fries home with you?
I'm not gonna finish 'em.
No. No, it's not that simple.
There is something definitely weird
going on between Jack and Harry...
and, either way,
I can lose this job.
Either way.
No. No, we're not gonna move again.
That's-
That's not gonna happen.
Well, just tell Jay
to wait a moment.
This is important.
Well, have him wait!
Yeah.
I'll- I'll talk to you later.
No, no. Look, Jack, it's gone great.
I, uh- I've been out to the plant.
I spoke to some workers.
I even tracked down
this old rancher...
who's dealt with these guys for years.
So, there's a lot of things, but-
Yeah. No, of course
I met with Harry.
Yeah. He's-He's a- interesting guy.
You were right.
But I- I don't think that he's...
a crook.
Well, I don't know.
All right.
Then, uh...
I would probably recommend...
we do some additional testing...
in the near future.
See what that shows.
Yeah.
- Will you be keeping this
on your American Express?
- Sure.
- I have three pay-per-view movies at 7.95 each.
- Uh-huh.
- Would you like to join
our Executive Guest Advantage program?
- No.
- Did you enjoy your stay with us?
- Not really.
- Were you here on business or pleasure?
- Business.
Is there anything we can do in the future
to make your stay with us more enjoyable?
You can give me my bill.
Bye-bye, Mr. Anderson.
Have a great day.
- Thanks a lot.
- This looks good.
Hi. Have you guys
decided on anything?
Uh, two Chinese chicken salad,
please...
y two Coca-Colas, please.
Anything to start?
Okay, uh, I'll be right back
with those Cokes.
Oh.
Thanks.
Oh.
- Hey.
- How was Roger?
Roger is the "boringest" person I ever met.
- Oh, sorry.
- What are you up to?
- Um, I'm writing a biology paper.
- What's it about?
History of genetics.
I'm into all that sort of thing.
When's it due?
- Tuesday.
- Next week?
Yeah, I just have a bunch of stuff
due before then.
Where did you come from?
I was never this good.
And your father...
he was a lazy asshole.
- Mom.
- What? He had other people
write his papers for him.
- Hmm, I bet you were one of them.
- Mmm.
- Hey.
- Screw you.
We got a new shipment
of puppies today.
I wanna take 'em all home.
Don't, Mom.
Well, it's sad. Loretta said they just
make those cages big enough to be legal...
but small enough so people
will get the puppies outta there.
When I left the store tonight,
I just wanted to open all those cages...
- and let all those little puppies run free.
- Mom.
- They are so cute.
- Mom, I'm trying to work.
Okay, but you have to come
and see them tomorrow.
- Too slow, Amber. Too slow.
- Take it easy!
Go to bed!
Hola. Hey, it's me.
Call me. S?
- I don't have a problem with it.
- Are you worried?
- Uncle Pete!
- Hey!
Oh, God!
- What is with the uniforms?
- Sorry, Pete, we have jobs.
Somebody put a blanket on her.
Okay? All right?
I cannot believe...
my beautiful Amber
is in a damn Mickeys uniform.
- I can't look at you in that.
- That's what you wear when you have a real job.
- You smell like chicken nuggets.
- She has a job!
- Give me a break!
- All right. All right.
- Well, except for the uniform. Let's see-
- You're dumb.
- You look great. You do. You look fantastic.
- Thank you.
- It's great to see you.
- Good to see you.
- All right.
- How long are you here for?
Just for the night. I'm on my way
up to Bozeman. No, don't-
- I don't think I can talk to you in that thing.
- Leave her alone!
- Honey, you got some homework?
- Oh, not much.
Get it done, change your clothes
and go out with Uncle Pete.
I have a date I can't break.
Had I known you were coming-
- What, you would have changed your plans?
- No.
- How's Gabe?
- He's great. He's walking and talking.
- Hey, how's Michelle?
- Mmm.
Is that Mrs. Whiskers?
