1
You asked how long we've been friends.
That's how long.
Can't believe you still have this.
Of course. Why wouldn't I?
I get nostalgic like anybody else.
I miss those times, man.
Life was simple.
Hey, check it out. We got to be ninjas.
Yeah. Yeah, that we did, pal.
That we did.
Oh, hey. Here.
Sorry. It's the closest thing I've got to scotch.
It's great. It's perfect. Really great of you. Thanks.
You know, the thing about you and me, marv...
We've got a lot of history.
We go back a long time, and that means something.
I'm sorry. Is it okay that I'm here?
I mean, it's really late, and you were sleeping.
Course. It's fine.
I mean, I'm sure you have to be up in a couple hours.
No. I'm, I'm still out of work.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sorry to hear that, Marvin.
Eh. That's life, right?
It's good to see you, man. It's been a while.
You know, me, I've got a 9:30 meeting.
That's like seven hours from now.
Jesus Christ.
Ouchie.
You sure the beer's okay?
I'm sorry I don't have scotch.
What? No, it's great. It's great.
You know what I always liked about you growing up, Marvin?
You were the guy that I could always count on
to be down for anything, whatever it was.
If I called and suggested it, you were game.
Guilty.
I loved that about you, man.
I loved that I could count on you to be in.
I bet that's why we're still friends to this day.
Guys come in and out of your life, you know,
but the ones that stick,
those are the friends that you can count on.
Yeah, well, of course.
I mean, what else are friends for, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You, um.
You used to say you could tell how good a friend is
by whether or not they'd help you move a dead body.
Yeah, that does sound like me.
Would you?
I need your help.
I need your help moving a dead body.
Her name's Abby.
I've seen her maybe half a dozen times or so.
"Seen her", you mean like this, like in a motel or...
I mean I've been with her.
Look, I don't have to spell this all out for you, do I?
I mean, we're both grownups. We know what goes on.
Right?
Sure, man. Yeah.
I'm not proud of it.
It just sort of...Happened.
She was hot. She wanted me.
It seemed harmless enough.
And this Abby chick,
she's...In there right now, right?
Yeah.
What about Claire? Where does she think you are?
She thinks I'm working late.
Really? This late?
We have international clients.
Sometimes we have long conference calls at weird hours.
It happens. -It does?
As far as she knows.
Pretty slick.
So, we gonna go in there at some point?
It all happened so fast.
This was just supposed to be fun.
Nothing serious. I told her that.
I told her that from the very beginning.
I was completely honest with her.
I was, um... I was getting dressed,
and she...She starts talking
about how she wants more from this.
She's made this into some kind of a romance
in her head or something. I...
Of course, I tell her "forget it."
She went crazy.
She got up on the bed.
She started punching me with her fists
and kicking me and...
Just pushed her...
To get her off of me.
Just...I just... I just pushed her.
And that was it.
Before...We do anything...
Are you sure?
Are you really, really sure
you don't want to just call the cops?
What?
Yes. Yes. God damn it. Marvin, I'm sure!
This would ruin me!
Just...Just think about this for a second.
I mean, just the fact that I was screwing around
would cost me Claire.
She'd be gone.
She wouldn't even think about it.
Seven years of marriage, gone in an instant.
And then, I mean...
There's the way this looks.
You know, there would be an investigation,
suspicion of foul play maybe, maybe even a trial.
And it wouldn't even matter if I was convicted.
Marriage, career, financial security, all gone!
Marv, the girl went crazy.
She did this to herself, okay?
I'm not saying that I'm completely innocent in all this,
but all I'm guilty of is trying to have a little fun,
and then I've got to throw my life away because of this,
because of her?!
Marvin.
Tell me that you'll help me, please.
Please, tell me that you'll help me.
Help me, Marvin.
Of course. Of course, I will.
Of course.
Thank you.
So, uh, what's her deal? Is she married, too?
Has she got a roommate?
No. No. She lives alone.
What are you doing at a motel, then?
She's got neighbors.
She knew I was married.
I was honest with her.
You know, we set up a system.
She'd walk to the end of her street.
I'd pick her up there.
She'd check into the motel.
We would choose a different motel every time.
Stuff like that.
So, the room...
That's in her name, not yours, right?
Yeah. She would put it on her credit card,
and I would pay her back in cash.
How'd you two meet?
Look, I'm just trying to think
if there's anything that will connect her to you.
That's all. -Right. Yeah.
Um...She waits tables at this diner
that I go to sometimes if I work late.
We've been seen there together,
but nothing that would be considered damning.
Okay.
Okay.
I think I got a pretty good idea of what we got to do.
But we're gonna need some stuff.
Let's get back to my place.
Okay. Bingo.
We're definitely gonna need that.
Okay. What can I do?
Uh, what can you do?
Uh...You...
Can go home to your wife.
She's got to be worried sick about you.
That's not gonna be good for anybody.
That's crazy. This is my mess.
I can take care of it.
Besides, I don't think it's a good idea
for you or your vehicle to be seen over there again.
Look, I got no ties to this chick,
so it's a lot safer for both of us if I do this solo.
Can I have the key?
You sure?
You sure you don't want me to do anything?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just...Go home to your wife.
I got a pretty good idea of what I got to do.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna clean it all up.
Man... I owe you so big.
Yeah. You do.
Are you just getting in?
Yeah.
Are you kidding me?
You poor baby. You must be so exhausted.
I got to get undressed.
No. Don't. Just lay with me.
You need every second of sleep you can get.
Jesus.
Claire, why'd you let me sleep?
You're kidding, right? You have to ask why?
Pour me a cup?
As late as they kept you last night,
are you seriously telling me
you have to be back again this morning?
That's ridiculous.
It's work, Claire.
I'm in high demand. I'm the boy wonder.
This is a good thing.
Well, it's gonna kill you.
Besides, if your clients are in such different time zones,
what do you really have to do this morning, anyway?
They're sleeping.
They're not my only clients.
I'm way more popular than that.
I got to pitch right when I get in this morning.
I got meetings all day.
You want to, uh, conquer the world,
you got to slay some dragons, right?
