Hi. I hate myself.
Leave a message.
Darren, you dumb son of a bitch, stop
wallowing in self pity and wake up.
Christ. All right, look. I'm already
on my way to Philly for the weekend.
Lindsays being a bitch about something.
Someone told her I banged
her older sister, which I did.
But it was while we broke up
for that week in September.
I don't know why shes so pissed about
it. But anyway, I gotta head down there
before she goes ballistic on
me. But, um, back to my point. I
Hi. I hate myself.
Leave a message.
Darren, you dipshit. I
know you're still sleeping.
So wake up. I found a way
for your ass to stay in school.
Okay, man look. I felt kinda bad
about the whole thing with the alcohol
violation, and your scholarship.
You're the one that threw
the party, you asshole.
I'm the one that threw the party,
and I'm the asshole. I know.
So I guess you could say this
is my way of making it up to you.
Okay? Now look on my desk.
There are 50 pills of
ecstasy, and one of my pagers.
Now you have to remember
there's no voicemail on that one
so the numbers are gonna
come straight through, okay?
Look, exams are over, my man, and
you know are gonna wanna get down
What the fuck are you talking
about, Coleman? I cant do this.
Sure you can. - I am not like you.
I'm not a fucking drug dealer.
What are you thinking, man? Are you
crazy? - Darren, you'll do fine.
But, uh, no, this
- No. No buts.
I am gonna fucking get arrested.
Look, man. Its only one day,
and no ones gonna notice you.
I have to turn in a paper
on Dantes Inferno today.
Look, man, uh, I gotta go.
You're, you're breakin up here really
bad. Listen hang in there, buddy, bye.
No, don't you fucking hang
up this... Coleman! Coleman,
I cant do this. I'm
not gonna do this. Fuck!
Holy shit.
I hate you, Coleman!
#FIFTY PILLS#
#NEW YORK CITY#
#FOUR MONTHS EARLIER#
#COLEMAN#
My first year at college.
Its about damn time. Thats what
you're supposed to say, right?
Within 10 minutes, I met
my new roommate, Coleman.
From the first time I saw him, I
knew Id never met anybody like him.
Yo, yo, Green Day. What the fuck,
does this look like my bathroom?
What are you gonna do next, take
a shit on my bed? - Yo, man, sorry.
Yeah, don't be sorry,
just fix it. Its simple.
Hey, whats up, man, I'm Coleman.
I didnt know if I wanted
to know anybody like him.
It made me wonder why his parents sent
movers instead of coming by themselves.
Mine, mine wanted to. Just they really
couldnt take the time off of work.
Do well, son.
First time away from home?
- Yeah. I went to camp, though, once.
You ever had international phone sex?
- What?
Wait, hold that thought.
Uh, do you smoke?
Hell yeah, I'm from
North Carolina, come on.
I grew up on these things.
Thats okay. Enjoy.
You cant imagine how rad it is to
get off while talking to some chick
on another continent whos getting
off, and sometimes in a language
that you don't even speak. Kicks ass.
I was impressed. It was either at
that moment or somewhere near it
that Coleman became
my new personal hero.
Its like this. If you
act like the fuckin man
and you think you're the fuckin
man, then nothing is gonna make
that other schmuck lookin up to you
think that you're not the fuckin man.
Everything in
life involves a little creativity.
It literally took Coleman
about five minutes
No, no, no, no, no. Four
minutes, 15 seconds, please.
Four minutes, 15 seconds to realize
that we had to have a moving in party.
The best way to have a good party is
To fucking advertise. New
York, I'm here, bitches!
Apparently, summer
internships at his fathers
multimillion dollar PR
firm really paid off.
Yeah, you know thats what I'm packin.
Dude.
- What?
Did they pretend they don't
like it? They fuckin love it.
You know, I doubt it.
Why do you think they come
here? Same reason you did.
To learn?
Yeah, welcome.
Okay, everybody, lets
go, partys over, come on.
Make sure you take cabs.
- I know. Stupid. Really stupid.
This is when I realized that Coleman
should be no ones personal hero.
See, what we failed to realize was
that if we write about the party
on every whiteboard in the dorm,
the RAs are gonna see it too.
Darren Giles. Welcome to college.
Yeah, I think were gonna
have to write you guys up.
No, you don't have to
- Check, check, three checks.
Thats a lotta checks. - You guys
are like a couple of Germans.
I don't even know what that means.
You see, what happened is we invited this
guy that lives on our hall to come over
and hang out, and it just got
outrageous. I don't know what happened.
Could this have had
anything to do with it?
You're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy,
so get your ass down to room 315
tonight and meet the real Tin Man?
Well, he
- he looks happy.
And how about this?
- That? That belongs to Coleman.
Christ, I made that thing with
some friends in high school.
Its for show. I drink out of glasses.
I would never use something like that.
You and your
roommate are going on probation
On probation?
- Probation.
What do you wanna do next? You
wanna put a collar around my nutsack?
Yes, sir?
- Felicia,
bring a collar for his nutsack.
And you goin on probation today.
You goin on probation as of
two minutes after you leave here.
And if you try it, if you have a little
one, if you have a little tiny drink,
you are goin to lose that scholarship,
you are going to lose your financial
aid, and I will personally make sure
that you never go to another
university for the rest of your life.
From the second day of my college
existence, I had one strike against me.
So, now all we had to do was be good.