Check him out.
Check him out.
- Oh, he's so big.
- Right?
- Here.
- Hey!
Thank you.
- Man, this place is great.
- Mmm.
Yeah, you are only allowed
to come here with me.
So, are you on the pill?
- Um, no.
- No? Do you have a boyfriend?
- Not really. I'm kinda in between.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, they are circling you like sharks.
Right? I'm gonna come back here
and find that you got, like...
- a little baby fry cook in the oven.
- You know what?
- What?
- I remember you taking me
to Mickeys when I was a kid.
- No, did I?
- Yes.
I was being lazy. I apologize.
Now I hate everything about the place.
Mom said it was a big deal
when the first Mickeys opened here.
It was tremendous.
It was. I mean, you know-
Cody was on the map.
The-The first one didn't bother me.
It was just the 400th...
that started to, you know,
get under my skin.
- Well, I need the money. I really do.
- Yeah?
There's no other jobs here, right?
You tried A.S.P.C.A. You tried the park services.
You tried day care. Nobody around here
needs their kids to be taken care of?
- It was the first job I could find.
- Mm-hmm.
I mean, a friend of mine worked there.
What do you want to hear?
I'm not criticizing you, all right?
I think you are great.
I just wanna know your timeline
for gettin' outta here.
- I wanna go to college.
- Good.
I'm thinking Oregon or Montana.
- What ya gonna study?
- I don't know.
I wanna- I wanna write.
I like photography.
But I think I wanna study science, so-
aeronautical engineering.
- Aeronautical engineering?
- Yeah.
I mean, if I could do
anything in the world...
I'd be an astronaut.
- All right, well, fucking-A, do it.
- Okay.
But you need
to get outta here to do that.
Was it hard leaving Cody
back when you were a teenager?
No, not for me. Your mom, though,
that was a different story.
I was on the way.
Kinda cuts down on your options.
Mm-hmm. That is why,
if, by the age of 21...
you have not missed
one menstrual cycle...
- I will give you $1,000.
- Will you shut up? Okay?
- I am not talking to my uncle about sex.
- Okay.
I read this study
the other day about, uh...
people who are happiest
with their lives.
And, uh, the ones who have
followed their passion, right...
even if they weren't, you know,
technically successful, right?
When they were looking back
at their life, they had fewer regrets.
You know, they felt their life
had been more fulfilling.
- Yeah, that makes sense, I guess.
- Yeah, it does.
So, bottom line is, do not listen to me.
Do not listen to your mother.
Listen to yourself.
I mean, if you wanna be
like everybody else...
just do what everybody's
telling you to do.
Hmm.
And what about you? Are you doing
what you always wanted to do?
Well, if I jump back
to when I was your age-
No, I don't think
I would be wildly impressed.
All right? I don't- I-
But, you know, I'm all right
with what I'm doing.
And, you know, I'm really all right
with what I'm not doing.
- Is that your move?
- Yeah.
- Thuh-bop!
- Dang it.
Yep. So-
Hello.
- Amber, why are you still up?
- Well, why do you have my poncho on?
- It's fine.
- How was it, hmm?
- Well, she's home fairly early,
if that signifies anything.
Oh, no, no, no. That doesn't mean anything.
Your mother-She's amazing.
You wouldn't believe what she could
get accomplished in a short period of time.
Screw you both.
Hey, Sis. Sis-Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.
So, what would you say?
Is Cody a better town today...
- or back when we were kids?
- Well, I know what you would say.
- What?
- Your uncle hates everything, Amber.
You know, I actually think it's better now.
There's more stuff to do.
Oh, yeah. There's more to do. You got
the Wal-Mart, the Kmart and the Target, right?
You got Chuck E. Cheese.
You got Taco Bell.
You got Arby's.
You got Mickeys. You got Denny's.
You've got, uh, Chili's.
You got Applebee's. You got Wendy's.
