1
I got lots
Of problems
Female trouble
Maybe I'm twisted
Female trouble
They say I'm a skank
But I don't care
Go ahead, put me
In your El-e-ectric chair
I got lots
Of problems
Female trouble
Maybe I'm twisted
Female trouble
Hey, spare me your morals
Look, everyone does
What pleases me
Is paradise
I got lots
Of problems
Female trouble
Maybe I'm twisted
Female trouble
Oink, oink
Oink, oink
I'm berserk
I like it
Fine
As long as I'm
Grabbing a headline
Ah ha ha, yeah
I got lots
Of problems
Good morning, Dawn.
- Hey, I like that skirt.
- Thanks.
My old lady's supposed to
get me one for Christmas...
if she's not too dumb
to find it.
Oh, Concetta,
I know what you mean.
My parents better get me
them cha-cha heels I asked for.
That's all I can say.
Hey, hon,
you got any Spray Net?
My hair is fallin' right down
right off my head.
Sure, hon.
You do your Geography homework?
Fuck no. Fuck homework.
Who cares if we fail?
I wanna quit,
and lam right after I get...
my Christmas presents.
Duncan?
Here.
- Dune?
-Here.
Friar?
Miss Friar,
are you hard-of-hearing?
Here.
Stand up, please.
What on earth are you wearing?
This is not Halloween.
It's just a skirt and sweater.
Button those buttons,
young lady.
I bet your mother didn't
see you dressed like that.
It's hot in here.
That will be all.
This is a classroom...
not a cocktail lounge,
Miss Friar.
Take this dress code
violation slip home...
and have it signed
by your parents.
And take that gum
out of your mouth!
For the 10th time!
If I catch you with gum
in your mouth one more time...
you will be in detention
for a month.
Do you understand?
I understand, Mr. Weinberger.
You're late, young ladies!
And I'll now report you
on this late slip.
I had you marked absent.
Now, class...before letting you
go for the holiday season...
we're going to have
a pop quiz.
When called on, stand,
answer the question.
If you are correct,
it'll be duly recorded.
If you are wrong,
a small red "F"...
will be placed next to
your name in my roll book.
All right, let's begin.
Jude Fine, true or false?
Baltimore was once capital
of the United States.
False?
True, true.
True, Miss Jude Fine.
You must have been
talking on the phone...
instead of doing
your homework last night.
It was the capital for 2 months
during the Revolutionary War.
That's two red Fs for you
in just one week.
It looks like you'll
be getting a deficiency.
What is it, Miss Holland?
Mr. Weinberger, Dawn Davenport
is eating a meatball sandwich...
right out in class,
and she's been passing notes.
I was not eating.
I got a knife here
in my pocketbook...
and I'm gonna
cut you up after class.
Stop this, immediately!
Now they're threatening me,
these awful, cheap girls.
My mother told me
to report this kind of thing.
I'm trying to get an education.
All of you, stop it!
Dawn Davenport, stand up!
I'm trying to get
an education...
so I can get
into a good college!
It's not fair!
That will be all.
You were quite proper
in reporting this incident...
but that will be enough.
She was trying
to copy my homework.
That's untrue, and you know it.
Dawn Davenport,
you are a habitual liar...
and I'm quite
well-aware of it.
You will go to detention
for a month for this.
I won't go. I wasn't eating.
From your appearance,
Miss Davenport...
it looked like you
never stopped eating.
Get up here!
Now, write 50 times
on this blackboard...
"I will not eat in class."
'Cause I'm fat enough already.
Now, start writing and don't
stop until I tell you to.
I can tell you one thing,
Miss Davenport...
you can count on a failing grade
in Geography this term!
I'd like to set fire
to this dump.
Just 'cause we're pretty,
everybody's jealous.
It's like a prison here.
Even at Christmas,
it's like a prison.
Don't even mention
Christmas, Chicklette.
My parents are gonna
be real sore...
if I don't get
them cha-cha heels.
I asked, and I better get.
I never get enough
Christmas presents.
Everybody's so damn cheap.
I should be gettin' a lot...
and I'm gonna take it all back
and get the money for it.
You can do that, you know.
We'll probably get caught
for hookin' this period...
but who cares?
Who cares if we fail?
It'd be fun to be expelled.
I hope I get arrested.
I hate this school...
and all these ignorant teachers
who don't know one thing.
I'm the one
who should be teachin'.
I hate my parents, too.
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh
Dawn, come see what
Santa brought you!
Oh, Christ, I'm comin'.
Please, Howard, try to get
through this without a fight.
I can't stand another one,
not on Christmas.
I better get them
cha-cha heels.
How very sweet of you, dear.
Merry Christmas, honeybunch.
Hey, wonder what this could be.
A fishing rod?
Won't you join us in a carol
before we open our gifts?
Oh, mother!
Ah, come on, Dawn.
It adds to the spirit.
Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace
What are these?
Those are
your new shoes, Dawn.
Those aren't the right kind.
I told you cha-cha heels!
Black ones.
Nice girls don't
wear cha-cha heels.
Give me those presents.
I'll never wear
those ugly shoes.
I told you the kind I wanted.
You've ruined my Christmas.
Please, Dawn, not on Christmas!
Get off me, you ugly witch.
You devil! Come here!
You'll pay for this!
You devil, Dawn Davenport!
Look at your mother.
Leave me alone!
You're such a devil!
Don't touch me! Lay off me!
I hate you. Fuck you!
Fuck you both, you awful people.
You're not my parents!
I hate you.
I hate this house,
and I hate Christmas.
Not on Christmas.
Not on Christmas.
Get back in here,
Dawn Davenport!
You're going to
a home for girls!
That's where
we're gonna put you!
I'm calling the juvenile
authorities, right now!
Have a merry, merry,
merry, merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Have a hap, hap, hap,
hap, happy holiday
Merry Christmas
Get yourself into a glow
Underneath the mistletoe
Get in, sugar dumplin'.
Come on, honey! Hurry up!
Come on!
Again.
Oh! I'm comin'!
Here it comes!
All right! Ready?
Oh, fuck me, baby!
Fuck me! That's it!
You like that, baby?
Oh, yeah!
Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
Aw...fuck.
Is Earl Peterson there?
This is Dawn Davenport.
Dawn Davenport.
You made love to me
Christmas morning.
Well, I just wanted
to tell you...
that I'm pregnant
and I want money.
You stole my wallet,
you fat bitch!
So what if I did?
I want money.
You'll never get
any money from me, cow.
Just 'cause you got
them big udders...
don't mean you're
somethin' special.
Get the hook.
Go fuck yourself
for all I care.
Yeah! Go fuck yourself!
My little Taffy...
my little baby.
Taffy.
Little Taffy.
Mabel, Mabel
Set the table
Don't forget the red
Hot peppers
Taffy, please stop it.
You're giving mother
a migraine.
I can jump rope
if I feel like it.
It's my house, too.
You can jump rope
in the bathroom.
You know it's not
big enough in there.
Taffy, I have told you
repeatedly...
no jumping rope
within 10 feet of me.
Those same singsong rhymes
over and over...
are enough
to grate on my nerves.
Mabel, Mabel, set the table!
Taffy, did you
hear your mother?!
Do you want another whippin'
with that car aerial?
It's right in that closet,
don't forget.
Maybe I'll stop it,
and maybe I won't.
Why can't I go to school?
Why can't I have friends?
You can't go to school,
because I said so.
I won't have you
nagging me for lunch money...
and whining for help
on your homework.
There is no need to know
about the Presidents, wars...
numbers, or science.
Just listen to me,
and you'll learn.
And no little friends
over here repeating rhymes...
asking flippant questions...
and talking in those
nagging baby voices.
Can't you just sit there
and look out into the air?
Isn't that enough?
Do you always have to
badger me for attention?
Mabel, Mabel
God damn you, Taffy!