And we were good. Good at
not getting caught again.
Believe it or not, I was
actually looking forward
to Thanksgiving break
with my parents.
Clean sheets, toilet
paper, a refrigerator.
With food in it.
Doreen, you have outdone yourself
with that stuffing. Fantastic.
Son, your mother and I have
something wed like to tell you.
Yeah. No need to be
alarmed
whats the best way to put this?
I don't know, the best way to put it is
that were going through a few changes.
Yeah, were, uh
- You're not pregnant, are you?
No.
No, no. I should be so lucky, huh?
- What the hell does that mean?
Harold, its been four months, and
if it werent for Mr. Red upstairs,
Id probably have lost my mind.
Damn, Mom, thatsdisgusting! Were
eating. - Don't say damn to your mother.
And you don't have to bring up our
intimate times in front of the boy.
Well, honey, a little companionship
in that department would be very nice.
I can't believe this.
- Im gonna go upstairs.
I'm allergic to the Viagra.
- What?
Yeah, uh, it makes me sweat,
and gives me wet shits.
Oh, I am sorry. I mental images are.
Honey, that was the kielbasa.
- You sit down. Its not the kielbasa.
We had to sent that carpet to
the cleaners. It cost a fortune.
Sit. Talk.
Son, I have something very
important I wanna tell you.
Don't you wanna hear it?
- Fine.
Son, your fathers been laid off.
They're replacing me with
a damned laptop computer.
Windows 98, or some foul thing.
I'm sorry, Dad. Thats
- thats really screwed up.
No, its fucked up, is what it is.
Lets, you know, call a spade a spade.
I
- I have to get that.
What was with you bringing up
our sex life in front of him?
Hello?
- Mr. Darren.
How did I know it would be you?
#GRACIE# - Gracie was at the party
we threw that first night.
For some reason, she was talking to me.
Jesus Christ. Oh my God.
It wasnt longer than the whiteboard.
Oh, I don't know, I didnt see.
I didnt mean to.
All right, heres to new
beginnings, and all that shit.
I need a refill, though.
Well, maybe next time.
Definitely.
That Gracie chick is hot,
man. You should tap it.
Dude, she just broke up with
her boyfriend like two days ago.
I don't really think she was ready
to jump into another relationship.
Whos talking about a relationship? I'm
just saying shes got the hot ass, is all.
All right. I'm goin to bed.
Mr. Darren.
- How did I know it would be you?
Having fun in the bible belt?
Does hearing about your parents
sex life constitute as fun?
I would think no.
- Yeah, I agree.
Do you, like, when I get back, do you
wanna go have dinner or something?
Invitation accepted.
Yeah, 'cause we, you know, we could
bring, like, friends and stuff like that.
We could, you know, go
in a group or somethin.
Okay, sure.
Id better get going. Michelles
interpretive dance show is about to start.
I... okay.
- Good night, Darren.
Bye, see you.
Greasy, greasy, greasy.
Greasy?
I was just curious. Shit.
Bumpin uglies is not
appropriate dinner conversation.
Honey, hes very upset. Why
don't you have a talk with him?
I think hes upset because you have a
talk. You have the rapport with him.
Why don't you establish a rapport
with him and have a relationship
with somebody in this family, huh?
- Go on, go on.
Fine. Ill talk to him.
- Womans job to talk to her son.
Honey? Darren? Sweetie?
You know, Dad and I
didnt mean to scare you.
Honey?
Sweetie, we just, well, Id really
rather talk to you face to face.
Can I come in?
- Yeah.
Okay.
Mom! God!
Oh my God.
You're gay!
Close the door!
It has nothing to do with your sex
life or me not wanting to be here.
I just have to get home and protect my
room. - Son, son, be honest with me.
Do you have a boyfriend that you're
going back to New York to see? Do you?
Its okay you.
- I am not gay! Whats wrong with you?
Shh, keep it down.
Put the window down. Put it down.
Oh, honey.
- Come on, come on, now.
Don't leave us like this. You know, I
looked it up on the Internet last night.
Its okay to be gay.
Its almost natural.
Honey, why don't you just
stay a couple more days?
We can work this out, son. Ill go to
a gay bar with you. One step at a time.
Honey, if you have a special
friend, you can bring him home.
Well hang a gay flag in
the front of the house.
Honey, we understand these things.
- Yeah, we do.
We saw Philadelphia.
- We loved it!
All I wanted to do was get home,
have a few beers, and
party with my friends.
But they werent there.
Coleman wasnt even
there. Then, I saw why.
Apparently, Coleman had thrown
a party while I was away,
and guess what? It got
busted. Now you would think
that because I wasnt there,
I wouldnt be in trouble, right?
No. A bottle of vodka in my refrigerator
made it my responsibility
and my problem.
I was fucked. My scholarship
was gone, and without that money,
I couldnt even register
for classes next semester.
So here I am, a thousand dollars
short, 24 hours to pay it,
50 pills of ecstasy, and I'm
actually contemplating doing this.
#THE DAY BEGINS#
Hey.
- Hey.
Good morning to you, too.
Its D day.
- I know.
Sorry. God, youve really
cleaned this place out.
Yeah, I'm just, you know, scraping
at the bottom of the barrel now.
Theres nothing left. But I'm,
you know, I could ask my parents,
its just that they don't have it.
And my grandparents, I
already tapped them out, so.