Yeah. Well, I think you should call in sick
and take the day off.
-Oh. -Dragons await.
So, uh, look, you better jump in the shower
or you're gonna be late, too.
I'll, uh... I'll make us some eggs.
You're gonna make eggs? You.
Not if you don't hustle that fine ass of yours.
Flattery and food will get you everywhere, young man.
That is, if you promise
that you'll come home on time tonight.
You got it.
No matter what, okay?
Like I said, you got it.
Marvin.
Marv?
Did everything, uh...
Did everything go okay?
Did she have any pets?
-What? -Abby.
I was just wondering, did she have any pets.
Yeah. Yeah, she had a cat she talked about sometimes.
I...Think his name's vanilla.
Vanilla.
Vanilla's gonna die.
If Abby lived alone,
there's not gonna be anybody there to feed it.
Even if somebody reports her missing,
the cops go around,
it's gonna take like 48 hours, right?
Cat can't live that long without food, can it?
Marvin.
What happened?
I took care of it...
Just like I said I would.
Don't worry. It wasn't that hard.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
It's like she just up and disappeared.
And, um...You?
Are...Are you okay?
Me?
Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine.
I'm just... I'm thinking about that cat.
Man, I owe you so big.
I know that.
You have no idea how much what you did means to me.
You sure you're okay?
I would like a cup of coffee.
You mind if I come inside for a cup of coffee?
No. No, Marvin, that's not a good idea.
No?
No.
You never just come by for a cup of coffee.
It would be weird and suspicious,
and Claire's in a mood.
It's a really, really bad idea. Seriously.
-No, no. I-I get it.
We, uh...We got to lay low.
Lay low. Exactly.
Let's try not to bring any attention on ourselves.
Then, in a couple of days, we'll touch base,
and...We'll see how it feels.
I got to go to work, okay?
At least you can go home and sleep, right?
Yeah. That I can.
Yeah. So, you go.
You go and you get some sleep.
Okay.
Okay?
Sounds good, kip.
Okay.
Kipper.
Couple of days, right, marv?
Just...Go home to your wife.
I got a pretty good idea of what I got to do.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna clean it all up.
Man, I owe you so big.
Yeah. You do.
...controlled by a small number
of devil-worshiping media conglomerates,
who really determine everything we hear, see,
Oh, great. Oh, thank you so much.
Really looking forward to working with you.
I love this campaign.
It is so creative, so you, kip.
You know what? You're happy. That makes me happy.
I can't wait to get to work for you guys.
We'll be talking soon, yes?
-Send me the paperwork. -All right.
All right. Thanks.
Went well, boss man?
As if there was any doubt.
That is one well-slain dragon in there.
My God.
You could sell anything to anyone you wanted, couldn't you?
You could get supermodels to buy donuts.
Well, I think presenting the fine work we do here
might have something to do with it.
Mr. Harrison sat in on this one?
Apparently he's taken an interest.
I've heard whenever he shows up,
it's either really good or really bad.
I think this time, the coin landed heads up.
Well, in that case, amen.
Hey, vanilla. You okay?
Hungry, girl? Hungry?
Help's coming. Don't worry.
Here, vanilla. There you go.
It's not about having stronger concepts.
It's about having stronger conviction behind them.
Look, our creative has always been great.
It's hal and his team.
They can't present it with anything close to confidence.
No.
No one's ever called me "Mr. confidence,"
but I like that. I can roll with that.
Look, I'd be happy to take this over.
Why don't you send me the stuff over tonight,
and, uh, I'll get to it tomorrow?
No. Thank you. All right. Good night.
Hey!
Kip.
What's the matter? Did you hear something?
No, no. Nothing.
Did the cops contact you? Anything?
No. They didn't.
You?
Hey, you're right on time. Good boy.
Oh, hi, Marvin.
Hey, Claire.
How are you?
Eh. You know, I could complain, but who would listen, right?
Hey, baby.
Hey. You know, I really wish that you'd let me know
if you were gonna have people over.
Thought we were gonna have some "us" time.
I didn't know he was coming. He just dropped by.
For, for what?
I don't know. Say hello.
Okay, is he staying?
No. No.
We're having that "us" time, okay?
Don't worry.
Okay. Good.
Uh, it's nice seeing you again, Marvin.
Nice being seen.
So...What are you doing here?
I thought we were gonna give it a couple of days.
I know, I know.
I just, I felt like I needed to check in, you know?
I'm pretty sure we're clear on this thing.
No, it's too soon to know that, Marvin,
and, honestly, it's a bad time.
Well, yeah. I can see that.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to barge in here.
No, it's, it's okay. It's totally okay.
Look, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to appear ungrateful.
It's just...
The wife, you know?
I got to roll.
Let's let things clear for a few days,
and then... I'll call you, all right?
I'll call you.
Sure thing. Yeah, that'll work, kipper.
Don't worry about me.
Marvin.
That's again, man.
Really.
Think nothing of it.
I'm sorry, honey.
He was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by.
You know, he's been out of...Work.
Is that, uh...
The plus means "yes."
Wow.
Indeed.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna clean it all up.
Uh... Wakey-wakey, there?
Who the fuck are you?
It's okay. I'm a...I'm a friend of kip's.
Name's Marvin.
Marvin.
Yeah. That's right. I'm a friend of kip's.
Where the hell's kip?
Where the hell are we?
It's okay. Everything's okay.
No, it's not okay. Where are we?!
Where are,
where are my clothes?
They're on the seat right next to you.
It's okay.
Let me just...Pull over, all right?
I'll explain.
There we go.
Okay.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm, uh...
I'll do the gentlemanly thing here.
I'm not gonna look.
No peeky-weeky okay?
Where are we?
We are...
In the middle of nowhere.
You gave us all quite a scare back there, Abby.
It is Abby, right?
Yeah, it's Abby.
Yeah, well, you.
You gave us all quite a scare.
You hit your head pretty hard back at that motel.
Us?
I don't know you, Jack.
I mean you gave...Kipper quite a scare.
Yeah, I bet.
That's why I'm in a hospital right now
because he was so worried about me.
No.