Now you're gonna get it.
Where's that thing? Come here!
What are you doing?
Now, I'm gonna kill you!
Can you help us?
We got a huge purse.
Sure, girls.
Put it in the closet.
Nobody saw you bring
that stuff in here, did they?
No. We got it
right down the street.
Nobody was home.
Oh, good. Sit down.
You're lucky
they came in here, Miss Taffy!
We oughta get 10 bucks each
just for the TV.
Hi, there, Taffy.
She's been a hideous
little girl today.
She was about to get
a good whippin'.
She looks so cute.
Who are you...ugly7
You know who they are.
I've never seen them before.
Oh, Taffy.
I just saw you yesterday, Taffy.
Come sit here with
your Aunt Chicklette.
Oh, my God! This kid's
bitin' me. Get off!
Taffy, I can't stand it.
You little brat!
She's gettin' tied to her bed
for a week for this.
Oh, my God, listen to you!
You hideous little brat!
She'll never escape this time.
All right, come on.
Brat, shut your hole!
You're gonna pay for it.
Get on that bed.
Shut...
Shut up, Taffy!
Shut up! Gettin' on our nerves.
I don't know what I was thinkin'
about when I had her.
I don't know why you
take that shit from her.
I'll never have another one.
What a horrible little kid,
that goddamn little shit.
I don't know how you
take it anyway, Dawn.
She bit my arm.
That child's becoming a monster.
You can't imagine. Whining
and demanding attention...
and shrieking those same stupid
jump-rope chants day and night.
Give me that jump rope.
Where is it?
I'll get that rope.
Oh, thanks, honey.
- Give me those scissors.
- Here.
I've about had it
with this jump rope.
That's the last time...
she's gonna jump
with this goddamn thing.
Ah! I hate it!
I'm glad I had an abortion.
Maybe she needs more punishment.
I've done everything
a mother can do.
I've locked her in her room.
I've beat her
with the car aerial.
Nothing changes her.
It's hard being a loving mother.
I give her free food,
a bed, clean underpants.
What does she expect?
I can't beat her little
baby butt all the time.
Just get your hair done
tomorrow...
and you'll feel better.
That's what I always do
when I get depressed.
Maybe I will.
I'll tell ya, the Lipstick
Beauty Salon is the best.
They only let, well, you know,
special girls in.
You have to audition
to even get your hair done.
And there's this guy
that does hair there.
I'd suck the socks
off him in a minute.
Yeah, Gator's his name,
and you know what?
He lives right next-door.
Wonder what his stow is.
Maybe he's a...
Shelly Chaser.
Aunt Ida. Aunt Ida.
You really like it?
Yeah. All right, Aunt Ida.
Aunt Ida! Aunt Ida, all right.
Don't you look sweet.
Yeah! Aunt Ida.
Yeah! All right,Aunt Ida.
Don't you look hot today?
Why, thank ya, honey.
I feel more...
...more comfortable.
Pour me a drink, would ya?
Sure, Aunt Ida.
What would you like?
Sherry.
Have you met
any nice boys in the salon?
They're all pretty nice.
I mean any nice queer boys.
Do you fool with any of 'em?
Aunt Ida, you know I dig women.
Aw, don't tell me that.
Christ, let's not
go through this again.
All those beauticians, and you
don't have any boy dates?
I don't want any boy dates.
Oh, honey, I'd be so happy
if you'd turn Nellie.
There ain't no way.
I'm straight.
I mean, I like
a lot of queers...
but I don't dig
their equipment, you know?
I like women.
But you could change.
Queers are just better.
I'd be so proud
if you was a fag...
and had a nice
beautician boyfriend.
I'd never have to worry.
There ain't nothin'
to worry about.
I worry that you'll work
in an office, have children...
celebrate wedding anniversaries.
The world of heterosexual
is a sick and boring life.
Sometimes I think
you're fuckin' crazy.
I'm real happy
just the way I am.
Aw, let me bleach your hair out.
Let's go down
to Wagon Wheel Bar.
I know there's some
nice boys there for you.
You are fuckin' nuts,
Aunt Ida.
I gotta get to work.
Don't you worry about me.
Sex ain't no problem.
See you after
my last wash-and-set.
OK, honey.
Oh, God, I love hairdressers.
More.
Good morning, staff, and hello
to all the lovely ladies...
of the Lipstick Beauty Salon.
What a beautiful couple.
Thanks, Butter.
That's a gorgeous outfit,
Mrs. Dasher.
- It must be an original.
- It is.
- Bet it cost a fortune.
- It did.
Striking, aren't they?
- So chic.
- No kidding.
Good morning, Mr. Dasher.
You look breathtaking today,
Mrs. Dasher.
Thank you, Vikki.
There's some applicants
for appointments here.
Would you like to view them?
Anyone particularly appalling?
Well, yes, there is
a Dawn Davenport.
She seems especially cheap.
You may like her.
At ease! Back to work!
Yes, Mrs. Dasher.
All right, girls.
Come on. Line up.
Here's your big chance.
Here they are, Mr. Dasher.
Back over there
so we can see you.
Oh, my God! Look at that one!
She's just putrid!
You! Go on! Get out!
You heard her. Beat it.
Go on, doll. Get out.
Forgive me, Donald.
I couldn't help it.
There has to be a line
drawn somewhere.
You are quite right, Donna.
You see, we are
a private salon...
catering to
ravishing beauties only.
Even one average customer...
would be enough to plummet
our reputation forever...
so we must pick and choose
with great care.
Firstly, I'd like to know
your occupations.
I'm a stripper.
And I work for
the telephone company.
- Disqualified.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
May we suggest
Mr. Ray's Wig World?
What's the matter
with the telephone company?
I believe my husband
is asking the questions.
Go on! Get out!
Get out of my beauty salon!
Beat it, hon.
And you, Miss...
Davenport.
Dawn Davenport.
I'm a thief
and a shitkicker, and...
I'd like to be famous.
I see.
You're quite striking.
We are always curious
as to what drew you here...
to Les Lipstick.
Well, I heard all
the strippers come here...
and I got sick of my old salon.
And supposing
we become sick of you?
Well, I had hoped
that wouldn't happen.
Well, I think
it is happening.
It's hard to explain, but
when I look into your face...
I pick up a distinct feeling
of nausea.
Hey, wait a minute!
Disqualified.
Raising your voice to my wife.
In this shop,
her wish is my command.
May I suggest
Mr. Ray's Wig World?
What is she, some kind
of princess or something?
Princess Perfect.
Hey, get the fuck out!
Oh, Mrs. Dasher,
I'm awfully sorry.
The Better Business Bureau
will hear from me!
Just get out!
Attention!
Staff, this is
our new customer...
Miss Dawn Davenport.
This is Dribbles...
Wink...
Gator...
and Butterfly.
He's been here the longest.
I'd like to have Gator,
if it would be all right.
Certainly.
Gator, see to it
that Miss Davenport...
is well taken care of.
Ooh, Gator, I've heard
so much about you.
Could somebody run and get me...
a double egg salad
on white toast?
Certainly, Dawn.
Can't you put down
those damn magazines?
I like these damn magazines.
Better than me, I suppose?
No, just about
the same in my book.
Oh, can't we do it normal?
This is normal.
Get my tool kit.
Get it yourself.
You want the hammer today, Dawn?
Huh? Huh?
We can try the hack saw.
That would be
something different.
No! Not the hammer, Gator!
Use the needle-nose pliers!
Oh, you asked for it, baby.
Oh, my God! Look at you two,
caught right in the very act!
Isn't that a pretty sight?
Taffy, go to your room.
Hey, Taffy, baby, cool down.
Come on over here
with your daddy.
Don't you talk to her like that.
You're not my daddy,
you disgusting, hippie pig.
And I wouldn't get near a bed...
that had been defiled
by the likes of you two.