Hey, whats up, Darren? Uh, you
still wanna do that deal, dude?
Yeah. Yeah.
Deal?
Ten bucks, right, dude?
Yeah, you got it, man. Thanks.
I fuckin love David Duchovny.
What?
- Nothing. I just...
What?
- Nothing. Don't worry about it.
I just thought Coleman
might be rubbing off on you
a little bit too much for your own good.
Oh, no. Thats funny.
God, I cant imagine this place
without you. Is that weird?
Well, lets not go getting all sentimental.
I have to run an errand with Michelle.
But Ill see you for
the Christmas fundraiser?
Hell yeah, definitely. I will be there.
Okay. Ill be there until 9:00, but
dress warm, 'cause its gonna be cold out.
You're not gonna believe this,
but I just sold my jacket.
Okay. Ill bring blankets.
- Okay.
Okay. Hey, don't worry
about this stuff. Okay?
You'll figure something out. 'Cause
you're good at this sort of thing.
Yeah.
Hi. Hi, sir.
Good morning, Darren.
- Something I can help you with?
I got a call from the finance department.
I think you know what they had to say.
I know. I mean, um, what,
what am I supposed to do?
You know, cant you help, or? I wasnt here
when they got written up. You know that.
My hands are tied. Its policy.
And if I could do something,
I... you're a good kid.
I wish I could help. I'm sorry.
No, sir, theres
nothing you can do.
Look. Ill hold off on filing
the move order until Monday.
But if you don't get this
straightened out with them by then,
security will enforce your removal
from the building, you understand me?
Yeah. Yeah, thank you.
Wish there was more I could do.
Yeah, me too.
Hey. Did somebody just page me?
I heard you, uh, got some real
kickin shit. How much is a pill?
Uh, 20. Twenty, uh, I mean, um
Oh, 20, well, okay,
sounds cool, sounds cool.
All right, let me talk
to my boys real quick.
Okay, but you know what? Maybe
you should - just call back later.
#EDUARDO#
Its a university number, yo.
Yeah, man, what did you say
this cockfaced man was again?
Coleman, man, like the cooler.
Why you so pissed at this guy, Ed?
- I can't tell you, man.
Man, but you expect us to go over
there and bust up this college prick,
but you cant tell us why.
- Its embarrassing, V.
Man, we can't justify
crippling some dude on a whim.
Yeah, Little Steves just not
that kinda guy. - Yeah. - Right.
I was at Vinyl, right? And I see some
super sharp lookin motherfucka, right?
But he sells cocaine, okay? So,
you know, I buy some, whatever.
I go, you know, I go to the
bathroom, I sniff snort some shit up.
Next thing I know, I
shit in my pants, man,
in the middle of my Hammer dance, bro.
- Yeah, we heard about that shit.
That was you? - Now you know
why I got this, motherfucka.
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Put that thing down.
Come on, man. Put the gun down. - No.
- What you gonna do with that?
Im gonna bust a motherfuckin cap
in his ass. - Shoot your foot off.
Hey, you aint never shot a gun before.
- Yeah, I have, dude.
I fuckin know how to use this shit.
I read the instructions, motherfucka.
I am technically a virgin.
- Oh, yeah.
Whatever.
Don't let her give you
the wrong impression.
Unless you think it might
be the right impression.
All right, then. So lets
get down to business.
Yeah, great. These are 20
apiece. And, how many do you need?
We need four.
Eighty bucks?
Would you excuse us for
just one second? Just
Well, we do have an hour or so to kill.
How about a proposition?
Okay.
Maybe thered be some other
way of paying for these pills?
I don't know exactly what you mean.
Wed have a real good time,
if you know what I mean.
I'm gonna fuck you with my strap on.
I am not really in the position to be
Oh, I like your choice of words.
Position. So. What do you say? Hm?
No, I cant. I'm sorry.
Twenty apiece. I'm sorry.
Fine.
Thanks.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
Kay. See ya later.
Here we go, here we go. Coleman,
you little fuckin slut. Graves Hall.
They don't give you the
fuckin room number, though.
I don't know why you're wasting
your time with the little bitch.
Its the principle of the matter, bro.
- Man, what are you talkin about?
Tell him, tell him. Tell him.
Principle of the matter. And don't
be using my shit to prove your point.
Whatever. - Its something I
came up with a few years back.
You know, its like a philosophy.
You know, its kind of like a force.
A force. - But the principle of the
matter here is I don't feel like
chasin some little college
biotch around all day.
You know what?
I'm with him. Im with him.
No, no, but you know
what? You know what?
Its 'cause you don't understand.
You guys don't understand. Thats why.
I understand fine. And I think
Little Steve understands fine, too.
You couldnt handle your junk, you
shit your pants doin the Hammer dance.
I mean, good God, who
wouldnt blame somebody else?
I've done the Hammer dance so many
times, I never shit in my pants.
I know it was the coke, dude.
He was dealing some bunk shit.
Oh, my God. - Okay? You don't
do that to other people.
People don't do that to other people.
You don't do that to other people?
Whats it, bad for business?
Its drug dealing, ya asshole.
Not the most ethical business in the
world. God. Whats he talkin about?
Fuck youse. - Fuck it. Jesus.
All we gotta do is get in the dorm.
Man, I used to date this chick, she
went to school there, and they got this,
coat of arms shit where they
don't, like, lock the doors or some shit.