You got Hardee's, right?
You got the- the K.F.C., the IHOP.
- Do they still have
that Der Wienerschnitzel?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, thank God it's still hanging in there.
I don't know about you,
but I could just piss away...
a whole Sunday afternoon
at the Sunglass Hut.
- You know?
- Have you ever been to the Sunglass Hut?
No, I never have. I'm not trying to come off
like some Polly Perfect here.
I'm going to make some cabinets...
for some rich
New York investment banker fuck...
who probably spends two weeks a year
at his Montana ranch, so don't listen to me.
- I'm not.
- I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to your daughter.
I'm probably just going through some
full-of-shit, early middle-age period.
I don't think you're full of shit.
Thank you. She's so nice.
What happened to you?
No, no, sweetheart, don't contradict your mother.
He is full of shit.
I don't waste a lot of time
thinking about this stuff.
Democrats, Republicans-
- They're all crooks.
- This is why revolutions are meant for the young.
If you don't do it now,
you're never gonna.
Uniform- uniformity.
Conform- conformity.
Monogamy- monotony.
No wonder you're not still married.
- Stupid- stupidity.
- Yeah, look- Hey, the facts are not always friendly.
Listen to who's giving
the lecture here, Amber.
Your uncle did not finish college.
- Jesus! Mm-hmm. Oh!
- Okay?
- He lived in a camper for 18 months.
- An Airstream!
This is not a role model.
Remind me to deprogram you
after he leaves.
Hey, Mom said you got
kicked out of college.
- Oh, well, thanks, Mom.
- Yeah, your mug shots are in all the papers.
Yeah, with eight others. I was at
Colorado University. We were the C.U. Nine.
Yeah, that notorious band
of Midwestern, white freedom fighters.
No, no, no.
We took over the chancellor's office.
All right, we were protesting
the college's investment in South Africa.
- So what happened?
- All right, well, so, after about four hours...
- they come bursting through this barricade-
- Okay, that was two chalkboards.
- It's not two chalkboards.
- It was too.
We had rope with some chair-
They practically beat the shit out of all of us.
They treated us
like a band of terrorists.
You got your little ass
kicked out of college...
- which he never finished.
- Big deal.
- It cost our dad $2,000 in legal fees.
- I eventually paid him back.
Anyway, meanwhile-
Cut to-
About a year later, the college divests
all its holdings in South Africa...
and a little while after that,
Nelson Mandela is a free man.
- All because of the "C.U. Nine."
- No, nobody said that. Nobody even thought that.
The point is... that, you know,
if enough people...
start thinking about something
and trying to actually do something...
you can change things
for the better.
I believe that.
- I hope they can change for the better.
- Don't just hope.
You can't sit back and hope.
You have to do something.
In a town like this,
hope will kill you.
It's your move.
Rpido!
Rpido!
Rpido!
Eh.
Ah?
Hey, hey.
You fucking crazy, huh?
Everybody else, stop fucking smiling
and get back to work!
Coco.
Coco. Coco.
Is she okay?
She needs to start sleeping
at night.
So do you.
How's Stan's back doing?
He complains about it
all the time, but he's fine.
Say hello for me.
As for this little lady, she got about an hour
left on her shift, so-
- She'll make it.
- All right. Let's go.
ndale.
Hey.
You've been a bad girl.
Chill out, okay?
Touch her again...
and I'll kill you, hmm?
I mean it.
No?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- Hmm?
Think about it.
All that surveillance equipment
they have here?
They say it's for our safety...
but those cameras
are pointed right at us-
monitoring us, making sure
we don't steal shit and stuff.
Yeah, you know, I always wonder
whose job it is to watch those monitors...
'cause you don't see anyone
around here doing that.
I think they just record everything
in case somethin' happens.
It's probably all getting fed back
to the national headquarters.
Yeah, like our cash registers.
What about 'em?
- You don't know about that?