I'd sooner
jump in a river of snot.
Well, go jump, then!
Go kill yourself
and do us all a favor!
Hey, Taffy, baby,
come suck your daddy's dick.
I wouldn't suck your lousy dick
if I was suffocating...
and there was oxygen
in your balls!
You pay some respect
to your mother, Miss Taffy.
And if I catch you spying
and nosing around here...
one more time, I'm going to put
you in the mental hospital.
She can't help it.
She's retarded.
I am not retarded!
Oh, yes, you are, Taffy.
I had you tested when you
were a little girl.
A staff of doctors examined you.
And maybe the reason
you don't remember...
is that they told me you
are most definitely retarded.
I never went to any hospital.
That is a rotten, filthy lie!
I'm afraid it's the truth.
I don't like it
any better than you do.
To think that my genes
were polluted by your birth...
is not a very pleasant thought.
Oh, how could
I call you my mother?
I wish I'd been an orphan!
You can tell she's retarded.
Look at her face.
She has the face
of an old woman.
Oh, it's true.
Look in the mirror, Taffy.
For 14, you don't look so good.
It's because you've been
such a brat all your life...
that now, all that brattishness
is showing in your face...
the face of a retarded brat.
Yes, sirree, that's a real time
warp of a face you got there.
What do you know
about anything?
Some of the faces I've seen you
with could stop a train.
Give me $10.
Awfully demanding, aren't you?
Give me $10,
or I'm calling the police.
It's as simple as that.
And don't think I'd hesitate to
put you two slobs behind bars...
for the rest of your lives.
What would you do with $107
Writing a book, hippie?
Why don't you go listen
to some folk music...
and give me a break?!
Taffy Davenport!
Give her the money.
What?
You heard me!
I said give her the $10.
You digging it, baby?
Real funny, Gator!
You should have seen your face.
I've had it with you!
Why don't you just get out?
Go back to your fat aunt
and leave me alone!
I got off on it.
I really got off on it.
Oh, did you?
Well, hip, hip, hooray...
for your cheap climax.
What about me, fuck face?!
Some pitiful excuse for
a husband you turned out to be.
Why don't you just go
take your fucking tool kit...
and go fuck a garage?
I'm gonna get my hair done.
I couldn't help it.
If you could have seen
the expression on your face.
I thought I'd piss myself when I
seen that carrot in your mouth.
It's a weird joint,
ain't it, Dawn?
You're cut off
for 2 weeks for this.
And don't-just don't even speak
to me at the salon, either.
Just pretend we don't
know one another.
That will be $104, please.
For a wash-and-set?
Well, I don't know what
you're accustomed to...
in good grooming, but this
is the Lipstick Beauty Salon...
and not some bargain-basement
beauty school.
That's outrageous!
I won't pay that
for a wash-and-set.
Well, give us
the hairdo back, then.
What are you talking about?
Boys, she won't pay.
Take the hairdo back.
What do you mean
she won't pay?
Won't pay? Slut! Come here!
Don't take that.
Pay for the goddamn hair...
I ought to rip your face off!
Get out of my salon!
Don't ever set foot
in here again...
or I'll put your little
plastic surgery in reverse!
Now get out!
I'm sorry I made you wait.
We had some trouble
up at front.
What does she think this is?
Sorry for the interruption,
Sally.
You're one
of my prettiest customers.
Oh, shut up, Dribbles.
The things a woman has to go
through to get some height.
How's your little girl?
Why don't you
bring her in more often?
Why, so you can undress her
again with your eyes?
Christ sake,
she's only 6 years old.
I know...but I just like
to play with her.
I wish I was a little girl.
Well,throw a goddamn penny
in a fountain...
and make a goddamn wish,
and maybe it'll come true.
So I told her, "You can keep
your fuckin' $10."
I can steal $10 faster
than they can make it.
What's the big deal
about money?
It's so easy to get, I can't
imagine why anybody works.
It boggles my imagination.
Well, maybe everybody's not
a common thief like you.
Butterfly, you tired thing,
we are anything but common.
I love the smell of shampoo.
We are upper-echelon
cat burglars...
and don't you forget it,
Mr. Butterfly.
Of course,
I think I like the smell...
of Clairol cream
conditioner better.
You know, when it's on
a freshly bleached head?
I don't know.
I like them both, but...
Shut up.
Don't pay them any mind,Wink.
They wouldn't know beauty
if they fell over it.
Oh, hi, Dawn.
Good morning, Vikki.
I'd like my hair done
quickly and quietly.
Why, sure, hon.
You want Gator?
Is he here today?
You want him to do it?
No, I don't, Vikki,
and if you must know...
I'm thinking of a divorce...
so please don't ever mention
his name to me again.
I'm sorry to hear that, Dawn.
Is he here today?
I'm really not
aware of his schedule.
Please! Really!
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
I know what
you're going through.
I really do.
But they're all bastards!
Cheer up. You don't need him.
It's all right. It's OK.
Just get somebody
to set my hair, please.
Sure, hon.
Excuse me a minute, hon.
Sure.
Why, yes, she's right here.
Why, certainly.
That was Mr. Dasher, Dawn.
He want to see you in private.
No one has ever
been back there before.
It must be something big.
Oh, and I look a mess.
Get fixed up, hon.
Oh...thanks a lot, Vikki.
Good luck.
Hi, Sally. Hi, Concetta.
Hey, Wink.
Hi. Well, good-bye.
I've got to go.
I can't talk to you now.
I've got to go see Mr. Dasher.
See you later.
Come in.
In here.
Good to see you, Dawn.
Hello, Mr. Dasher.
It's a privilege
to have you here.
A sip of soda?
Oh, thank you.
Hmm. But I don't
understand this honor.
You will in time,
Miss Davenport.
Have a seat, won't you?
Oh, thank you.
My wife and I--and please...
do call us Donald
and Donna from now on...
are wondering if you
wouldn't be interested...
in becoming involved
in show business.
Show business?!
Well, sort of show business.
You see, Dawn, we're planning
a little experiment...
a beauty experiment,
you could call it...
and we want you
to be our model.
Sort of a glamorous
guinea pig,you might say.
A beauty experiment?
You see, my husband and I...
enjoy taking pictures
a great deal.
We'd like you to pose
for some rather unusual shots.
Oh-ho, you mean pornography.
Certainly not!
Sex is not one
of our interests.
As a matter of fact...
one of the rules
you must always obey...
is to never mention
the sex act in front of us.
We find the subject
most repellent...
and we must ask you to observe
this rule at all times.
You should know that we view sex
as a violation of the spirit...
and we would certainly never
allow ourselves to be caught...
in one of those
ludicrous positions.
Oh, of course,
of course. I'm so sorry.
I really didn't know.
Are you still a thief, Dawn?
Yes, I am. Not as much
as I used to be...
but I still rob houses.
With those other two?
Yes, Chicklette and Concetta.
Would you allow us
to take some photos of you...
committing various crimes?
Crimes that tickled our fancy?
I--I guess so.
You see, our experiment involves
beauty and crime.
We feel them to be one.
We have a theory that crime
enhances one's beauty.
The worse the crime gets,
the more ravishing one becomes.
We want you to prove us right.
Say yes, Dawn.
Aren't you sick
of getting your hair done?
Don't you want
the throbbing excitement...
of a modeling career?
We'll give you a new look,
an interest in life...
and together,
we could overcome...
this boredom
that imprisons us all.
Well, I'd love to have
the two of you take my photos...
but I won't get arrested,
will I?
The police department
will not be involved.
And any special favors,
well, don't hesitate to ask.
Well, there is one thing.
Ask, and you shall receive.
Fire my husband.
Gator?
Yes! I want a divorce!
Vikki, this is Mr. Dasher.
Uh, please fire Gator.
No reason. Yes.
Tell him no reason at all.