Oh, shit.
Man, its honor code, man.
Honor code.
- Yeah, the fuckin honor code.
You ever go to college? - Yeah I went
to college. I went to junior college.
You used to pick me
up every day, remember?
Junior college for Junior Sanchez.
Thats funny, yeah, yeah. Thats
funny, thats funny. Fuck you, man.
Oh, I love you, Coleman.
I know.
You know what?
I know you love me, and
I really like you for that.
So say it, then.
I really like you. A lot.
Oh my God.
You know what?
Oh, shit. Should I get this?
No. I think you
should get out, is more like it.
Look, don't be irrational, okay?
I drove all the way down here.
Yeah, and you
won't even say I love you.
Well, thats a word I like to
save for very special situations.
I am your girlfriend.
- Okay.
Since the ninth grade!
- Yeah, I see where you're going here.
I don't even know
why I put up with this anymore.
You know, honey, this
might be important.
You know what? I think
you should just get out.
I don't even wanna look
at you right now. Get out.
Oh, right. Here we go again. Okay.
You slept with my sister. - Yeah, and
I thought we were past that already.
Out!
Wait.
You know, its not like I slept
with some random girl, okay?
At least you know her.
- Out!
Fine. Fine.
Fuck!
Press pound for more options.
- I hate you, Coleman.
#PETUNIA#
Come on in, its open.
Hello. I'm sorry, I think
I just have the wrong house.
Are you sure? You're the young
man with the ecstasy, arent you?
I guess so.
Well just go on downstairs. My
granddaughter is waiting for you.
Go on.
Okay.
Yes.
Yes. You like that, you bitch.
What? What?
What are you looking
at? Fuck you. Fuck you.
Fuck. Yeah, take it,
take it, you love it.
Yes. You like that?
What the fuck do you want?
Didnt you call me?
I mean, this is
Shut up. Come here.
What, you want to be one
of my little bitches, too?
No, no. I'm not really,
I don't... I don't wanna be
Bitch. Say it. Its, uh,
its healthy. It feels good.
A bitch.
- Say it! Scream it!
Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
- Good. Now come here.
Shit, sorry, dude. Sorry, man.
- Shut up. He probably liked it.
Do you have what I want?
They're in my pocket.
And you... I can't really
get into my pocket right now
if your hands is and my balls.
Fine by me. No fun for you.
How many do you want?
Well, I need one for myself,
three for these pathetic creatures,
and three for the pathetic assholes
I have coming next hour. So, seven.
Yeah. Thats $140.
I bind them so they cannot move.
And then, and only then
I give them the ecstasy.
No touch. No movement.
It is the modern future of
sadomasochistic torture, if you ask me.
Yeah. Sounds cool.
Yes, its cool, its really
cool. Stupid idiot money.
Petunia, honey. Jessicas on the phone.
Grandma! Its Madam P. In this room,
I am known as Madam P.
All right, honey.
Leave now.
- Yes, Petunia. Madam. Madam.
And you! And you! You bitch.
Shut up. Shut up, Seoul Man, shut up!
Seoul Man?
- Yeah, you like that?
Seoul Man was something
of a New York legend.
The biggest, baddest, Blackest drug
dealer you'd ever seen in your life.
And I just stepped on his hand.
Hello?
- Hi. Is this Darren, the ecstasy guy?
Yeah.
- So it is true.
Gracie?
Whered you hear that from?
Well, darling, its all anyone
is talking about these days.
Thats just fantastic.
I'm just kidding. I saw Daniel
in Liquid Sky a few minutes ago.
Meet me in my room in, like, 15
minutes. Were just getting back.
Will do. See ya then.
Shit.
Goddamn it, Michelle. What
in the hell are you doing?
Trust me, its better. It used
to smell like 1969 in here.
Relax. Paul is gone for the weekend.
I know, but Albert is roaming the halls,
and hes, like, tougher than a tiger.
A tiger. - Yes.
And speaking of tigers,
I have planned the ultimate
door party for this evening.
Well, what the hell does
that have to do with a tiger?
No idea.
So.
I have to pee.
Thank you. Thats very helpful.
Hey.
- Hey.
Shes driving me up the wall.
I can tell.
So why are you doing this? Seriously?
You know why.
I wish you would have told
me about it this morning.
I didnt know I was gonna do it.
Can you just get a loan or something?
I tried that. I mean, I'm on
probation. I cant get a loan.
You just, you gotta find something else.
Okay. Ill try. I really will try.
All systems are go.
- My turn.
I feel left out of this.
Were doing a cleanse. - My idea.
- Go figure.
So I was thinking. I don't
even know why I would help you,
but I do have my cousin Ralphie that
might be interested that
I could possibly call.
Oh, thanks, yeah.
Hes a little weird.
Really sweet, though.
He dropped out of BC three years
ago, after he inherited his trust
when he turned 21. And then he
won the lottery like a week later.
I would have dropped out too.
No, see, thats the thing. He
didnt win, like, the big lottery.
He just won, like, 20 scratch off
tickets that he cashed out for $7,000.
But he said it was a sign from God.
Anyways, now hes just
a lonely Internet trader.
Like you'll be someday.
- Thanks, Pothead.
You should call
him, probably, maybe.
Don't tell Gracie about this, kay?
Just, I kinda wanna keep her out of it.
Sure.
- Thank you.
Oh, please, no more.
You are such a cunt.