- Uh-uh.
Oh, man. Okay.
First thing I do whenever I start my shift
is type in the last four digits...
of my Social Security number,
then log in.
- Mm-hmm.
- And from then on,
they keep track of every keystroke.
- Really?
- Yeah, they keep a record.
They know exactly how many orders of fries
I've sold this month- everything.
And I even have to put in a little code
with each person's order...
saying their approximate age
and ethnicity.
They don't even know.
You know, that is fuckin' evil.
Well-
That's Mickeys for you.
Man, when we came here,
we sat right over there.
- Was it, like, full?
- Yeah, it was really full.
There was this band that played.
- They were pretty good.
- Yeah, hey, look, just ask.
- Mm-hmm.
- Don't worry about it.
- All right. Got it.
- Casual. Nothin'-
- Hi!
- Hey.
- Were you here the other night?
- Yeah.
- Who was that guy that was with you?
- Uh, my uncle?
Oh, my God.
We were trying
to figure that one out.
He's hot, okay?
No, he's my uncle.
I'm Andrew. This is Alice.
- I'm Amber.
- Kim.
- Kim? Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
We're all heading over to the lookout
for a party, if you guys wanna come.
- The lookout?
- Mm-hmm.
That road behind campus-Take that up
Mount Cody a mile, and it's right there.
- Oh, right. Yeah.
- Should be fun.
- Maybe we'll see you then.
- Make it out there.
- Okay, see you there.
- All right.
Hey!
'Cause there is no way you
can make sense of it all on your own.
The lies are too big.
They're too ingenious.
They're too interconnected
with one another.
And they know, if the lies are repeated
over and over and over again...
people are finally gonna
have to believe it, and we do.
Yeah. Like, have you guys read that book
Crimes Against Nature?
- Title says it all.
- Exactly.
- Read that book.
- It's talking about how right now...
they've got the logging companies
and the timber companies...
chopping down all the trees
in the national forest...
but they're saying
it's the "healthy forest" program.
Yep, and they got the coal companies
running our clean-air plan.
How do they announce that stuff in public
without cracking up?
I gotta hand it to them though-
genius fucking marketers.
And they're extremely well organized,
so we need to be too.
- Amber!
- Yeah, and these guys see themselves...
- as big-time, righteous Christians.
- Come here.
What would Jesus do?
- Hey, what's going on?
- I met these really cute guys.
They want to meet you.
Well- I'm hanging out
with these guys.
- They're so boring.
- I don't wanna leave just yet.
- Why?
- I don't know-
Don't worry about it.
I'll catch up with you later.
- Hey, Brian.
- Hey. What are you doing here?
- Tony?
- Hey, Amber.
- Uh, Tony-
- Yeah.
- I don't think I can work here anymore.
- Everything okay?
You okay?
I'm fine.
I mean, what do you want to do?
You wanna cut back on the hours?
Maybe try another shift?
No.
Something happen?
Anybody giving you a hard time?
- No.
- What's up?
Talk to me.
I just- I can't work here anymore.
- It feels wrong.
- How is it wrong?
- The job sucks, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.
- Brian.
Listen, Amber,
you're one of my best associates, okay?
We're starting to talk about you-
management material.
Okay? You're about
to turn 18 pretty soon.
We're expanding. We got a lot
of opportunities here. Think about this.
I just want to do something else.
Okay. There something wrong
with this place?
It kinda doesn't feel real.
I mean- It's not your fault.
It's just-This place is like
a thousand other places.
- They're all- It's identical.
- All right.
Okay, you want reality,
you got it. Good-bye.
Tony, I'm sorry.
This has nothing to do with you.
I'm really disappointed, Amber.
- Really disappointed.
- Me too.
I'm... sorry.
You can pick up your check next Thursday.
Do you want a Coffee Freezer
for the road?
Okay.
Francisco!
Rpido!
Raul!
Hombre, qu paso?