Look who's coming out now.
Hey, fatso, I want
to talk to you a second.
Just speak to my attorney.
Hey! Did you get me fired?
Maybe I did,
and maybe I didn't.
Shut up!
Look out!
Look out! Look out!
How many times
have I told you...
to play car accident
outside?!
Oh! Oh, mother!
It was a horrible accident!
Look at my friend!
She was in the death seat...
and her head got caught
in the windshield!
Oh, the ambulance should
be here soon, I think.
I'm OK...I guess...
Oh! it wasn't my fault!
The other car
came out of nowhere...
and I--I slammed
on the brakes.
Look at this mess, Taffy!
Broken glass and ketchup
all over my fine furniture!
Call another ambulance!
Call anybody!
Help me...
Where did you
get this crap, Taffy?
I told you to spend that money
I gave you on a cute outfit.
But oh, no!
as soon as my back is turned...
you run right out
and spend it on props...
for your morbid little games.
Well, I want it
cleaned up, pronto!
We're having guests
for dinner...
and I want you
on tiptop behavior...
and looking as p-r-e-t-t-y
as humanly possible.
Who's coming to dinner?
Donald and Donna Dasher
are going to join us...
for a small, informal buffet.
And if you dare to embarrass me
in front of them...
If I have to eat with Gator,
I'll spit food!
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to be the one...
to break the news
to you, Taffy.
I've thrown Gator out
and started divorce proceedings.
I don't want to seem overly
bitter, but I'd appreciate it...
if you would destroy
all of his belongings.
Well, hallelujah.
I'd be happy to, mother.
I'm going to go
sink into along...
hot beauty bath now and...
try to erase the stink
of a 5-year marriage.
Someone at such a tender age
as you, Taffy...
might find it
difficult to understand...
what a long, hard, painful
decision this was on my part.
I'm a free woman now, and my
life is just ready to begin.
Oh, Ernie, have another pretzel,
for Christ's sake.
Wait till you meet
my little Gator.
You two are gonna
fall right in love.
My dear, I hope so.
Are you sure he's gay?
Well, I just use common sense.
I mean, if they're smart,
they're queer.
And if they're stupid,
they're straight.
Rig ht, Ernie?
Are you sure you won't
have another pretzel?
I'm sure, Miss thing.
I'm sure.
Pretzels give you plaque.
Hello, Aunt Ida.
Gator, what a coincidence.
There's somebody here
dying to meet you.
Ernie, this is Gator.
Gator, this is Ernie.
Hi, stud.
Get him out of here.
Gator Nelson,
you be polite to Ernie.
He wants a date with you.
Well, I don't want
a date with him.
I came to say
good-bye, Aunt Ida.
I'm moving to Detroit.
What?!
I want to be near
the auto industry.
I'm sick of hairdressing.
And besides, Dawn had me fired.
I can get you a job
in the bath, Maw.
Look, fucker,
take a walk, all right?
Look, you better beat it before
I punch your fucking face...
out that window.
No gay knocks for me, Ida.
At best,
all you've got is trade.
Oh, Gator, Ernie's your type.
Move back in with me...
and we'll get you a job
as a female impersonator.
His hands are too big, darling.
Bye, Gator. it was...
fab meeting you.
Fuck you!
You're worse than my wife.
You can't leave.
Well, I am.
Oh, Gator,
I'm sorry about Ernie.
I thought you'd be
cute together.
Anybody's better
than Dawn Slavenport.
It'll be all right, Aunt Ida.
I'm just sick of
everything here.
I'm going to Detroit
and find happiness...
within the auto industry.
No, Gator, no!
I'll die if you leave!
All right, Aunt Ida.
Good-bye.
What?
Hi, brat. ls your mother home?
I have a little
going-away present for her.
Ah,you...
Hey, mother!
There's a shit out here
to see you!
What are you doing on my porch?
I told you not to come
moping around here anymore.
Dawn, don't have
so many hard feelings.
I brought you a little present
to remember me by.
Yeah? What is it?
Oh, God. This
neighborhood's hideous.
I'm scared rats are gonna
come out and bite my new nylons.
True, it's not Beverly Hills...
but crime breeds
in these neighborhoods, Donna.
It's really
an oh-so-perfect place...
for our crime model to live.
I rather like it.
I'm glad I didn't wear
one of my designer originals.
The air is so sooty and damp,
our clothes will be ready...
for the Goodwill after this.
Stop being so prissy, Donna.
Excitement is not always clean.
You must get used
to this lowlife...
for here lies beauty.
Crime and beauty.
Oh, here it is. How perfect.
Hold on. I'll be right there.
Hi. Come on in.
Good evening, Dawn.
Did you have any trouble
finding the place?
Your directions
were pinpoint perfect.
And your street, well,
it's a street of charm.
Oh, thank you.
Lovely.
And I bet you cleaned
just for us.
Well, I did tidy up.
Uh, what happened
to your eye?
Oh, that.
lam so embarrassed.
I fell getting on the bus
and hit my eye on the fare box.
Well, I felt like a damn fool.
Oh, come on in.
May I take a photo of it?
Oh, certainly.
Nice.
I love having my picture taken.
Oh, I'm sorry. Sit down.
I'm so excited about you all
coming here for dinner.
Stunning arrangement.
Oh, thank you.
You both look so nice.
Oh, thank you.
I'd like you to meet
my daughter Taffy.
Taffy, this is
Mr. and Mrs. Dasher.
They're going to put mother
into show business!
Is the circus in town?
She's so funny.
If you'll excuse me,
I'll go check on dinner.
Help yourself to the chips.
What's that camera for?
To take pictures
of your mother.
Her?
We happen to think
she is quite beautiful.
You must be cockeyed, then.
Hey, lady, have some chips?
Really, I couldn't.
Thanks, but, uh, no, thanks.
Do you want your spaghetti
with or without cheese?
I'll have two
chicken breasts, please.
Well, uh, we're not
having that.
We're having spaghetti.
Oh, I couldn't
possibly eat spaghetti.
Do I look Italian?
We rarely eat
any form of noodle, Dawn...
but I'll take a tiny portion
to be polite.
With cheese, please.
I'll have an extremely large
glass of ice water.
I want mine
with lots of cheese.
I'm afraid there's not
enough for you, Taffy.
How about some toast?
What do you mean,
there's not enough?
You can feed
these two ham bones...
and you can't feed
your own daughter?
I told you things were gonna
start changing around here.
Taffy, don't make me lose
my temper in front of company.
Now, there's not enough
food for you to eat.
Perhaps if Mr. Dasher
leaves some on his plate...
you may have first pick.
But I cannot be running out
to the supermarket...
every minute just for you.
If I can't have any, nobody can!
You come out
of that kitchen!
Give it to me! They can't
have it, and I want it!
Put that food down,
you little brat!
They can't have it,
and I want it!
You horrible little brat!
You lay off that food!
I'm paying for that food!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God,
I'm going to kill you!
Let me see--
Face forward.
This is so exciting!
Just think of all
the little horror stories...
that go on
in other peoples' lives.
Your dinner party has been
a smashing success.
Oh, I'm so sorry...
you had to be
a witness to this.
I didn't want to tell you...
but my daughter's retarded.
A child psychologist told me
to beat her unmercifully...
whenever she acted up.
But it's never
gone this far before.
I hope she's not dead!
Oh, these photographs
will be stunning.
How about a few more
quickie shots...
if you don't mind?
Oh, anything for you, Donald.
Oh, OK, uh...look rough!
Look happy.
I love those flashbulbs!
Look horrified
at what you've done...
to your daughter.
Oh, look like you've
just won a prize.
Dawn, you son of a bitch!
You're the one
who did it!
You! You drove Gator away!
My God.
Incredible!
Ida Nelson, you get
out of my house!
You made Gator leave!