Shes not a cunt, shes
the coolest girl I know.
Can I be a cunt when I grow up?
Only if you work really,
really hard at it.
Okay. Hey, don't forget.
Six oclock, homeless kids,
Christmas trees, got it.
Get off my bed.
- Fuck you, bitch.
#RALPHIE#
Hey, hey hows it goin?
- Ralph?
Come on in, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Hey, hey, you want a
beer or something, man?
I got Carl Strauss,
southern Californias finest.
You know what? I'm gonna
have one myself right here.
Hey, thanks, yeah.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
So word is you
got the E bombs, right?
The word? - Yeah. That's,
thats what Michelle said.
Yeah, yeah, Michelle, okay.
- Yeah.
Thats different, yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Here you go. I got em.
Awesome, awesome. Yeah, yeah.
Let me get eight of em.
Eight? - Yeah.
- All right. - Yeah.
Yeah. You know what?
I think I want 10.
All right. Tens even better.
Yeah, I think tenll be
good. Ten is perfect, yeah.
No, no. Thats crazy. Ten
is, 10 is absolutely crazy.
That... I'm sorry.
My bad, my bad. Eight.
Yeah, oh - Eight. Ten is way
too much. Just lemme have eight.
You don't wanna kill yourself.
- No, exactly. Exact... gimme 10.
You sure?
- Gimme 10. Ten.
Kay.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Thats, thats 200 bills, dude.
Dude, I just got off work,
man. God, what a friggin day.
You know, my laptop
completely just crashed. Done.
So I spent the whole day trading
at the copy center over on Waverly.
And lemme tell you something. Those
people over there, they got issues.
Yeah?
- God, yeah, dude. Yeah.
Look, man. Well get to business
in a bit. Do you mind if I?
Oh, no, shit. No,
yeah, you can take one.
You sure?
- Yeah.
All right, awesome. I have been
waiting all day for this, man.
Oh, my God. Jesus, I'm
so glad you got here, man.
Oh, God.
Sit down, take it easy.
Go ahead. There ya go.
Before we go any further,
I gotta ask you a question.
Now this is totally, 100% serious.
Okay.
Are you into the Strokes?
I mean, I saw them down at CBGBs
before they were anybody with my cousin.
They were awesome. - I'm not
talking about the fucking band.
Dude, contrary to what
many people think, I am not gay.
Do I give off some kind
of gay vibe, or something?
Look, look. I am not talkin about
swabbin the poop deck either, man.
Im talkin about Different Strokes.
Yeah, only the greatest
television show ever made? Yeah?
See, thats the problem, man. People
- people don't even know about it anymore.
'Cause the networks, they don't
even put it on. And TV Land?
TV Land can go fuck themselves,
putting it on all late at night.
Not showin it the proper
respect that it deserves.
My dream is to buy the
rights of that show from NBC
and put it on in
rotation at a decent hour.
The show deserves no less, man.
I mean, that show was so ahead
of its time. I mean, come on.
Interracial families? That is some heavy
shit for network TV back in the day.
Yeah, I remember, like,
what you talkin about, Willis?
You are so goddamn right, brother.
And its not just Willis.
It is what everyone was talkin bout.
Hey, let me ask you something. So
you're down with the show, right?
Well, uh, yeah
Yes, man. I mean,
today is your lucky day.
Today is the luckiest day
that you have ever had.
You know?
I really like you. A lot.
Really?
Yeah. Really.
Oh, you dick tease.
Child molestation? I mean, come on, man.
No other show even touches on that shit.
Oh. I gotta go take care
of some business right here.
Hey, do you think you should be
doing business in your condition?
Yeah? Yeah.
I know its a fuckin big deal.
You want an answer? Huh?
You want an answer? Ill
give you a fuckin answer.
Why don't you take those fuckin
papers and shove them up your ass?
Yeah. Yeah, I know its a big deal.
Well, Ill fuckin take
care of it tomorrow, okay?
Yeah. Yeah, I know its all
on the fuckin line right now.
Yeah. All right. All right! All right.
Its my mom.
Aw, shit, man, shit, I gotta go.
Really?
- Yeah.
Hey, listen. Just so you know, you could
stay here as long as you wanna, man.
Its cool. Chill out,
and just so you know, man.
All that stuff, that had
nothing to do with you, man. - No.
That was between me, her, and
some late fees on some videos, man.
It has nothing to do
with you, I promise.
Yeah, I know. I just I
have, you know, my business,
and I gotta take it when
I can get it, you know?
Hey, I understand, man. I'm with you.
Let me, let me give you
some scratch, buddy. Kay?
Thank you. - Yeah, dude.
- Thank you for this.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
You take a check?
Yeah, uh, yeah.
- Is that cool, or what? Is that fine?
Thats cool. - Its cool?
- Thats cool. Just
All right.
- make it out to Darren Giles.
All right. All right.
- Just, Giles, G,I
Darren?
- Darren.
Giles.
Giles? G
G, I - I
- L, E
E and S. Darren Giles. All
right, man. All right, buddy.
I got this. Here you go, man.
- Yeah.
Thats for you, man. - Thank you.
- Yeah. - Thank you very much. Thanks.
Hey, hey. Hey, what are you
guys doin this weekend, huh?
You know, were probably just
going to the dorm to have a party.
You know, Michelle. - Yeah, you guys
live close to each other, right?