Uh, what happened was when he realized you were okay,
then he called me to, where is he?
Where's kip?!
Okay, I'm... I'm gonna take you to him.
Everything's okay.
Once we get to where we're going,
then kip'll explain everything.
Doesn't make any sense.
Why don't you call him?
Why don't you call him? Call kip.
How about I call the cops?
The cops. Now, what, what would you call the cops for?
I haven't done anything to you.
Oh, no? How about kidnapping?
I didn't kidnap you.
Hey, hey.
Look, you're free to go whenever you want.
It's just we're in the middle of nowhere here.
I'm just trying to get you back to civilization.
And it is a long walk.
Look, just...
Call kip, okay? He'll explain everything.
Okay.
Okay.
I'd step outside of the car if you're gonna call him.
Well, again, we're in the middle of nowhere.
You'll get better reception out on the open road.
Yeah. Thanks.
You may want to, uh,
step a little further out into the desert...
Just a little, like 20, 30 feet.
I've heard you get better reception off the road.
Don't worry, Abby.
I'm not going anywhere.
Swell.
Fucking freak.
Please. Stop!
Stay down!
Stay down!
Please! Stop!
Man, I owe you so big.
Yeah. You do.
Kip, you are one seriously, seriously lucky guy.
You stole an,
you stole an account from hal's team?
Well, you know...Little.
How? How did you do that?
Well, for starters, I didn't steal the account.
They'd already lost it.
All I did was swoop in and pick up a ball
that they had already dropped, which if I hadn't picked up,
it would've bounced to another firm altogether, guaranteed.
Oh. So... You're like a hero, then?
Well, yeah. I mean, I'm kind of a big deal.
That's just how I roll.
So I see. So modest, too.
Yes. Guilty. Guilty as charged.
But, uh, modesty aside,
we need to make hiring that creative assistant a priority.
Have you gotten to go through any of those rsums yet?
Yeah, I managed to dig pretty deep
into those last night, actually.
These, in my opinion,
are the best candidates so far,
but they're still rolling in,
so if you want to wait, we can always,
No, I don't think we can afford to wait.
We're about to be slammed, my friend.
Somewhere in here is the poor, unlucky bastard
who has to work under me.
I wouldn't call being underneath you
an unlucky place to be, boss man.
Knock, knock, everybody.
Hi. Can I help you?
I'm a...Friend of kip's.
This is Marvin.
Yeah, we go way back.
I'm talking "summer camp" kind of way back here.
Okay.
Um, hi. I'm Kimber. Nice to meet you.
Likewise.
I'm sorry to, um, interrupt...Stuff.
What, what are you doing here, Marvin?
Well, I don't know.
Lunch, thought maybe we could do that.
I didn't have that in my book. Did I miss that?
No, it wasn't planned.
Yeah, it was more of a spur-of-the-moment type thing.
Is he free?
-I'm not sure. -You know what?
Can I talk to you outside for a second?
What, uh... What is this about?
I thought we talked about this.
We said that we were gonna let things cool off.
Didn't we say that?
Yeah, but we don't have to.
No one suspects a thing.
No. No, it is way too soon to think that.
You do realize what's at stake here, right, Marvin?
Of course I do, but I'm telling you,
no one's even looking at us.
The only thing weird about us is if we start acting all weird.
If we start acting all weird?
Look.
I helped you because I am your friend,
and I am, true blue.
I think I've proven that
Beyond a possible doubt, right?
Yes, of course you have. Yes.
So, what's with all this?
If we're acting like nothing funny's going on,
then why wouldn't we hang out?
I helped you because I'm your genuine friend,
but I would hate for that same act of friendship
to force us apart.
I mean, that would be a sad slice of irony.
Don't you think?
Yeah. Yeah, it would.
Friends have lunch, kip.
They do.
Let me grab my wallet. I'm buying.
So, I finally figured out what happened to Arnold watrosky.
Who's that?
Arnold. Watrosky? He went to west with us.
The guy with the big black hair.
Come on, you remember him.
I must confess, I do not.
You're kidding, right?
We went all through junior high with that guy.
Look, I, uh, I hate to be...
That friend, you know, who does something for someone
and then turns around and
asks for something in return,
'cause it feels like I'm keeping score, but I'm not.
Really, I'm not.
But I...
I need a favor.
Okay.
That's okay, man.
Um...What do you need?
Well, I haven't worked in a while,
and, um...
I need a little money.
Okay.
How much?
Like maybe...
$5,000.
I know.
I know it's a lot to ask, I know,
but I'm in dire straits here, kipper.
Damn bills keep rolling in, but the money's not.
Yeah.
I think I can help you out.
I'm sorry. I hate even asking.
Hey, please,
don't even worry about that.
We're friends, me and you.
This is what friends do.
Thank you, kip.
Kipper.
Coaster.
It's on a coaster.
Thanks, babe.
You're gonna sit there and drink that right in front of me,
aren't you?
Yeah.
You know, so you can live vicariously through me.
You gonna vicariously enjoy me spewing a whole human being
out of my nether regions in about 36 weeks?
God.
So, um, Marvin came to see me today.
Again?
Is he okay?
Yeah. Yeah, we went to lunch.
Oh. Cool. Did you guys do some catching up?
It's been a while, hasn't it?
It has.
We don't exactly travel in the same circles anymore.
It's true.
Oh, well, good. I hope it was fun.
It was. It was fun.
I'm gonna loan him some money.
Oh, Jesus.
If it's okay with you.
How much?
How much?
$5,000.
5,000 dollars.
Just like that?
It's not like we don't have the money, Claire.
It's not like we're rich, either, kip.
We can spare it.
You know he hasn't worked for months.
Honestly, what kind of a friend would I be
if I just let him go under?
Well, what kind of friend is he?
Let me get this straight.
He shows up out of the blue, wants to go to lunch with you,
at which he then proceeds to ask you for money.
No. It wasn't like that.
We...Were talking,
and I found out the straits he was in,
and...I offered.
-You offered?! -Yeah.
And you didn't feel like he entrapped you
with his long tale of woe?
"Tale of woe"?
No. I don't feel entrapped.