Okay.
Sylvia!
Ah, Sylvia.
I'm Tom Watson, Human Resources.
- Como est?
- How is he?
Oh, well, he's got a few cracked ribs,
a pretty bad concussion...
and he has a disk
in his lower back that's hurt.
But that could have been a problem
before the accident.
She says,
"If he's going to be all right?"
He's gonna be real sore,
but he's gonna be okay.
Look, I want you to tell her I have
some unpleasant news that we need to discuss.
Raul tested positive
for methamphetamine.
It's an illegal drug.
It appears he was using drugs on the job.
And this could have caused the accident.
She says she doesn't believe you.
Well, tell her this.
Tell her that U.M.P. is committed
to a drug-free workplace.
And, if you break the rules,
it endangers others. Tell her that.
She says Raul has never used any drugs.
Well, look, I can show her
the result of the blood test.
She doesn't believe us.
I'm sorry about your husband.
Problem is, at this very moment,
there's about a hundred thousand cattle...
in the U.M.P. feedlot
that's right outside of Cody.
It's one of the biggest feedlots in the world.
Each one of those cows...
puts out 50 pounds
of piss and shit every day.
- Fifty pounds each.
- Lovely.
Yeah, I know.
So, that U.M.P. feedlot...
produces more waste
every single day...
than all of the people
in Denver combined.
- That's gross.
- Yeah.
And-And the waste
from U.M.P.'s feedlot, it's-it's-
It's not going to some
high-tech treatment plant, you know?
It's being pumped
into these lagoons...
which are these just great big ponds
of piss and shit.
And these great big shit ponds
are leaking shit into Peyton Creek...
which eventually ends up
in the river.
I mean, you should see it. U.M.P. 's cattle,
they're all just crammed together...
living in their own manure,
eating this genetically engineered crap...
that's being dumped into
these concrete troughs for them.
It's like prison camps for cows.
You wouldn't believe it.
You can smell it, like, three miles away.
So Professor Cohen is gonna help us
coordinate a letter-writing campaign...
not only
to the state water quality board...
- but to various editorial organizations-
- Are you kidding me?
Excuse me?
You guys are gonna write a letter.
That company is the meanest
fucking company I've ever seen.
They treat their workers like shit.
They treat the animals like shit.
They're dumping tons of shit
and piss into our river...
- and you guys are gonna write a letter?
- Yes, Paco...
as an official warning, to be followed
by a campus-wide boycott...
of everything that comes
out of that place.
The governor got $200,000
from U.M.P. last year.
Cathy Crawford?
Head of the environmental committee
in the state senate?
She's married to a U.M.P. top exec.
And you guys are gonna
write a letter.
What a fucking waste of time.
Listen, you have gotta start somewhere
in raising awareness-
No, this is bullshit-
this environmental policy discussion group.
Even our name sucks.
Did you just make this up so you could put it
on your grad school applications, Andrew?
Do you have a better idea, Gerald?
- Excuse me, I'm- I'm sorry, "Paco"?
- Fuck you, man.
Are you just here
to be the self-righteous critic, man?
I don't know, man.
Action speaks louder.
I'm tired of nice people sitting around
talking and complaining...
while the bad guys get to do
whatever the fuck they want.
- I wanna see some action.
- We all do, dude. That's what we're doing here.
Those Greenpeace dudes,
they put their asses on the line.
That's exactly what we should do.
You said that there's, like,
a hundred thousand cows, right?
- Uh, roughly.
- Well...
what if we cut the fence...
and let them out?
Let them run free.
I mean, that-
That might get some attention.
See? That's the kind of shit I'm talking about.
What's your name?
- Amber.
- Beautiful, Amber.
Well, think about it.
I mean, if you suddenly had thousands
and thousands of cows...
you know, wandering free...
wandering back to the prairie
where they belong...
causing traffic jams,
blocking the highway...
you're reminding people that cows aren't
supposed to be penned up and treated that way.