I got something for
your face, motherfucker!
Acid! Acid!
It's eating her face!
Move, Donna!
These will be the most
exquisite shots yet!
Hold still while I focus.
Move your hand.
Help me.
Operation Excitement...
is off to a flying start!
Just one more shot, Dawn.
You are beautiful.
Thank you, Mr. Dasher.
Come on.
These visiting hours stink.
So, what you're saying,
doctor...
is that even though
there's no hope...
for the scar tissue
to develop...
makeup in itself
would not be painful...
to the patient.
Well, no, I suppose not.
But I find it most peculiar...
you would even discuss makeup.
What she needs is
a good plastic surgeon.
Utter nonsense, doctor.
With proper makeup treatments...
her scars will be
mere beauty marks.
The medical profession
has always shown...
its extreme ignorance
in the beauty field.
What you don't realize,
doctor...
and really, how could you...
is that Miss Davenport
will now be more beautiful...
than if she had had
a million-dollar face-lift.
What I find most distasteful...
is the fact you've chosen
to bring a camera.
Her face has been
hideously disfigured.
Certainly this is
no time for photographs.
Why not let us worry
about proper timing?
Yes, why don't you
mind your own business?
In all of my years...
in the medical profession...
never have I encountered
such a morally bankrupt...
9711!) of people.
Why, not only are you
selfish and vicious...
but you have no feeling...
for the cares
of your loved one.
And my bill will
reflect your attitude...
in this hospital.
Gorgeous!
Why, you--.
Watch it, doc.
I sue and bruise easily.
Miss Davenport
is ready for her guests.
See you
in malpractice court.
Get the presents.
Dawn, your friends are here.
Oh, hello, everyone.
Hello, Miss Beautiful.
We're all here
for the unveiling.
It's like a holiday for us.
This is so exciting.
Let's all say hi.
Hi, Dawn.
It's me, Chicklette.
I can't wait
to see your new face.
I hear it's stunning.
It's Concetta, Dawn.
I'm so jealous.
Everybody tells me
you're the prettiest now.
Dribbles here. I hope
that fart of a doctor...
hasn't been giving you
any trouble.
It's Wink. I can't wait...
to do your hair, doll.
Oh, thank you, honey.
Thanks to everyone.
It's Butter, baby.
You'll be a goddess...
with this new face,
a goddess of order...
to protect all
your children in crime.
I want to see it. Nurse! Nurse!
Remove my bandages.
She asked me to remind you...
that she is, of course,
without makeup.
Oh, that's all right.
We understand, Dawn.
Don't worry about makeup.
Ooh, slowly, nurse. Slowly.
I want perfect focus.
I can smell flesh.
God, I could faint,
I'm so excited.
It's just like
an art opening.
Christ, I wish
it'd happen to me.
Just think of how it
would look with my hair.
I'm getting a hard-on.
Beauty always
gives me a hard-on.
Aim it the other way, then,
Wink.
You know how
I detest organs.
Beauty has
absolutely nothing...
to do with that word...
that thing you have there...
hanging like
an obscene pickle.
Spare me your anatomy.
There it is.
One hell of a rotten face.
Ooh...beautiful.
It's beautiful.
It's beautiful.
Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous!
Makes the Mona Lisa...
look like a number painting.
Acid does
what Eterna 27 cannot.
I'll say.
Your face,
for the world to see.
Breathtakingly beautiful.
Give her a mirror.
Let her see the miracle.
Beauty, beauty, look at you.
I wish to God I had it, too.
Pretty pretty?
Look what we've bought you.
Oh, it's--Donald,
it's beautiful!
And look at all this makeup
we have for you.
You're so stunning...
I could cw
in the face of beauty.
You really like it?
Oh, yes.
I guess I kind of do, too.
Would you put
my makeup on for me?
Oh, I'd love to, Dawn.
Nothing is too good
for our crime model.
Oh, thank you, Donald.
Surprise!
How do you like it, Dawn?
Oh! Oh, Donna,
it's beautiful!
All the time you
were in the hospital...
recovering, we were busy...
busy trying
to make you happy.
Here's $100, too.
And here's something else
for you to treasure.
Oh! What is it?
Oh! A portrait!
You are both so good to me!
Ever since I met you...
my life's been like a vacation!
Look! A little stage!
Specially built,
Dawn, all for you.
All for the model of the year.
We've been hoping
for a rather insane...
camera session.
Come on. I'm ready.
I'm just in the mood...
for a red-hot camera session!
Slowly, Dawn, slowly.
You'll give me a heart attack.
Let me give you
some medicine.
What kind, Donald?
Is it a beauty treatment?
Yes, Dawn, exactly.
It's eyeliner--
liquid eyeliner.
We cooked it down this morning.
It won't hurt. Nothing hurts.
Have you ever mainlined?
No, but I will.
Keep taking those pictures...
and I'll do it.
Come on! Shoot me!
Feel it in your blood?
Caressing your corpuscles,
the wonders of liquid eyeliner.
Say it! Say, "Liquid eyeliner!"
Liquid eyeliner!
Model! Model!
Give us something twisted.
Give us something warm.
I'm glad I met you!
I love crime, too...
especially the excitement
of getting away with it!
These photos will be art!
Hard-core art.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
I'll model for eternity for you.
Just let me hear
the click of that camera.
Just think of it,
house robbing, new gowns...
murder, scars, fingerprints...
lashes!
You're missing the best part.
Wake up.
She hasn't received
all of her gifts, yet.
Beauty, eyeliner--
Oh, forgive me, Donald.
It was really
just too much for me.
What presents?
Get me another present!
Over here.
Here's your
biggest surprise yet.
Open it, for God sakes.
Open it.
Oh, it's as big as a house.
Oh, my Christ! It's her!
Freshly kidnapped
for your amusement.
With no ransom, of course.
She's so beautiful...
we figured you'd
want to keep her here caged...
like a rare bird.
Beautiful?!
You mean she has to live
here in my own home?
Only for a temporary period...
until we've gotten
all the photos we need...
for our experiment.
But she disfigured me.
Think about it, Dawn.
She did you a favor...
and now you can
return this favor.
Cut off the hand
that threw the acid.
Whatever you say, Donald.
I had enough...
and I'm going to chop off
your scrawny little paw.
Hold it! Act--Look excited.
Action!
How was that
for a beauty photo...
Mr. Donald Dasher?
Get those cameras rolling!
What's going on here?
Why--why, hello, Taffy.
Did you miss mommy?
I'm home from the hospital.
I'm all right.
I was hoping
the next time I'd see you...
would be at your funeral.
You sure look ugly.
Not everyone seems
to feel that way.
I think it's time
we were going, Donna.
It's been a long day,
and I'm feeling a bit damp.
Ditto, Donald.
I really should be changing
my outfit anyway.
I've had it on
nearly 5 hours.
I want to thank you both
again for everything.
Our pleasure.
Would you care to join us
for dinner tonight?
Oh, I'd love to.
See you at 6:00.
Light dinner.
You may want to eat
before you come.
Am I invited?
"N." Good afternoon.
Thanks again.
Why didn't you send money
while you were away?
How was I supposed to eat?
Come, come, Taffy.
It doesn't look like you starved
to death, does it?!
I want to leave here!
Well, good riddance
to bad rubbish.
What are you
trying to do to me?
Why are you always
with those people?
Why is she in a cage?
I'm modeling for
the Dashers, that's all.
And Ida, well,
she's our new pet.
You always wanted a pet,
Taffy.
I thought you'd be pleased.
You're trying to drive me
crazy, aren't you?
Well, I can't
stand it anymore.
Mother, please tell me
who is my real father?
I've told you never
to ask me about that.
If it was up to him,
you'd be rotting
in some foster home.
I don't care!
I've got to know!
Tell me, mother,
who is my father?!
Oh, very well. Go see him.
See what it gets you.