Well, is he planning on paying us back?
Claire...
It's not like that.
It's the right thing to do.
Okay.
If you're fine with it, then okay.
I'm fine with it.
Okay.
Thank you.
Go ahead. It's not gonna bite you.
Oh, man.
You have saved me, kipper.
No, really, you...You have.
Least I could do.
Oh, it's a check.
Yeah, I didn't know if you preferred cash or check.
Oh, well, I could work with either, man.
Well, good.
But, you know, given a choice,
I guess cash would be preferred, just for future reference.
"For future reference"?
No, no. I mean, it's a, uh, it's just a figure of speech.
This is great.
Thank you, kip.
Don't mention it.
Boss man, you got that thing with Henderson in t-minus five.
Great. Thank you. You're the best.
Hi again.
Marvin. That's my cue, buddy.
I got to go.
Yeah.
Hey, uh, real quick, um...
What's her name again?
Who? Kimber?
Kimber. Yeah, that's right.
What's, uh, what's her deal?
"What's her deal?"
Yeah, you know, is she...Single?
Why, you want to ask Kimber out on a date?
Well, sure. Why not?
She's a little out of your league, isn't she?
Come again?
No, I'm just...
She's out of both of our leagues.
I mean, that girls a lot younger than we are.
Not like we're any slouches or anything, but I mean, come on.
She's crazy attractive.
Yeah, well, she seems to be into you pretty okay.
I'm her boss, Marvin.
She has to be nice to me. That's all that is.
Look, trust me, we are trolls
next to the guys that that girl dates.
Yeah.
I guess you're right.
No. Hey, I am right.
Okay.
Hey, listen, real quick.
Kip, I...I know you got to go.
What is it?
Okay, um...Claire,
she's got lots of single girlfriends, right?
Do you think maybe she knows one
that she thinks might be right for me?
Are you serious?
As a heart attack, kip.
I remember being at your place this one time,
and she was bitching about how all her single friends
can't find a good man, how they can't even get a date.
Well, here I am.
I'm a good man, right?
Yeah, Marvin, you're a good man.
Yeah, so, you'll talk to her. You'll see if she knows anybody.
It's a lot to ask someone to play matchmaker for you.
You mean, it's a favor, a big one.
Yeah. Something like that.
You remember what I did for you the other night?
And that was a really big favor, too.
And the reason I did it,
hell, look, I was glad to do it,
was because you were in danger of losing everything.
And, brother, I know what that's like.
I lost everything.
Nance left me.
I got downsized.
I just, I didn't want that for you.
Now the tables have turned.
Do you really want that for me?
Are you serious?
I'm just asking if you know anyone who might dig him.
No.
I'm not setting up any of my friends with Marvin.
Why?
Because he's not cute.
He's...Unemployed. He's weird.
And frankly, he's a little creepy.
-Creepy? -Yeah.
Forget all you know about him
and just consider if you met him today.
You'd never even talk to a guy like that.
How can you say that? He's one of my best friends.
That you never hang out with
and you don't have anything in common with.
I take it he came by your office again today.
So what if he did?
Ohh. Jesus!
How needy is this guy?
It's like he's stalking you all of a sudden.
No, it's not like that.
Yeah, it is like that. It's annoying.
You know, it's not like all of your friends are such prizes.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means they're always complaining
about being single,
how they are no good guys out there, but what?
They wouldn't even consider going out with Marvin?
I mean, yeah,
he's had some bad luck, but he is a good guy.
Ah, these women, they're just dripping with desperation,
a very attractive quality, by the way,
and maybe this is why.
Because their standards aren't low enough?
That is what you're saying.
No. No.
I'm saying...They're not open minded enough.
Come on.
You must have one friend who might like him.
Good evening.
Hey, Marv.
Looking sharp, my friend.
Yeah, Sunday best.
Come on in.
Is that for us?
I, uh, thought I'd offer this to the lady of the house.
You know, generate a little good will.
Knock yourself out.
Good evening, ladies.
Ma'am, this is for you.
Oh. That's really sweet. Thank you.
Marvin, this is mindy.
Mindy, this is Marvin.
So, this is Marvin.
Pleasure.
Marvin and kip went to school together.
That's right, all the way back to elementary.
Yeah.
Wait, so, you guys are the same age.
I'm one year older, actually.
Only one year?
Well, some cars show their mileage more than others.
It doesn't mean they're not built for speed.
That's...Good to hear.
And so, of course, he gets the same judge again, right?
I mean, it's Murphy's law meets state law, completely.
Murphy's law! I like that! I like it.
Um, so, Marvin, what is it that you do exactly?
Me?
Oh, mindy, the thing about Marvin is that he's,
I'm between jobs.
So you're unemployed?
Not for performance reasons.
Marvin is just a victim of the economic climate.
Yeah, that's right.
I was temporarily downsized,
and then, two months later,
the whole company just, pbht!, Goes belly up.
Right. But you're currently looking for work, right?
Oh, sure. Yeah. But damn is it good at hiding from me.
So, until I can find it,
I guess I'll just have to rely on my good looks.
It's nice that he walked her to her car.
You know this was a complete disaster, right?
Yeah, it didn't really feel like
there was a love connection.
We tried, though, right?
I mean...We did the guy a kindness.
Did we?
He had no shot, none.
Oh, my God.
Look, he thinks he did well. Jesus.
You know who that is, right?
That is mindy calling to let me have it
because I wasted her time with him.
Well, that's not fair.
I mean, so he's not her type.
How's that you problem?
Not her type? Whose type is he?
He doesn't have his shit together, kip.
He's a good guy.
Well, it's not enough,
and the fact that he has to glom on to you
because he doesn't have friends of his own,
Hey. Thank you guys so much.
That mindy, boy, she is a swell girl!
She's pretty. She's, uh, career oriented.
She keeps me on my toes.
I mean, I need that, you know?
Sure thing, Marvin.
Yep.
All things considered,
I think we did pretty well in there.
Yes, sir.
You know, I finally feel
like things are changing for the better.
Well, good.
Yep.
So, uh...
How long until I call mindy?
What do you do?