You know, that's a really good idea.
Because then we could issue
a press release with our demands...
showing what a disaster that company is
and what we're gonna do next.
We-We can do all this.
I'm just- I'm warning you guys
that right now in this country...
any destruction of private property
along these lines...
can be considered
in violation of the Patriot Act.
It can be considered
an act of terrorism.
You can go to prison
for, like, 10 years.
- Yeah, it's a bunch of bullshit.
- I know.
I know. We have entered
a whole new era...
where they can search your house
without a warrant.
They can put you in jail
without a trial.
Eco-activists that have
never harmed another human being...
are considered by our government to be
more of a threat to national security...
than all these right-wing,
Timothy McVeigh, militia types.
Well, right now I can't think
of anything more patriotic...
than violating the Patriot Act.
Hmm?
This industry's fucked.
There's rumors U.M.P.'s plannin'
to sell the plant or shut us down.
They got plants all over the U.S.,
fuckin' Canada.
Cody plant don't start pulling its weight,
yeah, they'll shut us down.
Don't matter we've been here
Don't give a fuck about Cody, and they
sure as shit don't give a fuck about me.
Jesus, fuck.
This is taking forever, man.
Always cut fences.
It's the golden rule.
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
- Come on, buddies.
- Come on, babies. Run for it.
- Let's go!
- Watch you don't step in the shit.
- Come on, babies. Run for it!
- Let's spread out.
- Guys, come on.
- Let's get a move on! Come on!
Come on. Here you go.
Come on. Here you go!
- Come on. This way! This way!
- They're not doing anything.
- Come on. This way!
- Come on, baby. Let's go.
Go out that way. Go out that way.
- Why won't they go?
- What the fuck is wrong with them?
- Hey, get your asses in gear!
- How stupid are they?
Show them there's a hole in the fence.
I don't think they can see it.
Come on. Lookit! Lookit!
There's no fence. Run!
Come on! No fence!
- Come on!
- Come on! Come on! Come on!
- No fence, you fucking morons!
- Over here. This way!
Whoa! That motherfucker
almost just gored me, man.
Don't you wanna be free?
It's wide open. Go!
They're gonna kill you!
They're gonna kill
every single one of you!
- Car!
- Oh, shit!
Time to go! Time to go!
- Come on! Let's get outta here!
- Don't you wanna be free?
Don't you wanna be free?
- Come on.
- Amber!
Come on, Amber!
Car's that way, Andrew!
Come on, Amber!
We're gonna hit the road! Let's go!
Let's move!
Come on, come on!
Let's go!
What a fuckin' fiasco.
Look, nobody got arrested.
Nobody got hurt.
Yeah, and we learned something.
- Yeah?
- Don't try something unless
you know what you're doing.
Next time, we bring cattle prods.
That was our only mistake.
Oh, yeah. That's a good one.
Paco, ace cattle rustler from New Jersey.
Fuck you.
At least we tried, man.
Better than sitting on our asses.
I just don't understand.
Why would they wanna stay in there?
Well, let's face it.
Cows aren't the brightest animals.
Who knows?
Maybe it's easier in there.
They get all the food they want.
I bet that genetically engineered shit
tastes better than grass.
I think they're just scared.
So was Andrew.
Did you see how fuckin' fast he ran?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And you were right behind me, fucker.
I don't know.
How come, in real life,
the bad guys always win?
Well, you know, they do until they don't.
Last night, hombre.
Okay, Mike.
Which all adds up
to us believing that next quarter...
will be the best time
to introduce a major new product.
And along those lines, um-
Don, you wanna take it from here?
Yeah. Um-
Well, as you all know,
the Barbecue Big One...
has been testing off the charts
for months.
And, uh, I really feel like...
the marketing department's
nailed the campaign, Jack.
So, it's obviously time
for the big launch. And...
we couldn't be more ready to go.