He hates you, anyway.
Where does he live,
and what's his name?
If you must know,
his name is Earl Peterson.
I haven't seen him
in a decade, Taffy.
I may have his address
stored on a piece of paper...
in an old shoe
in my bureau.
I really can't remember.
Daddy! Daddy!
Daddy, it's me, Taffy!
Open the door!
I don't know
nobody named Taffy.
I'm busy right now.
Oh, please, let me in,
daddy!
Open the door!
Oh, fucking shut up!
All right, already.
What do you want?
Oh, daddy!
Daddy, it's me Taffy...
your long-lost little girl.
Hey, get off.
I ain't your daddy.
I ain't even married.
Oh, I know that,
but you're my daddy, all right.
My mother told me.
My mother is Dawn Davenport.
I don't know nobody
named Dawn Dawnenport.
Oh, but you must!
Mother told me.
Oh, please,
let me stay with you a while.
Yeah, you can stay here
for a while.
You want a drink?
No! You don't even
believe me, do you?
Yeah. Yeah, hey,
I'll be your sugar daddy.
How about that?
Oh, I'm feeling
a little drunk...
so don't mind me.
Shitface, you're my father.
Doesn't that mean
anything to you?
Who'd you say
your mother was?
Dawn Davenport.
You know her.
What's she look like?
Fat, very fat.
Yeah. Yeah, I maybe remember.
Oh, daddy, I knew you would.
Mother's been awful to me.
For years, I've suffered.
Please let me stay
with you for a while.
I won't be any trouble.
I can--I'll help you clean...
and we can go out together...
and maybe you could buy me
some regular clothes.
Can you fuck as good
as your mother?
Pig! You goddamn, slimy pig!
Hey, little Taffy, do you
have breasts like Taffy?
Fuck you!
Hey! You spilled my drink!
Daddy Earl's got a little
present for you here.
Oops, I'm sorry.
I've been drinking.
Boom boom
Boom boom boom boom
D-i-g means "Look"
D-i-g means "Stare"
D-i-g means "See"
D-i-g means "Glare"
D-i-g means to use your eyes
So dig, dig, dig,
you crazy guys
Dig, dig, digarooni
Dig, dig, digarooni
Dig, dig, dig, digarooni
Dig, dig, dig, digarooni
Dig, dig, dig, dig
Dig, you crazy guys
I like this one the best.
It has little Taffy in it.
Mm-hmm. I bet the police...
would love to get their hands
on these photos.
Come right on in, Dawn.
Evening!
Don't you look pretty.
Ooh, thank you.
Subtle, isn't it?
Oh, it's beautiful.
And, God, my walk over here
was fabulous.
Everyone was staring
and gawking at me...
like I was a princess!
Well, naturally.
Sit down, Dawn.
We all know
you're beautiful.
It just takes
the stupid little world...
a little longer
to catch on. Always has.
And don't forget
the influence...
of that medicine
we gave you.
Eyeliner taken internally...
heightens one's
beauty awareness.
Oh, believe me,
I realize that now.
Why, I had never
felt complete...
until I experienced
an eyeliner rush.
We've been on the stuff
for months.
Doctors and other simpletons
may frown upon it...
but we beauty czars know
what is good for the blood.
Would you like
to shoot some more?
I had some orally earlier.
Oh, no, thanks, Donna.
I'm still up on it now.
Would you care
for an hors d'oeuvre, then?
Eat one.
They're really quite tasty.
Ooh, little mascara brushes!
Yummy, huh?
Yes, delicious,
but where's your camera?
Oh, it's here.
Don't worry about that.
We have lots of important...
business matters
to discuss tonight.
We've decided
that the time is right...
for you to blast off
into show business.
Oh, I'm ready, Mr. Dasher!
You little bitch, let me out
of this goddamn birdcage.
Little bitch?!
Is that all the thanks I get?
I got you a hook, didn't I?
Mother will kill me
as it is.
Who cares about
your stinkin' mother?
She stole my Gator away.
But she ain't gonna get me...
and I'll thank you
for this fucking hook...
after I rip
her eyes out with it.
Give me something to eat.
There's no food here.
Mother doesn't buy
food for me.
You want an egg?
There might be a couple
of old eggs in the kitchen.
No, I don't want
no goddamn eggs!
I want meat and potatoes.
Please don't yell at me.
I've had a horrible
experience today.
I can't help
what's happened to you...
any more than I can help
what I did today.
Don't you think
I hate mother...
as much as you do?
Let me out of this cage,
little Taffy...
and I'll give you a cookie.
I can't let you out yet.
I promise I will,
but I need time to think.
I don't have anyplace to go.
Maybe I could go live...
with those
Hare Krishna people.
They're always nice to me
when I see them downtown.
Maybe--maybe
I could help them out.
I just want something nice
to happen in my life.
If only I could go live with
the Hare Krishna people.
They'd help me.
What are you doing here?!
I thought you went to live
with your father.
He moved. He wasn't
at that address.
Pity, pity.
Who ungagged this maggot?
You told me she was my pet.
I was just playing with her.
You let me out of here,
Dawn Pig-pork...
or you'll be sorry.
Now, now, now, Ida.
You're supposed to be
singing a sweet little song.
Are you hungry?
The Dashers sent
some crackers for you.
Ida want a cracker?
Fuck off!
Who gave you that hook?
Was it you, Taffy?
No! I swear!
Oh, yes, it was...
you sneaking, conniving,
little abortion!
She was in pain.
You're a pain, too, Taffy...
a pain in my big asshole.
I'll see you fry
in the electric chair for this.
I'll personally see that you fry
in the goddamn chair for this.
I'll shut you up.
Where's that gag?!
Fucker! Pig fucker!
Was that a mating call?
Ouch! I'll shut
that big flytrap!
Hetero! Filthy hetero!
Stink shit!
Oh, you'll never
get out of here now!
And I won't clean
your cage for a week!
Ow! God damn it,
you broke my nail.
There!
You're insane!
My own mother is insane.
And you stop
that fake blubbering...
and don't go getting
any crocodile tears...
on my new furniture,
either.
Look at you. You're a freak.
Oh, God, what's happened
to your hair?
Haven't you ever heard
of style, Taffy?
I'm going to live with
the Hare Krishna people.
What did you say?
The Krishna's
all love, mother.
Oh, God, I would have
killed you at birth...
had I thought you would even
entertain such an idea.
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna
Stop that bullshit!
Where did you meet
those awful people?
Are they trying
to brainwash you?!
Can't you see how pretty
your mother is?
Don't you envy me?
Do you want to walk
around the street...
dressed in rags
the rest of your life...
selling stink sticks?!
Incense, mother. Incense.
Hare Rama
Stop those chants!
You're just trying
to get on my nerves now.
I would die of embarrassment...
if you ever dare link my name
with that pack of fools.
Think of my career.
Why, I'd sooner
you be a secretary.
Rama, Hare Rama
Oh! I'm warning you
right now, Taffy.
If I'm ever downtown...
and see you dressed in one
of those ridiculous outfits...
bothering shoppers,
and dancing around...
like some sort of a fool...
I'll kill you,
and I mean business.
You can't kill love, mother.
You can't kill Krishna...
because Krishna
is consciousness.
- Hare Rama
- Oh, God!
I'll show you consciousness...
while I knock you
unconscious.
Now, Taffy, I have
a very busy week ahead of me.
I have hours
of studying to do...
plus a lot of rehearsal
for my new nightclub act.
If you feel
you must stay here...
I ask you
to constantly remember...
that you are
in the presence of a star.
Ohm!
Jesus Christ almighty!
Step right up,
ladies and gentlemen.
Step right this way.
Free makeup in the lobby.
See the most
beautiful woman alive.
Just wait till
you see the show.
You'll get
the surprise of your lives.
Step right up...
Step right this way.