You give it like a couple days or something?
You know, I don't know what the modus operandi is
for these modern-day chicks.
Marv.
Yeah.
You do realize that she's not interested, right?
Did she tell you that?
She told Claire.
All right.
That's all right, I guess.
Plenty of fish.
Plenty of fish.
Yeah, sure. Claire knows lots of single girls.
Let's just have her set something up.
No. No. No, man.
She's, she's not gonna do that.
What do you mean she's not gonna do that?
Just that. She's not gonna set you up with anyone else.
Well, kip, I think we should ask Claire
and see what she has to say.
Come on, man. She knows lots of single girls.
There's bound to be one that's my type.
I don't have to ask her, Marvin.
I know.
She said that?
Yeah. She said that.
Well...What did she say?
And I mean exactly.
You have to understand, these women that she knows,
they're all at a certain stage of life,
and they're all looking for, you know, basically the same things.
You know, it's not enough to have a great personality.
They want the whole package,
and to that end, there are certain things that you lack.
Like what?
Like a job.
These woman are marriage-minded, okay?
They're looking for somebody who's ready to settle down.
Yeah, but that fits me to a "t", brother.
-No. -Yeah.
No. It doesn't, okay?
They want to be taken care of.
You are not in a position to be taking care of anybody.
All right.
All right, smart guy.
-Okay. -Oh, come on.
You are. You're a smart guy.
You got all these women crawling all over you.
Why don't you just tell me
what I need to do in order to find me one?
I don't have women crawling all over me.
Oh, bullshit!
You got so many, you got to juggle them!
Don't you remember that?!
-Keep your goddamn voice down. -Keep my goddamn voice down?
Keep my fucking voice down!
What the hell are you doing?!
Fuck you, little man!
You have no idea how good you've got it.
You've got yourself a prize woman in there,
and I got nothing!
Does that strike you as fair?! Huh?!
Especially when you know the only reason you got her
is because of what I did for you!
Asshole.
Mr. Desmond?
Um, I prefer "kip," actually.
Kip. Okay, great.
Uh, I'm Cole Carter.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you, sir.
Cole, not cool. Sorry about that.
It's okay. There's nothing wrong with a little enthusiasm.
Let me guess, Cole.
Somebody gave you advice one time on applying for jobs.
They said, uh, "look 'em square in the eye
and give 'em a nice, firm handshake
something like that?
Yeah. Yes, sir. Yes.
Yeah. That person, Cole, is an idiot.
Don't listen to them anymore.
But that's all right. I'm not gonna hold it against you.
Have a seat, huh?
-Interview day. -Interview day.
Let me ask you a question.
Do you think I was ever that nervous?
Would you admit it if you were?
Absolutely not.
So, our boy Cole here, he's first up?
Yep.
And he's early. Sorry about that.
They're all gonna be early.
Just give me five minutes,
and we'll get this show on the road, okay?
Should I hit you with some coffee?
Like a heavyweight.
Morning, kipper.
A few things shifted in the schedules,
wow. You're like a ninja.
Did you know that he was in...
No, I had no idea. I'm so sorry.
Is this a bad time?
You know what? It's fine.
Why don't you just give us five minutes, huh?
You sure?
Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. It's okay. Five minutes.
Is everything okay, Marvin?
Sure.
I mean, I...Could complain, but who'd listen, right?
You can't just come in here like this.
Well, I asked if this was a bad time.
It is a bad time. It's...It's inappropriate.
All right.
I do apologize.
What can I do for you, Marvin? What brings you here?
Well...I heard you were hiring,
so, buddy, I thought I'd take a crack at that job.
Excuse me?
Now, I know I might not be the exact right peg
for this particular hole,
but I thought if I just let you know that I was interested,
maybe you could see your way to giving me a shot.
You know how much a job like this could turn my life around.
Plus, this would be great, you and I working together,
don't you think?
You're serious?
Sure. I mean, why not?
You're not qualified.
Um, you worked for a book company, right?
Honestly, I don't even know what it was you did there.
I was the shipping manager.
It was a scholastic book company.
You shipped books.
Scholastic.
This is a job for a creative assistant, you know.
I need someone who's familiar with ad-agency workflow.
I need someone who knows the formats
of artistic presentations based on industry standards.
I can learn formats.
I need someone who can create content,
who can write copy.
Ohh. Those are just ideas, man.
Ideas, I've got.
Marvin. Marvin.
This is a job for recent graduates
with a degree in marketing or advertising.
It's a job for young people.
Well, I'm not exactly ancient here.
You're almost 40 goddamn years old!
Hey. Hey, hey.
I never said I was a slam dunk for this thing.
That's why they call it a favor.
Look, I need a job. You got one to give.
You're supposed to be my friend here.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
This is not the job for you.
It's just not, and I need you to understand that.
Okay.
Is that what I think it is?
It sure is.
You kept her license.
I kept her whole purse, keys and all.
Why? Why would you do that?
So I could get her cat.
Yeah. I kept vanilla, too.
Vanilla.
Sure.
Well, that's very humane of you.
But why do you still have that?
I don't know.
In case I need it.
Need it for what?
A rainy day, I guess.
You know what gets me in my gut?
The fact that the fate of this woman
doesn't bother you at all.
It bothers me. I assure you that it bothers me.
Really? Yeah, well I don't see that.
What I do see is you kissing your wife.
I see you playing God here at the office.
I see you lining up "miss shake and wiggle"
as your next little diversion,
but what I don't see is the fate of poor Abigail weighing on you.
It weighs on me.
It weighs on me hard.
She's in every room I go into.
She's here with us... Right now.
I see her,
and my conscience screams at me.
But I manage.
I manage to keep it bottled up and keep my mouth shut.
And I do all of that...
...because I think that you're my friend.
Now, you are my friend, right?
Yep.
Yeah.
Then you best keep me believing it.
Now...I need a job,
and you got one to give.
So, you tell me, kipper...
What would a friend do?
It's "just lunch dot com."
I'm just saying, let's make it a sexy lunch.
Sexy.