Like, two doors down.
- Thats cool.
All right, hey, man. Not
tryin to hold you back. - No.
You do what you gotta do. Hey, the
elevators right over there. - Yup.
Hey, it was great to meet you, man.
- Yes.
This was so awesome.
God. That kids great.
Smart, like that. Went to
college. Hmm, yeah, yeah.
Education. Thats good,
good stuff. It shows.
Kids got a brain on him. Yup.
I'm gonna see that kid
again. Our paths will cross.
Thats good, yeah.
What you talkin about, Darren?
- Shut up.
Why?
- Because. Bitch.
Did you just call her a bitch?
No. Uh, where are you guys going?
To get some pizza. Do you wanna come?
I have to do my paper.
Please?
Okay. I cant say no
to that. Don't do that.
Are you sure there
isn't any meat on this?
Thats the whole point of
ordering a vegetarian slice.
Do you think they use meat
when they make their sauce?
Michelle, its vegetarian.
To use meat would defeat the
whole purpose of using that word.
You know, I heard that if you don't eat
meat, it, like, intensifies your high.
Bullshit.
No, its, like, scientifically
proven and stuff.
Scientifically? - Do you have any
documentation on that one?
No, but I bet I could
find some, smart guy.
Well, see, the Deadheads
discovered it back in the sixties,
and then they passed it on to the,
the fish people after Jerry died.
And thats why they're all vegans.
That is the most asinine thing
I've ever heard in my life.
I don't have time for this. I
have to go meet the tree guy.
Yeah, I have to, uh, do my paper anyway.
Okay, well. But I will see you at 6:00?
Oh yeah. Ill see you then.
Well, I have to go do something too.
And in conclusion, I believe Dante
was right when he said life is hell.
You start at the bottom, you
work your way up to the top,
and when you finally get there,
you realize its still hell.
And then you die. And done.
Done!
Hello?
- Hey, Darren, its Scott.
Hey, Scott, whats up?
- Nothin much, man.
Nanny was wondering if you were
comin to Long Island this weekend.
Oh, man, I would love
to, but I cant
I might come on Tuesday,
right before I leave.
Cool, cool.
- Dude, no offense, but I gotta run.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
Listen, real quick. One thing quickly
I promise.
- Whats up? Is everything all right?
No, nothing like that.
Yeah, everythings fine.
I was just wondering one quick thing.
You remember that stuff you bought out
a couple of weeks ago from your roommate?
The, the ecstasy?
- I do.
Do you know where I
can get any more of it?
I have, like, a bunch of
friends that want some, too.
Do you know anybody
that can help us out?
Yeah, Ill be there in an hour.
- Great, great.
Thank you. Ill pay for
your ticket, too, no problem.
Awesome. See you soon.
Party services.
Dear God, Honey, hes selling
his body to the queers.
Honey? Its okay.
You don't have to do this to
get revenge on us. We understand.
Please tell me you're using condoms.
I am not gay!
- Well, well see about that.
Look, I love you, but I have to go,
okay? I don't have time for this.
I have to go to Long
Island to see Scott.
Now, is Scott a friend, or
is he more than a friend?
Scott, my cousin, your nephew. Scott.
- Oh, okay.
Look, I'm gonna miss my train
if I don't go right now, okay?
Ill call you on the weekend, bye.
- Bye.
Sounds like our son is in denial.
- Yes indeedy.
Yes indeedy. Sounds like hes
a chip off the old Uncle Greg.
Were going to take
number one again this year.
You comin? - No.
Hey, Scott. You'd better
make that two hours.
#PETUNIA... AGAIN#
Yes, sir. Me and my friends are
going to this party later on,
and I promised them that I
could get enough for all of us.
That sounds just peachy.
Peddling your dirty drugs in school.
How dare you, young lady.
This fine institution will
not tolerate such behavior.
You must be severely punished.
I understand, sir.
Heres your money, mister.
Thank you.
Get over here right now, young lady.
Yes, Principal Myers.
Ill see you, uh, later.
Whos your principal?
- You are, sir.
Whos your principal?
- You are, sir.
You are, sir.
You are, sir.
You are, sir.
Oh, God, Ill never play again.
#COUSIN SCOTT#
Thanks for comin out
here all of a sudden.
I wouldnt have called, but
things have just gotten crazy.
Hows that?
- Theres only one guy
in the whole school
who can hook up some X,
and he knows it, too. So he
upped his price to $35 a pill.
Thats ridiculous.
- Yeah.
Does, 20 sound better to you?
- Yeah. Yeah.
All right. How about a, um, bag of 10?
Thank you so much. Ah.
I'm sorry I cant, like,
stay any longer. I kinda gotta go.
Aw, its cool. Its...
Ill see you at Christmas.
All right, thats okay.
Yeah.
All right, thanks, Scott.
- Thank you, dude. See ya.
Got your eyes on him?
- Yeah.
I think this is the new kid on the block
everyone was talkin about today.
Think hes a threat to The Seoul?
- Yeah, I think hes a fuckin threat.
You fuckin with me, bitch?
- Hey, look,
I'm not tryin to step on
anybodys toes here, okay?
But this must be one huge
ass operation if hes covering
Manhattan and Strong Island in one day.
Aight, bitch. Ill
take care of this shit.
Yeah, looks like his trains
heading back to the city right now.
What the hell is this?
You think you can fuck with
the man and get away with it.