This is a show you
will not believe.
You should see the crowds
out there, Dawn.
It's packed.
God, you'll be
a household word overnight.
Oh, just think--
flashbulbs popping...
your picture in the paper...
writers in the audience...
artists just begging
to paint you...
just like you
were president.
Tonight she'll be
even more important...
than the president.
Oh, I just can't wait
to get out there.
I can feel exhibitionism
throbbing in my veins.
Where have you been, Taffy?
I thought
you left me here to rot.
I'm living with...
the Hare Krishna people
now, Ida.
I've finally found
my inner peace.
I'm going
to set you free now.
Oh, thank Christ, Taffy.
Quick, honey, let me out.
My ass hurts
from this stool.
If you let me out right away...
I'll buy $5.00 worth
of incense from you.
Ida, all this time
you've been in this cage...
you could have been
meditating.
Why, you're practically...
in the lotus position
right now.
Come on.
Thank you.
There.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Taffy.
I want you to go
immediately to the police.
Tell them that my mother,
the enemy of spirituality,
is at Superstar Nightclub,
and I want her arrested tonight.
Tell the police everything.
I'll go right to the
police station, Miss Taffy...
and I'll report it all...
and remember my offer.
It still stands.
If you get tired
of being a Hare Krishner...
you come live with me
and be a lesbian.
Fly away!
Fly away quickly
like a little bird.
Quickly to the police.
Tell them his divine grace,
Zabatividanti Swami Puupupata
has spoken.
Thank you, Taffy. Thank you.
I will. I will.
You look violent.
Oh, Richard Speck,
guide me through this night.
Help me to be brave
on this night of glamour.
Hare Krishna, mother.
Oh, you've finally
done it, haven't you?
Embarrassed me
on my night of fame!
No reporter saw you,
did they?
Ooh, look at you.
I could vomit.
I thought I'd come
and see you one last time...
before your karma
caught up with you.
Mother, it's not too late.
Come to the temple with me.
The exact opposite of beauty.
Remember Alice Crimin?
All of you, can't you
see what you're doing?
Worshipping the flesh
and ignoring the spiritual.
Oh, if only
you could see the light.
Discovering my consciousness...
was like finding a million
dollars in the street.
I'm glowing with happiness.
Well, glow on, then, Taffy...
because the sight of you
makes my flesh crawl.
I'm sick of listening
to you babble commandments...
and spout gibberish.
It's turning my stomach.
Do you hear?!
And in just a few seconds...
I'm going to put you
out of your happiness.
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna
Shut up! Shut up!
Hare Hare
She's finally dead!
Oh, I think I'm
ready to go on now.
Attention!
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce
the most beautiful woman
in the world,
the fabulous Dawn Davenport.
Thank you. I love you.
Thank you.
Thank you from the bottom
of my black little heart.
You came here
for some excitement tonight...
and that's just
what you're going to get.
Take a good look at me...
because I'm going to be
on the front...
of every newspaper
in this country tomorrow.
You're looking
at crime personified...
and don't you forget it.
I framed Leslie Bacon.
I called the heroin hot line
on Abbie Hoffman.
I bought the gun that Bremmer
used to shoot Wallace.
I had an affair
with Juan Corona.
I blew Richard Speck.
And I'm so fucking beautiful
I can't stand it myself.
Now, everybody, freeze.
Who wants to be famous?
Who wants to die for art?!
Idol
Freeze before I blow the
bleached blonde head off of you!
We're innocent. We surrender.
She went berserk.
She was on drugs.
Don't shoot us, please!
We're clean.
Please don't shoot me!
Oh, my God!
Come on out, Davenport!
We've got you!
Can't get away, Davenport.
Come on.
We got you now.
We've got you.
We've got you this time.
There's no way out.
Come on out, Davenport.
You haven't got a chance.
We got you, Davenport.
Come on out.
We've got you, Davenport.
You haven't got a chance.
Come on out.
We've got you surrounded.
You go that way.
I'll go this way.
Don't move, Davenport.
Freeze, Davenport.
Put your hands
behind your back.
I didn't do one thing!
You're gonna get it
for this.
Get off!
Pig.
Court is now in session.
Mr. Wilroy.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Your Honor,
defense counsel...
ladies and gentlemen
of the jury...
the case we have before us...
is one of the most savage
crimes ever perpetrated...
by one individual in the history
of the state of Maryland.
The evidence will prove
beyond a reasonable doubt...
that the defendant
Dawn Davenport is guilty...
of not only kidnapping,
but first-degree murder.
Her victims came
from all walks of life...
young people, an elderly woman,
police officers...
and even the defendant's
own daughter.
It is a sordid
and sickening case...
that can end
in only one just verdict...
guilty!
I ask you
to show the defendant...
the same mercy
she showed her victims.
Sentence her to die
in the electric chair.
Let's go to the night
of April 22.
Do you remember that night?
Yes, I do.
I was at home
having some sherry...
and listening to records,
and Dawn Davenport
came to my door...
and pulled a gun on me.
That's a lie. I done nothing.
Order. Order in this courtroom.
It's the truth, pig-pork...
and you know it.
She forced me at gunpoint...
into her crummy little house...
stripped me of my clothes...
and made me exhibit myself
in front of her.
You liar! Liar!
She made me put on
a feather dress...
locked me in a birdcage...
and cut off my arm with an ax.
I object, Your Honor...
on the grounds that this
witness is not competent...
and that she is senile.
Overruled.
I call to the stand
Donna Dasher.
She'll tell the truth.
Hi, Donna.
We know all about
excitement, don't we?
The press is all here,
and I'm looking real pretty...
but these 2 witches...
won't give me
my fashion accessories.
Order in the courtroom.
Now, Mrs. Dasher...
you understand you have
been granted total immunity...
for your testimony?
Yes. Thank you, Your Honor.
It is total immunity?
Yes, Mrs. Dasher. Total.
You became involved taking
pictures of the defendant.
Is that correct, Mrs. Dasher?
Yes. Fashion photographs.
Could you tell us a little...
about these
photography sessions?
Well, they never
really amounted...
to much, Mr. Wilroy.
We soon learned...
that Dawn's
modeling abilities...
were rather limited.
She would pose and
strut all the time...
as if she thought
we'd enjoy the sight...
of such sickening exhibitionism.
She even scarred
her own face...
in order to attract attention.
She would talk of
nothing but crime...
and criminal behavior...
and she even seemed
to idolize Richard Speck.
Anything else, Mrs. Dasher?
One time, she--
Go on. Go on.
She used a needle
in front of me.
I was shocked silly
but said nothing...
hoping that maybe
she was diabetic...
and hadn't told me.
Then, all by accident...
we discovered she kidnapped
the woman next-door.
You lying bitch!
You're the one that gave me
those beauty treatments!
You're the one
that kidnapped Ida...
you lying,
bleached-blonde bitch!
Liar! Liar!
Could you tell us about
the evening of May 8?
Yes. That is the night...
we went to what
Miss Davenport...
refers to as
her nightclub act.
We were backstage.
Dawn was wild-eyed
and pacing up and down...
ranting and raving
about her beauty...
when, in reality,
she looked quite hideous.
Her daughter Taffy came in...
and they had a big fight
over religious freedom.
Donna and I were terrified...
but stood by helplessly.
The fighting continued...
and Dawn strangled
her daughter to death...
right in front of us.
What happened then?
She ran on stage
to begin her so-called act...
a pitiful display...
based solely on
how disgusting she could be.
She seemed to work
herself up into a frenzy...
shouting ridiculous claims...
of criminal conduct...
grimacing wildly
into the audience.
And then, before
we could realize it...
she pulled a gun...
and began shooting
into the crowd.
I can't describe the horror.
It was nothing
but screams and panic.
I lived through hell
that night.
Your Honor, Mr. Wilroy,
ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,
we have heard a lot of
witnesses condemn my client.