But not too sexy,
just focusing on the more physical aspects of dating,
you know, dancing in clubs,
skimpy outfits on the beach,
music-driven romantic, but with a more sexual edge.
Sexual.
And then we end on the sunset imagery.
-And all is well. -A sunset.
Not exactly reinventing the wheel, are we?
Uh, yeah. I think I can sell that.
Oh, really, boss man? You can sell sex?
Congratulations.
I'll call tmz for the exclusive right now.
You know, let he who has a better idea
cast the first stone, okay? How about that?
Lock it up, and we'll meet tomorrow.
Well, I-I have an idea.
And I think it's a pretty good one, too.
Yeah. Okay.
This should be good, new guy.
Let's hear it, new guy.
Well, all right.
Um, I was just thinking that these dating websites
are mostly used by desperate, middle-aged women,
you know, the ones that are all bitter and worried
about their biological clocks and whatnot.
You know the type,
those stuck-up asshole chicks your wife knows a ton of.
Where's he going with this?
Shut up, Ben. It's just getting good.
No, go on.
Well, I just think if you want
all these chicks to sign up for this,
what you go to do then is scare them
into thinking what'll happen if they don't.
Guys. Guys.
What?
Did I strike gold here or what?
Man, no. No, no, no, no.
Basic principle of advertising,
stay positive.
Positive product, positive users,
especially when you're selling recreational products.
You pitch fear and negativity, we're dead in the water.
Forget that. Did you even read the brief?
We already get women 30 to 55.
We're trying to go younger.
Eyes on the demographic prize, dude.
Where's this guy from, boss man?
Meeting's over.
Why would you do that?
Are you kidding me?
What would possess you to do that?
Maybe I'm just trying to be a nice guy or something.
You already gave him money, kip.
You had me pimp him out to my friends.
What more are you expected to do?
And why are you expected to do any of this in the first place?
Who is this guy to you?
He's an old friend, Claire.
And that qualifies him to work in advertising.
How's that working out for you, pal?
This guy struggles with personal hygiene.
Look! I ...
maybe I'm just growing a conscience
about this whole thing.
You're not really a conscience kind of guy, kip.
Man, look at this.
We can't use this, can we?
This is Marvin's work?
Of course it's Marvin's work.
It's stapled, and he misspelled "your" on the cover.
Okay, okay. I get it. He's clearly not up to speed.
I mean, why did you have him format it?
Why? Why? Because he's the assistant.
What, we're not supposed to ask
the low guy on the totem pole to do the grunt work here now?
These tests are sort of the nature of the job.
-Why is this guy even here? -Okay! I get it! All right?
Let's move past this.
And you might want to remember
just for a second who you work for.
All right, the meeting's at 10:00.
How long's it gonna take to print and assemble new packets?
-How many of us doing it? -Me and you.
We could knock it off in about an hour and a half.
Okay, well, let's be here at 8:00, then.
Uh, they're gonna need to be reformatted, as well.
Yeah, Jerry, I get that! Thanks, pal!
All right, well, I'll get started on this right away,
and I won't leave until it's tip-top.
No, no. No, it's okay.
Look, I got it. Kimber.
I got it. Okay?
My mess.
How goes the penance?
Evening, tad.
Yeah. That's what this is, isn't it?
Penance.
It gives me a great deal of displeasure to see this, kip.
Bordering on disgust, if I'm to be honest.
It's not my best moment. No.
This man you hired
was grossly underqualified
and inappropriate for the position.
What could I say? I took a chance.
Was he the obvious choice?
No, but, spare me the justifications.
Please.
I'm no stranger to nepotism.
In fact, I find it useful
because it often comes with built-in loyalty and trust,
but it only works if the person that you're hiring
can actually fill the position you're placing them in,
because ultimately,
it's your good reputation that's on the line.
You have to be able to stand behind them, all the way.
This was so uncharacteristic of you.
And that's fortunate,
because it hurts your standing less than it might have.
I appreciate that.
I really do.
Okay.
Now...
When you finish this campaign triage,
you
will...
Terminate this man's employ.
Yes?
Yes.
Good.
Kip...
We all make messes. It happens.
You just have to be able to clean them up
before they leave a stain.
Can I get a refill, please?
Hey, sit wherever you like, handsome.
I'll be with you in a sec.
See? Told you I'd be fast.
Uh, what can I get for you?
Um, I think I'm just gonna start with coffee.
All righty. I got you covered.
So, whenever you're ready to order some grub,
just give me a wave.
I'm not going anywhere.
Miss? Um...Sorry.
There was a waitress that used to work here,
and I was wondering if she still did.
Um, her name was Abby?
Abby.
Abby soren?
Do you know her?
No, no. Not really.
Huh. Hang tight.
Thank you.
May I?
Sure.
So...
What brought you to ask about Abby?
Uh, I don't know.
Sorry. Who are you?
Oh. Gail pinback. I'm a cop.
Why ask about Abby?
I don't know.
Uh, she waited on me last time I was here.
And when was that?
It was a while ago. I don't remember, exactly.
But you remember everyone that waits on you.
By name.
No. No.
She was, uh... She's a pretty girl.
Huh. Funny that would matter. You're married.
'Cause I'm married I can't look?
Ah. You did more than look, though, right?
You were interested,
interested enough to ask about her.
What's the story there?
"What's the story?"
What exactly are you accusing me of?
I haven't accused you of a damn thing, cowboy.
Something I should know?
You know what?
You're coming on really strong right now,
and if I'm becoming defensive, that would be why.
Oh, is it?
Yeah. It is.
I ask about a waitress I know who used to work here.
I don't know why. I just thought to.
You want to tell me what this is all about?
Abby's gone missing.
Missing, huh?
Really?
Yeah. So has her cat.
Cat? That's weird, huh?
Yeah.
So, cowboy, are you sure
you're just asking about her 'cause she's "pretty"?
What brings you back here?
This is your first time back, ain't it?
What the hell are you doing here?
I'm here every night.
I go by where she lived, where she worked.
Why?!
I told you. It weighs on me.
Well, there's a cop in there
who just stuck her head pretty far up my ass,
just for asking about her.
You asked about her? Ohh.