You think that Seoul Man
doesnt hear about everything
that goes down in this
motherfuckin city.
What? Where the hell am I, man?
'Cause he does. And he knows that
youve been with his business today.
And he don't like that at all little man.
'Cause Seoul may not be the biggest,
but hed fuck you up with a
one inch punch, just like Bruce.
Shit, you're The Seoul Man?
I thought you were Black.
- What?
#THE SEOUL MAN#
Its Seoul, with an E?
Like the capital of Korea?
You dumb cracker. You know what
we do with crackers around here?
Dude, I just needed the money
for one day. One day only, man.
My roommate gave me the pills just so
that I could get a bill paid for tomorrow.
Just let me go for this one day.
I promise you'll never hear
from me again. I promise.
Kinda bitch ass Nancy
boy you think I am?
Seoul Man don't play that way. No.
Hes up at Scores,
sipping cognac with Howard.
Chillin Atlantic City,
keepin that Jersey titty.
I aint no bitch, and I definitely
don't let no bitch talk to me that way.
Ever. I put bitches and
bitches like you in their place.
Dude, I would never- I
would- I wouldnt even -
I would never, man, shut the fuck up.
Had enough of this shit.
You pasty ass, inbred
motherfucka. Cut this fool.
Shut the fuck up, Seoul Man.
- Hold it.
What the fuck you say to Seoul?
Its the future of modern torture.
I know who puts who
in whose place. Bitch.
Shit.
Damn. Lets roll.
Wait. You guys arent gonna
fuckin untie me, are ya?
I don't even know where I am.
Well, I'm here to give my cousin
some soup, you know what I mean?
Shes sick. Shes in need of my
medical attention, is what it is. Okay?
Somebody has to sign ya in
if you wanna go upstairs.
Really? - Yeah. - Did you not hear me?
Are you stupid or somethin?
I said look, man, this is
soup, okay? This is super soup.
She needs super soup to get
better. I told you, shes sick.
I don't care if she has malaria. No one
gets upstairs unless they're signed in.
Don't be coppin no
attitude with me, all right?
Hey, what kind of higher
education is this, huh?
Maybe I should tell the
administration about this shit.
I'm sure they would love if
you took their shit up to them.
Yeah? - Yeah. - Well, I got somethin
for ya. Its a big fat bowl of dicks.
You wanna eat it, motherfucker?
- Okay.
Any time. Right now. Me and you.
You take off that gun, I'm right here.
Oh, any time, sonny boy. - Im right
here. You think I'm scared of you, bro?
Junior - Look, I'm almost laughing
to you right now. You know what?
You're so beautiful, I think you'd like
my new dance. You like my new dance?
How you like? Thats
what I'm talkin about.
You're a rent-a-cop. You
aint shit, motherfucker.
Thats why you're mad. Ill
sign here, motherfucker.
Look. Let me in the motherfuckin elevator.
Right now. right now. Ill kill you.
Chill out, chill out, chill
out. Chill, chill, chill, chill.
Jayne here is gonna
sign us in. roommate.
Oh yeah, she is?
- Okay, good. Okay, good.
Your cousin. Shes gonna sign in.
- Right, right, right, right.
Your cousin. Yeah, okay.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, your cousin.
Yeah, beautiful. - Come on.
- How you like them apples?
Come on.
- Hey, keep the soup.
Hey, when I find him? I'm
gonna rip him a new asshole.
What do you think about that, huh?
She don't care, Ed.
- Its true.
Yeah, yeah? Well, fuck
you then, all right?
Chill out, Ed. Listen,
I think me and Jayne are gonna head
up to her room for a little bit.
What? Little Steve, how about you, man?
Hey. Got a roommate, right?
Thats fuckin great. Ooh, thats great.
Thats great. Bros
before hos, remember that?
Bros before hos? It
even rhymes. Fuckers.
Scuse me.
Its your world, right?
I just live in it?
I must pee, and then Ill be okay.
Hello? Hey, man, I gotta piss.
You here, man?
Come on, man.
Little Steve, I told you,
I bruise like a peach.
You, you, you. You, you. You
know Coleman like the cooler?
What? - Coleman, like the cooler.
Coleman like the cooler!
Coleman. Yeah, hes a royal dick.
He lives on the third floor, room 315.
Three one five.
- The guy is crazy.
Eduardo, the third floor is
downstairs. Come on, we better go.
Hey, Chuck.
Sorry.
Thanks,
whats, what was your name again?
Marla.
- Marla?
Why don't you stop by my room later?
Actually, you know what?
Don't worry about it.
Fuck!
Thats not the guy.
- Whatd you say?
You shot me! - I said thats
not him. - He shot me, man.
Should I shoot him again, just
so he wont tell anybody? What?
Fuck no, man!
- Go. Go, go, go, go, go.
Fuck. Fuck.
Hey. What the fuck are
you guys doing to my door?
Oh, shit.
Hey, man.
Yo, what the fuck happened
to you, dude?
How you doin? What you
need, you need smoke? - No.
What you need, drugs?
- I did the drugs.
You look like you did the
drugs. You need bitches?
And I got bitches. C Low got flavors.
I got blondes with black hair,
I got black haired blondes,
I got blondes with blue eyes,
I got blondes black eyes,
pistachi hos, strawberry
dickery, butterican pinky
I'm the only motherfucker with hos.