We have heard some
incredibly bizarre testimony...
and we have seen some
damaging physical evidence...
but my client is innocent...
innocent by
reason of insanity.
Listen to her testimony.
Listen to the whisperings
of a madwoman...
and decide for yourselves...
if she is not insane, who is?
I do not ask you
to forgive her.
I do not ask you
to set her free.
I ask you to have
the courage to help her.
Find her insane...
so that she can be put away
in a mental hospital...
for the rest
of her natural life.
Dawn, how did you
become acquainted...
with Donald and Donna Dasher?
I went to their beauty parlor...
and they discovered me.
I was so beautiful.
I still am the top model
in the country.
I don't want my trial
to be held here.
I want it to be downtown...
in a large, large
theater where I belong.
You're a terrible
press agent.
They won't even
let cameras in here.
I'm your attorney, Dawn,
not your press agent.
Well, get me some
of my loungewear, then.
I can't be
on Walter Cronkite...
looking like this.
Did you kidnap Ida Nelson?
No. The Dashers did it,
but they lied.
They're just jealous of me...
because I'm more famous
than they are.
The Dashers are liars!
Well, then, did you
strangle your daughter?
Yes, I did,
and I'm proud of it.
If only the Dashers...
hadn't destroyed
the photographs.
They were art.
You believe the death
of your daughter was art?
Of course!
Can't you stupid people see?
I'm a huge star.
Just pick up the papers,
and you'll see...
my picture on the front page.
I'm only charged
in this matter...
because I'm so photogenic.
Why, I should be
on television...
right this minute!
What about
your nightclub act, Dawn?
Ooh, it was
a spectacular success,
a wild,
fast-moving stage show...
with a finale
to top all finales.
They loved it!
Even the people
that died loved it!
How could they
not love dying...
if they're going to
become famous for it?
Oh, the jury
must realize.
Look at me!
I'm the most famous person
you've ever seen.
Take notes while
you have a chance.
Quote me! Look at me!
Look at my legs!
Look at 'em!
Bailiff...
remove the defendant
from the witness stand.
Disgusting display.
Publicity!
The death penalty!
Electrocution!
Mr. Foreman, has the jury
reached a decision?
Yes, we have, Your Honor.
We find the defendant
guilty as charged...
and sentence her to die
in the electric chair.
Matron!
How am I supposed to sleep...
with these goddamn
bugs in here?
Where is that hog?
Matron, did you hear me?
I come to the garden alone
While the dew is
still on the roses
And the voice I hear
ringing in my ear
The son of God discloses
I'm gonna miss
my little Dawn.
It ain't right they can
put you in that chair.
Oh, Earnestine,
I'm thrilled about it.
Today is my big day-
I feel lucky to receive
the death penalty.
Why, it's the biggest award
I could get in my field.
But I don't even have...
my acceptance speech ready.
I've got to practice it.
I know every word I say...
will be
in the newspapers tomorrow.
Does it excite you
to make love...
to someone so famous?
You excite me, Dawn,
not your fame.
It's you I love.
I don't love publicity.
But I still am
the star prisoner,
right, Earnestine?
Even the warden told me...
he had a problem
with the press...
trying to get my picture.
Will you save my clippings?
I'll save 'em, Dawn.
I'll cry when I read 'em.
Will you write
a book about me?
You know everything.
I trust you
to write my story.
Oh, describe
my makeup and hairdo.
Include sketches...
of every outfit I ever wore.
Oh, why won't they
let me wear...
a gown and makeup today?
Today, of all days.
My big moment
in the electric chair.
Oh, you still think
you're in a show, baby.
You gotta realize
it's your life!
But my life is a show.
Why is it so hard for
people to understand?
My fans want me to die
in the electric chair.
It'll be
my final curtain call...
the most theatrical
moment of my life.
I have to always try...
to be page one, Earnestine.
Life imprisonment
would have been...
such a second-rate news stow.
This way, my legend
will have to live on.
I'm not going to die...
only for my fans of today...
but for their children
and grandchildren.
Oh, you're so fucked up, baby.
Give mama a big, sloppy kiss.
Ok, "Lesbeans,"
I caught ya.
Bumping pussies is
a violation of jail rules.
I'm gonna write this up...
and give it to
the warden, Earnestine.
You'll get the adjustment
center for this.
It's her last day,
for Christ's sake.
Can't we spend it together?
Get back to your cell
before I beat you up.
Eh, for Christ sake,
it's her last day!
I know it's her last day.
Ha ha! You all ready
for the hot seat, fatso?
I'm supposed to ask you...
what you want
for your last meal.
I'll have 2 veal cutlets.
Well, I'll get 'em...
but you better eat 'em quick...
'cause the electric chair...
don't wait for nobody...
not even big stars like you.
You're gonna be
one fried lady today!
Dawn, I came to say
good-bye to you.
We're going to miss you.
Oh, don't look so sad.
I'm happy. happy. happy-
The only thing I ask
is that you remember me
and talk about me
the rest of your life.
Oh, we will!
And tell everyone
they have my permission...
to sell their memories
of me to the media.
Oh, Dawn, can I
have your autograph?
Why, certainly, Shirl.
Sit down.
"To Shirl, the prettiest
girl on cellblock 4.
"Love always,
"The beautiful
and fabulous...
Dawn Davenport."
Oh, I'll treasure it.
Would you like to see
some modeling?
I bet you would.
And I don't mind.
I'd love to see you perform!
Oh, good! Ready?
Oh, go! Go, Dawn!
Get back to your cell, Shirl.
The show's over
for Dawn Davenport.
Good-bye, Dawn.
Good-bye, Shirl.
Come on. Get out
of here, Shirl.
Here's your food, pork chop.
Eat up. Ain't got much time.
I've changed my mind.
I'm really not hungry anymore.
Let's not dawdle.
I'm all ready for
my big news event.
I'd like to go right now
if it would be all right.
Suit yourself, pizza face.
Let's put your jewelry on
for ya.
Here comes the chaplain now.
Come on, Miss Star.
Your time's up.
Are you ready, Dawn?
Yes, I'm ready, Father.
The legend's all ready...
for her little appointment
in the green room.
I've been looking forward
to this, you know.
"The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
"He makes me lie down
in green pastures."
Good-bye, Shirl.
"He leads me
beside still waters..."
Dawn, I love you!
- Good-bye, Dawn!
- Good-bye, Earnestine!
Dawn! Good-bye Dawn!
Good-bye, then!
Bye, Dawn!
"O, Lord, who shall
sojourn in thy tent?
"Who shall dwell
in my home?"
Hop in!
Oh, cute and comfortable, too.
Try to resist.
She deserves worse than this
for what she did.
Yeah, better
strap 'em in good,
'cause you don't want me
to get out of here.
Hog.
I hate you.
Shut up, Davenport.
Ugly, ugly. ugly!
I'd like to thank all
the wonderful people...
that made this great moment
in my life come true.
My daughter Taffy, who died...
in order
to further my career.
My friends Chicklette
and Concetta...
who should be here
with me today.
All the fans
that died so fashionably...
and gallantly
at my nightclub act.
And especially
all those wonderful people...
who were kind enough...
to read about me
in the newspapers...
and watch me
on the television news shows.
Without all of you...
my career could never
have gotten this far.
It was you that I burn for...
and it is you
that I will die for.
Please remember...
I love every
fucking one of you!
I got lots
Of problems
Female trouble
Maybe I'm twisted
Female trouble
They say I'm a skank
But I don't care
Go ahead, put me
In your El-e-ectric chair
I got lots
Of problems
Female trouble
Maybe I'm twisted
Female trouble
Hey, spare me your morals
Look, everyone does
What pleases me
Is paradise
I got lots
Of problems
Female trouble
Maybe I'm twisted...
original subs by Sartre