Why would you do something like that?
Because. Because I wanted to know what they knew.
Because you fucking threatened me!
Threatened you.
Seriously?
You know God damn well what you did.
Wait. Hold on.
Kip!
I think we've got ourselves
a little miscommunication going on here.
I don't think so. I think you were pretty crystal clear.
Kip, you are getting this all wrong.
Look, I admit I was in a desperate place,
but that's all changed now, all for the better, all of it.
For the better? How do you figure that?
Blackmail, extortion, that's for the better?!
I trusted you!
Of course you did. And you can.
You should trust me.
Oh, how do you figure that?
"How do I figure?"
After what I've done for you?
Oh, after what you did for me, the big favor.
You know, it's not much of a favor
if you keep using it to squeeze me
for whatever the fuck you want next!
I'm like your own personal goddamn atm machine!
Okay. You're upset.
I can see that, so I'm not gonna take it personally.
I'm gonna be the bigger man here and walk away.
After all, we're friends,
and now we got to work together.
No. No, no, no, no, no. Not anymore, asshole.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means you are so fucking fired.
You're kidding?
You can't just fire me.
No. I did. I just did it. It's done.
Oh, yeah? On what grounds?
Oh, on the grounds
that you don't know what the fuck you're doing!
You don't have any business in that office.
You are unqualified,
and you fuck up everything that you touch.
I told you.
I told you that job wasn't for you.
No.
This, this has nothing to do with that.
You just want to share your little kingdom with me.
It has everything to do with that.
Bullshit!
There are people there
that know me now.
You can't just make me gone.
Oh, this doesn't come from just me.
This comes from everybody, from the c.E.O. On down.
There is not one person who wants you there.
I couldn't save your job there if my life depended on it.
Oh, yeah?
Well, maybe it does.
Now, that is a threat.
No, it's not a threat. It's a fact.
Yeah, so, if I don't do everything that you want,
then you're gonna run off to the cops.
You call it what you want.
That is fucking extortion.
You still don't get this, do you?
Our fates are intertwined, man.
We did this together.
We killed that girl.
"We"? "We killed"?
You know what I mean.
We did this, both of us, and we had to.
That Abby chick was gonna ruin you, kip, not me.
But I stood up for you because I am your friend.
No.
You're not my goddamn friend.
Friends don't ask for payback.
You son of a bitch.
I save your life, and now, what, you're gonna destroy mine?
Motherfucker!
I am not responsible for your life!
Oh, yeah?
Well, you can sure as shit bet I'm gonna ruin yours.
You're gonna go to the cops?
You're goddamn right I am.
So, go.
So, do it.
Do it. Do it.
There is a cop right in there who's working on this case.
Go ahead. Turn me in.
Unh-unh. You're not gonna do it.
As much as you act like you have nothing to lose,
we both know that you do.
I go to jail...
You go to jail.
You're right, marv.
Our fates are intertwined.
Good. Thank you. Thank you. Oh.
Great job. That was very informative.
-Oh, thank you. -Very informative.
Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot.
We're really looking forward to working with you guys.
How'd we do?
Great.
That is one dead dragon.
Thank God.
I hate to think that we circled the wagons for nothing.
No. We did great.
You...You did great.
Thank you for coming in early this morning.
-You saved the day. -Hey!
Mr. Harrison wanted me to have Marvin come to your office
as soon as the presentation was over,
but I can't locate him.
Marvin's gone.
He is?
He won't be coming back.
Do,
that's all for right now, okay?
More.
There you go.
Today that good, huh?
It has been quite a run, kid.
Let me tell you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I would keep that bottle handy.
You're gonna drink that right in front of me, aren't you?
I'm drinking this for you, baby.
I'm removing temptation
by selflessly using up the forbidden fluid...
Basically sacrificing my own body to save yours.
Oh. My hero.
Yeah.
Come on.
Maybe if you're lucky, I'll let you rub my feet later.
Mm. Wow. You are such a giver.
Don't I know it.
Uh, kip?
Yeah.
Can you come here a second?
Sure.
Now.
Kip!
I'm coming.
Evening, Marvin.
What's on your mind?
You know goddamn well what's on my mind.
You know, you can't just come in here like that.
We could call the authorities.
So call them!
Course...You wouldn't let her do that, would you?
Oh, don't be so sure about that.
Claire. Claire!
I want what you owe me.
I don't owe you anything.
Bullshit.
What does he mean, what you owe him?
Marvin here went and got himself fired.
Got myself fired?
That's a crock.
You fired me. You did!
And after what I did for you.
-Not here. -No?
No, you're not gonna call my bluff no more?
All right! Stop it!
I have had it with this,
whatever the fuck this is.
I don't know exactly what's transpiring,
but it's late, and I'm tired,
and, Marvin, you being here at this hour uninvited
is highly inappropriate.
Kip, will you just grow a pair
and tell your friend that he needs to come back,
I'm not his friend.
Hell, you don't have any friends, do you?
You don't actually like anybody.
You just see people for what you can get from them.
You have folks.
You have folks for laughs,
folks for respect,
folks for sex,
for approval...
For worship.
But when you needed that one dirty deed done,
you didn't call any of them, did you?
Marvin.
No, no, no, no, no.
You called me,
'cause I'm the guy that's up for anything, right?
So fucking far beneath you,
you figured I'd do anything just so you'd throw a look my way.
I'm your bottom-line guy.
What is he talking about, kip?
Baby, will you just go upstairs and wait for me?
Marvin and I, we need to hash some things out.
No, I'm not gonna wait upstairs.
Something really fucked up is brewing between you two,
and I want to know what it is.
Claire, God damn it. This is between us! Just go up,
she...Stays.
The lovely wife.
Beautiful house.
Money in the bank.
Great job.
Casual fucks with pretty girls whenever you want.
Respect.
What?
You got everything, man.
You got it all.
And I got nothing.
Status quo, right?
See?
And you think all this is okay.
But it is not okay.
And you need to understand that.
And in order for you to understand that,
you need to lose something.
Don't!
What the fuck? What the fuck have you done?!
I am giving you perspective.