Mocha, don't touch me, I will
smack the shit out you, White boy.
Right. - Put your hands to yourself.
So what can I help you with?
I need your coat.
This is the fur of the century,
with more sexual experiences
than Wilt Chamberlain.
This fur means more to me
than most of my bitches.
Ill give you $300.
And my bitches don't mean too much to me.
Money talks, bitch. All right. Put it on.
Yeah, I gotta check it out.
Fix your pants, White
boy. Fuck happened to you?
Oh, I'm good.
Yeah!
Get the fuck outta here.
Walk like a pimp, bitch.
Walk like a pimp, bitch.
Hey. Let me get this for you.
- I got it.
I'm so sorry.
- Its fine.
Its not fine. I know how
much that meant to you,
and I wanted to be
there. I was on my way.
I know what you were doing.
That doesnt make it any better.
Gracie, Gracie, wait. Please.
- Why?
Look, I cant imagine how
let down you feel right now.
All I wanted to do was be there.
But you werent. Sometimes, it takes
more than just wanting something. Darren.
You're just not who I thought you were.
Gracie, thats not who I...
it was just one day
that I did this, okay?
And you have to understand that.
I don't have to understand it.
Maybe you should get that.
Are you mad at me?
No. Just disappointed. Okay?
I'm sure hell be right here.
Do you think we can put
the hardware down now?
Yeah, we can do that.
Bang!
So, Ill give you whatever
ecstasy he has left.
Ill give you my watch, its a Tag.
Its a real one.
And well call it even.
All right. I think thats equally
beneficial to both parties.
What? Okay, if thats the
way its gotta be, man.
No, I'm gonna shoot him. Like,
just in the foot, or something.
No, gimme, gimme the gun.
Fuck.
Hey, sorry about
the blood and stuff, Coleman.
Its not mine. No harm, no foul, right?
Right.
Hey, just one more thing, okay?
You gotta blow me.
- What?
You see? He was thinking about
it. Such a fag. Such a fuckin fag.
Yeah.
Hey so with that E, can
I get some glow sticks?
You know what I mean, so I could dance?
I heard you shit yourself the
last time you went dancing.
Ha, ha, ha, motherfucker, thats funny,
Ill kill you. Gimme that fuckin
Dude, come on, seriously.
Easy, were past that now.
Holy shit.
Hey, buddy. Did ya have a good day?
What the hell is this?
Look, Darren, I'm
gonna need that E back.
I need it. - Darren, I think it would
be a good idea to give the drugs
to the man who has a gun pointed
at your fucking head. Don't you?
Thats right.
Fucker.
Pleasure doin business with you.
Oh, and one more thing? All right,
now, you gotta blow Little Steve.
You blow Little Steve.
Get the fuck outta my room.
What the hell are you doing?
Packing. Considering I'm not
gonna be here much longer,
I felt I might as well get a head start,
since I can go to the party tonight.
Theres a party? Where?
- Don't you ever stop, man?
Please. Stop whining, okay?
Look, you just had a gun
pointed at your face, all right?
And I don't know about you,
but I could use a drink.
Look, I hope you take offense to this.
Go fuck yourself. What do I have left?
I gave up everything today. I coulda
got arrested, I coulda got shot,
I coulda got killed. I coulda been
gangraped by a large group of Asian men.
Yeah. Its drug dealing.
There are consequences.
I shoulda just got a job. I shoulda
just got a job, or something.
I coulda figured something
out, but no, I let
you bring me into this
world of shit today.
Here I am, still leaving school.
- Well, I am sorry for that.
Thats not good enough.
You and your money
and your bullshit. I'm done with it.
All right. All right. Stop. Stop!
Don't put your hand around my neck.
- Then back off. Back off.
You're an asshole. You know that, right?
Yeah. I'm an asshole.
And you're the nice guy
that usually gets shit on.
That happens to be the
basis of our friendship.
But let me ask you something, man.
I mean, why do you really
wanna stay in school?
'Cause. 'Cause I don't
wanna be a fuck up anymore.
I refuse to let other
people control my life.
I cant. Not anymore.
Well, I'm sure theres at
least one girl down the hall
who would really like
to hear you say that.
No, I'm pretty sure theres not.
You'd be surprised, man.
You know, sometimes people
just need a little shock
to the system to get them to
see whats important, right?
You needed an electric chair.
Personally, I'm amazed at what
one day can do to somebody.
Wait. Are you trying to tell me
you did it all for that?
That you cared about somebody else?
Everything is about you.
Everything is always about you,
Coleman. You did not do this for me.
How would I know, man? Im
just an asshole, remember?
Yes, you are an asshole.
After hours answering service.
Id like to schedule an appointment
to make a tuition payment tomorrow.
No, not for me.
Okay. Thank you very much.
I know that you don't even
wanna look at me right now,
but just let me say this.
I just screwed everything up.
I don't know if I just
couldnt see it altogether,
all the times I coulda said something.
Doesnt matter, I'm not talking
my way around it anymore.
I don't know what I'm
gonna do next semester.
I don't even know what
I'm gonna do tomorrow.
I just know that I made a mistake,
and that you're hurt because of it.
And I am so sorry for that.
Well, what are you gonna
do to make it up to me?
So.
Here you go. Good?
Excellent.
Okay. Wait. Okay.
What is this for again?
Lets just say itll make
my parents really proud.
Smile.
- Thanks.