I'm calling an ambulance. I'm calling a goddamn ambulance!
You sure you want to do that, kipper?
You get her to a hospital,
and all this shit about Abby's gonna come out in the light.
You'll lose Claire, for sure...
Not to mention your freedom, your career, your money.
You will lose everything,
guaranteed.
Kip! God, help me!
Kip.
But you let her lie there
and bleed out on their floor,
she's the only thing you lose.
You get to keep everything else.
Either way this plays out, Claire's gone,
but it's your choice what else goes with her.
Kip.
Baby, what are you waiting for?
Please help me!
Kip.
Kip.
Kip! What are you doing?!
Kip!
Please.
That's what I thought.
Kip! Please.
You selfish son of a bitch.
Kip! Kip, please!
Please help me, kip!
-Kip! -I'm sorry.
What the hell is going on here?
No!
And this time, you're digging the fucking hole.
I can't.
I can't.
Fine.
I'll get the fucking thing.
What am I gonna say happened to her?
Eh, you'll think of something.
Hell, that's your forte, ain't it?
Spin and whatnot?
Now...You get to go and get on with your life, right?
Like nothing ever happened.
You think you can live with this one, too?
One thing you taught me tonight,
I can live with anything.
Kip, I'm so sorry. Before you go in,
not now.
Good morning, Marvin.
I want $50,000.
Cash.
Small bills.
When?
How soon can I get it?
Couple of days.
That'll be fine.
I'm not unreasonable.
Appreciate it.
Call me when you got it. You can drop it by the house.
Kip.
What are you doing here?
I have what you want.
Now?
Do you realize what time it is?
Yeah. I do. You want this or not?
Well, yeah.
I just thought you were gonna call first.
I'm coughing up $50,000 here.
Seems like you could be a little flexible on time of delivery.
I guess you're right.
I've got an early flight.
I want to get out of town for a while.
I scheduled that based on my convenience.
Forgive me if it infringes on yours.
Oh. No. It's no problem.
So, um, it's all in there, huh?
Yeah.
I need a beer, Marvin.
Yeah, sure.
I, uh...I could use one of those myself.
Sorry it's the maid's week off.
Plumber, too.
Got a couple beers in here, I think.
These two will be nice.
You like that, motherfucker? You like that?
You guys have been pals this long?
Yeah.
Ain't that something?
I'm ready to tell you the truth now.
I'll tell you everything.
Huh. Well, I do love me some confession,
but to be honest,
I don't actually have to hear
this whole song and dance right now.
I think we got the bulk of it pieced together,
prior to you going ginsu on your pal in there, of course.
Hey. Look.
Let's make this easy, okay?
You fill in the blanks for me,
and we'll worry about your formal statement later.
That work for you?
Yeah. Sure.
Okay, so, for the record, this was self-defense, right?
Of course.
When did he bring out the gun?
Right in there, in the kitchen.
He said he was gonna kill me.
Well, I would hope the hell so with you sticking him like that.
Why were you over here at such a weird hour?
He called me.
He said he knew something about...
About your wife.
Yeah.
How'd you know?
'Cause I'm good. That's how.
My wife, Claire.
She's been missing since the night before last.
I called to file a report,
and they said they couldn't do anything
until she'd been gone two days.
Standard.
But...She's not the first woman
that you've known to go missing recently, now, is she?
That's why I called you.
So, you knew good old Abby the waitress after all?
I was sleeping with her.
I didn't say anything before, you know, being married and all.
Yeah.
What about your little, uh, pincushion pal in there?
How'd he know her?
He didn't. Not really.
Marvin's always been the jealous type,
always knocking me down for things I had that he didn't.
Wow. Sounds like a real keeper.
Last week he told me that he knew about the affair.
He'd been following me,
and he started shaking me down for stuff.
Stuff? Like what?
Money.
He had my wife set him up with a friend of hers.
He even had me give him a job at my office.
Almost got me fired.
All that time, I'm trying to contact Abby, you know,
but she's not answering her phone, she's not at work.
I wanted to make sure she was okay
and, and see if Marvin was blackmailing her, too.
She'd gone missing, though?
Yeah.
And then when my boss made me fire Marvin
from the job I got him...
Claire went missing, too.
Color me surprised.
What did good old Marvin say to you
that had you scurrying over here?
He said he knew something.
He said he knew something about where Claire was.
And when you got here?
He said he killed her.
He said he killed my Claire.
He said he killed Abby, too. I don't know.
And let me guess, that you were next.
No. No. He, he wanted more money.
I told him to go to hell,
and that's when he pulled the gun.
Gotcha.
And you made with the whole perforation dance thing.
He was just saying that, right?
He wouldn't hurt Claire. He was just trying to scare me.
I mean, she's just missing right now.
There's still a chance, right?
There's still a chance.
We found two bodies in the backyard.
No.
Two women.
We still have to do a positive I.D.,
but I think we both know who those women are.
No!
Fuck!
One woman was shot.
The other was beaten to death.
We still have to match the weapons,
but I think it's safe to say what the results are gonna be.
Sorry to be the bearer, cowboy.
So, what happens now?
We go to the station. What?
Now? No.
Like I said, at some point, we'll get a formal statement,
but now you go home.
Now you get some rest.
That's it?
I'm free to go? You don't want to press charges?
I'm innocent?
Well, you probably won't be charged with anything,
but you're hardly innocent, right?
I mean, you shoved your man sausage in the wrong woman,
ended up getting your wife dead.
No.
No, you haven't escaped your punishment, cowboy.
You have to look at yourself in the mirror every single day,
and I suspect that's gonna be a tall order from here on out...
Unless, of course,
you're one seriously coldhearted son of a bitch.
So I can go?
Yeah. You can go. I'm sick of looking at you.
But, uh...
Stay available, cowboy.
Right.
My God.
You could sell anything to anyone you wanted, couldn't you?
You could get supermodels to buy donuts.
What am I gonna say happened to her?
Eh, you'll think of something.
And now you get to go and get on with your life, right?
Like nothing ever happened.
Think you can live with this one, too?
One thing you taught me tonight,
I can live with anything.
And I ...